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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some great stories coming up, but.

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Speaker 1: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 2: I never knew my father, but I found him with

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Speaker 2: a DNA test.

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Speaker 3: Ook, you'm your father.

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Speaker 1: I twenty three female, had grown up without a father.

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Speaker 2: A little bit of background.

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Speaker 1: My mom had a substance use problem, so home wasn't

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Speaker 1: an option for her to stay at anymore. She would

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Speaker 1: hop from place to place, living where she could, whether

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Speaker 1: it be with friends, boyfriends.

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Speaker 2: Bad guys, et cetera.

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Speaker 1: She later found out she was pregnant after getting into

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Speaker 1: a car accident.

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Speaker 2: Oh that is a crazy chain of events.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, also a terrifying way to find out that you're

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Speaker 3: pregnant when you just got into Presumably they just did

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Speaker 3: a bunch of tests.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: That was enough to scare her into the reality that

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Speaker 1: she needed to grow up. She got her act together,

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Speaker 1: went to college, and is now almost ten years sober,

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Speaker 1: living her best life. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 1: user mickay Lexo and if if you want to submit

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Speaker 1: your own stories, you go to the our slash show

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Speaker 1: Gay story Time smebout it.

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Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm.

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Speaker 1: Sophia, I'm Keon, and we are here to give you

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Speaker 1: good advice, Googly, But we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 1: We only know what we would do, So if you

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Speaker 1: would do something different, let us know in the comments

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Speaker 1: and op says.

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Speaker 2: With that past in mind, though, you can kind of

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Speaker 2: understand why it wasn't anyone's fault not knowing she had

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Speaker 2: a lot of so called friends who were men. No shade, Mom,

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Speaker 2: gotta do what you gotta do. My mother was young,

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Speaker 2: dumb and made decisions she regrets, but I never held

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Speaker 2: that against her. Growing up, I didn't have any trust

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Speaker 2: in men. I resented almost all the guys she would

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Speaker 2: date or have over. I was never treated awfully, but

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Speaker 2: I never let myself get close to or be alone

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Speaker 2: with them at any moment. Fast forward to now and

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Speaker 2: I'm engaged to my fiance twenty three mail of almost

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Speaker 2: eight years. Wow.

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Speaker 1: I have learned to trust through him and even have

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Speaker 1: a better view on men while I'm not completely hating lol.

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Speaker 1: I also got to know his father, who isn't perfect

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Speaker 1: but loves me like his own. As well as having

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Speaker 1: my mother's father who was always there if I was

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Speaker 1: in trouble and would educate me on stereotypical men things

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Speaker 1: like cars.

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Speaker 2: And Fisher nam fiction things.

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Speaker 1: I'm extremely grateful for both of them to be in

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Speaker 1: my life. Me and my mom are on really good

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Speaker 1: terms now, and we would have frequent talks about who

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Speaker 1: my father could be. All she remembers is before she

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Speaker 1: was in the car accident, she had eyes for a

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Speaker 1: guy who worked at a liquor store and that he

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Speaker 1: would let her crash at his place before he left

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Speaker 1: to a different state. She never remembered his name though.

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Speaker 1: Last Christmas, my soon to be mother in law gifted

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Speaker 1: us both and sestraa DNA kits who my fiance would

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Speaker 1: always say things.

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Speaker 2: Like maybe this will help you find her doet.

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Speaker 1: I would shrug it off or seem uninterested because I

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Speaker 1: was more curious to see what ethnic background I had.

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Speaker 3: Well, I think you'll find both.

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Speaker 1: Probably eight weeks after I sent off the test, we

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Speaker 1: finally got results, and I was shocked.

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Speaker 2: Not only did I.

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Speaker 1: Find out that I have multiple African countries in my percentile,

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Speaker 1: I found my half brother on my father's side.

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Speaker 2: Who would have known this would change everything?

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Speaker 1: I saw that we shared a whopping twenty five percent

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Speaker 1: of DNA, and I got curious. My interest in finding

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Speaker 1: who my dad was immediately sparked into existence. Was like,

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Speaker 1: I actually had a chance. My first thought was the

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Speaker 1: face book, and wouldn't you know he had one. I

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Speaker 1: messaged him explaining the situation before sending it. I had

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Speaker 1: so many thoughts, like what if you thought I was lying?

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Speaker 1: So I made sure to send a screenshot of the results.

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Speaker 1: What if he doesn't care or doesn't want anything to

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Speaker 1: do with me. I hesitated a lot, but after sit

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Speaker 1: but after staring at the send button, something inside me said.

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Speaker 3: Push it, do it, press it, push that button.

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Speaker 2: Okay. I pushed it and it happened.

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Speaker 1: Days go by and nothing until there was something just

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Speaker 1: like the universe.

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Speaker 2: True.

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Speaker 1: He was so happy to hear there was another person

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Speaker 1: in his tribe. He's very down to earth.

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Speaker 2: I was so relieved.

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Speaker 1: I started bombarding him with questions, but also apologizing if

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Speaker 1: I was bothering him. He was always late to reply,

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Speaker 1: but I was patient. I expected the worst and was

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Speaker 1: ready to if he decided one day to just stop

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Speaker 1: replying altogether. He finally told me his father's name, and

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Speaker 1: I decided to search for him as well, but found nothing.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't until he posted a picture with him and

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Speaker 1: tagged his Instagram that I would find him. I DMed

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Speaker 1: him on Instagram and was so amazed by the response.

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Speaker 1: It turns out, even though he doesn't remember my mother,

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Speaker 1: he lived in the same area as her before moving

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Speaker 1: out of state and worked at a leco storm.

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Speaker 3: The licu store.

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Speaker 4: Man, it's all coming together, the lit man.

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Speaker 1: Things started to add up, like the receipt at a

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Speaker 1: liquor store. He gave me his number so that we

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Speaker 1: could keep in touch and talk about other little details

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Speaker 1: that might spark his memory.

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Speaker 2: He would constantly tell me, you look like us.

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Speaker 1: That's why I'm still actively invested what you look like us.

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Speaker 3: That's the only reason I'm still here.

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Speaker 2: You look like us, You look like us. You look

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Speaker 2: like us. He said.

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Speaker 1: He would take a DNA test as well from the

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Speaker 1: same website so we would both know.

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Speaker 2: He has five other children and is a big family man.

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Speaker 1: He loves his kids and would talk to me about

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Speaker 1: them since we both had our hopes up. He would

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Speaker 1: shoot notes like your brother, your sister, your auntie, like

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Speaker 1: he was accepting me, even though he didn't know one

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Speaker 1: hundred percent for sure, Yet all we knew was that

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Speaker 1: his son was my brother.

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Speaker 2: Well that's a pretty good indicator.

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Speaker 3: He's like, I don't know for sure. I know is

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Speaker 3: my son's your brother?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but that could mean anything that who knows what

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Speaker 2: that could really be. I had a little doubt, like,

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Speaker 2: what if it's off by a bit, Maybe he's my

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Speaker 2: cousin and not my brother.

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Speaker 1: Regardless, we're family though, right, I had to prepare myself

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Speaker 1: for the worst, just in case. After talking for four months,

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Speaker 1: we finally got the results back. It was a normal day.

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Speaker 1: I was on my phone when he sent me a

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Speaker 1: screenshot of the results that read you and me are

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Speaker 1: a match of fifty percent daughter and father. My fiance

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Speaker 1: was cooking dinner. When I showed him, I broke down

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Speaker 1: in his arms. It was like a huge weight that

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Speaker 1: lifted off my shoulders. My heart was erasing. Own felt

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Speaker 1: like I was having a panic attack. Filled with joy.

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Speaker 1: I finally got answers that I wasn't even searching for

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Speaker 1: until now. We talked on FaceTime for the first time

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Speaker 1: and both cried. He apologized for not being there for

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Speaker 1: all of my first first walk, first to talk, first love,

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Speaker 1: first heartbreak, everything a father should be there for his daughter.

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Speaker 1: I told him he had nothing to be sorry for it,

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Speaker 1: and he had no idea and wouldn't have known. He's

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Speaker 1: been so nice and everything I could ask for in

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Speaker 1: a father. I can't lie. It's a bit weird for

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Speaker 1: me and I'll need some getting used to. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't even call my fiance's dad dad. Well, that's

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Speaker 1: because he's done your dad.

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Speaker 3: He's not call You don't have to call your new

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Speaker 3: dad dad yet.

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Speaker 1: Take your time, call him pop, call him Papa, as

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Speaker 1: long as he does not lie. I never had someone

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Speaker 1: to call dad until now. He has messaged me every

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Speaker 1: day since then, telling me good morning and to have

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Speaker 1: a great day, and that we'll talk more in depth

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Speaker 1: and make plans to meet up to see my other

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Speaker 1: side of the family. I was excited as well as nervous.

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Speaker 1: This is a whole other chapter in my life that's

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Speaker 1: about to unlock. I always felt like things happened for

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Speaker 1: a reason, and that since it's happening right now.

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Speaker 2: It's the best time.

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Speaker 1: I truly can't wait for this adventure. I can't thank

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Speaker 1: my mother in law enough for this. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: always wanted to do a DNA test, but it was always.

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Speaker 2: Too expensive, or I'll get a room to it. I

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Speaker 2: am forever grateful. Advice please, And there are some comments.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know if you need advice, And that's

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Speaker 1: pretty much the most intense, you know, situation you could

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Speaker 1: be put in.

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Speaker 2: So I think outside of that, I think you've got

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Speaker 2: it under control.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, your dad wants to know you. I'm

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Speaker 3: sure your family, his family wants to know you. And

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Speaker 3: then just take it, you know, one day at a.

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Speaker 2: Time, one day at a time.

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Speaker 1: Comments You say, no shade to your mom for having

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Speaker 1: many male friends.

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Speaker 2: But isn't that why you grew up not trusting any man?

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Speaker 1: Isn't aren't you supposed to actually hate your mother, op

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Speaker 1: shouldn't you despise her?

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Speaker 3: Shut up? Come on, shut up guy. At the point

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Speaker 3: of the camp the point of the story, Scott's.

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Speaker 2: Trying to make you hate your.

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Speaker 1: Mom, Opie says, good point.

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Speaker 3: No wait wait, wait, what else this is that.

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Speaker 1: I was technically talking about before I was born, But

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Speaker 1: she still had many guys in and out of her

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Speaker 1: life after I was So I did have some ma shade,

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Speaker 1: but I've grown and forgiven all of her mistakes. Ah

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Speaker 1: ha nanna and a booboo jokes on you cohnor not

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Speaker 1: living with her anymore. It made a huge difference in

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Speaker 1: our relationship. And there is an update.

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Speaker 2: From two years later, boy, and that's a lot of you.

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Speaker 3: I I think that everything worked out.

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Speaker 1: My mother in law gifted me by an ancestry dot

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Speaker 1: com test cadah blah blah blah, found my half brother

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah, which led to my father. Yeah, yeah, yah,

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Speaker 1: And it was the best case scenario you could think of.

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Speaker 1: He was so accepting and it was a magical moment.

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Speaker 2: Yay.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to make a huge update, probably because

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Speaker 1: I am a yapologist, because I don't think this will

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Speaker 1: ever get read on the two ht YT, but it

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Speaker 1: doesn't hurt to try. Well, it's being ready here, it's

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Speaker 1: being read here, is still right here.

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Speaker 2: And it ain't that better? You spoke that into existence?

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Speaker 3: Ain't that better?

