1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,000 Speaker 1: I want to join an orchestra even though I'm a 2 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: stay at home mom. My husband forbid it. 3 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:09,720 Speaker 2: I smell misogyny massagey oh nice wark crewdit. 4 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: I am a stay at home mom four since I 5 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,440 Speaker 1: lost my job during COVID on maternal leave, I decided 6 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: to temporarily leave my career as a web dev team lead. 7 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,680 Speaker 1: That's money, so that I can focus on the children 8 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: and in the end, making our lives easier so we 9 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:27,480 Speaker 1: don't have to rush through the after work right. By 10 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: the way, this comes from Shaggy Girl on the Art 11 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 1: Sided Okay story Times jo bredap So staying at home 12 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,920 Speaker 1: with the kids was both extremely rewarding and extremely tiring. 13 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 1: There's also very little appreciation other than thank you for 14 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,920 Speaker 1: supper or thank you for washing the clothes. Last year, 15 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,280 Speaker 1: for my mental health, I needed to have something for 16 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,880 Speaker 1: myself and that's what I decided to take up playing cello. 17 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:52,239 Speaker 1: Oh I've been more than loving it. It's a huge passion. 18 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning wanting to practice, but 19 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: of course I only practice once. 20 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,280 Speaker 2: My chores are done. 21 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:00,640 Speaker 1: I've joined a local online community, Grip of Cellus, that 22 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: have been wonderfully supportive. The leader of The group has 23 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,760 Speaker 1: invited me on many occasions to join their orchestra, which 24 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 1: will require three to four hours one Saturday morning out 25 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: of two, located thirty three kilometers away from where I live. 26 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 3: Ooh. 27 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: My husband was totally shocked at how far it was. 28 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,399 Speaker 1: So I tried finding another group closure to where I live, 29 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,839 Speaker 1: but I can't really find anything else. So this morning 30 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,840 Speaker 1: I told my husband that I really wanted to join 31 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,760 Speaker 1: this orchestra. He got annoyed and said it was too far, 32 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 1: and then I would add thousands of meterage to our car. Yolo, 33 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: that's a gross. 34 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:40,120 Speaker 2: Reason for not wanting your partner to do it. Maybe 35 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 2: if it's like so really disruptive. 36 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:46,679 Speaker 1: It sounds like it's not, but the car thing, I 37 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 1: hate that. 38 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,680 Speaker 3: I hate that A yeah, come on, that's what they're 39 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 3: made for. 40 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 1: Oh. Then he got angry and said that he's disgusted 41 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 1: by my unilateral decision to join, which it wasn't a 42 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: utilateral decision. She literally went to you to talk about it. 43 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 1: That I would abandon all my rep reponsibilities like I 44 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: do now when I practice daily, that it doesn't fit 45 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 1: with my swimming courses and ski courses. I can make 46 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: it fit. How can I just drop everything for myself. 47 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:13,239 Speaker 1: He sees op as like a like like a factory 48 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: or like a machine. Right, it's like wake up, feed kids, 49 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: take kids school, clean home, pick up kids, make dinner, sleep, dude, 50 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:23,399 Speaker 1: wake up. 51 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,359 Speaker 3: Like I heard this radio host talk about his wife, 52 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 3: which she's a stay at home mom, and he seems 53 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,239 Speaker 3: a little bit annoyed that she wasn't going to the gym, 54 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 3: and he was like, she has been doing the gym, 55 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 3: or we've talked about it, and she's been going to 56 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 3: the gym now, which is good, but I don't know 57 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,840 Speaker 3: how it's gonna work out. And it feels like that 58 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,679 Speaker 3: you have to be in shape to be a stay 59 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 3: at home mom or be a stay home wife, and 60 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,880 Speaker 3: you going out and doing this stuff to decrease his 61 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:48,680 Speaker 3: time with those because he's the one working all the time, 62 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 3: so he probably likes to like spend his weekends with her. 63 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,119 Speaker 1: Your conspiracy theory is that he wants or to spend 64 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 1: that time like working out or at least with. 65 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,080 Speaker 3: Her hanging out with him while she's working out during 66 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 3: the week she's swimming and skiing to stay in shape, right, 67 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 3: and like on the weekends he can't hang out with 68 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 3: her because she's doing like cello stuff. It's not gonna 69 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,359 Speaker 3: make you look good, it's not gonna make you look younger. 