Speaker 1: I am Ayamla. I had a baby daddy relationship. I
Speaker 1: spent time in a relationship with a married man. I
Speaker 1: had to learn the skills and tools required to make
Speaker 1: my relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the r Spot,
Speaker 1: a production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome,
Speaker 1: and Welcome to our spot, the place we come to
Speaker 1: talk about relationships, all things relationships, all kinds of relationships,
Speaker 1: and the people in the relationship. Because you know, a
Speaker 1: relationship is really a neutral thing, but when you put
Speaker 1: people in it, it can be a divine experience or
Speaker 1: a hot mess. But we want to learn the tools,
Speaker 1: the skills, the principles, the practices that will elevate all
Speaker 1: of our relationships into fulfilling experiences, loving experiences, the places
Speaker 1: we go to heal and learn and exchange the most
Speaker 1: powerful parts of us, the parts of us that are
Speaker 1: loving and kind and generous. So today we're going to
Speaker 1: cook up a really peppered stew ha a stew about
Speaker 1: people in relationships and their history and their past. And
Speaker 1: for me, it kind of grows from the lyrics of
Speaker 1: a song sung by Jasmine Sullivan treat us bad, make
Speaker 1: us sad, then wonder why we are mad, because I
Speaker 1: know that is a story for so many women. They
Speaker 1: are mad as hell about the way that they've been treated.
Speaker 1: But one of the things that's kind of grown out
Speaker 1: of this, out of the treatment women have experience and
Speaker 1: about the experiences that they've had, it's this whole notion
Speaker 1: of a bad girl and a good girl. There's an
Speaker 1: age old, principal practice expectation about women in relationships, and
Speaker 1: that's that they are good girls. Good girls. Now what
Speaker 1: in the blazon of Jesus is a good girl? Is
Speaker 1: that a church girl? Is that a virgin? Are there
Speaker 1: virgins anymore? I don't even know what is a good
Speaker 1: girl for me. A good girl was one she was,
Speaker 1: first of all a virgin, or she lied about being
Speaker 1: a virgin, or could fake be in a vision. She
Speaker 1: went to church, She you know, wore her dresses at
Speaker 1: a respectable length, her hair was always cofferred, and she
Speaker 1: probably had some white gloves, and she wore her purse
Speaker 1: and the crook of her arm. And a bad girl
Speaker 1: was one whose dress was a little too tight or
Speaker 1: too short. She was one who climbed in the backseat
Speaker 1: of the car. She was one who had really a
Speaker 1: bad reputation. She was a skunk, and that's what we
Speaker 1: used to call them in my day. They don't even
Speaker 1: use that word anymore. She was a skunk and she
Speaker 1: was fast. Oh yeah, she was fast. Those were bad girls. Today,
Speaker 1: bad girls are rewarded. There is a bad girl's television show,
Speaker 1: and we see so many things on social media and
Speaker 1: in the world where bad girls are getting a check
Speaker 1: for being bad, and the badder they are, it seems
Speaker 1: that the more we like it. But when you talk
Speaker 1: to men, when you talk to men about these so
Speaker 1: called bad girls, they are not feeling it at all. Okay,
Speaker 1: So here's the question that we're going to look at today.
Speaker 1: We're gonna look at this and I've got two co
Speaker 1: hosts with me today who have very strong opinions on
Speaker 1: both sides. What happens when a good girl goes bad?
Speaker 1: What does that look like? And what does that mean?
Speaker 1: And can you take a bad girl and make her good?
Speaker 1: That's what we want to look at. Good girls, bad girls,
Speaker 1: and what is the meaning of it all. So I've
Speaker 1: got two co hosts today. I've got Beware from carab
Speaker 1: Life Media and he is in the dance hall arena,
Speaker 1: so he sees good girls gone bad, bad girls gone
Speaker 1: good and when they mix it up with bad boys,
Speaker 1: good boys. I mean, it is just a thing to behold.
