1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,200
Speaker 1: Dearest John, It's been a fortnight since I felt your

2
00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:06,600
Speaker 1: warm embrace. Dear Sam, such it has since we started

3
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,000
Speaker 1: the Okay story Tom podcast. Yes, and I have a

4
00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:11,880
Speaker 1: message for you, a delicious story that I think you'll love.

5
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,200
Speaker 2: Sincerely Sam, But.

6
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:16,799
Speaker 1: Before that, thine divine two minute outbreak must happen, I

7
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:20,520
Speaker 1: bid thee farewell. See you in two minutes. My girlfriend's

8
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:24,960
Speaker 1: rude stepfather made me feel unwelcome. I'm never coming back.

9
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,760
Speaker 1: How rude. My girlfriend and I have been together for

10
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:30,920
Speaker 1: one year, having met on a dating app and hitting

11
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,479
Speaker 1: it off well. My girlfriend, Cindy is a wonderful, beautiful, sweet, kind,

12
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,720
Speaker 1: loving person who I am so lucky to be with.

13
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,720
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from user Carpuggio Throwaway, and

14
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,560
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

15
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,720
Speaker 1: the r slash Okay Storytime subred it. In the one

16
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,800
Speaker 1: year we have spent together, we have fallen very much

17
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:49,760
Speaker 1: in law. We share similar interests, have similar senses of humor,

18
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,760
Speaker 1: and care about each other very much. We've been largely

19
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:55,520
Speaker 1: long distance until now, and we're thinking of living together

20
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,800
Speaker 1: within another year as we both graduate college and plan

21
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:01,160
Speaker 1: to move to a major city to pursue our separate dream.

22
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,520
Speaker 1: Things have been moving into the really serious phase as

23
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,680
Speaker 1: we started spending time with each other's families. Over the

24
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,640
Speaker 1: past months, I've met her father's side her parents are

25
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,000
Speaker 1: divorced as our mind, her family on her father's side

26
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,880
Speaker 1: live in town with us, while she's met both sides

27
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,800
Speaker 1: of my family, who also live in the same town

28
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,680
Speaker 1: as us. All that was left was to travel to

29
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,319
Speaker 1: the East Coast to meet Cindy's mother, Fanny. There just

30
00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:24,440
Speaker 1: so happened to be some events happening that gave her

31
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,440
Speaker 1: a reason to go back home. She wanted me to

32
00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,120
Speaker 1: come along to meet her family, so we decided to

33
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,960
Speaker 1: make a road trip out of it. We've been here

34
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:35,160
Speaker 1: for literally just one day and our planning to stay

35
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:39,160
Speaker 1: until Tuesday, so five days we arrived today when around

36
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,360
Speaker 1: town as she showed me around for a bit, then

37
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,800
Speaker 1: went back to her mom's to hang out and eat dinner.

38
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:47,480
Speaker 1: Her mom is nice enough, not particularly welcoming, but greets

39
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,560
Speaker 1: me and chit chats with me, which I tried to

40
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:54,880
Speaker 1: reciprocate politely. However, then Tim came home, her mother's boyfriend.

41
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,480
Speaker 1: To my knowledge, Tim and Fanny have been together for

42
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:00,680
Speaker 1: a number of years since Fanny's divorce, and all I

43
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,000
Speaker 1: have ever heard from my girlfriend is how much of

44
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,480
Speaker 1: a piecea crap this guy is. Examples of what she's

45
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:10,480
Speaker 1: told me about him include calling her derogatory nicknames like

46
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:14,079
Speaker 1: princess because that's supposedly how she behaves. Note, my girlfriend

47
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:17,000
Speaker 1: is the furthest thing from a princess. I could imagine.

48
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,160
Speaker 1: She's one of the most given, caring people I know.

49
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:22,600
Speaker 1: She hardly asks for anything. They constantly guilt her doing

50
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,520
Speaker 1: things like washing dishes overly loudly to make sure she

51
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,560
Speaker 1: knows she forgot to do them or didn't do them

52
00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:29,720
Speaker 1: up to his standards. It isn't even his house. They

53
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:32,440
Speaker 1: aren't his dishes. He's apparently not even legally allowed to

54
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,520
Speaker 1: live there as part of the divorce, even though he

55
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,080
Speaker 1: keeps three of his ratty old cars he claims to

56
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,520
Speaker 1: be fixing up there Once. He once yelled at her

57
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,000
Speaker 1: because she wanted to go to a college. He didn't

58
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,760
Speaker 1: want her to go to what what? I don't understand

59
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,560
Speaker 1: how it's any of his effing business. She isn't his child.

60
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,280
Speaker 1: Tom is, from what I can tell, the source of

61
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,040
Speaker 1: a great deal of anxiety that Cindy deals with. Regularly,

62
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,919
Speaker 1: and frankly I understand why. Anyway, he comes home and

63
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,680
Speaker 1: pretty much immediately starts doing the same crap to me,

64
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,320
Speaker 1: immediately gives me a rude nickname, laughingly and proudly refers

65
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:05,800
Speaker 1: to himself as a wiener, then asks me if I

66
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,800
Speaker 1: have any dietary restrictions, which I don't, before telling me

67
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,400
Speaker 1: good because he doesn't make accommodations for them.

68
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,400
Speaker 2: What's the point of asking?

69
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,600
Speaker 1: This guy just is the most annoying guy ever. He

70
00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:18,239
Speaker 1: really is like a five year old. He's a five

71
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:19,680
Speaker 1: year old in an adult's body.

72
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,720
Speaker 3: That literally sounds like what people in my elementary school

73
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:27,240
Speaker 3: would say. Yeah, this is like like like oh.

74
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,919
Speaker 1: No, one asks. He then starts to cook dinner before

75
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,320
Speaker 1: interrupting our conversation by asking me do you want it

76
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,360
Speaker 1: to be treated like a guest or like family, to

77
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,400
Speaker 1: which I said, uh, what's the difference? Then he responds

78
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,320
Speaker 1: do you want to feel like you belong to which

79
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,800
Speaker 1: I said, uh sure. Then he responds good to take

80
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,960
Speaker 1: out the trash and walks out. I've been there for

81
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,640
Speaker 1: all of thirty minutes. Now I'll gladly clean up after

82
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,200
Speaker 1: myself in someone else's home or offer to help out

83
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,680
Speaker 1: with chores as a polite guest, but this was incredibly

84
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,320
Speaker 1: rude and completely disrespectful. Later, as I went to take

85
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,520
Speaker 1: my dishes into the kitchen, I thanked him for cooking

86
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,360
Speaker 1: by saying, thank you, sir, and I got a gruff

87
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,760
Speaker 1: don't call me sir as a response individually that in

88
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,840
Speaker 1: itself wouldn't have bothered me if I hadn't known that

89
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,440
Speaker 1: there was nothing good natured about it. Also, before you ask, no,

90
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,320
Speaker 1: he was not joking about any of this. I know

91
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,440
Speaker 1: because my girlfriend told me he doesn't joke. When he

92
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,720
Speaker 1: does that. He's incredibly rude, and I have every reason

93
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,960
Speaker 1: and to think, and I have every reason to think

94
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,120
Speaker 1: he'll continue to be as long as I'm here. He's

95
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,000
Speaker 1: around pretty much every day. It shook me up so

96
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,960
Speaker 1: much that I ended up excusing myself to go to

97
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,320
Speaker 1: bed very early because I was so uncomfortable being in

98
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,240
Speaker 1: the same room with him. I've dealt with rude people,

99
00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:30,560
Speaker 1: but never had someone make me feel like an intruder

100
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,719
Speaker 1: in their home when our stay had been planned weeks

101
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,520
Speaker 1: in advance. So I'm not gonna lie all right really quickly,

102
00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:38,839
Speaker 1: I know I'm yeap. My advice to these kinds of people.

103
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:42,159
Speaker 1: This kind of guy is like this because nobody just goes,

104
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,240
Speaker 1: who do you think you are? Tim? And as soon

105
00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,440
Speaker 1: as you say that, he's gonna go, who do you think?

106
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,240
Speaker 1: In my house? You're look at your skull, look at

107
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,600
Speaker 1: your being ridiculous? Tim, Tim, who do you think you are?

108
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:53,760
Speaker 1: Put him on blast?

109
00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:55,479
Speaker 2: You gotta talk to him like a child, and not

110
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:56,480
Speaker 2: in a way where it's.

111
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:59,640
Speaker 3: Like, oh oh, not in that way of talking like

112
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,560
Speaker 3: a child, if that makes sense, but just like just

113
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,479
Speaker 3: being so above it, and it's being like, buddy, like

114
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:06,280
Speaker 3: what do you mean by that?

115
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,520
Speaker 1: Buddy? That's hey, buddy, that's not how you talk to people.

116
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,760
Speaker 1: What are you doing? In short, he is any complete butt,

117
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,800
Speaker 1: an utter butt, And I don't know how I'm going

118
00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:16,440
Speaker 1: to be able to get through a week with him.

119
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,920
Speaker 1: I'm concerned that my girlfriend and her mother essentially just

120
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,200
Speaker 1: let him talk to me this way, and knowing how

121
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,440
Speaker 1: anxious my girlfriend is, she isn't going to say or

122
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,600
Speaker 1: do anything about it. What can I do? How can

123
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,720
Speaker 1: I get through this week and keep this person out

124
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,760
Speaker 1: of my life? Afterwards? You already know what I had

125
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,159
Speaker 1: to say. Andrew, do you have a take? Is it physical?

126
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,719
Speaker 3: Find violence is always still an option that's gonna be

127
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:38,400
Speaker 3: on the table. But honestly, my real answer though, I

128
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,320
Speaker 3: feel like, really you just have to show that it's

129
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,520
Speaker 3: not affecting you, you know what I mean, Like, if

130
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,280
Speaker 3: there's I don't I mean, it doesn't seem like he's

131
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,039
Speaker 3: being passive aggressive, but like I've responded to passive aggressive

132
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,640
Speaker 3: people before, but taking what they're saying very literally, you know,

133
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,760
Speaker 3: like I won't say examples, but I think this guy's.

134
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:58,719
Speaker 1: Being incredibly passive aggressive. Yeah. Okay, well not even less passive,

135
00:05:58,760 --> 00:05:59,960
Speaker 1: more actual aggressive.

136
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,159
Speaker 3: So well, okay, So one time I was beefing with

137
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,200
Speaker 3: this person and at one point she was like, oh, like,

138
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,400
Speaker 3: isn't it so nice to like have have such great

139
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,760
Speaker 3: friends and to be there for and supporting your friends?

140
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,560
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, it's great. And because she

141
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,120
Speaker 3: was like trying to dig at me because she felt

142
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,200
Speaker 3: like I wasn't doing that sr She's like, and it

143
00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:19,000
Speaker 3: wasn't like that, and so I was just like, yes,

144
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,159
Speaker 3: it's really nice, and then she kept going, I just

145
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:22,960
Speaker 3: like laughed at her and it was like, you know,

146
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,159
Speaker 3: very subtle things. You just got to act like it's

147
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,360
Speaker 3: you know, don't need to come back with any comeback.

148
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,599
Speaker 3: You don't need to be angry and blow up about it.

149
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,200
Speaker 3: You just need to be like what are you doing?

150
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,920
Speaker 3: Like what's going on over there?

