Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so nice to see you. How's
Speaker 1: Matt May. It's great. She's in Albuquerque right now visiting
Speaker 1: Michael while he's filming back in Albuquerque. She's got some
Speaker 1: comma with New Mexico. Huh oh Albuquerque. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Once I went to visit her in Albuquerque, and then
Speaker 1: I was on my show and I started just ripping
Speaker 1: Albuquerque to shreds. I was like a big lot of
Speaker 1: mistake dirt, and Albuquerque went nuts. She had to do
Speaker 1: like three days of radio local radio and Albuquerque to apologize,
Speaker 1: and she's like, you need to issue a formal apology
Speaker 1: and I will do no such thing. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Albuquerque tried to cancel you. I know, I know. Now
Speaker 1: we love Albuquaque. Let's get it on the record that
Speaker 1: we love in Albuquerque. I'm sure I'm performing there shortly,
Speaker 1: so i'll address it in person. You guys. Hello, I'm
Speaker 1: Mini Driver and welcome to many questions. I've always loved
Speaker 1: priest question nat. It was originally an eighteenth century harlighame
Speaker 1: meant to reveal an individual's true nature, but with so
Speaker 1: many questions, there wasn't really an opportunity to expand on anything.
Speaker 1: So I took the format of Proof's questionnaire and adapted
Speaker 1: what I think are seven of the most important questions
Speaker 1: you could ever ask someone they are when and where
Speaker 1: were you happiest? What is the quality you like least
Speaker 1: about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you?
Speaker 1: What question would you most like answered, What person, place,
Speaker 1: or experience has shaped you the most? What would be
Speaker 1: your last meal? And can you tell me something in
Speaker 1: your life that has grown out of a personal disaster.
Speaker 1: The more people we ask, the more we begin to
Speaker 1: see what makes us similar and what makes us individual.
Speaker 1: I've gathered a group of really remarkable people who I
Speaker 1: am honored and humbled to have had a chance to
Speaker 1: engage with. My guest today is Chelsea Handler, an unfiltered
Speaker 1: voice in a world that feels like it's sometimes garing
Speaker 1: more vanilla for fear of councel culture. Chelsea is a
Speaker 1: true advocate of women in politics, and I've been to
Speaker 1: several events that she's hosted where I was given the
Speaker 1: opportunity to be educated and also be part of advocacy
Speaker 1: that is really affecting change. She is tireless and sometimes caustic,
Speaker 1: but she is unapologetically connected to who she is and
Speaker 1: what she believes, and I really love her for that.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start this off with when and where were
Speaker 1: you happiest? Chelsea? When and where was the happiest? I
Speaker 1: think on stage I would have been the happiest. Probably
Speaker 1: at Radio City Music Hall. I sold out four shows,
Speaker 1: and I remember the two shows going by so quickly
Speaker 1: that I didn't even remember what happened. And at the
Speaker 1: end of the night, my sister said, did you experience
Speaker 1: that tonight? And I had so many people there, like
Speaker 1: my family, friends, relatives, and I did it. And she's like,
Speaker 1: make sure tomorrow night you soak it in like you're
Speaker 1: at Radio City Music Hall, like this is a dream
Speaker 1: come true, and make sure you don't miss that moment.
Speaker 1: And then the next night I got on stage, and
Speaker 1: I have a habit of like, you know, oh stop
Speaker 1: stop me while i'm you know, I'm they're performing for
Speaker 1: all the people who have paid to seeing me, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, what me, Like it's so stupid, But I
Speaker 1: always like to stop applause, like if it becomes too much,
Speaker 1: I get embarrassed, right, I can't take a compliment in
Speaker 1: that way. And I went out on stage in my
Speaker 1: first show, and I just let the applause keep going
Speaker 1: and going and going because people were so excited to
Speaker 1: be there and all my fans were there, and I
Speaker 1: just soaked it in and I remember feeling such joy
Speaker 1: that I almost started to cry. And I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: now you have to be funny, so fucking get your
Speaker 1: ship to others. Love it. But it was a really
Speaker 1: happy moment because my sister told me to do it. Also,
Speaker 1: it's good when sisters remind you to be present. I mean, God,
Speaker 1: Radio City Music Hall is it's like the Albert Hall.
