Speaker 1: I'm a Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was
Speaker 1: born and raised in New York City. I love sneakers
Speaker 1: and I'm a body positive advocate. I'm Carolina Bermudez. But
Speaker 1: I was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife,
Speaker 1: a mama, and a worker bee. This is life in spanglish.
Speaker 1: Now I'm wondering why Honey is looking up her norm
Speaker 1: dot com on how to court amand but then I
Speaker 1: remembered its research. It's research, but it's also something that
Speaker 1: came up in the house while I was you know,
Speaker 1: it was like a Sunday and I woke up and
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna clean. I took out meat
Speaker 1: and I cooked, you know, and then when everything was ready,
Speaker 1: I looked around. I put a prosecco on ice, and
Speaker 1: I asked my husband. I said, what if you came
Speaker 1: to a single girl's house and it looked like this,
Speaker 1: as she had this food and she had a bottle
Speaker 1: of Bubbly on ice for you? He said, I would
Speaker 1: be like, bitch, I'm moving in, he said, But you
Speaker 1: know what, that'll never happen because women don't know how
Speaker 1: to court men. They think we have to court them.
Speaker 1: He's like, so this right here, me walking into a
Speaker 1: woman's house, car driveway, house, clean food on the stove.
Speaker 1: He said, that wouldn't happen. Y'all. I don't know how
Speaker 1: to really court men. And that's why I said, I
Speaker 1: want to talk to Carolina about this, because you know,
Speaker 1: we're both married. So obviously we did something to get
Speaker 1: a ring and that was it. But not like the
Speaker 1: kind of bacteria, the good kind. Oh no, I just
Speaker 1: missed the clean But anyway, but you know, I was
Speaker 1: reading I went online and I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: let me see what tips on courting a man? Like
Speaker 1: what if I was singled again right now? Well, I
Speaker 1: was curious because people who have been listening to us
Speaker 1: for many seasons. And by the way, thank you guys
Speaker 1: so much for checking out the podcast. But Bella, your sister,
Speaker 1: your baby sister, who I just think is like the
Speaker 1: most gorgeous human being on the planet. She was single
Speaker 1: for years. Has she found love or is she's still
Speaker 1: out there looking around? She's still looking see And that's
Speaker 1: the thing. It's like we've got all of these beautiful,
Speaker 1: intelligent jere ra you know God, but like they cannot
Speaker 1: find a man so what is it? Is it the
Speaker 1: men or is it the women? Well, I have a
Speaker 1: lot of intel on that. So they are dating a lot.
Speaker 1: The dating apps are yielding results, but once they go
Speaker 1: on one, two, three dates then things fizzle out. Why,
Speaker 1: I wonder, m is it because there's too many people there?
Speaker 1: There's many options that that's number one. I feel like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this date is not going well. Well, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go under the table and start swiping. When
Speaker 1: we met our husbands, this was not a thing you
Speaker 1: met people in the street. You actually went out to
Speaker 1: a club and if you like the guy, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I gotta get his number before we leave. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Hell no, or you would come back next week and
Speaker 1: be like, oh my god, I hope he comes again. Totally,
Speaker 1: that is not a thing anymore. Now it's let me
Speaker 1: check my DMS, let me go on Instagram, let me
Speaker 1: go on TikTok. The possibilities are infinite right now for
Speaker 1: you to meet people. You don't even have to leave
Speaker 1: your house. Remember Carolina, you have to get dressed and
Speaker 1: coming see that. You know, I know, well, that's what
Speaker 1: I was thinking to myself. It's like, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: always in three layers. Okay, I got my boots on,
Speaker 1: I got my clothes on, being like I go outside.
Speaker 1: But no before I used to go out in the
Speaker 1: skimpiest little outfits. It'd be like four o'clock in the
Speaker 1: morning in the Tri State area, three below, and I
Speaker 1: would be like, this is nothing because you were out there.
Speaker 1: I was not wearing no damn coat to the club.
Speaker 1: Motherfuckers needed to see that body, Adidi. While I was
Speaker 1: walking from the damn garage to the club. You never
Speaker 1: knew that advertising it was. I was not wearing no coat.
Speaker 1: I ain't cold. You know what celebrity said, hos never
Speaker 1: get cold. I think it was Cardi. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I like, God bless her, Cardi. You know what you
Speaker 1: say everything that we think in our heads that we
Speaker 1: never want to say, but it's so accurate. But you
Speaker 1: bring up a good point, honey, because you were talking
Speaker 1: about how you just like prepared this meal for Noony.
Speaker 1: You you made like the effort that you set up
Speaker 1: the whole scene for him, And I think that's a big,
Speaker 1: big part of it. Courting is a big part and
Speaker 1: that's what I think we're missing. We're going from like
Speaker 1: apps to just either dating or not dating, and there's
Speaker 1: not that in between time. Where are you getting them? Like,
Speaker 1: figure somebody out? And I feel also that women courting
Speaker 1: men is frowned upon in this day and age. You know,
Speaker 1: my single friends, like the ones that I know are
Speaker 1: still out there, they need to be courted. What are
Speaker 1: you doing for me? Where are you taking me? Are
Speaker 1: you buying me a bag? Like the courting has taken
Speaker 1: on a whole new meaning. It's just like, okay, he
Speaker 1: has to prove to me why I should even be
Speaker 1: with him. But then with women, I don't feel like
Speaker 1: we're being forced to prove to men why they should
Speaker 1: pick us. And it might seem a little antiquated or whatever.
