Speaker 1: What's up, you guys. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Speaker 1: On this week's episode, we are joined by Debbie Brown,
Speaker 1: who is the Chief Impact Officer at Choprah. She's also
Speaker 1: a mama author an overall just amazing human. On this
Speaker 1: week's episode, you can expect to hear about healing your
Speaker 1: inner child, identifying trauma, why children need someone to blame, what.
Speaker 2: Man in history is to blame for the unempowered woman and.
Speaker 1: I get a little emotional talking about a personal inner
Speaker 1: child realization that just happened. So make sure you guys
Speaker 1: tune in. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode featuring
Speaker 1: Debbie Brown. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm
Speaker 1: Erica and I'm Mila and it's the first week of April.
Speaker 3: Happy spring hot.
Speaker 1: I know y'all love when I sing, and nobody loves
Speaker 1: it when you say you love when you sing? Okay,
Speaker 1: you are don't You are fucking off key all the time.
Speaker 3: Don't get me started.
Speaker 2: See you guys, what I tell you, don't let me
Speaker 2: freestyle on my voice. Okay.
Speaker 1: So it's April, and you know we just are we're
Speaker 1: getting out of money March, which I hope you guys
Speaker 1: enjoyed last month because we had some amazing guests. I
Speaker 1: feel very much more empowered about my finances. I'm really
Speaker 1: excited because we are going to be joining Loose Warrior
Speaker 1: for her Wealth Rules Everything Around Me course starting on
Speaker 1: May first and second. I'm pretty sure it's already sold out,
Speaker 1: but we are. She is partnering with us US and
Speaker 1: giving four scholarships to four of our listeners to join
Speaker 1: that class, and it's going to be amazing. So if
Speaker 1: you want to learn more about finances and feel more empowered,
Speaker 1: first of all, follow Loose Warrior because she's the shit.
Speaker 1: And secondly, make sure you keep look out for her
Speaker 1: next course because I think she's going to do another round,
Speaker 1: and look out for that giveaway because you could be
Speaker 1: in class with us.
Speaker 2: We're students. We're students again. Yeah, I want to take
Speaker 2: a class. I know I have for like two years.
Speaker 2: I'm very excited to start here with my finances. I'm
Speaker 2: feeling very empowered this April. It's spring. It's time to
Speaker 2: birth some shit. Erica and I are birthing lots of shit,
Speaker 2: so amazing, so many things. So I'm feeling I'm feeling springy.
Speaker 2: I'm feeling ready to give birth to all of our
Speaker 2: things and run with it so I can chill by
Speaker 2: the pool in the summer.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get you on that yap, baby.
Speaker 3: We're getting on this fucking yacht if it's the last
Speaker 3: thing I do. Can't wait.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm really excited because this month, I you know,
Speaker 1: there's not necessarily a theme per se, but I do
Speaker 1: want to focus on wellness, tapping back into our wellness,
Speaker 1: checking in with ourselves. You know, at the beginning of
Speaker 1: the year, we talked a lot about manifestation, and we
Speaker 1: talked a lot about you know, just healing. And so
Speaker 1: I'm just really excited because we have a special guest
Speaker 1: here who I feel like is going to like help,
Speaker 1: you know, kickstart this month off really in a really
Speaker 1: amazing way. So Debbie Brown, welcome to the show.
Speaker 3: Thank you. I'm so happy to be here with you. Guys. Welcome.
Speaker 1: And if you guys don't know who Debve is, well
Speaker 1: you will by the end of this episode, and you
Speaker 1: should anyway. She is the chief Impact Officer at Chopra
Speaker 1: and she has her own podcast called Dropping Gems with
Speaker 1: Debbie Brown, which is amazing. Like I was listening to
Speaker 1: it on the car ride here and I was like,
Speaker 1: screen recording. Should I like to come back to this?
Speaker 1: I was like yes, like what so make sure you
Speaker 1: check that out. So, but welcome deVie, Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us.
Speaker 4: Thank you big fan of you guys. Really happy to
Speaker 4: be here and talk about all of the things.
Speaker 1: So I know, DEBI from like a hundred years ago,
Speaker 1: not one hundred. We're still young, but so young prior
Speaker 1: to children I just infant prior to children's And it's
Speaker 1: been so cool to watch your journey. And I know
Speaker 1: we talked a little bit before the episode and you
Speaker 1: said kind of like you've always been kind of, you know,
Speaker 1: trying to tap in into this space, but you kind
Speaker 1: of didn't always feel like the space to do it,
Speaker 1: or like yeah you be judged or something. Yeah, can
Speaker 1: you tell our listeners a little bit about you?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I mean speaking to that like that, I'll
Speaker 4: start there. You know, I think when I think about
Speaker 4: being a seeker and just kind of being on.
Speaker 5: This path, part of what lent itself to that.
Speaker 4: And I don't know if anyone will identify with this,
Speaker 4: but like I was the only child raised by a
Speaker 4: single mom, and I was a latchkey kid for many years,
Speaker 4: and like by nature of that, you go inside, you know,
Speaker 4: like I was my only playmate as a kid.
Speaker 1: You know what, I never thought about that. I was
Speaker 1: just I was only child till I was like thirteen.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4: And so usually, especially if you have a single parent,
Speaker 4: it lends itself to kind of like a high level
Speaker 4: of maturity really young, and you're navigating with a lot
Speaker 4: of adult language, like adult understanding, even if you're not
Speaker 4: ready for it. So it kind of lends itself to
Speaker 4: like a lot of natural ability to be in self inquiry,
Speaker 4: which I think is the foundation of our spiritual journey.
Speaker 5: It's curiosity.
Speaker 4: That's how we get to change, that's how we get
Speaker 4: to grow, that's how we get to heal. We get
Speaker 4: really curious about ourselves or our situations or how our
Speaker 4: life is unfolded, and we start seeking out the things.
Speaker 5: That we feel called to.
Speaker 4: So that like to that extent, like I, you know,
Speaker 4: I would consider myself I was the kid that, like
Speaker 4: the teenager that had self help books didn't apply most
Speaker 4: of it.
Speaker 1: Wait were they chickens through to the teenage song are?
Speaker 1: Because that was it was.
Speaker 4: Like the seven highly effective, you know, traits of teens and.
Speaker 1: You were reading that as a teenager.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're very mature. Wow I was cold. This whatetererever?
Speaker 3: That too?
Speaker 5: Shout out to duality.
Speaker 4: But no, you know I think, I mean it took
Speaker 4: me years to apply as I think is the thing, right,
Speaker 4: Like we get the tools, but it's like when we
Speaker 4: embody is just about our divine timing.
Speaker 5: So like, intellectually I had the tools.
Speaker 4: Didn't always use them, but then as I got older,
Speaker 4: they started sinking into my heart and started being like
Speaker 4: a way of being. But yeah, I started my career
Speaker 4: in entertainment. That's how we met in the entertainment world
Speaker 4: many moons ago, and I was a radio personality for
Speaker 4: a while, did some TV, mostly worked in hip hop
Speaker 4: for close to fifteen years, and it was amazing.
Speaker 5: It fed my curiosity in so many ways. I loved
Speaker 5: the music.
Speaker 4: But then you know, I really felt called to spend
Speaker 4: like my three D life more connected to what my
Speaker 4: five D life looked like. So like I wanted to
Speaker 4: make the world that I was in for my work
Speaker 4: on Earth to also be more representative about how I
Speaker 4: actually spent my private time and like what I actually
Speaker 4: thought about and.
Speaker 5: What I was actually interested in it.
Speaker 4: It got harder, like I don't even in this moment,
Speaker 4: like I don't watch television at all.
Speaker 5: I listened to.
Speaker 4: The same three songs over and over frequency music like
Speaker 4: so it was just harder to stay or to feel
Speaker 4: like I had to really be enthusiastic about things that
Speaker 4: didn't feel like they're of interest to me in that moment.
Speaker 5: So I took the leap.
Speaker 4: Almost almost five years ago, I started my business Karma Bliss,
Speaker 4: and then the wellness kind of revolution really started happening
Speaker 4: and deepening in.
Speaker 5: That time span.
Speaker 4: And now I take up space in a multitude of ways,
Speaker 4: but yeah, I just mostly underneath it all, I feel
Speaker 4: grateful for the opportunity.
Speaker 5: To lead a really curious life.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. And I know that you're a mother too,
Speaker 1: and you have a little boy, how well is same?
Speaker 3: He will be three in May, when like, what a
Speaker 3: lucky child.
Speaker 1: You've right to have a mom that's done so much work,
Speaker 1: you know, and like I think for me and Mila too,
Speaker 1: like we I think being a parent allows you this
Speaker 1: unique opportunity to kind of like do everything that do
Speaker 1: everything over like question the things that you grew up
Speaker 1: knowing and change that perspective for your child, give them
Speaker 1: like more space and more grace in so many ways,
Speaker 1: whether that's you know, and play time, you know, boys
Speaker 1: playing with Marbie's and not being judged, or like little
Speaker 1: girls wearing crop tops and not like you know, sexualizes, yeah,
Speaker 1: or mom smoking weed and it not being the end
Speaker 1: of the motherfucking world, or.
Speaker 2: Just giving your child the gift of like taking a
Speaker 2: time out, identifying your feelings and labeling your emotions and
Speaker 2: like where our parents are like, right, you're.
Speaker 3: Fine, You're okay, right, you are alive. So it's like, what
Speaker 3: a gift to be.
Speaker 2: Able to have a mom that's aware and is doing
Speaker 2: the work and then offer that because I think that's yeah,
Speaker 2: that has been a big part of our journey, like
Speaker 2: figuring ourselves out and then in turn and being like,
Speaker 2: oh shit, we have this huge responsibility to not only
Speaker 2: figure ourselves out, but figure it out as quickly as possible,
Speaker 2: because we are an example of someone else, yeah, who
Speaker 2: inevitably will have to be figuring it out in their
Speaker 2: thirties if we don't start doing the work now so
Speaker 2: they can start doing the work now.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, that yeah, and it's like, you know
Speaker 4: what feels so good being a parent and like parenting
Speaker 4: with such thoughtfulness and such consideration. It's like every time
Speaker 4: we extend that kind of grace and dignity and unconditional
Speaker 4: love to our kid, we're just feeding it right back
Speaker 4: to ourselves. It's instantly filling our own hearts and healing
Speaker 4: wounds from childhood or giving us permission to like expand
Speaker 4: into the fullest versions that we are right now. You know,
Speaker 4: it's wild. Like before I had a child, I legitimately
Speaker 4: used to think people over exaggerated about how much they
Speaker 4: love their kids.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, Like, Okay, we got it.
Speaker 4: I got It'd be like that my kid is my
Speaker 4: world and I'd be like, I get it.
Speaker 3: You gave birth, it's a child.
Speaker 2: And now I'm like, oh my god, this is the
Speaker 2: deepest taking life right, it's the greatest hit my sacred child.
Speaker 3: Like obsessed with being a mother, I could cry at
Speaker 3: the drop of the dime.