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Speaker 1: Right after I posted this, I met my dad. A

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Speaker 1: couple of months later, my now husband and I flew

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Speaker 1: to Arizona and he greeted me with one of my

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Speaker 1: younger brothers twenty one at the time. I gave him

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Speaker 1: a big hug and we both cried. The rest of

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Speaker 1: the trip was hours of catching up. I brought baby

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Speaker 1: pictures to show, told stories of my childhood. And it

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Speaker 1: was sudden, but we even went on a little road

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Speaker 1: trip together to Sedona, his wife, and my three younger siblings.

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Speaker 1: It was definitely fast paced for my brain to even react. However,

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Speaker 1: all of this couldn't have worked out better. Him, my siblings,

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Speaker 1: and his wife all accepted me with open arms.

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Speaker 2: It was the trip of a lifetime.

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Speaker 1: We had our moments when there were no words and

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Speaker 1: just realization I had a father who happened to be

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Speaker 1: a great guy, and he had a daughter that he

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Speaker 1: missed out so much with.

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Speaker 2: To this day, he apologizes.

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Speaker 1: For not being there that if he knew, my life

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have had to be missing that other piece that

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Speaker 1: created me because he is everything I am. That's different

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Speaker 1: from my family. We're both patient and good listeners. We're

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Speaker 1: both BIA signs, so we immediately bonded.

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Speaker 3: Oh well, that's cool, what do you.

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Speaker 2: Prince Zukovia. We are both.

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Speaker 1: Introverted extroverts and wear our hearts on our sleeve. He's

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Speaker 1: spiritually inclined and we can talk freely about our beliefs

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Speaker 1: and discuss similarities.

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Speaker 2: He's Christian and I'm a scientific believer slash semi Christian.

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Speaker 1: We are empathetic and when we talk it's so natural,

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Speaker 1: like I've always known him and that he was just

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Speaker 1: waiting for me.

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Speaker 2: Later that year, I.

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Speaker 1: Got married, and of course him and my siblings were

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Speaker 1: invited and they came. His wife is shy and decided

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Speaker 1: to stay behind with my sister who's autistic and doesn't

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Speaker 1: travel well, which she is my only sister, by the way,

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Speaker 1: and I always wanted one. My other side of the

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Speaker 1: family was so excited to meet them and questioned if

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Speaker 1: he would be walking me down the aisle. I responded

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Speaker 1: with no, and he's okay with that because I don't

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Speaker 1: know if it's just me. But we just met and

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Speaker 1: we're still not that close. So I felt like that

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Speaker 1: job was made for someone who would literally be giving

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Speaker 1: me away. So my grandpa did and everything was a

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Speaker 1: be beautiful. We did have a father daughter dance though.

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Speaker 3: That's nice, that's.

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Speaker 2: Nice and level headed.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I like all this A good job.

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Speaker 1: Literally a thing I never thought I would get a

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Speaker 1: father daughter dance.

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Speaker 3: Oh.

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Speaker 2: He even made a speech that wasn't expected, but man

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Speaker 2: did he deliver the tears were flowing from everyone.

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Speaker 1: I still dance with my mom, but also encouraged all

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Speaker 1: mothers and daughters to come up and dance as well.

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Speaker 1: It was to slip in through my fingers from Mama Mia.

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Speaker 1: Both moments were so special and made that the best

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Speaker 1: night of my life. Now I've gotten even closer with him.

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Speaker 1: I'm in his side of the family. People have reached

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Speaker 1: out and added me on the Facebook and even texted

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Speaker 1: me out of the blue informing me they were from

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Speaker 1: his side. I've never felt so loved by strangers in

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Speaker 1: my life. It made me think of myself and how

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Speaker 1: I was content with never finding this out and being

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Speaker 1: okay if I.

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Speaker 2: Had never gotten a DNA test. But where would my

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Speaker 2: life be Right now?

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Speaker 3: Your life is better. Shout it to your gramma who

285
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,400
Speaker 3: gave the DNA to mother in law. Mother in law.

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Speaker 3: Shout at your mother in law. Say hey, thank you,

287
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Speaker 3: mother in law, Say for getting that for me.

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Speaker 2: Say hey, thank you, mother, Hey, thank you.

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Speaker 3: That's awesome.

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Speaker 2: This is shout story. Shout out mother in law.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it just got so bright.

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Speaker 1: My answer, well, this was life changing, and I thank

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Speaker 1: a higher power for sending me such amazing people that

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Speaker 1: happened to be of my own flesh and blood.

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Speaker 2: I hope y'all like this update. It'll probably be the last.

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Speaker 1: Happy endings are always my favorite, and hopefully I can

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Speaker 1: inspire others that are in my situation. Even if it

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Speaker 1: doesn't go anywhere, I still recommend trying to find out

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00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,439
Speaker 1: where you came from and what your history is. It

300
00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,520
Speaker 1: was fascinating finding out the little traits I had that

301
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,320
Speaker 1: were passed down to me. And we have a couple

302
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,920
Speaker 1: comments here. Ope, responding to a question if she knows

303
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:19,440
Speaker 1: how her parents met, Op says, so it was complicated,

304
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,440
Speaker 1: but she was in and out of homes and he

305
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,360
Speaker 1: let her crash a while, but they were both young

306
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,720
Speaker 1: and supposedly only had a couple nights together. My mom

307
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,280
Speaker 1: said he had to leave town because he had a

308
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,640
Speaker 1: four year old my brother, who I had found on

309
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:36,000
Speaker 1: ancestry and left way before she knew she was pregnant,

310
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Speaker 1: and she had other partners between men. So Loop, I've

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00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,360
Speaker 1: shown pictures of both of them to each other and

312
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,720
Speaker 1: they don't remember each other at all.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy, Yeah, But.

314
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,800
Speaker 1: Granted this was twenty five years ago, and Ope on

315
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,560
Speaker 1: her mother's reaction when learning about Ope finding and reuniting

316
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:56,880
Speaker 1: with the biofather.

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Speaker 2: She was just as shocked as I was, and she

318
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,960
Speaker 2: was all for me finding out. If she was worried,

319
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,600
Speaker 2: she didn't show it. I think she trusted that he

320
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,600
Speaker 2: was a good man from the screenshots I sent her

321
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,440
Speaker 2: of messages between him and I. If anything, she was

322
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,160
Speaker 2: excited to meet and reunite with him just as much

323
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,320
Speaker 2: as I was. Since she was dressed, I was curious

324
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Speaker 2: and that is the end of that story.

325
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Speaker 3: Heck, yeah, I thought my wedding would be great, but

326
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,320
Speaker 3: my parents ruined it.

327
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Speaker 2: Well, I guess you shouldn't have had those This.

328
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,360
Speaker 3: Was my and my then wife's now ex first marriage

329
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:32,400
Speaker 3: for both of us.

330
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Speaker 2: All right, spoilers.

331
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Speaker 3: We divorced about five years into our marriage. She's a

332
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,440
Speaker 3: wonderful person. However, I am a water sign, she's an

333
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,440
Speaker 3: Earth sign. So together we make mud.

334
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Speaker 2: You.

335
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's now happily married.

336
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:46,680
Speaker 2: Yeah she's happy.

337
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, she's happily married.

338
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,600
Speaker 2: Muddy. That's a getting money with.

339
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:55,360
Speaker 3: Beautiful children as am I. So no hard feelings, which

340
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,200
Speaker 3: surprises me because my ex was treated like crap by

341
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,840
Speaker 3: my mom and dad. By the way, this comes from

342
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,720
Speaker 3: B and Coop and if you want to smit your

343
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,800
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash okay story time Subbreddit.

344
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:09,560
Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm key On, and we're

345
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,680
Speaker 3: here to give good advice goofley, but we don't have

346
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,240
Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we'd do, So

347
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:15,560
Speaker 3: let us know what you would do.

348
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Speaker 2: In the comments, Mudpie and.

349
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:22,640
Speaker 3: OPI says to note I live in Canada. There are

350
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,640
Speaker 3: Canadian references in the story. Now, my mom and dad,

351
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:30,560
Speaker 3: in hindsight, are a handful a lie, twist facts, blame

352
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:33,360
Speaker 3: everyone else. I was raised in this and do not

353
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:37,240
Speaker 3: have much outside context to compare to. This was my normal.

354
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,880
Speaker 3: Please do not judge. I should have, could have, and

355
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,680
Speaker 3: now today would have said something to stand up for

356
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,560
Speaker 3: what was right. You think I kid read on so

357
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,640
Speaker 3: build up to the wedding. I proposed and Tara accept it.

358
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,400
Speaker 3: I told my mom and dad the next day. The

359
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,680
Speaker 3: first words were, and I quote, okay, but we're not

360
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,240
Speaker 3: paying for anything because if we do, we feel we

361
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,880
Speaker 3: should have a FA and the wedding and we do

362
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,040
Speaker 3: not want to. It's your wedding.

363
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:09,040
Speaker 1: Wow, so you could so you're like, so you think

364
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,679
Speaker 1: if you pay and you don't want to have a

365
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,600
Speaker 1: say you would pay the money and then just be like, I.

366
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,840
Speaker 3: Can't responsibil I can't stop myself.

367
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,920
Speaker 2: I must have control.

368
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 3: Now I'm not into monetary stuff, but I was brought

369
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,320
Speaker 3: up in a home that was lower middle income. Taw

370
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,680
Speaker 3: was from a fairly wealthy family. To be honest, such

371
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:34,280
Speaker 3: early days into our engagement day one, I never really

372
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:38,040
Speaker 3: thought about the cost. But my expectations for the wedding

373
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:42,399
Speaker 3: were small, elegant, and intimate. But this is important. My

374
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,439
Speaker 3: parents said to me that they will not pay for

375
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:48,000
Speaker 3: anything because then they get a say in the wedding planning.

376
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,440
Speaker 3: Weird because really you could do what my ex's parents did,

377
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,280
Speaker 3: which was help about ninety five percent to pay with

378
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,359
Speaker 3: zero percent influence. Wedding plans have not been made, but

379
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:02,119
Speaker 3: perhaps the event in six to eight months. First event

380
00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,639
Speaker 3: spring parents meet the parents. My mom and dad are

381
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,479
Speaker 3: invited to my exes parents for dinner, very lovely, conservative setting,

382
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,920
Speaker 3: large house on an acreage with a lake, very nice.

383
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:16,040
Speaker 3: About fifteen minutes into the evening, we are having more

384
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,000
Speaker 3: dures and my dad says, out of the.

385
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,440
Speaker 4: Blue, we will not pay for anything because if we do,

386
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:25,639
Speaker 4: we get a say in the wedding. Stop stop dying

387
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:29,720
Speaker 4: that just say that what we don't want to pay

388
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 4: for the wedding there, just period just shut up.

389
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 3: Wow okay, everyone was silent. Then my exes parents stayed

390
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,479
Speaker 3: they had had always intended to pay for the wedding.

391
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,439
Speaker 3: I was shocked. I had started to save money. But okay.

392
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,159
Speaker 3: Now dinnertime, future mother in law asks me if my

393
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,159
Speaker 3: family has any food allergies or likes or dislikes. No,

394
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 3: all good, or so I thought. At the dinner table,

395
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,480
Speaker 3: my mom tells my future mother in law that she

396
00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,399
Speaker 3: cannot eat dinner as she has an asparagus allergy. What

397
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,480
Speaker 3: I knew this was a lie. So my mother in

398
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,639
Speaker 3: law quickly makes a whole new meal for my mom

399
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,920
Speaker 3: because if asparagus touches anything, my mom will be violently ill. Omg.

