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Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to another episode of couch Talks. I'm Cat,

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Speaker 1: And if you are new and you're like, what is

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Speaker 1: couch Talks? I thought I was listening to You Need Therapy.

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Speaker 1: Couch Talks is the special bonus episode that I put

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Speaker 1: out every Wednesday where I answer some questions that you

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Speaker 1: guys send into me, and if you have a question

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Speaker 1: that you want me to possibly answer, you can send

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Speaker 1: it to Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com

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Speaker 1: and hopefully one day I will get to it. With that,

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Speaker 1: of course, comes the disclaimer that even though I'm doing

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Speaker 1: a Q and A episode, this is not therapy, and

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Speaker 1: it's just me attempting to answer with some caveats questions

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Speaker 1: with my brain, but not as a personal therapist to

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Speaker 1: you guys. And a lot of times my answers to

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Speaker 1: your questions are just questions back to you about your questions.

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Speaker 1: So I usually do two questions each time I do

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Speaker 1: one of these episodes. I have two really great questions today.

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Speaker 1: We always keep them anonymous, just because I think that

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Speaker 1: is just best for all of us. So I'll never

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Speaker 1: shout out whose question this is, and I don't actually

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Speaker 1: tell you if I'm gonna answer your question. So if

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Speaker 1: you ever do send a question in, you know, just

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Speaker 1: always listen to the podcast and it will be a

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Speaker 1: nice little surprise. Okay, so let's get into it the

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Speaker 1: first question. Cat. First, I wanted to say I love

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Speaker 1: your podcast. You're so relatable and down to earth. If

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Speaker 1: I lived in Nashville, I would either come to you

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Speaker 1: as a patient or try to befriend you. I am

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Speaker 1: writing it to you because I would like to get

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Speaker 1: your advice on how to get the most out of

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Speaker 1: my therapy sessions. I am not a talker, so left

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Speaker 1: up to me, we would sit in an awkward silence

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Speaker 1: for an hour. Sometimes talking to my therapist comes naturally,

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Speaker 1: and other times it just doesn't. Do I prep. Is

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Speaker 1: there a cheat sheet on the net that would help me?

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Speaker 1: I have a lot going on and I have no

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Speaker 1: idea where to start. Thanks in advance, Well, thank you

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Speaker 1: because I love that you love the podcast. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think this is a great question and one that

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Speaker 1: probably a lot of people are thinking as well. As

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Speaker 1: a therapist, we experience a lot of different types of clients.

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Speaker 1: I have some that if I didn't say a word,

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Speaker 1: probably wouldn't notice, and some that rely on me almost

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Speaker 1: too much to create conversation now, neither a good or

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Speaker 1: bad and one is not better than the other. They

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Speaker 1: just help us as therapists to conceptualize what the client,

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Speaker 1: what you guys need, and they help us understand more

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Speaker 1: about who you are, how you operate outside it in

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Speaker 1: the real world, and gives us some more data and

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Speaker 1: info on how we communicate in the session as a

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Speaker 1: tool to help you grow outside in the world. Now,

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Speaker 1: there are some therapists that are super non directive, and

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Speaker 1: there's some therapists that are super directive, like they have

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Speaker 1: a plan, there's an agenda, they have worksheets, they do this,

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Speaker 1: they do that. And there's some that are just non

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Speaker 1: directive and will not say a word when they're silence ever,

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Speaker 1: and then there's some that are kind of in the middle.

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Speaker 1: I would say I'm definitely more in the middle. Some

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Speaker 1: therapists definitely come up with activities and worksheets and all

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Speaker 1: the things because the silence makes them uncomfortable. And that's

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Speaker 1: also not I mean, it's not good or bad, but

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't recommend that either, because therapy is supposed to

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Speaker 1: be somewhat client lad and we can prepare as much

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Speaker 1: as we want, but when it comes down to it,

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Speaker 1: we kind of got to go with what we're getting

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Speaker 1: in the present. I believe that not all humans are

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Speaker 1: able to verbalize easily with words what they need or

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Speaker 1: what they're feeling, and that is where I really rely

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Speaker 1: on experiential techniques and where those come in. I personally

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Speaker 1: love art therapy, and it is quite amazing what channels

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Speaker 1: it can unlock in the mind. And I might ask

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Speaker 1: one client the same question ten times and they will

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Speaker 1: say I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: and then I'll throw in but if you did know,

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Speaker 1: and they'll still be like, I don't know. And then

