1 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,200 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and you're listening to Stephane. Never 2 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 1: told you to day. We are going to pick up 3 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: on our discussion around trauma that that warranted a two 4 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: part episode, and this is the second part before we 5 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:35,199 Speaker 1: dive in UM. Just to reiterate the trigger warnings for this, 6 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 1: there's sexual assaults, abuse, self harming, and suicidal ideation trauma itself, 7 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:44,159 Speaker 1: So please please keep in mind your mental health before 8 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:49,520 Speaker 1: deciding to listen. So let's get right into it. So 9 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 1: let's talk about re traumatization because during this era of 10 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,639 Speaker 1: me to hashtag, me to hashta apologies, I am not 11 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 1: dlugged in. Don't forget the hashtag. It's important. I'm not 12 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: plugged into the youth and the social media's. But so yeah, 13 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:15,960 Speaker 1: we're bombarded with stories of sexual assault virtually everywhere, and 14 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: that means that re traumatization is a concern. And Sam 15 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 1: said defines re traumatization as quote reliving stress reactions experienced 16 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: as results of a traumatic event when faced with a 17 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:33,759 Speaker 1: new similar incident. And I can say for me personally, 18 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,320 Speaker 1: when I found out someone else in my family this 19 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 1: relation UM was being sexually abused as a child, it 20 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 1: was massively re traumatizing For me, I cleared out no 21 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: one but too parties with epic, epic panic attacks, including 22 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: a New Year's Eve party. Hence they're reluctance to go 23 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: out on New Year's Eve. I really make a massive 24 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 1: New Year's parties. And re traumatization can cause a loss 25 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 1: of trust, increase of intrusive memories, nightmares and flashbacks, decrease 26 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 1: and willingness to seek treatment, re experiencing of emotions or 27 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 1: symptoms from the original trauma, increase in rates of PTSD 28 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:16,040 Speaker 1: or chronic depression. And this was also something that a 29 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:20,200 Speaker 1: lot of people experienced during the recent as we record 30 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:25,320 Speaker 1: this semi recent Kavanaugh hearing, and um, thank you to everyone, 31 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: all of your listeners who wrote in checking on me 32 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: during that event. It really meant a lot to me. 33 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 1: But it's not just the coverage that we have to 34 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:38,640 Speaker 1: think about. It's the social media post demeaning, diminishing, legitimizing, degrading, doubting, 35 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:43,920 Speaker 1: not serious enough, not recent enough, right, there's so many 36 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:51,800 Speaker 1: accusations of wanting fame or trying to just overall right 37 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: good man over the coals essentially, which is upsurt in itself, 38 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 1: and they kind of forget because all they hear is 39 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: the big new and the dramatization of things that it 40 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 1: cost a lot for the individual to come out. Christine Ford, 41 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,079 Speaker 1: who came out and told the story, she had so 42 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: many death threats, as we know, and she had so 43 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 1: many attackers, men and women, which is the most absurd 44 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,680 Speaker 1: thing in the world talking about she's just seeking out fame, 45 00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: She's just trying to put drama in this moment. Blah 46 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 1: blah blah, all these different things that were absolutely untrue, 47 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 1: and she gave up a part of her life for this, 48 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,679 Speaker 1: essentially by coming out to talk about the trauma that 49 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 1: she tried to forget so long ago. And honestly, during 50 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: this time, because of the situations I had Caroline from 51 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,960 Speaker 1: the previous of mom never told you slash unladylike now, 52 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: she actually reached out to me and asked me how 53 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,920 Speaker 1: I was doing because she understood that I was often 54 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: triggered by some of these stories in itself. I think 55 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: she and I had that conversation of I know this 56 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 1: is important, but it's hard for me to see. I 57 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 1: know these stories need to be told, but it's hard 58 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,040 Speaker 1: for me to digest. It's kind of the same thing 59 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 1: where there are movies that are very serious. Um, Precious 60 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,440 Speaker 1: was the one I literally had almost all my friends 61 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: they don't watch this because they knew how it would 62 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 1: affect me and how we just kind of spiral. This 63 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,799 Speaker 1: is kind of why I refused to watch movies along 64 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 1: those lines, because I have to be able to step 65 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: away from that because of the job that I'm in, 66 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 1: And I think it's important that we're okay with not 67 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:35,120 Speaker 1: having to plummet into this cycle of all these other stories. 68 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: These other stories are very very important and it should 69 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 1: not be lessen in any way, shape or form, and 70 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: it should be told. But we also again for myself 71 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,160 Speaker 1: and for other victims like yourselves, I'm sure we have 72 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 1: to know when's the cap? Where where is it going 73 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:52,480 Speaker 1: to push us over the edge? Yeah, you need to 74 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:58,760 Speaker 1: have boundaries and yeah, the whole Christine Blazy fourth thing, Um, 75 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,800 Speaker 1: I just it was bad. It was bad for a 76 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: lot of people. A lot of people wrote in And 77 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 1: I was in a lift and um, we were discussing 78 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 1: it with me and my friends, my female friends, and 79 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:16,920 Speaker 1: the male lifts driver was like, why did she read 80 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 1: so long to come forward? I find that very suspicious 81 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: and it caused this huge, this huge thing, and we're 82 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 1: not going to go too much into that in this 83 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,159 Speaker 1: episode because we do have an episode on up coming 84 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 1: on the cost of coming forward and of not coming forward. 