400
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,040
Speaker 3: My mom then said she hated the wine, so three

401
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:17,359
Speaker 3: new bottles of wine and finally one was okay and

402
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,879
Speaker 3: would do the night ended whatever. The next day, my

403
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 3: mom and dad stated that all my in laws wanted

404
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 3: to do was show off their money. This went on

405
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:30,480
Speaker 3: and on second event, bridle shower, my mom is invited.

406
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,840
Speaker 3: She tells me that she is giving us a wedding gift.

407
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 3: Thus there is no bridal shower gift. Okay, I tell

408
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,080
Speaker 3: my fiance she's fine with it. Again, we have no

409
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 3: expectations and are just thankful for the love and support. Again,

410
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,280
Speaker 3: my ex is a lovely person. Word from the bridal

411
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,919
Speaker 3: shower got back to me like is your mother? Okay,

412
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 3: she seemed upset. Third event, bachelor party. I'm not a

413
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 3: get wasted till you're reft up type of person. Nice

414
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:02,240
Speaker 3: restaurant friends, good wine, Scotch, et cetera. I wanted my

415
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:05,639
Speaker 3: father to join. My best man asked everyone attending the

416
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,359
Speaker 3: bachelor party to put some money into pay and he

417
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,800
Speaker 3: would pay the outstanding balance and tip. My father states,

418
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,919
Speaker 3: I will not pay anything because you're right through. I

419
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,760
Speaker 3: get a say the wedding and bachelor party, which I

420
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 3: do not want to have a say in. Dude, we

421
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 3: get it. He said it before.

422
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,800
Speaker 1: This guy doesn't understand the concept of just like doing

423
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:34,120
Speaker 1: something and then shutting your mouth. Yeah, you could actually

424
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 1: fun fact, you could just give them money and then

425
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:40,719
Speaker 1: go and I won't have anything to do with this.

426
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,800
Speaker 3: Or you could just not give the money and shut up. Yeah,

427
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:44,960
Speaker 3: there's two options.

428
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,360
Speaker 2: Make a decision about that, please just.

429
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:50,399
Speaker 3: Stop telling me. My father then says that there's nothing

430
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 3: on the menu he can eat because he has irritable

431
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 3: bowel syndrome IBS effing news to me, so he ums

432
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,040
Speaker 3: and ahs and pounts to the point it was making

433
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,919
Speaker 3: a scene in the restaurant. The manager comes over. The

434
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 3: manager knows the reasons for the event and asks my

435
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,720
Speaker 3: father if he can do anything for him. Top to

436
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,760
Speaker 3: your restaurant, mind you. My dad asks if they could

437
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:13,880
Speaker 3: bring in some food from Timmy's. Now you ask Timmy's. Yes,

438
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 3: this is a Canadian short form for tim Horton's. Thanks Starbucks,

439
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:21,480
Speaker 3: but crappy. The manager gets my dad's order for tim Horton's,

440
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,440
Speaker 3: and as it brought to my dad on a plate.

441
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 3: This is like what they do in the in the

442
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,400
Speaker 3: in the bear in that fancy restaurant, they like order

443
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,280
Speaker 3: out and beyond.

444
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:35,160
Speaker 2: That's crazy. So they must have been at a nice bath.

445
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,000
Speaker 3: That must have been a really nice place. I gave

446
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 3: a two hundred dollars tip on top of the generous tip,

447
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:44,879
Speaker 3: but lesson learned, or so I thought, for the event

448
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 3: bridal party dinner, a nice restaurant was chosen. I show

449
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:50,919
Speaker 3: the menu to my mom and dad prior, just to

450
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:55,680
Speaker 3: be sure. Great, everyone's good French restaurant. My in laws

451
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,639
Speaker 3: are paying because yes, my mom and dad stated to everyone,

452
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,399
Speaker 3: including the restaurant staff. The waitress looked at me and

453
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 3: rolled her eyes that day. We don't lock me paying,

454
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 3: and they don't want to say in.

455
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 1: The wedding, I'm gonna say this for the first time,

456
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,800
Speaker 1: I ain't paying because if I'm paying, I have to

457
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,639
Speaker 1: do the whole wedding by myself.

458
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 3: Well, no, nothing on the menu for my mom and

459
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,679
Speaker 3: dad eat off the menu. The restaurant made a sandwich

460
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 3: and a salad for them. My mom orders a bottle

461
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,679
Speaker 3: of wine and does this ridiculous thing, dips her tongue

462
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 3: into the glass and smells the core.

463
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 2: Dips her tongue in the.

464
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 3: Glass, fancy like like a cat. They're supposed to swish it,

465
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 3: and then you take a sip and then you and

466
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:37,560
Speaker 3: then you smell it.

467
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:38,159
Speaker 1: You swish it.

468
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,919
Speaker 3: What state it's this? Wine is horrible? It it's gone

469
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 3: bad wine. I don't know too much about wine. I

470
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 3: don't think that's possible. The second bottle is the same thing.

471
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 3: The manager comes over and states that the next bottle

472
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 3: is bad. We have to pay for all of it.

473
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 3: She bounced and says the third bottles. Okay, I am

474
00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:01,639
Speaker 3: so humiliated. Fifth event wedding. The ridal parties having a rehearsal,

475
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 3: including seating arrangements. The venue is small, fifty people, a

476
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 3: historical landmark, beautiful and intimate. As we're discussing who's sitting where,

477
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,440
Speaker 3: my dad pulls me aside and is upset. He says

478
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 3: that more tables are needed. Really for who he invited

479
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 3: unbeknownst to me or my fiance. Extended family I have

480
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:25,160
Speaker 3: not seen in twenty five to thirty years. Third children,

481
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 3: my cousins. One was in jail of time and kids.

482
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 3: Oh forgot to mention this is a no children event

483
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 3: and has to be this way for the liquor license.

484
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:37,120
Speaker 3: It was a weird policy, Oh right. They also invited

485
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 3: their neighbors, some who I never met, including ald Onto

486
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,959
Speaker 3: your effing sucks. A refugee family and their kids that

487
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 3: arrived in the country about three months prior. It's got

488
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 3: a nice of them.

489
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 2: I mean they just got here, They've got it one

490
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 2: thing nice. They've just been the like yeah. Must Honestly,

491
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 2: if if I had like parents, if.

492
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:06,399
Speaker 1: My parents, if my parents were acting that way at

493
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 1: like the restaurant. Yeah, And it was like I'm like,

494
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 1: I'm assuming like this was a really nice place.

495
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, you guys gotta go, you

496
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 2: gotta go home. Yeah.

497
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 1: That was so viciously embarrassing for me. I think around

498
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 1: around my partner's family.

499
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was just like so, I don't know, scared

500
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 3: to say anything. I mean, we learned from the beginning

501
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 3: of the story that he was like, I would do

502
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 3: things differently, differently, I would speak up now, but I

503
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:33,600
Speaker 3: couldn't do it.

504
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:33,719
Speaker 2: That.

505
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,880
Speaker 3: He was like, don't judge me. Yeah, judging a little

506
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 3: judged a little bit.

507
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 2: I'm judging your parents way more than I'm judging. Oh yeah,

508
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 2: oh yeah facts. Oh yeah.

509
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,919
Speaker 3: My parents felt sorry for them as they had no

510
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 3: family or friends in the country. You know what that

511
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 3: one that one nice of them. So in total, about

512
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,160
Speaker 3: fifty more people. That's crazy the maximum number of people

513
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 3: for the venue fifty. We are now at one hundred.

514
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 3: I asked the venue manager what flexibility we have? Nice

515
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 3: enough person and said the chances of the fire department

516
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 3: showing up on a Saturday evening are nil, but only

517
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 3: fifteen more people. My mom and dad refused to contact

518
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 3: the individuals that could not attend because this was a

519
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 3: mean thing for me not to allow them to attend.

520
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 3: But true to their words, my mom and dad refused

521
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 3: to pay for the additional food and booze costs. Why surprise,

522
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:25,879
Speaker 3: they don't want to have a say in the wedding.

523
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 3: On one fire, that's so funny because it seems like

524
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 3: you're having a say right now in inviting fifty more people.

525
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, that that's a set funny enough is Actually they're

526
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 1: just like, well that doesn't count.

527
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,479
Speaker 2: I just meant, like what color the curtains are?

528
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't want to tell you.

529
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 2: I just met the decorps.

530
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 3: One final point, the wedding gifts, right, I having kids?

531
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 2: You not?

532
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 3: I kid?

533
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 2: You not?

534
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:53,680
Speaker 3: A twenty five dollars gift card to Zeller's think kmart,

535
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 3: broom mop bucket cleaning supplies in a book. Think I'm joking.

536
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 3: This is a link to the book The Queen of Clean.

537
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 3: There is more. These are only the.

538
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 2: High lights they got.

539
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: They got a gift card and a book to be

540
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 1: for cleaning.

541
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 2: Yep, that's what they got, so that you could be yeah, yeah, yep.

542
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 2: Mmmmm mm hmm.

543
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 3: There is more. These are only the highlights. Everyone reading this,

544
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 3: please realize that growing up in a crappy, dysfunctional family

545
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 3: is tough. We do not know what normal is. True story, Amen, I.

546
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 2: Would I would be getting my parents.

547
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,200
Speaker 1: The next gift I get them would like a brochure

548
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:37,640
Speaker 1: for a retirement home.

549
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 2: And I'd be like, getting you're going to stay now.

550
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 3: I'm getting them how to win friends and influence people.

551
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:45,480
Speaker 2: I'm getting them.

552
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 3: Read a couple of times, because y'all don't know. Hi,

553
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 3: these are just the big highlights. My wife reminded me

554
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 3: of one interaction I had with my mom just before

555
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 3: the wedding. This is a window into my day to

556
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 3: day life as I grew up. My wife feels this

557
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,680
Speaker 3: interaction and really sets the middle of you of my life.

558
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,200
Speaker 2: I meanly use a nice word, and is a nice word.

559
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:09,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well yeah, me, I guess you ended up with

560
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 1: five years?

561
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, with your wife?

562
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 3: Five years is impressive given these people.

563
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean yeah, if it was me, I'd be like, nah,

564
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 1: those people you have to you have. I don't want

565
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 1: those people around ever. Yeah, we see I see them

566
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,680
Speaker 1: once a year. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah, that they act

567
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:27,160
Speaker 1: this way.

568
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't want to have to hang out

569
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 2: with them.

570
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 3: They stink, but there is a little bit left. I

571
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,160
Speaker 3: hope that you don't have contact with them, or very little.

572
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 3: So it is the morning of the wedding. Flowers arrive,

573
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 3: beautiful days, sunny, with a few puffy clouds. Everything's going well,

574
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,120
Speaker 3: or is it. I'm walking to the venue with my mom.

575
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,159
Speaker 3: The ceremony and reception are all happening in the same venue,

576
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 3: so my mom asks me, are the flowers fake me? No,

577
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,159
Speaker 3: they're real. Tara and her mom picked them out my

578
00:27:56,240 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 3: mom because they look like they're passed away. So the

579
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 3: logic is bake flowers equal passed away ones. Thank you

580
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 3: everyone for your comments, thoughts, and questions. Never expected this

581
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:10,919
Speaker 3: and weird in a way. I hope that you have

582
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 3: very little contact with your parents. They seem nightmare ish.

583
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 3: I don't like them. I like they seemful.

584
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 1: Would I would cover every square inch of their house

585
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 1: with post it notes?

586
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, they seem just dreadful. And that's the end of story.