151
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,800
Speaker 1: There was an update, though, so since the events of

152
00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:39,520
Speaker 1: my last post. I spoke with my girlfriend the following morning,

153
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,640
Speaker 1: expressing how disrespected and unwelcome i'd felt given the way

154
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,240
Speaker 1: Tim had treated me. After I'd driven halfway across the

155
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,719
Speaker 1: country and spent my own birthday money to bring Cindy

156
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,839
Speaker 1: back to her mother for a visit, I told Cindy

157
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,920
Speaker 1: that I wasn't going to put up with being treated

158
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,960
Speaker 1: like an intruder, and that I wanted to stay in

159
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,880
Speaker 1: a hotel room or find alternatives sleeping arrangements for the

160
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,320
Speaker 1: rest of the trip. I said that I would be

161
00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,960
Speaker 1: happy to go to dinner or something with her mother,

162
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,719
Speaker 1: but that I didn't want Tim there because of the

163
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,360
Speaker 1: way he'd been rude to me. I was surprised at

164
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,240
Speaker 1: how well Cindy took all this, and she said she understood,

165
00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:09,640
Speaker 1: and that she'd hoped Tim would be better behaved than

166
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,200
Speaker 1: he had been, like he's a dog or something. Fortunately,

167
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,880
Speaker 1: she had an old friend who completely understood the situation

168
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,680
Speaker 1: with Tim and offered to let Cindy and I stay

169
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,480
Speaker 1: for a couple of nights until the trip was over.

170
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,440
Speaker 1: If I haven't mentioned, basically, everyone who knows Tim, apart

171
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,840
Speaker 1: from Cindy's mother, thinks he is absolute trash and no

172
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,320
Speaker 1: one understands what she sees in him. Tim and Fanny

173
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:30,160
Speaker 1: were away picking up Tim's son, Michael, sixteen male, and

174
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,880
Speaker 1: wouldn't be back in town for another day, so Cindy

175
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,920
Speaker 1: and I ended up staying over at the house again

176
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,040
Speaker 1: since they were gone, and decided that in the morning

177
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,280
Speaker 1: we'd pack all our stuff and bring it to her

178
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,720
Speaker 1: friend's house. Cindy would find an opportunity to talk to

179
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,720
Speaker 1: her mother in person about the reason our stuff was

180
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,400
Speaker 1: gone and explain that we'd be staying somewhere else. Fast

181
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,800
Speaker 1: forward to the next night, at which time we'd loaded

182
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,200
Speaker 1: all our stuff up into the car and we're simply

183
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,440
Speaker 1: waiting for them to return when Fanny texts that their

184
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,880
Speaker 1: flight is delayed and they won't be returning until very late.

185
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,120
Speaker 1: Cindy tells her about the situation over the phone and

186
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,880
Speaker 1: tells me her mother sounded annoyed but understanding. We go

187
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,360
Speaker 1: to Cindy's friend's house and go to sleep because we're

188
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,600
Speaker 1: attending her friend's baby shower the next day, as is

189
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,560
Speaker 1: Cindy's mother. The next day, at the shower, Cindy and

190
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,600
Speaker 1: I go and have a nice time until Fanny shows

191
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,640
Speaker 1: up and pulls her to the corner of the room

192
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,400
Speaker 1: to talk about the situation. She and Cindy talk, but

193
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:21,600
Speaker 1: Fanny begins making an absolute embarrassment of herself, crying openly

194
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,720
Speaker 1: in the middle of someone else's baby shower she could

195
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,160
Speaker 1: have easily gone outside to have this conversation, and telling

196
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,160
Speaker 1: Cindy that oh p needs to fix this situation, saying

197
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:33,040
Speaker 1: how I'd apparently been disrespectful towards Cindy's family because I

198
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,000
Speaker 1: didn't stand up to shake Tim's hand immediately, and how

199
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,720
Speaker 1: she sees traits in me that she saw in Cindy's father,

200
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,280
Speaker 1: whom she is divorced from. She then leaves in a huff,

201
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,800
Speaker 1: having made quite the scene, and my girlfriend tells me

202
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,120
Speaker 1: what happened outside and says how upset she is with

203
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,120
Speaker 1: her mother. I found out later that after this all

204
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,160
Speaker 1: went down, Fanny talked with Tim and called Cindy's father

205
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,920
Speaker 1: in my hometown to talk about how disrespectful I was

206
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:57,959
Speaker 1: with Tim, saying Cindy was choosing Oh Pee over her family.

207
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,400
Speaker 1: Cindy consults with her father, who suggests that, or the

208
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,400
Speaker 1: sake of smoothing things over with everyone, we be the

209
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,480
Speaker 1: bigger people and invite them out to dinner. I really

210
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,800
Speaker 1: really didn't want to see Tim again, especially now that

211
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,720
Speaker 1: I knew he'd be aware of my reason for leaving.

212
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,360
Speaker 1: But Cindy understandably just wants her mother to love me

213
00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:13,880
Speaker 1: the way she does, and so I agree to go

214
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,200
Speaker 1: to dinner. After a couple of hours, Fanny and Tim

215
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,920
Speaker 1: except and the four of us, along with Michael, meet

216
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,880
Speaker 1: up that evening for dinner. Is an excruciatingly awkward dinner.

217
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,120
Speaker 1: Everyone is civil and polite, but it's clear that Tim

218
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,719
Speaker 1: is uninterested in getting to know me. Though Fanny does

219
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,520
Speaker 1: make some small talk with me at the very least,

220
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:31,720
Speaker 1: Tim says nothing rude to me, and I don't talk

221
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,880
Speaker 1: much throughout the meal. When the waiter asks about the

222
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,360
Speaker 1: check I offered to pay, Tim basically ignores me and

223
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,080
Speaker 1: insists upon separate checks. We leave town the next day,

224
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,560
Speaker 1: stopping to visit Cindy's other family, all of whom love me.

225
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,199
Speaker 1: It seems clear that the commenters on the other post

226
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,280
Speaker 1: were correct about how toxic Fanny and Tim can be,

227
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,080
Speaker 1: and with any luck, I'll be keeping them out of

228
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,120
Speaker 1: my own life, if not Cindy's, as much as possible. Edit.

229
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,640
Speaker 1: Cindy's dad was completely supportive of us throughout the whole thing,

230
00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:55,400
Speaker 1: and he took the call knowing Fanny was in the wrong.

231
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,920
Speaker 1: All Right, I've gotten loads of comments that seem to

232
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,000
Speaker 1: think Tim was just joking that I'm probably just being

233
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,000
Speaker 1: ridiculous when I say that everybody hates Tim. So I'm

234
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,440
Speaker 1: gonna list out some more rude crap things he's regularly

235
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,200
Speaker 1: done to people that I don't think I need to

236
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,560
Speaker 1: go into. Hopefully it won't make people so sure that

237
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,600
Speaker 1: I'm some whiny kid who can't handle joking. Tim has

238
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,720
Speaker 1: repeatedly called my girlfriend ab In the past, Tim tried

239
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,880
Speaker 1: to force Fanny to put Cindy's brother in the military,

240
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,000
Speaker 1: not that she could have, but he still tried. Keeping

241
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,240
Speaker 1: in mind these are not his children. Tim makes comments

242
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,560
Speaker 1: about women that are extremely inappropriate. He points out when

243
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,760
Speaker 1: Cindy's friends have skin showing or have gained weight, there's

244
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,240
Speaker 1: a little bit. Oh god, we have some more, just

245
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,520
Speaker 1: a couple more examples of Tim being a jerk. Some

246
00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:34,960
Speaker 1: people are not confrontational. I get that. This is a

247
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,160
Speaker 1: guy you got to confront and Tim, why are you

248
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:37,480
Speaker 1: doing this?

249
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:37,880
Speaker 2: Yeah?

250
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,440
Speaker 1: Sorry? Why did you just talk to me that way?

251
00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,319
Speaker 1: Just like not even in like a don't match his energy?

252
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,520
Speaker 1: Stay calm, stay cool, right, so that way when he

253
00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:47,600
Speaker 1: starts going off the hand, you go, Tim, look at yourself.

254
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,760
Speaker 1: What are you doing exactly? I'm just trying. I'm just

255
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,800
Speaker 1: literally talking to you like a human being, and you

256
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,400
Speaker 1: are reacting this way. What's going on? Tim? Are you okay? Tim?

257
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,440
Speaker 1: He'll probably start crying, Like, honestly, that's the deal. He's

258
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,720
Speaker 1: a five year old in a grown man's Yeah, he's

259
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,440
Speaker 1: gonna start crying. Just press him, Yeah, don't let him

260
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:06,520
Speaker 1: get away with this. Tim gives rude nicknames to everyone,

261
00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:08,280
Speaker 1: not just me. Everyone I've talked to you hates it

262
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,400
Speaker 1: and does not think it's funny or a joke. Tim

263
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,839
Speaker 1: has had falling outs with nearly everyone in Cindy's family.

264
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,760
Speaker 1: Every family member I met on the trip thinks he's

265
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,840
Speaker 1: incredibly rude, abrasive, and borderline, including Fanny's own parents. And

266
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,040
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story. Yeah, because Tim sucks.

267
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:21,960
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh yeah.

268
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,800
Speaker 1: So when Tim starts sucking, you gotta be like, hey, Tim,

269
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,560
Speaker 1: he sucks so much quick, can you please? Well that's

270
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:28,640
Speaker 1: the end of that story. Wow.

271
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,720
Speaker 3: My mother demanded that we invite extra guests into my wedding,

272
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,720
Speaker 3: but refuses to pay for them.

273
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,360
Speaker 1: Mom, it's not your any background to be up around.

274
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,679
Speaker 2: My parents are not good with money.

275
00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:42,040
Speaker 3: They are a few years past a major bankruptcy, along

276
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,880
Speaker 3: with other questionable life and financial choices. I don't rely

277
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,760
Speaker 3: on them at all, though they do financially support my

278
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,520
Speaker 3: older sister. By the way, this comes from wedding invitations

279
00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:52,200
Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

280
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,800
Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay storytime Separate. They have a

281
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,640
Speaker 3: history of making promises of money and then backing out,

282
00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,960
Speaker 3: as well as guilt tripping when they do give me anything.

283
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,480
Speaker 3: I have not asked them for anything since I graduated

284
00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:05,280
Speaker 3: from college. I accompanied my mother to a reunion halfway

285
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:08,160
Speaker 3: across the country as a favor. Her usual driving companion

286
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,560
Speaker 3: was busy, so she wouldn't have to go alone or

287
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,120
Speaker 3: skip it, so the story. During the drive, we discussed

288
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,320
Speaker 3: my cousin's her sister's daughter upcoming wedding and how she

289
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,040
Speaker 3: wanted a small, quirky ceremony revolving around guests and costumes.

290
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,360
Speaker 3: My mother was lambasting my cousin's choices the entire time,

291
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,400
Speaker 3: saying that if my aunt was willing to plan it,

292
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,880
Speaker 3: she should be able to invite her extended family great

293
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,440
Speaker 3: aunts and uncles and other distant relatives. Many of these

294
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,960
Speaker 3: people are very old and do not know one cousin

295
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,199
Speaker 3: from another. More to the point, many of them live

296
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,920
Speaker 3: in the same region northern Indiana, and have not been

297
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,360
Speaker 3: able to visit other areas, in my case, New York,

298
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:42,720
Speaker 3: in my cousin's case, Georgia.

299
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,560
Speaker 2: They are essentially strangers.

300
00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,720
Speaker 3: This discussion segued into a discussion of my own plans

301
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,200
Speaker 3: to marry. My significant other and I have been together

302
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,640
Speaker 3: for nearly seven years and are finally in a place

303
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:53,040
Speaker 3: where we.

304
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,760
Speaker 2: Can feasibly think about getting married.

305
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,560
Speaker 3: We know that we are going to be paying for

306
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,040
Speaker 3: the wedding out of pocket, with no real contributions for

307
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,840
Speaker 3: my parents or which is okay with us. We're trying

308
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,680
Speaker 3: to keep a list of friends and immediate family, which

309
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,160
Speaker 3: puts us at around forty five to fifty people. If

310
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,200
Speaker 3: we invite the people that she wants us to invite.

311
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,040
Speaker 3: It adds on about thirty to thirty five people. That's

312
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:14,880
Speaker 3: almost doubling the guest list. She said that we wouldn't

313
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,360
Speaker 3: have to invite them to the reception and just the ceremony.

