Speaker 1: Welcome back to she Pivots. I'm a Mendaklutes.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to she Pivots, the podcast where women share
Speaker 2: bold career moves and personal turning points that changed everything.
Speaker 2: I'm your host, Emily Tish Sussman. Today's guest has had
Speaker 2: many pivots. She's been a radio city roquette, a Broadway performer,
Speaker 2: and a fitness entrepreneur, then a New York Times bestselling author,
Speaker 2: a daytime TV host, and now the founder of a
Speaker 2: wellness brand called Proper. And she's been many of those
Speaker 2: things at the same time. Almost every professional turn she
Speaker 2: made started somewhere personal. A divorce, a new marriage, a
Speaker 2: move across the country, as well as a sudden personal
Speaker 2: loss that reshaped everything for her and sparked a nationwide
Speaker 2: conversational shift. In twenty twenty, she lost her husband, beloved
Speaker 2: Broadway star Nick Cordero to COVID, a loss that for
Speaker 2: a lot of us shifted how we saw the realities
Speaker 2: of the pandemic at the time. Amanda has never kept
Speaker 2: her personal life and her professional life in separate lanes.
Speaker 2: She chronicled nickstory publicly, and it changed how she viewed
Speaker 2: her own work and impact. She carried her joy and
Speaker 2: her grief with her into every next step. She took
Speaker 2: writing her next chapters her own way. This is Amanda Clutes,
Speaker 2: and this is how she pivots. What is your name
Speaker 2: and what do you do?
Speaker 1: Amanda Klutes? I'm a TV host, I'm a dancer, I'm
Speaker 1: a fitness business entrepreneur, trainer, I'm a brand owner. I'm
Speaker 1: a mom. I'm a writer, I'm a producer. I'm an actress.
Speaker 2: So we're going to go all the way back. You
Speaker 2: grew up in Ohio. Tell us about your childhood. Tell
Speaker 2: us about your family.
Speaker 1: Well, there's five of us actually, so there's one boy
Speaker 1: and four girls, and so there's five kids. Gosh, you know, Emily,
Speaker 1: I had the best childhood. I'm so lucky. I grew
Speaker 1: up in Canton, Ohio. It's like this small little town
Speaker 1: in Canton, but you know, it had a lot going on.
Speaker 1: The Football Hall of Fame, is there true? Like Midwest childhood,
Speaker 1: riding bikes everywhere, you know, down to Dairy Queen. My
Speaker 1: elementary school was down the street. We played tennis on
Speaker 1: summer nights as a family and played in the backyard
Speaker 1: and grew up playing in the munth spent a lot
Speaker 1: of time with my grandparents and church every Sunday. It
Speaker 1: wasn't even an option. A lot of family time, family
Speaker 1: dinner every single night, six pm. My dad would walk
Speaker 1: through the door after working at the insurance company. My
Speaker 1: mom was a stay at home mom. She raised us
Speaker 1: all and she'd had dinner on the table and then
Speaker 1: it was our job to do the dishes that night.
Speaker 1: We fought as kids, but it was always understood that
Speaker 1: we are each other's best friends. And because I think
Speaker 1: there were so many of us, we always played with
Speaker 1: each other and vacationed with each other. You know, we
Speaker 1: didn't bring other people along. And it was a situation
Speaker 1: where if my brother had a band concert, we all
Speaker 1: were there. It wasn't like I could go to Lauren's
Speaker 1: house instead. No, no, no, no no. We came to the
Speaker 1: band concert. We supported each other. It was an amazing
Speaker 1: way to grow up. I'm so grateful for it, especially
Speaker 1: now being a mother. I felt like the luckiest girl
Speaker 1: in the world.
Speaker 2: When did performing enter the equation for you?
Speaker 1: I was in fourth grade, so the elementary school I
Speaker 1: went to stopped at third grade, and so for fourth
Speaker 1: grade you had changed schools. My brother and my three
Speaker 1: sisters at the time had all gone to this Magnet
Speaker 1: Art school. I got to go to it too, and
Speaker 1: it was the first time that I took dance, art, drama,
Speaker 1: and piano. They were electives that you had to take
Speaker 1: your first year there, and then you chose which ones
Speaker 1: you kind of wanted to allocate more time to. I
Speaker 1: took a dance class and fell in love with dancing.
Speaker 1: I was ten years old. I had never taken a
Speaker 1: dance class before then, and you would think, like growing
Speaker 1: up with all girls, we were all in ballet at
Speaker 1: you know, two years old, but it was not the case.
Speaker 1: And so I fell in love with dance and I
Speaker 1: was asked to be a part of the high school
Speaker 1: musical at the time. It was Fiddler on the Roof
Speaker 1: and they needed to have children to round out the
Speaker 1: cast because Fiddler on the Roof is all about family.
Speaker 1: You would have thought I was picked to go on
Speaker 1: the Broadway stage. I was so excited to be a
Speaker 1: part of this high school musical production, a Fiddler on
Speaker 1: the Roof and it was jess rehearsal. We were in
Speaker 1: our costumes and I did the choreography, which was raising
Speaker 1: my arms up to saying tradition, and this wave of
Speaker 1: energy fled over my body and I was like, I'm done.
Speaker 1: This is what I want to do for the rest
Speaker 1: of my life. I just knew it. So then I
Speaker 1: just was like blinders on Broadway, Broadway, Broadway.
Speaker 2: So from the beginning was it like this isn't just
Speaker 2: fun for me, but like we're all in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty much. I started doing dance competitions and focusing
Speaker 1: on dance, and then I became a member of the
Speaker 1: ballet company in Canton, and I was just like, really
Speaker 1: like dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, but I just loved performing.
Speaker 1: Then in high school fell in love with singing and
Speaker 1: performing in the musicals, and I just was like this,
Speaker 1: this is what I want to do. I just knew
Speaker 1: at a young age I want to do this. I
Speaker 1: want to be a rocket, and that's what I want
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: Did you always want to be a rocket? And what
Speaker 2: was your favorite role in high school?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: My favorite role was Adelaide in Guys and Dolls. I
Speaker 1: still to this day if I ever got a chance
Speaker 1: to do that role like professionally, I would take it
Speaker 1: in a heartbeat. And then rockets came in because my
Speaker 1: dad took us to Radio City Music Hall to see
Speaker 1: the Easter Show, went on a backstage tour. I just
Speaker 1: thought they were the coolest group of women dancing on
Speaker 1: a stage, and I was like, well, I want to
Speaker 1: do that too.
Speaker 2: Was your family supportive of you going into the arts
Speaker 2: as a profession.
Speaker 1: Yes and no. My brother and my sisters had all
Speaker 1: graduated high school and went to four year universities in Ohio,
Speaker 1: Miami University, in Ohio University. So when I suggested that
Speaker 1: I wanted to go to a musical theater conservatory that
Speaker 1: did not equal a college degree, my mom and dad
Speaker 1: did have like a pause. They let me audition for
Speaker 1: all these schools. And I auditioned for a lot of
Speaker 1: universities too, like Michigan and Juilliard, these top schools where
Speaker 1: it is so competitive, you know, ten people they accept
Speaker 1: a year, sometimes less. It was the first time I
Speaker 1: had eye awakening as to what competition in this business
Speaker 1: was going to be. Like. I felt so depressed by
Speaker 1: it because I'll never forget I was at this audition
Speaker 1: for Cincinnati. I think Cincinnati was my first audition. Now,
Speaker 1: young seventeen year old Amanda, I was like, I'm from Ohio,
Speaker 1: Cincinnati down the street, like you know, for hours away.
Speaker 1: I'm totally going to get in this school.
Speaker 2: This is great, Like I was like, they're gonna love me.
Speaker 1: They're gonna love me. I'm hometown girl and it's the
Speaker 1: number one musical theater school and it's in my date.
Speaker 1: I prepare my things that I have to do. The
Speaker 1: dance auditions first. I nailed the dance audition that was
Speaker 1: never a problem. And I'm in line to sing and
Speaker 1: the woman in front of me goes in to sing,
Speaker 1: and I can hear. You know, you can hear. For
Speaker 1: all intents and purposes, this woman sounded like Sutton Foster.
