Speaker 1: I have a show announcement. I'm doing an online stand
Speaker 1: up show with a one on one meet and great
Speaker 1: to follow. It'll be performed at night Light Studios on
Speaker 1: October eighth at seven pm Pacific Standard time. Early bird
Speaker 1: tickets can be purchased for ten bucks today through September
Speaker 1: thirtieth at Nightlight dot TV. That's Nightlight dot TV. Thank you.
Speaker 1: I leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.
Speaker 2: Give us time and a turning on Gaye. We want
Speaker 2: to send you off in stall. We wanna welcome you
Speaker 2: back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared or was it fine? Malborn? Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need.
Speaker 3: With?
Speaker 1: Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgareth. I'm home, Karen, Chris.
Speaker 1: As you can see by the background.
Speaker 3: You there's a distinct lack of beautiful paintings behind you.
Speaker 3: That's how I know you're back in l A.
Speaker 1: You mean these beautiful paintings.
Speaker 4: It's stuts backward.
Speaker 1: Oh oh yeah, that's mine. That's the wrong one. I
Speaker 1: haven't out yet. I also grabbed a lot of my
Speaker 1: dad's paintings that I've admired over the years, and and
Speaker 1: I realized when I got home, I don't have a
Speaker 1: lot of wall space.
Speaker 2: I have to.
Speaker 4: Reopen a gallery.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got it, Jim Banks, Jim Bark answer, I
Speaker 1: have to open a gallery in my father's name.
Speaker 4: You should, and it's going to be I don't.
Speaker 3: I think the rent each month for the gallery space
Speaker 3: I'm envisioning for him is going to be about fifteen grand.
Speaker 4: So, but I guess we should start making.
Speaker 1: More merch huge endowments for such things.
Speaker 4: Oh is that true?
Speaker 3: Could we tap into Yes, maybe David Geffen would help us.
Speaker 1: Yes. The just the government right now is way into
Speaker 1: the arts, and they're just pouring money. I know that
Speaker 1: the liberal arts college in my hometown is just thriving.
Speaker 3: Just I mean, it is what these people care about
Speaker 3: the most, expression compassion.
Speaker 1: Yes, I uh, but I had the best time. And
Speaker 1: oddly though, I walked into my apartment and I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's in my brain, but I'm smelling hints
Speaker 1: of some kind of animal urine. Now, Oh, I don't
Speaker 1: know there is a hole. There's a hole in my
Speaker 1: closet that is casually covered with clear tape. Okay, and
Speaker 1: I noticed that when I put it. Yeah, yes, of
Speaker 1: the I mean it's packaging tape at least. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's a thicker grade of scotch. And uh but I
Speaker 1: noticed noticed it when I moved in, and I just
Speaker 1: kind of put my clothes in there anyway, But that
Speaker 1: is where I should go check to see if there's
Speaker 1: a hole in that tape, because I'm just sensing. I
Speaker 1: don't know if there was a cat in here, but
Speaker 1: it smells like cat. Maybe it's a ghost cat.
Speaker 3: Could have been that the previous tenants had cats and
Speaker 3: you didn't notice when you first moved in. And now
Speaker 3: it's like with the summer and the heat and everything
Speaker 3: that's been going on while you were.
Speaker 1: Oh, is my nose is deacclimated because I've been smelling
Speaker 1: fresh Montana air up until the fire thing.
Speaker 3: Let me ask you a couple questions. Now, looking back
Speaker 3: on your trip, we'll do a little bit of a
Speaker 3: scrap book of your trip, your stay in Montana, was
Speaker 3: it love scrap.
Speaker 1: Booking, the verbal scrap book creative memories. My sister was
Speaker 1: a consultant. It's a scrap booking hustle. Anyway, I was
Speaker 1: there a month and a half.
Speaker 3: Okay, what would you say was your favorite dinner that
Speaker 3: was made for you at your dad's house.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's a good question. My stepmom mel is actually
Speaker 1: a very good cook, and she made many a meal.
Speaker 1: But what is standing out the most. I'm a real
Speaker 1: sucker for a shrimp pasta situation. Oh and I don't
Speaker 1: know if that means scampy. I throw that word scampy
Speaker 1: around a lot, but I think it was. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was like a shrimp scamp noodle situation.
Speaker 4: And I shrimp that far inland. That's interesting.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, you know they flash freeze it and they
Speaker 1: can send it anywhere, even when you have shrimp here
Speaker 1: in California. They're not just pulling it out of Venice Beach.
Speaker 1: You know, it's true. Yeah, it's it's coming from where
Speaker 1: shrimp are big and being frozen and send here too.
Speaker 1: It's same with our sushi, Like they're not necessarily getting
Speaker 1: yellowfin tuna out of the Pacific.
Speaker 4: In San Diego.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think.
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't eat seafoods, so none of this impacts me.
Speaker 3: I just because I worry about old fish.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I do. I wonder what they do when
Speaker 1: they're bored. It's gotta be I worry about elderly fish.
Speaker 1: No one's visiting them now because they're in their little
Speaker 1: fish homes. Let's move on.
Speaker 3: What was it in the evening? Did you guys watch
Speaker 3: a TV show together? Did you ever play cards or games?
Speaker 3: Did you do like a family fun or was it
Speaker 3: like every man to his area.
Speaker 1: No. I My dad watches a lot of programs, and
Speaker 1: I watched those with him. It wasn't until I got
Speaker 1: to my sisters that it's like we are playing games,
Speaker 1: and we're playing uh, and we are. We started watching
Speaker 1: Cobra Kai, which is for kids, and I heard it
Speaker 1: was good though, like I'm enjoyable. I did too, I heard,
Speaker 1: but it is laughably a lot of the dialogue. I
Speaker 1: was rolling my eyes and going and yelling no. But
Speaker 1: I couldn't stop watching it. Yes, and I got into
Speaker 1: the second season and I watched last night. I watched
Speaker 1: like four episodes, and I mean the fight scene. There
Speaker 1: are kids, they just live in a world where there's
Speaker 1: group fights every day. Otherwise they could show off that
Speaker 1: these kids learn karate and they film it in using
Speaker 1: the same film techniques as kung fu movies, Like someone
Speaker 1: gets kicked and they just spin in the air as
Speaker 1: they fly on tomas, you know, like great and they
Speaker 1: speed it up and it looks like Jackie Chan fighting.
Speaker 1: But it's kids, and I'm afraid that that taps into
Speaker 1: something with me and I. And then they showed all
Speaker 1: of Johnny the bad guy, you know, the blonde guy
Speaker 1: fromm yep. Yeah, his name is William something that act.
Speaker 1: They had all the old Cobra Kai actors Helli and
Speaker 1: cameos and one of them had cancer and he died.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's a bit of a spoiler.
Speaker 3: But I wonder if my friend, do you know Ken Daily.
Speaker 3: He's on Blank Pach and Brian Possain's podcast nerd Poker,
Speaker 3: which is a D and D play game plan.
Speaker 1: I know about the podcast, but I don't know him now.
Speaker 3: Okay, So my friend Ken Daily, who's one of the
Speaker 3: very first people I met when I moved to Los
Speaker 3: Angeles in nineteen ninety four, is he is one of
Speaker 3: those classics. He is a Lien native. You've ever meet those?
Speaker 3: He was a child actor.
Speaker 1: He was He.
Speaker 3: Played this Sun on a Star Wars Christmas special from
Speaker 3: nineteen seventy seven Christmas special.
Speaker 1: I have watched, Yes.
Speaker 3: Okay, he's the curly haired son on that crass special.
Speaker 3: Ken has had the most fascinating career in life. He
Speaker 3: was in the I wonder if I now I have
Speaker 3: to watch it because he was in the original Karate
Speaker 3: Kid as one of the Cobra Kai toughs that like
Speaker 3: when they get in that fight on the beach.
Speaker 1: He's there, like yeah, man, and like, well that three
Speaker 1: or four of the main Cobra Kai guys are in
Speaker 1: the movie, and you know they don't act anymore. They're
Speaker 1: probably lawyers and owned car dealership. Absolutely yeah, and yeah,
Speaker 1: I bet he's in there with Do you remember what
Speaker 1: was he Johnny or Bobby or Kenny.
