1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,000
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota and this is Angie, your favorite

2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:06,320
Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

3
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,480
Speaker 2: But before then, we have a quick two minute break

4
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:10,360
Speaker 2: from the sponsors to keep the show alive.

5
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:14,920
Speaker 1: My cousin's marriage crashed just months in and none of

6
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:15,960
Speaker 1: us saw it coming.

7
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,400
Speaker 3: Ah the unexpected twist.

8
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,880
Speaker 1: As the title indicates. My cousin thirty two female let's

9
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,200
Speaker 1: call her Jill, and her husband thirty male, let's call

10
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,000
Speaker 1: him James, ended their marriage this last week and she

11
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:31,040
Speaker 1: is completely devastated by the way. This comes from Individual

12
00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,599
Speaker 1: Safety nine hundred and if you want to submit your

13
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,800
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime. Separate

14
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:40,000
Speaker 1: it just like this person did. This is directly from

15
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:44,760
Speaker 1: that sepreddit. No, yes it is, and I'm Angie, I'm Riley,

16
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,199
Speaker 1: and we're here to give good advice goofiy. But we

17
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:48,839
Speaker 1: don't have all the answers. We just know what we

18
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,559
Speaker 1: would do in this situation, So let us know what

19
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:54,400
Speaker 1: you would do in the comments. So op sets Friday afternoon.

20
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,200
Speaker 1: I thirty seven female, was at home along with another

21
00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,160
Speaker 1: of my cousins, let's call her Lynn, thirty six female.

22
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,600
Speaker 1: We were hanging out and prepping food for Easter. Sunday,

23
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,600
Speaker 1: while we were chit chatting away, I got a call

24
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,680
Speaker 1: from my mom saying that she had just gotten off

25
00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,040
Speaker 1: the phone with her sister, Jill's mom, and that there

26
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,959
Speaker 1: was some terrible news. I put my phone on speaker

27
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,679
Speaker 1: so Lynn could listen too. We both thought the worst

28
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:17,399
Speaker 1: and assumed something had happened to my uncle, Jill's dad.

29
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:21,120
Speaker 1: His mental health has been slowly deteriorating due to the

30
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,880
Speaker 1: onset of dementia. But no, it had to do with

31
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,000
Speaker 1: our cousin Jill.

32
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:25,560
Speaker 3: Huh.

33
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,440
Speaker 1: James had ended their marriage after just ten months of

34
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:32,520
Speaker 1: being married nine plus years of being together.

35
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,560
Speaker 3: Why dude, that sucks.

36
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:41,639
Speaker 1: Now he's gonna get half of her assets and a divorce. No, dude,

37
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:46,080
Speaker 1: it worked. To say we were shocked is an understatement.

38
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,880
Speaker 1: Some info on Jill and James. Jill is beautiful inside

39
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:54,000
Speaker 1: and out. She's hard working, studious, incredibly kind, keeps to herself,

40
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,280
Speaker 1: shy at first, but sweet and quirky. Wants to get

41
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,920
Speaker 1: to know her. She's close to her family, loves her friends,

42
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:02,880
Speaker 1: and is a total gamer. Think Assassin's Creed Sims reread

43
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,040
Speaker 1: passed Away Redemption James was in the military and was

44
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:09,519
Speaker 1: honorably discharged after an injury. After that, he went into

45
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,080
Speaker 1: law enforcement. His job is about two hours away from

46
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,240
Speaker 1: where Jill lives. He's polite, reserved at first, but warms

47
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:19,360
Speaker 1: up quickly. Also hard working, family oriented, helpful to his friends,

48
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,399
Speaker 1: and into gaming just like Joe. In addition to being

49
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,280
Speaker 1: a cop, he helps other veterans navigate the VA system

50
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,440
Speaker 1: to receive benefits. All right, Honestly, it always seems like

51
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,119
Speaker 1: a really solid match. They met a little over nine

52
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,440
Speaker 1: years ago at a country bar. It was love at

53
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,040
Speaker 1: first sight. Even when James had to be across the

54
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,760
Speaker 1: country from the military for three years, they made it work.

55
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,679
Speaker 1: They talked daily games during his free time and never

56
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:46,080
Speaker 1: seemed to miss a beat. Everything we saw their relationship

57
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:50,080
Speaker 1: was loving, supportive, patient, and drama free. No big fights,

58
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:54,120
Speaker 1: just occasional disagreements, lots of mutual respect and encouragement. When

59
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,160
Speaker 1: James was discharged in twenty twenty, he joined police department

60
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,720
Speaker 1: two hours from where Jill lived. She was still living

61
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,280
Speaker 1: at home home, working and studying to become an r N.

62
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,280
Speaker 1: Her goal was to eventually become an esthetician. Not know

63
00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,720
Speaker 1: it was spelled like that between her schedule and his

64
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,120
Speaker 1: academy training, they only saw each other on weekends for

65
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,600
Speaker 1: a while. Once James completed his training and probationary period,

66
00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:16,960
Speaker 1: his schedule became more stable, though he still works night shifts.

67
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,800
Speaker 1: Before our grandmother passed away, our families had been talking

68
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,320
Speaker 1: about Jill and James and Jill's parents moving to where

69
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:26,040
Speaker 1: we live. We live across the country. At first, Jill's

70
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,720
Speaker 1: parents didn't want to move right away. Between Jill's school

71
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,480
Speaker 1: work and the fact that Jill's mom was a full

72
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,639
Speaker 1: time caretaker of our bedriden grandmother, it just wasn't feasible.

73
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:35,320
Speaker 3: Got it.

74
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:40,119
Speaker 1: Two years ago James proposed after seven years together. Everyone

75
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:40,800
Speaker 1: was thrilled.

76
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,280
Speaker 3: Dude, I called that. I knew it the seven year mark. Yeah,

77
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,200
Speaker 3: they got engaged.

78
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,600
Speaker 1: I called, dude, how did you do that?

79
00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,760
Speaker 3: I just had a feeling. I'm calling a story. Yeah,

80
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,440
Speaker 3: he had doubts before it, but since they were together

81
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,200
Speaker 3: for seven years, he just pulled the trigger.

82
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:59,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, perhaps to you. Everyone was thrilled. Wedding was

83
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,760
Speaker 1: set for June twenty twenty four. The day of the

84
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:06,360
Speaker 1: wedding was magical. I was a bridesmaid. The venue was breathtaking.

85
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:11,440
Speaker 1: This huge mansion overlooking the ocean. Jill looked absolutely gorgeous.

86
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:15,160
Speaker 1: James was teary eyed as he looked at his bride. Overall,

87
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,720
Speaker 1: the day was perfect. Right after the wedding, they went

88
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,479
Speaker 1: on their honeymoon. When they got back, Jill officially moved

89
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,880
Speaker 1: in with James, about two hours from her old home.

90
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,440
Speaker 1: Before the move, Jill had gone back to school to

91
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,559
Speaker 1: become a nurse practitioner. Since they had long term plans

92
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,400
Speaker 1: to eventually move to My state, Jill knew that advancing

93
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,880
Speaker 1: her education was key to continuing her work down the line.

94
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,480
Speaker 1: She had even brought up transferring to a closer office

95
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,480
Speaker 1: so she could be nearer to James during the week,

96
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:43,360
Speaker 1: but James actually discouraged the idea, saying he knew how

97
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,240
Speaker 1: much she loved her current job, and since her school

98
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,560
Speaker 1: was closer to her parents' place, it made sense to

99
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,520
Speaker 1: stay put for now, so they agreed. Jill was split

100
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,159
Speaker 1: her time half the week at her parents' home half

101
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:57,080
Speaker 1: at James, not ideal for newlyweds, but they saw it

102
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:57,800
Speaker 1: as temporary.

103
00:04:58,040 --> 00:04:58,640
Speaker 3: Yeah no.

104
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,760
Speaker 1: They even decided to invest in any new furniture or

105
00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:04,599
Speaker 1: decorations for a James apartment since a bigger move was

106
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,960
Speaker 1: coming eventually. My husband, also in law enforcement, kept in

107
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,239
Speaker 1: regular contact with James, offering guidance through the hiring process

108
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,600
Speaker 1: at its agency, talking about video games, and just staying connected.

109
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,480
Speaker 1: Everyone got along really well. Everything seemed solid.

110
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,160
Speaker 3: Then under the curtains.

111
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:25,159
Speaker 1: Oh, then just a week after their wedding, our grandmother

112
00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:25,920
Speaker 1: passed away.

113
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,160
Speaker 3: Oh.

114
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,000
Speaker 1: She was like, I saw it. That's all I needed,

115
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:36,160
Speaker 1: that's all I needed, and I can pass away, happy peace. Ah.

116
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,680
Speaker 1: And now they're getting divorced so Grandma doesn't have to

117
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:42,960
Speaker 1: see that. Yeah. True. Yeah. My aunt, Jill's mom, had

118
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,640
Speaker 1: been my grandmother's full time caregiver. It was exhausting for

119
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:50,479
Speaker 1: all of them, especially Jill, who had been balancing work, school,

120
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:54,600
Speaker 1: a long distance relationship, and emotional stress. Unfortunately, her chance

121
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,799
Speaker 1: to decompress after our grandmother passed was short lived because

122
00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:01,200
Speaker 1: my uncle began showing more advanced of dementia, so the

123
00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:05,040
Speaker 1: role of caretaker continued. For weeks after my grandmother's passing,

124
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,159
Speaker 1: we were begging my aunt to move to our state

125
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:09,520
Speaker 1: so we could help her out with my uncle. My mom,

126
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,880
Speaker 1: over the last few years, had purchased two homes with

127
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,080
Speaker 1: the intention of having my aunt and uncle live in

128
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,279
Speaker 1: one and Jill and James and the other. But with

129
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,400
Speaker 1: my uncle's prognosis, my mom thought it was best that

130
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,960
Speaker 1: my aunt and uncle move in with her. My aunt

131
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,880
Speaker 1: didn't want to move yet. Her excuses were the following.