Speaker 1: You know, back in the days when women were like
Speaker 1: jokosino yo lao yo, plancho jolo. That's gone. It's it's
Speaker 1: just now it's aesthetics, bodies, bbl's beauty, extensions of lashes,
Speaker 1: Like do you think that that's a part of the
Speaker 1: culture though, because I feel like as of late okay,
Speaker 1: so now, I was going out and dating in the nineties,
Speaker 1: late nineties, I would say, early two thousands, let's put it, okay,
Speaker 1: And like I was not wearing fake lashes to the club. No.
Speaker 1: I was barely getting my Mac eyeshadow from the counter.
Speaker 1: I was borrowing things from my friends, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Like there just wasn't the access I guess
Speaker 1: to a lot of these things. Like nobody knew. There
Speaker 1: wasn't YouTube. We weren't teaching ourselves makeup tutorials. Crazy, I
Speaker 1: had the wrong NC forty five or some ship from man,
Speaker 1: why did you just do fine Nancy thirty five? I
Speaker 1: was like forty five or something shades. I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just wrong. I know it's just wrong. That is
Speaker 1: that's all I had. Fine to your chin line. It
Speaker 1: was like totally different. But you know you were out
Speaker 1: there and you were just like having fun with it.
Speaker 1: Yet Yes, but yeah, no, not the pressure. We can
Speaker 1: we can do a whole other episode on the pressure,
Speaker 1: the beauty pressure. Now it's nails, it's lashes, it's fillers,
Speaker 1: it's bbl's, it's sensions, it's just laminating the eyebrows. It's
Speaker 1: the fucking most Carolina. And if this is what you're doing,
Speaker 1: I feel for you because not only financially, but emotionally
Speaker 1: and you know, just your self esteem in general has
Speaker 1: to feel just tired. Yeah, it's a lot of upkeep.
Speaker 1: It's it's a lot of pressure, I believe, for a
Speaker 1: woman to constantly be on. And I think there's something
Speaker 1: really natural, you know, and I'm not going to quote Drake,
Speaker 1: but you know sweatpants, you know, chilling with no makeup on,
Speaker 1: that's when you're the prettiest, you know. I think that
Speaker 1: a lot of women have lost that natural ability to
Speaker 1: just be themselves because we have filters and there's always
Speaker 1: somebody on social media who's looking better than you, or
Speaker 1: the society pressure Carolina, it's just insane. It's just after
Speaker 1: the pandemic, I said, okay, I'm not going to wear
Speaker 1: extensions anymore because that was a thorn on my side, right.
Speaker 1: But it was the way I never noticed that you
Speaker 1: were extensions. You would tell me you would get bundles
Speaker 1: sometimes if they did a good job, because I could
Speaker 1: never tell they weren't so obnoxious, that's what you know.
Speaker 1: The hand time wasn't down to my ankles and they
Speaker 1: beat you one sometimes. But but yeah, no, it was
Speaker 1: a thing. I didn't feel confident without my extensions. It
Speaker 1: just gave me like, okay, now I could do half
Speaker 1: up half down. After the pandemic, I said, I'm not
Speaker 1: doing this anymore because I felt, you know, it was
Speaker 1: kind of like trapped and I didn't feel good and
Speaker 1: I didn't feel confident. Without the hair. It was just like,
Speaker 1: oh god, I would take out my hair and it's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, if this girl cancels on me, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna die. Who the hell I want to live? Like
Speaker 1: that same thing with nails, it was just like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, my nail broke. The girl can't see me
Speaker 1: for a week. I don't want to go nowhere missing
Speaker 1: a nail. I gave up on the nail. The best
Speaker 1: thing I did. Look at this, I'm showing honey, my
Speaker 1: nails right now. I learned how to do my own
Speaker 1: manicure during the pandemic. You have one of those. I'm
Speaker 1: one of those how to do it, and now I maintain.
Speaker 1: It's like listen, No, Carolina, like listen. Just having natural
Speaker 1: nails is one thing. Doing your own nails, that's the
Speaker 1: next level shit right there, natural my own nails. But
Speaker 1: you know why you got the real salone? Time is everything.
Speaker 1: You come to my house and it's the salon. I
Speaker 1: don't have an hour and a half two hours to
Speaker 1: go to the Why don't you try three hours sometimes, Carolina? Right,
Speaker 1: because of the weight or whatever it is. And so
Speaker 1: I said, I'm going to take matters into my own hands.
Speaker 1: Do I like to look clean and you know, nice
Speaker 1: and presentable. Absolutely, But I'm not going to be a
Speaker 1: slave to beauty industry, to the beauty industry. And so
Speaker 1: I think that, like, I know, this is what happens
Speaker 1: when Honey and I start talking, We go off on
Speaker 1: these tangents. But I know we have to bring it
Speaker 1: back to how to court demand to this article because
Speaker 1: I thought this was so excellent for people who are
Speaker 1: really trying to look for that partner, and we're talking
Speaker 1: about you guys both have to be on that level. Though.
