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Speaker 1: M h. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

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Speaker 1: a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all

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Speaker 1: the small decisions we can make to become the best

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Speaker 1: possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard

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Speaker 1: and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more

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Speaker 1: information or to find a therapist in your area, visit

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Speaker 1: our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While

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Speaker 1: I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,

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Speaker 1: it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship

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Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so

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Speaker 1: much for joining me for session on the the be

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Speaker 1: for Black Girl's podcast. Like many of you, I've been

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Speaker 1: spending a considerable amount of time watching all of the

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Speaker 1: shows and thought it would be fun to have a

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Speaker 1: little recap of what's been happening on a couple of

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Speaker 1: my favorites and dig into some of the themes that

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Speaker 1: have popped up. Joining me today to chat about the

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Speaker 1: most recent episodes of This Is Us and Married at

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Speaker 1: First Sight is Beverly Andre. Beverly is a licensed marriage

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Speaker 1: and family therapist in the states of Florida, New York,

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Speaker 1: and New Jersey. And is the owner of b Heart

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Speaker 1: Counseling Services. Her work teaches black and brown women how

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Speaker 1: to break down and unpacked narratives that no longer serve them.

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Speaker 1: She's a member of the American Association for Marriage and

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Speaker 1: Family Therapy, and there's also a Prepare Enriched certified pre

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Speaker 1: marital facilitator. Beverly and I chatted about the breathtaking last

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Speaker 1: episode of This is Us, entitled birth Mother. We discussed

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Speaker 1: the power of the stories we hold onto in our lives,

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Speaker 1: the impact of Greef as it's shown in this episode,

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Speaker 1: the symbolism of water, and the importance of having non

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Speaker 1: judgmental safe spaces like the ones that often exists with

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Speaker 1: our aunties. We also chatted about the newest season of

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Speaker 1: Married at First Sight. We discussed some of our thoughts

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Speaker 1: about the compatibility and readiness of some of the couples,

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Speaker 1: what you might want to think about before choosing to

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Speaker 1: apply for this type of show, our thoughts about what

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Speaker 1: indicates success for the couples, and of course, some of

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Speaker 1: the red flags that already seem to be popping up

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Speaker 1: this season. This conversation does include spoilers, so if you

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Speaker 1: haven't watched either episode, and you want to press pause

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Speaker 1: here and save it until you're done, and be sure

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Speaker 1: to share your thoughts about these shows with us on

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Speaker 1: social media using the hashtag tv g in Session. Here's

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Speaker 1: our conversation. Thank you so much for joining me today, Beverly.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. Dr Do I really appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: You're like my ship row All. Thank you. Yeah. So

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Speaker 1: Beverly and I and Dr Coakeley have this kind of

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Speaker 1: informal little text thing going on on Twitter where we

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Speaker 1: live tweet this is Us, and so I felt like

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Speaker 1: I could not let the last episode of This Is

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Speaker 1: Us go without like talking about it on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: So just so many different themes and it was just

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Speaker 1: shot so beautifully. So I feel like we talked about

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Speaker 1: this a lot on the podcast, just how some episodes

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Speaker 1: of TV, like we talked about this with Insecure, we

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Speaker 1: talked about it some with Clean Sugar. Some episodes of

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Speaker 1: TV are just done so beautifully. And I think we

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Speaker 1: have to start by talking about the black women who

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Speaker 1: had their hand all in this episode. So it was

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Speaker 1: written by Ebony Freeman and ka Oh Your Gun and

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Speaker 1: also directed by Kay and I feel like that is

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Speaker 1: a large part of why it was just so incredible.

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Speaker 1: Like I knew something was different about this episode, and

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Speaker 1: I can't remember who tweeted it, but they were like, oh,

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Speaker 1: two black women pretty much spearheaded this, And I was like,

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Speaker 1: there is no other person that I could have imagined

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Speaker 1: that would have been able to tell the story of

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Speaker 1: Randall's family in addition to his mother, but his family,

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Speaker 1: and to see the dynamics of you know, them living

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Speaker 1: in New Orleans and everything that went into why things

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Speaker 1: were done within their family. Yeah, And I do feel

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Speaker 1: like there is a way that that story was told

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Speaker 1: that it had to have come from black people, right,

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Speaker 1: Like the nuances and just the dynamics and the relationships

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Speaker 1: felt very familiar. Yeah. Yeah, So this felt like one

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Speaker 1: of those Hallmark episodes for This is Us, And I

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Speaker 1: feel like they give us at least one every season, right,

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Speaker 1: and who knows, they might turn up the drama and

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Speaker 1: we get multiple this season, but it feels like every

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Speaker 1: season there is at least one of these episodes that

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Speaker 1: bring so many other pieces of the story together. And

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Speaker 1: in this story, or in this episode, of course, we

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Speaker 1: get the full back story about what has happened with

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Speaker 1: Randall's mother and so up until this point, Randall has

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Speaker 1: had the story of like his coming into the earth

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Speaker 1: as being dropped off at the fire station because his

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Speaker 1: mom died and adopted by the white family, and now

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Speaker 1: we get this whole back story about what has really

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Speaker 1: happened with his birth mom, Laurel. So what did you

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Speaker 1: think about this episode? Just kind of in connection to

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Speaker 1: all of the other things we see in this series,

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Speaker 1: very and the asking in this series. I think the

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Speaker 1: episode that sticks out to me the most would be

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Speaker 1: with him and William. I think it's like the Memphis episode.

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Speaker 1: He really got to understand William his back story and

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Speaker 1: what led him to, you know, being where he was

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Speaker 1: in life. And I think the same honor and reverence

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Speaker 1: that was given to William was given to Laurel, because

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Speaker 1: up until this point, Laura was just like Okay, well

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Speaker 1: she was just a black woman who you know, got

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Speaker 1: caught up on drugs and c O D and that

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Speaker 1: was it. And I just think about the symbolism of

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Speaker 1: how black people, especially black women, we are limited to

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Speaker 1: these descriptors, right like, oh, well she's at she's at,

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Speaker 1: and this is what happened to her, right. I think

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Speaker 1: about how we don't really delve into who that person is,

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Speaker 1: their likes, their wants, their desires, their hopes, their dreams.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this episode captured all of it, like when

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Speaker 1: she was a little girl, and you can clearly see,

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Speaker 1: like her desire to just be free spirit, to explore

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Speaker 1: all the things, but still having to live in the

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Speaker 1: confines of being a respectable child. Her dad's a banker,

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Speaker 1: they are part of high society to a degree, and

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Speaker 1: it's just like she's sitting at dinner with her dad

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Speaker 1: and he asked his questions and I could see the

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Speaker 1: anxiety in her, like I have to live up to

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Speaker 1: his expectations of me, when in reality, how I want

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Speaker 1: to do is just go swim in the lake, not

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Speaker 1: worry about my pressing curl, and chill barefoot in the

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Speaker 1: garden with my aunt. You know. So I think not

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Speaker 1: just the dualities of us having to live out the

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Speaker 1: expectations but not really live out what we really want

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Speaker 1: to do in life, or just to have those life experiences.

