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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Riley, and this is Keon, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime host, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before we get to that, we have a quick

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Speaker 1: two minute break from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 2: My husband keeps making me cook breakfast for his coworkers,

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Speaker 2: and I'm tired of it.

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Speaker 3: Now listen, buddy, it's either I'm making my own breakfast

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Speaker 3: or you hate the road.

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Speaker 2: We have been married for almost four months. My husband

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Speaker 2: works a fairly lucrative office job and is a great

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Speaker 2: help with the finances and bills for our house. Well,

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Speaker 2: I tackle a BA at college at the moment. For that,

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Speaker 2: I'm very grateful and I love him very much and

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Speaker 2: we're generally happy with the marriage. By the way, this

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Speaker 2: comes from Throwaway Brick And if you want to smit

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Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime

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Speaker 2: Separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Savannah, and we're here to

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Speaker 2: give good of ice scoofy. But we don't have all

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Speaker 2: the answers. We only know what we'd do, So let

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Speaker 2: us know what you would do in the comments, and

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Speaker 2: Opie says, However, about two months ago, he asked me

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Speaker 2: if I wouldn't mind preparing breakfast for him and a

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Speaker 2: couple of coworkers a few times a week. Of course,

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Speaker 2: I agreed, because I know how rush things can be

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Speaker 2: in the mornings for some people, and I was glad

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Speaker 2: to see my husband fraternizing with his colleagues. Also, we

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Speaker 2: have a beautiful home and it's always nice to have

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Speaker 2: people over for meals. I get along with his coworkers

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Speaker 2: very well for the most part, which is a plus.

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Speaker 2: This has been going on for two months and I

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Speaker 2: didn't used to mind it much at first, but I

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Speaker 2: feel that a couple of mornings a week has turned

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Speaker 2: into nearly the entire week, and it's too much for

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Speaker 2: me getting up early and preparing eggs, bacon, multiple pots

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Speaker 2: of coffee when there are more than just a couple

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Speaker 2: of coworkers over, and occasionally stuff like pancakes and French toast.

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Speaker 2: That is too much.

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Speaker 3: Also, are they like giving you money for this? Yeah,

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Speaker 3: just like paying for their furry breakfast every single day.

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Speaker 2: Excellent question. This is too much to ask for you?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I attend night classes several nights a week and don't

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Speaker 2: get a chance to sleep in as much as I

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Speaker 2: would like to. How do I respectfully tell my husband

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Speaker 2: to tone it down at little with these morning visits

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Speaker 2: without hurting his feelings or is coworker's feelings. I don't

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Speaker 2: want to jeopardize his relationship with the people at work

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Speaker 2: and don't want to push him or our visitors away.

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Speaker 2: It's just become too much for me. And we've got

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Speaker 2: some relevant comments. But what do you think I want

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Speaker 2: to know.

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Speaker 3: What time they're waking up? Like what time is Opie

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Speaker 3: having to wake up to like prepare this? And how

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Speaker 3: many workers are there? Is it like, you know, like

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Speaker 3: three or like you know, maybe five, or is it

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Speaker 3: like ten? People coming over and being like birstfore the food.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a Hobbit style or a Dwarf style showing

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Speaker 2: up at Bilbo's. Yeah, you've seen the Hobbit.

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Speaker 3: I have seen the Hobbit.

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Speaker 5: I know that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. All the comments, Lonnie Lee says,

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Speaker 2: why can't your husband prepare these breakfasts? Opie says, Admittedly

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Speaker 2: I am a better cook than him, and I never

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Speaker 2: minded making both of us meals in the mornings. Honestly,

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Speaker 2: if it was just him, I could do it for

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Speaker 2: the rest of my life. But it isn't just him

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Speaker 2: and I can't do it anymore. And he simply has

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Speaker 2: no time in the morning as he is to get

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Speaker 2: ready and be in the office by eight am.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, so she's like gaining up probably, like, and she.

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Speaker 2: Has night classes. Like, let's say she has night classes

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Speaker 2: till ten, because night classes are usually like yeah, seven.

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Speaker 3: Ten, and however far you are from school, Yeah, let's

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Speaker 3: say home twenty minutes and hour to get ready for bid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you have to wake up at six.

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Speaker 2: Miss Eliza B says this makes no sense to me.

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Speaker 2: Does your husband own this office or is he just

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Speaker 2: being TM nice guy to his coworkers by making his

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Speaker 2: wife be June Cleaver or June Clever and him a

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Speaker 2: box of cereal? This is twenty fifteen. He can make

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Speaker 2: his own breakfast, throw back, this is twenty fifteen. What

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Speaker 2: crazy crazy down? Oh, he says, he does not own

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Speaker 2: his own office. They all work in the same office

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Speaker 2: and essentially at the same job. Our home is close

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Speaker 2: to the office. And he likes to boast about my

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Speaker 2: famous breakfast. Yeah, he's just getting clout. He's getting cloud

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Speaker 2: out of you making breakfast for everyone.

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Speaker 3: He's like, you guys should be my friend because like

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Speaker 3: my wife cooks.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she can cook for you.

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Speaker 5: She's so freaking cool.

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Speaker 2: You guys wish you had wives like mine, which is

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Speaker 2: not a big deal when it's just him and I

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Speaker 2: or him and a couple of colleagues and once in

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Speaker 2: a while, But three to four times a week is

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Speaker 2: not sustainable for me anymore. Do they compensate for the food?

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Speaker 2: Since my husband pays for eighty percent of the groceries,

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Speaker 2: it would be unfair of me to charge for food

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Speaker 2: that is essentially not mine. Do they help clean? Nope,

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Speaker 2: I have to do all the dishes after they leave, pots, pans, bowls, dishes, cups,

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Speaker 2: coffee mugs, and clean out the expensive coffee machine we

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Speaker 2: have every morning. No, no, we're not letting them make

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Speaker 2: you make food three to four times a week and

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Speaker 2: clean and you're not even getting paid or do like

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Speaker 2: they're not even doing anything nice for you. What is

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Speaker 2: this costing? The breakfast runs us back anywhere from two

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Speaker 2: hundred and eighty to three fifty a week. With my

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Speaker 2: husband's salary, we are more than cover on that front.

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Speaker 2: Money is absolutely no object when it comes to these

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Speaker 2: breakfast parties.

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Speaker 3: Okay, but the fact that these men are coming in

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Speaker 3: and just expecting yeah, three four times out of the week.

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Speaker 3: I hate that, like and not being like, oh, like here,

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Speaker 3: like take some money.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And also it really isn't that hard to like put

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Speaker 2: a dish in the dishwasher, you know, like to clear

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Speaker 2: your plate. To help out, But we got an update

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Speaker 2: four days later. I want to thank all of you

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Speaker 2: helped me out and gave me great advice and sympathy.

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Speaker 2: In the original thread, I had mentioned several times that

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Speaker 2: I was going to sit down with my husband this

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Speaker 2: Saturday and have a stern talk. But I'm sure a

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Speaker 2: lot of you will be pleased to know what happened

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Speaker 2: much sooner. I decided to stay home from night class

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Speaker 2: on Wednesday night so that I could speak to him

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Speaker 2: as soon as he arrived from work. He was very

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Speaker 2: surprised to see me still in the house, as I

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Speaker 2: have night class every night of the week. I brought

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Speaker 2: up many good points from the thread and told them

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Speaker 2: how it made me feel. I told them the three

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Speaker 2: to four breakfast parties a week and coworkers' visits through

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Speaker 2: the day were keeping me from focusing on my studies.

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Speaker 2: In that thinking of a menu every morning was stressful

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Speaker 2: and gave me anxiety. Also, the tapping on the window

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Speaker 2: from random visits by his colleagues made me feel unsafe

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Speaker 2: as well. These were all points brought up by redditors

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Speaker 2: in the thread, and a lot of things I had

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Speaker 2: never thought about myself. There were tears and some loud moments,

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Speaker 2: the first time this has happened since we've been together.

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Speaker 2: But when I told him I had made a thread

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Speaker 2: on Reddit, he went absolutely ballistic. He did not get

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Speaker 2: to see the thread. At that point, I went to

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Speaker 2: our bedroom and confined myself to the bed. A couple

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Speaker 2: of hours later, he came in, got in bed and

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Speaker 2: said that he was very disappointed in me, and that

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Speaker 2: was that got up. Shut up, you're not hurt father.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna say, oh, I'm disappointed because you won't make

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Speaker 2: me breakfast for all my friends. Yesterday morning, Thursday, everything

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Speaker 2: was the same as usual. He woke up smiling and

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Speaker 2: radiant as always, and got ready for work quicker than usual.

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Speaker 2: He came out to the kitchen while I was making

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Speaker 2: the breakfast for the day and told me that he

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Speaker 2: was glad everything had been cleared. I gave him sparse

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Speaker 2: replies and didn't feel like looking at him. He was

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Speaker 2: shocked to see that I had only made a basic

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Speaker 2: breakfast for him. He told me other people were on

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Speaker 2: the way, and I told him I had to catch

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Speaker 2: the bus to the library to do research on a

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Speaker 2: paper for class. Another redditor suggestion. We had a loud

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Speaker 2: argument that stopped when people arrived at our house. I

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Speaker 2: stormed out and went about my business. No words between

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Speaker 2: any of us since then. Today I did the same,

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Speaker 2: except I left the house while he was getting ready.