Speaker 1: You can't have a guy that's still out there trying
Speaker 1: to look for three side pieces, trying to smash and
Speaker 1: grab and you trying to lock it down. That's absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1: So these are the tips that they said, and I
Speaker 1: feel like these are really some of them are so basic,
Speaker 1: but they're honest, of course. And the first one is
Speaker 1: know the difference between dating and courting. Dating is focused
Speaker 1: on companionship. It's usually short term, while courtship is when
Speaker 1: two people get to know each other better and their
Speaker 1: aim is may or And this is the step that
Speaker 1: I said that we're missing because you go from dating
Speaker 1: and then you're either together and that's it. We're together together,
Speaker 1: or they fizzle off and they find somebody else. Courting
Speaker 1: is that experience where you get to know the other person,
Speaker 1: where you get to ask them the questions about their
Speaker 1: family history or what their dreams and what their goals are,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. You normally don't go there
Speaker 1: on the third date. No, and if you're dating, you're
Speaker 1: obviously not going to start like, hey come over, I'm
Speaker 1: going to give you a manicure, or hey I'm going
Speaker 1: to cook for you, you you know, because then they're like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, what is she thinking. She already wants
Speaker 1: to marry me, So you have already ordering the embroidered towels. No,
Speaker 1: not at all. So it's just like courting. Now that's different.
Speaker 1: But yes, I agree with you. And now the second
Speaker 1: tip it says court to marry, not to date. This
Speaker 1: is huge. When I was in my third well, I
Speaker 1: think it was like twenty eight, twenty nine, and I
Speaker 1: made that decision and I said, you know, what if
Speaker 1: I'm going to date somebody, and if I'm going to
Speaker 1: invest my time, it's going to be the person that
Speaker 1: I want to be with. And you don't know if
Speaker 1: you want to be with somebody until you're actually, like
Speaker 1: really dating them. But that was the goal. The goal
Speaker 1: for me and mind was like, I want to devote
Speaker 1: and invest time in somebody who I believe eventually could
Speaker 1: be marriage material. And you know, that's that's an old,
Speaker 1: old old mindset, but it still works. It's just like,
Speaker 1: why are you wasting time with someone that you cannot
Speaker 1: see yourself marrying or having children with or changing, especially
Speaker 1: if that's your purpose here. It's because some people date,
Speaker 1: you know, for food, some people date for trips, some
Speaker 1: people date for gifts. But if you're dating to try
Speaker 1: to find someone to marry, then you know, make sure
Speaker 1: that person that's in front of you someone you would marry. Exactly,
Speaker 1: That's exactly it. The third one said confirm your sentiments
Speaker 1: for the man you have intentions of marrying. So basically
Speaker 1: it says like you have to reflect personally and have
Speaker 1: a conversation with yourself and say, are you sure you
Speaker 1: want to do this? Am I ready for the next step,
Speaker 1: because you also could maybe not be ready. You could
Speaker 1: be putting yourself in a position because your friends are
Speaker 1: getting married, your mom wants you to get married, your
Speaker 1: biological clock is ticking, all of these things that society
Speaker 1: has put on us. But are you really ready? You
Speaker 1: have to be honest with yourself. No, that's before you
Speaker 1: enter anything. Ask yourself, is it time? Is this jersey
Speaker 1: gonna go up on the wall? Am I done dating?
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I feel like people put it
Speaker 1: in their mind. Okay, I want to get married, but
Speaker 1: it's just more. I always bring it back to the
Speaker 1: social media. Everybody's married. It's cool to be married. Before
Speaker 1: everybody hid the day either had a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: It was never cool to be married. Now it's just
Speaker 1: social media. A couple goals like TikTok's. You know, don't
Speaker 1: think I want that because that's what you see on
Speaker 1: social media because you're catching a glimpse like I did,
Speaker 1: a couple of questions a couple of weeks ago, or whatever.
Speaker 1: The case may be super cool, super fun, but we
Speaker 1: will fucking kill each other on our way to wherever
Speaker 1: we're going. So just know that, you know, just know
Speaker 1: that it looks cool, but there's ups and downs to
Speaker 1: every relationship, you know, And that's where I think that
Speaker 1: people we get this glossy version on social media where
Speaker 1: you don't get to see well, at least for people
Speaker 1: like us, because we're not on reality shows. And even
Speaker 1: then they're edited. You know, they'll show you everything. So
Speaker 1: you got to be willing to put yourself in that
Speaker 1: position to say, am I really ready to get into
Speaker 1: that type of an intense relationship? Number four for me, honey,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna just focus on you no, because this
Speaker 1: actually made me think of you. Start with friendship. The
Speaker 1: behavior that I've seen your husband exhibit to you in
Speaker 1: the past couple of years. This guy is the real deal,
Speaker 1: but the way that he treats you, it's like a
Speaker 1: real friend would treat another friend, do you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? And that's why I said when I read
Speaker 1: this one, it made me think of you immediately. We
Speaker 1: say we're family. It's weird, we don't have children, but
Speaker 1: we're family, me and him, like we try not to
Speaker 1: hurt each other, to say nasty things to each other,
Speaker 1: like we are friends. And if you have the right marriage,
Speaker 1: it's going to feel like you have your best friend
Speaker 1: all the time with you. Wake up, you want to
Speaker 1: go get pancakes. You hold me right there, you want
Speaker 1: to go to the movies, holdie right here, you want
Speaker 1: to go shopping. It's just yeah, definitely start with a
Speaker 1: friendship because eventually, yeah, it's gonna be freaky, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be nasty, it's gonna be crazy. But in the end,
Speaker 1: you want friendship. You want a bond, you want somebody
Speaker 1: that treats you good. So you know, plus, like, when
Speaker 1: you start out with a friendship, it allows you to
Speaker 1: see the person like who they really are, right, but
Speaker 1: its surface. You're not really getting to the real person.