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Speaker 1: M M. Yeah, And you know when I was watching it,

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Speaker 1: so I've watched it at least three times now. But

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Speaker 1: what really stood out to me, and I'm glad you

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Speaker 1: pointed this out, is that it feels like there is

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Speaker 1: a real connection between who Laurel was as a young

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Speaker 1: woman and who Beth actually was as a young woman, right,

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Speaker 1: and some of those same family pressures. Right. So we

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Speaker 1: saw in one of those episodes, I think maybe last

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Speaker 1: season or two seasons ago, this whole tension between Beth

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Speaker 1: and her mom and wanting to dance, right, And so

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Speaker 1: it feels like they came from similar background. So I

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Speaker 1: found it really interesting that even though Randall did not

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Speaker 1: grow up with a connection to his birth mother, he

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Speaker 1: still ended up with someone who very much feels from

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Speaker 1: failiar to who his birth mother was, right, who had

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Speaker 1: similar journeys. And so I think about the parallels of

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Speaker 1: black girls and their parents, right, and what goes into parenting.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm not a mother yet, but you know,

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Speaker 1: I just think about what narratives do I want to

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Speaker 1: carry on with my children? Right? How do I want

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Speaker 1: to parent them? Do I want to parent them to

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Speaker 1: live their lives to their fullness how they want? Or

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Speaker 1: am I going to have a stronger voice and how

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Speaker 1: I perceived their life should turn out? Because when the

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Speaker 1: dad was like, oh, you know, and he's wanted to

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Speaker 1: propose to you, and you will say yes. I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: she is a young lady and you're literally telling her

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Speaker 1: this is how your life is going to be carried out.

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Speaker 1: And I'm just thinking about, like, where does that stem from?

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Speaker 1: What is that connected to? How can another individual literally

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Speaker 1: say this is what you're gonna do for the rest

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Speaker 1: of your life. Because assuming that you know she got

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Speaker 1: married and divorced, was this not taller read it right?

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Speaker 1: It's like you fall in line or your ex out,

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Speaker 1: just like his sister was. M m m m yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I think you know that often happens, right, And

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Speaker 1: I think sadly a lot of it generationally comes from

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Speaker 1: a place of survival, right, So the ideas that our

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Speaker 1: parents and our grandparents are great grandparents had for what

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Speaker 1: like was successful and what was needed for people to

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Speaker 1: really just survive as black people in the world, I

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Speaker 1: think it came from that place, but I think we

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Speaker 1: do have to examine whether that's still fits for us now.

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Speaker 1: And sadly, I do think a lot of parents still

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Speaker 1: carry on this this is what I want for your life, right,

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Speaker 1: without very little leeway being given to what the child

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Speaker 1: actually wants their life to look like. Right, because that parenting,

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Speaker 1: like he said, comes out of survival mode. It comes

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Speaker 1: out I am parenting you in a way so that

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Speaker 1: you can live to see another day, so that you

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Speaker 1: can have the best possible outcome of doing okay in

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Speaker 1: this life. Because they have that recognition of you know

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Speaker 1: what it is to be black in America, especially in

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Speaker 1: New Orleans at the time, Like, you want to align

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Speaker 1: with people who can essentially take care of you, and

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Speaker 1: so you know, you don't want to shame the family.

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Speaker 1: You don't want to bring this honor into the family.

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Speaker 1: You need to stick to our values and our morals.

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Speaker 1: You need to learn these proverbs because when you learn

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Speaker 1: the proverbs, and you can live out those proverbs. Not

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Speaker 1: to say that it wasn't important to her, but it

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Speaker 1: wasn't the some of Laurel's experience. She didn't want that

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Speaker 1: to be the sum of her experience. She wanted more,

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Speaker 1: and unfortunately she couldn't find more in her household. Like

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Speaker 1: she knew if she still staying in that town, she

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Speaker 1: would not be able to live a life that she

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Speaker 1: thought was worthy of her right. So I want to

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Speaker 1: go back to something that you mentioned because I also

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Speaker 1: thought that this was so beautiful, just the relationship that

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Speaker 1: aunties have in our lives, right, And so it really

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Speaker 1: felt like there was just such a beautiful relationship between

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Speaker 1: Laurel and her aunt made I think that that speaks

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Speaker 1: to kind of being able to have safe adults in

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Speaker 1: your life as a kid. And I don't know, correct

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Speaker 1: me if I'm wrong, Beverly, did they really go into

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Speaker 1: why the dad and may had such a fractured relationship.

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Speaker 1: So she made a comment when Laurel came back, she

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Speaker 1: made a comment that she fell in love with the

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Speaker 1: man who was married, I got pregnant, Okay, And I

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Speaker 1: can assure you that, you know, yeah, that probably would

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Speaker 1: not have gone on her Charlotte letter like whatever, So

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Speaker 1: I'm going to assume that's what it was. Got it,

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Speaker 1: got it okay? Yeah, So I wonder if you had

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Speaker 1: some thoughts about that, just about like the theme of

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Speaker 1: kind of having these people in your life. And it

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Speaker 1: feels like a lot of time it is an auntie, right,

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Speaker 1: who is the person like you can talk to you

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Speaker 1: if you can't talk to your mom or your dad, right,

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Speaker 1: other person who maybe teaches you to drive or teaches

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Speaker 1: you about sex, right, Like these people who are maybe

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Speaker 1: outside of your parental union, but are still very safe

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Speaker 1: and comforting to you as a child. Right. They are

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Speaker 1: trusted individuals and also individuals who don't take on the

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Speaker 1: responsibility of another individual's choices. I think when it comes

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Speaker 1: to parents, some parents it's very difficult for them to

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Speaker 1: not see their child's choices as a reflection of them. Right.

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Speaker 1: So when you have an auntie, someone who is removed

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Speaker 1: from that responsibility, it's like, I can hold space for

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Speaker 1: you to be who you need to be right now. Right,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you that advice if you want that advice, right,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be that shoulder for you. And also I'm

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Speaker 1: going to highlight how you can own your feelings. Because

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Speaker 1: when when her and May were at the lake and

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Speaker 1: you know, Jackson, her brother past and she validated everything

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Speaker 1: that Laura was unable to explain. And then she was

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Speaker 1: just like, you know, just go in the water and

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Speaker 1: do what you need to do. And like she put

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Speaker 1: the love into action. She literally told her like just

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Speaker 1: take the time for yourself, scream, do whatever you need,

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Speaker 1: but on this space, on these feelings that you have.

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Speaker 1: And I can imagine that that's not something that she

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Speaker 1: received from her parents, right, I'm not gonna assume anything

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Speaker 1: because we didn't get the backstory. But you know, for

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Speaker 1: how things were so close off in the family, I

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Speaker 1: can't imagine them coming together and sharing in their grief.