Speaker 3: I was listening and slowly being like, I don't know
Speaker 3: if I can go in there and sing my song,
Speaker 3: which was an Adelaide song, because that's the song I
Speaker 3: did in my high school musical. So of course, I
Speaker 3: mean just wrong on every level, like of character. I
Speaker 3: would never be cast in like I should have never
Speaker 3: sang this song.
Speaker 1: I go in and sing and I'm completely like, wake
Speaker 1: up call, I don't sound like her, And I immediately
Speaker 1: just felt like.
Speaker 2: Awful, even though you were defeated, you still sang for them.
Speaker 1: I walked in the room and I sang, and you know,
Speaker 1: I did as best as I could. I walked in
Speaker 1: there already feeling like not good enough. That's never how
Speaker 1: you want to walk into an audition room ever, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Any room anywhere, no anywhere, any
Speaker 1: room anywhere, very good point. I go home, I go
Speaker 1: to my choir directors and I cry in their office
Speaker 1: and I'm like this, I'm never going to be able
Speaker 1: to do this. Guys like I can't sing, like these
Speaker 1: people like, I'm never going to make it. Still, to
Speaker 1: this day, I give them so much credit. They were like, Amanda,
Speaker 1: you can absolutely do this and don't let that defeat you.
Speaker 1: And we're going to help you and we're going to
Speaker 1: work on this and you're going to feel so much
Speaker 1: better all your auditions. And they convinced my mom and
Speaker 1: dad to let me go to AMDA in New York
Speaker 1: City because they were like, she's got it, She's gonna
Speaker 1: do it. And my mom and dad were like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you know, these two years equal to four years that
Speaker 1: your brother and sisters had at college, so we'll pay
Speaker 1: for it. But if after two years you're not going
Speaker 1: to have a college degree, you'll have been studying dance
Speaker 1: and music and singing in drama and good luck, you know.
Speaker 1: And it be basically like you'll be on your own
Speaker 1: and no degree. And I was like, let's do it.
Speaker 2: So Amanda makes it to New York City to pursue
Speaker 2: her dreams. She's eighteen, in an unfamiliar place, with no
Speaker 2: friends and a lot to prove coming up. The tap
Speaker 2: combo she drilled behind the bathroom door every night, the
Speaker 2: life changing phone call that came while she was in
Speaker 2: a dressing room, and a love story that starts backstage.
Speaker 2: We'll get there right after the break went to Anda.
Speaker 2: You moved to New York City at eighteen? What was that?
Speaker 2: Culture shock? Like?
Speaker 1: I had no friends for some reason, I didn't mind it.
Speaker 1: I think I just loved being in the city and
Speaker 1: I was living on the Upper West Side. The dorm
Speaker 1: was this weird hotel with a lot of old people
Speaker 1: in it. I was such a fish out of water
Speaker 1: for all intents and purposes. It was such a shock.
Speaker 1: I learned very very quickly how to survive in a
Speaker 1: good way and in a bad way. It was a lot,
Speaker 1: but I really didn't have any friends, which in a
Speaker 1: way was good because I was like laser focused on
Speaker 1: what I had to do. I just was just like,
Speaker 1: I'm here for purpose. It's not to go club in,
Speaker 1: It's to learn lines and affect my dancing and singing.
Speaker 1: And that's what I cared about.
Speaker 2: Did you start auditioning for Broadway right away when you
Speaker 2: were in school or did you wait the two years?
Speaker 1: No, you know, I'm a good rule follower or I
Speaker 1: used to be, and you couldn't audition till your fourth
Speaker 1: semester at school. I think I cheated and like went
Speaker 1: on a few when I was in my third semester,
Speaker 1: but I pretty much was like, well, no, I mean
Speaker 1: I won't be ready until my fourth semester, so I
Speaker 1: have to wait. But I yes, I started auditioning, and
Speaker 1: what a great learning experience. I was auditioning for you know,
Speaker 1: non equity, which is the Actors' Union. Until you're part
Speaker 1: of the union, you kind of you know, have to
Speaker 1: really just go for those non equity jobs. And I
Speaker 1: just remember doing my monologues from school and just you know,
Speaker 1: putting myself out there for anything and nothing, no jobs.
Speaker 1: But I was still in school, so I was like,
Speaker 1: it's fine, you know what I mean, Like I wasn't
Speaker 1: trying necessarily to get anything right away?
Speaker 2: How did you support yourself through it before acting became
Speaker 2: like the job that was paying the bills.
Speaker 1: I was in a coffee shop and I'm waiting in line,
Speaker 1: and this man in front of me has this adorable
Speaker 1: little girl, and I love kids, big family, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my gosh, your daughter's so cute. I
Speaker 1: was like, she's such a good How old is she?
Speaker 1: We become instant friends. I say to him, you know,
Speaker 1: as we're getting our coffee. So I'm like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that I live right around the corner
Speaker 1: if you ever need a babysitter, Like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: school here, I'm from Ohio. My family has five kids.
Speaker 1: I grew up around babies. I love babysitting. He was like,
Speaker 1: there's five kids in my family. He's like, let me
Speaker 1: get your number. He's like, I'll give it to my
Speaker 1: wife and she'll give you a call. Luckily she did.
Speaker 1: They lived across the street from me, and I basically
Speaker 1: became part of their family, and I babysat their daughter
Speaker 1: almost every day because, you know, now, being a mother,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, she won the jetpot. I
Speaker 1: was across the street, Ohio, eighteen year old, huge family,
Speaker 1: going to school. I was at her Beck and Call
Speaker 1: and she was the nicest. There's still my great friends.
Speaker 1: She was so wonderful to me, bring your laundry. She
Speaker 1: would cook for me. It was heaven. It was God
Speaker 1: sent me the two of them and that little baby,
Speaker 1: and it saved me. And that's how I made any
Speaker 1: money to survive.
Speaker 2: Like community and family. It's amazing.
Speaker 1: My friends would be going to the club and they'd
Speaker 1: be doing ski trips and I thought they were actually skiing. No,
Speaker 1: they were doing cocaine. That's how great eye was. I
Speaker 1: was like, you're going skiing every weekend? Where are you
Speaker 1: guys going? I was like, so just and I would
Speaker 1: go over there and babysit.
Speaker 2: Through this period where you're like auditioning and not getting
Speaker 2: it and auditioning and not getting it, Like how did
Speaker 2: you keep going through all the rejections? Like what did
Speaker 2: you learn about yourself?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: My gosh, you know nothing. At first, I was I
Speaker 1: was too young, you know what I mean. I just
Speaker 1: I didn't understand how to learn from these auditions. The
Speaker 1: first time I remember fully grasping that was the audition
Speaker 1: for forty second Street. So forty second Street was the
Speaker 1: hit Broadway revival playing on forty second Street, and I
Speaker 1: would go and sit in the front row because you
Speaker 1: could get twenty dollars student tickets in the front row.
Speaker 1: And so I saw it like ten times, and they
Speaker 1: were auditioning for replacements. It was like an open call.
Speaker 1: I was still non equity and I waited, I think
Speaker 1: probably three or four hours to be seen. And I
Speaker 1: was seen and cut right away from the first tap
Speaker 1: little combo that you have to do alone. You have
Speaker 1: to do this tap combo alone. It's like a you know,
Speaker 1: way to vet people out. I was terrible. Tap was
Speaker 1: not my strong suit, and I got cut, but I learned.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is something I need to perfect
Speaker 1: in order to get kept for the next time. I
Speaker 1: go in for forty second Street. And I knew there
Speaker 1: would be next time because they have six month calls.
Speaker 1: Every six months. The show was huge. There was a
Speaker 1: huge cast of women, so they're constantly needing replacements, and
Speaker 1: it was a show I could do. It was a
Speaker 1: show I watched and I was like, I could be her.
Speaker 1: I could be her. I could be her. So I
Speaker 1: knew that. It was like, Okay, I now understand what
Speaker 1: I need to do in order to do better the
Speaker 1: next time I come to this audition. I'm not even
Speaker 1: kidding you, Emily. I worked on my tap like it
Speaker 1: was my job. I was putting myself in every kind
Speaker 1: of tap class, extra class, And every night before I
Speaker 1: went to bed, I would close the bathroom door, put
Speaker 1: my tap shoes on, and go over that combo that
Speaker 1: is the first cut of forty second Street. And when
Speaker 1: the audition came up again, I went in and not
Speaker 1: only did I perfect that first call, but they called
Speaker 1: me back for the national tour. And I booked the
Speaker 1: national tour two days before I graduated.
