1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,120 Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so nice to see you. How's 2 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Matt May. It's great. She's in Albuquerque right now visiting 3 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Michael while he's filming back in Albuquerque. She's got some 4 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 1: comma with New Mexico. Huh oh Albuquerque. Oh my god. 5 00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: Once I went to visit her in Albuquerque, and then 6 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: I was on my show and I started just ripping 7 00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: Albuquerque to shreds. I was like a big lot of 8 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:28,639 Speaker 1: mistake dirt, and Albuquerque went nuts. She had to do 9 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,959 Speaker 1: like three days of radio local radio and Albuquerque to apologize, 10 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 1: and she's like, you need to issue a formal apology 11 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:38,840 Speaker 1: and I will do no such thing. Oh my god, 12 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 1: Albuquerque tried to cancel you. I know, I know. Now 13 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: we love Albuquaque. Let's get it on the record that 14 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: we love in Albuquerque. I'm sure I'm performing there shortly, 15 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:52,599 Speaker 1: so i'll address it in person. You guys. Hello, I'm 16 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 1: Mini Driver and welcome to many questions. I've always loved 17 00:00:56,920 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: priest question nat. It was originally an eighteenth century harlighame 18 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,960 Speaker 1: meant to reveal an individual's true nature, but with so 19 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 1: many questions, there wasn't really an opportunity to expand on anything. 20 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:11,120 Speaker 1: So I took the format of Proof's questionnaire and adapted 21 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: what I think are seven of the most important questions 22 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: you could ever ask someone they are when and where 23 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:21,640 Speaker 1: were you happiest? What is the quality you like least 24 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:27,119 Speaker 1: about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? 25 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 1: What question would you most like answered, What person, place, 26 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:37,039 Speaker 1: or experience has shaped you the most? What would be 27 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: your last meal? And can you tell me something in 28 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: your life that has grown out of a personal disaster. 29 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,640 Speaker 1: The more people we ask, the more we begin to 30 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 1: see what makes us similar and what makes us individual. 31 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: I've gathered a group of really remarkable people who I 32 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: am honored and humbled to have had a chance to 33 00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 1: engage with. My guest today is Chelsea Handler, an unfiltered 34 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: voice in a world that feels like it's sometimes garing 35 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:10,240 Speaker 1: more vanilla for fear of councel culture. Chelsea is a 36 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 1: true advocate of women in politics, and I've been to 37 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 1: several events that she's hosted where I was given the 38 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:19,519 Speaker 1: opportunity to be educated and also be part of advocacy 39 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: that is really affecting change. She is tireless and sometimes caustic, 40 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 1: but she is unapologetically connected to who she is and 41 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,080 Speaker 1: what she believes, and I really love her for that. 42 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: I'm gonna start this off with when and where were 43 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 1: you happiest? Chelsea? When and where was the happiest? I 44 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 1: think on stage I would have been the happiest. Probably 45 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 1: at Radio City Music Hall. I sold out four shows, 46 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: and I remember the two shows going by so quickly 47 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: that I didn't even remember what happened. And at the 48 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 1: end of the night, my sister said, did you experience 49 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 1: that tonight? And I had so many people there, like 50 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 1: my family, friends, relatives, and I did it. And she's like, 51 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 1: make sure tomorrow night you soak it in like you're 52 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:19,080 Speaker 1: at Radio City Music Hall, like this is a dream 53 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 1: come true, and make sure you don't miss that moment. 54 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:25,080 Speaker 1: And then the next night I got on stage, and 55 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 1: I have a habit of like, you know, oh stop 56 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,080 Speaker 1: stop me while i'm you know, I'm they're performing for 57 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,799 Speaker 1: all the people who have paid to seeing me, and 58 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: I'm like, what me, Like it's so stupid, But I 59 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: always like to stop applause, like if it becomes too much, 60 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 1: I get embarrassed, right, I can't take a compliment in 61 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 1: that way. And I went out on stage in my 62 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 1: first show, and I just let the applause keep going 63 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: and going and going because people were so excited to 64 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 1: be there and all my fans were there, and I 65 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 1: just soaked it in and I remember feeling such joy 66 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: that I almost started to cry. And I was like, Okay, 67 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,560 Speaker 1: now you have to be funny, so fucking get your 68 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,960 Speaker 1: ship to others. Love it. But it was a really 69 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 1: happy moment because my sister told me to do it. Also, 70 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: it's good when sisters