Speaker 1: To me, it's just like this incredible, iconic venue. But
Speaker 1: did you have that all the way through your life,
Speaker 1: with like being on stage and that approbation, because I
Speaker 1: know I did. It's like rocket fuel, Is that part
Speaker 1: of the engine. Yeah? Well, I mean you find out
Speaker 1: that you're good at something right, and that you're bad
Speaker 1: at all these other things. But all you have to
Speaker 1: find out is the good thing that you're good at.
Speaker 1: You know, you just have to find that thing for you,
Speaker 1: and when you find it, it's so good to be capable,
Speaker 1: you know, it feels so gratifying to be good at something.
Speaker 1: And to have people clamoring to see you and wanting
Speaker 1: to see that live. I love that you embrace that
Speaker 1: because there are so many people who are just like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, I just do it for the work, and
Speaker 1: I just I love it. And if I bring a
Speaker 1: couple of people peace. I love the fact that you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want a huge crowds. Yeah, I want to be
Speaker 1: good at it. I love being good at it. I've
Speaker 1: always loved that about you. It's the appetite that you
Speaker 1: have for what it is that you do, because you
Speaker 1: do clearly love it. So what quality do you like
Speaker 1: least about yourself? My vanity? Do you really well? I mean,
Speaker 1: it's not an admirable treat in someone. I don't admire
Speaker 1: vanity and others I detested because I detested in myself.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't like it. I wish I didn't
Speaker 1: care about the way I looked. But I don't mean
Speaker 1: just physically, I just mean my vanity and everything. You know,
Speaker 1: I wish I didn't have my ego. I wish I
Speaker 1: could just be enlightened instead of ego driven. But it's
Speaker 1: a pretty enlightened point of view to acknowledge that I
Speaker 1: mean that's a weird nexus between your ego and then
Speaker 1: also being able to be the spectator look at yourself,
Speaker 1: going shit, I wish I didn't have that, But there's
Speaker 1: wisdom in that sheils. You have to have done some
Speaker 1: work to be able to observe that that's true. I
Speaker 1: have done some work. I mean, that's just me one
Speaker 1: cup of wisdom after another. Mini you know that. That's
Speaker 1: what I always say about you, Just wisdom, handler wisdom
Speaker 1: to point but I do. It's like there's a total
Speaker 1: veracity in the way that you hand out information that
Speaker 1: I will always appreciate. But I think you also turn
Speaker 1: that lens on yourself as much as you turn on
Speaker 1: other people, including states. Shout out to Albuquerque, we love you, Albuquerque.
Speaker 1: Shout out to Albuquerque. What would be your last meal?
Speaker 1: Spaghetti with clams long a way with a white wine
Speaker 1: sauce is pretty much my favorite thing in the world,
Speaker 1: with a lot of parmesan. Yeah, do you make that? No?
Speaker 1: I can't make anything many. I can make egg whites
Speaker 1: and I can toast a bagel and that's all I
Speaker 1: can make. Okay, So who makes your spaghettian clams for
Speaker 1: your last male? Usually an Italian restaurant, So you'd be
Speaker 1: sitting by yourself. No, no, yeah, ideally I would be yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I want to talk to anybody. I would have them
Speaker 1: deliver it at the very least, the very least, I
Speaker 1: would eat it at my house. What relationship, real or fictionalized,
Speaker 1: defines love for you? I'm gonna say my relationships with
Speaker 1: my sisters, both of them, because if there is an
Speaker 1: unspoken as you know, being a girl and having a sister,
Speaker 1: there is an unspoken tacit understanding of every single thing
Speaker 1: that is in your brain or on your mind or
Speaker 1: on your face. There is an unspoken language between sisters
Speaker 1: where you look at them and they know that you
Speaker 1: have twenty looks and what each look means exactly. You know,
Speaker 1: when I look across the room and I'm talking to someone,
Speaker 1: my sister knows exactly if I want to stop talking
Speaker 1: to that person, if I want to continue talking about person,
Speaker 1: or if I want to leave with that person, like
Speaker 1: you know, and to me, that is love, because how
Speaker 1: do you know somebody so intimately? Like I don't know
Speaker 1: anybody or trust anybody the way I trust my sisters.