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Speaker 1: I could assume that it was probably maybe very isolating

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Speaker 1: for how they each experienced their degree. So to have

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Speaker 1: that shared connection with Aunt May, I think that was beautiful.

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Speaker 1: I felt her scream like it came from the guts,

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Speaker 1: like that come out of her about I just felt that, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I think you're ready. I think there's something incredibly

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Speaker 1: poignant about kind of teaching her how to do that

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Speaker 1: for herself, right, because we would see her often return

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Speaker 1: to the water. Right, So it was a very powerful

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Speaker 1: kind of modeling of like self care and like this

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Speaker 1: is how you cope, and like this is how you

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Speaker 1: tolerate your distress in a lot of ways, is by

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Speaker 1: giving it to the water, right. And I just think

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Speaker 1: about the symbolism of water, yes, free birth, refresh, I mean, baptism,

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Speaker 1: you know, like old behind and rising, you know, washing

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Speaker 1: away up saying just just all of that, all those

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Speaker 1: burdens that that people just hold onto, just the symbolism

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Speaker 1: of going in that water, dunking in your head, not

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Speaker 1: worried about your preasent, Curl and just being you know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: And how beautiful was it. I mean, we're kind of

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Speaker 1: clearly going out of term, but that doesn't matter. How

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Speaker 1: beautiful was it to then have the kind of towards

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Speaker 1: the end with Randall going to the water right, so incredible,

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Speaker 1: so incredible. I mean, so you know, to kind of

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Speaker 1: go to this place where he knows that his mother

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Speaker 1: has also visited, and then have her visit him basically

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Speaker 1: in the water, right, And I just thought about how

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Speaker 1: powerful that symbolism was that he was then now able

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Speaker 1: to kind of leave these burdens in the water. I'm

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Speaker 1: literally teary eyed because that full circle moment. I said, God,

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Speaker 1: they did it, They did it. This is a moment

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Speaker 1: in TV history that you will never forget. Because he

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Speaker 1: has never truly had a relationship with his mother, right,

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Speaker 1: And I believe you can have relationships with people beyond

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Speaker 1: the physical, right, But he didn't have any context to

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Speaker 1: her life nothing. So when he got into that water

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Speaker 1: and he was just honest with himself and honest to

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Speaker 1: his mother, the hurt the feelings of I thought I

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Speaker 1: was abandoned. I thought I was unwanted. I thought I

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Speaker 1: was unloved. Right when he was talking to High and

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Speaker 1: he was like, well, why didn't she come find me?

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Speaker 1: I literally heard the child voice of Randall. Why didn't

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Speaker 1: she love me? Why did she leave me? Why didn't

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Speaker 1: she come look for me? Did she not? All those

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Speaker 1: questions that were unset came out in that scene. All

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Speaker 1: of the hurt, all the resentment, all of that came

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Speaker 1: out when he was in that water and when he

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Speaker 1: said that he wasn't I think he was talking to

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Speaker 1: Beth and he's like, I just feel lighter, I just

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Speaker 1: feel better. I mean, can you think about it all

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Speaker 1: your life? For you something years old, thinking that your

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Speaker 1: people didn't want you. I don't know what that does

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Speaker 1: to you mentally, to just think that, to not know

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Speaker 1: your roots and to be in your family land that's

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Speaker 1: now yours. All right, just so many things going on right,

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Speaker 1: And I think it's interesting because we do have a

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Speaker 1: little bit of an inkling of what has happened with

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Speaker 1: Randall is that he's developed some pretty significant anxiety, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, at least you know, that's one of the

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Speaker 1: things that we know that he's worked with the therapist on.

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Speaker 1: You know, so we can kind of see now with

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Speaker 1: the whole story how some of that has kind of

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Speaker 1: impacted him in his life. Right, He has lived a

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Speaker 1: life the inception of his life has been out of control.

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Speaker 1: So in every facet of his life he tries to control.

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Speaker 1: We know as therapist that there's no way that you

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00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,399
Speaker 1: can control everything in life, like there's certain measures you

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Speaker 1: can take, but when he tries to do that in

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Speaker 1: all his relationships, work, relationships, personal, like, he was driving

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Speaker 1: himself that, like having panic attacks and not being able

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Speaker 1: to sleep and it manifesting physically. I'm just really excited

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Speaker 1: to see his journey moving forward now that that that

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Speaker 1: piece of his life that he's been able to gain

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Speaker 1: access to. Yeah, and I think it it feels like

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Speaker 1: he didn't fully understand the weight of how not having

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Speaker 1: this piece of the story had impacted him, right, because

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Speaker 1: he had always just believed that she died, you know,

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Speaker 1: kind of right after giving birth to him, and so

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Speaker 1: there was no way really for him to know that

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Speaker 1: there was another part of this story. And so you're right,

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Speaker 1: I am also excited to see where the story will

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Speaker 1: take him now that we do have this additional piece

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Speaker 1: of the story. Hard to draw that break was everything. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you know what else I thought about Beverly in

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00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,920
Speaker 1: thinking about so it'll be interesting ones that kind of

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Speaker 1: because we know he has a black male therapist that

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Speaker 1: he's working with now, right, and so it'll be interesting

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Speaker 1: to one see if he talks about this. Well, I'm

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Speaker 1: sure he will talk about this with his therapist, but

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Speaker 1: I don't know if we'll get to see it. But

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Speaker 1: you're right, you're right. But in describing what happened to

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Speaker 1: him in the water, right, I also thought about this

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Speaker 1: feels like an issue of like cultural sensitivity also, right,

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Speaker 1: because I think if he is telling that story to

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Speaker 1: you or I or to his black therapists that he

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Speaker 1: sees on the show, there's no like, Okay, what's going

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Speaker 1: on here? I think that there's an instant like yeah,

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Speaker 1: we get it, right, like you were connecting to your

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00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 1: mother in a way that felt very significant and powerful,

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Speaker 1: Whereas I don't know if a non black therapist gets

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Speaker 1: the weight of that right, or even questions like oh

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Speaker 1: is this a delusion? Right? Like what's happening here? Right?