Speaker 2: Anda, Oh my god, did they just feel like the greatest,
Speaker 2: like the not just a sense of accomplishment, but like
Speaker 2: you'd made it.
Speaker 1: Oh, I will never fear that I was in. Do
Speaker 1: you remember this tour Strawberry? Oh? Yeah, in New York City.
Speaker 1: I was in the dressing room of Strawberry. My phone
Speaker 1: goes off and I'm like weaseling myself out of some
Speaker 1: top because you know, all those clothes there were, so
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, nothing fits. I'm like hello, She's
Speaker 1: like as Samanda. It was like this British casting decor.
Speaker 1: I was like, yes, She's like, I'd love to offer
Speaker 1: you a position in the four to second Street National
Speaker 1: Tour and I was like, you know, I'm so bad
Speaker 1: as top. My older sister, who lived in New York
Speaker 1: was working at the Waldorf Astoria. I ran from Strawberry
Speaker 1: to the Waldorf, surprised her at work, told her the
Speaker 1: biggest news, and I was like.
Speaker 4: I'm going to go get a Venti caramel mochiato with
Speaker 4: extra caramel and extra cream at a black and white
Speaker 4: cookie and she was like, you should. That's how I
Speaker 4: celebrated my big job. I was a static. I was
Speaker 4: a static.
Speaker 2: Did the rehearsal and the show end up being what
Speaker 2: you'd wanted it to be? Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. The contract for this tour was the first time
Speaker 1: they ever did this tier D contract for equity shows.
Speaker 1: It sounds exactly like it was Tier D no money.
Speaker 1: So the great thing about it was is that everyone
Speaker 1: in the cast was also around my age. Because the
Speaker 1: only people that could accept to your D were twenty
Speaker 1: year olds who had no responsibilities and no apartments and
Speaker 1: no life. So we were all on tour together. And
Speaker 1: we had these week or two week stops. It was
Speaker 1: so fun. I remember the first payday. This stage manager
Speaker 1: was like, everybody, pick up your checks. You know, the
Speaker 1: checks are in the office. And I looked at my
Speaker 1: girlfriend and I go, Troy, we get paid. I didn't
Speaker 1: even care that I got paid. I forgot that I
Speaker 1: was getting paid. I mean, talk about just like the best.
Speaker 1: I get three hundred dollars a week.
Speaker 2: How long did you stay on the tour?
Speaker 1: For months? Yeah? Ten months? Because while I was on tour,
Speaker 1: a couple of the girls from in the show that
Speaker 1: had become my best friends had been roquettes. So the
Speaker 1: roquette audition I knew was in August, so starting in
Speaker 1: like mid June, I had my friends in the show.
Speaker 1: In between shows, because you know you have matinees and
Speaker 1: evening shows, I would have them teach me roquette combos
Speaker 1: and judge me while I would perform them in some
Speaker 1: sort of carpeted backroom lobby of the theater or whatever.
Speaker 1: So when the audition for Radio City came up, I
Speaker 1: had gone in when I was in school two times
Speaker 1: before and got caught for the national tour of the Rockets.
Speaker 1: But I had made it very, very far. I had
Speaker 1: never gone in for Radio City, the New York City Rockets.
Speaker 1: The audition came up, and I flew to New York
Speaker 1: from tour, got the days off and booked the job,
Speaker 1: got back to tour, and these are things you just
Speaker 1: never forget. But I there's a spot at Lax Airport
Speaker 1: that was exactly where I was when I got the
Speaker 1: call that I was going to be a Radio City Rocket.
Speaker 1: Every time I walk by it to Lax, I just
Speaker 1: I see like that little Amanda getting that phone call,
Speaker 1: Like it's just like ingrained in my brain. And so
Speaker 1: I left tour and started my rocket journey.
Speaker 2: Was it as glamorous as it looks? Like? What was
Speaker 2: the rocket journey?
Speaker 1: Okay? So the rocket journey is exactly as glamorous as
Speaker 1: it looks. I mean you get to go to Radio
Speaker 1: City Music Hall for work every day. I mean, it's magical.
Speaker 1: It's where we rehearsed too. They don't now, but at
Speaker 1: the time you got to walk into Radio City, you
Speaker 1: go through the backstage. Radio City is like such a maze.
Speaker 1: You go through all these weird hallways and then there's
Speaker 1: this grand rehearsal hall and I remembered it from when
Speaker 1: I was a little girl and my dad took us
Speaker 1: on the backstage tour of radio city music halls. So
Speaker 1: now I'm twenty one and I'm rehearsing there every day
Speaker 1: and it's all women, and it's such a hierarchy and
Speaker 1: it's such a At that time, it was such a
Speaker 1: like clicky, cool girl, new girl, rookie, We're going to
Speaker 1: put you through the ropes kind of thing. The girls
Speaker 1: that had been rockets forever were so gorgeous. They were
Speaker 1: like dripping in designer clothes, hair boobs, makeup, just like
Speaker 1: glamorous and did not give you the time of day
Speaker 1: if you were the newbie. It was fabulous. It was
Speaker 1: awful and fabulous all at the same time. I just
Speaker 1: remember trying so hard. It's a military there. You don't
Speaker 1: want to mess up, but they feed on that, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, they can smell your fear. They put me
Speaker 1: through the ropes. And because I'm very tall, I was
Speaker 1: right in the center rocket. The tallest girls are in
Speaker 1: the center and it tails off to the shortest girls.
Speaker 1: It gives the illusion that we're all the same hype,
Speaker 1: but we're not. And so when you're in the center,
Speaker 1: all the focus is on you. And I was standing
Speaker 1: next to women who had been Rockets for five six years.
Speaker 1: So I got picked on a lot and in a
Speaker 1: lot of notes, and it consumed by brain. You know,
Speaker 1: I never felt like I was good enough where I
Speaker 1: could breathe, but I loved it all the same time.
Speaker 2: Both things can be true.
Speaker 1: Both things can be true. Yes, and any Rocket will
Speaker 1: say this. I have a group of twelve, maybe fourteen
Speaker 1: girls that we all met that first year of Rockets.
Speaker 1: I think they only hired twelve girls, so it's like
Speaker 1: the twelve hires that they hired that year, we are
Speaker 1: all still best friends twenty years later. I mean, it
Speaker 1: is such a sorority. I'm so grateful for it because
Speaker 1: they're just the best ladies. So you stayed with the
Speaker 1: Rockets for three years. But let's bring your personal life
Speaker 1: into this. Had you been in relationships as you were
Speaker 1: on the tour in the Rockets? No, No, My school,
Speaker 1: Amdo was a lot of gay men, so I didn't
Speaker 1: even care. I didn't even care in high school. I
Speaker 1: never really had boyfriends in high school, like I was
Speaker 1: just like on a mission. So yes, the first guy
Speaker 1: I dated actually was between Rockets and then the first
Speaker 1: Broadway show I did. I worked at MTV as an
Speaker 1: assistant casting director, and I started dating my boss and
Speaker 1: that was like my first boyfriend. And then when my
Speaker 1: first Broadway show started Good Vibrations, I met my ex husband,
Speaker 1: and so I dumped MTV boss and started dating my
Speaker 1: ex husband. Yeah, I love a showmance. I really love
Speaker 1: a showmans. It's bad because you know, you're working with
Speaker 1: somebody every single day, and talent, to me is very attractive.
Speaker 1: And I love the arts, and you know, arts people
Speaker 1: are very touchy feely and emotive and fun and funny,
Speaker 1: and you're just spending way too much time with people.
Speaker 1: And so I love a showmance.
Speaker 2: You were with your ex husband for a number of
Speaker 2: years but then ended up in Bullets over Broadway, Yes,
Speaker 2: where you met your late husband Nick. You were both
Speaker 2: performing in it. How did you know that you were
Speaker 2: ready to jump into another relationship, like another serious relationship
Speaker 2: so quickly?
