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Speaker 1: What do you do when life doesn't go according to plan?

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Speaker 1: That moment you lose a job, or a loved one,

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Speaker 1: or even a piece of yourself. I'm Brookshields and this

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Speaker 1: is now What, a podcast about pivotal moments as told

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Speaker 1: by people who lived them. Each week, I sit down

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Speaker 1: with a guest to talk about the times they were

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Speaker 1: knocked off course and what they did to move forward.

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Speaker 1: Some stories are funny, others are cut wrenching, but all

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Speaker 1: are unapologetically human and remind us that every success and

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Speaker 1: every setback is accompanied by a choice, and that choice

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Speaker 1: answers one question, now What. One day, this lady but

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Speaker 1: dialect coach would come over to me when she said,

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Speaker 1: would you like a tablet? And I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: good with my computer, thank you. Sure we don't want

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Speaker 1: to table? I said, I've got I've got a pad,

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Speaker 1: like if I want to take notes. She's like, oh, darling,

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Speaker 1: what you're talking about? So tablett? I should tell everybody?

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Speaker 1: Is this I suppose the nearest thing used to called

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Speaker 1: fudge in America? Budge. Yeah, it's like a mixture of

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Speaker 1: I guess yeah, I'd say fudge, probably harder fudge like,

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Speaker 1: But what it is is is actually all it is

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Speaker 1: is condensed milk and sugar. Oh I know that is

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Speaker 1: all it is. Yeah, and it's and there's a whole thing.

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Speaker 1: And scott Actually years ago I did my Me and

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Speaker 1: my friend were a sitcom in Scotland called The High

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Speaker 1: Life about flight attendance and one of the episodes was

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Speaker 1: about a scientist who had discovered the perfect ratio of

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Speaker 1: condensed milk sugar to make the perfect tablet. And this

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Speaker 1: formula I was on a fluffy disc and the disc

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Speaker 1: had been stolen. It was in the back of the

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Speaker 1: seat in the plane. And somebody anyways, this whole thing

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Speaker 1: because well it's like a religion people. Your tablet there,

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Speaker 1: your tablet is like you know, for it's for some women,

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Speaker 1: it's like defines their very being. My guest today is

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Speaker 1: my friend and favorite Scotsman, Alan Coming. Alan is a

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Speaker 1: rarity in every which way. He's a legend of the

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Speaker 1: stage who's managed to also have a very successful career

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Speaker 1: in film and TV and audiobooks. I could listen to

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Speaker 1: his voice forever. He's unapologetically himself and he really inspires

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Speaker 1: so many people to be the same. More than anything, though,

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Speaker 1: Alan is resilient His life is rich with experience and

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Speaker 1: full of vulnerability, be it in the form of stories

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Speaker 1: from a difficult childhood in rural Scotland to his journey

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Speaker 1: of self discovery and eventually self love. I am delighted

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Speaker 1: any time that we get to spend time together, and

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Speaker 1: I was so thrilled that he agreed to do the show.

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Speaker 1: So without further ado, here is Alan Coming, Alan Coming.

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Speaker 1: I love you and I'm so happy I know you. Likewise,

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Speaker 1: it feels likewise really, I remember when we well, when

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Speaker 1: I first really really met you, I was doing Cabrie

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Speaker 1: and I just missed you, and you just brought me

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Speaker 1: into your world and invited media or fabulous parties and

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Speaker 1: our mutual friend Carmine, and I just come and just

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Speaker 1: felt so free and happy and well, you just created

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Speaker 1: such an environment around just those you loved and cared

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Speaker 1: about and made people feel like it's okay to have

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Speaker 1: a fun time. Yeah. I think that's become my sort

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Speaker 1: of mission in life. Actually, you know, like I realized

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Speaker 1: I'm quite good at making people feel comfortable and uninhabited

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Speaker 1: and so and I really enjoy it, Like I love

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Speaker 1: hosting people and doing all that. And then now my

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Speaker 1: bar you know, club coming, my bar and these village

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Speaker 1: is sort of a sort of an extension of my personality,

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Speaker 1: I guess. And what do you think why do you

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Speaker 1: think that that's a piece of life that is so

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Speaker 1: important to you? I suppose because I've found a way

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Speaker 1: to let go and to be uninhabited and to sort

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Speaker 1: of be sort of headonist in my life that's very

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Speaker 1: ordered and very controlled. I find that really important. And

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Speaker 1: I think being Scottish as well, that it's part of

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Speaker 1: my DNA is to be to understand the value of

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Speaker 1: letting go and having a drink and chilling out. And

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Speaker 1: I think in other people you see, it's harder for

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Speaker 1: them to do that. Do you think that it that

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Speaker 1: kind of approach has helped the work that you do?

