1 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:06,560 Speaker 1: Previously on Miller High Life Presents The Heavyweight Diaries. We 2 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 1: have a season premiere wrap part Timothy Nelson. Roast beef, cheese, slaw, 3 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: ham salae, hate in tuna, milk, hate everything about chicken salad, 4 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:32,839 Speaker 1: grilled chicken salad. You've not been recording, cactus. If today's 5 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 1: reporting trip had any chance of success, I would need 6 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: to do something no sane man has ever done. Rely 7 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:45,360 Speaker 1: on Timothy Nelson for etiquette advice. What does one wear 8 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:50,400 Speaker 1: to a subway sandwitchery? I ask? Are shoes and shirts permitted? 9 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: There isn't a dress code, says Nelson. All dining has 10 00:00:55,920 --> 00:01:00,360 Speaker 1: a dress code. I say, torriodor pants for tappas, leather 11 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:05,199 Speaker 1: vests for cutlets, and a tuxedo with an American flag 12 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: cumber bun. When in bibing Miller Highlight, dress as you 13 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 1: would for eating a sandwich. Nelson says, a white woolen 14 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: bib it is. I say. Nelson picks me up at dawn. 15 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 1: Because I am filled with desperate energy and several root 16 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,399 Speaker 1: beer snapses, I fail to notice that my bib is 17 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: stuck in the passenger door. Seeing me grow hysterical, Nelson 18 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 1: continues driving at a sensible speed for several miles. It 19 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:47,120 Speaker 1: is only when I grow hystericaler and finally hystericalist, that 20 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 1: he pulls to the curb so I can yank my 21 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:54,160 Speaker 1: bib inside to safety. Why are you wearing a cape, 22 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:59,200 Speaker 1: asks Timothy Nelson. What I am wearing, I correct, is 23 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: a backwards versable white woolen bibb. And are you familiar 24 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 1: with the Henry Heimich maneuver? Because I'm considering ordering the 25 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 1: whitefish outside the subway sandwich. We go over a checklist 26 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:23,120 Speaker 1: of our recording equipment. In the process, we learn that 27 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: professional radio producer Timothy Nelson has forgotten to pack any batteries. 28 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 1: After a good ten minutes, in which we volly blame 29 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 1: to and fro, Nelson and I drive to a hardware 30 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:39,840 Speaker 1: store and purchase an extension cable to connect the recorder 31 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: to the lighter in his van. It's only as we 32 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 1: finish unraveling the several hundred feet of bright orange extension 33 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,360 Speaker 1: cord that it occurs to Nelson and I though we 34 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 1: might better have used our visit to the hardware store 35 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:59,920 Speaker 1: to purchase batteries. How foolish, Timothy Nelson snorts, you must be, sir, 36 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,839 Speaker 1: and to include this detail. And you're telling I will 37 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: tell it as it needs to be told, I tell him. 38 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson's deluge of suggestions peak when he suggests that 39 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 1: since the process leading up to the first episode has 40 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:18,960 Speaker 1: been so interesting, I should put out many episodes, one 41 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:26,120 Speaker 1: per week, detailing the experience. That is a spectacularly terrible idea. 42 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:30,360 Speaker 1: I snap that will alienate our audience with frivolities and 43 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 1: have them hitting the unsubscribed button in hordes. But in 44 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: the ensuing silence, I secretly make a mental note to 45 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 1: reconsider the idea. We arrive at the restaurant well passed 46 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: lunch hour. I am famished bursting through the door, microphone 47 00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 1: extended like a divining rod, Timothy Nelson and steps on 48 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: my bib, causing me to fall onto my backside. Gazing 49 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 1: up from the ground, extension corps tangled about my waist, legs, 50 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 1: neck and bib, I see a fluorescent menu wall. There 51 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:19,800 Speaker 1: is something called a meat ball sub If the photograph 52 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: is to be trusted, This culinary miracle is constructed by 53 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 1: rolling meat into small balls and placing them, like happy 54 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:34,159 Speaker 1: little sailors inside a submarine made of bread, Tugging on 55 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 1: his pant leg I tell Timothy Nelson that I would 56 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:41,920 Speaker 1: like to try the meat ball. Don't tell me, he says, 57 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 1: tell the subway sandwich artist, Ahi, yes, I tell him, 58 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 1: with all the sarcasm I can muster. I shall immediately 59 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:56,040 Speaker 1: inform the Jatta of Gyros, the Picasso of poe boys, 60 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:08,599 Speaker 1: the Mireau of heroes rising off my fanny, or, for 61 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:13,279 Speaker 1: those listening in Great Britain, my batoxes. I catch the 62 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: eye of the uniform teenaged counterman. What can I get 63 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: you guys started with today? He asks, with a snap 64 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:25,279 Speaker 1: of what appears to be hospital gloves. I would like 65 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 1: a meat ball, submarine sandwich, I say, absolutely, says the counterman. 