132
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,719
Speaker 1: Jill is studying and working in the area. Who's going

133
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,160
Speaker 1: to take care of her on the days she has

134
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,160
Speaker 1: to work or go to school. Who's going to take

135
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:35,280
Speaker 1: care of churo? Jill's six pound shitsu a wedding gift

136
00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:38,640
Speaker 1: from James if James works nights and sleeps all day.

137
00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:41,719
Speaker 1: We pointed out the obvious Jill is a married woman now,

138
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,600
Speaker 1: these are things that she and James need to figure

139
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,280
Speaker 1: out as a couple. My aunt refused, she wanted to

140
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,880
Speaker 1: stay close just in case Jill needed her. Jill is

141
00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:52,080
Speaker 1: an only child, and for better or worse, that dynamic

142
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,880
Speaker 1: seems to be playing a big role in all of this.

143
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,280
Speaker 1: Fast forward to the present. We were utterly shocked when

144
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,520
Speaker 1: my mom told Lynn and I the news about James

145
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,200
Speaker 1: checking out of their relationship. From what my mom got there,

146
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,680
Speaker 1: James told Jill that he was tired of their current

147
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,320
Speaker 1: living situation, didn't want to move out, and claimed he

148
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:12,440
Speaker 1: had given his all and was just done. Wow.

149
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:17,840
Speaker 3: And they definitely had conversations about it. I'm guessing hopefully, hopefully,

150
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,960
Speaker 3: I just can't do this anyway, Like, ah, that does suck.

151
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,120
Speaker 3: That living arrangement does not sound like fun.

152
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely not, especially if they like thought it was

153
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,640
Speaker 1: gonna be temporary and then ten months and it's like

154
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,800
Speaker 1: still the same. Obviously it's the same for reasons that

155
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:38,160
Speaker 1: are not ideal. Her dad is, you know, or grandpa uncle, well,

156
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,960
Speaker 1: op's uncle, but I think Jill's.

157
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:47,680
Speaker 3: Da dad, somebody's uncle, somebody.

158
00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:49,560
Speaker 1: Grandma's, grandma's grandpa, grandpa is getting.

159
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, she's having to care for someone.

160
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not I feel like that could be forgiven,

161
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,440
Speaker 1: especially if you're married and didn't get different ilis.

162
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,480
Speaker 3: I don't know. But they've been also not together under

163
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,920
Speaker 3: the same room for nine plus years continuously.

164
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,240
Speaker 1: That's true. That's true. Then, as if to erase every

165
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,960
Speaker 1: trace of their life together, he deleted every single photo

166
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,920
Speaker 1: and video of Jill off all his social media accounts,

167
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:16,560
Speaker 1: almost ten years of memories completely gone, like she never existed.

168
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,240
Speaker 1: Lynn and I immediately called Jill to try to understand

169
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,080
Speaker 1: what on earth was going on there were never any signs,

170
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:26,080
Speaker 1: no red flags. James had always come across as responsible, reliable,

171
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,160
Speaker 1: and level headed. That's when Jill told us something that

172
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:33,440
Speaker 1: shed a bit more light. About two months prior, James

173
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,840
Speaker 1: had come to her and admitted that he had been

174
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,200
Speaker 1: depressed for a while. He said it stemmed from the

175
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:41,520
Speaker 1: disturbing things that he'd been witnessing on duty. Oh, interesting,

176
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,640
Speaker 1: something that unfortunately comes with the territory in law enforcement.

177
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,200
Speaker 1: He told Jill he didn't want to start dissociating from

178
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,439
Speaker 1: her or from the relationship, and then he wanted to

179
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,040
Speaker 1: go to therapy. Jill, of course supported him and encouraged

180
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,240
Speaker 1: him to get help. When I told my husband also

181
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,680
Speaker 1: in law enforcement, he said, it's vital for people in

182
00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:00,680
Speaker 1: those fields to learn how to compartmentalize. If you don't,

183
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,360
Speaker 1: it'll eat away your personal life and relationships.

184
00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:07,120
Speaker 3: You have to be a wawful not a bowl of noodles.

185
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:11,360
Speaker 1: He'd the syrup in separate containers exactly. James also asked

186
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:14,440
Speaker 1: Jill to go to couples counseling. Jill admits that in

187
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,480
Speaker 1: that moment she panicked and said no. They'd never had

188
00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,000
Speaker 1: issues like that before, so when her mind felt sudden

189
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:23,000
Speaker 1: and unnecessary. It never came up again after that. Then

190
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,760
Speaker 1: James started saying that he felt lonely in his apartment.

191
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,200
Speaker 1: He missed having Jill around and said it didn't feel

192
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:31,080
Speaker 1: like a marriage. Jill tried to be understanding. They talked

193
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,080
Speaker 1: and agreed. She'd commute back and forth every day four

194
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,120
Speaker 1: hours round trip for work in school, only staying in

195
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,360
Speaker 1: her mom's on Mondays. Wow, that's a lot of work.

196
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:42,520
Speaker 1: Jill's mom even suggested to Jill that she reduced the

197
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,240
Speaker 1: number of hours at work and to take on more

198
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:48,600
Speaker 1: classes so she'd finished sooner. Even with the changes that

199
00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:51,840
Speaker 1: she had made to make him happy, James still wasn't content.

200
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,200
Speaker 1: Then Jill told us something else that raised red flags.

201
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,560
Speaker 1: About four months before everything ended, James started spending a

202
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,200
Speaker 1: lot more time with his new partner at work.

203
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:07,000
Speaker 3: Oh no, does this partner have the same body parts

204
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,640
Speaker 3: as James, as Jill or as Jill?

205
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:11,920
Speaker 1: Yeah?

206
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,760
Speaker 3: What body parts is this partner?

207
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,280
Speaker 1: This coworker had recently gone through a divorce and was

208
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:22,240
Speaker 1: constantly texting and calling James about everything and anything. Now,

209
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,520
Speaker 1: Jill and James have always had a mutual understanding. If

210
00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:28,120
Speaker 1: either one of them felt uncomfortable about a relationship the

211
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,520
Speaker 1: other one had, they'd talk it through and make changes

212
00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:33,920
Speaker 1: out of respect. Jill brought up her concerns. She said

213
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,320
Speaker 1: she wasn't comfortable with how close James and this coworker

214
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,800
Speaker 1: had become outside of work, but instead of respecting her feelings,

215
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,240
Speaker 1: James dismissed them.

216
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,560
Speaker 3: Dude, I need to know what's in the pants of this.

217
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,000
Speaker 1: New coworkers, something that James is attracted to.

218
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,400
Speaker 3: Yes, what's happening here? Are they just two bros hanging out?

219
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,120
Speaker 3: Or were like we getting down? What's happening?

220
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,120
Speaker 1: He told her something along the lines of why should

221
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,960
Speaker 1: I stop being friends with her if you and I

222
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,200
Speaker 1: are already going through our own issue? Oh? What kind

223
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,280
Speaker 1: of response is that?

224
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,679
Speaker 2: Oh what do you mean?

225
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,920
Speaker 1: Yeah? What like? Oh, because I'm having a problem in

226
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,920
Speaker 1: my new marriage, that means I have to be friends

227
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,600
Speaker 1: with people who are also going through divorce or I

228
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,120
Speaker 1: have to like what.

229
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,400
Speaker 3: I knew it. I knew there was cheating involved.

230
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,720
Speaker 1: My gosh, you did? You did call it?

231
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,280
Speaker 3: And I bet he's gonna be like, Oh, man, I

232
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,360
Speaker 3: was in myuth this in the beginning. I didn't like

233
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,040
Speaker 3: this arrangement. Oh my god, it just seems like James

234
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,600
Speaker 3: and Jill went on with it because it was just

235
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:34,079
Speaker 3: like a family thing, like everyone was like, Oh, they're

236
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,880
Speaker 3: gonna make it. It's gonna be so beautiful, blah blah

237
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,600
Speaker 3: blah blah blah blah blah. I don't think either one

238
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,040
Speaker 3: of them actually wanted to do it.

239
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,840
Speaker 1: The marriage. Yeah, when they were together for so long,

240
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,120
Speaker 1: it was probably just implied. I like, well, yeah, I

241
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,120
Speaker 1: mean we're practically are.

242
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,719
Speaker 3: But we're now learning. James and it just seemed like

243
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:48,640
Speaker 3: he was vibing with it.

244
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,679
Speaker 1: He just had some sort of change once it happened.

245
00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:55,920
Speaker 3: He finally was near someone gosh her golly.

246
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,560
Speaker 1: Then there was this one time James said he was

247
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,600
Speaker 1: heading to the gym. Jill said okay, and asked him

248
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,160
Speaker 1: to let her know when he was done so they

249
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,120
Speaker 1: could meet up for lunch and spent some time together.

250
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:11,200
Speaker 1: Hours passed, four or five, no texts, no calls, nothing.

251
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,079
Speaker 1: When he finally got back, Jill asked where he had been.

252
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,600
Speaker 1: His answer, he got a burrito and went to the

253
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,959
Speaker 1: beach by himself. This is the same guy who was

254
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,679
Speaker 1: saying he wanted more quality time with his wife but

255
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,439
Speaker 1: then ghosted her for several hours.

256
00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:26,760
Speaker 3: I think he would have more quality time with this coworker.

257
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:30,640
Speaker 1: Sounds like it. Things just weren't adding up. James could

258
00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:33,320
Speaker 1: see the confused and hurt look on Jill's face and

259
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,800
Speaker 1: told her, if you don't believe me, you're welcome to

260
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:40,000
Speaker 1: check my phone. So Jill did. At first, nothing seemed suspicious,

261
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:43,840
Speaker 1: but then she found two things that shattered what little

262
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:48,719
Speaker 1: hope was left. Oh No, a Venmo transaction from his coworker.