85 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 1: But just like things like that, like I'm just trying 86 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 1: to go to a restaurant and this guy interjecting and 87 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:46,560 Speaker 1: being immediately like, oh, I don't I don't believe her. 88 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 1: It was difficult. Another thing that can cause re traumatization 89 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 1: is actually therapy, especially during your first session. And if 90 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: I go back to my first therapy session, I left 91 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:06,360 Speaker 1: it in emotional wreck. I felt totally out of control. 92 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 1: I felt powerless. I was shocked at how like trying 93 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:15,159 Speaker 1: to describe what ostensibly to me it was painful, but 94 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,960 Speaker 1: at least I'd come to terms with it left me 95 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 1: this I too. It is therapy is raw um. It 96 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,479 Speaker 1: leaves you raw. It leaves you feeling helpless because you 97 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:31,040 Speaker 1: are being very vulnerable about what where you were victimized 98 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 1: and when you were victimized and have to relive those 99 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 1: moments and have to try to swim through the worst 100 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: parts to come out okay and on the better side. 101 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,360 Speaker 1: And for me, the last therapy sessions I had, which 102 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,479 Speaker 1: was a couple of years ago were so intense. I 103 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: would literally not do anything that night because I knew 104 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,400 Speaker 1: I just could not function. It brought me back to 105 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,680 Speaker 1: that same place of, oh my gosh, I feel weak, 106 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I feel vulnerable, Oh my gosh, this 107 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 1: feels too real, and I don't know what to do. 108 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,280 Speaker 1: And for me, we often times didn't even get to 109 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,520 Speaker 1: go to the history of my abuse because we had 110 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: to focus on the re traumatization I was going through 111 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: from my work, whether it's other kids who are being 112 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 1: abused or kids who are dying. It just was a 113 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 1: constant thing that it was so hard to get to 114 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: the root of everything else. And it was, for like 115 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: a year and a half, a constant reminder of Okay, 116 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 1: you put your you put yourself in this place, and 117 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 1: because of your work, where are you now, and how 118 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: are we get through this moment, your immediate moment to 119 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 1: make sure you're okay to um, all right, let's go 120 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: to the deep roots of where you're truly hurting. And again, 121 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 1: for me, who have repressed memories for so many years, 122 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 1: trying to dig those up means I have to dig 123 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 1: up the emotions first, and no one wants to fill 124 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: that again. Let's just be honest. Because you do, you 125 00:07:56,480 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: become very almost like emotionally physically sick. For me, I 126 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 1: couldn't eat as which is one of those signs for me, 127 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 1: I didn't want to talk to people. But it got 128 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 1: to the point because I knew I was getting there, 129 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 1: I would call my one of three people that I 130 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 1: had on my margency list to come and sit with me. 131 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: There will be no conversation, there would be nothing other 132 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 1: than they just sat there with me, which is what 133 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 1: I needed. And it was because I was having to 134 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:24,720 Speaker 1: unearth so many things. And I would say that I'm 135 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 1: kind of a pro when it comes to therapy because 136 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: you know, I've been going for over twenty years now. 137 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Uh. But There's been 138 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 1: definitely many different types of therapy that I've gone through, 139 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:44,320 Speaker 1: whether it's brain mapping, CBT, UM trauma, even religious avenues 140 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 1: when I was in that mind frame, and I think 141 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:52,000 Speaker 1: all of them were advantageous to a certain extent because 142 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:55,240 Speaker 1: it did get me through the next point, if that 143 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 1: makes sense, And it may not have been an indoll 144 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,679 Speaker 1: And let's be very honest, therapy is not an end 145 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 1: all and much like any mental health. Oftentimes it is 146 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,560 Speaker 1: going to be constant, it's gonna be chronic, it's not 147 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 1: going to be ever cured. And you have to remember 148 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: that because no matter how strong or how far you 149 00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 1: come along, you still have things that you need to 150 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 1: talk about, You still have things that you need support for. 151 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,960 Speaker 1: And I think it's really important to remember even though 152 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 1: this is really ugly, this is really painful. Yeah, you 153 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 1: have to keep going because it does in the end 154 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: help you or at least give you a plan how 155 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 1: to handle these situations. Yeah. Yeah, And I don't mean 156 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 1: to keep harping on this point, but we we we 157 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,959 Speaker 1: have a future episode on therapy and finding a good 158 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:45,319 Speaker 1: therapist because it's not always easy, unfortunately, and it's kind 159 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: of scary, it is. It's very intimidating, especially here in 160 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,240 Speaker 1: the US. I mean in a lot of countries, but 161 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: I can speak to you in the U S when 162 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 1: assurance plays into things. But all of this we're talking about, 163 00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:02,240 Speaker 1: like retraumonization, social media. This is why trigger warnings are important. 