1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:12,800 Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot M, a production of I Heart Radio. Hello, Hi, 2 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: how are you? I hope you're so good? Oh man, 3 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:19,800 Speaker 1: I hope you're so good. Welcome to Jay dot Ill 4 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:25,080 Speaker 1: the podcast. I'm here with you know who lies? St? Clair? Hello? 5 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: I don't know I thought Rihanna when you said that 6 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: for him. Sorry, I'm not mad, you know I know Rihanna? Yeah, 7 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: I mean who don't. I don't know them at your 8 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:41,320 Speaker 1: greative thing. Gonna give a hello, Hi, y'all. That is 9 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: fair enough. Yea, here is the here's a question. I 10 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 1: know would being like jolly and that is good. That's 11 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:55,319 Speaker 1: good that we have the giggles. Yo. I had a 12 00:00:55,360 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: friend who is dealing with a terrible accident. I know. 13 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: This is so like the transition, my friends, is not good. 14 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 1: That's how life is. Sometimes. Sometimes you're like chilling and 15 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 1: and just gliding along, and then something major happens and 16 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: it shakes your ship up so strong that you don't 17 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: know how to move forward. They were in an accident, 18 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:32,759 Speaker 1: and in a car accident, and someone died from that accident. Jeez, 19 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,679 Speaker 1: that's big. That's like such a big thing. The loss obviously, 20 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: the loss of life so major, and the shame that 21 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 1: came along with that. They didn't, you know, have to 22 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:51,120 Speaker 1: do any jail time or you know, it was an accident. 23 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 1: Nobody was drunk, nobody was high, nobody, you know, it 24 00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 1: was an accident, like accidents happened. Like, how how do 25 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:06,840 Speaker 1: you deal with the shame? That's a heavy one. How 26 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,679 Speaker 1: do you deal with shame? Yeah, that was pretty heavy. 27 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: I don't know if I thought immediately about something like that, 28 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: but that is that's intense. That's a therapy. Is how 29 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 1: you deal with that? Change sounds and that one. That 30 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 1: one was pretty heavy, And the only way I could 31 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 1: think about it is that you know, when you have 32 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,520 Speaker 1: a baby and you have little kids and stuff, anything 33 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 1: happened to your kids? When I think about shame, that's 34 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,239 Speaker 1: I hate to say. That's like immediately where my head 35 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:40,920 Speaker 1: goes is mom guilt and mom shame if anything happens 36 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 1: physically to your kids. Like I even saw this on TikTok. 37 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,360 Speaker 1: A girl said, I raised the whole kid while I 38 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,239 Speaker 1: was in school, except for that one time she rolled 39 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: off the bed and I laughed at it, but I 40 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:56,359 Speaker 1: thought her needing to say that that baby rolled off 41 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 1: the bed like that means that's sat in the back 42 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: of her mind. You know what I'm saying. It's like 43 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,680 Speaker 1: the first piece of shame for most mothers, isn't it. 44 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 1: Like because Jen didn't roll off the bed, but I 45 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: tried to cut his little fingernails and got a little 46 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:14,080 Speaker 1: piece of finger and man, I tell you the look 47 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 1: on his face. I can still see it. I can 48 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 1: still see that look, like you hurt me. And I 49 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 1: certainly didn't mean to do that. But and and even 50 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,960 Speaker 1: now he's twelve years old, he like, he was like, 51 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 1: I'll cut it myself. Mom. I'm like, how do you even? 52 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 1: He was an infant. They had a little paper nails, 53 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 1: you know, a little nothing. I sure enough cut that baby, 54 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 1: and I just feel so bad about it. Old puppy 55 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: cut him like he was a puppy that was hold 56 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: not all. And like, you know what I mean, Like 57 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: it's nothing I could do about that. I'm like, you 58 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,800 Speaker 1: have to forgive me, Can you just forgive me? I 59 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 1: think that's a part of it. I think that asking 60 00:03:55,760 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 1: for forgiveness, you know, is a part of it, whether 61 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 1: you're asking the person who you feel or they feel 62 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: you've done or you feel you've done wrong. Because that's 63 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 1: what it is if you let me look at this 64 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 1: definition here a shameful feeling arising from the consciousness of 65 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 1: something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, done by oneself or another. So 66 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: many of those I got stuck in my head to 67 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 1: what to choose at all. The embarrassment of my show. 68 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:35,279 Speaker 1: My embarrassment and shame goes back to being a child 69 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 1: and embarrassing my father when I met his childhood friend 70 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:43,360 Speaker 1: Michael Peters, who was the choreographer for the Beata video 71 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,160 Speaker 1: and dancing on the ceiling, and I said to him 72 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: as a six year old, when my father said that, 73 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: I said, but you can't dance better than Michael Jackson, 74 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,599 Speaker 1: and you know poor. The greater part of fifteen years, 75 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: my father never let me forget that you embarrassed me 76 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 1: in front of my best friend. There was also the 77 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,000 Speaker 1: shaming story of when I was younger and I was 78 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: in a museum, a black museum, and I saw a 79 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:11,279 Speaker 1: black mask and it was so dark that it scared me, 80 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,840 Speaker 1: and my black, andy, black ass mother was like, never 81 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,720 Speaker 1: in your life, wire you'd be scared of a black image, 82 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:20,080 Speaker 1: and beat me in that museum, and never let me 83 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,719 Speaker 1: forget that you were scared of black people in that moment, 84 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,480 Speaker 1: and that will never happen. Like I have many you 85 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 1: like I have many, many stories, many stories. I feel 86 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 1: like my shame, kind of my childhood shame is tied 87 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,599 Speaker 1: into m M. I'm gonna go ahead and say it, 88 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:41,599 Speaker 1: teenage sexuality better than white supremacy. Okay, you know it 89 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 1: wasn't white supremacy. But you know we'll get to it. 90 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:49,360 Speaker 1: Don't work, you have time. But you know, I think 91 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 1: that I've been thinking about certain things that I did, 92 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, I shouldn't did that or and 93 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: I mean, as much as I feel like free in 94 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 1: my body and self now, sometimes I do tap into 95 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 1: those feelings of being a young person and and and 96 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 1: and feeling like, dang, I made a stupid decision or 97 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done that, and one of my big 98 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,279 Speaker 1: shames that I dont I dealt with as an adult. 