Speaker 1: Oh my I wasn't and Nick was very much the
Speaker 1: person going you should not be dating me right now,
Speaker 1: like you just ended a seven year marriage, you actually
Speaker 1: are still ending it. And my personality is like, how
Speaker 1: dare you?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: No? Like, if you tell me I can't do something,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like, oh no, I'm doing it tenfold.
Speaker 1: So every time he was like, you should be dating me.
Speaker 1: You just got out of a seven year relationship, like
Speaker 1: do date a ton of people have sex with a
Speaker 1: ton of people. And I was just like, no, that's
Speaker 1: not me. I want to date you. And he finally
Speaker 1: gave in and we started dating as my divorce was finalizing.
Speaker 1: It was a mess. Oh my god, it was such
Speaker 1: a mess. I mean the way that man listened to me,
Speaker 1: held me while I cried and sobbed and tried to
Speaker 1: understand why my marriage was ending and why it failed
Speaker 1: and who I was now. I thought my life was
Speaker 1: over at thirty two. You know, I thought I'd never
Speaker 1: get married again, I'd never have a baby. I'm on
Speaker 1: the old hag.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: My Broadway show had closed, so I had lost my job,
Speaker 1: so I had no job. My marriage was ending. I
Speaker 1: was a mess, and he was such a beautiful spirit
Speaker 1: and love and just the amount of times I'm not
Speaker 1: kidding you would like just hold me while I was
Speaker 1: sopping my eyes out over not my ex husband, but
Speaker 1: like the possibility of that future ending. You know, I do.
Speaker 2: Think that both things are true, Like it's two things
Speaker 2: that you grieve at the end of a relationship, Like
Speaker 2: it's the person, but then separately it's you, like it's
Speaker 2: the future that you thought that you weren't going to
Speaker 2: have with them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one thousand percent. I really do think it's very
Speaker 1: similar to a death. That is such a loss. Divorce
Speaker 1: is I think it's so common now unfortunately, but like
Speaker 1: it is tough, especially like we didn't have children. But
Speaker 1: I can't even imagine what that's like. It's hard to grasp.
Speaker 1: It was a very, very tough time for me. Did
Speaker 1: you also have logistical issues like where to live? Like
Speaker 1: I feel like so many of New York relationships are
Speaker 1: dictated by people moving in together because lisas are timed
Speaker 1: to the right time.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so true, it's so true. We should just live together.
Speaker 5: Does that makes sense? Well, yes, yes and no. So
Speaker 5: he was on tour with Book of Mormon, and so
Speaker 5: he was away and I was living in our apartment alone,
Speaker 5: and he had just started his tour, so he was
Speaker 5: by no means coming home anytime soon. So in a
Speaker 5: way it was good because I was able to stay
Speaker 5: in our apartment and figure everything out while he was
Speaker 5: away and on tour. And then eventually when I ended
Speaker 5: up leaving that apartment, I realized, Wow, Like when I
Speaker 5: remember the first time I stood in my little studio
Speaker 5: apartment on the Upper West Side, Oh my god, it
Speaker 5: was so cute, it was so perfect.
Speaker 1: It was exactly what I needed. I was like a
Speaker 1: weight had been lifted off my shoulders, Like A didn't
Speaker 1: even realize how heavy being in that apartment was every
Speaker 1: day in this situation. So it was a great news start,
Speaker 1: but terrifying it was. I was paying, you know, two
Speaker 1: thousand dollars a month on my own, and I didn't
Speaker 1: have a job. I was teaching fitness and getting paid
Speaker 1: forty dollars an hour. It was terrifying.
Speaker 2: At this point, Amanda had already started teaching fitness classes
Speaker 2: and she loved it. But when her show closed and
Speaker 2: she lost her Broadway income, the classes she taught weren't
Speaker 2: enough to make ends meet as is, so she got creative.
Speaker 2: So you had started fitness by this point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I started teaching fitness a couple years before then.
Speaker 1: My girlfriend was teaching at this studio called Body by Simone,
Speaker 1: and it was all like dance based fitness, and she
Speaker 1: was like, this is so fun. They were looking for
Speaker 1: more trainers. You should audition. I got the job and
Speaker 1: I started teaching fitness, but it was all like dance
Speaker 1: based fitness, so it felt like I was just like
Speaker 1: dancing every day and leading these women in dance combos,
Speaker 1: and I fell in love with it. I loved it.
Speaker 1: I always loved working out, so that was like normal,
Speaker 1: and I loved leading people and I loved the joy
Speaker 1: of moving. And it saved me through my divorce. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I had no idea. That was the first
Speaker 1: time fitness clocked that it's mental health for me. It's
Speaker 1: not about what size I am. Before then, it was
Speaker 1: all about looking cute enough in my costumes, because Broadway
Speaker 1: costumes are next to nothing. I mean my first Broadway show,
Speaker 1: I was in a bikini the whole show, a bikini
Speaker 1: with no tights, no tights, a bikini on stage. So
Speaker 1: fitness was always how skinny can I be? And then
Speaker 1: I go through my divorce and I'm teaching fitness, and
Speaker 1: I realize how much fitness moving my body changes my
Speaker 1: mental health, my anxiety and my stress, and I was like, God,
Speaker 1: I've been getting this all wrong. It was such an
Speaker 1: IOP experience. So then when boths of were probably closed,
Speaker 1: I was still teaching it Body by Simone, but it
Speaker 1: wasn't enough, you know what I mean. Like I was
Speaker 1: killing myself teaching six hours a day, but it wasn't
Speaker 1: going to cut it. And I can't get unemployment if
Speaker 1: I'm teaching. You can't even bank on the four hundred
Speaker 1: dollars a week on unemployment because I was teaching fitness,
Speaker 1: but I needed fitness to have something to do. So
Speaker 1: it was like I was in this loop of like
Speaker 1: I either need an the performing job or I need
Speaker 1: to figure something out. I had an idea for a
Speaker 1: jump rope class and I pitched it to the owner
Speaker 1: Body by Simone and she was like, yeah, She's like
Speaker 1: I like this.
Speaker 2: I like this.
Speaker 1: I don't know like how we would do it, like
Speaker 1: you know, we might, we wouldn't be able to have
Speaker 1: a lot of people jumping rope and it was like
Speaker 1: a smaller studio. And she was like, but I like it.
Speaker 1: I like it, you know, work on it and see
Speaker 1: what you know you can come up with. I kept
Speaker 1: like kind of fine tuning it when I would train
Speaker 1: privately my private clients at the studio when the divorce
Speaker 1: was finalized and I was at an audition for Cats
Speaker 1: and I got cut and I came home and I
Speaker 1: was crying and Nick and I was like, so sad
Speaker 1: that I got cut from Cats, And he was like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing. You're a CEO. You have an idea.
Speaker 1: Start your own business. Stop auditioning for Broadway shows. You've
Speaker 1: done it, You've done everything. You've done tours, you've replaced people,
Speaker 1: you've originated shows, You've done it. Start your own business.
Speaker 1: So I listened to him left Body by Simone, and
Speaker 1: I fine tuned this jump rope class. I launched Amanda
Speaker 1: Flut's Fitness and the AK Jump Rope Class in April
Speaker 1: of twenty sixteen. I loved my idea and I knew
Speaker 1: it was special. It was super unique, and it was
Speaker 1: at the height of boutique fitness. The gyms were failing,
Speaker 1: and soul cycles and flywheels and Physique fifty seven was
Speaker 1: where it's at. I knew I had, like this great,
Speaker 1: cool idea. I had such a following from Body by Simone.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna be amazing. I'm like, everyone's
Speaker 1: gonna love this jump rope idea. I'm teaching seven am
Speaker 1: on a mon. Everybody's gonna come because they're going to
Speaker 1: want to start their week off at seven am with
Speaker 1: me jump roping. Nobody came, Nobody cared.
Speaker 2: Did really nobody comes to that first class when you
Speaker 2: first opened.
Speaker 1: No, the first class, first class people came. Second class.