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Speaker 2: Puff that there's like no resolution yet, Yeah, because he

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Speaker 2: refuses to talk.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, he's just like whatever.

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Speaker 3: Well, uh oh, I'm glad that we, you know, didn't

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Speaker 3: need to talk this out.

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Speaker 2: Basically, Yeah, it's like, no, we did. No, she didn't listen.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you just don't care to because you're like worried

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Speaker 3: about like what your friends think. Yeah, really, what your

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Speaker 3: wife is going through?

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Speaker 2: Who's making all of your friends a little bit left

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Speaker 2: to this story. It's very sad that it all came

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Speaker 2: to this, but I hope things settled down. My plan

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Speaker 2: is to have another talk with him tomorrow morning and

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Speaker 2: tell him that I'm willing to cut the breakfast down

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Speaker 2: to Monday and Wednesdays only and that all visits from

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Speaker 2: coworkers are to end immediately because I do not feel

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Speaker 2: comfortable with them using our home as a rest stop.

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Speaker 2: You've all been very helpful. Thank you. There is nowhere

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Speaker 2: to go but up from here, and Arksy says, yikes.

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Speaker 2: I'm pretty surprised by his reaction to this, as he

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Speaker 2: always been this controlling. I'm glad you set a boundary

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Speaker 2: and plan on sticking with it.

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Speaker 5: Good luck.

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Speaker 2: I hope we'll come around and see where you're coming from.

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Speaker 2: And Op says nope.

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Speaker 4: Never.

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Speaker 2: As I said before, everything was pretty much perfect until

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Speaker 2: this moment. I do plan on sticking with it. Another

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Speaker 2: point I brought up was that I might be changing

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Speaker 2: my class schedule in the winter and that he should

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Speaker 2: expect some changes around the house. This too made him angry.

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Speaker 2: It's more painful than infuriating, but whatever, I'm just glad

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Speaker 2: I did it. Why tell him about the Reddit post? Well,

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Speaker 2: I wanted him to know that I wasn't being crazy,

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Speaker 2: and a lot of people agreed with me. I didn't

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Speaker 2: show him the thread at that point because I knew

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Speaker 2: he was upset. And we have an editor's note that

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Speaker 2: confirmed Op and her husband are of Asian descent. Final

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Speaker 2: comments when asked if there was anything new, A lot

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Speaker 2: of cold shouldering and silence this weekend, with occasional casual

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Speaker 2: talks from him unrelated to the breakfast. I wouldn't know

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Speaker 2: what to update you with today as I'm at a

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Speaker 2: library studying and he had defend for himself this morning

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Speaker 2: by m mount tana Uh says, before you did this,

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Speaker 2: did you know of any other wife that performed this

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Speaker 2: service for the office, Opie says, not that I'm aware of.

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Speaker 2: But that doesn't change anything. Everything's over. Oh if he

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Speaker 2: doesn't listen to you and change his attitude, I am

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Speaker 2: worried that you are headed towards a divorce.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's the end of this story. We're going

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Speaker 3: to go to the next one. A restaurant canceled our

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Speaker 3: wedding reservation on our wedding day.

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Speaker 5: They're not supposed to that.

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Speaker 3: So I had a micro wedding at a courthouse and

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Speaker 3: we're meeting some more people for a reception afterwards, about

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Speaker 3: twelve people. We booked a reservation at a restaurant bar

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Speaker 3: lounge just across the street. By the way.

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Speaker 2: This comes from Gov.

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Speaker 3: Goose And if you want to submit your own stories

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Speaker 3: go to the our slash Okay story time separated at

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Speaker 3: I'm Savannah.

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Speaker 5: I'm Riley, and we're here.

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Speaker 3: To give some good advice in a goofy little man.

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Speaker 3: But we don't have all of your answers. We don't

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Speaker 3: let you know what we would do in the situation,

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Speaker 3: so let us know what you do down the comments.

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Speaker 3: We first went into the restaurant to make sure they

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Speaker 3: could accommodate. We tried to make a reservation, but they

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Speaker 3: told us they had to do it through their website. Okay, fine,

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Speaker 3: So I made the reservation two days before the wedding.

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Speaker 3: We got a confirmation email. We confirmed the reservation. When

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Speaker 3: we go to the restaurant after the wedding, they inform

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Speaker 3: us that they canceled all reservations from the twenty three

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Speaker 3: through the first No email, no call, nothing, They tell us,

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Speaker 3: because it was peaked dinner time around five thirty pm,

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Speaker 3: it'll be a thirty minute wait. We didn't have anywhere

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Speaker 3: else to go, so we waited. An hour later, I

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Speaker 3: went to talk to a manager. The bartender informed me

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Speaker 3: the manager wasn't there and it wouldn't be for several days,

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Speaker 3: so I had to come back to talk to her.

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Speaker 3: Two and a half hours later, we're finally sat, and

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Speaker 3: of course they're out of stake what myself and my

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Speaker 3: husband both wanted, and the best they could do was

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Speaker 3: a twenty five percent discount. I don't want to say

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Speaker 3: it ruined my day, because it was truly such an

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Speaker 3: amazing day. However, I have a one year old and

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Speaker 3: by the time we finished dinner it was almost two

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Speaker 3: hours past his bedtime. We couldn't get a hotel room,

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Speaker 3: we couldn't go to the lounge, and we couldn't even

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Speaker 3: speak to someone about why. We weren't at least informed.

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Speaker 3: No one at the restaurant really knew why, because it

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Speaker 3: was a corporate management decision. Honestly, to me, it feels

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Speaker 3: like the restaurant screwed up our day. Waiting for two

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Speaker 3: hours after making a reservation and confirming two days prior.

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Speaker 3: Just feel so crappy. I'm still pretty upset about this.

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Speaker 3: Would you go back to speak to a manager or

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Speaker 3: is it an overreaction? There's an edit here.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So I was playing in a basketball game recently

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Speaker 5: and the people there were like saying, like, ef y'all,

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Speaker 5: I'm getting tired of duncan. They were like they beat

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Speaker 5: us by like thirty and they kept like egg and

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Speaker 5: asan and I was going to go to the like

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Speaker 5: the people and be like, hey, the refs didn't say anything.

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Speaker 5: These people were being rude. They just were like trying

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Speaker 5: to get under our skin. Didn't do it. That wasn't

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Speaker 5: really the right thing to do in this scenario. It

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Speaker 5: feels like the right thing to do, because that they

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Speaker 5: completely screwed out your day'd probably give you some more peace.

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Speaker 5: What will give you more peace? You know?

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Speaker 4: Well?

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Speaker 3: The other thing is I feel like you also, they

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Speaker 3: probably weren't the only ones that happened to, But I

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Speaker 3: don't know.

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Speaker 5: I like, good morning petty potatoes at twenty five percent

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Speaker 5: discount after making them wait two and a half hours

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Speaker 5: after already counseling their reservations. Karen unlocked.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I Kim Roberts says, no, even if the head

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Speaker 3: manager isn't there, there is still someone in charge. I agree.

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Speaker 3: They're like, if the manager isn't there, someone is like

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Speaker 3: operating this. Everyone not everyone is just like sitting around.

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Speaker 5: Like just not look.

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Speaker 3: I mean, well, actually maybe they were because nothing was

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Speaker 3: going right.

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Speaker 5: No, I do, That's what I do. But I just

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Speaker 5: sit around and real they don't do much.

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Speaker 3: I have a meeting, guys, I gotta go.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I have a meeting.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm sorry, I gotta go.

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Speaker 5: I have a meeting. Then I go and hide and

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Speaker 5: crawl up in a ball in a corner.

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Speaker 2: Edits.

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Speaker 3: The restaurant also had a hotel above it. That's why

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Speaker 3: I included it in the details. There's some relevant comments now,

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Speaker 3: oh P says they told us they were out of

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Speaker 3: steak after being seated for about twenty minutes. We didn't

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Speaker 3: have anywhere else to go. Twelve people is going to

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Speaker 3: have a long wait anywhere. There wasn't much we could

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Speaker 3: do but wait unless we wanted to get fast food

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Speaker 3: or pizza. This was our option for the night. They

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Speaker 3: repeatedly told us just a few more minutes throughout the night.

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Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, horrible. I will say this, if you

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Speaker 5: called around and said, hey, I had a reservation of

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Speaker 5: this restaurant, they canceled it. Do you guys have room

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Speaker 5: for twelve What does that look like? I'm pretty sure

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Speaker 5: a restaurant would make something.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, they'd be like, oh yeah, right, we got

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Speaker 3: you be the heroes. Yeah, then I'd be like this

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Speaker 3: place rocks five star review, Boom, How you do business?

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Speaker 4: Baby?

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Speaker 3: Was the restaurant a franchise place? Op says, it's not.

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Speaker 3: It's a local place that was bought out by a

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Speaker 3: larger company last year. I think it's been there for

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Speaker 3: over fifty years. Wow, and so they got they got

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Speaker 3: bought out and now they've gone downhill. That happened to

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Speaker 3: the hot dog shop in my place? Am I town

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Speaker 3: jib jab?

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Speaker 5: Will they serve there hot dogs? Wow? What kind?

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Speaker 2: Why does he do that?

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Speaker 5: Hot dogs? Just like I could go on and on

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Speaker 5: and you want to because oh, I know, that's why

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Speaker 5: I'm asking beef dogs, veggie dogs, pork dogs.