314
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:18,520
Speaker 2: The problem with that is.

315
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,000
Speaker 3: That we were not planning on having a huge ceremony,

316
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,840
Speaker 3: something small in a local historic park cheap. Neither one

317
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,680
Speaker 3: of us are religious, so having it in a venue

318
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,040
Speaker 3: such as a church seems silly. Plus, if these people

319
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,360
Speaker 3: showed up, I know that I would be strong armed

320
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,360
Speaker 3: into letting them come to the reception. She admits, it's

321
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,480
Speaker 3: essentially an invitation to send the gift, which seems silly

322
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,680
Speaker 3: to me. An extra thirty or forty invitations that just

323
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,800
Speaker 3: invite to this ceremony would essentially double our budget for

324
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,920
Speaker 3: the invites, and an expenditure that we really can't afford

325
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,080
Speaker 3: if we're trying to be economical. It also raises another problem.

326
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,720
Speaker 3: Like my mother, his mom also comes from a large family.

327
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,120
Speaker 3: If we invite extended family from my side, we will

328
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,040
Speaker 3: be expected to invite from his side. His mother's family

329
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,400
Speaker 3: is even larger. His mom is one of twelve. A

330
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,040
Speaker 3: few years ago, his sister got married and has told

331
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,960
Speaker 3: me that covering the extended family plus children ended up

332
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,120
Speaker 3: being forty eight extra invitations. Most of these people ended

333
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,480
Speaker 3: up flying out for the reception and caused some last

334
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,760
Speaker 3: minute drama in which my sister in law did not

335
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,440
Speaker 3: want kids at the menu and they showed up anyway.

336
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,680
Speaker 3: This caused problems with food and table placements. But I

337
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,720
Speaker 3: digress where my extended family may not show up, I

338
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:27,360
Speaker 3: am relatively sure my significant other's extended family will. If

339
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:30,040
Speaker 3: we had the money to have a one hundred plus

340
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,800
Speaker 3: person wedding, I would. I would love to invite aunts

341
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,160
Speaker 3: and uncles and cousins and such, but as it stands,

342
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,680
Speaker 3: we cannot afford it. Am I being unreasonable and asking

343
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,760
Speaker 3: them to contribute money to the affair if they are

344
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,560
Speaker 3: so adamant on inviting them. This is not an issue

345
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,080
Speaker 3: with his parents, because we've disgusted with them, and they

346
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,840
Speaker 3: have offered money to help cover extended family on their side, But.

347
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,960
Speaker 2: We have the problem.

348
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,160
Speaker 3: When I asked my mother if she expected to be

349
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,960
Speaker 3: putting any additional money for this.

350
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:55,720
Speaker 2: She laughed.

351
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,720
Speaker 3: She said that if we could wait another four or

352
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,200
Speaker 3: five years, they might be able to. I'm unwill willing

353
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,280
Speaker 3: to wait that long on the idea that they might

354
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,600
Speaker 3: be able to give us money for this. This stung

355
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,359
Speaker 3: a bit as I overheard them discussing the two thousand

356
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:11,040
Speaker 3: dollars they just sent my sister. The conversation essentially ended

357
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,360
Speaker 3: with ME saying, well, that's a little left up, don't

358
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,360
Speaker 3: you think, and then resulted in about sixish hours of

359
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,120
Speaker 3: silence as we drove down from northern Indiana to western

360
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,440
Speaker 3: Kentucky to visit my sister. My mom was able to

361
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,920
Speaker 3: get married for very cheaply by relying on her aunts

362
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,560
Speaker 3: and uncles, and I don't think she has a good

363
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,440
Speaker 3: understanding for how expensive things are when you don't have

364
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:34,000
Speaker 3: oodles of free labor. Am I being unreasonable to limit

365
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,200
Speaker 3: my guest list in order to save money? Either my

366
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,720
Speaker 3: significant other nor I want to blow big bucks on

367
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,880
Speaker 3: this event. But it seems like this might force us

368
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,800
Speaker 3: to lay out cash we simply don't have.

369
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,680
Speaker 2: I am conflicted.

370
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you should say we don't have the

371
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:50,120
Speaker 1: oodles of cash we need to pay oodles of people.

372
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,040
Speaker 2: That's a great word.

373
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,200
Speaker 1: God, I love the word oodle.

374
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,760
Speaker 2: To remind it of it today.

375
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:56,760
Speaker 1: Again, it's like, what are we doing? Just say it's

376
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:58,960
Speaker 1: our wedding. You're not allowed to invite the people we

377
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,400
Speaker 1: don't want here. I hear that their extended family they

378
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,480
Speaker 1: can watch the tape.

379
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,359
Speaker 3: My mother and I have never had a great relationship,

380
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,200
Speaker 3: and I fear this could really ruin it. I know

381
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,200
Speaker 3: I'm not entitled to a single penny from them, but

382
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,920
Speaker 3: am I being unreasonable? How can I effectively stand my

383
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,160
Speaker 3: ground and tell my mom that there will only be

384
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,560
Speaker 3: friends and immediate family?

385
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:16,800
Speaker 2: We do have an updates?

386
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,280
Speaker 1: Well, babe, the way that you do that is you

387
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,440
Speaker 1: stand your ground and you tell your mom there will

388
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,440
Speaker 1: not be any more invites. There.

389
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,520
Speaker 3: You go just say we simply can't afford it, and

390
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:32,000
Speaker 3: we also don't want it, so that's all there is. Yeah,

391
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,720
Speaker 3: we just don't want it, So stop, stop and think

392
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:39,560
Speaker 3: before you speak. Updates so pretty good news. My significant

393
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,440
Speaker 3: other popped the question. Gorgeous ring, great surprise, all the

394
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,200
Speaker 3: good stuff, an amazing outpouring of support from friends and family,

395
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,880
Speaker 3: Great times all around. We met up with my parents

396
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,520
Speaker 3: last weekend for dinner. My sister was briefly in town,

397
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,160
Speaker 3: a rare occasion, and so while the dinner was mostly

398
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,200
Speaker 3: for that, we did as I predicted get grilled about

399
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,640
Speaker 3: our wedding plans. I have found our location cheap, cute,

400
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,399
Speaker 3: et cetera, and was telling my mom about it. Inevitably,

401
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:08,080
Speaker 3: the topic of our wedding guest list came up. After

402
00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,159
Speaker 3: reviewing the feedback I got from my first post, I

403
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,080
Speaker 3: was able to sit down with my significant other and

404
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:13,240
Speaker 3: formulate our.

405
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,440
Speaker 2: Response ahead of time.

406
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,119
Speaker 3: I would do much of the talking my parents seems

407
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,600
Speaker 3: only fair, and he would back me up if necessary.

408
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,240
Speaker 3: We outlined our main sticking points low budget, small intimate affair,

409
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,880
Speaker 3: don't really want a big thing, et cetera, and rehearsed

410
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,840
Speaker 3: various answers. Can I tell you I was anxious about

411
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,480
Speaker 3: this conversation. All I can say is thank god we

412
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,200
Speaker 3: were in a public place. I think this definitely helped

413
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,760
Speaker 3: us avoid a screaming match right off the bat. She

414
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,440
Speaker 3: didn't even ask if we were planning on inviting extended family.

415
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:45,119
Speaker 2: But rather assumed it. I corrected her firmly, but without anger.

416
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,480
Speaker 3: I told her we have a small budget and really

417
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,600
Speaker 3: wanted to be a small affair for the people who

418
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,080
Speaker 3: really know us, best friends and immediate family, and have

419
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,879
Speaker 3: seen our relationship grow and develop over the years.

420
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:59,760
Speaker 2: But she protested. She began talking about getting paid.

421
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:03,159
Speaker 3: I swear she said, We've been to a bunch of

422
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,920
Speaker 3: crappy weddings for family, and payback is a witch. I

423
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,159
Speaker 3: assume that she means in reference to previously giving gifts

424
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,280
Speaker 3: and now expecting them. I didn't press it. I repeated

425
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,000
Speaker 3: that only immediate family, and in the case of my

426
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,640
Speaker 3: significant other, his grandparents might have passed away and friends

427
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,240
Speaker 3: would be invited. I told her that unless they can

428
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,640
Speaker 3: front the cash for the additional cost before we put

429
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,480
Speaker 3: out save the dates within three months, they would not

430
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,480
Speaker 3: be invited. Kind of a harsh tactic, but that's the truth.

431
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,720
Speaker 3: I'd love to invite all my aunts and uncles, but

432
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,119
Speaker 3: we simply don't have the money. I did offer a

433
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,360
Speaker 3: compromise of perhaps sending out a wedding announcement to them.

434
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:41,960
Speaker 2: After the fact. After that she backed down mostly. She

435
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,639
Speaker 2: then started talking.

436
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,119
Speaker 3: About doing a short ceremony out near her family so

437
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,880
Speaker 3: that we could collect I swear her words. I don't

438
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,160
Speaker 3: particularly care about the gifts or money, but it seemed

439
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,320
Speaker 3: like a reasonable request. They mostly live in northern Indiana,

440
00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:57,119
Speaker 3: and my significant others extended family are in Chicago, so

441
00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,679
Speaker 3: it seems like maybe we could accommodate both sides the family.

442
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,640
Speaker 3: I told her that if she expects something like that,

443
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,280
Speaker 3: it needs to be one hundred percent finance and planned

444
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:05,760
Speaker 3: by them.

445
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,120
Speaker 2: I then told her that if she's interested in doing.

446
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,520
Speaker 3: Such a thing, she might want to contact my significant

447
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,879
Speaker 3: other's mother and work something out. We were discussing our

448
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:16,399
Speaker 3: guest list with them this weekend. Finger cross, fingers crossed

449
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,439
Speaker 3: for no conflict. I haven't heard a peep about this

450
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 3: idea since it was raised at dinner, so who knows

451
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,480
Speaker 3: if she'll actually bother her. She has, however, been constantly

452
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,800
Speaker 3: texting and emailing me ideas and cites about budget weddings.

453
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,640
Speaker 3: Hopefully this means our message has stuck with her. As

454
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,560
Speaker 3: for the money, my dad privately said he'd see but

455
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 3: I know that that means not to expect anything.

456
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,240
Speaker 2: That's fine. We weren't planning for their assistance anyway, and

457
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,800
Speaker 2: we do have another update.

458
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,440
Speaker 3: But do we have any any thoughts about this current situation?

459
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,160
Speaker 1: Literally, just stop letting these people pretend they can plan

460
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:48,639
Speaker 1: your wedding.

461
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm I'm worried about you know, even saying like, oh,

462
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,200
Speaker 3: you figure it out then, because.

463
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,600
Speaker 1: Nope, she might don't let her figure anything out, and.

464
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,520
Speaker 2: I don't trust her.

465
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:58,879
Speaker 3: I don't trust that she'll be able to do it

466
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,800
Speaker 3: in a smooth way and maybe not communicate it very well,

467
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,199
Speaker 3: and it's just not gonna end up.

468
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,160
Speaker 2: Well, that's what I think. So ugh can't believe I'm

469
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 2: back again. This is not a great start.

470
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 3: Like so many of you had guessed in my original post,

471
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,439
Speaker 3: my mother has gone ahead and invited distant relatives, second

472
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 3: and third cousins, great aunts, and uncles, et cetera. This

473
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 3: past weekend was my cousin's wedding. My fiance and I

474
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,359
Speaker 3: couldn't attend, but I talked to my cousin after the fact.

475
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,439
Speaker 3: She said that she had heard about the wedding and

476
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 3: was so excited to come up for it, and that

477
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,919
Speaker 3: she'd send along the family address POOT. As I mentioned

478
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,399
Speaker 3: in my previous posts, my fiance and I are adamant

479
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,160
Speaker 3: about keeping our guest lists under fifty. We've started looking

480
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,119
Speaker 3: at venues which if our guest lists shot up to one.