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Speaker 1: You know? So that scene also made me think about

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Speaker 1: just the importance of like being culturally attuned to different

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Speaker 1: experiences with people who have fans, right. I think that

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Speaker 1: was probably the first time that I really saw an

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Speaker 1: aspect of Rando's spirituality and the supernatural. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: know he you know, he went to the church, you know,

347
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 1: when he was trying to get elected. But the scene

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Speaker 1: in the water, just a spiritual connection and the healing

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00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:34,159
Speaker 1: that comes from that. I think it's very specific to

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Speaker 1: the black experience. I don't even know how I would

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Speaker 1: be able to convey that experience to a non therapist,

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Speaker 1: and I think hearing their conversation, I really hope that

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Speaker 1: they do. Honestly, I really hope that they have a

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00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:55,959
Speaker 1: scene where you hear Randall just talking about how the

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00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,280
Speaker 1: manifestation of his mother and how it connected to his

356
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:04,919
Speaker 1: healing with his grief, with his understanding of who he is,

357
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:09,280
Speaker 1: who his family is. Like he now has access to family, right,

358
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 1: so if he wanted to go see if he has

359
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,880
Speaker 1: cousins or other aunts, like, all of that is now

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00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:18,639
Speaker 1: a possibility for him, when before that video with viral

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00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:22,159
Speaker 1: it was not a possibility, right, Right, Yeah, I know

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Speaker 1: they will be masterful in the storytelling, so we just

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00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,280
Speaker 1: gotta kind of stay tuned. I'm sure we'll hear more

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Speaker 1: from Beverly right after this break. So the other thing

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Speaker 1: that you have mentioned a couple of times that was

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Speaker 1: clearly something else that was prominent in this episode was

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Speaker 1: the idea of grief, right and we saw that in

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00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 1: multiple different ways. You know, So just the grief related

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Speaker 1: to Randall already kind of not knowing this full piece

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Speaker 1: of the story with his mother, but also the grief

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Speaker 1: with her related to kind of having to leave her

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Speaker 1: family because they didn't agree with her decisions, the grief

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Speaker 1: of losing her brother, the grief of you know, not

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Speaker 1: being able to have as close of a relationship with

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Speaker 1: on me and she would like. So it felt like

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Speaker 1: there just was grief compounding on grief compounding on grief

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Speaker 1: that I think we didn't see kind of how her

378
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 1: life unfools when she hasn't really been able to process that.

379
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Speaker 1: I mean that it just felt a cloud of just heaviness.

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Speaker 1: Like you know, I told you earlier that I'm from Florida,

381
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 1: and when it rains, that humidity and the weight of

382
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,879
Speaker 1: that is just so heavy. And that's what it felt

383
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Speaker 1: like the entire episode. One moment for me was when

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Speaker 1: the cops arrested her, right first, of all the judgment

385
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 1: from the nurses. So that's that's a whole separate conversation about,

386
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:51,159
Speaker 1: you know, judgment from the medical profession in addition to

387
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 1: cops and all of that. But when she went to

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00:21:54,640 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 1: go call her dad and it just like silent, like

389
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 1: she wasn't saying anything, It was just breathing. And I

390
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 1: think the most important, heaviest moments of that episode was

391
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 1: the hope of will She asked her did for help,

392
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,160
Speaker 1: and she just put the phone down, and MY heart

393
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 1: just broke because I knew, I knew it was gonna

394
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 1: go downhill from there. Yeah, I knew it. You hear

395
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:28,440
Speaker 1: about the prison being so full, they sent her all

396
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 1: the way to California, And I'm just thinking just her

397
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 1: experience of being on the whole other side of the US,

398
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 1: not knowing what happens to her child, not knowing what

399
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 1: happened to William, and just having to sit in a

400
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,399
Speaker 1: cell and just reflect about the course of your life,

401
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 1: the loss of your brother, the loss of your child,

402
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 1: and not really having the support that you would need.

403
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 1: That scene she was walking back towards unt made you

404
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:02,880
Speaker 1: never seen somebody just broken, just dejected. That was I

405
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: haven't nothing. Yeah, I have nothing. I am out to

406
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 1: topple over. And that was for me a picture of

407
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:15,200
Speaker 1: grief when I can barely hold myself up. I have nothing,

408
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,879
Speaker 1: is mean myself and I and I don't know what

409
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 1: to do because the weight of the world has crushed

410
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: me and it keeps crushing even though I'm already down. Yeah,

411
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 1: I mean, and I think again kind of going, you know,

412
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 1: full circles to just her being able to have that

413
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 1: relationship with on me, right is then when she knew

414
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 1: she couldn't even call her dad, you know, she knew

415
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 1: that she could. I'm not surprised at all that that's

416
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 1: where she ended up with for the rest of her life. Yeah,

417
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 1: she knew that she would be welcomed right like that

418
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 1: home was you know, appreciate as it's on a safe

419
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 1: space for her, even when the opportunity came for utmate

420
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 1: to shame her when she saw the track marks on

421
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,800
Speaker 1: her arm, and she said, you don't need to hide

422
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:02,199
Speaker 1: that from me, like there's no judgment here, like in

423
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 1: your worst experiences, for you to know that there's a witness,

424
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 1: like a personal someone who's personal to you, witnessing remnants

425
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 1: of your most horrible time in life and for them

426
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,920
Speaker 1: to say, I'm not even worried about that, like that

427
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 1: type of support a lot of people don't have, unfortunately,

428
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:26,399
Speaker 1: that you can love me even f right, And I

429
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 1: think her being able to stand with her still give

430
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 1: her love, still support validated all those feelings. I was like, men,

431
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 1: you are like the m v P of this whole

432
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: entire episode, because that's that sustaining love. Yes, yes, yeah,

433
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 1: And I think you know, kind of speaking to what

434
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,919
Speaker 1: you're talking about. It definitely feels like something that Laurel

435
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 1: was holding a lot of was just incredible guilt, right

436
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:54,640
Speaker 1: about not knowing what happened to Randall and how can

437
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,399
Speaker 1: I even contact him? And so it really feels like

438
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 1: something else than on me was able to do what's

439
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 1: the help or to release some of that guilt, which

440
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 1: is why I think the reunion in the water also

441
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,880
Speaker 1: was so incredibly powerful because it feels like in some

442
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,960
Speaker 1: ways that gave her some peace even in the afterlife.

443
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 1: I'm glad you kind of said, you know, un made

444
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 1: did help her really some of that guilt, because I

445
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,160
Speaker 1: do felt like she died with still experiencing shame and guilt.

446
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,200
Speaker 1: I can't remember she was talking to Hi, and she

447
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 1: was like, you know, I wanted to figure out where

448
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,360
Speaker 1: he was, but I didn't feel like upending his life essentially,

449
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 1: And I'm just thinking about I wonder if there was

450
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: more to that. You know, that shreame aspect like if

451
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 1: I go and look for my child and you're you know,

452
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,880
Speaker 1: however old you are, and you asked me, well, why

453
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: didn't you come get me sooner? Having to retell your

454
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 1: story a story that you don't even feel comfortable only right, Like,

455
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 1: I can't even imagine the way to that for her.

456
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: I think it was also really telling that when Randall

457
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 1: did get this vision of her in the water, it

458
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 1: wasn't an asking of a question of like, why did

459
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 1: you leave me? Right like? It feels like he had

460
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 1: already made peace with what the story was, and so

461
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 1: that they could have that moment of really just being

462
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 1: able to be connected in that way and so and

463
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 1: then to be able to part, you know, kind of

464
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 1: knowing that what they've kind of come to do has

465
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 1: been accomplished. Yeah, but I think I need you could

466
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 1: just go rewash. I mean, you can definitely do worse

467
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 1: things with your time than I just rewatched this episode.

