1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,040 Speaker 1: Cheating wife has a long list of demands for her 2 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:02,759 Speaker 1: mental health? 3 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:03,800 Speaker 2: Should I leave her? 4 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,640 Speaker 1: And this is okop where we read the funniest true 5 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:10,399 Speaker 1: stories on the Internet. I'm John and Sam. The question 6 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:13,120 Speaker 1: is should OPE leave her? Without the story? 7 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 3: I mean, no context, I'm gonna say, I mean, if 8 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,959 Speaker 3: it is true that she's cheating, that is enough to 9 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 3: leave someone. If it's true that she's cheating and has 10 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 3: like a bunch of demands, I feel like it's like 11 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,480 Speaker 3: like a double reason that you should leave. Like cheaters 12 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 3: can't make demands, it's a person who has been cheated 13 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:32,960 Speaker 3: on can make the demands. 14 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 2: Can makers be choosers? They shouldn't? They should? They shouldn't? 15 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 1: They shouldn't? You know, if they're choosing too much, they 16 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:40,840 Speaker 1: could starve? Well, Sam, there's only one way to choose. 17 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 1: How to find out what happens. 18 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 3: In that story? 19 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,199 Speaker 2: Get into it. Let's do it. Please read to me. 20 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 1: I will h thirty male and my wife, thirty female, 21 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,480 Speaker 1: got married recently. We were together for six years before 22 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,480 Speaker 1: marriage and engaged for three delay the wedding twice because 23 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 1: of COVID. 24 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 2: Oh rough, very rough. 25 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: Her mental health has always been a struggle depression, ADHD anxiety, 26 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,560 Speaker 1: but during the relationship it felt like it's slowly beginning worse, 27 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:05,320 Speaker 1: and COVID was really bad. 28 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 3: Cod was bad on a lot of people's mental health 29 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:08,679 Speaker 3: for many, many people. 30 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 1: That's true, one hundred percent. She really struggled with not 31 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,960 Speaker 1: seeing people during the height of the pandemic and anxiety 32 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,559 Speaker 1: from a family health scare. During this time, she lost 33 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:18,920 Speaker 1: her job, but got a new one quickly after that 34 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,960 Speaker 1: that was remote but therefore more irregular with her hours. 35 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,360 Speaker 1: I've always tried my best to be supportive, and she 36 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 1: said in the past that she felt like I was 37 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 1: the only person she's ever met who made her feel 38 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: she could become who she wants to be. 39 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:32,760 Speaker 2: Sounds so great. 40 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,760 Speaker 3: I mean literally what you want someone that makes you 41 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,760 Speaker 3: feel good and makes you feel like you're blossoming into 42 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:38,920 Speaker 3: like a beautiful bumblebee. 43 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,720 Speaker 1: This relationship is great and nothing bad is going to 44 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: go wrong. 45 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:44,759 Speaker 3: No, no, no, everything is about to go swimmingly, which 46 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:45,640 Speaker 3: is why we're reading it. 47 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: This is this is what happens every time, right, It's 48 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,160 Speaker 1: what happens every time. But I suppose that stopped being 49 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:53,919 Speaker 1: true at some point. A few months after our wedding, 50 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 1: she got COVID and had long COVID symptoms for a while. 51 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 1: It was very difficult mentally and physically. I think she 52 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 1: was mostly recovered after several months when she got COVID 53 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 1: again and then had long COVID symptoms again. 54 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 2: What are the long COVID symptoms like. 55 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,440 Speaker 1: Brain fog, brain fog that doesn't go away, coughs that 56 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:15,799 Speaker 1: don't go away, breathing issues like basically, I think it's. 57 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,320 Speaker 3: Kind of reality that doesn't go away. Yeah, laying in 58 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 3: your poon tang all around town. The insatiable desire to 59 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 3: cheat constantly increases libido, specifically for people who aren't your 60 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 3: partner exactly exactly. 61 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,639 Speaker 1: We knew better how to manage it, so it improved 62 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: slightly faster, the COVID, that is, But stress wise, it 63 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,400 Speaker 1: all became too much. After she got COVID the second time, 64 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 1: we started being much more careful with our masking. Imagine 65 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,360 Speaker 1: her getting COVID is when she's just like, let me 66 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 1: just run it, let me just start hitting up all 67 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,640 Speaker 1: these people, like. 68 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been isolated for too long. Yeah, I can't 69 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,120 Speaker 3: do it again. No, it's the mental breaking point, like 70 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 3: you're telling me, I have to be locked down for 71 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 3: it's happened in COVID, where it's like everyone was like 72 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 3: super worried, and then like half the country was like, ah, dude, Florida, 73 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:07,920 Speaker 3: all of Florida. Florida was a lawless land. 74 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 1: I went to Florida in December of twenty twenty, which 75 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,640 Speaker 1: I debated going like my parents and like whatever, but 76 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 1: ended up going and nobody Caredah. 77 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 3: I mean, maybe she maybe she just decides I don't care. 78 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 3: Maybe her friends are like I don't care. Maybe she 79 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 3: is Florida. Maybe she is. She is the body in 80 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 3: the physical embodiment to Florida. I'm so sorry for Up. 81 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 2: I hope you leave her. By the end of the story. 82 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,639 Speaker 3: If that is true, you know it's gonna be a 83 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 3: Florida woman or Opie's woman eats man's face on bath salts, 84 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 3: Florida woman is Florida, takes bath salts and does what 85 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 3: she does best. 86 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 2: We only eight. 87 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 1: Indoors for important occasions, and wore masks and bars, et cetera. 88 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: You sat outside in the winter at any place that 89 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,800 Speaker 1: still had outdoor seating. But after her second COVID recovery, 90 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: she spiraled into a depression worse than I had seen before. 91 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: She decided to take a leaf from work during the 92 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: depressive episode and leave. I fed her, did all the 93 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: household chores, and worked full time. 94 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,920 Speaker 3: Oh now it this feels this. You got a lot 95 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:10,160 Speaker 3: of free time. Yeah, we're getting into that territory. I 96 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,640 Speaker 3: see you in the comments if you're seeing what's coming 97 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 3: around the bend. 98 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 2: I got time to kill. Yeah, how you got to 99 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 2: kill that time? 100 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 1: Have fun by playing among us? 101 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:17,839 Speaker 2: Yeah? 102 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:18,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, super fun. 103 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 2: That was the COVID game. 104 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:20,720 Speaker 1: It was the COVID game. 105 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 3: I did get into it. I've never played it once 106 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 3: in my life. I never got into it. 107 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 1: During her leave, she started improving. She attempted to do 108 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: many things like take classes, but the only thing she 109 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 1: really did consistently was yoga her sleep schedule. Oh yeah, 110 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 1: Craig is really opening me up. You know, I've never 111 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:41,920 Speaker 1: felt so loose and just. 112 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 2: Free. Free. 113 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 3: I hope it's not the yoga instructor. 