1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 1: Disgraceland as a production of Double Elvis. Kurt Cobaine is 2 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:20,160 Speaker 1: a celebrated and defiant icon of Generation X. His wife, 3 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: Courtney Love, was once the most hated woman in America 4 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,959 Speaker 1: and to this day still does what she can to 5 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:33,640 Speaker 1: wear that crown. Courtney Love, like Kurt Cobaine, was unapologetic, fierce, determined, ambitious, authentic, 6 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 1: and a total hypocrite. The two were also totally in 7 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,879 Speaker 1: love and at times completely insane. They spit in the 8 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 1: face of authority, did more heroine than Johnny Thunders, and 9 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 1: one of them lived long enough to brag about it. 10 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:50,120 Speaker 1: They challenged gender norms and the music industry patriarchy, and 11 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 1: reluctantly played the roles of their generations, John and Yoko 12 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 1: by way of Sid and Nancy. Despite his marriage to 13 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:00,360 Speaker 1: Courtney Love and birth of their daughter, Francis Bean, Kurt 14 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: Cobaine never really had a home. He was born in 15 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: a dysfunction and as a child was rejected by his family, 16 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: his community, in society at large. He never had a chance, 17 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 1: but for a minute before burning out, he shined brighter 18 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: than most. He channeled his rejection through the saving grace 19 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 1: of his beloved punk rock and in doing so, became 20 00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 1: the reluctant voice of a disaffected generation and popular beyond 21 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 1: his wildest dreams, wanted by everyone, even by his account, 22 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,680 Speaker 1: the most attractive and talented female artist on the scene 23 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: at the time, Courtney Love. It goes without saying that 24 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,680 Speaker 1: Kurt Cobaine and Courtney Love made great music. And that 25 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: music you heard at the top of the show that 26 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: wasn't great music. That was a preset loop from my 27 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 1: melotron called Mellow Street Corner Serenade b K one. I 28 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: played you that loop because I can't afford the rights 29 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: to I'm Too Sexy by right, said Fred. And why 30 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: would I play you that specific slice of Cheeky Cheese? 31 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,160 Speaker 1: Could I afford it? Because that was the number ember 32 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: one song in America on February twenty fourth, nineteen ninety two, 33 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 1: And that was the day that Kurt Cobaine married Courtney Love, 34 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,360 Speaker 1: creating what would become one of, if not the most 35 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 1: notorious couples in rock and roll history. On this the 36 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 1: first of a special two part episode to commenced Season three, 37 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:22,000 Speaker 1: Cheeky Cheese, A Street Corner Serenade, No Direction Home, Courtney 38 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 1: Love and Kurt Cobain I'm Jake Brennan, and this is 39 00:02:26,200 --> 00:03:02,480 Speaker 1: this gracelamb Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain, not literally, figuratively. 40 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,640 Speaker 1: Like most everything else in Kurt's life, his wife was 41 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,679 Speaker 1: too much for him to handle. His fame is success 42 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 1: and all the trappings that came with it that he 43 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 1: tried in vain to reject, not to mention the pressure 44 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: of living up to the hype. His addiction to heroin 45 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 1: is crippling stomach pain, the deep wounds of his childhood, 46 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 1: and his inability to find comfort or a sense of 47 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: home anywhere or with anyone. Despite his complex yet loving 48 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:31,360 Speaker 1: relationship with Courtney, her own heavy personal baggage, piled on 49 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:37,560 Speaker 1: top of everything else, became unbearable for Kurt Cobain. Most 50 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 1: people point to his heroin addiction as the main reason 51 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 1: for his death, or that he was simply depressed, but 52 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:47,480 Speaker 1: those explanations are too easy. Others lay the Yoko trip 53 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 1: on Courtney Love, but that is, as John Lennon would say, 54 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:54,760 Speaker 1: thick and ordinary. Courtney Love came into a relationship with 55 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: Kurt Cobaine as an experienced heroin user, sure, and she 56 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: did indeed enable Kurt's addiction. But the real truth is 57 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 1: that he enabled hers just as much. No one thing 58 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: was responsible for his death, and no matter how intriguing 59 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 1: the conspiracy theories are, the ones that try to paint 60 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,000 Speaker 1: the death of some wild murder scheme cooked up by 61 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 1: Courtney are, in a word, untrue. Courtney Love did not 62 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 1: literally kill Kirk Cobain, but she did quite literally save 63 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:26,120 Speaker 1: his life. In early January nineteen ninety two, Kurt Cobain 64 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 1: was becoming the biggest rock star in the world, and 65 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 1: he was miserable. He was away from home, whatever that was, 66 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,239 Speaker 1: and suffering through the highs and lows of a serious 67 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 1: heroin addiction. Heroin for Kurt had a dual effect. On 68 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 1: the one hand, it was the one thing that stymied 69 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 1: his crippling stomach pain, a psychosomatic illness that doctors were 70 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 1: never able to officially diagnose, but it bared similar symptoms 71 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 1: to the worst aspects of every stomach ailment you know 72 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:57,520 Speaker 1: of ibs ulcer's rumination disorder. Certainly, this pain demanded something 73 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:01,560 Speaker 1: stronger than warm milk and laxatives. On the other hand, 74 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,840 Speaker 1: heroin was an express ticket straight to oblivion, a trip 75 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,919 Speaker 1: for Kurt Kobaine that had become a necessity he began 76 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,479 Speaker 1: using a few years earlier, when his band Nirvana was 77 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,520 Speaker 1: just starting out. He knew the danger involved, but he 78 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,440 Speaker 1: also knew his pain and his heartache, and he knew 79 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 1: that no other drug, not the acid he'd swallowed, the 80 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,039 Speaker 1: coeludes he'd taken, the speed he'd snarted, none of it 81 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,920 Speaker 1: had the power to suppress the deep feelings of loneliness 82 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 1: and rejection he'd carried with him since adolescence. So heroin 83 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:35,600 Speaker 1: for Kurt was about self medication, physical and psychological. For Courtney, 84 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 1: though not without her own childhood pain and demons, heroin 85 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,719 Speaker 1: was about getting high. She'd started using earlier