WEBVTT - “LOVE MAKES ME IMPULSIVE” 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.200 From Sam. 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:06.360 Hello, how to do? What's your face? Lyle? The get go? 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:07.560 How's it going? Oh? 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:10.200 How long were you? How long were you practicing that? For? 0:00:11.680 --> 0:00:13.000 Literally two hours? 0:00:13.280 --> 0:00:17.040 Well are you not being literal? Are you? 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:18.520 No? I mean literally two hours? 0:00:19.079 --> 0:00:24.160 For two hours in your head? You were going, how 0:00:24.200 --> 0:00:26.720 are you doing there? You were doing that for two hours? 0:00:27.560 --> 0:00:29.520 Well, I mean I was gonna say slowly different, but 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:30.640 I'll just go with what I said. 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:32.880 Well, what's your name again, sir? 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:36.440 My name is Sam? 0:00:36.640 --> 0:00:38.760 Sam? Is that is that how you talk? Or? I 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:41.000 thought you were just doing a bit that. 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:43.040 Well it was going to go like this to hide 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:44.879 my voice, but that fell apart instantly. 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:48.160 Okay, are you still hiding at what's your real voice? 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:52.600 I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't. Yeah, well, 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:55.960 uh oh, I'm excited to hear about what you're what 0:00:56.000 --> 0:00:58.520 you're going to tell me that you are desiring to 0:00:58.560 --> 0:00:59.880 remain anonymous. 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:03.840 About it's pretty bad. My question is how far do 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:05.959 you want to go back? We'll start with the Bay six. 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:09.680 I'm twenty five. I've had depression as long as I 0:01:09.680 --> 0:01:11.880 can remember. It's been real bad at the age of 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:14.240 about sixteen, and it's got worse and worse and worse. 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:18.000 And then last week I tried to join a cult? 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:22.080 Is that a euphemism for something? Or you tried to 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:23.240 join a cult? 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:25.720 Is I tried to join a cult? I didn't realize 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:27.399 it was a cult I was trying to join. And 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:29.520 then after I didn't join the cult, I got to 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:33.119 thinking and realized, oh wait, that's not good. 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:37.839 Tell me why go out? The floor? Is yours? 0:01:39.080 --> 0:01:40.840 All right? Let's go as far back as I. 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:43.720 Could think, Well, wait a minute, I will. Let's do 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:45.840 this cult thing. How did you try to join the cults? 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:50.200 We're going to go back a little bit and I'll 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:52.920 speed run through the story. My whole life, I've been 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:55.120 trying to find just someone to love me, so I'm 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:57.720 going to be my partner. I've never I can't speak 0:01:58.160 --> 0:02:00.760 my whole life. I haven't sent into my whole life 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:02.800 trying to find someone to be my partner, someone to 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:06.280 be my friend through life. Literally, even back before preschool, 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:08.480 I remember thinking, man, can't wait to go to preschool 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:10.800 meet all these people. One of them will be my partner. 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:15.440 So through the entirety of elementary school. Come on, that's 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:18.040 not realistic. Middle school tried a little bit didn't work. 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:21.000 High school started doubling down. At the end of high school, 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:23.320 asked out someone I thought was cute. They said yes, 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:25.600 took them the prom. Had the best day of my life, 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:29.520 after which through the rest of the school year, through 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:31.360 the entire of the summer, I kept asking them out 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:33.480 more and more, and they kept saying, no, I'm busy, No, 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:35.800 I have to do this, No, i have to do that. Now. Me, 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:38.799 being a very trusting, loving person, I thought they were 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:41.840 telling the truth. I thought they were just busy. Yeah. 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:45.200 So then I went off to college several thousand miles away, 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:47.280 and through the entirety of college, I didn't bother with 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:50.320 any other relationships. I didn't bother getting to know anyone, 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:55.120 meeting anyone, making new friends, because I knew that when 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:57.440 I headed back home after college, I didn't have someone 0:02:57.440 --> 0:02:59.440 to return to. 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:03.400 Uh you, so when you went to when you went 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:05.680 to college, you were like, Oh, the girl I went 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:07.280 to prom with will be there when I get back, 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:09.119 So I'm not gonna bother getting to know anyone new. 