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Speaker 1: Dearest John, it's a bit a fortnight since I felt

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Speaker 1: your warm embrace.

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Speaker 2: Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytell podcast. Yes, and I have a message for you,

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Speaker 2: a delicious story that I think you'll love.

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Speaker 1: Sincerely Sam.

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Speaker 3: But before that, thine divine two minute outbreak must happen.

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Speaker 3: I bid thee farewell. See you in two minutes.

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Speaker 4: My mother in law paid for our vacation. Now she

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Speaker 4: wants a refund.

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Speaker 5: I have an itemized receipt here of everything that you

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Speaker 5: owe me.

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Speaker 4: Okay, so please tell me if I'm crazy or not.

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Speaker 4: It's our daughter's birthday next week and normally we go

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Speaker 4: to Disney or Universal, but we just couldn't swing this year.

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Speaker 4: Even if we didn't go to the parks, it just

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Speaker 4: wasn't feasible. Resort prices have gone way up. By the way,

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Speaker 4: this comes from Remarkable Sweet thirty twenty three, and if

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Speaker 4: you want to submit your own stories, go to our slash.

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Speaker 4: Okay Storytime suppured it. So we explained this and she understood,

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Speaker 4: but then she started worrying and didn't want us to

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Speaker 4: spend too much money on her birthday. It just broke

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Speaker 4: my heart, and we tried to tell her not to

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Speaker 4: worry about it. My mother in law has asked why

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Speaker 4: she was so upset, so I explained. We had gone

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Speaker 4: last year and stayed at a beautiful family resort with

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Speaker 4: tons of activities, but mother in law and father in

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Speaker 4: law weren't able to go with us. So mother in

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Speaker 4: law suddenly wanted us all to go since they didn't

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Speaker 4: get to go last year. She wanted us to go

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Speaker 4: to the parks too, but we turned that down because

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Speaker 4: it's just too much for our youngest. Right now, she's

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Speaker 4: very easily overwhelmed and overstimulated, and it's been worse recently.

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Speaker 4: But we really wanted them to go with us to

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Speaker 4: the family resort, and she made it seem like she

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Speaker 4: wanted to take us all as in pay for it,

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Speaker 4: since we obviously couldn't afford it. Then things got weird.

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Speaker 5: So wait, but she made it seem like so did

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Speaker 5: she ever say that or was she just very insistent

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Speaker 5: that y'all go, because I haven't seen her really say

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Speaker 5: that she'll pay for anything anywhere.

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Speaker 4: Then things got weird. They didn't want to get a

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Speaker 4: second room. They only have two bedroom villas available, and

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Speaker 4: the pullout couches are gross We tried to use it

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Speaker 4: last year and I fell into a dip in the bed.

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Speaker 4: I couldn't get up without help, and it was covered

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Speaker 4: in crumbs and dirt. We told them we weren't comfortable

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Speaker 4: sharing a two bedroom with six people. We would have

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Speaker 4: either been sharing the small second bedroom with the queen

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Speaker 4: and a pull out with me, my husband, and our

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Speaker 4: two kids while they took the huge master bedroom, or

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Speaker 4: the kids would have to sleep on the couch in

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Speaker 4: the living room. They're still very afraid of the dark,

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Speaker 4: and more so in strange places, and our oldest has

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Speaker 4: major anxiety. So we got the second room after some debate,

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Speaker 4: but they were still being odd and making odd comments,

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Speaker 4: things like asking what they were going to do there

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Speaker 4: since we aren't going to the parks, which we thought

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Speaker 4: was odd, and our answer was relax with your family

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Speaker 4: and your grandkids. The response we relax all the time.

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Speaker 4: Then out of nowhere, mother in law asked my husband

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Speaker 4: if he thought the girls would be upset if they

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Speaker 4: didn't go. Q major confusion. My husband questioned them about

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Speaker 4: why they didn't want to go, and they kept giving

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Speaker 4: non answers, so he told them, if they don't want

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Speaker 4: to go, they have to be the ones to tell

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Speaker 4: the kids. They didn't say anything except that they didn't

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Speaker 4: think the kids would care. My husband got them to

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Speaker 4: understand that the kids would, in fact care if they

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Speaker 4: ditched us. In between this happening was my mother in

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Speaker 4: law's birthday, but they went and spent all day at

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Speaker 4: the casino. They stopped by around nine pm, right when

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Speaker 4: our oldest and I were getting back from her sports practice.

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Speaker 4: The girls had made cards and my husband got flowers,

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Speaker 4: but I feel like she was disappointed and expected more.

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Speaker 4: So I told her we would take them out to

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Speaker 4: dinner in Orlando to celebrate her birthday. This was before

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Speaker 4: I knew they wanted to back out of going. Now

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Speaker 4: they said they would go as to not upset the kids.

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Speaker 4: That I feel like they really don't want to go. Well,

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Speaker 4: they already told you they don't want to go. Now

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Speaker 4: I feel like they don't really want to go, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: they said that, they've been like, we don't want to.

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Speaker 4: My husband and I feel like it's because there's no

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Speaker 4: casino for them to go to. But on top of that,

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Speaker 4: mother in law just told my husband this morning that

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Speaker 4: we would have to pay them back for the hotel room.

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Speaker 3: What the heck yeah.

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Speaker 5: So again, I didn't hear them ever say anything about

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Speaker 5: paying for the hotel room.

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Speaker 4: I think if it was just kind of like maybe

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Speaker 4: they were gonna pay it, you should have been like, hey,

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Speaker 4: are you guys paying because we can't afford this.

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Speaker 3: Let us know, we've all been in a situation like that.

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Speaker 5: But you know what that situation demands clarity but also yeah, clarity.

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Speaker 3: Communication.

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Speaker 4: Clarity and communication they both work. Am I wrong for

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Speaker 4: being pissed about that? We wouldn't have booked it and

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Speaker 4: told the kids had she not offered in the first place.

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Speaker 4: And now I'm wondering if we would have gotten stuck

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Speaker 4: paying her back for the part tickets, as well as

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Speaker 4: if we had given in to her wanting to do that.

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Speaker 5: So she did offer, because I remember very specifically the

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Speaker 5: language in the beginning of the story was like that.

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Speaker 5: It was implied they were offered. Yeah, by being insistent

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Speaker 5: that they go after.

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Speaker 4: We got our taxes back, we'll be fine. But that's

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Speaker 4: not the point. We had made a point not to

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Speaker 4: spend the extra money right now, which I thought was

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Speaker 4: why she offered. I would have said no otherwise, So

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Speaker 4: I told my husband I don't want to go anywhere

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Speaker 4: with them at this point, and if the kids didn't

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Speaker 4: already know, I'd cancel the whole thing. Now he's mad

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Speaker 4: at me, saying I'm wrong and only want them to

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Speaker 4: go for their money, But that's pretty much the point

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Speaker 4: I'm making. We wouldn't be going at all if it

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Speaker 4: weren't for my mother in law, and I explained to

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Speaker 4: her that we could not afford it right now. So

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Speaker 4: to get everyone excited about going after thinking we wouldn't

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Speaker 4: be able to, then trying to back out of going

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Speaker 4: less than a week before the trip and telling us

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Speaker 4: we have to pay for our own hotel room is

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Speaker 4: just really messed up to do and forcing us to

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Speaker 4: go spend one thousand dollars a hotel and food, et

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Speaker 4: cetera that we didn't want to spend so that we

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Speaker 4: don't let our kids down, because there's no way at

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Speaker 4: this point that I'm going to tell them we can't.

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Speaker 4: This is not a money issue for them. They're just

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Speaker 4: fine in that department and spend their money frivolously all

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Speaker 4: the time, but then get weird about money for other things.

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Speaker 5: Right because they go, well, this is ours, We hoarded

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Speaker 5: this money for ourselves, not for you and your children.

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Speaker 4: We're also trying to save money to go see my

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Speaker 4: dad this summer out of state, who was just diagnosed

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Speaker 4: with lung and bring on top of his COPD. I'm

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Speaker 4: just so angry with them right now and really don't

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Speaker 4: want to go on vacation with them, But now we

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Speaker 4: can't let down our daughters.

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Speaker 3: Whoever's got brain cancer and COPD.

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Speaker 5: You should definitely take a trip with them because you're

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Speaker 5: not gonna be able to take a lot.

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Speaker 4: I think that you just have to do talk to

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Speaker 4: your husband and say like, hey, you know, like I'm

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Speaker 4: not saying that I want to use your parents for

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Speaker 4: their money. I just was under the idea that they

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Speaker 4: were paying for this, and we've already talked about this

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Speaker 4: and we can't afford it, you know, like we've already

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Speaker 4: discussed this.

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Speaker 5: They tactically put you in this position if you guys

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Speaker 5: really can't afford it right now, like you said, you'll

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Speaker 5: be fine after tax.

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Speaker 4: Take like the kids. I mean, you could always take

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Speaker 4: the kids somewhere else, do something and it's like fun,

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Speaker 4: that's cheaper.

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Speaker 5: I would just eat it, dude, I would eat it,

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Speaker 5: just go enjoy it. Yeah, it's over budget. As long

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Speaker 5: as you're not putting yourself in like actual harms way financially.

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Speaker 5: There's a difference between like I can't afford this right

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Speaker 5: now and like this will ruin our lives if we

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Speaker 5: do this, like please do not do that.

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Speaker 4: In which case like never, yeah, but it's like.

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Speaker 5: Let go and enjoy the heck out of that place

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Speaker 5: with your kids.

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Speaker 4: I think that's a conversation that you have with your

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Speaker 4: partner and say, hey, like, now that we know that

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Speaker 4: we're paying for this and your parents are not paying

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Speaker 4: for this, are we okay with losing this money?

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Speaker 3: You know is sure?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, you should be on the same page about that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah.

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Speaker 3: But then moving forward, do not don't rely.

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Speaker 4: On parents regardless of what they say exactly, just be like,

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Speaker 4: oh okay, nay, cause to pay the rug pull Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Would I be the a hole if I told her

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Speaker 4: how upset I am and that I feel like she

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Speaker 4: tricked us into going or would that cause even more attention.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to ruin our kid's birthday because I'm

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Speaker 4: feuding with my mother in law. But I don't know

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Speaker 4: if I can be the bigger person when all I

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Speaker 4: want to do is be pett. Last thing I want

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Speaker 4: to do is take my mother in law out for

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Speaker 4: her birthday. The only thing I can say in her

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Speaker 4: defense is that she also had cancer last year and

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Speaker 4: went through chemo. She's no cancer free, but we think

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Speaker 4: it caused some behavior changes. But part of me wants

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Speaker 4: to give her some grace, but the other part says,

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Speaker 4: that's not I gotta knough excuse And there is an update.

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna dip into the Bible of Okay storytime real quick.

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Speaker 5: Clear communication early would have solved this conundrum.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just say okay, or be on the same

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Speaker 4: page about you paying.

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Speaker 5: At the very least, it would have made any sort

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Speaker 5: of who's in the wrong questions unambiguous. It would be

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Speaker 5: like the people who explicitly told you they'd be paying

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Speaker 5: for all of this and can obviously afford it, are

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Speaker 5: now one hundred percent in the wrong.

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Speaker 4: And also, I think I don't know if you should

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Speaker 4: necessarily be like, yeah, pal, you lied to me, blah

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Speaker 4: blah blah. I think you could potentially go to your

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Speaker 4: mother in law and say, hey, like, I think there

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Speaker 4: was a little bit of a miscommunication. I had originally

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Speaker 4: thought that you guys were offering to pay and sorry

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Speaker 4: if that's not what you meant.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and you could just say exactly why yeah, and

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Speaker 5: just say it does feel.

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Speaker 3: That way, but there's an update.

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Speaker 4: Yes, it was a misunderstanding and lack of communication, but

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Speaker 4: it's always a lack of communication with my mother in

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Speaker 4: law and my husband, and I said this to him

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Speaker 4: multiple times. This isn't the first time she has failed

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Speaker 4: to communicate properly and caused problems, or my husband has

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Speaker 4: failed to communicate properly with me and cause problems, And

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Speaker 4: then I look like an ungrateful ahole.

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Speaker 3: Where's your communication, Opie? What what are we talking about?

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Speaker 3: You also didn't communicate well right tow street.

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Speaker 4: She has a problem with not being able to just

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Speaker 4: say no or tell people the truth, and then beats

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Speaker 4: around the bush making everyone else try to figure out

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Speaker 4: what she means, which I don't do well with. I

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Speaker 4: also find it very selfish that they're so worried about

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Speaker 4: what they're going to do on a trip that's supposed

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Speaker 4: to be about their granddaughter's birthday and family time. We

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Speaker 4: don't mind if they go do their own thing, but

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Speaker 4: do not want to go at all because they can't

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Speaker 4: go to the casino. That's an assumption, not what they said,

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Speaker 4: though we both should have clarified. But there has also

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Speaker 4: been a lot of tension between us for months. No,

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Speaker 4: this is not the first time something like this has happened,

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Speaker 4: and our kids know that we usually are very honest

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Speaker 4: with them in kin friendly ways about what's going on.

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Speaker 4: My mother in law said Slash did something during Christmas

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Speaker 4: that really pissed me off that I don't want to

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Speaker 4: get into, and she knows I was very upset with her,

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Speaker 4: and my husband did back me up on it, but

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Speaker 4: he's always in the middle trying to mediate either way.

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Speaker 4: Even if I did assume with good reason, because they

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Speaker 4: offer to pay for hotel rooms a lot for us,

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Speaker 4: which my husband usually turns down because he doesn't want

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Speaker 4: things held over his head, I don't think it was right.

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Speaker 4: I'm not sure if my husband was the one to

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Speaker 4: convince her to go, I wouldn't be surprised, But from

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Speaker 4: my perspective, she's the one that said we should go

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Speaker 4: after I explained we didn't want to spend the money

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Speaker 4: on a hotel room. Hence my assumption that she wanted

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Speaker 4: to pay. If a friend came to me and said

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Speaker 4: how they can't go on a trip because they can't

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Speaker 4: afford it right now. I wouldn't go and start talking

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Speaker 4: about how we should go and said trip and make

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Speaker 4: it seem like I would pay because I know they

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Speaker 4: can't afford it right now, then turn around and try

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Speaker 4: to back out of going and tell them they now

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Speaker 4: have to pay for everything. That just doesn't seem right

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Speaker 4: to me. To clarify the two room situation, we always

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Speaker 4: get two rooms unless we're sharing a large, multi level house.

