Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Yea, what do you.
Speaker 3: Think about young people getting all of their information and
Speaker 3: entertainment from social media?
Speaker 1: I see no problem with it? Why would you? It
Speaker 1: seems great? Uh do? Is that? Is that true? I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know, because obviously.
Speaker 4: TV is dying.
Speaker 1: Don't what? No, don't, sir? Well, let me ask you
Speaker 1: a question in your mind, seeing as I work in television,
Speaker 1: will I die first? Because if that's the case, I
Speaker 1: don't mind. But but don't don't You still watch TV,
Speaker 1: but you just watch it on your computer.
Speaker 5: On TikTok and on your phone.
Speaker 1: Right, But you understand that that's still TV. It's just
Speaker 1: you're watching it in a different uh delivery service. It's
Speaker 1: like Hair and his Heroine. Whether you snort it or
Speaker 1: shoot it, it's still an opiate for the masses as
Speaker 1: his television. You're just getting it in smaller bites. But
Speaker 1: it's it's still It's like it's still TV. We make
Speaker 1: it unless you have to look on your face like
Speaker 1: this poor boy if he only knew the business he
Speaker 1: was in. Well, I hope we don't die quickly. But
Speaker 1: and stay and you're here and we're making TV for you. Tonight. Hi, everybody, welcome,
Speaker 1: Thank you please. I look, I gotta tell you something.
Speaker 1: These folks who work at the Daily Show are making
Speaker 1: me look zaddy. I'm sorry. Welcome to the Daily Show.
Speaker 1: I'm your host, John Stewart, captain of this dying medium?
Speaker 1: Did you even show that today? A right, gentlemen? Tell
Speaker 1: me tonight? He said, Oh, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 1: You know your television is dying. I said, I am aware,
Speaker 1: and in fact I'm contributing to it. You're welcome. I
Speaker 1: did have such a good time last week doing the program,
Speaker 1: and then everybody Comedy Center was like, oh, what are
Speaker 1: you going to do this week? And I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: this week I did already. I did it Monday. What
Speaker 1: am I a cyborg? Come on? But I don't mind because,
Speaker 1: quite frankly, the response to the first show last Monday
Speaker 1: was universally glowing.
Speaker 6: John Stuart is facing massive backlash from Democrats over his
Speaker 6: comments about Joe Biden. Oberman tweeted, well, after nine years away,
Speaker 6: there's nothing else to say to the both sides fraud
Speaker 6: John Stuart bashing Biden, except please make it another nine years.
Speaker 6: Chris Jackson tweeted, sorry, but I won't be watching you either.
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe not a universal. Well that was on Twitter.
Speaker 1: Everything on Twitter gets the backlash. I've seen Twitter tellabradoodles
Speaker 1: to go for themselves aperdoodles. I just think it's better
Speaker 1: to deal head on with what's an apparent issue to people.
Speaker 1: I mean, we're we're just talking here and Mary Trump tweeting.
Speaker 1: Not only is Stuart's both sides are the same. Rhetoric
Speaker 1: not funny. It's a potential disaster for democracy. There's one Joe.
Speaker 1: It was just one Joe. It's twenty minutes. I did
Speaker 1: twenty minutes of one Joe. But I guess, as the
Speaker 1: famous saying goes, democracy dies in discussion. But look, I
Speaker 1: have seen against you. I'm sorry. It was never my
Speaker 1: intention to say out loud what I saw with my
Speaker 1: eyes and then brain, I can do better. I can
Speaker 1: have learning. I can have it. But I don't even
Speaker 1: know where to start with that. Where do I go
Speaker 1: to study the particulars of unquestioning propaganda? I would need mentorship.
Speaker 1: We're in Moscow tonight.
Speaker 2: We're here to interview the President of Russia, Vladimir Putin.
Speaker 1: Saints be praised.
Speaker 7: For Professor to Tucker Aloisious Mayflower, Kenny bumps Port Backgammon.
