Speaker 1: I say, like, I'm in therapy and so I'm trying
Speaker 1: to be healed, but like I love the opportunity for
Speaker 1: emotional vampirism of you not being healed. So like you're
Speaker 1: like I burn it down.
Speaker 2: I'm feeding off of this.
Speaker 1: Burn it down.
Speaker 2: You're a toxic burn it down. You know what we
Speaker 2: do here destroy shame around sex by talking about sex. Now,
Speaker 2: let me tell you something messy. So I was at
Speaker 2: the gym, and you know, in the gym, everyone is
Speaker 2: very it's fun funny to me that everyone's very demure,
Speaker 2: if you'll allow me the terminology. They very shy about
Speaker 2: having you know, their dicks out. Understandably, there's like a
Speaker 2: listen it reeks a little bit of homophobia or whatever,
Speaker 2: like no one's checking you out, baby. But I was
Speaker 2: putting my stuff away in the locker and this guy
Speaker 2: walked by me. He got changed and when I look
Speaker 2: back over, he was in his boxers. Now, if you
Speaker 2: know me, you know I love underwear. So no matter what,
Speaker 2: I'm checking out underwear, not in a sexual way, just
Speaker 2: because I really do like to see the cut and
Speaker 2: you know, see what people you know, vibe with or
Speaker 2: or gravitate towards.
Speaker 1: So he's in.
Speaker 2: Boxer briefs or maybe they're trunks. What are the difference between briefs?
Speaker 2: Briefs are not loose, right, trunks are they They're like
Speaker 2: the they're like they go to like down the thigh
Speaker 2: a little bit, but they're tighter. I think that's what
Speaker 2: trunks are. So's he's wearing his box or trunks and
Speaker 2: I and then he I swear it again, not sexually,
Speaker 2: but he does bend over to pick up something, and
Speaker 2: I notice that there is a hole in the back,
Speaker 2: not a hole, but like a purpose not like a
Speaker 2: not a rip hole, but uh, you know, a purposeful hole.
Speaker 2: It looks like the pea hole. And I was like, oh, wow,
Speaker 2: are these like sexy underwear? Like is that He's like?
Speaker 2: Is that like a peekable home for sex? So bold
Speaker 2: and which is listen. I don't put it past anyone
Speaker 2: because there are guys who wear jock straps to the gym,
Speaker 2: which that's different conversation, but I do. For me, jockstraps
Speaker 2: are like a sexy thing. So if you were to
Speaker 2: the gym where you know you're gonna be changed in
Speaker 2: front of people. To me, I'm like, what you try
Speaker 2: to what you're trying to get into daddy anyway. So
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, my goodness, he has like a
Speaker 2: little peckaple hole in the back of his box. Thirst
Speaker 2: that's wild, And then I realized it was it was
Speaker 2: it was actually he was wearing them backwards. I don't
Speaker 2: know if he like didn't feel that, because I would
Speaker 2: feel that. But also it made me go two things. One,
Speaker 2: should we start merch where we have underwear that has
Speaker 2: like a little pikaboo in the back so that you know,
Speaker 2: when you're getting sexy, you lay on your stomach and
Speaker 2: then your partner just wetches a little pee hole open
Speaker 2: and licks your booty hole.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: But the other thing I would like to say is
Speaker 2: the underwear ugly. That's really like they were not attractive underwear.
Speaker 2: I would never say this to this young gentleman because
Speaker 2: that's not you know, you know, that's not helped. They
Speaker 2: always say, if you can't change something in ten seconds,
Speaker 2: if somebody can't change a thing about them whatever you're
Speaker 2: commenting on in ten seconds, don't tell them. So you know,
Speaker 2: you don't be like, hey, your hair, I don't your
Speaker 2: hair color, I don't love it. Because they can't change
Speaker 2: that in ten seconds. So this underwear he couldn't change
Speaker 2: because he's at the gym. He only got the one pair.
Speaker 2: So I would never say, sir, your underwear it's ugly. Also,
Speaker 2: what a wild way to start a conversation at a
Speaker 2: locker room anyways, but it just made me go, hey,
Speaker 2: I just think that men should really invest in underwear.
Speaker 2: That's really what this all is about. I think it's okay.
Speaker 2: I don't know who needs to hear this, especially like
Speaker 2: straight men or gay men who really love and value
Speaker 2: their masculinity or whatever that is. Hey, your underwear can
Speaker 2: be sexy, babe, Like you can invest in your underwear.
Speaker 2: You can invest in your socks, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: And also you have to update and refresh your underwear
Speaker 2: and your socks every so often. Honestly, I would say
Speaker 2: like every six months, please at least every year, because
Speaker 2: you know, your underwear, your socks, these are things that
Speaker 2: are directly on your body and they get tingy and
Speaker 2: you deserve, baby, You deserve clean, fresh, nice, beautiful sexy undergarments.
Speaker 2: Undergarments that feels so dated, but but you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying, you deserve that. So I just want to
Speaker 2: encourage y'all to look up some sexy underwear. This was
Speaker 2: by the one that he was wearing, and I did
Speaker 2: take notice because again I love underwear. It was a
Speaker 2: Joe Boxer moment. Would shout out to Joe Boxers. I
Speaker 2: don't know where you get them, but like shout out
Speaker 2: to that brand. But this particular this particular color and
Speaker 2: cut was not was not the vibe. So maybe maybe
Speaker 2: Joe Boxer wants to do a collaboration and I can
Speaker 2: support you and making sexy underwear because everybody deserves sexy
Speaker 2: underwear like that is not just like a woman thing
Speaker 2: or like a bottom thing. Everybody deserves sexy underwear. So
Speaker 2: to the straight men listening, the three of you go
Speaker 2: get you some sexy underwear. Okay, okay. Oh by the way,
Speaker 2: welcome to the show. This is tell me something messy.
Speaker 2: I am your host, Brandon Kyle Goodman aka Messy Mother.
Speaker 2: You can call me whatever you want, but today maybe
Speaker 2: call me peek a boo hole. My god, that's when
Speaker 2: I have my husband call me when I get back home. Okay,
Speaker 2: peek a boo hole come here. Okay. So before we
Speaker 2: get into our guest for the day. I do have
Speaker 2: a little life update. You might have seen it on Instagram,
Speaker 2: or if you follow me on subsack, you might have
Speaker 2: read about it. But let me also say it here
Speaker 2: on the pod, I am, as you already know, I'm
Speaker 2: non binary. But I had been using he, him and
Speaker 2: they them pronouns, but now I am exclusively using they
Speaker 2: them their's pronouns again. On subsack, I wrote a whole
Speaker 2: little essay why, and on Instagram there's a whole announcement.
Speaker 2: So I'll let you find it there for more information,
Speaker 2: or we'll also put it in the show notes. We'll
Speaker 2: put the link to both of those things in the
Speaker 2: show notes. But what that does mean is from time
Speaker 2: to time for the next couple months. Actually, because we've
Speaker 2: recorded quite a number of episodes, you may hear guests
Speaker 2: refer to me still with him pronouns. It's just because
Speaker 2: we recorded all those episodes before I decided to go
Speaker 2: to them exclusively. So I just want you to know that,
Speaker 2: just a little heads up so you're not feeling like
Speaker 2: somebody is misgendering or that it's a foosball moment. Okay, beautiful,
Speaker 2: all right? Uh, doorbell maybe you know what that means.
Speaker 2: It is time for a guest. Now, while they get situated,
Speaker 2: we'll get our messy. Key key started with the whole man.
