Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot M, a production of I Heart Radio. Hello, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you? I hope you're so good? Oh man,
Speaker 1: I hope you're so good. Welcome to Jay dot Ill
Speaker 1: the podcast. I'm here with you know who lies? St? Clair? Hello?
Speaker 1: I don't know I thought Rihanna when you said that
Speaker 1: for him. Sorry, I'm not mad, you know I know Rihanna? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean who don't. I don't know them at your
Speaker 1: greative thing. Gonna give a hello, Hi, y'all. That is
Speaker 1: fair enough. Yea, here is the here's a question. I
Speaker 1: know would being like jolly and that is good. That's
Speaker 1: good that we have the giggles. Yo. I had a
Speaker 1: friend who is dealing with a terrible accident. I know.
Speaker 1: This is so like the transition, my friends, is not good.
Speaker 1: That's how life is. Sometimes. Sometimes you're like chilling and
Speaker 1: and just gliding along, and then something major happens and
Speaker 1: it shakes your ship up so strong that you don't
Speaker 1: know how to move forward. They were in an accident,
Speaker 1: and in a car accident, and someone died from that accident. Jeez,
Speaker 1: that's big. That's like such a big thing. The loss obviously,
Speaker 1: the loss of life so major, and the shame that
Speaker 1: came along with that. They didn't, you know, have to
Speaker 1: do any jail time or you know, it was an accident.
Speaker 1: Nobody was drunk, nobody was high, nobody, you know, it
Speaker 1: was an accident, like accidents happened. Like, how how do
Speaker 1: you deal with the shame? That's a heavy one. How
Speaker 1: do you deal with shame? Yeah, that was pretty heavy.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I thought immediately about something like that,
Speaker 1: but that is that's intense. That's a therapy. Is how
Speaker 1: you deal with that? Change sounds and that one. That
Speaker 1: one was pretty heavy, And the only way I could
Speaker 1: think about it is that you know, when you have
Speaker 1: a baby and you have little kids and stuff, anything
Speaker 1: happened to your kids? When I think about shame, that's
Speaker 1: I hate to say. That's like immediately where my head
Speaker 1: goes is mom guilt and mom shame if anything happens
Speaker 1: physically to your kids. Like I even saw this on TikTok.
Speaker 1: A girl said, I raised the whole kid while I
Speaker 1: was in school, except for that one time she rolled
Speaker 1: off the bed and I laughed at it, but I
Speaker 1: thought her needing to say that that baby rolled off
Speaker 1: the bed like that means that's sat in the back
Speaker 1: of her mind. You know what I'm saying. It's like
Speaker 1: the first piece of shame for most mothers, isn't it.
Speaker 1: Like because Jen didn't roll off the bed, but I
Speaker 1: tried to cut his little fingernails and got a little
Speaker 1: piece of finger and man, I tell you the look
Speaker 1: on his face. I can still see it. I can
Speaker 1: still see that look, like you hurt me. And I
Speaker 1: certainly didn't mean to do that. But and and even
Speaker 1: now he's twelve years old, he like, he was like,
Speaker 1: I'll cut it myself. Mom. I'm like, how do you even?
Speaker 1: He was an infant. They had a little paper nails,
Speaker 1: you know, a little nothing. I sure enough cut that baby,
Speaker 1: and I just feel so bad about it. Old puppy
Speaker 1: cut him like he was a puppy that was hold
Speaker 1: not all. And like, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: it's nothing I could do about that. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: have to forgive me, Can you just forgive me? I
Speaker 1: think that's a part of it. I think that asking
Speaker 1: for forgiveness, you know, is a part of it, whether
Speaker 1: you're asking the person who you feel or they feel
Speaker 1: you've done or you feel you've done wrong. Because that's
Speaker 1: what it is if you let me look at this
Speaker 1: definition here a shameful feeling arising from the consciousness of
Speaker 1: something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, done by oneself or another. So
Speaker 1: many of those I got stuck in my head to
Speaker 1: what to choose at all. The embarrassment of my show.
Speaker 1: My embarrassment and shame goes back to being a child
Speaker 1: and embarrassing my father when I met his childhood friend
Speaker 1: Michael Peters, who was the choreographer for the Beata video
Speaker 1: and dancing on the ceiling, and I said to him
Speaker 1: as a six year old, when my father said that,
Speaker 1: I said, but you can't dance better than Michael Jackson,
Speaker 1: and you know poor. The greater part of fifteen years,
Speaker 1: my father never let me forget that you embarrassed me
Speaker 1: in front of my best friend. There was also the
Speaker 1: shaming story of when I was younger and I was
Speaker 1: in a museum, a black museum, and I saw a
Speaker 1: black mask and it was so dark that it scared me,
Speaker 1: and my black, andy, black ass mother was like, never
Speaker 1: in your life, wire you'd be scared of a black image,
Speaker 1: and beat me in that museum, and never let me
Speaker 1: forget that you were scared of black people in that moment,
Speaker 1: and that will never happen. Like I have many you
Speaker 1: like I have many, many stories, many stories. I feel
Speaker 1: like my shame, kind of my childhood shame is tied
Speaker 1: into m M. I'm gonna go ahead and say it,
Speaker 1: teenage sexuality better than white supremacy. Okay, you know it
Speaker 1: wasn't white supremacy. But you know we'll get to it.