Speaker 1: And I have with me this morning as my support
Speaker 1: my other co hosts Stormy Wellington, who is known worldwide
Speaker 1: as Coach Stormy. Coach Stormy, and she uses her influence
Speaker 1: and her platforms and her voice. I love it her
Speaker 1: voice to really help thousands and thousands of women embrace
Speaker 1: their authentic self. And what if that authentic self is
Speaker 1: a little feisty, what we call bad, what does she
Speaker 1: do with that? And what do the guys think about it?
Speaker 1: So welcome, Beware, Welcome Stormy. I think we've got a
Speaker 1: hot topic this morning, so I want to dive right in.
Speaker 1: I'm going to start with you, Beware, since most women
Speaker 1: really want to please and attract men, Can you tell
Speaker 1: me what is a good girl? What do you, as
Speaker 1: a man consider to be a good girl?
Speaker 2: What is that a good girl is? Oh, my opinion,
Speaker 2: is a woman that that she's foundedd in the knowledge
Speaker 2: of herself, a culture, her history of community, relationship with
Speaker 2: God is also in there. That's like first and foremost,
Speaker 2: because that's going to determine how she shows up in
Speaker 2: the relationship. Is the effort is the information that she has.
Speaker 2: So if she doesn't have the right information or that
Speaker 2: that information that you say is good, she's not. She's
Speaker 2: not going to be able to show up as as
Speaker 2: good in the relationship and then should show up other
Speaker 2: than that. And and it seems like that's like a
Speaker 2: very common thing today amongst a lot of brothers that
Speaker 2: I have conversations with.
Speaker 1: What is that they want a woman who has the
Speaker 1: knowledge of herself well.
Speaker 2: Woman that shows up and she doesn't have that knowledge
Speaker 2: to sell because there's there's a there's a flip side
Speaker 2: to the point, which is this delusional thing where she believes,
Speaker 2: feels thinks that she has a certain value because of
Speaker 2: what she looks like, or how tight al how tighter
Speaker 2: clothes are, how big a BdL is, or her or
Speaker 2: her fake breasts, or or or how long and climb
Speaker 2: risk her weave is, how expensive it is, like that
Speaker 2: mean means something to her and to the women that
Speaker 2: she's trying to compete in the press, But brothers don't
Speaker 2: really see no value in that.
Speaker 1: Okay, So let me ask you this so you're saying
Speaker 1: a good girl doesn't have what'd you say, a BBL
Speaker 1: What is that?
Speaker 2: No, that's a fake butt.
Speaker 1: Oh, so good girls don't have fake faith.
Speaker 3: Good good girls.
Speaker 1: Don't have fake butts.
Speaker 2: That's not what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Okay, what are you saying?
Speaker 2: What I'm saying is when a woman shows up and
Speaker 2: she has a knowledge of self, that's what makes her good.
Speaker 2: And what does the knowledge of self look like? When
Speaker 2: she shows up with the knowledge of self, well cultural,
Speaker 2: cultural or knowledge, a historical knowledge or spiritual foundation, she
Speaker 2: shows up in effeminine energy. That feminine energy is that's
Speaker 2: like if you were to think the nurturing, loving, caring
Speaker 2: part of God and manifested on earth as a human being,
Speaker 2: it would look like the woman. So when she's interest
Speaker 2: in that feminine energy, she's shown up with that with
Speaker 2: God or ask God or God in her is being
Speaker 2: expressed and that comes from knowledge yourself, and she doesn't
Speaker 2: have that knowledge it. So she's going to show up
Speaker 2: based on how the world's shaped her think it how
Speaker 2: the world supported her influenced her to think. And when
Speaker 2: you look at how modern women show up today, it's
Speaker 2: not really working for the black community.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, miss Stormy who. Let's start here with
Speaker 1: a basic definition of a good girl. What's a good
Speaker 1: girl in today's world.
Speaker 4: I believe that a good girl is a woman that's
Speaker 4: grin found it first of all, in some spiritual practices,
Speaker 4: whatever that may be. I respect everybody's belief, but I
Speaker 4: think that you must know that you don't have the power,
Speaker 4: you are part of the power.
Speaker 3: Number one.