481
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:42,680
Speaker 2: Hundred plus, we'd never be able to afford. I am furious.

482
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 3: I can't believe, no, wait, I totally can that she's

483
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 3: doing this in order to accommodate both her and then

484
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 3: my fiance's family, we would bankrupt ourselves and likely still

485
00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:54,000
Speaker 3: forfeit our perfect wedding.

486
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,200
Speaker 1: You know what I'm smelling right now?

487
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:55,959
Speaker 2: What are you smelling?

488
00:20:56,160 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 1: Secret wedding? Baby, secret wedding? I smell secret? You and

489
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 1: five friends at the beach? Whoa crazy?

490
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,280
Speaker 2: Yeah that this definitely calls for a secret wedding.

491
00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, it calls for like, you know, hey, postponing the

492
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:14,360
Speaker 3: wedding or canceled. We actually don't want any ceremony. We're

493
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 3: just going to the courthouse and then yeah, just do

494
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 3: a regular.

495
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,439
Speaker 1: Cancel it for the most like clearly fake reason. But

496
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 1: oh we both got food poisoning at the same time,

497
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,400
Speaker 1: but we ate from different places. Isn't that crazy?

498
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:27,000
Speaker 3: As I mentioned in my previous posts, she is not

499
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 3: offering any money to help offset the costs of her

500
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 3: large family. So Reddit, I needed some advice on a

501
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 3: few things. I need to know how I can tactfully

502
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 3: uninvite people should I even they won't be getting an

503
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 3: invitation or save the date. But I feel as if

504
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,920
Speaker 3: I need to let them know uprunts that they shouldn't

505
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,960
Speaker 3: expect one. So wait, okay, I feel like we've got

506
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,120
Speaker 3: We've got a few questions here. I think we need

507
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 3: to give short answers for one on one. So with

508
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,399
Speaker 3: this one, how can I tactfully uninvite people?

509
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 1: Or should I even cancel the wedding?

510
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 2: Cancel the wedding?

511
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,440
Speaker 1: Can you set the wedding, get married secretly, and then

512
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,880
Speaker 1: do another one where there's no pressure in the stakes

513
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 1: you're as low as possible.

514
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 3: Another question, how can I make a clean break from

515
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,879
Speaker 3: my mother? I would like to preserve what little relationship

516
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,119
Speaker 3: I have with my father, but I am one hundred

517
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 3: percent done with my mother. I can have her in

518
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 3: my life when she's going to behave like us well.

519
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:11,480
Speaker 2: Was her answer?

520
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,200
Speaker 1: Oh, your dad exactly what you just texted, And also

521
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,480
Speaker 1: tell your mom you are done because of her behavior.

522
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 3: Another question, am I overreacting? I feel as if I'm

523
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,439
Speaker 3: making the right decision. But I grew up thinking that

524
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 3: my reactions were overblown and that I was being unforgiving

525
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 3: or ridiculous. There's a huge part of me that just

526
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,160
Speaker 3: wants to just forget it and let things be fine.

527
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,920
Speaker 3: Because I am reluctant to make the break. How can

528
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 3: I get her.

529
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 2: Out of my head and out of my life.

530
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 1: Don't let her plan important things in your life. I

531
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,800
Speaker 1: don't necessarily know if you want to. It sounds like

532
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 1: you're kind of conflicted about it, if you even want

533
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,400
Speaker 1: to go full of no contact here.

534
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

535
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 1: I think the context is like, Mom, you are not

536
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 1: my right hand right now, you are not planning my wedding.

537
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,639
Speaker 1: You don't get to unilaterally invite these people and then

538
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,160
Speaker 1: you go behind my back. I am no longer involving

539
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 1: you in any planning of any major life event I have.

540
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 1: And you can either respect that or be really upset

541
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 1: about it, and then you can make your decision if

542
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,919
Speaker 1: you want to continue to talk to me, you know, yeah, yeah,

543
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: but just be firm, say this is why, this is

544
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,879
Speaker 1: what's happening. It's not going to change until you change

545
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 1: make changes. Yeah, I behave with me.

546
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 3: Literally, I told you why we couldn't do what you

547
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 3: wanted to do, and then you did it anyway, and

548
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 3: now we have to pay for it and we have

549
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 3: to uninvite people.

550
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 2: You know what, make the mom uninvite people, That's what

551
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 2: she needs to do.

552
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:29,399
Speaker 3: She needs to make the mom go to these people

553
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 3: and say like, hey, I invited you without offering to

554
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,440
Speaker 3: pay for you like I said that I would pay,

555
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 3: and then I didn't, and now like, because they don't

556
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 3: have the money.

557
00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 1: Babe, brilliant, I believe brilliant.

558
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 3: It put that on the mom so we have an

559
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 3: edit though, edit Oh so much, really amazing advice here.

560
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 3: I really appreciate all the feedback I've gotten about this

561
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,919
Speaker 3: ongoing saga. I thought I would wait until Thanksgiving to

562
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 3: confront her, but it turns out she decided.

563
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,600
Speaker 2: To give me a ring this evening. Oh joy.

564
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,120
Speaker 3: Earlier today, I had posted a small bit on Facebook

565
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 3: about how my fiance and I had found our wedding

566
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 3: bands and that we were making small steps to locking

567
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 3: down a venue.

568
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,639
Speaker 2: Just general stuff, no specifics.

569
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,399
Speaker 3: Well, she called to ask what they look like and

570
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 3: acted as if everything was okay. I don't think she

571
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,479
Speaker 3: knew I found out about her little stunt this weekend.

572
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 3: She acted super interested in the rings and how I

573
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:20,440
Speaker 3: found them, and blah blah blah. It's quickly segued into venues.

574
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 3: I told her that I wasn't going to be looking

575
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 3: at the summer camp that she suggested because it really

576
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 3: didn't fit into her style as a couple.

577
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 2: Trying to keep it polite, but firm. Then she let

578
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 2: it slip that we.

579
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,679
Speaker 3: Might need some extra room for people if Uncle X

580
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 3: and alt Zie and company show up. At this point,

581
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 3: I am seeing red. I know where she's going with this.

582
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 3: She claims that she might have mentioned it over the

583
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,119
Speaker 3: weekend and they'd really like to come.

584
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 2: I told her, I know, mom.

585
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 3: But you know that we can't afford any more than

586
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,560
Speaker 3: the fifty people that we have accounted for on our

587
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,119
Speaker 3: guest list, and that's going to be tight.

588
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:53,439
Speaker 1: As it is.

589
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 3: Like I said last time, We're going to send out

590
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,640
Speaker 3: announcements after the fact, and then maybe when I'm off

591
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,479
Speaker 3: from school, I teach we can fly out and do

592
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:05,360
Speaker 3: a summer party like you suggested. And this she started

593
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 3: in again. Why can't we do something cheaper? And why

594
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,879
Speaker 3: does it have to be so far? Our favorite venue

595
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 3: so far is about five hours from us. Why can't

596
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 3: we just budget better? Why are we inviting so many

597
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:19,360
Speaker 3: friends and no family at all?

598
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: Okay, so at this point, I'm like, all my patience

599
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 1: has gone. I'm like, you know what, uninvite yourself. Then

600
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:26,360
Speaker 1: then one of them can come, pick one, pick which

601
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,639
Speaker 1: one they want to come. Because for not doing more

602
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 1: than fifty people and if I swear to God, you

603
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 1: imply we're gonna go over it one more time, I'm

604
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 1: gonna combust into flames. Yeah.

605
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 3: I lost it, not going to lie here. I was

606
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 3: not as calm as I would have liked to have been.

607
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:44,399
Speaker 3: I told her I'm not putting up with her crap.

608
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 3: I know she explicitly invited people not on our guest list,

609
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:51,120
Speaker 3: and that unless she fixed this crap asap, she would

610
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,880
Speaker 3: not be welcome in my life and would be disinvited

611
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:54,919
Speaker 3: from the wedding.

612
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: We hit that, We hit the crash out point at

613
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 1: the exact same moment, me and this Opie. Yeah, yeah,

614
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 1: because I straightened up. I was like this, I can't

615
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: do this.

616
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 2: There is a little bit more to the story, but yeah,

617
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 2: what do we think.

618
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 1: I'm completely I'm like, I'm over, I'm over. I'm not.

619
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 1: I don't care anymore. I don't care how mad I

620
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 1: get you. I don't care how you're not coming to

621
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 1: the wedding. Your your The wedding's actually canceled now because

622
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, I refuse to let you ruin it or

623
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,439
Speaker 1: or mess with it. So we're going to cancel it. Uh,

624
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,879
Speaker 1: and then we're gonna reschedule it for a time that

625
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:28,400
Speaker 1: you're not gonna know about anymore.

626
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, I think that's really the best.

627
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 3: Decision, because, like I was feeling when she when we

628
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 3: got into that first update, and she was like, like,

629
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 3: you know what, I told my mom, you have to

630
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 3: pay for it, do whatever, but you have to pay

631
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 3: for it, and then she just did whatever without paying

632
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,439
Speaker 3: for it, and she's like, I was just like, but no,

633
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:45,719
Speaker 3: we have to invite these people, and that's like the

634
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 3: worst thing to do, especially if some of them you

635
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 3: are close with, and some of them you gonna go

636
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 3: to their weddings. That feels so hard to just uninvite them, right,

637
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,119
Speaker 3: But but yeah, canceling it and just making a new

638
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 3: one starting from scratch is the best option here, I

639
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 3: think right there is a little bit more so. Honestly,

640
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 3: I don't even know what she was saying at this point.

641
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 3: I saw and still am seeing red I ended up

642
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,119
Speaker 3: hanging up on her, So that's that.

643
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 2: I guess.

644
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,880
Speaker 3: I'm considering canceling Thanksgiving dinner with them and just staying home.

645
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 3: I just don't think I can be anywhere near her

646
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 3: without losing my cool. Again, thank you.

647
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 2: For all your help. Our slash relationship. Okay, story drone.

648
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,399
Speaker 3: I wish this could have ended better, but I'm glad

649
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 3: I put my foot down and that is the end

650
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 3: of that story.

651
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,640
Speaker 1: I think. Honestly, I'm like so convinced she would continue

652
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,480
Speaker 1: to mess with it even after putting down firm, hard,

653
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 1: clear boundaries. Yeah, I'm like, I'm tried that I'm canceling, dude,

654
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 1: I'm changing it.

655
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, just canceling. Sorry to the rest of the family.

656
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 3: We can we would love to hang out with you guys,

657
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,679
Speaker 3: come visit and celebrate, you know, he with just like

658
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 3: a casual hangout.

659
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 2: But like, but we can't do the wedding. We're doing

660
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 2: very very small wedding, which so it's.

661
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 1: A bit better context to see a bunch of extended

662
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,120
Speaker 1: family members anyway, Yes, kind of like just like half

663
00:27:58,119 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 1: of them go to the ceremony and not reception. It's

664
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:02,439
Speaker 1: just have like a thing in like the summer, just

665
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: like a big family get together party or something.

666
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, make it a hot look perfect.

667
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: Perfect solution was offered by Opie and Mom said, ah,

668
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 1: now I'm just gonna ruin your wedding.

669
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, no, I just anything through.

670
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 1: Really, I'm dead set on ruining your wedding.

671
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,640
Speaker 2: Moun it's wild.

672
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: I don't want my toxic mother to have a relationship

673
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 1: with my child, so I rejected her gifts. So for

674
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 1: a bit of backstory, and I apologize that this will

675
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 1: be a bit of a long story. My twenty eight

676
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,400
Speaker 1: female mother sixty female is a classic.

677
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 3: No.

