WEBVTT - If you plan it, they will come

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to let go of the assumption that

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<v Speaker 1>people should take turns planning get togethers. If you want

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<v Speaker 1>to see your friends and loved ones, take it upon

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<v Speaker 1>yourself to plan something. It doesn't matter if you planned

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<v Speaker 1>the last get together or even the last five get togethers.

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<v Speaker 1>Making your peace with that idea vastly increases the chances

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<v Speaker 1>that all of you have a lot more fun. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip comes from a listener comment on the Patreon page

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<v Speaker 1>for my other podcast, Best of Both Worlds. This listener,

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<v Speaker 1>like many of us, wanted to see her loved ones

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<v Speaker 1>more freequently. She knew they wanted to see her too,

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<v Speaker 1>but what they didn't do was make an effort to

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<v Speaker 1>actually schedule something. So she decided to take matters into

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<v Speaker 1>her own hands. As predicted, people happily accepted her invitations

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<v Speaker 1>they showed up. She realized that if she kept planning things,

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<v Speaker 1>they would keep getting together, whereas if she didn't, then

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<v Speaker 1>they wouldn't, so she could simply be the planner. It

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<v Speaker 1>was really the better outcome. My guess is that if

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<v Speaker 1>you are listening to this podcast, you too, are more

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<v Speaker 1>likely to be the planner in your circle of friends

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<v Speaker 1>or in your family. Planning get togethers and activities is

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<v Speaker 1>a skill. You are simply better at this skill than

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<v Speaker 1>most people, so it is not surprising if you wind

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<v Speaker 1>up extending more invitations to people than you receive. It

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<v Speaker 1>has nothing to do with whether people love you or

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<v Speaker 1>want to spend time with you. Don't get hung up

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<v Speaker 1>on that. Lots of people love social time but just

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<v Speaker 1>aren't as good at executing on desires. Or maybe people

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<v Speaker 1>have constraints in their homes or budgets that make it

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<v Speaker 1>difficult for them to reciprocate your hospitality. Maybe they simply

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<v Speaker 1>don't feel comfortable in the role of host. And then

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<v Speaker 1>there are people who just don't think about it. Their

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<v Speaker 1>gifts lie in other domains. If you love these people,

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<v Speaker 1>you are better off accepting this reality, and then you

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<v Speaker 1>are better off accepting that you will be the one

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<v Speaker 1>planning to get togethers rather than getting discouraged because you

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<v Speaker 1>feel that you are always doing the inviting, or worse,

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<v Speaker 1>playing a game of chicken where you wait to see

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<v Speaker 1>how long it will be until your friend or loved

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<v Speaker 1>one suggests a concrete plan. Just relax, understand that this

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<v Speaker 1>dynamic just reflects your greater inclination and skill in being

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<v Speaker 1>able to plan and shape the future. It probably isn't

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<v Speaker 1>that you love your friends and family more than they

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<v Speaker 1>love you. If people keep accepting your invitations, then they

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<v Speaker 1>want to see you, and if you genuinely want to

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<v Speaker 1>see them, then you are better off not entertaining the

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<v Speaker 1>thought that they are being lazy freeloaders. So don't don't

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<v Speaker 1>keep score on who has done more of the planning

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<v Speaker 1>work now. Of course, if you find yourself making a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of invitations to someone who usually declines without suggesting

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<v Speaker 1>an alternative, you might consider letting a little more times

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<v Speaker 1>between invitations. The person may have other things going on

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<v Speaker 1>right now, so maybe best to look elsewhere when you

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<v Speaker 1>are suggesting ideas for fun. But if your invitations are

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<v Speaker 1>usually accepted, keep them coming. If you and your loved

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<v Speaker 1>ones enjoy getting together, and if you are willing to

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<v Speaker 1>make the arrangements all as well plan away, you will

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<v Speaker 1>probably both be glad you did. In the meantime, this

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<v Speaker 1>is Laura, thanks for listening, and here's to making the

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<v Speaker 1>most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear

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<v Speaker 1>from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's B the number four,

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<v Speaker 1>then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me

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<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com

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<v Speaker 1>that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For

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<v Speaker 1>more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart

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