WEBVTT - BONUS EP 5: Melissa’s Listener Essay  

0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:46.479
<v Speaker 1>Hey guys, it's Andre Gunning. A few weeks ago, we

0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:50.080
<v Speaker 1>put a call out for your listener essays. We wanted

0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:53.479
<v Speaker 1>to hear from you about resilience after a devastating betrayal,

0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:58.920
<v Speaker 1>and we received so many incredible essays submissions. So for

0:00:59.000 --> 0:01:02.040
<v Speaker 1>this episode, we're going to feature the first of two

0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:07.319
<v Speaker 1>listener essays that really moved me. This one is written

0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:14.520
<v Speaker 1>and read by a listener named Melissa.

0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:20.240
<v Speaker 2>Pain has been both my burden and my teacher, breaking

0:01:20.240 --> 0:01:22.800
<v Speaker 2>me open in ways I never wanted and shaping me

0:01:22.920 --> 0:01:27.000
<v Speaker 2>into someone I never expected to become. As a teenager,

0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:31.440
<v Speaker 2>my world fractured in an instant. My father, my anchor,

0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:36.080
<v Speaker 2>was ripped away, not by death, but by his own betrayal.

0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:39.360
<v Speaker 2>He was sent to prison for raping a teenage girl.

0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:43.720
<v Speaker 2>The man I looked to for protection became the reason

0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:46.600
<v Speaker 2>I no longer felt safe or sure of who I was.

0:01:47.360 --> 0:01:50.120
<v Speaker 2>It wasn't just the act he committed, it was the

0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:53.800
<v Speaker 2>way it shattered everything I thought I knew about love, trust,

0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:58.760
<v Speaker 2>and family. That wound didn't heal. It seeped into the

0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:03.520
<v Speaker 2>fabric of my life, dictating the person I became. The

0:02:03.520 --> 0:02:07.080
<v Speaker 2>echoes of that betrayal followed me like shadows, coloring every

0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:10.840
<v Speaker 2>decision I made, lingering over my shoulder and even scaring

0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:15.120
<v Speaker 2>away some who learn the truth in my desperate need

0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:17.800
<v Speaker 2>to find stability, to build a life that felt whole.

0:02:18.240 --> 0:02:21.240
<v Speaker 2>I married a man who was battling his own demons.

0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:26.200
<v Speaker 2>He was a secret addict and an alcoholic, someone who

0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:30.079
<v Speaker 2>hid his pain while drowning it in substances. When I

0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:34.160
<v Speaker 2>learned of his struggle, I thought I could save him.

0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:36.520
<v Speaker 2>I believe that what I went through early on would

0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:40.200
<v Speaker 2>give me the strength to push through. Maybe, deep down

0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:43.400
<v Speaker 2>I thought saving him would somehow redeem the parts of

0:02:43.400 --> 0:02:47.320
<v Speaker 2>my life I couldn't. But love cannot survive where it

0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:51.840
<v Speaker 2>is consumed by unrelenting chaos. We bore a son together,

0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:57.000
<v Speaker 2>my saving grace. I stayed with my husband until I

0:02:57.000 --> 0:03:00.480
<v Speaker 2>couldn't anymore. The strength to leave DA didn't come all

0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:04.200
<v Speaker 2>at once. It came in fragments, small moments of clarity,

0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:08.040
<v Speaker 2>of exhaustion, and finally, after a friend reminded me of

0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:11.200
<v Speaker 2>my strength, I was given a new understanding that trying

0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:16.440
<v Speaker 2>to save him would mean losing myself. Walking away was

0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:19.400
<v Speaker 2>one of the hardest things I'd ever done. It meant

0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:23.000
<v Speaker 2>accepting that I couldn't fix everything. It meant carrying the

0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:27.440
<v Speaker 2>weight of yet another failure, another loss, another broken family.

0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:36.280
<v Speaker 2>But leaving wasn't the end. It was the beginning. Pain

0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:38.920
<v Speaker 2>has a way of carving you hollow, but it also

0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:46.040
<v Speaker 2>creates space, space to grow, to rebuild, to transform. Slowly,

0:03:46.600 --> 0:03:48.680
<v Speaker 2>I began to see my pain for what it was,

0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:52.560
<v Speaker 2>a relentless teacher showing me how to live with open

0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:57.280
<v Speaker 2>eyes and an open heart. The wounds I carry, though deep,

0:03:57.800 --> 0:04:01.240
<v Speaker 2>have given me something unexpected, the ability to see what

0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:04.840
<v Speaker 2>others try to hide. I see the hurt in those

0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:09.400
<v Speaker 2>around me, the silent struggles, the stories etched into their eyes.

