WEBVTT - Mind Your P’s and Q’s 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.280 How I Suck a Dating with the Nongler and Darren 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:10.600 Haven and I Heart Radio podcast. Hey everyone, welcome to 0:00:10.640 --> 0:00:13.600 an all new episode this week of Help I Suck 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.600 at Dating, And as promised in our last episode, We've 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:19.400 got a great guest today. She's known as the Duchess 0:00:19.520 --> 0:00:22.840 of Decorum, Patty Assai, is joining us. Patty, how's it 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:25.640 going going great? Thank you? Thanks for having me. Oh 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:27.520 my gosh, are you kidding? Thank you so much for 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:30.440 even being here in the first place. So, Patty, you 0:00:30.520 --> 0:00:34.320 have a huge audience online and what, like, what exactly 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:38.360 do you teach or share with your followers? I teach 0:00:38.520 --> 0:00:42.880 the truth, and what I teach is really um workplace etiquette, 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:48.720 and I teach also social etiquette and financial literacy. And 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:51.760 really a lot of my financial literacy is centered around 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:55.400 women and dating and relationships. So those are the main 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:58.920 topics that I teach. Okay, gotcha. So it's kind of 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:01.640 like you cover a wider spectrum of things when it 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:04.440 goes like you said, work, you said, relationships, you said, 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:08.840 just like everything throughout the day. What when people come 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:10.880 to you asking for advice and for help, Like, what 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:13.920 kind of things do they struggle with? A lot of 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:16.720 times people come to me struggling with how to handle 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:19.840 their finances and relationships. So that's a lot of the 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:23.280 questions that I get. What what is financial etiquette? Then, well, 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:26.679 financial etiquette is how the hell you're supposed to act 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:29.759 with your finances when you're in a relationship or when 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:33.280 you're married. So that's that's really the topics that I 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:35.640 get a lot because a lot of people are confused 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:38.240 and they put themselves in, especially women, put themselves in 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:41.160 detrimental situations because of the way they are with their 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:45.480 finances and relationships. Okay, I feel like you have I 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:47.240 know the answer you're going to say to this, But 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:51.120 as you're moving in together and like joining finances, what 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:55.280 is your perspective on maybe as like a woman is 0:01:55.320 --> 0:01:57.640 having kids and things like that, as as the relationship 0:01:57.680 --> 0:02:01.000 is progressing on joining finances is and working from the 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:03.760 same bank account, Like, what is your perspective on what 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:07.960 we should do in those situations? Yes, so my perspective 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:11.919 is you do not join finances period. So everyone has 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:14.760 their own separate account that's where your money goes into. 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:17.840 And then what happens is if you'd like to have 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:20.839 a joint account that it's for the family expenses, right, 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:24.839 so you know the household expenses. Then you can contribute 0:02:24.880 --> 0:02:27.520 from your own account into that account, but your account 0:02:27.560 --> 0:02:30.600 is yours. You have complete and utter control over it. 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:34.400 Mhm um, Patty, I'm proud to say that's exactly how 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:36.440 my girlfriend and I have it set up, very smart. 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:39.880 That's not how my wife and I have it set up. 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:43.600 So now I'm curious because we look at it as 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:48.160 our finances are together, all of the finances, so we 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:51.560 pretty much pull both of our money into you know, 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:54.560 one account. I mean we always have multiple accounts. I 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:57.000 have accounts, she has accounts, but like she knows how 0:02:57.040 --> 0:02:58.359 much is in mind, I know how much is in 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:00.880 hers were very much an open book. So what would 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:03.040 be the cons of that? Why do you feel that 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:06.080 there's a better way of doing it? Because I think 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:11.800 that those situations lend themselves to potential times when things 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:15.240 go sour in a relationship and you have one account 0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:19.480 and you sometimes may not have control over what happens 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:22.519 to that money. So let's say, you know, God forbid 0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:25.519 you and your fiancee or girlfriend whatever you guys want 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:28.560 to part ways, right, so one person can take all 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:31.320 the money and run if they'd like to, or you 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:35.320 really don't have much control over your own money because 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:38.600 since it's in that account, you really don't feel comfortable 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:41.360 spending it freely liking normally would Jared, what do you 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:43.000 think of that? How does that? How does that make 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:45.480 you feel? Well? Okay, here's the question for you. So, 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:48.440 if you do have separate accounts, should you know how 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:50.600 much is in the other person's account, Like, for example, 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:53.160 Dean and Kalen. Dean, you have your own account, Kalin 0:03:53.360 --> 0:03:55.360 has our own account, but you guys have a joint account. 