when she 86 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 1: first struck out as a musician, because shooting dope was 87 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 1: quite literally, in her estimation anyway, what the cool kids 88 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 1: were doing. But Courtney, at least in comparison to Kurt, 89 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 1: had it under control, which meant that the burden of 90 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 1: being the responsible one usually fell to her. And what 91 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: that meant in hardcore junkie reality terms was that she 92 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,440 Speaker 1: was the one who had to take care of Kurt 93 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:07,599 Speaker 1: when he overdursed, and he overdursed a walk, but this 94 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: time he was dead, lying on the floor of the 95 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 1: Omni hotel in New York City next to the bed 96 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,599 Speaker 1: as fiance was asleep in Courtney Love, the singer of 97 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:19,359 Speaker 1: the rapidly rising grune band Whole. A few hours earlier, 98 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,600 Speaker 1: Nirvana had made their live television debut on Saturday Night Live. 99 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: It had also been the same weekend that Nirvana's major 100 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: label debut album never Mind, knocked Michael Jackson's Dangerous from 101 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 1: the number one slot on the Billboard charts. It was 102 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:37,440 Speaker 1: a moment Curt long dream Bill first stute fans of Nirvana. 103 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 1: It was obvious that their performance on SNL was uneven, 104 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:44,000 Speaker 1: but nonetheless it was still a triumph. It was not 105 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,720 Speaker 1: only their first live TV performance on a long running 106 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 1: late night taste making series, no Less, but it was 107 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:52,120 Speaker 1: also the first live national television performance of a quote 108 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:55,040 Speaker 1: unquote grunge band, the new sound percolating out of the 109 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:59,360 Speaker 1: cloudy confines of America's Pacific Northwest and beyond that. For 110 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 1: many young Americans, Nirvana's first SNL appearance was their first 111 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 1: look at punk rock. Sure, Nirvana had a new take 112 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,839 Speaker 1: on the genre that first broke back in nineteen seventy seven, 113 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,559 Speaker 1: but at its core, the band was punk as fuck 114 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: in style sound and ethos. For suburban kids watching that night, 115 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 1: their first look at the band must have been arresting 116 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 1: a three piece. The band couldn't have looked more mismatched. 117 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 1: The drummer is barely seen behind his massive kit, but 118 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: holy shit, can he be heard flailing about wildly with 119 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 1: the distinct hardcore energy, the type that can only be 120 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: learned on the makeshift stages of all ages shows at 121 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:40,800 Speaker 1: VFW halls and in friends sweaty basements. The bass player 122 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: was like what, fourteen feet tall, a giant bearing down 123 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: on his black Vender Precision base, making it look like 124 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: a ukulele in his grip in the scrawny little singer 125 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 1: next to him, Otherwise an afterthought in comparison to the 126 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 1: charism of a spare rhythm section, were it not for 127 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: his intensity. It's obvious from the first second you lay 128 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 1: eyes on him, despite his interest in the song he's playing. 129 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: But he's unlike anything you've seen before. His hair has 130 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 1: dyed plum red, a deeper shade of Johnny Rotten. His 131 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,280 Speaker 1: jeans are baggy and so torn you assume there is 132 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: only pair. He's wearing a buttoned down cardigan's sweater that 133 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 1: is two sizes too big over what appears to be 134 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:18,239 Speaker 1: a homemade concert T shirt for a band called Flipper 135 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 1: that most of the world has never heard of before. 136 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: He's going through the motions, but the rhythm section is 137 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: going ape shit. Saleng goes to the song their first single, 138 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 1: smells like teen Spirit, which up until that point had 139 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,720 Speaker 1: been a heat seeking missile on the charts and ubiquitous 140 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,720 Speaker 1: on radio. And MTV is getting a good live working 141 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,240 Speaker 1: over by a band that America is falling in love with, 142 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:48,840 Speaker 1: right there in that moment, on live television. If in 143 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: nineteen ninety two you've been listening to college radio, or 144 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,800 Speaker 1: staying up late to watch Dave Kendall on MTV's one 145 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: hundred and twenty Minutes, or sweating it out in punk 146 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:02,080 Speaker 1: rock clubs, the song's elements were nothing new. The quiet, loud, 147 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 1: quiet verse, chorus verse arrangement was straight up Pixies, and 148 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:09,040 Speaker 1: the discord and guitarist stunk of sonic youth. The pounding 149 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 1: rhythm hit you hard like Seattle's Melvins, a band whose 150 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 1: T shirts were worn proudly by both members of the 151 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:18,079 Speaker 1: rhythm section on stage that night, but taken in composite 152 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,199 Speaker 1: layered onto one another, and combined with their own unique 153 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: style and attitude, the band was something completely new for 154 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:29,200 Speaker 1: the time. The second performance on SnO was the pummeling 155 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:33,960 Speaker 1: petro Pece Territorial Pisses. It's more punk and grunge, sounding faster, 156 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 1: angrier than smells like teen Spirit, and more subversive with 157 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 1: its lyric. Never met a wise man, if so it's 158 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: a woman. The singer is screaming bloody murder, and you're 159 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 1: wired into his pain. It's deeper and more visceral than 160 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: anything else mainstream music had offered to that point. John 161 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 1: Lennon may have paved the way with his primal screen, 162 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: but it never made its way to the top of 163 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,440 Speaker 1: the charts, and the singer shattered torture as obvious and 164 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:01,280 Speaker 1: right there on the screenund up by the precision of 165 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 1: the rhythm section. The song ends and the band trashes 166 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 1: their equipment, but there are no Mad Hatter Keith Moon 167 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 1: Brims from past generations. The destruction is pure violence. All 168 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:22,880 Speaker 1: menace three times the Pete. During the show's end credits, 169 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: the band is aligned on stage next to the host 170 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: Northern Exposures Rob Morrow cast members, notably Chris Rock, Kevin Nelon, 171 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,560 Speaker 1: and David Spade millbelt behind them. The band picks up 172 00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:36,120 Speaker 1: as Marrow says good night, and then the bass player 173 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 1: grabs the drummer by the sides of his face and 174 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,280 Speaker 1: plants a full long tongue kiss on him. The singer 175 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,280 Speaker 1: notices what's happening, and he can't help but smile. He 176 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,400 Speaker 1: grabs them both in a group hug and is grabbed 177 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 1: by the bass player and kissed just as forcefully as 178 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,960 Speaker 1: his drummer was. He backs off. He's hysterical and is 179 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 1: picked up by his drummer and swung around joyfully. Everything 180 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 1: about it spoke to me as seventeen year old at 181 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 1: the time, watching it all play out alongside my closest 182 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 1: high school stoner buddies on the couch at my friend 183 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 1: Dwarf's house. It was smart, funny, juvenile, punk and pissed. 