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Speaker 1: I do because it was interesting this past year I

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Speaker 1: did this dance sort of thing. I did a dance,

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Speaker 1: a solo dance theater piece about Robert Burns and it

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Speaker 1: was so nice. Yeah, yeah, age fifty seven. But I

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Speaker 1: during that you know a Q and as someone said

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Speaker 1: to what are the things you're going to take from

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Speaker 1: this working in this way movement? He and Dancy and

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Speaker 1: take it back to your acting, And I said, well,

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Speaker 1: I've realized I'm not a very precise actor. I'm a

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Speaker 1: bit messy, and I actually think that's a positive though.

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Speaker 1: That's come from that thing about letting go and being

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Speaker 1: uninhibited that I just sort of I go for it,

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Speaker 1: And I realized when I was dancing, you've got to

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Speaker 1: I go for it, but you've got to be more

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Speaker 1: if that's the language you're talking, and you have to

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Speaker 1: be a bit more precise. So I think it is

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Speaker 1: quite a good thing to be. I feel I don't

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Speaker 1: think they take things too seriously. I can, I can

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Speaker 1: let it go, but when I'm in the moment, I'm

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Speaker 1: incredibly focused. But there's something about great choreography that is

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Speaker 1: so precise that within the precision, you have to be

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Speaker 1: able to let go and get it. Yes, Yes, because

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Speaker 1: otherwise it's it just doesn't come to fruition the way

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Speaker 1: it's meant to. So, I mean, especially with something like Cabaret,

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Speaker 1: I mean, was that the sort of the beginning when

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Speaker 1: you got in touch with the physicality of what you Yes,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I do sort of think of myself

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Speaker 1: as a sort of physical actor in that I think

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Speaker 1: about a character in a physical way, and I feel

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Speaker 1: I tell a story by my whole body. And that's

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Speaker 1: why I was quite excited to do a thing that

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Speaker 1: was more you know, dance lead rather than voice or character. Lad.

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Speaker 1: So I've always felt like that. I always think about

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Speaker 1: the way people move. I always think movement is as

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Speaker 1: important as the accent or the thought. But also I'm

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Speaker 1: not very good at doing it the same as everybody else.

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Speaker 1: I mean that's a kind of I'm glad at the point. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: come on next time. I'm glad as you're not you

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Speaker 1: when you're not really an actor, but you know, like

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Speaker 1: in terms of dance, like you know, I remember when

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Speaker 1: I was doing Cabet the first time. Well that's yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know, all the girls were doing a number in

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Speaker 1: the kick Kat Club and all the girls are doing

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Speaker 1: it and I couldn't get it. And Rob Marshall, who's

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Speaker 1: a choreographer, sort of said, oh, look, oh girls, look

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Speaker 1: it's kind of interesting what Alan's doing. Maybe we should

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Speaker 1: try what And I said, oh, you're just saying that

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Speaker 1: because I can't do it the same as everybody else.

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Speaker 1: And he was like, no, no, I know it, but

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Speaker 1: actually I don't want to do it the same as

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Speaker 1: everybody else. And luckily I don't have to, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. I'm the person that gets to do

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Speaker 1: it just and it's just him doing it, so it's

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Speaker 1: it's worked out pretty well. Do you think you always

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Speaker 1: were that little kid that you still are today? Because

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Speaker 1: I feel like you're so playful and so you're such

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Speaker 1: a joy to be around, But you also want people

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Speaker 1: to feel seen and heard for who they are. You

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Speaker 1: make each person feel like the only person in your orbit.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's nice. I hope. Yes. I feel like I

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Speaker 1: have always been like that. But you know, my childhood

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Speaker 1: was really bonkers. I wrote about it in a book

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Speaker 1: and everything my dad. It was very not my father's son.

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Speaker 1: And I sort of feel that when I was a

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Speaker 1: little boy I had to be more aware of adult

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Speaker 1: things too early. I'd sort of to understand really adult

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Speaker 1: ideas and to deal with adults, and to deal with

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Speaker 1: things about adults that were I shouldn't have had to

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Speaker 1: deal with at that age. And so I feel I'm

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Speaker 1: not quite sure. I feel in a funny way, when

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Speaker 1: I got away from that, I all this sort of

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Speaker 1: stuff came out and I stayed with me more so

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Speaker 1: because I sort of didn't get the chance to do

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Speaker 1: it then and also I really, as an adult understand

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Speaker 1: how valuable it is and how it really helps us

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Speaker 1: an adult, and it's something that we lose, as most

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Speaker 1: people lose as they grow older. Is that sort of

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Speaker 1: fun and curiosity and kindness? Actually, I think to clarify

