1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:06,240 Speaker 1: I am Ayamla. I had a baby daddy relationship. I 2 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: spent time in a relationship with a married man. I 3 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:13,440 Speaker 1: had to learn the skills and tools required to make 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:18,439 Speaker 1: my relationships healthy, fulfilling and loving. Welcome to the r Spot, 5 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: a production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, 6 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 1: and Welcome to our spot, the place we come to 7 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 1: talk about relationships, all things relationships, all kinds of relationships, 8 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: and the people in the relationship. Because you know, a 9 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,880 Speaker 1: relationship is really a neutral thing, but when you put 10 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 1: people in it, it can be a divine experience or 11 00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:01,680 Speaker 1: a hot mess. But we want to learn the tools, 12 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 1: the skills, the principles, the practices that will elevate all 13 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: of our relationships into fulfilling experiences, loving experiences, the places 14 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:18,319 Speaker 1: we go to heal and learn and exchange the most 15 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: powerful parts of us, the parts of us that are 16 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:25,760 Speaker 1: loving and kind and generous. So today we're going to 17 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 1: cook up a really peppered stew ha a stew about 18 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:38,320 Speaker 1: people in relationships and their history and their past. And 19 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 1: for me, it kind of grows from the lyrics of 20 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:47,440 Speaker 1: a song sung by Jasmine Sullivan treat us bad, make 21 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 1: us sad, then wonder why we are mad, because I 22 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: know that is a story for so many women. They 23 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 1: are mad as hell about the way that they've been treated. 24 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 1: But one of the things that's kind of grown out 25 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 1: of this, out of the treatment women have experience and 26 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 1: about the experiences that they've had, it's this whole notion 27 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,520 Speaker 1: of a bad girl and a good girl. There's an 28 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: age old, principal practice expectation about women in relationships, and 29 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 1: that's that they are good girls. Good girls. Now what 30 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,720 Speaker 1: in the blazon of Jesus is a good girl? Is 31 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 1: that a church girl? Is that a virgin? Are there 32 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:40,120 Speaker 1: virgins anymore? I don't even know what is a good 33 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:44,239 Speaker 1: girl for me. A good girl was one she was, 34 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: first of all a virgin, or she lied about being 35 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,360 Speaker 1: a virgin, or could fake be in a vision. She 36 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:54,240 Speaker 1: went to church, She you know, wore her dresses at 37 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: a respectable length, her hair was always cofferred, and she 38 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,480 Speaker 1: probably had some white gloves, and she wore her purse 39 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,680 Speaker 1: and the crook of her arm. And a bad girl 40 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 1: was one whose dress was a little too tight or 41 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: too short. She was one who climbed in the backseat 42 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: of the car. She was one who had really a 43 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: bad reputation. She was a skunk, and that's what we 44 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: used to call them in my day. They don't even 45 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: use that word anymore. She was a skunk and she 46 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 1: was fast. Oh yeah, she was fast. Those were bad girls. Today, 47 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:31,960 Speaker 1: bad girls are rewarded. There is a bad girl's television show, 48 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 1: and we see so many things on social media and 49 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: in the world where bad girls are getting a check 50 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: for being bad, and the badder they are, it seems 51 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: that the more we like it. But when you talk 52 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 1: to men, when you talk to men about these so 53 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: called bad girls, they are not feeling it at all. Okay, 54 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 1: So here's the question that we're going to look at today. 55 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: We're gonna look at this and I've got two co 56 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 1: hosts with me today who have very strong opinions on 57 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 1: both sides. What happens when a good girl goes bad? 58 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: What does that look like? And what does that mean? 59 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: And can you take a bad girl and make her good? 60 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:22,279 Speaker 1: That's what we want to look at. Good girls, bad girls, 61 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 1: and what is the meaning of it all. So I've 62 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:30,360 Speaker 1: got two co hosts today. I've got Beware from carab 63 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 1: Life Media and he is in the dance hall arena, 64 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: so he sees good girls gone bad, bad girls gone 65 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,360 Speaker 1: good and when they mix it up with bad boys, 66 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 1: good boys. I mean, it is just a thing to behold. 