Speaker 2: Do repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant
Speaker 2: me the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal,
Speaker 2: the wisdom to know that sex is not just about penetration,
Speaker 2: the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries. The
Speaker 2: strength to not call my ex that fuck boyfuck girl,
Speaker 2: or fuck they, for it is better to masturbate by
Speaker 2: myself in peace than to let someone play in my
Speaker 2: motherfucking face. Let the community say holuvia. I am so
Speaker 2: excited to have Blakely Thornton on this show. Blakelee is
Speaker 2: a brilliant pop culture anthropologist, and his sharp and funny
Speaker 2: takes on celebrity culture, fashion, etc. Never misses. In twenty
Speaker 2: twenty three, he created an executive produced a series called
Speaker 2: Queer Sports for Vice News, and he's now in development
Speaker 2: of a podcast called Immediately Know about the Power of
Speaker 2: personal boundaries. You can catch him covering the met Gala
Speaker 2: red carpet for Instagram, amongst many other exciting developments. Blakely
Speaker 2: has completed brand partnerships with Arewon, Jessica mccurmac and Neutrient Ginet. Y'all,
Speaker 2: please welcome Blakely to the show. Hi, blake Lee, Hello,
Speaker 2: welcome to the show. I'm so happy you're here. I
Speaker 2: feel like when I when I'm saying I need guests,
Speaker 2: were like, which guests should I have? People always said Blakely,
Speaker 2: want to see Blakely and Brandon.
Speaker 1: I feel like this is like the synergy because like,
Speaker 1: I'll talk shit immediately. Remember when we did the Goho
Speaker 1: See and they wouldn't put us together?
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is what the whites are doing.
Speaker 1: I was like, they want to type because I was
Speaker 1: so excited. I was like, he will get me.
Speaker 2: We would have a thing.
Speaker 1: We'll be going back.
Speaker 2: And Ryan was also there, Ryan slay God. Ryan was
Speaker 2: also like they never put us together.
Speaker 1: They never put They put one negro at a time,
Speaker 1: one day negro. We can't have two because if it
Speaker 1: was to the kikey would be it would just be
Speaker 1: called the Kiki.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Wait, okay, so before we get in, I would
Speaker 2: love to give you the messy mandates for our messy
Speaker 2: key key. I love that things get to be unprocessed.
Speaker 2: Any thoughts or opinions. Dared get to have the right
Speaker 2: to evolve, shift, or change today, tomorrow or ten years
Speaker 2: from now. As we were talking about the internet is
Speaker 2: about now, but podcast nuance evolution, and during the key key,
Speaker 2: if something feels too personal or unintentionally offends, we use
Speaker 2: the safe word foosball gives us a chance to pause
Speaker 2: and address or pivot accordingly. Got it, you got it? Okay,
Speaker 2: cool man. So let's play a lube breaker. Okay, you ready? Yes,
Speaker 2: smash her pass? Okay, the Real Housewives. Oh, I know
Speaker 2: I didn't give you. I didn't give you a city,
Speaker 2: but let's start with just the Real Housewives. Smash or pass,
Speaker 2: Smash smash.
Speaker 1: Honestly, it's anthropological interesting. Okay, yeah, is there a favorite
Speaker 1: city New York?
Speaker 2: Really? The new one or the old one? Let's talk
Speaker 2: about it, come on both.
Speaker 1: The old one got too racist. It absolutely becomes decrepit.
Speaker 1: It's like it was actually a case study in how
Speaker 1: someone can be entertaining but also like almost Trump is
Speaker 1: and like Ramona Singer is a racist and a Trump
Speaker 1: or she knows this, yes, but it's like, oh, she's funny,
Speaker 1: and I think adding Ebony a black woman kind of
Speaker 1: just roid the cognitive uncomfortable season, so they couldn't like
Speaker 1: they were like, oh, this is what happens when like
Speaker 1: you integrate, which is like why they were avoiding it
Speaker 1: for so long. But then the New New York they
Speaker 1: got the lesbian soft less Yeah, black girls like black girls,
Speaker 1: you know, like you get a car, you get a car,
Speaker 1: you get a car.
Speaker 2: They're like, here's here's the United Colors of benefit.
Speaker 1: And in the second season they're coming into their messiness.
Speaker 2: Okay, smash or pass boxer briefs.
Speaker 1: Wait, are they moisture wiking material or cotton?
Speaker 2: Get out of my studio, nigga, get out of my studio.
Speaker 2: I don't know what do you want them to be?
Speaker 1: Baby cotton boxer briefs pass moisture wicking like under armour
Speaker 1: and moisture wicked oysture wicking like like you got minformance material.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: That leaves chocolates. I don't eat those pieces are for pores.
Speaker 1: Get your credit, Get your credits a moisture wit and
Speaker 1: eight fifty. I want to gear a Deli's chocolate bitch.
Speaker 2: Bitch, there you go say it, imperial.
Speaker 1: I can't spell gear Deli, so.
Speaker 2: I pass on boxer briefs. I want, I want to
Speaker 2: I want a jockstrap on a throng. I want a brief,
Speaker 2: but a boxer brief. It is just so loose.
Speaker 1: See, that's why you need the moisture wicking. They stay
Speaker 1: tight if it's the right material, the cotton ones. Is
Speaker 1: that not trunks? No?
Speaker 2: No boxer briefs oister wicking.
Speaker 1: Yes, Like like like what do they feel like?
Speaker 2: They feel like this placement? What they feel like?
Speaker 1: They feel like it's almost like a spandex like underarmoor
Speaker 1: like that, like the tight stuff on like a shirt,
Speaker 1: but a brief made a boxer brief made of that?
Speaker 2: Is it compression?
Speaker 1: Yes, compression, a boxer compression.
Speaker 2: Something loose. I want something that shows.
Speaker 1: Exactly a boxer compression short.
Speaker 2: You would like that, Okay, I'm gon google this.
Speaker 3: You have a phone on moisture, moisture wick Y, moisture,
Speaker 3: win last one, smash sure pass masks I'm talking about
Speaker 3: like sex mask like like anonymous masks.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not into it. Okay, I respect those for
Speaker 1: other people, but i feel like I've experienced them a
Speaker 1: couple of times and it's just like it makes for awkward,
Speaker 1: like talk afterwards. Whom I'm talking to, what's happening here?
Speaker 1: Or like you're obviously you're married with kids and you
Speaker 1: live in Mexico City, but like.
Speaker 2: What's going on?
Speaker 1: Just like I'm not gonna take a picture.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna tell me about it. Yeah, let me know.
Speaker 2: Come on, but do you drop the pen. I'm kind
Speaker 2: of a pass on the masks of it all. It
Speaker 2: looks hot, That's why it looked like one. I sweat easy, lazy,
Speaker 2: so I just took called my cardigan so I sweat easily.
Speaker 2: And then also, like if I can't see your face,
Speaker 2: I don't know even if I trust you, I want
Speaker 2: trust you. It's a suspicion.
Speaker 1: You're wearing a mask.
Speaker 2: You're wearing a mask exactly. I want to know what's happened. Also,
Speaker 2: I get turned on. I'm such a face person. I
Speaker 2: get turned on by a good, beautiful smile, and I
Speaker 2: feel like the mask I used to see it smile,
Speaker 2: but it doesn't. That's creepy.
Speaker 1: That's very like, it's very Ryan Murphy. Yes, I bet
Speaker 1: money he's in damasks.
Speaker 2: Blakely, You're right, okay, well fabulous, you won you know
Speaker 2: what you're wearing here my unconditional love. You did look
Speaker 2: down like you were looking for some money. What you
Speaker 2: about to show me my unconditional love? Baby, that's more important. Yeah,
Speaker 2: thank you, and I'm knowing that. Thank you. Some people
Speaker 2: don't appreciate. Okay, y'all, If you have any loop breakers
Speaker 2: or prompts, you can email me at tell me something
Speaker 2: messy at gmail dot com. Speaking of which lately, yes,
Speaker 2: will you tell me something messy? I don't know why
Speaker 2: instead of like that that was creepy again, blakely, tell
Speaker 2: me something messy.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll say something messy. Yeah, this is interesting for
Speaker 1: me just logistically. I had a friend who we went
Speaker 1: to Palm Springs from Oilden last year and he met
Speaker 1: this couple and he said they really wanted to eat
Speaker 1: pineapple out of his ass. Oh, and like that, logistically
Speaker 1: that's messy because I was just out of his ass
Speaker 1: and yet yeah, so.
