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Speaker 1: It's your Girl Abana from the Professional Home Girl podcast,

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Speaker 1: the only place where you would hear interviews from women

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Speaker 1: of color anonymously on stories that would enlighten and expand

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Speaker 1: on taboo topics. Now, if you hear someone that sounds familiar,

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Speaker 1: mind the business that pays you child. Now, please keep

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Speaker 1: in mind that all of my guests are anonymous. So

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Speaker 1: let's begin this week's episode. Y'all. Me and this lady

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Speaker 1: been key keen and cracking jokes and she has already

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Speaker 1: got started. I'm feeling so inspired, so I am super

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Speaker 1: excited about this show today. My guest is an Emmy

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Speaker 1: Award winning documentarian, author, international empowerment speaker, coach, developmental workshop trainer,

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Speaker 1: and facilitator. She would be sharing her story on how

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Speaker 1: she overcame childhood trauma and how her pain led her

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Speaker 1: to her purpose. To my guests, how are you doing?

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Speaker 1: Him doing a wonderful? I'm so happy being a dollar No,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on the show. I

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Speaker 1: told you this already, but your story is beyond inspirational

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Speaker 1: and I know that our listeners would be so encouraged

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Speaker 1: to keep going no matter what. So before we begin

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Speaker 1: with your story, I want to know your thoughts on

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Speaker 1: why do you think no one ever believes children when

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Speaker 1: they say somebody is doing something to them. I truely

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Speaker 1: believe a lot of times if the people that the

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Speaker 1: kids are telling were they the panelis talk A lot

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Speaker 1: of times they're victims. Um, they're victims. Um. I find

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Speaker 1: it to be that they have one dealt with their

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Speaker 1: own issues, you know, because this is a secret, and

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Speaker 1: it was a secret when I'm a book girl and

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Speaker 1: believe it or not, go I do this alot us

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Speaker 1: to seek. You don't tell any about it, you don't

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Speaker 1: talk about it. It's shameful. Wow, you can't say, mama

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Speaker 1: did this top off acco the church, the pastor so

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Speaker 1: a lot of size. It's not dealing with your own

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Speaker 1: trauma now a lot of size. It's a cycle that

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Speaker 1: happened to mama, happened to grandmama. Just shut up. This

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Speaker 1: is what it is. You get all of it, what

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Speaker 1: you're talking about, about, you know, and that's that's that's it.

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Speaker 1: Uh So a lot of times, especially if the parent,

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Speaker 1: the mother of a child who has this man, m

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Speaker 1: you know, we don't want to mess up what we got,

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Speaker 1: you know. Um, it's it's I don't want to believe

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Speaker 1: it because then I have to do something about it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and and and like now I'm selfish, I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna do anything about it. Um, I'm gonna leave

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Speaker 1: my man, you know what I mean, mine brother, you know,

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Speaker 1: my son. Um. And a lot of times it's just

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Speaker 1: I didn't eat somewhere. And that's what usually happens to

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Speaker 1: childhood trauma. Um. That's why I am opening up this

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Speaker 1: center in Atlanta. Come on now that it's gonna be

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Speaker 1: for later women and latter liked like myself. You know,

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Speaker 1: we get eighteen and light, we get twenty five, we

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Speaker 1: get thirty, and we don't realize that we got all

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Speaker 1: these stuff destructed behaviors, you know, promiscuity, you know, day

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Speaker 1: in the same kind of man right standing, infinity, daughter relationship,

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Speaker 1: many toxic relationships, you know, just being fuck you know,

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Speaker 1: stuck because our Charlotte Thomas never been resolved. And don't

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Speaker 1: your dad talk about it now, right, you know. And

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Speaker 1: we can't go to the dinner table bring it up,

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Speaker 1: you know. You know, we can't go to the family cookhouse.

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Speaker 1: Light stays in this house. Yeah, yeah, you can't, you know, Uncle,

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Speaker 1: you have to go and see your perpetrators because they're

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Speaker 1: your uncle or they're your you know, your brother, you know,

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Speaker 1: and don't you dad saying them about it? You know?

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Speaker 1: And so we keep that violence, that shame Baily, because

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Speaker 1: we gotta cope. Right, it's a cooper megedness. And for me,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't until my dad in my thirty and I

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Speaker 1: started to think about what happened to me is a

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Speaker 1: little world. It was when I turned thirty years there

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Speaker 1: was my birthday. I ain't both day, you know here

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Speaker 1: I am getting read for my thirty in your birthday,

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Speaker 1: and the epanthemy that I was turning thirty with nothing

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Speaker 1: in the off session day house to a little boys

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Speaker 1: single sailing, jail shop lifting, you know, timping, timperary, you know,

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Speaker 1: tipping here there, you know, hanger out here in New

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Speaker 1: strength in the cubs, you know, done no education, the

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Speaker 1: little black boys. Can you worry? Get what's gonna happen

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Speaker 1: to them? Beau? Um? You know I had to save them.

