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Speaker 1: Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebine, a space where no

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Speaker 1: question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views

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Speaker 1: shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain and empower.

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Speaker 1: From the laughs to the lessons. Just remember, tough times

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Speaker 1: don't last, but professional home girls do enjoy the show.

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Speaker 2: What's up, y'all? Isshagar or Ebine here and I hope

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Speaker 2: all is cute. Now listen, This episode right here is

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Speaker 2: probably one of my most transparent ones yet. Okay, I'm

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Speaker 2: opening up and sharing my personal journey what unemployment.

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Speaker 3: Yes, your girl was laid off, and I'm not doing

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Speaker 3: it alone.

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Speaker 2: I got one of my closest home girls with me

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Speaker 2: on the show, and we are going to really get

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Speaker 2: into it.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 2: During this conversation, we talk about how unemployment has affected

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Speaker 2: us emotionally, mentally, and financially, and I mean the real parts.

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Speaker 2: The parts people don't always talk about, the uncertainty, the

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Speaker 2: self doubt, the moments where you're questioning everything child, But

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Speaker 2: we also talk about finding strength in the middle of

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Speaker 2: it all and just finding the beauty and brokenness.

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Speaker 3: So we talk about how we lean in to our.

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Speaker 2: Faith and pretty much just gain a whole new perspective,

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Speaker 2: and I hope this episode does the same for you.

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Speaker 2: So we're pretty much just piling a band aid, or

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Speaker 2: I'm pilling the bandaid? Should I say on what this

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Speaker 2: season has truly looked like for me behind the scenes,

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Speaker 2: and also we talk about how it impacted our sense

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Speaker 2: of identity, the pressures that have it all together, and

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Speaker 2: what it really means to keep going even when things

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Speaker 2: don't go as plan. So y'all, I really do hope

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Speaker 2: y'all enjoy this episode. Make sure you email me at

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Speaker 2: hello at the phgpodcast dot com let me know your thoughts.

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Speaker 2: If you are in this season, let me know how

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Speaker 2: this helped you. I would definitely read it over the

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Speaker 2: area so it can be an encouragement to others. But

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Speaker 2: get ready because this week's episode starts now. Oh my god,

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Speaker 2: so I am super excited to have one of my

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Speaker 2: dearest friends on the show. We was just briefly key

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Speaker 2: keen about how we never really did this before on air.

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Speaker 2: So how are you feeling, friend?

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Speaker 4: I feel good. I feel like we're about to pull

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Speaker 4: the curtain back and have people all in our business.

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Speaker 4: They're about to get in our business.

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Speaker 2: No, no, you know, I wouldn't have wanted to do

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Speaker 2: this with anybody else but you. So I'm excited to

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Speaker 2: be able to show this different side of me because

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Speaker 2: you came on board or I made you privy to

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Speaker 2: what I was going through in this journey. And then

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Speaker 2: you know, I also released an episode where and I

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Speaker 2: don't know if you listened to it, but it was

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Speaker 2: about me revisiting my therapy session I had like a

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Speaker 2: couple of years ago, and as I was hearing the

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Speaker 2: conversation I had with my therapist, it made me feel

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Speaker 2: like really disappointed in myself to a point where I

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Speaker 2: love key was crying when I was recording because I'm like, damn,

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Speaker 2: like I don't feel that confident like how I was

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Speaker 2: back in the day. So yeah, I'm excited that we

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Speaker 2: having this honest, trans parent conversation.

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Speaker 4: Me too. And I don't know, like I think about

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Speaker 4: going to therapy and just having had a session on

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Speaker 4: Monday myself, and I don't know if I would say

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Speaker 4: like I would cry over the former me because I

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Speaker 4: find that where I am currently is where I'm supposed

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Speaker 4: to be at. So everything that happened before, the tears

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Speaker 4: and the frustrations, all that have led me here, so

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Speaker 4: I don't I wouldn't mourn the form of me in

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Speaker 4: the sense of feeling like dang, I want to go back,

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Speaker 4: but more so like dang, girl, now I have the

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Speaker 4: tools I could have helped you before you but going

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Speaker 4: forward now I'm better able to help other people as

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Speaker 4: I'm helping myself. So I'm happy that we're having this conversation.

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Speaker 2: Now, me too, Me too. Now, before we start, how

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Speaker 2: did we meet?

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Speaker 3: I was thinking about that.

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Speaker 4: So I feel like we met because I was during

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Speaker 4: the time recording podcast as well, where I wanted to

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Speaker 4: intentionally connect. Yeah, I wanted to connect with other creatives

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Speaker 4: that were in the space that have the same professional

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Speaker 4: mindset that I had. Yes, Instagram friends that became friends

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Speaker 4: in real life is that's always like the best way

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Speaker 4: to do it. But also knowing like your brand stood

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Speaker 4: out to me because you were, well, you are the

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Speaker 4: professional homegirl. And then I'm like, oh, okay, well you

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Speaker 4: know people call me something with the professional title in

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Speaker 4: it as well, and it just felt like that there was.

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Speaker 2: That synenergy and then we know in corporate America synergy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, well, tissues, but things started to I think they

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Speaker 4: just made sense the more that I looked at year

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Speaker 4: Brandon and that I thought about what I was doing

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Speaker 4: at the time, and I was like, this, this actually

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Speaker 4: seems like a fit. And then when we spoke and

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Speaker 4: then we started to talk about the things that we

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Speaker 4: really had in common, that was like, whoa, here we go.

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Speaker 4: That's alignment. So that's how we started. Yeah, and it

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Speaker 4: was years ago.

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Speaker 2: No, that was what five years ago?

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Speaker 4: Probably longer than that, A little longer than that. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: it was a little pre Yeah, you're right.

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Speaker 2: Wow, are we approaching a decade? Wow?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Because then I would go when I was whenever I'm

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Speaker 2: in your city, I would hit you up and let

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Speaker 2: you know and vice versa. And then like we just

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Speaker 2: became good friends. And how we came to this conversation

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Speaker 2: is because I'm pulling the Bandai off.

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Speaker 3: You know, I was laid.

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Speaker 2: Off and for something, something in my spirit told me

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Speaker 2: to call you. And I always call her, y'all for

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Speaker 2: like advice on things, because I think she's one of

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Speaker 2: the smartest people I know, especially when it comes to

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Speaker 2: like navigating this corporate America shit. And I had called

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Speaker 2: her and I think I was at my wits end

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Speaker 2: because you know, I was looking for jobs and like,

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Speaker 2: you know, I have never been laid off before. So

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Speaker 2: I was laid off October sixteenth, and I was It's

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Speaker 2: like my mindset was like, you know what, let me

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Speaker 2: just sit down, Let me just enjoy my friends and family,

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Speaker 2: because I haven't sat down like this and never right.

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Speaker 2: I'm was always so used to just going going going,

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Speaker 2: So you know, we was doing a turkey drive. I

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Speaker 2: went home a couple of times, and like it felt

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Speaker 2: good to just be able to do what I want,

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Speaker 2: you know. But I was like, all right, girl, like

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Speaker 2: at the beginning of the year, you need to start

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Speaker 2: looking for a job. But you know, I started to

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Speaker 2: feel insecure and really started to question my work because

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Speaker 2: I never really had to look for a job when

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Speaker 2: it came to my nine to five, like I always

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Speaker 2: had people that vouch for me. Had a conversation. Next thing,

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Speaker 2: you know, I got a job. So just being in

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Speaker 2: this job market and just like really looking for jobs

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Speaker 2: and then you know, discovering so many other people were

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Speaker 2: unemployed as well. And how we came to the conversation

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Speaker 2: where our guests today I was, I called her. Something

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Speaker 2: was on my spirit telling me to call her to

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Speaker 2: what was going on because I was like, Evanay, you

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Speaker 2: need to make people privy to what's going on so

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Speaker 2: people can be able to help you, because if they

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Speaker 2: don't know, they just don't know. And you know, she

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Speaker 2: worked for this organization. And it even dawned on me

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Speaker 2: that you worked for the organization that I was trying

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Speaker 2: to get a job for. And I had a homegirl

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Speaker 2: that worked in that organization. But she kind of goes

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Speaker 2: to me all.

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Speaker 4: Which happens.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I felt a way, and so I hit

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Speaker 2: up our guests and I was telling her and she

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Speaker 2: was like, girl, why you didn't hit me up before?

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't even know. So she did

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Speaker 2: her want too. She sent my resume to somebody that

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Speaker 2: worked in the organization. He said he would look out,

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Speaker 2: and the rest was history. But then next thing, you know,

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Speaker 2: me and you was on the phone the other day

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Speaker 2: or like a couple of days later, and then your

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Speaker 2: position got terminated.

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Speaker 4: Eliminated is the way that they would frame it.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, And I'm just like, and I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 2: When you told me that, I got scared really yeah,

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Speaker 2: cause I'm just like, for me, yo, everybody that I

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Speaker 2: was talking to was getting laid off like every single person,

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Speaker 2: Like I spoke to somebody else, she had a job

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Speaker 2: and next thing you know, she got laid off, her

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Speaker 2: mama got laid off, and then the week before that,

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Speaker 2: her brother got laid off.

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Speaker 4: Unfortunately, I feel like we're in this season of confusion,

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Speaker 4: corporate chaos. It's just it's just yeah, it's just whatever

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Speaker 4: we want to put you know, whatever verb you want

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Speaker 4: to put there. But it's just to me annoying and

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Speaker 4: it tells us a lot about the times that we're in.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, how are you feeling?

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Speaker 4: So it's ebbs and flows. So it's interesting because I

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Speaker 4: don't feel upset about what happened in terms of the

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Speaker 4: fact that the role no longer exists. I'm not upset

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Speaker 4: about that. I'm more so disappointed in the way that

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Speaker 4: things are handled. So that's the difference because I do

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Speaker 4: understand in this corporate game, like these are not our jobs,

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Speaker 4: as much as we want to believe it, and we

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Speaker 4: take ownership when we're in seat. They're at our jobs.