Speaker 3: They all had Well, he might have been Kenny because
Speaker 3: they may have given them their own names, but he
Speaker 3: had he was from one. I remember all of us
Speaker 3: watching it together just to like yell and laugh because
Speaker 3: he was in it. I think he was wearing a
Speaker 3: block jacket and he has curly hair and he has
Speaker 3: like a very irish looking face.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Levin, the evil sense was in it.
Speaker 4: I love that.
Speaker 1: You know what they're doing.
Speaker 3: They're making television or Netflix or whatever. It's Netflix, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: they're making shows intentionally so that the parents and kids
Speaker 3: can watch together.
Speaker 4: That's so smart.
Speaker 1: It is and I did. My niece has loved it.
Speaker 1: They're sixteen, and they were like and we they were
Speaker 1: cringing at the same things. But it is the formula.
Speaker 1: I wish I knew how to write like this or
Speaker 1: in general. I've never written a script. What the hell
Speaker 1: do I know what I'm talking? But it is. It
Speaker 1: taps into something where it just kept drawing me in,
Speaker 1: even though and some of the you know, it's ten
Speaker 1: people writing it. One of the guys is the Harold
Speaker 1: and Kumar. He writes all those things, and so oh yeah,
Speaker 1: there's occasionally like a really good joke and then I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm in. That was really funny and unexpected. I've been
Speaker 1: loving Cobra Kai and I've never I started started as
Speaker 1: a full on hate watch, and I'm this is I
Speaker 1: watched the whole thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Georgia had the exact This is so funny because
Speaker 3: the last on the last my favorite murder. Georgia said
Speaker 3: the exact same thing, where like they started watching just
Speaker 3: because there was nothing else to do, and then they
Speaker 3: were binging it and they couldn't stop watch it and
Speaker 3: they loved it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's totally You're right, it's combined for young teenagers
Speaker 1: and their parents who grew up as teenagers watching.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, because that's actually very satisfying.
Speaker 3: Like I love the idea that your sister gets to
Speaker 3: sit there with her kids and she knows what's going on,
Speaker 3: and they're like, oh, it's a show, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean, Like, it's very inclusive.
Speaker 1: What's your friend's name?
Speaker 4: Ken Daily?
Speaker 1: Ken? Daily? We got Rob Garrison the uh my sister
Speaker 1: and I used to always quote it because he said
Speaker 1: the Tommy guy in it said the like give him
Speaker 1: a body bag, Yeah, give him a body bag. Sure,
Speaker 1: it was just some of his improm Give.
Speaker 3: Him a body bag and then make him unzip it
Speaker 3: and get into it it, make him do the work
Speaker 3: a corner would normally do.
Speaker 1: I love where you went with that, Tommy, but could
Speaker 1: you just shorten it less about the corner and the
Speaker 1: whole process You mentioned it embalming at one point.
Speaker 3: Uh let's not make it am let's not make it
Speaker 3: a monologue. Let's just have it be a quick line,
Speaker 3: because you're just you're taunting him.
Speaker 1: Really, it's not. I love that you prepared things. I
Speaker 1: love that you brought your own script notes.
Speaker 4: But the work is great. We love to see it, but.
Speaker 1: We're going to kill you off in twenty twenty. I
Speaker 1: hope you're okay with that. Uh yeah, And I teared
Speaker 1: up a couple of times. I sure. And I can't
Speaker 1: blame living alone anymore because I just had human interactions
Speaker 1: and I thought it's Jim and I'm just right back
Speaker 1: to being weird. I immediately my plants ran to the
Speaker 1: door and greeted me. I immediately went crazy, is that
Speaker 1: cat pee? Guys? No, we don't know what you're talking about. Oh, plant,
Speaker 1: do anything? I can pee at all? While you were gone,
Speaker 1: what's this puddle under you? Fern? I name the fern fern.
Speaker 1: It seemed logical.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's good. Yeah, the name fern would be good
Speaker 3: for a Oh. I was going to say dog, but
Speaker 3: then it were to remind you of where the red
Speaker 3: fern grows.
Speaker 1: That's all. Oh, I mean that that's one of the
Speaker 1: only books I remember reading as a kid, and there's
Speaker 1: a point where he gets in a fight and some
Speaker 1: kids stomps on his feet with combat boots or with
Speaker 1: cowboy boots, and it really stuck out to me. Also,
Speaker 1: those dogs die, Oh they die? Yes?
Speaker 3: Spoiler alert, right, don't they guys? Spoiler alert for Where
Speaker 3: the Red Fern Grows. If you're going to grammar school
Speaker 3: in nineteen seventy five, right now, we're going to really
Speaker 3: ruin this book for you. That probably doesn't imprint anymore.
Speaker 3: I wonder if they still make grammar school kids read
Speaker 3: Where the Red Fern Grows, because that would actually impact
Speaker 3: a child negatively, which they don't like doing anymore the
Speaker 3: way they did in the seventies and eighties with us.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, they used to like to give you a
Speaker 1: little bit of trauma reading.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're like, oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: You put these dogs on the front of the book
Speaker 3: and they're his best friends and it's a whole thing
Speaker 3: and then they're dead. Okay, thank you. Cool, and that
Speaker 3: you're saying, that's the way. That's one of the many
Speaker 3: things I'm in experience in life that are going to
Speaker 3: be really negative.
Speaker 1: They also, did you have to read the Outsiders.
Speaker 3: Oh, I fucking loved The Outsiders. I read all those
Speaker 3: s Hinton books I.
Speaker 1: Hadn't read, you know, I of course grew up watching
Speaker 1: the movie. I grew up continually over and over watching it.
Speaker 1: I love that movie, and I love the Stagold Stevie
Speaker 1: Wonder song out But hell, yeah, that book, it's your losthood.
Speaker 3: Diane Lane yells at it. Matt Dylan at the movie theater.
Speaker 3: It's the best thing.
Speaker 1: Mustang's a tough car. Yeah, I was way into the movie.
Speaker 1: But the book is sad. Like the hole where he
Speaker 1: burns in and gets burnt. I mean that was stuck
Speaker 1: with me.
Speaker 3: Also, those boys are just kind of on their own,
Speaker 3: that idea that parents would just kind of like, you know,
Speaker 3: either die or move away or something would happen, and
Speaker 3: then it's like, oh, and then.
Speaker 1: It's just a house of boys. Yeah, very appealing to me.
Speaker 3: Of like, now, where's this house of boys on the
Speaker 3: wrong side of the tracks.
Speaker 1: But that are all like ripped adult They're.
Speaker 3: Ripped and there, and they they're all sleeveless in some way.
Speaker 3: They're fairy and their hairs greased down or whatever. But
Speaker 3: I think I've told you this for sure. But my
Speaker 3: dad would always read every book we were reading so
Speaker 3: and so basically so he could make joke references to us.
Speaker 1: So he after we all, that's read The Outsiders. I
Speaker 1: really like that he did that. Yeah, it's he's a
Speaker 1: he was an excellent father, a plus.
Speaker 3: But he read that book and then wouldn't stop calling
Speaker 3: me and my sister a pony boy in soda Pop.
Speaker 3: And he thought it was just him being He never
Speaker 3: stopped trying to embarrass us at all times. So then
Speaker 3: he'd like, come and stand in the doorway your room,
Speaker 3: like what are you doing.
Speaker 4: Soda pop?
Speaker 3: What's a pony boy? And we'd be like, Dad, stop it,
Speaker 3: your ruining it.
Speaker 1: Well you had friends over yep. Yeah, I yeah, I
Speaker 1: was dramatized by that book. I don't it was rough.
Speaker 3: Wait, I have one more anecdote about The Outsiders. Yes,
Speaker 3: because you know that movie hit when I was twelve,
Speaker 3: so it was it was a very big deal and
Speaker 3: it was essentially like Junior High.
Speaker 4: Magic mic in nineteen eighty two.
Speaker 1: Oh, it was a big deal.
Speaker 3: Eighty three, eighty three maybe so. A girl in my class,
Speaker 3: Veronica Froschel, had a birthday slumber party. Me and my
Speaker 3: friend Holly went to it, and part of the party
Speaker 3: was we were going to see The Outsiders the nine
Speaker 3: o'clock Show at the one movie theater in town. While
Speaker 3: we were walking into the theater, all the people from
Speaker 3: the eight o'clock Show or the seven thirty show were
Speaker 3: coming out, and some of them. It turned into kind
Speaker 3: of this hilarious junior high social hour because there's all
Speaker 3: these like twelve year olds and fourteen year olds in
Speaker 3: this movie theater coming in and going out. So we
Speaker 3: all come in and sit down in our seats. And
Speaker 3: this girl in my class, Jamaine Risalez, who was a
Speaker 3: hilarious person, but she was a bit of.