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Speaker 1: I had to save my toothpo. I didn't even know

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Speaker 1: how to save myself, right, you know I didn't even

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Speaker 1: know that. I didn't. I thought I was cute. You know,

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Speaker 1: I did eat three wos looking crazy and you know,

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Speaker 1: thinking I'm bald because I got that the biggest ball

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Speaker 1: on the block. And you know, we we we we

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Speaker 1: were in grouch and you know, and and in the said,

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Speaker 1: you know, I was thinking I'm cute, you know, and

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Speaker 1: was ridiculous. And it wasn't until I was getting ready

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Speaker 1: for my thirty year that I realized that Raman rammen

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Speaker 1: I stole there are something at birt right right, you know.

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Speaker 1: And and I got emotional. And that's when the reality

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Speaker 1: of my abuse, my years of the beats, my sister

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Speaker 1: and my in my middle cousin. I had the most

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Speaker 1: ugliest try m that that a woman could have, I

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Speaker 1: said in my bed. Now I looked in the mirror,

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Speaker 1: and never forget I get emotional when I talk about it.

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Speaker 1: I never forget the good feeling a failure. If I

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Speaker 1: had never ever been broken, now I was broken. I

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Speaker 1: was stuck. I never knew what love felt like because

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Speaker 1: my mother never loved me, so I didn't even know

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Speaker 1: not fair. I remember having Miss Peter party. You know this,

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Speaker 1: this this is not quiet. You know, it's not coming

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Speaker 1: out yourself and uh and I remember walking through my

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Speaker 1: little yellow said she house and I walked in this

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Speaker 1: room and I opened the door and he was two

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Speaker 1: little black boy whever years old, I think about five

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Speaker 1: years old, and I looked at them when I knew

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Speaker 1: I had to do something I didn't. I didn't even

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Speaker 1: know what, but I knew what I was doing. I

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Speaker 1: had to change I honestly, I remember packing up my

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Speaker 1: house for Georgia, getting the biggest truck, but I could

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Speaker 1: find the move. And I remember looking at a VV

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Speaker 1: mirror when I was driving to Georgia twenty years ago, Marsha,

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Speaker 1: filth Housing and two. It was raining, it was cool,

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Speaker 1: it was cold. I was saying, this big moving truck.

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Speaker 1: I was scared. I didn't know where I was going,

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Speaker 1: but I knew where I was leaving. Right, UM have

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Speaker 1: ten dollars my name, but at that floint, faure is

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Speaker 1: not an option. So um it was. It was going

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Speaker 1: to be a better woman, you know, going going to

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Speaker 1: find Seth Low step is Low. It's amazing what Seth

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Speaker 1: lovea dude for people. Listen, some people can't even take

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Speaker 1: all this time, y'all. No reado. She just took mad

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Speaker 1: some abow to come y'all. No, y'all, she is. She

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Speaker 1: is a high, good energy, like this is what I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about, Like yeah, every day, Yes, imagine, imagine a

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Speaker 1: dost of this every day. Come on, why you know

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Speaker 1: why when you decide did you want a male did?

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Speaker 1: You're not gonna make the world. You're not gonna match

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Speaker 1: your abuse room for you, bag Nate, You set you down,

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Speaker 1: keep you broken, right. I chose to fight, but the

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Speaker 1: Holy world told me I couldn't. You can't go to school.

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Speaker 1: You've done it. You lie. You can't be a doctor.

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Speaker 1: You can't. You're a PhD. I remember going to Harvard University.

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Speaker 1: You can't go to Harrdor. You can't apply to be

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Speaker 1: a doctor at Harvard University. You Alabama, You're from the

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Speaker 1: ghetto to the gangs, the dirty side. You dropped out

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Speaker 1: of high school, you have a famine background, You've done party,

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Speaker 1: you got scars all on your body. You ugly. You

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Speaker 1: can't do this. And I've never fighting, fighting the system,

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Speaker 1: fighting the Stanemtized, fighting my family, fighting people that. But

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Speaker 1: look for me to say, come on now, come on now.

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Speaker 1: I well my tiella on a pid of journey, come

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Speaker 1: on now. And she looked good, looked good. So it's

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Speaker 1: the bad. But you don't know where I come from.

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Speaker 1: You have no idea, You have no idea what I've

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Speaker 1: been through. But I have to tie up choked, beating

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Speaker 1: as sippers that five years old, set in the closet,

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Speaker 1: but no food. That's because I woke up, sat on

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Speaker 1: the porch in the winter naked, because I peed in

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Speaker 1: the bad came down dubonia. Yeah, I still couldn't tell

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Speaker 1: anybody in my secret. Did you feel like you couldn't

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Speaker 1: tell anybody your secret because you felt like no one cared?

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Speaker 1: Because I had three men telling me they was gonna

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Speaker 1: kill me, which were your uncle's You know you've been

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Speaker 1: out tell nobody I had a mother. If you watched

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Speaker 1: the documentary Food and love Less, what who do you

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Speaker 1: tell back? You know? Um? And just a here you

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Speaker 1: know we were violently sexual sounded you know no, but

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Speaker 1: they didn't about the groom up. We didn't dive Gibson,

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Speaker 1: you know right, because we were being show chased down

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Speaker 1: drug you know, um, tied up the chairs, you know. Um.

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Speaker 1: It was brutal. It was. It was brutal. And the

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Speaker 1: only thing that saved me, the only thing that kemped

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Speaker 1: me a lie mentor me was I wanted to be

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Speaker 1: wonder woman. It was nineteen seventy five. One. No, we

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Speaker 1: didn't have black models, right, he didn't even black and white, right.