Speaker 1: So is the cornerstone the trust and complicity and transparency.
Speaker 1: Are those the cornerstones of love for you? Trust? For sure?
Speaker 1: I think the unconditional love, the knowing of I can
Speaker 1: say I did something wrong or bad or something I
Speaker 1: regret to my sisters and they're never gonna not be
Speaker 1: on my side. You know, you could do the worst thing,
Speaker 1: and that trust of like I could tell you the
Speaker 1: worst thing about me and you're still gonna love me,
Speaker 1: is the cornerstone of any real love. Yeah, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 1: My sister is well, you know my sister. She is
Speaker 1: just ruthless with me, but also the most loving, supportive cheerleader.
Speaker 1: And it's astonishing that sisters can actually inhabit both. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're going to tell you the truth, right, Yeah, the honesty,
Speaker 1: the honesty. I just want somebody to be honest with me.
Speaker 1: You know so many times I've gone through life and
Speaker 1: been like, well, if you all hated that boyfriend, why
Speaker 1: didn't anyone say anything to me? And they're like, like,
Speaker 1: you would have listened, And it's like I would have
Speaker 1: fucking listened. If my sisters had told me, hey, this
Speaker 1: guy is terrible, like why are you dating him? I
Speaker 1: would have listened to them. I want the truth. I
Speaker 1: always want the truth. I don't want any venar. She
Speaker 1: I love your retro rage at your sister. It's like,
Speaker 1: why did you fucking tell me he was an assholt.
Speaker 1: It's like it's your fault. It's like, you fuckers, because
Speaker 1: I told my sister. We were all there, but I'm
Speaker 1: the ring leader of our crew. It was my brother
Speaker 1: and my sister were in New York. It was some
Speaker 1: fancy night where I was receiving some award at like
Speaker 1: the Glamor Awards or something, and we all had a
Speaker 1: few drinks and we all looked really pretty. And I
Speaker 1: looked at my sister and I just flew out of
Speaker 1: my mouth and I said, you're unhappy and you're a
Speaker 1: bummer to be around. I said, you haven't been happy
Speaker 1: for about five years. I think you need to get divorced.
Speaker 1: And she looked at me, and she looked at my sister,
Speaker 1: and my sister's like it's true. And she looked at
Speaker 1: my brother and he's like it's true. And she looked
Speaker 1: at all of us and she's like okay. And she
Speaker 1: went and she drove home the next morning, and she
Speaker 1: had to fly to Paris for two weeks for some
Speaker 1: work thing, and she came home and she told her
Speaker 1: husband they were splitting up and they were getting divorced.
Speaker 1: And she says to me, always, I didn't know I
Speaker 1: was acting like that until you told me so when
Speaker 1: I had my relationship with the aforementioned gentleman, I was
Speaker 1: just referring to years later. And she didn't say, hey, ho,
Speaker 1: you're dating an asshole. I was like, hey, remember when
Speaker 1: I told you to get divorced and you said that
Speaker 1: was the most meaningful thing you've ever heard from us.
Speaker 1: And she said, well, you weren't getting married. I was like,
Speaker 1: so you were gonna wait until I got married to
Speaker 1: this asshole to tell me not to marry him. Wow. Anyway,
Speaker 1: it's important to be honest with people. And I love
Speaker 1: my sisters. That's the moral of that story. I say, oh,
Speaker 1: like you know, no, No, is there a hierarchy. Uh,
Speaker 1: there's a hierarchy. I'm at the top of it, just
Speaker 1: because I plan all the vacations and I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I'm a mover and a shaker. I make things happen.
Speaker 1: If it were left to them, we wouldn't ever be
Speaker 1: going on vacation together, you know, Like I organized. I
Speaker 1: also love the vacations and how you frame your sorority, Like,
Speaker 1: I love that, Like this is the most important thing.