678
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,719
Speaker 1: She was and still is a daily substance and booze

679
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 1: user throughout my childhood. By the way, this comes from

680
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 1: user spurs Girl ninety six And if you want to

681
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

682
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 1: storytime subread. Everything had to be her way or no way,

683
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 1: and I mean everything. My prom dress was picked by her,

684
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 1: or I wasn't going driving, lessons, friends, boyfriends. Everything had

685
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 1: to be approved by her and I had absolutely no say.

686
00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 1: This didn't stop when I became an adult either. She

687
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,960
Speaker 1: choose her boyfriends over me and my brother's thirty seven

688
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 1: male and thirty nine male now at every opportunity. She

689
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: even threw me and my brother out in the middle

690
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 1: of the night before because her boyfriend didn't want to

691
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 1: live in a house with her other with her old

692
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 1: boyfriend's kids. Bear in mind, I was seventeen at the time.

693
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 1: And my brother was twenty six. Things only got worse

694
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: when I fell pregnant. I was twenty one and already

695
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 1: a single mother before my twelve week scan, but that's

696
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 1: another story altogether. We didn't even live in the same

697
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 1: country at this point, but somehow, through her years of control,

698
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: she still managed to dictate everything I did, where I went,

699
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 1: who I spent my time with, et cetera. She demanded

700
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: to be in the room when I gave birth, and

701
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 1: as much as I didn't want her there, I reluctantly

702
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 1: agreed because I was terrified of what she would do

703
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 1: if I said no. She was never good at hearing

704
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 1: no from anyone, especially me. From the day my child

705
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: came into this world, she would refer to my child

706
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 1: as quote, my little baby, but not an acute, loving grandma.

707
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 1: Bab no, no, no, no no. It was almost sinister,

708
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 1: as if the cogs in her head were turning, thinking

709
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: that my child would be another thing she could use

710
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 1: to control my life. It's important to mention that this

711
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 1: was not her first grandchild, so it's not like it

712
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 1: was her first experience as a grandmother. Hey, So, before

713
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:12,320
Speaker 1: I read any more of this, completely cut this woman

714
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: off and never speak.

715
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 2: To her again, immediately go no contact. You heard him first, folks.

716
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:21,280
Speaker 1: My fears became a reality over the next two years.

717
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 1: Whenever I planned to have any me time as us

718
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 1: mothers need, she refused to let anyone look after my

719
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 1: child except for her. Her exact words to me were quote,

720
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 1: if you need your child looked after, I'm the only

721
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 1: one you're allowed to trust and the only one that

722
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 1: you should. This was massively hypocritical of her, because when

723
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 1: my brothers and I were kids, she would leave us

724
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 1: with every Tom, Dick and Harry she could just so

725
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: she could go out with her newest flavor of the month,

726
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 1: exactly and again, what did I say, What did we say?

727
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 2: Cut her out?

728
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 1: Yes, sometimes she would even leave us home alone. I

729
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 1: remember waking up in the middle of the night once

730
00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 1: when I couldn't have been older than six or seven,

731
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 1: and she was nowhere to be. The next day she

732
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: picked me up from the neighbor's house, still wasted from

733
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 1: the night before. I admittedly allowed her to control every

734
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 1: aspect of mine in my child's life until two and

735
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: a half years ago, when my boyfriend thirty two Mail

736
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: came to look after me and my child after I

737
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:16,360
Speaker 1: had a minor operation, no overnight's day needed. I needed

738
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: to be doing minimal activity for the first week of recovery,

739
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 1: but my mother insisted that she was going to be

740
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: there to help with chores and look after my child.

741
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 1: So I told my boyfriend to cancel booking the week

742
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 1: off work so he wouldn't lose a week's pay. We

743
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 1: had known about this operation for three months before it

744
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 1: was supposed to happen. A week before my surgery, she

745
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 1: decided to take a spontaneous trip to America. Her return

746
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: flight was the day of my surgery. When she got

747
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 1: back to the UK, she went straight to her house

748
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 1: eight hours away instead of coming to mine like she

749
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 1: had promised. Then she informed me that she wouldn't be

750
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 1: able to help me because she was jet lagged and

751
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 1: needed a couple of days to recuperate, meaning my boyfriend

752
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 1: had to take time off work last minute. Two days later, Monday,

753
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 1: she got on the train to my town and my

754
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 1: boyfriend picked her up from the station. The whole time

755
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 1: she was there, she complained about how tired she was,

756
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: saying she was too tired to help and needed her rest. Well, hey, lady,

757
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: go home, get out, get mus site.

758
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's the point of you being here at all?

759
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 1: Why are we entertaining this woman? On Wednesday afternoon, I

760
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 1: called my boyfriend while he was at work, crying from

761
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 1: pain and frustration, and told him everything. He wasn't allowed

762
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 1: to leave work, but he finished two hours later and

763
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 1: came straight to my house. When he walked in, he

764
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 1: was all caps furious, though he hit it well from

765
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: my mom. I was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner

766
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: instead of resting, while she was sat on the sofa

767
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 1: watching TV. That evening. My child, who was two and

768
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 1: a half at the time, wanted me to take her

769
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 1: to bed. I agreed, but when I couldn't lay down

770
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 1: with her, she got upset, started fussing and hit me

771
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: right in my stitches. I had to leave the room

772
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 1: to sit down, and my child started screaming, Wait.

773
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 3: Whoa, whoa, whoa Wait a second, Oh wait what the

774
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 3: baby dinner in the stitchen?

775
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was just accidents, just the baby being fussy.

776
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 2: I thought this was the mother in law and I

777
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 2: was like he hang.

778
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:59,000
Speaker 1: On, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, okay okay.

779
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 1: I went back to the living room and asked if

780
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 1: either of them could help. My boyfriend stood up and

781
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 1: offered to go calm her down and get her to sleep,

782
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 1: which wasn't unusual since he had known her since she

783
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 1: was born. They had a very good relationship. At this point,

784
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 1: my mother stood up, blocked his way, and shouted at him,

785
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 1: don't you dare. You are not the father, and you

786
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 1: do not get to pretend like you are.

787
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 2: You're not family.

788
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 1: This is my grandchild, not your child. Then she stomped

789
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 1: off to see, my child.

790
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 2: Doesn't a tantrum this woman is throwing.

791
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 1: I want to stiff arm this woman so bad. I

792
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 1: just wanted to try to walk through me. I just

793
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 1: want to stiff arm her forehead yep, and just watch

794
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 1: her go nuh.

795
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 2: She's stomping enough.

796
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 1: But that's all I want to see is that. I

797
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 1: don't know how my boyfriend kept his cool, but looking back,

798
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: I was so dang proud of him for not stupid

799
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 1: to her level. He just turned to me and said,

800
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I can't be here with her and left.

801
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would give him three cheers

802
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 1: for that one. I don't know if i'd be super

803
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 1: proud of that. Yeah, be like, I don't know, I

804
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 1: can't help you girlfriend recovering from surgery. I'm leaving. Yike,

805
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 1: Oh that's gold star.

806
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 2: Definitely not, absolutely not.

807
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 1: I honestly don't blame him. I waited for my child

808
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:09,279
Speaker 1: to settle and then went to bed myself. I said

809
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: nothing to my mother that night because I was in shock.

810
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: The next day, I asked her what last night was about,

811
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:15,959
Speaker 1: because he was just trying to help, and she went

812
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: off at me. She said he was a stranger and

813
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,279
Speaker 1: shouldn't be allowed around my child because I don't know

814
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: his intentions, which was ridiculous because she knew him for years.

815
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,720
Speaker 1: He got into a huge argument, and I finally stood

816
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 1: up for myself. I was exhausted, and I told her

817
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: to leave because her being there was pointless. She wasn't

818
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,760
Speaker 1: helping around the house. She wasn't helping with my child

819
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: until her random outburst the night before, and had only

820
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 1: been complaining. She left that afternoon. Once she was gone,

821
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 1: I called my boyfriend and invented everything out about my

822
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 1: past with my mom and how she treated me, and

823
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 1: it was like something finally clicked. I realized this wasn't

824
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 1: a normal mother daughter relationship. I sent my mother a

825
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 1: long message saying that I was done being manipulated and

826
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 1: controlled by her. I told her I was done unless

827
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 1: she was willing to apologize, which of course she did

828
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,760
Speaker 1: not do. I blocked her on everything, phone numbers, social media,

829
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 1: the lot. I also let some family members know what

830
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:07,240
Speaker 1: had happened, and they agreed not to inform her about

831
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: anything going on in my life. Fast forward to October

832
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 1: of last year, my brother messaged me saying that my

833
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 1: mom wanted to know what my child wanted for Christmas.

834
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 1: I told him to tell her I wanted nothing from

835
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 1: her and didn't want her sending anything either. You just go, yeah,

836
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 1: what does my kid want for Christmas? Your continued lack

837
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 1: of existence? Thank you, stay away?

838
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 2: A restraining murder is not my kid ones.

839
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, I told him to tell her to stop. He

840
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 1: showed me screenshots confirming he sent the message. So we

841
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:38,919
Speaker 1: are towards the end of the story here. My god,

842
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 1: you should have cut this woman off. And I know

843
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 1: it's hard being raised in this environment. Like like you said,

844
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 1: you had an epiphany where it clicked like, oh, this

845
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:48,040
Speaker 1: is actually really not normal and this is not a

846
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: dynamic I just need to put up with because it's like, oh,

847
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:52,879
Speaker 1: this is what family does. It's like right, So yeah,

848
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:54,919
Speaker 1: continue to hold fast, keep this woman out of your life.

849
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 1: She is your mother, and but she is nothing but

850
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 1: a detriment to your child. Yeah, fortunately, think about your child.

851
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,879
Speaker 1: It's really hard anyway, let's finish the story. The week

852
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 1: after Christmas, my brother called again saying she hadn't sent

853
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 1: Christmas in birthday presents to his house for my child.

854
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 1: He asked if I wanted to collect them, and I

855
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: told him no and to send them back. I've received

856
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 1: backlash from several people because of this. Apparently refusing the

857
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: gifts is depriving my child, even though my child is

858
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:20,919
Speaker 1: well looked after in wants for nothing. We're not rich,

859
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 1: but we are stable and I do everything I can

860
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:24,440
Speaker 1: to provide her with a happy and save home. So

861
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 1: am I the a hole for telling my brother to

862
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,359
Speaker 1: return the gifts? So I have just taken them, even

863
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 1: though she hasn't been in my or my child's life

864
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 1: for two and a half years because of her emotional abusise. Uh, no,

865
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 1: you're not the ahole. And also anyone saying that you're

866
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 1: depriving your child by like not giving them like a

867
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 1: handful of Christmas gifts from an actual abusion yeah, it's

868
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,759
Speaker 1: the most first world problem I've ever heard of it.

869
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, Hey it's Sam your ogi host here bring

870
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 4: it back to the stories.

871
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,240
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

872
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 4: My cousin ruined the only memory of my great grandma

873
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 4: and she doesn't feel remorse.

874
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,920
Speaker 1: That's jest foul.

875
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 4: This happened when I was probably twenty, when I was

876
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,720
Speaker 4: in university. My great grandmother passed away when I was twelve,

877
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,279
Speaker 4: just a few months before my birthday. I was a

878
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 4: teen pregnancy, and since my mom wanted to pursue fun

879
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:17,400
Speaker 4: and a career, my great grandmother looked after me every

880
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 4: weekend and throughout the entirety of school holidays. I trusted

881
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 4: her with everything, and I was her favorite of all

882
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 4: of her children. By the way, this comes from Osamu

883
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 4: Daza one n LH. And if you want to spend

884
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime

885
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 4: separated it. So she had seven kids and each of

886
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:36,200
Speaker 4: those had three kids so far. Two of those had

887
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,279
Speaker 4: four kids each and another has two and another has one.