Speaker 1: Don't work, you have time. But you know, I think
Speaker 1: that I've been thinking about certain things that I did,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, I shouldn't did that or and
Speaker 1: I mean, as much as I feel like free in
Speaker 1: my body and self now, sometimes I do tap into
Speaker 1: those feelings of being a young person and and and
Speaker 1: and feeling like, dang, I made a stupid decision or
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done that, and one of my big
Speaker 1: shames that I dont I dealt with as an adult.
Speaker 1: I'm finally over it. For years, I had carried a
Speaker 1: lot of shame for having not graduated from high school
Speaker 1: and I got my g D, and I always used
Speaker 1: to think that, you know, I would cringe when people
Speaker 1: would say, oh, you're smart, and I would be like, wha, No,
Speaker 1: I'm not you don't even know. I'm actually not just
Speaker 1: becausema thing. That's why you would say no. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: it seems silly saying it, but I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: be honest. You know. I had a lot of shame
Speaker 1: around it. Most people that I knew went to college,
Speaker 1: and then as I got older, I had friends who
Speaker 1: had whole advanced degrees. I had pH d s, multiple
Speaker 1: advanced degrees. So to me, it was like, I never
Speaker 1: thought about the fact that I always felt like I
Speaker 1: could intellectually talk to those people. That never occurred to
Speaker 1: me in my mind that wait a minute, you think
Speaker 1: you're so stupid, but these are people who you talk
Speaker 1: about things too. You're the scarrow. You're the scarecrow, you
Speaker 1: know what? And I'm glad you said that, because the
Speaker 1: significant part of the Whiz for me was when Diana
Speaker 1: Ross was sitting on the ground with Michael Jackson in
Speaker 1: that part and she opens up the top of his
Speaker 1: head and she goes garbage. He had put so much
Speaker 1: garbage in his own mind about who he was that
Speaker 1: he began to believe it, and so I identified with
Speaker 1: the scarecrow. I definitely had a lot of um, what
Speaker 1: is that thing where you, Uh, imposter syndrome. You know
Speaker 1: a lot of that feeling I didn't belong in certain
Speaker 1: rooms and didn't belong with certain people. Uh that somehow
Speaker 1: or another, Why am I here? Why do I get
Speaker 1: to be here? I felt that way about my talent before.
Speaker 1: I felt that way as a mother. That has been
Speaker 1: one of the biggest challenges of my adult life is
Speaker 1: getting over the shame of feeling like I wasn't good
Speaker 1: enough girl. Now and now you're talking about deep shame
Speaker 1: deep No, I mean, I'm just I'm just gonna put
Speaker 1: it out there. I feel like I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: speaking to everybody's story. I think you are, because yeah,
Speaker 1: I heard mine in there. That is my story more
Speaker 1: real talk after the break. I was just thinking about
Speaker 1: this the other day because I was like in my
Speaker 1: friends one of my friends sleose, my DC friends, A
Speaker 1: lot of them went to you know, more house and
Speaker 1: spell men and stuff. And I never got married early
Speaker 1: in life, and so I'm one of the few. I
Speaker 1: am the only single I think female of our group.
Speaker 1: And there is some interesting shame that you have to
Speaker 1: deal with in that. But because I am now a
Speaker 1: part of this conversation on Jdi Ill you know, constant
Speaker 1: d programming and stuff, just understanding your place in the world.
Speaker 1: But yes, fighting the shame that you have not been
Speaker 1: chose or I always fight the shame like Y don't
Speaker 1: know that. I fight the shame of like nobody asking it,
Speaker 1: saying that want the rest of day life with you,
Speaker 1: or the shame of that. You know, I have really
Speaker 1: great parents that would make amazing grandparents. But the shame
Speaker 1: is a powerful drug. It's almost as powerful as fear.
Speaker 1: So it's tied to fear. It's married to fear because
Speaker 1: it's like, what is it that you're afraid that people
Speaker 1: will not give you? What is it that you think
Speaker 1: you're not going to get and receive, you know, because
Speaker 1: of this thing or this moment in your life, this
Speaker 1: this this part of your existence. And I had to
Speaker 1: kind of come to terms with that part too. One
Speaker 1: of them was unfortunately, like and I've talked about my
Speaker 1: dad a lot here. I love my father so much
Speaker 1: and I want to respect him in the fact that
Speaker 1: he's no longer here in the flesh. But you know,
Speaker 1: my dad had some complicated, you know, things about his
Speaker 1: life and may have been viewed as being a person
Speaker 1: who couldn't get their ship together to a degree, and
Speaker 1: so sometimes there were parts of me that felt like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is just part of my DNA. I was just
Speaker 1: built fucked up. And I mean, and I want to
Speaker 1: take this moment, and I don't want to bum anybody out.