Speaker 1: You're not getting to meat and potatoes, yeah at all.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I would start out with a friendship. You
Speaker 1: feel like kissing your friend, you feel like fucking your friend,
Speaker 1: go for it because eventually you will exactly. I feel
Speaker 1: like Number five says, you have to talk to him
Speaker 1: about it, and I this might be scary for people.
Speaker 1: I think putting yourself out there and being vulnerable is
Speaker 1: a very frightening thing for a lot of people. So
Speaker 1: if this is in your game plan and you talk
Speaker 1: to this person about it and they're not ready to
Speaker 1: receive that message that right there should be assigned to you.
Speaker 1: Of course, that's just your breakaway moment, you know. Obviously,
Speaker 1: if you're going to talk to him about, you know,
Speaker 1: wanting to enter committed relationships, at this point, you have
Speaker 1: to have been seeing him, probably for a couple of
Speaker 1: months or something. But it might give you the clarity
Speaker 1: that you need. He might be like, nah, Son, I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to get married. I don't see myself as
Speaker 1: the marrying type, and you don't have to waste a
Speaker 1: year or two or three to get exactly. But then
Speaker 1: you can also see like, if he is there, if
Speaker 1: you guys are mutually understanding each other, then you could say, wow, okay,
Speaker 1: let's explore this a little bit more, like, let's dive
Speaker 1: in a little bit more and give more to the relationship.
Speaker 1: Knowing his friends is such a huge one because for me,
Speaker 1: I always say I gained so much in my relationship
Speaker 1: with Mark. He has the most beautiful group of friends
Speaker 1: from college. So if you imagine these people have been
Speaker 1: together for what twenty five years almost, and they find
Speaker 1: time to see each other, they find time to visit
Speaker 1: with one another, you're not going to get along with everybody.
Speaker 1: It's not going to be like all peaches and cream
Speaker 1: with every single person. But if you know the person's
Speaker 1: friends and you can see that they're slightly like minded,
Speaker 1: Like all of Mark's friends are devoted husbands, they're family guys,
Speaker 1: they love their kids. You know. But no, but that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But with you, with Nooney, you were
Speaker 1: telling me how he had friends that were always like
Speaker 1: he still has messy. He still has friends that are dating.
Speaker 1: You know, he still has friends that are cheating. He
Speaker 1: still has friends that are just in the same black
Speaker 1: where they were born. So it's just it's for me,
Speaker 1: it's different. Like I love them all. Don't get me wrong,
Speaker 1: they're all They've always been very respectful, not always of
Speaker 1: our relationship but exactly, but of me in my face.
Speaker 1: They've always been super respectful. But yeah, knowing his friends,
Speaker 1: it will give you also a good idea about how
Speaker 1: he moves, who he surrounds himself with, where he came from.
Speaker 1: So definitely, you know, don't be push either with the friendship.
Speaker 1: But the friend thing, I didn't. I didn't actually push
Speaker 1: for the friend thing. We went to a wedding. He
Speaker 1: invited me to a wedding, and that's where all of
Speaker 1: his friends were. And the number one thing that they
Speaker 1: kept saying to me was like, wow, Mark never brings
Speaker 1: anybody around. Oh my gosh, this must be serious. Was
Speaker 1: the one Karl knows, I'm getting mama fucking rings. I
Speaker 1: know I was ready, no, because I knew when I
Speaker 1: met him like that, that was the point in my
Speaker 1: life that I was at. And after we dated, even
Speaker 1: like I think it was like the third of the
Speaker 1: fourth date or something, I knew. I just knew. I
Speaker 1: knew that that was it. Like, Karl, this is like
Speaker 1: one in a million. It's one in a million in
Speaker 1: New York City because I had kissed a lot of frogs.
Speaker 1: Knowing his family, this is one that actually was very
Speaker 1: telling to me. You know, Mark, my husband is an
Speaker 1: only child, only had his mother and his father. Um.
Speaker 1: I did get a glimpse into his family dynamic by
Speaker 1: the way that his family treated each other, by the
Speaker 1: way that his mother and father and respectfully, I'll just
Speaker 1: say they weren't very affectionate with each other. Doesn't mean
Speaker 1: they didn't have a great relationship. That was just how
Speaker 1: they moved. It helped me gain a better understanding of
Speaker 1: what kind of a man I was going to be
Speaker 1: getting because of what he grew up with. It didn't
Speaker 1: mean that he couldn't change, though, or that he wouldn't
Speaker 1: adapt to how my family. He was like, you guys
Speaker 1: all hug each other. You guys like touch each other
Speaker 1: all the time. He's like like, what, Like what is
Speaker 1: that you know? So knowing somebody's family, I think gives
Speaker 1: you a really good insight into who they are. And
Speaker 1: if you don't get to know his family or there's
Speaker 1: some type of roadblock, Yeah, there's something behind there because
Speaker 1: I didn't meet my husband's family for a very long time.