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:58.480 Does Calin know how much is in your personal account? Yes, 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:00.280 she knows how much? How much is in my count? 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.920 How much I have in stocks and investments? And I 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:06.320 would say like every so months, every every few months, 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:08.560 or however long we need to wait until we do 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:10.840 it again, we would both add like an equal amount 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:12.760 into our joint account, which we would use to spend 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:14.320 on things like house for renovations and all that kind 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:15.760 of stuff. And Patty, do you think that's the way 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:18.880 it should be? Yes? I do, And I think disclosure 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:22.239 is really important because some people feel like, oh my gosh, 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:23.880 if I don't know how much is your account, you're 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:26.839 trying to hide something. So I think just to ease 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:30.760 that aspect of it, you should know, um, just what's 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:33.960 in the other person's account, and all of your finances together, 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:36.400 so you have a big picture of what you can 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:40.440 do with your finances. My my biggest thing with it was, uh, 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:42.280 it's funny that I'm even saying this too, because my 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:44.440 girlfriend makes a lot more money than I do. So 0:04:44.600 --> 0:04:46.200 if we did shared it, if we pulled all of 0:04:46.240 --> 0:04:48.320 our finances into one account, I would be making out 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:51.000 like a band that there's no question. Um. But we 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:53.440 we always put equal money into our joint account, and 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:55.800 then whatever we spend in that account is always on 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:58.000 something that benefits both of us equally. It's not like, 0:04:58.240 --> 0:04:59.840 you know, we're not putting money into the joint account 0:04:59.839 --> 0:05:01.400 and then going out and buying her a car, me 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:03.560 a motorcycle or something like that. It's always stuff that 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:06.600 we're both using equally equal amounts. Um. And it's worked 0:05:06.600 --> 0:05:08.840 well for us this far. It sounds like that's kind 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:12.039 of what you're advocating for as well. Um, but yeah, 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:14.640 it's it's definitely. Uh, it's it's been a bit of 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:16.640 an adjustment. It's the first time I've ever done anything 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:18.800 like this, same with her, So we're just learning it 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:21.560 as we go. I guess, so do you guys, Do 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:25.400 you guys contribute the same amount into the account? Yes? Yeah, 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:28.000 so I would say like every every like so a 0:05:28.080 --> 0:05:29.240 few months or like you know, we just got our 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:32.599 backyard renovated. Um, so we would put like ten grand 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:34.760 each into the account, and then whenever that like depletes 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:37.320 too much, we would both put ten morellars more into it, 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:39.480 like that kind of thing. Okay, because I always say 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:41.960 that if if people are wondering how much should they 0:05:41.960 --> 0:05:43.800 put in an account, of one person makes a lot 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:47.960 more than the other, you contribute the same percentage of 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:51.080 your of your income, so that also levels the plane. 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:52.560 I mean again, I would be making out like a 0:05:52.560 --> 0:05:54.120 bandit if that were the case. And maybe I'll go 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:57.640 propose the idea of to Klein and see what she said. Yeah, yeah, 0:05:57.920 --> 0:05:59.280 um is any what about you? Do you and Nick 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:01.920 have a joint baking Um? Not yet? So right now 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:04.760 we're still in the in between. Um so he I 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:07.279 we kind of split it where I buy all of 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:09.160 the food and the stuff for the house and when 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:11.200 we make changes and he handles like the rent push, 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:13.960 and so it ends up being like similar down the middle. 