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Speaker 1: Welcome back, guys to selective ignorance. I'm your host, Mandy B.

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Speaker 1: And this is where unfiltered truth meets unapologetic growth, and

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Speaker 1: y'all today it is the third part of my book club,

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Speaker 1: and we're stepping into the part of the journey that

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Speaker 1: I call progression. It's easy to glamorize sexual liberation when

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Speaker 1: you're finally free rank, free from judgment, free from shame,

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Speaker 1: free from playing by someone else's roles. And in that space,

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Speaker 1: I said a lot. I laughed loud, I wore the

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Speaker 1: label of a side chick with no remorse. I cracked

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Speaker 1: jokes about transactional sex power dynamics and how quote unquote

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Speaker 1: love was optional if the cash was correct. But here's

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Speaker 1: the thing about ignorance, especially the selective kind. It protects

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Speaker 1: you only until it doesn't. I evolved, and not just

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Speaker 1: because I woke up one day. Nah. Life kind of

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Speaker 1: humbled me, and financial freedom gave me a taste of

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Speaker 1: self worth that didn't come with strings or secrets. I

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Speaker 1: didn't have to reform, didn't have to settle, didn't have

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Speaker 1: to justify any fucking thing. Okay, I started seeing myself

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Speaker 1: as someone deserving, not just desired. And then I fell

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Speaker 1: in love for real and got betrayed for real, and

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Speaker 1: that pain, it cracks something open. It gave me empathy

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Speaker 1: in ways I wasn't ready for. And suddenly I could

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Speaker 1: feel the way of being someone's second choice and realized that,

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Speaker 1: no matter how long or how loud you locked it off,

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Speaker 1: being number two doesn't come with a crowd. There's growth here,

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Speaker 1: but not the pretty pinterest kind. I'm talking about the raw,

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Speaker 1: gut checking kind that makes you sit alone and ask yourself,

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Speaker 1: what the fuck was I thinking? And as a woman,

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Speaker 1: that part, right, that holding up the mirror part, that's

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Speaker 1: the hardest. We fight so hard to own our choices

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Speaker 1: that we don't always know how to forgive them. But

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Speaker 1: here's what I've learned. Growth requires grace. And I know

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Speaker 1: I don't like inviting that whole to the cookout, but

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Speaker 1: you actually do have to bring her around sometimes, and

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Speaker 1: you can't evolve without reckoning what the person you are,

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Speaker 1: without checking her but understanding her, without judging her, but

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Speaker 1: allowing her to have made those mistakes so that you

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Speaker 1: could do better. So let's get into it. No more

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Speaker 1: hose Bard, just truth lessons than the path forward. Let's

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Speaker 1: talk about shame, regret, and the messy miracle of becoming.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the third book club session. It's Your Girl

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Speaker 1: main dB and we're going through the progression portion of

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Speaker 1: No hose Bard, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power.

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Speaker 1: If you haven't gotten it yet, make sure you go

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Speaker 1: get it wherever you get books. These chapters are titled

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Speaker 1: What's Your Price? Do married men really treat you Better?

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Speaker 1: And why do you need me to need you? I

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Speaker 1: mentioned it before, this was this was the section I

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Speaker 1: kept at the end. This is the section I needed

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Speaker 1: therapy for the most. This was the section that to me,

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Speaker 1: had to be in the book. I've kind of expressed

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Speaker 1: a few times the difference in the creative portion of

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Speaker 1: writing this book. Weezy wanted to lean far heavier into

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Speaker 1: making the Cineurotica. I thought at the time that I

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Speaker 1: was in it was, you know, nearing the end of

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Speaker 1: my relationship but going through a lot of things in therapy,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, if I can't talk about the

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Speaker 1: things I want to talk about for my therapy sessions,

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Speaker 1: then I don't want to write this book. So this

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Speaker 1: was the hardest portion of the book for me to write.

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Speaker 1: It pretty much made me have to hold up the

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Speaker 1: mirror to myself and really dig into regret, shame, and

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Speaker 1: things that I'm kind of embarrassed to admit today. So

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Speaker 1: we'll start with the What's Your Price chapter. In this

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Speaker 1: chapter specifically, it pretty much talks about leans back into

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Speaker 1: kind of my relationship with money. I start off this

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Speaker 1: chapter specifically discussing as well what survival sex looks like.

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Speaker 1: And it's why if you listen to the last book Club,

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Speaker 1: one of you bitches had me crying. I don't remember

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Speaker 1: who asked me the question, but it leaned into whether

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Speaker 1: I resented my mom for anything, and so to me,

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Speaker 1: not growing up with a lot of money and meeting

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Speaker 1: a certain I guess circle of friends at the time

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Speaker 1: that I did kind of introduced me to leaning into

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Speaker 1: my body and sex being a vehicle as a means

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Speaker 1: to get money to travel, to pay bills. And so

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Speaker 1: it's why this clip from Horrible Decisions, Decisions Decisions Now,

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Speaker 1: actually I'm going to maybe I'll insert it into this episode,

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Speaker 1: but it's where I share the fact that pretty privilege

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Speaker 1: essentially doesn't really exist because you're open to a little

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Speaker 1: bit more things. But also when your looks are something

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Speaker 1: that brings privilege to you, you're also open to things

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Speaker 1: that are dark. And not to say that I look

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Speaker 1: so good. I was able to be a hoe, but

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Speaker 1: I was friends with women that were in a circle

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Speaker 1: that allowed me to gain access because of my body

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Speaker 1: and because of essentially what I was willing to offer

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Speaker 1: between my legs. It was a chapter that I ended

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Speaker 1: up writing that leaned into not only self worths but

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Speaker 1: also my relationship to money. And so I'm not sure

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Speaker 1: anyone in the book club tonight who has had that

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Speaker 1: relationship to money. But what essentially ended up happening is

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Speaker 1: once I became self sufficient, once I was able to

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Speaker 1: live on my own, once I was able to start

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Speaker 1: seeing money in a different way, it really hit me

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Speaker 1: in therapy as to kind of the things that I

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Speaker 1: was allowing to happen for the sake of money. And

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Speaker 1: so I'm gonna look through my therapy sessions to see

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Speaker 1: if I can share those with you as well. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if I have the time to insert them

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Speaker 1: into this episode, but there was a lot of shame

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Speaker 1: in doing so. And so when we started writing the podcast,

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Speaker 1: not writing the podcast. When we started the podcast, I

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Speaker 1: was real like I I go out and get your money. Honey,

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Speaker 1: if you fucking a nigga, make should you get in this?