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Speaker 1: for listeners who haven't read your book about your relationship

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Speaker 1: with your father, he was physically abusive to you and

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Speaker 1: your mother and brother for decades and he left a

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Speaker 1: huge cloud over your life as a young person. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and you just had one one just one brother, one

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Speaker 1: big brother. Yeah, just one big brother, yeah, Tom. And

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Speaker 1: did he have to grow up quickly too in the

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Speaker 1: same way or I think so, because you know he

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Speaker 1: was also he was older than me, so he kind

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Speaker 1: of was protective of me. So he was doing that

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Speaker 1: as well with and then he got I mean, the

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Speaker 1: worst part of my childhood really was when my brother

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Speaker 1: left home and sort of then I was I was

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Speaker 1: kind of just the focus of my father's attention. And

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Speaker 1: how old were you when he left home? I was

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Speaker 1: like fourteen, but then thirteen fourteen? Still quite it was?

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Speaker 1: It was awful, Yeah, that was. And did he leave

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Speaker 1: your your mom or did your mom my mom? And

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Speaker 1: know that my parents so weird. So they eventually split up,

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Speaker 1: like but they split up. They told me they were

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Speaker 1: splitting up two days after my twenty first birthday. You

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Speaker 1: know that thing when we stayed together for you one

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Speaker 1: thing to add right to your therapist bills. It's I

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Speaker 1: was so desperate for them to separate. All through my childhood,

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Speaker 1: I was just I mean, I was just so desperate

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Speaker 1: to get out because it was just awful. It was

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Speaker 1: so violent and dark and terrifying. And I remember once

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Speaker 1: that when something bad had happened my mum, we drove.

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Speaker 1: She were going, she said, we're going to the cinema,

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Speaker 1: but it was a big deal. We drove to this

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Speaker 1: town called Dundee and it was winter. It was snowing

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Speaker 1: as we were, and it was something weird had happened

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Speaker 1: at home, and my mom and dad had a big fight,

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Speaker 1: and we went in the car and my mum said,

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Speaker 1: how would you like to live alone with just me

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Speaker 1: and View and Tom my brother, you know, basically leave

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Speaker 1: my dad. And I said what without dad, and showing

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Speaker 1: yes and I would really like that, And just then

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Speaker 1: the car skidded on the ice and completely turned in

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Speaker 1: a circle, and we ended up in a ditch and

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Speaker 1: it was just and it was never mentioned again, and

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Speaker 1: it was all your fault. It was all my fault

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Speaker 1: for saying, yes, my parents split up, so you know,

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Speaker 1: God came down and just stody havoc. But it sort

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Speaker 1: of was one of those things that then when they did,

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Speaker 1: I kind of felt my parents had sort of reached

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Speaker 1: a way of, you know, living apart together and they

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Speaker 1: seemed to be happier and they seemed to be sort

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Speaker 1: of content in their separate lives living under it was

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Speaker 1: quite a big house. They were able to do that,

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Speaker 1: and he's still sort of raining down his wrath on you,

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Speaker 1: and no at that point, By that point, i'd got

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Speaker 1: like when I was seventeen, I left and went to

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Speaker 1: dramas school. And really when I first sort of left,

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Speaker 1: when I was sort of earning, I had a job

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Speaker 1: in on a magazine before I went to drama school

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Speaker 1: for it. So as soon as I kind of was

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Speaker 1: not his slave, because I kind of was my father's slave,

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Speaker 1: I actually worked for him. He paid, I worked on

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Speaker 1: the estate, and it was a very transactional thing. So

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Speaker 1: as soon as I wasn't working for him, he kind

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Speaker 1: of let up a little bit. He was still scary,

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Speaker 1: and also I was more you know, I was sixteen seventeen,

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Speaker 1: he was. It wasn't violent. And then I left home

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Speaker 1: and so I went drums called, and everything changed. But

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Speaker 1: the idea that they would say to me, we have

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Speaker 1: we waited till you were twenty one before we did

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Speaker 1: this was heartbreaking to me, so so horrible to do that.

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Speaker 1: We kid, Yeah, I remember, it's one of those things

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Speaker 1: my mom told me. I dropped the phone and kind

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Speaker 1: of like fell on the floor. It was because I felt, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I felt angry that they were saying, you think you're

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Speaker 1: doing this for me when it was the worst thing

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Speaker 1: you could have done. And also, don't give me that.

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Speaker 1: Don't say you're doing it because it's easier now, but

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Speaker 1: don't don't bring me into it. Do you view him

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Speaker 1: differently now that you're removed from that environment? I have

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Speaker 1: to think, I mean, I do think that he was

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Speaker 1: mentally ill, with some sort of undiagnosed personality disorder, no empathy,

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Speaker 1: and no responsibility for any of his actions. But it

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Speaker 1: makes it up, say it makes it easier because it

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Speaker 1: wasn't just about me. It wasn't just that he hated me.