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:15.719 But that's what we have right now. I think when 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:19.560 we get married and um like combined things a little 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:21.359 bit more, I think we actually might be in the 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:24.520 more of the Jared family. But um, I still think 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:26.359 I would still have my own bank account and my 0:06:26.400 --> 0:06:28.599 own funds and we would probably contribute. It's a little 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:30.240 bit in the in between. But yeah, I think a 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:33.800 little bit is the semantics, just for the fact that 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:38.160 ironically Ashley and I don't have a joint bank account, um, 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:40.960 but we just feel like our bank accounts are joint, 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:44.279 even though I have my I have a couple on 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:46.720 my own, and then she has a couple on her own. 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:49.479 But it's just like I know how much is in hers, 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:51.640 and we always talk about finances, and like I we 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:54.280 never talked to finances as if like Okay, this is 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:56.640 how much I have in my account, and then this 0:06:56.720 --> 0:06:59.360 is how much I feel comfortable putting in our joint account. 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:01.360 It so it's just like, yeah, I have this amount 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:02.960 of in there, and then you have this amount. So 0:07:03.000 --> 0:07:04.720 we have this amount to spend, and this is how 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:08.320 we're budgeting our house and car and living. You know, 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:11.840 uh quality and groceries and so on and so forth. 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:15.200 And Uh, I was going to say, well, what would 0:07:15.240 --> 0:07:20.160 you do if one spouse didn't work so I didn't work, Yes, Like, 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:22.920 if you're the only one that we're working, then then 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:26.920 how would you handle that situation? I'm I'm assuming the 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:30.440 same way where it just be it's our finances, you know. 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:37.360 I've always looked at it, Um, I have. So I've 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:42.200 seen it both ways. Okay, because it's hard because okay, 0:07:42.760 --> 0:07:46.640 so full disclosure. So my dad has always worked full time. 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:52.520 My mom hasn't, and there's always been this tension between 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:59.640 that um where like it's you know, it's his money 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:02.360 and spending it. He's like, what are you doing? List 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:05.920 is you know? And so she's always felt inferior and 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:12.320 she's always felt insecure about that. Conversely, Ashley's parents, Uh, 0:08:12.520 --> 0:08:14.560 her dad works full time. Her mom wasn't nurse, but 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:16.240 when she had the kids, she ended up being a 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:18.680 stay home month so she didn't work anymore. And they've 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:21.040 never looked at it that way. It's always been their money. 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:23.880 To the point, I'll tell you a story and I'll 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:25.720 make sure that Ashley is okay with me saying this 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:28.800 before we put this out into the world. But we 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:30.320 went out. The first time I went out to dinner 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:34.440 with them, Jay, her dad paid for dinner, and I said, 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:36.440 thank you J so much. I really appreciate it because 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:39.600 I didn't think twice he paid. And then afterwards, Ashley 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:41.040 came up to me and she said, listen, the next 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:43.640 time that happens, it's their money. So you think my 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:47.200 mom and my dad, And I'm like, oh, I didn't 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:49.640 think about it that way because her mom fell out 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:53.000 like she felt inferior, like, oh, well, it's you know, 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:55.360 it's our money, not just his. Like we're married, this 0:08:55.440 --> 0:08:58.040 is a mutual thing. And so looking at it from 0:08:58.080 --> 0:09:00.920 that aspect and seeing the diconomy between my parents and 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:06.040 her parents. If I'm being honest, her parents way has 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:08.280 been much better. Now. Granted that's not for everybody, because, 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:11.319 like you said, if it doesn't work out, that's troublesome 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:14.160 because then you run into some issues. But I don't know, 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:16.000 it's just the way I kind of look at it. Yeah, 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.040 I just feel like from my experience it's been it's 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:21.640 like her parents are rare because you know, I work 0:09:21.679 --> 0:09:25.520 in a male dominant dominated industry. I'm around men constantly. Okay, 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:30.360 And I can't tell you how often I hear um 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:32.800 about when you know, when wives don't work, Oh my 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:35.480 wife spent so much of my money. Oh she's out 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:38.160 there buying purses. Oh she's this, Oh she's that. And 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:41.240 it's always a point of contention, even though they have 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:43.439 a lot of money, even though you know money is 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:47.560 not an issue, it's never looked upon as her being equal. 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:50.360 So you know that, that's been my experience. And I 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:52.920 think your wife's parents are great and that's amazing, but 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:56.160 I do feel that my experience, that's that's the exception 0:09:56.200 --> 0:10:10.200 to the rule. Unfortunately. I have a question for you, Patty. 