164 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 1: And here I want to reiterate why this is an 165 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: important factor for social media. Post TV content and listening 166 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 1: content such as radio slash podcast is not just about 167 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: making things more difficult or dramatic. It's not a kitchy word, 168 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,559 Speaker 1: it's not a trend. This is a way of protecting 169 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: someone's mental health and emotions so they can continue in 170 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:28,079 Speaker 1: a constructive routine. This is not about being a fat 171 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,720 Speaker 1: and I need I need people to understand this because 172 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:35,360 Speaker 1: everybody's like trigger warnings, trigger warnings. We're not talking about 173 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 1: the fact that these are sad, pathetic people who need 174 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,199 Speaker 1: to be coddled. We're talking about the things that that 175 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 1: have happened to them which caused trauma, which we should 176 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: be able to live day to day without having to 177 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: be reminded. Yeah, just like everybody else, you don't want 178 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,440 Speaker 1: to hear our stories. We honestly don't want to hear 179 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:57,360 Speaker 1: our stories either. No, no, we'd rather have not gone 180 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,720 Speaker 1: through them. But you know, um, and as I've set 181 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: up before on the show, I have realized that social 182 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: media was not is not a good thing for me, 183 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 1: and I've set up pretty strict rules about when I'll 184 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 1: interact with it, both personally and professionally. Doggy videos all 185 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 1: day long, That's what I was. The Dodo, I don't 186 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,080 Speaker 1: I don't you know, it has so many animal videos 187 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,320 Speaker 1: makes me so happy, perfect so happy people. Look that 188 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 1: up if you're looking for something to cheer you up. 189 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 1: So we have some more for you listeners, but first 190 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 1: we're going to pause for a quick break for a 191 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:45,040 Speaker 1: word from our sponsor, and we're back. Thank you sponsor. 192 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: So treating trauma, the first step for treatment is diagnosis 193 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 1: from a professional who may or may not prescribe medications 194 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: more for the treatment of symptoms, probably like anxiety or 195 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: to depression. UM treatment might also involve, like you're seeing Samantha's, 196 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:08,680 Speaker 1: CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy is what CBT stands for, 197 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:14,959 Speaker 1: expressure therapy, eye movement, dissinsitation, and reprocessing. A professional will 198 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,320 Speaker 1: help you come up with a treatment plan that might 199 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: involve all of these things. A lot of professionals recommend 200 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:26,079 Speaker 1: exercise where possible, something that is rhythmic and involves mindfulness. 201 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:30,960 Speaker 1: Also commonly recommended is avoiding isolation. Doesn't mean you have 202 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 1: to discuss your trauma, but just putting yourself in social events, 203 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 1: our activities even you don't want to is something that suggested, 204 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,320 Speaker 1: or like you were saying, Samanth, you have these three 205 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 1: people that will just sit with you. That's great, as 206 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,840 Speaker 1: an introvert, I don't necessarily want to be in a crowd, 207 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 1: but having people that I trust just being around, I 208 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 1: know that's important. Yeah, it's important to have someone they're 209 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 1: knowing that cares for you. Yes. Um, And it's great 210 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,240 Speaker 1: if you because I've been that person for someone else. 211 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,960 Speaker 1: It's great just like telling them sometimes I might reach 212 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 1: out to you and this is what I need when 213 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,679 Speaker 1: I do, like before you reach the point of oh 214 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 1: my god, I need someone, like maybe have that conversation 215 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:12,040 Speaker 1: of would you be okay if when I am in 216 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 1: a bad spot right? Can I just contact you and 217 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,120 Speaker 1: we can just hang out? And that's exactly the three 218 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,080 Speaker 1: people that I reach out too often. I don't think 219 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: I have four except she's in once in England. Does 220 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 1: she really count? Um? But they know exactly when I'm 221 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: coming for help, that I really need help, and we've 222 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,280 Speaker 1: discussed what I need and essentially it's fairly easy just 223 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 1: be there. Yeah, And it's great like to have that 224 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:41,839 Speaker 1: conversation beforehand, before it's like an emergency situation, so people know, um, 225 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 1: and I can say personally being active was majorly helpful 226 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,400 Speaker 1: for me. I know that's an option for everyone listening, 227 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,360 Speaker 1: but for me, like just going outside and getting sunlight 228 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: and being active. Right, I do that too. For me, 229 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 1: I need to exercise, and it may not necessarily be 230 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,600 Speaker 1: just exercise. Part of my EXPERI eises dancing with a 231 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 1: group cardio jams, what it's called DeMarco Atlantic Station. Just say, um, 232 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 1: he's fantastic. I love them. But I also got a 233 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 1: group of people who are we're able to support me 234 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 1: in a way that it's just fun, that where they 235 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: may not know my whole history, but we all come 236 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 1: together from one purpose and it's fun. And I think 237 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 1: that's that's part of the importance of like, yes, this 238 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,080 Speaker 1: is part of my outing. I get to come here, 239 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 1: sweat a little bit and get to meet new people 240 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,800 Speaker 1: and who don't necessarily know my trauma and that's kind 241 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: of nice too, exactly. And if you are experiencing trauma 242 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,280 Speaker 1: or a flashback, there are a couple of things you 243 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 1: can do. Um and the best thing, especially with a flashback, 244 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 1: is to try to ground yourself in the present. There's 245 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,960 Speaker 1: something called the five three to one exercise. So this 246 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: goes you describe five things that you currently see, Describe 247 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 1: four things you feel right now. For example, my sweater 248 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 1: or the pencil in my hand. Describe three things you 249 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 1: can hear, Describe two things you can smell right now 250 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 1: or smells in general, and then describe one good thing 251 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:13,320 Speaker 1: about yourself. So just try to like focus on these 252 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:17,240 Speaker 1: physical things around you that you can actually Yeah, that 253 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense. And I know you're gonna 254 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 1: get to that about bare foot on the floor. I 255 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,960 Speaker 1: definitely had those moments of like being grounded. Yes, And 256 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: and perhaps you and I um have taken it into 257 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,240 Speaker 1: an unhealthy realm where I was bruising myself and you 258 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 1: were scratching your That's essentially what we were trying to do. 259 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,040 Speaker 1: We were trying to ground ourselves in the president. Another 260 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 1: thing is calling a friend, yes, which I do, Uh huh, 261 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 1: taking a shower, yeah, move around, rub your bare feet 262 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:48,000 Speaker 1: on the floor, and meditation right And for me this 263 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,640 Speaker 1: has been a kind of a newer thing. When I 264 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,560 Speaker 1: say meditation, I'm not necessarily talking about a Buddhist or 265 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 1: Hindu practice. I'm talking about where you become aware of 266 00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:00,280 Speaker 1: your environment. There's different sites that we go on. My 267 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 1: favorite is calm. It's a fantastic There's a woman named 268 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 1: Tamara Levitt who has the most calming voice. I've really 269 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 1: heard you know what, any you have a really calming 270 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 1: voice as well, So I'm not gonna lie. I may 271 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 1: come on to the podcast just to hear your voice 272 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 1: to calm me down. Thank you. You know easy going. 