Speaker 1: I want to take this moment because I know we're
Speaker 1: going to get to a different place in this conversation
Speaker 1: because all of us know better. But I want to
Speaker 1: take this moment to actually voice the truth about how
Speaker 1: deeply hurt and shameful I have felt in my life.
Speaker 1: Because there are some women out there who do know
Speaker 1: me from my work and no x Y and Z,
Speaker 1: and they have a tendency to put me up on
Speaker 1: this pedestal and I wanna I want to crack it
Speaker 1: in this moment because I need people to know what
Speaker 1: I've worked on on my inside, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: what I've had to pull through, and the things I
Speaker 1: still have to subdue that I still have to say
Speaker 1: agent no, no, no, no no no, don't listen to that bullshit.
Speaker 1: Replace it with the truth. Replace it with the truth.
Speaker 1: Replace it with the truth. And I think shame has
Speaker 1: this tendency to show up as a voice in your
Speaker 1: head show up as this this, this, this person that's
Speaker 1: talking to you and telling you these lie about yourself,
Speaker 1: and you have to constantly be able to tell it
Speaker 1: sit down and shut the funk up. But you do understand,
Speaker 1: and I must get to see you and jail on
Speaker 1: that note, y'all, the whole cracking that pedestal thing. So
Speaker 1: what y'all don't know about this pedestal as you're on,
Speaker 1: because you know, I'm a fan too, so I feel
Speaker 1: like I can speak for folks who are you know,
Speaker 1: plan and supporters of yours, is that when you give
Speaker 1: these realities of who you really are and how hard
Speaker 1: and sometimes challenging it is to be the person sception
Speaker 1: of what people see you to be, you do know
Speaker 1: that that puts you further up on the pedestal. I
Speaker 1: just I think that you should understand that you're not
Speaker 1: cracking it with that. What you're doing is lifting yourself higher.
Speaker 1: Because now it's like she is she is a whole
Speaker 1: human being, and I get that, and I'm trying to
Speaker 1: understand that too, and so yes, and so now as
Speaker 1: you just shared that with me too, and she's still
Speaker 1: imagine she's still and you are still able to do
Speaker 1: this and make me feel this way from your art
Speaker 1: and things like that, like yeah, honey, you yeah, you
Speaker 1: ain't cracking. You just put the glue and that's what
Speaker 1: happened to be, y'all. I love you. I love you.
Speaker 1: What about it? If the the shame is something that's
Speaker 1: just a fact, you know, it's not it's just a fact,
Speaker 1: you know, like when it's not a lie, when it's
Speaker 1: not something that your mind is telling you, but it's
Speaker 1: just a fact. You know. Um, I was born with
Speaker 1: a lopoma on my lower back, and and boy, I
Speaker 1: always felt like I was some kind of mutant thingy
Speaker 1: because my my fingers don't really have bones, and I'm
Speaker 1: like they're real bendy and flexible. And my fingers and
Speaker 1: my hips are the same. It's very flexile. That it's
Speaker 1: not a flex that is just the fact. But as
Speaker 1: a kid growing up, you can't say that to that
Speaker 1: because I mean to um, But but I also had
Speaker 1: you know, this lie pomau a lipoma is it's like
Speaker 1: a ball of tissue, and very early on people noticed
Speaker 1: it and they called me like scoliosis, you know, like
Speaker 1: that was a nickname. You know that kids will call
Speaker 1: me scoliosis, and I just felt with somebody gonna say
Speaker 1: your your shirt is toughed and funny, you know, and
Speaker 1: try to fix it for me, like I still very
Speaker 1: much carry it. I still very much have it, you know,
Speaker 1: so like I think about it. I think about it
Speaker 1: every day because you know, I feel like as a human,
Speaker 1: like I'm not I'm literally not like anybody else, you know,
Speaker 1: like with people who are born with like six fingers
Speaker 1: or you know. I think that's probably why I love
Speaker 1: the idiosyncrasies of people so much, because I'm like you're
Speaker 1: you know. I guess maybe this is the way I
Speaker 1: rationalize it, or that I find some level of peace
Speaker 1: with it, because for a long time, I just didn't
Speaker 1: have peace with it. You know. I tried to get
Speaker 1: it removed to say, because the Bill Popper Dr Billy
Speaker 1: that it's not something that you could it's not something
Speaker 1: that you could pop. She's removes it like homeless, like
Speaker 1: she's yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm afraid of surgery because I
Speaker 1: just did not have a good experience. I tried to
Speaker 1: remove it once. Um, I had good health insurance when
Speaker 1: I was twenty five and I and I had it
Speaker 1: removed and it was not um. It was a very
Speaker 1: very painful process, and in about three years it grew
Speaker 1: right back, you know. So it's like, so go ahead
Speaker 1: and do this again and have it grow right back,
Speaker 1: you know, Like that is I can't even believe I'm
Speaker 1: saying it out loud, like it is such a thing
Speaker 1: for me. And then because I'm always trying to make