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Speaker 1: Make sure you get in that. And I remember vividly

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Speaker 1: during the creative process of this, y'all, we're on the

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Speaker 1: phone with Simon and Schuster. There's this white guy Nick

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Speaker 1: and mad white women. Okay, we are on the phone

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Speaker 1: with the goddamn publisher and we end up having to

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Speaker 1: get Charlemagne on the phone, and it's where we had

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Speaker 1: this crossroad as to what should go in the book

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Speaker 1: and what shouldn't go in the book. And vividly I

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Speaker 1: remember this call and me yelling on this very business

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Speaker 1: ass call because Weezy was like, bro, we can't put

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Speaker 1: shame in there. You can't talk about regret like we're

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Speaker 1: a sexually liberated podcasts. That goes against what we're teaching

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Speaker 1: our audience. And I said, bruh, I refuse to write

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Speaker 1: a book if I'm urging women to go and have

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Speaker 1: sex for things that I don't agree with anymore. I said,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to push a woman to use their

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Speaker 1: body as a means of income if they don't have to, Like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to platform that thought process. And as

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Speaker 1: someone who's like pro sex work, there's still an element

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Speaker 1: of responsibility. I feel like I have now to not

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Speaker 1: push people who don't know no better that that comes

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Speaker 1: with a lot of regret and shame. And so this

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Speaker 1: chapter specifically, I hope kind of highlighted that I was

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Speaker 1: able to share literally how I got and I need

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Speaker 1: I need to to did that. Yes, I think I

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Speaker 1: did put it in there the story. You know, when

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Speaker 1: I moved out of my mom's house. It was three

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Speaker 1: days after graduating high school. I moved to Atlanta. I

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Speaker 1: was working at a call center and I was a

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Speaker 1: stock manager at diesel at the Linox mall. And I

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Speaker 1: ended up having a friend at the time who did porn.

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Speaker 1: She no longer does porn, or we're no longer friends.

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Speaker 1: I think she still do porn. But she invited me

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Speaker 1: on a trip and that trip was the trip that

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Speaker 1: allowed me to literally have a bed, my first bed

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Speaker 1: that I bought for myself. I was able to buy

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Speaker 1: a bed and pay two months of rent with that trip,

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Speaker 1: and I think that that was kind of like a

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Speaker 1: precedent of my relationship to sex and money for a

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Speaker 1: long time, and I just hated it. TATSI is in

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Speaker 1: the chat and said she loves the affirmations those came

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Speaker 1: from not only therapy, but I would also say tempest

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Speaker 1: this chapter, and this chapter was probably by far my

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Speaker 1: hardest chapter that I had to write. I knew I

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Speaker 1: wanted to talk about this, I didn't know how to

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Speaker 1: talk about it, and then there were certain people that

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Speaker 1: I don't think made enough of an impact in my

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Speaker 1: life to be present. But I wanted to include stats.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to include my story. But also I still

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Speaker 1: also have the difficulty in dissecting between whether I was

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Speaker 1: an actual sex worker or if I was doing this

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Speaker 1: because Mama had bills to pay. And this is kind of,

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Speaker 1: you know, kind of what I was introduced to at eighteen,

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Speaker 1: to me, to my sister, I think I talked about

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Speaker 1: it in the last episode as well. My sister went

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Speaker 1: to the army because life was hard for me, like

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Speaker 1: figuring it out. My ego was big as fuck, and

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Speaker 1: to me, I would do anything before having to go

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Speaker 1: back home Callily, do you have something at And so

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Speaker 1: for me, that's what this chapter was for me. Before

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Speaker 1: we move forward, though, I do want to allow anyone

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Speaker 1: to ask questions about this chapter, any thoughts, or to

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Speaker 1: share any story that maybe they've done. I would also

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Speaker 1: like to know, as Whorehive listeners if this chapter felt

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Speaker 1: hypocritical to the podcast, because I know that that was

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Speaker 1: a concern while writing it, but it was also a

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Speaker 1: concern way prior to us even getting into the book

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Speaker 1: writing process. JT dropped in the chat more affirmations. I

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Speaker 1: will give myself permission to outgrow old versions of myself,

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Speaker 1: and I understand that some people won't understand the ways

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Speaker 1: I'm changing. That's a big one for me, especially because

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Speaker 1: I reference my teenage as a person. I reference the

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Speaker 1: person in my twenties as a different person. And so

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Speaker 1: my therapy sessions looked like forgiving my younger self and

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Speaker 1: accepting that had I not gone through those things, maybe

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Speaker 1: horrible decisions doesn't exist. Had I not gone through through

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Speaker 1: those things, maybe I don't make the impact that I've

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Speaker 1: made over the last eight years with this platform. If

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Speaker 1: she didn't go through those things, maybe she's not this

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Speaker 1: strong person now, and maybe she ends up going through

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Speaker 1: those things older. And so the affirmations to me, even

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Speaker 1: though y'all know I'm not a star that moves as bitch,

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Speaker 1: it's been a thing that I have to constantly like

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Speaker 1: champion myself. It's one of those things that we also

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Speaker 1: have to remember, whether it's a soiled relationship with our parents,

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Speaker 1: whether it's friends that don't know how to really, you know,

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Speaker 1: support you, whether it's a partner that's a hater. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: we have to be our biggest cheerleaders. Sometimes we're the

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Speaker 1: only people that can forgive ourselves for the things we've done. Because,

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Speaker 1: like JT said in that second affirmation, I understand that

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Speaker 1: some people won't understand the ways I'm changing. For me,

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Speaker 1: it's what we're still seeing every week in the comments

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Speaker 1: around the rebrand of Decisions Decisions. It's what we're still

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Speaker 1: seeing when we go into meetings and rooms in terms

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Speaker 1: of having to sell ourselves. And so for me, I

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Speaker 1: would say one of the biggest things that I'm doing

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Speaker 1: in my transition right now is I have this chip

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Speaker 1: on my shoulder about proving my worth to anybody, because

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Speaker 1: I translate that to selling myself. And though it was

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Speaker 1: selling my body, me having to go into a room

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Speaker 1: and convince somebody that I'm worthy, convince someone I'm worth

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Speaker 1: a couple dollars, it literally triggers me to my twenties

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Speaker 1: and so it's something that I'm currently continuingly working on

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Speaker 1: in therapy because it's like, bitch, but nigga, you either

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Speaker 1: like me or you don't. And I'm dealing with that

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Speaker 1: chip on my shoulder from how I had to kind

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Speaker 1: of transactionally do things with sex with love with feeling

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Speaker 1: validated throughout my teens and my twenties. So Melli did

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Speaker 1: comment before we move on. Mellie said, I don't feel

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Speaker 1: like it was hypocritical. To me, the point of this

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Speaker 1: show is to not shame people for how they feel.

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Speaker 1: It's not like you're shaming women who choose to do it,

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Speaker 1: And that was a real important thing for me. To me,

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Speaker 1: it's like, if you're doing this, do it with pride

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Speaker 1: or do it as it means to an end, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: do it with purpose? And to me, that's why I

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Speaker 1: included all of those stats around survival sex. To me,

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Speaker 1: we're in a state where we are in a recession.

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Speaker 1: It is harder, and there's a lot of people saying

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Speaker 1: in unhealthy relationships for transactional reasons, and so I'm glad

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Speaker 1: that it didn't come across as hypocritical. Still very much

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Speaker 1: pro sex work, but for me, if a woman is

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Speaker 1: trying to find her way. It's just not something I

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Speaker 1: would advocate for it like today, like I did early

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Speaker 1: on in the podcast. So and then Roseanne put if

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Speaker 1: the growth doesn't happen when experiences are presented and you

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Speaker 1: don't recognize grow and move differently from the past, than

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Speaker 1: you're doomed. Kind of having done sex work in the

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Speaker 1: past to get where I am gives me an opportunity

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Speaker 1: to share with others so that they don't have to

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Speaker 1: if they don't want to. And that was the purpose

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Speaker 1: for me of that chapter specifically.

