Speaker 1: What do you do when life doesn't go according to plan?
Speaker 1: That moment you lose a job, or a loved one,
Speaker 1: or even a piece of yourself. I'm Brookshields and this
Speaker 1: is now What, a podcast about pivotal moments as told
Speaker 1: by people who lived them. Each week, I sit down
Speaker 1: with a guest to talk about the times they were
Speaker 1: knocked off course and what they did to move forward.
Speaker 1: Some stories are funny, others are cut wrenching, but all
Speaker 1: are unapologetically human and remind us that every success and
Speaker 1: every setback is accompanied by a choice, and that choice
Speaker 1: answers one question, now What. One day, this lady but
Speaker 1: dialect coach would come over to me when she said,
Speaker 1: would you like a tablet? And I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: good with my computer, thank you. Sure we don't want
Speaker 1: to table? I said, I've got I've got a pad,
Speaker 1: like if I want to take notes. She's like, oh, darling,
Speaker 1: what you're talking about? So tablett? I should tell everybody?
Speaker 1: Is this I suppose the nearest thing used to called
Speaker 1: fudge in America? Budge. Yeah, it's like a mixture of
Speaker 1: I guess yeah, I'd say fudge, probably harder fudge like,
Speaker 1: But what it is is is actually all it is
Speaker 1: is condensed milk and sugar. Oh I know that is
Speaker 1: all it is. Yeah, and it's and there's a whole thing.
Speaker 1: And scott Actually years ago I did my Me and
Speaker 1: my friend were a sitcom in Scotland called The High
Speaker 1: Life about flight attendance and one of the episodes was
Speaker 1: about a scientist who had discovered the perfect ratio of
Speaker 1: condensed milk sugar to make the perfect tablet. And this
Speaker 1: formula I was on a fluffy disc and the disc
Speaker 1: had been stolen. It was in the back of the
Speaker 1: seat in the plane. And somebody anyways, this whole thing
Speaker 1: because well it's like a religion people. Your tablet there,
Speaker 1: your tablet is like you know, for it's for some women,
Speaker 1: it's like defines their very being. My guest today is
Speaker 1: my friend and favorite Scotsman, Alan Coming. Alan is a
Speaker 1: rarity in every which way. He's a legend of the
Speaker 1: stage who's managed to also have a very successful career
Speaker 1: in film and TV and audiobooks. I could listen to
Speaker 1: his voice forever. He's unapologetically himself and he really inspires
Speaker 1: so many people to be the same. More than anything, though,
Speaker 1: Alan is resilient His life is rich with experience and
Speaker 1: full of vulnerability, be it in the form of stories
Speaker 1: from a difficult childhood in rural Scotland to his journey
Speaker 1: of self discovery and eventually self love. I am delighted
Speaker 1: any time that we get to spend time together, and
Speaker 1: I was so thrilled that he agreed to do the show.
Speaker 1: So without further ado, here is Alan Coming, Alan Coming.
Speaker 1: I love you and I'm so happy I know you. Likewise,
Speaker 1: it feels likewise really, I remember when we well, when
Speaker 1: I first really really met you, I was doing Cabrie
Speaker 1: and I just missed you, and you just brought me
Speaker 1: into your world and invited media or fabulous parties and
Speaker 1: our mutual friend Carmine, and I just come and just
Speaker 1: felt so free and happy and well, you just created
Speaker 1: such an environment around just those you loved and cared
Speaker 1: about and made people feel like it's okay to have
Speaker 1: a fun time. Yeah. I think that's become my sort
Speaker 1: of mission in life. Actually, you know, like I realized
Speaker 1: I'm quite good at making people feel comfortable and uninhabited
Speaker 1: and so and I really enjoy it, Like I love
Speaker 1: hosting people and doing all that. And then now my
Speaker 1: bar you know, club coming, my bar and these village
Speaker 1: is sort of a sort of an extension of my personality,
Speaker 1: I guess. And what do you think why do you
Speaker 1: think that that's a piece of life that is so
Speaker 1: important to you? I suppose because I've found a way
Speaker 1: to let go and to be uninhabited and to sort
Speaker 1: of be sort of headonist in my life that's very
Speaker 1: ordered and very controlled. I find that really important. And
Speaker 1: I think being Scottish as well, that it's part of
Speaker 1: my DNA is to be to understand the value of
Speaker 1: letting go and having a drink and chilling out. And
Speaker 1: I think in other people you see, it's harder for
Speaker 1: them to do that. Do you think that it that
Speaker 1: kind of approach has helped the work that you do?