888
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,439
Speaker 4: You can imagine this is quite a big family. I'm

889
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,279
Speaker 4: her namesake, and when she passed away, she left me

890
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 4: her engagement ring, her jewelry, and a doll from her childhood,

891
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,759
Speaker 4: along with all her other earthly possessions. Every Christmas, she

892
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 4: would take me to a shop to pick a new

893
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 4: decoration for a tree, until the tree eventually became full

894
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 4: of my interests. Then she would take me on a

895
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,680
Speaker 4: weekend to see the beautiful Christmas festival a neighboring city

896
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:05,239
Speaker 4: had going on. She even fell out with her twin

897
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 4: sister because she didn't like how that sister treated me.

898
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 4: By the time I was nine, she was already talking

899
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 4: about my wedding. She refused to let me into the

900
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 4: hospital when she had cancer because she didn't want me

901
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 4: to remember her as anything other than healthy and as

902
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 4: weird as it is. When she passed away, I carried

903
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:24,799
Speaker 4: around her obituary card in school because I needed some

904
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,799
Speaker 4: version of her clothes. Kids bullied me for it, but

905
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 4: that didn't stop me. Thankfully, my parents put me in therapy,

906
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 4: and I've learned to deal with her loss. For the

907
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:36,360
Speaker 4: first three months after her death, I genuinely thought everyone

908
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 4: was playing a prank on me and that she was

909
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 4: hiding somewhere.

910
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 1: See now, and that's why I will never advocate the whole,

911
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:44,799
Speaker 1: like I don't want you to see me like this,

912
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,240
Speaker 1: because it's like you're doing into service.

913
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,280
Speaker 4: I was extremely attached to her and still am. Whenever

914
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,960
Speaker 4: something good happens in my life, I truly believe it's

915
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,799
Speaker 4: because she's looking after me. People here may remember the

916
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 4: little live pet robot toys from the twenty ten well.

917
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:01,919
Speaker 2: I was obsessed.

918
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 4: I had everything you could get, from the love birds

919
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 4: to the squirrels, that chicks, the mice, the turtles, and

920
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 4: so on if there was new release. My nana got

921
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 4: them for me. Once the store sold her a broken one,

922
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 4: and she berated the manager for an hour because it

923
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:16,839
Speaker 4: was meant to be my Christmas present and there were

924
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 4: none left. She spoiled me rotten because my mom couldn't

925
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 4: afford to. These toys were all kept safely in a

926
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 4: playroom she had built for me, and they still are

927
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:28,439
Speaker 4: there to this day. One distinct feature of those love

928
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 4: birds was that they could record voices. The recording would

929
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:33,800
Speaker 4: be slightly higher pitched to fit the bird, but it

930
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 4: would be obvious who was speaking. One of the last

931
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:39,319
Speaker 4: things my nana did was record I love you on

932
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:42,240
Speaker 4: one and I'm proud of you on the other. Despite

933
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,840
Speaker 4: having all these things, she left me, those two birds

934
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:49,439
Speaker 4: became my prized possessions. She hated being recorded. She never

935
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 4: sent voice notes. That was literally the only reminder I

936
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,320
Speaker 4: had of her voice, and whenever I felt sad, I

937
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 4: would listen to them on repeat for hours.

938
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:01,320
Speaker 1: Deal yourselves, people, because these book birds are being thrown

939
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 1: in the trash.

940
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 4: I had a drawer in my house full of batteries

941
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 4: just for these birds so they would never pass. I

942
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,880
Speaker 4: was too scared that if they did, I would lose

943
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:13,280
Speaker 4: the messages forever. When I was older, my mother moved

944
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 4: me to another country. It was only a four hour

945
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:19,080
Speaker 4: drive from where I used to live, but still another country.

946
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 4: I couldn't see my family as much, and I hated it.

947
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 4: I didn't even have time to grab the lovebirds. They

948
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 4: were left in my toy room on the highest shelf.

949
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 4: While I was gone, my cousin gave birth. This cousin

950
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 4: has always been, I guess, an attention seeker. When Nana

951
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 4: was passing away, she made a point to try and

952
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 4: force everyone out of the hospital room so she, as

953
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 4: the favorite, could be alone with her. At Nana's funeral,

954
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 4: she spoke about how she was sure Nana would be

955
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:49,040
Speaker 4: proud of what her favorite had accomplished, despite it being

956
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,840
Speaker 4: clear that I was practically Nana's own daughter.

957
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:56,840
Speaker 1: Literally disgusting to claim yourself the favorite at someone's funeral.

958
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 2: Well, come on.

959
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 4: When she realized she was pregnant with the girl, she

960
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 4: was ecstatic and bragging about it to everyone. Or a

961
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 4: family of at least fifty women and four men, It

962
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 4: would have been more of a surprise if she had

963
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:08,439
Speaker 4: a son.

964
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 1: Honestly, did they say fifty women and four men?

965
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 4: Men?

966
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 2: Yeah?

967
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 1: What is that a joke? Can you do that? Those

968
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:15,760
Speaker 1: are some numbers.

969
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 4: Then she video called me. She tried to convince me

970
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:21,280
Speaker 4: to change my name, saying I didn't use it anyway.

971
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 4: I'm always gone by a nickname, think Anne instead of Annabelle.

972
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 4: But whenever I introduce myself, I use annabel It's my name,

973
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 4: ann my nana, so obviously I refuse to change it.

974
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,800
Speaker 4: She punted off, of course, saying she was the favorite

975
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 4: and wanted to honor a grandmother.

976
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 2: You can't just steal oh PE's name.

977
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 1: Yeah you can, actually, I.

978
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 2: Mean you can, but you can't just be like you

979
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:42,480
Speaker 2: can't have it anymore.

980
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 1: That's the crazy thing is that you could just go

981
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,800
Speaker 1: and change your name and not make it anyone else's problem.

982
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 1: But instead you're making it, oh, he's.

983
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 4: Problem, and didn't hear from her until the baby was

984
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 4: born and she named it Belle, a variation of the name. Okay, whatever.

985
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 4: She can do whatever she wants, and it's like.

986
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: You can drive yourself insane over someone else's choices and

987
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 1: behavior and stuff, or you can just be like, you

988
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 1: know what. Whatever.

989
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 4: She tried to steal Nana's jewelry from me when I

990
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 4: was fifteen and called the police on me when I

991
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 4: didn't give her Nana's engagement ring for her boyfriend to propose.

992
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 4: She cut off another cousin because they were pregnant at

993
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,360
Speaker 4: the same time as her, and then cut off another

994
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 4: because they took a tension away from her pregnancy by miscarrying.

995
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,280
Speaker 1: This person's horrifically bad.

996
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 4: So that's the kind of person she is.

997
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 1: Wow.

998
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,280
Speaker 4: I don't know why she's so desperate to be Nana's

999
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,479
Speaker 4: favorite and put others down, but here we are because

1000
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:36,240
Speaker 4: she's an attention seeker. I came back to my Nana's

1001
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:38,600
Speaker 4: house for Christmas. I had been to other family member's

1002
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 4: houses since the move, but not hers, and decided to

1003
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 4: go find my love birds since I had been having

1004
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,400
Speaker 4: a tough week and my depression had gotten worse. I

1005
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,879
Speaker 4: noticed they weren't on the top shelf and were on

1006
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 4: the windowsill, but I shrugged it off, thinking they were

1007
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,920
Speaker 4: moved because the room had been cleaned or something. Grabbing

1008
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 4: the first bird, I pressed the button, expecting to hear

1009
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 4: the I Love you No that wasn't there. Instead, it

1010
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 4: was a bunch of childish fart noises. I grabbed the

1011
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:07,880
Speaker 4: other one and that played back to me some giggling.

1012
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 4: I left the room and saw Bella running around. She's young,

1013
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:13,919
Speaker 4: so I can understand why she would want to play

1014
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 4: with them. But the button was taped over so no

1015
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,720
Speaker 4: one could press it, and they were kept in a box.

1016
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 4: An adult would have had to go got them out

1017
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 4: and remove the tape for to record a new message.

1018
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 4: I walked up to my cousin and casually mentioned the

1019
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 4: love birds. She laughed and said Bella loves recording messages

1020
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 4: on them. I kind of stared at her before clarifying everything.

1021
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 4: You knew what was on those birds, right, Nana's messages

1022
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 4: to me? Why? Yeah, you made a pretty big fuss

1023
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 4: bit when you told the family group chat and no

1024
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:44,799
Speaker 4: one else could use them. But Nana would have wanted

1025
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:46,680
Speaker 4: Ballot to play with them. You remember how she was.

1026
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 4: She would never have denied the daughter of her favorite

1027
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 4: granddaughter paraphrased. Of course, this was three years ago. This

1028
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:55,400
Speaker 4: woman I just left. My uncle noticed telling me that

1029
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:57,279
Speaker 4: my cousin had come around when he was at work

1030
00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 4: and let herself in. By the time he got home,

1031
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,920
Speaker 4: the messages were already gone. I can understand if Bella

1032
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 4: was annoyingly persistent, but those boxes were at the back

1033
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:10,839
Speaker 4: of a shelf six feet high that no seven year

1034
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 4: old could possibly see. My cousin would have had to

1035
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 4: have gotten them out to show Bella for her to

1036
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 4: want to play with them. And I feel like that

1037
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:21,359
Speaker 4: was some kind of weird plan she had this partner story.

1038
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 1: Were adults right, like, of course, cousins Terot right backups.

1039
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 1: We one hundred percent should have backed that up.

1040
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 4: I honestly felt like I lost her all over again,

1041
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 4: and I didn't even have those love birds to calm

1042
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 4: me down. I dug out her obituary from my memory

1043
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:36,760
Speaker 4: box and laid on the bed.

1044
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 2: With it in my hand.

1045
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:38,600
Speaker 1: It didn't help.

1046
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 4: Though I had wanted to give those birds to my kids,

1047
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 4: not as a toy, but as a memento to teach

1048
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 4: them of the wonderful woman. My great grandmother was a

1049
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,720
Speaker 4: woman who smacked my dad in the face for speeding

1050
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 4: in the car with me, and the first to believe

1051
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:53,960
Speaker 4: me when it came out what a family member had

1052
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 4: done to me. A woman that won bingo and used

1053
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,439
Speaker 4: that money to buy my mother a small starter house

1054
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 4: while she was struggling with rerent. And a woman that

1055
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:03,800
Speaker 4: screamed in the face of my step grandmother who randomly

1056
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 4: showed up to her house and tried to take me

1057
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 4: away without telling my parents after she hit me the

1058
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,839
Speaker 4: day before, and thankfully she talked me my seventeen year

1059
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 4: old mother out of naming me Disney. This woman was

1060
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:16,200
Speaker 4: my whole world.

1061
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 1: This yes 's your patron saint dude.

1062
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 4: She lived long, despite developing cancer twice, but it was

1063
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 4: still barely even twelve years that I had with her,

1064
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 4: and it felt unfair. I know you all might be

1065
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 4: expecting some big, petty revenge, but that's not the case here.

1066
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 4: All I really did was ask my uncle to find

1067
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 4: my grandmother's will and send a picture of it to

1068
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 4: my cousin I was the one. Nana left her estate too,

1069
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 4: because I was the favorite. I don't live in that

1070
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 4: house now. I let my uncle live there because it's

1071
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:44,439
Speaker 4: close to his work and he's getting old. Besides, I'm

1072
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,239
Speaker 4: still living in a different country until I finish university.

1073
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 4: But I dug out every shred of evidence that I

1074
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:53,399
Speaker 4: was my grandmother's favorite, purely so this woman would get

1075
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 4: her head out of her own butt. It didn't really work.

1076
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 4: She still brags about all her memories. Is Nana's favorite,

1077
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 4: but now she refuses to attend family gatherings.

1078
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 2: If I'm there.

1079
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 4: A huge day yay suits her because that means more

1080
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 4: dessert for me, although she still demands hundreds of euros

1081
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 4: worth of presents for Bella every year. Her mother and

1082
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 4: father have blocked me on everything, but that's understandable. I

1083
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 4: lost ten or so members of my family, but I

1084
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,760
Speaker 4: still have about six dozens, so is that a real loss.