Speaker 4: I also believe that a woman that rooted on respect, integrity,
Speaker 4: character and honor is a good girl. A woman that
Speaker 4: knows her place, knows her responsibility. And I'll tell you
Speaker 4: I had a BBL when I was actually twenty one
Speaker 4: years old because I kind of had no choice. And
Speaker 4: I'm forty four years old today and I had to
Speaker 4: get that BBL removed because it was really causing some issues.
Speaker 4: And I'm a good girl. I'm a single mom of three,
Speaker 4: and I always was not a good girl. But I
Speaker 4: did not like how I was showing up. I didn't
Speaker 4: like the example that I was, and so I went
Speaker 4: and did the work two step in my feminine power
Speaker 4: in to be a quote unquote a good girl.
Speaker 3: I'm not married.
Speaker 4: I am single, but I do date one man and
Speaker 4: I respect him as a man, and I do think
Speaker 4: that a lot of as women. Because of our circumstances
Speaker 4: in our environment, we don't have the capacity to be
Speaker 4: feminine because we are taking on a lot of makaning rolls.
Speaker 4: So I just want to let him know that that
Speaker 4: we are going, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: We're being mother and father.
Speaker 4: We're being the ones that go get the money, you know,
Speaker 4: and then we try to we try to cook and
Speaker 4: clean at the same time. So it's not as easy
Speaker 4: as it used to be for us to be in
Speaker 4: that feminine role because we don't have the capacity to
Speaker 4: do it.
Speaker 1: So wait a minute, because I don't want us to
Speaker 1: lose track of the stew we make, and we getting
Speaker 1: ready to make a cake and pancakes and Chitling's okay,
Speaker 1: let's get the stew on the stove and then we'll
Speaker 1: start putting more ingredients in. So if I heard you,
Speaker 1: because I listened with my ears and my eyes, and
Speaker 1: my tongue and my lips and my hair follicles and
Speaker 1: my nipples, I listen with everything, I think I heard
Speaker 1: you misstore me say that you weren't always a good girl.
Speaker 1: Did you say that?
Speaker 3: Yes, s'am, I was not all it's a good girl. Okay,
Speaker 3: So let's talk.
Speaker 1: About what is a bad girl? Talk about that.
Speaker 4: So I'll tell you, first of all, I don't want
Speaker 4: to stay bad girl because I don't want to judge,
Speaker 4: because we don't know a person's circumstances. You know, never
Speaker 4: judge a man about his success, but what he had
Speaker 4: to overcome to be successful.
Speaker 3: At thirteen years old, I didn't have no mom and
Speaker 3: no dad.
Speaker 4: He was gone, and so I got into survival mode
Speaker 4: and I was a stripper at thirteen. I didn't want
Speaker 4: to be a stripper. But if you have no food
Speaker 4: and the water is off and you found a way
Speaker 4: to make some money, then that could be considered a
Speaker 4: bad girl.
Speaker 1: But if I was a bad girl, circumstantially, let me
Speaker 1: define bad and I'm not no heat, no judgment. We're
Speaker 1: talking about in the way the world looks at it.
Speaker 1: So you are absolutely right. Circumstances will force us into
Speaker 1: situations that don't honor the best, the highest, and the
Speaker 1: truth of who we are. But the world will still
Speaker 1: look at that as bad a bad girl. So we're
Speaker 1: not judging. But let's get a definition out there that
Speaker 1: people can understand. Okay, all right, Okay, so you were
Speaker 1: stripping at thirteen.
Speaker 3: I was stripping at thirteen.
Speaker 4: I was stealing food out of the grocery store at thirteen,
Speaker 4: I was stealing clothes at thirteen. I was still in
Speaker 4: school with no mom and no dad at thirteen, and
Speaker 4: then end up having my first child at fifteen. So
Speaker 4: I could look like I'm a bad girl, right, But
Speaker 4: I had no choice. I was surviving. I was not
Speaker 4: doing these things because I didn't have anything else to do.
Speaker 4: I was trying to feel for myself. So people labeled me.