Speaker 1: The window washers that made their way in.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, they're washing something, so they're watching something on
Speaker 3: the side of the house. I was just like, it's
Speaker 3: said sound like in a movie where it's like, oh,
Speaker 3: the second floor, there's a sound and then it dripped,
Speaker 3: rip and the whole thing falls in on you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like the money pit. Yes exactly.
Speaker 4: I have money pit fears with this house.
Speaker 1: It's drumming.
Speaker 3: We're sitting there, Shamain Rozalez walks up the aisle and
Speaker 3: I'm like, Hey, what's up. This girl in my glass,
Speaker 3: she squats down next to me and the hill another
Speaker 3: spoiler alert everybody, it's another one coming forty years after.
Speaker 3: So uh, she squats down next to my chair and
Speaker 3: looks at me and goes Johnny.
Speaker 4: Dies and then she leaves.
Speaker 1: And she said it.
Speaker 3: Her tone of voice was like, look, I'm really I
Speaker 3: care about you. I need to tell you this. So
Speaker 3: she fucking ruined the movie?
Speaker 1: What what? Did she do it as a joke or
Speaker 1: was she like, I don't want you to see this
Speaker 1: and burst into tears, so I'm going to break it
Speaker 1: to you easily.
Speaker 4: It was like a joke she loved.
Speaker 3: She was savoring the opportunity to ruin the movie for me,
Speaker 3: but in a way that like, I mean, these are
Speaker 3: this is this is thirteen year old girl politics that
Speaker 3: I'm letting you in on right now. I don't think
Speaker 3: she liked me. I later on found out that I was.
Speaker 3: She tried to be nice to me when I very
Speaker 3: first got to that school, and I guess I wasn't
Speaker 3: reciprocating her niceness, but I was scared shitless because I
Speaker 3: was switching schools in sixth grade. Yeah, yeah, so I
Speaker 3: don't she somehow, I like it was like suddenly she
Speaker 3: was like, I'm gonna fucking take her down type of thing.
Speaker 3: But it was stuff like that where it's just like, Wow,
Speaker 3: you're the worst person of all time.
Speaker 4: It was hilarious.
Speaker 1: I went through the same thing. It was all new
Speaker 1: kids in sixth grade and I didn't know anyone, and yeah,
Speaker 1: there was a lot of no one likes me. And
Speaker 1: then at the end of the year, every huge comeback,
Speaker 1: every huge comeback, huge comeback, But it wasn't without a
Speaker 1: little work.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it always is, you know why, because the funny
Speaker 3: kids fuck it up early. We're anxiety ridden and we
Speaker 3: use comedy to kind of like get what we want.
Speaker 3: But you have to learn how to do that by
Speaker 3: doing it incorrectly when you're twelve. Essentially, that was my
Speaker 3: where people like when I was older and people would
Speaker 3: be like, oh my god, everything you say is funny,
Speaker 3: and it's like, it hasn't always been like this. It
Speaker 3: used to be that everything I said wasn't funny. But
Speaker 3: then I just kept trying and learned from my own mistakes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course you have to learn and get good
Speaker 1: at it. If that's going to be your thing, you
Speaker 1: want to be good at it and that's what I
Speaker 1: did too. I'm like, I'll just make everyone laugh and
Speaker 1: I won't get beat up like my dad did. All
Speaker 1: of my stories because they moved around a lot. My
Speaker 1: grandpa was a truck driver, I think that was the reason,
Speaker 1: and my grandma was a teacher. My dad was constantly
Speaker 1: in different schools and he just had to fight the
Speaker 1: bully everywhere he went. And so I thought that's what
Speaker 1: it was going to be like for me. And I
Speaker 1: was constantly petrified that I was going to just get
Speaker 1: beat up. And it never never really happened. You never
Speaker 1: really got beat up, right, not until I was older
Speaker 1: and maybe deserved it or.
Speaker 3: Was and maybe mouthed off a little bit to the
Speaker 3: security guard at the Bridgetown after party.
Speaker 1: My dad was tough. Maybe I'm tough too, and I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 4: That's a real story, the one I just referenced.
Speaker 1: Member, you got into that phone phone man with the
Speaker 1: security guard who was an actual police officer. It was
Speaker 1: a woman. Oh well, she was not an actual police officer.
Speaker 4: She was a security guard.
Speaker 1: She was an off duty police officer that was doing
Speaker 1: security stuff on the side. Oh for some reason that
Speaker 1: and so I Charlene I got her phone number. I
Speaker 1: got this CoP's phone number, and I texted her. I said,
Speaker 1: I'm very sorry. I was being a drunken fool last night.
Speaker 1: And she texted back and said, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: And I said again, no, I was out of line
Speaker 1: and you were just doing your job. I was peeing
Speaker 1: by a dumpster. And she said she did call me
Speaker 1: an asshole or an idiot. I think yeah, And I
Speaker 1: didn't know. I just heard a voice and I was like, ah,
Speaker 1: fuck off and you and it just went downhill from there.
Speaker 1: And then she was vaping and I started making okay,
Speaker 1: vape cop. I called her vape and everyone laughed and
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, and then I just felt I woke
Speaker 1: up the next day and felt awful.
Speaker 4: And that's when you're the girl that you were seeing.
Speaker 3: You got kicked out of the party, and then she
Speaker 3: pretended she didn't see you kicked out and kept dancing
Speaker 3: with some dipshit and I remember you making eye contact
Speaker 3: with me, and I was like, I have to go
Speaker 3: out a side door. This is getting so fucking high school.
Speaker 1: Like, can you get her kick it in there?
Speaker 4: Just like what? She doesn't want to leave with you?
Speaker 1: She she immediately got married to someone and has a baby.
Speaker 1: Now she just imming good, yeah, great, yeah, perfect. And
Speaker 1: then I was going to drive through that. I was
Speaker 1: going to go to Portland and then go down through
Speaker 1: your stomping grounds and go to the Bay Area. And
Speaker 1: it was just so hazardously smoky that so on fire.
Speaker 1: I just I really wanted to go to Monterey and camp.
Speaker 1: I got a new tent and I wanted to use it,
Speaker 1: and I just camping right now. Please. But speaking of
Speaker 1: the Bay Area, somebody has virtual season tickets while I
Speaker 1: am a cardboard cutout at the forty nine ers game. Wow,
Speaker 1: come Chris. There are a friend of our podcast, Lauren Cannon,
Speaker 1: works for the forty nine ers, and she said, send
Speaker 1: your picture. And so I had a little photo shoot
Speaker 1: with my friend Athena, who's an amazing photographer, and I
Speaker 1: wanted to dress I just for some reason, I wanted
Speaker 1: to dress like an old oil man or like like
Speaker 1: a business version of a forty nine er, like a
Speaker 1: I just went business cowboy because I also want to
Speaker 1: have a picture like that on a on a business card.
Speaker 1: And my friend and Athena, they have a cattle dog
Speaker 1: like a blue healer, and I just have these photos
Speaker 1: with this blue heeler and I look like a professional cowboy.
Speaker 1: And that is a cutout right next to Blossom. I
Speaker 1: gotta say, this is like the.
Speaker 3: This is like the third story where you you, even
Speaker 3: though it's our podcast, you're getting shit and I don't
Speaker 3: get it.
Speaker 1: It's a person. She's a personal friend. I met her
Speaker 1: in San Francisco and we've stayed in touch. It's it's separate.
Speaker 1: We have a side from the podcast. She just and
Speaker 1: now she likes my stand up and she wanted Chris Fairbanks,
Speaker 1: the stand up comedian from Rescue Cactus.
Speaker 3: I see I'm hearing what the truth is here. Formerly
Speaker 3: I'm hearing it.
Speaker 1: Formerly she was introduced through our podcast, and I bet
Speaker 1: if I if I she just didn't want to bother you.
Speaker 3: I I don't want.
Speaker 4: I too late now, No.
Speaker 1: There's an empty space for you and a cardboard, a
Speaker 1: piece of cardboard wait to be printed on from there.
Speaker 3: My father has been following the forty nine ers since
Speaker 3: they've been good, then shitty.
Speaker 4: I've been kind of.