Speaker 1: I do because it was interesting this past year I
Speaker 1: did this dance sort of thing. I did a dance,
Speaker 1: a solo dance theater piece about Robert Burns and it
Speaker 1: was so nice. Yeah, yeah, age fifty seven. But I
Speaker 1: during that you know a Q and as someone said
Speaker 1: to what are the things you're going to take from
Speaker 1: this working in this way movement? He and Dancy and
Speaker 1: take it back to your acting, And I said, well,
Speaker 1: I've realized I'm not a very precise actor. I'm a
Speaker 1: bit messy, and I actually think that's a positive though.
Speaker 1: That's come from that thing about letting go and being
Speaker 1: uninhibited that I just sort of I go for it,
Speaker 1: And I realized when I was dancing, you've got to
Speaker 1: I go for it, but you've got to be more
Speaker 1: if that's the language you're talking, and you have to
Speaker 1: be a bit more precise. So I think it is
Speaker 1: quite a good thing to be. I feel I don't
Speaker 1: think they take things too seriously. I can, I can
Speaker 1: let it go, but when I'm in the moment, I'm
Speaker 1: incredibly focused. But there's something about great choreography that is
Speaker 1: so precise that within the precision, you have to be
Speaker 1: able to let go and get it. Yes, Yes, because
Speaker 1: otherwise it's it just doesn't come to fruition the way
Speaker 1: it's meant to. So, I mean, especially with something like Cabaret,
Speaker 1: I mean, was that the sort of the beginning when
Speaker 1: you got in touch with the physicality of what you Yes,
Speaker 1: I feel like I do sort of think of myself
Speaker 1: as a sort of physical actor in that I think
Speaker 1: about a character in a physical way, and I feel
Speaker 1: I tell a story by my whole body. And that's
Speaker 1: why I was quite excited to do a thing that
Speaker 1: was more you know, dance lead rather than voice or character. Lad.
Speaker 1: So I've always felt like that. I always think about
Speaker 1: the way people move. I always think movement is as
Speaker 1: important as the accent or the thought. But also I'm
Speaker 1: not very good at doing it the same as everybody else.
Speaker 1: I mean that's a kind of I'm glad at the point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: come on next time. I'm glad as you're not you
Speaker 1: when you're not really an actor, but you know, like
Speaker 1: in terms of dance, like you know, I remember when
Speaker 1: I was doing Cabet the first time. Well that's yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, all the girls were doing a number in
Speaker 1: the kick Kat Club and all the girls are doing
Speaker 1: it and I couldn't get it. And Rob Marshall, who's
Speaker 1: a choreographer, sort of said, oh, look, oh girls, look
Speaker 1: it's kind of interesting what Alan's doing. Maybe we should
Speaker 1: try what And I said, oh, you're just saying that
Speaker 1: because I can't do it the same as everybody else.
Speaker 1: And he was like, no, no, I know it, but
Speaker 1: actually I don't want to do it the same as
Speaker 1: everybody else. And luckily I don't have to, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. I'm the person that gets to do
Speaker 1: it just and it's just him doing it, so it's
Speaker 1: it's worked out pretty well. Do you think you always
Speaker 1: were that little kid that you still are today? Because
Speaker 1: I feel like you're so playful and so you're such
Speaker 1: a joy to be around, But you also want people
Speaker 1: to feel seen and heard for who they are. You
Speaker 1: make each person feel like the only person in your orbit.
Speaker 1: Oh that's nice. I hope. Yes. I feel like I
Speaker 1: have always been like that. But you know, my childhood
Speaker 1: was really bonkers. I wrote about it in a book
Speaker 1: and everything my dad. It was very not my father's son.