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Speaker 4: Sharing a hotel room with family might work for most

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Speaker 4: of you, but not our family. No one likes living

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Speaker 4: with my father in law. My father in law is

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Speaker 4: easily irritated and constantly picks on my husband, and my

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Speaker 4: husband has really bad anxiety and can be very defensive.

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Speaker 4: This is supposed to be a relaxing trip, and it

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Speaker 4: would not be if we shared a room. Our youngest

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Speaker 4: is autistic and so am I and my oldest and

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Speaker 4: her dad are adhd really quickly.

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Speaker 5: I have to say, I'm guessing that this resort is

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Speaker 5: maybe of the Didney variety.

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Speaker 4: I know I think that was. Yeah, we are not

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Speaker 4: an easy bunch to share a room with, and we

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Speaker 4: like to have our own space, so we don't feel

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Speaker 4: like we have to walk on eggshells. My in laws

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Speaker 4: know this. We haven't shared a room in a long time,

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Speaker 4: and I'm really not sure why my mother in law

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Speaker 4: thought it would be a good idea. My husband and

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Speaker 4: father in law is sharing a space for prolonged periods,

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Speaker 4: but ruin the trip for everyone, and I won't be

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Speaker 4: surprised if there's at least one to three disagreements between

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Speaker 4: them during the trip. I decided to cancel the two

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Speaker 4: rooms that I booked together. I booked them, not my

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Speaker 4: mother in law, and I rebooked just one for us

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Speaker 4: and told them if they want to go, they could

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Speaker 4: book their own room. Although I really wish they wouldn't

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Speaker 4: come at this point, I don't want them to break

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Speaker 4: my youngest daughter's hearts. She is very emotional and sensitive

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Speaker 4: and doesn't deserve disappointment. But to those who think I

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Speaker 4: give into everything, I definitely don't. My in law spoil

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Speaker 4: my kids more than I do, and sometimes I have

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Speaker 4: to tell my in laws now my daughter would never

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Speaker 4: trust us again if we canceled completely after us telling

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Speaker 4: her we couldn't go, than telling her we are going

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Speaker 4: then to take it back again would break her, and

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Speaker 4: at this point it's too late to cancel.

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Speaker 3: It and just really quickly.

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Speaker 5: You know, I know you don't want your kid to

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Speaker 5: be disappointed that grandma and grandpa aren't there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, lie to your I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I just want my baby to have an amazing birthday

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Speaker 4: and be happy. All she wants to do is go

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Speaker 4: to see the volcano erupt at Disney Springs. Literally, that's it.

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Speaker 1: That's literally, that's all it she wants.

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Speaker 4: We sat and watched it last time for at least

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Speaker 4: thirty minutes straight before we convinced her it was time

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Speaker 4: to leave. She could care less about going to the parks.

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Speaker 4: We usually stay at an amazing family resort with tons

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Speaker 4: of included amenities.

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Speaker 3: That kid's awesome.

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Speaker 4: It's just like, I just want to see it blow up.

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Speaker 3: Kids like I know what I like. Okay, okay, sue me,

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Speaker 3: sue me.

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Speaker 4: I know what I like eight years old, and I

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Speaker 4: know what I like.

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Speaker 1: I like geysers.

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Speaker 4: Someone on a local post I may have said to

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Speaker 4: have my in laws take her by herself, but my

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Speaker 4: daughter has serious separation anxiety, and my in laws will

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Speaker 4: never truly understand her or believe us when we tell

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Speaker 4: them not to do something because it will upset her.

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Speaker 5: But it's a tried and true narrative of younger versus

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Speaker 5: older generations.

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Speaker 4: Yep, they're like ash, She'll be fine. Just stop baby

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Speaker 4: in her exactly.

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Speaker 3: Just throw her in the river. She'll learn how to swim.

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Speaker 4: Thankfully, she started to speak up for herself, and she's

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Speaker 4: not afraid to hurt anyone's feelings just to make them

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Speaker 4: feel comfortable while she is uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: We will be okay.

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Speaker 4: Financially once we get our taxes back. There's just a

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Speaker 4: lot of other things that money should be going to,

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Speaker 4: but I think we will use most of it to

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Speaker 4: go visit my dad over the summer. I care more

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Speaker 4: about that than getting a new dishwaar or couch, which

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Speaker 4: we really do need. Both are broken. My glasses also

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Speaker 4: broke yesterday, no, right before I made this post, and

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Speaker 4: the dishwasher two days ago. Oh that sucks. Though glasses

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Speaker 4: are not cheap and you need them.

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Speaker 3: There are dishwashers.

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Speaker 4: That's also true. Don't necessarily need them, they do make

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Speaker 4: life a lot easier.

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Speaker 5: You got two dishwashers right here.

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Speaker 4: So as much as I would be okay with not going,

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Speaker 4: I just can't do that to my kids. Our oldest

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Speaker 4: would completely understand, but our youngest would be devastated. And

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Speaker 4: I don't want that to be a core memory, so

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Speaker 4: I'll suck it up and play nice for her. Let

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00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,720
Speaker 4: us see the volcano, let' us see it erupt. My

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00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,160
Speaker 4: sister thinks that my mother in law is jealous of

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00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,760
Speaker 4: my relationship with my husband and how much we love

347
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,080
Speaker 4: each other and how he protects me and stands up

348
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,560
Speaker 4: for me, and that she likes to stir the pot

349
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,680
Speaker 4: sometimes and just has a weird competition with me in

350
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:25,160
Speaker 4: her head. Her relationship with her husband is not a

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00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:29,200
Speaker 4: loving one. He is very controlling, and we're both convinced

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00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,760
Speaker 4: she's actually a sapphog, but too scared to admit it

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00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,160
Speaker 4: to herself, which is just horribly sad, but it makes

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00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,720
Speaker 4: sense for how she grew up in her generation. But

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00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,360
Speaker 4: you know what's not horribly sad. The fact that you

356
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,640
Speaker 4: can listen to full episodes with stories just like this.

357
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,760
Speaker 4: Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio and search

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Speaker 4: a pokey.

359
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,640
Speaker 5: Story time makes me glad every time, makes me so

360
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:48,440
Speaker 5: freaking happy.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, oh man, but uh, there is a little

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00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,400
Speaker 4: bit left to the story. Any final thoughts.

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00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:59,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm glad that y'all still went. I'm glad everything

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00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,880
Speaker 5: was good, went fine.

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Speaker 3: You did it.

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00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,440
Speaker 5: You didn't put your guys, you know, in financial danger.

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00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,680
Speaker 5: But you gotta just know moving forward that these parental

368
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,960
Speaker 5: units are not to be relied upon unless it's in

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00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:15,840
Speaker 5: like writing, like a contract, explicit clear communication.

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Speaker 4: I think probably there was a lot of miscommunication, but

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00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,760
Speaker 4: I think it definitely is still annoying that they've even

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00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,320
Speaker 4: implied it, and I think you have a right to

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00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,000
Speaker 4: be annoyed about that. I think it's just going forward.

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00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,840
Speaker 4: You know, you can't rely on these people unfortunately, which sucks,

375
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:27,800
Speaker 4: but is the truth.

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Speaker 3: And if they ask why, just be like, oh, yeah,

377
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:30,960
Speaker 3: this this.

378
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,320
Speaker 4: You may this is why that you were I a

379
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,360
Speaker 4: helpless Yeah you didn't.

380
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Speaker 5: I don't believe in walking on eggshells most of the time.

381
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:42,120
Speaker 5: Sometimes it's important, sometimes it's necessary, but oftentimes it's like

382
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,840
Speaker 5: the truth showh set you free. You're not in charge

383
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Speaker 5: of how other people feel about the life.

384
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,280
Speaker 4: Exactly, but there is a little bit left. They don't

385
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,680
Speaker 4: ever have spicy sleep, and he's cheated in the past,

386
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,360
Speaker 4: but they both decided to stay for whatever stupid reason.

387
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,440
Speaker 4: This is what my husband tells me and comes from

388
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,560
Speaker 4: things his dad has told him, which is just super

389
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:00,800
Speaker 4: gross to tell your kid adults or not. But they're

390
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,880
Speaker 4: good grandparents and my kids love them.

391
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,360
Speaker 3: Okay, ok eight.

392
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,280
Speaker 4: They could make their own decisions on it when they

393
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,680
Speaker 4: grow up. They're already aware of my father in law

394
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,640
Speaker 4: being a grumpy a hole and prefer my mother in

395
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,440
Speaker 4: law to him, and they aren't afraid to tell him

396
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,040
Speaker 4: he's being a grumpy a hole in different words. Mayby

397
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,840
Speaker 4: you be sinky, you're being a stinky witt old grandpa

398
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,880
Speaker 4: me stinky. But that's the end of that story. My

399
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,560
Speaker 4: boyfriend's friend made me uncomfortable. She's way too.

400
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,920
Speaker 1: Involved or she's trying to level upo.

401
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,520
Speaker 4: My twenty eight female boyfriend twenty six male together for

402
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:35,000
Speaker 4: almost four years as a friend who I will call Sarah.

403
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,080
Speaker 4: Sarah is a rather new friend in his life. I've

404
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,920
Speaker 4: only been hearing about her for a few months, but

405
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,320
Speaker 4: something just feels off. By the way. This comes from

406
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,720
Speaker 4: Dry Union sixty sixty six on the Too Hot Take

407
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,320
Speaker 4: Separated and if you want to smit your own stories,

408
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,000
Speaker 4: go to the r slash Oky his story time separated.

409
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,600
Speaker 4: So let me get some context out of the way first,

410
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,400
Speaker 4: I promise this is relevant. Oh boy, My boyfriend and

411
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,920
Speaker 4: I have been long distance for most of our relationship.

412
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,520
Speaker 4: I moved across the country for a really amazing job

413
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:02,080
Speaker 4: placement opportunity, pretty much right when we started dating. After

414
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,159
Speaker 4: a year at the placement, I moved back home for

415
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,800
Speaker 4: a few months and then received another offer. After a

416
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:10,080
Speaker 4: long conversation with my boyfriend, he encouraged me to take it.

417
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,000
Speaker 4: This placement was much closer, only a two hour drive,

418
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,680
Speaker 4: but it was for one and a half years. However,

419
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,920
Speaker 4: because we were closer, we would be able to visit

420
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,000
Speaker 4: all the time. The year and a half flew by

421
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,919
Speaker 4: so quickly, and I moved back last year, with my

422
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,240
Speaker 4: boyfriend just moving in with me a month ago. Okay,

423
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,560
Speaker 4: on to the girl.

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00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,240
Speaker 2: So we've had a lot of long distance, Yeah, and

425
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:33,160
Speaker 2: a lot of opportunities for your boyfriend to maybe find

426
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,440
Speaker 2: another friendship.

427
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,199
Speaker 4: But maybe not. Maybe he's been faithful poltonic friendship. My

428
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:41,200
Speaker 4: boyfriend is just finishing up his education degree and he

429
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,359
Speaker 4: recently started talking about this girl in his class, Sarah.

430
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,199
Speaker 4: They had known each other over the years and have

431
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,439
Speaker 4: played on several intramural teams together. I had heard her

432
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,600
Speaker 4: name before, but just as like, oh yeah, this girl

433
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,560
Speaker 4: Sarah got hurt during our game or things like that. However,

434
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,240
Speaker 4: on their most recent basketball intramural team, she plays basketball.

435
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,600
Speaker 4: Apparently Sarah and Tyler became better friends and I started

436
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,320
Speaker 4: hearing about her more. I want to preface this by

437
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,800
Speaker 4: saying I am not a jealous girlfriend. I'm a firm

438
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,359
Speaker 4: believer that I don't need distress about cheating because of

439
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,919
Speaker 4: someone cheats on me. Our relationship is just done. I

440
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,239
Speaker 4: know I am worth more than that. My boyfriend has

441
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,679
Speaker 4: a ton of girlfriends, and I genuinely like most of

442
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,120
Speaker 4: the ones I know, But my spider senses are tingling

443
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:19,880
Speaker 4: with Sarah.

444
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,440
Speaker 2: One time I played basketball and there was a girl there,

445
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,400
Speaker 2: and I'm pretty sure she just played basketball so other

446
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:27,919
Speaker 2: guys could talk to her.

447
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:28,879
Speaker 1: And she was a pigmy.

448
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,399
Speaker 2: Girl and why women played basketball. That was just my

449
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,560
Speaker 2: one encounter with one girl that played basketball.

450
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 4: Any other girl I played basketball just for the attention

451
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:36,320
Speaker 4: to men.

452
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 2: That was my one experience that I know was false.

453
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,640
Speaker 2: Getting into it, I'm like, wow, this is actually pretty flawed.

454
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,159
Speaker 2: Good But I'm saying this is just like Sarah. She

455
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,880
Speaker 2: played an intermeal thing in college.

456
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,880
Speaker 4: Okay, I see what you're saying. Okay, my boyfriend tells

457
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,280
Speaker 4: me Sarah describes herself as one of the guys because

458
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 4: she likes sports. Radley's right, and hates makeup, and so

459
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,400
Speaker 4: she's not a girl's girl because girls are too much trauma. Yeah,

460
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 4: she's a picking girl. She's made the girl right, He's right, yeah, right,

461
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 4: Rally successfully has jumped out of the hole. He's done

462
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,920
Speaker 4: one of those jumps where you literally just jump straight up,

463
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 4: like one of those crazy jumps that people do.

464
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:14,960
Speaker 1: I am static right now.

465
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, these are the things I said in high school

466
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 4: when I was desperately trying to get a boy's attention.

467
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,800
Speaker 4: I just got a worried feeling. And I will say

468
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,880
Speaker 4: at this point I had not met Sarah, but there

469
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,720
Speaker 4: was some red flags going up. Recently, Sarah's family threw

470
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 4: a barbecue for her graduation. My boyfriend was invited. I

471
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,960
Speaker 4: was not, but neither were any of their friend group's partners,

472
00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:36,919
Speaker 4: and so he went. When he got back, he was

473
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,960
Speaker 4: telling me about the barbecue and was saying he met

474
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,080
Speaker 4: Sarah's mom and they chatted for a hot minute. I

475
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,080
Speaker 4: asked what they were talking about, and he told me.