Speaker 1: At the bat. Right now I'm literally free.
Speaker 3: She's frollicking in the sand.
Speaker 1: Yeah they're watering nothing. I know.
Speaker 4: And see, you know what was like the greatest gift
Speaker 4: for me and being a mom? I feel like it
Speaker 4: healed when you stay open to it. Because motherhood is
Speaker 4: also one of the most triggering experiences you'll ever have
Speaker 4: in your life. Like you feel judged by your child,
Speaker 4: like you know, like if your kid is mad at
Speaker 4: you or doesn't want kisses, it's me, what's wrong with me?
Speaker 4: You know, by yourself. You feel judged by yourself, judge
Speaker 4: by your own parents. Yes, the guilt, you know. It's like,
Speaker 4: oh God, everyone is running to check on you with
Speaker 4: your pregnant and then the second the baby is here,
Speaker 4: like my organs are still all over the place, like.
Speaker 3: Oh, you're doing it wrong, and you're still doing it wrong.
Speaker 5: And you're like, oh, but how's the baby. Why aren't
Speaker 5: you doing more for the baby? Where is she?
Speaker 1: You're ware and she's ware. Why aren't you together?
Speaker 5: It is so it's oh God, so many things.
Speaker 4: But to it's like, like, my child looks exactly like me, right,
Speaker 4: like my son. We have the exact same face, still.
Speaker 5: My whole face.
Speaker 4: And it's interesting because through loving him, especially as a newborn,
Speaker 4: I was able to love myself more deeply, Like it
Speaker 4: really brought forward for me all any any like dormant
Speaker 4: againstness I had for myself, any feelings of not being
Speaker 4: in full acceptance of myself bounced off him. It's like
Speaker 4: even the small things that we might see in our
Speaker 4: faces and be like, oh I don't like that about me,
Speaker 4: I see it in his face and I'm like, this
Speaker 4: is the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. So I'm like,
Speaker 4: I need to be reflecting this same kind of energy
Speaker 4: back to myself. I have to love me the same
Speaker 4: way that I love him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, I love that. It's so true. It does.
Speaker 1: It does tap into those dormant parts of yourself like
Speaker 1: you are like maybe ignored or maybe you didn't even
Speaker 1: realize we're there, and you're like, oh shit, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that's not healed.
Speaker 2: It also gives you the opportunity, Like I've said this before,
Speaker 2: but when you would do anything for your child, and
Speaker 2: you know, they mess up or they fall down, and
Speaker 2: you encourage them and you're there to their every every
Speaker 2: you know, back and call.
Speaker 3: And then it dawned on me like I have to
Speaker 3: have the mother myself. I have the mother.
Speaker 2: I have to attend to myself the way I attend
Speaker 2: to my child and like be as gracious and as
Speaker 2: gentle and like you're going to fall down and you're
Speaker 2: going to.
Speaker 3: Get back up, and that's okay.
Speaker 2: And I think it's easy to apply that to when
Speaker 2: you're mothering a child because we're just we're innately we
Speaker 2: know to do that hopefully, but we forget to do
Speaker 2: that for ourselves, and then we beat ourselves up so much,
Speaker 2: and it's like a lot of us are just children.
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm a child all the time. I'm like,
Speaker 2: who the fuck gave me? And human I'm scared. I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh no, just to eat. Yeah, she's six, and I'm still.
Speaker 3: Like, that's my daughter.
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's my daughter, that's my daughter, that's my daughter,
Speaker 2: and mother, that's my daughter.
Speaker 1: That sounds like us talking about boyfriends.
Speaker 3: Were like, I have a boyfriend. We have a boo boyfriend.
Speaker 1: We don't have boyfriends anymore.
Speaker 3: But so that one time that we did, we got really.
Speaker 1: Strange time because that's how aligned we are. Got boyfriends
Speaker 1: at the same time, pretty much broke up at the
Speaker 1: same time. It was it was like we had to
Speaker 1: practice saying that. I feel like that sometimes with Ironman,
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I obviously know I've a child
Speaker 1: and she's mine, but sometimes I look at her and
Speaker 1: I'm like.
Speaker 3: How are we here? We're here, We're still here.
Speaker 1: We're good.
Speaker 3: I'm not a teenager, like what Yeah, And I think.
Speaker 1: About like my younger self, and I was so adamant
Speaker 1: about never having kids, like I was really like, I
Speaker 1: did not want kids at all. It's funny. I was
Speaker 1: having this conversation with my brother because he was judging
Speaker 1: my parenting and he was like, he was like, that's
Speaker 1: because you're two this and.
Speaker 3: That, but which brother, my twenty one year.
Speaker 2: Old Oh of course, of course, someone with no children, no,
Speaker 2: neither one of my brothers, no, right, no experience it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And he was like he was talking it was
Speaker 1: her eating habits, because my daughter's eating habits. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: they're just very annoying. She's just very Eric is ashamed,
Speaker 1: very we're making tiny progress, okay. But she had turkey
Speaker 1: pasta the other day. No, it wasn't there, but she
Speaker 1: liked it and it was sated. But he was just like,
Speaker 1: you're you know, you're to this, you're to that. And
Speaker 1: I was like, one day, when you have kids, you'll understand, okay,
Speaker 1: And he was like, I'm not having kids. I was
Speaker 1: like and That's what I said, and he's like, no
Speaker 1: for real, and I was like, no, for real, That's
Speaker 1: what I said, Like with that Gusto behind it too,
Speaker 1: like hell no. And now having one obviously, I couldn't
Speaker 1: imagine not having one and just totally shifts so much
Speaker 1: in you and make sure you have to tap into yourself,
Speaker 1: and I I think that's what. I don't know if
Speaker 1: we wanted to do the taro or we can do
Speaker 1: it at the end, but I think this is a
Speaker 1: good segue into what I wanted to talk to you about,
Speaker 1: which was healing your inner child and how important it
Speaker 1: is and how it can be a lifelong journey. I
Speaker 1: don't know if there's just like this one switch that
Speaker 1: like just turns on and suddenly like all the traumas
Speaker 1: or all the things that you've encountered as a child,
Speaker 1: or just you know they're healed. But it's something that
Speaker 1: I think it's important to tap into and check in
Speaker 1: on often. And I was listening to your episode about
Speaker 1: meeting your inner child, and I was listening and I
Speaker 1: totally connected to when you were saying that, like you're
Speaker 1: the strong friend and that people lead on you, and
Speaker 1: you know, you started you started that, like valuing yourself
Speaker 1: by how much you could.
Speaker 3: Take much hurt you could take? Yeah, how much?
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my god, like we do that.
Speaker 1: I mean, not just the strong friend, but like women
Speaker 1: women It's fine.
Speaker 4: I'm okay, you know what, Like you know what I
Speaker 4: think about all the time when it comes to that.
Speaker 4: It's like, who was the first man that hated women?
Speaker 4: And how did he train everyone else to take his ways?
Speaker 4: You know, It's like what was the shift? Because women
Speaker 4: were always at the forefront of society and the forefront
Speaker 4: of households.
Speaker 5: We were the healers, we were the leaders.
Speaker 4: And then at some point things shifted, and then all
Speaker 4: books were written with women in a diminished role or
Speaker 4: not mentioned at all, you know, and all of a
Speaker 4: sudden women became.
Speaker 3: Some research.
Speaker 1: There's gotta be a trail back to this nigga. Okay, okay, I.
Speaker 2: Broke this nigga's heart, and it's the world has never
Speaker 2: been the same.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Facebook group, Alexander, who the fuck did it?
Speaker 6: Yo?
Speaker 4: I think about it all the time because like even
Speaker 4: in the little things, like I'm one of those people
Speaker 4: that will like have an idea and then be like
Speaker 4: so committed to it and go down all the rabbit holes.
Speaker 4: But it's like little things, right, like when even we
Speaker 4: think of, like in Christianity, how Mary Magdalene.
Speaker 1: Is referred to.
Speaker 4: We're supposed to believe that she was a prostitute. That
Speaker 4: was never written or mentioned. She was one of Christ's disciples,
Speaker 4: you know. And it's like the six in the six
Speaker 4: hundreds or the I think it was like the early
Speaker 4: sixteen hundreds, one of the popes was giving an address
Speaker 4: and put one line in it that referred to her
Speaker 4: as like a woman of the night. Unsubstantiated. It was
Speaker 4: never in recorded history that this was truth, and then
Speaker 4: the men of the world ran with it, and ever
Speaker 4: since that's been part of the belief system that that's
Speaker 4: who she was. It was like one guy started a
Speaker 4: rumor about a woman and then okay, well.
Speaker 1: We got that billions we found him t.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's so interesting.
Speaker 3: But it's like we think about shocking Actually, yeah, I
Speaker 3: think there's a rid of a lot of evil. Is
Speaker 3: the root of a hurt man? Oh my gosh, there's
Speaker 3: a lot of evil letics.
Speaker 4: And then we all get saddled with this this idea
Speaker 4: of martyrdom being the basis of our value system, you know.
Speaker 5: And it's like martyrdom.
Speaker 4: Is always self sacrificing, it's never allowing help, it's taking
Speaker 4: pride in all of the ways in which you are,
Speaker 4: you know, considered really considered just a tool and service
Speaker 4: to everyone else, you know. And it's like that somehow
Speaker 4: became the fabric of what the family structure in this
Speaker 4: country was supposed to look like, what women were supposed
Speaker 4: to look like. And it's like, nah, nah, not no more.
Speaker 4: I'm not taking on any of that mess. Like my
Speaker 4: love for myself comes first.
Speaker 1: Yes, No, I totally agree. And I do feel like
Speaker 1: there's like, I mean, I feel like throughout history there
Speaker 1: have been times where women there's been like this renaissance happening,
Speaker 1: right and I feel like right now there's a black
Speaker 1: renaissance happening. There's also like a renaissance of like female
Speaker 1: energy coming together and feeling more empowered and being able
Speaker 1: to say no, I don't believe that history, actually, sir,
Speaker 1: I don't. That doesn't sound about I'm good.
Speaker 3: That doesn't work for me.
Speaker 1: It's very off brand for me about Pope the sixth
Speaker 1: to me, don't do.
Speaker 3: Some researching it back to you.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, it's true. It's true. I've been talking
Speaker 2: to this guy who's like has a lot of rules,
Speaker 2: and recently he was trying to like really really justify
Speaker 2: why he should be able to like have a main
Speaker 2: woman and a wife and like also have concubines and
Speaker 2: like women on the side, but like but his wife
Speaker 2: should not, you know. And I was just like he
Speaker 2: was going into science saying there's more women and there
Speaker 2: are men and like all these things, and I was
Speaker 2: just like, I respect that for you, and I that
Speaker 2: is really that sounds really good for you. I don't
Speaker 2: know if you'll ever find anyone who's gonna be cool
Speaker 2: with those rules.
Speaker 3: I mean, I hear your science and all, but it
Speaker 3: just doesn't This is not a brand for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I'm not gonna I don't have concubines too.