99 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: I'm finally over it. For years, I had carried a 100 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: lot of shame for having not graduated from high school 101 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,480 Speaker 1: and I got my g D, and I always used 102 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:25,600 Speaker 1: to think that, you know, I would cringe when people 103 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:29,919 Speaker 1: would say, oh, you're smart, and I would be like, wha, No, 104 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:33,919 Speaker 1: I'm not you don't even know. I'm actually not just 105 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:38,200 Speaker 1: becausema thing. That's why you would say no. Yeah, I mean, 106 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:42,919 Speaker 1: it seems silly saying it, but I'm just trying to 107 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: be honest. You know. I had a lot of shame 108 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,279 Speaker 1: around it. Most people that I knew went to college, 109 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 1: and then as I got older, I had friends who 110 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,719 Speaker 1: had whole advanced degrees. I had pH d s, multiple 111 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:59,039 Speaker 1: advanced degrees. So to me, it was like, I never 112 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 1: thought about the fact that I always felt like I 113 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 1: could intellectually talk to those people. That never occurred to 114 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 1: me in my mind that wait a minute, you think 115 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: you're so stupid, but these are people who you talk 116 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 1: about things too. You're the scarrow. You're the scarecrow, you 117 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 1: know what? And I'm glad you said that, because the 118 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 1: significant part of the Whiz for me was when Diana 119 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 1: Ross was sitting on the ground with Michael Jackson in 120 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: that part and she opens up the top of his 121 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 1: head and she goes garbage. He had put so much 122 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 1: garbage in his own mind about who he was that 123 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 1: he began to believe it, and so I identified with 124 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 1: the scarecrow. I definitely had a lot of um, what 125 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: is that thing where you, Uh, imposter syndrome. You know 126 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:52,960 Speaker 1: a lot of that feeling I didn't belong in certain 127 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 1: rooms and didn't belong with certain people. Uh that somehow 128 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 1: or another, Why am I here? Why do I get 129 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:03,000 Speaker 1: to be here? I felt that way about my talent before. 130 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: I felt that way as a mother. That has been 131 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: one of the biggest challenges of my adult life is 132 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 1: getting over the shame of feeling like I wasn't good 133 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: enough girl. Now and now you're talking about deep shame 134 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,520 Speaker 1: deep No, I mean, I'm just I'm just gonna put 135 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 1: it out there. I feel like I feel like I'm 136 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: speaking to everybody's story. I think you are, because yeah, 137 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 1: I heard mine in there. That is my story more 138 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 1: real talk after the break. I was just thinking about 139 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 1: this the other day because I was like in my 140 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 1: friends one of my friends sleose, my DC friends, A 141 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 1: lot of them went to you know, more house and 142 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 1: spell men and stuff. And I never got married early 143 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:02,160 Speaker 1: in life, and so I'm one of the few. I 144 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,839 Speaker 1: am the only single I think female of our group. 145 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:08,080 Speaker 1: And there is some interesting shame that you have to 146 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: deal with in that. But because I am now a 147 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 1: part of this conversation on Jdi Ill you know, constant 148 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,200 Speaker 1: d programming and stuff, just understanding your place in the world. 149 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: But yes, fighting the shame that you have not been 150 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,840 Speaker 1: chose or I always fight the shame like Y don't 151 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 1: know that. I fight the shame of like nobody asking it, 152 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 1: saying that want the rest of day life with you, 153 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: or the shame of that. You know, I have really 154 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 1: great parents that would make amazing grandparents. But the shame 155 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,160 Speaker 1: is a powerful drug. It's almost as powerful as fear. 156 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: So it's tied to fear. It's married to fear because 157 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,679 Speaker 1: it's like, what is it that you're afraid that people 158 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 1: will not give you? What is it that you think 159 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:54,080 Speaker 1: you're not going to get and receive, you know, because 160 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: of this thing or this moment in your life, this 161 00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:00,679 Speaker 1: this this part of your existence. And I had to 162 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,280 Speaker 1: kind of come to terms with that part too. One 163 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,840 Speaker 1: of them was unfortunately, like and I've talked about my 164 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:10,319 Speaker 1: dad a lot here. I love my father so much 165 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: and I want to respect him in the fact that 166 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,680 Speaker 1: he's no longer here in the flesh. But you know, 167 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 1: my dad had some complicated, you know, things about his 168 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: life and may have been viewed as being a person 169 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 1: who couldn't get their ship together to a degree, and 170 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,319 Speaker 1: so sometimes there were parts of me that felt like, oh, 171 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: this is just part of my DNA. I was just 172 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: built fucked up. And I mean, and I want to 173 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:36,200 Speaker 1: take this moment, and I don't want to bum anybody out. 174 