Speaker 1: Hello, Dinar Sores? Who gross? I said, Sores. This is
Speaker 1: Chris Fairbanks. I have some shows coming up. August fourth,
Speaker 1: I'm in Portland at the ALBERTA. Rose Theater, and then
Speaker 1: August fifth, I'm at the Historic Crocodile in Seattle much
Speaker 1: like a young Soundgarden. Get your tickets at Chris Fairbanks
Speaker 1: dot com. Thank you and you're welcome. Are leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want
Speaker 2: to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim
Speaker 2: and give us time and turning on engage.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off in star. We want
Speaker 3: to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 4: We scared or was it fine?
Speaker 2: Melbourn?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need with? Karen
Speaker 1: and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride? This
Speaker 1: is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgara. Hi, Karen,
Speaker 1: Hi Chris. It's good to see your friend. You look well.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 5: I just slapped on a bunch of makeup and then
Speaker 5: looked down and saide made myself four minutes late.
Speaker 1: So there was a little shape of your side view
Speaker 1: of your face made out of foundation on the pillowcase.
Speaker 5: No, I I actually waited all day to take a shower.
Speaker 5: Sometimes I like to push it as an event. Yeah,
Speaker 5: whether it's get up, you know, do some exercise, then shower,
Speaker 5: or just wait and hold off, let the creepy failing
Speaker 5: build and then take a shower in the evening.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, but if you don't, you lay down a
Speaker 1: towel on that pillow, right, because you know what happens
Speaker 1: to the pillow with water.
Speaker 4: Chris, I washed my face before I go to bed.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know where you're carrying, you know. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying there are times, and I know that it's
Speaker 1: only water that I've left on myself. When I take
Speaker 1: off my pillow cases, there's a silhouette of my face
Speaker 1: and it appears to be made of coffee.
Speaker 4: I think you need to see a dermatologists. I mean,
Speaker 4: I don't know what to tell you.
Speaker 1: Before you start pointing fingers, go look at your pillows.
Speaker 1: My pillows are fifteen years old. Though that's the really
Speaker 1: being here. I'm just saying there are coffee stains on
Speaker 1: my pillow, and I rarely, if ever, bring coffee to bed,
Speaker 1: so I think it's just wet heead. Oh, I'm drunk. No, Hey,
Speaker 1: it's not like that time where we stumbled on the
Speaker 1: NASA station. But I went. I went golfing and it
Speaker 1: was fun and I was outside and I was breathing
Speaker 1: in the soil, and I had some white claws and
Speaker 1: I maybe ate an edible that was stronger than I.
Speaker 1: But all it's going to make me do is try
Speaker 1: harder to annunciate. And I think we're going to be fine,
Speaker 1: but I'm drunk.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, maybe let me take the lead and you
Speaker 4: can just relax this.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, that's you. That was my bait
Speaker 1: and you bit it, you big old fish.
Speaker 5: Well, before we get into any more of your coffee
Speaker 5: pillowcase pillow talk, let's introduce our guests for today.
Speaker 1: I think it's time.
Speaker 5: I think it's high time, and it's very exciting. We've
Speaker 5: never had him on the show before. He is a
Speaker 5: young star comedian of today, beloved by many.
Speaker 4: Very We're thrilled to have him here.
Speaker 1: Very funny on Twitter. Jewel Kim Booster Ladies, Joel Kim Booster, Hello, I.
Speaker 6: Didn't know that this was the kind of podcast I could.
Speaker 6: I almost ate an edible as well before this, but
Speaker 6: out of respect.
Speaker 5: Held that I said, no, right, do it it is.
Speaker 6: And then it'll sort of be like a countdown clock.
Speaker 6: Yes before I actually, because I'm not like Chris, I
Speaker 6: could not do this well enough. But I made myself
Speaker 6: a little nauseous with a snack, and I really wanted
Speaker 6: to feel less nauseous, so I almost ate an edible,
Speaker 6: but I didn't because I respect you super.
Speaker 5: I feel like podcasting, especially these days where we're all
Speaker 5: in this awkward zoom trap where it can only be
Speaker 5: as good as Zoom allows us to have it be,
Speaker 5: because we can't feel our actual timing, our chemistry.
Speaker 4: And pheromone right. We can't smell each other's peramontes, which
Speaker 4: is in the podcast.
Speaker 1: You know how I excited. I get, Yeah, Chris goes
Speaker 1: with a smelly guest, but I feel.
Speaker 5: Like I feel like substances could only help that situation.
Speaker 4: Really, I don't know.
Speaker 6: I don't think so for me, because I get so
Speaker 6: anxious when I get stoned and I try to do
Speaker 6: things like this and I and I admire both of
Speaker 6: you so much and I would get I would be
Speaker 6: just so nervous the whole you.
Speaker 1: Well, now that we've talked about it a little bit,
Speaker 1: my paranoia is setting in. So we just because lingering
Speaker 1: is that edible, and they are. They are a fickle
Speaker 1: They're a fickle ingestible. It really, Chris.
Speaker 4: I'll just remind you you're a talented comedian.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 5: This is your podcast, so there's kind of no way
Speaker 5: to fuck up. And then if there.
Speaker 4: Is a way to fuck up, we'll just edit it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but really, do you think I am getting throat cancer? Yes?
Speaker 4: I can tell you about that. That's just don't worry
Speaker 4: about it anymore.
Speaker 6: So we could smell you.
Speaker 5: The dogs that can tell that you're about to have
Speaker 5: this usure or cancer whatever.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they're on covid now, they have dogs that can
Speaker 6: smell covid.
Speaker 4: Oh no, really, you're kidding me.
Speaker 1: That was on the news.
Speaker 6: You should Yeah, so I actually might be making that up.
Speaker 6: I know when you said it swhere. I read it somewhere,
Speaker 6: but I can't be sure. Now you've really put the
Speaker 6: fear of God.
Speaker 1: In everyone that listens. Googles a lot. We will find
Speaker 1: out if you're right or not. But I think you
Speaker 1: are right.
Speaker 4: People who listen to this podcast know it's on them too.
Speaker 5: If they're gonna, yeah, if they're gonna take anything in
Speaker 5: or pretend to learn anything from this podcast, it's on
Speaker 5: them to really make sure that that's a truth or
Speaker 5: if it's just kind of a truth in this universe.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I hope people spread that around without checking. Now,
Speaker 6: that's my favorite kind of fact there's you know, what's
Speaker 6: something that I I literally remember reading some where and
Speaker 6: I have told it to so many people, But now
Speaker 6: I can't find the original source of this factoid that
Speaker 6: I love to spread around, and I'm worried that it's
Speaker 6: not true. It's that Ted Allen, the host of Chopped
Speaker 6: on the Food Network and former Queer Eye, is married
Speaker 6: to his cousin.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 6: And I use this as because I think, I think,
Speaker 6: and I'm I this is a this is I'm starting early,
Speaker 6: but I think that gays should be allowed to do incest,
Speaker 6: lateral incest. I think like as a form of reparations
Speaker 6: for us, we should be able to do it, and
Speaker 6: it should be everyone should have to be cool with
Speaker 6: us marrying our cousins. And I use Ted Allen as
Speaker 6: an example.
Speaker 4: Of that what bilateral incest you mean, Age was like,
Speaker 4: we're going to.
Speaker 6: Keep it up because I said this in the past
Speaker 6: and people get mad at me and they're like, you know,
Speaker 6: they immediately associate incest with father sons, sure or something
Speaker 6: like that. And when there's a power imbalance, obviously, no,
Speaker 6: I don't support it. But if it's just cousins cousin's
Speaker 6: relative stuff.
Speaker 5: That's more like a royal that's more like you guys
Speaker 5: just being a little bit, you know, the House of
Speaker 5: blank exactly. You just got to keep the bloodlines rich
Speaker 5: and fancy.
Speaker 6: And that's the thing, though, is that's not a concern
Speaker 6: in our community about the bloodline, right, so right, you know,
Speaker 6: there's really no all the all the negative connotations with
Speaker 6: cousin fucking is really not an issue in the gay community.
Speaker 1: It really is frowned upon, isn't it. Except with animals,
Speaker 1: Except with dogs. The more the more pure bread they are,
Speaker 1: which means the more inbread. Yeah, but breathing problems.
Speaker 6: Most sever bread quote unquote dogs look like they shouldn't exist.
Speaker 6: They look like they're in pain constantly, and they it's
Speaker 6: I feel bad. The only good dogs are.
Speaker 5: Months normal size, but super short legs or like, yeah,
Speaker 5: the pushed in snout type of stuff where you're like,
Speaker 5: this is only hurting the.
Speaker 1: Dog and it costs five thousand dollars more.
Speaker 6: My friend has a bulldog and he had to get
Speaker 6: the dog an eyelift and a tummy tuck because Hollywood
Speaker 6: that and it like for the dog's own good though,
Speaker 6: because like the dog couldn't was like not able to
Speaker 6: really see because of the folds, and then like the
Speaker 6: stomach was something was wrong with the stomach. Actually, don't
Speaker 6: know why he got the tummy tuck. Yeah, the eye
Speaker 6: thing was a real serious issue.
Speaker 1: While they were at it, did they make the dog
Speaker 1: more appealing? Like he ended up being cosmetic?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 6: I will say the eyelift really did something for a dog, just.
Speaker 1: Six pack abs on a dog.
Speaker 5: Speaking of the the of the incest concept, it made
Speaker 5: me think of did you get that idea?
Speaker 4: Perhaps? Could it be like you fell asleep?
Speaker 5: During an episode of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
Speaker 5: where the woman is married to her own.
Speaker 6: Grandfather, her step grandfather, step ground.