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Speaker 1: But it's it's it's but it's it's just I mean,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's it's a lot. I mean, we've all

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Speaker 1: got our childhood because you've always been so resilient and

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Speaker 1: I and I say, you know, it's interesting because you

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Speaker 1: talk about life being a prize, not a gift, and

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Speaker 1: and I like the word resilient just because survivor also

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Speaker 1: makes me feel like we're always victims of things we

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Speaker 1: have to, you know, overcome. And yeah, I like to

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Speaker 1: think that I'm not a victim of my circumstance, that

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Speaker 1: I had at least the strength to to be resilient

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Speaker 1: through it. I don't understand understand that it's not right

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Speaker 1: and well, and it sometimes takes decades before one can understand. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: did you ever have a because I mean when you

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Speaker 1: were talking there, I sort of thought, yeah, I feel

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Speaker 1: I am all those things. But there was a point

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Speaker 1: when I lost it. You know, there's a point when

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Speaker 1: I had a breakdown and I just as I remembered

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Speaker 1: so many things as well from my childhood all at once,

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Speaker 1: did it all just come yeah, my little twenties. It

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Speaker 1: was just I I was trying to be a father,

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Speaker 1: actually I was trying to I was married, at the time,

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Speaker 1: and I we were trying to have kids, and in

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Speaker 1: the act of trying to make a child, all these

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Speaker 1: things about being a father kind of came back to

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Speaker 1: me and I and I was a very worried I

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Speaker 1: was going to be like my dad, would I break

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Speaker 1: that cycle? All these things and it all came up,

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Speaker 1: and I remembered all these memories and things that I'd suppressed,

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Speaker 1: and I just kind of lost it for I had

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Speaker 1: a sort of a breakdown for a wee while, and

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Speaker 1: then I came out of that much more, you know, stronger,

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Speaker 1: and I confronted my dad. With my brother, we went

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Speaker 1: back and confronted him about the stuff that had happened.

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Speaker 1: We hadn't seen him for years, and we said we'd

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Speaker 1: like to go and talk to him together, so I

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Speaker 1: think he knew. And then we just had a you know,

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Speaker 1: I'd written all Dinot once to say, and we talked

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Speaker 1: to him. We had went on a long walk with him,

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Speaker 1: and it was good in a way. It was kind

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Speaker 1: of awful in many ways, grateful actually, but we left

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Speaker 1: the door open and said, if you want to have

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Speaker 1: a relationship with us, we feel that you have got

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Speaker 1: to come back to us and try and help us.

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Speaker 1: We're giving this back to you. It wasn't ours just

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Speaker 1: to hold this pain, and so you have to acknowledge

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Speaker 1: that this happened. And if you want to be in

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Speaker 1: our lives and have a relationship, then you know the

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Speaker 1: door is open. But you have to meet us and

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Speaker 1: come back. And never heard from him again. Wow. So

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Speaker 1: in a way that was a gift because he I

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Speaker 1: just he couldn't. He couldn't do it. And so though

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Speaker 1: I was able to move on. So you have this

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Speaker 1: nervous breakdown in your late twenties, how does that manifest itself? Oh? Well,

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Speaker 1: first of all, and sort of just reallyly depressed. I

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Speaker 1: was having, you know, the huge after it's done back

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Speaker 1: for you've been in cabaret in the West End and

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Speaker 1: Hamlet and you're the talk of the town time everything. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I'm just can't get out of bed. Arn. It

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Speaker 1: takes me like an hour to decide what's wear and

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Speaker 1: I'm crying and I don't know, I mean, just ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: What did your wife she did she feel helpless? Did she? She? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I feel helpless. She felt angry as well, because I

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Speaker 1: was suddenly I was pulling the rug from und I think,

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Speaker 1: I don't think I can be a father, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know if I could. I don't know why, but

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Speaker 1: I want to this relationship I can't do. You know,

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Speaker 1: I was just everything because it sort of was like

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Speaker 1: the person I was I realized was the product of

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Speaker 1: some really terrible stuff. And so I had to like

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Speaker 1: change who I was. I had to find out who

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Speaker 1: I was and make that my life rather than be

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Speaker 1: living it was just understand and it was just a

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Speaker 1: really weird thing. And so my marriage was sort of

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Speaker 1: you know, it was going on pretty well, but it

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Speaker 1: was just untenable. And then it was it was just

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Speaker 1: I realized that I, you know, I sort of familiar