Speaker 1: Getting better. Don't deserve it. My father is a raiders man.
Speaker 1: But now I see your upset, your your cord and
Speaker 1: your earphone corns are tangling. I'm jealous. I will jealous
Speaker 1: of everything. I will do what I can.
Speaker 3: Meanwhile, behind me, there's like purple mattresses stacking up. I
Speaker 3: never am not given the free things constantly because of
Speaker 3: my point at.
Speaker 1: No, it's okay. I got the purple mattress stress, that
Speaker 1: purple thing that you threw in the air one time
Speaker 1: we're recording. I got one, and it's just I think
Speaker 1: it's an example of the material in the mattress. I
Speaker 1: think that that is inside it is indeed purple, and
Speaker 1: it is the most I can't stop playing with it.
Speaker 1: I can't stop holding it. I don't know what to
Speaker 1: do with it. Stick pins in it, I don't know.
Speaker 4: You know what's funny.
Speaker 3: I did Jimmy Parto's podcast recently and he had the exacts.
Speaker 3: He goes, Jesus Christ, you got one of these, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I actually got a full mattress and
Speaker 3: then it got really mad. Well great whatever, and he's like, well,
Speaker 3: they send us these. I can't stop touching it, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I had one. I threw that one
Speaker 3: away because, as I realized in quarantine, I was like,
Speaker 3: that's probably the dirtiest thing in this entire house because
Speaker 3: I won't stop touching it.
Speaker 1: You know what you can get? They have these uv
Speaker 1: or infrared little boxes and you can put your masks
Speaker 1: and your phone in it. It's cheap and available wherever
Speaker 1: you find your UV boxes Amazon or but it will
Speaker 1: disinfect your phone with light, or your little mattress squeezy
Speaker 1: thing or your masks. Yeah. I just my friend had
Speaker 1: one and I used it, and I'm like, I'm getting
Speaker 1: I'm getting.
Speaker 3: One, honestly and sincerely, congratulations about your cardboard cutout.
Speaker 1: I'm right. The name of the actress that played Blossom
Speaker 1: mayam be Alex may'am. I'm right next to her. And
Speaker 1: then another actress who I don't know. I think maybe
Speaker 1: was a YouTube famous person turned actress I Google. I
Speaker 1: hadn't watched anythings she'd done. I'm just rubbing it in more.
Speaker 1: I'm in between. Yeah you are. I'm in good company.
Speaker 1: Betwe that this girl loves yes m by Alex. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: Chris Blossom just make it worse. If it's any consolation,
Speaker 1: my shoulder didn't quite line up to they cut out
Speaker 1: you're supposed to. That does help me? Yeah, that does
Speaker 1: feel good. It's not it didn't you know, I could
Speaker 1: have done a better job. I think I maybe kind
Speaker 1: of blew it by standing with the dog. But the
Speaker 1: dog is in it. So if you watch, I'm in
Speaker 1: the third row of the end zone. If you watched,
Speaker 1: it's shit, a cowboy with a dog in his lap.
Speaker 4: Is Chris Fairbanks?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Wait, so we could actually when the forty nine ers play,
Speaker 3: Oh you could actually watch and try to find you.
Speaker 1: If they're getting some TDS touchdowns touchdowns right, I use
Speaker 1: the TV's.
Speaker 3: I'm like, do they get free Did you get a
Speaker 3: free TV because you were a cardboard cutter?
Speaker 4: I want a TV.
Speaker 1: I have TV. I think I will be visible people.
Speaker 1: I think they're going to zoom in on it and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, there's going to be stop the gameplay
Speaker 1: for a minute. There's a dog in the audience. I
Speaker 1: keep having this dream player passes the ball up to
Speaker 1: the dog.
Speaker 4: No one takes it. He's just holding it up there.
Speaker 3: You know, the guy that just made the touchdowns, like,
Speaker 3: this one's for you, buddy.
Speaker 4: No, everyone's like, it's not a person.
Speaker 1: I especially love the photo because this as a dog
Speaker 1: healer's will like at my at my friend Ross's. I
Speaker 1: should say last night names like you do. Ross Peterson's
Speaker 1: Ross Peterson. You know everyone's last name. It's incredible, But
Speaker 1: I don't know why.
Speaker 3: Oftentimes I call people by their first and last name,
Speaker 3: depending on the personality, depending if you're like a person,
Speaker 3: that's their first and last name.
Speaker 4: It's like it's a little bit of a yeah, it's
Speaker 4: just a habit.
Speaker 1: I yeah, no, I think anyone would appreciate it. I
Speaker 1: love it when people say hello, Chris Fairbanks. Yeah right,
Speaker 1: it feels goodel Yeah, you care to know both the
Speaker 1: words that are my moniker.
Speaker 3: And it's almost kind of saying mister. But it's like,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to call you mister because I know
Speaker 3: you personally, but you're still a little You're not close
Speaker 3: to me, you're still a constant.
Speaker 4: As well as a person.
Speaker 1: Well, then call me doctor. I I this dog thought
Speaker 1: at we were in a group in a field. We
Speaker 1: were just the bachelor party was just shooting bebeguns at
Speaker 1: cans in a field in my camp. And this when
Speaker 1: we were sexiest, all oh god, and yeah we the
Speaker 1: just sultry photos. A lot of photos were taken, a
Speaker 1: lot of shirtless, a lot of dirt a lot of
Speaker 1: carrying logs over to where we were shooting babies, and
Speaker 1: a lot of getting shot by Beebe's. I have scars
Speaker 1: from it. But this dog would when we weren't in
Speaker 1: a group, it's instincts to herd cattle kick in and
Speaker 1: it would nip you in the ankles, which sounds painful,
Speaker 1: but it was just a surprise. And this dog would
Speaker 1: always bark at me, and I thought always haded me.
Speaker 1: And over the years this dog has learned to love me.
Speaker 1: And in these photos it looks like we are the
Speaker 1: best of friends and we look related almost. It is
Speaker 1: so sorry.
Speaker 3: If you guys were shooting bb guns, but then then
Speaker 3: two of you went off to find new cans or
Speaker 3: some weird shit like that, the dog would go round
Speaker 3: them up and make sure they came back.
Speaker 1: Kadugan that is named after Killer Kadukan, I believe from
Speaker 1: a wrestling episode of Ren and Stimpy that used to
Speaker 1: make us laugh. Anyway, Cadogan would run and yeah, you
Speaker 1: got to get back with the group, any bar come
Speaker 1: on and nip at your ankles until you're back with everyone,
Speaker 1: and then the dog would relax.
Speaker 3: There's a real good That made me think there's a
Speaker 3: real good overhead drone footage of a.
Speaker 4: Shepherd, one of those dogs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't know if it's an Australia shepherd.
Speaker 3: Yeah, actually doing that with sheep and you see it run,
Speaker 3: but it's so high above that you get the entire
Speaker 3: picture of what the dog is doing. And you watch
Speaker 3: as these sheep spiral into their pens and it's all
Speaker 3: because the way the dog runs in the directions, and
Speaker 3: it is gorgeous. If you're looking for something soothing and fascinating,
Speaker 3: it's the coolest.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like watching birds fly around in weird formations,
Speaker 1: and it proves how smart those dogs are. They're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to fake you out and I'm going to
Speaker 1: juke you over here and then yep, I'm going to
Speaker 1: get everyone confused, and then I'll come from the side
Speaker 1: and that'll get in the gate. It's like a person.
Speaker 1: A person wouldn't even know how to do that.
Speaker 4: No, No, to are fascinating.
Speaker 1: You'd have to run and everyone's try. I tried it
Speaker 1: with chickens for some I hosted some game show called
Speaker 1: Who's Most Loved by Animals? It was a remake of
Speaker 1: a Japanese show and for.
Speaker 4: One sorry, that's the title they went with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, by animals. I think it was what you know
Speaker 1: what the Japanese show was called, and it was translated,
Speaker 1: but just a direct translation. Guy yeah, yeah. And there
Speaker 1: was a guy from Japan that was not I don't
Speaker 1: think he was happy with how our version of his
Speaker 1: show was going. But at one point we had to
Speaker 1: herd chickens and you got some seed, and you had
Speaker 1: to get some chickens through this little runway into this pen,
Speaker 1: and no one could do it and a dog, a
Speaker 1: dog could immediately do it. Like I made a little,
Speaker 1: you know, a little trail of breadcrumb trail, thinking they
Speaker 1: would all just eat together, and then it just turned
Speaker 1: into me yelling and then they'd get scared and go
Speaker 1: in different directions. I was terrible. I'm a terrible hurder.