273 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 1: I didn't pay her to say that. He's gonna pay 274 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 1: me to stay on. I have heard that for more 275 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,760 Speaker 1: than one person, and I'm happy to just do a 276 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 1: podcast where I just say bland things if it helps 277 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 1: anyonebout we do. Like Dr SEUs swims, I want to 278 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,240 Speaker 1: read my fan fiction. No, your fan fiction is sad. 279 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: We already know this, but we need no voice. I 280 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 1: don't want Harry Potter to die. I don't. I don't 281 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,920 Speaker 1: know why I wrote it. Anyway, If we're talking about 282 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:58,120 Speaker 1: self medication and that that is turning to things like 283 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 1: drugs or alcohol and so from the US government found 284 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 1: that twenty five percent of people that experienced trauma before 285 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,880 Speaker 1: the age of sixteen, the rates of alcohol and drug 286 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 1: adiction are much higher for them compared to the rest 287 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:15,240 Speaker 1: of the population. More women than men are seeking treatment 288 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 1: for our substance abuse have experienced a trauma in their lifetime. 289 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 1: Um and that is an example of not healthily treating 290 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:29,360 Speaker 1: it um and again, yeah, we're gonna talk about that later, 291 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: which is just while we're talking about trauma, PTSD and 292 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:34,480 Speaker 1: the typical that's what you see with a lot of 293 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 1: veterans is um the self medication as well as the 294 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:43,000 Speaker 1: fact and we're not really talking about this. Healthcare does 295 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 1: not cover a lot for medication and or minimally does so, 296 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:50,639 Speaker 1: which is a travesty in itself. Let's just be real honest, 297 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:56,159 Speaker 1: and we can't properly treat and or sometimes with a misdiagnosis, 298 00:17:56,280 --> 00:18:00,879 Speaker 1: we treat and improperly with the wrong medications. So we 299 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,040 Speaker 1: know we have pretty strong narcotics out there, Class four 300 00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 1: drugs which are fairly illegal. When I say that, opiates 301 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:13,400 Speaker 1: and those things, yes, opiates and those things, um, we've 302 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 1: all heard of themis opis, oh my goodness. And all 303 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 1: of those benzoids and opiates which are fairly highly addictive 304 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,359 Speaker 1: caused for our huge problems as well. And that's a 305 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,879 Speaker 1: whole conversation in itself. And we know at this point, 306 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 1: well it's kind of changed around. Heroin has come back 307 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,679 Speaker 1: up recently, but for the long while, opiates were more 308 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,199 Speaker 1: likely used and abused more so than some of the 309 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 1: illegal drugs out there and more readily prescribed. Right. Um, 310 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,879 Speaker 1: there is something I wanted to talk about before we 311 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 1: ended this episode called trauma informed response. So some schools 312 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,920 Speaker 1: and organizations are adopting what is called this trauma informed response, 313 00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 1: and particularly it's happening in youth serving organizations. And this 314 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:03,120 Speaker 1: involved of realizing and understanding the scope of trauma, being 315 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 1: able to recognize the impact of trauma not only on 316 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:09,760 Speaker 1: an individual, but also a staff and a community responding 317 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 1: with understanding and providing support and not putting people in 318 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 1: re traumatizing situations unnecessary. Right. And I will say for 319 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,359 Speaker 1: us within the social work field, in the government specifically 320 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:28,360 Speaker 1: juvenal area, we have adopted the trauma and formed response 321 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 1: in the sense of trauma evaluations UM. Trauma assessments are 322 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 1: being used to see exactly how we can help kiss, 323 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 1: which is a little more intensive and a little more personal, 324 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 1: and it goes beyond the normal mental health assessments because 325 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:45,600 Speaker 1: you start digging into the whole picture, which is beyond 326 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:50,320 Speaker 1: the oh does he have suicidal adeation? Oh is their 327 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 1: mental health in their family? So it's become a little 328 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:58,679 Speaker 1: more more UM used at this time. But for me 329 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:01,879 Speaker 1: as a worker, not so much. Yeah, it's not so 330 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,159 Speaker 1: much to use. We do have services that allow us 331 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,919 Speaker 1: to get some type of counseling for emergency situations, but 332 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: it's limited, very limited, and with limited amount of times 333 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 1: as well. So I'll say, for the workers were behind, 334 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,640 Speaker 1: but for evaluating the clients we're getting up, there must 335 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,879 Speaker 1: state of Georgia. That's the state of Georgia, UM, and 336 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:30,160 Speaker 1: it is a tall order to get this. Experts suggest 337 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 1: staff training, reducing triggering events, creating and maintaining a safe 338 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 1: work environment, considering trauma and all policies and plans, and 339 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 1: listening to people. That just seems basic, but yeah, okay, 340 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,000 Speaker 1: listening to people and empowering them in their work. And 341 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,760 Speaker 1: this is a relatively new idea, so it's hard to 342 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,439 Speaker 1: say how effective this is, but it is one option. 