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,559 Speaker 1: I want to take this moment because I know we're 175 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 1: going to get to a different place in this conversation 176 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: because all of us know better. But I want to 177 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:46,559 Speaker 1: take this moment to actually voice the truth about how 178 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 1: deeply hurt and shameful I have felt in my life. 179 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 1: Because there are some women out there who do know 180 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 1: me from my work and no x Y and Z, 181 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: and they have a tendency to put me up on 182 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 1: this pedestal and I wanna I want to crack it 183 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 1: in this moment because I need people to know what 184 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:08,080 Speaker 1: I've worked on on my inside, you know what I mean, 185 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:12,120 Speaker 1: what I've had to pull through, and the things I 186 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 1: still have to subdue that I still have to say 187 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:19,199 Speaker 1: agent no, no, no, no no no, don't listen to that bullshit. 188 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: Replace it with the truth. Replace it with the truth. 189 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,000 Speaker 1: Replace it with the truth. And I think shame has 190 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,959 Speaker 1: this tendency to show up as a voice in your 191 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: head show up as this this, this, this person that's 192 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 1: talking to you and telling you these lie about yourself, 193 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,040 Speaker 1: and you have to constantly be able to tell it 194 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: sit down and shut the funk up. But you do understand, 195 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:41,440 Speaker 1: and I must get to see you and jail on 196 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,440 Speaker 1: that note, y'all, the whole cracking that pedestal thing. So 197 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,640 Speaker 1: what y'all don't know about this pedestal as you're on, 198 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,560 Speaker 1: because you know, I'm a fan too, so I feel 199 00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: like I can speak for folks who are you know, 200 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,560 Speaker 1: plan and supporters of yours, is that when you give 201 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:57,199 Speaker 1: these realities of who you really are and how hard 202 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 1: and sometimes challenging it is to be the person sception 203 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,080 Speaker 1: of what people see you to be, you do know 204 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:07,079 Speaker 1: that that puts you further up on the pedestal. I 205 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 1: just I think that you should understand that you're not 206 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 1: cracking it with that. What you're doing is lifting yourself higher. 207 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 1: Because now it's like she is she is a whole 208 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:17,959 Speaker 1: human being, and I get that, and I'm trying to 209 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: understand that too, and so yes, and so now as 210 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,720 Speaker 1: you just shared that with me too, and she's still 211 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:26,560 Speaker 1: imagine she's still and you are still able to do 212 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,200 Speaker 1: this and make me feel this way from your art 213 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,360 Speaker 1: and things like that, like yeah, honey, you yeah, you 214 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,199 Speaker 1: ain't cracking. You just put the glue and that's what 215 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 1: happened to be, y'all. I love you. I love you. 216 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 1: What about it? If the the shame is something that's 217 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 1: just a fact, you know, it's not it's just a fact, 218 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:50,080 Speaker 1: you know, like when it's not a lie, when it's 219 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,840 Speaker 1: not something that your mind is telling you, but it's 220 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:56,960 Speaker 1: just a fact. You know. Um, I was born with 221 00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:02,959 Speaker 1: a lopoma on my lower back, and and boy, I 222 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,840 Speaker 1: always felt like I was some kind of mutant thingy 223 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 1: because my my fingers don't really have bones, and I'm 224 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 1: like they're real bendy and flexible. And my fingers and 225 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 1: my hips are the same. It's very flexile. That it's 226 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 1: not a flex that is just the fact. But as 227 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,439 Speaker 1: a kid growing up, you can't say that to that 228 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: because I mean to um, But but I also had 229 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: you know, this lie pomau a lipoma is it's like 230 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 1: a ball of tissue, and very early on people noticed 231 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 1: it and they called me like scoliosis, you know, like 232 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 1: that was a nickname. You know that kids will call 233 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:56,400 Speaker 1: me scoliosis, and I just felt with somebody gonna say 234 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,839 Speaker 1: your your shirt is toughed and funny, you know, and 235 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 1: try to fix it for me, like I still very 236 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,520 Speaker 1: much carry it. I still very much have it, you know, 237 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:10,760 Speaker 1: so like I think about it. I think about it 238 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: every day because you know, I feel like as a human, 239 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:19,560 Speaker 1: like I'm not I'm literally not like anybody else, you know, 240 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 1: like with people who are born with like six fingers 241 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 1: or you know. I think that's probably why I love 242 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: the idiosyncrasies of people so much, because I'm like you're 243 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 1: you know. I guess maybe this is the way I 244 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 1: rationalize it, or that I find some level of peace 245 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: with it, because for a long time, I just didn't 246 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 1: have peace with it. You know. I tried to get 247 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,600 Speaker 1: it removed to say, because the Bill Popper Dr Billy 248 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 1: that it's not something that you could it's not something 249 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 1: that you could pop. She's removes it like homeless, like 250 00:14:55,560 --> 00:15:00,160 Speaker 1: she's yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm afraid of surgery because I 251 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 1: just did not have a good experience. I tried to 252 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 1: remove it once. Um, I had good health insurance when 253 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:09,000 Speaker 1: I was twenty five and I and I had it 254 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: removed and it was not um. It was a very 255 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 1: very painful process, and in about three years it grew 256 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 1: right back, you know. So it's like, so go ahead 257 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 1: and do this again and have it grow right back, 258 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 1: you know, Like that is I can't even believe I'm 259 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 1: saying it out loud, like it is such a thing 260 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 