114 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: I mean, that's a pretty good hypothesis if I mean 115 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,760 Speaker 1: or or is it just a cover for other kinds 116 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,840 Speaker 1: of I mean, honestly, I think it's just it's like 117 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: it is the yoga instructor, and we say we're doing yoga. Yeah, 118 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: technically we are we are getting in. 119 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 3: The yoga poses downward dog style. 120 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 2: It all matches. 121 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: So technically maybe she's not lying the technically technically she's 122 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,119 Speaker 1: technically telling the truth. 123 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,919 Speaker 3: Obie's not asking if she's cheating, yes, which is the question. 124 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 2: She said, I am doing yoga, which. 125 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,839 Speaker 3: That's why you got to ask your significant other every day. 126 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 3: Are you cheating to make sure classic Yeah, maybe that's 127 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 3: the relationship. 128 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:31,479 Speaker 1: Maybe our next hoodie instead of already beating sign here. 129 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 2: I love that we did. I feel like we we did. Uh? 130 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 2: Have you been cheated on on the street? Which is 131 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:40,240 Speaker 2: pretty fun? Oh wow, I don't think. 132 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,040 Speaker 1: Go to our slash o Kop show if you have 133 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:48,080 Speaker 1: any of those stories. Her sleep schedule was really inconsistent 134 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,599 Speaker 1: from the depression, so she would often struggle to go 135 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: to sleep, resulting in being up late and then napping 136 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,599 Speaker 1: and continuing disciple with late sleep times. This meant that 137 00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 1: she would take later yoga classes after dinner then have energy. 138 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:01,159 Speaker 3: Yeah. 139 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:04,679 Speaker 1: In the evenings, I go to Craig's yoga studio. 140 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 2: It's crazy is it his apartment? 141 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 1: Which is his apartment? I mean he's trying to save 142 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: money's trying to build a business. He's trying to be 143 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 1: a fiscally responsible entrepreneur, and I'm just helping him out. 144 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 2: And you know, he's really testing out a lot on this. 145 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 1: He's really. I am so limber. I am more relaxed 146 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 1: than i've been. This this is our entire. 147 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,239 Speaker 3: Relationship actually, and not our entire relation. 148 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,239 Speaker 1: Our entire relation, you know what, my whole life. 149 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 3: Oh, John, you're killing me. This is yes, I feel like, Ope, 150 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 3: I hope Op. Well no Op knows that by the 151 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 3: end of this that she's cheating, probably right, but we 152 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,159 Speaker 3: can assume he's got my feelers. Would maybe go out 153 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 3: a little bit at this point, right, just maybe not? 154 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,160 Speaker 3: Maybe not yeah, not yet, maybe not. But this is 155 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,160 Speaker 3: I think it's one of the sessions. I don't think 156 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 3: I would think anything of it. 157 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 1: Actually, it's a twenty twenty hindsight thing, like yeah, once 158 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: it happens, you're like, ah, what this is? 159 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 2: Which, let's keep on. Let's yeah. 160 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: She would also say she needed to think about therapy, 161 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: et cetera. Usually, she would say her intention was to 162 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 1: be at the bar for an hour or two and 163 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 1: then come home. 164 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,720 Speaker 2: At the bar, what do you mean at the bar, 165 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 2: she's going to yoga? 166 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: She would say, she's going out to a bar with 167 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: friends from the class, or that she was going to 168 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: draw at some bar after draw. I guess maybe like 169 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:19,720 Speaker 1: a I'm thinking of pictionary. Yeah, like the bars where 170 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 1: they have games like and stuff like that. Jenko's not 171 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 1: a game. 172 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 3: What am I thinking about Jenga? She's django unchained? 173 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what this is very different, or that she 174 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 1: needed to think about therapy, et cetera. Usually she would 175 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 1: say her intention was to be at the bar for 176 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: an hour or two and then just come home. But 177 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 1: she would inevitably say just another two hours while I 178 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,840 Speaker 1: was out to think about things, and then do that 179 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:47,240 Speaker 1: again until the bar's closed, and then she would come home, 180 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,160 Speaker 1: sometimes drunk. 181 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 3: Well, I mean again, that's you could go to a 182 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 3: bar and get drunk with your friends. 183 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 1: I guess the question is like if this was a 184 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: regular like if she, for instance, had a thing that's 185 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,559 Speaker 1: like every Thursday night, I go out with the group 186 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,000 Speaker 1: of my girlfriends and we go to yoga and then 187 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: we go to the bar and then that's our like 188 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: social time, and then I come back. That's fine. It 189 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: seems like she hasn't set the expectation because she keeps 190 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 1: saying like I'm only going to be out for an 191 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,080 Speaker 1: hour or two. Yeah, and then she I think that's 192 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 1: the expectation setting, and I guess. 193 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,040 Speaker 3: That is prett annoying, especially if he's like, oh, like 194 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 3: we're gonna go watch a movie when you get home 195 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 3: or something like, Yeah, yeah, I think it's just right now. 196 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 3: I'm just seeing it. Oh, someone's being a little inconsiderate. Yeah, 197 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 3: nothing terrible yet. Maybe, yeah, that we know of, that 198 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 3: we know of, but like, you know, I've had girlfriends 199 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 3: where they've gone to the like a bar with the 200 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 3: friends or like going out and they get drunk and 201 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:35,520 Speaker 3: they come home and. 202 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, she's just drinking with Steve the yoga instructor. Yeah, 203 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 1: at his bar and his girlfriends were doing wait wait wait. 204 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:48,040 Speaker 1: During recovery from a depressive episode and long COVID, I 205 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,200 Speaker 1: thought that this was an unhealthy coping mechanism and it 206 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 1: made her sleep even worse. Yeah, So that's another thing 207 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,320 Speaker 1: to consider. She's like not in her regular routine and whatnot. 208 00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 1: It meant that she'd sleep through the day and not 209 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,559 Speaker 1: get by and sleep quality is so crucial for mental 210 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: health as well. I would say my thoughts on this, 211 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,319 Speaker 1: but she's always been defensive about feedback from me. I've 212 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,120 Speaker 1: journaled about this many times and talked to her about it, 213 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 1: including asking her to talk to her therapist about it. 214 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,720 Speaker 1: But during our couple's therapy sessions, we never really got 215 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: to issues I had with her communication. We only talked 216 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 1: about methods I should use to ensure I don't trigger 217 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: her from past trauma and how we can both de escalate. 218 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 1: Very valuable things, of course, but this time I suppose 219 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,000 Speaker 1: was too much. During her times out, guys would walk. 220 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:31,680 Speaker 2: Up to her, okay. 221 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:38,120 Speaker 1: Eventually one wore her down and she made out with him. 222 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:43,959 Speaker 3: Well, at least it's only making out, and then okay, okay, 223 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 3: don't give me inn and then. 224 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 1: Actually I was joking, but no, she gave him her 225 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:54,080 Speaker 1: alternative email and they'd meet up to make out and 226 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,480 Speaker 1: eventually do the dirty deed. 227 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,880 Speaker 2: No. She also met to other people. 