Speaker 3: It's just not the basic.
Speaker 2: Fairness in it all just doesn't add up like one
Speaker 2: plus one just you know, equals to sounds a little stupid,
Speaker 2: but it's just I mean, I know that works for
Speaker 2: some people, and I'm not you know, I appreciate anybody
Speaker 2: who knows what they want, but I'm at the place
Speaker 2: finally in my life hopefully forever, but that that's not
Speaker 2: what I want.
Speaker 3: And you're cool, and that's cool for you.
Speaker 2: And if you find someone who's aligned in that, great,
Speaker 2: but it's not me, you know, like, and I'm cool
Speaker 2: being cool here and we could stay here, but anything
Speaker 2: further the concubines down the line is not gonna work out.
Speaker 2: But for so long, women just are like, okay, you
Speaker 2: know whatever, you're gonna love me, you're gonna take me,
Speaker 2: you're gonna provide. Okay, no, no, there will be no
Speaker 2: more mekas. Okay, Like it's okay to submit, but if
Speaker 2: it doesn't align for you, that's okay too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: It's okay to search yourself.
Speaker 4: For what feels like the right thing for you and
Speaker 4: not be dictated to like, this is our one life
Speaker 4: as this version of ourselves. I've been here a million times,
Speaker 4: but this is my one life as this person, you know.
Speaker 4: And it's like, that's the thing that I think is
Speaker 4: the most ridiculous of what we were robbed of. It
Speaker 4: is the understanding that we always have choice as women,
Speaker 4: We always have choice, and we have been trained and
Speaker 4: forced and pushed to believe that we're supposed to be
Speaker 4: waiting around to be chosen, and it's like, no, I
Speaker 4: do the choosing. I do the choosing. I choose who
Speaker 4: I want. I also choose what my circumstance is going
Speaker 4: to be. And at any moment we can make another choice.
Speaker 4: There's never such a thing as like truly missed opportunity
Speaker 4: or misstability to change your life. In every moment there
Speaker 4: is choice. There'll be the parameters that come with that,
Speaker 4: you know, which sometimes can be quite challenging, but you
Speaker 4: always have the chance to recreate your life, or recreate
Speaker 4: your partnership, or recreate your parenthood.
Speaker 1: Yes, I agree, I agree. There's never a like. I
Speaker 1: think sometimes even women they're like, who are maybe like
Speaker 1: in their fifties or in their late forties, or kids
Speaker 1: or teenagers, they're like, it's too late for me, And
Speaker 1: it's absolutely not. It's not too late. It's never too late.
Speaker 1: I don't care how old you are. There's always a
Speaker 1: time to check in with yourself and change the trajectory
Speaker 1: of your life or change your views, or you know,
Speaker 1: heal from your.
Speaker 2: Childhood or I feel like almost like attaching to something
Speaker 2: too deeply with like, I think that's an issue we
Speaker 2: attach to our beliefs even and then we feel a
Speaker 2: responsibility to keeping them up, Yeah, to keep them up,
Speaker 2: to always be that way, to always agree with them,
Speaker 2: to withhold like, you know, I'm a Christian, I can't
Speaker 2: ever fucking be a Jew, you know, Like I'm this
Speaker 2: you good, That's what I'm saying. Oh, people have so
Speaker 2: much attachment to their beliefs that almost there's like a
Speaker 2: sense of embarrassment if you want to fucking change your mind.
Speaker 3: But guess what, you can change your mind.
Speaker 2: You can wake up every day and change your mind
Speaker 2: no matter what it is, in love, in life and parenthood.
Speaker 2: If it doesn't work for you, if it no longer
Speaker 2: serves you.
Speaker 3: You could peace out quickly.
Speaker 2: There's no obligation to always believe one thing, to always
Speaker 2: be one way we are in fact, like if you
Speaker 2: don't change, if you don't evolve, if you're not growing,
Speaker 2: you know, you can't expect to be the same person
Speaker 2: who believes and feels the same way forever. I mean,
Speaker 2: I mean, catch me next week. I might be a
Speaker 2: wife with three concubines.
Speaker 3: Who knows.
Speaker 2: I doubt that, but you know what I mean it
Speaker 2: just like we have such an attachment as women, what
Speaker 2: we're supposed to look like and fit so pretty into
Speaker 2: this perfect box and what that looks like, and sometimes
Speaker 2: that makes us lose a great sense of who we are. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and it could look different from woman to woman, like
Speaker 2: me and Ericas are crazy together, but we're also very different,
Speaker 2: you know, And I just I want to celebrate the
Speaker 2: differences and the change and the evolution, the growth, because
Speaker 2: I don't think women have had the opportunity to be
Speaker 2: in celebration of that enough.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, we're the more powerful species obviously, you know.
Speaker 4: It's like in many ways, you know, And I think
Speaker 4: that's that's really the greatest lie I ever told. And
Speaker 4: that's probably why that first man, whoever he is, like
Speaker 4: what would his name even be, you know, like asshole,
Speaker 4: That's probably why he turned everybody against us back in
Speaker 4: the day.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: But it's like, we have to remember our personal power.
Speaker 4: And that has been the greatest tool of manipulation of
Speaker 4: women through history is leading women to believe that we
Speaker 4: are meek, leading women to believe that we are in
Speaker 4: need of being led and that we're not the leaders.
Speaker 3: And that narrative starts so early, so you know, you.
Speaker 1: Know, obviously, yeah, that is an amazing time for women
Speaker 1: and us feeling more empowered and.
Speaker 3: Tracy back from Pope six beyond.
Speaker 1: But like as far as like you know, he your
Speaker 1: inner child, I think I think some people, some people
Speaker 1: I think feel healed, right, yeah, And but as an
Speaker 1: outsider looking I know, I've met people they're like, I'm good,
Speaker 1: I'm healed. I healed from that, and.
Speaker 7: I'm like, oh honey, yeah, maybe even including myself, I
Speaker 7: feel like sometimes I feel like I've healed from things
Speaker 7: and then it takes something a triggering moment for me
Speaker 7: to be like, oh shit, you.
Speaker 1: Know, so what are some what do you think are
Speaker 1: some signs that maybe you have some inner healing and
Speaker 1: child inner healing to go.
Speaker 4: Through, you know, I think, and that like that's such
Speaker 4: a beautiful point about this like idea of like are
Speaker 4: we fully healed? Because what I think it really is
Speaker 4: is in every moment, there's opportunity to deepen the healing,
Speaker 4: you know, And it's like it's so important to not
Speaker 4: look at it as like, oh.
Speaker 5: Why am I getting so bothered by this?
Speaker 4: Like I spent so much time I thought I was healed,
Speaker 4: and it's like you are, and you were and you
Speaker 4: did diligent, beautiful work which arrived you at this moment,
Speaker 4: the opportunity to get to an even deeper life that
Speaker 4: is clearing you and cleansing you and giving you more
Speaker 4: personal power.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 5: It's like some of the stuff that.
Speaker 4: We are working through is very literally our life's curriculum,
Speaker 4: you know. So many of the situations that for us
Speaker 4: are like the deepest traumas or like the repeated patterns.
Speaker 4: It's there because that is actually the curriculum we signed
Speaker 4: up to know and to learn on. I believe this
Speaker 4: adventure on earth that we chose to have, so there's
Speaker 4: always more healing available. And I think anybody that stands
Speaker 4: in a space of againstness, like no, I'm not willing
Speaker 4: to talk about that because I already healed it, that
Speaker 4: shows that there's charge, you know. And I think the
Speaker 4: way to investigate where your wounds are are to see
Speaker 4: what do I have charge?
Speaker 1: About?
Speaker 4: What am I avoiding even in the tiniest ways, you know.
Speaker 4: And it's like the biggest gift is just being able
Speaker 4: to dive into it. Like I get so excited when
Speaker 4: I have more shadow work to do. Like if I
Speaker 4: find myself crying about something, I'd.
Speaker 5: Be like, oh, there's a gift inness for me. Okay,
Speaker 5: I'll sit in it, you know, like.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's a beautiful way I look at it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because it's like, you know, it wouldn't be there
Speaker 4: if I didn't need to look at it. So how
Speaker 4: much time do I want to waste? Right when it
Speaker 4: comes up? Do I want to try to run from it?
Speaker 3: Do? So?
Speaker 4: The more I do that, the more it stays with me,
Speaker 4: right versus all right, you popped up for a reason,
Speaker 4: divine timing. Let me sit down, let me look at this,
Speaker 4: let me explore it, let me think about it, and
Speaker 4: then once you decide to dive into it.
Speaker 5: It's so easy to dissolve.
Speaker 4: But I definitely think if we're you know, the way
Speaker 4: that that inner child wounding shows up is really everything.
Speaker 5: You know, like it's really everything any.
Speaker 4: Level of toxicity in your life, any way that that
Speaker 4: shows itself, typically there's always a pathway in a trail
Speaker 4: that leads back to a very specific moment in childhood.
Speaker 4: And the reason that really those like inner child wounds
Speaker 4: some times are so deep and so hard to look at,
Speaker 4: it's because they really usually revolve around us in our
Speaker 4: most vulnerable space as a child, and then we take
Speaker 4: on judgment for how we responded as a child. And
Speaker 4: so it's like we're looking back at that same wounding
Speaker 4: with child eyes and child relatability and child charge inside
Speaker 4: of ourselves instead of saying, you know what, in this moment,
Speaker 4: I am a woman. I'm a grown woman. So let
Speaker 4: me look back on those childhood wounds through the lens
Speaker 4: of this adult who now better understands life. You know,
Speaker 4: like our wounding in childhood really stems from lack of
Speaker 4: experience and us attributing meaning to the things that happened
Speaker 4: to us with a very limited language and a very
Speaker 4: limited understanding of the world. So when we're coming in
Speaker 4: to repair and to heal and dissolve, we have to
Speaker 4: come to it with the rational understanding of this happened.
Speaker 4: I was a kid, I interpreted it as this, which
Speaker 4: then lent itself to me, layering more and more on
Speaker 4: top of it. Or this stem from my parent. You
Speaker 4: know a lot of wounding comes from our parents or
Speaker 4: the adults in our lives. And the reason it feels
Speaker 4: so hard to heal is because our parents are our
Speaker 4: first God, you know, like our family structure is our earth.
Speaker 4: We don't know that there's more world available to us.
Speaker 4: We definitely don't know how it works. So if we
Speaker 4: feel this conflict about our parents, it's almost like we're
Speaker 4: in conflict with God because we're still looking at them
Speaker 4: through that lens, and so like being able to shed
Speaker 4: that is also and I know this can feel really
Speaker 4: tender for people, depending on what your parental experience was.
Speaker 4: There's a multitude of ways that you know, people experience
Speaker 4: like deep hardship and the really the things that feel
Speaker 4: unmentionable about our lives, sometimes at the hands of our parents.
Speaker 4: But it's really important that we're investigating that wounding or
Speaker 4: that timeline to do it from the space of an
Speaker 4: adult who is now equipped with more emotional language, is more.