343 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:56,720 Speaker 1: I do think that we talked about recently UM about 344 00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:02,640 Speaker 1: American Disability Association and how a lot of disabilities are 345 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:09,760 Speaker 1: invisible and you can get some kind of consideration for them, 346 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 1: but people don't know that. So I think trauma is 347 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,440 Speaker 1: one of those PTSD and c PTSD is something that 348 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 1: you can go to your boss for and by law, 349 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:25,880 Speaker 1: they are supposed to provide considerations for you. And I'm 350 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:29,399 Speaker 1: not saying whether or not it works, how big the 351 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,679 Speaker 1: compliance rate is. I'm saying that that is technically a 352 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 1: thing that should happen. And this is another thing that 353 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,719 Speaker 1: comes up a lot when you're talking about social workers, 354 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,800 Speaker 1: and a kind of went over it already, But oftentimes 355 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 1: we are supposed to be jack of all traits, so 356 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 1: no a little of everything, and that would include being 357 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:54,440 Speaker 1: able to care for yourself. And I think it's slowly 358 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:58,159 Speaker 1: coming around. Um. Up until recently, people didn't realize that 359 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,840 Speaker 1: there wasn't such thing as social work. So having that 360 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,080 Speaker 1: come to the forefront, I think honestly, teachers are in 361 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,920 Speaker 1: the same boat the things that they have to deal 362 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,640 Speaker 1: with with their individual students, with the things that they 363 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:16,720 Speaker 1: get victimized by, whether it's the parents who come after 364 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,639 Speaker 1: them or does a child who comes after them. They're 365 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,560 Speaker 1: not receiving any of these services either. So you've got 366 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:30,160 Speaker 1: to look at what our community sees as necessary if 367 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 1: that makes sense, and right now it's fiscally we want 368 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 1: to help the victims, slash the clients first, which is 369 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 1: why we have such a high turnover. And I know 370 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 1: you talked about that about in the nonprofit world and 371 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,280 Speaker 1: the burnout, but it is part of the reasons because 372 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:50,240 Speaker 1: we don't actually care enough for the providers and the workers. 373 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:55,320 Speaker 1: Yeah and they and I want to keep bringing my mom, 374 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,879 Speaker 1: but I love her, and she was a she was 375 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:03,120 Speaker 1: a special worker. And remember being younger and hearing her 376 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: talk about her day at work and just thinking, oh 377 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:12,480 Speaker 1: my god, that sounds so difficult. I'm definitely the Debbie 378 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,480 Speaker 1: Downer of the group when people ask me, how did 379 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 1: your day go, and I'm like, Terran, yeah, and I 380 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,280 Speaker 1: do want to say my mom was never like hey, 381 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 1: eight year old Annie. No, it was just kind of 382 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,239 Speaker 1: I would hear in passing um. And then as I 383 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,639 Speaker 1: got older and you know, we become more on an 384 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 1: even keel. I would ask her and she would tell me, 385 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 1: and just the thing she she did when she was 386 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:45,600 Speaker 1: my age and younger. I I'm just constantly like, wow, 387 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:50,479 Speaker 1: I can't believe you you did that, and you mention 388 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 1: it as if it's passing. I love my mom. That's good. Anyway, 389 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,359 Speaker 1: we do have some resources for you if there's someone 390 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,159 Speaker 1: that you suspect is dealing with trauma, or if you 391 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:07,159 Speaker 1: suspect after hearing all of this, maybe you are dealing 392 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:11,440 Speaker 1: with trauma. The n I m H advises that you 393 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 1: listen attentively. UM. This is more for someone if you're 394 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,840 Speaker 1: listening to someone who has trauma, but also to yourself. 395 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,280 Speaker 1: You can listen to yourself and you always need to 396 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 1: keep your mental health in mind as you're listening to 397 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:26,439 Speaker 1: someone that stand with trauma. UM, encourage them to seek 398 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 1: professional help if that's an option for them. Unfortunately it's 399 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:33,399 Speaker 1: not always, but if it is an option, encourage it. 400 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: Encourage them to take direct action to deal with their 401 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,800 Speaker 1: stress where they can, because it will make them feel 402 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,639 Speaker 1: less helpless UM and more powerful in their situation. And 403 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:47,159 Speaker 1: remind them it takes time. It's not a straight line. 404 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,160 Speaker 1: There will be highs and lows. I know people are 405 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:54,359 Speaker 1: tired of hearing it, but it's true. Things get better. Man. 406 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,960 Speaker 1: Let's just again we had all right. There's no cure. No, 407 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,960 Speaker 1: there's no such thing as cure for trauma, but there's 408 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:07,439 Speaker 1: coping mechanisms and that's important. Yes, and if possible, if 409 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,479 Speaker 1: you have a support group, I hope you do. If 410 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,560 Speaker 1: you don't, we're here, but I am really lonely. She's 411 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,920 Speaker 1: called me. She pictures ready to go of her dog 412 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 1: out of her. But I mean, I guess if you 413 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 1: do have them, but they're all usually me double chin 414 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 1: looking really goofy. If you want those pictures, you actually 415 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,679 Speaker 1: every time you come to the office, you take a picture, 416 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 1: and it's pretty spectacular because our office policy requires it. 417 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,240 Speaker 1: It's not like a thing she does. I'm also they're 418 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,160 Speaker 1: they're pretty scared of me, Like, let's keep a table 419 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,960 Speaker 1: on this girl so we can make sure to get 420 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 1: rid of her when we can. Jak um. But yeah, 421 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,840 Speaker 1: I have some great double chin pictures of me dancing around. Yeah, 422 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:50,240 Speaker 1: we're not even I don't exaggerating is not the right word, 423 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,040 Speaker 1: but like, we're here if you need us. But um, 424 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,880 Speaker 1: if you have support group, reach out to them. Um 425 00:25:56,080 --> 00:26:00,520 Speaker 1: avoid making major life decisions. And I just want to 426 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:04,840 Speaker 1: put in here because I did a massive episode on 427 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,720 Speaker 1: fan fiction while back. Yeah, it was a two partern 428 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,879 Speaker 1: and it wasn't meant to be a two partner. It 429 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 1: turned into a two parter. I think I could give 430 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:18,160 Speaker 1: a dissertation on fan fiction. That's amazing. I actually talked 431 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,480 Speaker 1: about it every time Marvel comes up, because there's a 432 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,160 Speaker 1: whole related thing, but I won't get into it. It's 433 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,760 Speaker 1: like Doctor Who thing as well in Lord of the Ring. 434 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: Oh my god. The first fan fiction I ever printed 435 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: out was the Lord of the Rings fan fiction. It 436 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:35,800 Speaker 1: was seventy d So anyway, I I read a lot 437 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 1: of fan fiction. I have and I continue to. I'm 438 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:42,480 Speaker 1: not ashamed to admit it, but um, when I was younger, 439 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:49,439 Speaker 1: my jam was someone someone saves Harry Potter from his relatives. 