587
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories. But

588
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 2: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

589
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 1: My father's treated me like a burden. Now he wants

590
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 1: to be in my life.

591
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 3: Don't want to be a beast of boosh.

592
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: I'm looking for advice on how to reconnect with my

593
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 1: father as an adult, barely after spending years trying to

594
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 1: accept that he will never be a part of my

595
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: family life. Any advice is appreciated. Backstory as told to

596
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 1: me by my mother. My parents' relationship dissolved as soon

597
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 1: as my mom became pregnant. Both my parents were in

598
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 1: their forties and finished raising kids when they got together.

599
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: I was not a planned pregnancy, so my dad did

600
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 1: not respond to the pregnancy well. By the way, this

601
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 1: comes from a user shell Yed And if you want

602
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, to go to the our

603
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 1: slash Showa story time subret it.

604
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and we ah he

605
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 2: ah to.

606
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 1: Give you good advice, goofley, But we don't have alls ANSAs,

607
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 1: We only know what we would do, So if you

608
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 1: would do something different, why you just freaking let us

609
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: know in the comments gokay. During her pregnancy, my mom

610
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 1: found out about other women who he had been secretly seeing,

611
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 1: and two.

612
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 2: Other women who had gotten pregnant for him. WHOA.

613
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 1: I even read the letter one of the women sent

614
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 1: to her, so I know that there's at least one

615
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 1: sibling my age that I've never met. Due to this,

616
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 1: my mom broke things off good for her, and my

617
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: dad has been on the periphery of my life ever since.

618
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 1: During my childhood, I only ever saw my dad once

619
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 1: or twice a year during the Christmas season. It was

620
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 1: always brief visits, never a sleep over, and it was

621
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 1: almost like stopping to visit an old friend. I thought

622
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 1: this was normal until I started to realize that most

623
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 1: kids in my life had a dad that was active,

624
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 1: even if the parents weren't together. As I got older

625
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,760
Speaker 1: in my preteens, I got really angry about the situation

626
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 1: and would make up wild stories to explain why my

627
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 1: dad wasn't around instead of just telling the truth. Not

628
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 1: having a father, or truthfully, any other adult in my

629
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 1: life other than my mom made my teen years really

630
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 1: rough and isolating. It hurt that my dad was active

631
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 1: in the lives of some of his other kids, mainly

632
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 1: my older siblings, but always seemed to only think of

633
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: me when it was convenient. Here's where things got tough,

634
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 1: and I decided to let go of the dream of

635
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 1: having him as an active parent. When I was sixteen,

636
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: I begged my mom to let my dad come and

637
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 1: visit us at home. He and my uncle came to

638
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 1: our house and we all sat down without my mom there.

639
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 1: My dad didn't really talk to me much, but was

640
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 1: impressed that I got good grades.

641
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 2: And wanted to go to college.

642
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 1: During my childhood, my dad would always send money for

643
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 1: me to buy Christmas gifts like a new bed, a

644
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 1: Nintendo DS, a bike, so it wasn't unusual to ask

645
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 1: him for money. I told my dad that I was

646
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 1: moved into the advanced placement classes, which it was a

647
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 1: huge win for me at the time, and I wanted

648
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 1: a laptop to help me get all my schoolwork done.

649
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 2: He flat out.

650
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 1: Refused to give me the money and made a fuss

651
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 1: that the only time I reached out to him was

652
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: to ask for money. Oh golly, geez, that the consequences

653
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: of our actions.

654
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 3: Papaino, yeah, Papa, Oh.

655
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: No, I have transactionalized our relationship and now you want money.

656
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 3: And now you only want money out of our relationship.

657
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 3: Maybe you should have been there, Bud.

658
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 1: I was crushed and confused. But as my dad and

659
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 1: my uncle were leaving, my uncle pulled me aside and

660
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 1: broke my heart. He told me not to believe my

661
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: dad if he ever said he didn't have money, because

662
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 1: my dad is fairly wealthy. He runs his own business

663
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 1: and had money to buy luxury goods. From then on,

664
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,720
Speaker 1: every time I asked for anything, he made a big fuss,

665
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 1: so I just stopped asking altogether. When it was time

666
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 1: for me to go to university, things got worse. I

667
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: had high grades, so I applied to a lot of places.

668
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 1: I was so excited about the process that I even

669
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 1: created a little email chain for my family members.

670
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 2: To keep updated.

671
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 1: My dad included I would send out information on the

672
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 1: programs I applied to in my grades, then my family

673
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 1: would respond with encouragement. My dad never responded. I don't

674
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 1: even know if he read the emails. He's probably just

675
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 1: being like, oh, wow, my daughter was sending me all

676
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: these emails, trying to manipulate me and to give you

677
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 1: her more.

678
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 3: She's probably asking for the money. Yeah, she's graduating, probably

679
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 3: wants money.

680
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: After I got my acceptance letters, I asked him if

681
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: he could help me get a laptop for school, which

682
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 1: again he flat out denied. He refused to help with

683
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,240
Speaker 1: tuition as well or any of the costs associated with

684
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: going to school. My mom and I had a real

685
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 1: conversation as I was in shambles over the whole thing,

686
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 1: and she encouraged me to work past it and.

687
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 2: Just move on. So that's what I tried to do.

688
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 1: I stopped up dating my dad on things as soon

689
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 1: as I went to UNI and started to tell people

690
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 1: the truth about why it was always just.

691
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,880
Speaker 2: Me and my mom. I was in my second year

692
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 2: of UNI when the final nail in the coffin came.

693
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 2: One night, I received a Facebook message from a lady

694
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 2: who I didn't know. She informed me that she was

695
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 2: my father's sister and that her son was actually at

696
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 2: the same university doing the exact same degree as me.

697
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 2: No way, small world.

698
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: Turns out we had classes together and mutual friends, so

699
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 1: he spoke to his mom about it, which inspired her

700
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 1: to contact me. In the message, she let me know

701
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 1: that she had known about my mom and me living

702
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: an hour away, but had chosen not to reach out.

703
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,480
Speaker 1: Turns out that my dad's entire side of his family

704
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:04,240
Speaker 1: knew about me, but never sought to communicate with me,

705
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 1: and my mom. Ever, I did some Facebook stalking, and

706
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:10,240
Speaker 1: seeing the pictures of his side of the family really

707
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 1: messed me up. I added them all on Facebook and

708
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 1: sent them my contact information, but no one else reached

709
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,760
Speaker 1: out to me again. Later that year, I started therapy

710
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 1: and began to work through some of the abandonment issues

711
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 1: that came up. I won't say I'm at peace with

712
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,320
Speaker 1: the situation, but I came to understand that the decision

713
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 1: to keep me out of the family was a deliberate one.

714
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:33,759
Speaker 1: I'm still working on trying not to feel sad about

715
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:35,839
Speaker 1: the whole thing, but I no longer think that there's

716
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 1: something I did wrong to deserve not having an active father.

717
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 1: I'm proud of my mom and myself for living very

718
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:46,400
Speaker 1: full and interesting lives. Over the years, my dad and

719
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 1: I exchanged pleasantries, mostly happy birthday texts, but nothing more.

720
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 1: We have not seen each other since I was in

721
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 1: high school, but he comments occasionally on my Facebook posts.

722
00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:00,040
Speaker 1: I've been totally okay with this dynamic, and I I

723
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 1: never asked him or anyone else for more. Flash forward

724
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:08,160
Speaker 1: to last month. I am not twenty four, finished UNI,

725
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 1: working full time, living on my own, and doing pretty good.

726
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: I keep in contact with my uncle the most, so

727
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,800
Speaker 1: it's not unusual to get messages from him. He messaged

728
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:19,279
Speaker 1: me to say that he was with my dad and

729
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 1: that he would love for me to come.

730
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 2: And visit them sometime. Soon.

731
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 1: Later that day, my dad reached out to me to

732
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 1: ask for my number it's been the same number for

733
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 1: almost ten years, and to ask for us to have dinner.

734
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 2: I didn't respond for a month.

735
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 3: Very valid, yeah, I mean like every time you've tried

736
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 3: to reach out, you've either been ignored or accused of

737
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 3: wanting money. So, you know, I feel like that's a

738
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 3: very valid response. And I think that if if you

739
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,359
Speaker 3: don't want a relationship at all, that is, you're right.

740
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 3: If you want a relationship but like want to ease

741
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 3: into it, that you're right. I think. I think it's

742
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 3: you know you have the cards.

743
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you should just be like, why so

744
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 1: you can get a free dinner off of me?

745
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, you want to go to dinner? Pay?

746
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:09,240
Speaker 3: You be a little putty.

747
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:10,839
Speaker 2: I just didn't want to.

748
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 1: My mom got mad at me for this, so I

749
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 1: sent him a message with my contact information, and today

750
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,359
Speaker 1: he called me out of the blue and I didn't

751
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 1: pick up.

752
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 2: I didn't want to talk.

753
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 1: To him, but my mom and my older sister think

754
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 1: that getting to know him will help with some of

755
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 1: the remaining feelings of abandonment. But that doesn't feel right.

756
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 1: The biggest question I have now is why show up

757
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 1: after the hard part is over?

758
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 3: Because the hard part's over?

759
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:37,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, that you know why.

760
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:39,320
Speaker 3: That's why.

761
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, he didn't have to raise you. Yeah, now he

762
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:44,760
Speaker 2: can just be there and be like, what up, buddy,

763
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 2: what up? Pal?

764
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 3: What up?

765
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 2: Daughter? Now that you're self sufficient, I would like to have.

766
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:52,560
Speaker 3: A conversation with you open dinner.

767
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 1: I am okay with not getting together and him being

768
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,759
Speaker 1: on the periphery. He's asking to sit down and talk,

769
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 1: but I know I'm just gonna cry the whole time.

770
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: I'm still angry and hurt, so I expected to have

771
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,360
Speaker 1: years of dealing with those feelings, but I never expected

772
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 1: him to reach out for us to meet and talk.

773
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:11,479
Speaker 1: Part of me knows that I still want a father

774
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 1: figure in my life, but I can't expect that of him.

775
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to have dinner, but

776
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 1: I don't want to go no contact either. I feel

777
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 1: like it's unfair that I have to do all this

778
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 1: emotional labor for a man who didn't even want to

779
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 1: buy me a pair of shoes.

780
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 2: I think you should just go to that. If you

781
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:28,840
Speaker 2: haven't been in therapy for this, I think you should

782
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 2: probably you know, get get get a professional. Yeah, to

783
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 2: work through these thoughts.

784
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,840
Speaker 3: Don't let anyone tell you what they like think you

785
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 3: need to do. Like, don't you know if your parents

786
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:42,960
Speaker 3: or your mom saying, your sister's saying, oh, well, we

787
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 3: just think it would be good for you maybe, But

788
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 3: that is completely your decision to make. And if you

789
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 3: never want our relationship with your dad, it's your decision.

790
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 3: If you change your mind years down the line, it's

791
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:55,720
Speaker 3: also your decision.

792
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:56,279
Speaker 2: Though.

793
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 3: Don't let anyone push you into something that you don't

794
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,879
Speaker 3: feel ready for. But therapy, I think is the way

795
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 3: to go.