1: for me. And then because I'm always trying to make 261 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:35,480 Speaker 1: peace with the ship that's in my life, I discovered 262 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 1: that it's an a rogenous zone because I feel so 263 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: shameful about it that when it is you know, tough 264 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:50,440 Speaker 1: on and loved on, that's a whole another level of 265 00:15:51,000 --> 00:16:04,160 Speaker 1: excitement and you know, fluidity. So I guess because I 266 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 1: have to go, I guess it's saying that, like I 267 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 1: try to make peace in whatever way I can with 268 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:16,320 Speaker 1: whatever is going on with me. Sometimes that means an apology, 269 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 1: and that ship the apology is sometimes to me, you know, 270 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 1: like Okay, you know, don't don't be so hard on yourself, 271 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 1: don't don't be yourself up so much. This is not 272 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,080 Speaker 1: something that you have done to yourself. This is something 273 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 1: you were born with. And even even then, like I questioned, 274 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 1: like okay, I love but I love God so much, 275 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,280 Speaker 1: and I'm like Okay, if you gave me this, there 276 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 1: has to be a reason for it. I have to 277 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 1: be strong enough to stick it out, you know what 278 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 1: I mean, to just be cool with it at two, Like, 279 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,600 Speaker 1: I have a lot of thoughts, and I still have 280 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: these thoughts at this time because just recently my sister 281 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 1: mentioned it to me, and at first I was mad 282 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 1: that she was even talk about it, But then I 283 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 1: was like, why am I Look, it is what it is. 284 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 1: She's known me, damn there all my life, like cut 285 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 1: it out. And she was like, well, why don't you 286 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 1: go to to to get it removed, you know, and 287 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:18,560 Speaker 1: then you'll feel better? And I was like, will I? 288 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:26,359 Speaker 1: Will I? You know, will I? But see that's a 289 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,680 Speaker 1: word right there, being attached to your wound, attached to 290 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,440 Speaker 1: the thing that you're ashamed of, attached to the thing 291 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:36,480 Speaker 1: you're shamed of. Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah, I feel 292 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,879 Speaker 1: like you can get used to a thing and you 293 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,119 Speaker 1: find a bit of identity in it, even in your 294 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: color mechanism, like you know, uh, well, I feel ashamed 295 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,960 Speaker 1: about this thing, and so that makes me fuel to 296 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 1: do this other thing to escape it. And so that 297 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,080 Speaker 1: kind of made me great or made me do such 298 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 1: and such and such and such people. I think I'm minimized. 299 00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,240 Speaker 1: I might minimize other people's stuff because I'm like, you know, 300 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 1: like oh, they'll say something like oh why my my 301 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,560 Speaker 1: my thighs are too big, and I'm like, you don't 302 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:09,040 Speaker 1: have a lot of poems, you know, so wait, that's 303 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: hilarious and can I want to share that I had? 304 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,040 Speaker 1: Just I feel like in the last five years, like 305 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 1: women have started to shed the shame of like the 306 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,440 Speaker 1: five broid world. And they're doing it because you said, 307 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 1: just in the sense of you a lot of poem 308 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,239 Speaker 1: and waits. To like get over these shames is by 309 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,280 Speaker 1: letting other women know that they have it right, because 310 00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 1: like literally and and it's funny because as much as 311 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 1: even I posted like my fire broid stuff, I still 312 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,119 Speaker 1: get people going, oh, I didn't know, and I'm so 313 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,359 Speaker 1: glad that there's somebody else in the struggle and whatnot, 314 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 1: because they're their shame depending on how you feel where 315 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,920 Speaker 1: your fire broids are, how they impede on your reproduction, 316 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,680 Speaker 1: how they impede on your period, the shame of like 317 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 1: these heavy periods where you don't feel comfortable leaven the house, 318 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: this pain that people don't understand because you gotta you 319 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 1: still gotta work every day, but you're going through this 320 00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,000 Speaker 1: pain like it's it's it's so much shame in that, 321 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:04,240 Speaker 1: and I just I appreciate the progress of women and 322 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,560 Speaker 1: sharing to make it the shame a little. Ultimately, what 323 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,199 Speaker 1: you're saying is that one of the ways you can 324 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:13,440 Speaker 1: combat shame is by like not being isolated, yes, isolation, yes, 325 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 1: and feeling like yes because most of the times and 326 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 1: that and that goes back to it's funny because it 327 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: even goes back to this show j dr Il, and 328 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 1: what we provide for people is this conversation where some 329 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:27,119 Speaker 1: of these subjects you like, I don't know if I 330 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,400 Speaker 1: feel comfortable saying this. I'm not the only person thinking 331 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,159 Speaker 1: this way. But then you listen to this show and 332 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,200 Speaker 1: you're like, oh god, I just feels so good to 333 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,440 Speaker 1: hear that somebody else is thinking this way. So yeah, 334 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,480 Speaker 1: applying that the same thing to kind of how Jill 335 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,720 Speaker 1: was feeling about her life home man, and how and 336 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 1: how women are sharing with fibroid, you know, situations, Yeah, 337 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,159 Speaker 1: I feel like that's you know, we're about solutions, so 338 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,359 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, less isolation. What you said in your 339 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:53,160 Speaker 1: educated way Asa scare bro. I love it. You're funny, 340 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,639 Speaker 1: but I really did not think for I really did 341 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: not think that I was and nothing. I didn't think 342 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:00,879 Speaker 1: I was human. Of always known I was human, but 343 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:04,639 Speaker 1: I always feel like, what what am I I was? 344 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 1: You know, if you watch