Speaker 1: You're kidding me? Is that Mormon? It's okay, No, it was.
Speaker 6: She's Pentecostal actually, and her grandmother requested that she that
Speaker 6: he marry one of her granddaughters.
Speaker 4: It is a step, but yeah, that's a lead.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go ahead and call it a leap.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and it's actually you you'd think it would be
Speaker 6: a bigger deal.
Speaker 1: It is.
Speaker 6: It is a plot point on the show, but it
Speaker 6: isn't even really the main focus of the story of
Speaker 6: the show. And you'd think it would be.
Speaker 5: But it's right, there's well, I can't I can't say
Speaker 5: I watch it. I listen to a podcast where they
Speaker 5: talk about themselves watching it, which I love, so then
Speaker 5: I don't have to witness it.
Speaker 4: But apparently it's not even the weirdest thing on.
Speaker 1: The show, which I kind of not even a little bit.
Speaker 4: I kind of respect that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a lot of weird shit going on. So
Speaker 1: I walking and watching the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
Speaker 6: I mean, I recommend everybody does dip their toe in
Speaker 6: that pond, but I understand that it's not for everybody.
Speaker 6: I've also become a worse, dumber person, and since the
Speaker 6: pandemic has started, I stopped reading, and I only watch
Speaker 6: reality TV and I eat Subway five times a week.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So which would they say is it the tuna
Speaker 4: fish and subway that's not real?
Speaker 6: Apparently not, And apparently there was a yoga mat like
Speaker 6: they make their bread with like the same materials as
Speaker 6: people make yoga mats. And still I am not deterred.
Speaker 6: And it makes me sick. It makes me sick to
Speaker 6: my stomach. But I also, like, I just literally today
Speaker 6: made it a chicken smoothie. So what what did you do?
Speaker 1: You have a broken jaw? I'm looking at you, and
Speaker 1: I know you don't.
Speaker 4: But did you get your jaw wired?
Speaker 1: My friend got his jaw wired shut and his mom
Speaker 1: would put pizza in a blender.
Speaker 6: Ewn, Now that's that's a step too far. I just
Speaker 6: I just cooked up some chicken on the stove and
Speaker 6: then put it in a blender with some water and
Speaker 6: blended it up. And it's a little like soup.
Speaker 4: Oh was it just for convenience? Like you were in a.
Speaker 6: Hurri I don't. I am very conscious of what I
Speaker 6: eat my own detriment, and I don't and I don't
Speaker 6: like eating anymore. I only eat subway and chicken smoothies
Speaker 6: because I know, like what is in it? Like I
Speaker 6: know calorically and and somehow on a macro level, like
Speaker 6: what the breakdown is at subway and what with the chicken?
Speaker 6: And I just it's so much quicker. I ate. I
Speaker 6: ate sixty grams of protein worth of chicken in sixty seconds,
Speaker 6: Joel as one gram of protein per second?
Speaker 1: Are you going to be Are you becoming a bodybuilder?
Speaker 6: I mean, I've been doing this for a couple of years.
Speaker 6: Now you're in. I am I am a I am
Speaker 6: a fitness person. I'm one of those people.
Speaker 1: I mean I dip my toe in that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean you were golfing.
Speaker 1: I'm wearing a plan for God's sake.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we can see, we can see how athletic you are.
Speaker 1: I did not put this on for the podcast, by
Speaker 1: the way. I had it on, and now I'm seeing
Speaker 1: that I wear it and I'm embarrassed and also weat paranoid.
Speaker 1: But do you ever, Joel, it looks great. I've said
Speaker 1: this before so many times and friends of a great
Speaker 1: do you ever wish there was just the way you
Speaker 1: have to go through to get food? I just want
Speaker 1: a pill sometimes that is a meal.
Speaker 6: Oh absolutely, if I could have a pill, I would
Speaker 6: I would do it. And if if even if like
Speaker 6: soilent was more like even more sort of calorically dense.
Speaker 6: I would drink soilent, but soil is sort of useless
Speaker 6: to me. I just I hate I literally hate eating.
Speaker 6: I don't like doing it, but I don't like doing it.
Speaker 6: I don't like doing it to the extent that I
Speaker 6: have to do it to look a certain way. It's torture.
Speaker 6: And during the pandemic, it's really like, for who, right,
Speaker 6: do you.
Speaker 1: Not have the sense of taste? I think you have
Speaker 1: the virus?
Speaker 6: Get Yeah, whatever I want on Friday dinners and Saturday
Speaker 6: dinners and that's it. And those meals I enjoy because
Speaker 6: I'll eat nachos and buffalo chicken salad.
Speaker 1: Always drinkable, always drink a kebab nacho's.
Speaker 5: I mean, that's a real part. It's like you're having
Speaker 5: a little party for yourself.
Speaker 4: That's fine.
Speaker 6: I deserve it after eating subway all week.
Speaker 1: Well, well, I'm impressed that you blended. I mean, if
Speaker 1: you think about it, it's like making a soup or
Speaker 1: a or.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's I actually got the idea from watching Chopped,
Speaker 6: where famed cousin fucker Ted Allen as because they put
Speaker 6: things in the blender there all the time.
Speaker 1: Some other famous cousin fuckers that.
Speaker 6: Allen's the only one I know of other than the
Speaker 6: royals obviously.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, of course.
Speaker 4: Well let's know there's other ones.
Speaker 5: I think, Oh, well, there's the Morgan Freeman is with
Speaker 5: his granddaughter.
Speaker 6: Yes, something like I think friend or something in that realm,
Speaker 6: Like he went to a prom. I want to say,
Speaker 6: he's just a he did not go to the proms
Speaker 6: a bad dance chaperone. Yeah, it's it's tough. Didn't didn't
Speaker 6: want didn't Jerry Lee Lewis or making that name up.
Speaker 1: You're right he married a fourteen year old.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and see that's the kind of insist I don't support.
Speaker 4: Sure, that's set to music the biopics are made of.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah that that always stuck out to me, even
Speaker 1: when I was a kid. My dad told me that
Speaker 1: and I was like, that's super wrong, right, And he's like, yes, quite.
Speaker 4: A lot of the stuff Jerry Lee Lewis did did
Speaker 4: a lot of stuff wrong. There's a real good Did
Speaker 4: you ever watch.
Speaker 6: That?
Speaker 4: Mike Judges Tales from the Tour Bus.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's the best. If you haven't seen it all,
Speaker 1: watch Tales from the Tour.
Speaker 5: Bus Talking hilarious, and it's just basically the first season
Speaker 5: is all country stars and all how like his Mike
Speaker 5: Judges whole thing is. You know, when I was a
Speaker 5: teenager in the nineties, it was all this rap stuff
Speaker 5: about how bad gangsters were and like they shouldn't be
Speaker 5: to teenagers, blah blah blah. And He's like, and all
Speaker 5: I could think of was, does anybody know anything about
Speaker 5: country stars? And so he basically made a series where
Speaker 5: it's just they all were taking speed.
Speaker 4: They were constantly like shooting each other days.
Speaker 5: Shooting each other, shooting other people in bars like they
Speaker 5: didn't give a fuck, and it's.
Speaker 1: All animated, kind of like King of the Hill. And
Speaker 1: so they're talking to all these roadies and guys that
Speaker 1: were on tour at the time, and they're like just
Speaker 1: these sweet old men and they're animated like and it's
Speaker 1: so funny.
Speaker 6: It's just just animated.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, they to consume.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's the blended chicken of tears exact exactly.
Speaker 5: I need to go back and ask you this question
Speaker 5: when you have your subway sandwich that you allow yourself
Speaker 5: with the yoga matt bread, which I remember reading that
Speaker 5: and being like interesting, and still going and eating same
Speaker 5: with them when Doco Bill there was a hostile.
Speaker 4: That's that's it was sawdust. Their meat was sawdust.
Speaker 6: I also, do you remember that the ground beef at
Speaker 6: at at Taco Bell is apparently a part horse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's great, f I've seen the box.
Speaker 6: I like, and I still and I was like, I
Speaker 6: don't care, Like, what is the horse? How is a
Speaker 6: horse different from a cow?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 6: Of course, of course, you know I'm going.
Speaker 5: To be consistent, right, just slightly more beautiful, I mean,
Speaker 5: arguably more spiritually.
Speaker 6: Yeah, there's a spiritual difference there.
Speaker 1: Their hair makes them. I eat anything with a good spirit.
Speaker 1: What is in the tuna? Then they said it's not tuna,
Speaker 1: which means it's dolphin. Or are they saying it's not
Speaker 1: even dolphin?
Speaker 5: No, they said it was just like yeah, they that
Speaker 5: it's just not necessarily food.
Speaker 4: It's definitely not tuna or.
Speaker 6: Fish sort of made in a lap vibe.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, just kind of a filler dog food style,
Speaker 5: which fill.
Speaker 6: It seems so more sustainable. I guess I think.
Speaker 1: It's going back to what Joel and I were talking about.
Speaker 1: They are manufacturing this food pill I want so bad.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're just taking me too long.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but you get your yoga met sandwich bread toasted.
Speaker 6: Yes, I do. I think it makes it more palatable. Yes,
Speaker 6: me too, because you really sense the yoga mat when
Speaker 6: it's not toasted in a.
Speaker 5: Way that's the consistency is too familiar when you bite
Speaker 5: down and it doesn't spring back that.
Speaker 4: Thing that it definitely does a lot.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they when when Subway in La and maybe everywhere
Speaker 5: did that thing where suddenly they were open till like
Speaker 5: three in the morning or something. Do you know there's
Speaker 5: a bunch of them that are open, you know, changer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what they recover from. Jared. Yeah.