Speaker 2: Not on it, but like I wanted to put the
Speaker 2: pineapple okay, go ahead.
Speaker 1: And then again exactly I had questions like is it chopped?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Chunk? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Are we cutting them? Like little dick?
Speaker 1: I was just asking questions because I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: So even logistically, like did you go in there? They
Speaker 1: had a bowl chopped and ready. Yes, scus was it.
Speaker 2: A surprise fresh pineapple?
Speaker 1: Fresh? The whole foods was an airworm.
Speaker 2: I want to talk about it as a from Trader Joe.
Speaker 1: Like I had. I was just like I need you
Speaker 1: to draw me a diagram at a time, like like
Speaker 1: storyboard this. Ye.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that was. Have you ever had anyone eat
Speaker 2: pineapple out of your air or anything out of your
Speaker 2: Have you eaten anything out of anyone else's ass?
Speaker 1: Yes, well not out of but on it. Yeah obviously
Speaker 1: again I'm an adult.
Speaker 2: What did you eat?
Speaker 1: It was like the standard like strawberries and cream stuff? Wow, yeah, I'm.
Speaker 2: Kind of cream like a whip cream.
Speaker 1: Like a whip cream, like a cool Actually was cool.
Speaker 1: Get out of.
Speaker 2: The cool whip Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1: Wait what's the one?
Speaker 2: Oh look at that voice. Sultry? Okay, it was sultry
Speaker 2: then too. Wait walk me through strawberries and cream?
Speaker 1: Does?
Speaker 2: Okay? So walk me through? Yes, how is the person?
Speaker 2: They're on their stomach, on their back.
Speaker 1: On stomach, stomach, stomach, booty up, bowl of strawberries to
Speaker 1: the side like they were prepared. Okay, so they brought
Speaker 1: this something he wanted.
Speaker 2: Oh he wanted, yeah, okay, and so then.
Speaker 1: So what kind of just like chop strawberry up on
Speaker 1: the bootyhole? Rugoff, you know, okay, and where does the
Speaker 1: cream come in later lately?
Speaker 2: Take me to that time when it comes in.
Speaker 1: The strawberry was actually more of like a delivery tool
Speaker 1: for the cream. So you dip the strawberry in the
Speaker 1: cream on the bootyhole and then you eat it house seed,
Speaker 1: not out again. It never went in and out. I
Speaker 1: it was just a roll of power to everybody. But
Speaker 1: once it's been in there, I don't want to all
Speaker 1: the way. I don't really physically want to eat that
Speaker 1: and digest it.
Speaker 2: Got it? That's fair.
Speaker 1: I mean that's for me. I mean that's your You
Speaker 1: might call that prude. I just yeah, if you want
Speaker 1: to make sure it's you know, it's.
Speaker 2: Still the booty hall, as you said, it's still.
Speaker 1: You know or exactly yeah, it's not my, it's not
Speaker 1: my you know, I'm playing in away game.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Okay, Wow, that was really lovely sex education.
Speaker 2: This is what we're doing. Okay, it's time for messy mail.
Speaker 2: You want to sing this a little messy male theme song?
Speaker 2: Because that sultry, messy.
Speaker 1: Male is the one booties and mess man go.
Speaker 2: Me in. Yes, okay, this one says, my my seituationship
Speaker 2: misses me and is now willing to go on dates?
Speaker 1: Do I trust them? Did you do you want to
Speaker 1: go on dates? That's oh, it sounds like you do.
Speaker 1: You wrote a letter about it. Oh you Aliah, you
Speaker 1: wrote a papa. Yeah, but go But that's.
Speaker 2: Actually t What you just said is actually important. It's like,
Speaker 2: do you want to You're asked like somebody can ask
Speaker 2: you out, but do you want to go?
Speaker 1: Also, if you're asking if their trustworthy, maybe it's like
Speaker 1: he's going to steal my credit.
Speaker 2: My feeling is if you are asking if you trusted,
Speaker 2: you shouldn't know your intuition. Now your intuition has you
Speaker 2: right in to ask if you should go on a date,
Speaker 2: and do you trust it?
Speaker 1: Feel like it's giving the goodness to your social security.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's giving identity for aud and.
Speaker 1: So honestly do it for the story. For the story.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, because it's.
Speaker 1: Not gonna hurt me. So I say dealing yes and
Speaker 1: jump in that pool.
Speaker 2: And tell us what it's like. Now, let me ask
Speaker 2: you this do you do things for the story. What's
Speaker 2: the last thing you did for this story? Oh, you
Speaker 2: don't have to tell us, but you could. But you
Speaker 2: don't have to, but if you want to, it's a foosball.
Speaker 2: I just don't know if he listens to podcast, Oka saying,
Speaker 2: I don't know if he listens to podcast. Okay. This
Speaker 2: one says, going on a date with my ex's friend,
Speaker 2: hoping to have a messy time. Have you ever.
Speaker 1: I'll have done that? We come on, have we all?
Speaker 2: We've gone on a date with your exis friend. You're
Speaker 2: looking at me like.
Speaker 1: You apostrophe period period? You know you have have I negro.
Speaker 2: I have definitely fucked somebody's Yeah, yeah, come on, but
Speaker 2: it was just sex. It wasn't okay, okay, it wasn't
Speaker 2: like a full day. It is a date messay. Actually
Speaker 2: a date is message. I feel a date. It's messy
Speaker 2: because it's like emotional.
Speaker 1: Actually, I love this person. You're like an unhealed scorpio.
Speaker 1: I say, like, I'm I'm in therapy and so I'm
Speaker 1: trying to be healed, but like I love the opportunity
Speaker 1: for emotional vampirism of you not being healed. So like
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm burning it down. I'm feeding off of this,
Speaker 1: burn it down. You're toxing, But I love that burn
Speaker 1: it down. I'm not in my own life, but if
Speaker 1: I mean this is feeding my soul.
Speaker 2: We love the mess.
Speaker 1: This is twenty twenty two. Give me, give me some self, honey,
Speaker 1: let's start fires and fights. I actually got it started
Speaker 1: to fight at your birthday party in twenty twenty two.
Speaker 2: You did that. Literally, what are you'all fighting about?
Speaker 1: I just cust him out. I don't even know why.
Speaker 1: It is something stupid And I was like, well, I
Speaker 1: buy that, But it was just like I was on
Speaker 1: the right amount of are you harry Scorpio?
Speaker 2: Would scorpio scorpios? I have arias and scorpio and my
Speaker 2: ears and scorpio.
Speaker 1: It's something and I was just ready to go off.
Speaker 1: You said it, yeah, not today, Satan, and I did it?
Speaker 2: Would you do today?
Speaker 1: Though?
Speaker 2: Twenty twenty four?
Speaker 1: No at all? Like who truly? Therapy work?
Speaker 2: Therapy does work. I would have been like me, okay,
Speaker 2: yes see therapy, that's a real girl.
Speaker 1: Why am I going to fuck up my night?
Speaker 2: Why will I fuck up my night over you?
Speaker 1: But I see what I might do is if I like,
Speaker 1: if I knew he was allergic to something, I might
Speaker 1: like mildly poison cut that cut that.
Speaker 2: Cut that uh, not like deadly deadly, but like a
Speaker 2: little like you know, a little bloated.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or or like you know, like you're lack some
Speaker 1: tolerant I put like whole milk in your coffee.
Speaker 2: That's not light at all. Yes, it is that nigga
Speaker 2: will be diarrhea but not dead. Okay, this one says
Speaker 2: I visited family, I couldn't host this beautiful man, so
Speaker 2: we fucked all over the building stairwell. I mean, I
Speaker 2: guess fabulous.