people, you would feel your 345 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,040 Speaker 1: whole tribe okay, nothing, but you've never seen this show. 346 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:14,159 Speaker 1: Nothing girl. Your people. Your people aren't on the internets 347 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 1: like I'm telling you, and they have like homers in 348 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,720 Speaker 1: the craziest places. And sometimes you'll tell them and I 349 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 1: might not want to cut it because it might grow 350 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:26,639 Speaker 1: backs like every day that girl, you missed it. We 351 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,639 Speaker 1: need to we need to share this with you because 352 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 1: I'm telling you like it can go away. And there's 353 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:39,399 Speaker 1: so many people who have I mean, and they faced 354 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:43,840 Speaker 1: your back and they've talked about that how it is, 355 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 1: how when they go out and they feel people are 356 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,960 Speaker 1: staring at them right over my safe messed with their Yes, 357 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:53,520 Speaker 1: they their intimacy. It's affected their intimacy. Girl, I'm trying 358 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:58,560 Speaker 1: to tell you. Listen offline, We're gonna watch people paper together. 359 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:03,480 Speaker 1: We all I'm find this doctor league. There was there 360 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,560 Speaker 1: was and I think it was in high school. There 361 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:09,400 Speaker 1: was a rumor that I had a tail, Oh mama, 362 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,000 Speaker 1: And I can see by the look on your face 363 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,760 Speaker 1: that this is deep. It is deep, It is deep. 364 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,920 Speaker 1: It hurt a lot, but you didn't know you had community. Man, 365 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying. Like you, I just I just 366 00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:24,720 Speaker 1: like the idea of that, like eliminating the isolation. You know, 367 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:29,200 Speaker 1: that's Can you imagine? Can you imagine being a man 368 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,840 Speaker 1: with a very small penis? M Can you imagine what 369 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 1: that feels like? M M. You know, like carrying that 370 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,680 Speaker 1: there's like a shame involved with it. I mean I 371 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 1: know that I've I've yelled out, like I shouted out 372 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,639 Speaker 1: the big dicks in the room. You know, I've done that, 373 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,920 Speaker 1: and then I didn't consider you know that there's some 374 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,920 Speaker 1: guys in there that don't have wallet. They've got other 375 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: stuff to offer, but they don't have that particular thing. 376 00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,880 Speaker 1: I think we have a hard time giving men pure 377 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,920 Speaker 1: in space to feel their shame and to feel their hurt. 378 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,080 Speaker 1: I mean, I know we talk a lot about women here. 379 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,320 Speaker 1: You know, I love me see women. I love black women, 380 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 1: lift us up any chance that I get. But I 381 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 1: know that the pain that men feel because they just 382 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,639 Speaker 1: don't there's no place for them to be vulnerable like 383 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,439 Speaker 1: they just and a lot of the things, a lot 384 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:25,440 Speaker 1: of the shame that they hold, and particularly around things 385 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 1: like sexual violence and stuff like that that they've experienced, 386 00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,720 Speaker 1: it they do not talk about. They not only do 387 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,560 Speaker 1: they not report, but they do not talk about it. 388 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,920 Speaker 1: No safe space and no safe space for them, and 389 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,400 Speaker 1: even down like you said, to physiological things for black 390 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 1: from not just black men, but from men period, you know, 391 00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 1: to a small penises, not having a cut, body being, 392 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 1: being overweight, body shaming for men. See, we talk about 393 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:53,440 Speaker 1: body shaming, and we center women a lot of for sure. 394 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 1: And speaking of let me tell you the thing that 395 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,040 Speaker 1: made me think when we first brought this up, I 396 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,879 Speaker 1: had just read had essay by uh you know, I 397 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:06,639 Speaker 1: follow his his handle, his son of Baldwin, and so 398 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,359 Speaker 1: I was reading his blog and he was, you know, 399 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:14,119 Speaker 1: speaking about Little nos X. Yeah, and we don't have 400 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 1: to go deep into that, because I know that's like 401 00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:18,680 Speaker 1: deep on the internet. That's another conversation. But what he 402 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:24,199 Speaker 1: did talk about was that these last few visuals that um, 403 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,880 Speaker 1: these last two visuals in terms of videos that Little 404 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 1: nos X had done, that that caused so much controversy. 405 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 1: What he talked about, at the core of what is 406 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:41,040 Speaker 1: happening in these videos is the expulsion of shame. Is 407 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 1: that intentional? I expel the shame, this shame that you 408 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: want me to hold for you. Not gonna do it, Yes, 409 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:54,520 Speaker 1: not gonna do it. Think about that? And uh, what 410 00:23:54,760 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 1: was it the slut walk, ma'am? Yeah, like there take 411 00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:07,680 Speaker 1: your shame, Yeah, to to expell it. Yeah, the shame. 412 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: We have two things allow you is not allowing yourself 413 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 1: to be isolated. The second one is expelling it, like, 414 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,399 Speaker 1: not holding the shame that others want you to hold. 415 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 1: We need one more to round it out. A's I 416 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: don't know. I mean, it doesn't have to be three. Yeah, 417 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,960 Speaker 1: I want another one. Look, well, let's keep talking because 418 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:39,320 Speaker 1: you know that it'll come out. It'll come out. We're 419 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,600 Speaker 1: gonna take a quick break and then we'll be right back. 420 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: But you mentioned a slot walk. Let's talk about that. 421 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,880 Speaker 1: The respectability crap. You know there are women that like, look, 422 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,639 Speaker 1: I do what I do, I do, I practice safe sex, 423 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,280 Speaker 1: I'm not harming anybody. I do what I like. Why 424 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,480 Speaker 1: do I have to feel like I'm lesser than because 425 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:13,920 Speaker 1: I'd like to get down why. I thought it was 426 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 1: fair enough. At first, I didn't understand. I was like, 427 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 1: why is it a slut walk? Why is it that? 428 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: But there are women that you know clearly have decided. Look, 429 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:26,639 Speaker 1: I own my body, it's mine. I thought Blanche had 430 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 1: worked ou out for everybody, like I love when they 431 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:34,320 Speaker 1: gave us, Like yeah, man, you know what they gave us, Blanch. 