184 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 1: It was loud, fast, feminist, queer and confident, and it 185 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 1: was fun and totally incompletely subversive. It was Nirvana, and 186 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,960 Speaker 1: it was one hundred percent unlike anything else that had 187 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: been on live national television before. As a culture, thanks 188 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,560 Speaker 1: to Nirvana, we had entered new territory and Chris nova Selk, 189 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,280 Speaker 1: Dave Grohl, and Kirk Kobean had gloriously pissed all over it, 190 00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:35,240 Speaker 1: marking it as their own. So it was a triangle. 191 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,960 Speaker 1: But Kurt Kobean wasn't in the mood for celebrating fuck 192 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 1: the cast party. 193 00:11:40,080 --> 00:12:05,160 Speaker 2: He needed to get high. 194 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: The needle puncturing the skin was part of the addiction. 195 00:12:08,559 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 1: The piercing, the droplet of blood, thumbing down the syridge, 196 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:18,440 Speaker 1: It all meant one thing. Oblivion in oblivion was what 197 00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: Kurk Cobain craved. He prepped the china white, slammed it 198 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:26,960 Speaker 1: into his arm, and drifted off. The dream was less 199 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 1: a dream and more of a pastiche of shame and rejection. 200 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:34,160 Speaker 1: It was one of the things Kurt hated about heroin. Usually, 201 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,200 Speaker 1: if he used enough of it, and he was kind 202 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 1: of legendary for the amount of dope he could handle. 203 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,840 Speaker 1: At one time, the high would be heavy enough to 204 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 1: suppress the dreams. But every now and then, those days 205 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:48,280 Speaker 1: back in Aberdeen crept up from his subconscious. In the dream, 206 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 1: it was Kurt and jail writing porn for his fellow 207 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,160 Speaker 1: inmates to jerk off to. This, of course, never happened 208 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 1: in real life, but that didn't stop Kurt from telling 209 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 1: this story to help bolster his own mythology, and the 210 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:02,719 Speaker 1: lies didn't do his subconscious It wasn't that he was 211 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 1: ashamed of the lie, or the masturbation, or even the 212 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 1: arrest over a slew of minor offenses that resulted in 213 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:11,360 Speaker 1: an eight days stay in the local Aberdeen jail. He 214 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,360 Speaker 1: was ashamed because he had no one to call to 215 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 1: bail him out. And he was nineteen years old and 216 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 1: literally didn't have anyone, and it had been this way 217 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:23,040 Speaker 1: for most of his adolescence. Kurt's mom, Wendy, kicked him 218 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,439 Speaker 1: out at the age of seventeen. Kurt went to live 219 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,079 Speaker 1: with his father, Dawn, and in the beginning it was okay, 220 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:30,480 Speaker 1: better than being with his mom and having to tell 221 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 1: his horny friends to stop gawking at her. But then 222 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,079 Speaker 1: his dad met Jenny and decided to start a new family, 223 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: and it was clear to Kurt that he didn't fit 224 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:41,840 Speaker 1: into his dad's new life. Jenny had two kids, and 225 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 1: Kurt frequently clashed with his new stepsiblings. His dad made 226 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: a feeble effort at making it work, but ultimately acquiesced 227 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,319 Speaker 1: to his new wife's wishes and kicked Kurt out. Kurt 228 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 1: bounced back to his mom's and she took him in briefly. 229 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,199 Speaker 1: He fought constantly with her new husband until eventually landing 230 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,560 Speaker 1: back out of the house. Kurt went to stay with 231 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: his grandparents and their trailer for a time, but that 232 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,400 Speaker 1: didn't work, so teenage Kurt Kobaan shuffled from house to house, 233 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,960 Speaker 1: staying with friends in their families when he could, and 234 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 1: eventually landing in various foster homes until he was old 235 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 1: enough to move into an apartment with a friend at 236 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,880 Speaker 1: age eighteen, But at the time of the arrest, he 237 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,640 Speaker 1: was homeless, alternately sleeping at the house of a high 238 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 1: school English teacher and in the backseat of a friend's 239 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: mom's beat up volvo. Regardless of his living situation, Kurt 240 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 1: had no family support system to call on from jail. 241 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 1: He'd been rejected so fully, so often from both his 242 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: mother and his father that calling them now at age 243 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 1: nineteen would have been futile. If they weren't there for 244 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: him when he was seventeen, then, how he reasoned, could 245 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,000 Speaker 1: they possibly be there for him as a young adult. 