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Speaker 1: We didn't know what the knob on, right, And I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be wonder woman. I would get up every

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Speaker 1: morning on Saturday, and that after face to me was

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Speaker 1: going outside, gotta talking morning, getting rud of cold. We

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Speaker 1: had to wash out clothes and rubbos. We didn't have

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Speaker 1: wash machine, you know. And so I don't want to

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Speaker 1: do is see wonder woman turn around. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: see a pack of grasses off, you know, and turn

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Speaker 1: around and thin. And I used to get my grandmother's

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Speaker 1: white sheet and I put up y'all and I will go.

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Speaker 1: I said I'd be thin around and around because she

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Speaker 1: was a thing of beauty to me. And I have

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Speaker 1: to be rue woman when my grandmother got ready to church,

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Speaker 1: because that's when my uncles would tell us, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: get you when mama get ready to church. With mama leave,

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Speaker 1: So I have to tuk my sheet on to be

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Speaker 1: wonder woman. S sister and my boy cousin is just

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Speaker 1: broke them. My sister died last year. Yes, she's tragically

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Speaker 1: in an accident. But she was a victim when she died.

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Speaker 1: She never could get over the views. She never could

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Speaker 1: get out with my mama not loving us, and she

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Speaker 1: was shot and I was not. But I also when

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Speaker 1: I was watching your documentary and I was just like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I gotta get your sister on the show,

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Speaker 1: because I'm like, I know so many women, including my

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Speaker 1: self before I started my healing process, could relate to

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Speaker 1: the feelings and the pain and the anger she was feeling.

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Speaker 1: So when I went to your Instagram page, I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, like she passed away. So do you

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Speaker 1: feel like she ever got the piece and massed me cry?

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Speaker 1: Because my sister was my hero. And if you read

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Speaker 1: my book, I go into more details of how my

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Speaker 1: sisters saved me. So many times. My uncle would come

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Speaker 1: to meet yourself, take me m But I couldn't save her,

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Speaker 1: m I couldn't save her for the thirty years she

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Speaker 1: shrugged old, play right, being eighty pounds, shocked, stab sleeping

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Speaker 1: out of doors. I couldn't save her. She wanted my mama,

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Speaker 1: the love, all she wanted, oh life. She was you

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Speaker 1: know the problem show Nobody bringing Nobody, the Ira Hall

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Speaker 1: And if you get my book. Yeah, as her story

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Speaker 1: in my book, it's the whole step she crossed, took

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Speaker 1: m but she gotta get tissue because it's a cheers orban.

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Speaker 1: She told this story before she died and I put

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Speaker 1: it in her worst and I mean it's it's I mean,

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Speaker 1: I remember the anitor telling me how she hadn't take

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Speaker 1: a break the editor because she puts a lie. Yeah. Um,

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Speaker 1: but she died of it. And so what I'm doing

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Speaker 1: at Manor is I'm opening up a cafe style center

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Speaker 1: called Sonja. Her name is san White age and a

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Speaker 1: man it is Sonya, and it's sisters overcoming years of

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Speaker 1: abuse and so e r a eight h this is

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Speaker 1: overcoming need miss years of abuse Sonya, and I'm dedicating

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Speaker 1: ali Ul. This is one of three women in stuff

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Speaker 1: she did for the age of eighteen. What three? And

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Speaker 1: let me tell you, I do this all over the world.

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Speaker 1: And when you got seven thousand people standing up and

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Speaker 1: giving you a standing novation, and I need them sometimes

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Speaker 1: Now I say I won't one and three of us

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Speaker 1: stand up. And if you could see, it's like, no'mbino.

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Speaker 1: This is amazing. One person standing up, two people standing down,

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Speaker 1: one amazing in in my life, and so many people

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Speaker 1: still can't say to me, they're come and tell me

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Speaker 1: that's my story, but they're not ready, they're not ready

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Speaker 1: to talk about it. And so I woant to be

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Speaker 1: the inspiration of my life. I want I want you

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Speaker 1: to look at me. This is how ladging look right,

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Speaker 1: this is life I felt abuse. Did you see? How

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Speaker 1: is this what lucking your death looked like? Yes? And

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Speaker 1: telling your story? Yes, this is what here? Were you

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Speaker 1: permission to tell your story? That's like you were not

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Speaker 1: doing it. We wouldn't give you permission to know that

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Speaker 1: you can thrive after trauma. Yeah. Do you think that

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Speaker 1: your grandmother ever knew what was going on? She did?

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Speaker 1: Were turning our grandma. One day we was outside playing

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Speaker 1: and were fighting about something we got we better give

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Speaker 1: to mamma. Tell we've been doing it because we called

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Speaker 1: it doing it but we were little. Were there and

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Speaker 1: my grandma Carder's eve and said what y'all talking about?

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Speaker 1: And we said, you know, hey, I've been doing it

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Speaker 1: to us, you know, and you know and I have

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Speaker 1: remember my grandmother making us stripped down naked and we

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Speaker 1: got beat naked with switching. M H. When did the

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Speaker 1: abuse finally stopped. The bus teller went out throughout you know,

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Speaker 1: my aucles. My mom moods at the house around May

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Speaker 1: the first grade or something like that. But I remember

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Speaker 1: about pre school. Let me start about four or five

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Speaker 1: years old, kitty girl. My mother would we found him

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Speaker 1: moved at the house, but we would still go there

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Speaker 1: in the evenings, you know, like after ken right after

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Speaker 1: my uncles still there for that. Um I remember one

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Speaker 1: of my uncs going to prison for rap what else.