228 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:05,280 Speaker 1: Who she told that she wanted something purely physical with, 229 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 1: but she says she never did the dirty deed with them. 230 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,840 Speaker 2: Oh, okay, at least it's only one person. 231 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 1: She would just send them dirty texts and then please 232 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 1: herself to them. 233 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:18,440 Speaker 2: Okay, that's it, that's all she did. That's all it was. 234 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 3: Okay, I have a question about cheating that has to 235 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 3: do with Ai, and I know where this is going, 236 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 3: so I have a pressure for both of you, but 237 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:29,439 Speaker 3: I'll save it until. 238 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 1: That's a juicy post story question. I discovered this when 239 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: I picked up her phone to charge when she was napping. 240 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 2: He's trying to be a good guy in charge her phone, right. 241 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,280 Speaker 1: And he's by the way this whole time, he's working 242 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,079 Speaker 1: full time doing the chores around the house, like basically 243 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: doing the work to bring in money for the two 244 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 1: of them, it seems like, and taking care of household duties, and. 245 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,040 Speaker 3: He's in couples there. We'd try to help with the depression, 246 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 3: like he's doing the most he I really think he's 247 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,720 Speaker 3: doing a lot here. We have each other on face 248 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 3: ID and thumb print, and when you start charging, the 249 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 3: screen light up and shows past notifications. I saw a 250 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 3: weird text, so I opened her phone and I looked 251 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 3: at it. I didn't think it. 252 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 1: Was suspicious when I clicked on it, and I had 253 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:12,720 Speaker 1: literally zero suspicions until I realized what I was actually reading. 254 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,240 Speaker 1: I looked at it purely with curiosity because we were 255 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 1: so open otherwise, so I thought I was distraught, but 256 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,959 Speaker 1: I also saw that this guy sent emails to her 257 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:24,679 Speaker 1: alternate email that she doesn't keep open by default. I 258 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: sent myself the emails so she can't deny anything later. 259 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 3: Quick question getting receipts dude. 260 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,560 Speaker 1: For you guys and everyone watching, we've talked about, like, 261 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 1: you know, going through the phone without any sort of 262 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: suspicions or anything. But is it okay to once you 263 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,719 Speaker 1: have at least a maybe not a piece of like 264 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,720 Speaker 1: a smoking gun type evidence, but some sort of inclination 265 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 1: or evidence, to go into sleuth mode and start going 266 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:50,560 Speaker 1: through phones. 267 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 3: M I think it's kind of like, this is what 268 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,440 Speaker 3: it's like. Yeah, when you're a police officer, right, and 269 00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 3: you're going to investigate a crime, you can't go into 270 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:05,559 Speaker 3: a house unless you see something actually that's wrong inside 271 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 3: the house. So if the door is open, then you 272 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:11,080 Speaker 3: basically have permission to enter the premises if you're seeing 273 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 3: a legal activity, right, and then you can investigate. Like 274 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,199 Speaker 3: now that the door's open, it's like, Okay, now this 275 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,080 Speaker 3: warrants further investigation because I just saw, you know, like. 276 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 1: If there's something going on inside the house that. 277 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,439 Speaker 3: You saw, and so I think this is the equivalent 278 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 3: of like op he didn't mean to investigate, but the 279 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 3: door was open, and it's like, wait, that's kind of 280 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,560 Speaker 3: sus And then he did the investigation afterwards. So I 281 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:36,160 Speaker 3: think if there's probable cause, then you can do further investigation. 282 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 1: And you kind of happen upon it too, which is 283 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 1: honestly how a lot of these stories happen. Right, It's 284 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: like a message pops up on a phone and they 285 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:43,600 Speaker 1: glance over and they see it like that is a 286 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: large majority, I would. 287 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 3: Say story, And I think further investigation is actually it 288 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 3: is warranted after that peace. 289 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:50,760 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, the trust has been broken. 290 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:52,360 Speaker 2: But I would love to hear from you guys. 291 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 3: I don't like I'm just relating it to police work, 292 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 3: because I have an extensive knowledge of the police system. 293 00:12:58,480 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: Nice. 294 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 2: I have an uncle was a police officer. 295 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:01,840 Speaker 1: Amazing. 296 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:07,719 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's true. Ashley was a police officer. Oh really, yeah, Ashley, No, 297 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:08,320 Speaker 3: I didn't know that. 298 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, she was a police officer. I didn't know that. 299 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 2: I totally forgot about that. Thanks. Is that why you 300 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,559 Speaker 2: were always handcuffed to the. 301 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:20,319 Speaker 3: Yeah no, yeah, yeah, okay, it was purely purely practiced. 302 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,840 Speaker 3: When she gets back on the great guy, yeah, I 303 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,040 Speaker 3: do what I can I do what I can? 304 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: He was actually wearing that exact shirtless slash other things less. 305 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, well she she had me like dress up in 306 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,400 Speaker 2: this like orange jumpsuit too. 307 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, the old version of this. Damn holes in all 308 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,760 Speaker 1: the right places. Really really getting to going over there. 309 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 3: But uh yeah, I think probable cause. Probable cause, you 310 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 3: can investigate. But I would love to hear from you guys. 311 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:48,520 Speaker 3: Do you think op is in still on the moral 312 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 3: high ground by investigating these these these messages further? 313 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:53,560 Speaker 2: Let us know. Now. 314 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 1: She woke up from her nap and we talked and cried. 315 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,559 Speaker 1: I was so broken and numb, but her remorse seemed 316 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 1: so complete, and she said that she was dying to 317 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: be wanted and feel young and alive. She said she 318 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,439 Speaker 1: never wanted to be with anyone else. She said that 319 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:10,280 Speaker 1: she's messed up. 320 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 3: Actually though I've never wanted to be with anyone else, 321 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 3: but I was just with that guy. Or does she 322 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 3: mean like I've never wanted to be in a relationship 323 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:24,600 Speaker 3: with anyone else, but like that's she's some seeds sown 324 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,960 Speaker 3: on the side. I'm a farmer, Yeah, yeah, I got 325 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 3: a side guard farmer. 326 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: Bob gotta gross dematers okay, And she said that she's 327 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 1: sorry that she's destroyed our marriage too. I wanted to 328 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: work on this, her mental health and us and I 329 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,520 Speaker 1: told her that I still wanted to be with her. 330 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 2: Wow, I probably would not. Well, how long have you married? 331 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 2: Three years? It was about six years pre marriage, nine 332 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 2: years old, nine year okay? How many? 333 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 3: How many like cheating chances do you get after ninetyship? 