70 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:12,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's one it's one morning, oh oh that 71 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 1: her activity isn't adding to it isn't a fitness I see. 72 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 3: I think it's not a fitness thing. And it's taking 73 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 3: away from time with them. 74 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 1: Double whaemy of the Missagy's hubs and husband. But Obie says, 75 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 1: I know in my heart that I don't neglect my duties. 76 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,119 Speaker 1: I'm the only one who cooks, cleans and helps kids 77 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 1: with the homework, deals with the kids all the time, 78 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 1: organizes everything the kid need for their various courses ski, swim, 79 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 1: kung fu, et cetera, et cetera. Dude, these this family's active, 80 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 1: honestly respect In the past, I even did the little 81 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 1: chores that he was supposed to do himself when I 82 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 1: was tired of waiting for him to do them. Never 83 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 1: once did I complain did they approach it the wrong way? 84 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,520 Speaker 1: He said that he would have liked me to ask 85 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: his opinion. Seems like that's what she did. Am I 86 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 1: asking too much? For too much time for myself? I 87 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: already practiced on my own one to two hours almost daily. Introspectively, 88 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,320 Speaker 1: Maybe I just need a break from my family to 89 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: find myself. Shouldn't I be able to find that when 90 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: I go back to work. Little side note, I told 91 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,320 Speaker 1: him I probably won't join because of his reaction, He's 92 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: all happy now, yet I feel dejected. We have an update, 93 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 1: but before we get. 94 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 3: Into it, that's weird. 95 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, it's just like I'm I'm almost like. The 96 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: only legitimate argument that I think the husband could make 97 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 1: is that he's worried that, like, hey, the and it's 98 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,840 Speaker 1: like he's already not upholding his whole end of the bargain. 99 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 1: But if he's like, hey, I'm worried that you might 100 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,159 Speaker 1: not be able to get all the things done that 101 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: we've already agreed upon now, and that's a concern. But 102 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: to that, I'd be like, She's like, I have a 103 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: plan for doing it. Let me just do it and 104 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 1: show you and prove to you I'm gonna. 105 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 2: Be So this is. Don't you want to bring happiness 106 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 2: to your partner? Yeah, I don't understand. I don't understand. 107 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 3: He's pretty controlling. He gets that he has that power 108 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,720 Speaker 3: over her. Yeah, he's the one that's working. Oh you 109 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 3: have you're gonna do this with the kids. You're gonna 110 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 3: do that, You're gonna do this, and that is outside 111 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 3: of his realm. It's probably a little pissed. 112 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 1: Oh it's Britney Beach says MSM. Married single mother with 113 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 1: controlling aspects. Who could have guessed I've never heard that 114 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,159 Speaker 1: term before, married single mother, but we've seen we've seen. 115 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 2: That a lot of cases, both both ways. 116 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:28,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like, oh, it's it's so frustrating and annoying, 117 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,920 Speaker 1: and it's like, do you really I don't know, I 118 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: just I just why don't you want your partner to 119 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:35,320 Speaker 1: be happy? 