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:15.640 Okay, So I get back and this chick does the 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:18.760 same exact thing for months after month after month. YEP. 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:21.400 In hindsight, it's pretty obvious you didn't want to go 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:23.600 out with me. But I'm such a loving, trusting person 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:26.640 that if you don't think, no, I don't. There was 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:29.000 one other chick before this in high school. I asked 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:30.960 her out and she said, sorry, man, I'm not your type. 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:34.600 She's the only person that I've asked out that I'm like, yeah, 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:36.120 that was fair, that was a fair way to do that. 0:03:36.440 --> 0:03:39.320 There's a lot of others that slightly led. 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:42.880 Me on or as you look, when you're in I look, 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:45.080 I understand me. When you're in high school in college, 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:49.880 it takes you a second to uh understand the subtext 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:53.160 of what is going on. And more important, more importantly, 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:55.520 it's like you got to go through that fucking journey 0:03:56.080 --> 0:04:00.320 of like, uh be it you of like acceptance. It's 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.600 a mourning like really right, because you know I know 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:06.000 that you say you were being a sweet and trusting person, 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:09.960 but like like in the deepest recesses of your brain 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:13.880 was probably a person who was like, this person is 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:18.760 not into you, and your defenses want to go no, no, no, no, no, 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:21.240 they totally are, and you have you have to kind 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:25.640 of like, uh, you have to kind of learn how 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:31.159 to mourn the this this thing and be like, Okay, 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:34.320 this person's not into me. And more importantly, I deserve 0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:39.360 some relationship or a thing like that that that doesn't 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:42.360 feel like I'm I'm I'm fucking pulling teeth to get 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:46.039 somebody to, you know, like me. And that's that's just 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:48.839 a lesson. You gotta fucking learn when you're when you're 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.719 you know, at some point in your life, unless if 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:57.720 you're unless if you're really really, really attractive, then then 0:04:58.160 --> 0:04:59.359 then you never have to deal with that. 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:01.360 But we're getting there. 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:02.760 Okay, go ahead. 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:07.080 Uh yeah, I learned that lesson after this person. But 0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:10.640 with that person, I honestly I got this little thing 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:13.479 that all the kids got these days, called autism that 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:17.359 was not diagnosed until after college. Everyone else knew. I 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:20.760 didn't know, so I didn't realize that. Honestly, I'm still 0:05:20.760 --> 0:05:22.800 not used to people lying. I just think everyone's telling 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:24.640 the truth all the time, and it keeps biting me. 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:27.520 Sure got back. I'm gonna go back into the story. 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:31.000 Got back from college. This chick finally was like, listen, 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:33.040 I just don't want to go out. That's not true. 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.880 She said yes to one more date after waiting a 0:05:35.920 --> 0:05:37.480 year and a half, we went on one more date. 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:40.600 I went home, checked Facebook. She was in a relationship 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:43.080 with someone else. All I read was in a relationship 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:45.919 with and I closed that, laid down, put heaven, burn pillow, 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:48.560 and just rearranged my entire understanding of the world for 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:49.080 about an hour. 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:49.839 Yep. 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:54.680 And after that it was I'm gonna fast forward a 0:05:54.720 --> 0:05:56.560 lot of stuff. I worked at a place, I quit 0:05:56.640 --> 0:06:00.280 that place, accidentally fell in love with my best friend 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:05.320 on the internet at the time, who Then two three 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:07.760 years later, one of my friends accidentally told me, you 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:12.400 know your best friend loves you, right. I have a 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:15.080 long history of trusting people like I did that chick, 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:19.039 and it hurting me so immediately when I went to 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:21.440 college and was still trying to chase that chick who 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:24.919 didn't like me, I made a new friend on the 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:28.760 internet due to mutual acquaintance of one of my other 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:31.919 friends who went to a different college. We hit it 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:34.640 off immediately. We talked for two or three hours, had 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:38.040 a great time, and over that year, then the next year, 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:40.080 and the next year below, I was just wasting my 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:44.080 life away working in retail. I slowly liked this person 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:46.600 more and more and more. Then they became my best friend. 