1085
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 4: I miss those messages like crazy. I still reach for

1086
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 4: them when i'm sad until I remember those messages got

1087
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 4: me through so much, and in a way, I'm more

1088
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 4: sad I didn't get to say goodbye to them. It

1089
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:32,960
Speaker 4: was like the last little bit of Nana was inside

1090
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 4: of them. There is a little bit left to the story.

1091
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 1: So this is clearly on the cousin and it's just

1092
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,000
Speaker 1: a horrible thing, so horrible you'd just like, well, no

1093
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:42,279
Speaker 1: one would do this, right, And now you learn, like

1094
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 1: you know, some people will do crazy stuff backups of

1095
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:50,799
Speaker 1: crucial information, like the recording of your grandma's voice, Like

1096
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,399
Speaker 1: anyone out there, if you have like an cause it's again,

1097
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: I have some stuff like that where it's like it's

1098
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:58,799
Speaker 1: like on one it's just not a thing that can't

1099
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 1: be recreated, So it's like you gotta record it, make

1100
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 1: a backup of whatever. Backups are so important, and even

1101
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:07,359
Speaker 1: outside of like a voice memo or whatever, if there's

1102
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:10,280
Speaker 1: information and stuff out there, if there's files, whatever. Anyone

1103
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:12,560
Speaker 1: listening or watching this, if you've been thinking you need

1104
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 1: to back some stuff up and you have not done it,

1105
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 1: go do it. Because technology is brutally unforgiving when it

1106
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:21,279
Speaker 1: comes to the deleting.

1107
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:22,920
Speaker 2: But we got a little bit left to the story.

1108
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 4: On a positive note, I still keep up that tradition

1109
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:28,840
Speaker 4: of going to that neighboring city every Christmas. It's not

1110
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 4: as magical as it was when I was a kid.

1111
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,319
Speaker 4: But I've started taking my niece with me, telling her

1112
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:36,040
Speaker 4: all about Nana and taking her to all my favorite spots.

1113
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:39,439
Speaker 4: She loves it, thankfully, and is already planning next year's trip.

1114
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 4: So that's something to look forward to. And that is

1115
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:43,319
Speaker 4: the end of that story. You don't have to have

1116
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:45,319
Speaker 4: contact with this woman, right and make sure that all

1117
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 4: of your stuff is with you now.

1118
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 1: Yeah you can't. You know, she's in her own little

1119
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 1: delusional wonderland corn herself, the favorites, whatever, it's not going

1120
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 1: to change, it doesn't really matter. But I would have

1121
00:47:54,680 --> 00:47:57,799
Speaker 1: certainly bent the old year a little bit just to

1122
00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 1: be like, hey, so just so you know, I'm not

1123
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 1: gonna fin I'm not gonna yell, but I just want

1124
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 1: to let you know that everyone thinks that you're, you know,

1125
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 1: kind of ridiculous going around saying all this stuff and

1126
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 1: what you kind of did with the birds here is

1127
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,359
Speaker 1: it's the final straw for me. Hey, it's John here Og,

1128
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 1: host of the show. We're gonna get back to these

1129
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:14,719
Speaker 1: juicy stories. But here's a quick three minutes of ads

1130
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:18,600
Speaker 1: from our sponsors. My ex husband ruined our daughter's wedding

1131
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:20,879
Speaker 1: overseating arrangements.

1132
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,239
Speaker 4: Well, he can walk his butt out of there.

1133
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 1: First time posting, and honestly I struggle with whether to

1134
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 1: share this or not, but here we go. Also, this

1135
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 1: is very long. My daughter was married last summer. It

1136
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 1: was a beautiful wedding from pre ceremony to the ceremony

1137
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 1: and then the reception. And by the way, this comes

1138
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 1: from user opposing Opinion twenty five And if you want

1139
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 1: to submit your stories, go to the r slash okay

1140
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 1: storytime subreddit. So my daughter did an amazing job planning

1141
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:49,399
Speaker 1: her very special day, and it truly was her day,

1142
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,800
Speaker 1: as she and her now husband paid for ninety percent

1143
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:54,400
Speaker 1: of the wedding themselves. My husband and I helped out

1144
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:57,400
Speaker 1: a bit financially, as did her father and his wife,

1145
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 1: along with my son in law's family. I could go

1146
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:03,799
Speaker 1: on and on about the wedding, as it is a

1147
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 1: memory I will relive in my mind forever. I've not

1148
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:09,479
Speaker 1: been in a relationship with the father of my daughter

1149
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:13,240
Speaker 1: for over twenty years. During her lifetime, I truly believe

1150
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 1: he and I tried our best to shield her from

1151
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 1: our issues. We would both show up for important events,

1152
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 1: spent time with our daughter at each other's homes, and

1153
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:24,920
Speaker 1: truly tried to give her the best upbringing possible. All

1154
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:27,719
Speaker 1: I ever wanted was for her to know she was

1155
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:31,040
Speaker 1: loved by both of us. However, he and I struggled

1156
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,759
Speaker 1: with severe communication issues, and the controlling nature of both

1157
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:39,320
Speaker 1: him and his family were emotionally exhausting. The gas lighting

1158
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 1: and manipulation I endured will take years for me to

1159
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 1: fully heal from. Even with these issues, I know that

1160
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:49,879
Speaker 1: I sincerely tried to stay in communication for the sake

1161
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:52,919
Speaker 1: of my child. That is, until a couple of years ago.

1162
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 1: There was a falling out and the behavior that I

1163
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:58,920
Speaker 1: had been subjected to for two decades was now impacting

1164
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 1: my daughter. He was an adult by this time, and

1165
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:04,200
Speaker 1: I sat down to have a heart to heart with her.

1166
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 1: I explained to her that I was no longer going

1167
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,799
Speaker 1: to communicate directly with her father, but that I was

1168
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 1: always here for her to talk to. I also encouraged

1169
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:16,800
Speaker 1: her to seek counseling for an independent view of what

1170
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:20,839
Speaker 1: was happening, as I would always have bias. I've never

1171
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,360
Speaker 1: wanted to taint my daughter's view of her father, but

1172
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:26,279
Speaker 1: I now had to accept that he was and is

1173
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:30,040
Speaker 1: responsible for maintaining a healthy relationship with his child. And

1174
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 1: he was responsible for any fallout from his behavior. Now

1175
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:38,799
Speaker 1: the wedding. Basically what had happened is the father's relationship

1176
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:42,239
Speaker 1: with the daughter had already been deteriorating for a couple

1177
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:44,840
Speaker 1: of years before the wedding. Now we're at the wedding.

1178
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 1: Here we go. So now the wedding. First, the rehearsal dinner,

1179
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 1: Everything went well. We ran through the ceremony, set up

1180
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 1: the reception site, ate, drank, were mary and truly had

1181
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,040
Speaker 1: a wonderful time together. I know how to put on

1182
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:01,000
Speaker 1: a fake smile and be an adult for the sake

1183
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 1: of my children. However, I had genuine moments of joy

1184
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:08,480
Speaker 1: during the evening, even laughter together. This was our child

1185
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 1: marrying the love of her life and starting out with

1186
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:14,839
Speaker 1: such hope. It made me think on all the good

1187
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 1: times of her childhood, and he is intertwined in those thoughts.

1188
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:22,799
Speaker 1: The morning of the wedding was filled with last minute preparations,

1189
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:26,760
Speaker 1: hair and makeup, photos, and enjoying every moment with my daughter.

1190
00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:29,719
Speaker 1: My husband and I were emotional and praying for the

1191
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:33,120
Speaker 1: health of our daughter's marriage. My husband has been in

1192
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:35,839
Speaker 1: her life since she was eight, so he is as

1193
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:38,759
Speaker 1: invested in her as her biological father and I are

1194
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:42,239
Speaker 1: Her father and his wife, who he married five years ago,

1195
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 1: seemed happy and enjoyed the day as well. The ceremony

1196
00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:48,359
Speaker 1: went off without a hitch. She looked beautiful. My son

1197
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 1: in law cried when he saw her coming down the aisle.

1198
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 1: It was a deeply emotional moment. Even her father, who

1199
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:57,719
Speaker 1: is usually reserved, seemed to be moved by the occasion.

1200
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 1: Kiss the bride, small talk, family photos, and then you

1201
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 1: all know what breaks loose? Oh? Stop, this is which

1202
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 1: is weird because usually I feel like it would have

1203
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:08,880
Speaker 1: broken loose already.

1204
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:11,080
Speaker 4: Why did they have to break loose after the fact.

1205
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 1: I guess it's kind of a silver lining if you

1206
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 1: wanted to break loose. At any point you wanted to

1207
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:17,879
Speaker 1: break loose, like after the ceremony, I knew the day

1208
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:20,440
Speaker 1: had been too quiet and it was too good to

1209
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:23,239
Speaker 1: be true. While my daughter was taking photos with her

1210
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:26,439
Speaker 1: now husband and the bridal party, the guests moved into

1211
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:30,440
Speaker 1: the reception venue. My daughter and her husband decided not

1212
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:33,279
Speaker 1: to have a signed seating, even though I warned her

1213
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:36,239
Speaker 1: against it. This was her vision and I supported it.

1214
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 1: The reception hall was broken up by groom's family friends,

1215
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:43,200
Speaker 1: and then bride's family again, not by seat or assignment,

1216
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 1: but just how everyone naturally sat down. Her father and

1217
00:52:46,560 --> 00:52:48,640
Speaker 1: his family who traveled to the wedding were small in

1218
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:51,480
Speaker 1: numbers and didn't know many people at the wedding. They

1219
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:54,120
Speaker 1: walked in later and apparently could not find seats together.

1220
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:57,440
Speaker 1: I did not notice, as I was chatting with some

1221
00:52:57,480 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 1: friends of mine who were in attendance. All of this sudden,

1222
00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:04,000
Speaker 1: my other daughter comes in and says, the bride's father

1223
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:07,680
Speaker 1: is outside yelling at her for not having seating for

1224
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 1: him and his family, making her cry and threatening to leave.

1225
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 1: I walk outside to see my daughter's aunt walking towards

1226
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 1: me in tears, saying there is nowhere for her family

1227
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:20,279
Speaker 1: to sit. Well. I assured her we could set up

1228
00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:23,040
Speaker 1: another table and find more chairs. I told her we

1229
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:25,479
Speaker 1: could have it done quickly, And I would have also

1230
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:28,319
Speaker 1: told her that having no place to sit and then

1231
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:30,800
Speaker 1: yelling at the bride about it not at all the

1232
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:31,879
Speaker 1: right way to go about that.

1233
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 4: You go find like someone who's work in the event

1234
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 4: and be like, hey, I don't have a seat.

1235
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, which it is her bad for not doing assigned seats, yeah,

1236
00:53:39,239 --> 00:53:42,879
Speaker 1: but like, don't be right the bride on her wedding day.

1237
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:46,400
Speaker 4: On her wedding day, come on, come on, you, silly, silly, silly.

1238
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:48,840
Speaker 1: My sister had come outside and I asked her to

1239
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:51,880
Speaker 1: fix this so they could get seated. Before my sister

1240
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 1: could even make it inside, my daughter's father comes stomping

1241
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 1: towards me and says, we're leaving. I asked them not

1242
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 1: to until them. It was a simple fix. I'm just

1243
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 1: now noticing how I reverted back to my enabling let

1244
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:08,560
Speaker 1: me fix this for you behavior in this moment. Since

1245
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 1: my sister was handling the table in the chairs, I

1246
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 1: went over to check on my daughter, who was not

1247
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:16,719
Speaker 1: just distraught but truly ticked off. She was done, and

1248
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:18,520
Speaker 1: I told her that we were going to fix it

1249
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:21,600
Speaker 1: and just don't worry. Just as I finished that sentence,

1250
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 1: I turned to see her father and his entire family leaving.

