WEBVTT - Give yourself advice

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tips for those times when you know you'd have

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<v Speaker 1>wise counsel for a friend in your situation, and you

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<v Speaker 1>could use some wise counsel yourself, use the third person.

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<v Speaker 1>Try thinking about your own situation as you would think

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<v Speaker 1>about a friend in a similar situation, with the wisdom

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<v Speaker 1>and calm that come with distance. This tip comes from

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<v Speaker 1>psychologist Ethan Cross and his colleagues. They found that language,

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<v Speaker 1>especially the pronouns we use to refer to ourselves, can

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<v Speaker 1>create self distancing. With greater distance, we are less reactive

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<v Speaker 1>and we're wiser in navigating challenging situations. So how can

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<v Speaker 1>you use pronouns to create distance When you're in difficult

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<v Speaker 1>circ stances, are facing a tough decision, Think through your

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<v Speaker 1>situation using third person pronouns he or she or your name.

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<v Speaker 1>This lets you tap into the wisdom that an outside

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<v Speaker 1>perspective offers, so you can see your own situation with clarity.

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<v Speaker 1>It could sound something like this, Laura's on a deadline

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<v Speaker 1>and her internet just went out. What are her options now? Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>it feels a little awkward to talk about myself using

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<v Speaker 1>the third person, but doing so slows things down, calms

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<v Speaker 1>me down, and prompts me to think through my situation

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<v Speaker 1>systematically rather than with a flustered perspective. That's worth a

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<v Speaker 1>little awkwardness. Here are some more examples of what it

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<v Speaker 1>could look like to think about your own situation using

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<v Speaker 1>third person pronouns. Mark just overheard his boss mentioned layoffs,

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<v Speaker 1>and he has a meeting scheduled with his boss tomorrow.

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<v Speaker 1>Does that mean his job is at risk? Or Casey

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<v Speaker 1>canceled plans with Anne again? Does she not want to

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<v Speaker 1>be friends any more? Second person pronouns that means you

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<v Speaker 1>can work too. Consider this script. Take a deep breath.

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<v Speaker 1>You've got this. You've practiced this presentation eight times, and

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<v Speaker 1>your colleagues like you. They want to see you succeed.

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<v Speaker 1>You will get through this presentation just fine, or ask

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<v Speaker 1>for a raise with the words you rehearsed, and then

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<v Speaker 1>keep your mouth shut with a soft smile. Give your

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<v Speaker 1>boss time to respond. You know she values your work,

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<v Speaker 1>so give her a chance to agree to what you proposed.

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<v Speaker 1>When you use second or third person pronouns to place

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<v Speaker 1>yourself on the outside of a situation, you can reason

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<v Speaker 1>with the view of a wise observer. You're less likely

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<v Speaker 1>to jump to conclusions or feel overwhelmed by emotions, and

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<v Speaker 1>more likely to see viable courses of action. By changing

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<v Speaker 1>your language, you can change your perspective and sometimes that's

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<v Speaker 1>all it takes. In the mean time, this is Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.

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<v Speaker 1>You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.

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<v Speaker 1>Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast pod that's b the number four, then Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>p o D. You can also shoot me an email

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<v Speaker 1>at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com

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<v Speaker 1>that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio. For

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<v Speaker 1>more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i heart

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<v Speaker 1>Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

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<v Speaker 1>favorite shows. Yeah yeah, idea