Speaker 1: peace with the ship that's in my life, I discovered
Speaker 1: that it's an a rogenous zone because I feel so
Speaker 1: shameful about it that when it is you know, tough
Speaker 1: on and loved on, that's a whole another level of
Speaker 1: excitement and you know, fluidity. So I guess because I
Speaker 1: have to go, I guess it's saying that, like I
Speaker 1: try to make peace in whatever way I can with
Speaker 1: whatever is going on with me. Sometimes that means an apology,
Speaker 1: and that ship the apology is sometimes to me, you know,
Speaker 1: like Okay, you know, don't don't be so hard on yourself,
Speaker 1: don't don't be yourself up so much. This is not
Speaker 1: something that you have done to yourself. This is something
Speaker 1: you were born with. And even even then, like I questioned,
Speaker 1: like okay, I love but I love God so much,
Speaker 1: and I'm like Okay, if you gave me this, there
Speaker 1: has to be a reason for it. I have to
Speaker 1: be strong enough to stick it out, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, to just be cool with it at two, Like,
Speaker 1: I have a lot of thoughts, and I still have
Speaker 1: these thoughts at this time because just recently my sister
Speaker 1: mentioned it to me, and at first I was mad
Speaker 1: that she was even talk about it, But then I
Speaker 1: was like, why am I Look, it is what it is.
Speaker 1: She's known me, damn there all my life, like cut
Speaker 1: it out. And she was like, well, why don't you
Speaker 1: go to to to get it removed, you know, and
Speaker 1: then you'll feel better? And I was like, will I?
Speaker 1: Will I? You know, will I? But see that's a
Speaker 1: word right there, being attached to your wound, attached to
Speaker 1: the thing that you're ashamed of, attached to the thing
Speaker 1: you're shamed of. Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: like you can get used to a thing and you
Speaker 1: find a bit of identity in it, even in your
Speaker 1: color mechanism, like you know, uh, well, I feel ashamed
Speaker 1: about this thing, and so that makes me fuel to
Speaker 1: do this other thing to escape it. And so that
Speaker 1: kind of made me great or made me do such
Speaker 1: and such and such and such people. I think I'm minimized.
Speaker 1: I might minimize other people's stuff because I'm like, you know,
Speaker 1: like oh, they'll say something like oh why my my
Speaker 1: my thighs are too big, and I'm like, you don't
Speaker 1: have a lot of poems, you know, so wait, that's
Speaker 1: hilarious and can I want to share that I had?
Speaker 1: Just I feel like in the last five years, like
Speaker 1: women have started to shed the shame of like the
Speaker 1: five broid world. And they're doing it because you said,
Speaker 1: just in the sense of you a lot of poem
Speaker 1: and waits. To like get over these shames is by
Speaker 1: letting other women know that they have it right, because
Speaker 1: like literally and and it's funny because as much as
Speaker 1: even I posted like my fire broid stuff, I still
Speaker 1: get people going, oh, I didn't know, and I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that there's somebody else in the struggle and whatnot,
Speaker 1: because they're their shame depending on how you feel where
Speaker 1: your fire broids are, how they impede on your reproduction,
Speaker 1: how they impede on your period, the shame of like
Speaker 1: these heavy periods where you don't feel comfortable leaven the house,
Speaker 1: this pain that people don't understand because you gotta you
Speaker 1: still gotta work every day, but you're going through this
Speaker 1: pain like it's it's it's so much shame in that,
Speaker 1: and I just I appreciate the progress of women and
Speaker 1: sharing to make it the shame a little. Ultimately, what
Speaker 1: you're saying is that one of the ways you can
Speaker 1: combat shame is by like not being isolated, yes, isolation, yes,
Speaker 1: and feeling like yes because most of the times and
Speaker 1: that and that goes back to it's funny because it
Speaker 1: even goes back to this show j dr Il, and
Speaker 1: what we provide for people is this conversation where some
Speaker 1: of these subjects you like, I don't know if I
Speaker 1: feel comfortable saying this. I'm not the only person thinking
Speaker 1: this way. But then you listen to this show and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh god, I just feels so good to
Speaker 1: hear that somebody else is thinking this way. So yeah,
Speaker 1: applying that the same thing to kind of how Jill
Speaker 1: was feeling about her life home man, and how and
Speaker 1: how women are sharing with fibroid, you know, situations, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like that's you know, we're about solutions, so
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, less isolation. What you said in your
Speaker 1: educated way Asa scare bro. I love it. You're funny,
Speaker 1: but I really did not think for I really did
Speaker 1: not think that I was and nothing. I didn't think
Speaker 1: I was human. Of always known I was human, but
Speaker 1: I always feel like, what what am I I was?