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Speaker 3: I don't think they have So you can't go on

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Speaker 3: and well I haven't been there because it doesn't taste

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Speaker 3: good anymore because they changed owners and they like changed

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Speaker 3: a lot of Oh no.

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Speaker 5: Sou's hard to screw up a hot dog. I'm gonna say.

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Speaker 3: So many people boycotted it and whatever because they do

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Speaker 3: like chili cheese.

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Speaker 5: That's like the thing.

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Speaker 3: A downvoted commoner said, at a certain point, you had

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Speaker 3: to understand the restaurant was passive, aggressively telling you they

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Speaker 3: didn't want to serve you. They did everything but verbally

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Speaker 3: tell you to go away. That is upsetting, But you

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Speaker 3: made a decision to wait two and a half hours.

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Speaker 3: Even if you talk to the manager, they won't care.

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Speaker 3: They didn't want you there.

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Speaker 4: So they just don't.

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Speaker 5: Want so I think there's just a bad date.

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Speaker 3: Restaurants want customers, so I don't think that's correct. You

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Speaker 3: would think so, right, They just didn't want you there, dude,

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Speaker 3: no reason this was downloaded.

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Speaker 5: I mean, this seems like a nice restaurant. You got

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Speaker 5: twelve people probably like thirty to forty dollars a play.

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Speaker 5: That's like five hundred bucks right there?

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Speaker 2: Yeah they s yeah.

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Speaker 3: Op Response. They shouldn't have sent out a confirmation then

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Speaker 3: that is also very true, or accepted the reservation. We

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Speaker 3: waited because the initial weight was thirty minutes. Where else

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Speaker 3: would we go with twelve people that wouldn't have a

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Speaker 3: substantial weight. This is literally not my fault. They should

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Speaker 3: have at least sent an email standing they were canceling.

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Speaker 3: It's weird because you're trying to blame me. To be honest,

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Speaker 3: was the restaurant aware that this was a wedding dinner reservation?

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Speaker 3: Opie response, Yes, we included it in the notes, and

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Speaker 3: when I talked to them in person, I told someone

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Speaker 3: Opie on the timeline on when the reservation and confirmation

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Speaker 3: were made with the restaurant. Opie response. The reservation was

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Speaker 3: made about two weeks beforehand. The confirmation was two days

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Speaker 3: just to clarify. Okay, So she made this like two

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Speaker 3: weeks in advance, and then two days before got the

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Speaker 3: confirmation and be like, oh, we're excited to see you.

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Speaker 3: I would think that it would they be like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 3: cool day, Yep, they confirmed.

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Speaker 5: Awesome. How would you feel?

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Speaker 3: I feel sad, Karen.

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Speaker 5: I feel pretty sad because, like you know, they're feeding

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Speaker 5: me and then I'm also going to be staying at

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Speaker 5: their place and it's a very special day to be

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Speaker 5: remember my special day with my wife. We went to

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Speaker 5: the lake that day. The current it almost got her

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Speaker 5: thank you awesome. Yeah, I agree with him.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree with them. Well, there is an update.

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Speaker 4: It's sweet.

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Speaker 3: Yes, eight days later.

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Speaker 5: Yo, it's in a day.

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Speaker 3: I went into the lounge last weekend and talked to

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Speaker 3: the bartender explain what happened, and she said, what the

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Speaker 3: F that's fed up. She went to go get the

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Speaker 3: bar manager. Who was there our wedding night. He apologized

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Speaker 3: and gave us our drinks free. I asked if there

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Speaker 3: if the restaurant manager was there, and he said she

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Speaker 3: was and went to go get her. She said, basically

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Speaker 3: the same thing. Corporate started a new system without notifying them,

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Speaker 3: They didn't know how to use it, and they canceled

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Speaker 3: reservations for the twenty third through the first.

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Speaker 5: That's such a long time.

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Speaker 3: And also you probably have the emails of all the

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Speaker 3: people who booked or numbers, so you can call those

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Speaker 3: people and let them know, be like, hey, we are

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Speaker 3: now canceling blah blah blah.

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Speaker 5: Agreed, variable excuse horrible.

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Speaker 3: I asked if I could talk to her manager aka

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Speaker 3: the manager for the whole building.

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Speaker 2: She gave me our card.

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Speaker 5: Uh oh zop right now.

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Speaker 3: Anyways, back to the Frankenstary. I emailed that manager and

401
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Speaker 3: set up a phone call. She apologized sincerely and said

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Speaker 3: that the staff was supposed to honor all previous reservations

403
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Speaker 3: and said that the staff wasn't being honest. She said

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00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,400
Speaker 3: the manager on staff that night likely didn't even look

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Speaker 3: at the reservation and had no idea we were coming.

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Speaker 3: She gave us a one hundred dollars gift card to

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Speaker 3: the restaurant, and a free night at the hotel to

408
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Speaker 3: use whenever we want. I genuinely don't know who's telling

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Speaker 3: the truth, and honestly I don't care. They were nothing

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Speaker 3: but nice about the situation, as was I. It seemed

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Speaker 3: to have been a serious of unfortunate mix ups and

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00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:22,040
Speaker 3: miscommunications that led to not getting our reservation that night.

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Speaker 3: I'm happy with the gift card and the free night

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Speaker 3: at the hotel. Oh you, honestly I would be happy

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Speaker 3: with that too.

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Speaker 5: One hundred bucks. You're settling.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I don't want to cause a scene.

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Speaker 5: You couldn't negotiate it for more.

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Speaker 3: I can't.

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Speaker 4: I'm not the person.

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Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

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Speaker 3: to the next one.

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Speaker 2: I call that sick with a fever, but my boss

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Speaker 2: still demanded I come in.

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Speaker 3: I don't care about diseases.

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Speaker 2: Everyone gets them, right, I twenty seven female. I am a

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Speaker 2: very easy going person. I like to think I go

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Speaker 2: out of my way to help others, and I'm a

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Speaker 2: people pleaser, so it's hard for me to say no sometimes.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from brandedler and if you

431
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,600
Speaker 2: want to you're odd stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 2: Okay storytime, supardate.

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Speaker 3: I'm Sofia, I'm Savannah, I'm Keon, and we're here to give.

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Speaker 2: Good of ice, goofy. But we don't have all the answers.

435
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,639
Speaker 2: We only know what we'd do. So let us know

436
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments and no pisa.

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Speaker 2: I was scheduled for a serving shift. I only have

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Speaker 2: this job so I'm not at home all the time.

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Speaker 2: This isn't a job for a means of survival, and

440
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,960
Speaker 2: I know I am very fortunate just for that fact.

441
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,919
Speaker 2: I do drink streams every Friday. This past Friday, I

442
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,679
Speaker 2: did my stream. I didn't get too intoxicated, but I

443
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:31,600
Speaker 2: was a bit swimmy.

444
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 1: What are you talking about?

445
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,159
Speaker 5: What do you mean you drank streams?

446
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,800
Speaker 3: Oh, maybe like a drinking stream, which I was like

447
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:43,439
Speaker 3: drinking on stream. And she's a streamer. I maybe I

448
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,200
Speaker 3: don't know I would do that.

449
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,720
Speaker 2: My coworkers know of my streams too well. Saturday rolls

450
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,840
Speaker 2: around and I wake up with a fever and constantly

451
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,280
Speaker 2: puke in my guts out. I was like this for

452
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,040
Speaker 2: the next two days. I was a shift manager and

453
00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:59,119
Speaker 2: I had already since I woke up sick been looking

454
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,320
Speaker 2: for coverage. I reached out to everyone who was not working,

455
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 2: and no one would take my shift. For context, I

456
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,679
Speaker 2: always pick up shifts when I needed.

457
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,160
Speaker 5: Literally the week.

458
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,359
Speaker 2: Before I was scheduled for ten hours but ended up

459
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 2: working more than forty from picking up shifts of others

460
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 2: calling out. I'm terrible at saying no. Even on the

461
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,480
Speaker 2: days I had off and set aside for myself to

462
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,880
Speaker 2: get my weekly things done, I still came in. Let's

463
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 2: rewind back to me looking for coverage. So I finally

464
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,639
Speaker 2: reached out to my boss about two hours before the

465
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 2: shift and let them know, like, hey, I'm sick. I

466
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,679
Speaker 2: reached out to everyone, but no one's picking up, but

467
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 2: I can't make it in today. I'm sick with the

468
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,439
Speaker 2: fever and I've been purging everything going into my body cool.

469
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,879
Speaker 2: I got left on red for about an hour just

470
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 2: for them to say, hey, let the manager on shift know,

471
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 2: so I did. Then all heck breaks loose. I get

472
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 2: a text from the boss's girlfriend, who also works there,

473
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 2: but it's like me a shift manager, not my boss,

474
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 2: my equal. She tells me I need to get a

475
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,360
Speaker 2: doctor's note or I'm getting written up when I come in,

476
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 2: I am sending a picture of my throw up.

477
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,719
Speaker 3: I'd be like, how does this look I threw up

478
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:07,720
Speaker 3: on the doctor's notes.

479
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's in the dot. I ate it.

480
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 3: I threw it up, Mommy flew up.