Speaker 3: No dogs, leave it to dogs, please, yes, it is
Speaker 3: it and be chickens. You can't rely on chickens for
Speaker 3: any kind of critical thinking, any logic based anything. They
Speaker 3: are not going to do what you want. I was
Speaker 3: just thinking though, because I do my brain does this automatically.
Speaker 3: If someone goes I worked on a show. Here here's
Speaker 3: the concept, here's what we did. Then I start writing
Speaker 3: alternate pitches because that's my bizarre compulsive brain of I
Speaker 3: have to get this job too, yeah, or I have to.
Speaker 3: And the first thing I thought of was they should
Speaker 3: have done that with like eight geese. Have you ever
Speaker 3: been around a fucking goose? They're so horrible and.
Speaker 1: Scary intimidating, and I don't know what I think they're
Speaker 1: gonna do to me. They're gonna goose you, that's what. Well,
Speaker 1: then they will goose you, they put.
Speaker 3: The problem with them is they hiss and so they're
Speaker 3: really they're pretty, then they're super scary. And when they
Speaker 3: hiss at you, you can see tiny shark teeth in
Speaker 3: their creepy beaks.
Speaker 1: Yeah they have those. Yeah, they have a little sharp,
Speaker 1: horrible little teeth. Yes for what tearing meat.
Speaker 4: And they'll come at you too.
Speaker 3: They go, they put their long neck down and their
Speaker 3: head gets real low and they run at you like
Speaker 3: Anjean had two geese, Maud and Clyde or some shit
Speaker 3: like that, and they would chase us around the barnyard constantly,
Speaker 3: like as children.
Speaker 4: That they were horrible.
Speaker 1: Yeah there, I mean you can that's your whole evening
Speaker 1: if you start googling, geese attacking humans. You've got, you're
Speaker 1: done for the night. Make some popcorn, baby, baby, you're in,
Speaker 1: You're in for the evening. Yeah, you don't need to
Speaker 1: go outside for at least two days once you get
Speaker 1: that geese.
Speaker 3: Let's go back quickly to the verbal scrap book that
Speaker 3: we were scrap booking. Yes, let's just say overall, a
Speaker 3: month and a half is quite some time to say
Speaker 3: to stay.
Speaker 1: Away, especially when it was supposed to be two weeks. Yes,
Speaker 1: and yeah, you gave me permission to stay for a month.
Speaker 1: I did. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I like to do that where I come through and
Speaker 3: act like it's my choice in your life, and then
Speaker 3: I go you can, Yes, feel free too, You're fine.
Speaker 1: And you said all I have to do is tidy
Speaker 1: up and clean the dishes every once in a while.
Speaker 1: And that's what I did. Did I really? Yeah? You did?
Speaker 1: You gave me instructions at the end of the visit.
Speaker 3: Did your stepmom say thank you, Christopher, And you've been
Speaker 3: so helpful?
Speaker 1: Not not outright, but I could. We had good We
Speaker 1: had a good time, and I think I was I
Speaker 1: didn't feel like I was a burden. But it was
Speaker 1: time to leave because looming above them is the fact
Speaker 1: that I was meeting with my friends and skateboarding and
Speaker 1: camping and they don't know. They might think that I'm
Speaker 1: in a room or in a house with a bunch
Speaker 1: of people threatening their lives every time I come home. Yes,
Speaker 1: and I don't have that pressure here. So that's kind
Speaker 1: of the only reason I came home, because I I
Speaker 1: could keep staying there, we could keep doing this. I
Speaker 1: don't know when we might start driving again. But that's
Speaker 1: really the only thing keeping me in this city, is
Speaker 1: you care. I was looking at real estate in Montana,
Speaker 1: like I don't you know, everyone's kind of doesn't. It's
Speaker 1: so uncertain, but I, yes, I am.
Speaker 3: I need to go places where they can pay for stuff,
Speaker 3: which is not major cities, which needs to change. They
Speaker 3: need to go to places where they know other people,
Speaker 3: where they can have some community, because it's really terrible
Speaker 3: to be like in lockdown alone in a city and
Speaker 3: like your friends are moving away or you just.
Speaker 4: Don't get to see them or whatever I mean.
Speaker 1: It is.
Speaker 3: It is a it's bizarre. I do not I anybody
Speaker 3: that moves home.
Speaker 1: I'm like, hell, yes, yeah, it does make sense.
Speaker 4: It makes sense.
Speaker 1: But the wan time I'm there, you know, I was
Speaker 1: just regrets. I felt like a seventeen year old on
Speaker 1: summer vacation, like I don't have any worries. And after
Speaker 1: a while that will wear on you because it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I have to do something worthwhile. I have to be
Speaker 1: at least available to audition for distanced commercial shoots or whatever.
Speaker 1: Something will happen where I will realize, oh, it's a
Speaker 1: good thing i'm home. At no point was that going
Speaker 1: to happen in Montana is just going to keep blissfully
Speaker 1: not doing anything, and I want to be doing something,
Speaker 1: that's all.
Speaker 4: So, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's hard to I used to have like true
Speaker 3: panic attacks when I would go home for like Christmas
Speaker 3: or a holiday, especially when I was younger, because Los
Speaker 3: Angeles does have this vibe where like, if you're not
Speaker 3: in town and something comes up, there are fifteen thousand
Speaker 3: people who will do it instead of you. It's not
Speaker 3: like you're the special one, no matter what level you
Speaker 3: are at, Like, it's not like that. So there's definitely that,
Speaker 3: especially as first stand up comics.
Speaker 1: It's very true, and I know it's I've had it
Speaker 1: that way when I leave for three weeks or month,
Speaker 1: I come home and I'm like, oh, I'm not on
Speaker 1: any shows. Yeah, and I'm out of the Improvs rotation.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm out of the game. I ruined everything just
Speaker 1: by But right now everyone it's you know, nothing's happening.
Speaker 4: Everyone's in the game.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So I didn't feel too bad about it, But
Speaker 1: I am glad that I came home and there isn't
Speaker 1: smoke everywhere. And it seems relatively.
Speaker 3: That you came home at the perfect time because all
Speaker 3: the smoke just well, there's still a little.
Speaker 4: Bit in the valley, but it's nothing like it was.
Speaker 1: Thank God.
Speaker 3: Now that you're home, you've absorbed a little bit back
Speaker 3: into the city a little.
Speaker 4: What is the thing you missed?
Speaker 1: I missed my friend Jim. I hung out with him
Speaker 1: last night.
Speaker 4: Jim Hamilton, the famous comedian.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, the famous joke riding master Hamilton and a
Speaker 1: true original. Oh god, what if I can't think of
Speaker 1: a second thing? Gelson's I missed all my Hello freshes,
Speaker 1: come here. I like my apartment. Yeah, that's that was
Speaker 1: one of the things I had, all those little furniture
Speaker 1: things I was getting from from thrift stores in Montana,
Speaker 1: I was excited to set them up in my apartment
Speaker 1: and these pages, like it has to be something like
Speaker 1: that that gets me excited to come home. Yeah, and yeah,
Speaker 1: did you get some good pieces in the thrift stores?
Speaker 1: I did? I mean I got I got more stuff
Speaker 1: from my dad. I have a reel to reel player
Speaker 1: with all of these reels of his radio work, and
Speaker 1: he's so good. Yea he is. I'm going to get
Speaker 1: it transferred. It doesn't even sound like him. He is
Speaker 1: a broadcast. His voice, I mean we kind of sound
Speaker 1: similar now, but I listen to him when he's in
Speaker 1: his early twenties. Yeah, I know he's no.
Speaker 3: No, he did a time, remember he did a little
Speaker 3: bit of the voice at the very end where he
Speaker 3: was like, well christ and Carre. He did it yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: like an announcer voice, and it was like whoa.
Speaker 4: It was the coolest.
Speaker 3: It sounded like what the radio used to sound like
Speaker 3: back when there was four choices and there was like
Speaker 3: three announcers.
Speaker 4: You know, he's one of those guys.
Speaker 1: Some of it. He did a radio show with his
Speaker 1: other friend of his, this eccentric guy, Dave Bennett, and
Speaker 1: they did some comedy routine stuff too, and I've never
Speaker 1: heard it, and now I have the player, I can
Speaker 1: just listen to it unreal to reel, but I'm going
Speaker 1: to get it transferred.