remind you to be present. I mean, God, 71 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: Radio City Music Hall is it's like the Albert Hall. 72 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 1: To me, it's just like this incredible, iconic venue. But 73 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 1: did you have that all the way through your life, 74 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: with like being on stage and that approbation, because I 75 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,280 Speaker 1: know I did. It's like rocket fuel, Is that part 76 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:30,200 Speaker 1: of the engine. Yeah? Well, I mean you find out 77 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 1: that you're good at something right, and that you're bad 78 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 1: at all these other things. But all you have to 79 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,800 Speaker 1: find out is the good thing that you're good at. 80 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: You know, you just have to find that thing for you, 81 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 1: and when you find it, it's so good to be capable, 82 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,719 Speaker 1: you know, it feels so gratifying to be good at something. 83 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:51,040 Speaker 1: And to have people clamoring to see you and wanting 84 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: to see that live. I love that you embrace that 85 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 1: because there are so many people who are just like, oh, 86 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,720 Speaker 1: you know, I just do it for the work, and 87 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 1: I just I love it. And if I bring a 88 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:05,200 Speaker 1: couple of people peace. I love the fact that you're like, yeah, 89 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,080 Speaker 1: I want a huge crowds. Yeah, I want to be 90 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,479 Speaker 1: good at it. I love being good at it. I've 91 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: always loved that about you. It's the appetite that you 92 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 1: have for what it is that you do, because you 93 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: do clearly love it. So what quality do you like 94 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: least about yourself? My vanity? Do you really well? I mean, 95 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:31,640 Speaker 1: it's not an admirable treat in someone. I don't admire 96 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 1: vanity and others I detested because I detested in myself. 97 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,119 Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't like it. I wish I didn't 98 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: care about the way I looked. But I don't mean 99 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,599 Speaker 1: just physically, I just mean my vanity and everything. You know, 100 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 1: I wish I didn't have my ego. I wish I 101 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 1: could just be enlightened instead of ego driven. But it's 102 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 1: a pretty enlightened point of view to acknowledge that I 103 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 1: mean that's a weird nexus between your ego and then 104 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,480 Speaker 1: also being able to be the spectator look at yourself, 105 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: going shit, I wish I didn't have that, But there's 106 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 1: wisdom in that sheils. You have to have done some 107 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,800 Speaker 1: work to be able to observe that that's true. I 108 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,280 Speaker 1: have done some work. I mean, that's just me one 109 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: cup of wisdom after another. Mini you know that. That's 110 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:20,600 Speaker 1: what I always say about you, Just wisdom, handler wisdom 111 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: to point but I do. It's like there's a total 112 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 1: veracity in the way that you hand out information that 113 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,360 Speaker 1: I will always appreciate. But I think you also turn 114 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: that lens on yourself as much as you turn on 115 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:41,200 Speaker 1: other people, including states. Shout out to Albuquerque, we love you, Albuquerque. 116 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: Shout out to Albuquerque. What would be your last meal? 117 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,440 Speaker 1: Spaghetti with clams long a way with a white wine 118 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 1: sauce is pretty much my favorite thing in the world, 119 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 1: with a lot of parmesan. Yeah, do you make that? No? 120 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: I can't make anything many. I can make egg whites 121 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: and I can toast a bagel and that's all I 122 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: can make. Okay, So who makes your spaghettian clams for 123 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:14,680 Speaker 1: your last male? Usually an Italian restaurant, So you'd be 124 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 1: sitting by yourself. No, no, yeah, ideally I would be yeah, no, 125 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 1: I want to talk to anybody. I would have them 126 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 1: deliver it at the very least, the very least, I 127 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: would eat it at my house. What relationship, real or fictionalized, 128 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 1: defines love for you? I'm gonna say my relationships with 129 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 1: my sisters, both of them, because if there is an 130 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,800 Speaker 1: unspoken as you know, being a girl and having a sister, 131 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 1: there is an unspoken tacit understanding of every single thing 132 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: that is in your brain or on your mind or 133 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 1: on your face. There is an unspoken language between sisters 134 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 1: where you look at them and they know that you 135 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: have twenty looks and what each look means exactly. You know, 136 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: when I look across the room and I'm talking to someone, 137 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,880 Speaker 1: my sister knows exactly if I want to stop talking 138 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 1: to that person, if I want to continue talking about person, 139 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 1: or if I want to leave with that person, like 140 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: you know, and to me, that is love, because how 141 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,600 Speaker 1: do you know somebody so intimately? Like I don't know 142 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: anybody or trust anybody the way I trust my sisters. 