120 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 2: I don't get it. It is so infuriating. Well, we 121 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:42,640 Speaker 2: do have an update. We do so. 122 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 1: First of all, I wanted to thank all of you 123 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,360 Speaker 1: who took the time to read my post and all 124 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,920 Speaker 1: of you who replied with my concern. I never thought 125 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: of seeking so much attention. Being the introverted person I am, 126 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 1: I kind of felt uneasy, but I have to admit, 127 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: in all honesty, it felt really good to be supported 128 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 1: like this. I will add that although I do most 129 00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 1: of the housework, he does help, and when he does help, 130 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,919 Speaker 1: I thank him and He mentions that at least he 131 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 1: feels like he's contributing, which to me is almost him 132 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,159 Speaker 1: being like, see, I'm contributing. 133 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 2: I'm I'm doing it, babe. Disgusting. Tell them get out 134 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 2: of my face. Come on. 135 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,720 Speaker 1: So yesterday I dropped a word to my husband asking 136 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 1: him to really think about what I'm asking, and that 137 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:28,040 Speaker 1: I thought his reaction was a bit excessive. Go off, hey, 138 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: sound off, sound off. Later he called me back to 139 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,919 Speaker 1: tell me that he was sorry that he reacted that 140 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,239 Speaker 1: way and that it was a knee jerk reaction. 141 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 2: Love that jerk is censored. 142 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: Uh to what I said, he said, there was no 143 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 1: reason to stop me from going. Really, I mean, what's 144 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: this one ad? I'm at least I'm at least liking 145 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 1: to see this. Okay, It's just that he finds that 146 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: I've been lagging behind with my household tasks, and that 147 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 1: correlation is not causation, but he had the impression that 148 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:58,799 Speaker 1: my cello playing was a factor. 149 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 2: Pausing it real quick. 150 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: Maybe she's having a hard time keeping up because you're 151 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: not holding up your end of the bargain, sir. 152 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, she needs that time to like do her own thing. 153 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 2: And to miss silver Tere's point. 154 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 1: This is kind of what I was saying earlier, but 155 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: I said I think said way better. I hate that 156 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: she has to praise him for doing the bare minimum, right, 157 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 1: so it's like he's like, well, at least I'm doing this, 158 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: when it's like, dude, just like and look, maybe this 159 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,119 Speaker 1: is just one of those cases where it's like, Okay, 160 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 1: we both need to like come back to the table again. 161 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: Maybe the way we split it up before isn't the 162 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 1: best way, right, Let's think. 163 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 2: About what all we can do. 164 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:40,200 Speaker 1: It seems like I'm very much guessing here. It seems 165 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 1: like they have some disposable income. If I'm the husband, 166 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 1: I'd be like, I took in my laundry just the 167 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: other week, wash and folded. It's twenty dollars, right, could 168 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: is there like a cheap inexpensive way. It's like, hey, 169 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 1: doing all of our laundry takes me hours? 170 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 2: Right? Can I just can? 171 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: Can even the husband husband just drops it off, brings 172 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 1: it back, pays for that. It's not It's not like 173 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,400 Speaker 1: paying hundreds of dollars for a cleaner for the house 174 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: and all the kids mess and stuff like that. It's 175 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 1: a cheap way to savor some time they rearrange the 176 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 1: husband takes on. 177 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 2: A little bit more. 178 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I feel like that's a good 179 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 3: A good like at least try Yeah, like conversation, good 180 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:20,800 Speaker 3: middle ground. 181 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, like, I think I think there's and I think 182 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: that him. I mean it was the apology was good. 183 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:32,080 Speaker 1: You know, he's acknowledging what he's saying. But I think 184 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: it'll probably feel op even if the setup they find 185 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 1: they still have some some problems with if it's better, 186 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,840 Speaker 1: and he's like, hey, let me put in some more effort, 187 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,959 Speaker 1: let me really try again, don't don't you want your 188 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: partner to be happy? 