Speaker 4: You know, I used to have to steal. I used
Speaker 4: to dance, and I used to schem and scam because
Speaker 4: I needed to eat. And then I had a child
Speaker 4: at fifteen, so I was definitely enabled band girl until
Speaker 4: I started to get exposed to another way. And that's
Speaker 4: what makes me, you know, grateful to him went through
Speaker 4: all the things I went through, because I do believe
Speaker 4: that some girls are bad girls by choice because they
Speaker 4: just don't want to try to be good girls. And
Speaker 4: if some girls are bad because they have to survive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And I think that that's part of the
Speaker 1: challenge that we face. We get caught up in the
Speaker 1: external and we look at it and we label it.
Speaker 1: So again, we're just putting the ingredients in the stew.
Speaker 1: We're gonna throw it all up on the wall in
Speaker 1: a minute. Mister beware, how would you, as a man,
Speaker 1: define a bad girl?
Speaker 2: I think me and other calls star on the same
Speaker 2: page as that. I don't think it's too much different,
Speaker 2: might be using different word. But she shows up and
Speaker 2: she's not grounding us as some type of spiritual philosophy
Speaker 2: or practice or foundation. She doesn't have any cultural awareness,
Speaker 2: a think in this shaped by the world and motivated
Speaker 2: by her emotions. That's a bad girl.
Speaker 1: All right, all right, We've got to take a break,
Speaker 1: but I want to make sure you get this. So
Speaker 1: get your pencil, your pen and your Hogwarts notebook and
Speaker 1: take this down. A bad girl is one who has
Speaker 1: no knowledge of self, who has no spiritual grounding, and
Speaker 1: who allows the world, the external world, to define her.
Speaker 1: And a good girl is one who has knowledge of
Speaker 1: herself and who demonstrates that knowledge, and who more specifically,
Speaker 1: is standing on a firm, solid spiritual foundation. We're going
Speaker 1: to talk more about that right after this. Welcome back
Speaker 1: to the r spot. Let's pick up where we left off.
Speaker 1: How do bad girls show up in relationships? Oh? Okay,
Speaker 1: let's talk about that. I was going to ask, have
Speaker 1: you ever had an experience with a bad girl? But
Speaker 1: your face has told it all. How do bad girls
Speaker 1: show up in relationships?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Men, a man? Where do I start? All? Right? They
Speaker 2: show up well as the definition that I just gave.
Speaker 2: But what would that definition look like in a relationship.
Speaker 2: It would look like a confrontational woman. It would look
Speaker 2: like an argumentative woman. It looked like a disrespectful woman.
Speaker 2: It would look like a woman that she's governed by
Speaker 2: a delusional point of which is because what she looks like,
Speaker 2: she thinks that's her value. A bad girl would show
Speaker 2: up as very, very combative and confrontational. She's not inspiring you,
Speaker 2: she's not talking to the god in you. I wants
Speaker 2: her to minister say, you know, as my wife that
Speaker 2: taught me how to be the man that I am.
Speaker 2: And he explained how she would do that, and he
Speaker 2: would say, you know, when she had upset or a
Speaker 2: beef with him, instead of going she would be like,
Speaker 2: you know, baby, I really enjoy and I really like
Speaker 2: and I really look up to you, and I really
Speaker 2: admire and and really speaking to him in that way
Speaker 2: to motivate him and to push him to being the
Speaker 2: man that he is. So when that when not that
Speaker 2: bad girl, she can motivate a man. She can only
Speaker 2: excuse the expression, you might got to beat this part out.
Speaker 2: But she can only speak to the in you. She
Speaker 2: can't speak to the gun in you because she because
Speaker 2: she doesn't have those spiritual those footies. So when she
Speaker 2: when she's grounded, when she had that spiritual of development
Speaker 2: practice in her life and it's forefront of her life,
Speaker 2: then then she'll she can speak to that in you.
Speaker 2: But I haven't experienced a lot of women who do
Speaker 2: that in my own personal relationships now because of how
Speaker 2: I'm move and who I am. They'll try to show
Speaker 2: up and fake it. You know, they'll try to show
Speaker 2: up in it. They'll talk that language, you know, they
Speaker 2: talk that metaphysical language, and they're talk that peace brother,
Speaker 2: peace king, and you know they start off like that,
Speaker 2: but but it doesn't hold water because very shortly, you know,
Speaker 2: the truth of who they are shortly comes out and
Speaker 2: you can't really hide that bad girl.