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Speaker 4: When the company is ready to get their seatback, they

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Speaker 4: will get the seat back and they will put someone

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Speaker 4: else in there. So understanding that I think I pursue

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Speaker 4: roles with the exit in mind. Yeah, right, so there

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Speaker 4: should always be a plan. So I'm not disappointed about

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Speaker 4: me not being in the seat. In fact, I'm like, good,

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Speaker 4: I was in that seat for quite a period of time,

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Speaker 4: and I did what I needed to do while there,

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Speaker 4: and now somebody else could take the batona and go

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Speaker 4: further than me, hopefully. But I'm disappointed in the way

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Speaker 4: the organization went about the separation because for me, I'm like,

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Speaker 4: the experience is horrible. Yeah, as someone who was told

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Speaker 4: multiple times you know, you're valuable and appreciate you all

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Speaker 4: the things. The professional gas lighting is what I would

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Speaker 4: call it, all the things said, only to then be

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Speaker 4: treated like the step child, not even like a step child,

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Speaker 4: being treated like you stole something when in reality you

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Speaker 4: are the collateral damage of something you know, like it

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Speaker 4: should be handled. I would think it would be handled differently,

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Speaker 4: but it's not. And that's where my frustration comes in

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Speaker 4: because I'm like, really, y'all gonna do me like this?

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Speaker 4: But as I said before, knowing what I know now

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Speaker 4: and having the language that I have now, I'm like, so,

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Speaker 4: if y'all gonna do me like this, then we could

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Speaker 4: fucking go because well we're not about.

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Speaker 3: Triste that if you want to know, we can go okay, I.

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Speaker 4: Mean, because we do have to advocate for ourselves, and

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Speaker 4: that's something that I find not too many people are doing,

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Speaker 4: especially people that look like us.

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Speaker 3: But whatever the reason, a lot of people don't know

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Speaker 3: how to, and a lot.

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Speaker 4: Of people don't know how because nobody's talking about it

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Speaker 4: until me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm telling y'all, I was going through it like

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Speaker 2: this was a rough season for me, Like ooh, I

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Speaker 2: don't even think I shared with you some of the

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Speaker 2: emotions I was experiencing because I think I feel the

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Speaker 2: same way because I was low key already privy to

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Speaker 2: the possibility of the job is something was going to happen.

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Speaker 2: But like you said, like I was being told I

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Speaker 2: was valuable. I was being told that we can't run

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Speaker 2: this ship without you, all these different things. And so

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Speaker 2: to just be dismissed as if I was chopped liver

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Speaker 2: and I didn't even get a service package. I wasn't

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Speaker 2: even offered and I was with this company owning off

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Speaker 2: for ten years. So to me, it's just like damn,

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Speaker 2: like niggas out here are really disposable.

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Speaker 4: And sadly, yes, so one thing I will say that

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Speaker 4: I learned during this process is that a severance is

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Speaker 4: not gearing. It is at the discretion of the company.

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Speaker 4: Doesn't make it, you know, right, yeah, but that that

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Speaker 4: is what happens. So the company has a discretion to

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Speaker 4: give that to you or to offer that to you,

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Speaker 4: and then you have the ability to say yes or

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Speaker 4: no when roles are eliminated and things like that. I

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Speaker 4: do find that more companies should, if they aren't doing it,

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Speaker 4: should practice it because guess what we all know, y'all,

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Speaker 4: y'all got the money and the budget. Anyway you're going

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Speaker 4: to get the role. You're taking my seat back. Therefore,

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Speaker 4: that means money goes back into your budget. Therefore that

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Speaker 4: means that you have money to pay me out, like

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Speaker 4: once you start to know the financials. Right. But I

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Speaker 4: think that sometimes they the company may not offer because

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Speaker 4: the whole purpose of them trying to eliminate the role

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Speaker 4: or eliminating the role is because they want the money back. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: And nine times out of ten they probably want to

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Speaker 4: hire someone to do the same role or something a

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Speaker 4: little tweaked different, tweaked a little differently, exactly exactly. So

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Speaker 4: these are the things that we have to be you know,

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Speaker 4: mindful of We need to know like what our rights are,

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Speaker 4: you know and understand that if a role I say

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Speaker 4: this with I say it like this, if you care

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Speaker 4: to go this route and you actually care to read,

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Speaker 4: because a lot of people are not reading right now

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Speaker 4: but read and they don't know how to read. But

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Speaker 4: there's certain laws that we have before they no longer

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Speaker 4: exist that do protect us in certain instances, and we

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Speaker 4: should know what our what our rights are, especially when

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Speaker 4: we are partying from a company. Most states do not well,

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Speaker 4: most states are at will. So at any point in

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Speaker 4: time you can and but there's the thing, you can

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Speaker 4: do something if there's cause, which is why you need

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Speaker 4: to know how to read, because you need to know

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Speaker 4: what may be applicable to you. So when you're not aware,

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Speaker 4: you do things differently. Right, you just probably like you

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Speaker 4: were saying, you're feeling it, you're like going through it.

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Speaker 4: In your case, you weren't even offered a severance. So

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Speaker 4: that's in itself hard because now you gotta really, you know,

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Speaker 4: get in the mud and actually start making money and

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Speaker 4: getting getting what you need to take care of yourself.

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Speaker 4: But for people that do get the sefference I'm just

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Speaker 4: going to say, read that shit, read it, yeah, and

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Speaker 4: negotiate it like it is your right to do that.

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Speaker 4: You don't have to just take whatever excess.

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Speaker 2: But that's why I'm excited that we're having this conversation

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Speaker 2: because our experience are simmon, but yet they're completely different.

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Speaker 2: So I feel like people will be able to get

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Speaker 2: just get an idea of how to move when this happens,

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Speaker 2: because it's just so many people are being affected by unemployment,

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Speaker 2: especially black and brown people. Like I think now we

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Speaker 2: at a rate of like seven percent, and that's the highest.

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Speaker 3: That is crazy.

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Speaker 4: And then the crazy thing about it is that we're

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Speaker 4: in that that number. But then if we go on LinkedIn, indeed, Gusto,

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Speaker 4: you know, wherever you're finding your job, glass too or whatever,

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Speaker 4: you're finding roles, there's so many roles that are being posted.

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Speaker 4: So then it's kind of like, what's going on here?

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Speaker 4: Right right? Are these ghost jobs? Are these like what's happening?

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Speaker 2: And then I have all this you know experience. You know,

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Speaker 2: I've been in operations for over ten years and I

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Speaker 2: love operations, but y'all, recently I just got a new job, y'all,

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Speaker 2: So run on applause, give me some Amazon. Bought me something,

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Speaker 2: y'all because it has been stressful, all.

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Speaker 4: Right, buy your girls some coffee tea, Macha.

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Speaker 2: Says, subscribe to the YouTube channel child. But it took

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Speaker 2: me a minute to find a job, And that was

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Speaker 2: a referral. That was a referral of somebody looking out

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Speaker 2: for me, Like, yo, like I think you can do this,

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Speaker 2: and I think you can do it well, but I'm

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Speaker 2: just like wow, Like these people would have you thinking

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Speaker 2: that you we don't know shit.

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Speaker 4: They would. And then the other thing about it is

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Speaker 4: if you didn't say anything, how would the person have

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Speaker 4: even known to refer you? Yeah? Right, So that's the

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Speaker 4: other side of this whole craziness that we're currently in,

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Speaker 4: because I do think that referrals are the way to

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Speaker 4: get higher a little faster in this market, as opposed

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Speaker 4: to applying to all the jobs that we talked about

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Speaker 4: on all these different sites that we don't know if

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Speaker 4: those are real jobs in the first place, Like you

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Speaker 4: have to have someone on the inside that can refer

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Speaker 4: you because at least you know, like they can verify

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Speaker 4: is it's a real job. Because I've had that happen

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Speaker 4: where you know, my sister works at one of the

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Speaker 4: big tech companies and asked her a question about a

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Speaker 4: role that I saw, and she was like, that is

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Speaker 4: an internal higher. Like it literally was posted externally because

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Speaker 4: they have to post it many of the five days,

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Speaker 4: so they posted it, but they didn't really want an

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Speaker 4: external person to get it. Yeah, so that happens a

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Speaker 4: lot as well. And again, how would you know if

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Speaker 4: you don't have somebody internal?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Now, I was unemployed for five months, so I

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Speaker 2: feel like you are like freshly new to this, like

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Speaker 2: what maybe like two weeks.

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Speaker 4: Out, three three weeks?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so how has this been affecting like your sense

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Speaker 2: of security or just identity?

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Speaker 4: So that's a good question.

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Speaker 3: I feel get my oprah on with you, baby.

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Speaker 4: I mean, but so here's the thing, and I'm not

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Speaker 4: trying to be like, you know, blase, but I feel

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Speaker 4: that my identity was never tied to the job. I

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Speaker 4: do find that my identity, because it wasn't tied to

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Speaker 4: the job, is why it got me fucked up, because

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Speaker 4: I think they thought that I would be operating differently

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Speaker 4: yeah in the exit, but the reality is, like you

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Speaker 4: talked about having an inclination like a spirit kind of

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Speaker 4: knew something wasn't right, and that I would say that

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Speaker 4: that applies to me. I knew something was off. I

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Speaker 4: didn't know what, but I knew something was off, and

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Speaker 4: I started to ask questions. And as I started to

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Speaker 4: ask questions, I started to realize something still ain't right, like,

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Speaker 4: yell are not giving me the full tea. And then

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Speaker 4: when they finally did, it was late in the game

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Speaker 4: where I was like, oh, so, y'all did this on purpose,

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Speaker 4: because now you are trying to force me into a

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Speaker 4: certain like you're trying to pigeonhole me into making a decision,

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Speaker 4: and I'm gonna always choose me. So I chose me.

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Speaker 4: And I think that because I chose me, which kind

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Speaker 4: of goes to what I was saying in the beginning,

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Speaker 4: because I chose myself, which I probably wouldn't had done before.

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Speaker 4: I'm confident in my decision to not be there, and

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Speaker 4: I'm confident that whatever is coming next is going to

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Speaker 4: be much better than when I'm leaving, because we all

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Speaker 4: know you don't leave something to end up being something

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Speaker 4: work like, it can only.

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Speaker 3: Get better and.

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Speaker 4: Better is here, right? So it's like I wasn't tied

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Speaker 4: to the to the role so my identity wasn't tied there.