263
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,480
Speaker 1: The same day he claimed he was alone on the

264
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:55,840
Speaker 1: beach eating a burrito. Turns out he wasn't alone, he

265
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,760
Speaker 1: was with her. In his notes app she found a

266
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,480
Speaker 1: draft of a letter A dressed to her. In it,

267
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:06,680
Speaker 1: he blamed her for everything, his depression, his unhappiness, all

268
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,560
Speaker 1: of it. She didn't even finish reading it. She just

269
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,840
Speaker 1: put the phone back and tried to breathe dude, Yeah,

270
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,439
Speaker 1: you called it, dude. Jill told us that in the

271
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:18,400
Speaker 1: two months James had been going to therapy, everything between

272
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,280
Speaker 1: them had gotten works. She didn't even recognize him anymore.

273
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,400
Speaker 1: According to James, when his therapist asked what he wanted

274
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,320
Speaker 1: most in the world, his answer was my wife. So

275
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,560
Speaker 1: why wasn't that enough? Jill made changes real changes to

276
00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:34,880
Speaker 1: make things work. She drove four hours a day for

277
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,319
Speaker 1: work in school just to be home with him.

278
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,199
Speaker 3: Oh my god.

279
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:42,840
Speaker 1: She arranged her entire life hud, but James was done.

280
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,679
Speaker 1: Nothing she did made a difference. Feeling like she had

281
00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:48,720
Speaker 1: no choice, Jill went to her parents' house. That same week,

282
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,079
Speaker 1: James emailed her the same letters she'd found in his phone.

283
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,920
Speaker 1: WHOA what? So she didn't tell James that that's what

284
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:59,600
Speaker 1: she saw. She was like, I already read that, A dude.

285
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,840
Speaker 3: You grandma the best time?

286
00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:04,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, good things. She didn't have to see this mess.

287
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:09,080
Speaker 3: My goodness heaven, looking down like, oh no.

288
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:14,360
Speaker 1: What timesze f of. He blamed her for everything, that

289
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,360
Speaker 1: he was lonely, that things didn't change after marriage like

290
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:21,280
Speaker 1: he had hoped. You got married for change. Her mistake

291
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,120
Speaker 1: number one, that he would have been more apt to

292
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,440
Speaker 1: move if they lived together prior to marriage. That he

293
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,680
Speaker 1: did everything to make her happy and she didn't reciprocate.

294
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:35,080
Speaker 1: It was excuse after excuse, So she eventually called and

295
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,680
Speaker 1: asked to come talk in person. He agreed, but told

296
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,240
Speaker 1: her flat out, I've already made up my mind. Still,

297
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,640
Speaker 1: she went. Her mom drove her and her dog the

298
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,920
Speaker 1: two hours to his apartment and waited in the car.

299
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:49,200
Speaker 1: Jill said she was sobbing, begging, trying to understand how

300
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,040
Speaker 1: it all fell apart so fast. James kept telling her

301
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 1: that he hadn't been happy for a long time, that

302
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,320
Speaker 1: he had been depressed, and that she hadn't noticed that

303
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,520
Speaker 1: she should have found a job closer to him instead

304
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,800
Speaker 1: of driving back and forth all the time, that she

305
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,120
Speaker 1: hadn't made his apartment feel like it was their home.

306
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,840
Speaker 1: That he left the military for her not true. He

307
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:09,960
Speaker 1: was honorably discharged due to an injury, and he said

308
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:13,000
Speaker 1: that he was done. That is so insanely frustrating. The

309
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,320
Speaker 1: fact that he was like, oh, I hate that you

310
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:18,520
Speaker 1: know you live there? Like, can you come drive to

311
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:22,880
Speaker 1: me live with me? But drive four hours every day

312
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,000
Speaker 1: for the things you are living over there for? Yeah,

313
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,720
Speaker 1: And now he's all, oh, I hate that you were

314
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:29,720
Speaker 1: driving so far.

315
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,160
Speaker 3: I would have moved for you.

316
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:31,880
Speaker 2: Yeah.

317
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,600
Speaker 1: It's like, well you didn't, so, yeah, you had the opportunity.

318
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,680
Speaker 3: This is shows they were holding up to other people's

319
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,040
Speaker 3: like wants and desires for them instead of actually doing

320
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:42,760
Speaker 3: it for themselves.

321
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,320
Speaker 1: Maybe, I mean, maybe she thought that everything was okay,

322
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,360
Speaker 1: or maybe things were like this in the past, and

323
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,480
Speaker 1: she just didn't really notice.

324
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:50,760
Speaker 3: She's just doing this for Grandma.

325
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,440
Speaker 1: And maybe there were yeah, maybe there were things where

326
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,760
Speaker 1: he had these expectations for her, maybe made her feel

327
00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,760
Speaker 1: guilty for certain things that weren't necessarily her faults, and

328
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,200
Speaker 1: they ended up getting married.

329
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,200
Speaker 3: Maybe he was just in it for Grandma. And then

330
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,320
Speaker 3: it just hasn't hit the same since she's been gone.

331
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,560
Speaker 1: It's like, ah, well, all that she can't see us

332
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,600
Speaker 1: be happy, and what else are we doing? What's the point?

333
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:16,160
Speaker 1: Jill was confused. These were all things that had already

334
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,480
Speaker 1: been discussed before and during the start of their marriage.

335
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,160
Speaker 1: Why was he using them as an excuse now? She

336
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:25,040
Speaker 1: asked him to do couples counseling to see what the

337
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,360
Speaker 1: real root of the issue was, because everything he was

338
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,880
Speaker 1: blaming her for wasn't making sense. James said no, it

339
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,080
Speaker 1: was too late. Amid all of her crying and pleading,

340
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 1: James went to the kitchen and started eating a bowl

341
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,720
Speaker 1: of yogurt. The love of your life is breaking down

342
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,640
Speaker 1: in front of you, and you're eating a yogurt like

343
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,720
Speaker 1: it's a normal Tuesday. She packed all of her important

344
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,400
Speaker 1: things in order to leave. Jill said that they hugged

345
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,920
Speaker 1: and said I love you to each other. James tells

346
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,160
Speaker 1: Jill that he won't be able to love anyone like

347
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,200
Speaker 1: he loved her and to not wait for him to

348
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:56,880
Speaker 1: change his mind. Then he said the most confusing thing yet,

349
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,520
Speaker 1: he didn't want a divorce. He wanted time to see

350
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,560
Speaker 1: if these feelings went away.

351
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,639
Speaker 3: Bro aka what if he could work it out with

352
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,119
Speaker 3: his new partner? Or no, yeah, exactly right on that end?

353
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:13,880
Speaker 1: Yeah right, Like, oh I don't this is so back out?

354
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,440
Speaker 2: Power pow pow pow.

355
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,880
Speaker 1: What How do you throw away a nearly ten year relationship?

356
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,399
Speaker 1: Say you're done, but then just say let's stay married.

357
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,320
Speaker 1: Jill said that she doesn't want to live without him.

358
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,840
Speaker 1: She wanted to work through it, but he was telling

359
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,280
Speaker 1: her to move on. Then why stay married? Here's another note.

360
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,159
Speaker 1: He also said that they could stay married so she

361
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,399
Speaker 1: can keep using his health insurance like being on his

362
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,960
Speaker 1: health insurance plan with some sort of severance for their

363
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,320
Speaker 1: time together. Lynn and I told Jill that she tried

364
00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:46,040
Speaker 1: to do everything she could to make James happy, and

365
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,840
Speaker 1: he decided to unilaterally make the decision to end things.

366
00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,359
Speaker 1: If therapy was the one thing that James was so

367
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,879
Speaker 1: adamant about then he should have been more persistent about it,

368
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,360
Speaker 1: not just drop the subject. When Jill and James came

369
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,880
Speaker 1: in November twenty twenty four for my other's wedding, they

370
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,240
Speaker 1: had mentioned coming in May twenty twenty five for my

371
00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:07,879
Speaker 1: daughter's third birthday. Just last month, Jill said they booked

372
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,320
Speaker 1: their flight for May. Also, in February twenty five, my

373
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:14,879
Speaker 1: husband found a concert in Las Vegas that had a

374
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,200
Speaker 1: lot of the good punk pop bands from the early

375
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,760
Speaker 1: two thousands. I got us four tickets for that We

376
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:23,440
Speaker 1: Were Young concert that was set for October twenty five.

377
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,320
Speaker 1: James and I even had discussed about whether to purchase

378
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,960
Speaker 1: general admin or VIP tickets. James insisted on the VIP

379
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,720
Speaker 1: tickets because they would have access to more private restrooms

380
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 1: since Jill has a shy bladder. Sure these weren't the

381
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,240
Speaker 1: actions of someone preparing to leave. After about an hour

382
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,080
Speaker 1: on the phone, Lynn and I told Jill that we

383
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,400
Speaker 1: left her that whatever she decides with her relationship will

384
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,320
Speaker 1: support her. If she wants, she can move out sooner

385
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,679
Speaker 1: to our state. We also said that she needs to

386
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,800
Speaker 1: think long and hard if she even wants to be

387
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,920
Speaker 1: with someone who can just throw away in almost ten

388
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 1: year relationship without getting to the root of the issue.

389
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,520
Speaker 1: If they do decide to get back together, she will

390
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,520
Speaker 1: always have in the back of her mind that fear

391
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,879
Speaker 1: that if she says or does the wrong thing, that

392
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,639
Speaker 1: he will leave her. She will constantly be walking on

393
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 1: eggshells and never really be at peace because the trust

394
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,280
Speaker 1: has been broken. She said, I know we said our goodbyes.

395
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,760
Speaker 1: Lynn and I were emotionally exhausted. We told everything to

396
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,240
Speaker 1: my husband and he was just as confused as we were.

397
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,439
Speaker 1: It took everything in us not to call or message James.

398
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,000
Speaker 1: My husband said that James was an idiot and that

399
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,800
Speaker 1: he's never going to find anybody as wonderful as Joe.

400
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,720
Speaker 1: If you were to tell me that they were always

401
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 1: arguing or at each other's throats, that I would have

402
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,119
Speaker 1: said that this was bound to happen. But both of

403
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,680
Speaker 1: them have admitted to not having fights, and we never

404
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 1: saw anything that would indicate that their marriage was in trouble.