Speaker 1: That's Yeah, that's our central focus. Yeah, this is how
Speaker 1: I figure out. The pecking order is who organized the vacations.
Speaker 1: It's great. Yeah, right, it's basically who's got the money, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: so I have the money, so I'm in charge. I
Speaker 1: am the youngest, though, of my siblings. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: what a nightmare, absolutely nightmare for them. Yeah, they're also
Speaker 1: over me. But yeah, there's a pecking order. But you know,
Speaker 1: we're all very tight my family. We have a good group,
Speaker 1: and we all get along, and we all agree on
Speaker 1: politics and racial justice. And I don't have any of
Speaker 1: those like conservative people in my family that I hear
Speaker 1: so many friends, you know having, So I guess I'm
Speaker 1: feeling even more gratitude recently of late, you know, with
Speaker 1: all of the political aspects going on in the world,
Speaker 1: to have a family that also, like we agree on everything. Yeah, god,
Speaker 1: I can't even imagine having a super conservative family member
Speaker 1: and just being able to accommodate their point of view
Speaker 1: because you know, everyone is entitled to it. But oh
Speaker 1: my god, no, I don't want to think about that,
Speaker 1: I'm having a nice day in your life. What can
Speaker 1: you tell me has grown out of a personal disaster?
Speaker 1: I guess my last serious relationship, which now is many
Speaker 1: years ago, it was pretty hectic and pretty volatile, Like
Speaker 1: you know, when people bring out the worst in you.
Speaker 1: We brought out the worst in each other. He certainly
Speaker 1: brought out the worst in me. I probably brought out
Speaker 1: the best in him, but that was really low And
Speaker 1: I remember thinking, after that relationship, I just want to
Speaker 1: be untethered, right, I don't want to have the feeling
Speaker 1: that I've drawn to anyone. I want to be free
Speaker 1: of men in my life, Like I don't want to
Speaker 1: be on the verge of something, on the verge of
Speaker 1: beginning a relationship or on the verge of ending it.
Speaker 1: Like I wanted to just be in the safe zone, right.
Speaker 1: And you know a lot of people can interpret that
Speaker 1: as being very protective over yourself, which is true. But
Speaker 1: what was born out of that was like I needed
Speaker 1: to learn how to be happy without that because I
Speaker 1: had put so much dependency on that relationship to make
Speaker 1: me happy. So when that was taken out of the equation,
Speaker 1: which was my own decision, but sticking to it and
Speaker 1: like understanding what it means to go through the pain
Speaker 1: of a situation without throwing alcohol or drugs or other
Speaker 1: men at it and sitting in it, because the quickest
Speaker 1: way to go through emotional trauma is to sit through it, right,
Speaker 1: And that way you're just getting through it and being
Speaker 1: present in the ugliness of your feelings. That was a
Speaker 1: real testament because my healing happens so much more quickly
Speaker 1: because I was present about being in pain. God, that's
Speaker 1: very interesting the idea, because it feels counterintuitive, and I
Speaker 1: think that's the way that most people think about pain,
Speaker 1: is that I would do anything then go through it.
Speaker 1: I would rather stay in my unhappy marriage, I would
Speaker 1: rather stay in my borrowing, awful job. I would rather
Speaker 1: not confront those things that are going to engender pain.
Speaker 1: So interesting is humans, like way, are constantly looking to
Speaker 1: avoid pain. It's cool to hear you say that sitting
Speaker 1: with it and being with it was actually the fastest
Speaker 1: way to get over it. Yeah, yeah, it is, and
Speaker 1: you know, and it is ugly. But you're doing yourself
Speaker 1: a favor because every time you deflect these injuries, they
Speaker 1: build up and then they fucking tap you on the
Speaker 1: shoulder when you're least expecting it, and then you're really
Speaker 1: out of whack. So when people aren't facing their ugliness
Speaker 1: head on, you know, you're postponing it. Oh god, do
Speaker 1: you think it will just catch us up with you?