0:10:10.320 --> 0:10:12.720 So say, like the wife chooses to stay at home 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:14.840 for a period of time, she's not working and she's 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:18.480 not making money. I've seen some people talk about like 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:20.560 giving an allowance to the wife because even though she's 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:23.920 not working, she is technically like doing work. She's stay 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:25.520 at home mom. That's a lot of work as well. 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:29.120 What would you recommend for those couples who one one 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:31.120 person of the couple isn't making money, but the other 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:33.560 one is how do you do that and have one 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.079 person still have their own bank account? And not combined 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:39.240 forces in those cases. Sure, So I just want to 0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:43.000 start by saying, I think every single woman should work, 0:10:43.400 --> 0:10:45.720 even if you have kids. I think you should work 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:48.640 because that in that way you maintain your power and 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:51.520 independence in a relationship. The second that you don't work, 0:10:51.960 --> 0:10:54.440 you're you're giving away a lot of your power in independence. 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:57.720 Having said that, I know there's some situations where women 0:10:57.760 --> 0:10:59.360 feel like they want to stay home with their kids, 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:01.920 you know, and and and that's okay, I'm not judging that. 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:04.960 So in those instances, I think that everyone needs to 0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:08.480 have or the couple they need to have a conversation 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:12.600 around what they feel comfortable or how they feel comfortable 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:15.160 handling the finances. So is it a free for all? 0:11:15.520 --> 0:11:18.000 How much do they feel comfortable each of them spending 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:21.160 and how much is that a week? So I wouldn't 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:23.800 really call it an allowance per se, but just a 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:27.080 guideline as to this is where we are financially, this 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:30.200 is our budget, which I suggest every couple have, and 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.080 this is how much we can spend on, you know, 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:37.280 extraneous things outside of the necessary items that we need 0:11:37.360 --> 0:11:41.160 for our family. Kah. Yeah, you need to set out 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:44.360 the ground rules because otherwise it just can cause a 0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:46.760 lot of issues. Patty, I got I got a question 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:49.240 for you too, So just to catch you have to speed. Uh, 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:52.839 Jared is married, Sydney is engaged, and I am a 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:55.840 low life just in a relationship with my girlfriend. Um. 0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:57.920 I see one of your TikTok videos where you say 0:11:57.960 --> 0:11:59.840 never change your name when you get married, and I 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:01.840 want you to be able to expand on that because 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:05.320 I'm curious. Yeah. So, Um, the reason I say that 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:07.839 is because we really have to understand where changing your 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:11.120 name comes from. And the only women, the only reason 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:13.440 women changed their name when they got married is because 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:16.640 they were seen as the property of the man. Women. 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:19.000 We were not only able to work, they weren't able 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:21.240 to have bank accounts because they're like, well, why do 0:12:21.360 --> 0:12:24.040 you need money? I mean you're owned by somebody else. 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:28.480 And then you know, the man was obligated to take 0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:30.560 care of his wife, and that's where it comes from. Oh, 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:32.720 you know a man is supposed to provide and protect. 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:36.880 That only comes from that notion that he's providing protecting 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:39.720 his property, just like he's supposed to provide and protect 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:43.280 for his sheep and his cows and any other thing 0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:48.480 he owns. So um, that's really where that concept comes from. 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:51.880 And you know, like when a woman, uh, when women 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:53.960 get married, they get walked down the aisle by their 0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:56.880 dad's their dad is giving them away because before their 0:12:56.960 --> 0:13:01.319 husbands owned them, their fathers owned them. So that's why 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:05.000 I say, there's really no need to change her name 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:07.680 at this point. So it's it's coming from a place 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:10.840 of like deconstructing the patriarchy, where which I fully agree 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:15.080 with too. And uh, I've said on this podcast, when 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.440 if and when Kaitlin and I put pen to paper, 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:19.480 we are going to change her names, but we're both 0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:22.160 going to change