481
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,040
Speaker 2: I live in America, y'all. I don't have insurance, so

482
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,160
Speaker 2: I'm not going to go to the doctor to pay

483
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 2: out a pocket for a note to tell you what

484
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,879
Speaker 2: I'm telling you now. I think that's just plain and silly,

485
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,920
Speaker 2: and that's what I told her. She messages me back, saying, well,

486
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 2: you were fine in your stream last night. And this

487
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 2: snaps something in me, because maybe it was the sickness,

488
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 2: the sleep deprivation, or the constant questioning whenever I needed

489
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 2: a day off or to call out. But I said, yeah,

490
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,920
Speaker 2: I was fine on my stream last night. It does

491
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,439
Speaker 2: not matter what I did the day before. People get sick.

492
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 2: I'm sick, not arguing like this with y'all today. And

493
00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 2: I left it at that.

494
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:47,400
Speaker 1: Then I get a.

495
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:51,160
Speaker 2: Text from my boss that girl's boyfriend saying I needed

496
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 2: to come in.

497
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:52,680
Speaker 4: I'm not coming in.

498
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 3: I shouldn't understand that if I call out sick, like

499
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 3: if anyone, if anyone calls out sick, and I am

500
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 3: like a manager or boss whatever. I'm not going to

501
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:02,959
Speaker 3: tell you to come in. I don't want to get

502
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 3: people sick.

503
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 5: I don't want to get sick.

504
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 4: I don't want to get sick.

505
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 5: Stay home.

506
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, stay as far away from me as

507
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,879
Speaker 2: possible if you're sick. This is a restaurant and one

508
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 2: of the number one rules is to not come in

509
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 2: when you have a fever. I am a stickler for

510
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 2: these rules. It's just who I am. So I told

511
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,560
Speaker 2: them I have a fever. By law, I cannot come

512
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,959
Speaker 2: in as I may contaminate the place. So he then

513
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 2: goes on to tell me if I don't come in,

514
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 2: I'll be written up. The best threat they have.

515
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 4: Right me up?

516
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 2: Do it? I dare you righte me up for.

517
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 3: Being sick and throwing up?

518
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 2: Now let me insert a little side note here. I

519
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,880
Speaker 2: am the only one who gets questioned like this, and

520
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 2: I have come in multiple times when I tried to

521
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:45,400
Speaker 2: call out because I was sick, because I couldn't find coverage.

522
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,199
Speaker 2: I have been written up because I was late to

523
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 2: a shift. I got called in for last minute, So

524
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 2: I already have one write up. You know the rule

525
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 2: three and you're out. Anyone else who calls out, the

526
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 2: answer is always all right, feel better, we'll figure something

527
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,159
Speaker 2: out for you. But at the moment it's me. I

528
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,879
Speaker 2: get questioned and berated to the point of me normally

529
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,480
Speaker 2: just giving in and going in.

530
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 1: I have a question. Does OP do this a lot?

531
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 5: Yeah?

532
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the thing.

533
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:12,359
Speaker 2: I don't know.

534
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it kind of sounds like because why else.

535
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:18,720
Speaker 2: Would they be berating you.

536
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.

537
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 2: This time, I wasn't having it. My boss is still

538
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 2: telling me I need a doctor's note or I'm getting

539
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 2: written up. Then he proceeds tell me, hey, you can

540
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 2: buy a fake doctor's note for fifty dollars. That's what

541
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:34,240
Speaker 2: I did last week. That's when I snapped. I told

542
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 2: them to kindly f off. I like you allus people,

543
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 2: but as a workplace, this is ridiculous. You're either trying

544
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 2: to get me to come in sick as heck or

545
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 2: break the law by buying a fake doctor's note, which

546
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 2: I know we don't need as it's not a requirement

547
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 2: per the restaurant rules. Like I said, I'm a stickler

548
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,680
Speaker 2: for rules, so I know this stuff. I told them

549
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 2: to consider this. My two weeks notice not one hundred

550
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 2: percent quitting. I was doing my due diligence by even

551
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 2: giving them that. All I got back was heard, and

552
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,720
Speaker 2: then I was removed from the work group chat.

553
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 3: I can't.

554
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 1: I they removed you from the work group chat after that.

555
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:09,000
Speaker 2: Immediately removed you. Come on whatever.

556
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,640
Speaker 1: So they were looking for just a reason to fire you.

557
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, it feels like it.

558
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 3: Honestly, I hate I actually cannot stand when people say heard.

559
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 1: Heard is it better than K? And you know why,

560
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 1: I feel like hurt's better than K though, because they

561
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 1: didn't hear you.

562
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:25,520
Speaker 5: No.

563
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:29,360
Speaker 3: Because one one guy in Groundlings, we both had him,

564
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,160
Speaker 3: not not in different classes, but we both had him

565
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 3: in all he said and I'm oh, my god, I

566
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,439
Speaker 3: don't hear you, like, please shut up, please, I can't.

567
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,160
Speaker 3: There's some people I can't.

568
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 2: He's one of I didn't have as bad a time

569
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 2: with this guy, did you? And Vincent?

570
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 5: Did?

571
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 3: My god? I had to do my final with him.

572
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that stuff. I then get text from the same people,

573
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 2: plus a couple more telling me I shouldn't have done

574
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 2: that it was uncalled for and that I should apologize

575
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 2: for Sorry, I apologize for quitting. That's actually I'm sorry.

576
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 2: I quit. No, that's insane.

577
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 4: I'm not apologizing for crap.

578
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 2: If off with that. I also always get in my

579
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 2: head and overthink things. So am I the a hole

580
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 2: for putting in my two weeks because I tried to

581
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 2: call out sick and got denied and told to come

582
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 2: in with my fever or go get a doctor's note.

583
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 3: I mean, honestly, this place sounds like a nightmare to

584
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,440
Speaker 3: work out anyway, So I feel like you're doing yourself

585
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:29,879
Speaker 3: a favor.

586
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 2: Who is telling you that you need to apologize?

587
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 3: And once you work at a restaurant, you can basically

588
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 3: work at any restaurant you know, actually have the experience.

589
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 2: Wild to me that anyone was like, you should apologize

590
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 2: for quitting?

591
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, who is telling you to do that?

592
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:47,119
Speaker 2: Unless you want your job bag in New Yeah? Side notes,

593
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,880
Speaker 2: I like these guys as people remove the workplace. They're

594
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 2: generally nice people. We've hung out a few times outside

595
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 2: of work. They know this job is not something I

596
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 2: need but something I got to make friends and also

597
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 2: just get out of the house. So I ask, am

598
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 2: I whole of butts you want to hurt my feelings trauma?

599
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 2: Remove those for me. I'm just genuinely curious what y'all

600
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 2: think or if I should have handled it differently.

601
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:12,440
Speaker 3: No, no, no, it's like what these people are disrespectful

602
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 3: and you're sick and have a fever.

603
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 5: You're sick?

604
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 3: Like sorry if they don't believe you or not like

605
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,160
Speaker 3: I am, I don't know what?

606
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 4: What? Like?

607
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 5: What do you want me to do?

608
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 3: Yeah?

609
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,880
Speaker 1: You got a fever? Is it more cow bell?

610
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:25,440
Speaker 5: Mmm?

611
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,439
Speaker 2: And it got a prescription. But that's the end of

612
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 2: that story.

613
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 6: I chose toxic men my whole life. Now a good

614
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:36,920
Speaker 6: one scared me away. Oh no, so, I twenty three female,

615
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:41,439
Speaker 6: have never had a healthy relationship quote unquote. My first

616
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:45,959
Speaker 6: and longest relationship was a codependent mess which had insane

617
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 6: highs and crashing lows. I deeply loved him, obsessed over him,

618
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 6: even though in hindsight he treated me terribly, and of

619
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 6: course it ended disastrously, taking me years to get over.

620
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 6: I've tried dating other guys since then, but either they

621
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,920
Speaker 6: weren't interested and just used me for spicy sleep, or

622
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,400
Speaker 6: I would realize I was just using them.

623
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 4: For validation and nothing ever lasted.

624
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 6: I eventually gave up on dating, and up until recently

625
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 6: I had been happily single.

626
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:12,880
Speaker 4: For about a year.

627
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 6: And by the way, this comes from a deleted user,

628
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,919
Speaker 6: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

629
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 6: to the r slash Okay storytime subred it.

630
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,120
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota and I'm Keon and we have a very

631
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 1: special guest here today, Ashley. Can you go ahead and

632
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 1: introduce yourself and let us know who you are and

633
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:27,159
Speaker 1: what you do?

634
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 7: Absolutely so. My name is Ashley Kellogg actually newly baits.

635
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 2: I'm newly married.

636
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 4: Oh congratulations, yeah, lazy, thank you.

637
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 7: I am a matchmaker and dating coach. I have my

638
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 7: masters and addiction counseling and live in beautiful San Diego.

639
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 7: I'm originally from Minnesota and yes, happy.

640
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 2: To be here.

641
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, happy to have you.

642
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 6: A few weeks ago, I met someone twenty six mail

643
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,880
Speaker 6: at a university class and we really hit it off.

644
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 6: We were just friends initially, but eventually started dating. We're

645
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 6: getting pretty intimate and I genuinely enjoy being around him,

646
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,239
Speaker 6: but I'm not really sure if I like him that

647
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 6: much or if I'm forcing it. But because of my

648
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 6: terrible dating history, I've realized that I actually have no

649
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 6: idea what it feels like to be in a healthy relationship.