334 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 2: The thing that's maybe a little more. 335 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 1: Tough is like if it happens one time, but it 336 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,480 Speaker 1: seems deemed like she was heading in the direction of it, 337 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: like expanding, expanding. That's the kind of tougher. 338 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 3: Probably terrible rule right now, every four years you're entitled 339 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 3: to one cheat, but if you do anything more than that, 340 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,360 Speaker 3: then you're out. You're a terrible rule that I do 341 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 3: not believe that future girlfriend so. 342 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 1: He believes that so much. And on our have you 343 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: cheated sweater, it's not have you cheated? It's well to 344 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: have you cheated to start the conversation, but the lines 345 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,120 Speaker 1: for the signatures actually, can we can we do a 346 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 1: physical demonstration with with the sleeve of our soon to 347 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 1: be live slash maybe already live sweater Loveclub Dot Shop 348 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,840 Speaker 1: luv Club dot Shop. So this right here, ladies and gentlemen, 349 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 1: this is going to be for the people that you 350 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 1: can sleep with every four years. According to Sam's the 351 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 1: Samuel Donner philosophy. I don't want basically, it's the Samuel 352 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:46,680 Speaker 1: Donner trademark. 353 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:50,040 Speaker 3: God, I'm getting so much flak from our audience. We 354 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 3: got roasted for the like it was yesterday, this is 355 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 3: this was on the twenty ninth of November. Yeah, we 356 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 3: got roasted. Probably top three times you've ever been roasted 357 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,360 Speaker 3: by our definitely top three, top three, three could be 358 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 3: number one, could be. 359 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 2: And I don't no. 360 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 1: We want, we want, we want to be spreading love 361 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,160 Speaker 1: and cheer, and you guys held us accountable. 362 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,440 Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, I appreciate you guys. Some we said, 363 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 3: like one of the reasons they like us is that 364 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 3: because we respond to the comments and actually read it 365 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 3: and it's like an interactive. 366 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 1: So honestly, not to die a tribe slightly, but like 367 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,080 Speaker 1: I feel like something that's something we do kind of 368 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 1: different is like we're trying to and with certain things, 369 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 1: top secret things we're working on, we kind of want 370 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: to create content that becomes this like two way conversation 371 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 1: instead of just like pushing stuff out of here. So 372 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 1: we love you guys. But back to the story. The 373 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,960 Speaker 1: next day was hard, but we seem to get through 374 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: it somehow. Then she had a therapist appointment. We talked 375 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,680 Speaker 1: about it afterwards, and her therapist seemed to tell her One, 376 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 1: she's never done this before, so it isn't who she is. 377 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 1: Two she was feeling trapped and wanted attention. Three the 378 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: leave from work and freedom is working for her mental health, 379 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: which is true. And four it was a violation of 380 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,240 Speaker 1: privacy the way I discovered it. 381 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 2: I don't hear. 382 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,359 Speaker 3: Well, maybe some people agree, Like we asked that question 383 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,920 Speaker 3: before about k can after you see probable cause, can't 384 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 3: you even investigate further? So yeah, I don't know. The 385 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:14,719 Speaker 3: therapist seems pretty biased. 386 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:18,320 Speaker 2: Dude, bias it's going on. 387 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,880 Speaker 1: My question is like going on, mister therapist. I'm just wondering, 388 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,160 Speaker 1: where's what about the wife? 389 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,960 Speaker 3: Like we haven't It feels like she's not being held 390 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:30,639 Speaker 3: accountable for anything. Yeah, Like the therapist is like, honey, 391 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:32,439 Speaker 3: don't worry, this is not this is not you. 392 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:33,200 Speaker 2: It's not you. 393 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,439 Speaker 1: Maybe she's slipping her some money on the side. 394 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:39,240 Speaker 3: This is this is like I remember there was this 395 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:44,320 Speaker 3: uh remember brock Turner, Rock Turner, brock Turner, Stanford, Stanford 396 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:44,840 Speaker 3: swimmer guy. 397 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,560 Speaker 2: Oh. Yes. 398 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,679 Speaker 3: One of the arguments they used in his defense was 399 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 3: should three minutes of a mistake basically like go against 400 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 3: a lifetime of good deeds? 401 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 2: Right? 402 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,840 Speaker 3: And like I think yes for a certain things for sure, 403 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,640 Speaker 3: that like that shows a huge character flaw. 404 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,040 Speaker 2: And so I don't think. 405 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 3: Absolving someone of this immediately and saying like that's not 406 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,640 Speaker 3: you is the right approach at all. In the same way, 407 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 3: like that argument was kind of BS. 408 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,919 Speaker 1: Right, I think I'm follow following you. 409 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,879 Speaker 3: Yeah, I've never done it before, right, but I'm like, 410 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,160 Speaker 3: I'm not letting you next to my dog anymore. 411 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:25,720 Speaker 1: Right, right? Pro brock Turner or against Broder? Okay, cool 412 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,119 Speaker 1: bro Cool. 413 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 2: Just wanted to make sure. 414 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:33,080 Speaker 3: We just wanted to make sure where's the canceled side. 415 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,080 Speaker 1: I was a little confused, and I was like, let 416 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,160 Speaker 1: me make sure I'm like one hundred percent understanding picking 417 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,080 Speaker 1: up what you're footing down, Sean. 418 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 2: I was double checking. I was double checking to make 419 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 2: sure we were good. I just said it was a 420 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 2: BS excuse, that is pretty sure. I was like getting 421 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,520 Speaker 2: a little loss of the sauce. I wanted to triple check. 422 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,520 Speaker 2: I wanted to triple check. Bro, you guys kill me. 423 00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:01,920 Speaker 3: They're gonna come with their pitchforks. I wanted to understand 424 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 3: their fire. 425 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,040 Speaker 2: I wanted to double check. 426 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:08,440 Speaker 1: I'm going to be yeah, working hard over there. Cancel 427 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 1: it's close enough. During this conversation, all the things she 428 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,520 Speaker 1: said were said very defensively and with an attitude of 429 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,160 Speaker 1: blaming me for her actions. 430 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,160 Speaker 2: It's your fault. I cheated. 431 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 3: I hate that. I hate the argument that it's like 432 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:24,320 Speaker 3: you weren't giving that enough attention, so I cheated. It's 433 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:29,400 Speaker 3: just that that is a terrible reason. Yeah, it is 434 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,199 Speaker 3: definitely a reason people cheat, for sure. Yeah, but it's like, 435 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:35,159 Speaker 3: it's take accountability for yourself at least if you're not 436 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,199 Speaker 3: getting enough attention, communicate that you want more attention, or 437 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,360 Speaker 3: exit the relationship. 438 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,840 Speaker 2: Yes, you know, be honest, Be honest. 439 00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:45,199 Speaker 1: Over the next few days, she seemed to take responsibility, 440 00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 1: and I had hope for a growth from this. Then 441 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,840 Speaker 1: she wanted to think about what to do about her 442 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,760 Speaker 1: job after and afternoon yoga class. 