Speaker 5: Equipped with like what are the processes of.
Speaker 4: Being an adult? Things that you know, sometimes we take
Speaker 4: personally as kids. It's like when we become adults, you're like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: it wasn't because I wasn't wanted or neglected, like my
Speaker 4: mom had to go to work, right, you know, or
Speaker 4: like or you know, this happened or this circumstance. Adult
Speaker 4: life is complicated, and the circumstance lent itself to me
Speaker 4: feeling like this but if I look at it from
Speaker 4: the lens of what is true from an adult perspective,
Speaker 4: does it still have to hurt me? Is there opportunity
Speaker 4: for me to re experience it, apply my understanding of
Speaker 4: now and.
Speaker 5: Give it some grace and give it some healing.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's so important. And I never even
Speaker 1: really looked at it that way, as like putting Erica
Speaker 1: as an adult in those adults and looking at it
Speaker 1: like is that really what happened? Or let you know,
Speaker 1: it's so crazy too, because even today I was met
Speaker 1: with something that was really triggering for me, and it
Speaker 1: is it is, and I'm just listening to you now
Speaker 1: I realize I correlated the two, is that I was
Speaker 1: triggered today because there is a healing that has to
Speaker 1: happen for me amongst me and like my stepfather who
Speaker 1: like and for me, And it's rooted in my relationship
Speaker 1: with my father, who me and my father didn't really
Speaker 1: have a relationship and he didn't show up for me
Speaker 1: in that way. And it's different now, but we're more
Speaker 1: so friends than we are like fatherly daughterly. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: my stepdad never really took on the role of being
Speaker 1: my father. Really, I think he didn't want to, like
Speaker 1: he didn't. He just kind of he didn't know how to.
Speaker 1: He didn't know how to do it, you know, because
Speaker 1: and as a child, I was angry about that and
Speaker 1: upset by that and.
Speaker 3: Felt like, well, you should have tried harder.
Speaker 1: Who cares if I said, you're not my dad, Like
Speaker 1: you should have tried harder.
Speaker 3: I'm a child.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And today, like we had an interaction that really
Speaker 1: triggered me, that irritated me, and it felt like he
Speaker 1: wasn't showing up for me again.
Speaker 4: And I was.
Speaker 1: Like, like, and it triggered me because my dad didnt
Speaker 1: show up for me and like you're supposed to be
Speaker 1: my other dad, Like yeah, And so today I, for
Speaker 1: the first time ever, I messaged him and I was like,
Speaker 1: we should probably talk, and like I know that he'll
Speaker 1: never do that, like he'll never reach out to me.
Speaker 1: So like as an adult, I'm the child, but I'm
Speaker 1: also I'm an adult now, and like I don't want
Speaker 1: to have that experience anymore. I don't want to keep
Speaker 1: repeating this feeling because sometimes we're like in great spirits
Speaker 1: together and then other times I'm like what happened? Like
Speaker 1: did I do something?
Speaker 3: Like why are we here?
Speaker 1: Like what's going on? And it felt good to like
Speaker 1: it did feel good because I was feeling a lot
Speaker 1: of anxiety today. I was angry, and then I was like,
Speaker 1: I just needed to like talk to him. Why don't
Speaker 1: I just talk to him? Because I'm because I wanted
Speaker 1: my dad to talk to me and he and he
Speaker 1: kind of did, but not really. I wanted him to
Speaker 1: talk to me and he's not. But I'm an adult,
Speaker 1: so I can go to him and I can heal
Speaker 1: that part of me and even put myself as an
Speaker 1: adult in the shoes of myself then and our interaction
Speaker 1: then and try to understand why he has chosen, why
Speaker 1: he did some of the things that he did. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm just now, I mean, obviously it's today. It's
Speaker 1: like day one of embarking on this journey hopefully with
Speaker 1: him and like healing that and hopefully it'll help heal
Speaker 1: parts of my relationship with my own father too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but being able to like be adult about it is
Speaker 1: something that you just said that I didn't even realize.
Speaker 1: I kind of applied today. So that's so it's first
Speaker 1: of all, like alignment is so real. I'm so glad you're.
Speaker 3: Here right now.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm gonna cry because I'm just like, wow,
Speaker 1: Like it's been like a long time coming in my
Speaker 1: relationship with the men in my life because I haven't
Speaker 1: always felt safe and I haven't always felt like I
Speaker 1: could depend on them. Yeah, and I'm like, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be that way. Sometimes it's just
Speaker 1: a conversation that has to happen. So he feels like
Speaker 1: he's given given permission to show up for me that way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, and so yeah.
Speaker 4: And you know what, And it's so like, one, I
Speaker 4: just like, really prize you for doing that because.
Speaker 5: It's so challenging.
Speaker 4: Like that's so challenging because it's also feels, you know,
Speaker 4: there's a piece of you that feels like why do
Speaker 4: I got to be the one to do this?
Speaker 3: And that's kind of like the stance I've always taken.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like that's not serving me.
Speaker 4: It's this is so powerful, Like this is the stance
Speaker 4: of like a really powerful, awakened person. And it's like
Speaker 4: remembering our personal power is so important because we find
Speaker 4: ourselves and this is just biologically how it works, how
Speaker 4: like the programming of our brain and our hearts really
Speaker 4: operates with certain people, we will fall into a role
Speaker 4: that is not.
Speaker 5: Actually who we are or how we show up in
Speaker 5: the world.
Speaker 4: And that is especially true when it comes to family
Speaker 4: and family enmeshment. Like it's really it's like you could
Speaker 4: be killing it in a boardroom, you could be leading
Speaker 4: in all these ways, but you get home and it's like, oh, yes, sir,
Speaker 4: or okay, or no one listens to me or you know,
Speaker 4: and it's like, it's always beautiful opportunity for us to
Speaker 4: continue to anchor in the truth of who we are
Speaker 4: in this moment. I think, like I definitely have two
Speaker 4: thoughts around what she said. You know, a piece that's
Speaker 4: powerful but really challenging, and.
Speaker 5: It takes a lot, a lot, a lot of practice.
Speaker 4: So anybody listening, it's okay if you don't get it
Speaker 4: the first try the second third, like it'll come with
Speaker 4: the practice. But as frustrating as it feels, especially if
Speaker 4: we've been wounded by the adults that knew us as children,
Speaker 4: it's so important to realize like adults are flawed, like
Speaker 4: which we know now, Like we think about our friends
Speaker 4: and their wounding, we think about our wounding like adults
Speaker 4: are highly problematic, but we were children and we were
Speaker 4: viewing them as safety. We were also trained to view
Speaker 4: them as that by television, by film, Like every American
Speaker 4: ideal for family structure was built around this. You know,
Speaker 4: two parent household, two parents, and you were made in
Speaker 4: love and you know they wanted to have you, and
Speaker 4: then they raised you and always put you at the forefront,
Speaker 4: and they had a college plan available to you, and
Speaker 4: the mom was on the pta and the father provided
Speaker 4: and we have thisby and if they weren't safe and
Speaker 4: they unconditionally love us, well, news flash, that is not
Speaker 4: true for ninety eight percent of people living. But there
Speaker 4: are these like unicorns that have been crafted as a
Speaker 4: legend for which our family structure, it's created, this comparable
Speaker 4: ideal forever and it's not true for any of us,
Speaker 4: like it really isn't. And when we give ourselves that
Speaker 4: freedom that none almost none of us you know, had
Speaker 4: that experience, it frees our hearts so deeply because it's
Speaker 4: the comparison that hurts when we settle into the what
Speaker 4: is this is the parent I was given? There is
Speaker 4: spiritual curriculum to that. What do I need to know
Speaker 4: about this? How is this meant to actually be a
Speaker 4: gift to me, you know, And it's hard because sometimes
Speaker 4: those gifts are so painful, you know. And also a
Speaker 4: piece of it, we don't speak to enough as adults
Speaker 4: now that we're in these mental health conversations. So many
Speaker 4: adults from our childhoods have personality disorders, They have undiagnosed
Speaker 4: mental illness or personality disorders or complex post traumatic stress
Speaker 4: or PTSD. They were barely surviving the things that happened
Speaker 4: to them, but they didn't have the language, and they
Speaker 4: didn't they didn't have the resources that so many of
Speaker 4: us have. Now It's like there are books, now, there
Speaker 4: are groups.
Speaker 5: Now I can.
Speaker 4: Open my Instagram, Like it cracks me up when I
Speaker 4: open Instagram on some of these psychology pages I follow
Speaker 4: because I'm like, I spent three thousand dollars on that
Speaker 4: breakthrough over that years, and today I get to scroll
Speaker 4: it and get the truths.
Speaker 5: So simply, like, we.
Speaker 4: Have things and we're having conversations that our parents never
Speaker 4: got to have either, you know. And when we go
Speaker 4: down that like family tree, it's like so many of
Speaker 4: our parents were in deep pain and survived abuse and
Speaker 4: for them, for some for some of them, you know,
Speaker 4: it's like something we say right now that I said
Speaker 4: a lot that I had to really get more humble about,
Speaker 4: was like, oh, I'm breaking the chains. I'm the ancestral
Speaker 4: freedom for my lineage. Like you know, I am the
Speaker 4: person that came to Earth at this time to heal
Speaker 4: my whole family line. And I think everyone thought they
Speaker 4: were doing that, you know, like every like some of
Speaker 4: the things that I have against this about with my upbringing,
Speaker 4: it was literally one hundred times better than how my
Speaker 4: mom was raised, you know.
Speaker 5: And it's like so for her.
Speaker 4: There was so much honor and so much thoughtfulness and
Speaker 4: what she thought was the parenting she never got.
Speaker 5: But to me, that parenting still felt flawed, you know.
Speaker 5: And it's like it's because.
Speaker 4: We're each coming here with our individual recipe of what
Speaker 4: our needs are.
Speaker 2: We've ended money March, but how has your financial planning
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Speaker 1: You're welcome.
Speaker 5: I'm welcome, and people aren't always.
Speaker 1: That makes me so scared to be a parent. I know,
Speaker 1: I know you're so scared to say I am. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm I'm showing. I'm showing her all these
Speaker 1: new things. And what if she grows up and it's
Speaker 1: like not enough, Mom?
Speaker 3: Will I break it to you?
Speaker 2: I think I think that's the thing, is like we
Speaker 2: it is unavoidable to fuck up. It's yeah, I mean
Speaker 2: it's it is like we're not perfect. This is not perfect.
Speaker 2: And I think like there's no instruction book. When you're
Speaker 2: handed a baby. It's almost like it's the most shocking
Speaker 2: shit you'll ever do. Like you said, you're pregnant. Everyone's
Speaker 2: so nice to you and they send your ass home
Speaker 2: and you're like help, you know, And I just feel
Speaker 2: like and it's something I'm sure we've all had to
Speaker 2: deal with, Like you're about to come to tears talking
Speaker 2: about a conversation how with your stepdad.
Speaker 3: And it just reminds me like.