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Speaker 1: in it. I thought some sort of controlling and someone

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Speaker 1: who I loved very much but who didn't listen, didn't

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Speaker 1: listen to me. That's you know, that's to say, but

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Speaker 1: it's it is very typical, you know, I mean my

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Speaker 1: first husband. You know, they say, oh, you married your father,

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Speaker 1: Well in this case, I married my mother in many ways,

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Speaker 1: you know, because I was under his, his umbrella, his world, everything,

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Speaker 1: and I was fine with it because I could just

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Speaker 1: follow along. That's why you used to step behind. And

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Speaker 1: also it was nice not being front center. But now

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Speaker 1: you were quite young when you got married, Yeah, twenty one,

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Speaker 1: really young, And yeah, you must have been looking for

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Speaker 1: some kind of like you said, like answer, I wanted security.

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Speaker 1: I was in love and all that stuff as well,

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Speaker 1: but also I realized now I wanted home, I wanted safety,

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Speaker 1: I wanted kindness, kindness, and I had so all my life.

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Speaker 1: I suppose I felt like so insecure about many things.

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Speaker 1: I was I going to be hit? What was I doing?

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Speaker 1: It was going to engender the next bout of violence

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Speaker 1: or what was I was just very insecure, but not

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Speaker 1: insecure as like I was very confident and fun, but

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Speaker 1: my actual core was insecure about anxiety. I suppose I

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Speaker 1: can call it as very anxious. And so I think

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Speaker 1: I went into that in just to sort of find

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Speaker 1: a really a base, and I did for a while.

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Speaker 1: It was really, you know, good for me. And I

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Speaker 1: think you also talk about in your book about not

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Speaker 1: having regrets about any of the relationships, the good ones,

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Speaker 1: the bad ones, or whatever, because each one of them

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Speaker 1: has led you to where you are today, and that

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Speaker 1: was where you were at that time exactly. And I

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Speaker 1: gave it my best shot, and I and then ultimately,

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Speaker 1: you know, it was a distant it couldn't it was untenable.

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Speaker 1: And also I was, you know, I was saying a huge,

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Speaker 1: huge breakdown. So your new book is Baggage, which is wonderful.

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Speaker 1: I love the first of all of your writing style

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Speaker 1: and ability. It's at once very poetic and very deep

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Speaker 1: and funny and irreverent, and it just it catches you.

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Speaker 1: It is sort of a calling I think. I think

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Speaker 1: people need to read your books. I mean, they identify

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Speaker 1: with you on so many levels, and it's really honest,

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Speaker 1: and I love how it doesn't have you talk about

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Speaker 1: it not being all in a nice, neat pack, good,

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Speaker 1: what the happening, Hollywood ending? And I think that that's reality.

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Speaker 1: And also I feel what it reminds me of your

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Speaker 1: book when you talked about postpartum depression, that it's people

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Speaker 1: are so starving to hear people who are in the

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Speaker 1: public eye and seemingly have it all and look successful

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Speaker 1: in there all than the cover of magazines, and you

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Speaker 1: are that all those things, but also at the same time,

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Speaker 1: you're a real person and there's like behind that image,

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Speaker 1: there's real stuff, and you're sometimes falling apart, and we

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Speaker 1: I think especially in America, there's this pressure to kind

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Speaker 1: of keep the image going, you know. I think it's

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Speaker 1: an example of that's the whole thing in microcosm. You know,

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Speaker 1: like when you're at a party and it's a showbiz

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Speaker 1: party and then there's a photograp when they come and say, well,

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Speaker 1: let's do a photo, and then the pubs just come

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Speaker 1: and take away your drinks. Yeah, and you think, why

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Speaker 1: would you take away drinks at the party? It's like

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Speaker 1: party I don't want to go to, and me either,

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Speaker 1: and I go, no, I'm holding this drink in this

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Speaker 1: picture because I want people to see what I think.

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Speaker 1: If you're thinking about it, people who see these magazines

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Speaker 1: and think, oh god, this part is nobody trying, I know,

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Speaker 1: to get back to our cocktail. So after the photographer

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Speaker 1: goes away, that sort of thing is painting a picture

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Speaker 1: of something that is it's taking away an element that

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Speaker 1: everyone does and it's real. And that's what I think.