189 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't understand on dude. 190 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,160 Speaker 1: So I told him that the kids are home all 191 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 1: the time and that it's five whoa, four kiddos plus 192 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 1: one working husband against one when it comes keeping the 193 00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:01,760 Speaker 1: house clean. Hmmm, that's crazy. Also, listen, I ain't against 194 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 1: a little child labor. Let's give him a broom. Come on, 195 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:06,199 Speaker 1: we got four little sweepers. 196 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,439 Speaker 2: That's what I'm easy. My mom does this. I did. 197 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 3: I started doing my laundry at ten and if I 198 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 3: didn't do my laundry, my room was dirty. She put 199 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 3: all my stuff in the trash bag and made me 200 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:21,200 Speaker 3: buy it back from her. Yeah, said okay, I'll clean 201 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,400 Speaker 3: it one day. My room was dirty for a couple 202 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 3: of weeks and she kept telling me, hey, clean it, 203 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 3: clean and clean it. Didn't. I come in one day 204 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 3: completely clean. I was scared shitless dude, because I had 205 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 3: to go through and pick out what I wanted to 206 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,720 Speaker 3: buy back from her, and she wouldn't even Like. I 207 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,199 Speaker 3: was like, hey, gotta get these two shoes, She's like, yeah, 208 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 3: five bucks apiece. 209 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 2: I couldn't buy a piece. 210 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,720 Speaker 1: That is like, that's crazy kid money. That's crazy kid money. 211 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 1: I was remember at one time, I was me and 212 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,199 Speaker 1: my boss's family. We had like we were just hanging 213 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,360 Speaker 1: out at a beach just and the boss's kid was like, hey, 214 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,360 Speaker 1: I'll give you a dollar to punch of seagull and 215 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: I'm like no, he's like five dollars, ten dollars. I 216 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: was like no, He's like okay, okay, twenty twenty dollars 217 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 1: to jump up and punch his eagle. And I was 218 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,680 Speaker 1: like no, and he's just like, what's more than twenty dollars? 219 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 2: I did. That's that's crazy. That's like me going to 220 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:16,679 Speaker 2: you right now. 221 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:18,560 Speaker 1: And I would be like, if I gave you ten 222 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: thousand dollars to do X, would you do it? And 223 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:24,440 Speaker 1: you're like no, I'm like tapped out. Yeah, I feel 224 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,360 Speaker 1: you on that one. Yeah to a seven year old, 225 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 1: twenty dollars is ten thousand dollars. Oh but anyways, inflation, 226 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: I digress inflation. The main floor is always clean, the 227 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 1: washrooms are washed. I've been doing some decluttering here and there. 228 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,920 Speaker 1: I'm so not up to date with my laundry because oof, 229 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 1: I'm exhausted. 230 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 2: Again. Try my idea, just saying not to mention that it's. 231 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,600 Speaker 1: All fine and dandy when we go camping, But who 232 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,320 Speaker 1: preps everything for camping? 233 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 2: Ooh, who's who's. 234 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: Getting them little bean jet boils and you know bean 235 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 1: cups and the little things with all the silverware and 236 00:10:58,679 --> 00:10:59,920 Speaker 1: all the foods, all. 237 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 3: The byes, the firewood's alting, all the supplies together. 238 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,200 Speaker 2: That's a lot. Riley knows, talk about it that camp. 239 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:12,119 Speaker 1: Then who cleans the tent washes and drains the tarpaulin? 240 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:13,840 Speaker 2: Is that a tarp? Campers? 241 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,439 Speaker 1: You can yell at me in the comments, but I 242 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,200 Speaker 1: think it's tarp and I'm standing on that. Afterwards, does 243 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,440 Speaker 1: all the camping laundry. I think it's unrealistic for him 244 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,359 Speaker 1: to think I can do all of it without feeling overwhelmed. 245 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 2: That cello playing has been my release as opposed to 246 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 2: the cause of my lagging behind. 247 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: It's what keeps me sane and prevents me from breaking 248 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,959 Speaker 1: down and strangling him. 249 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 2: Oh. 250 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: He said, there's no real reason for me not to join, 251 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,640 Speaker 1: but that in the end I will be dumping whatever 252 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:45,319 Speaker 1: I do on Saturday morning on him, that he would 253 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 1: have to do what I was supposed to do. But 254 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,200 Speaker 1: in my head I know for sure he won't do 255 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:52,240 Speaker 1: anything until I get back. Anyway, we're about to talk 256 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 1: about this. I told him that he could take this 257 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 1: opportunity to play Civilization six with the kids without feeling guilty. 