Speaker 1: So the thing that I find very interesting is how
Speaker 1: you're defining a bad girl is about her presence her
Speaker 1: speaking how she uh stands within herself as a as
Speaker 1: a woman, Miss Stormy. Let me ask you this as
Speaker 1: what the world might say, because you were a stripper,
Speaker 1: is a bad girl? What about a woman with a
Speaker 1: high body count? Is she a bad girl?
Speaker 3: I would tell you this.
Speaker 4: I think that as a woman, you know who you
Speaker 4: allow intimate intimacy with you. They need you know those
Speaker 4: so spiritualized with you. I think if a woman is promiscuous,
Speaker 4: I will be honest with you. Yes, I think that
Speaker 4: that is one of the definitions of a bad girl.
Speaker 4: But I want to also speak to about that. He said,
Speaker 4: I used to be like that. I'll tell you that.
Speaker 4: I used to be very domasculating. I used to be
Speaker 4: very abrasive. I used to try to purposely like tear
Speaker 4: a man down. Until I worked on my feminine energy.
Speaker 4: Until I realized that if I'm dating you, I'm I'm
Speaker 4: better off building you up then than tear you down.
Speaker 3: And I had yes.
Speaker 4: And I want to tell you that I had to
Speaker 4: do a lot of work, and it came from me
Speaker 4: looking at how it looked. I watched other women be
Speaker 4: like that, and I would be like, damn, am I
Speaker 4: am I, and am I am? I showing up like that,
Speaker 4: I realized how bad it looked. And then I can
Speaker 4: tell you this. I started to realize the pattern in
Speaker 4: my dating that I was dating the same the same
Speaker 4: men in different bodies. And so when I started to
Speaker 4: look observed myself, because I observed myself all the time,
Speaker 4: I realized that it was because of me. I was
Speaker 4: attracted to me who I was, and so I had
Speaker 4: to do a lot of work too. I was never
Speaker 4: promised you with Thank god, I never I don't have
Speaker 4: a high body count or anything like that. I might
Speaker 4: have as but I was never a promiscuous girl, right,
Speaker 4: but I would just you know, stay this to even you,
Speaker 4: miss like y'all are a lot of women.
Speaker 3: Who have a high body count.
Speaker 4: I think that that affects their self esteem and because
Speaker 4: they know that, they kind of feel like they have
Speaker 4: no value because of it. Because when you have sex
Speaker 4: with so many different men, you can't help but know
Speaker 4: that that energy is still within you. So until you
Speaker 4: go do some spiritual work and get that release, you
Speaker 4: don't know how much you're being suppressed by those sexual partners.
Speaker 1: Okay, so wait a minute, wait a minute, miss Stormy,
Speaker 1: what about the fifteen, sixteen year old who doesn't have
Speaker 1: a mother and a father, who doesn't have anyone to
Speaker 1: whom she's accountable, anyone who's responsible for her. And that's
Speaker 1: a quick way, that's the oldest profession in the world
Speaker 1: for a young girl who's unsupervised, unprotected, un guided to
Speaker 1: make some money. And she's not doing it because she wants.
Speaker 1: She's doing it because she has to. Just like you,
Speaker 1: you got to strip some get to lag. Is she
Speaker 1: a bad girl because she's got a high body count
Speaker 1: out of necessity?
Speaker 4: So interesting, I'll tell you. If you look at it
Speaker 4: from that perspective, of course not. But let's be honest.
Speaker 4: If you have slept with ten fifteen men by the
Speaker 4: age of fifteen, you have ten to fifteen soul times.
Speaker 3: And no matter how.
Speaker 4: We want to put a story in a twist, because
Speaker 4: again I was a stripper, I was a stripper. I
Speaker 4: know for a fact every man that you ever have
Speaker 4: sex with, you see them some way in your life.
Speaker 1: You a.
Speaker 4: That energy of them show up. So you are and
Speaker 4: you are a bad girl. And I'm gonna tell you
Speaker 4: what what has changed my life? When I put real
Speaker 4: titles on what something is?
Speaker 1: It?