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Speaker 1: You're I writing about our lives and saying yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: you know, you know, famous and everything, but at the

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Speaker 1: same time, here's all this other shits and you've got

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Speaker 1: it too, and I'm not going to pretend I don't

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Speaker 1: have it. That's another thing. I'm also going to say,

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Speaker 1: I am actually probably a better person because of these things,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm more grounded and I'm more

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Speaker 1: I'm more flawed. It's like this, this a couple of

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Speaker 1: years godd this film with Katie Holmes, and it's coming

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Speaker 1: out soon. And there's the thing about it that I'm

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Speaker 1: run a antique shopping it. And there's this Japanese sort

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Speaker 1: of you know, pottery, if a pot is broken and

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Speaker 1: they put it together again, and all the little bits

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Speaker 1: that actually it is more valuable and more beautiful because

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Speaker 1: it has been broken. And that's why I also Rakku raku.

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00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 1: It's completely filled with cracks about the whole thing, and

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00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 1: it's how they fired in the kiln and put it

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Speaker 1: in colder water and it shocks it. And that is

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Speaker 1: some of the most valuable absolutely, And I just think

400
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 1: as a metaphor the idea that your brokenness and your

401
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,680
Speaker 1: ability to joke about that and to be open about

402
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,639
Speaker 1: that makes you more full and more complete, and your

403
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:24,359
Speaker 1: ability to stay together with your brokenness. I had a Japanese,

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Speaker 1: very brilliant rock who master teacher at college, and every

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Speaker 1: time I would center a piece of Clay. She would

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Speaker 1: come over and knock it off center. I was just

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Speaker 1: I was like, I wanted to save every perfect thing

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Speaker 1: that I did. And she said, you're too precious. You're

409
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,680
Speaker 1: hanging on too tight. And it was this idea that

410
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,679
Speaker 1: you throw something into the extremes, but it stays together.

411
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 1: And then the rock who Master thirteenth Generation son came

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Speaker 1: to her studio and did a tea ceremony with us

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Speaker 1: and he talks about the more fractured we are, the

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Speaker 1: stronger we actually are and better we are. Switching a

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Speaker 1: little bit. Talking about your new show Traders. Oh yes,

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Speaker 1: I mean it's fabulous. It's like this combination of its

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Speaker 1: reality but you are this sort of larger than life characters.

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Speaker 1: It's about it. Well, it's a sort of I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's totally fucking can I see? Yes, you can to.

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Speaker 1: My mother used to say, never say fuck in front

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Speaker 1: of the baby's Yeah, you would have loved my mom.

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00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:42,159
Speaker 1: It's on peacock, right on Peacock, Peacock. Everybody Peacock. And

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Speaker 1: it's a sort of a peak. It's like a reality

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00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 1: psychological competition, reality show Murder, Murder, Mystery in a castle

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00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,239
Speaker 1: in Scotland and basically, twenty people come. And the thing

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00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,120
Speaker 1: that's weird about it, well, one of the many things

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00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 1: the reason I'm in it, but I'm hosting it, but

428
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 1: I'm not like hello, I'm a coming welcome. I play

429
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:04,359
Speaker 1: this character, this sort of dandy Scottish layered in pink,

430
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 1: ridiculousts and sashes and berries slippers, and it's supposed to

431
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 1: be my castle. And I've invited these people and I

432
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,680
Speaker 1: quote Shakespeare and Plato and all these things, and it's

433
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,359
Speaker 1: just nuts. I camper. It's the campus thing I've ever done.

434
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:22,119
Speaker 1: And that's amazing that that's coming from you. That's and

435
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 1: so basically it's like that game Mafia. Have you ever played?

436
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 1: So it's like that. So I taped three people on

437
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: the shoulder around all this table and they're the traitors,

438
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 1: and so every night they have to kill, you know,

439
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 1: pretend choose who's going to be murdered, and so they

440
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: don't appear the next morning, and they go in a

441
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 1: turret and they've got cloaks on. It's ridiculous. And then

442
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 1: it's a round table and every night all the contestants

443
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,600
Speaker 1: choose someone to banish, and so another person goes and

444
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,959
Speaker 1: then and during the day they do these tasks, so

445
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: you know, you look hard. I don't think I would

446
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: be a buried alive. I would never be able to

447
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 1: have that. And they get the maggots, and then as

448
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 1: the woman on the wheel, the fairest wheel going around round,

449
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:57,880
Speaker 1: and then the last one they have to jump out

450
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 1: of a helicopter into a freezing loch. Mean, it's not

451
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 1: it's just like hearing yourself look look, but you can

452
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,520
Speaker 1: win a quarter of a million dollars anyway. It's just

453
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,880
Speaker 1: it's sort of it's obsessive because my thinking of why

454
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 1: it's obsessive, aside from my fabulous outfits and my you know,

455
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 1: quoting of Shakespeare just being the campus thing since Christmas,

456
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:20,359
Speaker 1: is that we see people lying and we you know,

457
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,679
Speaker 1: we don't normally get a chance to just look at

458
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 1: people blatantly lying when we know they're lying, and also

459
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 1: seeing how well or badly they are lying. And I

460
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,440
Speaker 1: think that's got a lot to do because we all

461
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,400
Speaker 1: lie in life, but we don't we never all together

462
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 1: look at people lying. And I think that's what it's about.