246 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: Shame and rejection borrowed itself into Kurt Kobaan, and despite 247 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 1: the tremendous amounts of powerful heroine, he injected, it still 248 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 1: fucked with them. Oblivion was the goal, because reality was 249 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: too painful, even for a man on the verge of 250 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 1: reas his dreams, his heroin dreams were preferable to reality, 251 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: as there were usually nothing more than big, black, heavily 252 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 1: weighted blankets holding him down, compressing him to this cruel 253 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 1: world as it spun wildly, doing its best to shake 254 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 1: him from its surface. But this dream, the one where 255 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: he was back in Aberdeen, in jail, writing porn, jailed 256 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,720 Speaker 1: rednecks surrounding him in the cell, some of them masturbating furiously, 257 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 1: the rest of them looking at him with distrust and hate, 258 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 1: and the feeling that he's trapped, unable to get out, 259 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 1: unable to go home. This was a dream of deep 260 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 1: emotional pain. Kurt searched for a way out, away from 261 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 1: the hurt, deeper into the darkness. But when he saw 262 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 1: his chance, he took it and dove headfirst into the 263 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 1: black unknown. And there was a flat thud in Kurt's 264 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 1: unconscious it was the sound of breaking through. But in 265 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,240 Speaker 1: Kurt's four star New York City hotel room in the 266 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:55,640 Speaker 1: early morning hours after his legendary SNL performance, it was 267 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,000 Speaker 1: the sound of him falling off of his bed, onto 268 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 1: the floor and into a heroin over now. When Courtney 269 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,920 Speaker 1: awoke and realized Kurt wasn't sleeping next to her, her 270 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 1: heart jumped into her throat. She immediately feared the worst. 271 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: She found Kurt on the floor next to the bed, 272 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 1: his skin greened and in a deathlike unconsciousness. She pounced, 273 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: straddling him as he lay on his back. She began 274 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 1: pounding his chest with her fist to get his lungs pumping. 275 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 1: When that didn't work, she got to her feet, grabbed 276 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: the ice bucket on the room service tray with the 277 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 1: empty bottle of champagne in it, and began palming hands 278 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,560 Speaker 1: full of whatever unmelted cubes of ice she could find 279 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,680 Speaker 1: into her near dead fiance's asshole. When that didn't revive it, 280 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 1: she surveyed the room for Kurt's leather jacket, the one 281 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,200 Speaker 1: with the basiline's pin on it. She saw it crumpled 282 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 1: on the floor in the corner. Courtney had the pin 283 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,320 Speaker 1: off in seconds. She pulled Kurt's dirty jeans down to 284 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 1: his ankles, ripped off his boxers, and began pulking his 285 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 1: testicles with the pin, pausing only to smack Kurt across 286 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,400 Speaker 1: his acne cheeks, then returning to stab as scrot him 287 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 1: with the pinnaguin. Finally he began to come back to life. 288 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,199 Speaker 1: Courtney threw cold water on his face and his eyes opened. 289 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,919 Speaker 1: She then pulled him to his feet started dragging him 290 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,679 Speaker 1: about the room to get him moving again. Once he 291 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,120 Speaker 1: started to gain his strength and hold himself up a bit, 292 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,480 Speaker 1: she began rotating his arms to get more of the 293 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 1: blood flowing. It was all routine to her. She'd saved 294 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,639 Speaker 1: his life before and would save his life again. It 295 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 1: was a process he'd grown accustomed to, grown to depend on. 296 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: He was familiar, like home. 297 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 2: We'll be right back after this word word word. 298 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:42,399 Speaker 1: Before Courtney, there was Tracy. Before stardom and four star hotels, 299 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,720 Speaker 1: there was a one room apartment in the college town 300 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 1: of Olympia, Washington. Kurt moved there from Aberdeen to live 301 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 1: with Tracy in the studio apartment. The place stunk and 302 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 1: wasn't as tidy as Tracy would have liked, but it 303 00:17:54,720 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: was home, their home together. Tracy worked and made enough 304 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 1: for them to get by barely. Mostly Kurt didn't work. 305 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 1: He slept until noon and spent his days playing guitar, 306 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 1: sometimes strumming in front of the TV, sometimes journaling or 307 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: making art. Tracy shrugged off Kurt's clutter, his weird drawings, 308 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,360 Speaker 1: his apparent inability to wash a dish, and his neediness. 309 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 1: She loved him, and so she took care of him, 310 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 1: made sure he ate at least one meal a day, 311 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 1: didn't sleep too much, that. 312 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:26,040 Speaker 2: Sort of thing. 313 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 1: As for Kurt, he'd said it more than once. Tracy 314 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 1: was the perfect girlfriend, and he only missed Wendy, his 315 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 1: mom a little. As perfect as Tracy may have been, 316 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,879 Speaker 1: Kurt left her back at the apartment on an April 317 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: Sunday in nineteen eighty eight, and, along with Chris Novaselik 318 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 1: and Dave Foster, Nirvana's third drummer, loaded their gear out 319 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 1: of their practice space, packed up a borrowed a Connoline van, 320 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,320 Speaker 1: and drove sixty miles north to Seattle so that his 321 00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 1: new band could play a legit rock show in a 322 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:59,320 Speaker 1: real club with a real pa. Kurt was quiet, trying 323 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:02,640 Speaker 1: to ignore his clenching gut. He told himself things were good, 324 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,400 Speaker 1: things would be fine. Just a couple of months ago, 325 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 1: they had recorded their demo, and since then, Kurt had 326 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,760 Speaker 1: worked hard to get the tape into the hands of 327 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,400 Speaker 1: local tastemakers and the punk scene who could help them, 328 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,400 Speaker 1: Not that he'd admit it, he'd ask for friends' help 329 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 1: in circulating the demo and getting college radio airplay, and 330 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,480 Speaker 1: in doing so managed to snag the interest of a 331 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:26,320 Speaker 1: partner at the newly formed record label Subpop, and excited 332 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:30,000 Speaker 1: Jonathan Polman shared the demo with his less than enthusiastic partner, 333 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 1: the more business minded of the two, Bruce Pavitt. The 334 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,919 Speaker 1: enterprising duo discussed whether to finance a single by the 335 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 1: scrawny kid who they thought might, on his best day 336 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:44,880 Speaker 1: someday maybe approached the coolness of their label's BMOC mark arm. 337 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,399 Speaker 2: Of mud Honey. 338 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 1: So they invited Nirvana to play one of their sub 339 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 1: Pop Sunday shows at the Vogue in Seattle, where Kurt 340 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 1: was told they'd have an audience of music executives and representatives. 