1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:04,120 Speaker 1: Wisecrack is released weekly and brought to you absolutely free. 2 00:00:04,519 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: But if you want to hear the whole season right now, 3 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:11,119 Speaker 1: it's available and free on Tenderfoot Plus. For more information, 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: check out the show notes enjoy the episode. 5 00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:21,239 Speaker 2: The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely 6 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 2: those of the podcast author or individuals participating in the podcast, 7 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:29,360 Speaker 2: and do not represent those of iHeartRadio, Tenderfoot TV, or 8 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 2: their employees. This podcast also contains subject matter which may 9 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 2: not be suitable for everyone. Listener discretion is advised. 10 00:00:55,480 --> 00:01:13,680 Speaker 3: Please welcome to the stage and hedges. Hello, Mine z Ed. 11 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,399 Speaker 4: I woke up to that noise coming from my front 12 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,760 Speaker 4: door on the twenty second of July twenty fifteen, and 13 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,199 Speaker 4: we're going to talk about that in a minute, But. 14 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 3: First, hello, how are you you well? 15 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:29,400 Speaker 1: Yeah? 16 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,960 Speaker 3: Good, you seem lovely. 17 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 4: I've seen you've fucked up the bar, which is nice, 18 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 4: very British of you. 19 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:35,959 Speaker 3: I feel at home. 20 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,720 Speaker 4: This is already my favorite city on the face of 21 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 4: the earth. 22 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:45,200 Speaker 1: Because it was pouring in Scotland, one of those surprise 23 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: summer storms that barges in like an uninvited guest, sending 24 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:52,279 Speaker 1: all the tourists running for cover. I was just trying 25 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,120 Speaker 1: to make the best of my vacation, so I slipped 26 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: into a makeshift comedy club off of Southbridge Street. It 27 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: smelled of mildew and beer, but the mood was warm, 28 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 1: all thanks to a man on stage. 29 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,840 Speaker 4: I just normally do straight stand up, but this is 30 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,959 Speaker 4: a bit different. Just be calm, it's gonna be fine. 31 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 4: I'm not one of those comedians that picks on people 32 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,640 Speaker 4: at all. You know, there's some comedians that come out 33 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 4: on stage and are. 34 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 3: Like, Hey, what's that in your drink? Come? I'm not 35 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 3: that guy. 36 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 4: I'm gonna tell you a story, right, and it's gonna 37 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,120 Speaker 4: be one story all the way through. And there's a 38 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 4: few things I need you to know about this story 39 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 4: before we kick off. 40 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 3: It's true. 41 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 4: Everything I'm gonna tell you is completely true. Apart from 42 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 4: three things. There are three lies in this story. I'm 43 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,080 Speaker 4: gonna tell three lives. It just helps it move a 44 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,800 Speaker 4: little bit better. Is that okay with you? 45 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:44,919 Speaker 3: Cool? Okay? 46 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,679 Speaker 4: And what I'm gonna do is when I tell a lie, 47 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:49,480 Speaker 4: I'm instantly gonna say that was a lie, and no 48 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,079 Speaker 4: one needs to believe a life for long. 49 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: The thing is, I walked in the show that night, 50 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 1: seeking a brief escape, a quick laugh while the rain passed. 51 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 1: What I found was a story, one that would shape 52 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 1: my life for the next nine years. 53 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 2: Whoes since the death of a woman and a man instanced. 54 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,840 Speaker 3: Lifeless body slumped on the sofa and covered in her 55 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 3: own congealed. 56 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,920 Speaker 2: So repeatedly stabbed and caused a fatal head injury. 57 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 3: Today forty one stab wounds to the head, neck and torso, 58 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,480 Speaker 3: plus fourteen blunt force injuries and defensive wounds. 59 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:31,120 Speaker 1: And this story, it wasn't a joke. It definitely was 60 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: not a joke. From Tenderfoot TV. I'm Jody Tovey and 61 00:03:43,800 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 1: this is Wisecrack two, Episode one, Knock. 62 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 3: Knock, Hello, Edinburgh, How you doing. 63 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 4: Yea? 64 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 1: The Edinburgh Fringe is the largest performing arts festival in 65 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 1: the world, attracting some three million people to Scotland's capital 66 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:20,840 Speaker 1: each year. 67 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,640 Speaker 3: One time I was at a bar that closed early. 68 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 4: Because a guy got in a fistfight with his mom. 69 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:30,920 Speaker 3: That's how it's going down. 70 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: For a few weeks each August, every spare pantry in 71 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 1: broom closet in town is turned into a performing arts venue. 72 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 1: Anyone with a dream of becoming famous rushes to get 73 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,919 Speaker 1: their turn in front of the MIC. I was in 74 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 1: town to enjoy the festival, a Scottish vacation, to beat 75 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,479 Speaker 1: the Atlanta heat, and to take a breather from my job. 76 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,760 Speaker 1: I'm a freelance television producer. Most of my career is 77 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,120 Speaker 1: focused on true crime stories, and week after week of 78 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: studying the complet ex criminal minds of murderers, well, it 79 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: can wear you down. I needed a break when the 80 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,560 Speaker 1: storm hit. I ducked into this eighteen thirties drapery warehouse 81 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: that had been temporarily transformed into a comedy club, and 82 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,080 Speaker 1: that's where I saw Ed Hedges perform for the first time. 83 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,239 Speaker 4: I think, before you crack on the show properly, should 84 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,520 Speaker 4: talk about me a little bit, so I'm not just 85 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,119 Speaker 4: a weirdo on stage telling you a story. 