our last names. So I thought it 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:23.480 was gonna be I thought it's gonna be something like, 0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:25.720 don't lose your identity by changing your name. But I 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:27.480 do agree with you, And it's been one of my 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:30.640 big gripes with even just marriage in general. Marriage is great, 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:32.079 you know for so many reasons, it's right for so 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:34.800 many people. It just seems like such an antiquated ideal 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:36.600 idea to me in so many ways, and so I've 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:38.880 been fighting it for as long as I can. It's fun, 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:41.760 it's fun. I'm eventually gonna lose, but you know, if 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:43.079 I'm putting up as good of a fight as I 0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:46.000 possibly can. Even when you change your name like that, 0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:47.760 do you guys just pick a new last name or 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:51.200 do you combine your name or how does that work? Uh? Yeah, 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:54.920 like what would be like milerked or something like that. Um, well, 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:57.720 now we both agreed. So my late mother's last name 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:00.160 was Bell, her maiden name was Bell, uh, and so 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:02.760 he would beat Dean Bell and Kaylin Bell like that. 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:05.680 And it's funny too because my brother married his wife 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:07.679 last year and they both did the same thing. So 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:11.080 now he's Brad Bell and she's Ashley Bell. Um. So 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:13.160 in a way, we are taking my last name, I guess, 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:15.600 but we're both changing our last names for my mother's 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:20.080 maid a name like that that. Um are you are 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:23.560 you excited to lose Lutwaco? Um? I just kind of 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:27.160 like how the names how Sydney Weeby sounds. I see 0:14:27.160 --> 0:14:30.360 it as less of like me being owned by Nick 0:14:30.480 --> 0:14:33.800 and more of just like a closing of one chapter 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:36.120 and like a starting of another, in a way, less 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:40.400 like ownership. But I mean, I know everyone's different with this, 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:43.360 and everyone has their own way of going about things. Um, 0:14:43.520 --> 0:14:45.520 I'll still have like my last name in my name, 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:48.640 just not like my last last name. So is it 0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:53.040 going to be Sidney Lutwaco. I think it'll be like 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:55.680 my whole name, just like inserting. We be at the end, 0:14:55.960 --> 0:15:02.440 just rearranging some things. Yeah, yeah, nice Patty. Another question 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:05.160 for you, So we're all that etiquette um over here, 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:07.640 what do you what's your stance on and on the 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:11.560 etiquette of one guy dating thirty women on national television. 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:18.840 I just think it's so absurd advice. I mean, it's 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:21.160 it's not as anything with being a guy or a woman. 0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:23.840 I I just think all of that is so absurd 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:26.000 because at the end of the day, I mean, you 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:29.480 just cannot find love in those instances, you know, you 0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:34.040 it's so fabricated, and trust me, you know I get 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:36.480 on TV and whatnot, and just the preparation that goes 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:40.440 into that alone, everything is just so stage that you 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:42.840 you can't find love. I mean, it's just ridiculous. You see, 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:45.560 you know, him kissing like ten women or her kissing 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:49.120 like ten dudes. Come on, I mean, hey, I agree, 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:52.400 you're preaching preaching of the choir over here. Let's evolve 0:15:52.560 --> 0:15:55.280 from that, you know, yes, yes, So Patty, I want 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:58.240 to ask about your etiquette about dating etiquete, because obviously 0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:00.320 we're a dating podcast. Is there any data to kit 0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:04.560 that's normal in today's standards that shouldn't be. I'm trying 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:07.600 to think of an example, like guys paying for the 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:11.520 first date or um, something like that. Yeah. I think 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:14.520 one thing that everyone thinks as normal is that the 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:17.760 guy should pay for all the dates. You know. I 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:19.560 I watch a lot of TikTok just because I'm on 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:22.680 TikTok and there are so many of those videos. I 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:25.520 am a queen. Guy has to pay for the date, 0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:28.520 you know, and I need to be treated like a queen. 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:33.400 And again that comes from that notion of ownership is 0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:35.640 to you know, a man has to pay for you 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:39.040 because you know, he is supposed to be your owner. 