405
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,439
Speaker 1: Some might assume that he was having an affair with

406
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,680
Speaker 1: his coworker. That was our first thought. Too. Everything fill

407
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,720
Speaker 1: apart too fast, and the only two new variables were

408
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,240
Speaker 1: the partner in therapy, but then we found out that

409
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:55,320
Speaker 1: the coworker is saffic, so an affair seems unlikely.

410
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,840
Speaker 3: What He probably figured that out and was like, oh no,

411
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,919
Speaker 3: actually I don't know what to do with myself.

412
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 1: Now, let me see if I can convince her like

413
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,159
Speaker 1: like men and then I'll come back to the marriage.

414
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,240
Speaker 1: If not, Yeah, you know. But also, who are we

415
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:12,360
Speaker 1: finding up this from. Is James saying that because they

416
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,920
Speaker 1: clearly went on a date, Like, you don't blow off

417
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 1: lunch with your wife to go have lunch with your

418
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,159
Speaker 1: coworker if you're not trying to date them, you know

419
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 1: what I mean?

420
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,240
Speaker 3: I don't even know, man, Like I could.

421
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 1: Just see that being something where James is like, yeah, no,

422
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 1: you don't worry about her because.

423
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:31,119
Speaker 3: She's you know, oh she might be like bye or

424
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 3: just not at all.

425
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 1: He's just lying. Don't know, but something still feels off.

426
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 1: Maybe the coworker, bitter from her own divorce, planted seeds

427
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 1: of doubt. Maybe James leaned on her too much and

428
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 1: let her influence him, or maybe it's someone else entirely,

429
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,520
Speaker 1: because let's be honest, erasing every single trace of Jill

430
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 1: from his social media, it's not normal that's scorched earth behavior. Yeah,

431
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 1: I forgot about that too. He did that. Who goes

432
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 1: out of their way to erase everything about their relationship

433
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 1: but still wants to remain married. My husband asked why

434
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 1: Jill initially said no to couple's counseling. It's a fair question,

435
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 1: but honestly, I think most of us would have reacted

436
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 1: the same. If you think everything is fine and suddenly

437
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 1: your partner suggests counseling, it feels like they're hiding something.

438
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 1: It would be natural to ask, what are you not

439
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,359
Speaker 1: telling me? I also talk to my brother and we

440
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 1: think James might have orchestrated the whole thing. Ah, the

441
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:25,879
Speaker 1: phone search, the draft letter conveniently left in the notes,

442
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 1: the way he dismissed Jill's feelings and pulled away, almost

443
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: like he was trying to push her to the to

444
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:32,840
Speaker 1: end things so he could play the victim.

445
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:37,439
Speaker 3: Oh, that doesn't make sense, because he's yeah, happened. You know,

446
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,960
Speaker 3: he's not making decisions. He's putting it on Jill to

447
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 3: make the decision. Yeah, and he's being buried back and forth,

448
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,040
Speaker 3: just waiting for her to say something.

449
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.

450
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,399
Speaker 3: The problem is you don't this guy's not saying what

451
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 3: he actually wants. Thus it's just complicating things. He's just

452
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 3: being weird.

453
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so weird. And I feel like when people

454
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,680
Speaker 1: are being confusing like that, it's like, okay, that's done.

455
00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:00,160
Speaker 1: If you're leaving plot holes in saying things that are

456
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 1: just like completely the opposite of what you just said

457
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 1: two seconds ago, it's like, you know exactly what you think.

458
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna say that. You don't know what

459
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 1: you want. You know what you want, and you don't

460
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,399
Speaker 1: know how to deal with it, and you don't know

461
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,639
Speaker 1: how to make your own decisions. So you're not someone

462
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,200
Speaker 1: that I'm gonna trust. And that's not something that you

463
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,120
Speaker 1: would do with someone that you love, not an act

464
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 1: of love. But it didn't work out as he planned,

465
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 1: and he ended up having to end their marriage and

466
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 1: blame her over things that had been discussed and mutually

467
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,640
Speaker 1: agreed upon. I'm almost positive that his own family wasn't

468
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,920
Speaker 1: aware of the situation, because each of them loved Joe.

469
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 1: He probably knew if he told his family that he

470
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 1: was going to end things with Joe, they would have

471
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,679
Speaker 1: told him he was being an idiot. Oh, there are

472
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 1: too many people like this in the world.

473
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 3: There really are too many people. Where do you guys

474
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,359
Speaker 3: go to school? And how how can we shut the

475
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:47,119
Speaker 3: school down?

476
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 1: Normal school?

477
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 3: The school of being people like this? Oh? Oh yeah, yeah,

478
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,200
Speaker 3: I even know what class do you can call it?

479
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:55,400
Speaker 3: What's the intro class called?

480
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 2: Like?

481
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 3: How are you guys always doing this?

482
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,400
Speaker 1: Yeah? Everything James has said, done according to Joe, has

483
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 1: been a left turn, and we are all left with

484
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 1: more questions than answers. We keep showering Jill with love,

485
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 1: checking in lifting her up. At some point, Jill will

486
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,240
Speaker 1: have to take all of her grief and sadness and

487
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 1: turn it into anger. When she does, that will be

488
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 1: the beginning of her healing. All I want is for

489
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: Jill to find her strength again, to know she's not alone,

490
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 1: that Lynn and I and all of us are here.

491
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 1: If you made it this far, I want to say

492
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 1: thank you for reading. I'm not sure what will happen

493
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,959
Speaker 1: next with Jill and James. I'm not sure if there

494
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,399
Speaker 1: will be en up and there isn't us the end

495
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 1: of that story.

496
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,679
Speaker 3: My parents blew up the family vacation and I'm stuck

497
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 3: in the middle.

498
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 1: A p.

499
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 3: I feel a bit stuck in a family situation that

500
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 3: I was not directly involved with. And I'm looking for

501
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:49,680
Speaker 3: some advice. I thirty one female, have a younger brother, Steven,

502
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 3: twenty six mal, and our parents, Mom sixty five female

503
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,200
Speaker 3: and Dad sixty malt. Together they travel to a different

504
00:23:56,240 --> 00:24:00,680
Speaker 3: country a few weeks ago with my brother's fiance, Emma female,

505
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,919
Speaker 3: as she had nationally qualified for an athletic event and

506
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:09,359
Speaker 3: this was the international championship. Oh wow. Both she and

507
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,360
Speaker 3: my brother are incredibly athletic people and do so many

508
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 3: events together. However, this one was particularly big and important.

509
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from waste comment fifty and

510
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 3: if you want to spit your own stories, go to

511
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,400
Speaker 3: the r slash Okay storytime subred it where this one

512
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 3: is from. No way, this is one of our own.

513
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I'm Riley, I'm Angie, and we're here

514
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 3: to give good advice. Goofully. That's our job, yep. And

515
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 3: what comes with that job is we don't really know

516
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 3: that much.

517
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:36,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, but we do our best.

518
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 3: We do our best. If you have anything you'd like

519
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,679
Speaker 3: to add, please put in the comments. Oh says My

520
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,399
Speaker 3: parents wanted to join them in support of my brother

521
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,439
Speaker 3: and his fiance, while also having a trip as this

522
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,720
Speaker 3: was a popular vacation destination and they plan this out

523
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,360
Speaker 3: around a year in advance they were in the Olympics.

524
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 3: I'm just calling it. This happened in August of twenty

525
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 3: twenty four. Listen, my parents rented a house for them

526
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 3: all to stay in, but it was rock a thirty

527
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 3: minute drive from the race location. This made things a

528
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 3: bit difficult in terms of transportation, as Emma had to

529
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 3: transport her racing equipment and required a truck. When they

530
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 3: all first arrived, I think they were collectively exhausted, as

531
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,399
Speaker 3: the travel time was roughly eleven hours on the plane

532
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 3: and had another ten hours in layover timing. It should

533
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 3: be noted that Steven does not do well when traveling

534
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 3: red flag.

535
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 1: You think, honestly, I kind of agree. I get it

536
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 1: if you're like motion sickness and whatever, but like, you

537
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 1: gotta suck it.

538
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 3: Up sometimes, dude.

539
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 1: Just and I mean maybe that's hard. That's easy for

540
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 1: me to say because they don't get motion sickness.

541
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 3: But you're closed, I mean, just enjoy it, Enjoy the

542
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 3: enjoy the journey, not the destination. It gets very upset

543
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 3: and finds the entire experience unsettling. We have been on

544
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 3: other trips with him as family, and it takes a

545
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 3: day or two for him to adjust. He could be grumpy.

546
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,440
Speaker 3: He made it known that he didn't really want to

547
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 3: go on this trip, but he did want to support Emma.

548
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 3: I think the stress was exacerbated by the fact that

549
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 3: Emma and Steven were fighting during the traveling time, not

550
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 3: a good common Emma also suffers from pretty severe anxiety

551
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 3: and relies on my brother heavily for support. After arriving.

552
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 3: Between all of them, they had a single rental truck

553
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 3: to navigate the area of their travel. This made things

554
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 3: difficult as Emma and Stephen wanted to use the truck

555
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 3: almost every day to go out to the racetrack with

556
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:30,360
Speaker 3: equipment to either go over it or do some general training.

557
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 3: My parents felt annoyed by this, as they were left

558
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 3: alone without transportation and didn't have the time they wanted

559
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 3: to spend with their son.

560
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,159
Speaker 1: Do we have an easy solution for this?

561
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 3: Yes, and I think everyone here knows what that solution is.

562
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: Tell us Riley, what is it?

563
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 3: Get another truck, Get another truck or car or uber

564
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 3: Come on, I like.

565
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,960
Speaker 1: I don't know if they're extensive. I mean, it seems like,

566
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 1: you guys got money if you're doing racing for your sport, Yeah,

567
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 1: whether it's cars or horses, I'm sure you've got some

568
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 1: money to spend on another another.