258 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 1: Whatever he uses, all support him, But I'm joining my orchestra. 259 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 1: Smiley face stand on business, standing on business. Ten tippies down. Okay, 260 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 1: that's how we're doing it again. Thank you all for 261 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 1: reminding me of my value and. 262 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,959 Speaker 2: Who I am. 263 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: Virtual hugs to all. We have another update, but me 264 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 1: and Riley got to talk again. 265 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 3: You got you did the right thing. Husband has to 266 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:30,679 Speaker 3: step up. Yeah, like it's just a dude. Imagine Riley 267 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 3: and I don't go for it, go for it. I truly. 268 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 3: It is hard enough two of us, you know, you know, 269 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 3: young young lads, stallions keeping stallions, keeping up with our 270 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 3: own mess. Yeah, could you imagine four children and a 271 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:50,000 Speaker 3: husband add it in that mix, plus plus your own mex. 272 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:54,080 Speaker 2: You're a mess, right, that is a lot of mess. 273 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:58,720 Speaker 3: Says if you and Iima moved in and you're cleaning 274 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,640 Speaker 3: for the whole house, you're clean the whole house. 275 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 2: That's great. Guys. 276 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 1: We have a we split. We split a cleaner. Well, 277 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 1: we pay for it for Riley. But yeah, yeah, I 278 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 1: feel like that's gonna change soon. 279 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 2: It's not. 280 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 3: Thank god, I'll keep keeping a mess. But we we we. 281 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 1: Most of us, and the company company mostly actually pays 282 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: for a cleaner, you know, basically split between all of us. Right, 283 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:29,880 Speaker 1: and that helps with the situation. Right, So we meet 284 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,520 Speaker 1: like the husband. The key thing is the husband was 285 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:36,080 Speaker 1: off to a good start, but still goes back to 286 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 1: like anything you don't do, Dad, It's like you are 287 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: not holding up your end of the market. 288 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 2: Opie's the fact that Opie said. 289 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 1: I know, I'm just gonna have to pick up after 290 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 1: him anyways when he's gone means that he's not doing 291 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,319 Speaker 1: his fair share. Right now, that's totally not to say. Look, 292 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 1: if he's going out working all day one hundred percent, 293 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:57,440 Speaker 1: that's not too uh, there's no shame on that, right 294 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,079 Speaker 1: And but there just needs to be a balance. Can 295 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,439 Speaker 1: he do Can he do some homework with the kids? 296 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: Can he like, that's that's good father, you know, dude. 297 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 3: Building Saturday mornings are where I got really close with 298 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,079 Speaker 3: my grandpa, my great grandpa. Yeah, I grew woke up 299 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 3: and we either cut firewood or went in the garden. Yeah, 300 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 3: those were the best times of my life. I learned 301 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 3: how to be like a hard worker during then. I 302 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 3: think this would be a good time for the father 303 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 3: to you know, have a little activity with the kids, 304 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 3: do some like you know, character building, which is great. 305 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 1: My only thing there is it seems like that will 306 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 1: still leave ope with the same amount of chores I see, 307 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 1: and I think the I think there needs to be 308 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,440 Speaker 1: some distribution of the way. But but again, also like 309 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 1: I love the idea of like within reason of course, 310 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,000 Speaker 1: getting the kids, like teaching the kids how to do laundry, 311 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,960 Speaker 1: having what if what if? Like uh, I was actually 312 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 1: thinking about this the other day as I was making 313 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:53,200 Speaker 1: myself dinner. 314 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,280 Speaker 2: I was like, we should definitely have the kids like do. 315 00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 1: A after like they should clean up after dinner, away 316 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 1: all the dishes, you know, like those little things. 