67 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 1: And I have with me this morning as my support 68 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: my other co hosts Stormy Wellington, who is known worldwide 69 00:04:56,200 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: as Coach Stormy. Coach Stormy, and she uses her influence 70 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 1: and her platforms and her voice. I love it her 71 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: voice to really help thousands and thousands of women embrace 72 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: their authentic self. And what if that authentic self is 73 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 1: a little feisty, what we call bad, what does she 74 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: do with that? And what do the guys think about it? 75 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,280 Speaker 1: So welcome, Beware, Welcome Stormy. I think we've got a 76 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: hot topic this morning, so I want to dive right in. 77 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,480 Speaker 1: I'm going to start with you, Beware, since most women 78 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 1: really want to please and attract men, Can you tell 79 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 1: me what is a good girl? What do you, as 80 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: a man consider to be a good girl? 81 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:57,280 Speaker 2: What is that a good girl is? Oh, my opinion, 82 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 2: is a woman that that she's foundedd in the knowledge 83 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:07,719 Speaker 2: of herself, a culture, her history of community, relationship with 84 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 2: God is also in there. That's like first and foremost, 85 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,919 Speaker 2: because that's going to determine how she shows up in 86 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 2: the relationship. Is the effort is the information that she has. 87 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 2: So if she doesn't have the right information or that 88 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 2: that information that you say is good, she's not. She's 89 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,160 Speaker 2: not going to be able to show up as as 90 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 2: good in the relationship and then should show up other 91 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 2: than that. And and it seems like that's like a 92 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:43,080 Speaker 2: very common thing today amongst a lot of brothers that 93 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,279 Speaker 2: I have conversations with. 94 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:48,000 Speaker 1: What is that they want a woman who has the 95 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 1: knowledge of herself well. 96 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,480 Speaker 2: Woman that shows up and she doesn't have that knowledge 97 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 2: to sell because there's there's a there's a flip side 98 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 2: to the point, which is this delusional thing where she believes, 99 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 2: feels thinks that she has a certain value because of 100 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,960 Speaker 2: what she looks like, or how tight al how tighter 101 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 2: clothes are, how big a BdL is, or her or 102 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:16,679 Speaker 2: her fake breasts, or or or how long and climb 103 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 2: risk her weave is, how expensive it is, like that 104 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 2: mean means something to her and to the women that 105 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,679 Speaker 2: she's trying to compete in the press, But brothers don't 106 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 2: really see no value in that. 107 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: Okay, So let me ask you this so you're saying 108 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,320 Speaker 1: a good girl doesn't have what'd you say, a BBL 109 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: What is that? 110 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,280 Speaker 2: No, that's a fake butt. 111 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: Oh, so good girls don't have fake faith. 112 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 3: Good good girls. 113 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 1: Don't have fake butts. 114 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 2: That's not what I'm saying. 115 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 1: Okay, what are you saying? 116 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 2: What I'm saying is when a woman shows up and 117 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 2: she has a knowledge of self, that's what makes her good. 118 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 2: And what does the knowledge of self look like? When 119 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 2: she shows up with the knowledge of self, well cultural, 120 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 2: cultural or knowledge, a historical knowledge or spiritual foundation, she 121 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:08,560 Speaker 2: shows up in effeminine energy. That feminine energy is that's 122 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 2: like if you were to think the nurturing, loving, caring 123 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 2: part of God and manifested on earth as a human being, 124 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 2: it would look like the woman. So when she's interest 125 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 2: in that feminine energy, she's shown up with that with 126 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,400 Speaker 2: God or ask God or God in her is being 127 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,560 Speaker 2: expressed and that comes from knowledge yourself, and she doesn't 128 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 2: have that knowledge it. So she's going to show up 129 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,439 Speaker 2: based on how the world's shaped her think it how 130 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:38,319 Speaker 2: the world supported her influenced her to think. And when 131 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:42,319 Speaker 2: you look at how modern women show up today, it's 132 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,840 Speaker 2: not really working for the black community. 133 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:50,559 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, miss Stormy who. Let's start here with 134 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 1: a basic definition of a good girl. What's a good 135 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,240 Speaker 1: girl in today's world. 136 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,679 Speaker 4: I believe that a good girl is a woman that's 137 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 4: grin found it first of all, in some spiritual practices, 138 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 4: whatever that may be. I respect everybody's belief, but I 139 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,839 Speaker 4: think that you must know that you don't have the power, 140 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,040 Speaker 4: you are part of the power. 141 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 3: Number one. 142 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,720 Speaker 4: I also believe that a woman that rooted on respect, integrity, 143 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 4: character and honor is a good girl. A woman that 144 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 4: knows her place, knows her responsibility. And I'll tell you 145 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 4: I had a BBL when I was actually twenty one 146 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 4: years old because I kind of had no choice. And 147 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 4: I'm forty four years old today and I had to 148 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 4: get that BBL removed because it was really causing some issues. 