Speaker 1: And I sort of feel that when I was a
Speaker 1: little boy I had to be more aware of adult
Speaker 1: things too early. I'd sort of to understand really adult
Speaker 1: ideas and to deal with adults, and to deal with
Speaker 1: things about adults that were I shouldn't have had to
Speaker 1: deal with at that age. And so I feel I'm
Speaker 1: not quite sure. I feel in a funny way, when
Speaker 1: I got away from that, I all this sort of
Speaker 1: stuff came out and I stayed with me more so
Speaker 1: because I sort of didn't get the chance to do
Speaker 1: it then and also I really, as an adult understand
Speaker 1: how valuable it is and how it really helps us
Speaker 1: an adult, and it's something that we lose, as most
Speaker 1: people lose as they grow older. Is that sort of
Speaker 1: fun and curiosity and kindness? Actually, I think to clarify
Speaker 1: for listeners who haven't read your book about your relationship
Speaker 1: with your father, he was physically abusive to you and
Speaker 1: your mother and brother for decades and he left a
Speaker 1: huge cloud over your life as a young person. Yes,
Speaker 1: and you just had one one just one brother, one
Speaker 1: big brother. Yeah, just one big brother, yeah, Tom. And
Speaker 1: did he have to grow up quickly too in the
Speaker 1: same way or I think so, because you know he
Speaker 1: was also he was older than me, so he kind
Speaker 1: of was protective of me. So he was doing that
Speaker 1: as well with and then he got I mean, the
Speaker 1: worst part of my childhood really was when my brother
Speaker 1: left home and sort of then I was I was
Speaker 1: kind of just the focus of my father's attention. And
Speaker 1: how old were you when he left home? I was
Speaker 1: like fourteen, but then thirteen fourteen? Still quite it was?
Speaker 1: It was awful, Yeah, that was. And did he leave
Speaker 1: your your mom or did your mom my mom? And
Speaker 1: know that my parents so weird. So they eventually split up,
Speaker 1: like but they split up. They told me they were
Speaker 1: splitting up two days after my twenty first birthday. You
Speaker 1: know that thing when we stayed together for you one
Speaker 1: thing to add right to your therapist bills. It's I
Speaker 1: was so desperate for them to separate. All through my childhood,
Speaker 1: I was just I mean, I was just so desperate
Speaker 1: to get out because it was just awful. It was
Speaker 1: so violent and dark and terrifying. And I remember once
Speaker 1: that when something bad had happened my mum, we drove.
Speaker 1: She were going, she said, we're going to the cinema,
Speaker 1: but it was a big deal. We drove to this
Speaker 1: town called Dundee and it was winter. It was snowing
Speaker 1: as we were, and it was something weird had happened
Speaker 1: at home, and my mom and dad had a big fight,
Speaker 1: and we went in the car and my mum said,
Speaker 1: how would you like to live alone with just me
Speaker 1: and View and Tom my brother, you know, basically leave
Speaker 1: my dad. And I said what without dad, and showing
Speaker 1: yes and I would really like that, And just then
Speaker 1: the car skidded on the ice and completely turned in
Speaker 1: a circle, and we ended up in a ditch and
Speaker 1: it was just and it was never mentioned again, and
Speaker 1: it was all your fault. It was all my fault
Speaker 1: for saying, yes, my parents split up, so you know,
Speaker 1: God came down and just stody havoc. But it sort
Speaker 1: of was one of those things that then when they did,
Speaker 1: I kind of felt my parents had sort of reached
Speaker 1: a way of, you know, living apart together and they
Speaker 1: seemed to be happier and they seemed to be sort
Speaker 1: of content in their separate lives living under it was
Speaker 1: quite a big house. They were able to do that,
Speaker 1: and he's still sort of raining down his wrath on you,
Speaker 1: and no at that point, By that point, i'd got
Speaker 1: like when I was seventeen, I left and went to
Speaker 1: dramas school. And really when I first sort of left,
Speaker 1: when I was sort of earning, I had a job
Speaker 1: in on a magazine before I went to drama school
Speaker 1: for it. So as soon as I kind of was
Speaker 1: not his slave, because I kind of was my father's slave,
Speaker 1: I actually worked for him. He paid, I worked on
Speaker 1: the estate, and it was a very transactional thing. So
Speaker 1: as soon as I wasn't working for him, he kind
Speaker 1: of let up a little bit. He was still scary,
Speaker 1: and also I was more you know, I was sixteen seventeen,
Speaker 1: he was. It wasn't violent. And then I left home
Speaker 1: and so I went drums called, and everything changed. But
Speaker 1: the idea that they would say to me, we have
Speaker 1: we waited till you were twenty one before we did
Speaker 1: this was heartbreaking to me, so so horrible to do that.
Speaker 1: We kid, Yeah, I remember, it's one of those things
Speaker 1: my mom told me. I dropped the phone and kind
Speaker 1: of like fell on the floor. It was because I felt, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I felt angry that they were saying, you think you're
Speaker 1: doing this for me when it was the worst thing
Speaker 1: you could have done. And also, don't give me that.