143 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 1: So is the cornerstone the trust and complicity and transparency. 144 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 1: Are those the cornerstones of love for you? Trust? For sure? 145 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: I think the unconditional love, the knowing of I can 146 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 1: say I did something wrong or bad or something I 147 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 1: regret to my sisters and they're never gonna not be 148 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,800 Speaker 1: on my side. You know, you could do the worst thing, 149 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,680 Speaker 1: and that trust of like I could tell you the 150 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: worst thing about me and you're still gonna love me, 151 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:06,320 Speaker 1: is the cornerstone of any real love. Yeah, you're absolutely right. 152 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:10,720 Speaker 1: My sister is well, you know my sister. She is 153 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: just ruthless with me, but also the most loving, supportive cheerleader. 154 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 1: And it's astonishing that sisters can actually inhabit both. Yeah. Yeah, 155 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:27,280 Speaker 1: they're going to tell you the truth, right, Yeah, the honesty, 156 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: the honesty. I just want somebody to be honest with me. 157 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 1: You know so many times I've gone through life and 158 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 1: been like, well, if you all hated that boyfriend, why 159 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: didn't anyone say anything to me? And they're like, like, 160 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 1: you would have listened, And it's like I would have 161 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:42,200 Speaker 1: fucking listened. If my sisters had told me, hey, this 162 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,840 Speaker 1: guy is terrible, like why are you dating him? I 163 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,640 Speaker 1: would have listened to them. I want the truth. I 164 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:51,320 Speaker 1: always want the truth. I don't want any venar. She 165 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:54,719 Speaker 1: I love your retro rage at your sister. It's like, 166 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 1: why did you fucking tell me he was an assholt. 167 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,840 Speaker 1: It's like it's your fault. It's like, you fuckers, because 168 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 1: I told my sister. We were all there, but I'm 169 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 1: the ring leader of our crew. It was my brother 170 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 1: and my sister were in New York. It was some 171 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 1: fancy night where I was receiving some award at like 172 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: the Glamor Awards or something, and we all had a 173 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: few drinks and we all looked really pretty. And I 174 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 1: looked at my sister and I just flew out of 175 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: my mouth and I said, you're unhappy and you're a 176 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 1: bummer to be around. I said, you haven't been happy 177 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 1: for about five years. I think you need to get divorced. 178 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: And she looked at me, and she looked at my sister, 179 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: and my sister's like it's true. And she looked at 180 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 1: my brother and he's like it's true. And she looked 181 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,440 Speaker 1: at all of us and she's like okay. And she 182 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 1: went and she drove home the next morning, and she 183 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 1: had to fly to Paris for two weeks for some 184 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: work thing, and she came home and she told her 185 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: husband they were splitting up and they were getting divorced. 186 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 1: And she says to me, always, I didn't know I 187 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: was acting like that until you told me so when 188 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:58,120 Speaker 1: I had my relationship with the aforementioned gentleman, I was 189 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 1: just referring to years later. And she didn't say, hey, ho, 190 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 1: you're dating an asshole. I was like, hey, remember when 191 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 1: I told you to get divorced and you said that 192 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 1: was the most meaningful thing you've ever heard from us. 193 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 1: And she said, well, you weren't getting married. I was like, 194 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,080 Speaker 1: so you were gonna wait until I got married to 195 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 1: this asshole to tell me not to marry him. Wow. Anyway, 196 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:19,959 Speaker 1: it's important to be honest with people. And I love 197 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,320 Speaker 1: my sisters. That's the moral of that story. I say, oh, 198 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:29,480 Speaker 1: like you know, no, No, is there a hierarchy. Uh, 199 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 1: there's a hierarchy. I'm at the top of it, just 200 00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:34,679 Speaker 1: because I plan all the vacations and I'm you know, 201 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,360 Speaker 1: I'm a mover and a shaker. I make things happen. 202 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 1: If it were left to them, we wouldn't ever be 203 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,960 Speaker 1: going on vacation together, you know, Like I organized. I 204 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:47,320 Speaker 1: also love the vacations and how you frame your sorority, Like, 205 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,679 Speaker 1: I love that, Like this is the most important thing. 206 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:53,200 Speaker 1: That's Yeah, that's our central focus. Yeah, this is how 207 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,200 Speaker 1: I figure out. The pecking order is who organized the vacations. 