440 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,920 Speaker 1: Any innervation of it, I loved it. I've read all 441 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,840 Speaker 1: of it, um and I actually I'm kind of embarrassed 442 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: to admit this, but I dream about it sometimes. I 443 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 1: dream that I am the person that rescues Harry Potter 444 00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:05,280 Speaker 1: from his prelatives. I mean, if we want to put 445 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,680 Speaker 1: a downer out there, slash because that's what I do. 446 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,720 Speaker 1: Let's be really honest. Harry Potter and the things that 447 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,760 Speaker 1: he went through as a child, he should not be 448 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,280 Speaker 1: as healthy as he is. I like to think I'm 449 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:19,439 Speaker 1: Harry Potter, though, do you really think you're that healthy? 450 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:24,360 Speaker 1: But was he No, exactly, but he was, Well this 451 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:28,399 Speaker 1: is a whole thing, right, But I mean he should 452 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,360 Speaker 1: be slinging pooh, his own pooh, Like that's the level 453 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:35,320 Speaker 1: he shouldn't be, you know. I like to think him 454 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 1: and I wanted someone to rescue him, because someone to 455 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,600 Speaker 1: rescue and that's fair, that's a whole different level. But 456 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:46,280 Speaker 1: he literally did not have a positive influence at all 457 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 1: in his life until he was eleven. At eleven, and 458 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:55,040 Speaker 1: that causes and again that rabbit hole about attachment issues, 459 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:59,720 Speaker 1: and we can talk about that, but I won't. Potters 460 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 1: is gorgeous and I not. Physically, I think of the 461 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:07,600 Speaker 1: story hardcore with Harry Potter. I can't explain it. I 462 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,760 Speaker 1: can explain it every time we've met up. She's wearing 463 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:15,240 Speaker 1: Harry Potter gear. That's actually not a lie, unfortunately or not. 464 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,320 Speaker 1: She's telling the my mom gave me a lot of 465 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:23,200 Speaker 1: Harry Potter stuff for Christmas, and I'm wearing it. There's 466 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,600 Speaker 1: a couple more things we have to discuss, but first 467 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,959 Speaker 1: we're going to take one more quick break forward from 468 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:41,280 Speaker 1: our sponsor, h We're back, Thank you sponsor. Before we 469 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,400 Speaker 1: wrap up, I did when I talk about the shift 470 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,880 Speaker 1: that I've had recently and how I view my personal 471 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:50,880 Speaker 1: traumatic events, because I have for a long time viewed 472 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:55,240 Speaker 1: it as a weakness, and during the height of my abuse, 473 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 1: every day I struggled to something I called the problem 474 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 1: of a closed door. And actually that has roots to 475 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,040 Speaker 1: a hair butter fan fiction. I won't go into that 476 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,400 Speaker 1: right now, but it does. So the two men that 477 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 1: abuse me, they would invite me to watch movies with 478 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:13,800 Speaker 1: them every night in my family's upstairs din, and I knew, 479 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 1: in one way or another I was going to be hurt. 480 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,800 Speaker 1: I would be worse if I didn't go. And between 481 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,840 Speaker 1: the den and my room was my little brother's room, 482 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,400 Speaker 1: and all of our rooms were on the second level. 483 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 1: So to not wake my little brother, I would go 484 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,320 Speaker 1: down a set of these creeky stairs, through the living room, 485 00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 1: through the kitchen, and up another flight of creepy, creepy, creepy, 486 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:41,600 Speaker 1: creepy and creaky stairs, and I could see the door 487 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:44,640 Speaker 1: to the upstairs den, where I knew these abusures were 488 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 1: waiting from the foot of the stairs, and I could 489 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:50,600 Speaker 1: hear them laughing. And I would slowly walk up the stairs, 490 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,800 Speaker 1: and I was petrified, and I would try not to 491 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,160 Speaker 1: make a sound in case like maybe I'd changed my mind, 492 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:58,280 Speaker 1: so they wouldn't know I was there. My knees would 493 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: be shaking. I would stare at the door. I would 494 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,520 Speaker 1: try to make myself open it. I would stand there, 495 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 1: and I would think, I'm so weak, I'm so pathetic, 496 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,960 Speaker 1: so let this happen again and again, to be so afraid. 497 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 1: But every night I found something in me. I found 498 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:18,000 Speaker 1: the strength to open that closed door. And it wasn't 499 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 1: until recently that that's I realized that's what it was. 500 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 1: It was strength, that was courage um. But I closed 501 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,880 Speaker 1: myself off for a long time. I couldn't separate myself 502 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 1: from these traumatic events. I defined myself through these traumatic events, 503 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,400 Speaker 1: and even when I was out of that abusive situation, 504 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:41,400 Speaker 1: I still faced the problem of the closed door. Some 505 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,440 Speaker 1: days I have the strength to open that door, to 506 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 1: let people in, to make myself vulnerable. Some days I don't. 507 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,680 Speaker 1: That's what healing is. It is not a straight line. 508 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,680 Speaker 1: It is healing, and you're absolutely correct, there's no straight 509 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,120 Speaker 1: line when it comes to healing and therefore, honestly, no fixal. 