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Speaker 1: And we moved and my uncle got out and of

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Speaker 1: course came to our house. My mom was drinking and

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Speaker 1: end of her own druck whatever she was. Man, my

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Speaker 1: sister in dead, and we watching him take the door,

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Speaker 1: knob off the door to come in to get one

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Speaker 1: of us. And it was me, God, you know, my

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Speaker 1: sister said, and you give me back my you know,

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Speaker 1: give me back my sister. You know. So I it

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Speaker 1: kind of died off. But my mother would have dipping

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Speaker 1: being you know, she dated. I think the last time

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Speaker 1: I was sixteen years old, my mom had a boyfriend

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Speaker 1: come in. UM. At that time I started having my

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Speaker 1: door locked, you know, closed because I was sixteen. I

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Speaker 1: always been shapely, I always been been been shapely. H

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Speaker 1: little way, sig. So, I always had a body right,

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Speaker 1: and I was always made to feel someone along with

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Speaker 1: me because my cause in my body was you know, um.

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Speaker 1: And I was in the bastet. This man came in

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Speaker 1: my room. I could feel a hot breath, you know,

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Speaker 1: he was breathing over me, right. Uh. And after seeing

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Speaker 1: his hands touching over my brassing, you know, just touching

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Speaker 1: over my body. And I woke up screaming the man

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Speaker 1: looking at who ring over me? Or I remember screaming, Mama,

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Speaker 1: I you know, screaming, and I remember this man just

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Speaker 1: being erected, you know what I mean, right, And my

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Speaker 1: mama came in the room and caught this man and

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Speaker 1: she hit me so hard, turned out, said on the floor,

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Speaker 1: and she put me out with no clothes nor shoes,

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Speaker 1: took me bh. This is my man, right, you know.

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Speaker 1: I feel like my mom was very abusive towards me.

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Speaker 1: And I think what hurt the most is not what

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Speaker 1: she did, but what she said to me. And I

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Speaker 1: feel like when I was watching a documentary and y'all

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Speaker 1: was having y'all conversation, or she was telling her sign

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Speaker 1: your side, and I feel like it was the same

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Speaker 1: thing for you. Like it was some of the things

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Speaker 1: that she's saying. It was just like damn, like, like,

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Speaker 1: do you feel like it was some of the things

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Speaker 1: that she said to you? It was more hurtful. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the emotion of their stuff For me, I'm even at

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Speaker 1: fifty three, I will never forget it, right. I just

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Speaker 1: remember things like that, ris h'all never had you right,

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Speaker 1: you know, bit y'all should have killed you, right, I

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Speaker 1: should have flushed she did. I'm a comole, you know.

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Speaker 1: Um my mother books. I think besides the sets your abuse,

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Speaker 1: my mom was emotional be because she beat up to

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Speaker 1: I said, you know, my mother never loved me, never

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Speaker 1: was home, she loved me, never hugged me. It was

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Speaker 1: horrific and I can I look back and wonder, how

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Speaker 1: how could you do that to somebody? You wrote? You know,

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Speaker 1: and having two sons in my own I definitely had

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Speaker 1: to right, you know, all side because I because I

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Speaker 1: had to do something, had to change something right my

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Speaker 1: mother on that documentary, I wasn't there. The producers went

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Speaker 1: to Burnham by themselves and got her to say that.

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Speaker 1: I was shocked, you know, I remember I think she

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Speaker 1: said she was sorry last year, believe it or not,

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Speaker 1: but at first she wouldn't own it. You know, she said,

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Speaker 1: I didn't I know any thing for happening. My sister said,

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Speaker 1: yes she did. Her sister didn't play the piano, where

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Speaker 1: my sister was ready to fight every time she couldn't.

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Speaker 1: You know, my sister looked angry and hurt and broken.

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Speaker 1: And I think they did the documentary so amazing because

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Speaker 1: they showed too si you know what I mean, went

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Speaker 1: down the same power and show how a beautiful adversity

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Speaker 1: affect you didn't pact you, and then you see it

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Speaker 1: were happening to us. But I'm my ob Thomas issue

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Speaker 1: is sorry, and I can't tell you did he and

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Speaker 1: I can't say made a difference. I wouldn't say it didn't.

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Speaker 1: But I'm rateful for was being able to see or

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Speaker 1: without that, if that makes sense, because sometimes you're not

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Speaker 1: gonna get it, right fact, they never get it. Am

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Speaker 1: I right? No, you're right, because I never got it.

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Speaker 1: He may not never get anything. So I think I noticed.

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Speaker 1: I know you may understand where I'm going with this.

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Speaker 1: I think I got your problem. I like what I

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Speaker 1: wanted to play for her. I literally did it because

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Speaker 1: I I felt like this was the woman who whatever,

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Speaker 1: my daddy need your health m hm said she would

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Speaker 1: rather die and go to her blade with it. That's

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Speaker 1: how must pain she carry? And it's how can you

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Speaker 1: love two little girls when you can't even love yourself?