208 00:11:56,559 --> 00:12:00,360 Speaker 1: It's great. Yeah, right, it's basically who's got the money, right, Okay, 209 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 1: so I have the money, so I'm in charge. I 210 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 1: am the youngest, though, of my siblings. Oh my god, 211 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 1: what a nightmare, absolutely nightmare for them. Yeah, they're also 212 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 1: over me. But yeah, there's a pecking order. But you know, 213 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 1: we're all very tight my family. We have a good group, 214 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,560 Speaker 1: and we all get along, and we all agree on 215 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:22,440 Speaker 1: politics and racial justice. And I don't have any of 216 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 1: those like conservative people in my family that I hear 217 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 1: so many friends, you know having, So I guess I'm 218 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 1: feeling even more gratitude recently of late, you know, with 219 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,240 Speaker 1: all of the political aspects going on in the world, 220 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 1: to have a family that also, like we agree on everything. Yeah, god, 221 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 1: I can't even imagine having a super conservative family member 222 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 1: and just being able to accommodate their point of view 223 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,440 Speaker 1: because you know, everyone is entitled to it. But oh 224 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 1: my god, no, I don't want to think about that, 225 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:59,280 Speaker 1: I'm having a nice day in your life. What can 226 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: you tell me has grown out of a personal disaster? 227 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 1: I guess my last serious relationship, which now is many 228 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:13,839 Speaker 1: years ago, it was pretty hectic and pretty volatile, Like 229 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,719 Speaker 1: you know, when people bring out the worst in you. 230 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: We brought out the worst in each other. He certainly 231 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 1: brought out the worst in me. I probably brought out 232 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 1: the best in him, but that was really low And 233 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,680 Speaker 1: I remember thinking, after that relationship, I just want to 234 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 1: be untethered, right, I don't want to have the feeling 235 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,079 Speaker 1: that I've drawn to anyone. I want to be free 236 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,280 Speaker 1: of men in my life, Like I don't want to 237 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 1: be on the verge of something, on the verge of 238 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,880 Speaker 1: beginning a relationship or on the verge of ending it. 239 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 1: Like I wanted to just be in the safe zone, right. 240 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,600 Speaker 1: And you know a lot of people can interpret that 241 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 1: as being very protective over yourself, which is true. But 242 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 1: what was born out of that was like I needed 243 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,480 Speaker 1: to learn how to be happy without that because I 244 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 1: had put so much dependency on that relationship to make 245 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 1: me happy. So when that was taken out of the equation, 246 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,280 Speaker 1: which was my own decision, but sticking to it and 247 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,320 Speaker 1: like understanding what it means to go through the pain 248 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 1: of a situation without throwing alcohol or drugs or other 249 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:16,199 Speaker 1: men at it and sitting in it, because the quickest 250 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 1: way to go through emotional trauma is to sit through it, right, 251 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: And that way you're just getting through it and being 252 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 1: present in the ugliness of your feelings. That was a 253 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: real testament because my healing happens so much more quickly 254 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 1: because I was present about being in pain. God, that's 255 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 1: very interesting the idea, because it feels counterintuitive, and I 256 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 1: think that's the way that most people think about pain, 257 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 1: is that I would do anything then go through it. 258 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,080 Speaker 1: I would rather stay in my unhappy marriage, I would 259 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 1: rather stay in my borrowing, awful job. I would rather 260 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:50,320 Speaker 1: not confront those things that are going to engender pain. 261 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 1: So interesting is humans, like way, are constantly looking to 262 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: avoid pain. It's cool to hear you say that sitting 263 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,960 Speaker 1: with it and being with it was actually the fastest 264 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:03,840 Speaker 1: way to get over it. Yeah, yeah, it is, and 265 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 1: you know, and it is ugly. But you're doing yourself 266 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,680 Speaker 1: a favor because every time you deflect these injuries, they 267 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 1: build up and then they fucking tap you on the 268 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 1: shoulder when you're least expecting it, and then you're really 269 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,880 Speaker 1: out of whack. So when people aren't facing their ugliness 270 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:20,080 Speaker 1: head on, you know, you're postponing it. Oh god, do 271 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 1: you think it will just catch us up with you? 272 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 1: And fect My father used to say that you never 273 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,920 Speaker 1: run up a bar tub you don't eventually have to pay. Well. 274 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know about your British people, but 275 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 1: you guys probably aren't there with the therapy as we are, 276 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 1: because I know you, like, we are all therapied out 277 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:40,680 Speaker 1: in America. So oh no, I'm therapied up the wazoo. Well, 278 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,480 