432 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,240 Speaker 1: But that's funny because I just recently met Erica Alexander 433 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:42,879 Speaker 1: played max and and Shaw. Yeah, and I thought about 434 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:47,159 Speaker 1: max And from Philly right, mask and Sew as a 435 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:51,600 Speaker 1: character also did that, I think, And because she mixed 436 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,439 Speaker 1: together like this something you know that that that autonomy, 437 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:59,840 Speaker 1: that sexual autonomy with also being I'm smart, you know, 438 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:05,920 Speaker 1: I say what I want. I'm single, apologetically, unapologetically without children. 439 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,080 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be married on our kids. Maxine 440 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:12,880 Speaker 1: Sean for the blacks, and Samantha for the masses, ma'am 441 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,879 Speaker 1: for the masses, not just the majority. The majority are 442 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:24,920 Speaker 1: people of color for the minority. Samantha for the minority. 443 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: Kim control sex in the city, Kim control sex. Oh 444 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:32,320 Speaker 1: got you got yea yeah? Yeah, but yeah, same thing. 445 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:36,280 Speaker 1: Thank you bad you write for the math. You right, yeah, 446 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,119 Speaker 1: thanks for the correction. We just we just want to 447 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:45,520 Speaker 1: be right, are crowd for the people. Yeah. I've just 448 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 1: really been trying to find the good in whatever it is. 449 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 1: That if there's some good in it, honey, that is 450 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 1: my gig. I guess because I was born different. Like 451 00:26:55,680 --> 00:27:01,159 Speaker 1: I literally look for the good in pretty much everybody, 452 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:05,879 Speaker 1: you know, like if if if you got you know, 453 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,440 Speaker 1: it's it's some things that are cute, like freckles, you know, 454 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,320 Speaker 1: you know, those are cute things and people like. But 455 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:18,879 Speaker 1: it's the other stuff too, you know, Like I like, 456 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:25,240 Speaker 1: for instance, my kid, My kid was born with fused wrists, 457 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:33,639 Speaker 1: so he cannot hold his hand vertically. Yeah, in a 458 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,679 Speaker 1: serving kind of way. It's impossible for both of his hands. 459 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,760 Speaker 1: He can't do that. So I you know, they we 460 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,440 Speaker 1: talked about it, the doctors and I, and they were like, well, 461 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,040 Speaker 1: we can break both of his wrists. First of all, 462 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,480 Speaker 1: as a mother, you already know when somebody talking about 463 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,439 Speaker 1: harming your kid. You feel it in your feeling, right 464 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,080 Speaker 1: in your jot youat it's right there. You feel that 465 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,639 Speaker 1: thing while all up in your womb. That's where it 466 00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,480 Speaker 1: happens first. You feel it first. I said, Oh, I don't. 467 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,159 Speaker 1: I don't know about that. But then they told me 468 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:06,640 Speaker 1: that there would be very little possibility or his arms 469 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,520 Speaker 1: to grow the right limb and I was like, uh, 470 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,680 Speaker 1: that ain't that ain't gonna work. You know, my the 471 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,560 Speaker 1: men and my family are always some six too and up. 472 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,919 Speaker 1: I'm like, imagine, you know he's six two six three, 473 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,160 Speaker 1: you've got the little arms, Like, that's not gonna be nice. 474 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,879 Speaker 1: And this is what I have done, and this is 475 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,680 Speaker 1: what I continue to do with him because you know, 476 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:34,920 Speaker 1: he feels different too, and I remind him, son, you 477 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,520 Speaker 1: are literally a black man who cannot hold your hands out. 478 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,400 Speaker 1: You can't hold your hands out for nothing. Everything that 479 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 1: you do, you're going to have to earn everything. And 480 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,480 Speaker 1: that gives me such like it makes him feel proud 481 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,680 Speaker 1: of himself where he accomplishes things. And yes, we have 482 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,920 Speaker 1: to learn how to do things differently than other people, 483 00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:01,440 Speaker 1: but you know that kind of what it is. It's 484 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,320 Speaker 1: just trying to figure out another way to do something 485 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:09,080 Speaker 1: and find peace, you know, find peace with that. But yeah, 486 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:13,960 Speaker 1: I guess I could go see the paper. People. I'm 487 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,800 Speaker 1: just not a fan of surgery. I'm just I'm just 488 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 1: not I mean, she doesn't in her office. It's not 489 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:25,360 Speaker 1: even your girl. Yeah, it's not even with you. Because 490 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,600 Speaker 1: I'm such a big fan of the show. I don't 491 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,720 Speaker 1: want to I don't want to be whatever, but I 492 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,400 Speaker 1: love the show. I'll watch you all the time. So 493 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:34,360 Speaker 1: I will go with you if you want me to, 494 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:36,640 Speaker 1: I will go with you. You're gonna have to go 495 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,440 Speaker 1: to her anyway, because you know you go to her. 496 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,720 Speaker 1: I'm gonna think about this, you know, I'm gonna think 497 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 1: about this. I don't see any I'm not finding any 498 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,320 Speaker 1: reasons not to do it. And I'm so glad that 499 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,680 Speaker 1: I said it out loud. Yo, do you can you 500 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 1: imagine that what you're doing for the limp Homa community 501 00:29:55,360 --> 00:30:00,760 Speaker 1: right now? I mean, I'm gonna tell you all this. 502 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,360 Speaker 1: I told I had publicly never said anything about the 503 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,680 Speaker 1: whole g D thing, and my girlfriend had designed a 504 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:10,360 Speaker 1: T shirt that said don't let these degrees fool you? 505 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,960 Speaker 1: And I loved that t shirt, but it obviously did 506 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,920 Speaker 1: not apply to me. And so I called her and 507 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 1: I said, can you do one that says don't let 508 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 1: this g D fool