476
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,600
Speaker 4: She was asking a lot of questions, most of them

477
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 4: were pretty basic, where are you from, what's your plans

478
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,880
Speaker 4: after graduation? These kinds of things. However, my boyfriend told

479
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,199
Speaker 4: me about a portion of their conversation that made me

480
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,639
Speaker 4: feel weird. Sarah's mom specifically said, there, tells me you

481
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,280
Speaker 4: have a girlfriend, to which my boyfriend said yes and

482
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,400
Speaker 4: told her how we met, about how we've been long

483
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,280
Speaker 4: distance for so long. Sarah's mom apparently then kept saying

484
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,239
Speaker 4: things like why would she not stay here with you?

485
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,240
Speaker 4: Why would she choose to leave when she could have

486
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:11,719
Speaker 4: just worked here? I've been with you. Eventually, Sarah came

487
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,439
Speaker 4: up to them, and when she learned that they were

488
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,160
Speaker 4: talking about me, she jumped in saying, Oh, it's girlfriend's

489
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 4: so smart and so pretty, Mom, she just worked so

490
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,080
Speaker 4: hard at her job and she's climbing that ladder. Her

491
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,280
Speaker 4: mom then went on a long rand about women not

492
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,719
Speaker 4: doing what women should do anymore and how sad she

493
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,160
Speaker 4: was to see women pick their careers over her family.

494
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,040
Speaker 1: Oh, she's like reverse psychology, red feeling.

495
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,960
Speaker 3: Sarah, yikes.

496
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, wing woman of the Year.

497
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, so she was just like, I got you, s

498
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,320
Speaker 4: Sarah and Sarah's like, well, this is how I've been

499
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 4: taught to view other women, my boyfriend said. He eventually

500
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,720
Speaker 4: got a little uncomfortable and just kind of ended the

501
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,200
Speaker 4: conversation and went to talk to his friends. The second

502
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 4: circumstance that has weirded me out came when Sarah's sub

503
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,879
Speaker 4: for my boyfriend and I's wreck basketball team. We needed

504
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 4: an extra girl because we were short and in co

505
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:58,919
Speaker 4: ed you have to have at least two girls on

506
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 4: the court at all time, so my boyfriend suggested Sarah

507
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 4: subb and I agreed. I wanted to meet her and

508
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,919
Speaker 4: we needed the sub, so why not. At first Sarah,

509
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 4: it was fine. She came in, my boyfriend introduced us,

510
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,360
Speaker 4: and all was well, but throughout the game and at

511
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,399
Speaker 4: drinks after, she said a couple of things that were weird.

512
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 4: During a play, my boyfriend made a mistake and bounced

513
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 4: the ball right off his foot and out of bounce.

514
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,719
Speaker 4: He did so in a way that was really funny.

515
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,480
Speaker 4: Everyone on the court laughed and we carried on. At halftime,

516
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,159
Speaker 4: which was right after the foot thing, Sarah came up

517
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 4: to me and said, your boyfriend's thought you a gooseball?

518
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,520
Speaker 4: Did you know sometimes when he's frustrated, he picks at

519
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 4: his nails. I thought this was a weird thing to say,

520
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:38,199
Speaker 4: considering one, this is a rec league basketball and a

521
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,679
Speaker 4: small silly mistake doesn't really matter, and two, it just

522
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,439
Speaker 4: felt like a weird thing to bring up because my

523
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 4: boyfriend wasn't frustrated. I replied, saying, I know it's quirks.

524
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 4: Don't worry. We've been together for three years. And Sarah said, Wow,

525
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 4: three years. That's impressive, with a weird smile on her face.

526
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 4: I kind of shook it off.

527
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 2: Feels like they're competing with one another. Absolutely, she there's

528
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,359
Speaker 2: another game happening outside of the basketball game.

529
00:21:58,600 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 4: A psychological game.

530
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 2: Dude, it would be so fun to see, Like I

531
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 2: see the story playing out right now. The teams are

532
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 2: going back and forth, and then Sarah and OPI are

533
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 2: going back and forth and who and then you assigned

534
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 2: one to a team, and it's like who's winning?

535
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:15,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

536
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 4: You battle it out on the courts.

537
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 3: Mm hmmm.

538
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:21,120
Speaker 4: Whoever wins the game wins the men. No, that's bad.

539
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 4: I kind of just shook it off and moved on.

540
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 4: We ended up losing the game by a good chunk

541
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 4: but I think we all had a lot of fun.

542
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 4: My boyfriend went to change and Sarah came up to

543
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 4: me and said, I'm so sorry I couldn't bring in

544
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 4: a win. Brath. You know how competitive your boyfriend eds,

545
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 4: and I really wanted to give you guys the win.

546
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,240
Speaker 4: I said, it was no big deal. Everyone likes to win,

547
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,239
Speaker 4: but it's rec league and it really doesn't matter at

548
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 4: the end of the day, to which Sarah said, don't

549
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 4: you care about your boyfriend's feelings. If he likes to win,

550
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 4: you should work to make sure he feels good at

551
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 4: the end of the day. You should work to keep

552
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 4: your mouth shut. Girl. I was so shocked, I didn't

553
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,520
Speaker 4: even say anything, and a couple of my teammates walked

554
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 4: up and asked if he wanted to go for beers quickly,

555
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 4: and so the subject changed. My boyfriend and I ended

556
00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 4: up not going because I had to work early the

557
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 4: next time day, but Sarah did go. One of my

558
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 4: closest guy friends plays on the team and his girlfriend

559
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,159
Speaker 4: was at the game watching and she also went for

560
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 4: beers after she texted me while they were out saying

561
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 4: that Sarah was weird, and she kept saying how she

562
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 4: wished my boyfriend could have come out, because then she

563
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 4: would have a familiar face, but his girlfriend made him

564
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,560
Speaker 4: go home. I asked a couple of other teammates, all guys,

565
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 4: what they thought of Sarah, and they all said they

566
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 4: liked her. I'm not concerned about my boyfriend cheating because

567
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 4: of my views around cheating, and because I know my

568
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 4: boyfriend loves me and wouldn't do that to me. He

569
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,959
Speaker 4: also hasn't really said or done anything to make me worry. However,

570
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,119
Speaker 4: Sarah makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if I can

571
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 4: feel justified in being uncomfortable, or if I am reading

572
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 4: into this too much. I also normally would talk to

573
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 4: my boyfriend about this. However, my boyfriend's ax was very

574
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 4: emotionally manipulative and was very jealous of any girl in

575
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,320
Speaker 4: his life, so much so that she made him cut

576
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 4: a lot of his friends out of his light. When

577
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,679
Speaker 4: we got together, he told me he would never let

578
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 4: a partner dictate whose friends could be again because of

579
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 4: his ex. I don't want to bring this up if

580
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 4: I'm overreacting or reading too much into things, and I

581
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 4: don't upset him. I also don't know if I would

582
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,200
Speaker 4: say don't be friends with Sarah. I would probably land

583
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,239
Speaker 4: more on Sarah makes me uncomfortable here's why, which is

584
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 4: exactly what I was going to say.

585
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 2: I think there's a better approach. What how does Sarah

586
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,679
Speaker 2: make you feel? Because I have noticed these things and

587
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:15,919
Speaker 2: I want your point of view on it.

588
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 4: That's a good one too. And then you kind of

589
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 4: and then you're like, yeah, Sarah's been kind of weirding

590
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 4: me out lately. Because after you lead him with.

591
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 2: That exactly, and then you go into your experience and

592
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 2: then they're like, oh, I really never thought of it

593
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,239
Speaker 2: that way. Because if they're like, how does Sarah make

594
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,160
Speaker 2: you feel? And you're like, oh, well, you know, it's

595
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 2: like this and this, and like I noticed this. Oh

596
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 2: that makes me think here's my experience. Oh wow, I

597
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:36,199
Speaker 2: agree with that.

598
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, you can just be like I had a really

599
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 4: weird interaction with Sarah the other day, Like it felt

600
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,199
Speaker 4: like she was kind of like exactly keeping with me,

601
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 4: Like you know, I like, you don't even maybe lead

602
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:45,879
Speaker 4: like I should make them uncomfortable.

603
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's like I was, I.

604
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,440
Speaker 4: Had a really weird interaction.

605
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 1: Yeah prompted.

606
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I hope that he makes the decision to

607
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 4: spend less time with her out of respect for me.

608
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,159
Speaker 4: Am I justified in being weirded out? Or am I

609
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 4: just overreacting? Would I be the ale if I brought

610
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 4: this up. I don't want to cause my boy friend

611
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,200
Speaker 4: any trouble and I really don't want to come off

612
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 4: as an a hole if Sarah gets wind of how

613
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,040
Speaker 4: I feel and there is an update.

614
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,920
Speaker 1: I mean, I understand his past experience with his ex girlfriend.

615
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, but that's not you. And don't don't be afraid

616
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 4: to bring up how you feel.

617
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, you know you can. You can say

618
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 1: I don't need to hang around this one girl.

619
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:23,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, like when the season's up, could you not hang

620
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,200
Speaker 2: out with her anymore?

621
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 4: Or I think you start with uh make me uncomfortable?

622
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 4: See where that goes.

623
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, but if it gets worse, as you as the girlfriend,

624
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 2: you can make that call.

625
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 1: I'll be like, I don't really like you being around

626
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: this person.

627
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's like, I don't know, she makes me comfortable. Update.

628
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,360
Speaker 4: I just want to clarify a few things. First. I've

629
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 4: seen a you comments saying my boyfriend is going to

630
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 4: cheat or he's the problem. I want to be clear

631
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 4: that I'm not asking if you think he's gonna cheat.

632
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:48,439
Speaker 4: What I'm asking is if I'm valid in how to

633
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 4: approach the subject knowing my boyfriend's history with his ex.

634
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,639
Speaker 4: My boyfriend is not the problem here, Sarah is. I

635
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 4: totally get it. To be honest, Usually men are the

636
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 4: issue I'll take, but in this case it is Sarah

637
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 4: not him. After looking over all the comments today, I

638
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 4: decided to have a conversation with my boyfriend. I decided

639
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 4: a bridget in a this is how I'm feeling way,

640
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,679
Speaker 4: with no accusations or anything. I also was very forward

641
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 4: with being clear that this isn't about Sarah being a girl.

642
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 4: It's about Sarah being a person who was crossing lines.

643
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,880
Speaker 4: He did take it well. We apologize for not seeing

644
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,880
Speaker 4: the signs, but even after I explained how these comments

645
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 4: come across, he didn't seem to totally get it. He

646
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 4: said he doesn't always see how things can have bad

647
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 4: intentions because the only person's attention he cares about is mine,

648
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 4: and so he doesn't even pick up on those things

649
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 4: because he doesn't think too deeply about it. This sparked

650
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 4: a bit of a deeper conversation about part of loving

651
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 4: me and being respectful to me, going beyond just him,

652
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 4: but also about requiring his people to not disrespect me.

653
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,199
Speaker 4: He was receptive. I think he's still a little lost.

654
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 4: So I suggested he texts Sarah and let her know

655
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 4: he wouldn't be able to make it to a group

656
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 4: dinner this coming weekend. No explanation, just saying couldn't come.

657
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 4: I told him straight up, if she responds by asking

658
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 4: or insinuating that it's something I'm forcing him to do,

659
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 4: that should prove to him what her intentions are with

660
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 4: no context. She shouldn't blame me, She should ask a

661
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,440
Speaker 4: general question about why he can't make it. The idea

662
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,199
Speaker 4: came from the comments, so thank you. I wanted to

663
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,159
Speaker 4: beat her at her own game. A lot of comments

664
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 4: that she might use me bringing this up to him

665
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,640
Speaker 4: against me, and so I thought, if it came down

666
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 4: to it, I could beat her to it and sure

667
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 4: his crap or response was exact quote. Let me guess,

668
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,359
Speaker 4: OPI has suddenly created some reason for you not to go,

669
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 4: She responded within minutes of his text. The second he

670
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 4: read or text, I think something clicked for him. He

671
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 4: was kind of amazed that I predicted the future, to

672
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,479
Speaker 4: which I told him I know girls because I am

673
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 4: a girl. We are currently together crafting a message to

674
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:39,199
Speaker 4: Sarah to formally draw a boundary, because even if he

675
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,920
Speaker 4: gets it, she doesn't and he can't avoid her completely.

676
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 4: If there is interest in hearing what a response is

677
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,640
Speaker 4: to the message, I'm happy to update once we write

678
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,399
Speaker 4: and send it and there is another update. Oh boy,

679
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 4: but I feel like, uh, you know, they're on the

680
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 4: same page at least ye out. Yeah, So even if

681
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:59,199
Speaker 4: it's not necessarily what we would advise, they're not you know,

682
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 4: they're not fighting about it. They're not like distrustful. They're

683
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 4: on the same page.

684
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 1: It's great. I just can't. I just uh ah, But.

685
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 4: There's another update. Hey everyone, thanks again for all the comments.

686
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 4: I do have an update. Last night, my boyfriend and

687
00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 4: I together wrote a text to Sarah to formally draw

688
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 4: a boundary. After we discussed the situation, we came to

689
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 4: the coclusion that although my boyfriend could not avoid Sarah

690
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,919
Speaker 4: in all circumstances, he would be very clear that he

691
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 4: wanted limited contact and only in group settings. He explained

692
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 4: to me that he really valued his friend group that

693
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 4: Sarah is a part of and will be looking to

694
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,920
Speaker 4: them for support as they all enter their first year

695
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 4: of teaching. I really understood this, and I get that

696
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 4: unless everyone in the group cuts Sarah off, he will

697
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 4: have to see her sometimes. My boyfriend said he also

698
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 4: felt that explaining this to the guys of the group

699
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 4: would be difficult and that it would be best that

700
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 4: we handle this between just Sarah and us, and explained

701
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 4: to the group of friends that my boyfriend and Sarah

702
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 4: had a falling out. The text message we sent to

703
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 4: her from my boyfriend's phone is, Hey, Sarah, just wanted

704
00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 4: to reach out and be straight up with you. I've

705
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 4: been doing some reflecting about some things I've been hearing

706
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 4: from others and feel that some of your actions with

707
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 4: OP have been a little shady. When I brought this

708
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 4: up to her, she told me that she has been

709
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 4: feeling really uncomfortable, and I can't ignore her feeling uncomfortable,

710
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,680
Speaker 4: so I need to prioritize her. I decided that it

711
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 4: is best that we only see each other and communicate

712
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 4: to each other in group settings, and even in those times,

713
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 4: I will probably not speak to you as much. I

714
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 4: hope you understand. I expected Sarah to reply instantly, because

715
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 4: she usually does. She read the message at eleven PM.