Speaker 1: And fect My father used to say that you never
Speaker 1: run up a bar tub you don't eventually have to pay. Well.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know about your British people, but
Speaker 1: you guys probably aren't there with the therapy as we are,
Speaker 1: because I know you, like, we are all therapied out
Speaker 1: in America. So oh no, I'm therapied up the wazoo. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, Brits are going to therapy now. All my
Speaker 1: British friends go to therapy. I used to think it
Speaker 1: was so stupid. I'm like, oh, please, sitting around and
Speaker 1: talking about myself for hours on end sounds heavenly, I know.
Speaker 1: I was like, I do that my whole life, like
Speaker 1: I can't spend extra time doing that, even I can't.
Speaker 1: And then you do it and you're like, oh, what
Speaker 1: a great investment that was, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's like, oh, there, I just took care
Speaker 1: of college perfect. Now I'm a graduate. I get it.
Speaker 1: Now I can move through the world in a loving,
Speaker 1: more kind way. You know. Yeah, I like how to therapists,
Speaker 1: I asked my amazing therapist. I like, listen, I just
Speaker 1: want tools. I want practical things that I can do
Speaker 1: when ship is melting. So can you please give me
Speaker 1: these things? And rather than talking about the root of
Speaker 1: the melting or why we've I guess we've covered that.
Speaker 1: But he's so good, He's like, yes, this is what
Speaker 1: you do, and here's an app I'm crazy about him.
Speaker 1: I'm crazy about a practical approach to like psychological trouble right.
Speaker 1: I like a very linear, you know plan. I like
Speaker 1: to say, okay, it tells me exactly what part of
Speaker 1: the brain is, is what it functions as, and what
Speaker 1: I have to do to keep it moving in the
Speaker 1: right direction. Like scientific answers, not what question would you
Speaker 1: most like answered? What happens when we die? What do
Speaker 1: you think happens when we die? I'm not thinking much happened,
Speaker 1: So that's a bummer. Wait are you hoping that the
Speaker 1: answer the question is going to be more interesting and
Speaker 1: glamorous than like you? I don't think it's anything. I
Speaker 1: think it's just like dust In Albuquerque. I mean, I
Speaker 1: just I don't think as much. I'm hoping that I'm
Speaker 1: wrong and that, you know, we go off into Lala
Speaker 1: land and decide what we're gonna do next, or if
Speaker 1: we want to become a bird or a feather or
Speaker 1: a person. But I doubt that's true. But I do
Speaker 1: believe in energy and the science behind energy never dies.
Speaker 1: It just transforms into something else. So when we die,
Speaker 1: we're not gone. You know. I have a dead mother
Speaker 1: and I have a dead brother, and I talked to
Speaker 1: my dead mom all the time. I talked to my
Speaker 1: dead mom all the time as well. Do you have
Speaker 1: a sign for your mom? Oh my god, that's so weird.
Speaker 1: Whenever I talked to her, a bird flies by. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a common sign, a bird for your mom. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how they come back. There's all these signs, you know.
Speaker 1: If you talk to these new a G people, they
Speaker 1: talk about like different ways to know. But I was
Speaker 1: instructed to just pray and talk to my mom and
Speaker 1: ask her for a sign in the form of mine
Speaker 1: is an orange. My mom just reminds me of citrus
Speaker 1: because I love oranges and they're juicy and squeezable, and
Speaker 1: my mom was juicy and squeezable, and I whenever I
Speaker 1: asked for an orange, I get one. And I was
Speaker 1: skiing and whistler this Christmas. I was there for like
Speaker 1: three months this year because of COVID. I just stayed
Speaker 1: there and I skied and skied and skied. And on
Speaker 1: my birthday there was a little orange at this tree
Speaker 1: where I stopped to smoke a joint in the middle
Speaker 1: of the day, I sat down and I saw an orange.
Speaker 1: You know, I believe in that stuff. I believe in
Speaker 1: signs and energies, and there's something bigger at play here
Speaker 1: than any of us will ever know about, you know.
Speaker 1: But I do hope that it's not over. But I'm
Speaker 1: sure it is. Well, I think the vanity is going
Speaker 1: to be over pay but I do. I mean, my
Speaker 1: mom died very recently. I still feel so connected to her.