Speaker 1: You know, if you watch people, you would feel your
Speaker 1: whole tribe okay, nothing, but you've never seen this show.
Speaker 1: Nothing girl. Your people. Your people aren't on the internets
Speaker 1: like I'm telling you, and they have like homers in
Speaker 1: the craziest places. And sometimes you'll tell them and I
Speaker 1: might not want to cut it because it might grow
Speaker 1: backs like every day that girl, you missed it. We
Speaker 1: need to we need to share this with you because
Speaker 1: I'm telling you like it can go away. And there's
Speaker 1: so many people who have I mean, and they faced
Speaker 1: your back and they've talked about that how it is,
Speaker 1: how when they go out and they feel people are
Speaker 1: staring at them right over my safe messed with their Yes,
Speaker 1: they their intimacy. It's affected their intimacy. Girl, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to tell you. Listen offline, We're gonna watch people paper together.
Speaker 1: We all I'm find this doctor league. There was there
Speaker 1: was and I think it was in high school. There
Speaker 1: was a rumor that I had a tail, Oh mama,
Speaker 1: And I can see by the look on your face
Speaker 1: that this is deep. It is deep, It is deep.
Speaker 1: It hurt a lot, but you didn't know you had community. Man,
Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying. Like you, I just I just
Speaker 1: like the idea of that, like eliminating the isolation. You know,
Speaker 1: that's Can you imagine? Can you imagine being a man
Speaker 1: with a very small penis? M Can you imagine what
Speaker 1: that feels like? M M. You know, like carrying that
Speaker 1: there's like a shame involved with it. I mean I
Speaker 1: know that I've I've yelled out, like I shouted out
Speaker 1: the big dicks in the room. You know, I've done that,
Speaker 1: and then I didn't consider you know that there's some
Speaker 1: guys in there that don't have wallet. They've got other
Speaker 1: stuff to offer, but they don't have that particular thing.
Speaker 1: I think we have a hard time giving men pure
Speaker 1: in space to feel their shame and to feel their hurt.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know we talk a lot about women here.
Speaker 1: You know, I love me see women. I love black women,
Speaker 1: lift us up any chance that I get. But I
Speaker 1: know that the pain that men feel because they just
Speaker 1: don't there's no place for them to be vulnerable like
Speaker 1: they just and a lot of the things, a lot
Speaker 1: of the shame that they hold, and particularly around things
Speaker 1: like sexual violence and stuff like that that they've experienced,
Speaker 1: it they do not talk about. They not only do
Speaker 1: they not report, but they do not talk about it.
Speaker 1: No safe space and no safe space for them, and
Speaker 1: even down like you said, to physiological things for black
Speaker 1: from not just black men, but from men period, you know,
Speaker 1: to a small penises, not having a cut, body being,
Speaker 1: being overweight, body shaming for men. See, we talk about
Speaker 1: body shaming, and we center women a lot of for sure.
Speaker 1: And speaking of let me tell you the thing that
Speaker 1: made me think when we first brought this up, I
Speaker 1: had just read had essay by uh you know, I
Speaker 1: follow his his handle, his son of Baldwin, and so
Speaker 1: I was reading his blog and he was, you know,
Speaker 1: speaking about Little nos X. Yeah, and we don't have
Speaker 1: to go deep into that, because I know that's like
Speaker 1: deep on the internet. That's another conversation. But what he
Speaker 1: did talk about was that these last few visuals that um,
Speaker 1: these last two visuals in terms of videos that Little
Speaker 1: nos X had done, that that caused so much controversy.
Speaker 1: What he talked about, at the core of what is
Speaker 1: happening in these videos is the expulsion of shame. Is
Speaker 1: that intentional? I expel the shame, this shame that you
Speaker 1: want me to hold for you. Not gonna do it, Yes,
Speaker 1: not gonna do it. Think about that? And uh, what
Speaker 1: was it the slut walk, ma'am? Yeah, like there take
Speaker 1: your shame, Yeah, to to expell it. Yeah, the shame.
Speaker 1: We have two things allow you is not allowing yourself
Speaker 1: to be isolated. The second one is expelling it, like,
Speaker 1: not holding the shame that others want you to hold.
Speaker 1: We need one more to round it out. A's I
Speaker 1: don't know. I mean, it doesn't have to be three. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want another one. Look, well, let's keep talking because
Speaker 1: you know that it'll come out. It'll come out. We're
Speaker 1: gonna take a quick break and then we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: But you mentioned a slot walk. Let's talk about that.