650
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 6: The thing is He's smart and funny and super nice

651
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 6: and actually likes me. He genuinely listens to me, he

652
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 6: cares about my interests and remembers things I've told him,

653
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 6: and he doesn't play arbitrary relationship games, all of which

654
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:29,959
Speaker 6: I am not used to. In the slightest. However, I

655
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 6: don't feel like I like him as much as I should.

656
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,360
Speaker 6: I certainly do like him, and I love hanging out

657
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 6: with him, and the romantic intimate stuff is pretty good,

658
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 6: but compared to past relationships, as disastrous as they were,

659
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 6: this one feels almost boring in comparison. I don't crave

660
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 6: to be with him. I don't get wild fireworks when

661
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 6: he kisses me. I don't feel my heart flutter when

662
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 6: I get a text from him. I do feel a

663
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 6: strong sense of affection that's almost a weird mix of

664
00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 6: close friendship and this guy is a dork and I

665
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 6: really like kissing him, And for the first time ever,

666
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 6: I almost prefer just hanging out in his kitchen and

667
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 6: making dinner together to being intimate, which is totally opposite

668
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 6: to pass relationships that were mostly built around being intimate.

669
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 6: So I've been wondering how much of that lack of

670
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 6: intensity is due to him not being right for me,

671
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 6: or if it's because he is right for me. Maybe

672
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 6: I don't get fireworks when we kiss because he freely

673
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 6: kisses me all the time without making me work for it.

674
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,200
Speaker 4: Maybe my heart doesn't flutter when.

675
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 6: He texts because I know he'll always text back without

676
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 6: making me wait for hours on end. Maybe I don't

677
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 6: constantly think about him and crave his presence because I

678
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 6: know he'll be there when I need him. Maybe the

679
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 6: intensity isn't there because I don't have to fight for

680
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 6: his attention or walk on eggshells or agonize about him not.

681
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 4: Being there for me.

682
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 7: Bingo.

683
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know.

684
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 6: One thing is I feel like OHP said that this

685
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 6: was their first their relationship before this that you know,

686
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 6: was toxic and codependent.

687
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 4: He said that was their first and only real relationationship.

688
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 6: I don't know is that common with like people just

689
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 6: have like one bad relationship and they're just like it's

690
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 6: done for me forever, Like I'm not cut out for this.

691
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 7: No, I mean no. Usually the cycle repeats until someone

692
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 7: becomes aware, and usually it's gradual healing. So the fact

693
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 7: that she's in what seems to be a healthy relationship

694
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 7: now is amazing. Yeah, and it sounds like Charity knows

695
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 7: what's happening here, is just allowing your body to catch

696
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 7: up with your mind. And I mean, I think that

697
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 7: it's great that she likes kissing him. It's not like

698
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 7: she's turned off by him, right, so I would say

699
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 7: keep going.

700
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, So yeah, she's just like, ah, this doesn't make

701
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 6: any sense.

702
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 4: But it's like you just got to give it a

703
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 4: little more time.

704
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 6: I know, I feel a sense of warmth or of

705
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 6: contentment when I think about him, and when we're together,

706
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 6: there's not really anywhere else i'd rather be.

707
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 4: Maybe that's enough.

708
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 6: I know it's early days, but he's already expressed a

709
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 6: strong interest in me, and I feel like my feelings

710
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 6: aren't quite matched to his. Should I be feeling more

711
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 6: intensely about him? Or is this just what being in

712
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 6: a healthy relationship feels like? And we do have an

713
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 6: update from a few months later. It's interesting because I've

714
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 6: had the situation where it's like, in a relationship, the

715
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 6: feeling that like your partner has way more feelings for

716
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 6: you than you have for them, and it's like a

717
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,840
Speaker 6: really difficult thing, or at least it was for me

718
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 6: to like figure out to navigate because it was making

719
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 6: me feel just like guilty all the time. I mean,

720
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,600
Speaker 6: I feel like Op's kind of running into a similar

721
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 6: thing where it's like she's like, I do like this guy, but.

722
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 4: I feel like I don't like him enough. I don't know.

723
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 6: I guess the best question would be, like, with all

724
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 6: this noise going on, like, what would be the best

725
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 6: like step forward and to be like to continue this

726
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 6: and keep the door open for other possibilities because I

727
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,480
Speaker 6: think Op's young. They're in like university still is their

728
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 6: second Yeah, I mean this isn't even there a real

729
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 6: relationship yet, but yeah, there's there's a whole lot going

730
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 6: on in that noggin up there.

731
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 7: For there is well, and I think a lot of

732
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 7: it depends on the other person. If they're like, for

733
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 7: a woman to be pursuing you, that would make sense

734
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 7: why maybe you weren't as into her. The dynamic has

735
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 7: a lot to play in the partnership. But I think

736
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 7: men often fall for the woman earlier and it does

737
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 7: take a little bit of time. So it's all about,

738
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 7: you know, is she expressing herself? What are there any

739
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,479
Speaker 7: red flags? Are there any like major turn offs that

740
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 7: are going on here, And yeah, I mean you could

741
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 7: as long as you're honest with the other person, you

742
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 7: could continue dating other people. But that may also mean

743
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,719
Speaker 7: that he's going to be like, no, I'm only interested

744
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 7: in you. So if you're going to date other people,

745
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 7: I'm out of here. Are you okay with that too?

746
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 6: So yeah, I think the big thing is it's hard

747
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 6: to say people need like more reps, you know, when

748
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 6: it comes to like dating. Well, I guess I would

749
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 6: also just recommend therapy clearly for OP if they went

750
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 6: through this terrible relationship and maybe get.

751
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 4: You know, more of more assistance in navigating all those thoughts.

752
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 7: Always a good option.

753
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

754
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 6: A few months ago I wrote about dating an actually

755
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 6: stable guy after only having toxic relationships. The post got

756
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 6: more traction than I expected, so I figured it might

757
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 6: be nice to do an update. Thank you so much

758
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 6: to everyone who replied to my post. They were all

759
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 6: very helpful. As it turns out, the guy was seeing

760
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 6: found the Reddit post and it figured out that it

761
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 6: was me and talked to me about it. Turns out

762
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 6: he actually felt the same way in terms of low intensity,

763
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,240
Speaker 6: but he liked that, and I decided to keep dating

764
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 6: him for as long as we kept having fun together. Well,

765
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 6: I'm happy to say that last week we celebrated being

766
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 6: together for six months and.

767
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 4: That we are quite madly in love with each other.

768
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 5: Ww we did it.

769
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 6: After we talked, I took the advice of some of

770
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 6: the commenters and tried to just enjoy my time with

771
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 6: him instead of worrying about the depth of my feelings.

772
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 6: I soon realized that he is a kind, thoughtful, intelligent

773
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 6: person and we totally get each other. He makes me

774
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 6: laugh with the most inane stuff, and he thinks my

775
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 6: dumb jokes are funny too. We can talk for hours

776
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 6: and hours about anything at all, and I rarely feel

777
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 6: like I have to justify or explain my point of

778
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 6: view at all. Just understands me. One of the first

779
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 6: times I knew I was really falling in love, we

780
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 6: were chatting in bed, and suddenly it was three in

781
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,880
Speaker 6: the morning, and I realized we'd been chatting for three

782
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:12,560
Speaker 6: hours without a single awkward pause. I've rarely had that

783
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 6: with anyone else, and never with a previous boyfriend. I

784
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 6: think most of the comments were right. My other longest

785
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 6: relationships were all built around toxic intensity and wild passion,

786
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 6: and while this relationship definitely isn't lacking in the bedroom.

787
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 6: I'd say it's much more built on a sort of

788
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 6: close friendship and respect for each other. It's certainly not

789
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 6: as filled with longing and deep passion as other relationships

790
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 6: I've had, but honestly, I prefer behinting with him. I

791
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 6: feel like I have not just someone to go out

792
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 6: with or to cuddle up to, but a genuine life partner,

793
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 6: someone who supports me, who I can talk to about anything,

794
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 6: and someone who makes me want to be a better person.

795
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 6: It just took me a while to realize how much

796
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:58,799
Speaker 6: better that calmer, more peaceful love is instead of the

797
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 6: roller coaster or intensely toxic relationships I've had. And I

798
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 6: almost made the mistake of thinking that it was boring

799
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 6: and throwing this away.

800
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:08,400
Speaker 7: I'm so happy to hear that.

801
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 4: I mean, how many people do you think you've talked to?

802
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:13,799
Speaker 6: Or is it common where people will come to you

803
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 6: and the conclusion ends up being like WHOA, I really?

804
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 6: Maybe I did throw that perfect situation away.

805
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 4: Does it happen a lot or occasionally?

806
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 7: I would say more often than that. People are just

807
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 7: they're looking for the chemistry and they're looking for they

808
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 7: just don't feel it, so they move on after a

809
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 7: few dates. They don't give it the time. Yeah, that

810
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:32,759
Speaker 7: she gave it.

811
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 6: I really just needed time to get used to dating

812
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 6: someone who doesn't play games and displays his affection openly

813
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:44,799
Speaker 6: and frequently. We did have some slight issues with communication

814
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:48,879
Speaker 6: to start with, mainly me just being afraid to bring

815
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 6: issues up or suggest things because of other boyfriends overreacting

816
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 6: terribly in the past. But after we talked a lot,

817
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 6: he's been very supportive and proven himself to be a

818
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 6: mature enough adult, but he can handle occasional criticism without

819
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 6: getting super defensive. It's been really refreshing to be in

820
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 6: such a drama free relationship where we can argue or

821
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 6: talk about issues in a really healthy way. Thank you

822
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 6: to everyone who replied. You all helped a lot, and

823
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 6: I'm really glad I took your advice and didn't just

824
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 6: break up with him. I love them a lot, and

825
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 6: I can see us being together a long time.