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Speaker 1: A lot of things about my mom. I had looked

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Speaker 1: back at now and thought this woman him have chicken

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Speaker 1: neighbor to love all shep was neighbor to say she's sorry, right,

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Speaker 1: because when you tell you side, you got to own

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Speaker 1: it and to sit. I mean, she can't even listen

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Speaker 1: to me and my sister telling all of this story

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Speaker 1: and listen. We didn't cull out no middle. We told

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Speaker 1: everything then me. And if I do that when I'm

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Speaker 1: on stage, you know why. Because I don't want to

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Speaker 1: dress up a baby that's not pretty about it, and

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Speaker 1: my life it's not pretty about it at all, and

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Speaker 1: so I don't want to dress nothing else. That's what happened.

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Speaker 1: This is my story, and she still can't hear it.

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Speaker 1: She'll still deny some of it. It's amazing. No, I'm

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Speaker 1: laughing because I know exactly what you're talking about, because

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Speaker 1: the person between us is my little sister. And it's

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Speaker 1: amazing how people forget and I'm like, wells, I ain't

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Speaker 1: missed by myself, Like, how do y'all not remember this?

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Speaker 1: You know why? Because you have to put it somewhere.

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Speaker 1: You have to put it somewhere so that you can

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Speaker 1: wake up every day. Yeah, you know, and sometimes you

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Speaker 1: tucker the way so far back because it's dad painful,

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Speaker 1: It really really is. And that's why it's so important

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Speaker 1: for us to tell our stories so that we can't

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Speaker 1: help you know, we can help them become aware this

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Speaker 1: happened to me. And even if it's not, we're late

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Speaker 1: and MESSI the far and my wife it's a far

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Speaker 1: and so doing this podcast, it's gonna be another way.

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Speaker 1: Because people reach out to me all over the world.

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Speaker 1: You wouldn't be me the Melicon little girls who rip

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Speaker 1: me people for I mean, I think it was stopping

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Speaker 1: boy from Japan. And you believe that Japan wrote me

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Speaker 1: letters they watched the documentary teach a Shoulder to them.

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Speaker 1: I flew to Japan. Come on now to meet these

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Speaker 1: little boys because we can't talk about us. We got

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Speaker 1: to be about it, right, we got this is a

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Speaker 1: movement and we got to be about it. Both the

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Speaker 1: boys wanted to see me. They wanted to read my books.

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Speaker 1: They wanted to meet me, and I flew there seventeen

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Speaker 1: under god of my own learning through Japan, seventeen hours

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Speaker 1: like I got there. And so I get letters from

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Speaker 1: the girls who said, if we can meet you, you

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Speaker 1: know that you and my wonder woman. So for me,

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Speaker 1: how can I reach people that can't you know for

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Speaker 1: it took for me to coach, or how cannot reach

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Speaker 1: young ladies who said, and you meant to me? Or

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Speaker 1: how do I tell my story? So that's the reason

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00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 1: why I'm doing a podcast. I'm doing a training in

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Speaker 1: a manner because so many people reached out to me

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Speaker 1: the same the documentary you saw in the said when

389
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:18,680
Speaker 1: you saw and say, I'm too shamed, it's too painful.

390
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 1: I wanted to tell my story. I'm afraid, you know,

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Speaker 1: I want to write it. How do I start? So

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Speaker 1: I'm doing a two day training. I'm putting it the

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Speaker 1: cabinets receive, right um, so that I can help you

394
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Speaker 1: or help them get started. And I'm saying this to

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Speaker 1: say to you is because if we want to help healing,

396
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Speaker 1: we have to help by being an example and want

397
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 1: because you and I both know you can't tell me

398
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Speaker 1: nothing that you ain't been in my shoes. Come on now,

399
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Speaker 1: you can't tell me how I should feel. If you

400
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 1: ain't never been abuest, you shouldn't tell me to get

401
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 1: over again. It ain't never happened to you. Get the

402
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,440
Speaker 1: three years old, and I'll never get over it. I'm

403
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: so bravely that I know how to lie, how to

404
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 1: spread my wings, how to yield. But you never get

405
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 1: over a beat. Right, But my job is said, yep,

406
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 1: you heal, can have you thrive, have you become better?

407
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 1: Am I right? Cap you be beautiful and wonderful that

408
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 1: you can do? Am I right? That you can beat?

409
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 1: And your abut can be an opportunity to use that

410
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 1: to turn that thing around. Facts, that's the beauty of it.

411
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Speaker 1: I have to say the thing a quick. You're gonna

412
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Speaker 1: love this. So I went to speak and I met

413
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Speaker 1: my saw Mosada and my sorrow saint, Are you in

414
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 1: this award? And I said no? And I became Rosadam

415
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 1: and she called me. She said, God chose you do

416
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Speaker 1: because he could trust you with pain? Oh wow, that

417
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 1: was it right there. He didn't choose Sonia because Sonia

418
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 1: has got so much pain? Right, yeah, chose you to

419
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 1: tell this story for both because he can trust you

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Speaker 1: with pain and transparency. And let me tell you, I

421
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 1: couldn't stop crying. Never told me that. And I want

422
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: to say to your spister today, he chose you because

423
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 1: he can trust you with pain. He can't trust everybody

424
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: with pain. Because this thing is faithful. You know what

425
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:31,160
Speaker 1: I mean. This thing is paper, right, this thing take

426
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 1: it to the grave. Baby. For me, it's every day

427
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 1: because I'm a Selvis. People comes to me my chair

428
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 1: every day if I pain meal, I want to die

429
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 1: a pain right. And so I sit there and I

430
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,399
Speaker 1: have to think every single day for giving me this,

431
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 1: joining this human so that I can help this and

432
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 1: I can look on our faces that nothing day. Baby,

433
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 1: my one, you're not going to do it right. Shut

434
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 1: wine and let's get up and go. Let's do this.