Speaker 1: But come to find out was that he was treating
Speaker 1: our relationship as very very casual and there was still
Speaker 1: other people lingering exes and stuff. So I didn't meet
Speaker 1: his family for a long time. Was he like afraid
Speaker 1: that they were going to call him out in front
Speaker 1: of you? Sure? But like I'm pretty sure, so red flag.
Speaker 1: If he won't bring you to me his family, he's
Speaker 1: hiding something, you know. They always be like, oh, not
Speaker 1: everybody meets my family. Not everybody meets my family. But
Speaker 1: sometimes the problem is that somebody's already met the family
Speaker 1: and they still around because I feel like it's never
Speaker 1: been confirmed to me. But I feel like the main
Speaker 1: reason why it took me a very long time to
Speaker 1: me his family is because he was still trying to
Speaker 1: exit another situation which he had kept from me. Okay,
Speaker 1: so then that's a red flag right there, and that's
Speaker 1: something to look out for. So definitely tell him you
Speaker 1: want me his family, and if he gives you any pushback,
Speaker 1: you better find out this absolutely. But you know what, also,
Speaker 1: it'll it'll show you this is your future potentially if
Speaker 1: you love this person, this could be where you spend
Speaker 1: your holidays or oh yeah, you know who you're gonna
Speaker 1: vacation with. So you better like these people because if
Speaker 1: you don't, it's gonna be a lifetime and that's gonna
Speaker 1: cause some problem that causes friction. Luckily, my husband has
Speaker 1: a small family. I love his mom, I love his sister,
Speaker 1: and he has two nephews, which are my nephews too. Girl,
Speaker 1: I can't see myself in a family of a You know,
Speaker 1: I watched this ghetto ass show called Love after lock Up?
Speaker 1: Did I see that girl and this one girl shell
Speaker 1: we had trying to have a relationship, and his sisters
Speaker 1: is what we had trying to jump up. I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: was this about the people who like are in prison?
Speaker 1: And then they wrote to them in prison and they
Speaker 1: connected while they were there. Okay, I think, girl, this
Speaker 1: is my guilty pleasure. Don't find me no where on
Speaker 1: Friday nights because this is what I'm watching. Girl, and
Speaker 1: this one girl, Nique, I even DM her like I
Speaker 1: felt so bad for what like people are doing to her. Wow,
Speaker 1: on social media and on the show. She's overweight and
Speaker 1: they're just honing in on it. I will slap the
Speaker 1: fattle off you. I'm like, which a bitch would? What
Speaker 1: do you think she isn't aware that she's over Like,
Speaker 1: why are you bringing this up? That's so her full?
Speaker 1: Bringing it back to the family. The family is being
Speaker 1: so treacherous and just nasty and mean, talk about get
Speaker 1: out the call list fight. I'm like, I would never No,
Speaker 1: that's game level of ghetto, Carolina. I love it. I
Speaker 1: aspire for that level of ghetto. I want, No, the
Speaker 1: hell you don't, I want to see it. That's why
Speaker 1: she don't got bundles. That's because she don't got nails,
Speaker 1: because you don't got lashes. This was drag you that
Speaker 1: not anything else. I don't have any of the other stuff. Um,
Speaker 1: well no, but that's actually very true. The other tip
Speaker 1: that they said is to acknowledge boundaries, know what intimacy
Speaker 1: means to your partner, and acknowledge it. Definitely. No, well
Speaker 1: for some people maybe not. But anyway, let's let's talk
Speaker 1: whatever your pleasure boundaries. Yeah, but boundaries are important. You
Speaker 1: know what. There are some people who are a little
Speaker 1: bit more sexually reserved who might not have the experience,
Speaker 1: or they might not have the desires, might not want
Speaker 1: to be in pain, you know. Yeah, No, but seriously,
Speaker 1: like and that's why if you if you know each
Speaker 1: other's boundaries, it's a safe space. I also feel like
Speaker 1: it gives you more freedom once you know, once you
Speaker 1: know what somebody's like hot button is or if they
Speaker 1: they're not okay, don't don't go. Most guys, this is
Speaker 1: like I'll try to toss my salad. You know. Well
Speaker 1: that's like a big thing though you apparently listen. I
Speaker 1: don't know. On the Graham everybody talks about it, but
Speaker 1: I do. But you know, we definitely know the boundaries.
Speaker 1: But it's weird kind of sort of because you want
Speaker 1: to be a little experimental. I guess if somebody just
Speaker 1: clenches up because you didn't talk about it before. And
Speaker 1: that's what the whole point is though, that this that's
Speaker 1: why this list to me is just so fantastic because
Speaker 1: it gives you a guideline if you've ever wondered why
Speaker 1: things aren't connecting for you, or you know, maybe you've
Speaker 1: skipped a couple of these steps and this could actually
Speaker 1: help you with your next person that you're you know,
Speaker 1: going to potentially date, um surprising him. I'm not good
Speaker 1: at surprises. I don't like surprises, but I do think
Speaker 1: that men like a little bit of variety. I do.