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Speaker 4: I think when it comes to jobs in general, the

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Speaker 4: security of it, that's where I'm I'm going to be honest.

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Speaker 4: I'm more jaded because now I'm like, do I really

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Speaker 4: want to work for another organization where the website is

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Speaker 4: great and it says all these things and how they

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Speaker 4: take care of their people and all the things, but

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Speaker 4: I know they capable of function. Do I really want

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Speaker 4: to do that? You know? So I'm being more intentional

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Speaker 4: about aligning myself to a business or a company that

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Speaker 4: is more aligned with what I value outside of money,

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Speaker 4: because understanding that money is what really drives the needle.

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Speaker 4: I also have to think about, Okay, well I get that,

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Speaker 4: but how do you actually protect the people? Yeah? Fact,

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Speaker 4: cause two things can be true at the same time.

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Speaker 2: What's up, y'all. It's shagirl eb and A here, and

375
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Speaker 2: be sure to follow me on Instagram and TikTok at

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Speaker 2: pretty private podcasts, and don't forget to subscribe to my

377
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 2: YouTube channel at the Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back

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Speaker 2: to the show. You know, I feel like because my

379
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Speaker 2: sense of security was impacted, that started to fuck with

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Speaker 2: my identity and how I felt with myself, but how

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Speaker 2: like you know, what's so crazy and like in this season, y'all, Like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I spoke to you about this,

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Speaker 2: but I feel like I'm in a decade transitional period

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Speaker 2: of my life. So I haven't felt this way, and

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Speaker 2: I've been I cried for like ninety days straight. I've

386
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Speaker 2: been crying like every day. I don't I haven't cried anymore,

387
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Speaker 2: but when I was in like the thick of it,

388
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Speaker 2: I was really crying and a lot because you know,

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Speaker 2: you know my background, and most of my listeners know

390
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 2: my background. Like all I have is myself. Like I'm

391
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Speaker 2: very appreciative of my community, but like I don't have

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Speaker 2: that safety blanket where I can call Mama or daddy

393
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Speaker 2: or let alone just a family member to like help

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Speaker 2: me out if some shit gets real, you know what

395
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Speaker 2: I'm saying. So that's why I need y'all download these parts,

396
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,240
Speaker 2: these episodes and subscribe to the YouTube channel so a

397
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Speaker 2: bitch don't end up on the street.

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Speaker 4: Seriously, you will not, right.

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Speaker 2: But I say all that to say, you know, I

400
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 2: have to work. You know what I'm saying. I have

401
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Speaker 2: to make money, Like money is the driving forest behind

402
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Speaker 2: me making sure that I'm gonna be okay. So when

403
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Speaker 2: my job was taking away from me, it was really

404
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Speaker 2: fucking with me because I'm like, damn, like, I have

405
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Speaker 2: my business and stuff, but you know, my business is

406
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Speaker 2: not making my salary right now. It will one day,

407
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Speaker 2: but it ain't doing it right now. So but then

408
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Speaker 2: it's like, Okay, I'm also thankful because at least I

409
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 2: have at least two or three streams of income also

410
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 2: by these coloring bookshop right so well, because of my

411
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Speaker 2: pocketbook was being affected, it started to bother me and

412
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Speaker 2: just like damn, Like I was thinking, like I put

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Speaker 2: so much into my business and like my personal goals

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Speaker 2: that maybe I kind of neglected my nine to five

415
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Speaker 2: because I'm just like I know I'm mak I know

416
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Speaker 2: I'm gonna make it. And granted, I am successful when

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Speaker 2: it comes to this podcast and just being an entrepreneur,

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Speaker 2: but even that, like I'm even asking myself, like what

419
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Speaker 2: does success even mean at this point? Because at one point,

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking success was like having all this money this

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Speaker 2: net and because I don't have that, or I lost

422
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Speaker 2: my job and that was like my security blanket. I

423
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Speaker 2: was really questioning a lot of things like I couldn't

424
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Speaker 2: even enjoy the wins that I was having in my life,

425
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Speaker 2: Like the coloring book was in Forbes and think, don't

426
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 2: get me wrong, like I'm very thankful and I was

427
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Speaker 2: very like excited about it, but then that shit went

428
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Speaker 2: by so quick because I'm like that shit don't mean nothing,

429
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Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. Unfortunately, it means something to

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Speaker 2: those who with mean something too. Yeah, and so it's

431
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:06,160
Speaker 2: just like and then times are changing because like you'll

432
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Speaker 2: be I remember when you used to be future in

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00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,919
Speaker 2: these publications? Are you getting named by somebody just there

434
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,680
Speaker 2: or somebody post you like it would be an influx

435
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 2: of sales and stuff, And now you gotta work twice

436
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,719
Speaker 2: as hard, like you gotta really like be outside with

437
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 2: your product bootstrapping. So yeah, I just feel like, you know,

438
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,679
Speaker 2: when I lost my job, and the crazy thing is

439
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,120
Speaker 2: I was ready to leave anyway.

440
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 4: That's what I'm That's why I'm trying to understand your

441
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 4: thought process in terms of like HOWBU was tied to

442
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 4: your identity because you were already planning to leave. And

443
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 4: I feel like there's certain things internally that we go

444
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,920
Speaker 4: through when we are ready to leave. Somebody actually sent

445
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:52,919
Speaker 4: me something on Instagram earlier in the week, and it

446
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:56,959
Speaker 4: basically was this guy talking about the five stages of

447
00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 4: when you're about to leave a company, and the first

448
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 4: stage was like you basically are like I don't give

449
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 4: a shit, and you start I don't give a shit,

450
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 4: and I don't give a shit shows up when you

451
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 4: just like start coming to work a little later and

452
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,439
Speaker 4: time well like not even still in time, but like

453
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 4: you come in a little later, and then you're you're

454
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 4: sitting there, but you're already kind of zoned out. So

455
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,399
Speaker 4: you like scrolling on Instagram during a very important meeting

456
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:29,160
Speaker 4: and you're halfway listening check out. The next phase, Yeah,

457
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 4: you start checking out those That's exactly what the phases

458
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,439
Speaker 4: talked about, like the different levels of checking out. So

459
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 4: when you say that you had already kind of known something,

460
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 4: I'm like, cause you already started checking out. Yeah. So

461
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,479
Speaker 4: then it's like when it comes to your identity, I

462
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 4: don't know, I don't know if it's your identity in

463
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,560
Speaker 4: terms of and I'm not trying to put words in

464
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 4: off but I'm just thinking, I don't know if it's

465
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 4: identity in terms of who you are as a professional

466
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:02,360
Speaker 4: versus the paycheck I was associated with what you were

467
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 4: getting as the professional in that company.

468
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 3: Absolutely.

469
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I think it's always financial And that was

470
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 4: one of the things for me that I had to

471
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 4: come to terms with because when this whole transition happened

472
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 4: for me, I did not have enough saved up. Yeah,

473
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,160
Speaker 4: I'll be real like, because I had other life things

474
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 4: going on. So I'm like, I'm about to buy a house,

475
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:29,199
Speaker 4: you know, life, and and then this happened. So I'm like,

476
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 4: hold on now, so the house money got to go

477
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 4: to the life money. This hypeone live it's like gonna

478
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:38,400
Speaker 4: be your bill, And that was where I was kind

479
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 4: of like, should I And I'm not gonna hold you.

480
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 4: Every single time I read through what they presented me

481
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 4: and I saw the discrepancies, I'm like, you can't stay here.

482
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 4: You can't. You can't pretend that this is going to

483
00:25:54,760 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 4: solve a financial you know where you where you are financially,

484
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 4: like this is going to help because here's the other thing.

485
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 4: I could have stayed and the next week I could

486
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,640
Speaker 4: have had the you know, the job could have been

487
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,919
Speaker 4: eliminated next week without a severn. Yeah, right, So I

488
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 4: think that internal knowing that we get is designed for

489
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,880
Speaker 4: a reason, like it is our early warning something ain't

490
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 4: right girl, pay attention.

491
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 3: Woo woo, yeah whoooo.

492
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 4: It's like, hold on now, something is wrong. And a

493
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,440
Speaker 4: lot of times I feel like we try to kind

494
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 4: of quiet that voice. We like, it's not that bad. Yeah,

495
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 4: it's gonna it's gonna be comfortable, and then be very comfortable,

496
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 4: because again we have this false sense of security that's

497
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 4: like being you know, I'm still gonna get my check.

498
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,359
Speaker 4: I'm still gonna until you don't. And then you're like, well, dang,

499
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 4: I should have listened, because if I would have listened,

500
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 4: then I could have been five steps ahead of them.

501
00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 4: Because question for you is when you knew something was off,

502
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,360
Speaker 4: did you start looking or did you kind of tell

503
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 4: yourself I'm gonna see what happens.

504
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,120
Speaker 2: I'm listen. I'm a firm believer in Ryan that shit

505
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 2: to the wheels fall. That's my problem. That's another reason

506
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 2: I'm going back to therapy because I'm like, I gotta

507
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:16,399
Speaker 2: change my mind.

508
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 3: I do it for the plot like a nut, So

509
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 3: don't be like me right.

510
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 4: It's well this on I'm talking about like we live

511
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 4: and we learned because I feel like we are so

512
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 4: used to not paying attention to our inner voice or

513
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 4: not giving it enough platform, yeah, to speak and guide us,

514
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 4: so that when we tell it to pipe down a bit,

515
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 4: the more we tell it, then we silenced her for him.

516
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:56,160
Speaker 4: And then when things happen, we like, dang, I didn't know, yeah,

517
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 4: because we ignored it so often that we just forgot

518
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,040
Speaker 4: that it was there. Yeah for a reason. Yeah, you know,

519
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,159
Speaker 4: and I just I don't know. I feel like the

520
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:13,199
Speaker 4: whole corporate America play the way that it works, it

521
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 4: really does provide this full sense of security.

522
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 2: No, I'm telling you, baby, secure, It's not secure at all.