Speaker 3: You can listen to it and you can steal any
Speaker 3: joke you like, because the statute of limitations is up
Speaker 3: on that material.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'll steal all York.
Speaker 4: Just steal their act. You've got the new one thousand
Speaker 4: year old man routine.
Speaker 1: That's what That's what Paul Shor's dad did. He well,
Speaker 1: my dad would write jokes for him and then he
Speaker 1: wouldn't pay. He'd say he was going to pay him,
Speaker 1: and then he didn't pay for real. Yeah. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: one time I ended up sitting near Polly Shore and
Speaker 1: I or he was on this show that I used
Speaker 1: to write for and he was a guest, and I said,
Speaker 1: my dad said that he would sell some of his
Speaker 1: topical jokes that he did on radio to your dad.
Speaker 1: And he's like, oh, yeah, I remember. My dad used
Speaker 1: to get a lot of jokes from radio guys because
Speaker 1: they would It's just a way to source material. But
Speaker 1: what he didn't Then I said, yeah, he never paid him.
Speaker 1: Of course, I had to make it awkward, and that's
Speaker 1: why I don't work the store because I have said
Speaker 1: it the only reason. No, it's parking. Parking.
Speaker 4: Parking is a monster.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't want to park at Barney's Beanery
Speaker 1: and run up the hill and be sweaty, to not
Speaker 1: do it's set and just sit and be sweaty and
Speaker 1: think I'm not part of this boys club. You actually
Speaker 1: send Bully short.
Speaker 4: He wouldn't pay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why why did I do that?
Speaker 3: It's just it's it's your innate need to create moments,
Speaker 3: special moments.
Speaker 1: One time, and I don't. This is probably why. But
Speaker 1: when Sarah Silverman would have those parties and you were
Speaker 1: there at this one, the one where we kept pretending
Speaker 1: we were going to jump off the roof. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: what I do every time i'm there. Why is there
Speaker 1: no handrail? There is a railing, but it's like thigh high.
Speaker 1: It's a perfect place to die. But Jessica Alba was
Speaker 1: there and we had just had this skateboarder, Steve Alba
Speaker 1: that always said he was her cousin, and so I
Speaker 1: she came up and bummed a cigarette from Henry Phillips,
Speaker 1: and I'm it was so awkward. It's like, is Steve
Speaker 1: Alba really your cousin. And then she got all stone
Speaker 1: faced and she was like, yeah, he was really weird
Speaker 1: to me when I was a kid. Like she didn't
Speaker 1: get into it, but I was like, oh, of course,
Speaker 1: of course, I bring up someone that traumatized her as
Speaker 1: a child. I just always say the wrong thing, It's like.
Speaker 3: But also at that party, that's what the whole party was,
Speaker 3: because there would be this very odd mix of incredibly
Speaker 3: famous people. Yeah, and comics, and that is a deadly
Speaker 3: combination because comics can't control themselves.
Speaker 1: I can't, and you're not alone.
Speaker 3: Our instincts are to say a thing that sound good
Speaker 3: in our head, and only when we hear it out
Speaker 3: loud do we go, oh, you.
Speaker 4: Could also take this this other way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that happens to me all the time, where I
Speaker 3: think I'm being friendly, but I'm so goddamn like passive
Speaker 3: aggressive and agro that then I say it and then
Speaker 3: the person goes, oh, I don't know, and then I'm like, oh, no,
Speaker 3: I didn't mean it. I didn't need to confront you,
Speaker 3: but I am now that I hear myself, I am
Speaker 3: actually yeah, confronting.
Speaker 1: Damn it. I just remember her walking away and me
Speaker 1: saying sorry, that's all I remember, and she said she
Speaker 1: said when she got a cigarette from Henry, She's like, so,
Speaker 1: what are you guys doing here? Just like conversation starter,
Speaker 1: and Henry was like, we're friends with Sarah. She invited us,
Speaker 1: and then she was like, yeah, I figure that's probably
Speaker 1: the case with everyone at her party. And then it
Speaker 1: was like, I'm an idiot.
Speaker 4: God, yeah, but I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: Uh as a person who is it is neutral on
Speaker 3: Jessica Alba, she asked the fucking question, but then she
Speaker 3: is your rank of a better icebreaker friend? How about
Speaker 3: you walk up and you go, this is my favorite.
Speaker 3: You know Danielle Kramer who runs.
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly right, it's the best.
Speaker 3: She We were on a meeting the other day and
Speaker 3: she and Katrina, who is our mind bogglingly genius business
Speaker 3: affairs lawyer, they said that they started.
Speaker 4: An interview the other day by saying, do.
Speaker 1: You like Halloween?
Speaker 3: And the idea of that made me laugh so hard
Speaker 3: because it's like we were and Katrina goes, it's a
Speaker 3: good question if you think about it, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 3: it's actually a make or break like I would ask
Speaker 3: that and if someone's like, no, I think it's stupid.
Speaker 3: I'd be like, and I think you're stupid. Goodbye, Like
Speaker 3: it's actually the best holiday. You dip shit goodbye. And
Speaker 3: then if somebody says, yes, you're now off and running
Speaker 3: into best costume's, best candy, you know, best memory or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got it. And especially as you get further
Speaker 1: and further into adulthood, Christmas because it was nothing could
Speaker 1: compete with Christmas when I was young, and now it's
Speaker 1: I'm starting to feel that, oh god, I got to
Speaker 1: go shopping. Halloween is just dress up and have fun.
Speaker 1: And every year, ye, I have pretty lofty costume. I
Speaker 1: have to do another optical illusion where it's fake legs
Speaker 1: and I'm holding I have to do something this year.
Speaker 1: You have to invent a new version of it. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I really have to. Even if I'm just wearing it
Speaker 1: and no kids come to my door and there's no party,
Speaker 1: which probably is how it's going to be this here,
Speaker 1: of course, that's all it is going to be.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's definitely going to be this.
Speaker 1: I still got to make a costume and at least
Speaker 1: take it if.
Speaker 3: You want to go and let's collect a spittle from
Speaker 3: other people's houses. And then just see and eat it
Speaker 3: and see if we get this terrible disease or not.
Speaker 1: That was one of my fears I as a kid.
Speaker 1: They just tell you that every carameled apple you're gonna get,
Speaker 1: it's gonna have a razor blade in it.
Speaker 3: I don't know if they did that happen ever, I mean,
Speaker 3: you know it's funny. And I will refer you now
Speaker 3: to some episode of my favorite murder. I can't remember.
Speaker 1: Just did Stephen Lee? It's just his forehead is still there.
Speaker 1: Did your stool break? His stool broke literally just popped
Speaker 1: up like a gopher in the in the Gopher game
Speaker 1: Whack them Home? Yes, he just I have a new
Speaker 1: desk chair, so it's just very comfortable.
Speaker 4: No, sorry, Stephen.
Speaker 3: But remember when Georgia did she actually went over the
Speaker 3: myths of Halloween and there was a little girl who
Speaker 3: got killed by a creep in her neighborhood because she
Speaker 3: went up to the door alone and that's when all
Speaker 3: of the stuff started. But that was a true you know,
Speaker 3: some psycho opened the door and there was a seven
Speaker 3: year old standing there and he pulled her into the house.
Speaker 3: Oh no, and ended up murdering her. But then there
Speaker 3: was other ones that all none of them could be
Speaker 3: traced back except for maybe the uh pixie stick. Razor
Speaker 3: blades never actually happened, There's no nothing on record.
Speaker 1: It was episode.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Steven, if you want, I would.
Speaker 3: I swear I wouldn't normally do this, but I when
Speaker 3: Georgia did it, I was like, this is fascinating because
Speaker 3: she goes through basically the stories you hear and kind
Speaker 3: of why.
Speaker 4: You have heard.
Speaker 1: And you did that around Halloween last year or something.
Speaker 4: Uh like two years ago, two years ago?
Speaker 1: Yeah all that. Yeah, so because I was so scared
Speaker 1: of a razor blade being in a wrapped candy bar.
Speaker 1: They really that's one of the things. It's like in
Speaker 1: the eighties as a child, you're scared of nuclear war
Speaker 1: and razor blades in your cands.