149 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 4: And I'm a good girl. I'm a single mom of three, 150 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 4: and I always was not a good girl. But I 151 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 4: did not like how I was showing up. I didn't 152 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:47,199 Speaker 4: like the example that I was, and so I went 153 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 4: and did the work two step in my feminine power 154 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,199 Speaker 4: in to be a quote unquote a good girl. 155 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 3: I'm not married. 156 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,320 Speaker 4: I am single, but I do date one man and 157 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,480 Speaker 4: I respect him as a man, and I do think 158 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,319 Speaker 4: that a lot of as women. Because of our circumstances 159 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 4: in our environment, we don't have the capacity to be 160 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 4: feminine because we are taking on a lot of makaning rolls. 161 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,720 Speaker 4: So I just want to let him know that that 162 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 4: we are going, yeah, yeah. 163 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:12,559 Speaker 3: We're being mother and father. 164 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 4: We're being the ones that go get the money, you know, 165 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 4: and then we try to we try to cook and 166 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,360 Speaker 4: clean at the same time. So it's not as easy 167 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 4: as it used to be for us to be in 168 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 4: that feminine role because we don't have the capacity to 169 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:23,679 Speaker 4: do it. 170 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 1: So wait a minute, because I don't want us to 171 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,040 Speaker 1: lose track of the stew we make, and we getting 172 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: ready to make a cake and pancakes and Chitling's okay, 173 00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:37,600 Speaker 1: let's get the stew on the stove and then we'll 174 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:41,439 Speaker 1: start putting more ingredients in. So if I heard you, 175 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 1: because I listened with my ears and my eyes, and 176 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 1: my tongue and my lips and my hair follicles and 177 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:51,839 Speaker 1: my nipples, I listen with everything, I think I heard 178 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 1: you misstore me say that you weren't always a good girl. 179 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: Did you say that? 180 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,079 Speaker 3: Yes, s'am, I was not all it's a good girl. Okay, 181 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:01,959 Speaker 3: So let's talk. 182 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,640 Speaker 1: About what is a bad girl? Talk about that. 183 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 4: So I'll tell you, first of all, I don't want 184 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 4: to stay bad girl because I don't want to judge, 185 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,199 Speaker 4: because we don't know a person's circumstances. You know, never 186 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:15,920 Speaker 4: judge a man about his success, but what he had 187 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,240 Speaker 4: to overcome to be successful. 188 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 3: At thirteen years old, I didn't have no mom and 189 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:20,040 Speaker 3: no dad. 190 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 4: He was gone, and so I got into survival mode 191 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,839 Speaker 4: and I was a stripper at thirteen. I didn't want 192 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,560 Speaker 4: to be a stripper. But if you have no food 193 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,679 Speaker 4: and the water is off and you found a way 194 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 4: to make some money, then that could be considered a 195 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 4: bad girl. 196 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:36,040 Speaker 1: But if I was a bad girl, circumstantially, let me 197 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 1: define bad and I'm not no heat, no judgment. We're 198 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 1: talking about in the way the world looks at it. 199 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 1: So you are absolutely right. Circumstances will force us into 200 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: situations that don't honor the best, the highest, and the 201 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 1: truth of who we are. But the world will still 202 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:57,240 Speaker 1: look at that as bad a bad girl. So we're 203 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: not judging. But let's get a definition out there that 204 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:04,319 Speaker 1: people can understand. Okay, all right, Okay, so you were 205 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 1: stripping at thirteen. 206 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 3: I was stripping at thirteen. 207 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 4: I was stealing food out of the grocery store at thirteen, 208 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 4: I was stealing clothes at thirteen. I was still in 209 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:18,600 Speaker 4: school with no mom and no dad at thirteen, and 210 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 4: then end up having my first child at fifteen. So 211 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:25,320 Speaker 4: I could look like I'm a bad girl, right, But 212 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 4: I had no choice. I was surviving. I was not 213 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,439 Speaker 4: doing these things because I didn't have anything else to do. 214 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:35,760 Speaker 4: I was trying to feel for myself. So people labeled me. 215 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 4: You know, I used to have to steal. I used 216 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:42,000 Speaker 4: to dance, and I used to schem and scam because 217 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,080 Speaker 4: I needed to eat. And then I had a child 218 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 4: at fifteen, so I was definitely enabled band girl until 219 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 4: I started to get exposed to another way. And that's 220 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 4: what makes me, you know, grateful to him went through 221 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,200 Speaker 4: all the things I went through, because I do believe 222 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:59,160 Speaker 4: that some girls are bad girls by choice because they 223 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 4: just don't want to try to be good girls. And 224 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 4: if some girls are bad because they have to survive. 