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:51.320 And then one day in twenty trying to remember, I 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:56.720 think it was March twenty twenty. It was January twenty twenty, 0:06:57.200 --> 0:07:02.760 before the big pandemic and everything hit, or November twenty twenty, 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:05.680 but Thur nineteen, you know, right before the pandemic hit. 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:08.640 Okay, so you fell in love with this person over 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:10.640 the internet, and then did you talk to them? Did 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:11.280 you meet them? 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:15.040 Yes, because I realized that I had fallen in love 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:19.120 with them four months before our mutual acquaintance's wedding, when 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:21.760 I was going to be stuck in a house sleeping 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:23.640 in the same bedroom with the person that I had 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:29.160 fallen in love with and they didn't know. Okay, We 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:34.040 for those two or three days had essentially everything I 0:07:34.040 --> 0:07:37.239 imagine you have in a committed mutual relationship. We're talking 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:39.960 hugging all the time, holding each other all the time, 0:07:40.080 --> 0:07:43.640 hex sleeping in the same bed, feeding food into each 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:47.640 other's mouths. At one point we spooned for an hour straight. 0:07:47.720 --> 0:07:50.360 At one point I pinned him to a bed and 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:53.920 we cuddled for two hours straight. And then at the 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:55.560 end of all of this, I'm like, I love you, 0:07:55.640 --> 0:08:05.560 and he goes, I'm not gay. Figure that one out? 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:09.960 What but yeah, uh huh. And I'm like, we have 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:13.920 been talking about this four months. We have done every 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:16.560 single thing I could imagine spending the rest of my 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:17.400 life with you. 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:17.760 Do it. 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:19.840 I don't. And he's like, Nope, not me. 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:31.360 Whoa yeah, you know uh ah man, you know, uh man, 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:32.800 that's pretty crazy, dude. 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:37.840 I'm that's a bummer. That's a bummer. But this is 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:40.040 this is the thing, man, and and you you you 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:44.280 It's it's a hard boundary to reinforce because your emotions 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:47.920 don't want to make you reinforce it. But it's like, look, 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:51.760 you could be you could be sitting there groveling, going, 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:55.280 what do you fucking mean you're not gay? We we kissed, 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:59.040 we cuddled, we fucking did all this gay ship. What 0:08:59.080 --> 0:09:01.360 do you mean you're not gay? And you can sit 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:05.880 there and maybe you're right and maybe he's repressing whatever, whatever, whatever. 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:12.480 But at the end of the day, my friend, if 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:15.520 this guy is looking at you, whatever is going on 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:18.280 in his brain, whatever is in his journey, whatever, then 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:21.600 if he's looking at you and he goes, sorry, dude, 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:27.080 not gay, can't do it. You have to be. It's 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:29.960 a fucking hard thing, but you gotta be able to 0:09:30.000 --> 0:09:34.360 go well all right, see. 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:41.319 You yep, And that would have been the right thing 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:46.199 to do four years ago. But he also was my 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:50.280 best friend, and he had successfully put himself into a 0:09:50.320 --> 0:09:53.640 position where he's friends with all of my old friends, 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:55.520 all of the only people they ever talked to on 0:09:55.559 --> 0:10:01.160 the internet. So for the next three four years, it 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:04.439 was on off, on off, really awkward, really weird. All 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:06.520 the time. We both knew what was happening, but we 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:09.720 never talked about it. Because I would like to go 0:10:10.320 --> 0:10:12.640 on Discord and play games with my friends that I've 0:10:12.640 --> 0:10:16.079 had one of which since kindergarten, you know, the one 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:18.240 since middle school. I'd like to go play games and 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:20.480 talk with my best friends in life. Problem is, guess 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:22.360 who's always there? Oh, this guy that I'm in love 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:25.520 with but I also hate and he really really likes 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:27.240 me as a friend, but he also kind of hates 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:29.840 me because of this. And it's just this weird dynamic 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:32.680 where sometimes I would leave the discord for a month 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:34.880 or two and then come back. Sometimes he would leave 0:10:34.920 --> 0:10:36.680 the Discord for a month or two and then come back. 