523
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,879
Speaker 2: And that's why, you know, it's so funny because I

524
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 2: was telling my cousin, I'm like, shit, I feel like

525
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 2: I got my second chance at life again, and he

526
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:33,199
Speaker 2: was like, Nigga, you ain't died. But I say that

527
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 2: to say, like, I'm going to be way more intentional

528
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 2: with how I move in this new space and with

529
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 2: this new opportunity, Like I feel like I was so

530
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,719
Speaker 2: used to like I was comfortable, and I don't want

531
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 2: to be comfortable at this new space, Like I want

532
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 2: to be able to transition, Like the goal is always

533
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 2: to work for myself. But it's also like, okay, ebanay,

534
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 2: the same way that you are intentional and you are

535
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 2: strategic when it comes to your business, you're going to

536
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 2: have to do the same thing with your nine to five.

537
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 2: That's just what it is. And I'm just like, you

538
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 2: cannot think that you can't water one thing and not

539
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 2: ward the other and still expect the same results. Like

540
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 2: it's just not gonna happen. And I think that's one

541
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 2: thing that I really learned from this experience. It's like, girl,

542
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 2: you gotta have a game plan because anything can happen,

543
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 2: just like these people don't care about you, and you

544
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 2: a little black girl like.

545
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 4: By these people don't care about you. I think that's

546
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 4: the reality of it all. Even when they saying they

547
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 4: care about you, they don't really care about you. They

548
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 4: care about the work that you're doing while you're there

549
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 4: that's gonna help them make more money. That's that's exactly

550
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 4: why you have to have your own plan. Like you're saying,

551
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 4: like you gotta know, Okay, this is for right now

552
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 4: where I'm at. But although this is for right now,

553
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 4: these are the things that I'm gonna do so that

554
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 4: I start to again have an exit, have an exit plan.

555
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 4: So you start with the and in mind like treating

556
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 4: the job as whatever you're planning to do next, treating

557
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 4: that job as like a lab. So like when I

558
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 4: sat and see there was a lot of things that

559
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 4: I wanted to do based on things that I saw

560
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 4: that I could change, but well, I should say, not

561
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 4: just change, but improve on systematically. And I was like, oh, okay,

562
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 4: well they can't take that knowledge from me. So now

563
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, so wherever I go next, for myself,

564
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 4: for whomever gets the pleasure of working with me, I'm

565
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 4: able to bring this to them as well.

566
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

567
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 4: Right, because this is something that I harness while there,

568
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 4: and it's something that I can carry forward and just

569
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 4: iterate on and get even better. That's something that the

570
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 4: job description didn't require of It's something that I came

571
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 4: in with looking and being like, oh, okay, well here's

572
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 4: a gap, here's a solution, etc. I think especially for

573
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 4: like you being in operations, which most of the time

574
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 4: I would say, like I kind of teet it touted

575
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,560
Speaker 4: on operation well, a lot of operations for sure, but

576
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 4: in operations particularly, you get to see it from the

577
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 4: top down, sometimes the bottom up, and you can see

578
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 4: like what all's going on in the middle and understand

579
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 4: like there's something I could do to change this, but

580
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 4: I could still apply whatever that changes to what I

581
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 4: want to do for myself or vice versa. What I'm

582
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 4: doing for myself, I'm going to apply it here. So

583
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 4: I'm showing up here almost treating them like you're a

584
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 4: damned contractor. You go, even though you are a full

585
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 4: time employee, youre treating them like a contractor, where you're like,

586
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 4: my timeline here has an end date as opposed to

587
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 4: indefinitely based on whatever whatever they decide to do. It's like, no,

588
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 4: this is how I'm approaching it. And I honestly feel

589
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 4: like the more people approach things like that, if that

590
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 4: is your mindset, because you do have a plan outside

591
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,719
Speaker 4: of retiring from one company, I think you probably end

592
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 4: up being a lot more healthier, happier and secure in

593
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 4: yourself and in the fact that these people can't hold

594
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 4: nothing over you, even though yes, they have access to

595
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 4: the pay that you are getting, but they ain't the

596
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 4: only ones with access to the pay that you You

597
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying, Like, really, programming how we look

598
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 4: at these these situations, because I just find that, especially

599
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 4: for those that are younger generations. They're not white like us. Honey,

600
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 4: you looked at me, funny, I'll quit. Yeah, And my

601
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 4: thing is nice these companies going to do when you

602
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 4: get five to six, ten, one hundred of them that

603
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 4: think like that working for your organization, and they get

604
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 4: paid whatever they're getting paid, and they decide they didn't

605
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 4: like the way you looked at them, they didn't like

606
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 4: your tone in the email, they didn't like the fact

607
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 4: that you didn't ask them about the quarter zip whatever, Right,

608
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 4: they leave, Well, who's gonna work you like people? I

609
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,959
Speaker 4: don't know, I just feel I feel like when you

610
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 4: really start to think through where we are in this country,

611
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 4: in corporate America particularly, you start to really realize, like,

612
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 4: these people are fucked. Yeah, if they don't change the

613
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 4: way that they operate, if they don't change the way

614
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 4: that they deal with their people, which is the biggest

615
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 4: asset a company could ever have. Like, yes, there's money,

616
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:32,719
Speaker 4: but your people are the ones that help you make

617
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 4: the money. So if you don't treat them right, how

618
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 4: are you gonna get the money?

619
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 3: And people work for people, and people.

620
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 4: Work for people. One of my old managers told me this,

621
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 4: and ever since he said it, I was like, you're

622
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 4: absolutely right. He said, people don't leave companies, they leave managers.

623
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 4: And it's true. Like I could have stayed and worked

624
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 4: in a different role at any company that I'm no

625
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 4: longer with, but I didn't want to work there anymore

626
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:08,759
Speaker 4: because of the manager facts facts, you know, Like so yeah,

627
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,840
Speaker 4: if you if you have the wrong people in certain

628
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 4: roles and positions, it will affect your bottom line. I

629
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 4: need all the HR people to know that, Like it's

630
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 4: really the people that y'all have in certain roles are

631
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 4: affecting your bottom line because when people have you know,

632
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,759
Speaker 4: when people be in the talent leaves or it's a

633
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 4: mass exodus or it's a re whatever we want to

634
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:36,879
Speaker 4: call it politically, the bottom line will be affected. Yeah,

635
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 4: because you still got to onboard people. They got to

636
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 4: get up to parts so they don't how to do

637
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 4: their job right.

638
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 3: And the people, depending on what type of job.

639
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 4: Sounds like a bunch of money just just sitting around

640
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 4: waiting for me to get that. I might not get

641
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 4: like that's the way that I'm hearing it. And I

642
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 4: do find that because people don't think the way that

643
00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 4: we're looking at this, They're just setting themselves up the disaster.

644
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:05,399
Speaker 4: So the job security is a lie, that's all I'm saying.

645
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you know, you make a good point because

646
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 2: once it was all say and done. You know, I

647
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,440
Speaker 2: was a concierge manager for two mixed use commercial real

648
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 2: estate properties in the city, and so I started telling

649
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 2: all my tenants and baby, and that's another thing. I

650
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 2: was like, damn, Like I knew I was making an impact,

651
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 2: but I didn't make I didn't think I was making

652
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 2: that much of an impact to the point where they

653
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,760
Speaker 2: started complaining on my behalf because they was like why,

654
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 2: like what did you do? And I'm like, I didn't

655
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 2: do anything. Like a new company came in and they

656
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 2: don't want to continue with the contract, but they want

657
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 2: to continue with the program that I helped build for

658
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 2: over ten years. So it's just like yeah, and then

659
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 2: if I was to even if I was even interested

660
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,719
Speaker 2: in still keeping my job, I would have had to.

661
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 3: Re enview for it.

662
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 2: And that's not even guaranteed because from when I was

663
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 2: being told y'all don't want y'all wanted the white team,

664
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,839
Speaker 2: and that's exactly what they hired. So it's just like, oh, yeah,

665
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:05,600
Speaker 2: it's like, I'm not gonna play in my own face.

666
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 4: See now, all of that, that's what I'm saying. That's

667
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 4: how we gotta read because I'm clearly not an attorney,

668
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 4: but I'm just saying that sounds like that's illegal, and I.

669
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 3: Was thinking about it.

670
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 2: I swear I was.

671
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 4: You still got well check your timeline because in the

672
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 4: state of New York, I believe there are three hundred

673
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 4: days before you could file a claim. I mean before

674
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,400
Speaker 4: the deadline is to file acclaim.

675
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:39,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna look into it because I'm just like, wow,

676
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 2: like it was just so crazy, and I think that's when, like,

677
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,319
Speaker 2: I don't think my confidence was affected, but like, I'm

678
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:48,839
Speaker 2: not gonna lie. I got pretty depressed in this seat

679
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 2: of course.

680
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, because it's it's definitely like I said, it's professional

681
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 4: gas lighting. It's a matter of making you feel, you know,

682
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 4: warm and fuzzy and then dropping you and then essentially

683
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:06,959
Speaker 4: blaming you for not being of the different race because

684
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:11,600
Speaker 4: if you hired somebody else that's not my race, then

685
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,839
Speaker 4: the way that I'm processing that is that my race

686
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 4: wasn't good enough. Yeah, I wasn't good enough.

687
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:18,479
Speaker 3: I wasn't good enough.

688
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:23,239
Speaker 4: Facts, Yeah, and that is not the case, right, So

689
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 4: it for sure does play with you. It's just like

690
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 4: a relationship somebody that you're talking to your data getting

691
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,319
Speaker 4: to know them. Yeah, you're getting to know them. You're like,

692
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 4: this is going really well, only for you to learn

693
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 4: that they're like, well, this ain't what I wanted. Well,

694
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 4: you ain't never said that before.

695
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:43,799
Speaker 2: Listen, don't even get me started. Because if I'm being

696
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 2: transparent up, it's also going through a little heartbreak to

697
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 2: I fel like I was going through it.

698
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 4: They and honestly too. That's the other This is the

699
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 4: other side of humanness. I think that people they just

700
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 4: don't consider or like professional is a whole person that

701
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:09,280
Speaker 4: you have your personal things going on, then you got

702
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,320
Speaker 4: the bullshit with the job and then filling the blank

703
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 4: all the other things that was happening. It's gonna affect you.

704
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 2: And I'm still showing up, giving you all these episodes, baby.