443 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:57,199 Speaker 2: What do we think? What do we think is an 444 00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 2: ic or none to do? 445 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,200 Speaker 3: I I don't think she's changed. I mean the fact 446 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,199 Speaker 3: that she did it like three times. I mean I 447 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:08,200 Speaker 3: know she didn't necessarily maybe or what's her word worth 448 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,399 Speaker 3: at this point, but like I feel like if she 449 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 3: did it did like something explicit with three different people, 450 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,639 Speaker 3: I would count that as three separate counts of cheating. 451 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,040 Speaker 3: And she's only saved up two. So it's like because 452 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 3: every four years you get one, and she's like way 453 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,160 Speaker 3: over her limit. 454 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,480 Speaker 2: She is going on a. 455 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:27,359 Speaker 1: Laid down the law over here. 456 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:28,879 Speaker 3: Round up. 457 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,399 Speaker 2: It's been like two no, no, you ount down, you 458 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,160 Speaker 2: round down, you round down right right? 459 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,119 Speaker 3: So yeah, no, no, no, no no, or like you 460 00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,320 Speaker 3: can go to third base exactly. 461 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,199 Speaker 2: You can do a little something, a little nibble here 462 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,920 Speaker 2: and there, rounds up, it rounds up. Now. 463 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,320 Speaker 1: This was about five days after I found out after 464 00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 1: the class she delayed her time of coming home again 465 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 1: and again, red flag, red flag. I told her to 466 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,560 Speaker 1: take her time until she told me that she'd be 467 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,720 Speaker 1: home by two am in the morning. 468 00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 2: Again two am. 469 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 1: I said that she can't do the exact same thing 470 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:06,119 Speaker 1: she did when she cheated this soon after having cheated soon, 471 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 1: how can she expect me to trust her? She had 472 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,639 Speaker 1: location sharing on on her phone, and I went to 473 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,439 Speaker 1: the bar that she was at. I told her this 474 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:17,840 Speaker 1: again in person. So Opie's Opie's pulling out. He's pretty bad, 475 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,439 Speaker 1: not playing anyone. I broke up with someone for for 476 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,080 Speaker 1: a similar reason where it's like we just had a 477 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,399 Speaker 1: conversation about something that we agreed to and then it 478 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,159 Speaker 1: was like immediately violated timing. No, no, yeah, it's just 479 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: not even comedic timing. 480 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,240 Speaker 2: No, it's time. Yeah. 481 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,440 Speaker 3: It just shows that you're not listening if you're doing 482 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 3: something like this. 483 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 2: This is true. 484 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, she said that she was staying until two am, 485 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 1: and that's how it was. Stop gaslighting me, dude. 486 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 2: I hate how gaslighting has been. 487 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,000 Speaker 1: It's been flipped. 488 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 2: It's been so slipped, dude. It's tragic. 489 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 1: It's really tragic. 490 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 3: It is It is a cop out, cop out word. 491 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 2: I left and she did come home later. 492 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,760 Speaker 1: I don't think she cheated or anything. After couple's therapy 493 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 1: the next day, she had another therapist appointment a few 494 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,400 Speaker 1: hours later. After that, she's been basically not been home. 495 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,120 Speaker 1: Do this therapist is trying to whisk her away? This 496 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:08,240 Speaker 1: therapist is this, This therapist is moving and on the relationship. 497 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:11,639 Speaker 1: Is this therapist person Steve is does Steve also have 498 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,000 Speaker 1: a therapy license in addition to yoga license? 499 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:19,439 Speaker 3: Oh dude, see he's very man very Steve. Also, is 500 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 3: it legal for a therapist to hook up with their patients? 501 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 3: I wonder, right, can't be? Yeah, can't be, producer Riley. 502 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: Because I wonder, like, because there's like psychiatry, which is 503 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,199 Speaker 1: like a lot more strict, and then there's like therapists. 504 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:36,160 Speaker 1: I wonder what is legally a therapist? Is basically my question? 505 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,600 Speaker 2: You know, on a legal ice? 506 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:39,239 Speaker 1: Got it? 507 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:39,639 Speaker 2: Okay? 508 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:43,320 Speaker 3: Okay, Steve, watch your back to report you and her back. 509 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,120 Speaker 3: I'm sure for Steve is already watching her back. 510 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,160 Speaker 2: That is true. 511 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 1: Sadly, she has told me semi loose plans having dinner 512 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 1: with a certain friend, but not more than that. She 513 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,600 Speaker 1: says that she needs the space. She'll come home late 514 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,920 Speaker 1: and she'll sleep on the couch until I wake up, 515 00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,200 Speaker 1: and then go to sleep in our bed until it's 516 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 1: time to leave the house again. Based on our couple's 517 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: therapy session, I think she is going to demand changes 518 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,480 Speaker 1: from me so she doesn't feel trapped. 519 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 2: I don't want her to feel trapped. 520 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 1: I want her to be healthy and to have healthy 521 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 1: coping mechanisms and to want to be with me. She 522 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 1: still texts I love you to me, but she hasn't 523 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:18,439 Speaker 1: said she loves me in a week. I am so 524 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 1: scared that she wants to separate more completely, not only 525 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:25,480 Speaker 1: for my sake but hers. She has self harm ideation 526 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,880 Speaker 1: and I just want her to be okay. I think 527 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 1: she has projected her parents' relationship on to me and 528 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,120 Speaker 1: will see anything I do as controlling or annoying at 529 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,600 Speaker 1: this point, So there's another bit of background information. I 530 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,120 Speaker 1: think her therapist has heard her talk about me as 531 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:45,240 Speaker 1: well and is encouraging separation. Dang, Why is I just 532 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,959 Speaker 1: hate when the story is when nobody is in Ope's corner, 533 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,600 Speaker 1: when OP is like just trying to do whatever they 534 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,359 Speaker 1: can to OPS perspectives. 535 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,760 Speaker 3: This is trick with a grain of salt. Everything that 536 00:23:55,800 --> 00:24:00,960 Speaker 3: we've heard in this story feels like he's not getting 537 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,919 Speaker 3: a fair shot. And like, I think, most likely it 538 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,439 Speaker 3: is true, probably true that she did cheat, right, you know, 539 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,760 Speaker 3: I don't think those that deal detail could be contested and. 540 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 2: She just I don't think she's in the well. 541 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,119 Speaker 3: If you cheat and your partner says they want to 542 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 3: work on it, I guess like, you don't want to 543 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,320 Speaker 3: cheat again, so you want to set up the relationship 544 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,440 Speaker 3: in a way that you feel better. So I guess, 545 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,120 Speaker 3: I guess both people can make demands. 546 00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:27,359 Speaker 1: It's yet it's definitely a it's it's it's a dance, 547 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,440 Speaker 1: and it's a balance of you know, bringing like because basically, 548 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,920 Speaker 1: like OP says like, he doesn't want to put her 549 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,080 Speaker 1: in a like situation. 550 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,800 Speaker 3: Where she feels like OP, He's willing to take steps 551 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 3: towards what needs to be done for his wife, but 552 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 3: his wife is not down to extend him that same courtesy. 