225 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And I think that that's part of the 226 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:13,440 Speaker 1: challenge that we face. We get caught up in the 227 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,679 Speaker 1: external and we look at it and we label it. 228 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:21,600 Speaker 1: So again, we're just putting the ingredients in the stew. 229 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,720 Speaker 1: We're gonna throw it all up on the wall in 230 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 1: a minute. Mister beware, how would you, as a man, 231 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 1: define a bad girl? 232 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 2: I think me and other calls star on the same 233 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,440 Speaker 2: page as that. I don't think it's too much different, 234 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 2: might be using different word. But she shows up and 235 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 2: she's not grounding us as some type of spiritual philosophy 236 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:46,880 Speaker 2: or practice or foundation. She doesn't have any cultural awareness, 237 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 2: a think in this shaped by the world and motivated 238 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:53,520 Speaker 2: by her emotions. That's a bad girl. 239 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 1: All right, all right, We've got to take a break, 240 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 1: but I want to make sure you get this. So 241 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:03,080 Speaker 1: get your pencil, your pen and your Hogwarts notebook and 242 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 1: take this down. A bad girl is one who has 243 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:11,319 Speaker 1: no knowledge of self, who has no spiritual grounding, and 244 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: who allows the world, the external world, to define her. 245 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,360 Speaker 1: And a good girl is one who has knowledge of 246 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 1: herself and who demonstrates that knowledge, and who more specifically, 247 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 1: is standing on a firm, solid spiritual foundation. We're going 248 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:36,240 Speaker 1: to talk more about that right after this. Welcome back 249 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 1: to the r spot. Let's pick up where we left off. 250 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 1: How do bad girls show up in relationships? Oh? Okay, 251 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 1: let's talk about that. I was going to ask, have 252 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,200 Speaker 1: you ever had an experience with a bad girl? But 253 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,200 Speaker 1: your face has told it all. How do bad girls 254 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 1: show up in relationships? 255 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 4: Oh? 256 00:14:55,680 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 2: Men, a man? Where do I start? All? Right? They 257 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 2: show up well as the definition that I just gave. 258 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,440 Speaker 2: But what would that definition look like in a relationship. 259 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 2: It would look like a confrontational woman. It would look 260 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:14,800 Speaker 2: like an argumentative woman. It looked like a disrespectful woman. 261 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 2: It would look like a woman that she's governed by 262 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 2: a delusional point of which is because what she looks like, 263 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:31,720 Speaker 2: she thinks that's her value. A bad girl would show 264 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 2: up as very, very combative and confrontational. She's not inspiring you, 265 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 2: she's not talking to the god in you. I wants 266 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 2: her to minister say, you know, as my wife that 267 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,400 Speaker 2: taught me how to be the man that I am. 268 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,160 Speaker 2: And he explained how she would do that, and he 269 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,480 Speaker 2: would say, you know, when she had upset or a 270 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 2: beef with him, instead of going she would be like, 271 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 2: you know, baby, I really enjoy and I really like 272 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,440 Speaker 2: and I really look up to you, and I really 273 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,200 Speaker 2: admire and and really speaking to him in that way 274 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 2: to motivate him and to push him to being the 275 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 2: man that he is. So when that when not that 276 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 2: bad girl, she can motivate a man. She can only 277 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,600 Speaker 2: excuse the expression, you might got to beat this part out. 278 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 2: But she can only speak to the in you. She 279 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,680 Speaker 2: can't speak to the gun in you because she because 280 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 2: she doesn't have those spiritual those footies. So when she 281 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,119 Speaker 2: when she's grounded, when she had that spiritual of development 282 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 2: practice in her life and it's forefront of her life, 283 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,800 Speaker 2: then then she'll she can speak to that in you. 284 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:42,120 Speaker 2: But I haven't experienced a lot of women who do 285 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 2: that in my own personal relationships now because of how 286 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 2: I'm move and who I am. They'll try to show 287 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 2: up and fake it. You know, they'll try to show 288 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 2: up in it. They'll talk that language, you know, they 289 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,720 Speaker 2: talk that metaphysical language, and they're talk that peace brother, 290 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 2: peace king, and you know they start off like that, 291 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 2: but but it doesn't hold water because very shortly, you know, 292 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,680 Speaker 2: the truth of who they are shortly comes out and 293 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 2: you can't really hide that bad girl. 294 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,480 Speaker 1: So the thing that I find very interesting is how 295 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 1: you're defining a bad girl is about her presence her 296 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:23,440 Speaker 1: speaking how she uh stands within herself as a as 297 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,720 Speaker 1: a woman, Miss Stormy. Let me ask you this as 298 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 1: what the world might say, because you were a stripper, 299 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 1: is a bad girl? What about a woman with a 300 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 1: high body count? Is she a bad girl? 301 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,160 Speaker 3: I would tell you this. 302 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,679 Speaker 4: I think that as a woman, you know who you 303 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:47,200 Speaker 4: allow intimate intimacy with you. They need you know those 304 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:51,120 Speaker 4: so spiritualized with you. I think if a woman is promiscuous, 305 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 4: I will be honest with you. Yes, I think that 306 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 4: that is one of the definitions of a bad girl. 307 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 4: But I want to also speak to about that. He said, 308 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,639 Speaker 4: I used to be like that. I'll tell you that. 309 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,520 Speaker 4: I used to be very domasculating. I used to be 310 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 4: very abrasive. I used to try to purposely like tear 311 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 4: a man down. Until I worked on my feminine energy. 