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Speaker 2: Now, I don't know how to raise my hand.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, go ahead, girl, it's okay.

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Speaker 2: It's on my phone. Talk to me, talk to me,

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Speaker 2: so I think, and I'm gonna try not to ramble.

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Speaker 2: I guess I'm like kind of nervous once I started,

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Speaker 2: you know, I was like, well, I'm nervous, But no,

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Speaker 2: I think that part of what the book did was

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Speaker 2: it showed your experience and Wheezy's experience because we in

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Speaker 2: her her life, her experience with I guess sugaring and

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Speaker 2: like the way she viewed if she were to be,

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Speaker 2: you know, an escort or anything like that was more

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Speaker 2: glamorized and more empowering for her, raise your experience was

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Speaker 2: the complete opposite, And I feel like showing that takes

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Speaker 2: away the shame and the stigma in general from all sides,

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Speaker 2: on both sides, because it all depends on you, you

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Speaker 2: as a person, where you are in your life, what

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Speaker 2: you've experienced, what you value, what your gifts and talents

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Speaker 2: are in general, just like what are you offering to

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Speaker 2: the world. So I feel like that I don't know,

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Speaker 2: just the book in general offered that. It really just

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Speaker 2: showed that there's no shame, and.

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Speaker 1: I wish we drew that parallel a little better because

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Speaker 1: even you just saying that, my mind immediately goes to

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Speaker 1: the fact that my father weaponized the fact that he

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Speaker 1: even paid child support at one point in my life.

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Speaker 1: And she grew up with a father who was not

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Speaker 1: only the breadwinner but allowed her mother to be a housewife.

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Speaker 1: So in Wheezy's maybe upbringing, she saw that men were

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Speaker 1: supposed to lavish you with money and take you on

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Speaker 1: trips and do these things, which might have allowed her

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Speaker 1: to show the glamorizing side of it. And for me,

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Speaker 1: it was always money was used as kind of something

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Speaker 1: to hold power over a woman, which is you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. And so for me, it was never

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Speaker 1: a way for me to glamorize it because I saw

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Speaker 1: my mom once my dad left the picture, bust her

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Speaker 1: ass and take care of a lot of ain't shit

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Speaker 1: ass niggas, And so for me it was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to be taking advantage of this way

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Speaker 1: by men, so I may as well get this. But

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Speaker 1: to know that even my travels were dictated on the

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Speaker 1: men that I was with at one point, I literally

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Speaker 1: never thought I would be on a yacht if it

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Speaker 1: wasn't for a man. I never thought I would travel

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Speaker 1: out the country unless a man bought my flight. Like,

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Speaker 1: I didn't have the experiences that Weezy had growing up.

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Speaker 1: And so I think it was interesting and I love

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Speaker 1: that you brought forth that because I didn't even pick

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Speaker 1: up that. Maybe that's why we viewed our experiences with

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Speaker 1: transactional sex so differently, was because of how we both

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Speaker 1: grew up around men and a man's relationship with money

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Speaker 1: and how it existed in our lives.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, can I just say one more thing?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, go ahead.

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Speaker 2: It ties back to the podcast in general, because I

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Speaker 2: don't be out here that much as much as I

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Speaker 2: want to, I'm mentally liberated.

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Speaker 1: But how I live.

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Speaker 2: I was raised very religious, you know, so many different factors,

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Speaker 2: your parents, everything. But I still have been listening to

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Speaker 2: Horrible since like twenty eighteen. I love listening to it.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 2: I support it like I'm here for it. And so

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Speaker 2: what I get from it is people talking about their

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Speaker 2: love life and dating life, which empowers me. You're just

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Speaker 2: being honest. So the honesty in and of itself is

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Speaker 2: just liberating. So that's how I just wanted to tire that. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: thank you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, and I don't know if we you know,

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Speaker 1: I know I leaned heavily into my childhood a little

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Speaker 1: bit more than Weezy did in her chapters. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I really like this comment. It says the balances with

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Speaker 1: the monetary support and emotional support that our father figures

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Speaker 1: bring to the table play out in a variety of ways,

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Speaker 1: and I think that that's what it did for me

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Speaker 1: is is I kind of allowed men to weaponize money

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Speaker 1: the same way I saw my dad do it. And

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Speaker 1: it's probably what has pushed me to be the hard working, determined,

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Speaker 1: like probably super dependent woman that I am because I

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Speaker 1: saw my mom do it, and I also saw her

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Speaker 1: like have to raise us by herself, and so for me,

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Speaker 1: it just pushed me into very unhealthy relationships with men

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Speaker 1: and money that I wish I could have caught on

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Speaker 1: too sooner in my life than I did. But I

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Speaker 1: am glad that I'm to a point where I'm reflecting

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Speaker 1: on it and I'm working on forgiving myself for that.

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Speaker 1: There is another comment, man, when I hear or read

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Speaker 1: your story and see where you are now makes me

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Speaker 1: so happy for you. Your story is helping others and

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Speaker 1: that is the ultimate reward and the end. Of course,

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Speaker 1: you don't need validation for me, but I had to

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Speaker 1: tell you this thank you. Like I said, definitely the

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Speaker 1: hardest chapter for me to write in this book by far.

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Speaker 1: Even when it came to the book being finished, y'all,

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Speaker 1: we were in PR meetings and I said, this is

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Speaker 1: not the chapter I'm going to talk about. I don't

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Speaker 1: want this brought up on TV. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: brought up on radio. And I said, I'll choose the

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Speaker 1: podcast that I feel safe bringing it up in. But

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Speaker 1: this is not a talking point. I'm not talking about it.

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Speaker 1: So really really love that y'all were able to take

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Speaker 1: this chapter the way you did because this was one

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Speaker 1: I was like, bitch, I ain't touching on it. It's

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Speaker 1: in the book. It's definitely one of those chapters that,

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Speaker 1: although it ends with the period, maybe this chapter is

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Speaker 1: still very much a work in progress. The next chapter

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Speaker 1: is do married men really treat you better? And Baby?

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Speaker 1: What I hope is that some of you read this

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Speaker 1: chapter and in the very first in the very first

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Speaker 1: uh paragraph, I wanted y'all to be upset, especially if

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Speaker 1: you have never been a side bitch, or if maybe

349
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Speaker 1: you just caught your nigga cheating and no sawt a

350
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Speaker 1: side bitch. I wanted like. They tried to make me

351
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Speaker 1: remove this goddamn intro, and I said, nope, I wanted

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Speaker 1: to draw the bitches in. I'm gonna read it just

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Speaker 1: a little bit because I wanted people to see where

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Speaker 1: my mind was in my twenties and hopefully draw me

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Speaker 1: to where I am today. I said, I started this

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Speaker 1: chapter like this. I would like to let it be

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Speaker 1: known that I have been a proud member of the

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Speaker 1: side Check Committee on the Board of the Mistress Missions,

359
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: and an elected official to the Jezebel Justice league. Does

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Speaker 1: that make me a piece of shit? Perhaps? And I

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Speaker 1: wanted to lean heavy into the fact that shit majority

362
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Speaker 1: of my life, essentially majority of me dating. I was

363
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Speaker 1: very comfortable being the side piece, was very comfortable being

364
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Speaker 1: number two or three or four, one of many. I

365
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Speaker 1: was very comfortable with dealing with a man knowingly that

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Speaker 1: he was married and engaged. I had a girlfriend, lived

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Speaker 1: with a bitch. It didn't matter. Nigga, you interested, I'm interested.