Speaker 1: Wait, people, I need more details.
Speaker 2: I know they don't be giving me a lot all
Speaker 2: the details, like.
Speaker 1: What kind of building? Where is it? Is it a brownstone?
Speaker 1: Is it a doorman building.
Speaker 2: I'm imagining I'm imagining it's not a doorman building because
Speaker 2: it's too much security. It's like a regular building, like
Speaker 2: a regular party.
Speaker 1: I know, because you could go into like the gym.
Speaker 2: Oh sure, they're in the stairwell. I've seen those videos
Speaker 2: on only Fans where niggas are fucking in the stairwell
Speaker 2: and it really I mean, it's hot, but also like
Speaker 2: I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I couldn't just logistically, I don't have that energy.
Speaker 2: I don't. I can't pull my pants.
Speaker 1: Also your family yeah, also your family in the building too, Yeah,
Speaker 1: like your little cousin or maybe they fucked.
Speaker 2: In a different building, like no, we fuked all over
Speaker 2: the building stairwell never mind, Yeah, with their families building.
Speaker 1: You don't like your family.
Speaker 2: I mean, also, why couldn't you host them?
Speaker 1: Honestly, this is giving the families home of phobe fair
Speaker 1: like vengeance.
Speaker 2: Well also, like, even if your family is like pro homo,
Speaker 2: would you still bring a man off a grinder back
Speaker 2: to that Christmas vacation?
Speaker 1: Oh, this is a grinder house. I'm assuming I was
Speaker 1: thinking like Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I don't know a visiting family, so
Speaker 2: I'm assuming it could be a holiday and so like
Speaker 2: you're back at your home. Oh my god, I literally.
Speaker 1: Thought, like, this is a person you liked in your family?
Speaker 1: Was homophobias?
Speaker 2: Oh you went there?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I think they I think they were
Speaker 2: just a visiting family and they couldn't have somebody in
Speaker 2: their you know, childhood bedroom, and so they were sucking
Speaker 2: the stairwell.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I mean not at this it's fine you do.
Speaker 1: I would not.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, you know what, those stairs are hard knees.
Speaker 1: Also, I'm more I'm more interested in the person that
Speaker 1: said yes to this. Well. It's like I can't, but
Speaker 1: I can sucking the stair with my mom in the theother.
Speaker 2: Room, Like why don't you say? I think you leave
Speaker 2: that fart off? But I fuck you in the stairwell.
Speaker 2: I feel like that's a kink, right. Public play? Have
Speaker 2: you ever had public play?
Speaker 1: I don't think so.
Speaker 2: I fucked an alleyway once. I feel like, if you're
Speaker 2: near a gay bar, it's.
Speaker 1: Not really like if you're a hot dog Sunday or
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, you're like you're feeling yourself that day,
Speaker 1: but like nobody's gonna I don't think anybody's gonna take
Speaker 1: a picture.
Speaker 2: Yeah, public play would be at Target, which is like, yeah,
Speaker 2: that seems.
Speaker 1: Big box stores, yeah, fast food chain, casual.
Speaker 2: Yes. But if you Chick fil A, I'm actually for you.
Speaker 2: Gay sex a Chick fil A. That's that's radical, that's protests,
Speaker 2: that's protests. I'm actually I call that a du oh wow,
Speaker 2: doula peep.
Speaker 1: God bless her. Yeah, God bless her learning to dance.
Speaker 1: Kind of Yeah, she did it, did she?
Speaker 2: And this is why they.
Speaker 1: Didn't put us together on that show. I'm gonna really,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna. I had so much contempt for them, but
Speaker 1: they really saw something I did.
Speaker 2: They were like, no, you can't, this is we won't
Speaker 2: get through the show. Okay, this one said. The throuble
Speaker 2: ended because we caught our third cheating with his ex.
Speaker 2: His ex has a husband, So I told him, this.
Speaker 1: Is wait, whoa, you're an asshole. You're an asshole? Whoever?
Speaker 2: This is thule ended because we caught our third cheating
Speaker 2: with his ex X has a husband, So I told him,
Speaker 2: told the oh told the.
Speaker 1: Exes husband, you're an asshole. That's your Okay, that's that's homophobic.
Speaker 1: That's homophobic.
Speaker 2: That's yeah, you're not for the cause.
Speaker 1: That'shobic. That's a little too far your business. Also, like,
Speaker 1: you're in kind of a polyamer a situation you're in.
Speaker 1: If you're calling someone your third, then you're tearing them down.
Speaker 2: You're in a higher ARCA.
Speaker 1: You didn't say one of the people did this, Y
Speaker 1: said our third, which means you're an asshole, which control free.
Speaker 1: I don't like you. I don't like your face, I
Speaker 1: don't like your aura, I don't like anything that self
Speaker 1: hating gay you a messy bit, and I invite you
Speaker 1: to fight me.
Speaker 2: Inviting someone to fight you is wowd meet.
Speaker 1: Me into Mecula, Meet me into Mecula, bitch.
Speaker 2: If I can say this, if you ever get an
Speaker 2: invitation to fight, don't take it like that person. I'll
Speaker 2: kill you exactly, exactly exactly. If somebody says I invite
Speaker 2: you to fight, run.
Speaker 1: Run a man. If a gay man from Texas invites
Speaker 1: you to meet him into Mechula on a podcast.
Speaker 2: He baby, he's gonna fight you, fight you, well, I
Speaker 2: would say I'm angree with which is I I hate
Speaker 2: that the third well, let's call him the the person
Speaker 2: that rounds out your throatle. I hate that they cheated
Speaker 2: on you, But I also don't think that telling the
Speaker 2: ex's husband is so hurtful.
Speaker 1: It just felt like, let's mess up everybody. Yeah, let's
Speaker 1: mess up everybody ship, Like why why didn't you confront
Speaker 1: the third person?
Speaker 2: The third person? And also like, I don't know if.
Speaker 1: You're sleeping with your ex or confront the x and
Speaker 1: maybe he went to his ex because you treat him
Speaker 1: like a fucking third.
Speaker 2: So so blakely'st meet you into Maculam. I love that
Speaker 2: Blakely is gonna tell you the crimes on the vodcast.
Speaker 2: We're gonna turn this legend allegedly allegedly, and then we'll
Speaker 2: do a follow up episode when we turn this pod
Speaker 2: into a crime pot.
Speaker 1: Also, I would like shooting Gatwa to play me in
Speaker 1: the Menaz Brother's remake of it.
Speaker 2: How dare you? Ryan? Are you listening?
Speaker 1: It needs to be highly homorized.
Speaker 2: Please just shooting if there's not anything happening. I don't
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna fight.
Speaker 1: This person in a speedo, but when Ryan films it,
Speaker 1: I would like shooting in those thighs. Yes, and oh,
Speaker 1: I don't know why I would have a speed that
Speaker 1: makes no sense.
Speaker 2: Not those boxer breaks. Never need to Ryan Murphy shows anyways.
Speaker 2: This one said, oh, and this one will be we
Speaker 2: can have a real key key This says. I want
Speaker 2: to connect more in gay spaces, but find it hard
Speaker 2: because I tend to talk about things that maybe are
Speaker 2: too deep, and everyone seems to just want to talk
Speaker 2: about partying or working out. It sounds cliche, but it's
Speaker 2: been my experience. We're supposed to be such a liberated community.
Speaker 2: Why do so many gay men not like to talk
Speaker 2: about their feelings, especially around relationships and sex like a
Speaker 2: like a light.
Speaker 1: I love this person that had some they had some
Speaker 1: subject verb agreement. Come on, you know, there were people,
Speaker 1: places and things. I really set to see that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, respond vulnerable.