Speaker 1: Carlson the third has arrived, Professor, Tell me what is
Speaker 1: step one in delivering world class fealty to power.
Speaker 2: Here's where we're doing it first, because it's our job.
Speaker 1: We're in journalism. Lie about what your job is. We're internalism.
Speaker 1: Argue is to inform people. Lie about what your duty.
Speaker 8: Is.
Speaker 2: Americans have a right to know all they can about
Speaker 2: a war. They're implicated in freedom of speech is our birthright.
Speaker 2: We were born with the right to say what we believe.
Speaker 4: Oh sh.
Speaker 1: Who knows, sensey, that was deep. I have much to learn.
Speaker 1: Disguise your deception and capitulation to power as noble and
Speaker 1: moral and based in freedom. Yes, massed just out of
Speaker 1: curiosity as a student. When you're sitting there interviewing Putin
Speaker 1: and you don't plan to challenge his utter bullshit, but
Speaker 1: you don't want to really be that obvious. What do
Speaker 1: you do with your face? Oh? I see, okay, So
Speaker 1: it's not really a straight face as much as you
Speaker 1: try to convey a mixture of what appears to be
Speaker 1: shame arousal. And I'm gonna say irregularity for instance, like
Speaker 1: you're constipated while jerking off to a serious catalog been there,
Speaker 1: we die up there? Well, the lingerie ads were now,
Speaker 1: obviously the Tucker strategy is going to work when there's
Speaker 1: some ambiguity in what Putin says. But what if Putin
Speaker 1: starts saying shit like World War Two was Poland's fault
Speaker 1: because they forced Hitler to invade them. I mean, what
Speaker 1: do you do with something like that? That's gonna be hard.
Speaker 9: The World War One, this territory was transferred to Poland,
Speaker 9: and instead of Danzig, a city of Dunsk emerged. Mister
Speaker 9: Hitler asked them to give it Annaka believe, but they refused.
Speaker 1: Of course, of course. You know it's so hard to
Speaker 1: do when your face says what the fuck and your
Speaker 1: mouth says of course, it's it's so hard to How
Speaker 1: do you all right? How do you do that? By
Speaker 1: the way, Poland started World War Two? Why would a
Speaker 1: country whose navy has submarines with screen doors want to
Speaker 1: instigate a war? Quick history lessons years ago for reasons
Speaker 1: nobody is really sure of. A stereotype emerged that Polish
Speaker 1: people were inept in various ways, including obviously submarine manufacturing
Speaker 1: and even something as simple as the changing of a
Speaker 1: light bulb. I don't know actually how many Polish people
Speaker 1: you think it takes to change a light bulb, but
Speaker 1: it's certainly less than the conventional wisdom at that time
Speaker 1: would tell you. Now we know that Polish people are
Speaker 1: as smart as anyone and certainly did not deserve to
Speaker 1: be invaded by the Germans, who, of course accomplished that
Speaker 1: by marching in backwards. So the polls thought they were leaving.
Speaker 10: Well, I like to give you a little bit of dumb.
Speaker 1: Well, this has been an incredible primmer into the delegate
Speaker 1: dance of speaking, of course to power. Timmy Tucker, does
Speaker 1: this masterclass include field trips? How does Russia have a
Speaker 1: subway station?
Speaker 2: The normal people used to get to work at home
Speaker 2: every single day. That's nicer than anything in our country.
Speaker 2: There's no graffiti, there's no filth, no foul smells.
Speaker 1: That's a nice subway. That's a very although, to be
Speaker 1: fair to the New York City system, it was constructed
Speaker 1: in nineteen oh four out of urinalcakes by the great
Speaker 1: engineer Josette. Piss it everywhere before taking it's a very
Speaker 1: nice subway. But the subway that's only one thing.
Speaker 2: So we thought it'd be interesting to take a look
Speaker 2: at a contemporary, modern day twenty twenty four Russian grocery store.
Speaker 1: Go on, all right, here we go.