569
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 3: One day, my dad told Steven and Emma that he

570
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 3: would drop them off with their train destination and keep

571
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 3: the truck for the day so that he and my

572
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 3: mom could get around and enjoy the area. He also

573
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 3: told Stephen that he would be going to a local

574
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 3: bar with my uncle, aunt and cousin. They also had

575
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 3: traveled separately to also have a vacation with my parents

576
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 3: while supporting Emma, so he would not be able to

577
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 3: pick him up in the evening because they would be drinking.

578
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 3: This has the simplest.

579
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 1: Solution, right, Come on, guys, what are we doing?

580
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 3: Instead? My dad gave my brother his credit card and

581
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 3: told him to get an uber back to the house

582
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 3: when they were done. That evening, my brother messaged my

583
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,120
Speaker 3: dad saying that he wanted a ride home. My dad

584
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 3: promptly replied that he was drinking and couldn't, so my

585
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 3: brother said fine. My dad took this as my brother

586
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 3: being mad and started calling him, but Stephen did an answer.

587
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,680
Speaker 3: This is where I'm not one hundred percent certain about

588
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,920
Speaker 3: the details, but I believe that my dad had sent

589
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 3: a message outlining all the things that he had done

590
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 3: for my brother, basically implying that he was being grateful.

591
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 3: Then my brother understood that as our dad saying that

592
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,719
Speaker 3: Stephen owed him for the house rental and car rental.

593
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 3: So Stephen responded by, fine, how much do you think

594
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 3: I owe you? I believe at this point our dad

595
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 3: started backpedaling, saying that he was just mad that he

596
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 3: didn't pick him up. This text conversation upset my dad

597
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 3: so much that he left the restaurant and walked back

598
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 3: to the house. My mom followed him. I believe he

599
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 3: broke down crying on the walk home and then locked

600
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 3: himself in the bedroom. Stephen and Enna arrived back shortly after,

601
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 3: and my mom was waiting for them in the kitchen.

602
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 3: My mom told me that she was calmly waiting for

603
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 3: Stephen and he was very angry when he arrived and

604
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 3: would it set down to talk to her. However, my

605
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,360
Speaker 3: brother says that my mom had been drinking and when

606
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 3: they arrived, my mom snapped at him, saying, go to

607
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 3: your room. I'm talking with my son and Emma quietly

608
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 3: walked out of the room, and Stephen became livid about

609
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 3: how my mom addressed her.

610
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 1: Oh my god, so messy.

611
00:28:58,240 --> 00:28:58,959
Speaker 3: This is weird.

612
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: It's weird. It feels like, Okay, I understand why people

613
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 1: are getting upset about these things, but I also am

614
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: kind of like Guzla's cars.

615
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 3: Get her own airbbs, let's get her own trucks. Was

616
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 3: you know, vacation with your family and maybe set aside

617
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 3: some time for the sun. Right if they had their

618
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 3: own places, that this none of this would have been happen.

619
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, get your own things. We can have some separation.

620
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 1: It's all we need.

621
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 3: It works, wonders coly right here. They spoke in the

622
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 3: kitchen for twenty minutes, but it didn't go anywhere. Stephen

623
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 3: tried to show my mom the messages that dad had sent,

624
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 3: saying that they made him feel like he owed them. Meanwhile,

625
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 3: my mom was trying to say that his feelings didn't

626
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 3: make any sense, as they didn't feel that way, but

627
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 3: they did feel disrespected. It was at this time that

628
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 3: Steven and Emma packed their things and booked a hotel

629
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 3: closer to the event, as a race was in two days.

630
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,480
Speaker 3: They left the next morning after they left, my dad

631
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 3: could not stop crying and booked new flights to leave early.

632
00:29:55,800 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 1: Oh gee, oh my gosh, Oh my gosh.

633
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 3: The dad crying this much.

634
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 1: I don't know, like it just feels a lot messier

635
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 1: than it needs to be, yeah.

636
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 3: He said. My brother another message saying that they were

637
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 3: leaving early and that Steven would need to book out

638
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 3: of the house for them, as they were meant to

639
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 3: stay for another three days. Stephen ignored this message and

640
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 3: message my mom, saying that they would need to book

641
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 3: out of the house themselves as they were no longer there.

642
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 3: My parents left the next day did not book out,

643
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 3: telling Stephen that he had to book out for them.

644
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 3: They were even more upset than my brother didn't seem

645
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 3: to care that they were leaving. When Steven arrived a

646
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 3: few days to book out for them, he said that

647
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,479
Speaker 3: the place was a mess, filled with wine models and

648
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:37,479
Speaker 3: he had to clean up.

649
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 1: My god. Okay, if it's under the parent's name, do

650
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 1: we know whose.

651
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 3: Name the parents? I'm assuming?

652
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, if it's under the parent's name, let them

653
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 1: get fined. Yeah, you know what I mean, Like, let

654
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 1: them get all the fees if they want to book

655
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 1: out and or not book out, Like if they just

656
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 1: want to leave with the mess there and not check out,

657
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 1: then they get to deal with the consequences of that.

658
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 1: They are adults. They are more adult than everyone else there.

659
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 3: So here's where op comes into it.

660
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: Let's hear it.

661
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 3: I have received many calls from my mom saying that

662
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 3: Stephen has really messed up and needs to apologize because

663
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 3: of how hurt my dad is. She also believes that

664
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 3: Emma is not the best partner for him because of

665
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 3: the regular arguing. Steven feels like my parents would genuinely

666
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,600
Speaker 3: drink too much and then my dad makes us responsible

667
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 3: for his feelings and that they do hold things over

668
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 3: their heads. Also, this week was about Emma and my

669
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 3: parents made them about themselves and embarrassed them in front

670
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 3: of Hima's family, who had also traveled to see or compete.

671
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 3: I think everyone here behaved poorly. I do feel more

672
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 3: sympathetic towards Stephen, and I'm shocked the entire things started

673
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 3: over something so stupid and at how immaturely my parents reacted.

674
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 3: I have a very close relationship with my mom, and

675
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 3: she made it seem like she didn't even recognize her

676
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 3: own son. I feel pressured from my parents to stick

677
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 3: to their side and discourage Stephen from being with Emma

678
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 3: due to their differences and regular conflict. What's your honest

679
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 3: take here?

680
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 1: My honest take is, ah, everyone grow up up.

681
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 3: I feel like Steven's the problem in the relationship. Yeah,

682
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 3: he's arguing, he doesn't seem like anything's making him happy. Yeah,

683
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 3: he's just the problem. Parents. Stop drinking so much.

684
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, I actually that could be a huge part of it. Yeah,

685
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: because only not helping anything.

686
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 3: The dad seemed fine, there were so many wine bottles

687
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 3: when he got back and talking to Emma like that.

688
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:33,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also just the fact that they were they

689
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 1: were leaving. They're like, oh, there's too much drama. I

690
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,680
Speaker 1: don't want to be around everyone. We're going. And then

691
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: they're like, why why isn't anyone sad that we're leaving.

692
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 1: Why isn't anyone upset that we're gone. It's like, come on, dude,

693
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 1: come on.

694
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 3: So weird. But my brother seems indifferent to my parents'

695
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 3: reaction and exhausted by their behavior in general. I feel

696
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 3: like this didn't involve me, but both sides have reached

697
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 3: out to me discuss this and gain a different perspective,

698
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 3: I feel pressure to talk to my brother on my parents' behalf,

699
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 3: even though I don't agree with their actions like snapping

700
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 3: at Emma, being extremely dramatic, and leaving the vacation early

701
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 3: just to make a scene and guilt my brother. However,

702
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 3: I don't want to ruin my relationship with my brother,

703
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 3: as it is something I cherish. I don't agree with

704
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 3: all of his actions either. He should have just taken

705
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 3: the Uber. This all seems so stupid and dramatic and

706
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 3: I don't want to be involved. Would I be in

707
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 3: the wrong to tell my mom that I don't want

708
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 3: to speak about this anymore while quietly supporting my brother. Yeah,

709
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 3: I feel like the brother just took the uber. It

710
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 3: would have been all fine. Yeah, and they just blew

711
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 3: it out of proportion.

712
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 1: Totally, dude, Totally, This all could have been avoided so

713
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: much easier than it is. Yeah, Like we just could

714
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 1: all be like chill people and have our own things

715
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 1: responsible for ourselves, like chill with each other. Yeah.

716
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 3: Is that so hard to ask for?

717
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 1: Chill guys?

718
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 3: One comment here they need to meet up and have

719
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 3: a civil conversation while sober. They are all acting like

720
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 3: children and not grown adults, which they need a mediator.

721
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 3: And it seems like you're the only person that has

722
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 3: their heads screwed on strike.

723
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 1: Unfortunately for you.

724
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 3: Gosh, and you weren't even there.

725
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.

726
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 3: Well that's the end of that story.

727
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:18,360
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here and

728
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 1: we're going to get back to the stories. But here's

729
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 1: a three minute ad break from our sponsors. My wife's

730
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,680
Speaker 1: party ideas are horrible, so I shut them down.

731
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,799
Speaker 2: Ooh that those could be some bad ideas. I can't

732
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 2: wait to hear.

733
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 1: For some context, the story starts last year at our

734
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: seven year old son's birthday party. I thirty two male,

735
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,799
Speaker 1: and my wife thirty two female, helped the party at

736
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 1: our home. By the way, this comes from No to

737
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,440
Speaker 1: Mage And if you want to submit your own stories,

738
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay storytime Separate And I'm Angie,

739
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:52,320
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, and we're here to give you good advice. Goofily,

740
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,120
Speaker 1: But we don't have all the answers. We just know

741
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 1: we would do in the situation, So let us know

742
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:59,320
Speaker 1: what you would do in the comments, and op says,

743
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 1: we just I had to leave the bulk of the

744
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 1: planning to my wife, as she loves this kind of

745
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: thing and wanted to take the reins. I had no

746
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 1: reason to doubt any of her plans, as she did

747
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:10,360
Speaker 1: a great job with our past parties. I handled invites,

748
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:12,759
Speaker 1: food orders, and anything else that she needed me to do.