86 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 3: My name is Ed. 87 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 4: Everyone say hello, Ed Hello. I'm a comedian. I'm from 88 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,839 Speaker 4: the UK. I'm from a little village, a very small 89 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 4: village just outside of London you wouldn't have heard of. 90 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 4: It's called Saphomore and there's not a lot there, like 91 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,280 Speaker 4: four thousand and five thousand people there. 92 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 3: I'm from a very rural background myself. 93 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,239 Speaker 4: My dad is a farmer and my mum is a cousin, 94 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 4: so it's not like a lot loads going on. 95 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 3: It's not a super jumping place. 96 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,000 Speaker 4: I spent my whole life until I was eighteen in 97 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 4: this little village, and I was the most popular kid 98 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 4: in the school. 99 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 3: And that is the first live of the show. See, 100 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,159 Speaker 3: so it's gonna look, it's gonna be fine. You're gonna 101 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 3: be fine. 102 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:06,279 Speaker 1: I sat in the back of the room blotting my 103 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,599 Speaker 1: wet hair with a cocktail napkin. The seats were about 104 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:13,719 Speaker 1: half full, I'd say thirty or forty people. I remember 105 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 1: thinking to myself two things. This kid has this tired, 106 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: soaked audience eating out of his hand, confident in his 107 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:24,360 Speaker 1: comic timing. And the second thing I remember thinking is 108 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 1: why did he tell us he was going to lie? 109 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,599 Speaker 1: Comedy at its roots is about exaggerating reality, distorting the 110 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 1: truth so you can laugh at it. I mean, no 111 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 1: one comes to a comedy show expecting the unvarnished truth. 112 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: So why does this comedian feel the need to tell 113 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 1: us that. 114 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 4: I wasn't the most popular kid in the school. I 115 00:06:56,160 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 4: was bullied relentlessly in school. I had ADHD, dyslexia and asthma, 116 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 4: so I was into shaking stuff and wheezing. 117 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 3: Right. 118 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 4: It was awful, and I love that we just got 119 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:10,000 Speaker 4: a woo for asthma. I can only imagine that woo 120 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 4: took every ounce of air you had. 121 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,920 Speaker 3: Whoo, thank you. 122 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 4: And also another thing on top of that is I 123 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 4: was a really chubby kid. I was a proper chubby kid. 124 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 4: I was this little, like chubby ball of energy. 125 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 3: When I was fifteen. 126 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 4: Just to put it in context, I was two hundred 127 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 4: and fifty pounds, So yeah, correct response, Just. 128 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 3: Your mom didn't do a good job, did you. 129 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: I don't know that it is anything but two hundred 130 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,760 Speaker 1: and fifty pounds. He's actually quite fit, with these soft 131 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 1: brown eyes and a mop of curls. Like many young comedians, 132 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: he's got a bit of a mischievous aur, but there's 133 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,960 Speaker 1: an undeniable charm about him, the kind that when he grins, 134 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 1: you can't help but smile back. 135 00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 4: The weird thing about it was I was bullied my 136 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 4: entire childhood in the village by one guy. I had 137 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 4: one bully from like kindergarten to the end of my 138 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 4: school career, the same guy, which a lot of people 139 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 4: think is quite sad. 140 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 3: I think it's sweet. I think they are so nice. 141 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 3: Like he saw me, he was like this, you you're 142 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,679 Speaker 3: the one. 143 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 4: I'm gonna make your life hell for like ten years. 144 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 4: His name was Ryan Goddard, just like a manly named Godard. 145 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 3: He was perfect. Ryan godd was perfect. He was the perfect. 146 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 4: He was like Alpha, like specimen. He was pretty, he 147 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 4: had like long blonde hair. He was in great shape. 148 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 4: Gals loved him. He was charismatic. He was the nicest 149 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 4: guy in the world unless you were me. He was athletic, 150 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 4: he was pretty. He always had a tan, even in 151 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:50,199 Speaker 4: winter in the UK, it's unheard of. He was brilliant 152 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 4: at most things, and I simply wasn't. 153 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:54,880 Speaker 3: I just wasn't. 154 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 4: The worst thing about it was he lived like four 155 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 4: doors down from me for my entire child, So what 156 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,160 Speaker 4: he would do wait at the end of his garden 157 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 4: when I was walking to the school bus and he would. 158 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:04,520 Speaker 3: Just bully me. 159 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,679 Speaker 4: One time, there was like a three week period where 160 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 4: he'd go to the local bakery before school, which is 161 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 4: like a six am commitment, hit by donuts, and he 162 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:12,959 Speaker 4: pelted me with them from the bridge. 