468
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,720
Speaker 1: Even if it's just for that scene. Yeah, the water

469
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 1: was just the water scene was just incredible, and yes, yes, yes,

470
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,919
Speaker 1: I mean and he will keep that with him, right,

471
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: And I think that's why we see in the next

472
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 1: scene how much this has opened him up. Right now,

473
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,359
Speaker 1: we know we're gonna head into this whole situation. So

474
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,879
Speaker 1: on the way back to Philadelphia from New Orleans, we

475
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: see that he calls Kevin after they had been talking

476
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 1: for some time, right, um, And then immediately after we

477
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,120
Speaker 1: see that Kevin gets in an accident. So I'm sure

478
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 1: that's where we're gonna focus now. But it feels like

479
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 1: having a completion to this story has now made space

480
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: for him to kind of think through like, Okay, what

481
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 1: other things do I just need to let go of

482
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,639
Speaker 1: in my life, right and to show up fully in

483
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 1: his relationships, especially with his siblings, because I think, you know,

484
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 1: we've been seeing hints of, you know, the reckoning of

485
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 1: Randal's experience as a black child in a white family

486
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 1: and whether or not space was held for him. I

487
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 1: do think that Jack in fact tried, but you know,

488
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: I still can't give over the fact that, you know,

489
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,200
Speaker 1: Rebecca did know where his dad was and then was

490
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:47,200
Speaker 1: like you can't have no contact with him, so that's

491
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:49,160
Speaker 1: still a source of spot. But I just think about

492
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 1: just his siblings and whether or not they really realized

493
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 1: the impact of how they related to Randall. I think

494
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 1: they just talk him as a brother instead of, oh

495
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: my brother's black. What does this mean? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

496
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 1: it definitely feels like we are kind of I mean,

497
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,159
Speaker 1: I think that story did a lot both for Randall,

498
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:11,400
Speaker 1: you know, as a character, but also for us as viewers,

499
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 1: and that it did provide some additional context, because you're right,

500
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,200
Speaker 1: I feel like they have just kind of seen him

501
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 1: as like their brother, but not understanding like what it

502
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: means to actually be a whole black man in the world.

503
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: So seeing them having like a reckoning day because that

504
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 1: that seen with him and Kate. I came on what

505
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 1: episode it was, and you know, she was all in

506
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 1: full tears and He's like, I know you feel this way,

507
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 1: but I feel my way and I need to prioritize me.

508
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 1: Or when Kevin called him and he was like, ah,

509
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 1: this is not a good time. I got to prioritize me.

510
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: Rando has never done that. He literally always does for

511
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 1: everybody else. And I really like the fact that he

512
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 1: was enforcing those bodies, even though I do feel like

513
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 1: it was out of survival at that point. But they

514
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 1: moving forward, it's going to be different in terms of

515
00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 1: how he prioritized himself and his family and still hold

516
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 1: space for his siblings. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. So I'm

517
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: excited to stay tuned to see kind of where they go.

518
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: Like I said, I'm sure a lot of the focus

519
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 1: now will be on whatever happens with Kevin and his

520
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 1: car accident. And you know, I think he was rushing

521
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 1: because this Beyonce, it was in labor um, so you

522
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: are felt guilty because you know they did that flashback.

523
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,960
Speaker 1: Randall told him not to leave and he still left it.

524
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 1: Oh we're gonna be okay. So I think some of

525
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 1: those things feelings contributed to his feelings of not wanting

526
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 1: clear medicine. So I think I can't wait. I'm just

527
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 1: trying to retain the little edges that I have left.

528
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: Hold onto them, tight, hold on tight. Yeah. So I'm

529
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 1: not sure if we're getting a new episode this week.

530
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: I know they had been having some issues with recording,

531
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 1: you know, of course, due to COVID nineteen stuff. So

532
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 1: we will just be saying, tune to to get that

533
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 1: new episode. Whenever we get it. I think it's supposed

534
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: to be next week, because when I had looked it up,

535
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: I think the first episode on the schedule was February nine. Okay, okay,

536
00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 1: so we will just hold maybe watch this one another time.

537
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 1: Two weeks of disappointment. I can't afford that, right, right,

538
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: We'll be back to get into Married at First Sight

539
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: right after this break. So something else that we have

540
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 1: been chatting about on the timeline is Married at First Sight.

541
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 1: So we are now in season twelve, and I feel

542
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 1: like I, like really was into it, like the first

543
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 1: couple of seasons, and then some of those middle seasons.

544
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 1: I don't even remember because I did not know we

545
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 1: were already up to twelve seasons. The first ever season,

546
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 1: which was with Jamie and Odors and a little fire

547
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 1: truck guy. I can't remember I watched the first season. Okay,

548
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 1: so you haven't watched anymore, but you've been watching this season?

549
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 1: Oh yes, yes, So I actually also got really into

550
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 1: it last season because they were shooting in New Orleans

551
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 1: and you know, from in it, so I was really

552
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 1: into the couples there. And this season, you know, kind

553
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 1: of came pretty quickly after that one ended, so I

554
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 1: figured out stay tuned. So we have there are five

555
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: couples this season, two black couples, which is, you know,

556
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 1: typically the ones that I am most interested in, right, um,

557
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 1: and so it is already seeming like it's gonna be

558
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 1: prime for drama. So this season is shot in Atlanta,

559
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,600
Speaker 1: so all the couples are Atlanta based, and so you know,

560
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 1: we are just into I think episode three of the

561
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: show will be this week, I believe. So we have

562
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 1: just finished the wedding, so I'm guessing we're moving into

563
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 1: Honeymoon's next and so I would just first love to

564
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 1: hear your thoughts as a marriage and family therapist about

565
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:47,959
Speaker 1: the show and like shows likeness where like people are

566
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 1: paired together without ever having seen one another. Well, as

567
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: a marriage family thereatrist, I am very interested in what

568
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 1: goes into how they pair the couples, right. I think

569
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 1: it was Chris from Mary at First Sight who was

570
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 1: talking about how they did a questionnaire and it was

571
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 1: really long, and I said, okay, so there's obviously some

572
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 1: type of these are your questions, Let's see how your

573
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 1: values and how you responded. Peers up with another person.

574
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:28,239
Speaker 1: I think they prioritize some of those things, like if

575
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 1: they want to have kids, if they want a partner

576
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 1: who's home all the time or not home all the time.

577
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 1: So I do think there's a compatibility assessment that they

578
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 1: do in terms of features, because that's a big thing.

579
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 1: I don't know how much of that comes into play.

580
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 1: And I say that because I think about Jamie Otis.

581
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about their I G page right, and so

582
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 1: how she came out of as and this was crying

583
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 1: because she was initially not attracted to him. And I

584
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 1: think about Chris and having this season from this season

585
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 1: and how he was like, oh, he's not attracted the page.

586
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, I wonder how much of the

587
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 1: aesthetics holds a weight and its compatibility. So I think

588
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 1: when it comes to Vincent and Brianna, you sence off

589
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 1: the top compatibility, right, who is it? Eric and Virginia?