368
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Speaker 1: We go have our own thing. Your responsibility is your

369
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Speaker 1: responsibility to whoever you wit. And it was it was

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Speaker 1: for me something to where I built these really strong

371
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Speaker 1: relationships with these men. I felt like they were honest

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Speaker 1: with me. I felt like, you know, they had to

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Speaker 1: fuck with me the long way, like it was so crazy,

374
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Speaker 1: like my dumb ass thoughts. But what I essentially realized

375
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Speaker 1: was in my twenties, bitch, at any given moment, I

376
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Speaker 1: had anywhere from one of two roommates, At any given moment,

377
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Speaker 1: I was reliant on a nigga for rent, and at

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Speaker 1: any given moment, I may or may not have felt

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Speaker 1: like I could be faithful to a partner if they

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Speaker 1: weren't someone that I could financially depend on and so

381
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Speaker 1: for me, my relationships with these men often came transactionally,

382
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Speaker 1: but they also became my friends. And so so the

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00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 1: stories in this chapter. I don't know if any of

384
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:11,400
Speaker 1: y'all got real mad, because I wasn't shit. But the first,

385
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 1: the first story I chose to share was the NFL

386
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Speaker 1: player that I was fucking who brought me to a

387
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 1: season opener game or it was a preseason or season

388
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Speaker 1: opener game, and because it was raining, he made sure

389
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Speaker 1: I was in the suite. Well, he also flew down

390
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 1: his friends from his hometown, and I didn't know that

391
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Speaker 1: they were the pawns. So I get to the suite,

392
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Speaker 1: I come to the stadium with his friends, and the

393
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Speaker 1: wife and kids are in the suite. And so I'm

394
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Speaker 1: in this suite with the wife and kids and the

395
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,680
Speaker 1: kids are like babies, bruh. And I'm like, and it's

396
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 1: more than it's like two kids. And I'm in the Sweden.

397
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 1: I'm just talking to literally the family, the friends. I'm

398
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: in there with my dazzled team shirt woo go. And

399
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 1: I'm literally like, is this nigga fucking serious? Like I

400
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 1: didn't even I wasn't even warned. There wasn't a warning sign.

401
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,160
Speaker 1: It wasn't like, just so you know, you gotta play

402
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: this off. I get into the suite and I'm just like,

403
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 1: what the fuck? I play it off because I'm an

404
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:46,440
Speaker 1: elected official of the Jezebel Justice League. I played off

405
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 1: because of course I have to be the best side chick.

406
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 1: I have to, you know, play it off because I'm cool.

407
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:59,159
Speaker 1: We homies, We're friends, like you know, it is what

408
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 1: it is. On some other foul shit. I felt like

409
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 1: this was my role, so it wasn't to make a scene.

410
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:19,159
Speaker 1: I'm brought here. The crazy part about this is after

411
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 1: I cursed him out, my immediate thought was, so, nigga,

412
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 1: am I not seeing you after the game, because clearly

413
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:28,840
Speaker 1: the wife was right here. So I'm just worried about

414
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:30,399
Speaker 1: it if I'm getting dick or not, which is the

415
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 1: correct bitch. That's the crazy part of this whole thing.

416
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,640
Speaker 1: This is how fucking say. I'm like, well, Nigga, thanks

417
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 1: for the first class flight, but I also wanted to

418
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 1: leave with a little change, so like, but nigga, am

419
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 1: I finna see you? He came up with whatever lie

420
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:52,199
Speaker 1: he had to tell, and bitch, she was with me

421
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:56,680
Speaker 1: that night. The lie he ended up telling was that

422
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 1: he wanted to stay at the whole closer to the

423
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 1: practice facility because I think they had practice the next morning,

424
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 1: or he lied and said they had practiced the next morning.

425
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,439
Speaker 1: I don't think he did, because bitch, he was with

426
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:13,359
Speaker 1: me till the morning. But anyways, I like showed that

427
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 1: I was mad, but I guess I don't think I

428
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 1: really was, because in my mind that was the role

429
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:24,639
Speaker 1: I was playing, and this wasn't the only time this

430
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 1: had happened. I remember like going to the club with

431
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:34,959
Speaker 1: niggas that I was fucking on and their girlfriend's popping

432
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: up or their fiance's popping up and being told that yo,

433
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 1: they're coming play it cool, and Bitch I would literally

434
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 1: be pouring shots and acting like the cool home girl

435
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 1: to a table knowing that bitch I'd be sucking that

436
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 1: nigga dick from the back. And maybe it was because

437
00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: I didn't want I didn't want the relationship from any

438
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: of these guys. I never wanted to be in the

439
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 1: white's position. I never wanted to be in the girlfriend's position,

440
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: and I really lean into that in this chapter because

441
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 1: I was just like, whoo, well, bitch I wouldn't want

442
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: a nigga lying to be like that. I wouldn't want

443
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 1: my nigga paying nobody's you know, tuition or paying nobody's rent,

444
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 1: Like I don't want my nigga send it no bitch,

445
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 1: no birthday gift. So there was so many things where

446
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 1: I'm just like, yeah, I wouldn't want to be in

447
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: their position. Before I get to the next story, that

448
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: slaps some goddamn sense into my head that made me

449
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 1: no longer selectively ignorant. Emma has her hand raised, So

450
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 1: am what you gotta say?

451
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 2: I actually have a question.

452
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 3: I was gonna ask you, did this make you have

453
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 3: like a heightened libido? Or did it give you an

454
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 3: a drugnaline rush? Knowing that their partners were in the room.

455
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 1: No, I think it. I think it was fun to

456
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:11,479
Speaker 1: act like. It made me yo a little see, and

457
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: that's because I was a secret Essentially, I'm the side piece, right,

458
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:20,920
Speaker 1: so like I never felt the need to appear as

459
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 1: anyone's main chick, even in public and their wives being there.

460
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: I think what it really did for me was solidified

461
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 1: this role, and in an even more twisted way, it

462
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: made me less desire them. So it made the transactional

463
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 1: friendship or relationship a lot more easy to compartmentalize because

464
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 1: it allowed me, even though this was my friend and

465
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 1: I thought they was the most honest nigga and kept

466
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: it real, seeing them as these liars or how they

467
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 1: could show up as a two faced individual made me

468
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 1: desire them less romantically, not sexually sexually. I listen, a

469
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 1: bitch was horny all the time, but it definitely made

470
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 1: me just desire them less intimately.

471
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 4: Rachel, Yeah, this is random, But where did he let

472
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 4: you know that he was, that this was what was happening?