435
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: You are beauty. Sometimes I have a mirror that my

436
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 1: clients have to book too. I said, come on, let

437
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 1: me show you who you are. And so we have

438
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 1: to work on the staff. That a twire step. You

439
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 1: would love this toward step in my book, it's a

440
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 1: towire step. I do it. All of the world's called

441
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:27,680
Speaker 1: a tire staff to step awareness. It's like an A

442
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 1: eight or Towyre step for women like my step who

443
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 1: was lost, who was step descruction, who didn't know what? Ever? Boy,

444
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 1: this twire step talks about how left Alabama. It's a day.

445
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:44,440
Speaker 1: Each step talks about how I done it. And so

446
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 1: that's what we have to do. We have to create

447
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 1: an implement and my life shows podcasts you know what

448
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 1: I mean, well videos things that the gift our love girls.

449
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. We gotta favor little girls

450
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 1: back going to high schools. I can't even tell you

451
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 1: what I hear. Yeah, the hardest population that I had

452
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: to speak to, it is our young girls. A lot

453
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 1: of times I go back to the hotel, I can't

454
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 1: even speak. I get on my knees and I just

455
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 1: place that God helped me because I gotta go back

456
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 1: to Laurel to talk to these little girls. This little

457
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 1: girls was telling me secret that they can't tell nobody.

458
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 1: This little girls was coming in closest, don't telling me.

459
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,400
Speaker 1: I don't know how to bud my sock up my mamma. Boy,

460
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 1: Briny seuching me every night, the girls coming. He said,

461
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,119
Speaker 1: you're so beautiful, you got wonder woman. I ain't know

462
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: how they appear because I'm met, remember comp, I'm not

463
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: mushing you, oh h and nod in person and meaning

464
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 1: this woman to sit in in front of this spart

465
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:54,560
Speaker 1: roll steed and to see this slumming spent around and

466
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 1: I remember sitting there. I was just been a few

467
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 1: years ago, and I gotta share is to speak to

468
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 1: her very quickly. You know you can't right, you can't

469
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 1: keep the hound right mm hmm. To tell this woman

470
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: that she's saved in my life, To tell her that

471
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 1: every time she spinned around, I spend around. To tell

472
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 1: this woman that I'll stand those pages every day, to

473
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 1: spend around for my supple kid, find it, shrink the

474
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 1: Keith spending and that's what you're doing, system, and that's

475
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 1: what we have to do, right because this seemed like

476
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 1: he cared that we fight every day. M hmm. Nobody

477
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 1: know our struggle but us, right am? I right right?

478
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: I struggles and it's here. But you know to be

479
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 1: due to this day. If you get back up every

480
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 1: single it's all right, and you straight up t Allen,

481
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 1: then you have to never straighten up up, t Allen.

482
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 1: Take your power back to your life that you know,

483
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 1: and let me tell your girl ain't missed a beat

484
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 1: in twenty years. The girl when I'm from him out

485
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 1: of Bam, ain't effects. I've been crime the time. I

486
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 1: don't even ever do myself. I'mtime. I'm looking in the

487
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 1: Mirrorbury like, who Beyonce girl Walden? I'm telling ya, she

488
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 1: don't look her age. She looked good. She looked good.

489
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: You know why? Because I be shused to rollo and die.

490
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 1: I refused that my tiara tempted. I refused to my

491
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 1: love to not even be respected. I got boundary. And

492
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 1: if you don't respect my battlements and you don't add

493
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 1: to me, you are distendable retendable action. Do you know why?

494
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:54,240
Speaker 1: Because people would take your PENI man, and when you

495
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 1: that out for twenty years, to love your step and

496
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 1: to take everything back to death I had stole from you.

497
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 1: You don't know. Nobody steal it from you. Don't not

498
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 1: nobody to take your pieces. You don't even explain it.

499
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:11,000
Speaker 1: Joy joy, joy, joy, you know the old Sorry, I

500
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 1: enjoyed joy in my heart. I can't even tell the

501
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 1: last time I feel angry, on the last time I

502
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 1: let pea garden me, the last time I think what

503
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 1: people say, I can't even tell you the last time

504
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:25,040
Speaker 1: I felt that way, because this on my first shop

505
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 1: that it's blinding me. Come on now, come on, now

506
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 1: you ever wake up and go outside and the sun

507
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 1: just kissing you or your face? Oh whoo? Who so waite?

508
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: So what what happened to your uncle's well? One one

509
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 1: got killed I remember from being a little girl. One

510
00:31:55,280 --> 00:32:00,480
Speaker 1: got killed, he got he was I think, jump up

511
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 1: on the girl for any the brother the lordess brains out.