Speaker 1: Nobody came. There were no showers at this gym, so
Speaker 1: you couldn't go right to work, which is such a
Speaker 1: New York City thing, you know what I mean. But
Speaker 1: there was no shower. Nobody came, and I would come
Speaker 1: home and I'd be crying to Nick, like I don't understand.
Speaker 1: I have a great idea. Nobody's coming. They're going to
Speaker 1: fire me at this studio, Like, no, my idea is good.
Speaker 1: So I just started faking all these Instagram posts and
Speaker 1: putting up like this is what we did in class today.
Speaker 1: It was amazing. Thanks for showing up, everybody. I'm going
Speaker 1: to show you what we did because I couldn't record
Speaker 1: it while I was teaching. I mean, just like making
Speaker 1: everything up. I had borrowed money from the people that
Speaker 1: I babysat from. They gave me money to kind of
Speaker 1: start my business. So I borrowed money from them and
Speaker 1: paid for a PUBLICI to get the word out of
Speaker 1: this jump rope class, and the publicist kicked ass and slowly, slowly, slowly,
Speaker 1: like eight months later, I had people in class with
Speaker 1: waitless and the jump rope workout was taking off.
Speaker 2: That is wild. What do you think the publicists did
Speaker 2: that worked?
Speaker 1: She had me train all these editors of magazines. So
Speaker 1: I literally was giving all these editors this jump rope class,
Speaker 1: and one by one they started like writing little bits
Speaker 1: on me. It was such the beginning of like Instagram
Speaker 1: and blogs. And at the time I was like, who
Speaker 1: are these people? Like I don't even know, and they're like,
Speaker 1: just trust me. And then they got me a spread
Speaker 1: in Cosmopolitan magazine and I thought this is amazing. I
Speaker 1: mean I grew up reading Cosmo, so I was like,
Speaker 1: this is the coolest thing ever. Just slowly it just
Speaker 1: started picking up, and she kicked.
Speaker 2: Us, We've met all the editors, We've sold out the class.
Speaker 2: It's taking off. So this is like twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen.
Speaker 2: Like so when you launched the digital fitness brand in
Speaker 2: twenty twenty.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I had had videos that I filmed. It
Speaker 1: was like back in the day, you know, you had
Speaker 1: to like digitally download them. They weren't like vhs or
Speaker 1: DVDs or anything. And then in twenty twenty, I knew
Speaker 1: I wanted to start an app, but I felt like
Speaker 1: it had to just be perfect, you know. I felt
Speaker 1: like I had to have the perfect outfits, and I
Speaker 1: had my body had to be perfect, and I had
Speaker 1: to have perfect lighting and microphones and songs and idea
Speaker 1: and money. And then COVID hit and nobody wanted perfection.
Speaker 1: I was already doing this on Instagram lives with my
Speaker 1: good friend Ami Song. I was teaching her while people were,
Speaker 1: you know, in the early early days of COVID, even
Speaker 1: before my husband went into the ICU, we were doing
Speaker 1: twenty minute workouts like everybody was, you know, everybody was
Speaker 1: doing anything they could online to just you know, be
Speaker 1: kind when people were giving like painting lessons and cooking lessons,
Speaker 1: and so I was like, I'll do it Instagram Live
Speaker 1: workouts with Ami, and I just started realizing, oh, I
Speaker 1: can just like start putting this on my website and
Speaker 1: like just just start filming in my backyard. It doesn't
Speaker 1: need to be anything more than that. And so that's
Speaker 1: kind of how I started my app and so to
Speaker 1: this day, some of those videos still get the most views.
Speaker 1: Just like me in my Backyard. It just goes to
Speaker 1: show you we get in our own way because we
Speaker 1: feel like we have to be this perfect version of
Speaker 1: ourselves to start something. And it's like people don't want perfection.
Speaker 1: Sometimes they do, and sometimes you need it, but like
Speaker 1: also sometimes they don't, you know, and sometimes it's refreshing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's bring the personal back into this. How quickly
Speaker 2: did you and Nick get married? Were you ready to
Speaker 2: marry again? How quickly did you have your son?
Speaker 1: We dated for three years. Once we finally like figured
Speaker 1: it out, it was after we had taken a big
Speaker 1: break where I really thought like we were not getting
Speaker 1: back together. But then his father got sick, and in
Speaker 1: starting to lose his father, he kind of I've really
Speaker 1: realized what was important in his life. We got back together,
Speaker 1: We got engaged pretty quickly, got married within seven months,
Speaker 1: and then a year later had Elvis. So then that
Speaker 1: was sort of like boom boom boom. It was wonderful
Speaker 1: and he was still performing. We had Elvis in New
Speaker 1: York City, but Nick was like dead set on moving
Speaker 1: us to California because he wanted to really focus on
Speaker 1: a music career, which at the time I was not
Speaker 1: supportive of. I was like, everyone that knows you and
Speaker 1: wants to hire you is in New York City, which
Speaker 1: had our first baby. My parents live across the hall.
Speaker 1: My fitness business is here. That is what I do
Speaker 1: at the time, that is all I did. I ran
Speaker 1: my fitness company. So I was like, you're moving us
Speaker 1: to California. I don't have a following there, you don't
Speaker 1: know any people in casting there, and we have no
Speaker 1: family there. And he was like, we're going to California,
Speaker 1: did you actually go? At that point, we compromised, and
Speaker 1: after Elvis was born three months later, we moved to California.
Speaker 1: He had a job performing in Rock of Ages, which
Speaker 1: was a Broadway show he did that was going to
Speaker 1: be here in Hollywood Boulevard, and he was getting paid
Speaker 1: seven hundred and fifty dollars a week, and he convinced
Speaker 1: me that that was enough to survive. I had just
Speaker 1: got back into teaching because I had a C section
Speaker 1: with Elvis, so I was like just getting back into
Speaker 1: fitness and being a mom for the first time. I
Speaker 1: was completely overwhelmed. I had always had good success when
Speaker 1: I would come to LA and teach fitness classes and again, Emily,
Speaker 1: I show up and I'm thinking, Okay, here we go, LA,
Speaker 1: let's go. Nobody showed up, nobody cared. I would teach
Speaker 1: class and no one would come. It was devastating because
Speaker 1: I wasn't twenty eight anymore. I was now thirty seven
Speaker 1: and I was a mom, and I didn't have the
Speaker 1: energy to fake it till I make it again, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I was just like, I don't
Speaker 1: have the capacity I teach at eight am. If you
Speaker 1: don't show up, I'm now breastfeeding myself. And it was
Speaker 1: just devastating. I could not get anyone to come to class.
Speaker 1: I couldn't even get my friends in LA to come.
Speaker 1: Getting anyone to go anywhere in LA is I've now
Speaker 1: learned a struggle.
Speaker 2: Did you just think that you were done? Like, were
Speaker 2: you ready to give up? No?
Speaker 1: Because unfortunately that's not my personality. I just started teaching
Speaker 1: a lot of privates to make any money I could.
Speaker 1: That was also shock because I was making a lot
Speaker 1: of money teaching privates in New York City because people
Speaker 1: in New York City will pay a lot of money
Speaker 1: for a private session in la They won't. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: So I was making half the amount of money teaching
Speaker 1: a private session. I was doing as many as I
Speaker 1: could to like just offer any kind of assistance to
Speaker 1: our financial situation at the time. And I just kept
Speaker 1: teaching and kept teaching and kept advertising, and by February
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty, my classes were finally like full here.
Speaker 1: But full here is like fifteen people. But it felt
Speaker 1: good because I finally had people coming to class February
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty, just as approached in March.
Speaker 2: Yeah, perfect timing, and the world shut down. It's February
Speaker 2: twenty twenty. Amanda's classes in la are finally filling up.
Speaker 2: She's a wife, a new mom, a business owner who
Speaker 2: clawed her way back one private session at a time,
Speaker 2: and then the world shut down. In a minute, we'll
Speaker 2: talk about the ninety five days that changed Amanda's world
Speaker 2: in Instagram Live that turned into an army of strangers,
Speaker 2: and the way grief cracked her life open into something
Speaker 2: none of us could have anticipated. Be right back, So
Speaker 2: can you talk us through these next couple of months.
Speaker 1: So we were living in Laurel Canyon at the time,
Speaker 1: of my friend's guest house and the world shuts down.
