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Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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Speaker 1: Today's tips for those times when you know you'd have

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Speaker 1: wise counsel for a friend in your situation, and you

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Speaker 1: could use some wise counsel yourself, use the third person.

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Speaker 1: Try thinking about your own situation as you would think

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Speaker 1: about a friend in a similar situation, with the wisdom

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Speaker 1: and calm that come with distance. This tip comes from

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Speaker 1: psychologist Ethan Cross and his colleagues. They found that language,

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Speaker 1: especially the pronouns we use to refer to ourselves, can

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Speaker 1: create self distancing. With greater distance, we are less reactive

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Speaker 1: and we're wiser in navigating challenging situations. So how can

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Speaker 1: you use pronouns to create distance When you're in difficult

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Speaker 1: circ stances, are facing a tough decision, Think through your

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Speaker 1: situation using third person pronouns he or she or your name.

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Speaker 1: This lets you tap into the wisdom that an outside

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Speaker 1: perspective offers, so you can see your own situation with clarity.

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Speaker 1: It could sound something like this, Laura's on a deadline

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Speaker 1: and her internet just went out. What are her options now? Yes,

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Speaker 1: it feels a little awkward to talk about myself using

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Speaker 1: the third person, but doing so slows things down, calms

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Speaker 1: me down, and prompts me to think through my situation

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Speaker 1: systematically rather than with a flustered perspective. That's worth a

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Speaker 1: little awkwardness. Here are some more examples of what it

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Speaker 1: could look like to think about your own situation using

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Speaker 1: third person pronouns. Mark just overheard his boss mentioned layoffs,

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Speaker 1: and he has a meeting scheduled with his boss tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Does that mean his job is at risk? Or Casey

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Speaker 1: canceled plans with Anne again? Does she not want to

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Speaker 1: be friends any more? Second person pronouns that means you

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Speaker 1: can work too. Consider this script. Take a deep breath.

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Speaker 1: You've got this. You've practiced this presentation eight times, and

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Speaker 1: your colleagues like you. They want to see you succeed.

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Speaker 1: You will get through this presentation just fine, or ask

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Speaker 1: for a raise with the words you rehearsed, and then

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Speaker 1: keep your mouth shut with a soft smile. Give your

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Speaker 1: boss time to respond. You know she values your work,

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Speaker 1: so give her a chance to agree to what you proposed.

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Speaker 1: When you use second or third person pronouns to place

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Speaker 1: yourself on the outside of a situation, you can reason

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Speaker 1: with the view of a wise observer. You're less likely

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Speaker 1: to jump to conclusions or feel overwhelmed by emotions, and

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Speaker 1: more likely to see viable courses of action. By changing

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Speaker 1: your language, you can change your perspective and sometimes that's

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Speaker 1: all it takes. In the mean time, this is Laura.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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Speaker 1: our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.

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Speaker 1: You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.

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Speaker 1: Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at

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Speaker 1: Before Breakfast pod that's b the number four, then Breakfast

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Speaker 1: p o D. You can also shoot me an email

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Speaker 1: at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com

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Speaker 1: that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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Speaker 1: Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

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Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio. For

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Speaker 1: more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i heart

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Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

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Speaker 1: favorite shows. Yeah yeah, idea