716
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 4: Last night and did not respond, so we went to bed.

717
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 4: When I woke up, I asked my boyfriend if she responded,

718
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 4: and he said no. I was genuinely surprised and thought

719
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 4: maybe she was handling it maturely. I went to work

720
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 4: and got a text from my boyfriend that said she

721
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 4: has lost her mind.

722
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 2: This actually is a problem, I thought. I thought this

723
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 2: was a little bit much to text her about these boundaries.

724
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, like, just like be.

725
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 2: Chill, don't interact, don't initiate anything.

726
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 1: People usually get it after a while. Yeah, Nope, she

727
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 1: lost her mind.

728
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 4: She lost her mind, she lost her marbles.

729
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 1: Well, Sarah's I've forgot about the whole Sarah's mom things like, Sarah.

730
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 4: Has definitely learned some talking points from her mom and

731
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 4: some like ways to go about the world, and she's

732
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 4: definitely taken that too. Hearts. Yeah, apparently last night, instead

733
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 4: of responding to my boyfriend, Sarah messaged pretty much everyone

734
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 4: else under the sun. She messaged all the friends in

735
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 4: the group individually. We think we've asked for people and

736
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 4: they all said they got her text with screenshots of

737
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 4: the text. One of the friends, who I will call Josh,

738
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 4: is my boyfriend's closest friend of the group. What we

739
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 4: didn't know about Josh is that he and Sarah have

740
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 4: been hooking up for several months. Sarah went nuclear on Josh,

741
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,920
Speaker 4: rantingdam about how controlling and obsessive I am, and then

742
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 4: my boyfriend was probably being emotionally and mentally mistreated. Josh,

743
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 4: who I knew decently well, apparently agreed with Sarah and

744
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 4: called my boyfriend this morning. My boyfriend is horrible at

745
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 4: spilling tea, and I really didn't get many details from

746
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 4: him about the call. From what I understand, Josh called

747
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 4: my boyfriend asking what was wrong. My boyfriend explained the

748
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 4: situation how well. I don't know. I wasn't there, and

749
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 4: Josh said that Sarah asked Josh if she should plan

750
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 4: an intervention for my boyfriend with their friends to save

751
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 4: him from me. Josh told my boyfriend that he thought

752
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 4: Sarah was really upset about this, and that's when he

753
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 4: told my boyfriend that they had been sleeping together.

754
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: I would be so confused if I was Josh right.

755
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 4: Now, Yeah, I'd be like, what you're saying that she's

756
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 4: crossing boundaries with you, but she's been sleeping with me?

757
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: Yeah?

758
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 2: Or is he so hallucinator like, yeah, you're right, whatever

759
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 2: whatever you say. Yeah, he's just mind washed.

760
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 4: But it sounds like brainwashed. What did I say, mind washed?

761
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 1: Same thing?

762
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 4: Sure, Josh DIDIM talked for a few more minutes, and

763
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 4: Josh asked my boyfriend to still come hang out this weekend,

764
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 4: which my boyfriend said, uh, he would think about it.

765
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 4: My boyfriend texted me right after they got off the

766
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 4: call and I told them to check snapmats to see

767
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 4: where Sarah was.

768
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 1: This is toxic.

769
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 4: Her location had an updated in eight hours, but it

770
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:53,240
Speaker 4: showed her most recent location was in the area Josh lives.

771
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 2: I don't like this whole She read it a leve

772
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 2: PM but didn't text back.

773
00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. I checked her snapmats.

774
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 4: Are you why are you stalking her now?

775
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: I don't like these little games.

776
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 4: Ikey. We aren't sure exactly where Josh lives, we just

777
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 4: know the neighborhood. So here are my conclusions and thoughts.

778
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 4: I think Sarah was with Josh last night when she

779
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 4: got the text, and she was likely there when he

780
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 4: called my boyfriend. I also think if my boyfriend goes

781
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 4: to hang out with his friends this weekend, Sarah will

782
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 4: hold this weird intervention. I'm a little annoyed with my

783
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 4: boyfriend because I don't think he explained to Josh well

784
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 4: enough that I wasn't controlling him or forcing him to

785
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,840
Speaker 4: do this, that it was his decision. What I think

786
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 4: has happened is Sarah has just successfully made me the

787
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 4: bad guy amongst his friends, and they all probably think

788
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 4: I'm a controlling partner. I do care about this. I

789
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,600
Speaker 4: want his friends to like me because I want to

790
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 4: get to know his people. I don't really know this

791
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 4: group too well. I've only met a few of them

792
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 4: a handful of times. Ultimately, the most important person is

793
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 4: my boyfriend, and he knows what my intentions are. However,

794
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 4: I feel like I somehow screwed this up. I feel

795
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 4: like I gave her what she wanted, and I'm questioning

796
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 4: whether I overreacted to everything. Now. If she's been hooking

797
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 4: up with Josh this whole time, why has she been

798
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 4: making all these comments to me? Is she still after

799
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 4: my boyfriend? Is she really sleeping with Josh? I think

800
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 4: my boyfriend is also confused, but he told me that

801
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 4: from what Josh was saying, Sarah seems absolutely distraught about

802
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 4: the situation.

803
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 1: Are Josh's out there bicking up the pieces.

804
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 4: The fact that she's absolutely distraught is a red flag.

805
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 1: I mean, like, you're not talking to Josh Ude.

806
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's clearly terribly upset that we're not hanging out

807
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 4: one on one anymore. You don't think that's suspicious, Like

808
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 4: why why hasn't she made it official with you know?

809
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 3: Like what maybe Josh.

810
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 4: Doesn't want it, but you know, yeah, or maybe she's

811
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 4: in love with someone else. I asked him if he

812
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 4: felt that we did something wrong, and he told me

813
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 4: he doesn't think so, but now feels awkward with Josh.

814
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:44,959
Speaker 4: My boyfriend texted a couple of other people and they

815
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 4: all just confirmed they had heard from Sarah. He called

816
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 4: one of his other guys from the group of friends,

817
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 4: but he hasn't heard back. But you know who, You

818
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 4: will always hear from us if you go to Apple podcast,

819
00:33:56,320 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 4: I Art Radio or Spotify and listen to all stories

820
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,400
Speaker 4: just like this. If you look up Okay story time,

821
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 4: there is a little bit left to the story, But

822
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 4: do you have any final thoughts?

823
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,879
Speaker 2: I was looking it up on Apple podcast because it's there,

824
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 2: it's right there. I'm just I'm just shocked at a

825
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 2: blue like Sarah took this out of proportion.

826
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 4: There's a lot of test and trickery going on on

827
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 4: both ends, which is like not great like Ope's I

828
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 4: think Op is definitely right about Sarah's behavior. Yeah, but

829
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 4: I think in trying, I don't know, she.

830
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 1: Didn't execute it very well.

831
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like there was a lot of like tests going on,

832
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 4: which which coming.

833
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 2: To a maturity. You know you need to test when

834
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 2: you're younger. Yeah, figure out you don't need to test

835
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 2: when you're older.

836
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 4: Exactly.

837
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 1: That's all my thoughts. We already know am how we

838
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 1: feel here, but.

839
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 4: We can finish this off. I feel bad, but I

840
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 4: also still trust my gut. I don't think her sleeping

841
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 4: with Josh really changes anything for me. Josh didn't say

842
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 4: they were dating, and even if they were, I think

843
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 4: her comments and her mother's comments all taken together are

844
00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 4: still really weird and rude. But I don't know. My

845
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 4: boyfriend said he probably won't hang out with the group

846
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 4: this weekend. He says it's awkward now and he doesn't

847
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 4: really want to be around Sarah, but he didn't say

848
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 4: he would for sure not go. I don't really know

849
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 4: what to do, but I feel secure in that my

850
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:12,800
Speaker 4: boyfriend has my back. I just feel like I ruined

851
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 4: his friendship with that group, and that is the end

852
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 4: of that story.

853
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,879
Speaker 3: Hey, it's Sam, I'm your og host. Here we're get

854
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:21,680
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855
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856
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,800
Speaker 2: My boyfriend is banned from his workplace because I told

857
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 2: the truth.

858
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 4: They couldn't hand all the true.

859
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 2: My boyfriend's cousin, let's call her June, and I have

860
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:35,239
Speaker 2: been very close friends for a long time. My boyfriend,

861
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 2: I'll call him George, works in the restaurant business and

862
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 2: he managed a restaurant in our city. His cousin also

863
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 2: works for the same company that owns the restaurant that

864
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 2: George works in, but she works in a bar they

865
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 2: own in the same city. We rarely go to George's restaurant,

866
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 2: but we decided to have a few drinks and eat there.

867
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from firm detail twenty seven

868
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 2: on the r slash Charlotte Doe Bray YouTube sibreddit and

869
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 2: if you just smit your own stories, but to our

870
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:01,279
Speaker 2: slash okay stories, I'm subred. So I decided this time

871
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 2: not to let him know we were going and just

872
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 2: surprise him. He found out we were there and told

873
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,360
Speaker 2: us he found out because everyone told him his cousin

874
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 2: was there. Everything seemed fine, and we even gave a

875
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 2: card and cash tip. This will be important later because

876
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 2: we had a great time and our waitress was very

877
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:20,360
Speaker 2: intentive and kind. Days went by, and during an argument,

878
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 2: George let me and June know we're not allowed back

879
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 2: at his workplace. His reason was because I apparently was

880
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,839
Speaker 2: staring down his waitress, treated our waitress like crap, and

881
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 2: his cousin was shaking her butt and it got posted

882
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 2: on the work group chat. He then told me he

883
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:39,320
Speaker 2: only found out we were there because he was getting

884
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 2: complaints from his waitress. We argued more, and I called

885
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,760
Speaker 2: him out on his lines because I never once stared

886
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:49,280
Speaker 2: down anyone nor treated the waitress badly, and it wouldn't

887
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,839
Speaker 2: have made sense for me to and then give her

888
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,400
Speaker 2: a big tip. I also called him out regarding his

889
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 2: accusations about June, because she was sitting down the whole time.

890
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 2: She happened to come out in a recording, and she

891
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,880
Speaker 2: was shaking her arms and upper body to the music

892
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,840
Speaker 2: because she knew they were recording, and the person that

893
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 2: was recording was an employee she knew.

894
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 4: Okay, so she's doing like she's like and they're like,

895
00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:15,839
Speaker 4: and they're like, shit, I'm dancing on tables.

896
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,680
Speaker 2: This made things worse, and well, he let me know

897
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,840
Speaker 2: I was permanently banned and didn't want June back of

898
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 2: the restaurant and let me know he.

899
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:24,360
Speaker 1: Was going to tell her.

900
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 4: Is not depending him at all.

901
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 2: The following day, I let her know, and she once

902
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 2: again cut ties with him. He eventually, weeks later admitted

903
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,800
Speaker 2: he only said that because he was mad and wanted

904
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:39,279
Speaker 2: to get back at me. WHOA however, yeah, you full

905
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:41,760
Speaker 2: on line just to get back at her. However, months

906
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:44,319
Speaker 2: went by and someone told June they had found out

907
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 2: she's not allowed to go. Then eventually George Ramley went

908
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 2: off on me for telling June about it.

909
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:50,279
Speaker 1: He said he.

910
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 2: Only ever banned me and not June, that he only

911
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 2: cares about June and never had a problem with her.

912
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:57,919
Speaker 2: He then proceeded to say I was an a hole

913
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 2: because now his supervisor and employee know about this and

914
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 2: have heard that June had been talking bad about him.

915
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 2: He also told me I basically ruined his relationship with

916
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,040
Speaker 2: his cousin and I should never have told her about

917
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:10,320
Speaker 2: our relationship problems.

918
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:13,879
Speaker 4: Dude, you did all of that. You caused everything here

919
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:14,800
Speaker 4: by lying?

920
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 2: Was I wrong to tell June? I can't help but

921
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 2: think maybe I added more fuel to the situation by

922
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 2: telling her. But I also kind of felt like I

923
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 2: had to let her know because I didn't want her

924
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 2: to go and then be told she can't come in.

925
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 4: That's insane. He was like, yeah, and also June's not invited,

926
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 4: like she can't come in either, and so he's like,

927
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 4: oh my god, I'll let her know. Like wow, I

928
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 4: really don't know what we did. And he's like, why

929
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 4: auld you child? Dude?

930
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, you get mad.

931
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 2: I'm I'm confused because there's so much more to this Iceberg.

932
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 4: What is he getting back at her for? That's what

933
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 4: I'm confused. Yeah, what's going on?

934
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:51,520
Speaker 3: Dude?

935
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 4: Yeah?

936
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 2: This literally makes no sense whatsoever, no sense commet one,

937
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 2: not the a hole, but to ban you and June,

938
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 2: who is your friend? Tells me he has a work

939
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:05,359
Speaker 2: girlfriend slash fling and he doesn't want you to meet them.

940
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:08,479
Speaker 2: Best ways to ban you and June so she won't

941
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 2: tell you hope. He says, I did not expect to

942
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 2: hear this here, but I also had a friend tell

943
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 2: me the same thing. There had been some weird stuff

944
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 2: with how he's sometimes going out of his way to

945
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 2: look at my screen nor not letting me use his phone,

946
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 2: but I didn't think much of it.

947
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 3: Reply.

948
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 2: Every single person who has worked in a restaurant could

949
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 2: have told you this. He banned you, so his work

950
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:32,279
Speaker 2: shag doesn't meet the connection. I would ditch the pathetic

951
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:34,960
Speaker 2: little wiener head for the way he spoke to you.