Speaker 4: Helps me to realize that that is a problem that
Speaker 4: I need to solve. And so when you label something
Speaker 4: as what it is, but you don't become victim of
Speaker 4: that thing, I think that helps you to move to
Speaker 4: the opposite of that, you know, because the goal is
Speaker 4: not to stay the same. The goal is to say, Okay,
Speaker 4: this is who I was circumstantially. But when do you
Speaker 4: get to a point that you say I shouldn't be
Speaker 4: sleeping around with ten fifteen men. That's tamp down my stuff,
Speaker 4: word and my stuff. Sure, I guess you have to
Speaker 4: do it.
Speaker 1: If you have to do it, I guess you stop
Speaker 1: sleeping with men when you can get old enough, maybe
Speaker 1: to get a job, you know, or where somebody takes
Speaker 1: you in. I just want to make that clear because
Speaker 1: in today's world, there are a lot of young women
Speaker 1: who are on their own and they will turn that way.
Speaker 1: Then there's a lot of young women who choose it
Speaker 1: because it has money attached to it. But beware, I'm
Speaker 1: not letting the men off the hook here. Let me
Speaker 1: ask you a question. Yes, many men want a bad
Speaker 1: girl because she's also fun and sexually adventurous. Uh huh,
Speaker 1: you've heard. I know you've heard that that men want
Speaker 1: a lady.
Speaker 2: Freaking a bed.
Speaker 1: So is a freaking a bed a bad girl? And
Speaker 1: what responsibility do men take for supporting women and being
Speaker 1: bad in order to please them? Let's let's have that conversation,
Speaker 1: mister Beware.
Speaker 2: Well to answer the second question. First, men play a
Speaker 2: major role in that as the leader of the family
Speaker 2: of the community, or supposed to be leader and the
Speaker 2: family of the community. You know how he's set in
Speaker 2: that tone. So if he's if he's not grounded in
Speaker 2: his spiritual practice, if he's not guided his knowledge and self.
Speaker 2: And this is the man that she's laying down with,
Speaker 2: one of those brothers they call body counts. And if
Speaker 2: she's allowing him to deposit himself into her body, that's
Speaker 2: the role that he plays. Because as all of you
Speaker 2: sisters mayn bear witness or not, maybe I can share
Speaker 2: this from my experience. When you and a strong, emotionally
Speaker 2: heightened relationship with a woman myself, then what I find
Speaker 2: is that she begins to take on my characteristics, she
Speaker 2: begins to talk like me, she begins to use my language,
Speaker 2: she begins to pick up my habits, and she starts
Speaker 2: to exercise my mindset. So if I'm a brother, that's
Speaker 2: not well I'm supposed to be in life. You know,
Speaker 2: the sun shines on the moon, no sunnin sunshine shine
Speaker 2: on the sun. So if the sun is not shining
Speaker 2: the way supposed they shine, everything in the galaxy is
Speaker 2: going to be impacted and affected. The man is symbolic
Speaker 2: for the sun, the woman is symbolic for the moon.
Speaker 2: So in this case, how does the good girl become bad? Well,
Speaker 2: the minister always says that most no good women are
Speaker 2: no good because of some no good mad.
Speaker 1: Okay, let me ask a question. Wait a minute, wait
Speaker 1: a minute, let me let me take this the take
Speaker 1: this to another level. So you're you know, you've got
Speaker 1: knowledge yourself and you're in the world. I mean you know,
Speaker 1: you got your wife at home and you go out
Speaker 1: and cheat on her.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, that was that was me. You go out with
Speaker 1: the bad girls. Okay, So what do you think that
Speaker 1: you having the good girl and dishonoring her or betraying
Speaker 1: her trust or violating her by being with the bad girl.
Speaker 1: How do you balance that out? What is that about?
Speaker 2: Well, if I'm using my own situation, right, you know
Speaker 2: what may seem good to you, may not seem good
Speaker 2: to me. So you you could call my situation good
Speaker 2: from the outside looking in, but me that's sitting in
Speaker 2: the inside of it, it may not have been a
Speaker 2: good experience for me. And you won't know what that
Speaker 2: experience is like for me until you conversate with me
Speaker 2: or communicate with me. And I shared that with you.