341 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,639 Speaker 1: Polman wanted the reaction of local tastemakers, their positive reaction 342 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,920 Speaker 1: in order to justify signing the band. On the other 343 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,439 Speaker 1: end of the phone, Kurt imagined an adoring crowd. The 344 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: faces of the members of Tad and other bands he 345 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,639 Speaker 1: loved shining up at him on stage. He cleared his 346 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 1: throat and in his calmest whatever voice that he could muster, 347 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:20,200 Speaker 1: said sure cool. Chris gave the wheel a sharp turn 348 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,680 Speaker 1: and pulled into a lot beside the Vogue. It was 349 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 1: late afternoon. Kurt hopped out to stretch and to check 350 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 1: out the building that had hosted New wavebacks and other bands, 351 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,159 Speaker 1: bands that were better than Nirvana, bands that knew what 352 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,720 Speaker 1: they were doing. What if he sucked? He felt the 353 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 1: nerves in his stomach, felt the bile burn as esophagus. 354 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 1: He ripped off his jean jacket, held back his hair, 355 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: and vomited onto the pavement. Then he sat head in hands, 356 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,280 Speaker 1: trying to control his breathing. His bandmates stood back and 357 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:52,400 Speaker 1: waited for him to pull his shit together. The show 358 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,960 Speaker 1: itself was kind of a haze. Kurt couldn't shake his nerves. 359 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,080 Speaker 1: After soundcheck, they went backstage, assuming the club would fill 360 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,479 Speaker 1: up this poem and had promised, But when they got 361 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,919 Speaker 1: up to play, they saw their audience consisted of maybe 362 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,680 Speaker 1: ten people, among whom were friends of friends, and maybe 363 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 1: one industry person, a DJ. The hell, Kirk got shaky again, 364 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,359 Speaker 1: shaky and angry deflated, nauseous, and while the rhythm section 365 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,360 Speaker 1: held their own through the set, powering through technical glitches, 366 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 1: Kurt hung on by a thread. He strummed and mumbled 367 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:26,200 Speaker 1: lyrics without intensity and with zero connection to the few 368 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,679 Speaker 1: people standing in front of the stage, who he occasionally 369 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,600 Speaker 1: peered at from under the fringe of his hair. And 370 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,159 Speaker 1: there was little clapping, and there was no encore, and 371 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,760 Speaker 1: it was embarrassing hostage. And with a camera pointed at him, 372 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:44,680 Speaker 1: Kurt screamed, we sucked. They drove straight home in the van. 373 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,560 Speaker 1: It was quiet. A loop of the Knight's disaster played 374 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,920 Speaker 1: over in Kurt's brain. He told himself they'd practice more, 375 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 1: at least five times a week, as any real band should, 376 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 1: and that he'd write better songs, great songs, and that 377 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,439 Speaker 1: they would improve and rule the world. And if it 378 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,679 Speaker 1: wasn't with some it would be with some other label, 379 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,520 Speaker 1: a better label without some pt Barnham wannabe in a 380 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:10,640 Speaker 1: flannel shirt at the helm. After the gig, Kurt committed 381 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 1: himself to himself. He drafted a new band, Bio Greetings. 382 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: We realized that there was once a sixties band called Nirvana, 383 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 1: but don't get us confused with them. Because they totally suck, 384 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 1: big fucking dick. Nirvana sounds like Black Sabbath playing the 385 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,359 Speaker 1: knack black Flag led Zeppelin in the Stooges with a 386 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:31,199 Speaker 1: pinch of Bay City Rollers. He rehearsed his answers to 387 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:35,560 Speaker 1: future interview questions. Hi, I'm the moody bohemian member of 388 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,920 Speaker 1: the group blonde front man, the sensitive type. I like pasta, turtles, 389 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,440 Speaker 1: girls with weird eyes, writing, reading, keeping my mouth shut, 390 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:48,400 Speaker 1: cake decorating, horseback riding, gun cleaning, Sally Struthers, impersonations, Pina Coladas, 391 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,960 Speaker 1: and getting caught in the rain, butt fucking acupuncture, painting friends, cats, 392 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: goat's mohair sweaters, cultivating a fine army of facial blemishes, scarification, 393 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,800 Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And he wrote letters to his friends 394 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:02,680 Speaker 1: and heroes whom he hoped to be friend Mark WHOA. 395 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,160 Speaker 1: Polly Pereguin is my favorite song of this decade. I've 396 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,600 Speaker 1: been soaking up the sounds of the Screaming Trees for 397 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,919 Speaker 1: a few months, and I think it's way better than most, 398 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,240 Speaker 1: although in the pop genre I like Pixies and Smithereens 399 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,399 Speaker 1: a bit better, But Polly Pereguin, Jesus God, what a 400 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:22,800 Speaker 1: complete masterpiece. He walked around the apartment, unconsciously crafting his 401 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 1: nonchalant slouch. His blue eyed rock god shrugged toward oblivion, 402 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 1: his jeans ripped, his shirt flannel, his shoes Chucks, and 403 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:35,919 Speaker 1: his hair dirty. He calculated to look uncalculated. He cared, 404 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: but didn't want to seem to care. He imagined his 405 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,119 Speaker 1: next time on stage, he'd get it right. Then the 406 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 1: phone rang. It was Pollman, a single with Subpop was on. 407 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:50,480 Speaker 1: No shit, Kurt thought to himself. Of course Polman and 408 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,959 Speaker 1: Pabitt loved the show, and so did the quote unquote 409 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,399 Speaker 1: industry exects and the DJ from KCMU, and of course 410 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 1: whoever was in the crowd that night to pass the scensters. 411 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,480 Speaker 1: In a good mood, the best mood he'd been in 412 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,520 Speaker 1: in a long time, Kurt wrote to his friend Dale Kroger, 413 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,760 Speaker 1: drummer for the Melvins. The asked for advice slash drop 414 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 1: a humble brag that his band had signed you Subpop. 