Speaker 1: Don't say you're doing it because it's easier now, but
Speaker 1: don't don't bring me into it. Do you view him
Speaker 1: differently now that you're removed from that environment? I have
Speaker 1: to think, I mean, I do think that he was
Speaker 1: mentally ill, with some sort of undiagnosed personality disorder, no empathy,
Speaker 1: and no responsibility for any of his actions. But it
Speaker 1: makes it up, say it makes it easier because it
Speaker 1: wasn't just about me. It wasn't just that he hated me.
Speaker 1: But it's it's it's but it's it's just I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's a lot. I mean, we've all
Speaker 1: got our childhood because you've always been so resilient and
Speaker 1: I and I say, you know, it's interesting because you
Speaker 1: talk about life being a prize, not a gift, and
Speaker 1: and I like the word resilient just because survivor also
Speaker 1: makes me feel like we're always victims of things we
Speaker 1: have to, you know, overcome. And yeah, I like to
Speaker 1: think that I'm not a victim of my circumstance, that
Speaker 1: I had at least the strength to to be resilient
Speaker 1: through it. I don't understand understand that it's not right
Speaker 1: and well, and it sometimes takes decades before one can understand. Yeah,
Speaker 1: did you ever have a because I mean when you
Speaker 1: were talking there, I sort of thought, yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: I am all those things. But there was a point
Speaker 1: when I lost it. You know, there's a point when
Speaker 1: I had a breakdown and I just as I remembered
Speaker 1: so many things as well from my childhood all at once,
Speaker 1: did it all just come yeah, my little twenties. It
Speaker 1: was just I I was trying to be a father,
Speaker 1: actually I was trying to I was married, at the time,
Speaker 1: and I we were trying to have kids, and in
Speaker 1: the act of trying to make a child, all these
Speaker 1: things about being a father kind of came back to
Speaker 1: me and I and I was a very worried I
Speaker 1: was going to be like my dad, would I break
Speaker 1: that cycle? All these things and it all came up,
Speaker 1: and I remembered all these memories and things that I'd suppressed,
Speaker 1: and I just kind of lost it for I had
Speaker 1: a sort of a breakdown for a wee while, and
Speaker 1: then I came out of that much more, you know, stronger,
Speaker 1: and I confronted my dad. With my brother, we went
Speaker 1: back and confronted him about the stuff that had happened.
Speaker 1: We hadn't seen him for years, and we said we'd
Speaker 1: like to go and talk to him together, so I
Speaker 1: think he knew. And then we just had a you know,
Speaker 1: I'd written all Dinot once to say, and we talked
Speaker 1: to him. We had went on a long walk with him,
Speaker 1: and it was good in a way. It was kind
Speaker 1: of awful in many ways, grateful actually, but we left
Speaker 1: the door open and said, if you want to have
Speaker 1: a relationship with us, we feel that you have got
Speaker 1: to come back to us and try and help us.
Speaker 1: We're giving this back to you. It wasn't ours just
Speaker 1: to hold this pain, and so you have to acknowledge
Speaker 1: that this happened. And if you want to be in
Speaker 1: our lives and have a relationship, then you know the
Speaker 1: door is open. But you have to meet us and
Speaker 1: come back. And never heard from him again. Wow. So
Speaker 1: in a way that was a gift because he I
Speaker 1: just he couldn't. He couldn't do it. And so though
Speaker 1: I was able to move on. So you have this
Speaker 1: nervous breakdown in your late twenties, how does that manifest itself? Oh? Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, and sort of just reallyly depressed. I
Speaker 1: was having, you know, the huge after it's done back
Speaker 1: for you've been in cabaret in the West End and
Speaker 1: Hamlet and you're the talk of the town time everything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm just can't get out of bed. Arn. It
Speaker 1: takes me like an hour to decide what's wear and
Speaker 1: I'm crying and I don't know, I mean, just ridiculous.