Speaker 3: Right, kids these days never they don't appreciate that they
Speaker 3: don't have to fear razor blades all the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not even a part of life. They're just
Speaker 1: more logical. They're like, what are the chances someone's going
Speaker 1: to do that? And they go on with their day
Speaker 1: where I had crippling anxiet and I had my bag
Speaker 1: of candy all year I'd carefully eat one piece. I'd
Speaker 1: break it up with my fingers and put it in
Speaker 1: and taste for poison, as if I know what poison
Speaker 1: tastes like.
Speaker 3: That's a well, you may have had a light a
Speaker 3: light case of maybe anorexia.
Speaker 1: Perhaps, I mean I And also after each piece of candy,
Speaker 1: I would brush my teeth, and my dad would come
Speaker 1: in and be like, you don't have to brush your
Speaker 1: teeth after each piece of candy, because then I'd eat
Speaker 1: another one. Let's see how the toothpaste changes chocolate.
Speaker 4: Ew, you mean ruins it permanently.
Speaker 1: That's terrible. Speaking of candy, I got a pat and
Speaker 1: this is going to be another situation. Hopefully you got
Speaker 1: some chocolates from Australia too. I didn't from at Dallas
Speaker 1: and Ferns. She'd brought it's and it's the same as
Speaker 1: your Canadian.
Speaker 3: I just want to make sure that when you open
Speaker 3: these boxes that my name isn't on them and that.
Speaker 3: But you're just going like it's me in my life people.
Speaker 1: That's not so, dear Chris.
Speaker 4: Okay, well then that's yours. Look straight up.
Speaker 1: Yes, if it said this is for Karen too, I
Speaker 1: will I said, well, I had these kit cats for you,
Speaker 1: and I had them for months in my freezer. Then
Speaker 1: COVID hit and I gotta be honest. There was just
Speaker 1: one night I wasn't having a great day and I
Speaker 1: ate all the kitkats and those were your kitkats. They
Speaker 1: were given to me. I was told not to eat them.
Speaker 1: They said, you can have the Macha one. These are
Speaker 1: for Karen. They're the Canadian milk chocolate. There's no wax
Speaker 1: in them. They melt in your hands, and I ate
Speaker 1: them all. I ate them all, Karen. They're so good cats.
Speaker 3: Look, hey, first of all, thank you for this honesty.
Speaker 3: This is what I'm looking for. It's better than candy.
Speaker 1: After each one, I said, thank you, Karen.
Speaker 3: I do not blame you, because those Canadian kit cats
Speaker 3: are the best candy that exists on the planet. So like,
Speaker 3: if they had given me eight kit cats to give you,
Speaker 3: I would have never told you. I would have never
Speaker 3: given them to you. It would have been my dirty
Speaker 3: secret for the rest of my wife. Because it's that good.
Speaker 1: That's how something about it. I don't in America, not
Speaker 1: to be anti American, but here we go, we're getting
Speaker 1: into it. Did get political. They put wax in chocolate.
Speaker 1: Here they do something and it's not the same. It's
Speaker 1: the minute you're holding a Canadian chocolate item, it just,
Speaker 1: first of all, just starts melting in your hand. You
Speaker 1: need napkins and silverware. You got to get a plate
Speaker 1: because this thing, it just dissipates. It's so oh, it's
Speaker 1: my mouth is watering. Now we hold on.
Speaker 4: I have to shave this picture. This just scared the
Speaker 4: living shit out of me.
Speaker 3: The window guy just came up the ladder and then
Speaker 3: pop up over the computer and I saw, I saw him.
Speaker 1: And you guys pulled Stephen. He pulled a whack a mole.
Speaker 3: He popped up like Stephen ya, but in a place
Speaker 3: where no one ever goes because it's my window.
Speaker 1: He just got a new comfortable ladder.
Speaker 3: Also, he told me when he first started working that
Speaker 3: he is third generation window washing company. Oh he must
Speaker 3: his family has been doing it for you. It's amazing
Speaker 3: what I'm watching right now. I'm trying not to make
Speaker 3: a big deal about.
Speaker 1: It, but you know what that means, and real good,
Speaker 1: no streaks. No, I'm going to do it. It's time
Speaker 1: to wash my windows and I'm going to do it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you got to get down to a CVS friend.
Speaker 1: Who got that.
Speaker 3: It's that you're telling Greg Barrett friend. I haven't talked
Speaker 3: to Greg Baron, so that just reminded me. He texted
Speaker 3: me about eight months ago, and I never texted him
Speaker 3: that I am it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's same with me a long time ago. He
Speaker 1: just checked in and said nice things, and of course, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's call Greg Barrett. Yes, for sure, let's both do that.
Speaker 1: I hate that.
Speaker 3: I do that all the time because people text me
Speaker 3: and I'm doing something, I read the text and then
Speaker 3: it gets pushed down and then I just kind of
Speaker 3: never look again. And then every once in a while,
Speaker 3: like once a month, I'll be laying on the couch,
Speaker 3: like on the weekend, and I'll look through.
Speaker 4: Like my past fifty text then go oh shit, oh fuck.
Speaker 1: They all they add up. And then if you if
Speaker 1: you're not paying attention texts everything.
Speaker 4: It's relationships crumble. Yes, you're alone.
Speaker 1: Everyone lonely. Yeah, and then all of the courts they
Speaker 1: do Yeah why wouldn't they? But I swear it's just
Speaker 1: because other more important stuff came up.
Speaker 4: It's just that more attractive people are texting, right.
Speaker 1: I have it on a looks based basis.
Speaker 3: My thing is, are you married? You get bumped down automatically.
Speaker 3: Do you already have a relationships?
Speaker 1: Goodbye? I don't care.
Speaker 3: I need the hot singles in my area to take
Speaker 3: up the first thirty deactly.
Speaker 1: Oh, I consider wardrobe, everything, where you live, the likelihood
Speaker 1: that we'll have lunch. I'm sorry, it's all it's all
Speaker 1: being considered. That's one of the things I like more
Speaker 1: about living in the middle of Los Angeles. No one
Speaker 1: was ever wanting to even reach out to me when
Speaker 1: I lived in Venice because they would think, well, when
Speaker 1: am I ever going to see him live some Vegas.
Speaker 1: Now I'm in the mix, Karen, Yeah.
Speaker 3: I know you're really you're you're there with your bowling league.
Speaker 3: You won't share with me, even though you pretend you're
Speaker 3: going to every time, and you never do. This is
Speaker 3: I'm really being confrontational the second you get back to town.
Speaker 1: Hey, you're You're right. I've liked Hey, hey, I've taken advantage.
Speaker 1: I've never gone bowling with you. I go with my
Speaker 1: bowling bodies, and that's something we could do. You see
Speaker 1: the sexism. I'm gonna get a call. Well, it's yeah,
Speaker 1: I need a ball. I need a ball that kiss
Speaker 1: with my fingers. Your fingers, yes, because it makes a
Speaker 1: huge difference, and they're weighted, and you can learn to
Speaker 1: give it the English and kiss the old gutter. Have
Speaker 1: a carved back in. That's how you get strikes, Karen.
Speaker 3: All these strikes, and that's how you get babes at
Speaker 3: the bowling alley.
Speaker 4: What you do in the old whip around?
Speaker 1: They love they love it. Oh did you hear him
Speaker 1: kiss the gutter? You're like, you know, I hear he
Speaker 1: kisses gutters. Oh, she got the wrong idea. She's clearly
Speaker 1: not a bowler.
Speaker 3: Girl, girl, maybe in the bathroom we're going to talk
Speaker 3: about these bowlers.
Speaker 1: That's me and my girl Posse at the bowling alley.
Speaker 1: I am going to get a ball. I'm going to
Speaker 1: be a bowler. But you know, right now the last
Speaker 1: thing you want to again, not right now. You can't
Speaker 1: stick your fingers in those holes.
Speaker 3: And yes, that plus all the expiration of how much
Speaker 3: grunting and groaning and kind of exhaling goes into bowling,
Speaker 3: that's going to make any bowling alley high risk.
Speaker 1: It I am auto, I am like, yeah, I am
Speaker 1: very audible. You can hear me grunting every time I
Speaker 1: toss the ball because it's every bit of strength. They
Speaker 1: really are heavy. They're heavy. And yeah, I just sound
Speaker 1: like a tennis player out there. I sound. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: a real McEnroe when it comes to bowling, very grunty.
Speaker 1: Spit just sweat. I sweat profusely.