415 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,959 Speaker 1: It was a big deal, he casually mentioned, and oh yeah, 416 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:36,240 Speaker 1: by the way, our final name is Nirvana. Tour the Road. 417 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,880 Speaker 1: This is where it all happens. The sex, the drugs, 418 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 1: the rock and roll the making of your myth. For 419 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 1: a touring musician, the road offers plenty, but the reality 420 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,960 Speaker 1: is that, no matter how many adoring fans you meet 421 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: or of pure adolescent release you feel on stage, being 422 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 1: away from home at some point really starts to suck. 423 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,639 Speaker 1: Your clothes stink in ways you didn't imagine possible. You 424 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,719 Speaker 1: can't find a decent, healthy meal, You're sick and tired 425 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,360 Speaker 1: of every last one of your bandmates. You haven't shit 426 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,879 Speaker 1: right in weeks. You get pour to no sleep, and 427 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,760 Speaker 1: you crave intimacy, real intimacy, the kind that only a 428 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,960 Speaker 1: significant other, someone who truly cares for you, can give. 429 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 1: This is what most musicians feel at some point on 430 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,840 Speaker 1: the road, no matter how experienced or successful. But as 431 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,479 Speaker 1: a new band making little or no money, you're driving 432 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,320 Speaker 1: from gig to gig, playing to small to sometimes non 433 00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:31,679 Speaker 1: existent crowds. Sometimes you've played it just the doorman and 434 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 1: the bartender, but it's all good because you're paying your dues. 435 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,960 Speaker 1: Just like Black Flag, you tell yourself you try to 436 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 1: keep it together, keeping enough energy and reserve to stay sane, 437 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 1: to remember who you are in civilian life back home. 438 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,400 Speaker 1: Now imagine that sense of loneliness with the added shit 439 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,920 Speaker 1: situation of not having a real home to go back 440 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,879 Speaker 1: to once tour is ended. That's how it felt for 441 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,720 Speaker 1: Kurt Kobain on the road. On stage, he had a 442 00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:00,040 Speaker 1: hard time controlling his mood when things went wrong, So 443 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,640 Speaker 1: when there were technical problems, when the sound on stage 444 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 1: didn't match the sound in his head, he get frustrated, 445 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 1: angry he'd let it affect his performance. Added to that, 446 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,320 Speaker 1: he missed his girlfriend and his stomach was a chronic 447 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,040 Speaker 1: mess that he tried drinking into a truce with Strawberry 448 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:19,439 Speaker 1: Nestley Quick. He wanted connection and attention, but had little. 449 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:21,840 Speaker 1: All of this took a toll on him as he 450 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 1: toured in nineteen eighty nine to support Nirvana's debut album Bleach. 451 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,000 Speaker 1: Their European tour with the band Tad was brutal, thirty 452 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 1: seven shows in forty two days. When there was enough 453 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,920 Speaker 1: money to stop in a hotel, Kurt would often share 454 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,840 Speaker 1: a room with Tad drummer Kurt Danielson, but with the 455 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,200 Speaker 1: lamps low, they'd shoot the shit. One night, an exhausted 456 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 1: Kurt lay back on the soft white comforter, letting two 457 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,640 Speaker 1: fluffy white pillows cradle his head and sigh. Fuck, it's 458 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,520 Speaker 1: good to lie down on a real bed. He and 459 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,200 Speaker 1: Danielson talked, as they often did, laid into the night, 460 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,080 Speaker 1: the pauses between their words getting longer as they drifted 461 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:03,040 Speaker 1: towards sleep. Kurt's mind was on Tracy, how she was 462 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:07,160 Speaker 1: losing patience with the money situation. His thoughts then shifted 463 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,359 Speaker 1: to his mother, Wendy. He remembered when he'd proudly played 464 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:14,120 Speaker 1: Nirvana's Love Buzz single for her on Christmas Eve. She'd 465 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,240 Speaker 1: been unimpressed and hoped he had a back up plan. 466 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,960 Speaker 1: He only let that hurt a little. She loved him right, 467 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,760 Speaker 1: she had to. He thought he was twenty two years old, 468 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,720 Speaker 1: but in some ways he was still just a boy, 469 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,440 Speaker 1: a boy who was about to go from total obscurity 470 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 1: to super fame. You know, he said to Danielson, I've 471 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,440 Speaker 1: wanted to go home since the first week of this tour. 472 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 1: I could go to my mom's right now. She'd let me. 473 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:43,000 Speaker 1: She'd wire me the money. There was a pause. The 474 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,880 Speaker 1: pain he felt now wasn't in his gut, but farther up, 475 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,320 Speaker 1: a tightness in his chest and throat. She'd have me, 476 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:53,560 Speaker 1: he insisted. She'd have me, You know, Danielson didn't know. 477 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 1: He couldn't tell if Kurt was talking to him or 478 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,080 Speaker 1: talking to himself, whether he was shooting straight or bullshitting. 479 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,760 Speaker 1: There are world class bullshitters out there who are easily 480 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 1: recognizable and repellent, the types of people you don't always 481 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,840 Speaker 1: do time with. Then there are different types of bullshitters, 482 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:13,040 Speaker 1: the type who spin lies not to hurt or impress you, 483 00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:15,640 Speaker 1: but to weave you into the alternate reality they've created 484 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,800 Speaker 1: for themselves, usually because their reality is too big of 485 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,800 Speaker 1: a drag to accept. Kurt Cobean was this type of bullshitter. 486 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,600 Speaker 1: You wanted to believe his bullshit as strongly as he did, 487 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:28,639 Speaker 1: but you could seldom tell what was real and what 488 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,639 Speaker 1: was myth With Kurt. Nowhere was this more obvious than 489 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:35,280 Speaker 1: within his lyrics, particularly throughout the songs on Nirvana's second album, 490 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:39,520 Speaker 1: never Mind. The success of never Mind, Nirvana's first for 491 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,320 Speaker 1: the major label DGC, was staggering. In four short months, 492 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:46,200 Speaker 1: Nirvana went from releasing a record their label predicted would 493 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:48,760 Speaker 1: have only modest success to number one on the Billboard 494 00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 1: charts by January nineteen ninety two. The record was propelled 495 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,280 Speaker 1: by its first single Smells Like Teen Spirit, a song 496 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 1: which Kurt said was a direct ripoff of his favorite band, 497 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:03,640 Speaker 1: the Pixies. Kurt was being somewhat disingenuous in total truth, 498 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 1: the song had turned out to be exactly what he 499 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,920 Speaker 1: had set out to write, the ultimate pop song. In 500 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,480 Speaker 1: Nirvana were only bringing fame to themselves. The success of 501 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,200 Speaker 1: never Mind shone a light on the feedback laden, flanneled 502 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,640 Speaker 1: Seattle scene where they'd come from, and suddenly all flights 503 00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:21,200 Speaker 1: west were jammed with A and rman bands like mud 504 00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,680 Speaker 1: Honey and Pearl Jams signed to major labels on Nirvana's 505 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:27,280 Speaker 1: coat tails. Hollywood got in on the action too, with 506 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:31,680 Speaker 1: movies like Cameron Curr's highly stylized singles that romanticized Generation 507 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 