952
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 2: But once you check his phone, you will be able

953
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 2: to dump him for cheating on you.

954
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:39,320
Speaker 1: Update.

955
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I think he's I think he's hiding something.

956
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:43,759
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and that's why he banned you. And then

957
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 4: he was like, oh, now everyone's gonna find out because

958
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 4: you're asking questions. Yeah, he's starting out the note you're

959
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 4: actually not banned, and now you're to find an information.

960
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 1: He's just so pissed that you surprised in my work.

961
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:56,320
Speaker 4: Yeah.

962
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:58,319
Speaker 2: Update, it's only been a couple of days since my

963
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 2: last post, and a couple of people ask update. So

964
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 2: I'm just sitting to give you one yay. Before I do,

965
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 2: I want to thank everyone.

966
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 1: Okay cool.

967
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 2: On Friday, after our argument regarding the banning, he went

968
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,200
Speaker 2: out with his friend and came home around three am.

969
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 2: We didn't talk. I was really upset, but I pushed

970
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 2: him away during the night. We barely talked all weekend

971
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 2: until Sunday, when I decided I should tell him we

972
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 2: need to talk. While I was waiting, he went to

973
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,479
Speaker 2: drink with his neighbor and would come in and out,

974
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 2: ignoring my existence. So I finally was able to stop

975
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,359
Speaker 2: him and ask if we could talk. He said yes,

976
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,359
Speaker 2: but he was going to have one more drink, which

977
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 2: became two or so. I was afraid this would affect

978
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 2: the conversation, so when I asked him if we could

979
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 2: talk again, I made a point to ask him if

980
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 2: he was okay to talk, since I felt like he

981
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:42,200
Speaker 2: was coming into this with an attitude. He let me

982
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 2: know he wanted to get straight to the facts, so

983
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 2: we talked. He brought up some issues we had in

984
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 2: the past, one of which was about his best friend.

985
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,480
Speaker 2: I told him how I felt regarding the matter, and

986
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:54,880
Speaker 2: that his best friend not talking to him for a

987
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,799
Speaker 2: bit was not my fault for contacts. His best friend

988
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 2: cheated on his girlfriend, and then he sought out me

989
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 2: for advice. I shared my relationship problems with her and

990
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:06,760
Speaker 2: told her the best option was to leave now before

991
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 2: more time passes and it gets harder to leave. I

992
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,960
Speaker 2: asked her not to share this with her ex if

993
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,360
Speaker 2: she was gonna get back with him.

994
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 1: But she did. Then he shared what he heard.

995
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 2: With my boyfriend, and during an argument, my boyfriend told

996
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 2: me I was talking crap about him to someone I

997
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 2: barely knew. So I confronted her about it. To what

998
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 2: she pretended she never shared anything. I said, Well, she

999
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:28,280
Speaker 2: got mad at her boyfriend and blocked him for telling

1000
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,360
Speaker 2: my boyfriend, and he got mad at my boyfriend for

1001
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:31,880
Speaker 2: telling me.

1002
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, this is exhaust It's like, well, you

1003
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,440
Speaker 4: told Sherry, and Shary told my boyfriend, and then my

1004
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:38,839
Speaker 4: boyfriend told him, and then well then that got her

1005
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 4: all the way back to you, and that's so ridiculous.

1006
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 1: Yues how long ago this happened? A year ago? This

1007
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:45,319
Speaker 1: happened two years ago?

1008
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 2: Ooh, and during that time, my boyfriend and I had

1009
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 2: many issues. I would often think maybe I should have

1010
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 2: left early on. I didn't want her to make my mistake. Anyways,

1011
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 2: during the argument, I shared my mind regarding this, the

1012
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,319
Speaker 2: thing that happened two years ago, told him what I

1013
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 2: shared came from a place of I wanted to help her,

1014
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 2: letting her know I could relate to her, and I

1015
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 2: wanted what was.

1016
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 1: The best for her.

1017
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 2: I also told him it was mean to her to

1018
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 2: go out and share it when I ask her not to.

1019
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 2: He was smirking and chuckling during this, and I got upset.

1020
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 2: So while he shared his mind, I smiled because I

1021
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,359
Speaker 2: felt baffled, and I was petty, telling myself that if

1022
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,279
Speaker 2: he could smirk and laugh, I could too.

1023
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 4: Why are we still in this relationship?

1024
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1025
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 2: He got upset and when I tried to chime in

1026
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,840
Speaker 2: about something, he went off on me, telling me to

1027
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 2: shut the f up. This ended with me trying to

1028
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:31,399
Speaker 2: take a shower and locking the door, which set him

1029
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 2: off to scream at me and hit door. I never

1030
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 2: usually locked the door, but this time I did and

1031
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 2: he didn't like it. Now, after a few days have passed,

1032
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,399
Speaker 2: I'm in the press of his trying to figure out

1033
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 2: where to move out to. But in the meantime, we

1034
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 2: still lived together and he's still upset that I broke

1035
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 2: up with him, removed him from his Instagram. He tells

1036
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 2: me I was petty for it, told his cousin about

1037
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 2: the banning and now is saying I hugged and gave

1038
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 2: a kiss on the cheek to a manager My boyfriend

1039
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 2: now ex greets everyone that way, but I don't. And

1040
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:00,400
Speaker 2: by the way, you can greet us at your favorite

1041
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:05,360
Speaker 2: podcast platform okay, storytime, iHeartRadio or Spotify such up. Okay

1042
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:09,279
Speaker 2: story Tom with a nice welcome. Yeah what that just

1043
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 2: crashed and filled. So we're in the heck to this

1044
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,600
Speaker 2: two year problem from two years ago.

1045
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 4: Coming and you're telling us about a two year problem

1046
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 4: that clearly never went away, Like you clearly have giant

1047
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:26,480
Speaker 4: communication problems with your your partner that you never solved.

1048
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:29,320
Speaker 4: It's not that they're like coming back, they just never left.

1049
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:32,760
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

1050
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just gonna knock this out. He regrets what happened,

1051
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 2: but says he was wasted. He claims he has tried

1052
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 2: to change for me, that I ruined things by running

1053
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 2: my mouth and me and I should have reacted kinder

1054
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 2: the day he was wasted. He basically says I shouldn't

1055
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,760
Speaker 2: have locked the door and doesn't understand that by saying

1056
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 2: I should have been nice while he was giving me attitude,

1057
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 2: he's basically telling me, I need to pinch up my

1058
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: emotions while he can go off. He did try to

1059
00:43:57,680 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 2: get back together, but after I said no, He now

1060
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 2: says it was a moment of weakness. Coming number one,

1061
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,240
Speaker 2: So you didn't bring up the possibility of him cheating,

1062
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 2: he says, yeah, I did, but he denied all allegations,

1063
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 2: even said he has given warnings and contacted HR regarding

1064
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 2: waitresses flirting with him, but that was the first time

1065
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:18,360
Speaker 2: he's ever told me about it. Comment too, he absolutely

1066
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,399
Speaker 2: got mad at you because he was going to get

1067
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,840
Speaker 2: caught trying to cheat and or he was getting ready

1068
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 2: to cheat. I am so glad that you left him,

1069
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 2: and I hope you will make it to a safe

1070
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:29,719
Speaker 2: place when you can move out.

1071
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 1: He says.

1072
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 2: He has cheated on me before when we first started dating,

1073
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:36,319
Speaker 2: multiple times with multiple people, but he swears he has

1074
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 2: not done that anymore, and I find that hard to believe.

1075
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 4: What. Yeah, you stay with the cheater and problems.

1076
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 1: We're getting this right now.

1077
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,319
Speaker 4: The end of the store, She's like, well, he told

1078
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 4: me that he hasn't cheated again, but he did cheat before, So.

1079
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 1: Dude, that would that would have helped so much.

1080
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 2: Contexts Coming number three, I love. How he blames you

1081
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,600
Speaker 2: on running your mouth when it's just his lives being exposed,

1082
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:05,000
Speaker 2: the fact that he was mad at you for not

1083
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 2: being loyal to a cheat or says a lot. It's

1084
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 2: his best friend, and he's an adult who can accept

1085
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 2: his consequences for his actions. You did direct the relationship

1086
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:16,359
Speaker 2: with his cousin. He did that himself, spouting nonsense. Who

1087
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,479
Speaker 2: the flies about that sort of craft to get back

1088
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 2: at their partner with. That's not healthy in any relationship.

1089
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 2: How he reacted as well, just shows that you made

1090
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 2: the right choice. He can't take any credit for his

1091
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 2: bad choices. He just blames you for everything up.

1092
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 1: He says.

1093
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 2: He does not like it when I tell him it's

1094
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 2: consequences of his actions and I'm allowed to talk about

1095
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 2: what happened in our relationship. I did talk to a

1096
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:40,320
Speaker 2: family member about this, who brought up in perspective that

1097
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,239
Speaker 2: I never considered. My ex had been bullied a lot

1098
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 2: since his childhood. My cousin believes because of this, my

1099
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 2: ex has this huge distaste of not wanting to look

1100
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 2: weak or bad in any way and tries really hard

1101
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:56,000
Speaker 2: to have this perfect PERSONA does not excuse his actions,

1102
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 2: though I often feel I am not allowed to have

1103
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 2: a negative reaction when he treats me, but he can.

1104
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 2: I do admit I have an attitude, but I have

1105
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:05,800
Speaker 2: tried to work on it and told him I require

1106
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,239
Speaker 2: my space to cool down, which he also does not

1107
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 2: like because he wants me to be affection in the

1108
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:11,839
Speaker 2: kind when I'm mad.

1109
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:15,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, and the issues.

1110
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 2: That Op was talking about earlier was I guess on

1111
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 2: her cheating literally.

1112
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:25,279
Speaker 4: Cheating on you, and then bad communication like it, you know,

1113
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 4: bad communication throughout the relationship, and then you have this

1114
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 4: whole problem is him lying to you and not communicating

1115
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:34,319
Speaker 4: and then blaming it on you, and you're like, what

1116
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 4: I'm this is shocking. It's like, no, like keep an

1117
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 4: eye out for these red flags or I mean it's

1118
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:45,720
Speaker 4: you don't even have to keep the glaring, glaring, freaking

1119
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 4: sea of lava.

1120
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 1: This is whack dude. You're out and hope life goes on.

1121
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, better, better people in your life now.

1122
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:55,800
Speaker 1: Yikes, But that's.

1123
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 4: The end of the story.

1124
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 6: My overbearing mother keeps in vain my privacy, So why

1125
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:02,760
Speaker 6: I told her off?

1126
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 5: Ay?

1127
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:04,000
Speaker 1: Yi?

1128
00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 6: I think this might be em or maybe I'm just

1129
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:09,840
Speaker 6: a crappy kid. Twenty four years old and a college student.

1130
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 6: I've worked in a bar for the last two years,

1131
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 6: and though it's a stable job, I still don't make

1132
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,280
Speaker 6: enough to move out. I've had other high paying jobs

1133
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 6: from my areas, just too expensive. But by the way,

1134
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 6: this comes from you, dash Acaria, Sunshine sixteen and the

1135
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 6: Rokay story time. It's breddit so and due to having

1136
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 6: moved to the state with my parents immediately after graduating

1137
00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:30,839
Speaker 6: high school and growing up a military kid, constantly moving

1138
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:33,360
Speaker 6: and struggling to ever keep contact with friends I didn't

1139
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:34,319
Speaker 6: make because of it.

1140
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 3: I had no friends in the.

1141
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 6: Area and I could just move in with and I

1142
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 6: have too much paranoia to live with strangers. I've just

1143
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 6: been living with my parents until I finished college, doing

1144
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:45,759
Speaker 6: it online because my parents didn't want me having to

1145
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 6: live in a dorm and be away from them, which

1146
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 6: I should be graduating next year, and then hopefully move

1147
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 6: in with the only person I've managed to be so

1148
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:54,800
Speaker 6: close with by then. We just live in separate states

1149
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:57,400
Speaker 6: right now, so it's taken time. Anyways, my parents have

1150
00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:00,239
Speaker 6: always been very weird when it comes to raise me

1151
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,440
Speaker 6: and my older sister. There's a lot of instances. I

1152
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 6: have plenty of stories, but this one just annoys me

1153
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 6: most and causes me anxiety. My parents' house is big,

1154
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 6: but every room except the master bedroom is pretty small.

1155
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:11,879
Speaker 6: My bedroom can only fit my bed, dresser, and TV

1156
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 6: stand comfortably, so my desk and computer and bookshelf, my ferrets,

1157
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 6: and his big cage are in the bedroom next to

1158
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:19,080
Speaker 6: mine that's used as an office for me instead. I'm

1159
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 6: twenty four, so obviously I love having some privacy, especially

1160
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 6: since I spend most of my life being heavily monitored

1161
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,359
Speaker 6: and coddled by my parents, specifically my mom, because I

1162
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:30,360
Speaker 6: was diagnosed with Asperger's at four, plus a bunch of

1163
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:32,760
Speaker 6: other things that keep adding up as I see doctors.

1164
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,240
Speaker 6: My sister actually told me she was a bit relieved

1165
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 6: about how little they ever paid attention to her because

1166
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 6: they were so focused on me. I was cuddled so

1167
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:42,720
Speaker 6: much by my mother that I am only now learning

1168
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,480
Speaker 6: things like cooking or doing laundry, which he still keeps

1169
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 6: me from doing because.

1170
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 3: It has to be done this way, not this way.

1171
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 6: And so when I ask for help, she gets mad

1172
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:53,799
Speaker 6: and tells me to figure it out myself. You didn't

1173
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,719
Speaker 6: teach her anyways. Rambling all this to say, our mom

1174
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 6: still hovers and overwhelms me with how on top of

1175
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:00,160
Speaker 6: me she is.

1176
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 3: But the worst of it.

1177
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:03,439
Speaker 6: Is probably the fact that she will let herself into

1178
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 6: my bedroom or office whenever she wants, most of the

1179
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,439
Speaker 6: time without an announcement. Reminder I'm an adult. I'm also

1180
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 6: a fab and again an adult, though my parents don't

1181
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 6: believe I do things like that because I'm their baby

1182
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 6: who never seemed interesting and acts disgusted, But I act

1183
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 6: that way to keep my dad from making jokes and

1184
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,400
Speaker 6: comments about me. So besides existing, I also do adult

1185
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 6: things in my private time.