317 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 3: That's what my mom made me do. 318 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,080 Speaker 2: It's really it's really good. 319 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 1: And you know, sometimes putting away the dishes as a 320 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:12,720 Speaker 1: kid doesn't carry over cut to Riley. But but but but 321 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 1: it is really good training. 322 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 2: It is really good parenting and training. 323 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,480 Speaker 3: I think just the morning's okay, I have to get 324 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,760 Speaker 3: the cook and then I get into the morning meetings. 325 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 2: Listen, I hear you, I hear you. I you know what. 326 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 2: I leave out my my almond milk all day, so 327 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 2: I don't have much room. 328 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 3: But that hurts only you, It doesn't urt anyone else. 329 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,520 Speaker 2: But it's in everyone's way, you know. 330 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 3: Really that's still it's just sort of like, dang, I 331 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 3: know when three hours is gonna put this back in 332 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,640 Speaker 3: the fridge and then drink it tomorrow. That's what goes 333 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 3: through my head, and they worry for me with. 334 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: My I do lo keep my almond milk arguably spends 335 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 1: more time unfrustrated, but then to see it warms, it's 336 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 1: you know, it's like down down, dead and out and 337 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 1: then right before it gets first or too bad, I 338 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 1: put it back at the bridge. 339 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 3: Guys, I don't like it. I don't like it, do 340 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:53,840 Speaker 3: I Am. 341 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 2: I doing too much on my own milk. Let me 342 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 2: know in the comments. 343 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,040 Speaker 3: Great Grandpa putting his mayonnaise out on the counter. O, 344 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 3: that's this. 345 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: Is giving that trauma. Trauma, That's what I hear. But 346 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: I'm getting into sext update. He had too many spoiled sandwiches. 347 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,160 Speaker 1: But Obi says, yes, I'm happy to go. And if 348 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,680 Speaker 1: you knew me, you'd kind of know why. I'm very 349 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,960 Speaker 1: content with very little. I grew up with a broken family, 350 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,800 Speaker 1: almost always alone, so when I get something I really like, 351 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 1: it's like Christmas with sprinkles for me. I'm also usually 352 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: super positive and cheery, and I'm trying to coax that 353 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 1: person out again after years of feeling less than oh. 354 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: I was in therapy for almost five years and it 355 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 1: helped immensely. I had to stop for financial reasons and 356 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: wish I could get back into it, but my celloing 357 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 1: has been eating away at my savings. My kids are fourteen, eleven, nine, 358 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:46,600 Speaker 1: and five. They do chores before electronic having electronics at all, 359 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:47,760 Speaker 1: but they are small chores. 360 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 2: Okay, so here we go. 361 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 1: They help me with laundry, and they cook their own 362 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 1: breakfast and lunch, and they put away their mess with 363 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:53,680 Speaker 1: a bit of her minding. 364 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:54,360 Speaker 2: We're in the. 365 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 1: Process of selecting which toys to keep, so they've been 366 00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: absorbed by it. And as a kid, I had to 367 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,480 Speaker 1: raise myself, so I kind of lost a bit of 368 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: my childhood. I kind of want my kids to have 369 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 1: fun memories of their summer, so I keep their chores 370 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:12,200 Speaker 1: to basic stuff, which also that's the within reason part. 371 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, my mom makes my little brothers do 372 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,399 Speaker 3: the laundry. Yeah, even though they're like too short to 373 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 3: like actually get into the washer because like you have 374 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 3: to let go. I don't know how they do it. Actually, 375 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 3: I need to watch stools. Yeah, but that will help that, wah, 376 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:29,359 Speaker 3: I think so. 377 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,280 Speaker 1: I mean with four kids in the house, it's constantly 378 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,960 Speaker 1: telling them to pick up after themselves, or constantly playing 379 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,959 Speaker 1: a middle woman between squabbling siblings, so they still have 380 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 1: quite some stuff to deal with. Yes, I am aware 381 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,160 Speaker 1: that he is a bit egocentric. We have a dynamic 382 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: that fosters this whole interaction. I need to put my 383 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 1: needs first and I thought I had it down last spring, 384 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 1: but it looks like my self doubt is creeping back. 385 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,719 Speaker 1: It's hard because I want to be attentive to his 386 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 1: concerns and not brush them the way. Thanks to y'all, 387 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:59,000 Speaker 1: I've snapped out of it and am asserting myself again. 