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:41.920 But right this whole thing becomes infinitely complicated when it's like, uh, 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:44.199 you know, if somebody is just like an isolated part 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.320 of your life and you go, well, I really don't 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:48.040 want to remain friends with the person that I'm in 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:51.679 love with because it's it hurts, you know, that's that's 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:53.679 not easy. But like, you know, whatever, you can cut 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:57.920 it off. But when they're in a circle with all 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:00.520 of your other friends, that's tricky. Chick, It's tricky. 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:05.880 Yeah, exactly, there was. I had no way out. Everyone 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:08.640 says find new friends, but at the same time, it's like, 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:11.280 do you have any idea how long it takes to 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:13.040 make new old friends? 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:14.240 Yeah? 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:15.760 Do you have any idea how long it's going to 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:17.600 take me to make a new friends that I've had 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:19.440 for tense kindergarten? 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:27.160 Yeah? Yeah, okay, we didn't get the cult yet. Yeah, no, 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:29.240 I know, keep going on this story. 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:34.440 Uh so I go back to my but the wedding ends. 0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:36.560 I go back to my home, he goes back to his, 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:39.640 and I'm like, what do I do in life? I'm 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:44.440 lost One of my friends, one of our mutual friends, 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:50.160 of course, becomes a school bus driver, and I'm like, oh, 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:53.680 I could I could do that? So I get my CDL. 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:55.480 I'm like, well, I want to drive something, but not 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:57.120 a school bus, and the one that I'm in love 0:11:57.160 --> 0:11:59.000 with goes, you should drive the school bus to be 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:01.559 good experience. Boom. I instantly signed up, became a school 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.760 bus driver and drove through twenty twenty and twenty twenty one, 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.080 so the COVID year that year, that was the worst 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:12.040 possible year to be interacting with anyone in public, especially 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:14.880 children on a school bus. Oh my goodness, I don't 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:15.640 ever want to go back. 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:17.400 Oh. 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:20.079 I became a school bus driver because the person that 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:27.640 I'm in love with told me to any comments. 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:30.199 Any comments on that. Well, I think when you're asking 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:32.080 me for any comments, I think you know the comment 0:12:32.120 --> 0:12:34.040 that you want me to say, do you not? 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:36.959 I don't know, go for it. 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:41.480 Obviously, making a major life decision based on, you know, 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:43.599 someone who you're in love with telling you that it 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:47.400 would be a good idea is not the best way 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:49.040 to make well, I don't did I did I say 0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:50.760 just now major life decision because I don't think that 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:52.839 was a major life decision. I mean, I don't you know. 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:55.080 I would major life decision. And we'll be honest, and 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:56.920 it's about to get so much worse when I tell 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:58.160 you the next major life position. 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:01.240 All right, keepee, I'm gonna say my comments until the end. 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:01.800 Keep going. 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:06.280 That's fair, that's fair. So I became a school bus 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:10.360 driver and drove a school bus in this beautiful, scenic location, 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:13.360 absolutely amazing. Everyone that moves there says it's their favorite 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:15.560 place in the world. But I grew up there, so 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:17.680 I'm used to it. I look at the trees and go, 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:20.120 trees have always been there. I look at the mountains, 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:22.640 and go, mountains have always been there. The nature's there. 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:24.520 Who cares? I want to move somewhere else. I want 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:25.840 to see what the rest of the world it's like. 