553 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,120 Speaker 1: I think that's exactly what it is. I don't think 554 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:51,720 Speaker 1: her therapist is wrong based on what she's heard, but 555 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,879 Speaker 1: I think it's possible my wife is being selective about 556 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,920 Speaker 1: what she tells the therapist. For example, she didn't tell 557 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,159 Speaker 1: the therapist she was cheating on me for the two 558 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,080 Speaker 1: two months it was happening. I would guess that she 559 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,679 Speaker 1: also wasn't telling the therapist how often that she was 560 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: going out drinking alone. At our next couple's therapy session, 561 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 1: I think I'm going to be told that she's moving out, 562 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,200 Speaker 1: and if I don't want that, I will be controlling 563 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:14,320 Speaker 1: her again. 564 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 2: Does the Opie not get to say anything of the 565 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 2: couples therapy session. 566 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 3: No, okay, no, I'm just nothing for op. It feels 567 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,000 Speaker 3: like op isn't advocating for himself. Yeah, like to the 568 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,800 Speaker 3: therapist or really to his like I feel well no, 569 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,800 Speaker 3: I mean he did go to the fucking bar. I'd 570 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:32,160 Speaker 3: be like, stop doing this. And she's true, but maybe 571 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,320 Speaker 3: advocating for himself in these sessions. 572 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,720 Speaker 1: Maybe not, maybe not everywhere. Maybe that was an example 573 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: where it's like, okay, he pulled up and was like 574 00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,119 Speaker 1: I do not be like not doing it anyways. Yea, 575 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,520 Speaker 1: so maybe And this is again. 576 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,360 Speaker 3: That's a classic like hey, like, you know, stop being 577 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,080 Speaker 3: annoying and they're like, I'm not being annoying, You're being annoying, 578 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 3: and just like the classic like kid response, I like, 579 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:53,800 Speaker 3: I'm going to be more annoying that I was annoying. 580 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,600 Speaker 3: And I feel like that's probably what she's doing. 581 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh childish, it's. 582 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,680 Speaker 3: Very child child child I don't even like, why is 583 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,920 Speaker 3: is this a relationship worth fighting for? 584 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:04,360 Speaker 2: Oopie? 585 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,399 Speaker 1: That's the question. I don't know how it's come to this. 586 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 1: When the couple's therapist found out, she told me just 587 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 1: because she feels trapped is not mean that you are 588 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 1: trapping her. But I am scared that my wife, who 589 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,960 Speaker 1: definitely has felt I walk over her in conversations, is 590 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,040 Speaker 1: choosing now to put her foot down in the sand. 591 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,199 Speaker 1: It feels like the most unfair time and decision, but 592 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,160 Speaker 1: I don't want to lose her and start my whole 593 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 1: life over. I also don't want to acquiesce to this 594 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 1: and have her think that she is right to think 595 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,160 Speaker 1: that I want to control her, because, as Opie said, 596 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,199 Speaker 1: that's not his want at all. That would result in 597 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 1: a life of her resenting me in her mind. I 598 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,320 Speaker 1: know I'm not blameless. We got couples therapy before this 599 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,880 Speaker 1: happened for a reason. I am argumentative and she gets 600 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,760 Speaker 1: triggered by confrontation from past trauma. We've worked on it 601 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 1: a lot and I am doing better, but I'm not perfect. 602 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,919 Speaker 1: But above all else, I want to tell her to 603 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,360 Speaker 1: be happy and healthy, and I thought she knew that. 604 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,800 Speaker 1: So how can she think that I want to control 605 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,840 Speaker 1: her instead of thinking that she's coping unhealthily. I don't 606 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,160 Speaker 1: know how I came across this text, but I am 607 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,200 Speaker 1: kind of numb right now writing it. I can't stress 608 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:08,680 Speaker 1: enough that I try in every conversation to understand, even 609 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 1: if she feels I'm just trying to win the conversation, 610 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,040 Speaker 1: or if the conversation gets heightened by my tone or 611 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,560 Speaker 1: her trauma. It's the number one thing we've talked about, 612 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,879 Speaker 1: and it hurts so much that she really thinks I 613 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: want to control her, even though when I'm proposing, not demanding, 614 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,560 Speaker 1: is as mild as being home by midnight on weekdays 615 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,320 Speaker 1: and trying to sleep well for her mental health. We 616 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:33,480 Speaker 1: do have a juicy update coming up, but we should 617 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,760 Speaker 1: take a pause here, fellas everyone watching what should OP do? 618 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 3: Can we can we first answer that question? 619 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 1: Yeah? 620 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:43,960 Speaker 3: Right, So the question is OP asking too much by 621 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:48,040 Speaker 3: giving the stipulation saying be home by twelve pm on weekdays? 622 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:48,200 Speaker 2: No? 623 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:51,879 Speaker 3: Well, is that too much? If you told your girlfriend yeah, 624 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,879 Speaker 3: hey home? Like but again that that's like assuming you know, 625 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 3: that's after someone cheated. But yeah, maybe it doesn't matter, 626 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,920 Speaker 3: If maybe it does, that is actually I think that, Well, 627 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:02,720 Speaker 3: would you put. 628 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,320 Speaker 2: That in a stipulation for your relationship? 629 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,800 Speaker 1: I mean, and again, like, I've never really been in 630 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:10,160 Speaker 1: a scenario like this, so maybe I would feel differently 631 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:13,159 Speaker 1: if I was in OP shoes, But I know that 632 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,639 Speaker 1: I wouldn't like that for me now that I'm thinking 633 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: about it, And do. 634 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,560 Speaker 3: You have any rules like here for for example, Yeah, 635 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,600 Speaker 3: one of the like one of my ex relationships, I 636 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:27,760 Speaker 3: made a rule after like an incident basically like, hey, 637 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:32,040 Speaker 3: don't stay at this guy's apartment alone after midnight? Is 638 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,960 Speaker 3: that like is that a that would that be a 639 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:35,720 Speaker 3: rule or not? 640 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,600 Speaker 1: I've just never iver been I don't think I've run 641 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,400 Speaker 1: into a scenario that's warranted that kind of thing where 642 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 1: I felt. 643 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,280 Speaker 3: And it's like, once you have to start putting rules 644 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 3: like that, Yeah, then it's it's like the person's out 645 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 3: respecting the spirit of like your perceived relationship agreement. 646 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, because like you, I imagine you never would have 647 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 1: never would have thought to say that unless a scenario 648 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:58,120 Speaker 1: happened that warranted you to want to do that. 649 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:02,200 Speaker 3: So it's an effort to like save the relationship. Yeah, 650 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,960 Speaker 3: But it also is, like I guess, I think a 651 00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,880 Speaker 3: fundamental in having to create that rule. It's a fundamental 652 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,800 Speaker 3: like misunderstanding of I'm not comfortable with it and you're 653 00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:13,920 Speaker 3: not understanding the behavior, so I have to make a 654 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 3: rule to make you understand. You still might not understand 655 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 3: the behavior that you're doing that's like not not making 656 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,760 Speaker 3: me feel good. And I guess in this case it's 657 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:22,280 Speaker 3: like feeding. 