Speaker 6: Well, I was going to say, I'm sort of I
Speaker 6: feel like the reverse Jared. I'm going there to gain weight.
Speaker 4: You're doing a different approach.
Speaker 1: You should do commercials where you hold up a tiny
Speaker 1: little pair of dollhouse pants.
Speaker 5: I can't fit into these anymore. Subway, You've done it
Speaker 5: for me. But there was like so many jobs I
Speaker 5: had where like I would leave and it would be
Speaker 5: ten thirty and I would just be like, I can't
Speaker 5: eat fast food again.
Speaker 4: So Subway was this kind of in my mind.
Speaker 5: I was telling myself it was the good choice and
Speaker 5: it was open.
Speaker 6: Well, I think it's better. It's better than most fast
Speaker 6: food as even though it's fake food a lot of times, apparently,
Speaker 6: I do think it is better for you than you're McDonald's.
Speaker 1: There was a men cellth article and this was in
Speaker 1: the late nineties that I've read, and there was a
Speaker 1: list of all the fast food that from best to worst,
Speaker 1: and I hate it's because of chemical on a chemical
Speaker 1: level or whatever. Subway was down at the bottom. But
Speaker 1: I was a big Taco Bell kid, just as a kid,
Speaker 1: and that was up there, like as hey, there's not
Speaker 1: much wrong with Taco Bell. And this is after telling
Speaker 1: you about that great f beef thing and interesting before
Speaker 1: you naysay a Men's health article, so you know the research.
Speaker 4: The Wall Street Journal pactically exactly. That's big.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it was higher chemical level. Taco Bell is better
Speaker 6: than Subway.
Speaker 1: And at the bottom, of course McDonald's and Burger King
Speaker 1: for sugar reasons, but because they did indicate why, and
Speaker 1: I think patives.
Speaker 6: You can leave out a McDonald's burger for days.
Speaker 4: Right, if not yours?
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 1: If you see what happens to mayonnaise overnight, you're gonna
Speaker 1: swear that off for life.
Speaker 5: Wait, what was say underneath Taco Bell? I mean, what
Speaker 5: other options are even.
Speaker 1: All things that made sense? I was surprised Taco Bell
Speaker 1: was up there, and the reason was the.
Speaker 6: Taco Bell was at number one, though no it was.
Speaker 1: Not, but it was in the top ten. I do
Speaker 1: remember this list because I didn't know how to cook
Speaker 1: and I was a kid.
Speaker 6: I imagine it's the kind of thing you think about
Speaker 6: every time you drive past one of those times.
Speaker 5: Yes, I really I would tonight number eight, maybe number four.
Speaker 4: Let's see what.
Speaker 1: Happens right now. I'm deciding that this article in Men's
Speaker 1: Health made the biggest impression on me in my entire life,
Speaker 1: because I constantly remember that it's okay to go to
Speaker 1: Taco Bell, and there is preservatives in the bread at Subway,
Speaker 1: and it's a bread based thing. The bread there isn't
Speaker 1: as good as they claim, that's all.
Speaker 6: I'm not sure that they claim that many things.
Speaker 1: They say hello fresh, and I think that they're talking
Speaker 1: about the bread there.
Speaker 6: I will say I was at the subway today and
Speaker 6: they had run out of bread, and the guy was
Speaker 6: like mad that they didn't have any more white bread,
Speaker 6: and he was like, how do you not have any
Speaker 6: white bread? And she was like, well, we make it
Speaker 6: fresh in the store. And I was like, bitch, do
Speaker 6: you try and get a palette. You get a palette
Speaker 6: of an unknown substance and you slap it on a
Speaker 6: tray and you put it in the oven. That does
Speaker 6: not mean you make it fresh in the store. But
Speaker 6: this man was a nightmare because he also came into
Speaker 6: the store and said, I'm not sure what I want yet,
Speaker 6: And then he kept being like, how's the the American Club,
Speaker 6: how's the Italian BMT? And it's like, don't torture these
Speaker 6: subway employees like that. They don't give a ship.
Speaker 5: Yeah, where they are there are do you want them
Speaker 5: to describe it to you?
Speaker 4: It's all subjective. What do you like in sandwich?
Speaker 1: Why they're called an artist because art is subjective.
Speaker 5: It's it's very true, and it's not these are sandwiches.
Speaker 5: You're not in some exotic foreign restaurant, you know what
Speaker 5: I mean. It's like, have you had a salami sandwich.
Speaker 6: Before and asked them what's good here?
Speaker 1: So funny, you're right, yeah, the bread probably in its
Speaker 1: in its form, it comes out of a caulking gun.
Speaker 1: Or something, and then it's baked to bread shape. And
Speaker 1: that's why they say in subway, eat fresh, not yeah subway,
Speaker 1: eat fresh, eat fresh. And it was always about the bread.
Speaker 5: The only I bet you the bread it's baked in.
Speaker 5: It only can be baked in that, in that oven.
Speaker 5: Like you couldn't steal it and take it home if
Speaker 5: you work there, because it probably doesn't bake in a
Speaker 5: real oven.
Speaker 4: It has to be in the oven that that subway has.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like our little steel casket shaped exactly like
Speaker 1: a loaf of bread that they clamp down.
Speaker 4: But it's like this was made to bake yoga mats.
Speaker 4: So don't try. You can't just go taking this somewhere.
Speaker 1: You can taste the downward dog.
Speaker 5: What's your order at Subway before we get out of
Speaker 5: this area.
Speaker 6: I either get a turkey, a twelve inch turkey on white,
Speaker 6: double turkey with provolone, yeah and veggies, or I get
Speaker 6: if I'm really feeling crazy and feeling like I want
Speaker 6: to treat myself, I'll get an Italian BMT with turkey
Speaker 6: instead of ham double turkey.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, yeah, that sounds good. I stick with turkey
Speaker 1: there too.
Speaker 6: Turkey is the best lunch meat for you three and
Speaker 6: it's also the but it also tastes the worst. I think. Yeah,
Speaker 6: like everything that's good for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, it's a turkey. I eat it because they
Speaker 1: have the worst personality, worstin salamis. I've been around turkeys.
Speaker 1: I've talked about this. They're assholes. I'm okay with eating them,
Speaker 1: and I know that's controversial.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, I do think they are assholes. They're mean
Speaker 6: and they'll chase you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're dinosaurs. They have they're just gaily legs and
Speaker 1: they pinpoint that you're human and then they move in
Speaker 1: for the attack. I don't like turkeys.
Speaker 5: Guys, we're all turkey sandwich at subway people. I think
Speaker 5: that's kind of beautiful. I think that's nice for us
Speaker 5: as brand new friends.
Speaker 6: Really brings us together.
Speaker 1: Do you feel differently about tuna now? You used to
Speaker 1: eat a lot of tuna when we'd have our little
Speaker 1: meetings at the one on one cafe Rest in Peace.
Speaker 4: Do you know, I know it's not sad.
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh yeah, it's the only place I actually don't
Speaker 5: like fish, and I don't really I don't really like tuna,
Speaker 5: but for some reason, they made their tuna salad was
Speaker 5: almost dry, if that makes sense, Like they put so
Speaker 5: little mayonnaise in it that they didn't become some mayonnaise problem,
Speaker 5: which is what I can't deal with, any kind of
Speaker 5: a mayonnaise problem.
Speaker 4: Salad is it real mayonnaise problem? I don't like it.
Speaker 4: And I would always say to them, to the waitress,
Speaker 4: it was usually a waitress, I'd always say, can.
Speaker 5: I get your tuna salad sandwich, but no mayonnaise on
Speaker 5: the bread, because they would put extra mayonnaise on the
Speaker 5: bread on a tuna salad sandwich, where it's just like, guys,
Speaker 5: let's think it through. So then when you would bite
Speaker 5: into the bread, tuna would pop up through the holes.
Speaker 4: In the bread. And to me, that is the worst
Speaker 4: thing of all time.
Speaker 6: I wish the more recently came around to mayo. I
Speaker 6: had such an aversion to it because growing up, get this,
Speaker 6: my parents would get miracle whip and call it mayo.
Speaker 6: Oh and and they just think it's interchangeable. And I
Speaker 6: and I finally as an adult, came around and finally
Speaker 6: got used to mayo, and I was like, this is
Speaker 6: not the same, and they're like, yes, it is. It's
Speaker 6: the same, and it's and they gas lit me about
Speaker 6: miracle whip for years.
Speaker 1: In the Midwest. Right, Yeah, it's just everything that it has.
Speaker 1: The moniker of Salad has miracle whip and it's that
Speaker 1: sweet sweet maynaise.
Speaker 4: Well it's so sweet. Yes, bizarre.
Speaker 5: We were an anti miracle whip family, So anytime I
Speaker 5: would go to a friend's house and their mom made
Speaker 5: sandwiches with miracle.
Speaker 4: Whip, it would totally be like, what are you eating?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there was people in my neighborhood I wasn't
Speaker 1: allowed to talk to.
Speaker 4: Stay away from that family.
Speaker 1: They're a miracle whip family.
Speaker 4: Stay away.
Speaker 5: Miracle Whip or Margarine is kind of a shocker when like,
Speaker 5: if it's something, that's it.
Speaker 6: The other thing said, margarine is the same as butter
Speaker 6: and it's not to No.
Speaker 5: Wait, are you from like Kansas, like directly in the
Speaker 5: center of Illinois?
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, so sort of but not just a little
Speaker 1: a little bit. Yeah, did you start doing stand up
Speaker 1: in Chicago?
Speaker 6: Then I did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great place.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I agree, because it is like it's all the
Speaker 6: stage time of New York, but no one's paying attention
Speaker 6: and so you can.