473
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 1: What the in the suite? Like, yeah, when you saw

474
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 1: him right before, right before the game started, Like literally

475
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 1: he just came over. He's probably by his locker. And

476
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 1: you know what's crazy about it? During this game it

477
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 1: was raining, and so of course, although I'm like, I'm

478
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 1: literally like, are you fucking kidding me? You like your

479
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 1: wife is in here? Why the fuck? And his immediate

480
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 1: response was, well, I brought you here. I wasn't gonna

481
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 1: have you sit in the rain. And his immediate response

482
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 1: was about how he was positioning me to be comfortable

483
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 1: and how he wasn't gonna have me out in the rain.

484
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 1: And so you know what they are no longer together.

485
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 4: Do you think she knew her position too? I feel

486
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 4: like that lifestyle you kind of know that.

487
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 1: You know what's crazy. I will say of majority of

488
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 1: the men that I dealt with who had situations, yes,

489
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 1: they've either questioned about me or I've been in argument before.

490
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 1: So I would say probably seven times out of ten,

491
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 1: the wife are significant other did somewhat know about me

492
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: and my relationship with their partners. I guess that's the

493
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: other reason why I come on the podcast often and

494
00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: talk about like there are women that will choose a

495
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:02,240
Speaker 1: blind eye to continue living a certain lifestyle, and all

496
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 1: of these men had money, power status, So to me, yeah,

497
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 1: I feel like they knew. I don't think I don't

498
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 1: think I don't think this woman. I don't think this

499
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 1: this wife knew. Yeah, I don't think this well, but

500
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 1: she knows now.

501
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 4: I don't know if she's They.

502
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 1: Got a divorce a couple of years ago, so they're

503
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:35,000
Speaker 1: no longer together. But what's crazy is he's he He

504
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: is somebody that I genuinely like I fuck with. We

505
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: are still friends to this day, and shortly after the divorce,

506
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 1: I considered it and just because of our history, nothing

507
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 1: about I couldn't envision being his partner.

508
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you know, both sides, you can, you be able.

509
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 1: To win, right, right, right, right, right right.

510
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 4: I think every woman has the top three things that

511
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 4: they put up with, and maybe that was just one

512
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 4: of her.

513
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 1: I think it's also very interesting as a woman, which

514
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 1: is why for me, I personally don't know how a

515
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 1: woman who's a side piece has the desire to be

516
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 1: the main chick, because you see how this man moves,

517
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 1: you see how he's able to manipulate, you see how

518
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,600
Speaker 1: he's able to exist with a double life. So for me,

519
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,880
Speaker 1: I've never understood the side chick that craves to be

520
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:34,480
Speaker 1: the main.

521
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 4: I don't even It's not the man. It's about the competition,

522
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 4: about winning, saying look I got.

523
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what is you winning? A cheating ass, manipulative

524
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 1: ass nigga?

525
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 4: Win?

526
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: Is that a prize?

527
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 4: I don't know, just the mindset you know it is.

528
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 4: It doesn't make sense to us now we know, but

529
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,839
Speaker 4: you know, just at that time, like you know how

530
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 4: you were thinking at that time back then, women that

531
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 4: was like their goal, you know. Yeah, where I've developed,

532
00:34:58,920 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 4: I don't know.

533
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 1: I do love this comment to Matthew says, can't lie

534
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 1: being a femme gay male. The opening of this chapter

535
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 1: made me feel seen and resonated heavy with me. I

536
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:12,359
Speaker 1: don't know if you know, Matthew, but I apparently lived

537
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 1: my life as a gay man clearly, which is why

538
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,240
Speaker 1: I want to bend all these niggas over and why

539
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: I compartmentalized goddamn relationships. The way I talk to my

540
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 1: gay friends about their relationships maybe same, and it's not

541
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:31,239
Speaker 1: supposed to be same. So yeah, it's one of those

542
00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: that I think is why I'm able to I have

543
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 1: a little bit more stronger conversations around what non monogamy

544
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 1: looks like and why it needs to be ethical, and

545
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: why I'm no longer interested in playing that role without

546
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 1: all parties being fully aware of what the fuck is happening.

547
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 1: And I'll lean into how I got there. The second

548
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: story in the book is where a mirror was held

549
00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 1: the fuck up to me. Y'all know, at the end

550
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 1: of my relationship that lasted three years, I used to

551
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 1: call him my soulmate.

552
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 2: I was.

553
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:12,760
Speaker 1: In love with this man. We were non monogamous together,

554
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 1: but at the end of our relationship, two women came

555
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:21,759
Speaker 1: to me, woman to woman. One hit me up on

556
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: Instagram and shared all the things which allowed me to

557
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,360
Speaker 1: know that that nigga was not actually in Panama brying suits.

558
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 1: He was with that bitch. And then she let me

559
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 1: know the women that she was aware of, and I

560
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 1: knew one of them because she was from the sex club.

561
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 1: And ironically, this is how the universe works. I'm leaving

562
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 1: an al salon in Brooklyn, which I don't even live

563
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,760
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn, but I go get my nails done in Brooklyn.

564
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: I'm hungry after I get my nails done, so I

565
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 1: go across the street to one of the very few

566
00:36:56,160 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 1: restaurants over there and I'm getting tacos and she comes

567
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 1: in and sees me. She leaves out, and I see

568
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 1: her just walking around the store, but she speaks to

569
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,640
Speaker 1: the owner. So I'm thinking she's trying to have an

570
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:13,279
Speaker 1: event here, or she's getting catering, or she's waiting on

571
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 1: a large order. Bitch. I'm on the phone with my

572
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 1: best friend. She walks up to my table and it's

573
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 1: like Mandy. I'm like hi, and she says Hi, I'm Stephanie,

574
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 1: and I think you know we both shared a relationship

575
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 1: with redacted and says my fucking ex's name, bitch, mind you,

576
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 1: as soon as she says her name. As soon as

577
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 1: she does this, bitch, I'll know exactly who you are now,

578
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: mind you. I don't think I shared the details of

579
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 1: this specific person, but I'm gonna retell it because I

580
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 1: a lot got cut out from this chapter because this

581
00:37:56,239 --> 00:38:00,480
Speaker 1: chapter was really, really, really fucking long. But basically, the

582
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 1: backstory to this specific woman is she not only worked

583
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:08,239
Speaker 1: at the sex club, her and her partner were at

584
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 1: the sex club one night we all played. They acted

585
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 1: like they didn't know each other, and so there was

586
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 1: a violation that took place where it's like so literally

587
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 1: in my in my like now we're talking, and I'm like, bro,

588
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 1: you was fucking on my on my on my man

589
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 1: at the same time as me, and you didn't have

590
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 1: the decency, mind you. You and your partner approached us

591
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,400
Speaker 1: like it was on some We were kiki haha, and

592
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 1: it was you know. And this is the most bullshit

593
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 1: response I think I could have ever gotten. By the way,

594
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 1: here's another tip. Never date a nigga with two first

595
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 1: names as his name. His first name is a first name,

596
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 1: his last name could be a first name. She tried

597
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 1: to play. Well. When you introduced him, you said a

598
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 1: name that I don't call him by, so you know,

599
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 1: I just didn't really know what was what was what? Bitch? No,

600
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:19,479
Speaker 1: mar bitch, we are in there as as a couple.