590
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: They seem like opposite the pilot and then the one

591
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 1: who right, So I'm just like, are they placing the

592
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 1: couples together like Okay, we want them to win or

593
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 1: we want them because they're gonna have drama? Like I

594
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 1: don't understand it. Yeah, so it doesn't feel like they

595
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: have been super clear about what kinds of factors they

596
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 1: used to manage them. I mean, you know, so of

597
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 1: course they talked to the matchmakers. I mean it's a

598
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 1: panel of three or four. I think it differs between

599
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 1: each season, but this season I think they've had three,

600
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: and so they talk a little bit about like, oh,

601
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 1: their ambitions kind of match are You will hear them

602
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: say like, oh, they're both really interested in starting a family.

603
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 1: So those are the things that, like, it seems like

604
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 1: they talk about most often. But since like attractiveness is

605
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: so subjective, I don't know how they really would be

606
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 1: able to kind of match for that. And especially when

607
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:31,280
Speaker 1: you are marrying somebody that you like, know nothing else about.

608
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 1: All you're going to have is like your initial attraction.

609
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 1: And so it seems like people just react very strongly

610
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: when they are not like initially attracted to their person

611
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 1: from the beginning, and it feels like it takes a

612
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 1: little a very long time, if ever, for them to

613
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 1: recover from it. Right, because I think from the job,

614
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 1: the level of investment is tied to the aesthetics, right,

615
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:01,720
Speaker 1: I think that they're are the values, the poor values

616
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,399
Speaker 1: that do matter, Like, Okay, do you want to have kids?

617
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:06,880
Speaker 1: Do you not want to have kids? Do you enjoy

618
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,800
Speaker 1: I'm having close bonds with your in laws or not?

619
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:14,320
Speaker 1: Like there's certain things that that can make or break

620
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 1: a relationship because people typically will not compromise all that.

621
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: Let's say like those top three to five things. But

622
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 1: typically those people have seen each other and it's like, okay,

623
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 1: well you've passed the first test of looks now, let's

624
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 1: see if our core values aligned right versus in this situation,

625
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 1: you are now paired because of your values. There's potential

626
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 1: for you all to be able to work and to

627
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 1: have a great marriage. But if I didn't really get

628
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: your dream person visually, you're the visual of your dream person, right,

629
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 1: you literally have to fight to move past that in

630
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 1: order to allow those values to contribute to that person

631
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 1: being attractive to you. Mm hmmm yeah, I mean because

632
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: under you know different circumstances like typically right, like there

633
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 1: may be some like warming up to a person, right,

634
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:14,720
Speaker 1: but you have more time, whereas here you're like married

635
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 1: from the beginning, so there is no time to warm up.

636
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,840
Speaker 1: So I think about Chris's comment when he was like,

637
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 1: I think Paige is what I need versus what I

638
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 1: would have wanted, right, And I think that's a very

639
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 1: important conversation because we do know that these are the

640
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:37,359
Speaker 1: things that we need in a partner, right, the things

641
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: that the attributes of that person that will complement us

642
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,400
Speaker 1: the type of life that we want to live. But

643
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:49,200
Speaker 1: the things that we want are those things negotiable? Right?

644
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: If he's not six ft, are you okay with the

645
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 1: five five? Right? If she doesn't have long hair? Are

646
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: you okay with the woman who has short hair? You

647
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 1: know how much weight to people put on the wants

648
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 1: versus the needs? And I wonder if the relationship coaches

649
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 1: and all of those folks who put them together, if

650
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 1: they put more weight on this is what this person needs,

651
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:17,919
Speaker 1: right in order to do great in a marriage? Yeah,

652
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 1: And I do think that there's something to that, right, Like,

653
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:24,200
Speaker 1: because we know, you know that there are definitely things

654
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 1: beyond just attraction that really make a relationship successful. But

655
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,839
Speaker 1: it feels like jumping to the marriage piece is where

656
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: they get like really caught up, right, Like I wonder

657
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 1: if the experiment was we've played matchmaker, and this is

658
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 1: somebody we think would be a really good match for you,

659
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,400
Speaker 1: and you maybe just have to live with them for

660
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,759
Speaker 1: a couple of months, as opposed to like then having

661
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 1: to divorce them. Now, of course that probably is less

662
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 1: dramatic for TV, but I feel like that would be

663
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 1: a far better kind of an experiment than like them

664
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: getting married immediately. Well, I think about love is blind

665
00:37:56,800 --> 00:38:03,359
Speaker 1: like Lauren and Cameron Hey all days because they were

666
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 1: able to you know, be you know, build an attraction

667
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:13,280
Speaker 1: to each other without seeing each other, with the thought of, okay,

668
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,080
Speaker 1: this is going to lead to marriage, right, So I

669
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 1: think there was like a little bit of a buffer

670
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,359
Speaker 1: knowing that they had a way out versus you are

671
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 1: not married and for whatever time period, you literally are

672
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:29,320
Speaker 1: committed to this person in every legal way possible. And

673
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: I think that yes, they do realize that, you know,

674
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 1: at the end of it all, I can make a

675
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 1: decision to either be divorced or to be married. But

676
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 1: you really have to have a conversation with yourself, like

677
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 1: if these experts are the ones who said this person

678
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 1: was my best fit and I don't agree with that,

679
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,840
Speaker 1: then what does that mean for me? Where do I

680
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 1: place my values? Right? What is it that's really a

681
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 1: point for me? And I'm really not ready to be married.

682
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:59,800
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm really not looking for you know what I

683
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 1: wrote down on this paper, Right, you have yourself and

684
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 1: your family on nationwide TV, and essentially you're inviting people

685
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 1: into your personal life. I would think it's because you

686
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 1: really are serious about being married. Like this process. I

687
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: think it's like, well a year long, you have to

688
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: do a psyche vow, you have to do all of

689
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 1: these things. So I would think that the people on

690
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:27,640
Speaker 1: the show are invested and to sing as something worthwhile

691
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 1: will come out of this. I don't know. Maybe the

692
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 1: being married really quickly is for shop factor, or maybe

693
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 1: it's to remove the option of toys from the onset, like, well,

694
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:42,399
Speaker 1: this is your person, right right Like like you said,

695
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I think you make some good points, right,

696
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: Like if you're saying you really want to be married,

697
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,920
Speaker 1: and these people have expertise in the kinds of things

698
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:52,080
Speaker 1: that keep couples together, and they've given you somebody who

699
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 1: they think you have a good shot with your right, Like,

700
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 1: maybe you do need to re examine whether you're even

701
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,479
Speaker 1: really ready for the commitment or whether what you're seeing

702
00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 1: you wan is what you really want, right because obviously

703
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 1: something wasn't working before, which is why you weren't married, right, right,

704
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 1: you know that there was an issue. I think who

705
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 1: was it Eric who said that he was divorced and

706
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:15,839
Speaker 1: he was like, you know, I'm divorce and I really

707
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 1: want something that's long term because his relationship didn't work

708
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 1: out because he's a pilot and it's just you know,

709
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 1: his previous partner wasn't down for the cause. So hopefully

710
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:30,840
Speaker 1: with Virginia, you know she won't have an issue with

711
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,240
Speaker 1: that based off of what she reported in her answers.