Speaker 1: But I don't know if that's just the shock of
Speaker 1: her being gone or if it's actually this tenable energy.
Speaker 1: But I'd like to think it's that. And why not
Speaker 1: believe in something, you know, why not believe in it?
Speaker 1: Because we all know that, you know, manifestation is a
Speaker 1: real thing too, that is like proven, you know, thinking
Speaker 1: things into being without being like corny and hokey about it,
Speaker 1: Like if you're on the train headed in a certain direction,
Speaker 1: you're going to get there. So all of it works.
Speaker 1: And if you believe in stuff, it makes it more
Speaker 1: true and it makes it more real. Like I saw
Speaker 1: this thing on Instagram the other day. This guy's brother
Speaker 1: died when he was twenty seven, and when he was
Speaker 1: a little kid, he had posed in this like Friedo
Speaker 1: lay print ad as like a six year old. And
Speaker 1: right before he died, he sent his brother a picture
Speaker 1: of him next to the truck, going, remember when I
Speaker 1: did this, he was murdered. There's only one truck with
Speaker 1: that picture on it in all of Israel. I think
Speaker 1: that's where they live. And on his thirtieth birthday, his
Speaker 1: brother was driving and the truck passed him. And it's
Speaker 1: like that could be a coincidence, but it's not. Like
Speaker 1: I do believe in things like that. You know what
Speaker 1: I do too. I also it makes me think about
Speaker 1: you know how when you ask about reincarnation and people
Speaker 1: always think that they were like an Egyptian pharaoh, Like
Speaker 1: I actually love that. No, some people are just remembered
Speaker 1: by Frieda lay and oranges and birds, and it's very simple,
Speaker 1: and don't start getting up at d about what you
Speaker 1: think you were. I really like how fundamentally human freedo
Speaker 1: lay oranges and birds even though they're Avian. But you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, I like that. Well. I
Speaker 1: also summoned my mother sometimes when I'm meditating. I meditating
Speaker 1: the morning is usually when I wake up, and I
Speaker 1: always in like, you know, when I'm really feeling vulnerable
Speaker 1: or insecure or whatever something that I don't like feeling,
Speaker 1: I always kind of go like momm you know. And
Speaker 1: I have this thing if my hands get hot, that
Speaker 1: means my mom's with me, and if they don't get hot,
Speaker 1: she's not. More often times than not, I feel her
Speaker 1: right away, like I feel her, And it's true, I
Speaker 1: know when she's there and when she's not. And I
Speaker 1: would say to you, like, I have a much closer
Speaker 1: bond with my mother now that she's been gone for
Speaker 1: fourteen years than I did when she was even here. Wow.
Speaker 1: I was talking with someone on the podcast the other
Speaker 1: day that nobody talks about this relationship that begins with
Speaker 1: the person you love after that dead, that it grows
Speaker 1: and it changes and it becomes something else like, that's
Speaker 1: really interesting that you would say that, because that confirms
Speaker 1: my belief that you know, it's true, there's evolution even
Speaker 1: after their dead. Yeah, yeah, it's definitely true because then
Speaker 1: we also gain a better understanding of our parents, right,
Speaker 1: Like we also after they're gone, we start to grow
Speaker 1: into them more. We start to understand them and where
Speaker 1: they were coming from totally. I think about my mom,
Speaker 1: what she was, my age, She had six children, living
Speaker 1: with my father in New Jersey, who was a used
Speaker 1: car dealer. Like, you know, we grew up, we're not
Speaker 1: even thinking about our parents, like there are their own people,
Speaker 1: even until we're you know, in our forties and we're like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I wonder what their childhood or their perspective
Speaker 1: must have been. Like. So imagine how much more you're
Speaker 1: going to get to know your mom now that she's gone,
Speaker 1: because your interest is even peaked tied, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's really interesting and you're right that God's I mean,
Speaker 1: they're just these super human creatures I think when they
Speaker 1: your mom, but in a way, they become more human
Speaker 1: when they're dead. Yeah. Okay, So what person, place, or
Speaker 1: experience has most altered your life? Iouaska, I did aowasca
Speaker 1: in Peru? Did she with like a guide? I did
Speaker 1: a guide. It was a special on Netflix. It's called
Speaker 1: Chelsea Does Drugs. Oh my god, I've got to watch that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you've got to. It's so good. So I
Speaker 1: went to Peru. I brought two friends and we did
Speaker 1: I had a shaman. It was, you know, very professional.