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting. I actually find myself confronting this
Speaker 1: a lot too. I think it's the fact that being
Speaker 1: queer in and of itself is an identity for better
Speaker 1: or for worse, that is rooted in risk or rejection
Speaker 1: from family, from friends, for identity. So I feel like
Speaker 1: we all it's almost cellularly encoded in us to avoid
Speaker 1: that in our adult lives or avoid that feeling which
Speaker 1: is very which is very similar. So I feel like
Speaker 1: we talk about partying or fun or sex, but when
Speaker 1: it comes to like deepness and emotions and identity, we
Speaker 1: have to like announce ourselves to the public, which is
Speaker 1: still a thing. So it's like it's that's that's something
Speaker 1: we don't we have to we risk that exposure just
Speaker 1: to be ourselves. And I think once we get over
Speaker 1: that hump, we don't want to then go deep and
Speaker 1: examine the why of it all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I feel like when you're so when I
Speaker 2: think about, you know, gay spaces and you know, listen,
Speaker 2: my experience with gay spaces is very much limited to
Speaker 2: Los Angeles and New York, which I will one hundred
Speaker 2: percent say is very different than my experiences when I've
Speaker 2: gone to even like a San Francisco or or something
Speaker 2: yeah or yes, or to Madrid. But my experience there particularly,
Speaker 2: I'll say in LA is that I feel like a
Speaker 2: bunch of gays left their towns, descended upon a big city.
Speaker 2: They left those towns, many of us, probably because you
Speaker 2: experienced rejection or bullying or oppression of some kind. And
Speaker 2: now you're in this free space, but you don't know
Speaker 2: how to claim reclaim your power. And so your power
Speaker 2: actually comes from posturing, exactly, from holding and from not
Speaker 2: being vulnerable, and that or that's how you feel your
Speaker 2: power comes from, yes, And so then it becomes hard
Speaker 2: to connect with people on deeper subjects outside of you know,
Speaker 2: how many salads you eat a day, because the healing
Speaker 2: has therapy has exactly, the healing hasn't happened.
Speaker 1: People don't want to examine the why. Yeah, I'm a
Speaker 1: very curious person. I always say like, I'm the boy
Speaker 1: that like never gets invited to like the orgy or
Speaker 1: the group sex, and like what are we doing? Are
Speaker 1: we all having sex right now? Like I'm down for it?
Speaker 1: I need to like know what's going on? Yes. And
Speaker 1: I often think because I came out like kind of
Speaker 1: late and I played college football, that I read nonverbal
Speaker 1: cruising as violence. When you were like look at me,
Speaker 1: I'm like, what the fuck do you want?
Speaker 2: Then it could be like absolutely could be like it could.
Speaker 1: So I never gained that skill because I didn't have
Speaker 1: it in my late teens early twenties. I was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: you want to fight? Yes, But yeah, I just think
Speaker 1: it's about like nobody wants to examine the why because
Speaker 1: I don't think we want to experience any further judgment.
Speaker 1: I think I'm all. I think being open and queer.
Speaker 1: It's about like constant communication. I think you're so good
Speaker 1: at it, Like Messy, there's actually a deeper feeling and
Speaker 1: meaning to Messy Mondays, which is living authentically you and
Speaker 1: knowing why you are here. We are without shame, And
Speaker 1: I think that's kind of like your brand, even though
Speaker 1: it's funny and it's pithy. But I think, you know,
Speaker 1: if somebody says like, oh, I like I took no
Speaker 1: ten dicks at the Eagle, I'm like, why was that fun?
Speaker 1: And people they implied judgment on that, but I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I just want to know why, like, and I don't
Speaker 1: think that person has I think often when people reject that,
Speaker 1: it's because they haven't examined it. Yes, and I think
Speaker 1: that there's often that there's a there's an excitement shame
Speaker 1: spial with our behavior. Instagram has created body dysmorphia.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: You know it's like there's always someone better, there's always
Speaker 1: someone more interesting. I've been to these pool parties where
Speaker 1: it's all these bros that are on cycles or like
Speaker 1: you see these kids way to party and people like
Speaker 1: go in the back to like do kedemineum, like we
Speaker 1: know you're doing drugs. We're adults, just do drugs and bumbody.
Speaker 1: I know. It's just a weird thing of like hiding
Speaker 1: the behavior that we know you're doing. If there's a
Speaker 1: cognitive dissonance there where I was like, there's one kids
Speaker 1: like you want some rooms? I was like, no, thank you,
Speaker 1: But I like you for just coming up and asking
Speaker 1: a normal human being.
Speaker 2: Which actually in some ways creates more trust because I
Speaker 2: know what's happening here exactly, I can trust. But the
Speaker 2: hiding is because there's not a trust, which, if you
Speaker 2: really think about it, is kind of built into our
Speaker 2: our queer DNA. We've had to have a hyper awareness
Speaker 2: and couldn't always trust our surroundings, and so that kind
Speaker 2: of continues even.
Speaker 1: In our Even in queer spaces, you skip the steps.
Speaker 1: It's like you go to a party and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's an orgy going on upstairs. No one said anything, Yeah,
Speaker 1: no one's no one's telling you they're going and coming back, right,
Speaker 1: it's just happening, yes. And I think it's because it's
Speaker 1: like there's the open, there's the public self, and then
Speaker 1: there's like the desire which we kind of there's an
Speaker 1: internal shame that nobody is speaking about where somebody I
Speaker 1: wish there were people woul being like the Orges at
Speaker 1: two thirty, there's where you can shout yes, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: oh that's the vibe. I'm like cool, the drugs are
Speaker 1: in this room. The in this room, yes, Like people
Speaker 1: have written on their cup like what they like. You
Speaker 1: can go and talk to them, or you can just
Speaker 1: come and drink and smoke weed and like listen to music. Yes,
Speaker 1: like there are levels of the party.
Speaker 2: Those are the best parties to me where which are
Speaker 2: very rare, but when they when they've been curated, where
Speaker 2: it's like here's sweed and here's the drinks and your
Speaker 2: cup color means there's your level. Choose your level, choose
Speaker 2: your ya baby right, Yes, yes.
Speaker 1: I'm like because sometimes I'm like I come in and
Speaker 1: I went to a party again Memorial Day and they
Speaker 1: were like, oh, we had a human centipede last night,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I thought this cent people was
Speaker 1: like a place. I was like, oh a bar, Oh
Speaker 1: it's a bar. I'm like, oh no, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm like, that's not for me. But I
Speaker 1: love that you guys did that. Yes, I love that
Speaker 1: you were interested in it because for me, like, that's
Speaker 1: just logistics getting on my knees ten people in a circle.
Speaker 2: That sounds like a lot of work.
Speaker 1: Did somebody today who did? I don't want to be
Speaker 1: behind that, Like, those are the questions I would have,
Speaker 1: which is why I'm never going to end up there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, who ate who didn't? Who didn't? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Who do I trust in this? Exactly?
Speaker 1: The bottle of butts?
Speaker 2: That's t But I think what you brought up, you know,
Speaker 2: like if you do have the the you know, the
Speaker 2: the gang bang or the train or the human centipede,
Speaker 2: do you know why? And it's not that you always
Speaker 2: have to interrogate, but I think it's people some people
Speaker 2: never And it's not that it's bad right now, it's fabulous,
Speaker 2: But are you doing it for your pleasure or you
Speaker 2: doing it to numb out?
Speaker 1: Exactly?
Speaker 2: Are you doing it for your pleasure because you want
Speaker 2: to or because you think it's how you're supposed to be.
Speaker 2: Something I come up against with gay men specifically, is
Speaker 2: people expressing that they feel like they have to be
Speaker 2: this kind of gang yes, which is a gay that
Speaker 2: is just truly promiscuous and something that moves, and they
Speaker 2: feel weird about needing a little more emotional connection exactly.
Speaker 2: And it's like, no, like both of those things are correct,
Speaker 2: you just kind of have to know why, you're Like, I've.