658 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,400 Speaker 1: And the tricky thing too, is like it's it's almost 659 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 1: like you know, oh, going to the gym or like 660 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:29,960 Speaker 1: stop eating sugar. Like it's kind of hard to be like, 661 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,600 Speaker 1: all right, I'll eat a little sugar here and there. 662 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:36,080 Speaker 1: Like it's typically at least maybe not easier, but cleaner 663 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 1: to just make like a hardline rule. But also there's scenario. 664 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,320 Speaker 1: There's probably many scenarios where it's like reasonable for her 665 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:43,800 Speaker 1: to like what if she goes to a work event, 666 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:45,440 Speaker 1: you know, and she's like, oh, I'm like I don't 667 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 1: know networking or whatever, and it's just like. 668 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:50,400 Speaker 2: Going on le was for my rule no no for 669 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:51,280 Speaker 2: a piece, right, Like what. 670 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 1: If his wife is like finally getting back out and like, oh, 671 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna start networking to get a job or something. Well, 672 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:56,560 Speaker 1: that's super reasonable, but it's like. 673 00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:00,920 Speaker 3: But how often are you networking past midnight? Hey they 674 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:03,520 Speaker 3: put the work network? 675 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:05,680 Speaker 2: Oh geez. Yeah. 676 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,520 Speaker 3: I although I do know like pretty healthy relationships where 677 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,479 Speaker 3: the partners have like rules. 678 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,720 Speaker 1: I think I think that maybe bringing it back to 679 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,640 Speaker 1: big picture, does the trust get rebuilt. 680 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,520 Speaker 3: That's basically and really like I guess what it is 681 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 3: is the rules are a method to rebuild trust. Like, hey, 682 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:23,000 Speaker 3: this is like a way that you can make me 683 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,520 Speaker 3: feel comfortable. Continue showing me that you can do that, 684 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:27,560 Speaker 3: and then maybe you don't need the rule anymore after 685 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:31,080 Speaker 3: a while that now I feel respected. I think it's 686 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 3: training wheels. It's training wheels to eventually be taken off. 687 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent. I think it's reasonable given this context, 688 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,960 Speaker 1: and if that's the if we just want to rebuild. 689 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:39,520 Speaker 2: Trust, yeah, that's yeah. 690 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,960 Speaker 3: And this is not I think if you phrase it like, 691 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,360 Speaker 3: this is not like a forever thing. This is just 692 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,600 Speaker 3: a for right now thing while we build the trust back. Yeah, 693 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,160 Speaker 3: it feels pretty good. Actually, I think that feels pretty good. 694 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,560 Speaker 3: And again bring bringing it to the table. What does 695 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 3: the other partner think? Both companies, it seems like they 696 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:55,400 Speaker 3: both agreed to. 697 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 2: This, right op Opie's girlfriend did agree to it. 698 00:30:58,200 --> 00:30:59,800 Speaker 1: That's the other thing too, It's. 699 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:01,400 Speaker 2: That That's what I wouldn't agree about. 700 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 3: My situation is she agreed to it and then like 701 00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:07,280 Speaker 3: literally three days later just transcend. 702 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 2: I'm like, we just talked about this, baby. Wait at least, 703 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 2: but we're not going to wait to get into this update. 704 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:17,280 Speaker 1: After seeing the couple's therapists again, the couples therapists and 705 00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:21,120 Speaker 1: my therapist strongly felt like my wife has bipolar disorder. 706 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,920 Speaker 1: Level one or two is unknown. What does that mean? 707 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:30,200 Speaker 2: One experience more severe eyes? Oh okay, okay, so type 708 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 2: one may. 709 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,000 Speaker 1: Not have depressive episodes. 710 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:36,360 Speaker 2: Well, here with two experience less severe eyes, but they 711 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:38,280 Speaker 2: have deeper depressive episodes. 712 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:42,080 Speaker 3: Oh okay, so like ones like trending towards mania and 713 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,000 Speaker 3: ones trending towards depression. 714 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:46,760 Speaker 1: Mass like like very strong depression. It seems like, okay, 715 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,600 Speaker 1: she was triggered from long COVID or something like that. 716 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,560 Speaker 1: Some family also suspected it. Over the last few weeks, 717 00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:54,680 Speaker 1: we've had a few cycles in which she comes back 718 00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:58,200 Speaker 1: to me crying, apologizing, saying that she doesn't want anyone 719 00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:59,960 Speaker 1: but me all the things that I want to hear. 720 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,000 Speaker 1: We'll talk about what our future might look like and 721 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,560 Speaker 1: whether we need a change of location or some kind 722 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:07,520 Speaker 1: of reset. We make up, including doing the dirty deed. 723 00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,800 Speaker 1: This form of absolution for her seems to calm her, 724 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,560 Speaker 1: but then she seems to get antsy again and leave 725 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,560 Speaker 1: for increasing amounts of time again with unsafe behavior. 726 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:21,520 Speaker 3: Just a classic toxic relationship. It's like you fight, you 727 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,720 Speaker 3: break up, you get back together, sex is incredible, and 728 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:29,200 Speaker 3: then the cycle repeats. Hell yeah, I dido. 729 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 1: She has admitted to continuing cheating the break. 730 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:37,360 Speaker 3: Up with the like, Yes, it might be related, it 731 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,080 Speaker 3: related to her mental illness, but if she's not trying 732 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,640 Speaker 3: to get better, then you can't necessarily stake. 733 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:45,800 Speaker 1: It's a really tough position to be in. And and 734 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,520 Speaker 1: you know what, you've given a lot. 735 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:47,840 Speaker 2: Yeah. 736 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not like he hasn't tried. Yeah, he's like 737 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,440 Speaker 3: he's tried. It doesn't seem like she's trying to the 738 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:54,000 Speaker 3: same level. 739 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm worried about it. As she's come back from 740 00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 1: wherever she's been at times like six am and then 741 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:06,120 Speaker 1: sleeping for fourteen fifteen and once even over nineteen hours. Wow, 742 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:11,000 Speaker 1: it feels very stereotypical bipolar behavior. Talking to my therapist, 743 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,320 Speaker 1: I've come to realize how unlikely it is that this 744 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 1: will end up. Okay, I love this person, and as 745 00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:18,400 Speaker 1: much as I want the best for her, it is 746 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:21,640 Speaker 1: not guaranteed that I am actually helping, not because I'm 747 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,360 Speaker 1: not doing all I can, but because all change for 748 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:28,120 Speaker 1: her has to be internal and statistically, bipolar takes a 749 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:31,160 Speaker 1: while to treat, and even if it is treated very successfully, 750 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,920 Speaker 1: we go back to having a relationship in which she 751 00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 1: was so secure about whether she was good enough for me, 752 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:40,000 Speaker 1: about her own intelligence, and about confrontation, that it'll be 753 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:42,440 Speaker 1: hard to think we will make it regardless. 754 00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:46,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, I mean something you should keep doing. Yeah, 755 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:50,560 Speaker 2: it's a lot, it's a lot, a lot, a lot. Yeah, 756 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,840 Speaker 2: and it's cyclical. It's like it's not changing. 757 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:56,280 Speaker 1: So yeah, So I've basically made the internal decision that 758 00:33:56,400 --> 00:34:00,200 Speaker 1: I will be seeking legal separation nice, basically divorcing with 759 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:03,400 Speaker 1: separated finances. But she can stay on my health insurance. 