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:30.559 So this person I'm in love with one night, I'm 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:33.240 in the discord and I'm just real down. I'm real sad, 0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:35.880 and I'm talking and I'm like, I don't know, man. 0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:38.520 I want to leave my parents behind. I want to 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:40.760 leave this house behind where I grew up. I want 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:42.280 to see what the real world is like. I don't 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:43.640 know what to do. I don't know where to go, 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:46.719 and he goes, you should move here. We could hang out. 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:47.520 We would have fun. 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:48.400 Oh no. 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:52.719 So that was at about ten PM. That conversation. At 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:54.800 one thirty in the morning, I booked a one way 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:59.480 ticket and told no one. Three weeks later, I tell 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:05.520 my parents, Hey, I'm moving to Indiana, middle of nowhere, 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:08.280 right next to Ohio. But hey, at least it's not Ohio. 0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:11.840 I'm moving to Indiana. And they're like what, and I go, yep, 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:13.920 my flights in a week. I'm taking a double bag 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:17.400 in a backpack and never looking back. I move with 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:21.600 a duffel bag and a backpack and zero plans straight 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:26.360 to Indiana. Show up at like noon, go uh shoot, 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:31.200 now what when I message my friend who I've had 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:34.880 since kindergarten who happens to live in talk and I go, hey, 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:36.720 can I stay in your apartment for like, you know, 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.480 a week or two? And He's like, yes, you're an idiot, and. 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:43.760 I'm like, I'm aware I am anyway, So I got 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:47.160 the easiest thing possible, an apartment that I'm still in 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.760 literally five hundred feet from my friends since kindergarten. 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:55.360 You got an apart You got an apartment, so uh yeah, 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:57.440 well these just I mean, you say, it's these is impossible. 0:14:57.480 --> 0:14:58.280 Did you have any money? 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.440 I had enough money in the bank that it wasn't 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:06.280 an issue, all right, not much, but my dad conveniently 0:15:06.280 --> 0:15:10.120 did rather well and started to what is it? What's 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:12.520 it called? He started a little bank account when I 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:15.960 was gid, like thirty k Okay, it's not the most amount. 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:18.200 It's not a small loan of a million dollars, but 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:20.040 it's not like recents, okay. 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:24.920 All right? So you move, you move, like well, very 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:29.040 impulsively to be with this guy that you're in love with. Yep, okay, 0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:31.640 And you get the apartment, and you get an apartment 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:32.760 like five hundred feet. 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:36.840 From him, five hundred feet from my friends in kindergarten, 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:39.240 like five miles from the guy in love with. 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:39.960 All right. 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:44.760 Yeah, the first day, we all three hang out. It's awesome, 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:48.160 it's amazing. It's everything I've ever wanted again, and everything 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:50.960 seems pretty normal. The guy I'm in love with introduces 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:53.840 me to some of his other friends. It's cool. The 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:56.640 next day, the guy that I'm in love with comes 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:58.560 over and picks me up in his car, and we 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:00.800 again spend all day hanging out and it's awesome and 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:06.680 it's amazing, and I overhear at the end of the day, 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:09.680 I overhear him. This is before I had the apartment, 0:16:10.600 --> 0:16:14.240 so We're at my friend's apartment. I hear him over. 0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:17.760 I overhear him talking with my friend and he says, yeah, 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:22.920 I'm free tomorrow. I have nothing to do. And I'm like, oh, okay, cool, 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:24.560 just store that in the back of my head. So 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:27.600 the next day comes along, my friend whose apartment I'm in, 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:30.560 leaves the apartment and says, well, you can't leave because 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:32.280 I have the key and you need to eat a 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:35.680 lock the front door. And I'm like, okay, sure, I'm 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:37.840 stuck in your apartment all alone with nothing to do 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:39.400 all day, and I know that the first I'm in 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:42.120 love with is about five miles away across town and 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:45.640 has nothing to do all day. Now, in my personal history, 0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:48.240 if I have quote nothing to do all day, that 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.040 means I'm sitting at home alone, sad wishing that