Speaker 1: Dealt with that and like kind of like I love
Speaker 1: the rejection of heteronormativity, but I also think it comes
Speaker 1: to it can metastasize into people just doing whatever the
Speaker 1: fuck they want and being kind of selfish. Yes, because
Speaker 1: I feel like, okay, cool, if you can be we
Speaker 1: can be ethically no monogamous. But if I want to
Speaker 1: know for my safety and you don't want to tell me, okay,
Speaker 1: that's that. Let's discuss why.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 1: And people are like, no, you're judging me. No, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like, I want to know, just because again,
Speaker 1: I'm a scorpio, I'm a fucking water side, Like I
Speaker 1: don't want to get embarrassed. And we're going out in
Speaker 1: public and you're having sex somebody I don't you're having
Speaker 1: sex with.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm curious, And I also I know that I
Speaker 2: know how.
Speaker 1: To interact with that person. I'm not going to go
Speaker 1: punch them. But I'm like, I'm aware, so I'm not
Speaker 1: blindsided by something. And I think people want to do
Speaker 1: the thing without saying anything. They want to fulfill whatever
Speaker 1: need they have impulsively with themselves, without explaining themselves or
Speaker 1: without any kind of like care for the other person,
Speaker 1: especially when your relationships. I was dating somebody and I
Speaker 1: was like, we're not we're not together. But I had
Speaker 1: moved from LA to New York and I or New
Speaker 1: York to LA, and I didn't have my prep and
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, well for the for the time being,
Speaker 1: could you like use a condom when you have these
Speaker 1: other people? And they're like no, And I was like okay.
Speaker 1: But I was like okay. I literally just said, just
Speaker 1: like okay, that hurts my feelings. But I get it,
Speaker 1: like because I'm like, we're not together. But I was like,
Speaker 1: why are you mad? Like I don't like what you're
Speaker 1: saying is the opportunity, the opportunity to have sex unprotected
Speaker 1: with other people is more important to you than the relationships.
Speaker 1: The relationship, Like no, it's what I was saying, Like, no,
Speaker 1: that's literally what you're saying, and that is okay, sure,
Speaker 1: And I think I think that's the thing too, is
Speaker 1: we're all invested in the idea of ourselves being good people.
Speaker 1: You can do something that hurts someone's feelings and still
Speaker 1: be okay, but you have to recognize that what you
Speaker 1: want might hurt someone's feelings.
Speaker 2: I think that's so interesting. Interesting Is that the right word?
Speaker 2: But there's a lot of juice there because I'm so
Speaker 2: curious about kind of like the shadow of self, because
Speaker 2: you know, I do want to be a good person
Speaker 2: and my highest self. I'm always evolved, I never fight,
Speaker 2: you know, but I'm also human. Yeah, we're also human,
Speaker 2: and so that is kind of the hard part is
Speaker 2: knowing that you might make a mistake or you might
Speaker 2: do something that hurts somebody, and so how do you
Speaker 2: hold yourself accountable? How do you show up as opposed
Speaker 2: to walling off or running away or gas lighting or
Speaker 2: making other person wrong. Being able to understand, oh, I
Speaker 2: have a misstep here, or like I made a mistake
Speaker 2: or I did something that hurts somebody's feelings. I can
Speaker 2: say I'm I say this to my boyfriend all the time,
Speaker 2: Like I'm not afraid of saying I'm sorry. Yeah, like
Speaker 2: I used to be, and like now it's like it
Speaker 2: comes for free, Like I'm okay with also obviously the
Speaker 2: change behavior. Yeah, but I think it's like reckoning with
Speaker 2: your shadow side. That's like, oh, I will make mistakes
Speaker 2: and I will do something that might disappoint you or
Speaker 2: hurt you. In fact, that is a relationship.
Speaker 1: Adding people avoid that feeling so much that it creates
Speaker 1: more toxic behavior. They want to avoid the fact that
Speaker 1: they hurt you so much, and they will gaslight, deny
Speaker 1: the reality, reframe it into something that is completely different,
Speaker 1: and like, I did this that hurts your feelings. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: It's very very simple. We learn it when we're in kindergarten.
Speaker 1: But like the ability of adult men and adult gay men,
Speaker 1: especially in major cities to do it seems to be
Speaker 1: somewhat regressing.
Speaker 2: Well, you know what's I think interesting about that or
Speaker 2: why that's connected to is is gay men are not
Speaker 2: exempt from being men, right, And I think that sometimes
Speaker 2: and like I'll talk about I think white men especially
Speaker 2: suffer from this where it's like, because you're gay, you
Speaker 2: think that you haven't been socialized as a man, and
Speaker 2: a lot of men socialized do not have a connection
Speaker 2: to their emotions exactly, Like we're just not exactly societally
Speaker 2: raised to connect with your emotions. But you think, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna say you lot, but we think that if we're
Speaker 2: gay or queer, suddenly we're evolved. Yeah, and it's like, no,
Speaker 2: not quite. You still have a lot of that male
Speaker 2: socialization that hasn't been interrupted, and so you you're just
Speaker 2: showing up toxically. It's like the emotional top.
Speaker 1: It's like the emotional version of like everybody always saying
Speaker 1: gays are stylish when they just like they really justs
Speaker 1: wear tighter clothes. Yes, like if you've been to high
Speaker 1: Tops on a Sunday, we're not the most.
Speaker 2: Stylist baby world. If you look around everyone's and of
Speaker 2: the guilty of this. It's a crop top and a
Speaker 2: white sneaker.
Speaker 1: Exactly, And you know it's not like we have a uniform,
Speaker 1: but it's not necessarily chic. Yes, yes, but going back
Speaker 1: to emotions, I completely agree you've been socialized as a man,
Speaker 1: and I think I would say even more so. White
Speaker 1: gay men are not aware of their privilege in terms
Speaker 1: of like, oh, no, you've lived life with the of
Speaker 1: a cis white man. But for this one thing, yes,
Speaker 1: and that comes with a lot of that comes with
Speaker 1: you not having to interrogate yourself on the level that
Speaker 1: somebody who is a minority does, or alone somebody who
Speaker 1: is trans does level one, somebody who is a combination
Speaker 1: of those, yes.
Speaker 2: Or even like yeah, you're you know, even I think
Speaker 2: a femme white boy might experience a little wake up.
Speaker 2: But that but that femininity. Piece of it too, is
Speaker 2: that these.
Speaker 1: Like you know, Chicago KPMG bankers who are one eighties
Speaker 1: and five eleven with dirty blonde hair, think they're like
Speaker 1: evolved because they suck a dick. It's not this not
Speaker 1: the case, Brian.
Speaker 2: And I hear Brian, we need to say that out loud.
Speaker 2: I think I think it's what's interesting is we uh
Speaker 2: is hiding is avoiding. That is avoiding saying that, avoiding
Speaker 2: looking directly at that and saying, oh, you have work here,
Speaker 2: your shadows side, you have work here to do as well.
Speaker 1: It's a It's interesting also in these career spaces, and
Speaker 1: I always say, like I think I've talked to you
Speaker 1: maybe like Vincent about it. Like when we go to
Speaker 1: a party and like the only black people there are
Speaker 1: like mildly famous. That's a red flag for me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a fucking red flag for me. I go somewhere
Speaker 1: and it's only like you, Vincent, a little nase and
Speaker 1: you're just.
Speaker 2: Like, we gotta run, absolutely get out. Absolutely. I I
Speaker 2: one hundred percent agree because it's like, oh, one, why
Speaker 2: am I the minority in this space? That's not really
Speaker 2: quite making sense, And just gently interrogating like what are
Speaker 2: these spaces and where am I showing up? And why
Speaker 2: am I showing up? And what why are we showing up?
Speaker 2: And what are the experiences the other black people in
Speaker 2: these spaces are having? And I'm curious when you and
Speaker 2: we may not be able to know, but like, if
Speaker 2: you see that house and there are three only three
Speaker 2: black guys, and you know twelve white guys, and the
Speaker 2: three black guys are especially beautiful, what do you think
Speaker 2: is happening in their head?