1186
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:27,840
Speaker 3: Obviously, I lock the door, but does that stop her.

1187
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:28,600
Speaker 3: Absolutely not.

1188
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,360
Speaker 6: So even if I'm in my office playing video games,

1189
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:33,480
Speaker 6: I'll keep one end of the headphones off at all

1190
00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 6: times so I can listen it out for her moving

1191
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:37,719
Speaker 6: around nearby, I won't have anything to hide, but my

1192
00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:40,520
Speaker 6: anxiety will go through the roof. Besides that, because of

1193
00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 6: my dad, I hate anyone coming up or sneaking up

1194
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:45,960
Speaker 6: behind me without my knowing, and she insists on my

1195
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 6: computer facing the door, so my back is to the door,

1196
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 6: So I lock my door.

1197
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 3: To prevent people doing that.

1198
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 6: Like any human being, I also lock my door when

1199
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 6: I'm changing in my bedroom.

1200
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 3: And what does my mom do.

1201
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:58,680
Speaker 6: She finds my door is locked, unlocks it and lets

1202
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 6: herself in. There is this one time, for example, where

1203
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 6: I was in my bedroom in the middle of changing.

1204
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,880
Speaker 6: I am literally completely topless to the wind when I

1205
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,840
Speaker 6: didn't hear her approach my door alling here suddenly is

1206
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 6: a sound in my doorknob, the luck being switched from

1207
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,880
Speaker 6: the outside and the door being thrusted open.

1208
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:14,839
Speaker 3: And what did I do.

1209
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:18,400
Speaker 6: I body slammed the door shut and nearly her doing it.

1210
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:19,960
Speaker 6: I don't know what it is, but even if it's

1211
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:21,960
Speaker 6: my mom who insisted on bathing me until I was

1212
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 6: nearly worth so, the thought of anyone seeing me in

1213
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:27,360
Speaker 6: any state of undress, even if it's just my underwear,

1214
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 6: it feels disgusting.

1215
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:29,760
Speaker 3: It makes me panicky.

1216
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 6: So I'm not joking when I say I was hyperventilating

1217
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,360
Speaker 6: when I slammed into the door to shut it, and

1218
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:35,800
Speaker 6: it was quickly trying to dress.

1219
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 3: While I'm doing that, my mom.

1220
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:39,439
Speaker 6: Is shoving into the door, trying to force it open,

1221
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:41,279
Speaker 6: yelling the letter in and that she wanted to tell

1222
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 6: me something.

1223
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 3: Okay, well wait or tell it through the door chill out.

1224
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 6: I told her no, She gave up getting in, mostly

1225
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:50,839
Speaker 6: because I'm a fairly strong person, despite never working out,

1226
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 6: unless you count picking up tables and kegs at work

1227
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:55,480
Speaker 6: for fun exercise. Lo, I just like picking up everything

1228
00:50:55,520 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 6: to see if I can. When I finally letter in

1229
00:50:57,320 --> 00:51:00,080
Speaker 6: after changing, she's huffing and mad with me, demanding an oh,

1230
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,240
Speaker 6: why I wouldn't let her in? I repeated I was changing,

1231
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 6: and she said, so.

1232
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:04,320
Speaker 4: I'm your mother.

1233
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:06,880
Speaker 3: I made that booty so I can't look at it.

1234
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:08,799
Speaker 6: Ignored that and said my door was locked and that

1235
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:11,600
Speaker 6: she shouldn't just be letting herself in and unlocking my door.

1236
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 6: She responds with, I can do what I want my house.

1237
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 6: If I want in your room, then I'll come into

1238
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 6: your room. I can unlock your door if I want.

1239
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:23,200
Speaker 6: What if there was an emergency? What if you were

1240
00:51:23,239 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 6: a doctor? What if I was dying?

1241
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:27,400
Speaker 4: Why are we doing all these wet iphisms.

1242
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:28,960
Speaker 3: Because it's uh you knocked to the door up?

1243
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 4: He said, I'm changing, and then there was no I'm dying.

1244
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 3: I'm hit it again. This is classic Jewish mom guilt.

1245
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:37,640
Speaker 4: What if I'm dying, You're not gonna call your mom back?

1246
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 4: I might die?

1247
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:42,360
Speaker 6: I said, I don't care. I'm an adult. This is

1248
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 6: my private space. You do not just let yourself in whenever

1249
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:48,279
Speaker 6: you want. I don't disrespect you and let myself into

1250
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 6: your room and unlock your door.

1251
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 3: Don't do it to me. You just got mad and

1252
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 3: ran off forgetting what she was going to tell me

1253
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:55,000
Speaker 3: to do. There's an edit.

1254
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:57,840
Speaker 6: Thank you for all the replies giving advice and reassuring me.

1255
00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:59,879
Speaker 6: I will look into a doorstopper. I just worry about

1256
00:51:59,880 --> 00:52:02,680
Speaker 6: how reactions since a few years ago a bad experience

1257
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:05,320
Speaker 6: with my dad and locked doors that left me stopping.

1258
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 6: I need a panic attack on the bathroom floor while

1259
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:10,400
Speaker 6: we pounded the door until nearly broke, calling me a

1260
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:11,800
Speaker 6: lot of things, so I could have a lot of

1261
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 6: anxiety about my parents' reactions to being unable to get

1262
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:14,840
Speaker 6: to me.

1263
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 3: I feel so bad.

1264
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:17,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just not a great environment at all.

1265
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:19,359
Speaker 6: I'll definitely try to get a stopper when I get

1266
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:21,520
Speaker 6: paid next. I'm making this edit to answer and add

1267
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:23,840
Speaker 6: some things that I guess might need to be mentioned.

1268
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 6: I don't pay rent. They want me to, and we're

1269
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:29,160
Speaker 6: going to have me start last year until my insurance skyrocketed,

1270
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 6: and so it's been harder for me to keep any

1271
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:33,000
Speaker 6: money saved up and maybe some time before I could

1272
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:34,880
Speaker 6: finally move out due to money in the situation with

1273
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:36,880
Speaker 6: my best friend. But I've been planning to pursue my

1274
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:39,799
Speaker 6: masters after I finished my bachelor's at a school less

1275
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:42,040
Speaker 6: than an hour away that's close to my work and

1276
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:44,680
Speaker 6: requires freshmen and live on campus. The original plan was

1277
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:46,719
Speaker 6: getting an internship out of state for a month or

1278
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:48,959
Speaker 6: so to get practice being more independent, but I didn't

1279
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 6: get accepted to my choices, so I'm relying on pursuing

1280
00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 6: a master's good excuse for them to allow me to

1281
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:55,640
Speaker 6: live away from them.

1282
00:52:55,719 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 3: I'm not illegal dependent.

1283
00:52:57,239 --> 00:52:59,800
Speaker 6: Back in twenty eighteen, a month before my eighteenth birthday

1284
00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 6: and right after I graduated high school, my parents insisted

1285
00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:04,319
Speaker 6: we'd get me an attorney and opened a case to

1286
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:06,959
Speaker 6: make me their dependent. I didn't want to. I knew

1287
00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 6: it meant i'd have to stay forever, that I'd be

1288
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:11,040
Speaker 6: stuck at home. I said I didn't want to do that,

1289
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:12,759
Speaker 6: but they insisted it was for my own good and

1290
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:15,000
Speaker 6: to help me. When we met my attorney, they didn't

1291
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 6: allow me to get award, and for the first thirty

1292
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 6: minutes with him, he made them wait in the other

1293
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 6: room so he could be able to speak with me,

1294
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:22,560
Speaker 6: and I told him I didn't want this. He asked

1295
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,840
Speaker 6: me about me, lots of questions. Finally, when the hearing occurred,

1296
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 6: my mother broke down, sobbing and telling everyone in the

1297
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:30,279
Speaker 6: room that I needed it, that was going to in

1298
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:33,080
Speaker 6: a ditch somewhere. Her exact words, they just want to

1299
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 6: help me. The attempt to make me a dependent was denied,

1300
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:38,720
Speaker 6: as my attorney found me perfectly capable and happily wanting

1301
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:40,840
Speaker 6: to be independent and thought it unnecessary to make me

1302
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 6: into a dependent.

1303
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:43,840
Speaker 4: I wonder if it's like, it's not dependent in the

1304
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 4: same way that maybe like, maybe they're talking about dependent

1305
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:50,240
Speaker 4: in terms of like, oh, this OPI is not able

1306
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:53,840
Speaker 4: to function by their like maybe it's something along those lines.

1307
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 6: My sister and I used to speak of me living

1308
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 6: with her, but because of medical situation with my nephew

1309
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 6: and with other families situations going on, my uncle is

1310
00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:03,439
Speaker 6: living with her and my brother in law to help

1311
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:05,480
Speaker 6: with the kids in the house. After being so long,

1312
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 6: I'm not sure the full name and contact with my

1313
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 6: old therapists anymore, only a last name. I don't even

1314
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:12,759
Speaker 6: know the address of her office is my parents didn't

1315
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 6: allow me to learn to drive until I was twenty two.

1316
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:17,920
Speaker 6: I may try to speak with our doctor about referrals,

1317
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:19,959
Speaker 6: as I know the address. At least, I'm just hoping

1318
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:21,560
Speaker 6: I could find a day off or can front an

1319
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 6: in person therapist, as I tried digital and was getting

1320
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 6: nowhere with the lack of privacy to speak with someone.

1321
00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:28,960
Speaker 6: My bank account is heavily monitored by my mother and

1322
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 6: she sees everything I do with it. I mean looking

1323
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:33,239
Speaker 6: into opening a private account. I just worried about a

1324
00:54:33,239 --> 00:54:35,279
Speaker 6: new card coming in since she goes through all of

1325
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 6: our mail and I work often.

1326
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:38,040
Speaker 3: Edit number two.

1327
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:40,640
Speaker 6: Sorry another edit, but I forgot to add some things

1328
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 6: that I think I mentioned in the comments, but forgot

1329
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:45,240
Speaker 6: to add since I was going into work. Warning because

1330
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:48,480
Speaker 6: I do mention wanting to end life. There have been

1331
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:52,000
Speaker 6: many occasions when where when I'll get especially stressed from

1332
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 6: being busy with work in school and vent about it.

1333
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:56,560
Speaker 6: My parents have insisted I just quit my job and

1334
00:54:56,560 --> 00:54:58,560
Speaker 6: focused on school and they'll take care of me and

1335
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,840
Speaker 6: my bills. I could just stay home and only do school.

1336
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:03,000
Speaker 6: They stopped recently only because I told them to their

1337
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:05,120
Speaker 6: faces that if I had to be home and did

1338
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:09,200
Speaker 6: not work, I'd go crazy like that and my life dramatic.

1339
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:10,600
Speaker 3: Yes, incredibly so, but it's true.

1340
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 6: And if you want to listen to full episodes with

1341
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 6: stories like let's just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or

1342
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:18,360
Speaker 6: your favorite podcast appens, there're okay story time. Some of

1343
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:20,400
Speaker 6: the hardest times of my depression were when I was

1344
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 6: out of a job and trapped at home constantly. Turns

1345
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 6: out it's probably a mixture of depression and bipolar. We

1346
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 6: didn't find out I was bipolar until last year when

1347
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:29,760
Speaker 6: I first spoke with our most recent doctor and I

1348
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:32,840
Speaker 6: did attempt but failed, not that they noticed. So I

1349
00:55:32,880 --> 00:55:34,840
Speaker 6: was acting tired and told me to lay down a

1350
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:38,600
Speaker 6: somewhat minor thing. I think, but when I drive places,

1351
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:40,640
Speaker 6: I have to let my mom know where I'm going

1352
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 6: and she says no, then I can't go Dame with trips,

1353
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 6: and she makes sure I'm going where I said by

1354
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:47,680
Speaker 6: tracking me. The one time I turned it off, she

1355
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 6: called me freaking out. Yeah, not a good situation, especially

1356
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:56,200
Speaker 6: since you know your mental health is involved and it

1357
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:59,839
Speaker 6: could tend to lead towards depression, and yeah, stream forms

1358
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 6: of that.

1359
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:01,879
Speaker 3: And it seems that you know the more.

1360
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:05,600
Speaker 6: Not only is it like your privacy and your different

1361
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:07,359
Speaker 6: rights are being taken away by your parents, but that

1362
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:09,919
Speaker 6: your mental health gets pretty bad when you're around them

1363
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:13,400
Speaker 6: and it just makes it worse. Yeah, and it seems like, oh,

1364
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:15,440
Speaker 6: he's pretty capable, and it was like looking into these

1365
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:19,360
Speaker 6: different options. Absolutely, it didn't say that they had something

1366
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:21,280
Speaker 6: that they I think.

1367
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:24,040
Speaker 4: They're working right now, but yeah, I don't know if

1368
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:26,600
Speaker 4: they have any like places that they could move into it.

1369
00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, it seemed like there was like several threads that

1370
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:30,719
Speaker 6: I could go through there, but.

1371
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:33,839
Speaker 4: Like, yeah, nothing not solid yet. But that is the

1372
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:35,120
Speaker 4: end of that story.

1373
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 3: Hey, it's John here, og host of the show. We're

1374
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 3: gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's a

1375
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:41,360
Speaker 3: quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1376
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:44,799
Speaker 4: My father refused to accept me for who I am,

1377
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:46,800
Speaker 4: so I told him I don't care anymore.

1378
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:48,359
Speaker 3: I don't care, don't freaking care.

1379
00:56:48,680 --> 00:56:50,040
Speaker 4: I am who I am, and you can't change.

1380
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:51,120
Speaker 3: You can't stop. Karen.

1381
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:54,040
Speaker 4: Sorry, if this is all wonky and long, as I

1382
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:56,960
Speaker 4: don't normally post, and I'm typing on my cell so

1383
00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:59,440
Speaker 4: if you don't like long posts, just keep scrolling. We

1384
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:02,680
Speaker 4: love this ain't for you you were warned. Yeah, I

1385
00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:06,160
Speaker 4: female thirty, am the only biological child of my father,

1386
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:08,759
Speaker 4: male sixty six, and he is married to his wife,

1387
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:11,360
Speaker 4: female fifty Jo happens to also be the woman he

1388
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:14,319
Speaker 4: cheated on my mother with when they were together forever ago.