510 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,719 Speaker 1: This is why self medication is often used, and it's 511 00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: used consistently. The idea of not having to deal is 512 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,440 Speaker 1: so appealing to pretend like it never happened, and unfortunately 513 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:10,560 Speaker 1: we are asked by society to not deal with it 514 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,080 Speaker 1: and to not acknowledge that it happened, because it makes 515 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:18,160 Speaker 1: people uncomfortable, you know what, Thank you. We are not 516 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,560 Speaker 1: here to make you comfortable with the trauma that has 517 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,840 Speaker 1: been imposed on us. We should not have to feel 518 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,760 Speaker 1: shame for something that we didn't choose. We should not 519 00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 1: have to feel shame for someone violating our rights, violating 520 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:34,440 Speaker 1: our love, and violating our trust. If you truly want 521 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: to be an ally slash, if those around us truly 522 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,720 Speaker 1: want to be an ally, they would not shut us down. Yea. 523 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:45,440 Speaker 1: And those who do who are uncomfortable are not true. 524 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:49,880 Speaker 1: Allies get comfortable with being uncomfortable, right, And that's absolutely 525 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,719 Speaker 1: what it is. People want to talk about feminism and 526 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,120 Speaker 1: strength and and empowering, but they don't want to talk 527 00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,640 Speaker 1: about the ugly side of what you have to go 528 00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,640 Speaker 1: through to be empowered. Yeah. And I think when it 529 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:07,200 Speaker 1: comes down to it, to be vulnerable cost survivors more 530 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:11,720 Speaker 1: than the spectators. It just honestly does. For us to 531 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,240 Speaker 1: be honest, to let you see some of the weakest 532 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:17,800 Speaker 1: and darkest moments of our lives, that costs us so 533 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,440 Speaker 1: much more than you know. And that means that we 534 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,920 Speaker 1: trust you in some form or we're ready to move 535 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 1: forward in advocating for others. We're not doing this for ourselves. 536 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,840 Speaker 1: Ms Ford was not doing this for herself. She was 537 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:34,080 Speaker 1: doing this to protect the United States of America, which 538 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:37,480 Speaker 1: she should and unfortunately she got dragged over the coals 539 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:41,000 Speaker 1: for it. And that's ridiculous. This is not how society 540 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:47,560 Speaker 1: should be. But is yeah, yeah, and um, these episodes 541 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:52,120 Speaker 1: are are not easy or as and I know they're 542 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:55,640 Speaker 1: not easy for you for you listening. Um, and that's 543 00:32:55,680 --> 00:33:00,840 Speaker 1: why we try to end and so UM some talk 544 00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:05,120 Speaker 1: about what we're doing, some self care stuff before we 545 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 1: go into that, I do want to say, Um, we've 546 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 1: been talking a lot about upcoming episodes. Um, we're gonna 547 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:15,800 Speaker 1: be looking in depth at coping mechanisms or bad coping 548 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:21,560 Speaker 1: mechanisms and specifically therapy, and we're going to be looking 549 00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:25,440 Speaker 1: at survivors and what it means to be a survivor 550 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:30,880 Speaker 1: and advocacy. But the next episode, because these past two 551 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 1: have been pretty difficult for us, and I imagine for you, 552 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 1: will be a little bit of a letter side. We 553 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,120 Speaker 1: meant it for We meant for it to be on 554 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:39,920 Speaker 1: the letter side, but then it kind of ballooned out 555 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:44,320 Speaker 1: to something else. But it's gonna be looking at sex 556 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:48,280 Speaker 1: women and society, and we're going to be digging about 557 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:56,080 Speaker 1: masturbation and sexualization and liking sex, what women don't like sex. 558 00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:04,680 Speaker 1: Some mentha, ridiculous. You don't know me. Um, but uh, 559 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 1: in terms of what we're doing in self care, I 560 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,040 Speaker 1: just want to say that this episode was really difficult, 561 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 1: and we did break it up into we broke up 562 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,879 Speaker 1: writing it into more than one day. We even talked 563 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:21,760 Speaker 1: about it a little bit in our last episode. Um, 564 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:26,120 Speaker 1: we're just trying to be very aware of taking care 565 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:33,200 Speaker 1: of ourselves. And I spoke about the last episode that 566 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,319 Speaker 1: I was going to watch Spider Man three, and I 567 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,200 Speaker 1: have an update for everyone. I did watch Spider Man three, 568 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,160 Speaker 1: not once, but twice because I really wanted to get 569 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:46,800 Speaker 1: a good opinion on it. In my best it's not good, 570 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,719 Speaker 1: but it's not as bad as everyone says. It is 571 00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:56,640 Speaker 1: a non opinion. I think it was better than everyone 572 00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:00,840 Speaker 1: led me to believe, but it wasn't a good movie anyway. 573 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,239 Speaker 1: For the D and D fact of the episode. So 574 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,560 Speaker 1: I've said before, I got into playing Dungeons and Dragons 575 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:13,239 Speaker 1: as official medical advice to deal with my c PTSD, 576 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:16,480 Speaker 1: but I also did it t help me figure out 577 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,480 Speaker 1: the ending to something I was writing. And my D 578 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,880 Speaker 1: n D character is based on a character from a 579 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,520 Speaker 1: book that I wrote, and I would describe her as 580 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:30,879 Speaker 1: she She is my trauma personified. She's not me per se, 581 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:35,520 Speaker 1: but she's like trauma um and I wanted to play 582 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,080 Speaker 1: her because she's a mess and I love her, but 583 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:41,000 Speaker 1: I couldn't figure out how her story ends. And I 584 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:44,200 Speaker 1: have to tell you. Playing her as a character, I 585 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:49,320 Speaker 1: immediately knew how her story is. She dies. She dies, 586 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:52,440 Speaker 1: of course she dies. You killed Harry Potter. Good gosh, 587 00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,279 Speaker 1: how to shake my head on this one? I killed 588 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,560 Speaker 1: Harry Potter and my epics seventy two chapter Harry Potter 589 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,240 Speaker 1: fan fiction. I'm still disappointed, and by that announcement during 590 00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:07,160 Speaker 1: our New Year's I mean I put him through terrible 591 00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:10,799 Speaker 1: things and then I killed him. I didn't give him 592 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:14,479 Speaker 1: any happiness anyway. So maybe this is a spoiler alert 593 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:16,520 Speaker 1: because I do hope to publish it one day. But 594 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,480 Speaker 1: as I played her, I knew in my heart immediately 595 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,520 Speaker 1: she dies, and I was taken her back because it 596 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:25,040 Speaker 1: was like, I guess I knew this all along, but 597 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 1: I hadn't been willing to acknowledge it, and it got 598 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:32,000 Speaker 1: me to thinking if she dies, I get to live 599 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:37,040 Speaker 1: right right. Essentially, what you are doing is killing off 600 00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:41,120 Speaker 1: the trauma that holds wait over you. So yeah, I 601 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:43,200 Speaker 1: get it. I still can't believe you just kill off everybody, 602 00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:47,359 Speaker 1: but I get it. I get it. Is that her 603 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:52,520 Speaker 1: name to the beginning died so for me? Uh, you 604 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:56,480 Speaker 1: guys have already heard about my amazing dog, peg Scorchud mcfussen. 