163 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:15,360 Speaker 3: But here's the thing, I'm ashamed to say it. He 164 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,200 Speaker 3: got them so early. 165 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 4: They were really like fresh and good, and every time 166 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 4: they'd hit me, I'd. 167 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 3: Be like, oh, that's good stuff. 168 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 4: So eventually I got really good at catching the donuts, 169 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,079 Speaker 4: and my catching got so good I got on the 170 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 4: cricket team, which is like eh, to the point where Keith, 171 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:37,079 Speaker 4: the cricket coach was like, ed, we're going to give 172 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 4: you a game. 173 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 3: Your catching and breasts have increased massively. I wasn't good. 174 00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 3: Ryan was good. 175 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 4: Brian was like everything I wanted to be, even though 176 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 4: he bullied me, I wanted to be like him. And 177 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,600 Speaker 4: he was so good at sport. I was always jealous 178 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,440 Speaker 4: that he was good at sport. I've never been good 179 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 4: at sport ever. I've never played a sports game. Really, 180 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 4: I've never won a sport. I've won one award in 181 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,680 Speaker 4: my entire life for sports. I'll tell you about it 182 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:05,439 Speaker 4: really quickly. It was called the Jack Petchi Clubman. 183 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 3: Of the Year. You wouldn't have heard of it. 184 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 4: The award was formulated by a man called Jack Petche. 185 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,080 Speaker 4: He's like a businessman in my little area of the 186 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,680 Speaker 4: world who was like, I don't want to say disgraced, right, 187 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 4: but he was what I will call a naughty businessman, right, like, 188 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,560 Speaker 4: he gave the award to people that had helped out 189 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:33,480 Speaker 4: with sports clubs or sports association in a non sporting way, 190 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,679 Speaker 4: and basically what it was meant for was people with 191 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,960 Speaker 4: like severe life changing disabilities and really uldly people that 192 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,080 Speaker 4: had been a huge. 193 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:41,800 Speaker 3: Part of their community. 194 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,680 Speaker 4: And on the Jack Petchey website to this day, you 195 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 4: can see twelve people that have severe disabilities, some older people, 196 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,400 Speaker 4: and then just one chubby kid that can't catch real good. 197 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 4: I was given this award. I couldn't catch because of 198 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 4: the dyslexia and the asthma and the ADHD. 199 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 3: I just had no hand eye coordination. 200 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 4: I couldn't read ball, I couldn't catch ball, I couldn't breathe. 201 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:16,439 Speaker 4: Ball wasn't good for me. Right, So I won the 202 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 4: Jack Petsy Award, is what I'm saying. I won the 203 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 4: Jack Petry Award. And the guys comes to my house 204 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:24,360 Speaker 4: and my career coach comes to my house. Now a 205 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,120 Speaker 4: few facts about the story. My career coach is a 206 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 4: seventy four year old man in like the early naughties 207 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:29,559 Speaker 4: when this happens. 208 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:30,440 Speaker 3: He comes to my house. 209 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,079 Speaker 4: He takes a photo of me in my front room 210 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,440 Speaker 4: holding the award, proudest day in my life so far. 211 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,360 Speaker 4: He goes away, and he then sends that photo to 212 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 4: the editor of the newspaper. The editor of the local 213 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,160 Speaker 4: newspaper was a man called David Hedge. David Hedge was 214 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 4: a seventy eight year old man. The reason I'm telling 215 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,959 Speaker 4: you their ages isn't through any kind of ages. It's 216 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 4: because in the early noughties these men didn't know how 217 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:54,160 Speaker 4: emails worked. So when Keith sent David the headshot of 218 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 4: me for the newspaper, he said, David, here is Ed. 219 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,959 Speaker 4: Hedges are Jack Petche Award winner for this year. I'm 220 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 4: ashamed to be sending you this photo. As you can see, 221 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 4: he's drastically overweight. He has multiple chins and breasts. Well 222 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 4: know what you're thinking, But Ed, how do you know 223 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 4: what the email said? David Hedge saw that email and thought, ah, 224 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 4: here is the photo and article for. 225 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 3: The front page of the paper. 226 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 4: It ran for two weeks, but the scars have last 227 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:43,200 Speaker 4: little lifetime. 228 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:46,320 Speaker 3: The worst part about it. 229 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,680 Speaker 4: Was at the bottom of the email he sent to 230 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,079 Speaker 4: David Hedge, he said, should you require a quote from 231 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 4: mister Hedges, here is his full phone number and address. 232 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 4: So for like two and you can google this shit. 233 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 4: Google the Hearts and Essex Observer around two thousand and four. 234 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:05,320 Speaker 4: It's there still because they had my number for like 235 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 4: two weeks. I'd get home from school and my mum 236 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 4: would be on the phone. 237 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,560 Speaker 3: She'd go, bress, darling, it's for you, and. 238 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:13,679 Speaker 4: I'd have to stand there and be like, thank you 239 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 4: for your compliment on my breast and cricket. 