0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:12.840
<v Speaker 2>And when I meet someone who is carrying this pain,

0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:16.320
<v Speaker 2>I've learned to love them through their own traumas, through

0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:22.120
<v Speaker 2>their own burdens of guilt and feelings of unworthiness. Raising

0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:26.160
<v Speaker 2>my son has been my greatest redemption. Every day I

0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:28.279
<v Speaker 2>strive to teach him the things life has taught me.

0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:31.680
<v Speaker 2>To be kind even when it's hard, to be strong

0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:36.279
<v Speaker 2>but never unfeeling, to hold compassion as his compass, and

0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:38.320
<v Speaker 2>to walk through life in a way that brings light

0:04:38.440 --> 0:04:41.880
<v Speaker 2>to a dark world. He is my proof that something

0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:44.960
<v Speaker 2>beautiful can rise from the ashes of a broken past.

0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:49.479
<v Speaker 2>I've chosen to live with curiosity instead of judgment, to

0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:53.000
<v Speaker 2>approach others not with condemnation, but with a desire to understand.

0:04:55.839 --> 0:05:00.000
<v Speaker 2>Everyone carries their own wounds, their own betrayals, their own burdens.

0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:04.120
<v Speaker 2>I've found that sharing our traumas creates a mutual trust,

0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:07.000
<v Speaker 2>allowing us to release the weight of that burden together.

0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:09.960
<v Speaker 2>My pain has taught me to find beauty and the

0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:13.440
<v Speaker 2>shattered pieces, to see the sunbeams that filter through the

0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:16.880
<v Speaker 2>dark clouds. It has taught me that even in brokenness

0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:19.880
<v Speaker 2>there is grace, and even in hurt, there is healing.

0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:24.840
<v Speaker 2>The journey hasn't been easy. There are still days when

0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:27.719
<v Speaker 2>the weight of it all feels unbearable, when the memories

0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:30.840
<v Speaker 2>rise like tides and threaten to drown me, when I'm

0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:33.919
<v Speaker 2>reminded how the family I once had is no longer.

0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:37.240
<v Speaker 2>But I've learned to let those waves come, to let

0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:40.840
<v Speaker 2>them crash over me without pulling me under. I've learned

0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:45.600
<v Speaker 2>to stand in the storm and let it pass. If

0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:48.200
<v Speaker 2>pain has taught me anything it's that we are all

0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:51.400
<v Speaker 2>broken in some way. But brokenness is not the end

0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:54.120
<v Speaker 2>of the story. It is in the cracks where the

0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:57.200
<v Speaker 2>light shines through. It is in the healing that we

0:05:57.240 --> 0:06:01.400
<v Speaker 2>find purpose. My pain has become my strength, my compass,

0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:05.560
<v Speaker 2>my gift. It has taught me to love, to forgive,

0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:10.680
<v Speaker 2>and to see beauty where others see ruined. I've transformed

0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:13.680
<v Speaker 2>my hurt into healing, not just for myself, but for

0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:17.320
<v Speaker 2>those who cross my path. I give my time to

0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:20.800
<v Speaker 2>those who need it most, offering compassion and a listening

0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:23.200
<v Speaker 2>ear to those who have also been broken by life.

0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:27.200
<v Speaker 2>I share my story, not knowing how it will be received,

0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:31.440
<v Speaker 2>but trusting in the power of vulnerability. Time and again,

0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:34.400
<v Speaker 2>I've found that sharing creates a connection, a reminder that

0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:37.560
<v Speaker 2>none of us walk this path alone. I've chosen to

0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:40.640
<v Speaker 2>live with an open heart, welcoming the messiness of life

0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:44.520
<v Speaker 2>and finding grace and peace within it. My pain will

0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:47.680
<v Speaker 2>always be a part of me, etched into who I am,

0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:51.920
<v Speaker 2>but it no longer holds me captive. Instead, it has

0:06:51.960 --> 0:06:56.480
<v Speaker 2>shaped me into someone stronger, someone free, someone who can

0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:59.919
<v Speaker 2>rise from the ashes and be an example and encouragement

0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:01.160
<v Speaker 2>for others to do the same.