605 00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,120 Speaker 1: I will say I got her due to my anxiety 606 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:06,239 Speaker 1: in her being dick. It's kind of a great I did. 607 00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:09,080 Speaker 1: I had to do clothes because I mean she it's 608 00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,879 Speaker 1: true because she's a great distractor and we'll actually get 609 00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:13,759 Speaker 1: me out of the house whether I want to or not. 610 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:18,000 Speaker 1: She does help me focus a little bit. I also 611 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:21,920 Speaker 1: make her wear socks, but that's only when she's too crazy. 612 00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:26,760 Speaker 1: Like I have tried everything, Melatonin, been a drill, natural 613 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:30,640 Speaker 1: dog stuff, all the dog stuff. So don't dog shame me. 614 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,200 Speaker 1: I know not all dogs like clothes, and my dog 615 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,319 Speaker 1: does not like clothes. Also, it's really funny to watch 616 00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,799 Speaker 1: her not being able to walk in socks. It does 617 00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:43,759 Speaker 1: bring me a little bit of joy. Taped. I just 618 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,759 Speaker 1: made a weird crazy voice, didn't I? Um, But I 619 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:50,200 Speaker 1: mean she's crazy, right. Oh yeah, I want to say crazy. 620 00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:54,720 Speaker 1: I mean jumping up and down, peeing when she meets strangers. Crazy. Yeah, 621 00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,279 Speaker 1: she did give me a bloody lip. I still feel 622 00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,279 Speaker 1: like she you know, you just try to kiss her 623 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,760 Speaker 1: too hard. That could be true, And actually that happened 624 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:08,520 Speaker 1: the night we conceived this many true was like the 625 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:13,040 Speaker 1: blood seal up, that's what we're doing. Just has granted 626 00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,439 Speaker 1: his Yeah, she was like, we must complete the deal. 627 00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,120 Speaker 1: One thing we wanted to do um at the end 628 00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,600 Speaker 1: of these episodes with our self care bit is include 629 00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:30,080 Speaker 1: our super producer Andrew, whom you have heard us think 630 00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:32,879 Speaker 1: at the end of episodes. Um. But like I said, 631 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: I remember being on the other side as an editor 632 00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:40,840 Speaker 1: of the show and it being really tough. So we 633 00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:43,719 Speaker 1: wanted to include Andrew and the self care bit. So 634 00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:48,120 Speaker 1: so here he is, Hey, listeners, this is producer Andrew. 635 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:52,200 Speaker 1: Usually go the way of the silent producer. Are you 636 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:56,840 Speaker 1: Jerry see the occasional sneeze or what have you? But 637 00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,160 Speaker 1: and he asked me if I'd like to be part 638 00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,480 Speaker 1: of this little self help a bit, and I figured 639 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:05,239 Speaker 1: why not. Generally my go to for personal care as music, 640 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,680 Speaker 1: whether that's listening to records, going to shows, or performing. 641 00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,400 Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever had a bad time at 642 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:15,640 Speaker 1: a concert before, especially when you go in without expectations, 643 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:19,960 Speaker 1: say for a performer you don't know particularly well, you're 644 00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,440 Speaker 1: just recommended the show by a friend turns out to 645 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:24,920 Speaker 1: be one of the best shows you've seen in a while. 646 00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:29,960 Speaker 1: And then also, obviously performing music is uh one of 647 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:33,040 Speaker 1: the most therapeutic things I know of, at least for me, 648 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,640 Speaker 1: especially playing with friends and also playing with people who 649 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,919 Speaker 1: you just met. It's a great way to connect with 650 00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:46,320 Speaker 1: otherwise total strangers in a very relaxing kind of way. Also, 651 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:49,759 Speaker 1: playing music by yourself is also really nice too, just 652 00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:54,680 Speaker 1: without any real intent of writing a song or performing, 653 00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,000 Speaker 1: just doing it for yourself can be really good. But 654 00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:00,640 Speaker 1: other than music, I'm a big fan of good old 655 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,520 Speaker 1: solitude every now and again. Obviously I enjoy company, I 656 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,600 Speaker 1: enjoy going out, but I need at least one night 657 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:12,680 Speaker 1: a week of solitude. Sometimes I meditate, sometimes I daydream. 658 00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:17,600 Speaker 1: I consider myself a reflective person and benefit from taking 659 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:21,680 Speaker 1: time to step back and be mindful of what's been 660 00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:26,360 Speaker 1: going on in my life. If any of you listeners 661 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:31,160 Speaker 1: have any questions, please send them our way. If you 662 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:34,239 Speaker 1: have them, someone else probably has them, and we'd love 663 00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,640 Speaker 1: to answer them on air. We're thinking about doing a 664 00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:38,719 Speaker 1: Q and A episode at the end of all of this, 665 00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:42,040 Speaker 1: and we're also planning possibly if enough people show some 666 00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,800 Speaker 1: interest and you get together in person to talk about 667 00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,880 Speaker 1: all of this stuff, so keep a lookout for more 668 00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:53,879 Speaker 1: details on that. Thanks as always to Samantha and comes 669 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:57,080 Speaker 1: hang with me. I'm so lonely. I'll sing you a song, 670 00:40:57,480 --> 00:40:59,480 Speaker 1: she will see you a song, and she's also the 671 00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:08,920 Speaker 1: best up and thanks to you for listening. If you 672 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,320 Speaker 1: would like to write to as, you can or email 673 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,719 Speaker 1: his mom Stuff at how stuff works dot com. You 674 00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,440 Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast and 675 00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,480 Speaker 1: on Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks as 676 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:24,920 Speaker 1: always to our producer Andrew Howard. Thanks to you for listening.