anyone 0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:55.280 would ever show up. So what do I do. Well, 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:59.440 I get some scotch tape, I get a ziploc bag, 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:02.000 and I go to the front door. Now, the problem 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:04.239 is I can't leave because there's a dead bolt that 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:08.080 I can't lie. However, if you scotch tape a ziplock 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:11.200 bag to the inside of it, then closed the door 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:14.359 from the outside, then pull the ziplock bag through the gap. 0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:17.359 It twists the dead bolt and locks you out. So 0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:20.760 I did that, and I went and rented one of 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:24.320 those little rental scooters, the Electric Ones, and rode for 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:29.080 two hours across the entire town that I've never been 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.920 in and don't know my way around, on the sidewalks 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:34.600 that are concrete blocks, so there's about an inch gap 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:37.919 between each one of them. Straight to this guy that 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:41.359 I'm in love with apartment and he's like, what the 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.960 heck are you doing here? And I'm like, hi, surprise, 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:47.280 and he's like, I don't understand uh moral of a story. 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:51.440 He didn't want me there, which makes sense in hindsight, 0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:54.200 but at the time, I'm like, you know, in every 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:56.879 movie and every TV show ever, when you see like 0:17:57.480 --> 0:17:59.960 the dude standing outside with the boom box playing new 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:02.480 music in the chicken side, it's like, what the Heck's 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:04.200 going on out there? And opens the window and it's 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:06.239 this guy who's like, look what I did for you? 0:18:07.400 --> 0:18:09.639 That was was he was? He was he hang Was 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:10.920 he hanging out with your friends? 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:13.200 No? He was just alone that day. 0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:16.600 Oh oh okay, I thought I thought you were gonna 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:18.639 walk in on him and your friend like hooking up 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:19.080 or something. 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:24.200 Oh, that'd be wild. Uh. It was also the fact 0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:27.119 that hold On, he lived in this apartment that was 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:29.680 on the bottom floor of like a five story building, 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:33.640 and it was wet, dark, and there were those house 0:18:33.680 --> 0:18:37.040 centipedes that have like twenty thirty legs crawling everywhere. It 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:39.639 was horrendous, and I'm like, I have to save this 0:18:39.680 --> 0:18:40.600 person from this place. 0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:45.320 So, uh, okay, how long ago was this? This is 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:46.000 twenty twenty three. 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:51.639 Uh, that was twenty twenty one, Okay, for years? 0:18:52.600 --> 0:18:54.639 How did you end up joining a cult? 0:18:55.680 --> 0:19:02.040 We're getting there, We're getting there, okay. Uh yeah, he 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:06.280 didn't like that over sure. He at one point texted 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:08.199 my friend, my friend picked me up. I still have 0:19:08.240 --> 0:19:09.760 get to get to the bottom of that, but I'm 0:19:09.760 --> 0:19:12.520 like ninety percent sure. The one I'm in love with texted, 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.000 my friend said, this guy's crazy. Come pick him up 0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:18.520 and get him out of here, which is fair. Then 0:19:19.520 --> 0:19:21.720 you know, I don't think we hung out again. He 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:24.320 moved out of town, went somewhere else because he was 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:27.359 done being in college here where he went to college, 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:30.680 which is fair, and I just kind of hung out, 0:19:30.840 --> 0:19:33.600 still talking with him most days on the internet. Sometimes 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:35.199 he would go away for a month or two, like 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:37.040 I said. Sometimes I would go away from a month 0:19:37.119 --> 0:19:40.240 or two, like I said, just because we couldn't handle 0:19:40.359 --> 0:19:42.960 being with each other. But at the same time, we're 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:45.040 both such good friends and we love playing games and 0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:47.240 talking with each other. We can't handle being away from 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:47.640 each other. 0:19:47.800 --> 0:19:50.720 This is your higher friends. This is you're talking about 0:19:50.720 --> 0:19:52.520 your friends in kindergarten, right, not the guy you're in 0:19:52.560 --> 0:19:53.120 love with. Ah. 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:55.080 Shoot, I mixed it up. Nah, I'm just talking about 0:19:55.119 --> 0:19:56.080 the one I was in love with. 0:19:56.440 --> 0:19:56.800 Okay. 0:19:57.640 --> 0:20:02.000 The friends in kindergarten at this point had a wife. 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:04.439 He had a wife, and he had a dog, and 0:20:04.480 --> 0:20:06.359 he had a whole career set up. He was living 0:20:06.400 --> 0:20:08.080 his own life. And it would come into the discord 0:20:08.119 --> 0:20:10.040 like once every month, just to see what was going on. 0:20:10.600 --> 0:20:13.600