312 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:17,200 Speaker 4: Until I realized that if I'm dating you, I'm I'm 313 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,160 Speaker 4: better off building you up then than tear you down. 314 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,440 Speaker 3: And I had yes. 315 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 4: And I want to tell you that I had to 316 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 4: do a lot of work, and it came from me 317 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,240 Speaker 4: looking at how it looked. I watched other women be 318 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 4: like that, and I would be like, damn, am I 319 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,600 Speaker 4: am I, and am I am? I showing up like that, 320 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:35,959 Speaker 4: I realized how bad it looked. And then I can 321 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,320 Speaker 4: tell you this. I started to realize the pattern in 322 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,440 Speaker 4: my dating that I was dating the same the same 323 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,040 Speaker 4: men in different bodies. And so when I started to 324 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,920 Speaker 4: look observed myself, because I observed myself all the time, 325 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,879 Speaker 4: I realized that it was because of me. I was 326 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 4: attracted to me who I was, and so I had 327 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,640 Speaker 4: to do a lot of work too. I was never 328 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,680 Speaker 4: promised you with Thank god, I never I don't have 329 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 4: a high body count or anything like that. I might 330 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,560 Speaker 4: have as but I was never a promiscuous girl, right, 331 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,760 Speaker 4: but I would just you know, stay this to even you, 332 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,440 Speaker 4: miss like y'all are a lot of women. 333 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 3: Who have a high body count. 334 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:13,119 Speaker 4: I think that that affects their self esteem and because 335 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,359 Speaker 4: they know that, they kind of feel like they have 336 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,440 Speaker 4: no value because of it. Because when you have sex 337 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,520 Speaker 4: with so many different men, you can't help but know 338 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,679 Speaker 4: that that energy is still within you. So until you 339 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,720 Speaker 4: go do some spiritual work and get that release, you 340 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 4: don't know how much you're being suppressed by those sexual partners. 341 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 1: Okay, so wait a minute, wait a minute, miss Stormy, 342 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,720 Speaker 1: what about the fifteen, sixteen year old who doesn't have 343 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: a mother and a father, who doesn't have anyone to 344 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:48,080 Speaker 1: whom she's accountable, anyone who's responsible for her. And that's 345 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:51,280 Speaker 1: a quick way, that's the oldest profession in the world 346 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:57,080 Speaker 1: for a young girl who's unsupervised, unprotected, un guided to 347 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,240 Speaker 1: make some money. And she's not doing it because she wants. 348 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,600 Speaker 1: She's doing it because she has to. Just like you, 349 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,480 Speaker 1: you got to strip some get to lag. Is she 350 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,480 Speaker 1: a bad girl because she's got a high body count 351 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,360 Speaker 1: out of necessity? 352 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,760 Speaker 4: So interesting, I'll tell you. If you look at it 353 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 4: from that perspective, of course not. But let's be honest. 354 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 4: If you have slept with ten fifteen men by the 355 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:26,480 Speaker 4: age of fifteen, you have ten to fifteen soul times. 356 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,920 Speaker 3: And no matter how. 357 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,560 Speaker 4: We want to put a story in a twist, because 358 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,560 Speaker 4: again I was a stripper, I was a stripper. I 359 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,119 Speaker 4: know for a fact every man that you ever have 360 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 4: sex with, you see them some way in your life. 361 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:38,159 Speaker 1: You a. 362 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 4: That energy of them show up. So you are and 363 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,199 Speaker 4: you are a bad girl. And I'm gonna tell you 364 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,560 Speaker 4: what what has changed my life? When I put real 365 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 4: titles on what something is? 366 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:48,879 Speaker 1: It? 367 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 4: Helps me to realize that that is a problem that 368 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:55,080 Speaker 4: I need to solve. And so when you label something 369 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,159 Speaker 4: as what it is, but you don't become victim of 370 00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,640 Speaker 4: that thing, I think that helps you to move to 371 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:04,479 Speaker 4: the opposite of that, you know, because the goal is 372 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 4: not to stay the same. The goal is to say, Okay, 373 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,159 Speaker 4: this is who I was circumstantially. But when do you 374 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,080 Speaker 4: get to a