712
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 1: So when you think about the fact that you know,

713
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 1: we have had twelve seasons of the show now, I

714
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: don't know exactly what the number is in terms of

715
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 1: like the couples that are still together, but I know

716
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 1: that more of them are now apart than are together, right,

717
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:51,440
Speaker 1: So I wonder if you have some thoughts on what

718
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 1: makes the difference for like the ones who stay together

719
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 1: versus the ones who go their separate ways. I would

720
00:40:57,200 --> 00:41:01,280
Speaker 1: be more interested in knowing for the who didn't stay together,

721
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 1: do they have significant platforms if that makes sense, Do

722
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 1: they have like a huge following, Like how have they

723
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 1: used being on the show to their advantage versus those

724
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 1: who haven't? And I only wonder about that is because

725
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 1: of investment level. Like I was saying before, am I

726
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 1: on this show to really see if I can't get

727
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 1: a partner that has been nursing my life with? Or

728
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 1: do I have other motivations for being on this show?

729
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 1: Um hmm, Yeah, I mean it's very clear. I think

730
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,880
Speaker 1: sometimes that people like get on shows like this because

731
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 1: they have wishes to kind of be a store or something, right, Yeah.

732
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:52,919
Speaker 1: And I also just think about it for this show.

733
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 1: If I'm one of the experts, they can call me

734
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:59,800
Speaker 1: if they need some help too. I am more of

735
00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:02,840
Speaker 1: the willing. But if I'm on the show, right and

736
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 1: I'm looking at the data of how many couples have

737
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 1: stayed together versus not stayed together, have we changed out

738
00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 1: the strategy to increase the success rate? Right? I do

739
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 1: understand you have to factor in the human variable. He

740
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 1: must have their own free will and choice. But what

741
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 1: went into the choice to not stay together? What did

742
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 1: we miss? Right? And how have we changed our strategies

743
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 1: in order to increase the likelihood that these couples that

744
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:34,279
Speaker 1: we pair together will actually stay together? You know? Right? Yeah?

745
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:37,319
Speaker 1: And speaking of it, I feel like if I had

746
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 1: seen Chris's applications, I might have flagged him, like, uh,

747
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 1: is he really committed to this, right? Because if I'm

748
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:48,680
Speaker 1: not mistaken, he was actually engaged the same year that

749
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,279
Speaker 1: this happened, right, This was last year. I believe that,

750
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 1: and we're watching it now, but it happened in right.

751
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:59,600
Speaker 1: That's why I don't understand, because if the process is

752
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 1: really a league that long, right, but he was engaged

753
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 1: to be married at the top of twin does that

754
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:12,840
Speaker 1: mean he had already started the application process then, Like

755
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 1: it's the timeline. Something is not adding up, you know,

756
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:27,719
Speaker 1: I'm not something is looking a little suspicious. So it

757
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 1: just doesn't make sense to me, right, Like you need

758
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:35,759
Speaker 1: about a year to do this process. So you know,

759
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 1: I don't know, But I just think about people who

760
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 1: talk about, Okay, well he was engaged at the top

761
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,359
Speaker 1: of the year and now he's on this show months later.

762
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: Was he really ready? Right? And so I'm like, well,

763
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 1: some folks are ready to be married. That has meant

764
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:57,080
Speaker 1: they're ready to be married to that specific person, right,

765
00:43:57,200 --> 00:44:00,399
Speaker 1: they want marriage, they have an idea what. So it's

766
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 1: like he talks a lot about family legacy that's really

767
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 1: important to him, Like like my last name is a brand,

768
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:11,720
Speaker 1: and so that's one of his values. And so doesn't

769
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 1: matter who you have that legacy with at this point, right,

770
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:18,279
Speaker 1: if that's what you're prioritizing, But if you're prioritizing a

771
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:23,480
Speaker 1: fruitful partnership, one that's you know, of love, commitment, you

772
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 1: want to build with that person. I want to be

773
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:28,360
Speaker 1: with you whether or not you're able to have children.

774
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be with you just for the

775
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,320
Speaker 1: purpose of having kids, but for you, the person that

776
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 1: you are, the investment looks different. Yes, this is someone

777
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:44,919
Speaker 1: who's looking to satisfy their personal needs. Very good points. Yeah,

778
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 1: so I think you know already it's looking like there's

779
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 1: gonna be lots to talk about related to him and

780
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 1: Paige this season. I mean, I think that there would

781
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 1: be some with all of them, but it's already looking

782
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,719
Speaker 1: like there's gonna be a lot of energy related to

783
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:03,760
Speaker 1: his relationship with pa You can tell, you know, based

784
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 1: off of this show, what couples looking like they're rooting for. Right.

785
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:13,240
Speaker 1: Interesting part of the wedding episodes was when the family

786
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 1: was given advice giving descriptors. Right, and I'm thinking, okay,

787
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:22,520
Speaker 1: obviously in laws play a really huge factor in the

788
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:27,160
Speaker 1: success of a relationship. It's really hard to, you know,

789
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 1: be married to someone whose family either doesn't like you

790
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 1: or who has strong opinions, or what your role should

791
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 1: be and whether or not you're meeting the expectations of

792
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 1: that role. I think the next episode they're gonna tell

793
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 1: us a little bit more about the families and all

794
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 1: of that. But I keep going back to Chris and

795
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:48,840
Speaker 1: Page because I don't think his parents are together. But

796
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:52,719
Speaker 1: when they were giving advice, it seems like his mom

797
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 1: gave more advice about Hey, I know he said he

798
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 1: wants to have kids, but it's okay to slow down

799
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 1: and I need to feel rush. And his dad was

800
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: more so, this is my son. You are his sexual needs.

801
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 1: These are the things that he's gonna want in order

802
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:10,279
Speaker 1: to be satisfied. So just know that that is your

803
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 1: much just too much. It was very very um as

804
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:22,080
Speaker 1: compared to Vincent and Brianna. You had she has a

805
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:25,879
Speaker 1: great girlfriend and she has great girlfriends, But the type

806
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:29,440
Speaker 1: of conversation it was more self getting to know each other,

807
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,360
Speaker 1: getting to know what are your life's this life, what

808
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:36,439
Speaker 1: are your wants and because your friends compete a lot

809
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 1: from your potential partner, and pages friends definitely saw some

810
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:45,359
Speaker 1: things that were red flags as compared to Brianna's friends

811
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:48,359
Speaker 1: who were like, Okay, I'm getting good advice from him.