Speaker 1: I mean, Brits are going to therapy now. All my 279 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: British friends go to therapy. I used to think it 280 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:48,880 Speaker 1: was so stupid. I'm like, oh, please, sitting around and 281 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 1: talking about myself for hours on end sounds heavenly, I know. 282 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,240 Speaker 1: I was like, I do that my whole life, like 283 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 1: I can't spend extra time doing that, even I can't. 284 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 1: And then you do it and you're like, oh, what 285 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 1: a great investment that was, you know what I mean. 286 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, it's like, oh, there, I just took care 287 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 1: of college perfect. Now I'm a graduate. I get it. 288 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: Now I can move through the world in a loving, 289 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:14,800 Speaker 1: more kind way. You know. Yeah, I like how to therapists, 290 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 1: I asked my amazing therapist. I like, listen, I just 291 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 1: want tools. I want practical things that I can do 292 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: when ship is melting. So can you please give me 293 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,200 Speaker 1: these things? And rather than talking about the root of 294 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,040 Speaker 1: the melting or why we've I guess we've covered that. 295 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 1: But he's so good, He's like, yes, this is what 296 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:40,080 Speaker 1: you do, and here's an app I'm crazy about him. 297 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 1: I'm crazy about a practical approach to like psychological trouble right. 298 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: I like a very linear, you know plan. I like 299 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 1: to say, okay, it tells me exactly what part of 300 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,320 Speaker 1: the brain is, is what it functions as, and what 301 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 1: I have to do to keep it moving in the 302 00:16:54,560 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: right direction. Like scientific answers, not what question would you 303 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:15,199 Speaker 1: most like answered? What happens when we die? What do 304 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,800 Speaker 1: you think happens when we die? I'm not thinking much happened, 305 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,800 Speaker 1: So that's a bummer. Wait are you hoping that the 306 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,960 Speaker 1: answer the question is going to be more interesting and 307 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: glamorous than like you? I don't think it's anything. I 308 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 1: think it's just like dust In Albuquerque. I mean, I 309 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,160 Speaker 1: just I don't think as much. I'm hoping that I'm 310 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 1: wrong and that, you know, we go off into Lala 311 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,239 Speaker 1: land and decide what we're gonna do next, or if 312 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: we want to become a bird or a feather or 313 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 1: a person. But I doubt that's true. But I do 314 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:46,040 Speaker 1: believe in energy and the science behind energy never dies. 315 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,360 Speaker 1: It just transforms into something else. So when we die, 316 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: we're not gone. You know. I have a dead mother 317 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 1: and I have a dead brother, and I talked to 318 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 1: my dead mom all the time. I talked to my 319 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 1: dead mom all the time as well. Do you have 320 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: a sign for your mom? Oh my god, that's so weird. 321 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 1: Whenever I talked to her, a bird flies by. Yeah, 322 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:08,880 Speaker 1: that's a common sign, a bird for your mom. Yeah, yeah, 323 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,439 Speaker 1: that's how they come back. There's all these signs, you know. 324 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: If you talk to these new a G people, they 325 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,639 Speaker 1: talk about like different ways to know. But I was 326 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,399 Speaker 1: instructed to just pray and talk to my mom and 327 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,560 Speaker 1: ask her for a sign in the form of mine 328 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,880 Speaker 1: is an orange. My mom just reminds me of citrus 329 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,879 Speaker 1: because I love oranges and they're juicy and squeezable, and 330 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 1: my mom was juicy and squeezable, and I whenever I 331 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,879 Speaker 1: asked for an orange, I get one. And I was 332 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,399 Speaker 1: skiing and whistler this Christmas. I was there for like 333 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,520 Speaker 1: three months this year because of COVID. I just stayed 334 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,720 Speaker 1: there and I skied and skied and skied. And on 335 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: my birthday there was a little orange at this tree 336 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,080 Speaker 1: where I stopped to smoke a joint in the middle 337 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,520 Speaker 1: of the day, I sat down and I saw an orange. 338 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 1: You know, I believe in that stuff. I believe in 339 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 1: signs and energies, and there's something bigger at play here 340 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 1: than any of us will ever know about, you know. 341 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: But I do hope that it's not over. But I'm 342 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,840 Speaker 1: sure it is. Well, I think the vanity is going 343 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,439 Speaker 1: to be over pay but I do. I mean, my 344 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 1: mom died very recently. I still feel so connected to her. 345 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,240 Speaker 1: But I don't know if that's just the shock of 346 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 1: her being gone or if it's actually this tenable energy. 