you? And she said, she said yeah, 509 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,600 Speaker 1: So she made me the shirt. Okay, she made me 510 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: the shirt. Then she sent the shirt and I couldn't 511 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:34,959 Speaker 1: put it on. I could not put it on. When 512 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 1: I got it, I was like, oh, do I want 513 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:42,320 Speaker 1: to wear this? And then finally she posted about it 514 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,840 Speaker 1: because another person that she had given it to, they 515 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 1: made a post about it. And I read this woman's 516 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:51,400 Speaker 1: story and I thought, okay, agent, you're so bugging so 517 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,160 Speaker 1: mind you. I went through all of that and I 518 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 1: put the shirt on, I posted about it, I talked 519 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 1: about it, and do you know that, to this day 520 00:30:58,320 --> 00:30:59,880 Speaker 1: that is still one of the things I got them 521 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,520 Speaker 1: those comments on. Ever, so many people came to me 522 00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,240 Speaker 1: later and said, I'm so glad you said that, because 523 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 1: that's my story and this happened to me, and I 524 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,280 Speaker 1: did this, and I didn't finish school because I was pregnant, 525 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,000 Speaker 1: but now I have my master's degree and or or 526 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 1: I went on to start a job that you know, 527 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,560 Speaker 1: I've been at now for twenty five years and I 528 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:23,760 Speaker 1: have seniority, and I'm people who went on and told 529 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:27,800 Speaker 1: me all these amazing stories about them not getting asked 530 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 1: with deployment. So the reason why I'm saying all this 531 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,520 Speaker 1: is like, yes, girl, when you when you released that 532 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,320 Speaker 1: shame and you talk about what is going on with you? 533 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,920 Speaker 1: And there's so many instances of this, like you said, 534 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:42,000 Speaker 1: even girl, so many that you free people, You free them. 535 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,480 Speaker 1: Even when Michelle was on here and she talked about 536 00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:47,480 Speaker 1: her experience with how she was able to conceive her children, 537 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,760 Speaker 1: you know, even like Gabby Union and how she talked 538 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:55,680 Speaker 1: about her process and all these different things that happened 539 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:59,240 Speaker 1: to us in our lives that we just don't want 540 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,720 Speaker 1: to talk about, but we freeing other people from that 541 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:08,320 Speaker 1: same kind of isolated present. Talking about it freeze people 542 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,280 Speaker 1: like it, really truly does. That's how I feel every 543 00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,240 Speaker 1: time I read a comment about this show, like I 544 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:18,480 Speaker 1: do people appreciate these conversations that are usually in private, 545 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 1: or we would be drinking. You know, I think we 546 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:25,160 Speaker 1: should start I think we should start drinking today. I 547 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,920 Speaker 1: feel like drinking. I feel like I'm having a glass 548 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:32,120 Speaker 1: of sipity sip today. I always have that. That's that, 549 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,280 Speaker 1: that's that good red wine. Apothic, apothic, that's what that is, right, 550 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:37,920 Speaker 1: it's about mid grade. But we're gonna we're gonna eat 551 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,400 Speaker 1: that there. No, it's my mama like it. So I 552 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: always thinking my mama like it is good. My mother 553 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,400 Speaker 1: always liked bed grade to cheat. Yeah. Well, I grew 554 00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:46,800 Speaker 1: up thinking my mother drake expensive wine until I got 555 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,120 Speaker 1: grown and I was like, oh, bless her heart. It's 556 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,680 Speaker 1: the holding of the glass, darling. That's what it is. 557 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:57,240 Speaker 1: It's the whole thing of the glass that defines if 558 00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 1: it's quality or not. I think mother's always do cheap ship, 559 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,440 Speaker 1: make cheap ship look real classy? Yeah, I do. My 560 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,800 Speaker 1: mother and my aunts with that man to Chevis. Baby. 561 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 1: I had some band of chefs not too long ago, 562 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:12,240 Speaker 1: just because I was like, what was that? Like, I've 563 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:13,960 Speaker 1: done that a couple of times. I had a big 564 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:15,920 Speaker 1: mack because I was like, you know what, when I 565 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,280 Speaker 1: was a kid, that was like such a big deal. 566 00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,440 Speaker 1: It's such an awesome treat to have a dog on 567 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:25,040 Speaker 1: big Mack. Tell me Southern Home wasn't the finest of lines. 568 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:29,920 Speaker 1: The first life in the box, just a you know what, 569 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:33,719 Speaker 1: I'm like, like, sutter Home, you ain't got that suther Home. 570 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,200 Speaker 1: I couldn't eat that thing at all. First of all, 571 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,160 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna eat that listen. But that's that's the thing, 572 00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 1: is that your parents you you you, and it makes 573 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 1: sense because you know, ain't none of these people have 574 00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:50,280 Speaker 1: no money. That's true. That's that's true. That neither that's 575 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,360 Speaker 1: the problem. That's then you're white. Your weed ain't got 576 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,360 Speaker 1: no season. But I now, mommy, mommy, not you. I'm 577 00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 1: just saying, for instance, I know you know the good week, 578 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:04,720 Speaker 1: but seeds burning the seats, like you know, wise bird 579 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:12,239 Speaker 1: is because it's topping girl. We're talking about nothing we 580 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,280 Speaker 1: supposed to talking about. It's so much more fun than dealing. 