0:07:09.120 --> 0:07:12.040
<v Speaker 1>When we come back, our producer talks with Melissa about

0:07:12.080 --> 0:07:15.320
<v Speaker 1>her writing process, and stay tuned until the end of

0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:17.800
<v Speaker 1>the episode, when we'll be sharing the theme of our

0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:31.240
<v Speaker 1>next listener essay.

0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:32.560
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to.

0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:34.920
<v Speaker 1>Hand it over to our producer Mo, who talked with

0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:36.640
<v Speaker 1>Melissa for this episode.

0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:39.120
<v Speaker 3>Can you tell me a little bit about the process

0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:41.360
<v Speaker 3>of writing this What did that look like.

0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:45.560
<v Speaker 2>I was listening to the podcast while I was sitting

0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:50.440
<v Speaker 2>in the waiting room of the passport office, and I

0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:53.480
<v Speaker 2>had about forty five minutes, and I heard right at

0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:55.680
<v Speaker 2>the beginning of the podcast that you guys were doing

0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:58.480
<v Speaker 2>this essay submission, and I was like, you know what,

0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:02.040
<v Speaker 2>I've got time, I'm going to do it now. And

0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:07.000
<v Speaker 2>I just sat there and I just started thinking about

0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:12.880
<v Speaker 2>my pain and thinking about how it's affected me in

0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:18.680
<v Speaker 2>good ways and bad, and I just started writing in

0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:23.920
<v Speaker 2>my notes on my phone and just kept rereading it

0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:28.600
<v Speaker 2>and editing it, rereading it and editing it. Honestly, I

0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:30.920
<v Speaker 2>wanted it to be more about the healing than the pain,

0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:35.880
<v Speaker 2>because I spent so much of my life focusing so

0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:39.880
<v Speaker 2>much on what the trauma was. And I always thought,

0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:41.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, there's going to be a light at the

0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:43.840
<v Speaker 2>end of the tunnel. I'm going to look back in

0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.600
<v Speaker 2>twenty years and I'm going to see how much good

0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:49.800
<v Speaker 2>this did in my life, and honestly, that's not the case.

0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:55.160
<v Speaker 2>More often than not, the trauma that I went through

0:08:56.000 --> 0:09:02.280
<v Speaker 2>was just all encompassing and the pain was debilitating a

0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:07.440
<v Speaker 2>lot of times. That's definitely like the inner voice, right, Like,

0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:10.360
<v Speaker 2>every time I share it, I'm like, do I really

0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:13.280
<v Speaker 2>need to share this? Does somebody really want to hear this?

0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:17.720
<v Speaker 2>It really can mess with what you think about yourself,

0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:21.600
<v Speaker 2>and so I really wanted that to be what this

0:09:21.960 --> 0:09:27.000
<v Speaker 2>essay was about. It's really not about coming out on

0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:30.360
<v Speaker 2>the other side and like, Oh, the trauma's gone and

0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.679
<v Speaker 2>we're all good and everything's fine. I mean, I'm sure

0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:35.800
<v Speaker 2>you guys hear it a lot from people emailing you

0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:38.000
<v Speaker 2>in like, wow, this story was incredible, and this was

0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:40.800
<v Speaker 2>so helpful for me. But there's so many people that

0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:43.640
<v Speaker 2>are not writing in that are feeling the same thing.

0:09:45.200 --> 0:09:47.280
<v Speaker 2>So as I was sitting and writing it, it was

0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:51.600
<v Speaker 2>very important to me that I focus on the aspect

0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:58.200
<v Speaker 2>of using this trauma for good and yeah, when you

0:09:58.240 --> 0:10:01.760
<v Speaker 2>do share it with other people really does create this

0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:05.040
<v Speaker 2>amazing connection. Like I feel like as humans, if we

0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:08.440
<v Speaker 2>did a lot more of this sharing that it would

0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:11.360
<v Speaker 2>heal a lot of very broken people.

0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:16.120
<v Speaker 3>I wonder what your encouragement would be for people who

0:10:16.160 --> 0:10:18.640
<v Speaker 3>are listening who might want to share their story.