1: X in the context of Seattle, with its coffee shops 508 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,800 Speaker 1: and quote unquote grunge musicians including Pearl Jams, Eddie Vedder, 509 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 1: and a host of other disenfranchised characters dressed in cargo 510 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 1: shorts and long John's as they looked for love. Kurt 511 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,280 Speaker 1: clutched his gut as things got sillier when grunge music 512 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 1: meshed with mainstream celebrity and fashion first bands like Soundgarden 513 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,719 Speaker 1: and Allison Chains went mainstream in the Lemonheads, Dreamy Eve 514 00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: and Dando emerged as a grunge heart thrum. On the 515 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,760 Speaker 1: runways and in the fashion mags. Designers hawk grunge inspired styles, 516 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 1: flannel layers, cardigans and ironic t shirts, slip dresses, baby 517 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:12,520 Speaker 1: dolls and ripped tights. It was all androgyny and heroin chic. 518 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 1: As gaunt ethereal models slouched and posed and scowled like 519 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 1: rock stars or drug addicts. Kurt's anti fashion had become fashion. 520 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,880 Speaker 1: The idea that Kurt Kobaine, five foot nine inches of 521 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,520 Speaker 1: him one hundred and thirty pounds, with his ripped jeans 522 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 1: and duct tape sneakers, had become a fashion icon was ridiculous. 523 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:36,440 Speaker 1: The ridiculousness didn't stop there. Kurt's image was blasted across 524 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 1: countless magazine covers. His voice rang out in regular rotation 525 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,800 Speaker 1: all over the airwaves. Tickets for his concerts were in 526 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,920 Speaker 1: high demand. He was in high demand, DJ's journalist, tastemakers 527 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,560 Speaker 1: hung on his every word. He was wanted by everyone. 528 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,200 Speaker 1: It was a feeling he could not get used to. 529 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,960 Speaker 1: Fame has a way of opening up the world, but 530 00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,600 Speaker 1: for Kurt, it seemed that for every door that opened, 531 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:04,280 Speaker 1: another two would close. Old familiar rituals were no longer possible. 532 00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,080 Speaker 1: Kurt couldn't just pop into a record store. Hell, he 533 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,120 Speaker 1: couldn't even pop into the local seven eleven for a 534 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:13,160 Speaker 1: pack of smokes. He'd be recognized, accosted. He didn't mind 535 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 1: the real fans, but it was the new legion of 536 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,120 Speaker 1: fly by night fans, the meatheads and Johnny cum Lately's 537 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:22,480 Speaker 1: who didn't know the melvins from the monsters, that bothered him. 538 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,600 Speaker 1: Kurt could see one now No. Two outside the window 539 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,080 Speaker 1: of the seven eleven. He was currently wandering around it. 540 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 1: He was looking for strawberry Quick, and they were looking 541 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:33,239 Speaker 1: through the window at what the magazines called the new 542 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,840 Speaker 1: voice of a generation and hoping for an autograph or worse, 543 00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:42,280 Speaker 1: Kurt the conversation. And they were big Northwestern lumberjack types. 544 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,640 Speaker 1: As they approached, Kurt seemed to recognize one of them. 545 00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:48,920 Speaker 1: He was older and of the two, had the fuller mustache, 546 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,640 Speaker 1: his hair parted in the middle, feathered on the side, 547 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 1: screamed nineteen eighty one in a way that his red 548 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,960 Speaker 1: hot Chili Pepper's T shirt did not. Kurt turned on 549 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,120 Speaker 1: the heels of his Chuck tailors and walked straight for 550 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:02,960 Speaker 1: the magazine rack. He picked up the first Maggie could 551 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,880 Speaker 1: Reach People magazine, the one with Nick Nolty, the so 552 00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,840 Speaker 1: called sexiest man Alive on the cover, and buried his 553 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,520 Speaker 1: face in its pages to throw the meadheads off the scent, 554 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:13,960 Speaker 1: or at least give them the impression that kurtain't want 555 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 1: to talk, and he began reading the article on Noulty. Supposedly, 556 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,320 Speaker 1: Nick was the strong, sensitive type, a man's man, the 557 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 1: kind that women couldn't resist, and Kurt Cobaine was at 558 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 1: least one of those things sensitive. The sight of the 559 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,320 Speaker 1: dude with the feathered hair jarred his memory and brought 560 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,560 Speaker 1: back to him again the details from his arrest in 561 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:37,479 Speaker 1: Aberdeen back in nineteen eighty six, Sensitive as he was, 562 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,720 Speaker 1: the pain of that night, more specifically, the shame of it, 563 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,440 Speaker 1: coupled with the embarrassment of being recognized in the moment, 564 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:47,760 Speaker 1: had his stomach and knots, the feathered hair and the mustache, 565 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:52,240 Speaker 1: and that was it. The cop, the arresting officer. More 566 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,080 Speaker 1: memories bashed his heart up into his throat, the feeling 567 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 1: of the cuffs on his wrist, the ache in his 568 00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,560 Speaker 1: cheekbone from having his face slammed onto the hood of 569 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,080 Speaker 1: the cruise. The smell of spray paint for the can 570 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:06,040 Speaker 1: of Krylong mister feathered Hare seemed bigger than Maybe the 571 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,440 Speaker 1: uniform had something to do with it. It was for 572 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,320 Speaker 1: sure more authoritative than the red hot chili pepper shirt 573 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,760 Speaker 1: he was wearing. Now, big or not, Kurt couldn't help, 574 00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:17,360 Speaker 1: but remember how mean the dew was. He had no 575 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:20,200 Speaker 1: tolerance for Kurt's kind and the look in his eye 576 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:22,400 Speaker 1: said that he'd rather be beating the tar out of Kurt 577 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,160 Speaker 1: than reading him his rights. The cop couldn't have been 578 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,479 Speaker 1: a couple of years older than Kurt, but he clearly 579 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:31,280 Speaker 1: hated him, and Kurt hated him right back, and they 580 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 1: both had their reasons. For Kurt, it was self preservation. 581 00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:38,000 Speaker 1: For the cop, it was disrespect, something Kurt had in spades, 582 00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:42,760 Speaker 1: disrespect for authority, for society, and for his elders. Why 583 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 1: should he respect them? They were never there for him. 584 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,800 Speaker 1: He was alone on his own. The only thing that 585 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:51,480 Speaker 1: ever showed up for Kurt Kobane was music, more specifically 586 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:54,479 Speaker 1: punk rock. But what was more punk than spray painting? 