Speaker 1: The respectability crap. You know there are women that like, look,
Speaker 1: I do what I do, I do, I practice safe sex,
Speaker 1: I'm not harming anybody. I do what I like. Why
Speaker 1: do I have to feel like I'm lesser than because
Speaker 1: I'd like to get down why. I thought it was
Speaker 1: fair enough. At first, I didn't understand. I was like,
Speaker 1: why is it a slut walk? Why is it that?
Speaker 1: But there are women that you know clearly have decided. Look,
Speaker 1: I own my body, it's mine. I thought Blanche had
Speaker 1: worked ou out for everybody, like I love when they
Speaker 1: gave us, Like yeah, man, you know what they gave us, Blanch.
Speaker 1: But that's funny because I just recently met Erica Alexander
Speaker 1: played max and and Shaw. Yeah, and I thought about
Speaker 1: max And from Philly right, mask and Sew as a
Speaker 1: character also did that, I think, And because she mixed
Speaker 1: together like this something you know that that that autonomy,
Speaker 1: that sexual autonomy with also being I'm smart, you know,
Speaker 1: I say what I want. I'm single, apologetically, unapologetically without children.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be married on our kids. Maxine
Speaker 1: Sean for the blacks, and Samantha for the masses, ma'am
Speaker 1: for the masses, not just the majority. The majority are
Speaker 1: people of color for the minority. Samantha for the minority.
Speaker 1: Kim control sex in the city, Kim control sex. Oh
Speaker 1: got you got yea yeah? Yeah, but yeah, same thing.
Speaker 1: Thank you bad you write for the math. You right, yeah,
Speaker 1: thanks for the correction. We just we just want to
Speaker 1: be right, are crowd for the people. Yeah. I've just
Speaker 1: really been trying to find the good in whatever it is.
Speaker 1: That if there's some good in it, honey, that is
Speaker 1: my gig. I guess because I was born different. Like
Speaker 1: I literally look for the good in pretty much everybody,
Speaker 1: you know, like if if if you got you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's some things that are cute, like freckles, you know,
Speaker 1: you know, those are cute things and people like. But
Speaker 1: it's the other stuff too, you know, Like I like,
Speaker 1: for instance, my kid, My kid was born with fused wrists,
Speaker 1: so he cannot hold his hand vertically. Yeah, in a
Speaker 1: serving kind of way. It's impossible for both of his hands.
Speaker 1: He can't do that. So I you know, they we
Speaker 1: talked about it, the doctors and I, and they were like, well,
Speaker 1: we can break both of his wrists. First of all,
Speaker 1: as a mother, you already know when somebody talking about
Speaker 1: harming your kid. You feel it in your feeling, right
Speaker 1: in your jot youat it's right there. You feel that
Speaker 1: thing while all up in your womb. That's where it
Speaker 1: happens first. You feel it first. I said, Oh, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know about that. But then they told me
Speaker 1: that there would be very little possibility or his arms
Speaker 1: to grow the right limb and I was like, uh,
Speaker 1: that ain't that ain't gonna work. You know, my the
Speaker 1: men and my family are always some six too and up.
Speaker 1: I'm like, imagine, you know he's six two six three,
Speaker 1: you've got the little arms, Like, that's not gonna be nice.
Speaker 1: And this is what I have done, and this is
Speaker 1: what I continue to do with him because you know,
Speaker 1: he feels different too, and I remind him, son, you
Speaker 1: are literally a black man who cannot hold your hands out.
Speaker 1: You can't hold your hands out for nothing. Everything that
Speaker 1: you do, you're going to have to earn everything. And
Speaker 1: that gives me such like it makes him feel proud
Speaker 1: of himself where he accomplishes things. And yes, we have
Speaker 1: to learn how to do things differently than other people,
Speaker 1: but you know that kind of what it is. It's
Speaker 1: just trying to figure out another way to do something
Speaker 1: and find peace, you know, find peace with that. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess I could go see the paper. People. I'm
Speaker 1: just not a fan of surgery. I'm just I'm just
Speaker 1: not I mean, she doesn't in her office. It's not
Speaker 1: even your girl. Yeah, it's not even with you. Because
Speaker 1: I'm such a big fan of the show. I don't
Speaker 1: want to I don't want to be whatever, but I
Speaker 1: love the show. I'll watch you all the time. So
Speaker 1: I will go with you if you want me to,
Speaker 1: I will go with you. You're gonna have to go
Speaker 1: to her anyway, because you know you go to her.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna think about this, you know, I'm gonna think
Speaker 1: about this. I don't see any I'm not finding any
Speaker 1: reasons not to do it. And I'm so glad that
Speaker 1: I said it out loud. Yo, do you can you
Speaker 1: imagine that what you're doing for the limp Homa community
Speaker 1: right now? I mean, I'm gonna tell you all this.