749
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 1: To her credit, she did a great job with the

750
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,920
Speaker 1: party itself. Everything ran smoothly and the kids had a

751
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 1: great time until she brought out the party favors that

752
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:25,799
Speaker 1: she had kept a surprise from me. They came out

753
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 1: when our friend had to leave with her daughter right

754
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,719
Speaker 1: after the cake. Before she could, my wife went into

755
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 1: the back room and came out with the bag, the

756
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,960
Speaker 1: biggest grin on her face. What was inside the bag,

757
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 1: you might ask. It was a small tetra fish from

758
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: the pet store to be given as a party favor.

759
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 1: My friend was flabbergasted, her daughter's face beamed with excitement

760
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 1: at the sight of her new pet. Mommy, I've always

761
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:54,760
Speaker 1: wanted a fish. My friend was at a loss for words,

762
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:58,919
Speaker 1: only glaring at me. She declined the fish, walking out

763
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 1: of the party while her clung to her, throwing a

764
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 1: tantrum about turning down her new pet. Obviously, the chaos

765
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 1: caused a scene and all the children now knew about

766
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 1: the fish. Every single parent in the room was pull

767
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,960
Speaker 1: glaring and muttering the whole works, what are we going

768
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 1: to tell our kids?

769
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:19,320
Speaker 3: Great?

770
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 1: Now, I have to get a fish tank. Most parents

771
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:26,000
Speaker 1: obliged and reluctantly accepted the fish the whole time. My

772
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 1: wife was elated at the site of the happy children,

773
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 1: oblivious to how their parents reacted. We ended up having

774
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,399
Speaker 1: to take a few fish home that had been turned down,

775
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: meaning we also had to buy a tank. My wife

776
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:41,240
Speaker 1: couldn't understand why anyone would pass up a wonderful fifty

777
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 1: cent fish as she grabbed this morning from PetSmart. Fast

778
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,760
Speaker 1: forward to now, one year later. It's a month away

779
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 1: for my son's eighth birthday party, and my wife broached

780
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 1: the topic of party favors. She exclaimed that we should

781
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:59,799
Speaker 1: hand out fish again. My wife said, the kids loved it.

782
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:03,239
Speaker 1: It's a hit last year. I do not want to

783
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: go through this again. Several of my friends who were

784
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 1: at the party complained about having to take care of

785
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: these fish, being put in a situation where they felt

786
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 1: pressured to accept the gift to avoid upsetting their child.

787
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 2: Bro it's not a golden retriever puppy. What are these

788
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:17,439
Speaker 2: people talking about?

789
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, you really don't have to get a whole tank

790
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 1: for it, Just get a ball, Just get a cheap

791
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,360
Speaker 1: fish bowl and some food. I feel like that's all.

792
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,759
Speaker 1: They had never received such a ridiculous party favor, and

793
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:31,240
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be attending if this was the case. Again,

794
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 1: not to mention, this feels horribly harmful to the fish,

795
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: who now have owners who don't want them. My wife

796
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 1: brushed all this off, saying that the parents were being

797
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 1: selfish for not thinking about what makes the kids happy.

798
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:43,280
Speaker 3: Low key.

799
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 2: Kind of spitting facts right there.

800
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:50,919
Speaker 1: She apparently didn't notice anyone upset at the party, only

801
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:54,360
Speaker 1: focusing on how the kids felt. She's calling me controlling,

802
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 1: saying that she doesn't even want to plan the party

803
00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 1: if she can't have this her way. All of her

804
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,399
Speaker 1: small group church friends agree with her. I don't want

805
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,320
Speaker 1: to upset my friends by putting them in an unfair situation,

806
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 1: But I don't want to upset my wife because she

807
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 1: truly does enjoy putting these events together. So am I

808
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 1: the a hole for telling my wife to not buy

809
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,879
Speaker 1: a party favorite fish? And there is a consensus from

810
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:21,359
Speaker 1: the comments, But I want to hear your comments first.

811
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:26,400
Speaker 2: Like I I don't know if there's any a holes. Yeah,

812
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 2: because you're like, I don't want all the parents to

813
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 2: be upset. I guess it's just like, dude, it's just

814
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 2: a fish, Like you can figure out how to cope.

815
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a fish.

816
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 1: It's very it's a fish.

817
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 2: That's it's maybe get of. Maybe maybe if the tetras

818
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,439
Speaker 2: are really that difficult to take care of, maybe get

819
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:47,280
Speaker 2: a different fish.

820
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: I feel like I would want to talk to these

821
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:52,440
Speaker 1: parents and be like, guys, come on, really, what's the problem.

822
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like, well, if they

823
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 1: don't want it, they don't want it. And if my

824
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 1: if my friends are mad that my wife got their

825
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 1: kids fish and they aren't gonna come to our kids'

826
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 1: birthday party, more like that's gonna suck, you know. But

827
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:10,400
Speaker 1: the consensus from the comments are not the ahole, so

828
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: uh op continues. Also, people point out to not be

829
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,680
Speaker 1: surprised if a lot of the parents will RSVP no

830
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 1: to other parties, And then we have some comments by ope.

831
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 1: Responding to other comments, somebody says to create a group

832
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,879
Speaker 1: chat with the parents from the party and ask them

833
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,600
Speaker 1: to be honest about the fish. I really love this idea.

834
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:30,400
Speaker 1: I think it's a great way to encourage her to

835
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 1: listen to other people's opinions on the matter. But I

836
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 1: doubt she would take it well either way. I think

837
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:39,160
Speaker 1: she needs to know. I believe she's being selfish and

838
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:42,560
Speaker 1: this is discouraging my son's friends from coming to this party.

839
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 1: It's very unfair to him. And he also says to

840
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,240
Speaker 1: another comment, Tomagotchie's I remember those and I loved them.

841
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 1: That would be a great compromise, dude, that would honestly

842
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 1: be a good a good gift.

843
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 2: Yeah. I wonder how expensive those are right now though, Yeah,

844
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 2: like vintage throwback.

845
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 1: To answer your question, yes, two out of three of

846
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 1: the fish have survived thanks to me. She didn't take

847
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 1: care of them. Her church group always sides with her

848
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 1: on everything, no matter how absurd it seems to be

849
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 1: enabling this kind of behavior. I believe the glares were

850
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 1: directed at me because my friends know that I'm more

851
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,520
Speaker 1: conscious of social cues. It's not the first time I've

852
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:24,760
Speaker 1: received glares like this from my friends because it's something

853
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 1: that she did. I love her and want to fix this.

854
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,719
Speaker 1: I like the way you think random commenter who we're

855
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 1: not seeing the comment of. But my wife loves animals

856
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 1: and has already argued with me saying I would love

857
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,319
Speaker 1: to receive pets as a gift. It's more about the

858
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,319
Speaker 1: feeling she gets when she sees the kids happy, as

859
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 1: opposed to whether it's fair or not. Somebody says to

860
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:49,760
Speaker 1: simply hand out candy bags. Absolutely agreed. I much prefer

861
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 1: those as party favors. She just calls them boring. I

862
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 1: do believe counseling would help us a lot with other

863
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 1: issues that we have. She refuses to see any counselor

864
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:03,440
Speaker 1: that's not a strong Biblical Christian. To another commenter, Opie says,

865
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,360
Speaker 1: I'd be so upset if that happened to me. She

866
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:07,799
Speaker 1: has already argued I'd love to receive pets as a

867
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 1: party favor. Who would it? She loves animals and can't

868
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 1: understand that other people's situations may not be ideal for

869
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 1: adding a pet. I've asked about the fish tanks, and

870
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 1: she said that would be too expensive to buy twenty

871
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 1: fish tanks. I thought that would convince her that this

872
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,880
Speaker 1: is a bad idea, but apparently it didn't. Uh the

873
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 1: one I ended up having to buy last year was

874
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 1: about one hundred and twenty five dollars, not including the

875
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 1: filter system, gravel, food, and decorations. These are all things

876
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:38,759
Speaker 1: I've been thinking about. I do feel there's a lot

877
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: of gaslighting going on, making me feel that any time

878
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 1: I push back or ask for a compromise, I am controlling.

879
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 1: She will only accept Christian counseling, nothing else, and I

880
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 1: don't want that. I want a proper licensed counselor. But

881
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,319
Speaker 1: I do agree there are other underlying issues here and

882
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:55,280
Speaker 1: we do have an update.

883
00:41:55,400 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, more like Christian counseling sounds like you need fishin counseling.

884
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:06,839
Speaker 1: Oh what fish counselors go to pet Smart and like

885
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 1: and just have one of the guys who's like feeding

886
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 1: the fish, Like, Hey, we need we need advice on

887
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 1: our marriage.

888
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 3: Lend me your ear.

889
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 2: It's like some teenager, lend me your ear, master fishmonga.

890
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 2: I need your advice, your sage wisdoms.

891
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 1: But we do have an update. Let's get into it.

892
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 1: I took your guys' advice and decided to just talk

893
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 1: to her. I used a lot of your points from

894
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 1: the comments to reason with her, especially the ones about animal.

895
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 1: My wife just kept insisting that I was controlling, eventually

896
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 1: just shutting down and walking away, giving me the silent treatment.

897
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 1: For those of you asking if this has happened before, Yes,

898
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: not the party situation exactly, but the I'm going to

899
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: make a horrible selfish decision and if you push back,

900
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 1: you're controlling behavior. She has backed out of multiple parties

901
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 1: and events last minute because she didn't feel like going,

902
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 1: and accused me of abandoning her when I told her

903
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 1: that I still wanted to go. She has insisted that

904
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 1: I stopped playing guitar because she finds it annoying. She

905
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 1: attended a wedding in a swimsuit because she was told

906
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 1: there was a pool.

907
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:16,879
Speaker 2: Okay, we're getting we're getting. We're getting some more wrinkles here. Yeah,

908
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 2: maybe your wife's behavior has has has more facets to

909
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 2: it than we anticipated.