581 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:22,520 Speaker 1: We're thinking about being shacking about something. Look here, back 582 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,759 Speaker 1: to the smaller premises out here. Oh, I will have 583 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:30,120 Speaker 1: you know that in my top three was mad. That 584 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,560 Speaker 1: was about the size of my thumb fully erect. Well, 585 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,800 Speaker 1: the thumb is better than the pink. I'm just telling you. 586 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,200 Speaker 1: So you have, you have hope. You gotta learn how 587 00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:48,000 Speaker 1: to do things a little bit different than maybe some people. Yes, yes, 588 00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:51,640 Speaker 1: because maybe maybe nobody ever told you that we're not 589 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,960 Speaker 1: dealing with shame out here, you know, phoning guys out there, 590 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:59,520 Speaker 1: you know, just know that you got any bad feeling sake. 591 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:04,480 Speaker 1: Jail Scott saying the Top three lovers. One of my 592 00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:09,640 Speaker 1: top three, it was it was very what you guys 593 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:13,040 Speaker 1: are enjoying is that part of life where you get 594 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:16,360 Speaker 1: to and you come to where you do not give 595 00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:22,480 Speaker 1: a I feel that that is also a key to 596 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:40,000 Speaker 1: eliminating ship. It is ha ha there it is against 597 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:44,319 Speaker 1: not giving the damn girls. That's what happening. We're talking 598 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,799 Speaker 1: about the wee earlier. So I just you know, I'm 599 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,400 Speaker 1: talking and I'm not talking. I'm talking about when when 600 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,520 Speaker 1: you say not giving a fuck, that means that there's 601 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,800 Speaker 1: a difference between a single fuck and zero. So I 602 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,920 Speaker 1: need to take it not at but you're saying like 603 00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:00,200 Speaker 1: just tak not not one. You have to him in 604 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:06,320 Speaker 1: all ero zero zero zero. That usually come up playing 605 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,640 Speaker 1: some working time into this thing called life. But well, 606 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:13,160 Speaker 1: I think it also comes with with revealing to to others, 607 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,320 Speaker 1: to you know, get rid of the shame of a 608 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,560 Speaker 1: thing that's true, that's true. You know there was a 609 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,439 Speaker 1: thing in the in in that movie M eight mile 610 00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:25,440 Speaker 1: where at the end when uh, the eminem gives like 611 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:29,320 Speaker 1: the epic the epic freestyle and he starts saying basically 612 00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:31,359 Speaker 1: like I'm gonna tell you all of the stuff you're 613 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:34,279 Speaker 1: gonna say about me that you think gonna hurt me. 614 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,600 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say it. I must say it before you 615 00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 1: get to say it. So now that I've told you 616 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,400 Speaker 1: all the things about myself that you were gonna use 617 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:47,160 Speaker 1: shame me in this moment, Now what you got? Can 618 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,239 Speaker 1: I sight there origins of that because I didn't see 619 00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:51,840 Speaker 1: eight Mile, but I believe he stole that from Steve 620 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,759 Speaker 1: Martin and Rock Sanne. But that's cool. You know, I'm 621 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,160 Speaker 1: gonna say all this shit about my nose. Remember when 622 00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,920 Speaker 1: he played Sero, he was like, I'm gonna do all 623 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,000 Speaker 1: all the bad things about yeah, say it all so 624 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:05,640 Speaker 1: you can't. I'm just saying, but I like when I'm 625 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,600 Speaker 1: white man stepping sample another one. Yeah, I mean they're 626 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,600 Speaker 1: still from each other. That's cool. Did no credit? Don't 627 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:15,480 Speaker 1: credit to you? But yeah, I think so. It's like 628 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:18,359 Speaker 1: you gotta not care. I can't care about it no more. 629 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:20,759 Speaker 1: And I feel like that's been a wonderful thing for 630 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:22,719 Speaker 1: me too. It's like I just don't. I don't care 631 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:26,359 Speaker 1: what you think, what you it's not a consequence. I'm here. 632 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:37,240 Speaker 1: I may be black, yes maybe, yeah, yeah, God, I'm here. 633 00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:42,759 Speaker 1: I'm here. Oh. I love you and we're right and 634 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,480 Speaker 1: we're doing all right. You know what I'm saying. I 635 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:50,480 Speaker 1: think so I do. I do too. I can't I 636 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,879 Speaker 1: can't even run. I'm kind of doing great out here 637 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,880 Speaker 1: in this world. Yeah, yeah, girl, I gotta. I'm not 638 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,879 Speaker 1: ashamed to say it. It's a thing you can't handle, 639 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:03,120 Speaker 1: shame and saying that when you are doing good. Okay, yeah, 640 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:08,120 Speaker 1: I'm I'm with these things. Yeah. M Thank you so 641 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:11,440 Speaker 1: much for listening to jad L. It is both a 642 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:16,200 Speaker 1: pleasure and honor and a journey we learned. We listen 643 00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:19,960 Speaker 1: to each other and we grow. That's the most beautiful 644 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,080 Speaker 1: part of it all. Thank you so much, everybody. Peace 645 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:49,000 Speaker 1: in love, y'all. Hi, if you have comments on something 646 00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:53,160 Speaker 1: we said in this episode called eight six six, Hey, Jill, 647 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,399 Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight 648 00:38:56,520 --> 00:39:00,560 Speaker 1: six six nine five four five five, don't forget to 649 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:02,960 Speaker 1: tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. 650 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,800 Speaker 1: You might just hear your message on a future episode. 651 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,920 Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot 652 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,760 Speaker 1: Il the podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, 653 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:19,480 Speaker 1: Laya st Clair, and Agr Graden Danceller. It's executive producers 654 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:23,160 Speaker 1: are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun. It's produced 655 00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:26,600 Speaker 1: by Laya St. Clair and me Eve Jeff Coke. The 656 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,359 Speaker 1: editing and sound design for this episode we're done by 657 00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:41,040 Speaker 1: Christina Loranger. That's that is thick kool aid. What you 658 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:43,120 Speaker 1: know about that negro? Jill? What do you know about 659 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,520 Speaker 1: that flexia negro that caught on negro and that black 660 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:53,560 Speaker 1: bottle that all the black parents had? Girl? Question you fucky? 661 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,720 Speaker 1: I just calling that negro. I just the black bottle 662 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:01,200 Speaker 1: with the black name chaf Hey, baby, let's get it. 663 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,800 Speaker 1: Let me get it. So we was parting at my 664 00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:08,240 Speaker 1: parents house like we got that neighbro going out Boom 665 00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:13,520 Speaker 1: j dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio. 666 00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:17,200 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i 667 00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:21,719 Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 668 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:22,920 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.