Speaker 1: I told I had publicly never said anything about the
Speaker 1: whole g D thing, and my girlfriend had designed a
Speaker 1: T shirt that said don't let these degrees fool you?
Speaker 1: And I loved that t shirt, but it obviously did
Speaker 1: not apply to me. And so I called her and
Speaker 1: I said, can you do one that says don't let
Speaker 1: this g D fool you? And she said, she said yeah,
Speaker 1: So she made me the shirt. Okay, she made me
Speaker 1: the shirt. Then she sent the shirt and I couldn't
Speaker 1: put it on. I could not put it on. When
Speaker 1: I got it, I was like, oh, do I want
Speaker 1: to wear this? And then finally she posted about it
Speaker 1: because another person that she had given it to, they
Speaker 1: made a post about it. And I read this woman's
Speaker 1: story and I thought, okay, agent, you're so bugging so
Speaker 1: mind you. I went through all of that and I
Speaker 1: put the shirt on, I posted about it, I talked
Speaker 1: about it, and do you know that, to this day
Speaker 1: that is still one of the things I got them
Speaker 1: those comments on. Ever, so many people came to me
Speaker 1: later and said, I'm so glad you said that, because
Speaker 1: that's my story and this happened to me, and I
Speaker 1: did this, and I didn't finish school because I was pregnant,
Speaker 1: but now I have my master's degree and or or
Speaker 1: I went on to start a job that you know,
Speaker 1: I've been at now for twenty five years and I
Speaker 1: have seniority, and I'm people who went on and told
Speaker 1: me all these amazing stories about them not getting asked
Speaker 1: with deployment. So the reason why I'm saying all this
Speaker 1: is like, yes, girl, when you when you released that
Speaker 1: shame and you talk about what is going on with you?
Speaker 1: And there's so many instances of this, like you said,
Speaker 1: even girl, so many that you free people, You free them.
Speaker 1: Even when Michelle was on here and she talked about
Speaker 1: her experience with how she was able to conceive her children,
Speaker 1: you know, even like Gabby Union and how she talked
Speaker 1: about her process and all these different things that happened
Speaker 1: to us in our lives that we just don't want
Speaker 1: to talk about, but we freeing other people from that
Speaker 1: same kind of isolated present. Talking about it freeze people
Speaker 1: like it, really truly does. That's how I feel every
Speaker 1: time I read a comment about this show, like I
Speaker 1: do people appreciate these conversations that are usually in private,
Speaker 1: or we would be drinking. You know, I think we
Speaker 1: should start I think we should start drinking today. I
Speaker 1: feel like drinking. I feel like I'm having a glass
Speaker 1: of sipity sip today. I always have that. That's that,
Speaker 1: that's that good red wine. Apothic, apothic, that's what that is, right,
Speaker 1: it's about mid grade. But we're gonna we're gonna eat
Speaker 1: that there. No, it's my mama like it. So I
Speaker 1: always thinking my mama like it is good. My mother
Speaker 1: always liked bed grade to cheat. Yeah. Well, I grew
Speaker 1: up thinking my mother drake expensive wine until I got
Speaker 1: grown and I was like, oh, bless her heart. It's
Speaker 1: the holding of the glass, darling. That's what it is.
Speaker 1: It's the whole thing of the glass that defines if
Speaker 1: it's quality or not. I think mother's always do cheap ship,
Speaker 1: make cheap ship look real classy? Yeah, I do. My
Speaker 1: mother and my aunts with that man to Chevis. Baby.
Speaker 1: I had some band of chefs not too long ago,
Speaker 1: just because I was like, what was that? Like, I've
Speaker 1: done that a couple of times. I had a big
Speaker 1: mack because I was like, you know what, when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, that was like such a big deal.
Speaker 1: It's such an awesome treat to have a dog on
Speaker 1: big Mack. Tell me Southern Home wasn't the finest of lines.
Speaker 1: The first life in the box, just a you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm like, like, sutter Home, you ain't got that suther Home.
Speaker 1: I couldn't eat that thing at all. First of all,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna eat that listen. But that's that's the thing,
Speaker 1: is that your parents you you you, and it makes
Speaker 1: sense because you know, ain't none of these people have
Speaker 1: no money. That's true. That's that's true. That neither that's
Speaker 1: the problem. That's then you're white. Your weed ain't got
Speaker 1: no season. But I now, mommy, mommy, not you. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying, for instance, I know you know the good week,
Speaker 1: but seeds burning the seats, like you know, wise bird
Speaker 1: is because it's topping girl. We're talking about nothing we
Speaker 1: supposed to talking about. It's so much more fun than dealing.