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Speaker 1: when I say to draw what it feels like, it

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Speaker 1: unlocks like a gold mine. And I'd give that example

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Speaker 1: because sometimes they're just are not words that we have

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Speaker 1: and that we can access and our brains know to

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Speaker 1: grab onto, but pictures and sounds and experiences and all

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Speaker 1: of that will just like throw us for like it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know this was in there. And so sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's not always a client that like I just I'm

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Speaker 1: not good at talking, or I never know what to say,

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Speaker 1: or it just feels like there's a lot of silence. Well,

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Speaker 1: maybe it's because there was not words, but we can

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Speaker 1: get you speaking in a different way. Now. There's also

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Speaker 1: a saying that every therapist learns in school, where I

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Speaker 1: hope they learned that is, don't work harder than your client,

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Speaker 1: And this is very important. We can guide you, but

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Speaker 1: we can't do the work for you. So I think

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Speaker 1: the question that you have is very valid and helpful

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Speaker 1: for both therapists and clients. The reason I am in

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Speaker 1: the middle of that directive non directive is because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to do more work than my client. But

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Speaker 1: also sometimes the client needs a little boost. They might

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Speaker 1: not have the idea that let me paint this feeling,

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Speaker 1: but I can help give them that and then it

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Speaker 1: offers something and then it kicks us into gear. Kind

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Speaker 1: of so long story long. I would definitely make this

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Speaker 1: a topic of conversation in your session. Let your therapists

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Speaker 1: know that you feel this way. I always think that,

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Speaker 1: like honesty is number one. If you're having something go

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Speaker 1: on in therapy, or you questions about your therapist or

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Speaker 1: what's happening, bring it to the session. That is therapy

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Speaker 1: in itself. And if you don't know how to say

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Speaker 1: or do therapy or how to get the most out

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Speaker 1: of your session. Bring it up. Therapy supposed to be

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Speaker 1: something that helps us change the way we operate in

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Speaker 1: the real world so we live a more fulfilling life.

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Speaker 1: And if we do all the work for you and

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Speaker 1: if you wait for us to then I mean you

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Speaker 1: can guess how that will affect and lead you outside

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Speaker 1: of the office. And there's so much that can come

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Speaker 1: out of a simple conversation that starts with I don't

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Speaker 1: know where to start, and I don't know if I'm

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Speaker 1: doing this right. And I want to encourage you to

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Speaker 1: take that pressure off. For one every therapy session to

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Speaker 1: be exceptional and just let it be what it needs

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Speaker 1: to be that day. Let every session just be what

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Speaker 1: it needs to be. Not every session will be explosive

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Speaker 1: or in life changing. However, to jump start you and

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Speaker 1: this question that you're asking me, two things I want

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Speaker 1: you to hear in all of this. One take it

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Speaker 1: to your therapist, take it to hammer her and and

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Speaker 1: tell them exactly like, sometimes I don't know what to say.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm doing this wrong, I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm not getting much out of this. This is really

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Speaker 1: hard and challenging for me. And you guys can have

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Speaker 1: a conversation about that and maybe you need to do

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Speaker 1: some more experiential stuff, or maybe they it would be

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Speaker 1: helpful if they offered you prompts. But you asking for that,

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Speaker 1: that takes that that whole part of the therapist doesn't

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Speaker 1: want to do the work for you. It takes that

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Speaker 1: away because you're asking for what you need. The other

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Speaker 1: thing I would just say to jump start is what

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Speaker 1: we'd like to call the magic question. And you can

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Speaker 1: hear this in a couple of different forms, but in

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Speaker 1: one way I like to ask it is if you

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Speaker 1: could snap your fingers or if I, as a therapist,

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Speaker 1: could sent my fingers and make one thing different for

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Speaker 1: you in your life, what would that be and why?

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Speaker 1: And answering that question might lead you somewhere and just

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Speaker 1: let it do just that. Okay. Second question, as a

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Speaker 1: self proclaimed top fan of the podcast, I have a

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Speaker 1: question for couch Talks. What are your thoughts on doing

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Speaker 1: too much work, or at least trying to. There's so

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Speaker 1: much out there and so many books and courses, et

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Speaker 1: cetera on personal development. How do you know when to

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Speaker 1: take a break and when to focus on what you've learned?