Speaker 2: There has been there's been a lot of pivotal points
Speaker 2: in my adulthood where I had to like look at
Speaker 2: myself and look at my parents and accept that they
Speaker 2: are just people. They are children, Yeah, they are all
Speaker 2: They're healing, they're working through it, and like had to
Speaker 2: really come to that anger and that frustration and that sadness,
Speaker 2: that shit, you know, Like like there are many times
Speaker 2: I would just get in a conversation they want to
Speaker 2: talk to me, and I want to cry.
Speaker 3: Oh my bit, you're thirty years old. Why are you
Speaker 3: about to cry? Because it's such a sensitive topic.
Speaker 2: It's unhealed, because it's so easy to just be that
Speaker 2: teenage hurt wounded not herd girl again, you know, and
Speaker 2: to be pissed and frustrated and like, fuck, you should
Speaker 2: know this, Like you're fucking up. You know, you're talking
Speaker 2: shit to me, but you're fucking up because I feel
Speaker 2: like that, you know what I mean, and just taking
Speaker 2: having the grace to say, oh my god, Like my
Speaker 2: mom is just a child, she's just a little girl.
Speaker 3: She's still figuring it out.
Speaker 5: She's still so.
Speaker 2: Hurt, you know, like she's blamed things like because she
Speaker 2: misses her mom, Like she's she's a human person, you know,
Speaker 2: and it's taken a lot of those conversations with myself,
Speaker 2: even in like my adulthood and evolving and trying to grow,
Speaker 2: or then looking at my parents and like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: you guys are fucking teenagers. But I think a part
Speaker 2: of it is, like we have to accept that there's
Speaker 2: no part of our parenting that's perfect. We are imperfect people.
Speaker 2: So it's by design, right, Because like you said, I
Speaker 2: liked what you do. I love what you said about
Speaker 2: the curriculum of life. Every fucking single experience, every interaction,
Speaker 2: every relationship, including family are as a part of the
Speaker 2: curriculum of life. Like I do believe that we choose
Speaker 2: our parents, and I know, like some people don't want
Speaker 2: to hear that, but there are lessons in that, those
Speaker 2: those relationships closest to you that you have to heal
Speaker 2: and learn and figure out. And I'm still figuring it out,
Speaker 2: you know, accepting people and like, are my parents as
Speaker 2: who they are. And I think one of the biggest
Speaker 2: things I've tried to apply because lord knows, I may
Speaker 2: not be doing this parenting thing completely right because I'm
Speaker 2: a little crazy, but like it's just letting my daughter
Speaker 2: see me vulnerable letting her know, like I don't have
Speaker 2: all the answers, like letting her know I messed up.
Speaker 2: I'm sad. Like the other day I cried and she's
Speaker 2: right here. I cried in front of Luna and she
Speaker 2: was like, why are you crying? And I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know. Just hug me, hug me,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, But like I don't. And
Speaker 2: I've seen my mom cry and there were things, but
Speaker 2: just sometimes it just takes being vocal and vulnerable, and
Speaker 2: even if your kid is six, you know, and I
Speaker 2: think I think our parents thought that was deeply traumatizing
Speaker 2: to not let your kid know that you didn't have
Speaker 2: everything all together.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was like.
Speaker 2: Everything's fine, everything's fine, the bills are paid. I'm so happy, Like, no,
Speaker 2: you're not to lose your shit.
Speaker 4: Everybody was so hyper vigilant because even that is such
Speaker 4: a layered experience. It's like for us it would be like,
Speaker 4: why mom, were you not just more vulnerable with me?
Speaker 4: And then it's like for a mom of that generation,
Speaker 4: especially a woman of color, you were pushed into this
Speaker 4: this unwanted role of forced resilience all the time, Like
Speaker 4: society didn't give a shit about what you were walking through.
Speaker 4: So you probably not only didn't even.
Speaker 3: Vocalize it outside of yourself to.
Speaker 4: Anyone, because you knew it when it matter and when
Speaker 4: it changed, but you didn't even vocalize it to yourself.
Speaker 4: So the ability to be vulnerable is not even a possibility.
Speaker 2: It's not even you don't even recognize it in yourself,
Speaker 2: let alone expressing it to someone else.
Speaker 3: And I experience that now, like, oh, Erica, like you're
Speaker 3: I'm not okay. I'm like, maybe you're right.
Speaker 2: You know, you don't even realize that you're not okay
Speaker 2: until you've given yourself the grace to say it to
Speaker 2: yourself out loud.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2: And that's such a powerful thing, Like in exploring the
Speaker 2: inner child is like first you have to identify that
Speaker 2: those that those wounds even exist, and then you have
Speaker 2: to dig back into your your deep subconscious about exactly
Speaker 2: the moment and experiences and interactions that you've had that
Speaker 2: contributed to how you act out in adulthood. Because I've
Speaker 2: i was listening to your podcast, I've experienced a lot
Speaker 2: of ways, like drinking, you know, I've feend a lot
Speaker 2: of my twenties and now like excessively drinking, or like
Speaker 2: unnecessary sex and unnecessary relationships and toxic love and just
Speaker 2: feeling comforted by that toxicity because I'm actively avoiding dealing
Speaker 2: with my fucking self, you know, because that hurts too much.
Speaker 4: Well, if toxicity is our normal, we're just craving home,
Speaker 4: you know, Like we're just craving that same dynamic that
Speaker 4: we were so used to and that was the foundation
Speaker 4: of our beans. So it's like even sometimes when we
Speaker 4: want more for ourselves, we continue these loops in these
Speaker 4: patterns because that is what was illustrated as safety to.
Speaker 3: Us trauma bonds.
Speaker 2: I just really learned that, like the last few years,
Speaker 2: because I was backstepping and backstepping and backstaffing with my.
Speaker 5: Bad Luna go blame God, Oh my business.
Speaker 2: I'm backstepping and then like just these toxic cycles of
Speaker 2: such pain. But I was literally putting myself in the
Speaker 2: position actively raising my hand to get there. And it's
Speaker 2: like it took me a long time and realized, like
Speaker 2: and I would even notice. I would when things would
Speaker 2: start to feel panicked in my regular life, even if
Speaker 2: they were already like high stressed, I would seek that
Speaker 2: even though if it heightened, it would heighten the discomfort,
Speaker 2: my sadness. But I saw that with my parents. I
Speaker 2: saw my parents have toxic relationships my entire life, yelling
Speaker 2: and screaming and acting crazy and coming and going, And
Speaker 2: so I saw myself attached to that in my adulthood
Speaker 2: and in ways that the relationships mirrored so much it
Speaker 2: scared the shit out of me, you know.
Speaker 3: But I was.
Speaker 2: Actively doing it to myself and then getting so mad
Speaker 2: at myself because A, I know the results, be you
Speaker 2: keep doing it, be you keep doing it, you keep
Speaker 2: doing it, you keep doing it, and then finding some
Speaker 2: weird sick comfort in it. Yeah, and then even to
Speaker 2: the point where my closest friends were like, there's something
Speaker 2: wrong with you. We're concerned, you're sick, like and then
Speaker 2: like like, we're really concerned because you keep saying this
Speaker 2: and doing that. And I was getting so fucking mad
Speaker 2: because I know that, and.
Speaker 3: I'm telling like, you don't think I know?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 3: Do you think it's that easy?
Speaker 2: Like and actively finding the words to try and like
Speaker 2: justify it, but not, and then trying to explain to
Speaker 2: my friends who have none a long time, like you
Speaker 2: don't think I know you don't think I'm working on
Speaker 2: it and like I don't need this shit from you now.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: But it's a crazy realization of self to be like
Speaker 2: I'm inflicting pain on myself because it's comforting to me.
Speaker 4: Well, it's like it's like nostalgia, right, Like we like
Speaker 4: get excited when we hear a nineties R and B
Speaker 4: record or something because it puts us into that place,
Speaker 4: and that's nostalgia with like an upbeat flavor.
Speaker 3: It's like, oh my.
Speaker 4: God, they don't make music like this, Oh this is
Speaker 4: my jam. But it's the same thing with some of
Speaker 4: our toxic family traits. It's like you have a longing
Speaker 4: for it sometimes, you know it really there is this
Speaker 4: nostalgia of wanting to recreate what you knew.
Speaker 5: As a child.
Speaker 4: And it's like in moments like that, you know, part
Speaker 4: of like the reparenting dynamic that's so important, Like reparenting
Speaker 4: yourself is treating yourself how you wish you were treated
Speaker 4: as a child. It's talking to yourself with kindness. And
Speaker 4: so often when we're feeling frustrated with ourselves from like
Speaker 4: where we're at with growth, it's like, come on, get
Speaker 4: it together, you know, Like come on, And it's like
Speaker 4: you have to do the opposite to you. Anytime you
Speaker 4: feel like you're recreating chaos or you're finding yourself in crisis,
Speaker 4: it's literally about.
Speaker 5: Like, oh, baby, you're hurting, take a breath.
Speaker 4: Imagining yourself as a child, Like speak to yourself the
Speaker 4: way you would any three year old on the street,
Speaker 4: not even your own child. If I see any three
Speaker 4: year old on the street, I'm like, oh, look at
Speaker 4: a baby, you know, and I'm like, Hi, oh gosh,
Speaker 4: you're so smart.
Speaker 5: Hi beautiful.
Speaker 4: Like it's giving yourself that same kind of nourishment and
Speaker 4: parental guidance to that little you that's still inside. And
Speaker 4: you know, that's how we heal. It's through the kindness.
Speaker 4: It's through the grace, it's through the patience with ourselves
Speaker 4: as a child, and it's not through the get it together.
Speaker 5: You should know this. Come on all right, Like go
Speaker 5: to therapy.
Speaker 1: Talk to dad.
Speaker 4: It's like the tenderness. It's the slowness, and if it
Speaker 4: takes your whole.
Speaker 5: Life, that's okay.
Speaker 4: That's all we're here for anyway, right. We're just here
Speaker 4: to experience and to learn and to grow and transcend.
Speaker 4: So if you need to take your time, take it,
Speaker 4: but do it with tenderness.
Speaker 1: When I was listening to your podcast, you had mentioned that,
Speaker 1: first of all, you said something that was or I
Speaker 1: guess you had asked a therapist or someone you were
Speaker 1: speaking with. You'd said, why is like finding wholeness the
Speaker 1: fight of our life in the childhood?
Speaker 2: Girl?
Speaker 1: Why is finding wholeness the fight of our life in
Speaker 1: our adulthood? And I told me. I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, is that what our whole podcast was about?
Speaker 1: Is like finding our wholeness? And I was like, kinda,
Speaker 1: And it does feel like oftentimes it does feel like
Speaker 1: the fight of your life. And I think she said
Speaker 1: a child has to blame or else.
Speaker 5: She'll go and say, oh my god, that was like
Speaker 5: what Yeah?
Speaker 3: And I was like, day when you said that child.