910
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 1: Maybe there's an explanation for all of this social cues.

911
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,879
Speaker 1: Not everyone knows that she doesn't take social cues as well.

912
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 1: Growing up to a wedding and a bathing suit because

913
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 1: there's a pool.

914
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 2: That shows a lack of executive like function, like you

915
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 2: should know.

916
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:42,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, not going to the wedding in.

917
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 1: A swimsuit feel like there's something that could be diagnosed

918
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 1: going on here, just just to just to think about,

919
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,719
Speaker 1: just a thought at this wedding. She proceeded to spend

920
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:55,880
Speaker 1: the whole reception at the pool. Because they're your friends,

921
00:43:55,920 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 1: I don't really care about celebrating them. Sheels so pushed

922
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 1: back on my insistence to find a new school for

923
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 1: our son, even though he was being bullied, because she

924
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 1: didn't feel like causing a scene. Our son is in

925
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,799
Speaker 1: a new school now and he's much happier. I was

926
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 1: fed up and refused to give in. I can't let

927
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:17,359
Speaker 1: my son go through this, and I'm not letting him

928
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: lose friends because of my wife's selfishness. After literally following

929
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:23,759
Speaker 1: my wife around the house trying to get her to

930
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 1: talk to me, she said, fine, if you want it

931
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 1: your way, you can plan this party yourself.

932
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 2: Though I did.

933
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 1: I planned the party myself. Besides the invitation, location, and date,

934
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 1: which were already planned. My wife also demanded on picking

935
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 1: out the cake, and that wasn't a hale I was

936
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 1: willing to pass away on. It wasn't anything special, but

937
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,240
Speaker 1: I'm actually kind of proud. It was Jurassic Park themed.

938
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: My son and I watched all the movies together and

939
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 1: he adores them. He's really excited for the new one.

940
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 1: I themed each table all around different dinosaurs and put

941
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:57,239
Speaker 1: little plastic dinosaurs everywhere. As for the party favors, I

942
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 1: gave out little bags of candy. Nothing amazing, but the

943
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 1: kids were happy and my son was thrilled.

944
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:03,360
Speaker 2: Should have given out lizards.

945
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 1: Should have given out I mean, was right there, that

946
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:07,720
Speaker 1: would be well.

947
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:11,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, and if you if if you think about how

948
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 4: technically birds are closer to closer relation to dinosaurs, you

949
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:18,240
Speaker 4: know what birds facts?

950
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 2: You should have given.

951
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 1: Out birds, given out birds.

952
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:22,880
Speaker 2: To every everyone gets a chicken to take home.

953
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:28,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. And no fish were harmed in the making

954
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,959
Speaker 1: of this party. After the party, my wife kept telling

955
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:35,120
Speaker 1: me how lame every day was that the party was boring.

956
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:39,480
Speaker 2: No fish at the party, why are we here? Bro?

957
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 1: And the kids were literally jumping up and down for

958
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:46,920
Speaker 1: candy party favors like they were for hers. Frankly, I

959
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,839
Speaker 1: don't care. Sure the kids didn't have a brand new

960
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 1: pet to bring home, but at least my party favors

961
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 1: didn't piss off all of our friends and doom my

962
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:57,920
Speaker 1: son to a life of friendless Truly, I don't know

963
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,840
Speaker 1: how things are going to go with my wife and

964
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 1: I I'm reaching my limit with her insanity. I've tried

965
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:07,319
Speaker 1: insisting on marriage counseling, but she refused unless it was

966
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 1: done by the pastor of our church. We went and

967
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 1: it was a whole session of the pastor telling me

968
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:14,879
Speaker 1: that I'm not a good enough man to take care

969
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:17,800
Speaker 1: of my wife to day, about how I'm turning away

970
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 1: from God with my actions and that's ruining our marriage.

971
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 2: God would want you to take care of those fish. Yeah,

972
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 2: and listen to your.

973
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 1: Wife feature man of fish and give them out as

974
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 1: party favors. Ye, what was in the Bible?

975
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,399
Speaker 2: Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.

976
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

977
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,839
Speaker 2: Give a bunch of kids a fish, and they'll love

978
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 2: you forever.

979
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 1: You're the coolest kid in school.

980
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 2: I do think you know all your other wife's behaviors. Side,

981
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:46,919
Speaker 2: if we're just talking about the fish thing, it does

982
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 2: seem like she just is really hung up on like

983
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:52,800
Speaker 2: wanting the kids to be really excited and think it's cool. Yeah,

984
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 2: But you know, I think this is really a small

985
00:46:56,160 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 2: window into the real issues of your marriage, which is

986
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:02,360
Speaker 2: her pulling stuff like going to the wedding in a

987
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 2: bathing suit and saying like, why should I hang out

988
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 2: with anyone I don't care about your friends? Yeah, that's

989
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,840
Speaker 2: kind of that's kind of whack that I can't imagine

990
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:15,440
Speaker 2: pulling that with Like if my girlfriend, like if one

991
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 2: of her friends got married, yeah, and went to the

992
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 2: reception and I just like disengaged and didn't care or

993
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:24,359
Speaker 2: talk to any of her friends. Yeah, I was just like, well,

994
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 2: I don't have to care, they're not my friends. Yeah,

995
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 2: that would be insane.

996
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to their wedding and eat their food,

997
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:31,279
Speaker 1: but I'm just gonna like hang up by the pool.

998
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 2: Oh by the way, I showed up in swim trunks.

999
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:38,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because there's a pool, Like that's insane. I

1000
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:41,320
Speaker 1: also wonder how that went, Like did they drive separately?

1001
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:43,799
Speaker 1: There is more of this story, but I'm just like,

1002
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 1: did he like show up in like a suit and

1003
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:52,080
Speaker 1: tie and then was not trying to stop her from

1004
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 1: wearing a bathing suit or like just.

1005
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 2: Full blown bikini shows up, buns out right? Just like

1006
00:47:57,680 --> 00:47:58,799
Speaker 2: the pools this way that?

1007
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 3: Which way is? Could be? Hi?

1008
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 2: Yeah? Thanks whatever, congratulations pool.

1009
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 1: Yeah pool, I'm just told there was gonna be a

1010
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:06,280
Speaker 1: pool because.

1011
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:07,919
Speaker 2: She's a fish lady. She needs the pool. She's gonna

1012
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:09,400
Speaker 2: release all the fish into that.

1013
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:12,800
Speaker 1: Maybe she is a fish. Maybe that's the secret.

1014
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 2: That's why she needed to get in the water.

1015
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: Need it.

1016
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:17,840
Speaker 2: She was gonna dry ash.

1017
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:23,320
Speaker 1: Oh but oh, Pee continues needless to say, we haven't

1018
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 1: gone back, and ever since, my wife loves to use

1019
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 1: this session against me in arguments. I loved her, loved

1020
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,880
Speaker 1: but I'm finding it harder each day to keep being

1021
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:36,360
Speaker 1: in love. I hate the idea of my son thinking

1022
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 1: this is a happy marriage and that this is a

1023
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:41,439
Speaker 1: healthy way to live. Divorce scares me, but I don't

1024
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 1: know if I can live with this anymore. In the end,

1025
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:45,839
Speaker 1: thank you for helping me realize that there is a

1026
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: lot going wrong in my marriage, far beyond a forced

1027
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 1: fish adoption crisis. I have a lot to think about,

1028
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:54,879
Speaker 1: but for now, I'm going to finish watching Jurassic World.

1029
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,560
Speaker 1: My son, who's curled up in my lap. By the way,

1030
00:48:57,640 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 1: two of the three fish that we had to take

1031
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 1: home last year are still going strong. They've grown on me.

1032
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:06,359
Speaker 1: But day I am never getting another fish, and that's

1033
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 1: the end of that story.

1034
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I really think part of the whole crisis of

1035
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:12,839
Speaker 2: your relationship is that somehow the fish debacle is a

1036
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,360
Speaker 2: crisis in and of itself, Like, yeah, that shows me

1037
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:19,359
Speaker 2: that y'all are not really focusing on what matters here.

1038
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 1: Nope, definitely not.

1039
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1040
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 2: on to the next one.

1041
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:28,399
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Carly Kean's go friend here. We're gonna get

1042
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,800
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads

1043
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

1044
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:35,839
Speaker 2: My wife overreacts when it comes to our kids. So

1045
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:37,600
Speaker 2: I did something about it?

1046
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 1: What did you do?

1047
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:41,359
Speaker 2: Let's find out And there's a quick editor's note. Oh,

1048
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 2: he clarifies in a comment she is a woman. And

1049
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 2: in the second post that the daughters are adopted.

1050
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 3: Got it?

1051
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 2: My twenty eight female wife twenty six female Sofia takes

1052
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:58,840
Speaker 2: every scratch our daughters seven and five get extremely seriously.

1053
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:03,560
Speaker 2: Every bruce, every scraped knee, every cut is an emergency

1054
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 2: to her boy, and because they're emergencies to her, they

1055
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 2: become emergencies to the girls. By the way, this comes

1056
00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:12,360
Speaker 2: from yus are okay permit forty three oh two And

1057
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:13,759
Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1058
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,320
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay story time subbered it I'm Dakota,

1059
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:18,840
Speaker 2: I'm Angie, and we are here to give you good advice.

1060
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:19,320
Speaker 3: Goofli.

1061
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:21,200
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

1062
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 2: what we do, So let us know what you would

1063
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:26,760
Speaker 2: do in the comments. As Op says, not only does

1064
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 2: this mean it's hard to tell when an injury is

1065
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,839
Speaker 2: actually dangerous, like did she twist her ankle or break

1066
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 2: it is her arm bruised or fractured. But the kids

1067
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:38,319
Speaker 2: are responding badly to any hurt they feel. Now at

1068
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 2: the mere sight of blood, the seven year old starts

1069
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 2: wailing like she's been stabbed. Even worse, her sister has

1070
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:49,080
Speaker 2: started intentionally banging her arm into things or falling on

1071
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:51,800
Speaker 2: concrete if she thinks she's not getting enough attention.