1389
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:16,320
Speaker 4: I live in the same state as my mom, female

1390
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 4: fifty five, and her husband and our blended family. By

1391
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from act your age, not your

1392
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:26,000
Speaker 4: shoe size on the okay, storytime separate it. So I

1393
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:28,720
Speaker 4: didn't really often speak to my father after he divorced

1394
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:31,640
Speaker 4: my mom and left the state to marry his now wife. Honestly,

1395
00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:33,960
Speaker 4: his wife is nice to me, and I'm cordial with her.

1396
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:38,360
Speaker 4: But my dad is a former marine and self proclaimed logicer.

1397
00:57:38,640 --> 00:57:40,640
Speaker 4: That's his words, not mine. He says he is a

1398
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 4: pragmatist and a pessimist because if he's six, hey, it's

1399
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,040
Speaker 4: not a disappointment but a happy surprise. I can't go

1400
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 4: into all of my father's manipulation of me as a

1401
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:51,760
Speaker 4: kid without this being a Tolkin book set of words,

1402
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,280
Speaker 4: so suffice it to say, I'm not like him at all.

1403
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:57,200
Speaker 4: I am creative and fun loving, enjoy things like theater

1404
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 4: and painting and whatever. He has told me more than

1405
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:01,560
Speaker 4: once that my career choice of teaching art is a

1406
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:04,040
Speaker 4: waste of those skills he taught me. Don't ask me

1407
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:06,360
Speaker 4: what those skills are. My mom raised me my whole

1408
00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:08,520
Speaker 4: life as a single parent, and when they married, for

1409
00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:10,360
Speaker 4: all of a year he was away for work, and

1410
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 4: after the divorce, mom was alone for years before she

1411
00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:15,840
Speaker 4: met my dad, her husband. I can count on my

1412
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 4: hands the amount of one on one time I've had

1413
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:21,120
Speaker 4: with my father growing up, and one hand is all

1414
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 4: the times we've either ended up at the hospital once

1415
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:26,320
Speaker 4: his sugar ren low and a tunnel visioned while driving

1416
00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 4: and rammed our car into a building or the police station.

1417
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:31,440
Speaker 4: He almost got arrested for getting aggressive with some stranger

1418
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:33,800
Speaker 4: we accidentally bumped into on a walk in a city,

1419
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:35,920
Speaker 4: and he was let off because the cop was a

1420
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 4: fellow marine. Recently, in the past five years, he has

1421
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:41,240
Speaker 4: said he wants to be in my life. He called

1422
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:43,640
Speaker 4: me a lot, but I worked fifty hour weeks sometimes

1423
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:46,080
Speaker 4: and I was just busy. My own mother had barely

1424
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 4: heard from me. But he took offense. He left me

1425
00:58:48,720 --> 00:58:52,240
Speaker 4: six vulgar voicemails like I'm your effing father and you

1426
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:53,400
Speaker 4: don't ignore.

1427
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:54,480
Speaker 3: Me, sounds like a marine.

1428
00:58:54,520 --> 00:58:57,040
Speaker 4: He then left me text messages throughout the week of

1429
00:58:57,080 --> 00:59:00,080
Speaker 4: the same sentiment. He then found my workplace office number

1430
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 4: and called there, which resulted in ME having a very

1431
00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:05,920
Speaker 4: awkward conversation with HR and my then supervisor. When I

1432
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:08,560
Speaker 4: finally spoke to him, I said he can't blow up

1433
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:10,440
Speaker 4: my phone or call my job like that, and that

1434
00:59:10,560 --> 00:59:13,520
Speaker 4: I was busy between work, therapy, physical therapy, I was

1435
00:59:13,520 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 4: in an accident which he didn't even want to discuss,

1436
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 4: and caring for my sick dog. He basically said the

1437
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 4: same about him being my father and I better not

1438
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 4: dare ignore him again. Fast forward to three months ago

1439
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 4: in April, when I came out as by and he

1440
00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:28,240
Speaker 4: called me to tell me what a disappointment I am

1441
00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:30,640
Speaker 4: and how disgusting it is that I chose to be

1442
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 4: a spicy desire for his fellow Marines by being a

1443
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 4: corn f slur. That was when I told him I

1444
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:38,240
Speaker 4: really don't want to speak to him about my queerness

1445
00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 4: and kept my distance. We are friends on Facebook and

1446
00:59:40,520 --> 00:59:44,440
Speaker 4: he started posting some really home memes and the like

1447
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 4: about how queer people should be reprogrammed. Oh my god,

1448
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 4: block him, so I deleted him from Facebook. His wife

1449
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 4: called me crying that this fighting is stressing her out

1450
00:59:53,160 --> 00:59:55,040
Speaker 4: and she loves me like her own and begged me

1451
00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:57,400
Speaker 4: to make up with him. So we had a virtual

1452
00:59:57,480 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 4: family game night with her, her son, my father, and

1453
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:02,360
Speaker 4: my son. We played a version of pictionary and he

1454
01:00:02,480 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 4: drew a picture of a stick figure in a straight

1455
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:06,760
Speaker 4: jacket drooling, and I didn't guess it. The phrase was

1456
01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:07,680
Speaker 4: happy pride.

1457
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:10,760
Speaker 3: I would walk out, Yeah that I.

1458
01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 4: End the zoom call. They're not a zoom. I ended

1459
01:00:14,080 --> 01:00:16,880
Speaker 4: the zoom call, and you're going straight in the tribute shape, buddy.

1460
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:18,960
Speaker 4: I recently decided to get my next degree, and this

1461
01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:21,280
Speaker 4: came up in a FaceTime conversation with him and his wife,

1462
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 4: and they asked what in. I told them either child

1463
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:26,560
Speaker 4: psychology or primary education, as I wanted to advance in

1464
01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:29,680
Speaker 4: my career. My father sighed heavily and said, well, I

1465
01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:32,520
Speaker 4: guess those who can't do teach. It was then that

1466
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:34,800
Speaker 4: I cried in front of him for the first time

1467
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 4: since I was a kid. I was proud of myself,

1468
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 4: so effing proud that I managed to put my chaotic

1469
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:42,919
Speaker 4: life together enough to be on track to get back

1470
01:00:42,960 --> 01:00:45,600
Speaker 4: in school. I got my PTSD in line, made a

1471
01:00:45,640 --> 01:00:48,040
Speaker 4: hard choice in leaving my job for a better paying one,

1472
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:50,640
Speaker 4: started paying off my debts for my first degree, and

1473
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:53,160
Speaker 4: finally landed in a place to go back to school.

1474
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:56,000
Speaker 4: And he couldn't just say that's nice kid or something nonchalant.

1475
01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:57,880
Speaker 4: I said, I was tired and needed to go, and

1476
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:00,560
Speaker 4: I hung up the call. His wife texted me apology

1477
01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:02,880
Speaker 4: and said they are proud of my tenacity and hard

1478
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 4: work and can't wait to see what I'll do with

1479
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:05,400
Speaker 4: my degree. Mmm.

1480
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:06,640
Speaker 3: He did not say that.

1481
01:01:06,680 --> 01:01:08,480
Speaker 4: He never said, you know, I don't think he knows

1482
01:01:08,520 --> 01:01:13,120
Speaker 4: the word tenacity. I'm sorry. Last week my father called

1483
01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:16,240
Speaker 4: and told me he's sick, like really sick. His kidney again.

1484
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:18,960
Speaker 4: A few years back, he rekindled our relationship because of

1485
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:20,880
Speaker 4: his kidney failure or he could have not made it,

1486
01:01:20,920 --> 01:01:23,640
Speaker 4: but fortunately his treatments and dialysis helped him until a

1487
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 4: kidney came. I did get tested and was a match,

1488
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 4: but I was at risk and couldn't do so.

1489
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:29,520
Speaker 3: I hope you would not give this man.

1490
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:32,320
Speaker 4: Give this man a kidney. Now he's going downhill again.

1491
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:34,360
Speaker 4: He asked me if I planned to get married at all.

1492
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:36,360
Speaker 4: I said, if it happens. It happens, but I am

1493
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:38,640
Speaker 4: seeing someone right now and we are currently okay with

1494
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:40,960
Speaker 4: just dating. He asked if it's a woman. I said no.

1495
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 4: He said he wants to be at my wedding and

1496
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:44,920
Speaker 4: give me away, so I should ask my boyfriend to

1497
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 4: marry me. I was confused because firstly, he didn't ask

1498
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 4: if I wanted to marry the man. I would in

1499
01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 4: a heartbeat. My boyfriend is amazing. And secondly, we may

1500
01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:54,320
Speaker 4: never marry. It's just not on the menu for at

1501
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:56,200
Speaker 4: least a year or so. My father told me that

1502
01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:58,919
Speaker 4: while he was largely absent from my childhood, I'm still

1503
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:01,160
Speaker 4: his little girl and he loves me with all his heart.

1504
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:03,640
Speaker 4: I'm his legacy and dream and he needs to know

1505
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:05,920
Speaker 4: the lineage can go on. I then broke to my

1506
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:08,240
Speaker 4: father that I don't want kids right now and I

1507
01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:10,320
Speaker 4: might never want kids. He told me then that I

1508
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 4: would have kids to make me proud for once. He's

1509
01:02:13,080 --> 01:02:13,479
Speaker 4: my father.

1510
01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:18,160
Speaker 3: He's actively weaponizing his pride and yes, also, I guarantee

1511
01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:19,680
Speaker 3: you use it to weaponize his life.

1512
01:02:19,760 --> 01:02:22,160
Speaker 4: He's my father. I love him, But I just snapped.

1513
01:02:22,200 --> 01:02:24,520
Speaker 4: I asked him how I haven't made him proud before?

1514
01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:26,520
Speaker 4: He listed things here and there, like when I wrecked

1515
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 4: a car at twenty five. He wasn't even there and

1516
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:31,040
Speaker 4: I told him about this, or when I chose teaching

1517
01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:33,360
Speaker 4: over being in the military or police force or at

1518
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 4: least a lawyer.

1519
01:02:34,520 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 3: Oh my god.

1520
01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:38,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, this man is a literal walking meme of like

1521
01:02:38,480 --> 01:02:39,600
Speaker 6: a disapproving father.

1522
01:02:39,720 --> 01:02:39,919
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1523
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:42,919
Speaker 3: Nothing, Nothing will satisfy him, unless if it's like his life.

1524
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:45,400
Speaker 4: He then went on about a ten minute rant about

1525
01:02:45,440 --> 01:02:48,280
Speaker 4: my phase of liking women before I got with my boyfriend.

1526
01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:51,120
Speaker 4: I said that I'm still by I love my career

1527
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:53,280
Speaker 4: and I love the person I become, and I frankly

1528
01:02:53,360 --> 01:02:56,120
Speaker 4: no longer concern myself with if I make him proud.

1529
01:02:56,280 --> 01:02:58,400
Speaker 4: I am proud of me. Mom and dad and my

1530
01:02:58,440 --> 01:03:00,480
Speaker 4: siblings are too. Yes that for me.

1531
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:02,160
Speaker 3: Oh yes, I strive to.

1532
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 4: Make myself proud. But if that's not enough for him,

1533
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:06,240
Speaker 4: so be it.

1534
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:06,760
Speaker 3: Yep.

1535
01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:09,080
Speaker 4: He asked if I'm really okay with him passing away

1536
01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:12,080
Speaker 4: thinking I'm a disappointment, and I said, well, bottom line,

1537
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:14,840
Speaker 4: without luff, yeah it is because I'm happy you should

1538
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:17,200
Speaker 4: have been like, yeah, as long as you're good with

1539
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:19,480
Speaker 4: you passing away with me thinking.

1540
01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:24,560
Speaker 6: Oh that you as a disappointment, but I'm no, it's good.

1541
01:03:24,680 --> 01:03:27,439
Speaker 6: I'm proud of I'm proud of op for being like, yeah,

1542
01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:29,120
Speaker 6: for yourself. You know, I'm proud of myself. But that

1543
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:33,680
Speaker 6: takes a lot, especially with this sticky father relationship where

1544
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:36,800
Speaker 6: he's actively weaponizing his pride of you.

1545
01:03:37,080 --> 01:03:37,920
Speaker 3: So you're doing good.

1546
01:03:37,920 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 4: Ope, he's squolsdon man, I'm.

1547
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 3: Proud of you.

1548
01:03:40,040 --> 01:03:42,160
Speaker 4: His wife called me yesterday and it was a two

1549
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:45,560
Speaker 4: hour talk. He started off hysterical, asking me why I

1550
01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:48,160
Speaker 4: would break his heart and spirit while he was so

1551
01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:51,040
Speaker 4: sick and facing life threatening issues again. He called me

1552
01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:53,680
Speaker 4: cruel and said she was incredibly disappointed to me, and

1553
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:56,240
Speaker 4: said I think of myself as my mother's daughter more

1554
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 4: than my father's daughter. I was crushed, but said something

1555
01:03:59,040 --> 01:04:01,040
Speaker 4: along the lines of doesn't accept me, and if he

1556
01:04:01,080 --> 01:04:03,080
Speaker 4: weren't my father, that'd be enough for me to never

1557
01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:05,120
Speaker 4: speak to him again. I don't want him to be sick,

1558
01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:07,400
Speaker 4: but he is. He doesn't want me to be queer,

1559
01:04:07,400 --> 01:04:09,880
Speaker 4: but I am. The difference is sickness can be treated

1560
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:12,880
Speaker 4: or even cured, My queerness not so much. He started

1561
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:15,200
Speaker 4: sobbing and hung up. Look, I am aware that my

1562
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:18,400
Speaker 4: father is an omester and if you're a homes don't bother.

1563
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,120
Speaker 4: I am still gonna be me, but it hurt me

1564
01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:22,960
Speaker 4: so much that there's just nothing he finds good about me,

1565
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:26,400
Speaker 4: not a single thing. It hurts. It shouldn't, but it hurts.

1566
01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:29,479
Speaker 4: The nail for me was today his birthday. I called

1567
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:32,080
Speaker 4: to say happy birthday, and he told me to save it.