Speaker 1: We were filming it for Netflix. I did this whole
Speaker 1: docuseries about things I knew nothing about. Did they fill
Speaker 1: me throwing up from the ayahuasca? Oh yeah, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's on there. Jesus. So they were like, Okay, you're
Speaker 1: going to Peru and you're gonna ship your pants possibly
Speaker 1: and vomit. And I was like, Hi, I'm so down
Speaker 1: with that. I'm like, i am not going to ship
Speaker 1: my pants because I'm not a beginner. I'm an advanced
Speaker 1: drug user and I will not blow up a good time.
Speaker 1: So I went down there my two friends. They were wrecked,
Speaker 1: like they had such intensely emotional experiences that I couldn't
Speaker 1: even get high the first time because I had to
Speaker 1: take care of my friends. Like they were having a
Speaker 1: really hard time bawling, vomiting, and in my high just
Speaker 1: kind of got muted. The next night, the shaman was like, hey,
Speaker 1: you can have all these people around you, gotta ship
Speaker 1: your pants tonight tonight, And yeah, I'm gonna get you
Speaker 1: to ship your pants tonight is the night, sister, and
Speaker 1: so I was like, oh fuck. So I do ayawaska
Speaker 1: alone with him, and we're in a room with less
Speaker 1: camera crew. Everything's a little bit more stage. He gave
Speaker 1: me a double shot this time, and I had the
Speaker 1: most intense psychedelic experience. And I've done all psychedelics, this
Speaker 1: was different. This is a spiritual healing drug. So you
Speaker 1: basically are shot out of your life. You are able
Speaker 1: to look down at your life like you're looking down
Speaker 1: at yourself, and it gives you all that It's like
Speaker 1: a fantasmagoria of imagery from your childhood. For me, it
Speaker 1: was me on the beach with my sister and Martha's vineyard,
Speaker 1: us and kayaks flipping each other over, like playing out
Speaker 1: real scenes in like flashes, you know, like an iPod shuffle.
Speaker 1: So it was like flashes of imagery. And then there
Speaker 1: was a bathing suit that she was wearing, which was
Speaker 1: the real bathing suit that she wore, like the real
Speaker 1: memories that are so repressed in your memory bank that
Speaker 1: you never think of them. But like, my childhood dog
Speaker 1: was running on the beach with us, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's Mutley and I'm like, oh my god, this is crazy.
Speaker 1: These are real memories. And it was this voice, and
Speaker 1: it was just saying, your sister is your sister. There
Speaker 1: is no one that has known you in the way
Speaker 1: that your sister has known you. You have to treat
Speaker 1: her with kindness. She is not you. You want attention
Speaker 1: and you are loud. That's not what she wants. Stop
Speaker 1: trying to make her into something she isn't. And it
Speaker 1: was as clear as day because I just didn't understand
Speaker 1: my sister. She wanted to live in New Jersey and
Speaker 1: be a housewife and raise her two kids, and like
Speaker 1: I wanted her to be something that she wasn't. And
Speaker 1: she wanted to be a wife, and she wanted to
Speaker 1: have kids, and she wants to live in the suburbs.
Speaker 1: That's her. And I had always kind of projected my
Speaker 1: own ambition onto her and been displeased with her lack
Speaker 1: of ambition or lack of drive. And it was in
Speaker 1: that moment I was like, oh my god. It was
Speaker 1: literally like a serious therapy session. It's really interesting how
Speaker 1: consciously your sister's your north star and the thing that
Speaker 1: defines love for you, and also in your subconscious under
Speaker 1: hallucinogenic drugs, they are also your north star and the
Speaker 1: place of love and what you're being asked to explore.