Speaker 1: I think that they like for you to like, hell yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they want the unexpected. When I air drive my hair,
Speaker 1: my husband's like, oh my god, you look so different
Speaker 1: as a whole nother bitch. I'm like, this is just
Speaker 1: my natural hair, Sir, calm down, But no, that's exciting
Speaker 1: to them because things do. I mean, think about it.
Speaker 1: If you ate a turkey and cheese sandwich every day
Speaker 1: for lunch after a while boring, you wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: have a turkey and geese. That's what my mom mubano
Speaker 1: with extra pickles. That just sounds so good right now,
Speaker 1: I'm starving. Maya Bolita used to tell me, yeah, and
Speaker 1: she would say Bob, and you know, she's like and
Speaker 1: she's basically saying, like, that guy's gonna think about that
Speaker 1: little tiny sliver that you gave him. Maybe the next
Speaker 1: time you give him a little bit more, but you
Speaker 1: don't give him the whole pie, because then he looks
Speaker 1: at the pie and he says, I'm sick of it.
Speaker 1: I never want to see that dessert or that. You
Speaker 1: gotta make them work for exactly a little bit more,
Speaker 1: a little bit more, a little bit more, a little
Speaker 1: bit no, and then you're a full blown freak big
Speaker 1: exactly take it from us. We know, no, I'm kidding,
Speaker 1: but yeah, surprises are good sometimes and it's going to
Speaker 1: switch things up for yourself too, for sure. You know,
Speaker 1: we have a little edible, have a shot and just
Speaker 1: let lose girl get it going over to Honey's house.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go a hang out with you guys on
Speaker 1: a Friday night love after lock up edibles. I mean,
Speaker 1: you guys are surprising each other. This is great. Just
Speaker 1: go to the basement. Well, we don't want you to
Speaker 1: hear no craziness. No, no no, no, we all need a
Speaker 1: safe word at Honey's house. That's what we do. Wrapping
Speaker 1: up the list, it says, don't jump into bed with
Speaker 1: him at the slightest chance, kind of what we just
Speaker 1: talked about. Remember the goal is marriage, you know. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I think that's a little bit outdated because
Speaker 1: I think that if you're feeling it surrows some people
Speaker 1: who just feel it, you know, and like, are you
Speaker 1: gonna play games like that? That was one thing I
Speaker 1: did not want to do is play games. I said,
Speaker 1: I am going to call you when I feel like
Speaker 1: calling you. I don't want you to roll your eyes.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to be like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: this girl like she's this or that. Like we have
Speaker 1: to be able to communicate in order to build a relationship.
Speaker 1: So um, I wouldn't. I would agree with this one,
Speaker 1: don't jump into bed with him like asap, but I
Speaker 1: would definitely feel him up because I am not trying
Speaker 1: to have no surprises three months sects check. Girl. I
Speaker 1: need to know what you're working when I'm sorry, I
Speaker 1: am not trying. That's it. Oh my god, girl, No,
Speaker 1: that's what you do at the club though you used
Speaker 1: to do the package check at the club. Yes, exactly anymore,
Speaker 1: I mean, are we are we again? Picks are a thing,
Speaker 1: so I guess that's how you package check nowadays. Right?
Speaker 1: Should we do a whole episode on dick picks? Oh girl,
Speaker 1: I've been out the game too long. I don't think
Speaker 1: I could give. We would have to bring in somebody else. No,
Speaker 1: but that's what I'm saying. Yes, I feel like I
Speaker 1: was saved. I don't know what I would do if
Speaker 1: I received penis pictures. I did receive unsolicited ones from
Speaker 1: like listeners when I was single, but like everybody's pretty
Speaker 1: respectful now, which thank you. I don't want any I'm
Speaker 1: not soliciting, but I feel like I missed that whole movement.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Thank god, all them unsolicited penis. Oh no,
Speaker 1: that's it? And then what do you do? You block
Speaker 1: them when you just don't like the way to headlooks.
Speaker 1: I don't need to see your mushroom. Um okay. So then, finally,
Speaker 1: going on dates is so important. Different dates, go go karting,
Speaker 1: go hiking, do different things like dinner and going out.
Speaker 1: All the time, it gets stale. You don't get to
Speaker 1: really talk and get to know somebody. You know that,
Speaker 1: that's definitely true. Playing pool that used to be like
Speaker 1: my thing. I don't know why I used to like
Speaker 1: playing pool, but oh maybe at the pool hall. But
Speaker 1: definitely playing pool and sexy stuff. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: you know, like aerial shows and stuff like that, dinner shows, circus.
Speaker 1: Lay was always my thing. I always took him there.
Speaker 1: That was like my thing and he loved it, you know.
Speaker 1: But yeah, definitely go on date, especially if you live
Speaker 1: in New York, Miami, La Texas. Like we have so
Speaker 1: much stuff to do. Follow those pages what to do
Speaker 1: this Week or Secret That's a good one. That is
Speaker 1: Secret NYC. And they have Secret Miami too, And they
Speaker 1: also have like all these places where you can go
Speaker 1: to where they're speakeasies like underneath the subways and stuff.
Speaker 1: You know, like it's really crazy. Like they get very creative.
Speaker 1: I will say, And I know I love Lay as
Speaker 1: a date. See that could be for me, but like
Speaker 1: if you have body issues you would have to get
Speaker 1: over yeah you know what I mean. But like I
Speaker 1: feel like that would be a really great day. But also,
Speaker 1: you guys, the one honestly, the way that Mark like
Speaker 1: won his way into my heart. We went and we
Speaker 1: walked shelter dogs for a date. Shut the dog. He
Speaker 1: took me to the North Shore Animal Animal Yeah, and
Speaker 1: he was like, this man got to write a book.