Speaker 8: So I guess you put in ten roubles here and
Speaker 8: you get it back when you put the card back.
Speaker 8: So it's free, but there's an incentive to return it
Speaker 8: and not just bring it to your homeless en camera.
Speaker 1: I know I've said this before. You're such a dick.
Speaker 1: I don't really truly like a dick. I didn't realize
Speaker 1: America's homeless problem is caused entirely by easy access to
Speaker 1: grocery card. I had on my top of my house,
Speaker 1: but I don't know that. Did you put it on wheels?
Speaker 1: It's so much easier.
Speaker 2: This is the uh, grocery card escalator.
Speaker 1: This is designed. I'm figuring this out now. Where the
Speaker 1: wheels don't move, they.
Speaker 2: Lock on the grocery card escalator.
Speaker 1: Look mad, no hands? Oh oh okay, okay, forest an
Speaker 1: escalator for the grocery cart and the doors open automatically.
Speaker 1: Oh marvel Russia, and Russia is famous for its bread.
Speaker 2: There's one thing I could assess pretty well.
Speaker 1: Look at that. It's fresh too. Look at that. Come on, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the guy really likes prett I hate to think what
Speaker 1: would have happened if he had found a bagel. But hey,
Speaker 1: if being a free speech warrior means you have to
Speaker 1: bang the occasional sour doughs. But our time is limited,
Speaker 1: could you drive home the purpose of your deception on
Speaker 1: this trip in the most cynical way possible. Please.
Speaker 2: We didn't pay any attention to cost, as we were
Speaker 2: just putting in the car where we would actually eat
Speaker 2: over a week, and we.
Speaker 1: All came in around four hundred bucks. About four hundred bucks.
Speaker 2: It was one hundred and four dollars US here and
Speaker 2: coming to a Russian grocery store the heart of evil
Speaker 2: and seeing what things cost and how people live. It
Speaker 2: will radicalize you against our leaders. That's how I feel anyway.
Speaker 1: Radicalized, radicalized, and it will radicalize you unless you understand
Speaker 1: basic economics. See one hundred and four dollars for groceries
Speaker 1: sounds like a great bargain unless you realize Russians earn
Speaker 1: less than two hundred dollars a week. But that's the
Speaker 1: kind of context that a what did you call yourself?
Speaker 1: Earlierournalists would have provided. But here's the reality. You know
Speaker 1: all this because you aren't as dumb as your face
Speaker 1: would have us believe. Perhaps if your handlers had allowed,
Speaker 1: you would have seen there is a hidden fee to
Speaker 1: your cheap groceries and orderly streets. Ask Alexi Navalni or
Speaker 1: any of his supporters.
Speaker 4: The Vladimir Putin's Russia political repression is everywhere, and hundreds
Speaker 4: have been arrested for daring to honor Navalny so publicly.
Speaker 1: Right, because the difference between our urinal, caked, chaotic subways
Speaker 1: and your candelabra beautiful subways is the literal price of freedom.
Speaker 1: But the goal that Carlson and his ilk are pushing
Speaker 1: is that there's really no difference between our systems. In fact,
Speaker 1: there might be a little bit better. The question is
Speaker 1: why why is Tucker doing this? Here's why. It's because
Speaker 1: the old vilizational battle was communism versus capitalism. That what
Speaker 1: drove the world since World War Two. Russia was the
Speaker 1: enemy then, but now they think the battle is woke
Speaker 1: versus unwoke, and in that fight, Putin is an ally
Speaker 1: to the right, he's their friend. Unfortunately, he is also
Speaker 1: a brutal and ruthless dictator. So now they have to
Speaker 1: make Americans a little more comfortable with that. I mean,
Speaker 1: liberty is nice, but have you seen Russia's shopping carts?
Speaker 1: And Tucker would have gotten away with it if it
Speaker 1: weren't for those meddling assassins.
Speaker 2: In a statement to The New York Times, Carlson said, quote,
Speaker 2: it is horrifying what happened to Navalney.