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:42.320 And we've been kind of brainwashed into thinking that. So 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:45.200 as far as etiquette itself goes as far as dating, 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:50.160 whoever asks pays. So if the guy asks the girl out, 0:16:50.440 --> 0:16:53.560 then he should pay. And if the girl wants to 0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:57.000 ask a guy out, I think it's okay if she pays. UM. 0:16:57.080 --> 0:16:59.640 I don't think there should be gender roles because once 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.600 you get to general roles like that it. It just 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:04.240 becomes kind of tricky because you'll get to a point 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:07.800 where the guys always paying for everything. And I always say, 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:10.879 he who controls the gold makes the rules. So if 0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:13.200 a guy is always paying for everything, he is going 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:15.359 to have a lot more say so and where you go, 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:18.800 where your vacation, what you eat, and you'll slowly start 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:20.520 to see you have less less say so in the 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:24.160 relationship because yeah, naturally he's paying, he gets to pick. 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:27.040 So how do we break out of those, uh that 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:30.480 gender role dating etiquette? Because I have a lot of 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:33.760 friends that are girls and I constantly hear them say like, 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:36.240 this guy is just not asking me out. And then 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:38.359 I say, well, why don't you ask him out? And 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:40.960 they're like, well, I'm I'm not the guy. The guy 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:42.439 needs to ask the girl out. So how do we 0:17:42.480 --> 0:17:45.359 break out of this? I think again, we have to 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:49.600 understand the mentality that goes behind it. And I use 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:51.000 this for it a lot, but it's true. It's the 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:54.960 brainwashing of thinking that you know, a man's role is 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:59.280 X and a woman's role is X, and we we 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:01.880 know where that comes from, we know we know why 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:05.239 we're thinking that way, and because of that, we just 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:07.880 need to just be courageous. If you want to ask 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:11.480 a guy out, ask a guy out. I I don't 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:14.240 think I don't think we should be afraid to do that. Now. 0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:16.840 The right guy is not going to be turned off 0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:19.760 by that. Okay. The guy that's right for you is 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:21.680 not going to be turned off by that. A guy 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:23.600 that's not right for you is going to be turned 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:25.440 off because, like, I don't want a girl asking me out. 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:27.439 I want to do all the asking out. Okay, he 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:30.679 can find someone that you can ask out. I agree, Patty. 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:33.760 I feel like we're I feel like we should be 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:35.760 best friends because I agree with everything you say and 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:37.640 everything every time you say something, I'm like, Yep, she's 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:40.280 nailed it again. Um. But Patty, before we let you go, though, 0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:42.320 I've got some questions. So you said you're big on TikTok, 0:18:42.520 --> 0:18:44.600 and for the listeners out there that want to go 0:18:44.680 --> 0:18:48.160 follow you on TikTok, your handle is it's the It's 0:18:48.240 --> 0:18:51.080 Duchess of Decorum. Duchess of Decorum. Okay, I love that. 0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:53.000 Where did you come up with that? By the way, Actually, 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:56.240 the fans started calling me that, you know, Yeah, They're like, oh, 0:18:56.280 --> 0:18:58.399 you teach decorum Oh, you're like a duchess and it 0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:01.480 just kind of, yeah, it just kind of stuck. It's stuck. 0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:04.760 What's your what's your take on etiquette with like TikTok, 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:08.359 Because especially when it comes to like posting thirst traps 0:19:08.359 --> 0:19:10.640 and stuff, there's like a whole side of TikTok where 0:19:10.640 --> 0:19:13.600 it's like so cringe e and awkward and just watching 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:16.200 it kind of makes you feel uncomfortable. What's your Like, 0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:18.000 Let's say you meet someone you really like them, and 0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:19.560 then you go on their social media and you see 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:21.560 that they're like kind of one of those people that 0:19:21.600 --> 0:19:23.560 post like a lot of like shirtless there's there's traps 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:25.080 and that kind of stuff, and you don't really vibe 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:27.480 but that. What's your take on that? Well? Yeah, I 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:30.280 I think I think what's on someone's social media tells 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:32.680 you a lot about them, tells you so much and 0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:35.159 tells you, you know what, whether they're the type of 0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:38.000 person that you want to be with or not, because um, 0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:40.840 if yeah, the thirst traps and if someone's there with 0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:43.520 you know, dressed in a way that that you think 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:47.400