Speaker 1: I said, yeah, I love dogs and he was like,
Speaker 1: I said, I rescued my one dog. And he was like,
Speaker 1: he's like, I like to go and volunteer sometimes and
Speaker 1: walk the dogs. He's like, just to get them out
Speaker 1: of their cages. So we went and we walked dogs. Okay, honestly,
Speaker 1: did you feel like it was fake or did you
Speaker 1: feel like he was being genuine because he at that
Speaker 1: moment where you like, this can't be real. At the
Speaker 1: at the moment, I actually did think I was like
Speaker 1: is this a put on? But then through that's just
Speaker 1: so like magical and like rom com type of thing. Right.
Speaker 1: The one thing was that when I went there, they
Speaker 1: knew him. Okay, so it wasn't like his first time.
Speaker 1: They were like hey Mark, oh my gosh. You know.
Speaker 1: So it wasn't something where it was like he did
Speaker 1: this as like a dating ploy, like actually, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: use this these dogs to get some ass tonight. Exactly.
Speaker 1: He wasn't using any pit bulls to get me. So no,
Speaker 1: but that's why I felt like that was a really
Speaker 1: wonderful thing. And then just seeing him with our own
Speaker 1: dogs and like the way that he can he always
Speaker 1: he actually wanted to be a veterinarian before he went
Speaker 1: into finance, So that was something that I learned about
Speaker 1: him on that walk. Do you see what I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: that's why you have to sometimes take chances and say,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm willing to put myself out there, it
Speaker 1: might not be the kind of date that I was
Speaker 1: looking for. Yeah, don't get me started on dates because,
Speaker 1: like I feel like a lot of women now, if
Speaker 1: a date is not like five hundred dollars plus, they
Speaker 1: don't want to do it. That's the issue, That's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, especially because people are always looking for content.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you this while dating, don't use dating
Speaker 1: for gathering videos. Oh well, I want to go here
Speaker 1: because everybody's going here, or I want to go here
Speaker 1: and make my date my photographer. Or there's a wall
Speaker 1: over here, let's go over there. That's not a date.
Speaker 1: That's you using them as your content producer. Honey, that
Speaker 1: shit the fuck down, bro, Focus, stop you don't need
Speaker 1: to video. You don't need to order the drink comes
Speaker 1: with the smoke so that you can video it. You
Speaker 1: don't need to you know, have them bring out a
Speaker 1: sign so you can video it. First of all, you're
Speaker 1: looking kind of corny. I'm not even gonna lie to you.
Speaker 1: You're looking kind of corny. And that person sitting and
Speaker 1: cross from you might feel used when they see that
Speaker 1: ship on Instagram and they're not even in it. I
Speaker 1: would never even think that way. And that just tells
Speaker 1: you that we're in twenty twenty three. Because it's like
Speaker 1: you go to Miami, what is the place, Fianna, the
Speaker 1: place side is the carouseund and everything everybody, how many
Speaker 1: people are staked, But that's more for the Graham, Carolina.
Speaker 1: It's all for the Graham. And then you have somebody
Speaker 1: when the bill comes, Oh it's six hundred dollars. Your
Speaker 1: date ordered everything that kim with smoke. Your date ordered
Speaker 1: everything she saw on fucking Instagram. Yeah, that person might
Speaker 1: be turned off. The truffles. You don't even need truffle
Speaker 1: just because just because you want to videotape the tuffles
Speaker 1: being shaked shaped off exactly, Yo, just chill out man,
Speaker 1: do less. I'm telling you right now because I have
Speaker 1: single friends. I know what they're doing, I know what
Speaker 1: they're going through, and I also know from the guy's perspective.
Speaker 1: I was just about to say that why are you
Speaker 1: like we are just this is why we needed to
Speaker 1: do this podcast together again. I have two little boys, okay,
Speaker 1: and I have said to them, you know, whoever you date,
Speaker 1: and I've said this many times, whoever you date, I
Speaker 1: don't care who it is. I don't care what color
Speaker 1: they are, I don't care what their background is, as
Speaker 1: long as they respect you and they love you. Now,
Speaker 1: I have two young men who are going to be
Speaker 1: dating at some point soon. How are they going to
Speaker 1: keep up? You can't take anybody to Starbucks anymore. You
Speaker 1: got to take them over here and go to Hudson
Speaker 1: Yards and got Cobb. We gotta have a heart on it,
Speaker 1: and the Barissa has to come out with a whole
Speaker 1: French suit and do it in front of you. Bring
Speaker 1: it down, bring it back to basics. If you really
Speaker 1: want to get something that's long lasting and true, bring
Speaker 1: it back down to basics. And finally, the last tip
Speaker 1: that is so important to me. It is so imperative
Speaker 1: that I think that everybody should follow this. Being so
Speaker 1: obvious about your courtship is a big no. When I
Speaker 1: met Mark, I knew that this was going to be
Speaker 1: something so special. I did everything to protect it. The
Speaker 1: only people who I told were my very closest friends,
Speaker 1: and I basically told my mother. I did not tell work,
Speaker 1: I did not tell my coworkers, I did not tell
Speaker 1: my acquaintances. I pretended like I was single. I actually
Speaker 1: told him I'm doing this because I think that this
Speaker 1: is worth it, and I don't want anybody fucking this up.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say that, Yeah, media is I mean,
Speaker 1: it's no glad ocacy. The people say it all the time.