587 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,880 Speaker 1: God is gay on a public wall. But Kurt was 588 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,200 Speaker 1: caught red handed and it was off to jail or. 589 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:03,040 Speaker 1: At the time, he thought he'd brought away forever without 590 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:06,080 Speaker 1: anyone to call it to come bail him out. Mister 591 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:07,480 Speaker 1: Feathered Hare snapped. 592 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:11,120 Speaker 2: Kurt out of it. Hey you're Neirvana. Hey look it's Nirvana. 593 00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:15,400 Speaker 1: Hey Nirvana, sign my pack of smokes. Kurt recognized the voice, 594 00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,520 Speaker 1: at least he thought he did. Aberdeen neat heads all 595 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,319 Speaker 1: kind of looked the same. Maybe it was his imagination 596 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,040 Speaker 1: that made the connection. This so called fan in the 597 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,360 Speaker 1: hear and now was it possible that he was the 598 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,319 Speaker 1: same cop that locked him up six years ago? The 599 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,280 Speaker 1: irony was too much for Kurt. He turned his stomach. 600 00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:35,200 Speaker 1: He grabbed the pen, ripped off the cellophane from the 601 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,400 Speaker 1: pack of Marlboro Reds, signed mister Feathered Hare's box of 602 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 1: smokes with an illegible scribble, and walked fast out the door. 603 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,840 Speaker 1: Kurt had what he wanted, success, but it was not 604 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,680 Speaker 1: what he expected. With the help of MTV and the 605 00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,560 Speaker 1: strength of the surreal and captivating video for smells like 606 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 1: teen Spirit, his band had become so popular, so mainstream 607 00:34:56,560 --> 00:35:00,480 Speaker 1: that now the same logheaded mustachioed rednecks eat him up 608 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,840 Speaker 1: and ridiculed him back in Aberdeen to Kurt, all different 609 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:07,360 Speaker 1: versions of his mother's ex boyfriends were now card carrying 610 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:12,520 Speaker 1: members of the Nirvana fan club. What the fuck? You 611 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:17,759 Speaker 1: spend your life as an outsider, thoroughly unwanted by almost everyone. 612 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,560 Speaker 1: Your parents don't want you, your school doesn't want you. 613 00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 1: You have few friends, you don't fit in, and you're ridiculed, 614 00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,960 Speaker 1: so you turn inward. But there's always music. It's inside 615 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,239 Speaker 1: of you and outside of you. It's punk rock and 616 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,160 Speaker 1: it's freedom. You hole up in your room, right at 617 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,160 Speaker 1: your friend's house, where you're crashing, consuming culture that is 618 00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:38,680 Speaker 1: cast off by most kids. You read Borrows and Bukowski, 619 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,040 Speaker 1: you listen to Bad Brains and Black Flag and the 620 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:44,759 Speaker 1: Beatles and Black Sabbath, and somehow you feel yourself reflected back. 621 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,240 Speaker 1: There are others like you, other punks who live music, 622 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,359 Speaker 1: a loose knit crew of outsiders. So maybe you're not 623 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,280 Speaker 1: so long You have kin and you find freedom and connection, 624 00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:54,839 Speaker 1: find a. 625 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:56,359 Speaker 2: Path for yourself, a way out. 626 00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:01,200 Speaker 1: Music. You immerse yourself so fully in it and everything 627 00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,279 Speaker 1: else that you love. Horror movies, cartoons, comics. You love 628 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,840 Speaker 1: it all because it's dependable, stable, it can't. 629 00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:08,319 Speaker 2: Kick you out. 630 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 1: You find a couple of kids who think you're cool 631 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,920 Speaker 1: enough to play music with, and you jam. Then you 632 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 1: play some shows, and suddenly, through the powers of repetition, 633 00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:19,920 Speaker 1: osmosis and just fucking doing it, everything you've ingested, all 634 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,920 Speaker 1: the seven inches and comic books and classic rock cassettes 635 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,239 Speaker 1: and horror movies, all of it comes out in a 636 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:29,880 Speaker 1: semi form voice that is uniquely you. Your music starts 637 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:31,560 Speaker 1: to get out into the world, and you wake up 638 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,680 Speaker 1: one day and you learn that you aren't the only one. 639 00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,360 Speaker 1: There are millions of other disaffected kids you feel the 640 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 1: same as you, and you've given them a voice, and 641 00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:40,839 Speaker 1: you set it to a beat that is almost by 642 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:45,120 Speaker 1: accident unique. You've become the zeitgeist. Everyone is picking up 643 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,680 Speaker 1: what you're putting down, even the people who you despise, 644 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,160 Speaker 1: who drove you into your corner to create what you 645 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,360 Speaker 1: created in the first place. The jocks, the squares, the 646 00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:56,600 Speaker 1: mister Mustaches and tree fuck Johnson's, all of them are 647 00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:58,839 Speaker 1: into you and they like to sing along, but they 648 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:02,080 Speaker 1: know not what it means. They've given you everything, but 649 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,080 Speaker 1: what you really need is someone someone will let you 650 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:09,320 Speaker 1: collapse into who will listen, who will protect you, someone 651 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:12,120 Speaker 1: to love, who will love you back. You need somewhere 652 00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,279 Speaker 1: to go to lay your heavy head. You need a 653 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:19,320 Speaker 1: home and someone to make it with. Otherwise, look out, oblivious, 654 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:44,400 Speaker 1: because here you come. Disgraceland was created by Yours Truly 655 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,640 Speaker 1: and is produced in partnership with Double Elvis. Credits for 656 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,000 Speaker 1: this episode can be found on the show notes page 657 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:53,919 Speaker 1: at disgracelaandpod dot com. If you're listening as a Disgraceland 658 00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,719 Speaker 1: All Access member, thank you for supporting the show. We 659 00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,400 Speaker 1: really appreciate it. And if not, you can become a 660 00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:03,880 Speaker 1: member now by going to disgracelampod dot com slash Membership. 661 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,920 Speaker 1: Members can listen to every episode of disgracelam ad free, 662 00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:11,800 Speaker 1: plus you'll get one brand new exclusive episode every month, 663 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:16,320 Speaker 1: weekly unscripted bonus episodes, special audio collections, and early access 664 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:21,319 Speaker 1: to merchandise and events. Visit disgraceslampod dot com slash membership 665 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,960 Speaker 1: for details, rate and review the show, and follow us 666 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,960 Speaker 1: on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, and Facebook at disgracelampod and on 667 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:32,840 Speaker 1: YouTube at YouTube dot com, slash at disgracelampod rock a 668 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:33,200 Speaker 1: roller 669 00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:37,160 Speaker 2: He then man