760 00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,320 Speaker 1: That's cool, That's very nice. Mop My therapist also said 761 00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:10,520 Speaker 1: that I do exhibit some habits for control to alleviate anxiety, 762 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,920 Speaker 1: so some uncertainty will be good to learn to deal with. 763 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,360 Speaker 1: So I think it will be a win win for 764 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,520 Speaker 1: my mental state in my future. I'm basically going to 765 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,759 Speaker 1: prepare this all and when I think my wife is 766 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,520 Speaker 1: in a stable place, I will ask for separation. She 767 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,840 Speaker 1: has already packed her things intending to move out anyways, 768 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,879 Speaker 1: so I think it will be relatively seamless. 769 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,480 Speaker 2: Wow, at least that they're on the same page. 770 00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:36,879 Speaker 1: Now, yeah, I mean, honestly, that's probably better than her 771 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,600 Speaker 1: like wanting to stay in the relationship and then having 772 00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:44,160 Speaker 1: a you know, very hard experience and reacting very negatively. 773 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,600 Speaker 1: I'm going to take some solo trips and ask some 774 00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:48,719 Speaker 1: friends to plan a different trip with me as well. 775 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,080 Speaker 1: I've also been reaching out to many old friends, re 776 00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:54,040 Speaker 1: establishing my old community, and it's made me sad that 777 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,600 Speaker 1: I lost touch with so many great people, and I'm 778 00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,840 Speaker 1: so happy that I've been able to get them back 779 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:00,759 Speaker 1: in my life. 780 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,319 Speaker 3: That's the classic, Like you get into a relationship and 781 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,440 Speaker 3: then you don't hang out with your friends anymore. Yeah, 782 00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,520 Speaker 3: you gotta you gotta continue to do I mean, it 783 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:11,320 Speaker 3: happens to everyone, but but like, you got to continue 784 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,799 Speaker 3: to do that. And at least Op he's seeing there's 785 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:15,279 Speaker 3: like okay, there's light the end of funnel. Like he 786 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,279 Speaker 3: can hang out with the people he has, he can 787 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,960 Speaker 3: build that community up. But fucking rough, rough scenario. 788 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,640 Speaker 1: Rough go right, and like again, we we only had 789 00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 1: op side of the story. But I think Op, you know, 790 00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:27,600 Speaker 1: he put in work. I mean, just think about that. 791 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:29,480 Speaker 1: Just the period of time where he was working and 792 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:33,120 Speaker 1: doing all the household chores. He didn't really ever seem 793 00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,640 Speaker 1: to like complain about that at least in his writing, 794 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:37,759 Speaker 1: which to me is a pretty good sign that he 795 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,360 Speaker 1: was pretty leveled. 796 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,200 Speaker 2: He brought that up even. 797 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like like like someone who might have been 798 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:45,600 Speaker 3: a little bit upset about having to do that would 799 00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,800 Speaker 3: have been like, well, I did all the dirty dishes 800 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:49,880 Speaker 3: for like four months or whatever, while like it seemed 801 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,719 Speaker 3: like he he wanted to do that for her too. Yeah, 802 00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,960 Speaker 3: and so he's not like using it as a bargaining 803 00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:56,000 Speaker 3: chip in the fighting. 804 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:57,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, but I have a question for you. 805 00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:02,400 Speaker 3: Yes, so many people would say that watching porn in 806 00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,319 Speaker 3: a relationship is not cheating, right, yes, right, people would 807 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:09,120 Speaker 3: actually have a question in the comments people like the comments, 808 00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,760 Speaker 3: do you think watching porn in a relationship is cheating 809 00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,239 Speaker 3: in your in your relationship or in past relationships? 810 00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:14,560 Speaker 2: Put in it? 811 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,440 Speaker 3: But I think in most of bypass relationships that hasn't 812 00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:21,600 Speaker 3: been like an issue. Yeah, Like it's not labeled as cheating, 813 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:27,000 Speaker 3: you know. But you would say sexting someone is cheating, right, Okay, 814 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,040 Speaker 3: if you're sexting in AI, that's like, oh, I'm sending 815 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 3: you dirty picks? Is that porn? Or is that cheating? 816 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 3: And then what if you're sexting someone that you don't know, 817 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,359 Speaker 3: what is it like like or like all right, I 818 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,439 Speaker 3: want to know. I want to know that question first. 819 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,000 Speaker 3: If you're sexting in AI. Now I'm caught you sexting 820 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,960 Speaker 3: an AI girlfriend, do you would she be upset? 821 00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:46,479 Speaker 2: Yes? 822 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 1: Absolutely. I think it's because there is a I don't 823 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,520 Speaker 1: know if emotional attachment is the right word, but there's 824 00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:59,720 Speaker 1: a relationship that has developed. It is like completely transactional 825 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:03,000 Speaker 1: and just like one way when you're like, Okay, I'm 826 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:05,000 Speaker 1: going to this video, I'm getting this thing out of it, 827 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,520 Speaker 1: and I'm out right, it would be different if if 828 00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,440 Speaker 1: that person goes to that video is like what's her name, 829 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,319 Speaker 1: and then literally finds her and is like messaging her 830 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:14,800 Speaker 1: and like doing all these things, and then the partner 831 00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:17,759 Speaker 1: finds out because he's trying to create a team a. 832 00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:20,000 Speaker 3: Two way relationship relationship. 833 00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:22,480 Speaker 1: Right, So I think because like and honestly, like we're 834 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:24,600 Speaker 1: headed into this world of like can you have a 835 00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,959 Speaker 1: relationship with an AI? Like I'm sure like marrying AI 836 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:28,319 Speaker 1: is gonna come up like very soon. 837 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,359 Speaker 3: I mean they already have that AI girlfriend thing and 838 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,439 Speaker 3: like people won't berserk when the servers went down. 839 00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:37,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, so girlfriends were wiped. So that's I think that's 840 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,160 Speaker 2: my take. Okay, Riley, do you agree? 841 00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:42,759 Speaker 1: Yeah, because I mean you're giving that attention to Yeah, 842 00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 1: it seems like it's like what's what's missing from me? 843 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,000 Speaker 1: I feel like is a reaction that probably a lot 844 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,040 Speaker 1: of people would have to that. 845 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,799 Speaker 2: That I don't everything. 846 00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:56,799 Speaker 3: They literally have all of human creation in their mind. 847 00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,200 Speaker 1: What do you have if you think about it, well, 848 00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:01,279 Speaker 1: let me know in the comments or if you've run 849 00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,560 Speaker 1: into that already. Oh yeah, if you have a story, 850 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,920 Speaker 1: has your boyfriend been cheating on you with AI? R 851 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,440 Speaker 1: slash r kop show or call four four zero five 852 00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,000 Speaker 1: zero eight six five sixty seven. 853 00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,880 Speaker 3: All right, we'll see you in this next story that 854 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,680 Speaker 3: we're about to tell. Also, we got again, We just 855 00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:21,160 Speaker 3: got so roasted, and the last one I just so 856 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:25,239 Speaker 3: I was I was actually affected. The other day I 857 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,960 Speaker 3: told Riley, I'm like, I'm a little little sad right now. 858 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,080 Speaker 3: So we don't want to disappoint you. You are like 859 00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:33,880 Speaker 3: the maternal hive mind that we want to ensure that 860 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:34,680 Speaker 3: we make. 861 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,200 Speaker 1: Proud guiding us and yeah we want to make yeah yeah. 862 00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,240 Speaker 1: I so thank you to our maternal hive mind. 863 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:41,879 Speaker 2: Yes, we love you guys. That's a wrap. We love 864 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,960 Speaker 2: you and we'll see you soon. Peace. Bye,