826
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 4: Yay, A good one. We like that.

827
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:25,760
Speaker 5: Yeah.

828
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,760
Speaker 6: Sometimes we'll get stories of people, you know, getting married

829
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 6: in like a month and a half, moving in together

830
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 6: in like two weeks.

831
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:34,800
Speaker 4: It always just seems like the deck is so stacked

832
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:35,399
Speaker 4: against that.

833
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, it just depends on what the reason

834
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 7: for the rush is. Because if you're having the hard

835
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 7: conversations and you maybe have had more experienced your age

836
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,319
Speaker 7: and all that, if you've done the therapy and work

837
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 7: are aware of yourself, then things can move a lot

838
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 7: more quickly. If you know your values and your goals

839
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 7: are aligned, they can it can move quickly and work out. Yeah,

840
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 7: But if you're rushing into it because yeah, you know,

841
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 7: things are hot and heavy and you just can't wait, then.

842
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: Thank you sorry.

843
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 6: Coming from an informed place, Yes, and that's the end

844
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 6: of this story.

845
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 1: Let's head to the next one.

846
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:13,840
Speaker 5: Hey, this is Riley the host. I can't really read that. Well,

847
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 5: we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three

848
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:17,919
Speaker 5: minutes worth of ads from our sponsors.

849
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 6: I've outgrown my boyfriend of seven years and I think

850
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:25,479
Speaker 6: I've had enough. Oh no, My boyfriend thirty one male

851
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 6: and I twenty six female, have been together for seven years.

852
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:32,799
Speaker 6: There are several reasons that make me feel like I

853
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 6: should move on, but I still don't know if it's

854
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 6: the right decision or if I'm just reaching that seven

855
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,799
Speaker 6: year slump. Also, this comes from user FC kid Up

856
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 6: three and if you want to submit your own stories,

857
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 6: go to the r slash Okay Storytime Suburday.

858
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota and I'm Keon and we have a very

859
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 1: special guest here today, Ashley. Can you go ahead and

860
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 1: introduce yourself let the people know who you are and

861
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:54,400
Speaker 1: what you do.

862
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:59,319
Speaker 7: Absolutely. I'm Ashley Baths and newly married and I am

863
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 7: a match maker and relationship coach and I have my

864
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 7: master's in addiction counseling and that really plays into how

865
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 7: I help people heal their heart and prepare them to

866
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 7: meet the person that they can have a healthy, lasting

867
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 7: relationship with. I am originally from Minnesota, currently live in

868
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:19,960
Speaker 7: San Diego and excited to be here today.

869
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 4: Amazing, We're excited to have you.

870
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 6: I have grown a lot since I've met him at nineteen.

871
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,319
Speaker 6: At nineteen, I was into going out and drinking, as

872
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 6: was he. Since then, I've grown out of that and

873
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:34,479
Speaker 6: don't care to drink. I will socially drink with friends

874
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 6: or family every four to six weeks, where I have

875
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 6: just maybe two or three drinks. However, he still enjoys

876
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 6: getting wasted with his friends and family, but tries to

877
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 6: show that he doesn't. His family's in another town because

878
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 6: he moved closer for me, and whenever he goes there

879
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 6: or they visit, he drinks much more than usual, which

880
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 6: makes me feel like he's hiding.

881
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 5: His true self from me.

882
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 6: I don't want my partner to change for me, but

883
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 6: that's what it feels like he's having to do. I

884
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 6: feel like that's a good time to maybe question you

885
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 6: have a background as with addiction counseling. Yes, feeling like

886
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 6: maybe you know he's clearly maybe over consuming, yes, but

887
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 6: that feeling that maybe that's a part of his true self.

888
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 5: I don't know.

889
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:21,880
Speaker 6: That kind of stood out to me, like, yeah, well yeah, please, Well.

890
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 7: I'm just curious. She said, I don't want him to

891
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 7: have to change for me, But does that mean they've

892
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 7: had a conversation and he's not willing to change for himself.

893
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 4: That's a good point.

894
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 6: We don't know if they've really talked this out or not,

895
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 6: and that is a very common problem a lot of

896
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 6: our stories. Just somebody's like, I just really want this

897
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 6: thing to change, Yeah, but I haven't said anything about it.

898
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 6: And it's like that's the first thing, you know, if

899
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,719
Speaker 6: a context of someone with an addiction if they were like, well,

900
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:48,920
Speaker 6: I can't because this is who I.

901
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 4: Am, this is my true self.

902
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

903
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 4: I mean what would you say to that?

904
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 7: Oh gosh, I would say, I'm out of here. That's

905
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:58,879
Speaker 7: a dark road to go down with someone. And if

906
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 7: they're not willing to change, you can't force them. And

907
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 7: I don't know if she wants children or what she

908
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 7: envisions her future to be like, but especially if you're

909
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 7: not married yet and he's not showing any signs of

910
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:11,799
Speaker 7: wanting to change, I would yeah.

911
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,879
Speaker 6: I mean if he's outwardly been like this is my identity, Yeah,

912
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:16,839
Speaker 6: then that's pretty I mean I would still think that

913
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,399
Speaker 6: that's rooted in a place of sort of a lack

914
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 6: of awareness that it's like the consuming a substance does

915
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 6: not equate to, you know, a core element of who

916
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 6: you are. No, but if that's where they're at internally,

917
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 6: it's like that's going to be an incredibly hard battle,

918
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 6: yes to fight. I also feel like we have different interests.

919
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 6: He's really into sports and is always on his phone,

920
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:44,280
Speaker 6: especially betting, whereas I don't care that much about sports

921
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 6: and prefer to do other things that don't involve a

922
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:49,800
Speaker 6: screen or phone, like hiking or going to the beach,

923
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 6: et cetera. And he agrees to do these things with me,

924
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 6: but it doesn't feel natural. It feels like I force

925
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 6: him and that if it was up to him, he

926
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,279
Speaker 6: would prefer to go watch a sports game at a bar.

927
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 6: So whenever we do these activities, it's not fun because

928
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 6: he always seems to be wanting to be done with

929
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 6: the activity. I also feel like he never plans things

930
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 6: when I repeatedly tell him, even though it's been seventy years,

931
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,399
Speaker 6: I always have to lead, which I hate having to.

932
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:15,879
Speaker 4: Do, Like why can't he just.

933
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 5: Be a man?

934
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,799
Speaker 6: He'll never plan anything until he realizes I'm upset that

935
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:22,319
Speaker 6: we don't have anything fun planned for the week, which

936
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 6: is also kind of the problem because he tends to

937
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,560
Speaker 6: be a homebody and I tend to like doing things

938
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 6: that keep me active, and when we do hang out,

939
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 6: he's just always on his phone and never gives me

940
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:38,360
Speaker 6: his full attention. I really value quality time and quality conversations,

941
00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 6: and I feel like I've never gotten that from him.

942
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 6: When it comes to religion, we practice different religions and

943
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:47,240
Speaker 6: this never bothered me before, but recently I've been getting

944
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 6: closer to my religion and trying to practice it more.

945
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 6: With him coming from a different religion, I feel like

946
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:54,920
Speaker 6: I don't have a partner that will grow with me.

947
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 6: My religion also requires you to not drink, and with

948
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 6: his family being full on out, it's tough for me

949
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 6: to envision how our future will be without changing who

950
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 6: he is as a person with his family, I think

951
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:10,279
Speaker 6: you really need to hash this out. It sounds like,

952
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 6: you know, ope, he keeps coming back to that the

953
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 6: drinking being.

954
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 4: A core aspect of their partner.

955
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 6: And I wonder if that's just coming from them or

956
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,880
Speaker 6: if it's what they've heard from him. But clearly a

957
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 6: conversation needs to be needs to be had.

958
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 7: Here absolutely well. And if that's the value and pastime

959
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 7: a common pastime of his family too, like that's what

960
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,399
Speaker 7: his family looks like too, that maybe it is more

961
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,400
Speaker 7: who he is, because there's a long line of it,

962
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 7: not just him.

963
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 2: But I don't know.

964
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 7: It sounds like it's not just the drinking though, like

965
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 7: their core value, the interest, that's not as much of

966
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 7: a deal breaker. You can usually work around that, but

967
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:48,399
Speaker 7: the religion and the drinking, like those are all some

968
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:51,520
Speaker 7: pretty major things that life is going to get real

969
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:53,840
Speaker 7: challenging if you commit to that long term.

970
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it does sound like her partner, that's the

971
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:59,359
Speaker 1: environment he grew up in. Yeah, and it's like trying

972
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,320
Speaker 1: to pull him out of that if that's his environment

973
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 1: that he literally grew up with. Mm hmm. I don't

974
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 1: think it's going to change, unfortunately. But also it just

975
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 1: seems like from what we've heard, there's zero They have

976
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:11,240
Speaker 1: zero common interest.

977
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:11,880
Speaker 5: Yeah.

978
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, they sound like two separate identities.

979
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:14,880
Speaker 5: Yeah.

980
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 1: They if you told me, hey, we're dating and we've

981
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:19,279
Speaker 1: been together for seven years, like, that doesn't sound real.