Speaker 2: So I can't see how people can say a situation
Speaker 2: is good but when they don't.
Speaker 1: Know, well, which situation are you talking about. She's home,
Speaker 1: she's following, she's following your lead, she's doing what it
Speaker 1: is that you know your partner is to do as
Speaker 1: a woman with self knowledge, and blah blah blah. And
Speaker 1: then you see a bad girl and you lose your
Speaker 1: durned mind.
Speaker 2: Yeah I don't know, but I mean that's that's that's
Speaker 2: how that is hypothetical, this hypothetical situation. Excuse me, I'm
Speaker 2: being tongue tight. So I like to deal with more
Speaker 2: in reality, miss miss so and so saying that the
Speaker 2: bad girl is she's tempting. In my opinion, the good
Speaker 2: girl is the most exciting. You know, She's the one
Speaker 2: that's exciting to me. And again, for me, the good
Speaker 2: girl is the one that's grounded in the knowledge of self.
Speaker 2: She's grounded. So just because the other one me look
Speaker 2: nice and she speaks nice and got a nice voice
Speaker 2: and go to church on Sunday, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: That appearance can be an illusion to someone that's looking
Speaker 2: out in but for those for those who on the inside,
Speaker 2: they don't experience that person that's good for me. Good
Speaker 2: is that woman that's speaking to the God in me,
Speaker 2: that woman that's that that that that can speak to
Speaker 2: me in such a way that she can motivate me
Speaker 2: by by with simple words or a simple touch or
Speaker 2: a simple gesture and both motivate me to be more
Speaker 2: in tune with the God that that's within me, more
Speaker 2: in tune on my divine mission, more into on my
Speaker 2: divine assignment. That that's what's good to me and and
Speaker 2: and to me even in the bed. Those girls are
Speaker 2: even more better than the one that do acknowledge itself
Speaker 2: because the one I have knowledge it self, she's in
Speaker 2: tune with that feminine energy and she know how to
Speaker 2: turn it on. That woman that don't have a little femininity,
Speaker 2: it's just a it's a dance for her it's just choreograph.
Speaker 2: That's what it is for. She don't know nothing else.
Speaker 2: She's not connecting with her man's spin fit going on there.
Speaker 1: Well, let me ask let me ask you. Well, first
Speaker 1: of all, let me make a confession. Okay, clutch your
Speaker 1: pearls right now, clutch them way up to your throat
Speaker 1: because this is gonna choke. I used to be I
Speaker 1: used to be a bad girl. All ahead, let me
Speaker 1: tell you why I was a bad girl because I
Speaker 1: had bad character. So, miss store Me, my question to you,
Speaker 1: is a bad girl defined by bad behavior or is
Speaker 1: she defined by bad character? Because I'm confessing I was
Speaker 1: a bad girl because I had bad character? What do
Speaker 1: you say to that, Miss store Me?
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: So, first of all, I'm so happy to ask me
Speaker 4: that question. I promise you I can't make this up
Speaker 4: this morning, and we're gonna go. I look at the
Speaker 4: word intimacy and I say intimate, So I want you
Speaker 4: all to see into.
Speaker 3: Me right now.
Speaker 4: But yes, yes, I live my life on respect, integrity,
Speaker 4: character and honor. And that's my acronym for the word rich.
Speaker 4: You could be the sexiest, the most fabulous. You can
Speaker 4: have Burking Bags, Chanelle Bags, drive Ron and the Rolexe,
Speaker 4: I mean Roland joh Ron and the Roads Voice. We'll
Speaker 4: all kind of be big diamonds. And guess what you have?
Speaker 4: Poor character? You are a bad girl character. Now, I
Speaker 4: tell people all the time, hustle will take you places,
Speaker 4: but your character will keep you there.
Speaker 3: You have to have good character.
Speaker 4: And I think that you should measure a man, buy
Speaker 4: his character, measure a woman buy her character. And I
Speaker 4: love what he said when you know he talked about
Speaker 4: you know, does she speak to the King and you?