Speaker 1: Don't share what you're doing or what you're working on,
Speaker 1: because you know people that are envious, and I don't
Speaker 1: need that in my life. And so, you know, that
Speaker 1: was the one thing. So maybe if you're courting somebody,
Speaker 1: keep it to yourself for a little bit, maybe marinate
Speaker 1: on it. Maybe you don't put it all out there
Speaker 1: on social media for everybody to see. Well that's a fact.
Speaker 1: The whole social media thing. Keep it off social media.
Speaker 1: I feel like that ruins everything everything, And then it's like, oh, girl,
Speaker 1: let me talk to you. He used to mess with
Speaker 1: my girlfriend three weeks ago. And then because you know,
Speaker 1: people are going to do it, of course, and then
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, look at this one. And then you
Speaker 1: put a picture with that person and you're like, why
Speaker 1: did eighteen people forward this picture? Come to find out
Speaker 1: he was out, he had done wild dirt and nodding
Speaker 1: on ruenyo. Shit, Yeah, well, you know what it is.
Speaker 1: I want people to find love. I feel like there
Speaker 1: are just so many women and men who are really
Speaker 1: being honest and they want it and they're looking for it.
Speaker 1: And I just read a statistic just a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks ago in the news, I believe, and don't quote
Speaker 1: me on this, it was like something like sixties something
Speaker 1: percent of Americans feel lonely. Loneliness is an epidemic that
Speaker 1: is going to hit our country. It's already here. And
Speaker 1: the only way that you can do it is by
Speaker 1: building up yourself, building up those relationships, investing in the
Speaker 1: people who are going to help you become the best
Speaker 1: person that you can be. And that includes dating the
Speaker 1: people that you're dating. So I don't know, I hope
Speaker 1: this helps. I loved this list I love this list too,
Speaker 1: And the loneliness thing, Carolina, it's a big deal. I
Speaker 1: feel like we should do an episode on that because
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people that are very lonely.
Speaker 1: But the reason I assumed that they're lonely is because
Speaker 1: they have created this life on social media that they
Speaker 1: believe they're living, but they don't know it'll be old pictures.
Speaker 1: Oh today I went to the beach. No they did not.
Speaker 1: That picture is seven months old. Oh today I went
Speaker 1: here and went in eight No, you didn't. You saved
Speaker 1: that from three weeks ago. And you know what you
Speaker 1: did today, fucking nothing exactly. You didn't leave your house
Speaker 1: because you you were watching Love After lock Up because
Speaker 1: you felt satisfied enough with the world thinking you did something,
Speaker 1: and you saw someone that you didn't think it was
Speaker 1: even necessary for you to leave your house. But this
Speaker 1: is why people were taking toilet seats and pretending they
Speaker 1: were on private planes. I mean, I like, remember, That's
Speaker 1: why I'm saying, it's like we all have to like
Speaker 1: we've got it. We got to do a dial it back, absolutely,
Speaker 1: and this was so much fun. But honestly, I could
Speaker 1: go on for hours and hours and by the way.
Speaker 1: I don't want anybody to think. I want to be
Speaker 1: very transparent. My relationship with my husband is not perfect.
Speaker 1: I've spoken about it many many times. I'm just telling
Speaker 1: you my story and my method on how I got
Speaker 1: to that place with him, to where we eventually built
Speaker 1: a relationship to now where we are a family and
Speaker 1: we are a husband and wife. And don't let me
Speaker 1: tell you about the chicken, the marrying chicken, because that
Speaker 1: I fucked that all the way up there. Allegedly there's
Speaker 1: a recipe you make a chicken and then the guy
Speaker 1: wants to marry you. Did you hear about this engagement
Speaker 1: chicken talking about No, I made a chicken and that
Speaker 1: ship was raw and he still who gave you this
Speaker 1: recipe for to marry a Cosmo? This is what happens
Speaker 1: when you're right that the magazine is on. Nobody even
Speaker 1: reads magazines anywhere. No, well you know what I ended
Speaker 1: up getting them anyway. So there you have it. But
Speaker 1: if you guys have questions, definitely hit us up. We're
Speaker 1: at li Spanglish on Instagram. Hit us up and make
Speaker 1: sure you subscribe. I love when those episodes pop up.
Speaker 1: Give us the five stars, and you know just hit
Speaker 1: us up on Instagram. Yeah, it's just your best friends
Speaker 1: talking and you know, we hope that you can relate
Speaker 1: and if we can ever help you, dm us send
Speaker 1: us an email Life and Spanglish at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Orlena is so good, she remember all this stuff. After
Speaker 1: the pandemic, I blanked out. I was like, I said,
Speaker 1: they gonna find us. They're gonna find us. They'll find us,
Speaker 1: So we'll be back next week. Guys, Love you, guys.
Speaker 1: Lifenspanglish is a production of Lifens Spanglish Productions in partnership
Speaker 1: with Ihearts Michael Tha Podcast Network