Speaker 1: Really about it. Make my favorite Canadians. I don't know
Speaker 1: how to pin there is that energy.
Speaker 6: I don't know exactly what how to pinpoint it either,
Speaker 6: But it's just like it's so cheap to get drunk there,
Speaker 6: and the stakes feel so low and everyone's just having fun.
Speaker 6: I would not say I got good. I don't know
Speaker 6: if I was a good comedian in Chicago. I think
Speaker 6: I only got really good in New York. But I
Speaker 6: miss my time in Chicago so much.
Speaker 1: You moved to New York first, then did you like
Speaker 1: start with Kyle Kanaan and those guys.
Speaker 6: Or no, no, no, no, they are much older than me.
Speaker 6: I guess I'm coming up on my my tenuere.
Speaker 1: Kidding ships our nice wow, good job.
Speaker 6: Which feels like a long time now. But I still
Speaker 6: feel like a baby compared to some people that I
Speaker 6: know who are who are doing this. But yeah, and
Speaker 6: I moved to New York. I only I moved to
Speaker 6: New York after like two years of doing stand up
Speaker 6: and people said it was too soon.
Speaker 4: They always do that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but this is the thing is that I moved
Speaker 6: to New York with people who were several classes above
Speaker 6: me in Chicago, who wouldn't even know my name, and
Speaker 6: we all had to start going in the same fucking
Speaker 6: open mics. Yeah, nobody gives a shit what rooms you
Speaker 6: were doing in Chicago when you go to New York.
Speaker 6: And so we all started at the same level, and
Speaker 6: it just you know, I was and I didn't. I
Speaker 6: had I had none of the ego.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 6: It really bruised them because suddenly they couldn't go up
Speaker 6: first at the open mic. But I was like, well,
Speaker 6: I'm used to going last year, so yeah, this is fine,
Speaker 6: this is my life.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 5: And also I bet I had a very parallel experience
Speaker 5: where I lived in. I started in Sacramento, but I
Speaker 5: was only there for like six months. Moved to San Francisco,
Speaker 5: which was like the big in my mind, the big time,
Speaker 5: but I only lived there for two years. And then
Speaker 5: I moved to LA and everyone said it's too early,
Speaker 5: you have to come here and.
Speaker 4: You have to blah blah blah.
Speaker 5: Well it was all dudes that were telling me that,
Speaker 5: and all these club owners in San Francisco had all
Speaker 5: these little mini fifdoms and they did all this weird
Speaker 5: manipulative shit where every time I'd go I'd be like
Speaker 5: fuck this, like it would be that weird, like they
Speaker 5: were kind of fucking with you or I don't know
Speaker 5: if I'm going to put you on tonight, and I'd
Speaker 5: just be like, it's not like I thought I was
Speaker 5: the best comic of all time. I just knew that
Speaker 5: was bullshit, Like that wasn't Their opinion didn't matter. So
Speaker 5: when I moved to LA and then everyone moved to
Speaker 5: LA and the exact same thing happened, where it was
Speaker 5: just a total reset. So the people that were like
Speaker 5: super legendary in San Francisco had to start over too,
Speaker 5: And it was kind of cool because then every there
Speaker 5: was this kind of like it almost felt like more
Speaker 5: of a creative commune vibe where everyone was just like, well,
Speaker 5: let's get our shit together and try to actually make
Speaker 5: a mark instead of you know, like getting your perfect
Speaker 5: club set down exactly how you want it, because it
Speaker 5: doesn't You had to kind of do more than that
Speaker 5: in LA, I think, which was cool, but.
Speaker 4: It's in Chicago.
Speaker 5: I just wanted to share my theory about Chicago because
Speaker 5: I think there's like the bar culture helps the comedy culture,
Speaker 5: and it has such a true love for surprisingly. I
Speaker 5: live there for a very brief time, but because of
Speaker 5: Second City and because of like you know, Steppenwolf, there
Speaker 5: is a true love of like the arts and performing
Speaker 5: and comedy specifically.
Speaker 6: And the theater scene there too, I think feeds into
Speaker 6: that as well. It has a really amazing storefront theater scene,
Speaker 6: which is what I originally went there to do. But yeah,
Speaker 6: I definitely think.
Speaker 5: So it was like creativity thing is in the air,
Speaker 5: and there's even though it acts like it's this you know,
Speaker 5: blue collar I'll beat the shit out of you kind
Speaker 5: of town, it actually has the heart of an artist.
Speaker 5: So like you know, we would go to bar shows.
Speaker 5: There was a bar show we went to and it
Speaker 5: was people reading from the like the personal ads. I
Speaker 5: can't remember what it was specifically, it was so funny
Speaker 5: and enjoyable and it was just like clearly a group
Speaker 5: that did comedy together that were like reading these things
Speaker 5: out of the paper. That was such a funny, great
Speaker 5: idea where I was like, oh, I see how like
Speaker 5: sketch groups just pop up in this town, or like
Speaker 5: comedy packs, you.
Speaker 4: Know, packs of stand ups developed together.
Speaker 6: That is like it's so hard for you know what.
Speaker 6: This is the thing too, I think about Chicago and
Speaker 6: New York that I do think that La sometimes lacks
Speaker 6: in as much as in terms of per capita. Is
Speaker 6: that I do just think that there are a lot
Speaker 6: of people who are a comedy nerds in both those
Speaker 6: cities who enjoy going to see stand up and those
Speaker 6: people make up so much of the audiences of the shows,
Speaker 6: whereas I do find in La and maybe it's just
Speaker 6: the shows that I'm doing, is that it's made up
Speaker 6: about half of those people and then half of people
Speaker 6: who want to be where you are at that moment.
Speaker 6: They want it. They're they're like either trying to do
Speaker 6: something adjacent to comedy or comedians or actors or influence,
Speaker 6: you know, like they're there for another reason. And it
Speaker 6: is a different energy than New York in Chicago, and
Speaker 6: I'm sure even San Francisco too, and San.
Speaker 1: Francisco that way. Yeah, I started in Austin. There was
Speaker 1: that same feeling of like there was this art community,
Speaker 1: such an appreciation for art in the nucleus of Texas,
Speaker 1: which is otherwise not what you think of when you
Speaker 1: think of art, and then the same pressure like to stay.
Speaker 1: But it was a vibe thing like oh, I'm waiting
Speaker 1: for Hollywood to come to Texas and the like try
Speaker 1: and talk me out a leaving and I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I think I want to experience different kinds of audiences. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but so much good art there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do get that.
Speaker 5: I mean I haven't done stand up in a while,
Speaker 5: but that was my least favorite vibe. I was always
Speaker 5: looking for a fight in the audience when I did
Speaker 5: stand up, I was always like, look, I hate you.
Speaker 5: I'll figure out exactly how by the end of the set,
Speaker 5: but just no, just no. I'm also not a fan
Speaker 5: of yours, like the worst way to do stand up,
Speaker 5: but that vibe of I could be doing this better thing.
Speaker 5: It was always something I felt like I picked up
Speaker 5: on or it as because I think I was in
Speaker 5: comedy before the Internet and before the before the real
Speaker 5: big explosion, you know that how it got when it
Speaker 5: got super popular where it I did start with audiences
Speaker 5: that had no interest in doing comedy, and they were
Speaker 5: just like I like comedy, And there was a very
Speaker 5: the line was so distinct, whereas then moving to la
Speaker 5: and slowly but surely, it was like kind of everyone
Speaker 5: could be a comedian.
Speaker 4: That was the vibe where it's like or any one
Speaker 4: could anyone.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it was a little bit like this in New York.
Speaker 6: But this is an experience that I've had so many
Speaker 6: times in LA that is so frustrating is that like
Speaker 6: someone will come backstage and be like, so and so
Speaker 6: the booker from Fallon is in the audience tonight, you know,
Speaker 6: or like there's oh, did you see there's a bunch
Speaker 6: of like agents, or there's this person from this network
Speaker 6: where somebody is in the audience, and it's like, well, okay,
Speaker 6: I'm not going to try this weird new bit that
Speaker 6: I wanted to try. I'm going to do good bits
Speaker 6: now because I don't want to bomb in front of
Speaker 6: the fucking.
Speaker 1: Fallon that you should do. And I would go always
Speaker 1: get confronted by that, and I'm like, well then I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna have fun and blow it and have a
Speaker 1: few tures and I'm gonna like make the wrong decisions
Speaker 1: and show them how loosey goosey I am. And that
Speaker 1: doesn't work.
Speaker 6: There was never anyone important in Chicago audiences. There was
Speaker 6: never once anyone important in a Chicago audience. And that
Speaker 6: and that it was so freeing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, very true.
Speaker 5: That's kind of how Yeah, that's how San Francis was
Speaker 5: a little bit unless maybe Alice.
Speaker 4: Walker came to a show times. San Francisco doesn't have
Speaker 4: like celebrities like that.
Speaker 5: Their celebrities are all so like, you know, it's either
Speaker 5: Bobby McFerrin or you know, the weirdest like when Sharon
Speaker 5: Stone married that one rich guy. She lived there for
Speaker 5: a little while. But yeah, you couldn't really, that wasn't
Speaker 5: part of.
Speaker 1: It, Karen, you've met Bobby McFerrin.
Speaker 4: No, no, don't worry.
Speaker 1: Be happy.