347 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:17,439 Speaker 1: But I'd like to think it's that. And why not 348 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 1: believe in something, you know, why not believe in it? 349 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,119 Speaker 1: Because we all know that, you know, manifestation is a 350 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,639 Speaker 1: real thing too, that is like proven, you know, thinking 351 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 1: things into being without being like corny and hokey about it, 352 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,800 Speaker 1: Like if you're on the train headed in a certain direction, 353 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,160 Speaker 1: you're going to get there. So all of it works. 354 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,440 Speaker 1: And if you believe in stuff, it makes it more 355 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,000 Speaker 1: true and it makes it more real. Like I saw 356 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,000 Speaker 1: this thing on Instagram the other day. This guy's brother 357 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 1: died when he was twenty seven, and when he was 358 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 1: a little kid, he had posed in this like Friedo 359 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,879 Speaker 1: lay print ad as like a six year old. And 360 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,520 Speaker 1: right before he died, he sent his brother a picture 361 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 1: of him next to the truck, going, remember when I 362 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:57,080 Speaker 1: did this, he was murdered. There's only one truck with 363 00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 1: that picture on it in all of Israel. I think 364 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,159 Speaker 1: that's where they live. And on his thirtieth birthday, his 365 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,440 Speaker 1: brother was driving and the truck passed him. And it's 366 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,520 Speaker 1: like that could be a coincidence, but it's not. Like 367 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,119 Speaker 1: I do believe in things like that. You know what 368 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,760 Speaker 1: I do too. I also it makes me think about 369 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,120 Speaker 1: you know how when you ask about reincarnation and people 370 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 1: always think that they were like an Egyptian pharaoh, Like 371 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,400 Speaker 1: I actually love that. No, some people are just remembered 372 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 1: by Frieda lay and oranges and birds, and it's very simple, 373 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,919 Speaker 1: and don't start getting up at d about what you 374 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:33,879 Speaker 1: think you were. I really like how fundamentally human freedo 375 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 1: lay oranges and birds even though they're Avian. But you 376 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:41,879 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, I like that. Well. I 377 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 1: also summoned my mother sometimes when I'm meditating. I meditating 378 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 1: the morning is usually when I wake up, and I 379 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,720 Speaker 1: always in like, you know, when I'm really feeling vulnerable 380 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 1: or insecure or whatever something that I don't like feeling, 381 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,159 Speaker 1: I always kind of go like momm you know. And 382 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 1: I have this thing if my hands get hot, that 383 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,960 Speaker 1: means my mom's with me, and if they don't get hot, 384 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,400 Speaker 1: she's not. More often times than not, I feel her 385 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,679 Speaker 1: right away, like I feel her, And it's true, I 386 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 1: know when she's there and when she's not. And I 387 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 1: would say to you, like, I have a much closer 388 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: bond with my mother now that she's been gone for 389 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 1: fourteen years than I did when she was even here. Wow. 390 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 1: I was talking with someone on the podcast the other 391 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,439 Speaker 1: day that nobody talks about this relationship that begins with 392 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 1: the person you love after that dead, that it grows 393 00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:32,480 Speaker 1: and it changes and it becomes something else like, that's 394 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 1: really interesting that you would say that, because that confirms 395 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: my belief that you know, it's true, there's evolution even 396 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:42,640 Speaker 1: after their dead. Yeah, yeah, it's definitely true because then 397 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,440 Speaker 1: we also gain a better understanding of our parents, right, 398 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:49,359 Speaker 1: Like we also after they're gone, we start to grow 399 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,680 Speaker 1: into them more. We start to understand them and where 400 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,160 Speaker 1: they were coming from totally. I think about my mom, 401 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,359 Speaker 1: what she was, my age, She had six children, living 402 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,400 Speaker 1: with my father in New Jersey, who was a used 403 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,560 Speaker 1: car dealer. Like, you know, we grew up, we're not 404 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,159 Speaker 1: even thinking about our parents, like there are their own people, 405 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 1: even until we're you know, in our forties and we're like, 406 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,439 Speaker 1: oh yeah, I wonder what their childhood or their perspective 407 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,879 Speaker 1: must have been. Like. So imagine how much more you're 408 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,720 Speaker 1: going to get to know your mom now that she's gone, 409 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,680 Speaker 1: because your interest is even peaked tied, you know. Yeah, 410 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,920 Speaker 1: that's really interesting and you're right that God's I mean, 411 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,359 Speaker 1: they're just these super human creatures I think when they 412 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,359 Speaker 1: your mom, but in a way, they become more human 413 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:37,920 Speaker 1: when they're dead. Yeah. Okay, So what person, place, or 414 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 1: experience has most altered your life? Iouaska, I did aowasca 415 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:46,200 Speaker 1: in Peru? Did she with like a guide? I did 416 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,400 Speaker 1: a guide. It was a special on Netflix. It's called 417 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:52,199 Speaker 1: Chelsea Does Drugs. Oh my god, I've got to watch that. 418 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,800 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you've got to. It's so good. So I 419 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,360 Speaker 1: went to Peru. I brought two friends and we did 420 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,440 Speaker 1: I had a shaman. It was, you know, very professional. 