601
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 1: If you are with your nigga, you were in a

602
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 1: poly relationship. I am not in whatever seemed bro. And

603
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 1: you so to find out that not only did this

604
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 1: like take place without my knowing at all, She's in

605
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 1: front of me at this Mexican restaurant and she proceeds

606
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 1: to tell me how she knew about me and the

607
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 1: other woman and another woman, and so clearly he must

608
00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:01,720
Speaker 1: have felt safer with her and liked her more because

609
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:07,400
Speaker 1: they had an honest, open relationship and I clearly didn't

610
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 1: know all the things that she knew. And as she

611
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 1: said this, I'm like, oh, bitch, this was my dumb

612
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 1: ass logic.

613
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:18,080
Speaker 2: Bro.

614
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:20,320
Speaker 1: You are someone who has been fucking on this nigga

615
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 1: for five months. I was just with him for three years,

616
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 1: and you have the nerve to question how much he

617
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:35,880
Speaker 1: loved me or how strong our relationship was because you

618
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 1: knew about me and I didn't know about you. And

619
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: I was like, well, this is dumb.

620
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 4: I have a question rupt you?

621
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 1: Oh, go ahead.

622
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 2: So did she.

623
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,719
Speaker 1: Did she know about him?

624
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 2: Oh?

625
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:58,719
Speaker 5: Like, I'm from Oklahoma, by the way, I know you

626
00:40:58,800 --> 00:40:59,279
Speaker 5: came here.

627
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:00,719
Speaker 6: Yeah.

628
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 5: But did she know who he was and who you

629
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 5: were when she approached y'all in the club?

630
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:14,360
Speaker 1: Like you know what's crazy about that? Yes, because she

631
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:17,719
Speaker 1: was the bartender at the sex club, so she had

632
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: seen me and him come in there many a time.

633
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 1: Mind you, she was also one of the people who

634
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 1: snitched on him because he was not supposed to. It

635
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 1: was against our boundaries for him to go to the

636
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:36,440
Speaker 1: sex club without me. I ended up taking friends to

637
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 1: the sex club after a trip to Jamaica. Bitch, I

638
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 1: go in there. She's like, oh, yeah, how was Jamaica? Yeah,

639
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,919
Speaker 1: so and so was in here. And when we asked

640
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 1: where you were, he said, you were in Jamaica. So

641
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:53,120
Speaker 1: that's how I even knew. At one point he had

642
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 1: gone to the sex club without me, So she knew

643
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 1: exactly who I was and he was to me and

644
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:03,919
Speaker 1: each other there because, bitch, when you ask me where

645
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 1: I'm at when he's in there without me.

646
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,359
Speaker 5: So when she the initial interaction when she brought her

647
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 5: partners to y'all, does she know, like.

648
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 1: I didn't know what I thought. I thought she looks

649
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 1: cute that night her partner was really cute. So and

650
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:20,319
Speaker 1: mind you, we didn't all have sex. I think he

651
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 1: wanted to massage me. He knew who I was, and

652
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:25,799
Speaker 1: I didn't want to play with a woman that night,

653
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:27,839
Speaker 1: so we kind of like, Okay, well, y'all can make out.

654
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 1: I'll let him massage me. So these motherfuckers are right

655
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 1: next to me fucking with each other. But I'm thinking

656
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 1: it's a okay, I'm allowing it, not knowing that they

657
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: are they know each other, that they know each other,

658
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: that they're fucking without me, that they have a whole

659
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 1: relationship outside of me.

660
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 2: See, this is why I snapped.

661
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:47,960
Speaker 4: Is the real thing?

662
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 3: Girl?

663
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 1: But when I tell you, when I found this out,

664
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 1: I said what? And then do you know what the

665
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:59,840
Speaker 1: fuck nigga said when I clearly me and him had

666
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 1: a lot of conversations even after we broke up, like

667
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 1: how dare you? His response to all of that was, well,

668
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:13,799
Speaker 1: you seemed interested, and I figured we would play with

669
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 1: them again, so I would tell you another time, like

670
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 1: I was going to tell you, I just didn't think

671
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 1: like maybe it was a time that we were just

672
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 1: like getting back together officially, and so he was just like,

673
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,680
Speaker 1: you know, I just I didn't think I had to

674
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:30,240
Speaker 1: say anything.

675
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:35,240
Speaker 5: Then oh wow, yeah, you have great self control, girl,

676
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:39,640
Speaker 5: have been and you know what, you know.

677
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 1: What I always say, actually the only way that I

678
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:48,919
Speaker 1: am understanding of a snap situation. So I've always lived

679
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 1: on my own. I could not imagine any woman who

680
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:59,399
Speaker 1: lives with a partner maybe is the breadwinner and pays

681
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 1: all the bills and has caught they nigga bringing a

682
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: bitch to her house like I That's where I think

683
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:11,360
Speaker 1: that would have been my line drawn, Like bitch, the

684
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,759
Speaker 1: gun is coming out, bitch, the knife, the gun, I

685
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,799
Speaker 1: don't know whatever. The pen is coming up across your head.

686
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 1: I'm throwing the grits in your face, like all of

687
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 1: the things that I see would happen if that. But yeah,

688
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:28,120
Speaker 1: and then that was the moment that a mirror was

689
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:29,800
Speaker 1: held up to me and I was like, oh, bitch,

690
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:32,279
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be the side check no more. I

691
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:35,360
Speaker 1: think if you guys even got to the end of

692
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:38,440
Speaker 1: that story when we talk about self control and realization

693
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 1: and maturity and a mirror just being held up to

694
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 1: you in a moment where bitch, this is a moment

695
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 1: for you to reflect. Bitch, I bought us shots. At

696
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:55,839
Speaker 1: the end of the conversation, we cheersed and I said,

697
00:44:55,840 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 1: see you around. And since then it's crazy, maybe because

698
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:03,719
Speaker 1: I've sat with it further. We have been in the

699
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 1: same space multiple times at the sex club, and baby,

700
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 1: my ignore game is stupid. She has sat right in

701
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:17,240
Speaker 1: a group circle where I'm engaging with other multiple people.

702
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: She's sat right there and got into the conversation and

703
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:26,240
Speaker 1: she don't get a double look from me. I literally

704
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:30,959
Speaker 1: just ignore her. But yeah, the audacity, the audacity, that's

705
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 1: probably a batter reaction though, I mean, because she probably was.

706
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 4: For her I give you all that information.

707
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 5: It almost feels as if she wanted a different because

708
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:42,759
Speaker 5: I can't think of anyone in they right mind that

709
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,319
Speaker 5: you don't want me to fuck you up in this

710
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:48,359
Speaker 5: moment right now for you to say all that and

711
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 5: then a going on with oh and he cared about

712
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:52,239
Speaker 5: me more well, And then I think that that's the

713
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 5: other thing, right, we're both lifestyles and she goes to

714
00:45:56,920 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 5: both sex clubs that I go to. So there was

715
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:04,400
Speaker 5: also a lot of conversations being had amongst mutual friends.