240 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 3: I didn't have a great song run up. 241 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 1: Suddenly it's not just a comedy show, but as shared 242 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 1: moment of human existence. I grew up in suburban Georgia, 243 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:35,959 Speaker 1: which wasn't always easy for a girl adopted from South Korea. 244 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,199 Speaker 1: My experience of looking different and treated terribly in some 245 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 1: cases is pretty unique. I mean, I was put in 246 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 1: speech therapy classes for not sounding Southern enough, but being 247 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,200 Speaker 1: bullied and intimidated as a child seems to be an 248 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 1: international language. And Ed's courage to tell his cringey stories 249 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 1: in front of strangers. He gives us permission to laugh 250 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:57,720 Speaker 1: at our painful pasts. 251 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 4: When I turned eighty and I started comedy and I 252 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,120 Speaker 4: moved away from the village, I moved to London and 253 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,280 Speaker 4: it changed Like when I moved I had no friends, 254 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 4: and now I have three friends. 255 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 3: So it was like, thank you, didn't go back. I 256 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 3: didn't go back to my village ever. 257 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 4: Really, my brothers both live outside as the village I'm from, 258 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,360 Speaker 4: and i'd see my family when they'd visit my brothers. 259 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 4: And so in twenty fifteen, I'm sitting in my apartment 260 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 4: in London, minding my own business. I've just got back 261 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 4: from a gig. I've got my feet up on the table. 262 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 4: I get a cool I get a call from our 263 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 4: local counselor and they call me and they say, ed, 264 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 4: we've seen it. You're a comedian and you're doing quite well, 265 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 4: and we've seen in newspapers on the internet. 266 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 3: You're gigging all over the place. 267 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 4: We want to invite you back to the village to 268 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,520 Speaker 4: do a charity show for us. We're building a thing 269 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 4: for the kids at the local school and we need 270 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,560 Speaker 4: to raise money, so we're going to do a big 271 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 4: show in the village hall. 272 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 3: I thought about it and I was like, I. 273 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 4: Don't like my village, but this could be a really 274 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 4: nice experience to go and see all the people that 275 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 4: I kind of grew up with, but as an adult 276 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 4: that's gone out into the world and sort of achieved something. 277 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 4: I thought that'd be quite cathartic, that might be good 278 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,040 Speaker 4: for me, So I said, yeah, I would. 279 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 3: Love to come. I would love to perform. 280 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 4: So on twenty second of July twenty and fifteen, I 281 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 4: go back to the village. 282 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 3: I get in about eight. 283 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:17,280 Speaker 4: The show's at nine, but I get in and I 284 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 4: park outside of the venue. 285 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 3: I just sort of sit in my car. I'm a 286 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,320 Speaker 3: bit nervous to go in. But then I do go in, 287 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:23,040 Speaker 3: and I'm scared. 288 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 4: Everyone's going to be like a dick to me still, 289 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,840 Speaker 4: but they're lovely and I had a brilliant time and 290 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 4: it was great. 291 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 3: I still stuck around some drinks. 292 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 4: I drank my old school teachers, some people I used 293 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,160 Speaker 4: to know from my childhood. 294 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 3: About half past ten, I leave the gig and I've 295 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:36,920 Speaker 3: had a drink. 296 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 4: So I leave my car at the village hall where 297 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 4: the gig was, and I walk down the road into 298 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 4: the village and I go to my parents' house. 299 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,360 Speaker 3: I haven't been there for years and years. 300 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 4: I go down all the streets that I used to 301 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 4: walk down as a kid, and it's lovely, like it's 302 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 4: the best. 303 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 3: I'm a growing up now I've traveled the world a 304 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 3: little bit. I've got friends. 305 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:58,960 Speaker 4: I get to my house about half tenish, twenty to 306 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 4: eleven ish. I walk up to the front door. I 307 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 4: see the key hole. I'm too drunk for that. See 308 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,360 Speaker 4: I'm not properly smashed. But it's dark and there's no 309 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 4: street lights in my village. And I just couldn't be 310 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,760 Speaker 4: asked for this. So I walk down the side of 311 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 4: my house. There's a big iron gate. I push open 312 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,520 Speaker 4: the iron gate into my garden and I go in. 313 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 3: The back door. 314 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,800 Speaker 4: Because we never locked the back door most of the time, 315 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:21,800 Speaker 4: don't lock the front door. It is that kind of village. 316 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,560 Speaker 4: I walk into my house, I got out to my bedroom. 317 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 4: I lay down in my childhood bed, and I fall asleep. 318 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 4: And that is where our story is going to start tonight. 319 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 3: Cool. 320 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 1: There's a shift in Ed's voice and a moment of confusion, 321 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,240 Speaker 1: an awkward silence as he steers us into unknown territory. 