Speaker 4: Do you have a bowling alley in your hometown in Montana?
Speaker 1: You know they keep closing, but I did grow. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's what else do you do? And it's we would
Speaker 1: go bowling all the time. I'm good at bowling. I'm
Speaker 1: good at billiards. That's just stuff you do. And when
Speaker 1: you're in a small town, there's no professional billiards players
Speaker 1: that are from the city.
Speaker 3: No, they're all from towns of about between four and
Speaker 3: nineteen thousand.
Speaker 1: I bet I don't. We could check the statistics on that, David,
Speaker 1: and we should. You don't have to Pedaluma.
Speaker 3: Stephen pops up and then goes right back up Pedaluma.
Speaker 3: When you get off the one on one and you
Speaker 3: take pedal Boulevard South, which is the exit to get
Speaker 3: to my parents' house, you pass Boulevard Lanes, which is
Speaker 3: because it's on Pedluma Boulevard and it's the Bowling Alley
Speaker 3: and it's been there. I mean, I would guess since
Speaker 3: the sixties, maybe earlier. It's always been there. And I
Speaker 3: started making my sister, Adrian and Adrian's kids and everybody
Speaker 3: go there on the holidays. Like if I was home
Speaker 3: for Thanksgiving or if I was home for Christmas, I'd
Speaker 3: be like, come on, we have to all go bowling.
Speaker 3: And I don't think anyone particularly loves it, but it
Speaker 3: is a really fun funny, weird hangout and something to
Speaker 3: do and you get like they're really bad for you,
Speaker 3: but insanely delicious.
Speaker 4: Fried food from the place is like the best.
Speaker 3: But then we're all laughing because we're like we're eating
Speaker 3: French fries and then going.
Speaker 4: To bowl and coming back and be like do you
Speaker 4: have that?
Speaker 1: Who's got a wet nap? Like it's the funniest. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm not fundabowl with. I'm a little weird
Speaker 1: about not being good at things. I get frustrated when
Speaker 1: I golf and I which these are they're hard. There's people,
Speaker 1: that's why there's professionals. It's like hard to be good
Speaker 1: at it, but it's hard to be good at it.
Speaker 1: I get a little frustrated when I bowl.
Speaker 3: I've seen you, uh, I've seen you walk away from
Speaker 3: a Quiplash Zoom game with comedians and just go start
Speaker 3: doing pull ups.
Speaker 4: Oh, get your sound to work.
Speaker 1: You know. I was riddled with anger. I'm really funny.
Speaker 3: I was doing well, I was winning, and then you
Speaker 3: were the winner. And every time I kept your answer
Speaker 3: was the funniest.
Speaker 1: The app off my phone and then you have to
Speaker 1: re log in. I kept screwing myself. And I didn't
Speaker 1: think I was ever competitive, because growing up I just
Speaker 1: wanted to skateboard and do things that are solo sports.
Speaker 1: I didn't like team sports. So I've always said I'm
Speaker 1: not competitive. But I'm a monster. I'm so competitive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I didn't realize it. I gotta fit and I'm
Speaker 1: i pout and I'd throw little fits. I'm a real
Speaker 1: son of a bitch Garren.
Speaker 3: But that's the kind of personal fuel that gets you
Speaker 3: to the point where you get good at things.
Speaker 4: So you can kiss the gutter.
Speaker 3: You have to care and also, and you can't be
Speaker 3: like I care, but not so much that it doesn't
Speaker 3: injure my ego when I'm bad.
Speaker 1: If you suck, You suck.
Speaker 3: No one wants to suck at anything, right, so of
Speaker 3: course we all have these reactions. If you're sucking a
Speaker 3: little bit, you're just like, there's nothing more painful than
Speaker 3: the walk back from having bold a bowling ball into
Speaker 3: the gutter and then everyone's just sitting there stand at you,
Speaker 3: and you go, oh, not only did they see me fail,
Speaker 3: but they watched my ass the whole time that I sucked.
Speaker 4: Like, that's for me.
Speaker 1: That's a one two punch that hurts my feelings. It
Speaker 1: hurts me, And on a league night, you're also affecting
Speaker 1: the rest of the team, and you're standing in the roster.
Speaker 4: You're affecting your environment.
Speaker 1: I'm afraid that the Halloway won't even have a bowling
Speaker 1: league next year because of me stinking it up. I
Speaker 1: left a stain with that organization.
Speaker 4: Should we wrap this down.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to be in the same town, even though
Speaker 1: this is the same as if I was in Montana.
Speaker 3: I know it really is, but at least you're a
Speaker 3: little bit closer. We're all in the same time, in
Speaker 3: the same time zone.
Speaker 4: Yes, that's nice.
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm happy to be back. I was having mixed
Speaker 1: feelings but once I got here and everything was normal,
Speaker 1: and people were walking around and the sun was out,
Speaker 1: and people are smiling, and well, I assume they are.
Speaker 1: They're all wearing masks, but I was happy. I was happy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can look at their eyes until they're smiling.
Speaker 3: Nice.
Speaker 1: I've been fakes where I just give people the eye
Speaker 1: smile when they look at me. It's almost more work
Speaker 1: to isolate your mouth from your eyes and just smile
Speaker 1: with your eyes. It's but I've gotten good at it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're just squinting at that point.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I also have noticed that I if I'm around someone
Speaker 3: that I do would like to talk to for whatever reason,
Speaker 3: I do a kind of like an over the top,
Speaker 3: silent movie kind of eye expression of like yeah, you know,
Speaker 3: like you're I would. I'm I'm emoting like ten times
Speaker 3: more than I normally would be, like, Hai, look, my
Speaker 3: voice is very over the top.
Speaker 1: When we're finally done with this, everyone's going to be
Speaker 1: acting like they're in a Disney Channel show or something.
Speaker 1: I know, just over the top, giant eyes, nice to
Speaker 1: see you or whatever. Why is she acting so raven?
Speaker 4: She is so raven?
Speaker 1: I am We're all being so raven? Oh, God, I
Speaker 1: need a haircut. Our friend of a the podcast, Andy
Speaker 1: d Money Is lives in Spokane and his friends with
Speaker 1: my sister, and she was gonna cut my hair. But
Speaker 1: I left that morning that she was available, So I
Speaker 1: was so close to cutting it. I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 4: Maybe keep going, just keep going.
Speaker 1: It's not ever gonna go down. It's not. I'm at
Speaker 1: the point now where I can do a man bun.
Speaker 1: It's just out of hand.
Speaker 3: Okay, I wouldn't live there for too much longer. You
Speaker 3: you say I should, I should go with the corn rows.
Speaker 1: Then I want to.
Speaker 3: I want it to seem like you just took a
Speaker 3: carnival cruise with your parents to Jamaica and it's nineteen
Speaker 3: ninety four. Yeah, it's or anybody was like, guess what, Whitey.
Speaker 3: No one wants to see big things of your scalp.
Speaker 1: Every time I've been on a cruise ship, yeah, there's
Speaker 1: little white girls with corn rows, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: when something wove into it, like a colored hair piece,
Speaker 1: I think I'll do it. I'm a grown man. I
Speaker 1: can pull it off. Do what you want. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: can do corn rows and mustache. Oh what a terrible
Speaker 1: look that I'm about to embrace. Oh God, please do
Speaker 1: not I beg you, Okay, I won't. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: I'm happy to see you friend.
Speaker 3: Yes you too, welcome home, Thank you. I'm glad you
Speaker 3: had a nice kind of you know, nurturing home experience
Speaker 3: and it.
Speaker 1: Was downright spiritual.
Speaker 4: But I'm more excited now to get my painting because that's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're really gonna like it. I looked at it
Speaker 1: again before my dad wrapped it, and it's really good.
Speaker 1: It's so good. It's just really a colorful and great composition.
Speaker 1: And he's a good painter.
Speaker 4: He's a great painter.
Speaker 1: And on that note, you've been listening to do you
Speaker 1: need a ride?
Speaker 4: D y n A r Aru?
Speaker 1: I leave in on you wanta way back? Either way?
Speaker 2: We want to be there, doesn't matter how much that age.
Speaker 2: You give us time and tourmental and we want to
Speaker 2: send you off InStyle. Do you want to welcome you
Speaker 2: back home?
Speaker 3: Tell us all about every scared he was it fine? Melbourne?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need.
Speaker 1: With Karen and Chris oh, we did it perfect.