Speaker 1: Has to blame or else, she'll go and say And
Speaker 1: I was like wow. And now having a child and
Speaker 1: her always like when something goes wrong, you like, she
Speaker 1: did it, you did it did And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: Carl're not in trouble.
Speaker 3: You're not in trouble, Like, why are we blaming someone
Speaker 3: right now? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I thought that was so interesting.
Speaker 5: It's so like and it's also so sad.
Speaker 1: You know not, I know it is.
Speaker 4: It is yeah, you know I so I you know,
Speaker 4: off and on. I've gone to therapy over the years.
Speaker 4: I do think like cognitive therapy is phenomenal, and it
Speaker 4: gives you language and it.
Speaker 5: Gives you structure to your experience.
Speaker 4: But we have to add in like somatic experiencing to
Speaker 4: really be in the healing or to like dissolve the trauma.
Speaker 4: We have to love the trauma. We can't just give
Speaker 4: it language and understand, Oh I act this way because
Speaker 4: this happened to me. It's like, Okay, now that I
Speaker 4: can understand that, how can I bring that intellectualization down
Speaker 4: into my heart so I can actually live as the
Speaker 4: person I want to be that I really am. And
Speaker 4: so sometimes like I have this one phenomenal psychologist, sometimes
Speaker 4: I just cut. Like so I do a lot of
Speaker 4: healing work on myself, but I also do a lot
Speaker 4: of healing education for myself. Like over the last ten years,
Speaker 4: I've probably gotten like an Ivy League education in different
Speaker 4: healing modeality. So sometimes I'm like the weirdo that books
Speaker 4: time with a leading psychologists to ask them questions that
Speaker 4: aren't necessarily about me.
Speaker 5: But I'll be like, how does.
Speaker 4: This work in the brain or why does this happen?
Speaker 4: Or why do kids do this? You know, I'm really
Speaker 4: really freaking curious. So I you know, when I study
Speaker 4: trauma and I study the barriers that we put up
Speaker 4: against our own healing, the common denominator for all of
Speaker 4: us is this under underlying feeling of being unworthy or
Speaker 4: being worthless. That is where I feel that one hundred
Speaker 4: percent of all of our trauma really sinks into and
Speaker 4: also experiences lend itself to that. Certain experiences happen that
Speaker 4: we interpret as being judgments against us or wrongness about us.
Speaker 5: So I was asking her, I said, you know, why
Speaker 5: is it that.
Speaker 4: Everything always comes down to us not really thinking we're
Speaker 4: worthy or us really loving ourselves? And she said, you know,
Speaker 4: when you're a kid, she said this phrase to me,
Speaker 4: thats that you share that Jess.
Speaker 5: Like it rocked my soul.
Speaker 4: It was you know, well a child has to blame
Speaker 4: or else that will go insane. And she said, you know, biologically, neurologically,
Speaker 4: the way your mind works as a young person is
Speaker 4: that like you don't have context for anything, you don't
Speaker 4: have language for hardly anything, and you don't have life experience,
Speaker 4: and so everything about our experience is crafted by how
Speaker 4: we understand our caregivers. So if our caregivers, who we
Speaker 4: now come to understand as adults, are these problematic flawed
Speaker 4: adults like we are, and like we know.
Speaker 1: I look like I can't wait to call my mom. Problemiz, Mom,
Speaker 1: you were a problematic caregiver. You did your best.
Speaker 3: I love you did. It was probably dev said that
Speaker 3: to say that Dad, it's problematic step father.
Speaker 1: When I go talk to my stepfather, So listen my relationship.
Speaker 3: You're a problematic adult and I am too.
Speaker 4: And also, you were a wounded child, right, you know,
Speaker 4: like you were a wounded child and you wounded me,
Speaker 4: and that's.
Speaker 3: You know what it is.
Speaker 4: But you know, the process of like a child blaming
Speaker 4: or it will go insane, is really found in that
Speaker 4: the way.
Speaker 5: A child processes it has.
Speaker 4: To give meaning because it's craving to understand its experience,
Speaker 4: it's craving to build its structures. And so for a
Speaker 4: young person, it's not even conceivable to you that the
Speaker 4: problem is your parent, or the problem is your family system,
Speaker 4: or the problem is your home.
Speaker 5: If that were to occur to you, it would put you.
Speaker 4: Into a fight or flight that is not survivable, like
Speaker 4: if your parent is God, if your home is really
Speaker 4: your earth, and something is wrong with that, and you're
Speaker 4: all so very clear that you cannot care for yourself.
Speaker 4: If you were to find fault in that system, it
Speaker 4: would send you spiraling.
Speaker 5: Who would care for you as a kid.
Speaker 4: You would probably give yourself a heart attack from being
Speaker 4: in fight or flight constantly. So you have to think
Speaker 4: it's you. You have to think that it's something wrong
Speaker 4: with you, and then you commit yourself to this path
Speaker 4: of being better, of earning love, of you know, trying
Speaker 4: to get the attention, or trying to get into a
Speaker 4: safe space with your parents or with your family so
Speaker 4: that you can feel the love, so that you can
Speaker 4: feel safe, which then leads you usually on this lifetime
Speaker 4: journey of on the far end of the spectrum either
Speaker 4: becoming a sociopath and a full on narcissist or becoming
Speaker 4: a really really committed people pleasing.
Speaker 1: People say that sounds like the recipe.
Speaker 4: For people please who's in fear of losing love, who's
Speaker 4: in fear of losing safety, who's in fear of losing self?
Speaker 4: And you know, either side of that is not necessarily
Speaker 4: anyone's fault, but they are interesting things to look at
Speaker 4: as we heal ourselves. You know, what is me and
Speaker 4: what is like this false programming that I can like
Speaker 4: all of.
Speaker 2: Like defense mechanisms almost that we've become accustomed to an
Speaker 2: innate too. That like someone if certain reactions in adulthood
Speaker 2: start to make you react different ways. There was something
Speaker 2: else you said. I think everyone has childhood trauma. There's
Speaker 2: no one's no one's fucking missing it, you know, but
Speaker 2: I think and it's hard. You think about your entire
Speaker 2: childhood and it's hard to go like pinpoint certain moments.
Speaker 2: It almost takes you like kind of like really getting
Speaker 2: into that space and really committing to deep diving into
Speaker 2: your memory about what you remember, conversations, all those experiences.
Speaker 2: Because I think also with children and with childhood, as
Speaker 2: we I know, I have been able to block things out.
Speaker 2: It's like our response to traumas like I can forget
Speaker 2: some shit quickly, like don't mention it again. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: forget now, okay, but like actual tangible tools and ways
Speaker 2: to go and start the process. So a friend of
Speaker 2: mine told me recently, like getting into feudal position and
Speaker 2: like thinking of those things. And then I know I
Speaker 2: heard in your podcast about like pulling up a picture
Speaker 2: of you in a certain age that you weren't comfortable with.
Speaker 2: And it's so funny that you said that, because I
Speaker 2: was scrolling through my phone like last night or the
Speaker 2: other night, and you know, the phone behaving like years
Speaker 2: and years of shit you didn't ask for, and I
Speaker 2: was just like scrolling. I was like, wow, things have changed,
Speaker 2: thank god. But you know, like all these pictures were
Speaker 2: kind of triggering in like places. I was like, in
Speaker 2: certain relationships, how I was feeling in the really times.
Speaker 1: Both memories is the worst thing Facebook ever did to humanity.
Speaker 3: I mean, and now the phone is good.
Speaker 2: Now have you noticed that iPhones are now just reminding
Speaker 2: me where you.
Speaker 3: Have to create a whole album that you don't ask for.
Speaker 3: I'm really like seeing my baby daddy on the beach.
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, we asked for this. Shit. Fuck I
Speaker 3: ask for this goddamn memory. I was there. I didn't
Speaker 3: need this. I take the picture.
Speaker 2: Don't be pulling shit ibout and asked for Siri, Yo,
Speaker 2: Siri cut the ship.
Speaker 3: What the fuck? But it just it just you know,
Speaker 3: even fuck even.
Speaker 2: Childhood this last year, bitch, I was looking at pictures
Speaker 2: from the last the twenty twenty. I was like, I'm
Speaker 2: a whole different person. I've come so far. Wow, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. But just like giving yourself permission
Speaker 2: to dig and dive into those places like I don't
Speaker 2: think sometimes we have the tools to where to begin.
Speaker 2: It's so it's so hurtful, it hurts so bad. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I've locked those doors. I've cemented it.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, so what are some tools, like some beginner
Speaker 1: step tools for people that are like I don't even
Speaker 1: know where to start with this healing?
Speaker 5: Yeah, love it.
Speaker 4: It's actually it's actually so simple, but it takes practice
Speaker 4: to feel.
Speaker 5: Comfortable with it.
Speaker 4: It's really be able to look at the work you
Speaker 4: need to do with joyful curiosity.
Speaker 5: Or at least like deep interest.
Speaker 4: You know. It's like when something comes up for me now,
Speaker 4: like if there's a piece of shadow work that I
Speaker 4: have to do, it's it's really about like, oh what
Speaker 4: is this? Why do I feel that right now? Am
Speaker 4: I jealous? Am I angry?
Speaker 3: What has charged?
Speaker 4: Why does it feel that way? Instead of like I'm
Speaker 4: so angry right now?
Speaker 3: Or god?
Speaker 4: You know, like people always do this and I'm just
Speaker 4: so instead of leaning into that as the way that
Speaker 4: you're processing what you're feeling, coming into it from more
Speaker 4: of a neutral space allows there to be like a
Speaker 4: rapid fire healing.
Speaker 3: Like I can't even stress that enough.
Speaker 4: Like the healing comes so fast when you come more
Speaker 4: into a space of neutrality about your journey and come
Speaker 4: more into a space of just like really deep interest
Speaker 4: in curiosity, as if you were walking a dear friend
Speaker 4: through their process. You know, like, well, what happened? What
Speaker 4: comes up for you when you say that, you know,
Speaker 4: what did something happen that lent itself to that? Like
Speaker 4: you're in the role of like journalists and women, we
Speaker 4: are natural inherent psychologists, journalists and detectives. Sure, yet we
Speaker 4: don't apply that same ability that is a refined skill.
Speaker 4: We don't apply that to our own process of self.
Speaker 4: And it's like if we gave it that same level
Speaker 4: of diligence, that same level of like creative introspection and
Speaker 4: that same curiosity, like we can free ourselves so much
Speaker 4: faster with ease, with ease and joy, Like healing does
Speaker 4: not have to come through all of the knights on
Speaker 4: your knees and tears or the yelling into your pillow,
Speaker 4: or the taking the drives, like healing can come through
Speaker 4: the tiny moments, the twinkle of an eye, the joy,
Speaker 4: the self inquiry question. You know, it can come through
Speaker 4: the one time that you decide to say no, and
Speaker 4: then that starts to build up your ability to say.
Speaker 5: It more and more when you want to.
Speaker 3: And really investigate.