322 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 1: Something about his behavior felt familiar. I'd seen it before 323 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 1: in my work. He was a ball of anxious energy, 324 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,640 Speaker 1: never looking up or making eye contact with anyone. The 325 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,920 Speaker 1: only thing he had on stage with him was a beer. 326 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:02,120 Speaker 1: No notes or set list. His childhood stories were hilarious, 327 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,200 Speaker 1: if meandering, but told with such precision that you knew 328 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: he'd live them over and over in his mind. Was 329 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,920 Speaker 1: he just nervous to finally try out new material in 330 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 1: front of an audience. My gut told me it wasn't 331 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:17,240 Speaker 1: that simple. 332 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,400 Speaker 3: So I wake up. 333 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,720 Speaker 4: I wake up about twenty minutes after I fell asleep, 334 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 4: and it's a beautiful night. It's one of the prettiest 335 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,920 Speaker 4: nights i've seen. The moonlight's coming in through the windows, 336 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 4: and it's just warm. There's a breeze. It's really pleasant. 337 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 4: But I look around the room. I can see everything. 338 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 4: I see the desk grow I wrote jokes trying to 339 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:40,080 Speaker 4: be a comedian as a kid. 340 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,639 Speaker 3: I can see the little bit where I hung up 341 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,359 Speaker 3: my school uniform. 342 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 4: I can see all my school textbooks that my mum 343 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 4: was kept on the bookshelf. And at the end of 344 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,720 Speaker 4: my bed, staring out of my window, there is someone standing. 345 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:56,399 Speaker 4: It's my mum. She's standing at the end of my 346 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,119 Speaker 4: bed staring out the window. But I can see from 347 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,879 Speaker 4: the way the moonlight's sitting her face. She is terrified, 348 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,600 Speaker 4: more scared that I've ever seen her in my life. 349 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,760 Speaker 3: She's scared. She's really scared. 350 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,679 Speaker 4: And I go to say, Mum, what's going on, and 351 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,800 Speaker 4: before I can, she says the words to me, whatever 352 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 4: you do, do not turn on the. 353 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:32,600 Speaker 3: Lights, my mom. 354 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,600 Speaker 4: She gets confused a lot, like a lot, which is 355 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,320 Speaker 4: why on that night when I saw her at the 356 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:38,800 Speaker 4: end of the bed, I wasn't really worried. 357 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:40,440 Speaker 3: My little village that I'm from. 358 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,920 Speaker 1: I made this recording of Ed said several months after 359 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,440 Speaker 1: I first saw him on stage, but it's virtually unchanged 360 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:51,240 Speaker 1: since that night in Scotland. The brilliance of Ed's storytelling 361 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:54,399 Speaker 1: is the second he feels the audience pulling away in 362 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: fear or confusion, he brings them right back with humility 363 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 1: and humor. 364 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,080 Speaker 4: I thought she'd got in confused, so she had no 365 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 4: reason to say that. Our village is the quietest place 366 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:04,359 Speaker 4: in the world. It doesn't have a train station, it 367 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,399 Speaker 4: has one shop. It had a post office, but it 368 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 4: literally fell down. The worst thing in our village is 369 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:15,840 Speaker 4: like fucking hoodlums, like bored kids. Our hoodlams are a 370 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,199 Speaker 4: little bit different. They're wonderful. They're just board teenagers. They 371 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,480 Speaker 4: get annoyed. It's a little village called Saffron Walden. They're 372 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 4: responsible from a favorite ever headline, which was hoodlums throw 373 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:30,400 Speaker 4: apples at church Trump Page news weeks. They're brilliant as 374 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,320 Speaker 4: a group of four eleven year old boys that call 375 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 4: themselves the Saffron Suliakshan, which is the best gangster name 376 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 4: in the world, and it makes them. 377 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,440 Speaker 3: Sound like a packet of biscuits. It's brilliant. They want 378 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,440 Speaker 3: to be gangsters, but they don't know how. No one's 379 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:45,040 Speaker 3: ever taught them. 380 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,200 Speaker 4: They tried to mug me when I was a kid. 381 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,639 Speaker 4: They tried to mug me and they failed. See if 382 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 4: you can support what they ruined the mugging. A kid 383 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 4: came up to me quite late at night and he went. 384 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,479 Speaker 3: Dickhead, why don't you give me your fucking money? Please? 385 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 4: No, I'm not going to do that. You can't be 386 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,760 Speaker 4: a muggle with manners, can you. You can't do a 387 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:14,640 Speaker 4: drive by and then signal the rules. His friend tried 388 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,520 Speaker 4: to get some street cred back for his little mate, 389 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,320 Speaker 4: but they were posh, so he ruined it. He went listen, Brava, 390 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:21,680 Speaker 4: don't you dare bad mouth my man again? Yeah, don't 391 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 4: you dare disrespect Sebastian. 392 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 3: No. So I'm in the room. 393 00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,520 Speaker 4: I'm staring at my mum and she looks terrified, and 394 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,479 Speaker 4: I'm thinking, well, this isn't going to be anything serious, 395 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 4: is it. I know Carol, I know what she's like. 396 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,119 Speaker 4: She's easily scared by things. So I decided I'm going 397 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,200 Speaker 4: to go and look for my dad. My dad, John 398 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:47,920 Speaker 4: is the kind of silver back alpha of the family. 