716
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: That also made it a little like I just had

717
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 1: to tell them mutual friends. I get it. Lifestyle. You're

718
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 1: not supposed to tell people to tell people who you

719
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:18,440
Speaker 1: see them with because you don't know people's relationships, boundaries

720
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 1: and what they have, Like it's not a normal kiss

721
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 1: and tell environment, like if you see other people with

722
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:29,880
Speaker 1: other people because everybody's no one knows you know. So yeah,

723
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 1: rough rough, rough, rough, rough, rough. And then the last

724
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 1: chapter again, I think I kind of leaned into it

725
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,880
Speaker 1: in the last book Club. It was not supposed to

726
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 1: be what it was. This last chapter was supposed to

727
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 1: be me finally finding love, finally finding my soulmate, and

728
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:56,759
Speaker 1: instead it turned into what the ending of our relationship

729
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 1: really looked like.

730
00:46:57,880 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 6: Uh.

731
00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: I was able to include bits and pieces of a

732
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 1: fragmented last text message from him, and I had that

733
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 1: same kind of relationship with the transactional sex that I

734
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 1: do with that word need. I felt like I genuinely

735
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:25,759
Speaker 1: needed men to help me feel validated, to feel to

736
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 1: pay bills, to do so many things that when I

737
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 1: finally got with this man, I was throwed. I wanted

738
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:41,319
Speaker 1: this nigga in me, around me, next to me. I

739
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 1: wanted to experience life with him, and it was so

740
00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 1: powerful for me to finally be with a man that

741
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:53,240
Speaker 1: I just wanted, didn't need nothing from him, just literally

742
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 1: wanted his presence and it felt that felt powerful for me.

743
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, possibly because of patriarchy, maybe because of the

744
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:06,360
Speaker 1: age difference, I felt like we genuinely battled when he

745
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 1: felt unneeded, if that's even a word. He felt like

746
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:16,680
Speaker 1: I didn't need him. He often questioned his role as

747
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:20,399
Speaker 1: a partner or in my life, and so I think

748
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,400
Speaker 1: that brought out a lot of insecurities. It's probably why

749
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 1: he literally went and fucked a bitch who didn't have

750
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 1: a house. By the way, y'all, yeah, this is this girl,

751
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:33,320
Speaker 1: this girl that came up to me in the Mexican restaurant,

752
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 1: just you know, couchsurfer. So of course you had to

753
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:40,320
Speaker 1: go fuck a homeless bitch to make yourself feel better.

754
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 2: I want to say something to come to that a

755
00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 2: little bit. Yes, So something that's coming to mind is like,

756
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 2: because a couple of years ago I started researching like

757
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,640
Speaker 2: abusive relationships and like reading and learning about their YouTube

758
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:57,399
Speaker 2: all that stuff, and something there's something sometimes in then

759
00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 2: psyche where they want to have a lay up on

760
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 2: the woman there with in order to like feel secure.

761
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,319
Speaker 2: So it's very deep of like you were letting him

762
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:08,719
Speaker 2: do anything. You know, you guys were open, you were

763
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 2: enjoying yourselves, but he still had to have something secret

764
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:15,280
Speaker 2: that he was doing to make himself feel like he's

765
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 2: one up. And a lot of times that's why men

766
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 2: have side chicks because they're talking to this woman as

767
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 2: they're equal because they feel comfortable. But once you become

768
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:27,840
Speaker 2: their person, their main person, they feel like, well, this

769
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:30,320
Speaker 2: is my main person. I have to be a step

770
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 2: above her. And it's very a lot of them don't

771
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:34,320
Speaker 2: even are not even aware that they're carrying that around,

772
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:37,760
Speaker 2: and their psyche's very deep. But it's very interesting.

773
00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 1: No, I agree, and for me, For me, it was

774
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:48,799
Speaker 1: also like how do I win here? I remember in

775
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:52,400
Speaker 1: some of our emails when we broke up, he referred

776
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:56,799
Speaker 1: to himself as a caged animal, and I was like,

777
00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 1: because I had boundaries, like because I told you I

778
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:01,200
Speaker 1: didn't want you to go to He was like, you

779
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:04,839
Speaker 1: made that space like only I can enjoy it with you,

780
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 1: and so like I just felt, you know, like caged

781
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:13,319
Speaker 1: in and I'm like nigga I'm letting you fuck other bitches, Like,

782
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 1: what are we talking about? Like, and so this idea

783
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:21,279
Speaker 1: that I allowed all this freedom and it still wasn't enough.

784
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 1: I'm just like, holy fuck like And it's why I

785
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 1: also say, like, women, you could be perfect. You can

786
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:32,640
Speaker 1: let him fuck every bitch he wants. You can cook,

787
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 1: you can clean, you could suck a dick from the back,

788
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,919
Speaker 1: you can do all of the fucking gymnastics in the world.

789
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 1: You could do a split on the dick. It's not

790
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:41,719
Speaker 1: enough if a man wants to cheat, If a man

791
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 1: doesn't want to show up as someone who values your boundaries,

792
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:50,480
Speaker 1: who respects the limits, who has the decency and consideration

793
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:56,279
Speaker 1: to communicate, there's nothing that you can do. And I

794
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:58,319
Speaker 1: think I beat myself up so much at the end

795
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 1: of this relationship, like what if I did this different?

796
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:03,360
Speaker 1: What if I did this different? The reality is we

797
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:05,719
Speaker 1: broke up fucking thirteen times, and every time we got

798
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:08,880
Speaker 1: back together, I corrected what he said was wrong. I

799
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 1: made a conscious effort to not do what he said

800
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:14,759
Speaker 1: was the problem. And so if it's not one thing,

801
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:19,919
Speaker 1: it's always going to be another. What I found empowering

802
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 1: about rereading this chapter during the audiobook portion of this

803
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:33,560
Speaker 1: was Finding Actor by Actor Bae was everything I almost

804
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:37,319
Speaker 1: manifested into words in this chapter as far as who

805
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:40,359
Speaker 1: my next partner would be, and maybe I gotta say,

806
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:42,640
Speaker 1: the nigga can't live in La. The nigga needs to

807
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 1: be into Maybe I needs to be more more detailed

808
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 1: with you know, those things that I envisioned for myself,

809
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 1: because when I reread this specific chapter, everything I wanted

810
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:00,400
Speaker 1: in a partner, someone who saw me, someone who you know,

811
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 1: allowed me to just be in my space and exist

812
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:07,319
Speaker 1: as myself. It was Actor Bay and it was so

813
00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:15,840
Speaker 1: like crazy to kind of like, you know, like see

814
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 1: that and to read it in the book in the

815
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:23,520
Speaker 1: booth and literally receive flowers. I forgot what he sent

816
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 1: me flowers for. I think it was for our Sheen

817
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 1: magazine cover, and I was like, oh my god, this

818
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:31,960
Speaker 1: is exactly who I wrote about in the book. And

819
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:38,320
Speaker 1: although that relationship didn't work out for you know, myriad

820
00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:43,520
Speaker 1: of reasons, I still felt like, Wow, I found I

821
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:46,399
Speaker 1: found love and a best friend and I had never

822
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 1: even experienced getting into a relationship in that way before.