Speaker 4: Because a woman of good character can only stay good
Speaker 4: off her tongue. Of course, there are some times where
Speaker 4: we stay bad because it's necessary.
Speaker 3: But yeah, well you have good character, you know.
Speaker 4: I believe that you get to open up new doors
Speaker 4: speeds because people see your soul through your character.
Speaker 1: All right, here's the headline. Y i'm la Mama, y
Speaker 1: i'm la Auntie Yamla was a bad girl.
Speaker 3: We'll be right back.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the R spot. Let's get back to
Speaker 1: the conversation. Woo, we got some This is not a stew,
Speaker 1: this is a gumbo. We got some pork in here,
Speaker 1: some beans, some everything cooking up in here. Talking about
Speaker 1: bad girls, good girls? What makes a bad girl? What
Speaker 1: makes a good girl? What makes a good girl go bad?
Speaker 1: How do you get a bad girl to be good? Misstormy,
Speaker 1: what is it that you wanted to say?
Speaker 4: I just think that internally, as we change our internal dialogue,
Speaker 4: like you, Mama Ayalla, who was once a band girl bad?
Speaker 1: I was bad to the bone?
Speaker 3: Did you see?
Speaker 4: I mean you feeling in your soul when it's time
Speaker 4: to change this awful levity comes in all of us.
Speaker 4: I believe we should get to a point where we
Speaker 4: start feeling it in our soul that this is just
Speaker 4: not right. And when you get there, you will find
Speaker 4: the resources to be able to help you to develop
Speaker 4: in your character and to relinquish.
Speaker 3: The bad girl mentality.
Speaker 4: So I think long as you grow and mature through
Speaker 4: whatever that feaster was? So what did she was bad?
Speaker 4: Did you just can't? We just can't stay bad? And
Speaker 4: I think that is where a real power lies, where
Speaker 4: we could say I used to be this, but hey,
Speaker 4: how I started, Now how I have to finish?
Speaker 3: Hey look at me now. So I love to tell
Speaker 3: people I used to be a stripper.
Speaker 4: I love to tell people that I dropped out of
Speaker 4: school in the tenth grade and I was a teenage mom.
Speaker 4: But I love to also tell them I to have
Speaker 4: a choice. But now that I'm an adult and I
Speaker 4: know better, I do better.
Speaker 1: Well. My guests today have really given us all something
Speaker 1: to think about, particularly me, because I would have never
Speaker 1: thought that I was a bad girl, but absolutely I was.
Speaker 1: I didn't even know I was a bad girl, but
Speaker 1: bad in terms of how we are measuring it and
Speaker 1: what it is that we're measuring, And a lot of
Speaker 1: it has to do with what we know and what
Speaker 1: we don't know, what we do from a place of
Speaker 1: necessity or habit, or the stories that we make up.
Speaker 1: It's really about what's in your heart. It's about how
Speaker 1: you see yourself, how you hold yourself. It's all about
Speaker 1: what you think is necessary and what you're willing or
Speaker 1: unwilling to do. Good girls how do they go bad?
Speaker 1: Bad girls? How do they become good? And what is
Speaker 1: good and what is bad based on the person's needs,
Speaker 1: their experience, their history, their personality. Boy, I wonder how
Speaker 1: many other good girls there are out there who've come
Speaker 1: to the realization that they were really bad. How many
Speaker 1: bad girls or people who've been labeled bad girls are good.
Speaker 1: So I guess the question becomes, how does a bad
Speaker 1: girl transform into a good girl so that she can
Speaker 1: become a good wife, and a good mother and a
Speaker 1: good person, not in the eyes of the world, but
Speaker 1: in her own mind and in her own heart, understanding
Speaker 1: that who she was may have been a matter of
Speaker 1: necessity or miseducation. I want to look at that. We'll
Speaker 1: talk about that next week right here on the R Spot.
Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in today. I hope that you've
Speaker 1: heard something that you can use to make your relationship
Speaker 1: with yourself and everybody else better. I'll see you next week,
Speaker 1: but in the meantime, stay in peace and not in pieces.
Speaker 5: Bye.
Speaker 1: The R Spot is a productuction of Shondaland Audio in
Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite show.