388 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 1: I'm looking for to going back to work. But it's 389 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,359 Speaker 1: my son's third year in high school and apparently it 390 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 1: will step up a notch. It's also my eldest daughter's 391 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,880 Speaker 1: entrance exams so to some exclusive schools at the September 392 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 1: slash October, so I want to be there for both 393 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,640 Speaker 1: of them. I'll see how it goes after the first semester. 394 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,920 Speaker 1: If all goes well, I will start looking for job. 395 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,280 Speaker 3: Oh nice, Okay, so you'll be an empty nester getting 396 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,920 Speaker 3: back into the workfield. 397 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,800 Speaker 2: Right and got say you guys, sorry, I like it. 398 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,120 Speaker 2: I like it too. I like it too. 399 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:31,080 Speaker 1: And guys, whether you're working or home alone looking for 400 00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:34,360 Speaker 1: some distractions, you can always tap her profile to join 401 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 1: our lives at three pm PST. Every weekday, every workday, 402 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,359 Speaker 1: every day you work. They're in the background. Lots of 403 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 1: people do it. That's right, they say it all the time. 404 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,480 Speaker 1: In the comments, so join him. So do I see 405 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,399 Speaker 1: that he's a bad husband? 406 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:46,879 Speaker 2: Oof? 407 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 1: Tough question, right, No, I didn't see it that way. 408 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,040 Speaker 1: I see we both have to work on this. I 409 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,879 Speaker 1: need to call him out when he's being an a 410 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,879 Speaker 1: hole and controlling. He does have a caring side, like 411 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,360 Speaker 1: when he brings my iron pill in the morning because 412 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,120 Speaker 1: he knows I have to wait a whole hour before 413 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:05,359 Speaker 1: eating after I take them. It's so foreign to me 414 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,080 Speaker 1: to think that someone would be happy for me at 415 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:08,760 Speaker 1: their expense. 416 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,439 Speaker 2: Oh oh god. 417 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,920 Speaker 1: Maybe that's another issue I take up with my therapist 418 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 1: when I see her again. 419 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 3: Bags. 420 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think op seems to be she was like 421 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,359 Speaker 1: off the bandwagon of like prioritizing her needs. Now it 422 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 1: seems like she's getting back on that bandwagon and just 423 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 1: keep keep that truck moving forward. Maybe also they're in 424 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,639 Speaker 1: a you know again, we didn't I didn't really have 425 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,360 Speaker 1: much of a clue in the beginning of their financial status. 426 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 1: It seems like maybe it's not in the best place. 427 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 1: Possibly again, very much like reading in between the lines here, 428 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,520 Speaker 1: we don't know. I'm almost like, use that money on 429 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,639 Speaker 1: laundry money until it's enough money to be therapy money, 430 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,359 Speaker 1: and then then op, can you know they can split 431 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 1: laundry and know pe can go back to therapy or something. 432 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,639 Speaker 1: I don't know, trying to solve problems here, But ladies 433 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: and gentlemen, my god, what an end. Our members only 434 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 1: stream fantastic, But if you want to join our members 435 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,400 Speaker 1: only stream for stuff like this in the future. By 436 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 1: the way, we read all the parts in the series 437 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,440 Speaker 1: in the one day, So yeah, you can click that 438 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 1: joint button if you want to do it. 439 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 2: But Riley, I think that's all she wrote. 440 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 3: That's all she wrote. 441 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,000 Speaker 2: That's all she wrote. So if you love us, make 442 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 2: sure to subscribe. We love you and see me tomorrow.