Speaker 4: The whole thing is barbaric and awful.
Speaker 1: No decent person would defend it. Correct, No decent person would.
Speaker 1: For more on, please enjoy your good For more on
Speaker 1: Tucker Carlton's interview with Curtains, we turned.
Speaker 7: To our own Michael Costa. Michael Michael Hears of all.
Speaker 1: What an unbelievably embarrassing display of sycophancy from Tucker Carlson.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I'm not sure what that means, John, So
Speaker 3: I'm gonna assume you loved it as much as I did.
Speaker 3: It made me think that these dictatorships have gotten a
Speaker 3: bad rap, which is why I've traveled here to North Korea.
Speaker 1: And as you can see, it's amazing looks. It looks
Speaker 1: like you're in a candy store.
Speaker 3: Well i am, but this is what the entire country
Speaker 3: looks like. I'm told it's a paradise of chocolate bars
Speaker 3: and sugar canes. I mean, John, check this out. This
Speaker 3: bucket of gummy worms here in Pyongyang. It costs a nickel.
Speaker 3: Do you don't have any idea how much this would
Speaker 3: cost me in the so oh called United States.
Speaker 1: I don't like twenty bucks, I guess, is it?
Speaker 10: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 3: And who can afford that besides capitalistic American pedophiles.
Speaker 1: Okay, and.
Speaker 3: Just look at the technology they have here, John, check
Speaker 3: out this amazing contraption you put Okay, you put a quarter.
Speaker 1: And look what comes out? A gumball.
Speaker 3: Oh death to America.
Speaker 1: John. You need to come home. Michael.
Speaker 3: Well, I'd like to, John, but unfortunately I renounced my
Speaker 3: citizenship in exchange for these gummy worms. Now, look, they
Speaker 3: made them sour on the outside, and on the inside
Speaker 3: they're sweet. And until America comes up with that, all right,
Speaker 3: how do we say goodbye in our language?
Speaker 1: Michael Costa? Everybody was it?
Speaker 11: Let's kick things off with Nikki Haley. She made a
Speaker 11: big announcement today, but it wasn't the one we were
Speaker 11: all expecting.
Speaker 12: Some of you, perhaps a few of you, in the media,
Speaker 12: came here today to see if I'm dropping out of
Speaker 12: the race.
Speaker 1: Well I'm not.
Speaker 11: Okay, we'll just wait another week.
Speaker 1: Then do what you want.
Speaker 11: But it's not a good sign for your campaign if
Speaker 11: you have to keep announcing that you're not dropping out
Speaker 11: of the race. Nikki Haley's campaign has reached the guest
Speaker 11: who doesn't know when to leave the party stage. Republican
Speaker 11: voters are like, ooh, oh god, I got to wake
Speaker 11: up early tomorrow, and Nikki's like.
Speaker 10: Oh, let's start a game of risk.
Speaker 11: And if this speech was supposed to convince people that
Speaker 11: she should stay in the race, I'm not really sure
Speaker 11: it did.
Speaker 12: We've all heard the call for me to drop out.
Speaker 12: The argument is familiar. They say I haven't won a state,
Speaker 12: that my path to victory is slim. They point to
Speaker 12: the primary polls and say I'm only delaying the inevitable.
Speaker 12: Why keep fighting when the battle was apparently over after Iowa.
Speaker 11: She's making a really good case against herself. They say
Speaker 11: my campaign is making everyone sad, that I'm a born
Speaker 11: loser whose own mother wouldn't vote for her.
Speaker 1: They claim I have a fourteen.
Speaker 11: Percent on Rotten Tomatoes and I'm not even a movie anyway.
Speaker 1: What were we talking about.
Speaker 11: Although, look, if Haley wants to stay in it's her right.