823
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:55,840
Speaker 1: So it was just really really really really like this

824
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:59,359
Speaker 1: chapter to me was the perfect way to end progression

825
00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:06,680
Speaker 1: because again, each chapter to me were the big mirrors

826
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 1: that I was holding up in therapy, and again these

827
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:15,400
Speaker 1: chapters were the strongest for me to put onto paper.

828
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 1: I do have about seven minutes to let you guys,

829
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 1: ask questions, uh, make statements, bring forward any any you

830
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 1: know anything specifically you want to you know, let me

831
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 1: know what was it.

832
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 4: I want to know. Are these meetings going to be

833
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:43,920
Speaker 4: available later on? Which ones like the ones recorded right now,

834
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:44,800
Speaker 4: you're gonna have on paper?

835
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 1: Yeah? So so so. Actually they are all live on

836
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:51,400
Speaker 1: the Selective Ignorance Feed. So if you want to go

837
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 1: listen to Pain and Pleasure, both of those are on

838
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:57,760
Speaker 1: the feed. And then next week we're doing Power.

839
00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:01,359
Speaker 4: Okay, pun right, So a shorter chapter, so I want to.

840
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:05,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, So for me, Power is going to be more

841
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:10,720
Speaker 1: of a not only overview. I think I'm intentionally gonna

842
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:15,240
Speaker 1: come in with some of the chapters that got changed

843
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:18,359
Speaker 1: and left out, so we have a whole proposal. So

844
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna lean into which chapters didn't make

845
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 1: the book and why, and I'm gonna do those through

846
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 1: literally leaning into our old drafts. So next week is

847
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:35,120
Speaker 1: going to be a deeper dive into into that chapters

848
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:40,800
Speaker 1: that didn't make it, stories that I could have told

849
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 1: that could have fit into the chapters had they been

850
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,879
Speaker 1: allowed to be a little longer and just a little

851
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:51,320
Speaker 1: bit more of conversations with you all. I would really

852
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:55,520
Speaker 1: love to hear from more women on moments that made

853
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:59,479
Speaker 1: them find their power, ways in which they've overcome either

854
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:03,640
Speaker 1: bad for lif relationships or saw that they weren't showing

855
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 1: up as their best selves, and what kind of turning

856
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 1: moment that looked like. I shared a lot of turning

857
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:14,200
Speaker 1: moments in this book, and so for me, I would

858
00:55:14,239 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 1: really love to hear other turning moments. I think these

859
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:20,200
Speaker 1: types of conversations are how people can continue to see

860
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:24,319
Speaker 1: how they can pivot out of bad situations and find

861
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 1: their own power. So that's kind of what next week's

862
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:27,320
Speaker 1: going to be more about.

863
00:55:27,719 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 4: Exciting and I wanted to have books and podcasts you

864
00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 4: were talking about to help you on your healing journey.

865
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:41,800
Speaker 1: Ooh, one of my favorite books that I leaned into

866
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 1: for how I wanted to write my stories specifically. I

867
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 1: don't know if I've mentioned it. I know we've talked about.

868
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:54,560
Speaker 1: This book is essentially Zay meets Chicken Soup for the Soul.

869
00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:59,040
Speaker 1: One of my favorite books that helped me kind of

870
00:56:00,640 --> 00:56:03,280
Speaker 1: formulate how my stories would be told in this book

871
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:08,200
Speaker 1: is What I Know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey, probably

872
00:56:08,239 --> 00:56:13,320
Speaker 1: one of my favorite books or memoirs essentially by somebody,

873
00:56:13,360 --> 00:56:17,680
Speaker 1: and so that book helped me with telling my own story.

874
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:22,719
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with Mel Robbins, so Mel Robbins really, but

875
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:26,839
Speaker 1: more than anything, honestly, it was my therapy sessions, which,

876
00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,319
Speaker 1: like I said, I did record. I just have to

877
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:30,880
Speaker 1: figure out how I want to chop and screw that

878
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:33,920
Speaker 1: to share with y'all. And it's a lot of fucking crying,

879
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:36,759
Speaker 1: so I don't know if it's even fucking legible. And

880
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 1: I'm clearly on on therapy, so there's like in therapy,

881
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:43,319
Speaker 1: so I don't have a microphone, so I have to

882
00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:45,799
Speaker 1: go back and make sure it's it's something that would

883
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:51,879
Speaker 1: be enjoyable. But I was recording those sessions during this process.

884
00:56:53,840 --> 00:57:00,160
Speaker 1: Anything else before we get out of here, Do.

885
00:57:00,239 --> 00:57:04,440
Speaker 4: You guys have more behind the scenes of the recording process.

886
00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 1: I can ask if Eden has any extended forms of it.

887
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:14,160
Speaker 1: I have like a video of me in the booth,

888
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 1: just like literally recording it. We also do have bts

889
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:22,960
Speaker 1: coming out on the Decisions Decisions Patreon or Horrible Decisions

890
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:30,880
Speaker 1: Patreon of the first week of our bookstore run. I

891
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 1: I'd have to look back through. Let me let me

892
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:36,640
Speaker 1: talk to Eden to see if there's anyway he has

893
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:40,320
Speaker 1: enough footage to chop up more of what that day

894
00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:45,920
Speaker 1: looked like. I'll ask. I'm glad that you enjoyed that

895
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:49,160
Speaker 1: as well, by the way, and thank you so very much.

896
00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:54,480
Speaker 1: Hope that you guys enjoy and Brie, I'm just gonn

897
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:56,080
Speaker 1: answer your question before we get out of here. Do

898
00:57:56,120 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 1: you plan to do something similar for the Masterclass? Possibly?

899
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:03,560
Speaker 1: I don't know if we have really bts from the Masterclass,

900
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 1: but we are looking to make the Masterclass more easily

901
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:12,160
Speaker 1: accessible for everyone who purchased the book, so maybe making

902
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 1: that easier. But thank you guys so very much. Selective

903
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 1: Ignorance a production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For

904
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:26,720
Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

905
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:28,800
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

906
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 6: Thanks for tuning in the Selective Ignorance of Mandy B.

907
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:34,360
Speaker 6: Selective Ignorance It's executive produced to buy Mandy B and

908
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:37,760
Speaker 6: it's a Full Court Media studio production with lead producers

909
00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:40,360
Speaker 6: Jason Rondriguez. That's me and Aaron A.

910
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 1: King Howard.

911
00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:44,200
Speaker 6: Now, do us a favor and rate, subscribe, comment and

912
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:47,400
Speaker 6: share wherever you get your favorite podcasts, and be sure

913
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 6: to follow Selective Ignorance on Instagram at Selective Underscore Ignorance.

914
00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:54,560
Speaker 6: And of course, if you're not following our hosts Mandy B,

915
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:56,960
Speaker 6: make sure you're following her at Full Court Pumps.

916
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:57,080
Speaker 3: Now.

917
00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:59,880
Speaker 6: If you want the full video experience of Selective Ignorance,

918
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 6: make sure you subscribe to the Patreon. It's patreon dot

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00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 6: com backslash Selective Ignorance