1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: Today's tip is to let go of the assumption that 4 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 1: people should take turns planning get togethers. If you want 5 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 1: to see your friends and loved ones, take it upon 6 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: yourself to plan something. It doesn't matter if you planned 7 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:37,160 Speaker 1: the last get together or even the last five get togethers. 8 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: Making your peace with that idea vastly increases the chances 9 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: that all of you have a lot more fun. Today's 10 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:52,159 Speaker 1: tip comes from a listener comment on the Patreon page 11 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: for my other podcast, Best of Both Worlds. This listener, 12 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 1: like many of us, wanted to see her loved ones 13 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 1: more freequently. She knew they wanted to see her too, 14 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,080 Speaker 1: but what they didn't do was make an effort to 15 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:12,240 Speaker 1: actually schedule something. So she decided to take matters into 16 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 1: her own hands. As predicted, people happily accepted her invitations 17 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: they showed up. She realized that if she kept planning things, 18 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 1: they would keep getting together, whereas if she didn't, then 19 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:34,240 Speaker 1: they wouldn't, so she could simply be the planner. It 20 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:38,959 Speaker 1: was really the better outcome. My guess is that if 21 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:43,119 Speaker 1: you are listening to this podcast, you too, are more 22 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,679 Speaker 1: likely to be the planner in your circle of friends 23 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:50,520 Speaker 1: or in your family. Planning get togethers and activities is 24 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 1: a skill. You are simply better at this skill than 25 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 1: most people, so it is not surprising if you wind 26 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: up extending more invitations to people than you receive. It 27 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with whether people love you or 28 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: want to spend time with you. Don't get hung up 29 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 1: on that. Lots of people love social time but just 30 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: aren't as good at executing on desires. Or maybe people 31 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,840 Speaker 1: have constraints in their homes or budgets that make it 32 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:30,120 Speaker 1: difficult for them to reciprocate your hospitality. Maybe they simply 33 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:34,320 Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable in the role of host. And then 34 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 1: there are people who just don't think about it. Their 35 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 1: gifts lie in other domains. If you love these people, 36 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 1: you are better off accepting this reality, and then you 37 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,919 Speaker 1: are better off accepting that you will be the one 38 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 1: planning to get togethers rather than getting discouraged because you 39 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:00,320 Speaker 1: feel that you are always doing the inviting, or worse, 40 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 1: playing a game of chicken where you wait to see 41 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:06,360 Speaker 1: how long it will be until your friend or loved 42 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 1: one suggests a concrete plan. Just relax, understand that this 43 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: dynamic just reflects your greater inclination and skill in being 44 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:21,919 Speaker 1: able to plan and shape the future. It probably isn't 45 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: that you love your friends and family more than they 46 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 1: love you. If people keep accepting your invitations, then they 47 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,360 Speaker 1: want to see you, and if you genuinely want to 48 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: see them, then you are better off not entertaining the 49 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: thought that they are being lazy freeloaders. So don't don't 50 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: keep score on who has done more of the planning 51 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: work now. Of course, if you find yourself making a 52 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 1: lot of invitations to someone who usually declines without suggesting 53 00:03:56,040 --> 00:04:00,119 Speaker 1: an alternative, you might consider letting a little more times 54 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:04,840 Speaker 1: between invitations. The person may have other things going on 55 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 1: right now, so maybe best to look elsewhere when you 56 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 1: are suggesting ideas for fun. But if your invitations are 57 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 1: usually accepted, keep them coming. If you and your loved 58 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,279 Speaker 1: ones enjoy getting together, and if you are willing to 59 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:28,839 Speaker 1: make the arrangements all as well plan away, you will 60 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:34,920 Speaker 1: probably both be glad you did. In the meantime, this 61 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: is Laura, thanks for listening, and here's to making the 62 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:49,040 Speaker 1: most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear 63 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,839 Speaker 1: from you. You can send me your tips, your questions, 64 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:55,720 Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook 65 00:04:55,800 --> 00:05:01,279 Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's B the number four, 66 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 1: then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me 67 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 1: an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com 68 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters. 69 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 1: Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch. 70 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For 71 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,039 Speaker 1: more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart 72 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,480 Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 73 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: favorite shows.