Speaker 1: So Nick's show stops, and I of course stopped teaching.
Speaker 1: We're at my friend's guest home. It's my birthday, March nineteenth,
Speaker 1: the California state you know, goes in to stay at home.
Speaker 1: We are just like, oh my gosh, this is like
Speaker 1: crazy and wild. And that night is when he first
Speaker 1: started feeling weird, and he was like, I'm tired, and
Speaker 1: he just wanted to go to sleep. So I was like, fine,
Speaker 1: you know, we can go to sleep. What are we
Speaker 1: going to do anyways, Like there's nothing to do. I
Speaker 1: ate my birthday cake. He went to bed and I
Speaker 1: followed in line. And the next couple of weeks is
Speaker 1: when he slowly started getting a little bit more sick.
Speaker 1: Every day he was sleeping all the time, just sleeping, sleeping, sleeping,
Speaker 1: which was not a symptom of COVID. We didn't think
Speaker 1: he had COVID. I thought he was just depressed because
Speaker 1: his show had closed and the world had stopped. Nick
Speaker 1: could get in depression like easily, like if things weren't
Speaker 1: going his way or he felt stuck, he would kind
Speaker 1: of just get into a little depressive mode. So I
Speaker 1: just thought he was depressed. It wasn't until like his
Speaker 1: breathing got very labored and he was coughing that we
Speaker 1: took him to the emergency room and then he got
Speaker 1: admitted into the emergency room, and then three COVID tests later,
Speaker 1: got a positive COVID result and was admitted into the
Speaker 1: ICU started his battle with COVID, and then then my
Speaker 1: world stopped. Of course, it just became caretaker and wife
Speaker 1: and mother and I was just, you know, trying to
Speaker 1: keep everything together and my husband alife.
Speaker 2: I remember you already had a following at the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had a nice small following from my fitness
Speaker 1: because I had been training a really like big influencer
Speaker 1: in New York City. Because of that, my Instagram following
Speaker 1: really kind of blossomed. I think I had like fifty
Speaker 1: thousand followers, which I thought was like, again, just like
Speaker 1: I I'm always like wow, I'm just like I'm amazing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, did you decide from the beginning to be chronicling
Speaker 2: the journey or just sort of happened as you were going?
Speaker 1: Not right away. When I first took Nick into the hospital,
Speaker 1: I wasn't saying very much, but I was still going
Speaker 1: online with Ami Song teaching these fitness classes. But then like,
Speaker 1: my husband was in the ICU, and so after like
Speaker 1: day three of the ICU, it was the first time
Speaker 1: I went on Instagram Live and I said, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: just FOYI. My husband's in the ICU. He's forty one
Speaker 1: years old. We don't understand how he got COVID or
Speaker 1: why he got COVID, and he had no symptoms of COVID,
Speaker 1: but he has it, and this is what is happening
Speaker 1: over here. And I did it for two reasons. I
Speaker 1: felt like I was kind of leading a double life being,
Speaker 1: you know, this bubbly fitness instructor Monday, Wednesday, Friday teaching
Speaker 1: Amy and then I turned the camera off and'd be
Speaker 1: like this concerned wife. And then also because I was like,
Speaker 1: this is weird. He's forty one, he's perfectly healthy, and
Speaker 1: he's in the ICU right now. So if anyone else
Speaker 1: is lying around their house sleeping, maybe you should get
Speaker 1: tested for COVID. I did it for those two reasons,
Speaker 1: and then it just blew up. Emily, it just blew up.
Speaker 1: How did that feel to you that it blew up?
Speaker 1: I mean it was fuel I felt like I was
Speaker 1: all alone. I was all alone with a baby. Elvis
Speaker 1: was ten months old. I was in the height of
Speaker 1: sleep training and trying to be a mom. And you know,
Speaker 1: when your son's ten ten months old, you're not talking
Speaker 1: to anyone. He can't talk back to you. So I
Speaker 1: was like alone in a cabin. My friends weren't even
Speaker 1: coming to talk to me because they were scared to
Speaker 1: be around me. Because Nick was in the ICU.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 1: I was a COVID risk, you know, I was all alone.
Speaker 1: So as soon as this like internet community started building,
Speaker 1: it was like a refuge. I just would go on
Speaker 1: my stories though I wasn't even doing lives yet. I
Speaker 1: was just going on my stories and talking that. The
Speaker 1: response and the support that was flooding in was insane,
Speaker 1: and I felt like I had friends.
Speaker 2: When did you realize that he wouldn't be getting better?
Speaker 1: April tenth, twenty twenty. He was supposed to get taken
Speaker 1: off the ventilator that morning and be sent to rehab
Speaker 1: and be home in they said four to five days.
Speaker 1: And the phone rings and they go Amanda, Nick spike
Speaker 1: to fever and he died for two minutes and re resuscitated.
Speaker 1: Him and we want to put him on EKMO, so
Speaker 1: we need your consent. It will run his heart and
Speaker 1: lungs for the next three days. His life is minute
Speaker 1: to minute. And I was like, what just happened? And
Speaker 1: that was the first time that I was like, this
Speaker 1: isn't going going like I just I mean, I fell
Speaker 1: to the floor sobbing. I couldn't I couldn't breathe. Till
Speaker 1: to this day, I don't even remember where Elvis was, like,
Speaker 1: I just I just remember falling and crying and screaming
Speaker 1: into the phone when I called my mom and dad.
Speaker 2: M and then you were You were finally able to
Speaker 2: go into the ICU, into the hospital finally.
Speaker 1: The first day they let me in was because they
Speaker 1: were amputating his right life and they didn't think that
Speaker 1: he would make it through the surgery. He was so weak,
Speaker 1: he was in a medically induced coma. He had a
Speaker 1: blood clot that was basically killing his right leg. And
Speaker 1: they brought me in to sign papers that if he
Speaker 1: died during the amputation, that I consented to it. So
Speaker 1: I got to go into the hospital only for that reason.
Speaker 1: But they let me sit outside of his room and
Speaker 1: look at him through.
Speaker 2: A glass door.
Speaker 1: I was in full ppe outside of a glass door
Speaker 1: and hyperventilating as I was like signing his death papers,
Speaker 1: basically saying goodbye, because I really didn't know if he
Speaker 1: would make it. You know, there was going to be
Speaker 1: a three hour surgery and it was literally like fifty
Speaker 1: to fifty.
Speaker 2: I didn't know you then, but I remember his passing
Speaker 2: was a cultural shift in the country because up until
Speaker 2: that point, people felt like you had to be really sick,
Speaker 2: you had to be really old to actually get sick,
Speaker 2: and you were so transparent and explaining step by step.
Speaker 2: And the fact that he was young and healthy and
Speaker 2: active and didn't have what aids that were the symptoms.
Speaker 2: It felt like his passing was the moment that people
Speaker 2: started to take it seriously.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I think no one expected him to die,
Speaker 1: including me, and I was watching him die every day
Speaker 1: for ninety five days. It didn't clue into me that
Speaker 1: I was because I was so positive. It was like,
Speaker 1: there's no way he's going to die. Even though he
Speaker 1: was literally being run by machines and everything was breaking
Speaker 1: down in his body. I still was like, no, he's
Speaker 1: going to make it. He's going to make it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when he died. I felt like I lost the war,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And maybe that's kind of
Speaker 1: how everybody else felt too, maybe like it was just
Speaker 1: was such a shock that he didn't survive. You know,
Speaker 1: I had such an army. I'm forever grateful. I had
Speaker 1: such an army of people that were singing with me
Speaker 1: and praying with me every single day. I mean, it
Speaker 1: still shocks me. That was a hard day and a
Speaker 1: hard thing to admit to myself and to the world
Speaker 1: that he didn't it. But like I failed, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I felt like I failed, which
Speaker 1: is weird, but I did.
Speaker 2: Yeah, at that point, had you at least had people
Speaker 2: like could you physically be around people or you still
Speaker 2: had to be quarantined because there was so much unknown
Speaker 2: about COVID.