421 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,320 Speaker 1: We were filming it for Netflix. I did this whole 422 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,880 Speaker 1: docuseries about things I knew nothing about. Did they fill 423 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,760 Speaker 1: me throwing up from the ayahuasca? Oh yeah, oh yeah, 424 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,920 Speaker 1: that's on there. Jesus. So they were like, Okay, you're 425 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 1: going to Peru and you're gonna ship your pants possibly 426 00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,639 Speaker 1: and vomit. And I was like, Hi, I'm so down 427 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: with that. I'm like, i am not going to ship 428 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 1: my pants because I'm not a beginner. I'm an advanced 429 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,760 Speaker 1: drug user and I will not blow up a good time. 430 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 1: So I went down there my two friends. They were wrecked, 431 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,679 Speaker 1: like they had such intensely emotional experiences that I couldn't 432 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 1: even get high the first time because I had to 433 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,399 Speaker 1: take care of my friends. Like they were having a 434 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,840 Speaker 1: really hard time bawling, vomiting, and in my high just 435 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,840 Speaker 1: kind of got muted. The next night, the shaman was like, hey, 436 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,280 Speaker 1: you can have all these people around you, gotta ship 437 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: your pants tonight tonight, And yeah, I'm gonna get you 438 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 1: to ship your pants tonight is the night, sister, and 439 00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 1: so I was like, oh fuck. So I do ayawaska 440 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:05,200 Speaker 1: alone with him, and we're in a room with less 441 00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:08,440 Speaker 1: camera crew. Everything's a little bit more stage. He gave 442 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,280 Speaker 1: me a double shot this time, and I had the 443 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:16,439 Speaker 1: most intense psychedelic experience. And I've done all psychedelics, this 444 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:20,280 Speaker 1: was different. This is a spiritual healing drug. So you 445 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:22,880 Speaker 1: basically are shot out of your life. You are able 446 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 1: to look down at your life like you're looking down 447 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,040 Speaker 1: at yourself, and it gives you all that It's like 448 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:31,199 Speaker 1: a fantasmagoria of imagery from your childhood. For me, it 449 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,000 Speaker 1: was me on the beach with my sister and Martha's vineyard, 450 00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:37,680 Speaker 1: us and kayaks flipping each other over, like playing out 451 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:41,480 Speaker 1: real scenes in like flashes, you know, like an iPod shuffle. 452 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 1: So it was like flashes of imagery. And then there 453 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,040 Speaker 1: was a bathing suit that she was wearing, which was 454 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: the real bathing suit that she wore, like the real 455 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 1: memories that are so repressed in your memory bank that 456 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,160 Speaker 1: you never think of them. But like, my childhood dog 457 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,640 Speaker 1: was running on the beach with us, and I was like, oh, 458 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,359 Speaker 1: there's Mutley and I'm like, oh my god, this is crazy. 459 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 1: These are real memories. And it was this voice, and 460 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 1: it was just saying, your sister is your sister. There 461 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 1: is no one that has known you in the way 462 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 1: that your sister has known you. You have to treat 463 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,200 Speaker 1: her with kindness. She is not you. You want attention 464 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,920 Speaker 1: and you are loud. That's not what she wants. Stop 465 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,439 Speaker 1: trying to make her into something she isn't. And it 466 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,640 Speaker 1: was as clear as day because I just didn't understand 467 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 1: my sister. She wanted to live in New Jersey and 468 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,520 Speaker 1: be a housewife and raise her two kids, and like 469 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,119 Speaker 1: I wanted her to be something that she wasn't. And 470 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 1: she wanted to be a wife, and she wanted to 471 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,600 Speaker 1: have kids, and she wants to live in the suburbs. 472 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:42,000 Speaker 1: That's her. And I had always kind of projected my 473 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,400 Speaker 1: own ambition onto her and been displeased with her lack 474 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 1: of ambition or lack of drive. And it was in 475 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,439 Speaker 1: that moment I was like, oh my god. It was 476 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 1: literally like a serious therapy session. It's really interesting how 477 00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 1: consciously your sister's your north star and the thing that 478 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:06,160 Speaker 1: defines love for you, and also in your subconscious under 479 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:12,320 Speaker 1: hallucinogenic drugs, they are also your north star and the 480 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 1: place of love and what you're being asked to explore. 