Speaker 5: He lived in San Francisco for a long time. I
Speaker 5: love that, So, I mean it's a hit.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 6: The weirdest celeb in a city that I know of
Speaker 6: is you. Did you ever do the Comedy Attict in Bloomington, Indiana. Yeah,
Speaker 6: it's one of my favorite clubs. And Jesse Eisenberg lives
Speaker 6: there with his wife Bloomington, Indiana for some for some
Speaker 6: inexplicable reason, and he goes to all the shows at
Speaker 6: the Comedy Atdict. So like, Jesse Eisenberg was in the
Speaker 6: audience of my show and I was like, why are
Speaker 6: you in Bloomington, Indian.
Speaker 1: That's great the time I worked there multiple nights. The
Speaker 1: guy that made the movie Hoosiers and then also this
Speaker 1: movie Breaking Away that I always liked with the best,
Speaker 1: Daniel Stern and Dennis Quaid. He wrote those movies and
Speaker 1: he taught film at that school, and he was there
Speaker 1: every night, and he was telling us when Trump was
Speaker 1: running about because he was like married to some model lady.
Speaker 1: He was talking about Trump trying to hit on his
Speaker 1: wife and get her a loan and stuff, and early on,
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, he sounds like a bad guy. I
Speaker 1: hope he doesn't become our president like early on. But
Speaker 1: he was the nicest guy and he just liked comedy.
Speaker 1: He hung out there. He was in the green room
Speaker 1: with The Other funny thing about that club is the
Speaker 1: guy that runs it. The green room is also his office.
Speaker 1: So well, you're getting ready looking at your notes before
Speaker 1: a show, and he's he's like, yeah, how many people
Speaker 1: are with your party? Okay, Like he's taking those calls
Speaker 1: in the green room.
Speaker 5: Which it's funny because I both Hoosiers and Breaking Away
Speaker 5: are two of my very favorite movies, but they're not
Speaker 5: that similar.
Speaker 4: So the idea that the same guy made blowing my money.
Speaker 1: He was the best guy ever. He was super funny
Speaker 1: and I had to start asking him questions before He's
Speaker 1: like oh, I I made some movies and now I
Speaker 1: teach film here and I'm like, what, we're the movies
Speaker 1: And then he told me and me too, I love
Speaker 1: those two movies.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're so good, Yeah, both of them.
Speaker 1: Breaking Away is the best.
Speaker 6: Never seen them.
Speaker 1: You gottat to see it. You gotta see it next
Speaker 1: time you feel an urge to watch.
Speaker 5: Basketball, right, But it's a true story, so even if
Speaker 5: you don't care about it in.
Speaker 6: The moment, an inspirational sports movie. I can't get enough
Speaker 6: of an inspirational.
Speaker 5: Sports And also Gene Hackman is the coach and he's amazing.
Speaker 5: And then fucking Barbara Hershey before when she still has
Speaker 5: real fin lists.
Speaker 4: Every outfit Barbara Hershey wears in this movie because it's
Speaker 4: the fifty in Indiana is the best. How every time
Speaker 4: she walks on she'll have like like a moss green
Speaker 4: you know, mock turtleneck short sleeve shirt is sweater and
Speaker 4: I'll just be like, where'd she get that?
Speaker 5: Or like a then like a Pendleton plaid jacket in
Speaker 5: autumn colors, where I'm just.
Speaker 4: Like, this is the best movie. It's the best movie
Speaker 4: of all time. It's really good.
Speaker 1: For wardrobe alone, watch it for.
Speaker 4: Barbs Outfits alone. But then the actual story, which is
Speaker 4: the true story of this little ragtag basketball team that
Speaker 4: made it to the top. They made it to the top.
Speaker 6: No spoilers.
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, uh, just so I was going to watch
Speaker 1: it the inn Hoosiers they win at basketball.
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna blow the top off Mighty Ducks for everybody.
Speaker 1: They win, the kids win. Wow, who I feel bad
Speaker 1: For're talking about that Mighty Ducks thing.
Speaker 6: You really killed the convos.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think it was just because well again,
Speaker 1: very very drunk.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I'm fine, like just out of So what
Speaker 5: year did you move to Lielus.
Speaker 6: I moved to LA in twenty eighteen, Oh recently. Yeah,
Speaker 6: so it hasn't been that long. Or was it twenty seventeen, No,
Speaker 6: it was twenty eighteen. It was twenty eighteen for sure.
Speaker 6: And yeah, so I I it's weird because I've only
Speaker 6: known La like in a very specific like I didn't struggle.
Speaker 6: I haven't struggled in LA, you know, Like I came here.
Speaker 6: I came here to write on a show, and I
Speaker 6: was already like a stand up who was like like
Speaker 6: touring pretty regularly and like felt comfortable there and like
Speaker 6: was able to live by myself here, whereas in New
Speaker 6: York every day was hell, you know, and like and
Speaker 6: in Chicago too. I mean, my first apartment in Chicago
Speaker 6: was a studio apartment for five hundred dollars, and I
Speaker 6: remember being like, I don't know if I can pay
Speaker 6: rent every month. Yeah, And now looking back on that,
Speaker 6: now that is insane, like, but it was a real concern,
Speaker 6: and I like, a big part of a big reason
Speaker 6: I started doing comedy is because the only thing I
Speaker 6: could afford to consume as entertainment was podcasts, and so
Speaker 6: I would listen to comedy podcasts and like that really
Speaker 6: inspired me to start doing comedy.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's that's amazing.
Speaker 4: Would you do For a day job?
Speaker 6: In Chicago, I worked for Groupon And this was sort
Speaker 6: of the other prong of me starting comedy is I
Speaker 6: worked for Groupon for four years even when I lived.
Speaker 6: My first job in New York was also a company
Speaker 6: that GROUPON bought. I just transferred there and was able
Speaker 6: to do that, and I worked in customer service. I
Speaker 6: started as a temp in the customer service department. I
Speaker 6: was like the seventy eighth employee of Groupon. Wow, and
Speaker 6: then by the time I was I left to go
Speaker 6: move to New York, I was running three call centers
Speaker 6: in Ohio and Virginia as like a twenty four year old,
Speaker 6: and it was it was. It's just an emblematic of
Speaker 6: how stupid the company was because like I had no
Speaker 6: business doing that, I had no qualifications, Like I was
Speaker 6: an operations manager, and I like literally was bad. I
Speaker 6: was bad at the time.
Speaker 1: You didn't have a passion for it, or do you
Speaker 1: feel like if you had stayed you would be Like.
Speaker 6: There moments, there were moments when I was in New
Speaker 6: York where I was like I could live comfortably doing
Speaker 6: this because I was like good at the job that
Speaker 6: I was an account manager for this restaurant group in
Speaker 6: New York and like getting screamed at by restaurant managers
Speaker 6: I was extremely good at. And I remember like just
Speaker 6: like being like, well, maybe if all of this doesn't
Speaker 6: work out, like I could just work in startups for
Speaker 6: the rest of my life and be happy. But I'm
Speaker 6: glad that I didn't do that.
Speaker 5: Yeah too, me to sure, Yeah, yeah, it's almost like
Speaker 5: you it's been enough time and then you're just like yeah,
Speaker 5: getting yelled at at restaurant managers is this thing where
Speaker 5: I've like, you figure out the way to get through
Speaker 5: it and then yeah, which is like that and I
Speaker 5: think that's what happens to people in jobs.
Speaker 4: But it's like, but is that your dream? You know?
Speaker 4: Is that how you want to spend your days.
Speaker 6: I also find that job really taught me that every
Speaker 6: single person who runs a restaurant is crazy. There is
Speaker 6: not a single well well like, there's just not anyone
Speaker 6: who is stable who's doing that job, because how could you.
Speaker 6: It's a job where you work like fourteen to sixteen
Speaker 6: hour days and you're like it doesn't pay super well
Speaker 6: and like you're just dealing with shit all all the time.
Speaker 6: And yeah, they're all coke addicts or just nuts so people.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's always usually going to go out of business.
Speaker 4: I mean it is not. The average is like they
Speaker 4: in two years, they all go out of business.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: And now with COVID, everything is going to be a
Speaker 6: restaurant group own It's going to be like secretly it's
Speaker 6: going to look like a an independently owned business, but
Speaker 6: it's all going to be owned by the same people
Speaker 6: who own all of gardens.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I wonder how cocaine sales are right now.
Speaker 6: Seems to be thriving. Yeah, seems to be doing well
Speaker 6: during this time.
Speaker 5: They're a resilient bunch, you know what I mean. They
Speaker 5: just they pivot. They know how to use their different talents.
Speaker 1: Just because they're pacing around a room constantly.
Speaker 5: They pivot to selling cigarettes along with their coke. Yeah,
Speaker 5: don't want to make two trips. Let me do this
Speaker 5: for you. You're going to need these.
Speaker 6: The only difference is, I will say, is that my
Speaker 6: drug dealer now won't make deliveries. You have to come
Speaker 6: to him. He refuses to He refuses to make outgoing calls.
Speaker 6: You have to go and visit him. That's smart and
Speaker 6: that's the only difference in the COVID world of my
Speaker 6: drug use.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would like. Does he have a
Speaker 1: little sneeze guard like a plexi glass? What's his setup
Speaker 1: when you were rund No.
Speaker 6: It's just like in his in his.
Speaker 1: Oh that's perfect.
Speaker 5: So you're gonna do you bleep out the name of
Speaker 5: the kind of type of car, just for safety reasons.
Speaker 4: Just no drug dealer visits you at night. Let's bleep
Speaker 4: out the venu and the time, and that makes.
Speaker 1: For good podcasting. When you bleep something, they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: like they're involved in some kind of espionage. So you
Speaker 1: drive to the car and mean, yeah, car in there,
Speaker 1: come to.