463
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 1: It's the whole thing is filmed in Scotland. How important

464
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 1: is it is your Scottish heritage to you hugely. I

465
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: mean I feel also the older I get, I feel

466
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 1: more sort of more connected Scotland because I've been I've

467
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: lived outside of Scotland much longer than I actually have

468
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,200
Speaker 1: lived there. I have a little, you know, place still there,

469
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 1: a little cottage, and I go back a lot. But

470
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,639
Speaker 1: I feel the fact of going away from you the

471
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,639
Speaker 1: place you're from, kind of makes you understand what it

472
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 1: is about that place that defines you. So I understand

473
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 1: why I'm Scottish. I understand for thing. And it's partly

474
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 1: when I came to New York to do cabaret the

475
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,120
Speaker 1: first time, a lot of the things I was being

476
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 1: celebrated for, like I was different, how I sounded, my accent,

477
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 1: my attitude with all things that I realized that living

478
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,360
Speaker 1: in London, I'd slightly played down or were slightly seen

479
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 1: as less than and I was slightly derided for whereas

480
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: here I was celebrated for them. So that was a

481
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 1: really interesting thing for me. I thought, Yeah, it's good,

482
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 1: it's my accent is nice, and it it's good to

483
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: have these values and it's great to think differently about things.

484
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,439
Speaker 1: And and so I've I've I've over the years realized

485
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 1: what it is about me that is Scottish and how

486
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 1: that has been such a big part of my success,

487
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,439
Speaker 1: and also about who I am as a person. And

488
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:51,360
Speaker 1: so I feel very Scottish. I love how Scottish you are.

489
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,239
Speaker 1: I mean, I just I love being around it. I

490
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,719
Speaker 1: love listening to you. I love you know. But it's

491
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 1: because there is something unique to us, you know, as

492
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 1: me and just being an American, you know, but you

493
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: know you sort of hear it in the traditions and yeah,

494
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 1: and also I say, there's a thing I said, it's

495
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 1: one of my conscience. But like being Scottish, it's like

496
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 1: having all the tradition and history of Scotland and it's

497
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 1: ground up and it's in the matter of your bones.

498
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 1: You know, it's not it's just there. It's just something you.

499
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: It's like being a New Yorker for me, exactly the same. Yeah,

500
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 1: you just feel at home in this city and you

501
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 1: feel that energy is part of you. And I feel

502
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,400
Speaker 1: like that thing of when people come to New York

503
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 1: and some people just don't get it. Some people say

504
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 1: it's not for them, and other people are like, oh,

505
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 1: I found my tribe. I'm here this is and that,

506
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 1: and that's I think similar things with Scotland. I I've

507
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 1: got friends and they're going, oh, you know, it's it's okay,

508
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 1: but actually I know, I think they're nuts. But it's

509
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 1: sort of the energy of the place. That's what similar

510
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: to New York. The energy you feel it well, the

511
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 1: loyalty of the people and the authentic of the people,

512
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 1: the welcoming and I always say, you're a New Yorker

513
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: if you love it here. The minute you say I

514
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 1: love it here, yeah, you're a native. I mean absolutely,

515
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 1: That's what we that's how we do it, and that's

516
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 1: how I felt in Scotland. You know, I just felt, well,

517
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, I can see because you your game

518
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: and you're open to life and you love it we drink,

519
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 1: and you love having fun and you're kind. You know,

520
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: all those are Scottish qualities. I think, yeahs and many

521
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 1: different sort of cultures have that. But I call the

522
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 1: show now What because we've already talked about many of

523
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 1: them in your life. But I'm so fascinated by those

524
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,680
Speaker 1: moments where we are just the rug is pulled out

525
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,439
Speaker 1: from under us, sometimes in a positive way, even but

526
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 1: those now What moments in your life that you really

527
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 1: have to ask yourself, how am I going to go

528
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 1: through this? What? How am I choosing to get through?

529
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 1: Is there any other now? What moments that really stick

530
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: out in your mind? Well, there's been a few, I suppose.