point that you say I shouldn't be 375 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,200 Speaker 4: sleeping around with ten fifteen men. That's tamp down my stuff, 376 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,800 Speaker 4: word and my stuff. Sure, I guess you have to 377 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 4: do it. 378 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,119 Speaker 1: If you have to do it, I guess you stop 379 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 1: sleeping with men when you can get old enough, maybe 380 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:28,160 Speaker 1: to get a job, you know, or where somebody takes 381 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 1: you in. I just want to make that clear because 382 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:36,040 Speaker 1: in today's world, there are a lot of young women 383 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:40,359 Speaker 1: who are on their own and they will turn that way. 384 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,240 Speaker 1: Then there's a lot of young women who choose it 385 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,880 Speaker 1: because it has money attached to it. But beware, I'm 386 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,879 Speaker 1: not letting the men off the hook here. Let me 387 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:54,359 Speaker 1: ask you a question. Yes, many men want a bad 388 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 1: girl because she's also fun and sexually adventurous. Uh huh, 389 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,160 Speaker 1: you've heard. I know you've heard that that men want 390 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: a lady. 391 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:07,880 Speaker 2: Freaking a bed. 392 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,520 Speaker 1: So is a freaking a bed a bad girl? And 393 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:15,760 Speaker 1: what responsibility do men take for supporting women and being 394 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,520 Speaker 1: bad in order to please them? Let's let's have that conversation, 395 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 1: mister Beware. 396 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 2: Well to answer the second question. First, men play a 397 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,440 Speaker 2: major role in that as the leader of the family 398 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,080 Speaker 2: of the community, or supposed to be leader and the 399 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,879 Speaker 2: family of the community. You know how he's set in 400 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:41,560 Speaker 2: that tone. So if he's if he's not grounded in 401 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:45,640 Speaker 2: his spiritual practice, if he's not guided his knowledge and self. 402 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,440 Speaker 2: And this is the man that she's laying down with, 403 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,439 Speaker 2: one of those brothers they call body counts. And if 404 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:57,920 Speaker 2: she's allowing him to deposit himself into her body, that's 405 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:01,679 Speaker 2: the role that he plays. Because as all of you 406 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 2: sisters mayn bear witness or not, maybe I can share 407 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:08,560 Speaker 2: this from my experience. When you and a strong, emotionally 408 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 2: heightened relationship with a woman myself, then what I find 409 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,800 Speaker 2: is that she begins to take on my characteristics, she 410 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 2: begins to talk like me, she begins to use my language, 411 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,560 Speaker 2: she begins to pick up my habits, and she starts 412 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,280 Speaker 2: to exercise my mindset. So if I'm a brother, that's 413 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,920 Speaker 2: not well I'm supposed to be in life. You know, 414 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 2: the sun shines on the moon, no sunnin sunshine shine 415 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,879 Speaker 2: on the sun. So if the sun is not shining 416 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,960 Speaker 2: the way supposed they shine, everything in the galaxy is 417 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:43,080 Speaker 2: going to be impacted and affected. The man is symbolic 418 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,200 Speaker 2: for the sun, the woman is symbolic for the moon. 419 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:50,119 Speaker 2: So in this case, how does the good girl become bad? Well, 420 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,080 Speaker 2: the minister always says that most no good women are 421 00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:54,920 Speaker 2: no good because of some no good mad. 422 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,040 Speaker 1: Okay, let me ask a question. Wait a minute, wait 423 00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,320 Speaker 1: a minute, let me let me take this the take 424 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:05,360 Speaker 1: this to another level. So you're you know, you've got 425 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:09,040 Speaker 1: knowledge yourself and you're in the world. I mean you know, 426 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,520 Speaker 1: you got your wife at home and you go out 427 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:12,280 Speaker 1: and cheat on her. 428 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:15,800 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 429 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,119 Speaker 1: Okay, that was that was me. You go out with 430 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:23,680 Speaker 1: the bad girls. Okay, So what do you think that 431 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:30,240 Speaker 1: you having the good girl and dishonoring her or betraying 432 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 1: her trust or violating her by being with the bad girl. 433 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: How do you balance that out? What is that about? 434 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:44,000 Speaker 2: Well, if I'm using my own situation, right, you know 435 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,240 Speaker 2: what may seem good to you, may not seem good 436 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,640 Speaker 2: to me. So you you could call my situation good 437 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,879 Speaker 2: from the outside looking in, but me that's sitting in 438 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,240 Speaker 2: the inside of it, it may not have been a 439 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 2: good experience for me. And you won't know what that 440 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,040 Speaker 2: experience is like for me until you conversate with me 441 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,960 Speaker 2: or communicate with me. And I shared that with you. 442 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 2: So I can't see how people can say a situation 443 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,240 Speaker 2: is good but when they don't. 444 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:13,520 Speaker 1: Know, well, which situation are you talking about. She's home, 445 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:18,119 Speaker 1: she's following, she's following your lead, she's doing what it 446 