399 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,920 Speaker 4: He's very calm, he's very logical. I go out into 400 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:54,919 Speaker 4: the hallway and it's pretty. It's a pretty night, you know, 401 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,200 Speaker 4: when you see light and there's little specks of dust 402 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:58,440 Speaker 4: in the air and it kind of makes everything feel 403 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 4: a little bit magical, that kind of effect. I thought 404 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 4: that was magical until I told the story in Scotland 405 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 4: and a woman. 406 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 3: Was like, you're aware of that's dead skin? And I 407 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 3: was like, eh, yeah. So I'm standing. 408 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,920 Speaker 4: I'm standing on the hallway and I go to walk 409 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 4: to my dad's bedroom, which is down the end of 410 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,119 Speaker 4: the house. His window overlooks the front garden, and I 411 00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:27,639 Speaker 4: see him. My dad is standing at the window. The 412 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:30,720 Speaker 4: door's open and he's shirtless. He's standing without shut on 413 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,840 Speaker 4: hands either side of the window, and I can see 414 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 4: his massive back. 415 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 3: He's got this big, fu strong back. 416 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 4: He's in his sixties now, but he's still an absolute unit, 417 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,840 Speaker 4: just for years of manual labor. Like he's huge, and 418 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,960 Speaker 4: he's sweating heavily, like he's literally the moonlight's kind of 419 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,919 Speaker 4: glistening off him. And he's something different about him. 420 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 3: There's something that I don't fully understand. 421 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 4: And my dad's a mysterious person as it is, like 422 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 4: he's a very mysterious person. 423 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 3: He's a very quiet man. He doesn't show a motion 424 00:21:58,640 --> 00:21:59,000 Speaker 3: a lot. 425 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 4: The happiest I've ever seen him is when he got 426 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:04,119 Speaker 4: new windows for the house. 427 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:06,080 Speaker 3: That was it. 428 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 4: He got sold in windows by an infomercial of like 429 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 4: a really angry, red faced man that was like, do 430 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 4: you love your family and hate the French? 431 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 3: And Dad was like, yep, yep, yep. 432 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:19,840 Speaker 4: The informercial was like, by the Titan seventeen windows, they're bulletproof, 433 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:20,680 Speaker 4: they're bomb proof. 434 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,040 Speaker 3: We live in the middle of nowhere. 435 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 4: Because he's talking about him for weeks and one day 436 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 4: I come home from school and there's a man fitting 437 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:27,320 Speaker 4: the windows. 438 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,120 Speaker 3: We have to get a man to fit the windows. 439 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:30,400 Speaker 3: Side note, because my. 440 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,119 Speaker 4: Dad, while he is an alpha male and like a 441 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 4: physical builder, farmer, laborer guy. He can't do technical things. 442 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 4: He can't work screws, his hands are too big for screwdrivers. 443 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 3: He ruins every diy thing he does. 444 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 4: He put a back door handle on our back door, 445 00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,639 Speaker 4: and he put it on upside down right, which doesn't 446 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 4: sound like a big thing right in your head. Imagine 447 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,159 Speaker 4: every single time you go to go in the back door, 448 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:54,879 Speaker 4: there's a moment where you pull the handle down, it 449 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,520 Speaker 4: goes chunk and go oh yea, Dad's a prick, and 450 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,040 Speaker 4: then you have to put it up and go in it. 451 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,560 Speaker 3: Really, were you down every summer punk punk? Uh? 452 00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:06,040 Speaker 4: So the guy fits the windows and Dad and me 453 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 4: stand back on the lawn and he's like, look them 454 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:13,520 Speaker 4: tight in seventeen glorious. They're strong, they're reliable, they're good 455 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,679 Speaker 4: for the family. I was like, I agree, they are 456 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 4: the son you wish you had. And on that night 457 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:22,439 Speaker 4: in front of him, when he was standing at the 458 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:26,280 Speaker 4: window looking at the front garden, I couldn't tell what. 459 00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:27,040 Speaker 3: He was feeling. 460 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,919 Speaker 4: That's scary to me because growing up I've become an 461 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:31,920 Speaker 4: expert in this man. 462 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 3: I know everything about him. 463 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:34,560 Speaker 4: I know the way he moves, I know the way 464 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,719 Speaker 4: his eyes look when he's a little bit annoyed. I 465 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 4: have to know that because he doesn't say anything. He 466 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,560 Speaker 4: never tells us anything as a family, doesn't share a 467 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:42,240 Speaker 4: single thing. 468 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:51,200 Speaker 3: Point in case, my dad's got eight fingers missing two 469 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,200 Speaker 3: fingers while off each hands. We didn't learn his lesson. 470 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:56,520 Speaker 3: It's just. 471 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:03,000 Speaker 4: And until I was seventeen years old, I didn't mention it. 472 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,320 Speaker 4: Like occasionally I passed my brother on the hallway at 473 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:10,919 Speaker 4: Christmas as a kid and I'd be like, Jack, have 474 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 4: you seen dad's hands? And go yeah, And we wouldn't 475 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:19,760 Speaker 4: just wouldn't mention dad's weird hooky hands. 476 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 3: I was seventeen, I got invited to a house party. 477 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 3: He dropped me off. Proudest day of his life. 478 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,919 Speaker 4: His son was going to a house party to meet girls. 