Speaker 1: I think I think one the black experience and the
Speaker 1: black gay experience is on a monolith, sure, depending on
Speaker 1: what the way you grew up, depending on the way
Speaker 1: you identify and your value system. I think there are
Speaker 1: certain black people that crave inn adjacency to whiteness and
Speaker 1: that and they think that validates them in some way.
Speaker 1: And you'll find that in the way they speak and
Speaker 1: the people they date, and the things they in, the things,
Speaker 1: the things they say about other black men, and they
Speaker 1: are willing to say in a white space because I'll say,
Speaker 1: I'll yell, i'll yeo, we got forty five minutes, I
Speaker 1: get to see another Negro where I'm leaving. I literally
Speaker 1: did this yeah. I was like, and they can't be famous. Yes,
Speaker 1: that does not count. And I'll say that and if
Speaker 1: you're like, also that to my white friends and they'll
Speaker 1: be like tea, Like I'm yeah, Like that's the test.
Speaker 1: Like if I say that shit to you and you're
Speaker 1: like like, then you don't really get it.
Speaker 2: Absolutely so.
Speaker 1: But I think with the like I was at a
Speaker 1: pool party and it was like maybe two of us
Speaker 1: and then literally fourty five minutes they were just came
Speaker 1: and I was like, we gotta go. That doesn't count.
Speaker 1: We leave it. We believe right now that we said
Speaker 1: not famous. Yes, But there was one other boy there
Speaker 1: and it was just giving, like he is giving, he
Speaker 1: was there for work. The way the man was talking
Speaker 1: to him was like like like it was a controlling
Speaker 1: of the body. I see that too, and I wonder
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, do you just want access to this
Speaker 1: space fiscally? Do you think you're going to gain something?
Speaker 1: And that also affects the way people talk to you,
Speaker 1: because I've had older white men talk to me like that,
Speaker 1: like I looked about your clothes. I'm like, well, I
Speaker 1: work in fashion. I can give them for fucking free.
Speaker 1: You're talking to you and I think it's coded in
Speaker 1: the way they approach the relationship. They're like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: older and white and you're younger and black, so I
Speaker 1: can talk to you as such, or they talk to
Speaker 1: you like you're an object.
Speaker 2: That's always I tend yes, well, especially and I'm going
Speaker 2: to market to their to the generational too. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: like the way that an older white man, old white
Speaker 2: men have spoken to me, it's always curious.
Speaker 1: And I blow it up immediately. I'm just like, I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not spoken to you like that. Do
Speaker 1: not call me boy contextual that, And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm also like, I'm very aware of being like hyper sexualized.
Speaker 1: If you're going to come at me like as an
Speaker 1: older Caucasian man, you to come at me mentally, you
Speaker 1: need to be like I remember things about my day,
Speaker 1: about my preferences, talk to me especially like a person.
Speaker 1: But I'm like if you're like, oh, but I'm like, nope,
Speaker 1: if everything's about the body, if everything's about giving you
Speaker 1: a nude and like, no, the.
Speaker 2: Moment I hear I love that black dick, I'm out. Oh,
Speaker 2: I'm out the moment somebody highlights my skin or I'm
Speaker 2: out blocked like, what are we talking about?
Speaker 1: I think what's so what is so confounding.
Speaker 2: Confounding or or tintillating about all of this is that
Speaker 2: one there's so much nuance, and what we don't talk
Speaker 2: about is there so much pain. So even to me
Speaker 2: for the two black guys that that always are at
Speaker 2: the party with the white boys or the white boys
Speaker 2: trying to be extra mask and particularly they don't watch
Speaker 2: Drag Race all of it, I'm like, there's so much pain. Yeah,
Speaker 2: there's so much desire to be normal, to fit in,
Speaker 2: and so much energy being spent on that, which is
Speaker 2: why there isn't the ability to go deep because there's
Speaker 2: so much time being spent on.
Speaker 1: But I think you hit it on the nail. People
Speaker 1: are avoiding pain. Yeah, they're avoiding like the thing they're
Speaker 1: avoiding talking about is the thing that makes them feel
Speaker 1: rejected or shameful in some sense, and that to substance
Speaker 1: is like it's really just the blanket state will be
Speaker 1: internalized homophobia. I don't want drag race, but I'm still
Speaker 1: I'm a bro. I'm gonna dude, I'm not that kind
Speaker 1: of gay.
Speaker 2: I'm not that gay.
Speaker 1: I'm not You don't do that like I'm just like
Speaker 1: a brother, like Dick, I'm like, what what what Max
Speaker 1: Mappien is?
Speaker 2: That was a straight man? Shut up?
Speaker 1: Like it's early people were like, oh, like I've had
Speaker 1: a man be like, oh you pat your nails? Could
Speaker 1: you not see that? In THEE It's different now, like
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it's the pink jail set today, but like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 2: I hate I also like I hate the mask for mask,
Speaker 2: which you know, listen, I hate when people say preferences,
Speaker 2: which I'll probably do an episode on what preferences are.
Speaker 2: But it's like when you say that to me, I'm going, oh,
Speaker 2: you're not actually curious, because where did your preferences come from?
Speaker 1: And also you're kind of about performance. Also, your sexuality
Speaker 1: is performative, which means your sex will be bad.
Speaker 2: It's not pleasure for me now, it's about it's about
Speaker 2: what this looks from mask.
Speaker 1: It's like, so you don't really you're never gonna truly
Speaker 1: be in your body during sex, as you're more concerned
Speaker 1: with maintaining heteronormative, misogynist version of what a man is,
Speaker 1: which has no place in a bedroom where we're both sucking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we're already being radical. Why are you saying like,
Speaker 2: you're already here.
Speaker 1: We've already dot, You're already here, baby, you already hear you,
Speaker 1: Dick is hard, You're already here. There, We're both here,
Speaker 1: you already you know. Yeah, Like I remember I had
Speaker 1: attitude once. It was like he didn't want me to
Speaker 1: like cross my legs when I sat and I was like,
Speaker 1: I've been inside you.
Speaker 2: What are we talking? Like? What are we talking? That
Speaker 2: policing of somebody else's mannerism, mannerisms of being feminine or masculine,
Speaker 2: is also something that I feel like you obviously something
Speaker 2: we learned from. Yeah, but but the fact that one
Speaker 2: would hope in an ideal world that you would come
Speaker 2: into queer spaces and be liberated of all of that,
Speaker 2: exam able to show up how you are, in whatever
Speaker 2: way you are. But instead there becomes more policing and
Speaker 2: more and with the social media just kind of adds
Speaker 2: to it.
Speaker 1: I think some almost like commodifies, and I say, and
Speaker 1: in the dark side of social media, it commodifies and flattens,
Speaker 1: where the thing that rises at the top isn't necessarily
Speaker 1: the most interesting and the most pleasurable. It's the thing
Speaker 1: that like causes a knee jerk reaction. The fast is like,
Speaker 1: you know, every dude having the same pose and the
Speaker 1: Charlie by MZ Speedo, which we've all done. I'm like
Speaker 1: he without saying, casts the first stone, but like, baby, it's.
Speaker 2: Why I like whenever I see somebody, First of all,
Speaker 2: if your nails are painted, or your toes are painted,
Speaker 2: or you're not afraid to have a little makeup on,
Speaker 2: or your look softly, I know you fuck. Like I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh you're you're okay in your body exactly, okay with us,
Speaker 2: so you fuck. It's when they're not even like the
Speaker 2: most I always hands down, the more muscular they are,
Speaker 2: the more of a bottom they are, like, the bigger whatever,
Speaker 2: and the more masculine they look, I'm like that that's
Speaker 2: the bottom. That's a they love dicking the ass. But
Speaker 2: like there's but there's which is no problem with that.
Speaker 2: It's just to me, the the presentation to try and
Speaker 2: pretend like.