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Speaker 1: Also a great question. I believe that this is a thing,

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Speaker 1: like too much is is a thing, and it's easy

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Speaker 1: to get into a space where there's like no way

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Speaker 1: for you to reach satisfaction and your self development. Burnee

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Speaker 1: Brown asked in an interview, or maybe somebody asked her.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but I just know that Bernie Brown

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Speaker 1: was part of this interview and somebody asked, how do

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Speaker 1: you know the difference between striving for your best self

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Speaker 1: and accepting who you are? And for me, that one's

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Speaker 1: super super hit, and it like threw me for a loop.

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Speaker 1: I had to sit down and really process it for

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Speaker 1: a while. And I think that it's something that I

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Speaker 1: would encourage you or anyone on a journey of self

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Speaker 1: improvement to ask themselves. Or we never will stop, like

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Speaker 1: we never ever ever will stop. And honestly, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if we truly ever do stop or we should.

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Speaker 1: It's a complicated question. This is a complicated answer. As

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Speaker 1: a world changes, we change and move and shift with it,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes we need to take a little break where

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Speaker 1: we just get to be and sit and enjoy where

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Speaker 1: we are. And you know, these days everyone is writing

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Speaker 1: a book or you know, like me, starting a podcast

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Speaker 1: or creating a dog or an event or what have you.

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Speaker 1: And you're right, there's so much information and it's okay

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Speaker 1: to not always want to be soaking it in. As

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Speaker 1: a therapist, I don't always want to be soaking it in.

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Speaker 1: I take breaks. Now. This is a deeply personal question

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Speaker 1: that honestly encourages me to do the whole therapist thing

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Speaker 1: where I throw the question right back and I would

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Speaker 1: ask you, how do you think that you know when

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Speaker 1: you need to take a break, and why are you

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Speaker 1: even looking for this answer? I can only speak for myself,

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Speaker 1: so I will offer that I know for me, if

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Speaker 1: things are starting to feel too intangible, and if it

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Speaker 1: feels like the concepts that I am talking and thinking

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Speaker 1: about are so out and outer space, then it might

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Speaker 1: be a sign for me to slow down and for

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Speaker 1: me to be going too far. When I start to

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Speaker 1: get into these existential like crises, it's a red flag

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Speaker 1: for me that I need to practice some self care

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Speaker 1: and some self acceptance. But I think this can be

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Speaker 1: different for anyone. That might not be a red flag

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Speaker 1: for some people, And it might be that when the

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Speaker 1: personal development feels like it's hurting more than helping, for

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Speaker 1: a continual period of time that might be a red flag.

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Speaker 1: I'd say this because we know therapy it's worse before

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Speaker 1: it gets better. But if all of our self development

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Speaker 1: is doing for a continued period of time is setting

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Speaker 1: the message that we aren't good enough, then maybe you

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Speaker 1: need to take a break. So, like I said, this

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Speaker 1: is going to be a different answer for everybody, but

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Speaker 1: that's just how I view it for myself. And again

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Speaker 1: I would definitely throw back that question of like, well,

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Speaker 1: how would I think I would know? How do I

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Speaker 1: think this is too much? And what inside of me

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Speaker 1: is bringing this question up? Because it's there for a reason,

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Speaker 1: and listen to it and question it and doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: that you need to stop, but it might be signaling

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Speaker 1: something else. So thank you for those questions. If you

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Speaker 1: guys want to follow me or the podcast on Instagram,

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Speaker 1: I am at Cat dot de Fata and the podcast

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Speaker 1: is at You Need Therapy Podcast. Again, if you have

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Speaker 1: questions yourself, you can send them to Catherine at You

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcast and hopefully I will get to those

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Speaker 1: one day soon. And if you haven't yet, sign up

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Speaker 1: for the Self Love Club that is the Wednesday little

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Speaker 1: newsletter that I send out every single Wednesday that I

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Speaker 1: send it out, I say, because they don't send it

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Speaker 1: every Wednesday. I'm not always one of those people that

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Speaker 1: gets everything ready like three weeks ahead of time. And

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Speaker 1: if I'm on vacation, you most likely are not getting

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Speaker 1: a self Love Club letter from me because I like

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Speaker 1: to write them like the day or two before, so

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Speaker 1: they come from like what's going on now, and they're

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Speaker 1: not too planned, you know, try to keep it authentic

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Speaker 1: and real. Anyway, sign up for that. You can go

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Speaker 1: to the website You Need Therapy podcast dot com and

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Speaker 1: do that there, and thanks for listening. I will see

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Speaker 1: you guys on Monday for the official real episode of

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Speaker 1: You Need Therapy by Guys