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 1: is that you know your partner is to do as 447 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 1: a woman with self knowledge, and blah blah blah. And 448 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,040 Speaker 1: then you see a bad girl and you lose your 449 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 1: durned mind. 450 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 2: Yeah I don't know, but I mean that's that's that's 451 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:36,080 Speaker 2: how that is hypothetical, this hypothetical situation. Excuse me, I'm 452 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 2: being tongue tight. So I like to deal with more 453 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 2: in reality, miss miss so and so saying that the 454 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:54,320 Speaker 2: bad girl is she's tempting. In my opinion, the good 455 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:59,280 Speaker 2: girl is the most exciting. You know, She's the one 456 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,480 Speaker 2: that's exciting to me. And again, for me, the good 457 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,040 Speaker 2: girl is the one that's grounded in the knowledge of self. 458 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,560 Speaker 2: She's grounded. So just because the other one me look 459 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,879 Speaker 2: nice and she speaks nice and got a nice voice 460 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,120 Speaker 2: and go to church on Sunday, That's what I'm saying. 461 00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 2: That appearance can be an illusion to someone that's looking 462 00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:19,400 Speaker 2: out in but for those for those who on the inside, 463 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 2: they don't experience that person that's good for me. Good 464 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,000 Speaker 2: is that woman that's speaking to the God in me, 465 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,000 Speaker 2: that woman that's that that that that can speak to 466 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,919 Speaker 2: me in such a way that she can motivate me 467 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:35,280 Speaker 2: by by with simple words or a simple touch or 468 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,360 Speaker 2: a simple gesture and both motivate me to be more 469 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 2: in tune with the God that that's within me, more 470 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,760 Speaker 2: in tune on my divine mission, more into on my 471 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,280 Speaker 2: divine assignment. That that's what's good to me and and 472 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,199 Speaker 2: and to me even in the bed. Those girls are 473 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,600 Speaker 2: even more better than the one that do acknowledge itself 474 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,040 Speaker 2: because the one I have knowledge it self, she's in 475 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,239 Speaker 2: tune with that feminine energy and she know how to 476 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,040 Speaker 2: turn it on. That woman that don't have a little femininity, 477 00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:01,720 Speaker 2: it's just a it's a dance for her it's just choreograph. 478 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 2: That's what it is for. She don't know nothing else. 479 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:10,640 Speaker 2: She's not connecting with her man's spin fit going on there. 480 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,080 Speaker 1: Well, let me ask let me ask you. Well, first 481 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:18,000 Speaker 1: of all, let me make a confession. Okay, clutch your 482 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:21,200 Speaker 1: pearls right now, clutch them way up to your throat 483 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:25,960 Speaker 1: because this is gonna choke. I used to be I 484 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,679 Speaker 1: used to be a bad girl. All ahead, let me 485 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,320 Speaker 1: tell you why I was a bad girl because I 486 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:37,200 Speaker 1: had bad character. So, miss store Me, my question to you, 487 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,560 Speaker 1: is a bad girl defined by bad behavior or is 488 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:45,439 Speaker 1: she defined by bad character? Because I'm confessing I was 489 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,000 Speaker 1: a bad girl because I had bad character? What do 490 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:50,280 Speaker 1: you say to that, Miss store Me? 491 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:51,520 Speaker 3: Oh my god. 492 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,359 Speaker 4: So, first of all, I'm so happy to ask me 493 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,520 Speaker 4: that question. I promise you I can't make this up 494 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,200 Speaker 4: this morning, and we're gonna go. I look at the 495 00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,040 Speaker 4: word intimacy and I say intimate, So I want you 496 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:02,159 Speaker 4: all to see into. 497 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:02,560 Speaker 3: Me right now. 498 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:07,680 Speaker 4: But yes, yes, I live my life on respect, integrity, 499 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 4: character and honor. And that's my acronym for the word rich. 500 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,720 Speaker 4: You could be the sexiest, the most fabulous. You can 501 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,560 Speaker 4: have Burking Bags, Chanelle Bags, drive Ron and the Rolexe, 502 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:19,960 Speaker 4: I mean Roland joh Ron and the Roads Voice. We'll 503 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,359 Speaker 4: all kind of be big diamonds. And guess what you have? 504 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:27,399 Speaker 4: Poor character? You are a bad girl character. Now, I 505 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,840 Speaker 4: tell people all the time, hustle will take you places, 506 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:31,280 Speaker 4: but your character will keep you there. 507 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,119 Speaker 3: You have to have good character. 508 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,400 Speaker 4: And I think that you should measure a man, buy 509 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 4: his character, measure a woman buy her character. And I 510 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 4: love what he said when you know he talked about 511 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:41,480 Speaker 4: you know, does she speak to the King and you? 512 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,120 Speaker 4: Because a woman of good character can only stay good 513 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,160 Speaker 4: off her tongue. Of course, there are some times where 514 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,040 Speaker 4: we stay bad because it's necessary. 515 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 3: But yeah, well you have good character, you know. 516 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,240 Speaker 4: I believe that you get to open up new doors 517 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 4: speeds because people see your soul through your character. 