Speaker 11: If her strategy is to just hope that Donald Trump
Speaker 11: goes to prison for life, she wouldn't be the only
Speaker 11: one game recognize game. Speaking of Donald Trump, it's been
Speaker 11: a week now since Russian dissident Alexi Navalney mysteriously died
Speaker 11: in prison after devoting his life to fighting Vladimir Putin's dictatorship,
Speaker 11: and Donald Trump honored him in the only way he
Speaker 11: knows how, by making it about himself.
Speaker 1: The former president, for his part, weighed in yesterday evening.
Speaker 13: What he did was he shared an opinion piece on
Speaker 13: his social media website.
Speaker 2: That compares President Biden with Vladimir Putin and compares himself
Speaker 2: with Alexi Navalney.
Speaker 11: This is utterly disgusting, But I have to give Trump credit.
Speaker 11: I didn't realize he could make analogies way that he's
Speaker 11: got the double Collins and everything but little guys ready
Speaker 11: for the SATs. But yes, it is unacceptable to compare
Speaker 11: Navalney with Trump. Navalney sacrificed his life for democracy. Donald
Speaker 11: Trump tried to sacrifice Mike Pence's life to kill democracy.
Speaker 11: You could not find two men who are further apart
Speaker 11: than these two. Now, if you're stupid enough to believe
Speaker 11: that Donald Trump is a courageous freedom fighter like Alexi Navalny,
Speaker 11: then good news. Trump has some perfume he'd like to sell.
Speaker 1: You Trump branded cologne.
Speaker 14: It's called Trump forty seven, with the former president's head.
Speaker 1: At the top of the bottle.
Speaker 14: According to the website selling the cologne, it smells of
Speaker 14: a crisp opening of citrus blends into a cedar heart
Speaker 14: underpinned by a rich base of leather and amber.
Speaker 11: The last time Trump was underpinned by a rich base
Speaker 11: of leather and amber, amber had to sign an NDA. Also,
Speaker 11: I love the shape of that bottle. Is that cologne
Speaker 11: or a vibrator from hell? The first vibrator that doesn't
Speaker 11: believe in the female orgasm. Now you might think that
Speaker 11: this perfume is just a quick griff to help Trump
Speaker 11: after he was hit with a three hundred and fifty
Speaker 11: five million dollar judgment for fraud and based on their
Speaker 11: at campaign, you would be right.
Speaker 13: Confidential sexy guilty of fraud, introducing Victory forty seven, the
Speaker 13: new fragrance from Donald Trump. That's definitely not a desperate cash.
Speaker 13: Grab you want to smell like this, and now you
Speaker 13: can grab her by the nostrils.
Speaker 1: Donald Trump is.
Speaker 13: An icon of grace and masculinity. Take a whiff of
Speaker 13: Victory forty seven, a cent that tells everyone, I want
Speaker 13: to help a millionaire pay off a rape lawsuit. Buy
Speaker 13: a bottle, my ten thousand bodies, Send Donald Trump money.
Speaker 13: He really needs this. Mar get your condo. Victory forty
Speaker 13: seven is now available next to the discount candy at
Speaker 13: your local CBS. Victory forty seven. Smelling this good should
Speaker 13: be illegal, and it probably is.
Speaker 11: Mappy bank hawking perfume is undignified for the front runner
Speaker 11: for president.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, don't worry. It's not just perfume.
Speaker 2: Donald Trump introducing a new sneaker line at a shoe
Speaker 2: conference in Philly over the weekend.
Speaker 15: This is that big crowd appearing at sneaker Con in Philadelphia.
Speaker 1: We're going to remember the young people, and we're going
Speaker 1: to remember sneaker Con. Your sneakerheads.
Speaker 15: Ryan, the former president, took today to promote a money
Speaker 15: making deal, having struck a naming rights agreement for a
Speaker 15: limited edition sneaker line, the most expensive pair in the series,
Speaker 15: selling for three hundred and ninety nine dollars.
Speaker 1: That's the real deal.
Speaker 3: That's the real deal.
Speaker 11: Finally, a sneaker that won't make me feel bad when
Speaker 11: I accidentally step and shit.
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Speaker 5: searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
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