Speaker 6: Me, and then he throws it into your car window
Speaker 6: and you throw a lot of cash at him. Actually,
Speaker 6: you know, it's crazy. It's all done through Venmo now,
Speaker 6: which feels sort of like we shouldn't be doing that,
Speaker 6: but it's all done through Venmo.
Speaker 5: Do you just always put a picture of a slice
Speaker 5: of pizza underneath it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, something.
Speaker 4: Some pizza I think I always.
Speaker 6: Do, like the little like Halo emoji.
Speaker 4: It's still a good person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you scroll through sometimes I do. It's the
Speaker 1: weirdest wormhole to fall down. But just because I don't
Speaker 1: know why they're there. People's reports on their Venmo purchase,
Speaker 1: it's usually Halo's and pizza. You're never getting pizza.
Speaker 6: Whenever I see whenever I see someone's like Venmo transaction
Speaker 6: and it's like tickets and it's like that's drugs y
Speaker 6: tickets for what?
Speaker 5: Tickets for the big concert? I don't think, so I
Speaker 5: always look at that. And because everything I do on
Speaker 5: Venmo is private, because I feel self conscious where I'm like,
Speaker 5: how can nobody else feels self conscious the way I
Speaker 5: do about how they spend their money.
Speaker 6: Well, I will say there was a time when I
Speaker 6: was public because I was writing really funny venmo.
Speaker 1: Capitals right every time.
Speaker 6: That's what every time I would pay my friends, I
Speaker 6: would write literal paragraphs, long venmo like as long until
Speaker 6: the character limit was reached. It would be these long
Speaker 6: stories of like I like, how dare you come after
Speaker 6: my kids in the way that you did. I'm paying
Speaker 6: you back for the clothes that they you say that
Speaker 6: they ruined, and like just go on and on and on,
Speaker 6: and I was really proud of.
Speaker 1: Just I guess my creative peak thirty five dollars for
Speaker 1: a belly button removal surgery. I just have belly button
Speaker 1: removal surgery relocation.
Speaker 4: I guess. I look at that.
Speaker 5: As I scroll through, I've never seen anyone like attempt
Speaker 5: a you know, like the paragraph story.
Speaker 4: Most of the jokes are.
Speaker 5: The same thing over and over, and that's so I
Speaker 5: kind of I scroll through with extreme disdain for a
Speaker 5: lack of creativity and then extreme jealousy because it's like,
Speaker 5: no one buys me any burrittos. At first, I think
Speaker 5: I'm really like mad of like, stop trying to be funny.
Speaker 4: And then I'm like, you're just fucking.
Speaker 5: Jealous because look at all these people buying each other burritos.
Speaker 4: Oh god, damn day long.
Speaker 1: So you've you've been scrolling through. I didn't know that
Speaker 1: everyone hit that. Of course they are, because it's provided.
Speaker 6: Why do you know? It's weird? Venmo keeps being lumped in.
Speaker 6: I see like all of these like we're all addicted
Speaker 6: to social media, and like I saw an image today,
Speaker 6: a meme, and it was all the social media sites
Speaker 6: logos on pills in a person's hand, and Venmo was
Speaker 6: included in that, and I was like, is ven Are
Speaker 6: we including Venmo as a social media addiction?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't think I'm addicted to Venmo.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just do you give me my money?
Speaker 4: The most useful one I would say, yeah, really, it's
Speaker 4: actually my rent. You get in there, you get out.
Speaker 5: You don't have to do anything extra, but you can
Speaker 5: if you want. I think it's an interesting way to
Speaker 5: figure out if you feel like and I feel like
Speaker 5: in quarantine. This is the kind of stuff we spend
Speaker 5: our time doing where it's like, oh, I see that
Speaker 5: so and so has bought so and so yet another burrito.
Speaker 4: I guess they're.
Speaker 5: They're hooking up on the rig, but one of them's
Speaker 5: cheap and won't spring for both.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I like to write a little story.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they were. They were. They were using Venmo to
Speaker 6: docs people who are going to Portaarta because people were
Speaker 6: just like putting like like the subscription no vacation flying.
Speaker 5: In the face of quarantine and then shape of port
Speaker 5: or whatever that was that carry O'Donnell showed me that
Speaker 5: video of when the boat sang the boat.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, that was funny.
Speaker 6: I'm friends of a friend with someone who was on
Speaker 6: the boat, and they were like, if you've got an
Speaker 6: hour and a half, I have a story to tell,
Speaker 6: And I was like, I will never have that much
Speaker 6: time for this story.
Speaker 4: Can make it a form story.
Speaker 6: I can almost guarantee you you don't need that much
Speaker 6: time to tell the story because I know the ending,
Speaker 6: I know how I know the good part of the story.
Speaker 4: Yes, we saw the video of the good part of
Speaker 4: the story.
Speaker 1: Oh, I don't know about the port of Biotra story.
Speaker 4: Well, can you sum it up, Chris?
Speaker 1: What happened?
Speaker 6: The basically port of Iar is like a is a
Speaker 6: destination for gay and straight people right now during the
Speaker 6: pandemic because Mexico is very, very open, and so a
Speaker 6: lot of people were getting in trouble over New Year's
Speaker 6: because it was a big destination for New Years, and
Speaker 6: specifically there was like this gay account that was sort
Speaker 6: of like dosing and tattling on people who were down
Speaker 6: there via their social media posts, like would repost people's
Speaker 6: social media posts of being on vacation and be like,
Speaker 6: you know, shame them. And at one point during the
Speaker 6: New Year's weekend, of boat full of gay men capsized
Speaker 6: in Mexico and there's footage of it, and there's footage
Speaker 6: of it. Okay, no one died, so it's fine to laugh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And no one died at the Trump rally
Speaker 1: that was boat based, right.
Speaker 6: It's fun to.
Speaker 1: Watch boats, really, is it? Really?
Speaker 6: Really?
Speaker 1: We don't want anyone to get hurt, but a boat
Speaker 1: sinking is funny, and that's why I laughed through Titanic.
Speaker 5: It's also funny to watch people panic in situations where
Speaker 5: you think, like the one clip that I remember, it
Speaker 5: was like somebody pulling somebody else up on the boat
Speaker 5: that didn't sink or like a break that came to help,
Speaker 5: and the person was being so dramatic that was getting
Speaker 5: pulled up on the boat where it's just like, all right, you're.
Speaker 6: Just like, I'm pretty sure from the footage they were
Speaker 6: pretty close to like the dock area. It wasn't like
Speaker 6: they were out in the middle of the ocean. It
Speaker 6: was a very easy swim back to shore and kind.
Speaker 4: Of gorgeous and luxurious. So it's like, isn't this what
Speaker 4: you went down there for? Why are you screaming?
Speaker 5: It's like, I know, it's like jarring that a boat
Speaker 5: would sink, but you know how to swim.
Speaker 6: I will say, I've been on so many cruises and
Speaker 6: I've it's always a fear of mine that the boat
Speaker 6: will sink. It is always, always, always a fear of
Speaker 6: mine that the boat will sink. But I still go.
Speaker 6: And I love being on a boat. I love being
Speaker 6: on a cruise. I've been on cruises the last the
Speaker 6: cruise before last that I went on. I work a
Speaker 6: lot of gay cruises as the comedian. Oh yeah, and
Speaker 6: it's my rep My agents hate it because it pays ship,
Speaker 6: but I love it because it just feels like a
Speaker 6: free vacation. And the last one, the one before last
Speaker 6: that I went on, the jail filled up on the boat.
Speaker 1: There's a jail on the boat.
Speaker 6: There's a jail on the jail and it filled up.
Speaker 6: That's how crazy the boat was. And start taking crew
Speaker 6: members out of the out of their rooms and using
Speaker 6: the crew members rooms as overflow jail cells.
Speaker 1: Do they ever say the phrase you're about to go
Speaker 1: to boat jail?
Speaker 4: I hope could only do we know what the average
Speaker 4: crime to get you in boat jail.
Speaker 6: I think there was a lot of theft and a
Speaker 6: lot of domestic disputes. Okay, I think some. I mean,
Speaker 6: I can't imagine any of it was drug related because
Speaker 6: everyone was like it. I have a joke about it.
Speaker 6: But it is like I've never seen a community come
Speaker 6: together more heavily to just do one thing, which is
Speaker 6: smuggled drugs onto a boat. Yeah, we all, like everybody
Speaker 6: from every walk of life, every age, every every gender,
Speaker 6: every race, just came together to do this one thing,
Speaker 6: which was to sneak our drugs. And and I don't think,
Speaker 6: but I actually don't think. And actually the last trip,
Speaker 6: the last boat that I went on, they shut they
Speaker 6: shut down them the dock for a while because there
Speaker 6: was a bomb scare because one of the bomb sniffing
Speaker 6: dogs freaked out on and of course it was because
Speaker 6: we came later to find that a lesbian was trying
Speaker 6: to bring a decommissioned landmine onto the boat as a
Speaker 6: prop for the military party.
Speaker 4: What oh God, because we come. Of course the landmine
Speaker 4: bringing lesbian.
Speaker 1: Was there to be an old dog to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I know this smell.
Speaker 6: I was in w W two.
Speaker 5: I know this smell so familiar snick and old lace,
Speaker 5: and the poor thing.
Speaker 6: They wouldn't let her on the boat after that, which
Speaker 6: I kind of you understand, But at the same time,
Speaker 6: I'm so sad. I was like sad for her because
Speaker 6: I was like, she was just trying to be on themes.
Speaker 6: She was trying to bring her costume to the next level,
Speaker 6: and the.
Speaker 4: Best would be hilarious prop. This is this is going
Speaker 4: to like you can just picture how she imagined.
Speaker 5: She was going to just a show, like, you know,
Speaker 5: like win the party basically with the best prop.