Speaker 4: Well, because they have the most arched back at all,
Speaker 4: maybe protrude exactly, I'm like, that's not how like there's
Speaker 4: a good posture, and there's like and then there's the
Speaker 4: bottoms all the time, you know, yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 2: My I guess my last question. I lied. I have
Speaker 2: two more questions are the questions that we asked everybody here. One. Yes,
Speaker 2: have you ever had sex on a porter potty?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Would you?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Do you desire it at all?
Speaker 1: No? Waits time out. Okay, I was how's the porta potty?
Speaker 1: Is it like a Coachella luxury porter potty where there's
Speaker 1: a door, or this is like a blue porta potty?
Speaker 2: It could be either.
Speaker 1: Okay, a luxury Coachella one that's kind of like a
Speaker 1: comes on that trailer with the room. Yes, I need
Speaker 1: air conditioning. I needed to be a motor in the back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't be having sex in like a steamy ass
Speaker 1: like I can't. No, I don't know. I don't like
Speaker 1: I've never liked anyone that much.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: Maybe Jonathan Bailey, who's white. I'm sorry all that ship talking,
Speaker 1: all that ship talking, all that therapy, and the way
Speaker 1: that came up was a fucking colonizer. And I recognize,
Speaker 1: and I recognize that I was being trafficked. You got
Speaker 1: more healing to do, girl, It's okay, Wow, it's okay,
Speaker 1: Jonathan Bailey, it was hot. I saw wicked yesterday. Also
Speaker 1: that my god, how was it? It was?
Speaker 2: It was fucking great. I can't wait so good. I
Speaker 2: can't wait to see our girl. And the uh last
Speaker 2: question is what could you learn to love more about yourself?
Speaker 1: Oh? The fact that I'm actually really sensitive? I think
Speaker 1: that's not I think there's a classic scorpio trait. But
Speaker 1: like a lot of my bluster and my humor and
Speaker 1: hubris and persona is about not feeling everything. But that's
Speaker 1: really because I'm kind of at my core, like I
Speaker 1: take every slight very seriously and kind of worry that
Speaker 1: everybody hates me all the time. But I think it's
Speaker 1: just like being like, oh it's not bad to feel
Speaker 1: or be like that hurt my feelings. I like you this,
Speaker 1: Like just being honest with it has actually made me better.
Speaker 1: But it's that's a process I can fly back to,
Speaker 1: like fuck you die.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're a teddy bear, yes you know. I
Speaker 2: would imagine also being sensitive being black man also tall
Speaker 2: football player, like being allowed.
Speaker 1: To access thatself exactly, I think jour. I think being
Speaker 1: I think being allowed allowing myself to access it and
Speaker 1: also knowing when me accessing it in a healthy way.
Speaker 1: Is being rejected by somebody because they don't like it,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like when I'm being and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm expressing my feels, You're like, you're being
Speaker 1: solf to that bit, She's like, no, I'm just telling
Speaker 1: you how I felt. Yeah, you don't like to hear
Speaker 1: that from me, But they're the problem, you don't. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: And that's a constant conversation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I bet that's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2: You know, we're healing. We're healing, we're healing. Thank you
Speaker 2: for being surviv You know, we are hoes here, but
Speaker 2: hoes with heart. So let me speak to yours. I'm
Speaker 2: actually gonna start with the last thing that Blakely said,
Speaker 2: which is that he could learn to love more his sensitivity.
Speaker 2: And that is just something you know, I've talked about
Speaker 2: here on substack, on Instagram, anyone who will listen about
Speaker 2: softness and allowing ourselves the opportunity to be soft and
Speaker 2: allowing ourselves to understand the strength of that softness. But
Speaker 2: the key piece that I want to take away from
Speaker 2: Blakely is when you are soft, if it's not received,
Speaker 2: it doesn't mean that your softness is bad. Or that
Speaker 2: you were wrong for being soft, or you're wrong for
Speaker 2: being sensitive, or you were wrong for being vulnerable. It
Speaker 2: just means that that person wasn't able to hold it.
Speaker 2: And that's okay. You know, sometimes people can't hold us.
Speaker 2: But that's why we hold ourselves. And I don't mean
Speaker 2: that in a way of like do it all yourself.
Speaker 2: I mean that, like your community holds you, and you
Speaker 2: build a community around you to hold you, but you
Speaker 2: are also part of holding yourself. And so when you
Speaker 2: meet somebody who isn't able to meet you there with love,
Speaker 2: release them, you know, with love, you know they can.
Speaker 2: Maybe they're just for movie dates, you know, maybe they're
Speaker 2: just to talk about, you know, the surface level stuff
Speaker 2: and they're not there for the tender stuff. And that
Speaker 2: doesn't make them bad or you bad. But continue to
Speaker 2: honor and hold your softness and your sensitivity. Also, you know, men, gay, men,
Speaker 2: white gay In my Loves reflect, reflect, be not afraid
Speaker 2: to poke at what is painful. Life is hard. I
Speaker 2: know we want to avoid what's painful, but it actually
Speaker 2: just makes us more harmful if we aren't aware of
Speaker 2: the ways in which we are hurting. Hurt people, hurt people,
Speaker 2: If we can't even say that we're hurting or acknowledge
Speaker 2: the ways that we're hurting. Then we are inadvertently hurting
Speaker 2: other people consciously or not intentionally or not. But the
Speaker 2: impact is not good. So don't be afraid to reflect,
Speaker 2: don't be afraid to poke at the pain. And you know, finally,
Speaker 2: moisture wick boxer briefs are apparently all the rage, and
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to get my money up so I
Speaker 2: can afford to buy a pair, because I don't know
Speaker 2: where you find a moisture Like, what where do y'all
Speaker 2: find moisture wick boxer briefs? And aren't boxer briefs supposed
Speaker 2: to have loose anyways? I will find me a moisture
Speaker 2: wick because y'all know I love an underwear situation. I'm
Speaker 2: sure you've see me on my Instagram. I like to
Speaker 2: I like to wear my underwears. But I'm gonna find
Speaker 2: me a moisture wick boxer brief and I'm gonna report back,
Speaker 2: and if I don't like it, we're gonna trash Blakely. Yeah,
Speaker 2: have likely you hear this. I'm gonna come fight you.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna come fight you, Okay, I'm gonna invite you
Speaker 2: to fight me. Blakely, all right, I love y'all so much.
Speaker 2: All Right, I gotta get out of here. But you
Speaker 2: can find Blakely on Instagram at Blakelee Thornton t h
Speaker 2: O r N t O N. You can find me
Speaker 2: on Instagram as well at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can
Speaker 2: find our podcast at tell Me Something Messy, and you
Speaker 2: can join our community on the Messy Monday's substack. When
Speaker 2: you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts, recommendations on sex and
Speaker 2: self and so much more. Also, I want to hear
Speaker 2: from you, so send your topic ideas, your messy stories,
Speaker 2: your submissions, your game ideas to tell Me Something Messy
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com. You can also call us at
Speaker 2: six six nine sixty nine Messy. That is six six
Speaker 2: nine six nine six three seven seven nine. Rate review
Speaker 2: and share this podcast with all your hoe and aspiring
Speaker 2: HOE friends. Really really helps the show out, all right?
Speaker 2: Until next time, ask about the politics of that dick
Speaker 2: before you make it spit, make sure they eat the
Speaker 2: kitty buffo day meet the before fuckcation or sucation communication.
Speaker 2: And in case you haven't heard it yet, today you
Speaker 2: are so deeply loved, I Love you, Hie. Thank you
Speaker 2: so much for listening to Tell Me Something Messy. If
Speaker 2: you all enjoyed the show, send me episode to someone
Speaker 2: else who might like it. Tell Me Something Messy was
Speaker 2: executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins, and Yours Truly.
Speaker 2: Our producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny. For more podcasts
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