1251
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 1: They left my baby on her wedding day. My daughter

1252
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 1: seemed hurt but okay and just wanted to enjoy her reception.

1253
00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 1: So we partied and it was amazing, yay good. In

1254
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:38,640
Speaker 1: all honesty, it sounds like the least fun people left

1255
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 1: at the most fun time exactly, so you're maximizing fun. God,

1256
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:44,759
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to hang out with anyone who's like,

1257
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:48,640
Speaker 1: it's just there's no more to say, and like it's

1258
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 1: your fault, bride, and it's udy to fix this now.

1259
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:54,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I don't want them to be at my wedding.

1260
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:56,839
Speaker 4: I love that for them to just walk themselves out,

1261
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:59,960
Speaker 4: take some initiative. Yeah, keep on walking, that's all I at.

1262
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,800
Speaker 1: I have to say. My husband and our son danced

1263
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:05,600
Speaker 1: with my daughter in place of her father. Oh yeah,

1264
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:08,399
Speaker 1: Oh that's why I forgot. There's the wedding thing where

1265
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:10,800
Speaker 1: you do the dance. The food was great, the music

1266
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 1: was great, the dancing was great. But my heart ached

1267
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:16,080
Speaker 1: for the tears that would, no doubt come when she

1268
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 1: had a chance to process what had happened. He missed it.

1269
00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:21,840
Speaker 1: He missed the dancing and laughter and joy of seeing

1270
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:24,160
Speaker 1: his child so in love on the most important day

1271
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 1: of her young life. He missed it and ripped her

1272
00:55:26,520 --> 00:55:29,040
Speaker 1: heart out at the same time. That was months ago,

1273
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 1: and since that time his family has blocked my daughter

1274
00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:32,920
Speaker 1: on social media.

1275
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:35,399
Speaker 4: Oh my god, these people are ridiculous.

1276
00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, all because they're like, well, what are we supposed

1277
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:40,560
Speaker 1: to do solve our own problems?

1278
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:42,799
Speaker 2: What are we supposed to stand the whole time.

1279
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:45,919
Speaker 1: He and his wife hounded her to repay some money

1280
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:49,040
Speaker 1: they spent on the wedding. He doesn't call her. She

1281
00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:51,479
Speaker 1: has to call him, which she rarely does.

1282
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:53,760
Speaker 2: Now, Yeah, I wonder why go figure?

1283
00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 1: He, with one horrific decision, ruined his relationship with a

1284
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,959
Speaker 1: young woman that adored him, who happened to be his daughter.

1285
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:03,239
Speaker 1: She has cried, gotten angry, depressed, and has been more

1286
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:06,120
Speaker 1: hurt than I can fathom. And I'm still so heartbroken

1287
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 1: for her that I don't know how to process it.

1288
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:10,760
Speaker 1: It was one thing to hurt me, hate me, even,

1289
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:13,840
Speaker 1: but to torment my child, well, that has taken my

1290
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:17,840
Speaker 1: mind to some very dark places. I've chosen not to

1291
00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:20,640
Speaker 1: say anything to him or his family, but I struggle

1292
00:56:20,680 --> 00:56:23,080
Speaker 1: with that decision, and I don't know if I should

1293
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:26,120
Speaker 1: reach out, if for nothing else then to finally give

1294
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:29,320
Speaker 1: him a piece of my mind. Perhaps I've always believed

1295
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 1: silence is golden, but this still feels so unresolved and unfair.

1296
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 1: He just gets to hurt her and walk away, never

1297
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:39,320
Speaker 1: even apologize, and he doesn't have to worry about hearing

1298
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:43,240
Speaker 1: how awful his behavior was. Because I have always stayed silent.

1299
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:46,720
Speaker 1: My daughter is living a beautiful life with her husband

1300
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 1: and doesn't seem to care at this time. She tells

1301
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 1: me that it's their loss and she doesn't want them

1302
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:53,960
Speaker 1: in her life if they can't accept what they did

1303
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 1: was wrong. I worry if I say anything that it

1304
00:56:56,600 --> 00:56:59,560
Speaker 1: could disrupt the peace she has found. However, I also

1305
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 1: personally endured for her entire life this type of behavior

1306
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,359
Speaker 1: and feel a tiny bit entitled to find closure by

1307
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:08,640
Speaker 1: telling him off. I welcome advice on what would be

1308
00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:10,759
Speaker 1: best to do, leave it alone or tell him where

1309
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:13,280
Speaker 1: to go, and there's an update, I think leave it alone.

1310
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:16,280
Speaker 4: I agree your daughter's not over it, but you know,

1311
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:18,520
Speaker 4: she's realized these people don't care about her and does

1312
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:20,560
Speaker 4: not want him in their life. And now you gotta

1313
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 4: be a little bit vindicated because your daughter knows that

1314
00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:26,000
Speaker 4: her dad sucks too, and knows that you're there for her.

1315
00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:28,960
Speaker 4: And that's stick with you know, enjoy your life with

1316
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:32,080
Speaker 4: your daughter, with you know that side of the family

1317
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:37,080
Speaker 4: and everything. Leave the dad to his own messed up devices.

1318
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:39,240
Speaker 1: I think at the very end there where it was

1319
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:41,440
Speaker 1: like I feel like I'm entitled or I've kind of

1320
00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:43,440
Speaker 1: earned that after putting up with all that, I think

1321
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:45,800
Speaker 1: you and your daughter just like fundamentally processed stuff differently.

1322
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 1: Like I was surprised. I thought she was really upset

1323
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 1: until you said at the end, He's like, well, she's

1324
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:51,680
Speaker 1: not upset yet. So it's like you're kind of like

1325
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:55,000
Speaker 1: putting that onto her because you're like, I would be upset.

1326
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:58,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like she probably knows what her dad

1327
00:57:58,160 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 4: is like. And I was like, yeah, I gave him

1328
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 4: opportunity to prove me wrong and they didn't, so don't

1329
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:03,600
Speaker 4: want them in my life.

1330
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:06,960
Speaker 1: Correct. So hopefully she really did have that Buddha you know,

1331
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:10,360
Speaker 1: Nirvana enlightened perspective. But there is an update. Let's see

1332
00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 1: what happens update. Thank you all so much for your

1333
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:17,040
Speaker 1: feedback so far. I do want to clear up one thing.

1334
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:19,080
Speaker 1: Some of you have asked why there were a lack

1335
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: of chairs. There wasn't. There weren't enough chairs at a

1336
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 1: single table for his family to sit together, right because

1337
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:28,000
Speaker 1: they're buffoons. Oh my god, looking back, if you would

1338
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 1: have talked to me, I would have been able to

1339
00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:31,400
Speaker 1: fix it before it got out of hand. The only

1340
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:33,439
Speaker 1: reason I asked my sister to bring a table into

1341
00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 1: the hall and extra chairs is because I was panicked

1342
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:39,480
Speaker 1: and just wanted to smooth things over for my daughter.

1343
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 1: It's easy to look back and say this or that

1344
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,440
Speaker 1: should have been done to avoid the issue, and that

1345
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:47,760
Speaker 1: may be true. However, two of our family friends couldn't

1346
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 1: find a space close to us, and you know what

1347
00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:52,600
Speaker 1: my family did. They moved things around. They got two

1348
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:56,440
Speaker 1: chairs and two dinner settings, two glasses, and went on

1349
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:59,480
Speaker 1: to have a wonderful evening celebrating my daughter and her

1350
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 1: new husband.

1351
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 2: They didn't leave such an easy solution. Yeah, just stupid

1352
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:05,120
Speaker 2: people can't do it.

1353
00:59:05,160 --> 00:59:07,000
Speaker 1: Oh my god. It's almost like they like took the

1354
00:59:07,240 --> 00:59:10,720
Speaker 1: smallest amount of initiative and just like addressed their own

1355
00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 1: problem instead of making it a huge dramatic upheaval of

1356
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:20,200
Speaker 1: the evening. Oh lord, I hold her father solely responsible

1357
00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:23,280
Speaker 1: for his behavior. I'm not confused on what happened or

1358
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:26,000
Speaker 1: who is to blame. My daughter certainly isn't to blame

1359
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:28,400
Speaker 1: for expecting her special day to be held as such

1360
00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 1: and for everyone, including her father, to behave as people

1361
00:59:32,200 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 1: who love and support her, and to stay at the

1362
00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 1: reception to make beautiful memories with her. Many people choose

1363
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:41,400
Speaker 1: to have a more relaxed reception and do not have

1364
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:43,640
Speaker 1: a seating chart and it works out. But in the end,

1365
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 1: it isn't about you, It's about them. Also, I saw

1366
00:59:47,640 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 1: a couple comments about my husband, and yes, he is

1367
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:53,880
Speaker 1: an excellent daddy to our children. I always say our

1368
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:57,080
Speaker 1: children and never make a distinction between who's bio or step.

1369
00:59:57,480 --> 01:00:00,400
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter in our family. Yeih, yeah, it's nice.

1370
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 1: You always like to see that it's nice. My husband

1371
01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:05,560
Speaker 1: has always treated my children as his own, loved them,

1372
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:08,360
Speaker 1: taught them to drive a car, gone to er visits,

1373
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:11,280
Speaker 1: and hugged away more tears than I can count. He

1374
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:14,520
Speaker 1: is an amazing father. Even my daughter has said as much,

1375
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:17,400
Speaker 1: but that doesn't take away the pain of her father

1376
01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:21,960
Speaker 1: hurting her like this. Honestly. Yeah, it's just folks seek peace,

1377
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 1: not problems exactly.

1378
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 4: You know who these people are. Trying to rile them

1379
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:28,920
Speaker 4: up again is only going to add more headache.

1380
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:29,520
Speaker 1: I get it.

1381
01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:31,320
Speaker 4: They're not gonna apologize. They don't care.

1382
01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:33,560
Speaker 1: Ohp write them a letter and then don't send it,

1383
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:35,080
Speaker 1: and then don't send it, but write it out. Get

1384
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:37,040
Speaker 1: the catharsis. I think you just want to tee off

1385
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:39,160
Speaker 1: on this guy. It makes sense, but I also don't

1386
01:00:39,200 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 1: think your daughters may be upset as you are. Yeah,

1387
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:46,720
Speaker 1: so don't confuse those two things and just write your

1388
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:49,320
Speaker 1: little catharsis letter agreed And if she is, like you

1389
01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:51,440
Speaker 1: know what, I really am upset? Oh my god, go

1390
01:00:51,600 --> 01:00:54,640
Speaker 1: grand slam style on that guy. Absolutely so. The advice

1391
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 1: so far has been amazing. I actually feel better after

1392
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:01,040
Speaker 1: posting here. I think I may have just needed to

1393
01:01:01,080 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 1: finally vent it out. I agree with many of you.

1394
01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:07,320
Speaker 1: If I say anything, the only person I may hurt

1395
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:11,160
Speaker 1: or impact is my daughter. She is the completely innocent

1396
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:13,240
Speaker 1: one in this messy situation, and I wouldn't want to

1397
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:16,200
Speaker 1: hurt her. He will never hear how his treatment of

1398
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:18,800
Speaker 1: me all those years and now his treatment of our

1399
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:21,800
Speaker 1: child has hurt us. He will never acknowledge his behavior

1400
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:25,200
Speaker 1: as he is who he is. And honestly, now his

1401
01:01:25,240 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 1: wife can deal with it. And there you go, folks,

1402
01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 1: and that's the end of the story. We got there, dude.

1403
01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:32,400
Speaker 1: It's his wife's problem now, yep.

1404
01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:33,800
Speaker 2: She can ye on that and you can. I go

1405
01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:35,280
Speaker 2: live your lovely life with your daughter.