1568
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:34,520
Speaker 4: And he knows I'm celebrating my mom. Her birthday is

1569
01:04:34,560 --> 01:04:36,720
Speaker 4: the day after his day, and not him. And this

1570
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:38,600
Speaker 4: is a pity call because I don't love him.

1571
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 3: You're right, yeah, Hi.

1572
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:42,360
Speaker 4: He said he wishes he had more children so one

1573
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:44,600
Speaker 4: of them wouldn't be so selfish and would just grant

1574
01:04:44,680 --> 01:04:47,280
Speaker 4: every father's wish to see his daughters married and to

1575
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:48,919
Speaker 4: give her away before he passes away.

1576
01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:51,920
Speaker 3: I so hope while he's alive that he marries.

1577
01:04:51,600 --> 01:04:53,920
Speaker 4: A woman he's currently dating the one.

1578
01:04:54,080 --> 01:04:56,200
Speaker 3: Well, she could marry the boyfriend and a woman. Oh,

1579
01:04:56,320 --> 01:04:57,600
Speaker 3: that would even add to it.

1580
01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:00,320
Speaker 4: I spoken to my dad, stepfather about what he thinks

1581
01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:02,680
Speaker 4: about me not being married and the like neither is

1582
01:05:02,720 --> 01:05:05,680
Speaker 4: his bio daughter my sister, and he just laughed and said, baby,

1583
01:05:05,720 --> 01:05:08,000
Speaker 4: if you're happy with your life and I pass away tomorrow,

1584
01:05:08,080 --> 01:05:10,600
Speaker 4: I pass away happy marrying your mother was the best

1585
01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:13,360
Speaker 4: choice I ever made, and I'm happy. But marriageing for everyone?

1586
01:05:13,720 --> 01:05:16,640
Speaker 6: Do you as that is your father, as a healthy

1587
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:19,200
Speaker 6: loving father should say, that is your father.

1588
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:22,240
Speaker 4: The man who's calling you with slurs, not your dad.

1589
01:05:22,360 --> 01:05:25,720
Speaker 4: That is the man who added a spring into the cocktail.

1590
01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:26,120
Speaker 3: That is you.

1591
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:30,360
Speaker 4: That's not your dad. He has been hateful, manipulative and sad.

1592
01:05:30,640 --> 01:05:34,400
Speaker 6: And also just to acknowledge your deep longing for his

1593
01:05:34,520 --> 01:05:37,840
Speaker 6: approval and for his love. This is your biological father,

1594
01:05:37,920 --> 01:05:41,160
Speaker 6: and it makes so much sense that you long for it. Yeah,

1595
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:43,439
Speaker 6: that you're deeply longing for and that you've you've put

1596
01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:45,760
Speaker 6: up with so much, Not that you need to, but

1597
01:05:45,920 --> 01:05:47,680
Speaker 6: it makes sense your your deep desire for that.

1598
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:50,520
Speaker 4: Absolutely. I clung to that all day. But I can't

1599
01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:53,120
Speaker 4: unhear my father crying. He texted me that if I

1600
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:55,160
Speaker 4: hate him, to just say it so he can face

1601
01:05:55,200 --> 01:05:57,520
Speaker 4: his passing away knowing the truth. And that's saying I

1602
01:05:57,560 --> 01:05:59,400
Speaker 4: don't care about him being proud of me. Was a

1603
01:05:59,440 --> 01:06:01,640
Speaker 4: low blow to a father and a betrayal.

1604
01:06:01,800 --> 01:06:04,479
Speaker 6: That's the low blow, not every single thing the father

1605
01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:06,080
Speaker 6: he said, Oh yeah.

1606
01:06:05,760 --> 01:06:08,520
Speaker 4: I don't want him to face his mortality. All this

1607
01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:11,680
Speaker 4: crappy medical treatment. He needs to go through the financial burden,

1608
01:06:11,840 --> 01:06:15,040
Speaker 4: the mental burden, the everything about the situation that's for him,

1609
01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:17,240
Speaker 4: and think I hate him. I do not hate my father.

1610
01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:19,320
Speaker 4: I've been through my therapy and let go of all

1611
01:06:19,320 --> 01:06:22,160
Speaker 4: that anger. Now all that's left is sadness and guilt.

1612
01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:24,920
Speaker 4: I don't regret holding my ground, but he seems really

1613
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:27,280
Speaker 4: hurt by what I said. I'm too effing emotional to

1614
01:06:27,320 --> 01:06:29,640
Speaker 4: know for sure. Am I the a hole? I am

1615
01:06:29,680 --> 01:06:31,600
Speaker 4: sitting and waiting for my friends to meet me for

1616
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:33,600
Speaker 4: karaoke night to ask them, but I.

1617
01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:35,640
Speaker 3: Figured i'd ask to in the meantime.

1618
01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:38,840
Speaker 4: No, No, You're not, No, not an a hole. I

1619
01:06:38,840 --> 01:06:40,440
Speaker 4: think it's just like I think you need to go

1620
01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:43,160
Speaker 4: back to therapy and there is an update. Sorry if

1621
01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:45,520
Speaker 4: this doesn't make sense. I have been crying and drinking,

1622
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:47,640
Speaker 4: and it is what it is. I felt so bad

1623
01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:49,880
Speaker 4: that I called my father Bio and just cut him

1624
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:52,040
Speaker 4: off before he started small talking. I told him that

1625
01:06:52,120 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 4: my stepfather, my dad, is my dad. He was there

1626
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:56,040
Speaker 4: when I learned how to ride a bike. He was

1627
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:58,760
Speaker 4: there when Trevor from sixth grade broke my little email heart.

1628
01:06:58,800 --> 01:07:00,960
Speaker 4: He was the guy who came and when I got

1629
01:07:00,960 --> 01:07:03,439
Speaker 4: two wasted at a concert and needed a sober ride

1630
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:06,160
Speaker 4: even though I was an hour out. That's my dad.

1631
01:07:06,240 --> 01:07:08,720
Speaker 4: If I ever got married and did the traditional give

1632
01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:11,040
Speaker 4: away the bride, no shade to the folk who want that,

1633
01:07:11,120 --> 01:07:13,720
Speaker 4: I don't, it would be my dad. The same dad

1634
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:15,800
Speaker 4: that hugged me as I cried for hours when my

1635
01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:19,040
Speaker 4: grandmother passed. Same guy who got tampons at the store

1636
01:07:19,120 --> 01:07:21,720
Speaker 4: when I had a teenage meltdown. That guy, my father

1637
01:07:21,880 --> 01:07:24,120
Speaker 4: just said, I understand and nothing more. When I said

1638
01:07:24,120 --> 01:07:26,160
Speaker 4: my whole piece, you just said are you done? And

1639
01:07:26,200 --> 01:07:28,120
Speaker 4: I said I was. He hung up without a word.

1640
01:07:28,200 --> 01:07:30,440
Speaker 4: His wife texted me not long after, telling me that

1641
01:07:30,480 --> 01:07:33,040
Speaker 4: if he passes, it's my fault because I broke the

1642
01:07:33,080 --> 01:07:34,880
Speaker 4: spirit and the picture of why he would fight for

1643
01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:37,040
Speaker 4: his life. He told me that after our call, he

1644
01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:39,640
Speaker 4: started to drink heavily and that this is also my fault.

1645
01:07:39,760 --> 01:07:42,120
Speaker 4: It's I've been up at my mom and stepfather since

1646
01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:44,080
Speaker 4: I tried to enjoy the weekend with family, but it

1647
01:07:44,160 --> 01:07:46,360
Speaker 4: bothers me. I need to be clear. I don't want

1648
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:48,840
Speaker 4: my father to pass. I do have good memories with him,

1649
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,280
Speaker 4: and no one deserves what he's going through. But I

1650
01:07:51,400 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 4: hate this blame game and I hate them for doing it.

1651
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:56,520
Speaker 4: I may or may not have even spoiled my mother

1652
01:07:56,560 --> 01:07:58,919
Speaker 4: for her birthday, and I've been very obnoxious over social

1653
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:01,080
Speaker 4: media about it. Think all she has done for me.

1654
01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 4: I do not want my father to suffer, and I

1655
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,320
Speaker 4: do not want him to have regrets. But he's just

1656
01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:07,360
Speaker 4: not my dad. He's not a parent, and I don't

1657
01:08:07,400 --> 01:08:09,520
Speaker 4: think we will ever get there. That ship is sailed.

1658
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:11,320
Speaker 4: I just now sent a text, and you can be

1659
01:08:11,320 --> 01:08:13,120
Speaker 4: the judge if I'm a horrible daughter or not, but

1660
01:08:13,240 --> 01:08:15,280
Speaker 4: at this point I don't think I am. And this

1661
01:08:15,600 --> 01:08:19,120
Speaker 4: is the text. Dad. Words will never suffice. I love

1662
01:08:19,160 --> 01:08:21,600
Speaker 4: you fiercely. I always will. But as you know, you

1663
01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:24,200
Speaker 4: are my father, but not my dad fake name, THEO

1664
01:08:24,479 --> 01:08:26,599
Speaker 4: is my dad. I do not ascribe to the tradition

1665
01:08:26,800 --> 01:08:28,880
Speaker 4: to give the bride away, but if I did, THEO

1666
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,400
Speaker 4: would give me away. I'm sorry. I know that might hurt,

1667
01:08:31,479 --> 01:08:33,400
Speaker 4: but I value him and all he has done. He

1668
01:08:33,439 --> 01:08:35,479
Speaker 4: didn't need to adopt me as his own, but he did.

1669
01:08:35,560 --> 01:08:38,120
Speaker 4: In my life is great. I love my family, my life,

1670
01:08:38,160 --> 01:08:40,120
Speaker 4: and I am happy when I think about the future.

1671
01:08:40,280 --> 01:08:42,280
Speaker 4: Isn't that what you want for me? To be happy,

1672
01:08:42,360 --> 01:08:44,120
Speaker 4: I asked, because it's what I want for you. I

1673
01:08:44,160 --> 01:08:46,439
Speaker 4: don't want to go no contact. I don't want us

1674
01:08:46,479 --> 01:08:48,800
Speaker 4: to ever stop talking for so many reasons. I mean,

1675
01:08:48,880 --> 01:08:51,839
Speaker 4: sometimes you are right. I am like you. I'm left handed,

1676
01:08:51,960 --> 01:08:54,840
Speaker 4: love jazz, I'm good at programming and generally am the

1677
01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:59,240
Speaker 4: level headed friend. But I'm also like my mom, kind hearted, tenacious, outspoken.

1678
01:08:59,320 --> 01:09:02,040
Speaker 4: You don't own me just due to genetics. If you

1679
01:09:02,080 --> 01:09:04,479
Speaker 4: want to be in my life, I welcome that and you,

1680
01:09:04,760 --> 01:09:07,320
Speaker 4: but it has to be respectful on both ends. I

1681
01:09:07,360 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 4: will not tolerate anything else. If this works for you, awesome,

1682
01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:12,479
Speaker 4: but if not, understand that this means that we will

1683
01:09:12,520 --> 01:09:14,800
Speaker 4: never have a true relationship. I love you so much.

1684
01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:16,920
Speaker 4: I truly hope for you that you will be well

1685
01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:20,400
Speaker 4: and never in pain or discomfort. But those are my terms.

1686
01:09:20,479 --> 01:09:22,240
Speaker 4: By the way, you can listen to full episodes with

1687
01:09:22,280 --> 01:09:25,240
Speaker 4: stories just like that if you go to Apple Podcasts,

1688
01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:28,120
Speaker 4: Spotify or your favorite podcast app. Just go to Okay

1689
01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:30,600
Speaker 4: story time and there is a little bit left. It

1690
01:09:30,640 --> 01:09:33,240
Speaker 4: was so beautiful, beautiful that was not only that wasn't

1691
01:09:33,280 --> 01:09:34,439
Speaker 4: just like hey, that was just like.

1692
01:09:34,439 --> 01:09:37,240
Speaker 3: Here, It was it was so beautiful. It was it

1693
01:09:37,320 --> 01:09:39,080
Speaker 3: was real and it was true.

1694
01:09:39,400 --> 01:09:43,080
Speaker 6: It wasn't easy, and it was you saying that you

1695
01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:47,080
Speaker 6: love him and also laying down the truth and in

1696
01:09:47,680 --> 01:09:51,400
Speaker 6: sharing your own pride of yourself as you should, and

1697
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:54,760
Speaker 6: also so beautifully done of you saying if you want

1698
01:09:54,800 --> 01:09:57,439
Speaker 6: to be in my life, the doors here, but I

1699
01:09:57,560 --> 01:10:00,439
Speaker 6: need it to be respectful if you were to come in,

1700
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:03,439
Speaker 6: which is so compassionate, and I don't think it's people

1701
01:10:03,479 --> 01:10:06,080
Speaker 6: pleasing because they're saying, like, hey, if you were to

1702
01:10:06,120 --> 01:10:08,360
Speaker 6: come in, I would need you to be a compassionate

1703
01:10:08,479 --> 01:10:10,639
Speaker 6: human being and if not, that's on you.

1704
01:10:10,800 --> 01:10:13,360
Speaker 3: I think it was so well done and beautifully written,

1705
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:13,760
Speaker 3: and I'm.

1706
01:10:13,640 --> 01:10:16,880
Speaker 4: Proud of you, and I signed it. I saw he

1707
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:19,200
Speaker 4: saw my text, but I haven't heard back. I feel

1708
01:10:19,240 --> 01:10:21,960
Speaker 4: like even if he responded negatively, I would want a response.

1709
01:10:22,080 --> 01:10:24,439
Speaker 4: This waiting is the worst. So here I am on

1710
01:10:24,520 --> 01:10:28,280
Speaker 4: Reddit trying to spend time. Lol. What a life. And

1711
01:10:28,320 --> 01:10:31,160
Speaker 4: that is the end of that story. He's a big

1712
01:10:31,200 --> 01:10:33,240
Speaker 4: old green flag. I'm very proud of you, Pep.

1713
01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:35,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm feeling really inspired. Actually, that was so well

1714
01:10:36,840 --> 01:10:39,200
Speaker 3: and again just true with love.

1715
01:10:39,760 --> 01:10:41,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, two facts, But that was the end of that episode.