Speaker 1: And for the best prop with the most authentic history.
Speaker 4: And then she's like in her house, thank you, I'm lucky.
Speaker 1: I'm handcuffed to a radiator. That is insane.
Speaker 6: That's awesome.
Speaker 5: We went cruises. My parents met on a cruise. My
Speaker 5: dad was a purser, Yes, on princess cruises. My dad
Speaker 5: was a purser and my mom was a nurse, and
Speaker 5: my mom was engaged and my dad, it was the
Speaker 5: He fell in love with her the second he saw her,
Speaker 5: so he would always try to hang out with her.
Speaker 5: And then he said, Hey, come on, you have to
Speaker 5: go on this double date with me because my friend
Speaker 5: is going out with this girl and they're in Hong
Speaker 5: Kong I believe it was, and he's like, you have
Speaker 5: to go with me, just a boat off the boat.
Speaker 5: It was like they had the weekend off or the
Speaker 5: days off or whatever, and they.
Speaker 1: Were pretty romantic. I've never heard this story. I like
Speaker 1: the guys.
Speaker 4: It's the it's my favorite. Yeah, So my mom used
Speaker 4: to tell the story.
Speaker 5: They go to this really fancy because all the people
Speaker 5: were really well connected because they would just go on
Speaker 5: the same loop.
Speaker 4: The cruise would always be the same.
Speaker 5: So if they were going to, you know, whatever part
Speaker 5: of the world they were going to, they'd already been
Speaker 5: there fifteen times, so they had connections there at this beautiful,
Speaker 5: fancy restaurant in Hong Kong, and the guy that they
Speaker 5: were on the double date with, he was like super
Speaker 5: into this woman. And the woman he was with was
Speaker 5: a lunatic and she was shitface drunk, like from the
Speaker 5: beginning of the date. And so my mom didn't wasn't
Speaker 5: friends with her, like didn't know her, so kind of
Speaker 5: didn't know what to do. And my mom said she
Speaker 5: was like a character out of like she was just
Speaker 5: kind of a dippy girl that was kind of like this,
Speaker 5: and that halfway through the dinner, she passed out in
Speaker 5: her soup. She literally went she was so drunk, she
Speaker 5: went face down in.
Speaker 4: Her souper bowl.
Speaker 1: That happened.
Speaker 6: It happened, really galanted this is a relationship immediately because
Speaker 6: like they thought it was the funniest thing in the world.
Speaker 5: But my mom was also like, who are these people
Speaker 5: that you're friends with? Like she just thought my dad
Speaker 5: hung out with total lunatics.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's the best.
Speaker 5: So we went on a for my mother's sixt year's birthday.
Speaker 5: We all went on a family cruise to Alaska because
Speaker 5: that was the one place she had never gone to
Speaker 5: and I loved it. Because there was nothing I loved
Speaker 5: more because everyone on that crew, my sister and I
Speaker 5: were the youngest by far than almost anyone on the cruise.
Speaker 4: There was a couple like grandchildren that were there.
Speaker 5: With their grandparents, but other than that, everyone was like
Speaker 5: sixty five or older. And my sister and I would
Speaker 5: go for the entertainment because I was like, if I
Speaker 5: said to my sister, if there's a comedian, I can't
Speaker 5: watch it because it'll all just feel like I'm doing
Speaker 5: it and it'll hurt.
Speaker 4: It'll hurt me so bad, like I'll stress out. But
Speaker 4: they didn't have a comedian.
Speaker 5: They just had someone that hosted bingo, like it was
Speaker 5: like bingo three to four, Bingo four to five or whatever.
Speaker 5: So we would just sit there and play bingo for
Speaker 5: as long as we possibly could, and it was my
Speaker 5: favorite favorite thing.
Speaker 4: It was so relaxing.
Speaker 6: I fucking love it. And I met a bunch of
Speaker 6: there's a bunch of people Apparently going on cruises is
Speaker 6: cheaper than hospice care, and so there are a bunch
Speaker 6: of people on these gay cruises that go cruise to
Speaker 6: cruise and are planning on dying on one of the cruises,
Speaker 6: so they like.
Speaker 4: Just sit in their chairs on the deck, and it's like.
Speaker 6: That's how I want to go. If I'm gonna go,
Speaker 6: I'm gonna I want to go out on the water
Speaker 6: in fucking nice right.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that since don't wait till I'm cremated.
Speaker 1: I'll just dive off at the last moment. I'll sprinkle
Speaker 1: my own asses.
Speaker 4: Just kind of get yourself to the edge and throw
Speaker 4: yourself off.
Speaker 1: Oh that's insane.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there is a lot of sense, actually, yeah.
Speaker 1: There Every time I've been on a cruise, and I've
Speaker 1: been on like three of them, there is a someone
Speaker 1: always dies. There's always some horrible an elevator breakdown or
Speaker 1: a sewage problem. It's it's kind of scary being on
Speaker 1: You're floating on a giant porta potty.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's it's sort of indefensible. It's really, it's an
Speaker 6: indefensible industry. It's it's awful. It really is not necessary
Speaker 6: in any way, and it is terrible for the environment,
Speaker 6: and I just can't.
Speaker 1: It's so fun. And you pull up to some they
Speaker 1: put they park the boat right on top of a
Speaker 1: coral reef, and people that live in this town are
Speaker 1: forced to like dance or give blankets. It's like so
Speaker 1: embarrassing every time I've done it. There's like when you
Speaker 1: make these stops, it's so embarrassing to come off this
Speaker 1: cruise ship of a bunch of white people and you're
Speaker 1: in Jamaica and people are dancing and trying to sell
Speaker 1: stuff and I'm like, I don't I had fun up
Speaker 1: until the stops. There's something about the stops that bothered me, Like, hell,
Speaker 1: we're gonna let them walk around with gil for a
Speaker 1: couple hours.
Speaker 6: There is there's a so there I go. The gay
Speaker 6: cruise company that I work for is Atlantis, and there's
Speaker 6: a they have a sister company that does lesbian cruises,
Speaker 6: and and you cannot make this up, but so on
Speaker 6: the gay cruises, it's like party every night until six am,
Speaker 6: like just absolute nuts, balls to the wall ass out.
Speaker 6: On the lesbian cruises, it's much chiller. And instead of
Speaker 6: every port that they go to, there's volunteerism instead of tourism.
Speaker 6: And one of the stops was one of the volunteerism
Speaker 6: activity was catching stray cats to bring to a nonprofit
Speaker 6: to stay in kidding me, I'm not kidding you. And
Speaker 6: it could not be more on the nose. It's like
Speaker 6: it's like if I made that up, people would be
Speaker 6: like the less you know, you know hack, that's like
Speaker 6: the lesbians running after cats in a foreign country.
Speaker 1: They put the cats on the boat. There's a room
Speaker 1: of cats.
Speaker 6: No, no, no, in the city. In the city.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they volunteer with the already with cats from these villages, like.
Speaker 5: Every all night they're freaking out. It's it's going to
Speaker 5: be so much better when we get back. You'll see
Speaker 5: everyone's covered in flea bites.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Even in Mozet Lawn. They it was like a
Speaker 1: stop on a cruise. It was they stopped and there
Speaker 1: was just these guys with machine guns lined up and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, let's not get off the boat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: why why is everyone have a machine gun? And then
Speaker 1: I walked past them into a neighborhood and it was
Speaker 1: it got increasingly more normal a neighborhood. They did told
Speaker 1: me not to go down, and then I ended up
Speaker 1: these kids were just finishing a mural, uh and and
Speaker 1: they were posing next to this mural. And then they
Speaker 1: called me over and I took a picture with all
Speaker 1: these kids in Mozet Lawn as if I helped paint
Speaker 1: the mural, but.
Speaker 4: They was a white man stepping.
Speaker 1: They were so sweet and they're like, do you want
Speaker 1: to be in the picture with us? And I was like, yes,
Speaker 1: I do, just in this photo.
Speaker 6: I want to know what their version of this story
Speaker 6: is when you look in at the photo.
Speaker 1: I promise you they were sweet and I made them
Speaker 1: laugh and we enjoyed each other and it was really
Speaker 1: a cool moment in my life. But it had I
Speaker 1: had to cross machine gun a group of machine gun
Speaker 1: men to get to them.
Speaker 5: But I don't know, it's cool, it's you know, cruises
Speaker 5: are an eye opener, I think in that way, in
Speaker 5: that and experience other cultures, other countries.
Speaker 6: It is funny. One of the questions that they always
Speaker 6: get asked on the Gay Cruise is like, what does
Speaker 6: the crew think of all of this? Because they're an
Speaker 6: international crew and it's always and they always give this
Speaker 6: this preamble where it's like everyone on board who works
Speaker 6: on the ship knows what week it is and they're
Speaker 6: given an opportunity to opt out of this week. But
Speaker 6: most from what I've heard from working for the company
Speaker 6: is that a lot of people request to be on
Speaker 6: that week because we tipped so much better than the
Speaker 6: normal weeks because it's all affluent, like mostly white games.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, and who are having a great time. Yeah,
Speaker 5: probably high on drugs, you know, like, hey, spread the
Speaker 5: love a little bit exactly that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and so they eat it up.
Speaker 5: They love it as opposed to like Grahm and Grandpa
Speaker 5: who are complaining about every single fucking crab leg they
Speaker 5: come across and going like I need a little more
Speaker 5: at this or that, Like I'm sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's so funny that we're talking about with huge
Speaker 1: pupils at the end here, because that is when cruises is.
Speaker 1: It's one of the things kind of like bowling, where
Speaker 1: it's like, is that ever going to come back? A
Speaker 1: bunch of floating toilets?