705
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 4: You know, and it's still showing up gorgeous, smiling, like

706
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 4: you know, doing your things. On the inside, it's like I.

707
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,799
Speaker 2: Felt like shit, like how did you take care of

708
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 2: your mental health? Cause baby, I felt like I hit

709
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 2: a low low point and I didn't touch on this

710
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 2: when it came to the decade transitions I was talking

711
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:41,759
Speaker 2: about earlier, But I haven't felt like this since my

712
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 2: grandma passed away, and that was ten years ago, and

713
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 2: I was like, damn, I'm like and I kept saying

714
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 2: that because I'm like, I don't feel like myself, Like

715
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 2: I've literally felt like I was. I was low y'all,

716
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 2: like to a point where for the first time in

717
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:57,280
Speaker 2: a long time, I was starting to have suicidal thoughts

718
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 2: and so yeah, and so it's so crazy because I'm like,

719
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,839
Speaker 2: I didn't have a thought like that since she passed away.

720
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,320
Speaker 2: And that's when I was twenty nine, and I'm like, damn,

721
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 2: So thirty nine, I'm going through this season where I

722
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 2: lost my job, you know, I feel like I'm losing

723
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,239
Speaker 2: a lot. And then here I am at twenty nine,

724
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 2: I lost my grandmother. And then at nineteen, I wasn't

725
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 2: more so sad, but I was super anxious because I

726
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 2: was going to college for the first time, and I'm like,

727
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 2: how I'm gonna pay for this shit because I have

728
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:26,240
Speaker 2: no support. So I'm like, wow, I'm starrying to realize

729
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 2: that every before I leave a decade into a new one,

730
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 2: it is getting painful. And I was like, oh god,

731
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,319
Speaker 2: I can't wait see what you got in store for

732
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:38,239
Speaker 2: me when I turned forty nine. But like, how did

733
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 2: you take care of your mental health? Because I went

734
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 2: through it.

735
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm actually still working through it. I think like

736
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 4: one of the things that's super hard about everything that

737
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:57,919
Speaker 4: you said is the grief. Yeah, the grief of as

738
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 4: a way of playing a huge role in things, and

739
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 4: like you you go through one period. I mean again,

740
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,839
Speaker 4: everything is a transition, but like when you grieve someone,

741
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 4: especially someone so close, you go through so many different

742
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 4: transitions of like shedding, you know. And then for me

743
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 4: having lost my mom almost two years now, I for

744
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:28,400
Speaker 4: sure was like this hits differently because the person that

745
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 4: I could have spoken to this or spoken spoken to

746
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:38,319
Speaker 4: to navigate all of this is not there. Thankfully, I

747
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 4: do have other people in my life that are super

748
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 4: intentional with how like they show up for me, and

749
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 4: I was able to talk through things. Yeah, because kind

750
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,399
Speaker 4: of like what happened with you When you said something,

751
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 4: people were like, wait, what so had I had these

752
00:40:55,640 --> 00:41:00,719
Speaker 4: people that acted as this like the I won't even

753
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 4: call it ambassadors, but pretty much it became more so

754
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 4: people that became a coalition to be like, oh no,

755
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,759
Speaker 4: we need to make sure that you're good. And that

756
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 4: protected my mental because at times like I could not.

757
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 4: I was like I just I don't even to think

758
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 4: about this. I don't want to talk about this. This

759
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 4: is annoying. And then those people like stepped in to

760
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 4: take things off my plate, and I recognized that I'm

761
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 4: in a position where yes, that's not always going to

762
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 4: be the case for people. But I also realized that too,

763
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:34,760
Speaker 4: I had to talk about it, even talking and sharing

764
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:36,279
Speaker 4: with you, Like I was like, I gotta get this

765
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 4: off my chest. So I had to mentally for me

766
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 4: process through talking, process, through journaling, process, through I voice

767
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 4: note a lot, so like processing through that and even

768
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 4: hearing the different the tones in my voice, like when

769
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 4: my voice would go up, I'm like, oh yeah, I

770
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:57,840
Speaker 4: was hot that day, Like getting it out, but getting

771
00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:59,359
Speaker 4: get out. And then the other thing that has been

772
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:04,319
Speaker 4: very helpful for me is going outside because being outside,

773
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 4: regardless of the weather, even when it's like hold going

774
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 4: out that just the wind just like literally shifts energy

775
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:16,719
Speaker 4: as well. So getting out with nature has been very

776
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 4: very helpful to my mental But I think the other

777
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 4: thing is being grounded and who I am. So as

778
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 4: much as the shit is fucked up, as much as

779
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,480
Speaker 4: it's like y'all really playing in my face, I'm like,

780
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 4: but I know who I am. Yeah, you know, And

781
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 4: I keep coming back to that, I'm like, I know

782
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 4: who I am. Like one day last week, actually I

783
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 4: had to look. I went through my resume like you

784
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:44,879
Speaker 4: are that chick facts you know, like, because sometimes it's

785
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:47,799
Speaker 4: like you have to really be your own cheerleader to

786
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 4: be like.

787
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 2: You guys patch yourself on the back sometimes, man.

788
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:55,239
Speaker 4: Do you know? But but I do think that it

789
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,439
Speaker 4: is challenging because it's not like a cakewalk where you're like, oh, yeah,

790
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 4: this is so right. Because the money thing really bothered me.

791
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 4: It's still bothers yeah, same like damn because again now

792
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 4: I'm like, now you're fucking with my money? Yeah, and

793
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:15,320
Speaker 4: and that now is real personal, right, But I don't

794
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 4: even though yes, money is necessary, I'm still very much

795
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:25,720
Speaker 4: like I'm not going to let money be what keeps

796
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 4: me in a place where I'm miserable. Yeah, and undervalued

797
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:32,880
Speaker 4: and underpaid and underwhelmed. It just all the unders like

798
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 4: we not I'm not I'm not doing that.

799
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:42,600
Speaker 2: No, you definitely make a good point, having a coalition

800
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 2: of people to like really advocate for you and be

801
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,719
Speaker 2: there for you like I'm used to. Like, you know,

802
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 2: that's another reason I want to go to therapy because

803
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:53,319
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, I have this weird relationship with loneliness,

804
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 2: like and I be feeling like I'm just in this

805
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 2: shit all by myself, and throughout this whole time, I'm like, damn,

806
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,239
Speaker 2: like God really been like sending me people to check

807
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 2: on me, and like even my core people, like I

808
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 2: don't think I wouldn't been able to survive this if

809
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:09,719
Speaker 2: I didn't have my friends, like my support system. And yeah,

810
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 2: even my cousin was like the problem is. He was like,

811
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 2: you got all these people telling you how dope you

812
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:15,959
Speaker 2: are this and there he was like, Nigga, you gotta

813
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 2: start believing that shit for yourself.

814
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 3: It's true, No, it really is.

815
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:23,319
Speaker 2: And like that shit really hit me cause I'm just like, bro,

816
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 2: like I should be proud of myself, Like I shouldn't

817
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,840
Speaker 2: be always having to move the gold post because I

818
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 2: achieved this. I'm like, how many bitches you knowing Forbes?

819
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 2: I was like exactly, yeah, Like I'm like, Evana, you

820
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:38,440
Speaker 2: being so hard in yourself. And when I hit my lowest,

821
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 2: when I started having suicide of thoughts, I call one

822
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:42,719
Speaker 2: of my friends and I'm like, I need to call

823
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,480
Speaker 2: somebody who can be able to walk me through this

824
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,880
Speaker 2: cause I'm feeling really crazy right now. And she's a

825
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:51,279
Speaker 2: therapist and man, like she really pretty much saved my

826
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 2: life that day because I was for her. Yeah, I

827
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 2: was just like, I'm tired of this shit, like always

828
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,120
Speaker 2: feeling like you not enough, like always feeling like you

829
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,840
Speaker 2: gotta figure shit out, always feeling like you gotta do

830
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,279
Speaker 2: half just to go what the Michelle Obama say, You

831
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,279
Speaker 2: gotta do one hundred and ten just to get the

832
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 2: fifty percent to go half as far, Like it's just

833
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 2: so frustrating. But I think what also was a pivotal

834
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 2: moment and me looking at things differently is one of

835
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 2: my college friends passed away. And he was somebody, a

836
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 2: big boy AJ. He was somebody who was like the

837
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:31,080
Speaker 2: glue at Tennessee State University, like you cannot mention our

838
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 2: school without mentioning him, like he had so many different

839
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,360
Speaker 2: relationships at that school and like to be able to

840
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 2: see his legacy at his funeral.

841
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 3: That shit hit me hard and I'm.

842
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:45,560
Speaker 2: Just like, this shit don't even fucking matter, you know

843
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, Like it don't matter. And I'm like, yo,

844
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:52,800
Speaker 2: like I felt, so I feel like an ingrade to

845
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 2: God because I'm like girl, like big way AJ was

846
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 2: forty one years old, like and grianted, like you can

847
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,439
Speaker 2: see his legacy, like that was one of the most

848
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 2: beautiful funerals I had ever seen in my life. And

849
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 2: I'm just thinking to myself, like, bitch, you can go

850
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 2: out tomorrow and you want to go out sad, you

851
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:12,479
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, Like it's just like we be

852
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:15,319
Speaker 2: we be wearing about the wrong things. And I'm just like, bro,

853
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,760
Speaker 2: like life is just too short, and that shit really

854
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,040
Speaker 2: like did something for me. I was just like, yo,

855
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,760
Speaker 2: just every day, wake up and fight for joy.

856
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:27,239
Speaker 4: Fight for joy. First of all, rest in peace too.

857
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 2: Yes, rest in peace to him man, that ship and.

858
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 4: The legacy that he has left behind. I hope that

859
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:38,439
Speaker 4: you carried that forward with you, because absolutely, And thank

860
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 4: God for your friend that was able to talk you

861
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 4: through it, because we need those friends. We need friends

862
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 4: that are gonna talk us through it and talk and

863
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:50,279
Speaker 4: talk us down because a lot of times I know

864
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 4: about myself. I am. I can quickly get activated. So

865
00:46:54,520 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 4: sometimes I need right, Sometimes I need the friend to

866
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 4: be like, hold on, now, let's take it down a

867
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:08,880
Speaker 4: few notches because we're not ready to go. We're not

868
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 4: about to get to ignorant that question. But it was

869
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 4: fine that we need these people because again that community.