796
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

797
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out how to go about explaining

798
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:09,919
Speaker 1: that we aren't in a father daughter relationship. This man

799
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: is essentially a stranger to me. I don't know anything

800
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 1: about him, nor am I particularly interested in getting to

801
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:19,280
Speaker 1: know him. Everyone keeps warning me that he might pass away,

802
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: and then I'll regret not choosing to respond to him

803
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 1: when I had the chance. Part of me feels like

804
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 1: talking to him would betray all the work my mom

805
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,399
Speaker 1: and I did to build a life without him. I'm

806
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 1: open to talking, but I want to speak to him

807
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:36,280
Speaker 1: without all of the internal stuff I deal with, clouding

808
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:40,399
Speaker 1: my judgment or screwing up a potential relationship. No one

809
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,239
Speaker 1: likes my dad, and my family and some of his

810
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 1: family have told me horror stories about him. These stories

811
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: definitely play a role in my hesitation. I'm aware that

812
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: all of these stories are one sided and that I

813
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 1: genuinely have never had more than two hours.

814
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 2: In a room with my dad.

815
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: Yes, it's never given you more than two hours in

816
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 1: our room room. Yeah, I think you can go to

817
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 1: dinner with him, just to tell him. Like, dude, it's

818
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 1: honestly pathetic that.

819
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:07,800
Speaker 2: You think you can.

820
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 1: Just walk back now to become my father when you

821
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 1: could have been this whole time.

822
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have that chance for twenty four years, and

823
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 3: now you're coming back. That's frustrating.

824
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's the end of that story.

825
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 3: Wow, my boyfriend has been collecting rent money for me

826
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 3: for a house. We should be living for free.

827
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:32,319
Speaker 2: You should have been collecting kisses from you.

828
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 3: I've a twenty four female been living with my boyfriend

829
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,360
Speaker 3: twenty eight mail for a year. I'm a graduate student,

830
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 3: so I have a very minimal income and I'm very

831
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,360
Speaker 3: upset about this, but my boyfriend says he was trying

832
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 3: to do something nice. My boyfriend and I moved in

833
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 3: together to a house that he found. He arranged all

834
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,280
Speaker 3: the landlord stuff and told me to send one thousand

835
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 3: dollars a month to the landlord's bank account. This is

836
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:55,959
Speaker 3: a very normal rent for our area, but I could

837
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 3: have probably spent less if I'd lived in an apartment.

838
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from boyfriend throw Away one

839
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:02,720
Speaker 3: thirty seven, and if you want to submit your own stories,

840
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime Separate it. I'm Sophia,

841
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're here to give good

842
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 3: advice Goofiley, but we don't have all the answers. We

843
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 3: only know what we'd do, So let us know what

844
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 3: you would do in the comments. And Opie says I

845
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 3: have been doing so for the last year, only to

846
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 3: find out yesterday from his mom that his parents actually

847
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 3: own the house and they aren't charging us rent uparn

848
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 3: hearing this, I asked my boyfriend about the thirteen k

849
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 3: that he has sent me to some account and he

850
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 3: told me that he was doing it for me as

851
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 3: a gift to give back later so I could see

852
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 3: how much I saved.

853
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,239
Speaker 1: Okay, that was the one thing I was thinking might

854
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 1: be a pass. I wasn't gonna float it out there.

855
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 1: But like, that's weird because it also feels like something

856
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 1: like a parent would do. Ikey, it almost feels like

857
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 1: something his parents dated. Now he's doing it to you.

858
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 3: And also this makes me think that I originally thought

859
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 3: that the money was going to his parents. Seems like

860
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 3: he's keeping the money at.

861
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 1: This point that you immediately go, oh, all right, give

862
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 1: it back.

863
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 2: And if he does it, then what are you talking?

864
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 3: I could, I would immediately break up. Then what are

865
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 3: you talking all thirteen thousand dollars for?

866
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 1: Well, if everything else is fine, and then it's this

867
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,279
Speaker 1: and it's like, oh, okay, so you still have my money?

868
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 2: All right, give it back. Never pull something like that

869
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,480
Speaker 2: to me again. You are not my dad.

870
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 3: I'm livid. I'm not irresponsible with money. I have no

871
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 3: debt and I even have some savings. Over the last year,

872
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 3: there have been things I've had to miss out on

873
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 3: because they just weren't feasible financially without this money. There

874
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 3: have been some times when I couldn't get my tires replaced,

875
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 3: or couldn't get a new Blazer to replace my threadbare one,

876
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:38,879
Speaker 3: so my boyfriend got to swoop in and save the day.

877
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:41,319
Speaker 3: It always made me feel so bad that he could

878
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 3: live just fine on his salary not that much higher

879
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 3: than mine, but I couldn't live well on mine. Now

880
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,400
Speaker 3: I know it's because he was spending one thousand dollars

881
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 3: less than I was every month. I don't know what

882
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 3: to do. I feel upset and uncomfortable about the whole situation,

883
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:57,280
Speaker 3: but my boyfriend won't listen to me. He keeps saying

884
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,360
Speaker 3: that this was supposed to be a surprise gift, and

885
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:02,440
Speaker 3: I'm taking the wrong way. My own money was a

886
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 3: surprise gift.

887
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: I mean again, it's like, this isn't an out of

888
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 1: the ordinary thing to do for like the power dynamic

889
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 1: of like a parent and child.

890
00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:12,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, it really makes me feel.

891
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,800
Speaker 1: Like this is exactly what his parents did with probably

892
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: him living at the house.

893
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, they were like, he's saved money, I'll do the

894
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 3: same thing for her.

895
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 2: But it's like that's weird for you to do. You

896
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:22,959
Speaker 2: did that for over a year or two.

897
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 3: I don't know what to think. Am I overreacting? No,

898
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 3: added to clarify that his parents didn't seem to know

899
00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:31,880
Speaker 3: anything about this, and we're under the impression that neither

900
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,240
Speaker 3: of us were paying rent. Yeah, that's weird. Your boyfriend

901
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:40,320
Speaker 3: is totally out of line. Relevant comments are XIII says

902
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 3: you aren't overreacting. He broke your trust and doesn't really

903
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:45,480
Speaker 3: respect you if it's true.

904
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 1: Well, okay, I think the key here is if he

905
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 1: just immediately gives you that money.

906
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:54,360
Speaker 3: Maybe because and also apologize it says I'm so sorry.

907
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:57,760
Speaker 3: That was completely out of line. Yeah, you aren't overreacting.

908
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 3: He broke your trust and doesn't really respect you. If

909
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:02,799
Speaker 3: it's true, I'd ask for the money back.

910
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 2: Now.

911
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 3: How do you know he even still has it? Really,

912
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 3: this would be a relationship ending in my book, he's

913
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 3: treating you like a child, not a partner. Oh P

914
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,960
Speaker 3: says I asked for it yesterday and he got very angry.

915
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 3: He said that if he gives it back while I'm mad,

916
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 3: I'll leave him. It's over and that I own anyway

917
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 3: for the times he supported me financially.

918
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 2: Give me my money. Dude, I know that much.

919
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:25,359
Speaker 3: I should pay him back some of it, but I

920
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:29,760
Speaker 3: certainly don't owe him thirteen k more like one Ginger

921
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 3: loras Ooh no, honey, there are so many issues here.

922
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 3: First of all, what the effort you're doing just trusting

923
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:38,920
Speaker 3: your boyfriend to handle your entire living situation. You didn't

924
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:41,720
Speaker 3: ever ask to see or sign a lease. You didn't

925
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 3: ask to know the total rent, or ever want to

926
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:45,280
Speaker 3: meet the landlord yourself.

927
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:46,760
Speaker 2: What was just supposed to be his parents.

928
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have boundary and independence issues out the wing.

929
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 3: That being said, your boyfriend literally stole your money and

930
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 3: lied to you. He's manipulative and psycho. Immediately ask for

931
00:43:57,239 --> 00:43:59,399
Speaker 3: your money back, move out, and break up with him.

932
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 3: I signed a lease and was told that the total

933
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 3: rent was two K a month. I didn't sit down

934
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 3: and read every single term because I trusted my boyfriend.

935
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,760
Speaker 2: Is that not like a Yeah? If crime?

936
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:14,319
Speaker 1: You like, he's made like a fraudulent document. Yeah, that

937
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 1: would be a crime or something.

938
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:18,920
Speaker 2: I don't know, crime. Crazy, There is.

939
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 3: An update, but yeah, get that money back and dump him.

940
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, immediately. At this point, he had one shot and

941
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 2: it's over.

942
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 3: Can I sue my boyfriend for fake rent? That he

943
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:29,200
Speaker 3: took from me.

944
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:33,719
Speaker 4: Probably, Look, he probably could, but go to his parent Yeah,

945
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:37,360
Speaker 4: start there, that's yeah, it's you're way faster, easier avenue

946
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:38,400
Speaker 4: of getting this sorted.

947
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:40,840
Speaker 3: My boyfriend and I moved into a house together a

948
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 3: year ago. My boyfriend told me to deposit one month

949
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,919
Speaker 3: for rent into an account for our landlord. Turns out

950
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,640
Speaker 3: his parents own house and they haven't been charging either

951
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,400
Speaker 3: of us rent. Turns out he's been saving this money

952
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 3: to give me as a gift later. I've seen a

953
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,919
Speaker 3: bank statement. He will not give me the money right now,

954
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 3: because he says I'll take it and leave him. Last year,

955
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 3: my boyfriend has helped me out a couple times financially,

956
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:04,840
Speaker 3: and he says he can just keep all the money,

957
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 3: although he's probably spent about one K on me, not

958
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 3: the full thirteen K.

959
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:10,360
Speaker 2: That's your money he probably spent.

960
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, I probably effed up by sending the

961
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,719
Speaker 3: money directly into the account. Is there a way to

962
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 3: legally get that money back?

963
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm sure there is, But again, just go to

964
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:20,320
Speaker 2: his parents.

965
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, Marzi D says, did you sign a lease of

966
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 3: any sort? If not, your boyfriend was charging you one

967
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 3: thousand dollars per month in rent doesn't matter if he

968
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 3: was not being charged rent himself, shouldn't this post say

969
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 3: ex boyfriend? Opie says, the lease doesn't say anything about rent.

970
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 3: I looked back at it, and it basically said that

971
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 3: we won't trash the house or move other people in.

972
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:41,920
Speaker 3: His parents didn't know anything about this, as far as

973
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:44,360
Speaker 3: I know. It's their house, not my soon to be

974
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 3: ex boyfriends. If it's their house, then talk to them.

975
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:50,840
Speaker 3: Aristotleus says, So there was a lease and you have

976
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:53,439
Speaker 3: it in writing, and it says the apartment is being

977
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 3: rented to both of you rent free, and you and

978
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:57,839
Speaker 3: your boyfriend both signed it. Opie says, the lease just

979
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 3: says nothing about paying rent. Is the owner of the house,

980
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 3: and I have a message from her that says she

981
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 3: wasn't being paid rent and that neither of us was

982
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 3: being charged. Al Zebostuh says, he extorted you get the

983
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:13,480
Speaker 3: f out. His reasoning is a lie to obfuscate what

984
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 3: he actually did.

985
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 1: Well, I think Kaitln had a good idea, which is

986
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:18,400
Speaker 1: that he was probably doing this so you'd have to

987
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 1: be more financially dependent on him. So that quote unquote provider, Yeah,

988
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:24,439
Speaker 1: he literally won't give.

989
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 3: You the money back because he thinks that if he

990
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 3: gives it to you.

991
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 1: You leave them, which is exactly what you should should

992
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:32,800
Speaker 1: as soon as you extort the money that is mine

993
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 1: from me.

994
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're done.

995
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:35,480
Speaker 2: All you had to do was give it.