518 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 1: All right, here's the headline. Y i'm la Mama, y 519 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,240 Speaker 1: i'm la Auntie Yamla was a bad girl. 520 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 3: We'll be right back. 521 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,760 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the R spot. Let's get back to 522 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:14,840 Speaker 1: the conversation. Woo, we got some This is not a stew, 523 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:18,280 Speaker 1: this is a gumbo. We got some pork in here, 524 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:22,160 Speaker 1: some beans, some everything cooking up in here. Talking about 525 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,640 Speaker 1: bad girls, good girls? What makes a bad girl? What 526 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,400 Speaker 1: makes a good girl? What makes a good girl go bad? 527 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,840 Speaker 1: How do you get a bad girl to be good? Misstormy, 528 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,440 Speaker 1: what is it that you wanted to say? 529 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:39,680 Speaker 4: I just think that internally, as we change our internal dialogue, 530 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 4: like you, Mama Ayalla, who was once a band girl bad? 531 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,040 Speaker 1: I was bad to the bone? 532 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:46,240 Speaker 3: Did you see? 533 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 4: I mean you feeling in your soul when it's time 534 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,440 Speaker 4: to change this awful levity comes in all of us. 535 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 4: I believe we should get to a point where we 536 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,920 Speaker 4: start feeling it in our soul that this is just 537 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 4: not right. And when you get there, you will find 538 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 4: the resources to be able to help you to develop 539 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:04,600 Speaker 4: in your character and to relinquish. 540 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:05,160 Speaker 3: The bad girl mentality. 541 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,320 Speaker 4: So I think long as you grow and mature through 542 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:10,200 Speaker 4: whatever that feaster was? So what did she was bad? 543 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,080 Speaker 4: Did you just can't? We just can't stay bad? And 544 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,520 Speaker 4: I think that is where a real power lies, where 545 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:17,440 Speaker 4: we could say I used to be this, but hey, 546 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,000 Speaker 4: how I started, Now how I have to finish? 547 00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,040 Speaker 3: Hey look at me now. So I love to tell 548 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:22,160 Speaker 3: people I used to be a stripper. 549 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,040 Speaker 4: I love to tell people that I dropped out of 550 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 4: school in the tenth grade and I was a teenage mom. 551 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,520 Speaker 4: But I love to also tell them I to have 552 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,600 Speaker 4: a choice. But now that I'm an adult and I 553 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:31,960 Speaker 4: know better, I do better. 554 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:36,160 Speaker 1: Well. My guests today have really given us all something 555 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: to think about, particularly me, because I would have never 556 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,560 Speaker 1: thought that I was a bad girl, but absolutely I was. 557 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,480 Speaker 1: I didn't even know I was a bad girl, but 558 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 1: bad in terms of how we are measuring it and 559 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,640 Speaker 1: what it is that we're measuring, And a lot of 560 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,480 Speaker 1: it has to do with what we know and what 561 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 1: we don't know, what we do from a place of 562 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,680 Speaker 1: necessity or habit, or the stories that we make up. 563 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:12,480 Speaker 1: It's really about what's in your heart. It's about how 564 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:15,600 Speaker 1: you see yourself, how you hold yourself. It's all about 565 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 1: what you think is necessary and what you're willing or 566 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:24,720 Speaker 1: unwilling to do. Good girls how do they go bad? 567 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:28,880 Speaker 1: Bad girls? How do they become good? And what is 568 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 1: good and what is bad based on the person's needs, 569 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:38,920 Speaker 1: their experience, their history, their personality. Boy, I wonder how 570 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: many other good girls there are out there who've come 571 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:46,440 Speaker 1: to the realization that they were really bad. How many 572 00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 1: bad girls or people who've been labeled bad girls are good. 573 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,640 Speaker 1: So I guess the question becomes, how does a bad 574 00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:01,880 Speaker 1: girl transform into a good girl so that she can 575 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 1: become a good wife, and a good mother and a 576 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 1: good person, not in the eyes of the world, but 577 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,640 Speaker 1: in her own mind and in her own heart, understanding 578 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:18,200 Speaker 1: that who she was may have been a matter of 579 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:22,440 Speaker 1: necessity or miseducation. I want to look at that. We'll 580 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 1: talk about that next week right here on the R Spot. 581 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,880 Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in today. I hope that you've 582 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:32,960 Speaker 1: heard something that you can use to make your relationship 583 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,960 Speaker 1: with yourself and everybody else better. I'll see you next week, 584 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:40,840 Speaker 1: but in the meantime, stay in peace and not in pieces. 585 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:57,480 Speaker 5: Bye. 586 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:02,240 Speaker 1: The R Spot is a productuction of Shondaland Audio in 587 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:08,000 Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit 588 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:12,360 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 589 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:13,600 Speaker 1: your favorite show.