982
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:22,720
Speaker 7: Now, well, and what does your future look like seven years?

983
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:26,320
Speaker 7: Are you wanting to get married? Is that even a talk? Yeah,

984
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,360
Speaker 7: a conversation? Are you wanting kids?

985
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 1: Like?

986
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, I can't imagine it not being talked about at

987
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 6: all in seven years? That's right, A little bit more

988
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 6: left to this story, let's finish it off. We've also

989
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 6: just had a bad spice of sleep life because I

990
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 6: haven't felt that attraction to him in a while. Don't

991
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 6: get me wrong, he's a good looking, but when he

992
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 6: doesn't plan things and is lazy and has me leading

993
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:51,799
Speaker 6: the relationship, it turns me off completely. He doesn't put

994
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:55,280
Speaker 6: in the effort to even better our spicy sleep life.

995
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:56,280
Speaker 4: And that's the problem.

996
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 6: Girls need more than just a cuddle in bed to

997
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 6: feel a desire. I don't know, are these really minor things?

998
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 1: Like?

999
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 4: Am I thinking too deep into it?

1000
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 6: I honestly don't know if I'm happy, Like he's a

1001
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 6: great guy, my parents love him, but there's just things

1002
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 6: that make me feel like he's not my person or

1003
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:17,280
Speaker 6: best friend because of the differences we have. It's already

1004
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:20,200
Speaker 6: been seven years and we come from South Asian families

1005
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 6: where a breakup would be like a divorce for them.

1006
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 6: Like I've been to every family wedding. I'm in the pictures.

1007
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 6: It's a lot to think about. And you know what,

1008
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:31,759
Speaker 6: it's the frownie face. Lot to think about. That that's

1009
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 6: we sign up for that when we sign up for

1010
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 6: the happy face.

1011
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 4: What do I have to think about? Everything's fine? That

1012
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:37,840
Speaker 4: was a very.

1013
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 6: Silly way to describe get you sign up for the

1014
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 6: good in the pad.

1015
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:44,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, you can't have the good without the bad.

1016
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,400
Speaker 1: It does sound very interesting though that op It seems

1017
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:50,399
Speaker 1: like Opie wants the approval of you know, doesn't want

1018
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,880
Speaker 1: to disappoint anyone by doing this, or because They're like,

1019
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 1: we've been together for seven years, it's gonna be like

1020
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 1: a divorce. And you're like, you guys aren't married though,

1021
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 1: if it's that serious, I mean you should have I

1022
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 1: don't know, should Opie have a conversation with their partner

1023
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 1: or with their family? What are the steps here? Because

1024
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:11,280
Speaker 1: it seems like OPI is just fizzled out, you know.

1025
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 7: Like, well, it's way better to have a divorce at

1026
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 7: twenty four with no kids than it is at you know,

1027
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 7: thirty four. I'm good forty four when you've had kids

1028
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 7: and a family and your chances of meeting someone. It's

1029
00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 7: harder to date the older you get.

1030
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:25,879
Speaker 2: It just is.

1031
00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 7: And I didn't hear her mention anything positive about him

1032
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,920
Speaker 7: except for he's good looking, my family likes him, and

1033
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:36,320
Speaker 7: he's a great guy. I didn't hear elaborate on anything.

1034
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like, in what context is he great? Exactly?

1035
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:40,880
Speaker 4: Sounds like he doesn't.

1036
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:43,480
Speaker 7: Care, no, And that is a real thing. If men,

1037
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 7: there's a polarity thing. If men don't lead, a woman's

1038
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 7: not going to be attracted to him. You can, I mean,

1039
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 7: you should build up your partner and ask for what

1040
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 7: you want. And so I would love it if you

1041
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:55,319
Speaker 7: would take the lead here and plan things that would

1042
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:56,280
Speaker 7: make me really happy.

1043
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:58,799
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

1044
00:45:58,840 --> 00:45:59,359
Speaker 5: the next one.

1045
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:02,759
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Keon, your favorite shortking. We're going to get

1046
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 1: back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads

1047
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:07,800
Speaker 1: from our sponsors. I tried to make my girlfriend's expensive

1048
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 1: gift fair. She told me to never do it again.

1049
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:12,800
Speaker 5: Don't you ever do that?

1050
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 2: Akain?

1051
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 1: So I, twenty four mail, work as a marine engineer

1052
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 1: and make a lot of money overseas. Out of curiosity,

1053
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: my girlfriend, twenty four female, ask me what kind of

1054
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 1: stuff I usually take with myself aboard the ship. So

1055
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 1: I listed out the stuff like a bunch of men's

1056
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 1: hygiene stuff. So my favorite snacks, A bunch of socks,

1057
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:35,839
Speaker 1: some waterproof winter gear, stomach medicine, et cetera. By the way,

1058
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,920
Speaker 1: this comes from user throw six seven nine eight zero.

1059
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:40,560
Speaker 1: And if you want to make your own stories, go

1060
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:43,200
Speaker 1: to the r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Keon,

1061
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,880
Speaker 1: I'm Riley, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice. Goofly,

1062
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:48,400
Speaker 1: we don't have all the answers. We only know what

1063
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 1: we do so let us know what you do in

1064
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 1: the comments. As Opie says, she went ahead and bought

1065
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 1: a bunch of those things for me yesterday, and I

1066
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 1: had it delivered to my place along with a note.

1067
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 1: I was honestly quite taken aback. It had quite a

1068
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,320
Speaker 1: few expensive items, like a razor of high quality, some

1069
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:08,360
Speaker 1: expensive shampoo, expensive winter gear, and more stuff, et cetera.

1070
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:12,359
Speaker 1: Normally I would have just appreciated the gesture and thought

1071
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:14,879
Speaker 1: of something I would gift her in a while or

1072
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 1: or so. But since I was leaving in a week,

1073
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:19,400
Speaker 1: I was out of ideas and I couldn't have matched

1074
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,240
Speaker 1: the amount she spent on me in such a short

1075
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 1: while meaningfully. So I took her out to dinner, thanked

1076
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 1: her for all of that. I actually needed to buy

1077
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 1: quite a bit of that stuff, and then proceeded to

1078
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:36,840
Speaker 1: wire her the bill amount next day. Brother, Brother, she gave.

1079
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 5: You a gift, not a grocery You didn't give her

1080
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:40,759
Speaker 5: a grocery list.

1081
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 1: Okay, her reaction wasn't great.

1082
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, of course.

1083
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 1: She was disappointed and said that it was a gift

1084
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:53,279
Speaker 1: which shouldn't which shouldn't be paid back. I felt quite bad,

1085
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 1: but absolutely refused her from paying any of that money back.

1086
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 1: Normally I would have paid this, but it was quite

1087
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,400
Speaker 1: an amount and I make a lot more money than her,

1088
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,840
Speaker 1: so I felt awkward and was out of ideas.

1089
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:08,279
Speaker 5: Dude, what are we doing if she mentioned, oh, I

1090
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:11,799
Speaker 5: don't make a lot of money. Sure, I didn't get

1091
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 5: any hint of that, did you.

1092
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 1: I didn't get that. I didn't get that hint. I

1093
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 1: also just got it was a gift and she got

1094
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:21,360
Speaker 1: it for you because she cares for you. Opie says

1095
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 1: we're over it now, though, but she's asked me to

1096
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:28,880
Speaker 1: never do something like this again, and I've reluctantly agreed.

1097
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:31,160
Speaker 1: I also kind of wanted to bring up the cost

1098
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:33,279
Speaker 1: she put it into the gift, but I didn't want

1099
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,719
Speaker 1: to hurt her feelings at all. I'm not going to

1100
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:37,359
Speaker 1: be able to talk to her for a month now,

1101
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 1: and I'm feeling bad that I eft up this badly.

1102
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 1: I had the next four days before we don't see

1103
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 1: each other for three months. So am I the a

1104
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 1: hole for paying her back money for an expensive gift

1105
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:53,560
Speaker 1: which I needed? And there's an edit? But Riley is

1106
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:55,719
Speaker 1: op an a hole?

1107
00:48:56,280 --> 00:49:00,360
Speaker 5: A ho A hope? Look, man, Kean, how many likesanguages

1108
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:01,360
Speaker 5: of love are there.

1109
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:05,759
Speaker 1: In the English language. I know there's five, but there's more.

1110
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 5: One of those is the gift of giving. Sounds like

1111
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 5: that is what your girlfriend did, and you paying her

1112
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:18,919
Speaker 5: back was in a way rejecting her love.

1113
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 1: I guess op wasn't giving the gift of accepting exactly.

1114
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:23,799
Speaker 5: Edit.

1115
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 1: Well, I have managed to get my point about insecurity

1116
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 1: about my job through to her, and now we're past

1117
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:32,839
Speaker 1: the point of remembering it even happened. I also told

1118
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 1: her I'll remember her always when using the gear and

1119
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:38,440
Speaker 1: everything she said me and a bunch of other sappy stuff.

1120
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:42,319
Speaker 1: We're now hanging out together the entire day and night,

1121
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,360
Speaker 1: winky face and I took a small breather to post

1122
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: an edit. I'm leaving in three days and I have

1123
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 1: a lot to think about a lot, so I'll be

1124
00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:55,720
Speaker 1: getting to that soon. Thanks everyone, we have an update.