Speaker 1: Luckily, a lot of my family members had slowly come
Speaker 1: to California quarantined, and then we all started to live
Speaker 1: together in this house that we were renting to all
Speaker 1: be together, including Nick's mother, who had also been able
Speaker 1: to come here from Canada. So luckily we were all together,
Speaker 1: which also saved me because I had so much help
Speaker 1: with Elvis and then you know, his mother of course,
Speaker 1: instead of being alone was with us too, so that
Speaker 1: was helpful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you've said that seeing Nick and the ICU transformed
Speaker 2: how you think about fitness and movement. Can you explain
Speaker 2: that shift one hundred percent?
Speaker 1: So think about cold, rainy day and you're in your
Speaker 1: house and you're like, ugh, I have to go to
Speaker 1: the gym, and they're like, oh, I have to get
Speaker 1: my leggings on. I brought up on put a raincoat on,
Speaker 1: walk there so tired, I could just sit on the couch.
Speaker 1: I get that, you know what I mean? Like that,
Speaker 1: I get it. I would be sitting next to Nick,
Speaker 1: and the most he could ever do once he woke
Speaker 1: up from his coma was move his eyeballs up, down,
Speaker 1: left and right. On a good day, I would ask
Speaker 1: him a question, look up if you can hear me,
Speaker 1: and he would slowly look up, but he could barely
Speaker 1: even open his eyes. He couldn't squeeze my hand nothing,
Speaker 1: And I thought to myself, I will never again take
Speaker 1: for granted the ability to stand on my two feet
Speaker 1: and to go for a walk, to run, to jump,
Speaker 1: to dance, to move my body like this man would
Speaker 1: kill to be able to squeeze my hand in order
Speaker 1: for him to live. He has to be strong enough
Speaker 1: to sit up because his bed sores are so horrible
Speaker 1: they have to heal before he could even go under
Speaker 1: the knife to get a double lung transplant, which is
Speaker 1: what he would need in order to survive. But he
Speaker 1: can't even do that until he has the ability to
Speaker 1: sit up so that his bed source can heal. I
Speaker 1: get to sit up every day. I take it for granted.
Speaker 1: It changed my whole fitness approach.
Speaker 2: What did it look like coming through in your fitness
Speaker 2: when it changed your approach?
Speaker 1: I start every fitness class I teacha with you, guys.
Speaker 1: This is such a privilege. It is a privilege to
Speaker 1: be standing here right now taking this class. It is
Speaker 1: a privilege to move your body. Don't take it for granted.
Speaker 1: Anytime you are thinking of moving, walking, going anywhere, it
Speaker 1: is a privilege. Work out with that mentality every single time.
Speaker 1: It will completely change every workout you do.
Speaker 2: And how did you change or continue your business at
Speaker 2: this point having gone through this unimaginable loss and still
Speaker 2: it really hard toime I'm in the country.
Speaker 1: Well, like I said, fitness to me is mental health, right.
Speaker 1: So I was leaving the ICU because I was only
Speaker 1: allowed to be there, you know, on days that they
Speaker 1: said I could be for an hour or two, however
Speaker 1: long they you know, they were. Every day was a
Speaker 1: different story. It was a wild, wild West. And every
Speaker 1: day I would call and a lot of times I
Speaker 1: would get shut down, and a lot of times they'd say,
Speaker 1: we'll think about it and we'll call you back.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: It was like a craziness. But I would jump rope
Speaker 1: every day. I would get online and I'd jump rope live
Speaker 1: and I would say, you know, jump, jump with me,
Speaker 1: join with me. We would jump to Nick's music, you know,
Speaker 1: trying to give him energy. And then I would film
Speaker 1: videos in the driveway of where I was staying and
Speaker 1: I'd put it up on my app. It was the
Speaker 1: only way any money was coming at Emily, like I had,
Speaker 1: you know, my app was I think like fourteen ninety
Speaker 1: nine a month. That was my only income. My husband
Speaker 1: was in the ICU. I had no money, that was it.
Speaker 1: So I would like it was my That's all I
Speaker 1: could do was just go film, you know, any kind
Speaker 1: of workout in the backyard, put it up on my app.
Speaker 1: So I was doing that to help myself mentally, exert
Speaker 1: stress and anxiety, but also make money because I had
Speaker 1: a little baby. Yeah, and I had no idea what
Speaker 1: my future.
Speaker 2: Was going to be after he passed. How quickly were
Speaker 2: you able to get back? I mean it's so you dependent,
Speaker 2: Like that's really hard, Like it's hard to give yourself
Speaker 2: a grieving break, like a bereavement essentially in that time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I didn't, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: I it's funny. I remember two things in a way,
Speaker 1: Thank God for COVID. It was a fog for everybody,
Speaker 1: Like we were all stuck in our homes and nobody
Speaker 1: was going anywhere or doing anything. So I felt safety
Speaker 1: in that, do you know what I mean? I didn't
Speaker 1: feel pressure to like I should be doing something or
Speaker 1: everybody else is out having fun. I felt comforted in
Speaker 1: the world's misery of being stuck. So that was very nice.
Speaker 1: And so in the beginning, no, I was just I
Speaker 1: was kind of in a daze and again posting videos
Speaker 1: you know, knew new video, like two weeks after Nick died,
Speaker 1: and people being like, I can't believe she's smiling and
Speaker 1: happy in posting workout videos two weeks after her husband died,
Speaker 1: And I'd be like, Okay, do you want to know
Speaker 1: that twenty other three hours in my day are sobbing
Speaker 1: to my mom, my dad, my parents, to anyone, trying
Speaker 1: to not hypoventilate. Like the only solace of my day
Speaker 1: is this twenty minutes while I'm putting music on and
Speaker 1: working out and smiling, like, give me a break, people,
Speaker 1: I still had to provide. And I've been that way
Speaker 1: my entire life, since i was eighteen years old living
Speaker 1: in New York City, I've had to provide for myself,
Speaker 1: take care of myself. I'm a hustler, so I cat partmentalize,
Speaker 1: you know. Okay, now I'm making money. Now I'm crying.
Speaker 1: Now I'm creating. Now I'm crying. Like it was just
Speaker 1: that's just how I survived.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you hosted the talk for three years, that built
Speaker 2: and built, and then you ended up posting the Talk
Speaker 2: for three years pretty quickly. So, I mean it had
Speaker 2: to be an incredibly raw period of your life. What
Speaker 2: did that job provide for you at that time?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, everything? It was. First of all, it
Speaker 1: was the first consistent job I've ever had in my
Speaker 1: entire life, Unlike a Broadway show was not going anywhere.
Speaker 1: I was like this is insane. They had seen everything
Speaker 1: that happened with me with COVID and my online presence,
Speaker 1: and they asked me to test for the show. They
Speaker 1: had an opening spot because Marie Osmond was leaving, and
Speaker 1: I tested eleven times and then they offered me the
Speaker 1: job like right before Thanksgiving, and I started in January
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty one. I was four months into my
Speaker 1: grieving process. It saved me, though, because it gave me
Speaker 1: a place to go every day, gave me people to
Speaker 1: talk to every day. I got to laugh every day,
Speaker 1: I got to get dressed every day and feel pretty.
Speaker 1: And for all intents and purposes, it was a Broadway show.
Speaker 1: Just during the morning hour. I put my costume on,
Speaker 1: I got my hair and makeup done, and I went
Speaker 1: out to a live audience. I did a show, and
Speaker 1: so it felt very normal to me, Like a lot
Speaker 1: of people were like, oh my gosh, you know, you're
Speaker 1: just doing this new thing, and I was like, I am.
Speaker 1: But it also just feels like I'm doing a Broadway
Speaker 1: show in a new way. And it was wonderful and
Speaker 1: hard at the same time, because I was I was
Speaker 1: still grieving heavily. I don't really know how I was
Speaker 1: able to do that. To be honest, I do remember
Speaker 1: crying a lot on live television a lot, but I
Speaker 1: also didn't care. I felt like, why not just be me?
Speaker 1: But it was it was tough, but it was also
Speaker 1: a blessing. I had a family when I didn't have one,
Speaker 1: and a place to go and it was eight minutes
Speaker 1: down the street, and then the rest of the day
Speaker 1: I got to spend with all this, So it was
Speaker 1: you know, it was perfect.