870
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 4: And this is another reason why I've been saying this

871
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 4: a lot recently, like we were not made to do

872
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:25,800
Speaker 4: life alone. Like that is bullshit. For all the people

873
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:27,800
Speaker 4: that are like I got to grind out by myself,

874
00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:31,800
Speaker 4: You're in denial. You were not created to just grind

875
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 4: out by yourself. There are always people that get bought

876
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:37,720
Speaker 4: along the journey with you because you can't do everything,

877
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:39,240
Speaker 4: and you're not supposed to do everything.

878
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 3: Community is everything, Yeah.

879
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 4: Community is everything. And then we have these moments where

880
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:48,400
Speaker 4: sometimes we just can't. There's a book I can't remember

881
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:50,399
Speaker 4: the author right now, but she wrote a book. It's

882
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 4: called Black Pierrols Are Exhausted. Yes, right, because I was like,

883
00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 4: it is girl, Oh black girls must die exis Yeah,

884
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:04,760
Speaker 4: that's what it is. Jane Allen, let me tell you something.

885
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 4: That's how I've been feeling recently. I'm like, why is

886
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 4: it that we have to rely on courage, laughter, like

887
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 4: we gotta do all these things, we got to be

888
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:21,719
Speaker 4: all these people, and then it's like it's exhausting. It

889
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 4: is exhausting to actually put the happy face on all

890
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 4: the time you're not feeling that way. And being able

891
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 4: to have people where you can just be transparent and

892
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,879
Speaker 4: say I'm struggling and this is what the struggle looks

893
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 4: like for me. And having them be able to not

894
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 4: judge you but love you through it, that's amazing because

895
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:42,160
Speaker 4: we don't get that.

896
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 2: Man. Listen, I'm telling you, man, my friends have they

897
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 2: saw they haven't seen this side of me since, like

898
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 2: I said, my grandma passed away.

899
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 3: It was bad y'all.

900
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:51,719
Speaker 2: Like I mean some of y'all, because some of my

901
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,919
Speaker 2: listeners have my telephone number, and they was reaching out

902
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:55,600
Speaker 2: to me like.

903
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 3: Are you good?

904
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:56,880
Speaker 4: Like you okay?

905
00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:59,280
Speaker 2: Like take the rest you need because for some reason,

906
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,680
Speaker 2: I also kind of felt embarrassed or like I had

907
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 2: shame with the fact that I lost my job, so

908
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:06,359
Speaker 2: I wasn't ready to like open up about it. Like

909
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 2: so I'm just like, man, like I'm just so happy

910
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:13,240
Speaker 2: that I had people in my life to like really

911
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 2: take care of me and just to like keep reminded

912
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 2: me of who I am because it was bad, y'all.

913
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 2: I didn't even know I still had tears in my

914
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 2: eyes because I was crying so much.

915
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 4: No, and that's the thing, you know, Sadly, losing a

916
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:33,040
Speaker 4: job can lead you to feel shameful because it's like, damn,

917
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 4: how that happened to me? Yeah, you know, especially when

918
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 4: you are thinking I knew something was off, like how

919
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,960
Speaker 4: come I didn't it? You know, you start asking yourself

920
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:46,480
Speaker 4: all these questions and the reality is like, ain't nothing

921
00:49:46,480 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 4: to be ashamed about it? Yeah, because it's this is

922
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:53,359
Speaker 4: a part of unfortunately, it's a part of life. It's

923
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 4: a part of the journey. And thankfully, again, who you

924
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 4: are coming out of it is not who you were

925
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 4: when you started, and we're so grateful for that. But

926
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:12,840
Speaker 4: I do find that the shame and the embarrassment it's

927
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:16,719
Speaker 4: there to distract us from every other thing. Yeah, because

928
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 4: if you could just like be so dead set on,

929
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:24,959
Speaker 4: oh my god, I feel this way, then you lose

930
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 4: sight of the fact that you're still alive. YEA, still

931
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 4: have bread, you know, Ain, No, you ain't missed no meal, honey.

932
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 4: You definitely had your rent, your bills was paid you,

933
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:35,799
Speaker 4: you know, like there were so many other things that

934
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 4: were still being taken care of for you during that time.

935
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 4: You ain't have to be ashamed. You don't have to

936
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 4: be ashamed about it. In fact, it's more so like

937
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,800
Speaker 4: the celebration of yeah, y'all see this is what happened.

938
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 4: But a chick is back now better than before, you know.

939
00:50:54,680 --> 00:51:00,520
Speaker 4: Like so it's really that that process of going going

940
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 4: through it. And again, it don't feel good when you're

941
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:04,560
Speaker 4: going through it. And I say this all. I said

942
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 4: it to my sister earlier today. I'm like, it doesn't

943
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 4: feel good. It doesn't when you're going through something and

944
00:51:11,680 --> 00:51:15,879
Speaker 4: you're like, why is this happening to me? Why does

945
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:18,840
Speaker 4: it have to feel so hard? Why am I the

946
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 4: strong one? And you know, like now.

947
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 3: I was ready to go. I'm real, I was ready

948
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 3: to go to the upper room. Baby. I was tired.

949
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:30,359
Speaker 4: It's very frustrating. It's frustrating, it's tiring, it's hard, it's like,

950
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:35,800
Speaker 4: oh my goodness. And she just she again she listened

951
00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:40,120
Speaker 4: and she was like, well, I will say that you

952
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:43,280
Speaker 4: have to go through this because somebody else is probably

953
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 4: going to go through this for real. This season, for

954
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:51,319
Speaker 4: sure will show you who people are like you. You

955
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 4: learn a lot about yourself, but you learn a lot

956
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:56,280
Speaker 4: about the people that are around you, and you learn

957
00:51:56,640 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 4: I think, who don't get access anymore? Oh start you

958
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 4: start to really it's like basically the Chess boy. You

959
00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:10,040
Speaker 4: start moving people around like oh okay, facts, all right,

960
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 4: all right? Well just well facts. And I mean this

961
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:18,200
Speaker 4: is again a part of a part of the process

962
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,160
Speaker 4: and the journey. But what I will say is that

963
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 4: it's never about the job. Sometimes the job is the

964
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:28,319
Speaker 4: con Do it for the growth. The job lost is

965
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:31,839
Speaker 4: a con do it for the growth. Right, So we

966
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 4: go through these vehicles to get where we're supposed to go,

967
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:39,719
Speaker 4: and everything that you've been through that I've been through,

968
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:42,480
Speaker 4: it's a part of the journey. But it's growing us

969
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 4: to where we're supposed to be. And I think that's

970
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 4: the biggest thing that I've been learning in this process,

971
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:52,080
Speaker 4: even though it is frustrating. My sister reminded me it's

972
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 4: called growing pains. Yeah, like, that's that's really it. And

973
00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:00,120
Speaker 4: I was like, oh my gosh, she's so right. I

974
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:05,400
Speaker 4: hate it, but it's so true. It's painful growing, but

975
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:08,839
Speaker 4: it's so worth it when you get to where you're

976
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:12,839
Speaker 4: going that you're like, I rock with all of this

977
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:17,360
Speaker 4: that I am because of all of who I've been before,

978
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:20,719
Speaker 4: and yeah, it'll happen. In fact.

979
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:22,759
Speaker 2: You know what's so funny. So I shared this one

980
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 2: of my podcast Sisters Booting from Booting Breakdown, and I

981
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:29,160
Speaker 2: was telling her, so she has shared this theory with me.

982
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,880
Speaker 2: She was like, you know, I have this conspiracy theory

983
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,359
Speaker 2: that I feel like the reason why black women are

984
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:37,440
Speaker 2: leading the race for unemployment is because white women want

985
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:39,360
Speaker 2: to start having more babies, but they don't want to

986
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:41,839
Speaker 2: take off the take off work. So if they have

987
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:44,760
Speaker 2: all these black women unemployed, they can be nannies.

988
00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 4: I was like, absolutely not, absolutely not. And you know

989
00:53:52,080 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 4: what Handmaid's tail, right, No, it ain't happening because, yeah,

990
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 4: not taking care of your babies. Girl, you have to

991
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:05,319
Speaker 4: take care of them in the office anyway. Think of

992
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:10,400
Speaker 4: all the professional baby babies we have to work with. Girl, Like,

993
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:14,279
Speaker 4: I'll pass. But I mean, look, we are living in

994
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 4: the matrix. Anything is possible.

995
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:18,399
Speaker 3: No, this shit is not real. I'm telling you.

996
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 4: This is the worst SIMS game ever.

997
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:25,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't wait for you at this level I'm telling.

998
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:29,440
Speaker 4: I'm like, who did this?

999
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:32,160
Speaker 2: This shit is crazy? But that's how you know, man,

1000
00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 2: you just gotta laugh this shit. And I know it's

1001
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:37,160
Speaker 2: easier said and done, but even I don't know. Seeing

1002
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:40,759
Speaker 2: my friend that casket, I'm like, yeah, man, like this

1003
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:42,799
Speaker 2: sh is ain't even real. No more, Like I'm as

1004
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 2: to just really enjoy life, really be more intentional in

1005
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 2: what I'm doing and just giving my all, just giving

1006
00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 2: my all you have.

1007
00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 4: To, And I think that that's the key, you know

1008
00:54:56,600 --> 00:55:02,319
Speaker 4: what I'm saying, Like this is a part of this

1009
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:04,880
Speaker 4: is a part, you know, a part just fill in

1010
00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 4: the blank, and it's not even as big of a

1011
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 4: part as we really think it Just.

1012
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 2: To keep going.

1013
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:19,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, but that casket, Yeah, that's the financial period, I think, like, yeah, exactly.

1014
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:22,040
Speaker 4: So it's like what are we doing in between? The

1015
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 4: jobs are a small part of that, but the bigger

1016
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:29,799
Speaker 4: part of it who you are outside of that job? Child, Yes, live,

1017
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:36,040
Speaker 4: flourish and do all the things you know, because we

1018
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 4: don't we don't get as much time.