Speaker 1: What did your wife she did she feel helpless? Did she? She? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I feel helpless. She felt angry as well, because I
Speaker 1: was suddenly I was pulling the rug from und I think,
Speaker 1: I don't think I can be a father, and I
Speaker 1: don't know if I could. I don't know why, but
Speaker 1: I want to this relationship I can't do. You know,
Speaker 1: I was just everything because it sort of was like
Speaker 1: the person I was I realized was the product of
Speaker 1: some really terrible stuff. And so I had to like
Speaker 1: change who I was. I had to find out who
Speaker 1: I was and make that my life rather than be
Speaker 1: living it was just understand and it was just a
Speaker 1: really weird thing. And so my marriage was sort of
Speaker 1: you know, it was going on pretty well, but it
Speaker 1: was just untenable. And then it was it was just
Speaker 1: I realized that I, you know, I sort of familiar
Speaker 1: in it. I thought some sort of controlling and someone
Speaker 1: who I loved very much but who didn't listen, didn't
Speaker 1: listen to me. That's you know, that's to say, but
Speaker 1: it's it is very typical, you know, I mean my
Speaker 1: first husband. You know, they say, oh, you married your father,
Speaker 1: Well in this case, I married my mother in many ways,
Speaker 1: you know, because I was under his, his umbrella, his world, everything,
Speaker 1: and I was fine with it because I could just
Speaker 1: follow along. That's why you used to step behind. And
Speaker 1: also it was nice not being front center. But now
Speaker 1: you were quite young when you got married, Yeah, twenty one,
Speaker 1: really young, And yeah, you must have been looking for
Speaker 1: some kind of like you said, like answer, I wanted security.
Speaker 1: I was in love and all that stuff as well,
Speaker 1: but also I realized now I wanted home, I wanted safety,
Speaker 1: I wanted kindness, kindness, and I had so all my life.
Speaker 1: I suppose I felt like so insecure about many things.
Speaker 1: I was I going to be hit? What was I doing?
Speaker 1: It was going to engender the next bout of violence
Speaker 1: or what was I was just very insecure, but not
Speaker 1: insecure as like I was very confident and fun, but
Speaker 1: my actual core was insecure about anxiety. I suppose I
Speaker 1: can call it as very anxious. And so I think
Speaker 1: I went into that in just to sort of find
Speaker 1: a really a base, and I did for a while.
Speaker 1: It was really, you know, good for me. And I
Speaker 1: think you also talk about in your book about not
Speaker 1: having regrets about any of the relationships, the good ones,
Speaker 1: the bad ones, or whatever, because each one of them
Speaker 1: has led you to where you are today, and that
Speaker 1: was where you were at that time exactly. And I
Speaker 1: gave it my best shot, and I and then ultimately,
Speaker 1: you know, it was a distant it couldn't it was untenable.
Speaker 1: And also I was, you know, I was saying a huge,
Speaker 1: huge breakdown. So your new book is Baggage, which is wonderful.
Speaker 1: I love the first of all of your writing style
Speaker 1: and ability. It's at once very poetic and very deep
Speaker 1: and funny and irreverent, and it just it catches you.
Speaker 1: It is sort of a calling I think. I think
Speaker 1: people need to read your books. I mean, they identify
Speaker 1: with you on so many levels, and it's really honest,
Speaker 1: and I love how it doesn't have you talk about
Speaker 1: it not being all in a nice, neat pack, good,
Speaker 1: what the happening, Hollywood ending? And I think that that's reality.
Speaker 1: And also I feel what it reminds me of your
Speaker 1: book when you talked about postpartum depression, that it's people
Speaker 1: are so starving to hear people who are in the
Speaker 1: public eye and seemingly have it all and look successful
Speaker 1: in there all than the cover of magazines, and you
Speaker 1: are that all those things, but also at the same time,
Speaker 1: you're a real person and there's like behind that image,
Speaker 1: there's real stuff, and you're sometimes falling apart, and we
Speaker 1: I think especially in America, there's this pressure to kind
Speaker 1: of keep the image going, you know. I think it's
Speaker 1: an example of that's the whole thing in microcosm. You know,
Speaker 1: like when you're at a party and it's a showbiz
Speaker 1: party and then there's a photograp when they come and say, well,
Speaker 1: let's do a photo, and then the pubs just come
Speaker 1: and take away your drinks. Yeah, and you think, why
Speaker 1: would you take away drinks at the party? It's like
Speaker 1: party I don't want to go to, and me either,
Speaker 1: and I go, no, I'm holding this drink in this
Speaker 1: picture because I want people to see what I think.
Speaker 1: If you're thinking about it, people who see these magazines
Speaker 1: and think, oh god, this part is nobody trying, I know,
Speaker 1: to get back to our cocktail. So after the photographer
Speaker 1: goes away, that sort of thing is painting a picture
Speaker 1: of something that is it's taking away an element that
Speaker 1: everyone does and it's real. And that's what I think.