Speaker 1: I mean that's some pretty deep comic relationship right there. Yeah, yeah, wow,
Speaker 1: that was a good analysis. Many but it's true. I
Speaker 1: like what you said. I think that makes a lot
Speaker 1: of sense. Yeah. Why wouldn't the subconscious be married to
Speaker 1: the conscious? Right obviously? So wait, but did you share
Speaker 1: your pants? No? I never shot my parents. The shom
Speaker 1: and shut his pants actually twice during my own ceremony,
Speaker 1: and didn't get up to go to the bathroom. So
Speaker 1: I was like, excuse me, So I think you need
Speaker 1: to go to the bathroom. I'm pretty sure you need
Speaker 1: to go. I couldn't believe this guy just don't think.
Speaker 1: I just don't think I could ever do it because
Speaker 1: of that. I just can't. I just can't get my
Speaker 1: head around how there can be a spiritual experience attached ship.
Speaker 1: I was more worried about the vomiting because I really
Speaker 1: do not like to vomit really, Oh, I could do
Speaker 1: that because I don't like the feeling of being nauseous.
Speaker 1: But with the Ayawaska, it wasn't like that. It was
Speaker 1: more for me. It was intense. You were sick, and
Speaker 1: it came out right away, and that was it. I
Speaker 1: threw up once and I was done, and then I
Speaker 1: felt fine. It's interesting you would put yourself in the
Speaker 1: situation of not being in control, Chelsea, because that is
Speaker 1: also clearly evident that you marshal your life around you.
Speaker 1: Why did you want to go and do ayawaska? Like
Speaker 1: what was it that you were looking for? Well, no
Speaker 1: one had done it at that point on camera, and
Speaker 1: I had, you know, I was doing a docuseries for Netflix,
Speaker 1: and I just thought, I'm really open to drugs because
Speaker 1: I have such a pulty disposition. I don't get crazier
Speaker 1: or emotional or fucked up, like I usually respond to
Speaker 1: everything pretty well, and I go into it with like,
Speaker 1: you know, a positive outlook, like I'm gonna have a
Speaker 1: good time, this is gonna be a learning experience. And
Speaker 1: I don't operate out of fear. And I think that
Speaker 1: makes a big difference about doing drugs. If you're fearful,
Speaker 1: the results are not going to be great. And you
Speaker 1: can't fake not being fearful. If you're fearful, you are.
Speaker 1: But if that is controlling your experience, then you're not
Speaker 1: going to have a good time, you know. I wanted
Speaker 1: to do ayahuasca because it was something that kind of
Speaker 1: did scare me, because I just was like, oh, this
Speaker 1: seems like eight hours of vomiting, and then there's all
Speaker 1: this kind of snake imagery that is affiliated with it,
Speaker 1: and I'm really I have a phobia of snakes. So
Speaker 1: I thought, oh, I can kind of address my phobia.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll like have to fucking get it all out
Speaker 1: of my system and I won't be scared of snakes.
Speaker 1: It turns out nothing about snakes happened for me, So
Speaker 1: it was all about your sister's nice snakes, right, Love,
Speaker 1: I can't believe that we've come to the end. I
Speaker 1: love you so much. I've really did love you too, Honey.
Speaker 1: I appreciate you and thank you so much. I'll see
Speaker 1: you soon. Yeah, I'll see you soon, all right. Dannan
Speaker 1: Chelsea has a podcast called Dear Chelsea, where she answers
Speaker 1: listeners questions with advice that is both arius and accurate
Speaker 1: and also maybe not what the person asking the question
Speaker 1: was expecting. Her New HBO Max Special Evolution is also
Speaker 1: now streaming. Mini Questions is hosted and written by Me
Speaker 1: Mini Driver, supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Lavoy, Research
Speaker 1: assistant Marissa Brown. Original music Sorry Baby by Mini Driver,
Speaker 1: additional music by Aaron Kaufman, Executive produced by Me Mini Driver.
Speaker 1: Special thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day,
Speaker 1: Lisa Castella and Annique Oppenheim at w kPr, de La Pescador,
Speaker 1: Kate Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support,
Speaker 1: Henry Driver