996
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:37,720
Speaker 1: Back, and there was maybe a shot, but now clearly

997
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 1: you're just a little dirty yeah scoundrel.

998
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 3: Fact that he's like, if I give it back to you,

999
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 3: you're gonna lead me, right and you know you saop No,

1000
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:46,680
Speaker 3: not until you give it back to me, then I'll

1001
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 3: leave you. Yeah, No, no, no, I wouldn't. I'm not

1002
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:50,439
Speaker 3: mad at you. That's like such a sweet gift.

1003
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:52,279
Speaker 1: Give me the money that Honestly, if it was me,

1004
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:54,960
Speaker 1: i'd be like, yeah, I might not have until you

1005
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:57,840
Speaker 1: just said that, So now I will. And if you

1006
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:00,439
Speaker 1: don't give it back, I'm gonna sue you, and I'm

1007
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 1: going to come after you for more damages because of

1008
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:05,360
Speaker 1: all this like emotion, distress and extortion, and and I

1009
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:06,720
Speaker 1: want you to have a criminal record.

1010
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, but there is an update. Two weeks later, I

1011
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 3: told my ex boyfriend I was moving out with or

1012
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 3: without the money, and he told me that if I

1013
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 3: left him, he could keep the gift for himself, sue him.

1014
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:20,480
Speaker 3: I told him whatever, and call this there is a

1015
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:22,360
Speaker 3: little bit left to the story. But please tell his

1016
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 3: mom everything. Yeah, tell his mom everything. Say hey, your

1017
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 3: son stole thirteen thousand dollars from me and then sue him.

1018
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: And your little pathetic little boy is telling me, Wait,

1019
00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:33,360
Speaker 1: you can't give it to you.

1020
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:35,320
Speaker 2: You just freaking you just break.

1021
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:37,440
Speaker 1: Up with me, So I'm mean to just keep your

1022
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 1: money forever so you'll always keep gaining me.

1023
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 3: It's like, she asked why, and I told her the

1024
00:47:43,680 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 3: whole story. She asked me to give her a few

1025
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 3: minutes and then she would get back to me. Nice.

1026
00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 2: Nice, Mommy's going to take care of it.

1027
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 3: I heard her call my ex in the other room

1028
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:55,840
Speaker 3: and could hear her yelling at him through the phone.

1029
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:58,200
Speaker 3: She called me back and told me to take pictures

1030
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 3: of the rooms. I sent them to her, and she

1031
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,200
Speaker 3: gave me the all clear overtext. She also sent me

1032
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:05,879
Speaker 3: an apology for my ex's behavior. I left and thought

1033
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 3: that was that. A few days later I got a

1034
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 3: check in the mail for fifteen K from my ex's mom.

1035
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 2: Nice.

1036
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 3: Not exactly justice, because the original money was indeed probably gone,

1037
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 3: but I walked away feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

1038
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 3: I hope they make him pay that fifteen K back

1039
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 3: to them. I hope they start charging him rent that nice.

1040
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,920
Speaker 3: Comments it's significant that Mom asked OP to take pictures

1041
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:32,239
Speaker 3: of the rooms before she walked out. Chose Mom anticipated

1042
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 3: that X but trash the house and claimed that OP

1043
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 3: did it. I wonder if Mom has experience of X

1044
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:39,879
Speaker 3: doing something similar in the past. Reply says is that it.

1045
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 3: I assumed it was just standard practice for landlords. If

1046
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:45,919
Speaker 3: OPI had done any significant damage, she could have taken

1047
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 3: it out of the thirteen k.

1048
00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 2: Right, It's both, it's both, Probably both, it's both.

1049
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:51,919
Speaker 3: Comment who says he was never giving that money back

1050
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 3: until he got caught. Reply says, and that kind of

1051
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 3: thing can work if it's a parent helping their kid

1052
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,879
Speaker 3: get back on their feet, with the reduce rent being

1053
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:04,319
Speaker 3: some skin in the game and an incentive to move

1054
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:06,759
Speaker 3: out eventually. But a boyfriend and girlfriend don't have a

1055
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:10,160
Speaker 3: relationship that it should involve that kind of paternalism, even

1056
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 3: in hypothetical where he had genuine altruistic contentions. Comment three also,

1057
00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 3: it's not a gift when the money was hers to

1058
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:20,840
Speaker 3: begin with. Reply says right that of me steaming he

1059
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,440
Speaker 3: can't gift you your own dang money. And then a

1060
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 3: bit later I found myself yelling, you wouldn't have needed

1061
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 3: his support if he wasn't screwing you out of one

1062
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:32,400
Speaker 3: K a month. I'm so glad she dumped that lying beaster.

1063
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,439
Speaker 3: Another reply says he kept swooping in and saving the day,

1064
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:39,400
Speaker 3: buying her tires or a new blazer with her own money.

1065
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 3: I feel it in my soul that this was what happened.

1066
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:45,400
Speaker 3: He didn't have one k a month more than she had.

1067
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:47,759
Speaker 3: He had two k more. And that's the end of

1068
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:48,240
Speaker 3: the story.

1069
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:52,280
Speaker 1: My boyfriend thinks I'm embarrassed of him, and he's kind

1070
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:52,759
Speaker 1: of right.

1071
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 3: He's kind of embarrassing My.

1072
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:57,840
Speaker 1: Twenty three female boyfriend twenty six male of ten months

1073
00:49:57,920 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 1: is upset that I won't introduce him to my friend

1074
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,960
Speaker 1: and there's a couple of reasons for this. By the way,

1075
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 1: this comes from user Wallet, and if you want to

1076
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

1077
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:08,279
Speaker 1: storytime subburn it.

1078
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,719
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and we're here to

1079
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 2: give you a good advice.

1080
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,239
Speaker 1: Goofy, but we don't have all the answers, and if

1081
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 1: you would do something different from us, then just let

1082
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 1: us know in the comments, because we only know what

1083
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:20,680
Speaker 1: we would do. Oh, he says, First of all, I

1084
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:23,360
Speaker 1: don't have a defined friend group. Most of my friends

1085
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 1: live in different states or countries. The closest ones are

1086
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:29,320
Speaker 1: an hour away, and they are very busy med school,

1087
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,960
Speaker 1: weekend shifts, the works. My point is that seeing my

1088
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 1: friends is a precious one on one time event. The

1089
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 1: only group events I attend are my ex's friends reunions.

1090
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 1: They invite me, but they are not my friends. So

1091
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:47,720
Speaker 1: in general, my significant other doesn't meet my friends because

1092
00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,880
Speaker 1: meeting them is super important to my boyfriend. I've realized

1093
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 1: I am kind of embarrassed by him. I thought he

1094
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:56,520
Speaker 1: was cute and fun when I met him, but over

1095
00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:59,399
Speaker 1: the last ten months he got comfortable and gained about

1096
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:00,000
Speaker 1: fifty pound.

1097
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 2: It's not a medical condition.

1098
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:05,240
Speaker 1: It's a bad diet of no exercise and constant fast food.

1099
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 2: He gets too.

1100
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 1: Tired to even have missionary horizontal mambo. He went shopping

1101
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 1: recently for a rave and now wears his rave clothes

1102
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:15,719
Speaker 1: constantly because they're the only things that actually fit him.

1103
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 1: These are things like black shorts with neon stripes. A

1104
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:20,719
Speaker 1: friend of his laugh when he saw him and snapchated

1105
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:23,920
Speaker 1: him looking like a gangster. He also picked up smoking

1106
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 1: behind my back and grew from a social smoker to

1107
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 1: several a day. He smells and I hate it overall.

1108
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:31,799
Speaker 1: If I'm at him now, I would never consider dating it.

1109
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 3: Then break up with that.

1110
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:34,120
Speaker 2: But I'm in love with them.

1111
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 3: No, you're not.

1112
00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:38,360
Speaker 1: I just don't want to introduce him until he's back

1113
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:40,360
Speaker 1: to his early relationship self.

1114
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 2: Am I being awful a bit? Yeah?

1115
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 1: On his side, he has a very defined friend group

1116
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 1: that all live in the same city and throw group

1117
00:51:48,719 --> 00:51:52,000
Speaker 1: events constantly. It's been easy for him to include me

1118
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 1: and we hang out with them often.

1119
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 3: That sounds like, again, you have no friends and you're

1120
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:03,960
Speaker 3: like our snapchatting pictures of him making fun of your boyfriend.

1121
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 1: Was your friends?

1122
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 3: Oh?

1123
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:06,840
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1124
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:11,080
Speaker 1: Maybe he's like pangsta. Yeah, well we got comments. Apathetic

1125
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 1: Anarchy says he probably didn't really change. He was probably

1126
00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 1: putting on a good show when you met him, and

1127
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:16,879
Speaker 1: this is.

1128
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:18,120
Speaker 2: Who he thinks he wants to be.

1129
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 1: Okay, I know he played baseball from elementary school through

1130
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 1: high school and last year played a lot of tennis

1131
00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 1: and disc golf with his friends. This seems like such

1132
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:30,439
Speaker 1: a drastic change that I can't imagine it's his true form. Yeah,

1133
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 1: whoever said that is just a pessimistic anarchy.

1134
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, someone said, like is his mental health?

1135
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 2: Okay, probably not, because that could be.

1136
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 3: That could absolutely And he gaged.

1137
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,240
Speaker 1: Five pounds a month and he picked up an addiction.

1138
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 1: I think, I.

1139
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 3: Think you have to have a conversation you just you

1140
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 3: shouldn't just be complaining about it.

1141
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 1: He said he's unhappy with his weight, but admittedly hasn't

1142
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 1: made any efforts to fix it. The main cop says,

1143
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 1: you can play baseball and disc golf and still be

1144
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 1: an obese smoker.

1145
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:57,480
Speaker 2: Opie says, you can, but he wasn't. At the start

1146
00:52:57,520 --> 00:52:58,280
Speaker 2: of our relationship.

1147
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:00,960
Speaker 1: He was reasonably in shape and only he occasionally smoked

1148
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:03,360
Speaker 1: at parties. At some point he started smoking when I

1149
00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:06,240
Speaker 1: wasn't around, and now he's full blown. Ain't no sunshine

1150
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:08,279
Speaker 1: fifty five says, how does one gain fifty pounds in

1151
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 1: ten months? But you do it about five pounds per

1152
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:11,200
Speaker 1: month at a time.

1153
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:13,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like that's like, there's so bad.

1154
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 2: The level, Like is that's not even that crazy? No,

1155
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 2: that's what happens when it gets out of control.

1156
00:53:18,719 --> 00:53:20,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, like, this is something that needs to be addressed,

1157
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 3: not made fun of. If you address it and he

1158
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 3: still doesn't want to change anything about his habits or lifestyle,

1159
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 3: then yeah, you're not a match anymore.

1160
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:29,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. Ope.

1161
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 1: He says he's tall, so most of the changes aren't

1162
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 1: very noticeable on him. He also quit and restarted a

1163
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:35,719
Speaker 1: medication and blames some of the weight gain on that,

1164
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:38,120
Speaker 1: but I think looking back, it had little to do

1165
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 1: with it. I think he eats roughly two thousand to

1166
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 1: twenty four hundred calories a day, which with his height

1167
00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 1: was probably a good amount when he played sports in

1168
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 1: high school in college, but is too high now. Good

1169
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:51,080
Speaker 1: Advice Service says, if you are embarrassed of him and

1170
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 1: don't like the way he looks or dresses, or that

1171
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:56,399
Speaker 1: he smokes or how he smells, and wouldn't consider dating him,

1172
00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 1: why haven't you done anything about it or left?