Speaker 2: We're coming into our closing questions. There's still so much
Speaker 2: more that I could ask you about, like a million
Speaker 2: more pivots, So I wanted to just kind of like
Speaker 2: open the floor to you to say, you know, what
Speaker 2: have we not talked about so far? What do you
Speaker 2: want to make sure that we talk about? What do
Speaker 2: you work by now? You know?
Speaker 1: Right now I have a new company called Proper And
Speaker 1: you know, honestly, it's so funny, like how your podcast.
Speaker 1: It's it's so true, like the things that we start
Speaker 1: early on in life and then and then it comes
Speaker 1: back around. So you know, fitness and wellness have meant
Speaker 1: the world to me. It was my first you know, entrepreneurship,
Speaker 1: and then I started this supplement company a little like
Speaker 1: a year and a half ago, and it's all about
Speaker 1: making supplements easy and affordable for busy lifestyles. I realized,
Speaker 1: I think, after everything that I've been through, how wellness
Speaker 1: and we get one body. What we put into our
Speaker 1: body matters. You know, we take it, Like I said,
Speaker 1: for granted, we think we have you know, multiple versions
Speaker 1: of ourselves. We don't. I saw it happen. Our health
Speaker 1: is important. After years of influencing other products and supporting
Speaker 1: other people's brands, I was like, I want to create
Speaker 1: a supplement company that is for my mom, my sister,
Speaker 1: that busy woman who spends most of her day in
Speaker 1: our car driving around our kids, eating fast food, that
Speaker 1: just needs to fill her water bottle up. I mean,
Speaker 1: I am in right here with a great juice that
Speaker 1: tastes good, that looks appetizing, doesn't look like swamp water,
Speaker 1: and that she can afford. And so I started Proper.
Speaker 1: I'm very very proud of it, and it's a year
Speaker 1: and a half old. I love again. I love creating
Speaker 1: anything that helps people feel better about their day, or
Speaker 1: themselves or their bodies. So I'm very very proud of
Speaker 1: Proper and I'm still just you know, hosting and acting
Speaker 1: and writing and all the different things, voiceovering everything. But
Speaker 1: you know what, I will tell you one thing I
Speaker 1: learned about pivoting is I actually don't think it's a pivot.
Speaker 1: It's an enhancement. I think we use what we learn
Speaker 1: and then just enhance it in different directions. Because my
Speaker 1: fitness business felt like a huge pivot to me, but
Speaker 1: it was still performing. I just used what I had
Speaker 1: been doing performing and then took it into a new outlet.
Speaker 1: And then my fitness with Proper, I just enhanced it.
Speaker 1: I just opened it up into enhance it into a
Speaker 1: new outlet. And so I just feel like, you know,
Speaker 1: pivoting sometimes can be such a strong word for somebody
Speaker 1: like oh god, I'm going to make this big pivot.
Speaker 1: Think of it as an enhancement. You're just enhancing what
Speaker 1: you already know into a different direction, and you're going
Speaker 1: to bring all that wisdom that you learned and just
Speaker 1: bring it now into something new. And it's just going
Speaker 1: to enhance nothing. We never say goodbye to what we've done.
Speaker 1: It always trickles in somehow, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like it trickles.
Speaker 2: What is something that you at the time, it could
Speaker 2: be something we've discussed, could be something different, but at
Speaker 2: the time you saw it as a real low point,
Speaker 2: and now you see it as having really set you
Speaker 2: up to build you to the success you are today.
Speaker 1: I would say my divorce, I thought my life was over.
Speaker 1: I thought I didn't know what I what to do.
Speaker 1: I had been cheated on, so I felt really bad
Speaker 1: about myself and I didn't have any self confidence. Like
Speaker 1: I said, I was lost in every direction. And then
Speaker 1: it helped me choose me and it helped me create
Speaker 1: my fitness business. And I don't think I would have
Speaker 1: ever done any of that if I would have stayed
Speaker 1: in that marriage. And I think that low point in
Speaker 1: my life created a whole new life for myself that
Speaker 1: is still a part of me today. I was just
Speaker 1: teaching fitness at this resort here near Santa Barbara over
Speaker 1: the weekend, and I thought to myself, because I celebrated
Speaker 1: ten years of my fitness company this past weekend, and
Speaker 1: I was writing like the Instagram post Emily, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I never would have thought ten years ago
Speaker 1: when I started this company that I would still be teaching,
Speaker 1: but I'd be hired by these gorgeous hotel brands to
Speaker 1: come and teach for the weekend, and I would get
Speaker 1: to go for that weekend with my son, teach my
Speaker 1: hour class, and then get to spend every single hour
Speaker 1: after that just bonding and connecting with my son in
Speaker 1: this beautiful environment. What aloe lessing, Oh my god. And
Speaker 1: that's all from that life change, that low point, that
Speaker 1: start of that company. It's like, it's so beautiful what
Speaker 1: life brings you and where it takes you and how
Speaker 1: it still is a part of your life. So that
Speaker 1: low point I'm very grateful for.
Speaker 2: So generally I ask people at this point, do you
Speaker 2: think you'll pivot again? But I guess in your case,
Speaker 2: it's do you think you'll enhance again?
Speaker 1: Enhance again? I hope. So I love enhancing my life.
Speaker 1: I hate being pigeonholed, and I know I kind of
Speaker 1: am in Hollywood. I think people think of me as
Speaker 1: a TV host, and that's okay. I love TV hosting.
Speaker 1: I love it. But I love proving people wrong and
Speaker 1: I love proving that I can do other things, and
Speaker 1: I love being a multi hyphen it and I know
Speaker 1: I'm good at it. So I will keep I'll keep
Speaker 1: enhancing I don't think I'll over stop.
Speaker 2: Never stop. Is there anything up on the vision board
Speaker 2: right now?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, can you tell us.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm in the midst of writing another book with
Speaker 1: my sister, which I'm having a really fun time dooing.
Speaker 1: It's a rom com fiction book that, as you said,
Speaker 1: my personal life very much bleeds into my professional so
Speaker 1: it's almost nearly impossible for me to separate them. I'm
Speaker 1: also working on a documentary idea that I would love
Speaker 1: to make happen, a like a very real, raw documentary
Speaker 1: about an important topic we can I'll tell you later.
Speaker 1: Don't want to give that away right now. And some
Speaker 1: producing projects so we'll see.
Speaker 2: Oh. I love that.
Speaker 1: Those are the vision boards. So they're up there, and
Speaker 1: I am very vision board believer. Manifestor write things down,
Speaker 1: believe that they're going to happen, put it out into
Speaker 1: the universe, pretend they already happened, all the things.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on, A man, it's
Speaker 2: been amazing to have you on.
Speaker 1: It's so nice to meet you. I really like you.
Speaker 2: I know, I really like you too.
Speaker 1: I hope you've come to New York.
Speaker 2: Sometimes Amanda thinks of her pivots as enhancements. Everything you
Speaker 2: experience can be an opportunity to help build you towards
Speaker 2: the next stage of your life. She says, we never
Speaker 2: say goodbye to what we've done. It always trickles in somehow.
Speaker 2: Amanda's life and career is a testament to the idea
Speaker 2: that each pivot or enhancement pushes you forward. The dancer
Speaker 2: became a fitness instructor, the instructor became a founder. Every
Speaker 2: version of her carries the last one, the discipline, the creativity,
Speaker 2: the lessons, the grief. Nothing got left behind, even the
Speaker 2: most personal parts. She calls her divorce the low point
Speaker 2: that she is most grateful for. It gave her the
Speaker 2: push to choose herself and to build the business that's
Speaker 2: still standing ten years later. Today, Amanda is launching her
Speaker 2: own podcast, and you could see her in the new
Speaker 2: Netflix show Let's Mary Harry, which also drops today. See
Speaker 2: you next Wednesday. Thanks for listening to she Pivots. If
Speaker 2: you like this episode, follow the show so you never
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Speaker 2: You can also find us at shepivotspod dot com. This
Speaker 2: episode was produced and edited by Paige Davis Janatt, with
Speaker 2: sound editing and mixing by Nina Pollock. Logistics and planning
Speaker 2: by Amostopic and Kendall Crupkin. Research by Christine Dickinson. She
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