66 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,920 Speaker 1: And what kind of bread would you like? I always 67 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:39,279 Speaker 1: have the Italian, says Nelson. Oh really, I say, rising 68 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:42,640 Speaker 1: to my feet and casually adjusting my white woolen floor 69 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:46,719 Speaker 1: length bib from which part of Italy? Is it a 70 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:52,159 Speaker 1: pia dina for Romagna ooh? Or a Tuscan chiaciata. Don't 71 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:55,480 Speaker 1: tell me it's one of those panae caffones they make 72 00:05:55,560 --> 00:06:03,960 Speaker 1: in Campagna. Because no, thanks, You're embarrassing me, says Timothy Nelson. Oh, 73 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 1: you can't stand to see me have a good time. 74 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 1: I say, we are here on assignment. Nelson says, fine. 75 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 1: I say, watch how a real journalist operates, say, I say, 76 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:28,359 Speaker 1: rising onto tippy toes and straining my recorder over the 77 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 1: counter so that the spongy tip of my microphone grazes 78 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 1: the counterman's lips. There was a sandwich my friend here 79 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 1: ordered that was well, it was the wrong sandwich. And 80 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,640 Speaker 1: we were wondering, that is, my friend and I were 81 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:52,160 Speaker 1: wondering if you might know who might have prepared his sandwich. Hm, 82 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 1: says the counterman, a pubescent crack in his voice. Do 83 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 1: you know when you visited? I can check the schedule? 84 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 1: April the fourth, says Timothy Nelson with alacrity. Supper hour. 85 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 1: I remember because it was my Lady and Eyes tenth anniversary. 86 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 1: As the hallmark jangle of hollinoates wafts out of the 87 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 1: ceiling speakers, I stare at Timothy Nelson in horror. Makes sense. 88 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 1: Something went wrong with the orders, says the oily knock 89 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: kneed counterman. April fourth, Dinner time is Perry shift? Perry, 90 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: I ask, my dumbass brother, He snarls, pushing my microphone 91 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 1: ever closer so that the saliva saturated nub is pressed 92 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:45,640 Speaker 1: firmly against his teeth. I press on. Sounds like you 93 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:52,960 Speaker 1: and your brother Perry have issues. Uh yeah, he says, Dude, 94 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: the two of us haven't spoken in months, months, I repeat, 95 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 1: with a mix of curiosity, greed, and desperation. And that 96 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,960 Speaker 1: can get super awkward, he continues, since we sometimes work 97 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:13,120 Speaker 1: the same shift. Straining up onto the nails of my 98 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 1: tippy toes, I navigate the mic into the counterman's mouth, 99 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: careful not to activate his gag reflex, but equally careful 100 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: to capture each delicious narrative droplet of wet emotion. Interesting, 101 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:34,439 Speaker 1: I say, barely managing to contain my ecstasy. How did 102 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 1: the bad blood begin? Perry stole my girlfriend, he says. 103 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: And worst of all, she sits around here all day 104 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: scarfing hot peppers and mayo and making googly eyes at 105 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 1: him during his shift. Well, that sounds like the kind 106 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 1: of problem that's unique to you, but that lots of 107 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,760 Speaker 1: people could relate to. At the same time, I tell him, 108 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,040 Speaker 1: like the kind of thing you've been putting off but 109 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 1: you want to address, possibly through the use of a 110 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 1: third party interlocutor. Uh, I don't know what you're talking 111 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 1: about Stammers, the Sandwich artist of sadness. But uh okay, 112 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 1: As Holland oates harmonize, I lock eyes with my co 113 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:24,439 Speaker 1: reporter Timothy. I say, I have work to do here, 114 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 1: real work, and also I never want to see you 115 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 1: for as long as I live. Well see me you shall, 116 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 1: as I'm currently stationed in your office at the union desk, 117 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 1: he says, for once in his woe begotten life. Timothy 118 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 1: Nelson is right. But I'd worry about that sometime in 119 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:51,199 Speaker 1: the future, because for now I was a beautiful bumblebee 120 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:57,040 Speaker 1: happily rolling around in the sweet nectar of storytelling. The 121 00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: Heavyweight season had been saved. This has been the final 122 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 1: chapter of the Heavyweight Diaries. The new season of Heavyweight 123 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:12,440 Speaker 1: will begin in one week on September twenty sixth. Remember 124 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,680 Speaker 1: the best place to listen to Heavyweight is on Spotify. 125 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,360 Speaker 1: The second best place to listen to Heavyweight is in 126 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: the emotional echo chamber of Your beautiful Beating Heart. Heavyweight 127 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: is me Jonathan Goldstein along with Jorgeos, Stevie Lane, Khalila Holt, 128 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,680 Speaker 1: and Ba Parker. This episode was mixed by the wonderful 129 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: Emma Monger. Music by Bobby Lord. Our ad music is 130 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:37,200 Speaker 1: Vivaldi Spring, performed by the Wichita State University Chamber Players. 131 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 1: See you next week for season four.