1173
00:53:59,360 --> 00:53:59,960
Speaker 2: I love him?

1174
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 1: Is a bad answer. If you loved him, why would

1175
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 1: you let him come to this?

1176
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:05,960
Speaker 3: Find about letting him come to this. It's about why

1177
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,640
Speaker 3: would you come on here and insult him and say

1178
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 3: you're embarrassed to bring him out around your friends. Why

1179
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 3: haven't you talked to him about it?

1180
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 2: I didn't arrive here willingly.

1181
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:17,359
Speaker 1: I've downloaded a fitness app on his phone and bet

1182
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:20,759
Speaker 1: that the person who logged the fewest days buys date night.

1183
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:23,640
Speaker 1: I've asked for hikes for my birthday in Valentine's presence.

1184
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 1: I get him to go on walks with me, but

1185
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 1: he gets impatient after half a mile. I'm not a

1186
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:29,960
Speaker 1: great cook or willing to spend a lot on ingredients,

1187
00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:32,640
Speaker 1: so it's difficult to explain why he should cook a

1188
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:35,800
Speaker 1: seasoned chicken for a mediocre salad instead of go to

1189
00:54:35,880 --> 00:54:38,560
Speaker 1: McDonald's drive through. If I could do anything to stop

1190
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:41,520
Speaker 1: his smoking, I would, but I can't, which is true.

1191
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 2: That has to come from the person. The clothes are

1192
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:44,759
Speaker 2: a recent.

1193
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:47,000
Speaker 1: Development, and I'm guessing he'll buy better fitting clothes soon,

1194
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:48,879
Speaker 1: but for now, he says he doesn't see the need

1195
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:50,880
Speaker 1: to look nice on casual days.

1196
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:54,280
Speaker 2: He normally dresses fairly well. And there's an update.

1197
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:57,560
Speaker 3: Oh, he just keeps saying well. I try to subtly

1198
00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 3: hint that maybe he should do this, and I tried

1199
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:04,359
Speaker 3: to send him smoke signals to get him to change,

1200
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 3: like no have a direct conversation.

1201
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 2: I think, really the solution is you gain fifty pounds

1202
00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:10,840
Speaker 2: and start smoking.

1203
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 1: And when he's like, oh, you gotta not do that,

1204
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:16,600
Speaker 1: then you go, I agree, let's work on this problem together.

1205
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:21,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, let's work on this. We've cat both, we

1206
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 2: can do it. We can do it together.

1207
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:25,279
Speaker 1: Five months later, update, so I told him I was

1208
00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 1: worried about his unhealthy habits and asked him if he

1209
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:28,359
Speaker 1: was depressed nice He.

1210
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:30,400
Speaker 3: Got there eventually. Five months later.

1211
00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:32,720
Speaker 2: He said he wasn't sure, but he did hate his job.

1212
00:55:32,880 --> 00:55:35,800
Speaker 2: This surprised me because he excelled at school and enjoyed

1213
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:39,600
Speaker 2: discussing related topics, but I guess actual programming was burning

1214
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 2: him out. He also said he was just picking a

1215
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:44,799
Speaker 2: fight about my friends out of stress. I suggested that

1216
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:46,799
Speaker 2: he switched to the business side of things, and after

1217
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:50,120
Speaker 2: some exploring, he seemed interested. He soon after bought new

1218
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 2: clothes So thankful, switched to vaping so regretful, and started

1219
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:57,359
Speaker 2: a job hunt. I let him focus on applying, but

1220
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:01,280
Speaker 2: tried to passively inspire him by getting into shape myself.

1221
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:03,719
Speaker 2: He eventually became a manager at a game company and

1222
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 2: was way happier, but I just got more frustrated. I

1223
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 2: had never really dieted before, but learning it's actually pretty

1224
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:14,360
Speaker 2: easy if disciplined about logging calories. I dropped from a

1225
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 2: twenty two bmi to nineteen without exercising, then threw in

1226
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 2: some weights. Meanwhile, he quit his job after getting some interviews,

1227
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:25,360
Speaker 2: but did nothing. Accept grow his nicotine use because he

1228
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:28,279
Speaker 2: could now do it indoors thanks to his vape. Then

1229
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 2: he got a job and snapchatted all his coworker happy

1230
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:34,680
Speaker 2: hours and new food perks. I know starting can be hard,

1231
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:37,600
Speaker 2: but he kept moving the goalpost for getting started. After

1232
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:41,640
Speaker 2: quitting old job, after interviews, after new job probation period,

1233
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,280
Speaker 2: a couple weeks ago, I invited him to a friend's musical.

1234
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 2: We were running a little late, but he said he

1235
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,799
Speaker 2: needed to use my bathroom and set off the fire

1236
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:52,319
Speaker 2: alarm because he was vaping. I blew up. I was

1237
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:54,920
Speaker 2: so furious he planned to meet new people and then

1238
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:57,880
Speaker 2: subject them to that awful smell for the next three hours.

1239
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:00,359
Speaker 2: So I finally gave him the ultimatum that you guys

1240
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 2: suggested four months ago. It seemed like it worked. He

1241
00:57:03,239 --> 00:57:05,400
Speaker 2: replaced his vape with nicotine gum.

1242
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:08,080
Speaker 1: Bought an elliptical cut out soda and started cooking more.

1243
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 2: I hope it all sticks, but if it doesn't, I'll

1244
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:14,200
Speaker 2: be fine. Just stop it. You sound like a bad partner.

1245
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:18,280
Speaker 3: It is scary to try and bring up, you know,

1246
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 3: wanting elements of a person to change. I think it's

1247
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 3: scary to figure out how like you're like. I don't

1248
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 3: want to critique them. I don't know how to bring

1249
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,560
Speaker 3: it up. But I think when you're in a healthy relationship,

1250
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 3: you notice when a person is not doing well and

1251
00:57:31,080 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 3: you want to help them be healthy and you know,

1252
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 3: feel better about themselves and feel better about their life.

1253
00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 3: And if you have those I don't know, like suggestions,

1254
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:45,200
Speaker 3: then don't just beat around the bush. You have to

1255
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 3: be able to talk honestly with your partner. And I

1256
00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:50,960
Speaker 3: feel like the issue here is that there's just been

1257
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:54,240
Speaker 3: so little honesty and he's clearly gone through something.

1258
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:57,480
Speaker 1: I really don't think this person's in love. Yeah, I

1259
00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 1: don't think that you are, because here comes the next line.

1260
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 3: Oh No, I've grown more.

1261
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 1: Confident and a lot hotter since I last post to

1262
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 1: address some of the comments. I admire a lot of

1263
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:11,160
Speaker 1: things about my boyfriend. He's smart and hard working and

1264
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:13,960
Speaker 1: graduated at the top of his class. He shares my

1265
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:16,520
Speaker 1: sense of humor and many of my interests. He is

1266
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:20,240
Speaker 1: very willing to listen and communicate. He's a great compliment

1267
00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:23,320
Speaker 1: to my personality, and I have a blast hanging.

1268
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 2: Out with him.

1269
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:27,080
Speaker 1: I absolutely love him and want him to be happy.

1270
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:30,160
Speaker 1: That just wasn't the point of the original post or

1271
00:58:30,160 --> 00:58:32,560
Speaker 1: the update. I don't mean to make my boyfriend sound

1272
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:34,960
Speaker 1: awful or to demean him. I don't care if he

1273
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:36,880
Speaker 1: ever has a six pack. I just want him to

1274
00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:40,000
Speaker 1: be the average weight guy he was when we started dating.

1275
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:43,040
Speaker 1: And we have some more comments. Hope he gives more

1276
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 1: details about the ultimatum. That was the point of the ultimatum.

1277
00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 1: If he was happy, I wanted to break up so

1278
00:58:49,160 --> 00:58:52,360
Speaker 1: that we could pursue our individual lives. I haven't actually

1279
00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:54,920
Speaker 1: told him to do anything. I've only said that I'm

1280
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,840
Speaker 1: unhappy with his intense weight gain and smoking. The way

1281
00:58:57,840 --> 00:59:00,560
Speaker 1: he fixes those things are up to him, including breaking

1282
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:03,800
Speaker 1: up with me. If he wants what are you talking about?

1283
00:59:03,920 --> 00:59:07,320
Speaker 1: That's how are you painting an ultimatum like? You're not

1284
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:09,280
Speaker 1: telling him if you do anything.

1285
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,840
Speaker 3: If she said it like that, I don't think that

1286
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:14,160
Speaker 3: is unreasonable. I don't know if she said it like that,

1287
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:17,040
Speaker 3: but I don't think that's going to someone and saying, hey,

1288
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 3: your increase in smoking is I can't deal with that.

1289
00:59:20,800 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 2: Here's what it is.

1290
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:24,240
Speaker 1: I think that's she's I'm describing it like that, but

1291
00:59:24,320 --> 00:59:27,720
Speaker 1: this is what she said, which is, Hey, if you

1292
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:31,280
Speaker 1: just want to keep smoking and you're fine being the

1293
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:34,040
Speaker 1: weight that you're at, that's fine. But we'll be breaking

1294
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:37,640
Speaker 1: up and then if that's what you want, I'm perfectly

1295
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:40,440
Speaker 1: okay with that because that's just what you're happy with anyway.

1296
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:43,360
Speaker 2: But that's the end of that story. John here og host.

1297
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:45,120
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

1298
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 1: three minute break from hous from our sponsors.

1299
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:51,280
Speaker 3: My boyfriend did a cruel prank, so I dumped him,

1300
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:54,880
Speaker 3: and that ain't no joke. I eighteen female, have been

1301
00:59:54,880 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 3: with my boyfriend for about a year. We are both

1302
00:59:57,280 --> 01:00:00,120
Speaker 3: honor students who are graduating in about a month's I'm

1303
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 3: a guy and we're going to try to make it work,

1304
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:05,440
Speaker 3: even though we were going to different out of state schools. However,

1305
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 3: he has a group of friends eighteen to nineteen mail

1306
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:12,160
Speaker 3: and when he's with them, he does some very stupid things.

1307
01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from throw. He is so

1308
01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:16,520
Speaker 3: disgusted and if you would have spit your own stories,

1309
01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime suburt it. I'm Sophia,

1310
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:22,960
Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

1311
01:00:23,040 --> 01:00:25,000
Speaker 3: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

1312
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:26,680
Speaker 3: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

1313
01:00:26,680 --> 01:00:28,440
Speaker 3: do in the comments, I op. He says he was

1314
01:00:28,480 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 3: out with them last night and he called me and

1315
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:33,000
Speaker 3: told me he was at Purple Heart Park if I

1316
01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:35,160
Speaker 3: wanted to come see them. I live about a block

1317
01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 3: away and Ritas, so I told my parents and they

1318
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 3: were fine with me going. When I got there, they

1319
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:42,560
Speaker 3: were like rolling on the ground. They were laughing so hard.

1320
01:00:42,840 --> 01:00:44,960
Speaker 3: I asked them what was so funny, and they wouldn't say.

1321
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:47,680
Speaker 3: Then one pointed to an older couple who was walking

1322
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:51,040
Speaker 3: around with a flashlight, calling the obvious name of a pet.