512
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 1: One died of a arbitat and then I think a

513
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 1: few years ago the last one just died in prison

514
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 1: for rape beaves in prison. I think thirty teen m

515
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 1: he died, and they're all gone, wow. And a lot

516
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 1: of people say, oh my gosh, they didn't get to

517
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: pomish me they deserved. But they did, they got the

518
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 1: pomish me they deserved. And you know what, I don't

519
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 1: want to spend the rest of my life resentful. I

520
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 1: don't want to spend the rest of my mouth. I've

521
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 1: got things to do. I got tasted, I got women

522
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 1: to thing, so you love so forget, you know. And people, oh,

523
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 1: people could have said with me, especially to church people,

524
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 1: they get are set with me because they tell me

525
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,320
Speaker 1: you're supposed to forgive. The Bible said to give. And

526
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 1: my answer to that is, this is my story, right

527
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 1: this is my joining and right now my forgiveness for

528
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 1: me is the all under construction. I'm still on the autar,

529
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 1: walking on that right. Talk about talk about your journey

530
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 1: with forgiveness. When I started out, I have to be handy,

531
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 1: and I started telling this story so a lot of pain.

532
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 1: I only didn't get A didn't practice at he said me.

533
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 1: I th Oliver TD. I did the documentary and what

534
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: two thousand and what nine? I didn't practice. They came

535
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,680
Speaker 1: to my out square camera said let's go. My first

536
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 1: time I'm ever talking about it was in front of

537
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: a PAM. Can't you believe that? And so everything that

538
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 1: you started the documentary was the first time. So um,

539
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 1: they think the pain of my mom not loving me, UM,

540
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 1: the pain of my author's, the pain of um, the

541
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: su destruction for me, it was I was hurt. I

542
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 1: want this hand rid my sook you know. UM. But

543
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 1: the Coast documentary, hey on TV, the wanted emmy. I

544
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 1: was kind of thrusting to this speaking thing. Can you

545
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 1: come here so to be honest for you? I think

546
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 1: it was when I watched Pressures m By. I want

547
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 1: to em when Pressures came out, the movie Pressures came out.

548
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 1: I was going to Hollywood Ashley to talk about doing

549
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:24,880
Speaker 1: By Norby and Pressures came out, and I went to

550
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 1: out New York to me the prs and they said

551
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 1: left costly pressure and I went to see Pressures, and oh,

552
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 1: I never cried so hard in my life. I couldn't

553
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 1: even walk out the movies. And I think that's when,

554
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,399
Speaker 1: like you said, the journey of what I was doing

555
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: hit me, because I sat down and solved this story

556
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 1: and it was so much in my own My music

557
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 1: said right. And so number two was when I wrote

558
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: the book. When I when I wrote my book, Um,

559
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 1: that's when the pain. There were days I couldn't write. Um,

560
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 1: things in this book you didn't hear in a documentary.

561
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 1: Things in this book. I was shamed though, Mum. Things

562
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:12,680
Speaker 1: in this book, I mean brought me to I mean,

563
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 1: some days I couldn't lay it out. But I'm grateful

564
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,880
Speaker 1: that God reminded me, you're not lighting these for you.

565
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: You put that back in there. So that's a lot

566
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 1: of shame that I had writing this book, not abuse

567
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 1: shame just as a prossing. You know things that we

568
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 1: do that we're not proud of. Um, there are some

569
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 1: things I've told this book I have to show anybody

570
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:44,479
Speaker 1: period in my life. So I think those were too

571
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,759
Speaker 1: passing my journey. That was paiper. But you know when

572
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 1: I started dinner with my paying, um, I did with it.

573
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 1: I allowed myself to quiet, I allowed myself to fear her.

574
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: I allowed myself to be angry. I loved my sep

575
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 1: to fear. Example, I loved my sep to cuffs out loud.

576
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 1: I'm out my sep to say this happened to me.

577
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 1: This happened to me. I'm loud my sep to do that.

578
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 1: And that is the best thing I've ever done for healing.

579
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 1: And you know, to own it, to stand in the

580
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 1: mirror say look this is it's happened to me. This,

581
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 1: this uncle did this to me, you know I this

582
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 1: happened to me, you know, UM. And so the day

583
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: where you see me now, I can talk about it

584
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:37,879
Speaker 1: like I'm eating dinner. You know why, because I made things. Um,

585
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:41,880
Speaker 1: it doesn't define me. It's nothing to be shame about.

586
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 1: You know, when you release your salace, I can't even

587
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 1: w You know how you go to church and see

588
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 1: somebody to do the hol of those days? Right, we're

589
00:36:55,239 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 1: this thing while here, this thing for you. You don't

590
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 1: even you could smell stuff you never thought you could

591
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 1: smell it. You can walk outside and you see the

592
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:09,799
Speaker 1: birds trophy, you can hear a bird singing. It's such

593
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 1: a freedom. It's like taking a dish, right, you're now, Seriously,

594
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,839
Speaker 1: it's better than a man, is better than you. Sure,

595
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 1: it's a love that's so special. Now. It takes work

596
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:28,759
Speaker 1: a lot of work, a lot of work, am I right?