Speaker 1: You're I writing about our lives and saying yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: you know, you know, famous and everything, but at the
Speaker 1: same time, here's all this other shits and you've got
Speaker 1: it too, and I'm not going to pretend I don't
Speaker 1: have it. That's another thing. I'm also going to say,
Speaker 1: I am actually probably a better person because of these things,
Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm more grounded and I'm more
Speaker 1: I'm more flawed. It's like this, this a couple of
Speaker 1: years godd this film with Katie Holmes, and it's coming
Speaker 1: out soon. And there's the thing about it that I'm
Speaker 1: run a antique shopping it. And there's this Japanese sort
Speaker 1: of you know, pottery, if a pot is broken and
Speaker 1: they put it together again, and all the little bits
Speaker 1: that actually it is more valuable and more beautiful because
Speaker 1: it has been broken. And that's why I also Rakku raku.
Speaker 1: It's completely filled with cracks about the whole thing, and
Speaker 1: it's how they fired in the kiln and put it
Speaker 1: in colder water and it shocks it. And that is
Speaker 1: some of the most valuable absolutely, And I just think
Speaker 1: as a metaphor the idea that your brokenness and your
Speaker 1: ability to joke about that and to be open about
Speaker 1: that makes you more full and more complete, and your
Speaker 1: ability to stay together with your brokenness. I had a Japanese,
Speaker 1: very brilliant rock who master teacher at college, and every
Speaker 1: time I would center a piece of Clay. She would
Speaker 1: come over and knock it off center. I was just
Speaker 1: I was like, I wanted to save every perfect thing
Speaker 1: that I did. And she said, you're too precious. You're
Speaker 1: hanging on too tight. And it was this idea that
Speaker 1: you throw something into the extremes, but it stays together.
Speaker 1: And then the rock who Master thirteenth Generation son came
Speaker 1: to her studio and did a tea ceremony with us
Speaker 1: and he talks about the more fractured we are, the
Speaker 1: stronger we actually are and better we are. Switching a
Speaker 1: little bit. Talking about your new show Traders. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: I mean it's fabulous. It's like this combination of its
Speaker 1: reality but you are this sort of larger than life characters.
Speaker 1: It's about it. Well, it's a sort of I mean,
Speaker 1: it's totally fucking can I see? Yes, you can to.
Speaker 1: My mother used to say, never say fuck in front
Speaker 1: of the baby's Yeah, you would have loved my mom.
Speaker 1: It's on peacock, right on Peacock, Peacock. Everybody Peacock. And
Speaker 1: it's a sort of a peak. It's like a reality
Speaker 1: psychological competition, reality show Murder, Murder, Mystery in a castle
Speaker 1: in Scotland and basically, twenty people come. And the thing
Speaker 1: that's weird about it, well, one of the many things
Speaker 1: the reason I'm in it, but I'm hosting it, but
Speaker 1: I'm not like hello, I'm a coming welcome. I play
Speaker 1: this character, this sort of dandy Scottish layered in pink,
Speaker 1: ridiculousts and sashes and berries slippers, and it's supposed to
Speaker 1: be my castle. And I've invited these people and I
Speaker 1: quote Shakespeare and Plato and all these things, and it's
Speaker 1: just nuts. I camper. It's the campus thing I've ever done.
Speaker 1: And that's amazing that that's coming from you. That's and
Speaker 1: so basically it's like that game Mafia. Have you ever played?
Speaker 1: So it's like that. So I taped three people on
Speaker 1: the shoulder around all this table and they're the traitors,
Speaker 1: and so every night they have to kill, you know,
Speaker 1: pretend choose who's going to be murdered, and so they
Speaker 1: don't appear the next morning, and they go in a
Speaker 1: turret and they've got cloaks on. It's ridiculous. And then
Speaker 1: it's a round table and every night all the contestants
Speaker 1: choose someone to banish, and so another person goes and
Speaker 1: then and during the day they do these tasks, so
Speaker 1: you know, you look hard. I don't think I would
Speaker 1: be a buried alive. I would never be able to
Speaker 1: have that. And they get the maggots, and then as
Speaker 1: the woman on the wheel, the fairest wheel going around round,
Speaker 1: and then the last one they have to jump out
Speaker 1: of a helicopter into a freezing loch. Mean, it's not
Speaker 1: it's just like hearing yourself look look, but you can
Speaker 1: win a quarter of a million dollars anyway. It's just
Speaker 1: it's sort of it's obsessive because my thinking of why
Speaker 1: it's obsessive, aside from my fabulous outfits and my you know,
Speaker 1: quoting of Shakespeare just being the campus thing since Christmas,
Speaker 1: is that we see people lying and we you know,
Speaker 1: we don't normally get a chance to just look at
Speaker 1: people blatantly lying when we know they're lying, and also
Speaker 1: seeing how well or badly they are lying. And I
Speaker 1: think that's got a lot to do because we all
Speaker 1: lie in life, but we don't we never all together
Speaker 1: look at people lying. And I think that's what it's about.