1323
01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:53,520
Speaker 3: I couldn't figure out what was so funny about that,

1324
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:56,280
Speaker 3: but as the couple came closer to us, they said

1325
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,000
Speaker 3: we needed to leave. When we got in my boyfriend's car,

1326
01:00:59,120 --> 01:01:02,760
Speaker 3: they absolutely lost it with laughter. I asked them what happened,

1327
01:01:02,840 --> 01:01:05,440
Speaker 3: and maybe thirty minutes prior, one of them had spotted

1328
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:08,520
Speaker 3: a missing cat poster and called the number and lied

1329
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 3: and said that they had spotted the cat in Purple

1330
01:01:11,680 --> 01:01:15,919
Speaker 3: Heart Park. They called the owner in I instantly knew

1331
01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:18,880
Speaker 3: the posters since one was in our mailbox and they

1332
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:21,320
Speaker 3: had been there for maybe six weeks. In Tuoson, we

1333
01:01:21,440 --> 01:01:23,840
Speaker 3: know when a cat is gone that long a coyote

1334
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:26,120
Speaker 3: had gotten it. I wanted to throw up. This was

1335
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:28,680
Speaker 3: so cruel to do to those poor people, to give

1336
01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:31,000
Speaker 3: them hope like that. I would immediately break up with

1337
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:33,560
Speaker 3: a person via that on the spot spot. I'd be like,

1338
01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:35,840
Speaker 3: we're breaking up, you suck. I demanded to be taken

1339
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:38,400
Speaker 3: home that second, and he did. I didn't say a

1340
01:01:38,440 --> 01:01:40,240
Speaker 3: word to any of them, and I hate that I

1341
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:43,120
Speaker 3: even know this happened. I'm going to break up with them.

1342
01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 3: But what can or should I do to make this

1343
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 3: up to the poor couple who was missing the cat.

1344
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 3: I'm devastated with gil that I know something about it,

1345
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:52,959
Speaker 3: but don't know what I should do. I can't ask

1346
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:55,600
Speaker 3: my parents because I'm afraid my dad will actually beat

1347
01:01:55,640 --> 01:01:57,840
Speaker 3: the crap out of them and a risk losing his job.

1348
01:01:57,880 --> 01:02:00,920
Speaker 3: He such an animal lover curious cat five five vives

1349
01:02:01,040 --> 01:02:04,480
Speaker 3: as to back you up, I can truthfully say there's

1350
01:02:04,560 --> 01:02:07,080
Speaker 3: no way I could continue seeing someone who not only

1351
01:02:07,120 --> 01:02:11,840
Speaker 3: did something like this, but laughed and laughed about it afterwards. Disgusting.

1352
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:15,240
Speaker 3: No wonder you're so upset. I feel for you and

1353
01:02:15,280 --> 01:02:17,120
Speaker 3: wish you and the cat owners all the best.

1354
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:19,200
Speaker 2: Here's what you do. Well, I don't know if this

1355
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:21,800
Speaker 2: is good for the ecosystem. You have to check that first.

1356
01:02:22,080 --> 01:02:23,800
Speaker 2: You know, you can buy like a box with like

1357
01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:25,320
Speaker 2: a thousand ladybugs in it, right?

1358
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:27,440
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, that's pretty bad for the ecosystem.

1359
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:28,640
Speaker 2: Don't break up with them yet.

1360
01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:31,080
Speaker 1: Get yourself into his room, get that box somewhere a

1361
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:34,000
Speaker 1: little inconspicuous and open it up and leave, and then

1362
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 1: break up with them.

1363
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 3: Okay, new plan, Buy a box of crickets.

1364
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:38,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, whichever bug?

1365
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:42,880
Speaker 1: Is it environmentally devastating to your area?

1366
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:45,919
Speaker 3: Exactly? Yeah, crickets are better because ladybugs can be kind

1367
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:46,720
Speaker 3: of I think.

1368
01:02:46,720 --> 01:02:50,840
Speaker 1: It's easier to conceal the ladybugs though, that's true. Whichever

1369
01:02:50,920 --> 01:02:53,760
Speaker 1: bug isn't going to be bad for the ecosystem? Yeah,

1370
01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:57,040
Speaker 1: release at least two hundred of them into his room.

1371
01:02:57,120 --> 01:02:58,480
Speaker 1: Oh oh, oh, then be done.

1372
01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:00,160
Speaker 3: I have an idea. I think you can do this

1373
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:02,800
Speaker 3: with ladybugs, so maybe you can do this with crickets.

1374
01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:05,360
Speaker 3: You put a box of crickets into the freezer, they

1375
01:03:05,480 --> 01:03:08,400
Speaker 3: get cold, they sleep, then you take them out, put

1376
01:03:08,480 --> 01:03:10,959
Speaker 3: them to room. Then they wake up start bathing him

1377
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:14,040
Speaker 3: four days later. So basically, breaking up with my boyfriend

1378
01:03:14,120 --> 01:03:16,440
Speaker 3: was an easy decision, and I did it overtext.

1379
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:17,200
Speaker 2: Norse.

1380
01:03:17,680 --> 01:03:20,320
Speaker 3: He said that like after a year, he deserved better

1381
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:22,440
Speaker 3: than a text breakup. I said, after what I saw

1382
01:03:22,520 --> 01:03:24,959
Speaker 3: him do on Saturday night, he really didn't. You tried

1383
01:03:24,960 --> 01:03:26,760
Speaker 3: to say that the prank was not his idea and

1384
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:28,360
Speaker 3: I really needed to cut him some slack.

1385
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:30,000
Speaker 2: No, no way.

1386
01:03:30,600 --> 01:03:33,680
Speaker 1: I saw her laughing about that you're actually like a

1387
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:34,920
Speaker 1: piece of trash.

1388
01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:37,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I said that maybe it wasn't his idea, but

1389
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:40,520
Speaker 3: I saw him laughing just as hard as his friends,

1390
01:03:40,880 --> 01:03:42,880
Speaker 3: and that was enough for me. He's been a total

1391
01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:45,240
Speaker 3: crap at school, but it's turning on him bad. When

1392
01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:47,720
Speaker 3: I explained to people why we broke up and who

1393
01:03:47,800 --> 01:03:50,240
Speaker 3: he was with a guy graduated last year who was

1394
01:03:50,320 --> 01:03:52,320
Speaker 3: such a creep. What was harder is what I should

1395
01:03:52,360 --> 01:03:54,640
Speaker 3: do with the people. I had two choices as I

1396
01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:57,360
Speaker 3: saw it, either not call and let them have false

1397
01:03:57,400 --> 01:03:59,960
Speaker 3: hope the cat was still alive, or call and let

1398
01:04:00,120 --> 01:04:01,520
Speaker 3: them know they had been pranked.

1399
01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 2: I hate to break. I mean, I'm sure they understand.

1400
01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:06,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think pranked.

1401
01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 2: You can call and just make sure.

1402
01:04:08,400 --> 01:04:09,920
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry that happened.

1403
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:12,680
Speaker 1: That's probably why they said you need to leave to

1404
01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:14,320
Speaker 1: them those people at.

1405
01:04:14,160 --> 01:04:15,640
Speaker 2: The park, because they knew.

1406
01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:18,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, the people who called them were probably the ones

1407
01:04:18,840 --> 01:04:21,200
Speaker 1: rolling around laughing. I guess you could do it just

1408
01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:24,680
Speaker 1: to make sure that they don't maybe they false hope

1409
01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:25,920
Speaker 1: that their cat was spotted.

1410
01:04:26,200 --> 01:04:28,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, you just say, hey, like I, you know, got

1411
01:04:28,240 --> 01:04:30,080
Speaker 3: rid of these friends. I'm so sorry that they did

1412
01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:32,320
Speaker 3: that to you. I was not involved, but I'm so sorry.

1413
01:04:32,560 --> 01:04:32,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1414
01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:35,920
Speaker 1: And do something with crickets, Yeah, do something, do something,

1415
01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:37,400
Speaker 1: do something, man.

1416
01:04:37,600 --> 01:04:40,520
Speaker 3: But there's a little bit left. Basically, after thinking about

1417
01:04:40,560 --> 01:04:42,800
Speaker 3: it all day, I decided that if it were my

1418
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:45,520
Speaker 3: dogs in question, I'd want all the info I could get.

1419
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:49,160
Speaker 3: I was so nervous calling them, but the lady answered,

1420
01:04:49,280 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 3: and I think I said I had some information about

1421
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:54,200
Speaker 3: their lost cat. She basically stopped me and said that

1422
01:04:54,240 --> 01:04:56,200
Speaker 3: it was a miracle, but their kind of been turned

1423
01:04:56,240 --> 01:05:01,000
Speaker 3: into Pima County Animal Control. Two days by, I only

1424
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 3: got a return on the chip and they called them

1425
01:05:02,840 --> 01:05:05,439
Speaker 3: that very morning and they had just gotten the cat home.

1426
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:05,919
Speaker 2: Yes.

1427
01:05:06,600 --> 01:05:09,400
Speaker 3: I was so relieved because I didn't have to tell

1428
01:05:09,440 --> 01:05:11,680
Speaker 3: them some awful news about how my boyfriend was a

1429
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 3: piece of crap. I was also happy for because she

1430
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:16,840
Speaker 3: seems so happy. I told her I was very happy

1431
01:05:16,840 --> 01:05:18,600
Speaker 3: her cat was home and said, goodbye.

1432
01:05:18,680 --> 01:05:20,760
Speaker 1: Well, I think you should have been, like, my boyfriend

1433
01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:22,480
Speaker 1: made a fake report and I broke up with him.

1434
01:05:22,560 --> 01:05:24,600
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you actually found your cat. I

1435
01:05:24,640 --> 01:05:26,280
Speaker 1: broke up with my disgusting ex.

1436
01:05:26,440 --> 01:05:28,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, who did that to you? And I'm so sorry,

1437
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:29,920
Speaker 2: but I'm so glad.

1438
01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:30,720
Speaker 1: Yay.

1439
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:33,880
Speaker 3: Well, I'm glad either way. So that's like really good news.

1440
01:05:33,880 --> 01:05:36,520
Speaker 3: And I'm happy to be rid of my idiot boyfriend.

1441
01:05:37,040 --> 01:05:39,600
Speaker 2: I am too. I thought that was gonna be that.

1442
01:05:39,600 --> 01:05:42,960
Speaker 2: That's that. Well, Hello, I am happy.

1443
01:05:43,160 --> 01:05:45,240
Speaker 3: Those comments are just a bunch of people talking about

1444
01:05:45,240 --> 01:05:46,560
Speaker 3: missing animals, But.

1445
01:05:46,920 --> 01:05:50,960
Speaker 1: That's the best ending possibly have broke up with your

1446
01:05:51,040 --> 01:05:55,400
Speaker 1: nasty little, stinky boyfriend and they found their cat. Yeshoo,

1447
01:05:55,760 --> 01:06:00,760
Speaker 1: a nasty, lit, stinky, stinky boyfriend. Yeah, if you want

1448
01:06:00,800 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 1: to go like borderline chemical warfare. You can buy coyote

1449
01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:07,560
Speaker 1: urine on the internet and if you can somehow get

1450
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:11,000
Speaker 1: access to his closet, it might be classified as destruction

1451
01:06:11,080 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 1: of property, though it might.

1452
01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:14,240
Speaker 3: Be the crickets I feel like you could get get

1453
01:06:14,240 --> 01:06:14,520
Speaker 3: away with.

1454
01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:17,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, but yeah, you're probably gonna end up tormenting everyone

1455
01:06:17,800 --> 01:06:20,320
Speaker 1: in the house, which you know, maybe they can direct

1456
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:22,280
Speaker 1: their ey r towards their son for that.

1457
01:06:22,480 --> 01:06:24,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that is the end of that story.