812
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 1: I'm noticing he's saying certain certain things that highlight us

813
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:57,040
Speaker 1: and we versus I and I and I. You know,

814
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 1: so yeah, interesting how that plays out. So I would

815
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,960
Speaker 1: love to hear any advice you might have Beverly for like,

816
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:08,920
Speaker 1: let's say you know this money listening who finds themselves

817
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:12,320
Speaker 1: on season fourteen of Married at First Sight? Right, what

818
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:15,240
Speaker 1: advice might you give to a couple who finds themselves

819
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 1: in that situation? So my first thing would be communicating

820
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 1: your needs to your partner, because essentially that person is

821
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 1: a stranger to you and so they're not going to

822
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 1: really know your courts or your unspoken desires. So as

823
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 1: you're learning each other, you're gonna have to be just

824
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: very overt with your knees, like, hey, this is bothering me.

825
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:42,080
Speaker 1: I would appreciate it if you would stop, or if

826
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,919
Speaker 1: you want to talk about sexual needs. Hey, I really

827
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 1: enjoy when you do this. I would like for you

828
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 1: to do more of this, right, because you want to

829
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 1: be able to study each other and also have patients

830
00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 1: with study each other because being, you know, in a

831
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 1: marriage is a lifelong study of the person because people evolve,

832
00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 1: and so who you met on day one is not

833
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:04,360
Speaker 1: going to be the same person that you're still married

834
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 1: to hopefully, five, ten, fifteen, fifty years down the line. Right,

835
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 1: So always have that curiosity about who you are in

836
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 1: partnership with. And I think you have that that curiosity

837
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 1: and you're consistently interested in them. I think that would

838
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: help with the investment of the relationship because no one

839
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,839
Speaker 1: wants to feel like, Okay, well do you not care

840
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,520
Speaker 1: about learning the things that I like or you know,

841
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:33,239
Speaker 1: engaging with me. I think that's a big factor, yes,

842
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 1: And I'd love to hear if you have any ideas

843
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 1: for people who might consider signing up for a show

844
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 1: like this, right, Like, what kinds of things do you

845
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 1: think you need to think about for yourself before you

846
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,520
Speaker 1: sign up for a show like Narritive first Site? Okay,

847
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,799
Speaker 1: so I will definitely want folks to think about, are

848
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:53,840
Speaker 1: there any areas of my life that I am unhealed

849
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 1: from that could possibly be a detriment to the relationship.

850
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 1: We all every baggage, but there's different baggage as heavier

851
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:07,320
Speaker 1: than others. And if you have some serious stuff that

852
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:10,360
Speaker 1: you know you haven't taken the time out to prioritize,

853
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:14,279
Speaker 1: it's gonna be very difficult to prioritize that while prioritizing

854
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:18,440
Speaker 1: somebody else in a relationship. So be sure to, you know,

855
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 1: have a conversation with self about, Okay, do I need

856
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:24,840
Speaker 1: to do some personal work also to reflect on what

857
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:28,400
Speaker 1: would be my motivation for going on the show. Do

858
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:30,320
Speaker 1: I really want to be married? How much am I

859
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:34,040
Speaker 1: willing to make this work? Am I willing to be

860
00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:37,880
Speaker 1: open and vulnerable on TV where millions of people can

861
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 1: see me? Because I mean, I don't know if it's

862
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 1: a factor for some of the couples that are on

863
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,160
Speaker 1: the show now, but I can imagine if you have

864
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:47,400
Speaker 1: an issue with communicating to your partner and being vulnerable,

865
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 1: there's no way you're gonna be motivated to do so

866
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:55,480
Speaker 1: on national TV. So just being honest with yourself and

867
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:59,400
Speaker 1: what you're willing to do in order to find and

868
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 1: keep of and if that is actually helpful or hurtful

869
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 1: for you, I think I would answer them to really

870
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:10,400
Speaker 1: be honest with yourself about what your reaction might be

871
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 1: if you are matched with somebody who you don't find

872
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,320
Speaker 1: yourself physically attracted to you, right, Like, you know that

873
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 1: that's a very real possibility of a situation like this,

874
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:21,759
Speaker 1: and so you know, if you feel like, oh, just

875
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 1: that would be like the worst thing that could happen,

876
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:26,360
Speaker 1: then this might not be, you know, the kind of

877
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 1: experiment that you want to sign up for, exactly because

878
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, you have to be

879
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:32,879
Speaker 1: married to them and you have to look at them, right,

880
00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 1: So if you have certain non negotiables, then I would

881
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 1: suggest that you don't even put yourself in that situation.

882
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:45,399
Speaker 1: But if you're open and you're and you're flexible, I mean,

883
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 1: if the person has all their teeth and you know,

884
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 1: if the necessities are their love and attraction can grow.

885
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,320
Speaker 1: But if there's certain things that you know is just

886
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 1: I'm not willing to compromise, and you can't leave that

887
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 1: up to chance because you won't even give the relationship

888
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 1: a fair shot because you have your non negotiables right,

889
00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,560
Speaker 1: very very good points. But we will be staying tune.

890
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 1: So if y'all wanna live tweet with us on Wednesdays,

891
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:16,680
Speaker 1: you can find that well on Twitter. So definitely Please

892
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:18,800
Speaker 1: tell people where they can find you if they'd like

893
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 1: to learn more about you and your work. You guys

894
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:24,880
Speaker 1: can find me at your favorite m f T on

895
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: all social platforms. I think that if you engage with me,

896
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,399
Speaker 1: I will engage with you back, especially when it comes

897
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 1: to this is us and married at first side. I

898
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 1: love and have a good conversation. And you can also

899
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:42,000
Speaker 1: check out my website be Heart Counseling dot com. Um

900
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:44,880
Speaker 1: if you're interested in clinical services, if you live in Florida,

901
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 1: New York, or New Jersey, perfect well. We will definitely

902
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:50,839
Speaker 1: include all of that in the show notes. And thank

903
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:53,239
Speaker 1: you so much for joining us today, Beverley to chat

904
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 1: about some of my favorite TV. Thank you so much

905
00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:57,360
Speaker 1: for having me. I really enjoyed. I can't wait to

906
00:51:57,400 --> 00:52:03,320
Speaker 1: see how the season rolls out me you. I'm so

907
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:06,160
Speaker 1: glad Beverly was able to join us for today's conversation.

908
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:09,400
Speaker 1: To learn more about her and her work, visit the

909
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 1: show notes that Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash

910
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:16,440
Speaker 1: session and please text two sisters right now and tell

911
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:19,440
Speaker 1: them to check out this episode. Don't forget that if

912
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 1: you're looking for a therapist in your area, be sure

913
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:24,919
Speaker 1: to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black

914
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:28,719
Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash directory. If you want to continue

915
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:31,800
Speaker 1: digging into this topic or just be in community with

916
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:34,239
Speaker 1: other sisters, come on over and join us in the

917
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,760
Speaker 1: Yellow College Collective. It's our cozy corner of the Internet

918
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:40,759
Speaker 1: design just for black women. You can join us at

919
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,400
Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C.

920
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:46,399
Speaker 1: Thank you all so much for joining me again this week.

921
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 1: I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all

922
00:52:49,840 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 1: real soon. Take care what