Speaker 1: It's the whole thing is filmed in Scotland. How important
Speaker 1: is it is your Scottish heritage to you hugely. I
Speaker 1: mean I feel also the older I get, I feel
Speaker 1: more sort of more connected Scotland because I've been I've
Speaker 1: lived outside of Scotland much longer than I actually have
Speaker 1: lived there. I have a little, you know, place still there,
Speaker 1: a little cottage, and I go back a lot. But
Speaker 1: I feel the fact of going away from you the
Speaker 1: place you're from, kind of makes you understand what it
Speaker 1: is about that place that defines you. So I understand
Speaker 1: why I'm Scottish. I understand for thing. And it's partly
Speaker 1: when I came to New York to do cabaret the
Speaker 1: first time, a lot of the things I was being
Speaker 1: celebrated for, like I was different, how I sounded, my accent,
Speaker 1: my attitude with all things that I realized that living
Speaker 1: in London, I'd slightly played down or were slightly seen
Speaker 1: as less than and I was slightly derided for whereas
Speaker 1: here I was celebrated for them. So that was a
Speaker 1: really interesting thing for me. I thought, Yeah, it's good,
Speaker 1: it's my accent is nice, and it it's good to
Speaker 1: have these values and it's great to think differently about things.
Speaker 1: And and so I've I've I've over the years realized
Speaker 1: what it is about me that is Scottish and how
Speaker 1: that has been such a big part of my success,
Speaker 1: and also about who I am as a person. And
Speaker 1: so I feel very Scottish. I love how Scottish you are.
Speaker 1: I mean, I just I love being around it. I
Speaker 1: love listening to you. I love you know. But it's
Speaker 1: because there is something unique to us, you know, as
Speaker 1: me and just being an American, you know, but you
Speaker 1: know you sort of hear it in the traditions and yeah,
Speaker 1: and also I say, there's a thing I said, it's
Speaker 1: one of my conscience. But like being Scottish, it's like
Speaker 1: having all the tradition and history of Scotland and it's
Speaker 1: ground up and it's in the matter of your bones.
Speaker 1: You know, it's not it's just there. It's just something you.
Speaker 1: It's like being a New Yorker for me, exactly the same. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you just feel at home in this city and you
Speaker 1: feel that energy is part of you. And I feel
Speaker 1: like that thing of when people come to New York
Speaker 1: and some people just don't get it. Some people say
Speaker 1: it's not for them, and other people are like, oh,
Speaker 1: I found my tribe. I'm here this is and that,
Speaker 1: and that's I think similar things with Scotland. I I've
Speaker 1: got friends and they're going, oh, you know, it's it's okay,
Speaker 1: but actually I know, I think they're nuts. But it's
Speaker 1: sort of the energy of the place. That's what similar
Speaker 1: to New York. The energy you feel it well, the
Speaker 1: loyalty of the people and the authentic of the people,
Speaker 1: the welcoming and I always say, you're a New Yorker
Speaker 1: if you love it here. The minute you say I
Speaker 1: love it here, yeah, you're a native. I mean absolutely,
Speaker 1: That's what we that's how we do it, and that's
Speaker 1: how I felt in Scotland. You know, I just felt, well,
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, I can see because you your game
Speaker 1: and you're open to life and you love it we drink,
Speaker 1: and you love having fun and you're kind. You know,
Speaker 1: all those are Scottish qualities. I think, yeahs and many
Speaker 1: different sort of cultures have that. But I call the
Speaker 1: show now What because we've already talked about many of
Speaker 1: them in your life. But I'm so fascinated by those
Speaker 1: moments where we are just the rug is pulled out
Speaker 1: from under us, sometimes in a positive way, even but
Speaker 1: those now What moments in your life that you really
Speaker 1: have to ask yourself, how am I going to go
Speaker 1: through this? What? How am I choosing to get through?
Speaker 1: Is there any other now? What moments that really stick
Speaker 1: out in your mind? Well, there's been a few, I suppose.