Speaker 4: But it's the secret is the curiosity, Like I treat
Speaker 4: myself with the deep curiosity for my needs, for my joys,
Speaker 4: Like hmm, what am I craving today? Like what could
Speaker 4: I use to smile today? What would feel good for me? Okay,
Speaker 4: let me do that to then? Oh wow, I feel
Speaker 4: really defeated today. Okay, what's coming up? What do I feel?
Speaker 4: Where in my body do I feel it? It's in my heart? Okay,
Speaker 4: that feels like grief? What am I experiencing right now?
Speaker 5: What's here?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 4: And just being willing to be with yourself. And that's
Speaker 4: what we avoid, you know, I think we get through
Speaker 4: life without realizing all the tools of avoidance we have
Speaker 4: for ourselves. We avoid ourselves with the packed schedule, We
Speaker 4: avoid ourselves with friendships, with fun, with perceived happiness, like
Speaker 4: we can find we can turn anything into a tool
Speaker 4: of avoidance.
Speaker 5: Anything, and so it's so.
Speaker 4: Important to really create those moments where we're just with us,
Speaker 4: Like go stare at yourself in the eyes in the
Speaker 4: mirror with your face two inches away from the mirror.
Speaker 4: Light a candle and do that.
Speaker 3: For a minutes and see what happens.
Speaker 2: You know, for real, Like it's really comfortable.
Speaker 3: Do you get eye contact? Period? Is some shit? It
Speaker 3: is really some shit, especially with yourself. It's crazy. You
Speaker 3: said that.
Speaker 2: I had an acting like exercise with a stranger in
Speaker 2: an acting class randomly, and the exercise was for us
Speaker 2: to stare at each other in each other's eyes for
Speaker 2: two minutes. And I was I get awkward. I can
Speaker 2: like someone can yell at me or send me something,
Speaker 2: tell me something sensitive, and I'll like smirk, So I
Speaker 2: can avoid very easily. But this girl started to cry
Speaker 2: and I was like I embraced her, and I was like, god, damn,
Speaker 2: Like that's first of all, is this acting class is
Speaker 2: fucking therapy both But second of all, like damn, that
Speaker 2: is like she saw me seeing her and it made
Speaker 2: her very vulnerable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And like sometimes.
Speaker 2: I will catch myself in the bathroom I'll try and
Speaker 2: tell myself things, but I'm like, oh wow, I haven't
Speaker 2: looked at you in a while.
Speaker 4: Like you know, it's like this deep and you know
Speaker 4: what you just said in the acting class, that's so
Speaker 4: beautiful because like in like the mindfulness world, in like
Speaker 4: retreating systems and workshops, what you did is actually a
Speaker 4: really powerful tool for meeting yourself. And it's called soul gazing.
Speaker 4: And so it's like I've been I've been at retreats
Speaker 4: before where I got in a line outside with two
Speaker 4: hundred people and we each spent a minute staring into
Speaker 4: each other's eyes, like spent the whole afternoon what all
Speaker 4: walks of life. So you're seeing every kind of face
Speaker 4: and every kind of eye. And I remember the very
Speaker 4: first time I did it, I was like I could
Speaker 4: see like every person I would look in their eye
Speaker 4: for that time span, I would literally just say to them,
Speaker 4: you are whole, you are worthy, like with my mind,
Speaker 4: and I would extend that same feeling to myself. And
Speaker 4: you know, I've cried, or the people in front of
Speaker 4: me would cry, because we don't realize how often we're
Speaker 4: not even getting enough touch alone enough eye contact, especially
Speaker 4: now in quarantine, like you know, for those that have
Speaker 4: been inside or having like really limited access to people,
Speaker 4: it's like something like holding your friend's hand. Like me
Speaker 4: and my best girlfriend, she came to hang out with
Speaker 4: me and my son for a few days, and she's like,
Speaker 4: whenever she comes over, we spend a few days together,
Speaker 4: you know, which is like rare, Like we're both busy,
Speaker 4: so we rarely get to do it. But when we do,
Speaker 4: it's like, let's have a sleepover for three days. Like
Speaker 4: she'll come over, spend time with the baby, We'll wake up,
Speaker 4: have coffee together. Sometimes her and I just sit on
Speaker 4: the couch and we'll hold hands watching something, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean, And it's.
Speaker 3: Like that's my friend, like really just my friend.
Speaker 4: But you know, it's like it's giving people you care about,
Speaker 4: those moments of intimacy, that deepening, you know, looking at
Speaker 4: someone in their eyes, like it that's such a gift
Speaker 4: for you and them.
Speaker 2: And I think I think that the longer we've been
Speaker 2: friends with people, and the longer people around us, we
Speaker 2: forget to do that. Yeah, because I remember like that,
Speaker 2: like obviously, I mean, Erica at the closest people that
Speaker 2: ever existed in fucking human friendship. But like in the beginning,
Speaker 2: like the first meeting Erica have only really been best
Speaker 2: friends for three years. But in the first like year
Speaker 2: or two of our relationship, even now, because she wasn't
Speaker 2: my friend that had been super comfortable with for years
Speaker 2: and years and years, she would just touch me and
Speaker 2: like rub my shoulder and be like, you don't seem okay,
Speaker 2: And I would just like jar me because I wasn't
Speaker 2: used to that, you know. And now you feel so
Speaker 2: close to people, but sometimes you'd get so close to
Speaker 2: people that you are not close, you know, you forget
Speaker 2: to offer them the courtesy of just like the things
Speaker 2: I touched, you know, of cuddling, of love, and just
Speaker 2: like those little things of her like reminding me. Even
Speaker 2: like she apologize this to me, I'm like, no, well, damn.
Speaker 3: Where my feelings hurt? You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like they weren't, but maybe they were, you know, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: But because we forget that gentleness, we forget that like
Speaker 2: that that kindness to be to the people we've known
Speaker 2: the longest, our moms, our parents, you know, Like.
Speaker 4: I'm like, as a friend, I am a kissy, huggy,
Speaker 4: like wis your birthday?
Speaker 2: I feel like birthday's in the close to mine. I
Speaker 2: just read this June and nineteenth.
Speaker 4: My birthday is June eighteenth.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, mine June twenty seconds.
Speaker 4: She's only I'm a Gemini or I'm a double Gemini
Speaker 4: with the Leo Rising.
Speaker 2: A Leo Rising too is crazy.
Speaker 3: Oh I love being a Leo Rising. Oh okay, So
Speaker 3: I want to ask some o question.
Speaker 2: I know we've been talking a lot, but we had
Speaker 2: this question, and I don't know if you have any
Speaker 2: more questions.
Speaker 1: Oh I was gonna actually ask that.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we have a question our DMS for you
Speaker 2: and I don't.
Speaker 1: Mean to read it or yeah, go ahead, Okay, we
Speaker 1: had a question. Actually, this is from Torri, who I love.
Speaker 3: She love you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's always a.
Speaker 2: Young cool ass listening, artistic shout out to tor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's dope, she said. I'd love to hear her
Speaker 1: approach to breath work and how she ritualizes it throughout
Speaker 1: her day.
Speaker 2: But before you start, I want to say when I
Speaker 2: picked my two cents that I recently went to Mexico,
Speaker 2: I told everyone, tell everyone again. I was with like
Speaker 2: my hippie friends and I was.
Speaker 3: There part of Mexico we went.
Speaker 2: I was in zach It was like right outside of
Speaker 2: Cabo called Zacatthas. Oh okay, No, not Zachary's those total No,
Speaker 2: it was.
Speaker 3: I And we did acid.
Speaker 2: So all those things you were saying, like one drop
Speaker 2: of this, one drop of kinda is like one drop of.
Speaker 3: Acid heels everything, but a lot of it.
Speaker 2: Like the first week of being there, they're just like
Speaker 2: cool hippie burning man people and we're just doing a
Speaker 2: lot of like.
Speaker 6: Yeah, a lot of moaning, a lot of looking at due,
Speaker 6: a lot of beautiful sight seeing, and just like a
Speaker 6: lot of touching, like a lot of bodywork.
Speaker 3: And getting on my body. That was and I didn't
Speaker 3: know it was my jam girl. I didn't know was
Speaker 3: just following my white people.
Speaker 1: Were eating fruits.
Speaker 2: I was eating fruits and moaning, seeing sunsets, waking up early.
Speaker 1: I was just like.
Speaker 3: Stretching naked, dancing naked around the house like we're having
Speaker 3: this my jam.
Speaker 2: Energetic intimacy, just being comfortable, just be vulnerable, because I
Speaker 2: feel like we don't give ourselves the permission to do
Speaker 2: that a lot. And so days later and we did
Speaker 2: this acid trip and we put attention into the acid.
Speaker 2: I had this like life changing experience and so what
Speaker 2: I've taken from that is that experience. But very much,
Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck where I'm at, who I'm with.
Speaker 2: I'll be like fucking uber, like yup, join me?
Speaker 3: When to join? Ye? I have a hard to die homework. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and I have a lot of weird stares.
Speaker 2: But also I feel like there's fucking I mean obviously
Speaker 2: I have a podcast, so there's there's power and frequencies
Speaker 2: and voice like we put our we put our words
Speaker 2: out and those frequencies go forever until they bounce off
Speaker 2: of nothing, you know, to the universe. So I just
Speaker 2: based on Tory's question, like how what.
Speaker 3: Was the question?
Speaker 1: The question was she loved to hear your approach to
Speaker 1: breath work and how you ritualize it throughout your day.
Speaker 4: You know what, for me, everything is literally sacred, Like
Speaker 4: every single thing about my day is a ritual or
Speaker 4: an offering to God in some way. Like I feel
Speaker 4: like I feel like I'm building a life for myself,
Speaker 4: that my life.
Speaker 5: Is the altar for God, you know. And it's like
Speaker 5: with breath.
Speaker 4: Work, that is a piece of it's just a natural
Speaker 4: piece of everything. Like I'm always stopping much like you
Speaker 4: just describe to take a moment to breathe, to take
Speaker 4: a moment to center, Like yesterday I was on not
Speaker 4: like my work day is typically and this is gonna
Speaker 4: sound crazy considering I work in well being, but my
Speaker 4: day is five am to ten am every day, every
Speaker 4: single day without fail. And moms I know can definitely relate.
Speaker 3: To that, you know.
Speaker 4: And it's a lot, but I managed to get a
Speaker 4: lot of great solid sleep, and I was like.
Speaker 3: How am I functioning?
Speaker 1: And it's really because if I have ten minutes of
Speaker 1: each hour, I'll use it for myself and I'll go
Speaker 1: outside and i'll ground and I'll just focus on my
Speaker 1: breathing and for me, like the hand placements that feel
Speaker 1: really good, it's like one over my heart, check ra
Speaker 1: one over my sacral and just really take time to
Speaker 1: like feel my heartbeat, connect to my womb, my creativity center,
Speaker 1: and just.
Speaker 5: Take that big deep breath.