Speaker 6: Well, I'm on. I'm on the schedule to do one
Speaker 6: in January of twenty twenty two. Time will tell if
Speaker 6: that will if I'll still have that Yeah, yeah, but
Speaker 6: I hope, I hope I do January twenty twenty two.
Speaker 6: I could, it'll be.
Speaker 1: Back, yeah, I think things will change rapidly soon. And yeah,
Speaker 1: you can keep that date for almost a year from now.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: It seemed like the cruise industry were the ones who
Speaker 5: let go.
Speaker 4: They let go last.
Speaker 5: Remember, and that like the beginning of COVID, like in
Speaker 5: like April, where they're like, no, we're doing there's another
Speaker 5: cruise going out and then they had to immediately come back.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, those people, those people that were trapped on
Speaker 1: that cruise, weren't they for like over a month or something.
Speaker 1: They were just living crazy?
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was back when there was no central government
Speaker 5: to handle anything that was happening.
Speaker 4: Remember that so recently?
Speaker 6: M hmm, It does feel like I just remember like
Speaker 6: the halcyon days of the early pandemic when no one
Speaker 6: knew what was really going on and it felt like
Speaker 6: a snow day. Yes, and it just felt like my friend,
Speaker 6: my good, good friend. I just we all make fun
Speaker 6: of him for this because it's just such a funny
Speaker 6: memory now as I remember him saying on one of
Speaker 6: the first Zoom like zoom hangouts that we did was
Speaker 6: and he went, I can't believe we're gonna have to
Speaker 6: do this for two weeks every month or so on
Speaker 6: our group chain, we'll just text and be like, remember
Speaker 6: when Matt said, I can't believe we have to do
Speaker 6: this for two week?
Speaker 1: He's just in a room by himself, rocking back and forth.
Speaker 1: I hope, I.
Speaker 4: Know, say hied them out for us.
Speaker 5: I feel bad, like because honestly, at the beginning, when
Speaker 5: they were like, you know, it could be till summer.
Speaker 4: I was like, sounds fucking good to me.
Speaker 5: I from day one, I was just like this, Now,
Speaker 5: are you saying, stay home, laid down on the couch,
Speaker 5: eat kind of whatever I want and watch TV. Yeah,
Speaker 5: this is what I have been doing, only I'm the
Speaker 5: bad I've been the bad one for the last five years.
Speaker 4: Now I can do it with no guilt.
Speaker 1: One nothing is expected of me. Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: There's no daunting voice on my shoulder telling me what
Speaker 1: I should be doing.
Speaker 6: I literally like the week before Lockdown started was like
Speaker 6: I was I had. I was like going out every
Speaker 6: like almost every weekend, traveling to like tiny towns. Did
Speaker 6: you stand up? And I was so tired, and I
Speaker 6: just remember saying to someone like I just wish I
Speaker 6: could just stay a home for a month, yeah, and
Speaker 6: like not have to do fun, I have to travel
Speaker 6: and not have to work and like and then it
Speaker 6: happened and I was like yes, And then it really
Speaker 6: was a monkey's pap sort of situation where I was
Speaker 6: like I did this. I did this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, my manifestation has ruined it for everybody.
Speaker 1: Well, we had our nice vacation. It was fun, wasn't it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And now we're podcasting over Zoom. You know, we
Speaker 6: really figured it out.
Speaker 5: Look at the resilience podcasters adaptation.
Speaker 4: We can do we can do anything.
Speaker 5: That was one of the first Chris Nice talking about this,
Speaker 5: because you started doing stand up on Zoom pretty soon.
Speaker 5: I did, Like I waited and then did like a
Speaker 5: one of those shows where they play quip lash like
Speaker 5: they actually play game.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, by yourself.
Speaker 6: You can only do that. I can't do the stand
Speaker 6: up show.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I stand up. It's like I'll do the
Speaker 1: drive in. I did the improv drive in show, which
Speaker 1: was I thought it would just be people laying on
Speaker 1: the horn. I didn't know what to think. Plus you're
Speaker 1: in Orange County, so I thought I did that one too,
Speaker 1: and it was I loved it. I did not because
Speaker 1: they were like bbbe. They were honking, like trying to
Speaker 1: mimic laughter every moment, and you could and it was,
Speaker 1: you know, two hundred cars on the roof of this
Speaker 1: parking garage. And I very quickly was like Okay, this
Speaker 1: is an audience. Even if they're in a car right
Speaker 1: now and I can't hear them laughing, it was an
Speaker 1: audience and I felt so good. Greg Barrett was there too,
Speaker 1: and we were just like it felt so good, and
Speaker 1: that's the most I'm still riding on that high. It
Speaker 1: was like two weeks ago, and it was.
Speaker 5: When we get out of quarantine. Everything's going to be
Speaker 5: like that. We're gonna sub eleven and then it'll just
Speaker 5: be like I'm fucking high from Oh my god. There
Speaker 5: was like ten people in line. We all were talking.
Speaker 4: It was amazing.
Speaker 1: I promise I'm going to talk to standards in line.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be rude to anyone.
Speaker 6: That was one of Oh my god, before lockdown, when
Speaker 6: COVID was like a thing in the air, but no
Speaker 6: one was really taking it seriously in the States yet.
Speaker 6: I just remember like being like one of my big
Speaker 6: bits was like, you know, it's it's it's one of
Speaker 6: these situations where like someone in line at the checkout's
Speaker 6: like are you are you? You know, there's a type
Speaker 6: of person that loves communal like tragic events or like
Speaker 6: like the earthquake person, the earthquake neighbor who's like, who
Speaker 6: desperately just wants to come and knock on your door
Speaker 6: and be like did you feel it?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 6: Did you feel it? Like the and there's always that
Speaker 6: person in the self checkout at Target who's like you
Speaker 6: can see has all the toilet paper and it's like
Speaker 6: eyes darting around looking for somebody who they can talk
Speaker 6: to about this, and like and I remember like trying
Speaker 6: to write jokes about that person, and now I'm like, well,
Speaker 6: I was the fool. I was the fool, and that
Speaker 6: person was correct. Actually that person in the self checkout.
Speaker 1: Line, I remember, I think that is the joke right there.
Speaker 1: I think I still think that joke has legs.
Speaker 5: Don't give up, don't give I just broke walking into
Speaker 5: my local grocery store when in around that same time
Speaker 5: where it was pre quarantine post we were really starting
Speaker 5: to hear about it. It's coming and you know whatever,
Speaker 5: but nothing official had happened, and walking down the toilet
Speaker 5: paper aisle and it was just like filled to the
Speaker 5: brim and I'm like reading something where it was just
Speaker 5: like maybe stock up and then I was just like
Speaker 5: come on, like tirrel, like you dramatic. And then truly,
Speaker 5: like the next week it was empty. It's so insane.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what a weird It was a weird thing that
Speaker 1: I still don't understand why people thought toilet paper was
Speaker 1: well but I'm a bedet owner.
Speaker 6: Same same.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm not. I don't care. I got, if anything,
Speaker 1: I'm more green. I got a bidet in a terry
Speaker 1: cloth washcloth.
Speaker 4: I'm so European deep down. This is not gonna affect me.
Speaker 1: Uh. Well, I think we've we've Uh this is a
Speaker 1: long one, but that was so.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, Yeah, we really drove You're the best.
Speaker 1: It was so fun.
Speaker 6: Can I flew by? I have to say, like, this
Speaker 6: is the most I have I this is the most
Speaker 6: fun I've had recording a podcast in a while. And
Speaker 6: I talked and listening on my own podcast about how
Speaker 6: unfunny I feel doing my own podcast, And this has
Speaker 6: been the most fun.
Speaker 1: Oh thanks, we could ever hear that I was.
Speaker 5: I have to say, I was really nervous because I
Speaker 5: feel out of.
Speaker 4: It in the stand up world, like I just don't.
Speaker 5: I wasn't doing it so much before and and Chris
Speaker 5: and I used to just book people that we knew
Speaker 5: that we didn't feel like we were uh, oppressing if
Speaker 5: we asked them to do it, Like, yeah, So we
Speaker 5: had this thing people on this podcast like five times
Speaker 5: because we're just like, we know Jackie CAAs will want
Speaker 5: to do it.
Speaker 4: It was always you know, we know this person will
Speaker 4: want to do it or whatever.
Speaker 5: And so the fact that we have a booker now
Speaker 5: and then every time I had that feeling of like
Speaker 5: what if they don't want to do what if? That
Speaker 5: was the nicest compliment you.
Speaker 1: Possibly Thank you and you were great, that's it's delightful.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Is there anything you want to plug coming up?
Speaker 6: My podcast is Urgent Care. It's a calling advice show,
Speaker 6: and we and I we don't have guests anymore for
Speaker 6: the very reason that we also felt like we were
Speaker 6: oppressing people that we asked to do it. It's very difficult.
Speaker 6: We had to we had to record a bunch of
Speaker 6: bonus episodes for Stitch Your Premium and we were like,
Speaker 6: and we had guests for that, and it was every
Speaker 6: time we had to book someone and we were like, oh,
Speaker 6: who will be mad at us?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: For real, such a favorite Urgent Care.
Speaker 6: Check it out.
Speaker 1: Well, thanks you for being to talk to you. Thank
Speaker 1: You've been listening to Do you need a ride? De
Speaker 1: wyan a?
Speaker 2: I want way bad either be there doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you claim. Give us time and a terminol
Speaker 2: and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off in style. Do you
Speaker 3: want to welcome you back home? Tell us all about it?
Speaker 4: We scared? Or was it fine? Malborn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen
Speaker 1: and Cress
Speaker 3: M