Speaker 1: We're thinking about being shacking about something. Look here, back
Speaker 1: to the smaller premises out here. Oh, I will have
Speaker 1: you know that in my top three was mad. That
Speaker 1: was about the size of my thumb fully erect. Well,
Speaker 1: the thumb is better than the pink. I'm just telling you.
Speaker 1: So you have, you have hope. You gotta learn how
Speaker 1: to do things a little bit different than maybe some people. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: because maybe maybe nobody ever told you that we're not
Speaker 1: dealing with shame out here, you know, phoning guys out there,
Speaker 1: you know, just know that you got any bad feeling sake.
Speaker 1: Jail Scott saying the Top three lovers. One of my
Speaker 1: top three, it was it was very what you guys
Speaker 1: are enjoying is that part of life where you get
Speaker 1: to and you come to where you do not give
Speaker 1: a I feel that that is also a key to
Speaker 1: eliminating ship. It is ha ha there it is against
Speaker 1: not giving the damn girls. That's what happening. We're talking
Speaker 1: about the wee earlier. So I just you know, I'm
Speaker 1: talking and I'm not talking. I'm talking about when when
Speaker 1: you say not giving a fuck, that means that there's
Speaker 1: a difference between a single fuck and zero. So I
Speaker 1: need to take it not at but you're saying like
Speaker 1: just tak not not one. You have to him in
Speaker 1: all ero zero zero zero. That usually come up playing
Speaker 1: some working time into this thing called life. But well,
Speaker 1: I think it also comes with with revealing to to others,
Speaker 1: to you know, get rid of the shame of a
Speaker 1: thing that's true, that's true. You know there was a
Speaker 1: thing in the in in that movie M eight mile
Speaker 1: where at the end when uh, the eminem gives like
Speaker 1: the epic the epic freestyle and he starts saying basically
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna tell you all of the stuff you're
Speaker 1: gonna say about me that you think gonna hurt me.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say it. I must say it before you
Speaker 1: get to say it. So now that I've told you
Speaker 1: all the things about myself that you were gonna use
Speaker 1: shame me in this moment, Now what you got? Can
Speaker 1: I sight there origins of that because I didn't see
Speaker 1: eight Mile, but I believe he stole that from Steve
Speaker 1: Martin and Rock Sanne. But that's cool. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say all this shit about my nose. Remember when
Speaker 1: he played Sero, he was like, I'm gonna do all
Speaker 1: all the bad things about yeah, say it all so
Speaker 1: you can't. I'm just saying, but I like when I'm
Speaker 1: white man stepping sample another one. Yeah, I mean they're
Speaker 1: still from each other. That's cool. Did no credit? Don't
Speaker 1: credit to you? But yeah, I think so. It's like
Speaker 1: you gotta not care. I can't care about it no more.
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's been a wonderful thing for
Speaker 1: me too. It's like I just don't. I don't care
Speaker 1: what you think, what you it's not a consequence. I'm here.
Speaker 1: I may be black, yes maybe, yeah, yeah, God, I'm here.
Speaker 1: I'm here. Oh. I love you and we're right and
Speaker 1: we're doing all right. You know what I'm saying. I
Speaker 1: think so I do. I do too. I can't I
Speaker 1: can't even run. I'm kind of doing great out here
Speaker 1: in this world. Yeah, yeah, girl, I gotta. I'm not
Speaker 1: ashamed to say it. It's a thing you can't handle,
Speaker 1: shame and saying that when you are doing good. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm with these things. Yeah. M Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening to jad L. It is both a
Speaker 1: pleasure and honor and a journey we learned. We listen
Speaker 1: to each other and we grow. That's the most beautiful
Speaker 1: part of it all. Thank you so much, everybody. Peace
Speaker 1: in love, y'all. Hi, if you have comments on something
Speaker 1: we said in this episode called eight six six, Hey, Jill,
Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight
Speaker 1: six six nine five four five five, don't forget to
Speaker 1: tell us your name and the episode you're referring to.
Speaker 1: You might just hear your message on a future episode.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot
Speaker 1: Il the podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott,
Speaker 1: Laya st Clair, and Agr Graden Danceller. It's executive producers
Speaker 1: are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun. It's produced
Speaker 1: by Laya St. Clair and me Eve Jeff Coke. The
Speaker 1: editing and sound design for this episode we're done by
Speaker 1: Christina Loranger. That's that is thick kool aid. What you
Speaker 1: know about that negro? Jill? What do you know about
Speaker 1: that flexia negro that caught on negro and that black
Speaker 1: bottle that all the black parents had? Girl? Question you fucky?
Speaker 1: I just calling that negro. I just the black bottle
Speaker 1: with the black name chaf Hey, baby, let's get it.
Speaker 1: Let me get it. So we was parting at my
Speaker 1: parents house like we got that neighbro going out Boom
Speaker 1: j dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio.
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