Speaker 4: In through your nose. And I usually do a lot
Speaker 4: of the slower breathing or like the lion's breath, where
Speaker 4: you're taking in a big breath through in heal through
Speaker 4: your nose, really big, filling your lungs like their gorgeous balloons,
Speaker 4: just expanding holding the breath for a moment and then
Speaker 4: like letting it come out and just doing that repeatedly
Speaker 4: and really noticing myself and my body and even like
Speaker 4: wiggling and how do I feel and what feels good,
Speaker 4: you know, and like letting your eyes kind of hang
Speaker 4: a little lower and go with the natural movements of
Speaker 4: your body. And then sometimes I like to like do
Speaker 4: one like deep journey a week. So like last night
Speaker 4: I did a two hour breath work journey, and it was.
Speaker 3: It was more intense. There was definitely the.
Speaker 4: For two hours, and then like everything started tingling and
Speaker 4: I might have like, you know, levitated for a second.
Speaker 3: I don't even know what happened.
Speaker 1: But.
Speaker 4: I went somewhere really really fucking enjoy my own company,
Speaker 4: like I am such a great friend to me, Like
Speaker 4: I really like having moments to just spend with myself
Speaker 4: and there not be any comparison, there not being any
Speaker 4: Like I can, honest to God, find joy and absolutely
Speaker 4: anything and feel connected to it. So that's kind of
Speaker 4: the way that I use my practice throughout the day.
Speaker 4: But also like if I enter a room in my house,
Speaker 4: I let it incense before I walk into my office,
Speaker 4: I do a prayer in the room, I light an incense,
Speaker 4: I light certain candles, I call in, you know, certain
Speaker 4: energies to just aid me. And that's a part of
Speaker 4: every single day and of every process. If I run
Speaker 4: myself a bath, I do reiki over the water and
Speaker 4: like say a prayer that the water rejuvenates me, and
Speaker 4: then I get in and you know, it's like there,
Speaker 4: I feel like there's always opportunity to turn something into
Speaker 4: like a moment, not just for growth. Like we can't
Speaker 4: get too focused on how we're growing, what we're growing,
Speaker 4: how we're healing. Sometimes it's like, let me relax into
Speaker 4: the pure joy of what is in this moment and
Speaker 4: exactly the version of myself who I am in this moment.
Speaker 4: I know I'm looking to potentially refine or chisel in
Speaker 4: this way and in this way, but I can also
Speaker 4: love the shit out of her right now as is.
Speaker 4: I can also love how she's showing up to herself
Speaker 4: even when she hasn't figured out this tool yet.
Speaker 5: You know, I can.
Speaker 4: Still celebrate the process. So that's kind of like the
Speaker 4: way that I move. But definitely I introduce breath to everything.
Speaker 4: I introduce reiki to everything. I find ways to do
Speaker 4: both in every part of my day.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. That's amazing. I've seen the breath work that
Speaker 1: you've done on social, on following your on social, and
Speaker 1: Miila's really inspired me to. I mean, I've always incorporated breath,
Speaker 1: but like honestly, like I feel like there has been
Speaker 1: even sort of like, don't breathe too loud.
Speaker 2: You know that's weird, You're actually weird. You know, rhythm,
Speaker 2: like why are you just dancing for no reason? Chill
Speaker 2: out like you're being weird.
Speaker 1: Oh my, don't breathe that loud.
Speaker 3: Don't make us all known right now?
Speaker 1: Like even like we want a yoga class and you
Speaker 1: hear that one person that's.
Speaker 2: Like, ah, you're like shut up, Actually no, it's me.
Speaker 1: You're having the best classes ever know the poss but
Speaker 1: I get but like, no, it's really It's really has
Speaker 1: helped me. So thank you, Mila, And I'm so glad.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that we have reconnected. I know, and
Speaker 1: you live in the valley, So now I'm not You're
Speaker 1: not gonna get rid of me. I'm coming over to
Speaker 1: your house. I just want you to know me and
Speaker 1: Erica bring the things we bring.
Speaker 2: Me and Erica recruit all of our guests to be
Speaker 2: our best friends in three way and three way group text.
Speaker 3: So I'm your your were birthdays with three days apart.
Speaker 3: We're best friends now we both like.
Speaker 2: Simon, let's let's moan less, let's dance like ground naked
Speaker 2: in the backyard, let the kids run free. I'm about
Speaker 2: that life. Absolutely put attention into our water together name.
Speaker 5: And I'm only available for people like this in my.
Speaker 4: Life, like the girls again, gift of like being this
Speaker 4: version of me and the pandemic.
Speaker 1: It's just like I there's no time to be wasted none.
Speaker 1: I want only people near me that we want to
Speaker 1: be naked together sometimes.
Speaker 3: Can you hold me? Can we hold each other?
Speaker 4: Let's hold and you know what you said too, And
Speaker 4: I know we're ending. Sorry not to drag it on,
Speaker 4: but like when we were talking about like like how
Speaker 4: breath work shows up, or like making sounds like last night,
Speaker 4: after I did that that two hour journey, I went
Speaker 4: and I took a shower and I just started making
Speaker 4: crazy sounds in the shower. Perceived crazy, it's not crazy,
Speaker 4: but I was just like, what would this sound sound like?
Speaker 4: And I was like, oh, and then I was like,
Speaker 4: and then I just started making any sound that came
Speaker 4: to me. And it's like doing that, it creates like
Speaker 4: such a freedom and a space disst and you like
Speaker 4: create with your breath, like make sounds what's inside of
Speaker 4: you that wants to come out, Like.
Speaker 3: Kids do it forgot child.
Speaker 1: Kids do that ship all day They do weird ship
Speaker 1: all day long. My daughter is a fucking weirdo.
Speaker 3: I love her showing me shit Like look, mom, I'm like,
Speaker 3: what the fuck?
Speaker 1: That's great, honey, you know y. I was like, lately,
Speaker 1: my daughter's been taking showers alone, which has been wonderful,
Speaker 1: like like we've found We've gotten to this new ritual
Speaker 1: of like every morning you take a shower, okay, Like
Speaker 1: sometimes we'll skip a day and I'm like, you know what, no,
Speaker 1: we're not skiing in mornings. And so she has been
Speaker 1: really enjoying it by herself. And I hear her in
Speaker 1: there making all types of sounds and ship singing like water.
Speaker 3: She's like this, she's ancient like healing because Lina does
Speaker 3: the same thing. She'll get in there even as a
Speaker 3: young kid, like she was in there forever.
Speaker 1: I had to get her out. I'm like every morning.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okaybe it's.
Speaker 2: Been thirty there's deep healing in water, that's why. And
Speaker 2: the kids be knowing, girl, the kids be knowing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the primitive things and you that want to come out.
Speaker 2: It's okay to give your permission to let them out.
Speaker 1: So, Debbie, can you tell her our people where they
Speaker 1: can find you.
Speaker 4: Yes, hit me on the gram. All my channels and
Speaker 4: my website is just Debbie Brown. So d E v
Speaker 4: I Debbie Debbie Brown on ig you hit my.
Speaker 3: Link in bio.
Speaker 4: It leads you to all the places and all the
Speaker 4: things awesome.
Speaker 1: And you guys know where to find us Instagram at
Speaker 1: Good Mom's Underscore, Bad Choices. Make sure you follow us
Speaker 1: on Patreon. That's patreon dot com backslash Good Moms, Bad Choices.
Speaker 1: Debbie is going to be blessing us with a full
Speaker 1: moon meditation. It's a little five minute, short little meditation,
Speaker 1: but get us in the get us in the spirit.
Speaker 1: You know, we always me and Jamila are always about
Speaker 1: manifesting period. But on the full moon, and even after
Speaker 1: we had this conversation last month with Loose Warrior, your
Speaker 1: all needs to be manifesting on your period.
Speaker 2: My period is like all on the end, but I
Speaker 2: just had I was feeling bitchy about it.
Speaker 3: I did tap in. I'm like, have you heard about
Speaker 3: the red tent?
Speaker 1: Okay, so Loose Warrior she talked to us about rev
Speaker 1: her by the way, Oh, she's amazing to talk about
Speaker 1: the tent. And basically, how like in ancient history, women
Speaker 1: were put in the They had this red tent and
Speaker 1: these tribes and all the women because their cycles would
Speaker 1: be would be the same, because you know, once as
Speaker 1: women can get together, our cycles start to be similar
Speaker 1: in the moon, and they would all go into this
Speaker 1: red tent and they would anything that the tribe needed
Speaker 1: to get done down, they would write it down, give
Speaker 1: it to the women. They'd go in the red tent
Speaker 1: and pray, pray over it and manifest. They believe that
Speaker 1: for the community. When you're on your period, you have
Speaker 1: a direct you have a direct channel to God.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So we've been we've tapping in on that.
Speaker 1: And I guess what I'm gonna be on my period
Speaker 1: on the full move So I'm red tenting and full
Speaker 1: moon manifest.
Speaker 3: It's on Saturday.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, well, yeah, I hope my period doesn't the
Speaker 2: end by Saturday, me too.
Speaker 3: I feel like you got three day residual effects.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and I'm sure me and you have manifested
Speaker 2: a lot of shit in our period together and absolutely
Speaker 2: Oh and also in addition to that, please go check
Speaker 2: out our girls new children's book, Mommy, Can You Write
Speaker 2: Me a Bedtime Story? By Jessica Schrody aka Jessica Rose.
Speaker 2: Because it's the bomb and she's about to.
Speaker 1: And we've been drinking out of her glasses all day.
Speaker 1: We're drinking wine. There are her baby daddy tear glasses.
Speaker 1: Our baby daddies are crying right.
Speaker 3: Now and we're drinking their tears.
Speaker 2: Stay hydrated ladies, choking on them, just like a baby daddy,
Speaker 2: Just like a baby daddy.
Speaker 1: You would Anyway, you guys don't where to find us.
Speaker 1: Like I said, have an amazing week and we'll catch
Speaker 1: you next week.
Speaker 3: We love you. Bye bye.
Speaker 2: Hey guys, have you joined Patreon, where we offer even
Speaker 2: more juicy content.
Speaker 3: Yes, y'all.
Speaker 1: We have a secret episodes, secret segments, and some very
Speaker 1: personal blog posts that we don't share on the interwebs,
Speaker 1: So make sure you go check out our Patreon. That's
Speaker 1: patreon dot com. Backslash good mom's bad choices. Here's a
Speaker 1: little sneak peek.
Speaker 8: You know, for people who are exploring this. If you're
Speaker 8: trying to fulfill something that's missing in your primary relationship,
Speaker 8: like that's that's not the way to go into this.
Speaker 5: This is like you're so fulfilled.
Speaker 8: By your partner and you want like little extra icinger
Speaker 8: sparkles on the cake. You know, it's like this is
Speaker 8: this is this is not something to relationships. You're not
Speaker 8: don't try to fix your relationship, like go in with
Speaker 8: an empowered relationship or as I've.
Speaker 3: Done it as a single woman.
Speaker 1: That is fun.
Speaker 8: It's going to dude, being a single girl of a
Speaker 8: sex party is so much fun.
Speaker 3: This is
Speaker 7: Ball Recorder Lalus and the Last three s