479 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,159 Speaker 4: He's going to be a normal boy for once. I 480 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,080 Speaker 4: get to the house party and I get dropped off 481 00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:34,440 Speaker 4: for eight thirty, get dropped off at eight thirty. At 482 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,359 Speaker 4: eight forty, I convinced myself that the pretty girls are 483 00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:37,359 Speaker 4: talking about me in the garden. 484 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,359 Speaker 3: I cry, and I'm picked up at nine. So we're 485 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:40,000 Speaker 3: driving home. 486 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,960 Speaker 4: We're driving home, me and John in complete silence, and 487 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,200 Speaker 4: I want to talk to him. I want to talk 488 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,920 Speaker 4: to my dad. I've had a few drinks and I'm 489 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:49,000 Speaker 4: a little bit tipsy. I just want to connect with 490 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:50,600 Speaker 4: him in some way. We don't have a lot to 491 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:51,000 Speaker 4: talk about. 492 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 3: Me and John. We don't share any interests. 493 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,679 Speaker 4: He's a proper, proper alpha sports mail and I'm me 494 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,199 Speaker 4: so I'm not a real man. I don't know if 495 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,520 Speaker 4: you can tell by the everything about me, but I 496 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,439 Speaker 4: don't really connect with him. And I'm trying to think 497 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:03,840 Speaker 4: of what I can say to him. And I see 498 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,200 Speaker 4: his hands on the steering wheel and I'm. 499 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:05,879 Speaker 3: Like, ask about that. 500 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,600 Speaker 4: I start to think about how to ask that question, 501 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 4: because you can't just be like, what's that? Because he 502 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,720 Speaker 4: might have like an armed flashback and we'll end up 503 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:16,120 Speaker 4: in a ditch. So and thinking about how you asked 504 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,719 Speaker 4: that question, how you word that without triggering him, how 505 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,920 Speaker 4: you'd be respectful to any potential trauma that he has. 506 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,920 Speaker 4: I'm trying to think this over and he sees me 507 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,720 Speaker 4: fidgeting in my seat and he goes, what the fuck 508 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 4: is wrong with you? 509 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 3: Edward? And I panic and said, where have your fingers gone? 510 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 1: John? 511 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 4: It's not how you asked that question, guys, he said. 512 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 4: I cut off and I went and we didn't talk 513 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:51,199 Speaker 4: about it again. Didn't talk about it again, didn't talk 514 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:56,199 Speaker 4: about it again. Doesn't share anything, doesn't tell anyone anything, 515 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,600 Speaker 4: Never let anyone in, never show weakness, keep your own 516 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,639 Speaker 4: shit to yourself, do your work hard, pay for your family. 517 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,680 Speaker 3: Die. That's his thing. Get windows and you're done, right. 518 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:08,320 Speaker 4: That's all he worries about, right. He just doesn't let 519 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 4: us know anything. And I'm staring at him on the hallway, 520 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:22,280 Speaker 4: and then I hear the banging. It's coming from the 521 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 4: front door. It's the loudest thing I've ever heard in 522 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 4: my life. It's literally vibrating up through the banister where 523 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 4: I stand at the top of the stairs, and it 524 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 4: scares me at first. It scares me really badly, and 525 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,800 Speaker 4: I think about it. I think about it logically. It's 526 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,720 Speaker 4: roughly the time the pub's close. I've just done a 527 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,640 Speaker 4: show in town. It's probably a drunk guy that's been 528 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,480 Speaker 4: like I want to speak to Ed, and he's come 529 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,080 Speaker 4: to the front door. He's banging on the door. My 530 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,160 Speaker 4: parents are getting on a bit. They're probably a bit scared. 531 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:51,360 Speaker 4: They're probably just a bit worried about who it could be. 532 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,840 Speaker 4: So they're looking out the window. They're not used to this. 533 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,879 Speaker 4: What I'll do, I'll go downstairs, I'll answer the door. 534 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,879 Speaker 4: I'll be like, mate, go away, this is too noisy. 535 00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,640 Speaker 4: So start to walk down the stairs. I get three 536 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:05,000 Speaker 4: steps down and my dad's hand comes over the banister, 537 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,240 Speaker 4: grabs me by the scruff of the neck, pins me 538 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 4: against the wall, and he leans into my ear and 539 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,000 Speaker 4: he says, do not move, and do not make a sound. 540 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,439 Speaker 4: He's holding me so tightly against the wall I can 541 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:22,200 Speaker 4: hear the plaster ball behind me start to crack. And 542 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:26,719 Speaker 4: he would do this a lot. His anger was It 543 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 4: was bad. It was really bad. Dad's temper just comes 544 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:33,000 Speaker 4: out of nowhere. A lot of the times his outburst 545 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,840 Speaker 4: were silly little things. Sometimes they were a lot more severe, 546 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:38,080 Speaker 4: and that would be bad. I missed a lot of 547 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,679 Speaker 4: school as a kid because I had black eyes, bust lips, 548 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,520 Speaker 4: cut eyebrows, bruises on my back. 549 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:47,240 Speaker 3: I broke my hand, and it was bad. It was difficult. 550 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 3: My dad had this thing. 