Speaker 1: I sort of when big changes happen in your in
Speaker 1: your career and you're sort of used to something and
Speaker 1: we've both been doing this a long long time, and
Speaker 1: you know, you're when you're when you finish a long
Speaker 1: job and or a long series or something that's something
Speaker 1: that's going on for years, and you're like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: still looking forward to a break. I'm still looking forward
Speaker 1: to a change. And then the next pointing, holy shit,
Speaker 1: I'm never working and net work again. And also why
Speaker 1: does my hair look so bad? You know, when nobody's
Speaker 1: coming to brush your hair or some of that. But
Speaker 1: I think of those quite a lot. And also I
Speaker 1: had a time when I was in a actually just
Speaker 1: saw probably rounded by the time we first met, I'd
Speaker 1: been in this very toxic relationship and it ended. I
Speaker 1: finally got out of it, and I just thought, I remember, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I just thought, now what, Because I am so
Speaker 1: obviously bad at this, I keep having these terrible relationships.
Speaker 1: It's not like you've had a lot of you know,
Speaker 1: models to know you got to learn. But it was mine.
Speaker 1: Now what kind of made me realize I've been doing
Speaker 1: the same thing. I've been trying to fix people. I've
Speaker 1: been trying to change angry people. And that as soon
Speaker 1: as I realized that, and I just thought, I'm not
Speaker 1: too bad. I've got my issues, but I'm not going
Speaker 1: to and I don't want people to change me either.
Speaker 1: And so as soon as I realized that, that was
Speaker 1: one shortly I met Grant. Yeah, and that was husband,
Speaker 1: my lovely husband. And you know, he's the first person
Speaker 1: I've met who I have had a relationship with who
Speaker 1: actually hasn't wanted to change me. I know he'd like
Speaker 1: to sometimes certain things. And there's this thing that happened
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago. I so I was in
Speaker 1: Edinburgh and I was doing my concerts, and I was
Speaker 1: doing a club coming my sort of party show and
Speaker 1: how sort of you know, with guests and the band,
Speaker 1: and I was djaying and when I do that, it's late,
Speaker 1: everyone's dancing and them was drunk and I body surf,
Speaker 1: you know that thing when you crowd crowdsurfing. You go
Speaker 1: out of the body like in a marsh pick, like
Speaker 1: a much you go round the whole thing. Everyone's holds
Speaker 1: up with your hands. And I was wearing a monkey
Speaker 1: outfit and it was so fun A little nod, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: exactly and so and it was on social media and
Speaker 1: things like that, and my friend Eddie called up Grant
Speaker 1: because Grant was back. He wasn't with me. Who's in
Speaker 1: back here in New York? Said Grant? Have you seen
Speaker 1: on social media? Alan is crowdsurfing in a monkey suit,
Speaker 1: obviously drunk three in the morning. You get killed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not anxious, You're not worried about this. And Grant said, Eddie,
Speaker 1: you know, I am a very anxious person. Obviously, this
Speaker 1: freaks me out on many levels. But Alan is a
Speaker 1: butterfly and we have to let him fly. Oh I know,
Speaker 1: I know, and that that is just the most lovely
Speaker 1: thing that he wants to stop me doing that. But
Speaker 1: you understand I need to do that, and that's a
Speaker 1: part of who I am. And that's part of your
Speaker 1: prize because you have to earn it and you have
Speaker 1: earned it. Yeah, and what do you think your through
Speaker 1: line is in your whole life. Like when you look back,
Speaker 1: I feel like I am What you see is what
Speaker 1: you get. You know, I think I'm always the same person.
Speaker 1: My circumstances have changed, but I feel I talked to
Speaker 1: everybody the same. I'm trying and engage with everybody, and
Speaker 1: I feel I've just I feel I'm a real person.
Speaker 1: I'm an authentic person. It's exhausting sometimes you're putting quite out,
Speaker 1: but I feel that's my through line is just I'm
Speaker 1: not going to hide just because I'm well known or something.
Speaker 1: I'm going to still engage with life. I'm going to
Speaker 1: do the things I want to do. I'm going to
Speaker 1: confine people's expectations. I'm going to shock people, I'm going
Speaker 1: to piss people off, but I'm going to be who
Speaker 1: I want to be. That was the delightful allen coming.
Speaker 1: If you want to see more from him, including some
Speaker 1: legendary outfits, check out his new show The Traders, streaming
Speaker 1: now on Peacock. If you want to hear more from me,
Speaker 1: well subscribe to this show. Now What with Brookshields on
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1: Now What with Brookshields is a production of iHeartRadio. Our
Speaker 1: lead producer and wonderful showrunner is Julia Weaver. Additional research
Speaker 1: and editing by Darby Masters and abou Zafar. Our executive
Speaker 1: producer is Christina Everett. The show is mixed by by
Speaker 1: Heed Fraser h