1019
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:41,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, what have you learned about yourself in this season?

1020
00:55:43,320 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 4: So I actually, first of all, I think I knew

1021
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 4: this about myself, but I am learning that I go

1022
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:57,120
Speaker 4: hard for me, and I'm learning that I have to

1023
00:55:57,200 --> 00:56:00,319
Speaker 4: advocate and I have to speak up, and I have

1024
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:03,279
Speaker 4: to push boundaries, and I have to be the one

1025
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:08,440
Speaker 4: to say yes no and understanding when I say yes,

1026
00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 4: to stand in the yes, and when I say no,

1027
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:14,680
Speaker 4: it's a full sentence. Yeah, it's just no. And I

1028
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,480
Speaker 4: think before the people pleaser and me was like, uh,

1029
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:22,239
Speaker 4: you know, like emin and amen. And now I'm like no, right,

1030
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 4: that gonna feel good. That sounds dumb, that doesn't look right,

1031
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:29,400
Speaker 4: and I'm standing on it as opposed to trying to

1032
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:32,560
Speaker 4: make excuses the way that I would have done in

1033
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 4: the past. Back it up. So now I'm learning about

1034
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:42,400
Speaker 4: myself that the more I actually stand on my own business,

1035
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:45,839
Speaker 4: the more confident I am in showing up the way

1036
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 4: that I want to intention to let me show up

1037
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:53,279
Speaker 4: and unapologetically, so because before I definitely apologize and I'm

1038
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:53,920
Speaker 4: not doing that.

1039
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:57,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you plan on pivoting or do you plan

1040
00:56:57,200 --> 00:56:58,480
Speaker 2: on staying in the same industry?

1041
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:04,560
Speaker 4: Well, I'm pivoting out the industry for sure. And then

1042
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:08,040
Speaker 4: in terms of the role and things like that, That's

1043
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:11,560
Speaker 4: where I'm kind of like trying to figure that out.

1044
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 4: How how deep. Do I want to get back into

1045
00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:15,160
Speaker 4: corporate America? Yeah?

1046
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:20,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's a fact. So how do you plan

1047
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:23,440
Speaker 2: on how do you plan on approaching your next move? Like,

1048
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:25,000
Speaker 2: what do you think you're going to do differently?

1049
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:29,240
Speaker 4: So the first thing that I'm doing different differently, sorry,

1050
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:31,520
Speaker 4: is being way more intentional in my search. So, like

1051
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 4: I said before, really not just looking at a company's

1052
00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:37,520
Speaker 4: website to be like, oh yeah, you know, like I

1053
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:41,480
Speaker 4: want to work here. I'm like investigating these motherfuckers. I'm like,

1054
00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:43,640
Speaker 4: what does your ten k look like? Do you really

1055
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:47,000
Speaker 4: make the money that would allow me to be here

1056
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:51,520
Speaker 4: comfortably and not feel that job insecurity. I'm also looking

1057
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:53,360
Speaker 4: at like what are people saying about you in the news,

1058
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 4: what are you saying about you on social? Like how

1059
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 4: are your people talking about you? Your people get promoted? Well,

1060
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:02,480
Speaker 4: who are who's getting promoted? You know, like really doing

1061
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 4: a deep dive into the organization, their health and then

1062
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,800
Speaker 4: seeing if that if that aligns with me outside of

1063
00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:12,919
Speaker 4: what they what they say their poor values are, I'm

1064
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:15,200
Speaker 4: like is that true? And then the other thing is

1065
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 4: just like talking to people, because the more you talk

1066
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:22,200
Speaker 4: to people, it's like okay, So again, when the referrals,

1067
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 4: they come having conversations before I take the interview, because

1068
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:29,040
Speaker 4: I'm like, well, you work here, so why are you

1069
00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:30,960
Speaker 4: referring me to work here? If you don't like it,

1070
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:31,919
Speaker 4: I don.

1071
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:35,280
Speaker 3: On so we can be two stress the fuck out.

1072
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:40,640
Speaker 4: Well, you're not about to be miserable together. Yeah. So yeah,

1073
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:43,760
Speaker 4: like I'm being more intentional about it, and then I'm

1074
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 4: also taking inventory of the things that I really want

1075
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:48,280
Speaker 4: to do, and the clearer I get on what I

1076
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 4: want to do, I'm telling you it looks very different

1077
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:56,480
Speaker 4: from what these job descriptions say. And I'm like, yeah, yeah,

1078
00:58:56,640 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 4: now is the time to actually not be you know,

1079
00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:05,560
Speaker 4: like to not move in desperation, because that's an energy

1080
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:08,000
Speaker 4: that people feed off as well. But the more I'm

1081
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:12,720
Speaker 4: moving intentionality, I really do find myself aligning more with

1082
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 4: places I hadn't looked at before. So as much as

1083
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:18,880
Speaker 4: I'm like I want to go into this point, I

1084
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:22,120
Speaker 4: want to go back into one industry, I'm now getting

1085
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 4: introduced to a different side of that industry and now

1086
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 4: I'm like, ooh, this this could actually be worth exploring

1087
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,520
Speaker 4: and I can take my time to do that. Yeah,

1088
00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 4: where as I'm not feeling like, oh my God, I

1089
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:39,200
Speaker 4: just got to take anything. Anyone that's going to hire me,

1090
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:42,800
Speaker 4: I'm like, no, yeah, you don't. Anyone just doesn't get

1091
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 4: to experience working with me fast. They just want fast.

1092
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 2: That's something I was thinking too, because I'm like, I

1093
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:52,600
Speaker 2: definitely with this new position is definitely I never did.

1094
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:55,720
Speaker 2: I was never in this industry before, so or I was,

1095
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 2: but not on not on the side that I'm in now.

1096
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:01,040
Speaker 2: So I think for me, it's one thing. I was like,

1097
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:03,640
Speaker 2: maybe I want to be open, like I want to

1098
01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:06,680
Speaker 2: like stretch myself and like really learn, because that's one

1099
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:08,480
Speaker 2: of the things that I feel like I didn't take

1100
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 2: I didn't get much of at my last role. Was

1101
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:14,120
Speaker 2: like it wasn't really much growth. Like I feel like

1102
01:00:14,160 --> 01:00:16,800
Speaker 2: I hit the ceiling with it. And I think that's

1103
01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:18,560
Speaker 2: another reason why I was just over it, because I'm

1104
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:21,080
Speaker 2: a learner, like I love to learn new things. So

1105
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:25,360
Speaker 2: I think with this new job, it's definitely something completely

1106
01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:28,439
Speaker 2: different than what I'm used to and I don't know something.

1107
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:32,560
Speaker 2: By talking to the hiring manager, she's an older black lady,

1108
01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 2: and we had a really honest conversation and you know,

1109
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:40,400
Speaker 2: energy don't lie exactly. Yeah, And I'm like you know what, Ebne.

1110
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:42,080
Speaker 2: She was like, cause, if it don't work out, you

1111
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:42,880
Speaker 2: can just you can quit.

1112
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:47,080
Speaker 3: And I say, you know what, you're right, absolutely right.

1113
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:50,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, we love that, Like, if it doesn't work out,

1114
01:00:50,680 --> 01:00:53,439
Speaker 4: you could just quit, You are absolutely right, lady. Yeah.

1115
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 3: So I was like, you know what, I'm gonna take

1116
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:56,640
Speaker 3: a job. Let's see what happens.

1117
01:00:58,360 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 2: So what there's something you want to leave with though?

1118
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:02,720
Speaker 2: Who are listening? Who was recently laid off? Were they

1119
01:01:02,760 --> 01:01:05,520
Speaker 2: in a season of being unemployed? They can't find a job,

1120
01:01:05,640 --> 01:01:07,720
Speaker 2: they feeling like they at the lowest, Like, what is

1121
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:09,600
Speaker 2: something you want to lead with them?

1122
01:01:10,400 --> 01:01:14,240
Speaker 4: I will say, because the season, the season, the season,

1123
01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:18,640
Speaker 4: the season. But I will say, just like every other season,

1124
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:22,160
Speaker 4: I hate the cliche of this too shall pass, but

1125
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:22,520
Speaker 4: it will.

1126
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:23,000
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1127
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:26,720
Speaker 4: And I will also say that it's important to not

1128
01:01:27,240 --> 01:01:30,479
Speaker 4: get so caught up, even though what is in front

1129
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:33,439
Speaker 4: of you seem so hard, to not get so caught

1130
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:36,080
Speaker 4: up in what's directly in front of you and lose

1131
01:01:36,120 --> 01:01:40,880
Speaker 4: sight of the bigger picture, meaning that yes, the moment

1132
01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:45,360
Speaker 4: might be really difficult, but just like moments before that

1133
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:48,880
Speaker 4: broke that gave way to bigger blessings, and you know,

1134
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:52,640
Speaker 4: bigger payoffs. This is going to do the same thing,

1135
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:56,480
Speaker 4: and unfortunately I do not know when that's going to

1136
01:01:56,600 --> 01:01:58,520
Speaker 4: change for a lot of people. I wish I did.