551 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,359 Speaker 4: Whenever he'd have an outburst, he'd always make pancakes the 552 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,440 Speaker 4: next day. It sounds silly, but it's the only meal 553 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,280 Speaker 4: he knows how to make. And he didn't want to 554 00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 4: have to say sorry, because then he has to acknowledge 555 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,119 Speaker 4: what he did. So if he did something bad the 556 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,000 Speaker 4: next morning, he'd wake up at five am, make a 557 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,120 Speaker 4: load of pancakes, leave him on the table. I'd wake 558 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,400 Speaker 4: up in the morning. I'd eat him everything. I'll be fine. 559 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:11,720 Speaker 4: That was the thing. If you eat the pancakes, everything 560 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:17,800 Speaker 4: is fine. Unwritten rule. I had to be so smart. 561 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:20,800 Speaker 4: He didn't express his emotions. He didn't tell anyone anything, 562 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,560 Speaker 4: so you had to read everything he did. 563 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 3: I'm an expert in the man. That's what I'm trying 564 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,480 Speaker 3: to say. I'm an expert in the man. Had to be. 565 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 1: Suddenly. Behind all the sarcasm and wit, you can see 566 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:37,200 Speaker 1: the young chubby boy physically and mentally terrified by the 567 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:42,080 Speaker 1: men who inhabit his childhood. His bully, his friends, even 568 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:46,120 Speaker 1: his own father couldn't recognize his gentle spirit. And you 569 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 1: can't help but feel for him. 570 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,080 Speaker 4: And the reason I'm telling these stories because I need 571 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 4: you to know. I couldn't tell what was happening. I'm 572 00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 4: confused because he's not angry. He's pinning me against the 573 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,320 Speaker 4: wall and he's not angry at all. I can't tell 574 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 4: what he is. My mom comes out of my room, 575 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 4: and she says, John, put him down. He lets go 576 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,920 Speaker 4: of me. I slide down the wall. I stand up 577 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,360 Speaker 4: and I walk into a room a little bit teary. 578 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,120 Speaker 4: I'd a little bit shaken up. I shut the door 579 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:17,480 Speaker 4: behind me in my room, and I think, right, what 580 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:22,800 Speaker 4: has happened here? Banging's ringing through the house. Whoever's in 581 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 4: the front garden, whatever's in the front garden at this stage, 582 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,640 Speaker 4: I don't know how many people, how many things, what 583 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:30,600 Speaker 4: it could be. But my dad is looking at it 584 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:38,040 Speaker 4: and he won't go downstairs. Doesn't make sense, So I think, 585 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,640 Speaker 4: all right, I'm gonna call the police. I find out 586 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 4: what's going on. And the way the police work in 587 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 4: our village, because it's quite small, we have one police 588 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,480 Speaker 4: officer that drives around all the villages all the time 589 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,240 Speaker 4: and basically just looks after farming matters, to be honest, 590 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 4: Like a farmer will call up and be like, there 591 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:51,640 Speaker 4: is a ghost in my garden and it's a sheet 592 00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 4: and everything's fine. 593 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,400 Speaker 3: I call the police. It rings a couple of times. 594 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 3: Someone answers. I said, Hey, my name's Ed. 595 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,440 Speaker 4: I'm calling from forty Bentfield Avenue. Someone's banging on our 596 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 4: front door. I think it's a drunk, but my parents 597 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:05,760 Speaker 4: are acting really weird and it's kind of shaken me up. 598 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:08,600 Speaker 4: Could you send an officer down just to check this out? 599 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:11,400 Speaker 4: And the person the other on the phone says, I'm sorry, 600 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,360 Speaker 4: where did you say you were calling from? I said 601 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:18,120 Speaker 4: forty Bentfield Avenue, just in sophomoreten. And the officer says, 602 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:22,360 Speaker 4: mister Hedges, we're very aware of the situation. Please barricade 603 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 4: yourself inside the house and do not engage with anyone 604 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:29,120 Speaker 4: you meet, and then they hang up. 605 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,560 Speaker 1: This season on Wisecrack. 606 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,320 Speaker 3: I never told people the name. I never wanted to 607 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 3: invite people to the village. The thing that struck me 608 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:52,160 Speaker 3: most about it was the sheer quantity of bloodshed. It 609 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 3: literally was a blood bath. That doesn't sound like a place, 610 00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,120 Speaker 3: that sound like a police officer me, you don't do that. 611 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:04,680 Speaker 4: So when I found out, you know, boy what happened, 612 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,280 Speaker 4: it was more holy shit. 613 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:11,680 Speaker 3: He did it, and he's got really defensive and was like, oh, 614 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 3: you don't trust me, and I was like, ah, that 615 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,800 Speaker 3: sounds like what liars do when they're. 616 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:17,680 Speaker 2: Caught out on a lie. 617 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:21,640 Speaker 4: I don't understand what happened to trigger that guy, because 618 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:23,600 Speaker 4: it was hyperactive, but he wasn't a killer. 619 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,080 Speaker 2: Get your knives or does yourn't knives and put them away, 620 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:28,920 Speaker 2: put them somewhere else. 621 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:30,920 Speaker 3: This is one of those things where you take my 622 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:31,480 Speaker 3: word or you. 623 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 1: Don't, so you're saying this isn't safe. I personally would 624 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:41,920 Speaker 1: not go there, or please bring someone with you. Episode 625 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,600 Speaker 1: two will release next week, but you can binge the 626 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:48,160 Speaker 1: rest of the season right now, completely add free by 627 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,680 Speaker 1: subscribing to tenderfoot Plus on Apple Podcasts or at tenderfootplus 628 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:53,480 Speaker 1: dot com.