481 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 1: I mean that's some pretty deep comic relationship right there. Yeah, yeah, wow, 482 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,639 Speaker 1: that was a good analysis. Many but it's true. I 483 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,280 Speaker 1: like what you said. I think that makes a lot 484 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,159 Speaker 1: of sense. Yeah. Why wouldn't the subconscious be married to 485 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:34,400 Speaker 1: the conscious? Right obviously? So wait, but did you share 486 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,439 Speaker 1: your pants? No? I never shot my parents. The shom 487 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,080 Speaker 1: and shut his pants actually twice during my own ceremony, 488 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,679 Speaker 1: and didn't get up to go to the bathroom. So 489 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:44,840 Speaker 1: I was like, excuse me, So I think you need 490 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 1: to go to the bathroom. I'm pretty sure you need 491 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:51,760 Speaker 1: to go. I couldn't believe this guy just don't think. 492 00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 1: I just don't think I could ever do it because 493 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 1: of that. I just can't. I just can't get my 494 00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,400 Speaker 1: head around how there can be a spiritual experience attached ship. 495 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:03,960 Speaker 1: I was more worried about the vomiting because I really 496 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,479 Speaker 1: do not like to vomit really, Oh, I could do 497 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,800 Speaker 1: that because I don't like the feeling of being nauseous. 498 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,439 Speaker 1: But with the Ayawaska, it wasn't like that. It was 499 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:15,159 Speaker 1: more for me. It was intense. You were sick, and 500 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:16,639 Speaker 1: it came out right away, and that was it. I 501 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,600 Speaker 1: threw up once and I was done, and then I 502 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,080 Speaker 1: felt fine. It's interesting you would put yourself in the 503 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,080 Speaker 1: situation of not being in control, Chelsea, because that is 504 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:27,720 Speaker 1: also clearly evident that you marshal your life around you. 505 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,760 Speaker 1: Why did you want to go and do ayawaska? Like 506 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,520 Speaker 1: what was it that you were looking for? Well, no 507 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 1: one had done it at that point on camera, and 508 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,080 Speaker 1: I had, you know, I was doing a docuseries for Netflix, 509 00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:39,880 Speaker 1: and I just thought, I'm really open to drugs because 510 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,280 Speaker 1: I have such a pulty disposition. I don't get crazier 511 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,080 Speaker 1: or emotional or fucked up, like I usually respond to 512 00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,760 Speaker 1: everything pretty well, and I go into it with like, 513 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,560 Speaker 1: you know, a positive outlook, like I'm gonna have a 514 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,040 Speaker 1: good time, this is gonna be a learning experience. And 515 00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,119 Speaker 1: I don't operate out of fear. And I think that 516 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: makes a big difference about doing drugs. If you're fearful, 517 00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,199 Speaker 1: the results are not going to be great. And you 518 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 1: can't fake not being fearful. If you're fearful, you are. 519 00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:06,560 Speaker 1: But if that is controlling your experience, then you're not 520 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,359 Speaker 1: going to have a good time, you know. I wanted 521 00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,720 Speaker 1: to do ayahuasca because it was something that kind of 522 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,639 Speaker 1: did scare me, because I just was like, oh, this 523 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 1: seems like eight hours of vomiting, and then there's all 524 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,440 Speaker 1: this kind of snake imagery that is affiliated with it, 525 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,760 Speaker 1: and I'm really I have a phobia of snakes. So 526 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 1: I thought, oh, I can kind of address my phobia. 527 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 1: Maybe I'll like have to fucking get it all out 528 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,520 Speaker 1: of my system and I won't be scared of snakes. 529 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,640 Speaker 1: It turns out nothing about snakes happened for me, So 530 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:37,800 Speaker 1: it was all about your sister's nice snakes, right, Love, 531 00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:41,520 Speaker 1: I can't believe that we've come to the end. I 532 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 1: love you so much. I've really did love you too, Honey. 533 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,040 Speaker 1: I appreciate you and thank you so much. I'll see 534 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 1: you soon. Yeah, I'll see you soon, all right. Dannan 535 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 1: Chelsea has a podcast called Dear Chelsea, where she answers 536 00:28:56,760 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 1: listeners questions with advice that is both arius and accurate 537 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 1: and also maybe not what the person asking the question 538 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:09,560 Speaker 1: was expecting. Her New HBO Max Special Evolution is also 539 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:14,720 Speaker 1: now streaming. Mini Questions is hosted and written by Me 540 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 1: Mini Driver, supervising producer Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Lavoy, Research 541 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:28,280 Speaker 1: assistant Marissa Brown. Original music Sorry Baby by Mini Driver, 542 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:34,480 Speaker 1: additional music by Aaron Kaufman, Executive produced by Me Mini Driver. 543 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:40,200 Speaker 1: Special thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day, 544 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:46,320 Speaker 1: Lisa Castella and Annique Oppenheim at w kPr, de La Pescador, 545 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 1: Kate Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support, 546 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: Henry Driver