1137
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 4: I wish I knew for myself too. But I'm a

1138
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:07,120
Speaker 4: believer that the harder it feels is because the end

1139
01:02:07,200 --> 01:02:10,280
Speaker 4: result is going to be much better and probably even

1140
01:02:10,920 --> 01:02:15,400
Speaker 4: grander than what you're expecting. So to stay open to

1141
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:19,360
Speaker 4: understanding that what is in front of you, as crazy

1142
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 4: and as dismal as it may look, is not actually

1143
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:25,240
Speaker 4: really what's going to be ahead of you in terms

1144
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:28,960
Speaker 4: of the greater things that are coming. So not to

1145
01:02:29,040 --> 01:02:33,720
Speaker 4: think so so like you know narrowly, but to really

1146
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:37,640
Speaker 4: get in this expectation of like I expected things to

1147
01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:40,200
Speaker 4: happen to me. And I think that that's a mindset

1148
01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:43,600
Speaker 4: shift to where the more we open our mindset up

1149
01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 4: and the more we speak the positive things that we want,

1150
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:48,240
Speaker 4: we start to align to those things. I'm a firm

1151
01:02:48,280 --> 01:02:52,800
Speaker 4: believer in that. So I would say to become more

1152
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:57,240
Speaker 4: intentional about how we're speaking to ourselves and what we're

1153
01:02:57,280 --> 01:03:01,240
Speaker 4: saying we want, and being honest about it, because one

1154
01:03:01,240 --> 01:03:05,280
Speaker 4: thing that I've learned is like you can't what you're

1155
01:03:05,440 --> 01:03:10,280
Speaker 4: lying about it cannot manifest in the way that you

1156
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 4: claim you want if you're not being truthful, right, So

1157
01:03:13,840 --> 01:03:16,439
Speaker 4: you have to be truthful with yourself. And the more

1158
01:03:16,480 --> 01:03:19,120
Speaker 4: truthful you are is the more positively you will speak

1159
01:03:19,120 --> 01:03:21,600
Speaker 4: about that truth. And I think that it starts to

1160
01:03:22,160 --> 01:03:25,320
Speaker 4: pay off. And then the other thing I would say

1161
01:03:25,320 --> 01:03:28,439
Speaker 4: for people too is get into community if you don't

1162
01:03:28,480 --> 01:03:32,120
Speaker 4: have it, because you need the support. You need the support.

1163
01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:34,200
Speaker 4: Reach out to Ebane, buy her coffee, you.

1164
01:03:34,200 --> 01:03:37,120
Speaker 2: Know, like color with your child by color and book.

1165
01:03:37,120 --> 01:03:38,200
Speaker 2: We can be on zoom color.

1166
01:03:38,240 --> 01:03:40,640
Speaker 4: Buy color and book, you know, like come on now,

1167
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:44,080
Speaker 4: color out distress or whatever. But have an outlet is

1168
01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:46,520
Speaker 4: really what it is, because it will mess with your

1169
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:50,440
Speaker 4: mental And I think that sometimes these situations are designed

1170
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:52,760
Speaker 4: to mess with your mental to kind of have you

1171
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:57,080
Speaker 4: in a defeated state and mentality. But the more you

1172
01:03:57,160 --> 01:04:00,320
Speaker 4: are around people that really fuck with you for real,

1173
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 4: no for real, for real of a job in the paycheck,

1174
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:08,840
Speaker 4: you will get that boost that you need. Is you know,

1175
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:10,880
Speaker 4: like an endoor fan, You're like, oh, yeah, I am

1176
01:04:10,960 --> 01:04:16,320
Speaker 4: that person. That's right, I got this because you need that, Yeah, reminders.

1177
01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:18,120
Speaker 4: So that's what I would say.

1178
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:21,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would definitely say, you know, I would echo

1179
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:24,040
Speaker 2: everything that you're saying. Also, just you know, you're not

1180
01:04:24,160 --> 01:04:26,800
Speaker 2: meant to do life alone, let alone hard things like

1181
01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:31,000
Speaker 2: community is everything, Like I'm telling y'all if it was

1182
01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:34,200
Speaker 2: not for my friends, like and it's also just finding

1183
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:36,680
Speaker 2: the gift in seasons like this, because when I was

1184
01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:39,000
Speaker 2: talking to one of my mentors, shout out to lady, oh,

1185
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:41,880
Speaker 2: she listened to my show. But and it's so funny

1186
01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:43,080
Speaker 2: because I'm like, oh my gosh, she'd be hearing me

1187
01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:48,160
Speaker 2: cursing shit. But even she's just told me. She was like,

1188
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:50,800
Speaker 2: you gotta find the blessing in moments like these. And

1189
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:52,480
Speaker 2: she was like, you know, when you was working all

1190
01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:54,320
Speaker 2: the time, you was doing all these things, like you

1191
01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:56,840
Speaker 2: was very tired. You would stressed out this new and

1192
01:04:56,880 --> 01:04:59,200
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie for the first time in life forever,

1193
01:04:59,400 --> 01:05:02,920
Speaker 2: I feel so relax, like I feel that he's and

1194
01:05:03,080 --> 01:05:05,680
Speaker 2: also like I actually one of the things I did

1195
01:05:06,160 --> 01:05:08,400
Speaker 2: enjoy about this season is that I got to speak

1196
01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:10,600
Speaker 2: to my friends, like I'll be on the phone my

1197
01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:14,200
Speaker 2: cousin all day, my best friend the guy was messing

1198
01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:16,439
Speaker 2: with Like I was just like just having these moments

1199
01:05:16,440 --> 01:05:18,080
Speaker 2: where I was just keep keying, and I felt like

1200
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:20,520
Speaker 2: a kid. And I'm like, even with my best friends.

1201
01:05:20,520 --> 01:05:23,160
Speaker 2: She's with my best friend for over twenty years now,

1202
01:05:23,160 --> 01:05:24,520
Speaker 2: and I'm like, damn, like we ain't been on the

1203
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:27,280
Speaker 2: phone like this in a minute, like like just talking

1204
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:30,560
Speaker 2: about any and everything, or like I also just enjoyed

1205
01:05:30,640 --> 01:05:34,080
Speaker 2: like just either coloring or watching my favorite YouTubers. Like

1206
01:05:34,480 --> 01:05:37,360
Speaker 2: I don't know, like if there's beauty and brokenness, so

1207
01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:39,439
Speaker 2: try to find that beauty, you know what I'm saying.

1208
01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:41,120
Speaker 2: And for me, it was definitely my friends.

1209
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:45,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, beauty and brokenness. I like that.

1210
01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:50,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, now, sometimes don't last with professional homegirls. Dude,

1211
01:05:50,800 --> 01:05:52,920
Speaker 2: we're friend you know, I love you. You were one

1212
01:05:52,960 --> 01:05:55,720
Speaker 2: of those people that I can call. You have always

1213
01:05:55,760 --> 01:05:58,720
Speaker 2: been there for me. I mean I almost such your name, child.

1214
01:05:58,920 --> 01:06:01,400
Speaker 2: But you know, even when I was trying to figure

1215
01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:03,520
Speaker 2: things out, when I first got started on the coloring books,

1216
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:06,200
Speaker 2: like I called her, she helped me get into these bookstores.

1217
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:09,800
Speaker 3: Like I think you are just a national treasure.

1218
01:06:10,440 --> 01:06:14,400
Speaker 2: So once I am dumb being in between blessings, I

1219
01:06:14,440 --> 01:06:16,520
Speaker 2: am definitely gonna pop up on you. I hope I'll

1220
01:06:16,520 --> 01:06:19,800
Speaker 2: be able to see you next month. Yeah, when I

1221
01:06:19,800 --> 01:06:22,640
Speaker 2: come into town. But I'm just super proud of you, man,

1222
01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 2: Like you are just so dope, like how you handle things,

1223
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:29,120
Speaker 2: like you're just so regal and just everything that I

1224
01:06:29,160 --> 01:06:31,120
Speaker 2: know that you've been through and what you're going through,

1225
01:06:31,200 --> 01:06:33,280
Speaker 2: like you just man, you have that shit like a

1226
01:06:33,360 --> 01:06:35,920
Speaker 2: boss man.

1227
01:06:35,800 --> 01:06:36,640
Speaker 3: You really do.

1228
01:06:36,720 --> 01:06:38,840
Speaker 2: Like sometimes I look at you and I'm like, damn,

1229
01:06:38,880 --> 01:06:41,920
Speaker 2: like you're mad, like like you gonna keep it moving.

1230
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:44,480
Speaker 2: And I admire that about you so much and the

1231
01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:46,440
Speaker 2: fact that and I know for a fact you always

1232
01:06:46,520 --> 01:06:48,040
Speaker 2: advocate for yourself.

1233
01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:51,080
Speaker 3: Always, yeah, because who else going to do?

1234
01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:51,760
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1235
01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:55,280
Speaker 2: So you got this, friend, We got this man. I'm

1236
01:06:55,320 --> 01:06:57,640
Speaker 2: pretty sure that whatever God has in store for you,

1237
01:06:57,720 --> 01:07:03,280
Speaker 2: it is gonna be massive. Okay, of course, of course.

1238
01:07:03,640 --> 01:07:05,960
Speaker 2: And to the listeners if you have any questions, comments,

1239
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:09,000
Speaker 2: or concerns. I feel like we haven't did an old

1240
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:11,040
Speaker 2: school episode in a minute where the guest is anonymous,

1241
01:07:11,040 --> 01:07:13,680
Speaker 2: because a lot of the guests have been been pretty

1242
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:16,120
Speaker 2: open about their identity things like that. But sometimes it

1243
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:17,840
Speaker 2: feels good to have a guest that's anonymous where you

1244
01:07:17,840 --> 01:07:20,880
Speaker 2: can just key key and be unfiltered, you know.

1245
01:07:21,840 --> 01:07:24,240
Speaker 4: Rightous, I know.

1246
01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:26,560
Speaker 2: But to the listeners, if you have a question, comment,

1247
01:07:26,600 --> 01:07:28,280
Speaker 2: on concern. Please make sure to email me a hello

1248
01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:30,400
Speaker 2: at the PHG podcast dot com and let me know,

1249
01:07:30,440 --> 01:07:32,360
Speaker 2: like have you ever been unemployed before? And where was

1250
01:07:32,400 --> 01:07:33,880
Speaker 2: the things you did to take care of your mental

1251
01:07:33,880 --> 01:07:35,920
Speaker 2: health or like what was your experience, Like you know,

1252
01:07:35,960 --> 01:07:38,680
Speaker 2: some niggas been unemployed for years and having a ball child,

1253
01:07:39,480 --> 01:07:44,360
Speaker 2: So let us know what scam y'all doing. Right, But

1254
01:07:44,600 --> 01:07:55,520
Speaker 2: until next time, everyone later. Pretty Private it's a production

1255
01:07:55,640 --> 01:07:59,680
Speaker 2: of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

1256
01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:04,360
Speaker 2: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen

1257
01:08:04,360 --> 01:08:07,640
Speaker 2: to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate

1258
01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:10,600
Speaker 2: the show, and you can connect with me on social

1259
01:08:10,640 --> 01:08:13,040
Speaker 2: media at Pretty Private Podcasts