1125
00:49:56,239 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 1: Let's get right into it. So well, it has been

1126
00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 1: a and I managed to get this thing kind of

1127
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 1: cleared up over lunch with her. Yesterday was a Sunday,

1128
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 1: so I dedicated the entire day to her. I told

1129
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:10,399
Speaker 1: her that I had a freak out about the gift

1130
00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:13,520
Speaker 1: due to my toxic relationship with work and we made

1131
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 1: up completely over it. I also told her that my

1132
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:20,359
Speaker 1: actions don't undervalue her gift in my eyes, and I'll

1133
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 1: always remember her while using any of those things. Lol.

1134
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 1: I went a bit too sappy on her, I guess,

1135
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:31,279
Speaker 1: but we had fun. She's still sleeping beside me and

1136
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 1: it's just been a fun day overall. Anyways, reflecting on

1137
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:37,719
Speaker 1: what I did through the comments on the post and

1138
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,080
Speaker 1: the community's help at least made me realize that I

1139
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 1: had a lot of toxicity to work on. I guess

1140
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:46,600
Speaker 1: my blaming my parents wasn't completely fair either, given how

1141
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:50,120
Speaker 1: everything had been. My birth mom passed shortly after I

1142
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:53,360
Speaker 1: was born, and dad threw himself into work, relying heavily

1143
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:56,319
Speaker 1: on babysitters and went nurses to have me cared for

1144
00:50:56,480 --> 00:51:00,080
Speaker 1: until he got remarried and he was still thrown into work.

1145
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 1: My stepmother, who I have to refer to as mother

1146
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:06,759
Speaker 1: because she has legally adopted me, is not a very

1147
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 1: nice person to me. She didn't deprive me of anything

1148
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:13,440
Speaker 1: my half siblings had, and did keep me fed, but

1149
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 1: that was about it. There was these few times she

1150
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 1: tried to take out her frustrations with my dad out

1151
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 1: on me, and I have good reasons to believe that

1152
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 1: maybe one of my half siblings isn't blood related to me.

1153
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:30,600
Speaker 1: Oh okay, okay.

1154
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 5: Dang, I didn't know that this conflict between you and

1155
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:35,680
Speaker 5: your girlfriend would make you trauma dump about your whole family.

1156
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was gonna say this came out of nowhere?

1157
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 1: Where did they?

1158
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:41,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, we're getting the we're getting the back.

1159
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:44,240
Speaker 1: We're getting the full the full nine inches here from

1160
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 1: work to growing up. Do you think it's believable, like

1161
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:50,920
Speaker 1: you think it's fair for him to be like, Oh, no,

1162
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 1: wonder I can't accept gifts.

1163
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 5: Dude, I don't. I think you're gonna sum this up

1164
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 5: way clicker, You did not need to go into this.

1165
00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:59,160
Speaker 5: We are not. This isn't a therapy session movie. You

1166
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:00,120
Speaker 5: don't have to explain your.

1167
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:03,480
Speaker 1: On that note, I think I will try to reapproach

1168
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:06,480
Speaker 1: my father, who I barely am able to talk to,

1169
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,719
Speaker 1: and force him to tell him what my mother was

1170
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:11,920
Speaker 1: like and try to break him out of that shell

1171
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 1: he's created, possibly from the grief of losing my birth mom.

1172
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 1: If I can do something like that, then I think

1173
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:21,719
Speaker 1: I have somewhat fixed my own problems too. Right now,

1174
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 1: the only people I can call family is my girlfriend

1175
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 1: and her family is sweet and I'm friends with them,

1176
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:31,080
Speaker 1: but I'm not there with them. I'd love my father

1177
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 1: to get to know them at least somewhat. This went

1178
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 1: from one little thing to a lot of things for OPI.

1179
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:43,839
Speaker 5: This is a canon event for firstborn childs that have

1180
00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 5: mommy issues, is realizing they have mommy issues issues.

1181
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, yeah, this is a this is.

1182
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:54,240
Speaker 5: A mommy issue, mommy and daddy issue.

1183
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 4: Riley, aren't aren't you the firstborn?

1184
00:52:57,000 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 5: I am so what. I got some mom issues. I'm

1185
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,160
Speaker 5: working through them. I don't let them. I don't let

1186
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 5: them do this whole on though, Hold.

1187
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:07,680
Speaker 1: On, I just realize Op said, let me give you

1188
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 1: a like, let's figure figure out this gift giving thing.

1189
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:14,280
Speaker 1: All right, here's my gift to you girlfriend. Trauma dump.

1190
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:17,440
Speaker 5: I've been in situations recently where people just trauma dump

1191
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 5: and they think that's the right thing to do. No,

1192
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:22,840
Speaker 5: you're just it's like the reverse of an energy vampire.

1193
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 5: Maybe it is an energy vampire situation.

1194
00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:29,160
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think Op needs some therapy, especially overseas.

1195
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 1: I don't think this is going to fix anything. I mean,

1196
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:35,400
Speaker 1: you can do it. You can try and have that

1197
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 1: conversation with your dad, But I think your main focus

1198
00:53:38,719 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 1: right now should be your girlfriend, because if that's your

1199
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:45,239
Speaker 1: only family right now is figuring out how to make

1200
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:50,360
Speaker 1: sure that relationship works going forward, which goes back to

1201
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:51,440
Speaker 1: gift giving. I don't know.

1202
00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:54,560
Speaker 5: Wait, Shoe Bell has had a good comment if you

1203
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,239
Speaker 5: don't mind scrolling up my friend. He goes from a

1204
00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:01,760
Speaker 5: home that doesn't show affection to him. At least it

1205
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:05,840
Speaker 5: seem like a lot of love was transactional for him. Dang,

1206
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:07,759
Speaker 5: we really missed that. Oh my gosh, Shew Bell, you

1207
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 5: really did clear that up. Holy col I see now

1208
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:11,960
Speaker 5: that's a great point.

1209
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:13,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, it does suck.

1210
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:16,240
Speaker 5: That's why I feel guilty when he received all that stuff.

1211
00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh. Wow. And a lot of people are

1212
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:23,239
Speaker 5: gonna hate us on Facebook until this moment. Then they'll see, wow,

1213
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:25,239
Speaker 5: they really changed. But what's the rest of this.

1214
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 1: For now, I'm boarding a freight in two days. I

1215
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:30,120
Speaker 1: have the rest of the day to spend with her,

1216
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 1: and possibly the night too, so I'm trying not to

1217
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 1: bother about this. When I get back from the ship,

1218
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:40,279
Speaker 1: I'll get these things done slowly. I'll have a late

1219
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:43,479
Speaker 1: Valentine's Date night to look forward to after I am back,

1220
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 1: and a lot of things to work on, both on

1221
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 1: myself and my situation with people close to me. We

1222
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:52,160
Speaker 1: have some comments Riley coming Number one, Do you have

1223
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:56,279
Speaker 1: any access to your maternal relatives paternal family who remember her,

1224
00:54:57,040 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 1: neighbors or friends who knew her. There be newspaper records,

1225
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:06,279
Speaker 1: anything you can access to learn about her Akaopi's bio mom.

1226
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 1: Opie says, that's kind of the sad part. Her parents

1227
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:12,680
Speaker 1: are no longer here and her brother wants nothing to

1228
00:55:12,719 --> 00:55:15,759
Speaker 1: do with me. I tried reaching out a while back,

1229
00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:18,400
Speaker 1: and all I got was an angry reply saying I

1230
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:22,279
Speaker 1: should never attempt to contact him again. Coming too, You

1231
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:25,280
Speaker 1: may want to consider working through your issues without involving

1232
00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:29,440
Speaker 1: your father at first. Therapy may help you navigate that,

1233
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 1: and you are not required to call that lady your mother,

1234
00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:37,240
Speaker 1: even though she adopted you best wishes Opi. Opie responds

1235
00:55:37,239 --> 00:55:40,239
Speaker 1: with people have it worse than their step parents, so

1236
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:43,120
Speaker 1: I'm just showing a bit of respect. That's probably it.

1237
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,280
Speaker 1: I do need some therapy, but I guess it mostly

1238
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 1: boils down to learning what kinds of behaviors I have

1239
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:52,359
Speaker 1: from ignorance and unliving them one by one. Opie has

1240
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 1: another comment or another reply to a comment saying, no,

1241
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 1: I'm not holding any expectations. I have prepared for the

1242
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:00,880
Speaker 1: worst as I'm already he used to only speaking to

1243
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:04,359
Speaker 1: him once a week about really general stuff. He's usually

1244
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:06,720
Speaker 1: always found a way to be busy about every event

1245
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:10,040
Speaker 1: of my life and my half siblings' lives, who completely

1246
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:12,800
Speaker 1: turn like their mother in blaming me for our father's

1247
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:16,759
Speaker 1: lack of attention. But if the man's problem is originating

1248
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:19,520
Speaker 1: from grief, I'm possibly the last memory he has of

1249
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 1: his late lover. If I can help him using that,

1250
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:25,080
Speaker 1: I have to try. It feels like something my birth

1251
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:27,160
Speaker 1: mom would want me to do. I'll give him a

1252
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:29,759
Speaker 1: chance to a real relationship if he opens up and

1253
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:32,880
Speaker 1: is willing to accept therapy. If it works out, great,

1254
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 1: If it doesn't, I have a family waiting for me anyways,

1255
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:37,799
Speaker 1: and that's the end of that.