597
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,919
Speaker 1: I'm fet the three and it's a constant work. It's

598
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:35,399
Speaker 1: every day. And I like because there are some days

599
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 1: that the storms come back and I'm so shine ain't

600
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:42,400
Speaker 1: always here, right, Okay, they're sometimes and I feel that

601
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 1: hope I still feeling. Sometimes I feel that resentment. Sometimes

602
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: I want to call my mom and said, why you

603
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,759
Speaker 1: didn't love me? Sometimes I am hurt some of time.

604
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't want to talk to my mama. Sometimes

605
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,879
Speaker 1: I don't eat, problem for months I do. I'm terrif

606
00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,840
Speaker 1: of the children. But I'm okay, ain't with it because

607
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: this happened to me? Right, And so then I thought

608
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 1: I go through that human process, then I can tell

609
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,719
Speaker 1: you how to do it. You know, That's why I

610
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: do this for a living. You know, um somebody has

611
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,360
Speaker 1: been to do out but easing therapy. Absolutely, you know

612
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 1: I come from the ghetto to the street. I know therapy.

613
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 1: Who wrote a therapy? You vote to Jeesus and pray.

614
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 1: You could have scripture right, and I like that's supposed

615
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: to take key. I already, oh Jesus, and prayer about it.

616
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 1: This thing right here be more than prayer. Facts, facts right?

617
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 1: This this this a bus of trauma in that sense

618
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 1: of your mind, your body, your foe and it gush.

619
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 1: You know how you gotta fish this thing gush? Do

620
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: you bleed out? Bleed out with this here? You don't

621
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 1: know how to love you? I have good relationship, pick

622
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 1: bad partners. You have bad solders to have bad energy,

623
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 1: your magic rope him? You got all kind of health problems. Facts.

624
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:08,239
Speaker 1: This thing would crupper you, honey. It would take your life.

625
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 1: You would die a victim, and your perpetrators with Neil

626
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 1: and I have gone and houses and you would be

627
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: mad and broken and and and my life and the

628
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 1: person I'll hold you and rape you and touch you

629
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 1: and beat you in, broken you with still mal bullet

630
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 1: and you would protect them m because we were allowed

631
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:34,360
Speaker 1: to shame, to silence of what happened truth, what happened

632
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:37,320
Speaker 1: to your boy cousin? My block cousin got married Grey.

633
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say he went to prison for murder. Oh

634
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 1: he got on crack. My sister got on crack. Um.

635
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,319
Speaker 1: He went to prison. I think keeping out the boat.

636
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 1: Maybe four five years. He got married, had another baby.

637
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 1: I don't know what he had another baby picked the three,

638
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 1: but he had another baby. But I think mashted he

639
00:39:56,520 --> 00:40:01,320
Speaker 1: had a stroke and a heart attack. And this is

640
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 1: what abuse dusty, because imagine him being a boy and

641
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 1: it's happened. Yeah, And I don't know it's entire story,

642
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,880
Speaker 1: but I'm encouraging him to tell me. He should because

643
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 1: he had a terrific story of abuse as well. And

644
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 1: the fact that y'all was y'all, y'all witnesses. You and

645
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 1: your sister like, yeah, I said, I I said, in

646
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 1: the middle, you know, all three of us, my sister,

647
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 1: me and my boy cousin. It's a little pitt the house.

648
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 1: And you know, to see your cousin a boy, right,

649
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 1: you know, being penetrated, tied up. It was horrific. You know,

650
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 1: we were stripped down, you know, or had our hands bound.

651
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:51,040
Speaker 1: I bound, you know. And I remember being sending the

652
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 1: middle and being so numb, you know, I you know,

653
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,880
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about wonder woman, you know. And I remember

654
00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 1: these three men, you know, I remember, I'm sure I'm

655
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 1: a punto mac punto magazines and uh they were spoken

656
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 1: weed and making a spoken I just remember, you know,

657
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:15,760
Speaker 1: the being jack of made, you know, just horrific things

658
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 1: that we had to bear. And I remember I couldn't

659
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:26,400
Speaker 1: even cry, you know, I couldn't even fight. You know.

660
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 1: My sister was a fattle. She was fight of it

661
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 1: then choking, punch and says she passed out and I

662
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,879
Speaker 1: was back up sign you raised off like just made

663
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: her m hm. And you know what, she was on

664
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:45,000
Speaker 1: that floor bout six years old. It took her life

665
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:52,759
Speaker 1: from She never came back from the m So it's um,

666
00:41:53,360 --> 00:42:00,439
Speaker 1: it's important for me to people both a live. That's

667
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,879
Speaker 1: why I do this every day. That's why I give

668
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 1: up every day because I know what from a dost

669
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 1: and I'm so blessed to have walked, to have to

670
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 1: have walked it to have survived. Out of all three

671
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,800
Speaker 1: of us, I'm not on the one that mentally survived.

672
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 1: And I can't die. I can't die with this story

673
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 1: right and I I have to. You gotta keep telling

674
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: your story. It's not adoption, It's not adoption. This concludes

675
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:46,719
Speaker 1: part one of this week's episode. Please stay tuned for

676
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:58,839
Speaker 1: part two, which will be dropping next week. The Professional

677
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 1: home Girl podcast is production of the Black Effect podcast Network.

678
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:07,360
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,

679
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget

680
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 1: to subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect

681
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,880
Speaker 1: with me on social media at the PhD podcast