0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:25.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I think in my experience, both in my professional

0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:28.080
<v Speaker 2>career and in my personal life, I've come across so

0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:32.080
<v Speaker 2>many people who feel that they're not able to do

0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:35.040
<v Speaker 2>something that they want to do. A lot of it,

0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:37.959
<v Speaker 2>like with imposter syndrome, is just like you know, you

0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:40.319
<v Speaker 2>don't think you're good enough for people aren't going to

0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:42.079
<v Speaker 2>take it the right way, or it's not I'm not

0:10:42.120 --> 0:10:44.760
<v Speaker 2>going to say you have the right words. And honestly,

0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:46.600
<v Speaker 2>the only way that I was able to do this

0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.640
<v Speaker 2>was just to spit it all out on paper and

0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:54.920
<v Speaker 2>send it. I probably spent less than an hour in

0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:57.959
<v Speaker 2>total in writing, editing, and then just hitting the s

0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:00.840
<v Speaker 2>in button. And some of that for me was just

0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:03.920
<v Speaker 2>getting the words out on paper and wanting to get

0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:07.040
<v Speaker 2>rid of them, you know, like I've put this down

0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:09.160
<v Speaker 2>and I need it to be out of my hands.

0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:13.720
<v Speaker 3>Wow, our whole team is really grateful that you wrote

0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:18.800
<v Speaker 3>in and shared this with us and shared everything you've

0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:21.200
<v Speaker 3>learned in this essay.

0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:23.160
<v Speaker 2>It really means a lot that you guys asked me

0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:25.400
<v Speaker 2>to do it. I was honestly very shocked when I

0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:28.440
<v Speaker 2>saw that email like, oh my gosh, not only did

0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:32.559
<v Speaker 2>they read it, but they want me. But I am

0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.559
<v Speaker 2>very very I'm very very thankful to your team and

0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:38.760
<v Speaker 2>everything that you guys do because it really is important.

0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:40.480
<v Speaker 2>So please don't stop.

0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:47.000
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much for listening, and thank you to

0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:49.960
<v Speaker 1>the incredible listeners who wrote in to share their essays

0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:53.559
<v Speaker 1>on the theme of resilience. We were so moved by

0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:56.920
<v Speaker 1>your submissions that were bringing you more of these listener essays,

0:11:57.360 --> 0:12:00.600
<v Speaker 1>and our next theme will be the moment everything changed.

0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:04.680
<v Speaker 1>Set the scene, take us back to that memory. Describe

0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:07.120
<v Speaker 1>the feelings and thoughts you had in the moment when

0:12:07.240 --> 0:12:10.920
<v Speaker 1>everything changed for you. The limit is a thousand words.

0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:13.439
<v Speaker 1>If your story stands out, it might be featured in

0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:16.960
<v Speaker 1>a bonus episode. Please save your submission as a PDF

0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:31.120
<v Speaker 1>and email it to Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. If

0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:33.080
<v Speaker 1>you would like to reach out to the Betrayal team

0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.880
<v Speaker 1>or want to tell us your betrayal story, email us

0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:40.600
<v Speaker 1>at betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod at

0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:44.760
<v Speaker 1>gmail dot com. We're grateful for your support. One way

0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:47.040
<v Speaker 1>to show support is by subscribing to our show on

0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:50.080
<v Speaker 1>Apple Podcasts and don't forget to rate and review Betrayal.

0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:53.480
<v Speaker 1>Five star reviews go a long way, a big thank

0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:56.920
<v Speaker 1>you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production

0:12:57.000 --> 0:12:59.719
<v Speaker 1>of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group and

0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:03.600
<v Speaker 1>partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by

0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:07.120
<v Speaker 1>Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced by me

0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:12.000
<v Speaker 1>Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Leboard, also produced

0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:16.720
<v Speaker 1>by Ben Fetterman. Associate producers are Kristin Mercury and Caitlin Golden.

0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:21.839
<v Speaker 1>Our iHeart teams Ali Perry and Jessica Krincheck. Audio editing

0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:25.360
<v Speaker 1>and mixing by Matt del Vecchio, Additional editing support from

0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:31.120
<v Speaker 1>Tanner Robbins. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains. Music library

0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:35.160
<v Speaker 1>provided by my Music and For more podcasts from iHeart,

0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:38.839
<v Speaker 1>visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:42.840
<v Speaker 1>your podcasts.