531
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 1: I sort of when big changes happen in your in

532
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,560
Speaker 1: your career and you're sort of used to something and

533
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 1: we've both been doing this a long long time, and

534
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 1: you know, you're when you're when you finish a long

535
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 1: job and or a long series or something that's something

536
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:03,439
Speaker 1: that's going on for years, and you're like, oh, I'm

537
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 1: still looking forward to a break. I'm still looking forward

538
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 1: to a change. And then the next pointing, holy shit,

539
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 1: I'm never working and net work again. And also why

540
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 1: does my hair look so bad? You know, when nobody's

541
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,199
Speaker 1: coming to brush your hair or some of that. But

542
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 1: I think of those quite a lot. And also I

543
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: had a time when I was in a actually just

544
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,400
Speaker 1: saw probably rounded by the time we first met, I'd

545
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 1: been in this very toxic relationship and it ended. I

546
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 1: finally got out of it, and I just thought, I remember, yeah,

547
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,200
Speaker 1: and I just thought, now what, Because I am so

548
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 1: obviously bad at this, I keep having these terrible relationships.

549
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,199
Speaker 1: It's not like you've had a lot of you know,

550
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:45,200
Speaker 1: models to know you got to learn. But it was mine.

551
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:49,640
Speaker 1: Now what kind of made me realize I've been doing

552
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: the same thing. I've been trying to fix people. I've

553
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:57,160
Speaker 1: been trying to change angry people. And that as soon

554
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,199
Speaker 1: as I realized that, and I just thought, I'm not

555
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: too bad. I've got my issues, but I'm not going

556
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 1: to and I don't want people to change me either.

557
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 1: And so as soon as I realized that, that was

558
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 1: one shortly I met Grant. Yeah, and that was husband,

559
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,159
Speaker 1: my lovely husband. And you know, he's the first person

560
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,479
Speaker 1: I've met who I have had a relationship with who

561
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,679
Speaker 1: actually hasn't wanted to change me. I know he'd like

562
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 1: to sometimes certain things. And there's this thing that happened

563
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:26,399
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago. I so I was in

564
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 1: Edinburgh and I was doing my concerts, and I was

565
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 1: doing a club coming my sort of party show and

566
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 1: how sort of you know, with guests and the band,

567
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 1: and I was djaying and when I do that, it's late,

568
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: everyone's dancing and them was drunk and I body surf,

569
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 1: you know that thing when you crowd crowdsurfing. You go

570
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 1: out of the body like in a marsh pick, like

571
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: a much you go round the whole thing. Everyone's holds

572
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 1: up with your hands. And I was wearing a monkey

573
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 1: outfit and it was so fun A little nod, yes, okay,

574
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 1: exactly and so and it was on social media and

575
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 1: things like that, and my friend Eddie called up Grant

576
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 1: because Grant was back. He wasn't with me. Who's in

577
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 1: back here in New York? Said Grant? Have you seen

578
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 1: on social media? Alan is crowdsurfing in a monkey suit,

579
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 1: obviously drunk three in the morning. You get killed. Yeah,

580
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 1: you're not anxious, You're not worried about this. And Grant said, Eddie,

581
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 1: you know, I am a very anxious person. Obviously, this

582
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 1: freaks me out on many levels. But Alan is a

583
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: butterfly and we have to let him fly. Oh I know,

584
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 1: I know, and that that is just the most lovely

585
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 1: thing that he wants to stop me doing that. But

586
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 1: you understand I need to do that, and that's a

587
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,479
Speaker 1: part of who I am. And that's part of your

588
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 1: prize because you have to earn it and you have

589
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 1: earned it. Yeah, and what do you think your through

590
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 1: line is in your whole life. Like when you look back,

591
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: I feel like I am What you see is what

592
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 1: you get. You know, I think I'm always the same person.

593
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 1: My circumstances have changed, but I feel I talked to

594
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 1: everybody the same. I'm trying and engage with everybody, and

595
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: I feel I've just I feel I'm a real person.

596
00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 1: I'm an authentic person. It's exhausting sometimes you're putting quite out,

597
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:03,800
Speaker 1: but I feel that's my through line is just I'm

598
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,760
Speaker 1: not going to hide just because I'm well known or something.

599
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 1: I'm going to still engage with life. I'm going to

600
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: do the things I want to do. I'm going to

601
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 1: confine people's expectations. I'm going to shock people, I'm going

602
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 1: to piss people off, but I'm going to be who

603
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 1: I want to be. That was the delightful allen coming.

604
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 1: If you want to see more from him, including some

605
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 1: legendary outfits, check out his new show The Traders, streaming

606
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 1: now on Peacock. If you want to hear more from me,

607
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: well subscribe to this show. Now What with Brookshields on

608
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

609
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: Now What with Brookshields is a production of iHeartRadio. Our

610
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: lead producer and wonderful showrunner is Julia Weaver. Additional research

611
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: and editing by Darby Masters and abou Zafar. Our executive

612
00:30:56,440 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: producer is Christina Everett. The show is mixed by by

613
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 1: Heed Fraser h