1072
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:52,439
Speaker 1: Oh boy.

1073
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 2: Last week, my wife took the oldest one to urgent

1074
00:50:55,719 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 2: care because she got a canker sore, and Sophia was

1075
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:04,240
Speaker 2: convinced it was some thing more sinister, like what what hand,

1076
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:09,399
Speaker 2: foot in mouth disease? The boogeyman bit me, Come on, yeah, yeah, yeah,

1077
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:12,920
Speaker 2: it's a curse. While she was gone, I had the

1078
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:15,480
Speaker 2: younger one, who was upset that Sophia had spent so

1079
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 2: long on her sister. And had now taken her to

1080
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 2: the doctor to get special attentions. So she threw herself

1081
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:24,240
Speaker 2: on the tile floor in front of me and started

1082
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 2: screaming and holding the wrist she hadn't actually twisted. I'm

1083
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:30,600
Speaker 2: so tired of all this. I just let her scream

1084
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 2: when I didn't give her the attention she wanted. Her

1085
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:37,320
Speaker 2: screaming in pain turned into sobbing because I wasn't cuddling

1086
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:40,279
Speaker 2: her and kissing her better and promising her cookies and

1087
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:41,239
Speaker 2: a late bedtime.

1088
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:41,799
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

1089
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 2: I told her I'd be in the den with the

1090
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,239
Speaker 2: cats when she felt like joining us. I felt like

1091
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 2: a witch for letting her cry herself out. But she's

1092
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:50,759
Speaker 2: never going to learn to walk off scooter falls or

1093
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 2: getting hit with dodgeballs at this rate, and she can't

1094
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 2: be rewarded for this kind of behavior. It's just not healthy.

1095
00:51:57,719 --> 00:51:58,600
Speaker 3: I agree.

1096
00:51:59,239 --> 00:51:59,760
Speaker 1: I agree.

1097
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 2: I don't think you've done anything wrong.

1098
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 1: This is a whole like, you know, the saying like

1099
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 1: mom didn't raise no witch, she is, so you're raising

1100
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 1: You're raising some witches.

1101
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:15,440
Speaker 2: You're raising a little little google got got baby girl? Yeah,

1102
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 2: I bought my elbow. I must go to hospital. But

1103
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:21,920
Speaker 2: it's just complicated when it's like the attention factor is

1104
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 2: all mixed in there. It's just, yeah, you can't reinforced

1105
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:26,879
Speaker 2: this as okay.

1106
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:29,279
Speaker 1: Especially now that they're like faking it too, like they're

1107
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 1: faking it to get that is head. Yeah, that's like one, yeah,

1108
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:33,080
Speaker 1: whole other issue.

1109
00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:35,480
Speaker 2: Eventually, she ran out of tears and came to sit

1110
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:38,240
Speaker 2: with us, and I let her have a watered down soda.

1111
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:43,000
Speaker 2: Gross Well, when Sophia got back with the older kid,

1112
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:45,799
Speaker 2: who now had the same numbing gel we already had

1113
00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:49,239
Speaker 2: in the cabinet and two hundred dollars urgent care bill,

1114
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 2: our younger daughter told her what happened, and now she's

1115
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:56,440
Speaker 2: furious at me for ignoring something that could have been serious.

1116
00:52:57,080 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 2: I told her she's the one making mountains out of

1117
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 2: molehills and feeding into the actual dangerous behavior. We've been

1118
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:05,879
Speaker 2: fighting about it all week, and the kids have only

1119
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:09,320
Speaker 2: been acting up more as a result. I'm so tired

1120
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:12,160
Speaker 2: of this. Maybe my appendix will burst and I can

1121
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 2: spend a few nights in the hospital away from this insanity.

1122
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 2: Sarcasm and we have some comments, but what would your

1123
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:25,640
Speaker 2: path forward be? What do you foresee? What do you imagine?

1124
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 1: I I, Ah, I don't know, because I feel like

1125
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:33,720
Speaker 1: I don't I wouldn't know how to explain to this woman, like, dude,

1126
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:38,799
Speaker 1: this is actually a problem because it's like you can't like,

1127
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:41,840
Speaker 1: I don't know what she expects this to to turn

1128
00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 1: into as they get older, Like are what happened? Are

1129
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 1: they never going to be able to live alone? Are

1130
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 1: they going to call us at school when they fall?

1131
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:51,919
Speaker 1: When they're in high school? You know, it's like, there's

1132
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 1: what do you like? Like this is that stuff would

1133
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:58,560
Speaker 1: happen if we keep training them like this, So I

1134
00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 1: don't I just don't know to expect. Yeah, I don't

1135
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 1: think I would. I think if I was with someone

1136
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:07,400
Speaker 1: like this, I would see the signs immediately and I

1137
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: would not want to be in a relationship with someone

1138
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 1: like this.

1139
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's it's it's I feel like this really

1140
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,759
Speaker 2: just boils down to like she needs some kind of

1141
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:21,600
Speaker 2: therapy to help cope with the stress of, you know,

1142
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:23,920
Speaker 2: having kids and being worried about them.

1143
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's mine.

1144
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 2: The thing I always envisioned myself is it's like I

1145
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:32,400
Speaker 2: would be such a mess constantly just because all I

1146
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 2: would be thinking about is like, is this kid all right, yeah, always,

1147
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 2: and like I would be so easily manipulated, Like if

1148
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 2: my kid just cried at me, I'd be like, oh

1149
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 2: my god, yeah, whatever you want, Like I'd be so bad. Yeah,

1150
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:50,600
Speaker 2: and that's I'm not a parent, you know. I've weighed

1151
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 2: that and said that that might be my worst nightmare.

1152
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 2: So maybe I'm not looking for that right now.

1153
00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:56,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1154
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we do have some kind comments, I think,

1155
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:07,240
Speaker 2: trying to nudge her into therapy and approaching it with empathy,

1156
00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:10,320
Speaker 2: being like, I understand why you feel this way, because

1157
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:13,960
Speaker 2: we love our kids and we want them to be okay.

1158
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:16,880
Speaker 2: But what we're what this is doing is not actually

1159
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:21,080
Speaker 2: helping them to be okay. It's teaching them that they

1160
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:25,760
Speaker 2: shouldn't be okay because then they get special treatment.

1161
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, because that, honestly is like even younger than these kids,

1162
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:32,120
Speaker 1: which are seven and five, you already have to start

1163
00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 1: doing that, like in the first like a couple of

1164
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:36,760
Speaker 1: years or something. I'm pretty sure you have to start

1165
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 1: already start letting them cry some things out on there.

1166
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:43,120
Speaker 1: Not everything, not a lot, but like some things. Yeah,

1167
00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 1: they have to start self soothing.

1168
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:49,080
Speaker 2: Comments from Lord B. Sixty six to seventy three says oh, man.

1169
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:52,919
Speaker 2: I am a pediatric er doctor and have a lot

1170
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:55,880
Speaker 2: of experience with this issue through the lens of my practice.

1171
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:58,879
Speaker 2: This is a very valuable perspective. It sounds like your

1172
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:01,440
Speaker 2: wife is doing major damage to your kids. The fact

1173
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 2: that they are deliberately causing or at least faking injuries

1174
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:08,960
Speaker 2: for attention is really concerning. I've seen all kinds in

1175
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:11,439
Speaker 2: the department. Some kids are really tough and they deal

1176
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:14,520
Speaker 2: with even serious injuries calmly, and then again there are

1177
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:17,560
Speaker 2: some that really don't. Of course, young children can't be

1178
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:20,080
Speaker 2: expected to be stoic when they're hurt, but when that

1179
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:23,800
Speaker 2: hurt is just having their ears looked at, it's something

1180
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 2: that they should be helped understand and endure. Some parents

1181
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:31,400
Speaker 2: will not let me look because the child doesn't want it.

1182
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:34,040
Speaker 2: I certainly don't want you to neglect your kids, but

1183
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:36,280
Speaker 2: they do need to be taught in an age appropriate

1184
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:40,320
Speaker 2: way how to be resilient when something relatively minor happens.

1185
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:42,919
Speaker 2: Resilience is one of the most important things a child

1186
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,759
Speaker 2: can learn. I once saw a young woman who was

1187
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:48,640
Speaker 2: maybe twenty three. I see adults also, I do, about

1188
00:56:48,680 --> 00:56:51,680
Speaker 2: fifty to fifty. She had a relatively minor injury. She

1189
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:53,680
Speaker 2: forgot to put her car in park, tried to get out,

1190
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:57,000
Speaker 2: and the car rolled backwards about three feet and knocked

1191
00:56:57,000 --> 00:57:00,600
Speaker 2: her down. She had no visible injuries, but on exam

1192
00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:02,799
Speaker 2: I could not rule out any single part of her

1193
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:06,080
Speaker 2: body as being injured. You touch her wrist, she screams.

1194
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:10,120
Speaker 2: You touch her knee, screams, abdmin, flank, neck, all extremities.

1195
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:12,600
Speaker 2: So I ordered a whole lot of X rays. It

1196
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:14,839
Speaker 2: isn't good practice, but there wasn't really anything I could do,

1197
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:18,240
Speaker 2: and those poor X ray texts every time they moved her,

1198
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:20,000
Speaker 2: even just a couple of inches to place the X

1199
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 2: ray plate, you guessed it, screaming. Meanwhile, her family's now

1200
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 2: in the room and carrying on in the same way.

1201
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:29,919
Speaker 2: After maybe ten X rays, which were very difficult to take,

1202
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:32,919
Speaker 2: and we're all completely one hundred percent normal, I said,

1203
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,760
Speaker 2: all right, we're done with diagnostics. I don't know how,

1204
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 2: but I eventually got her up and home with zero

1205
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 2: injuries other than some abrasions. Patients like these are their

1206
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,200
Speaker 2: own worst enemy and make it so much harder to

1207
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 2: find out what is actually going on and treat them appropriately.

1208
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:52,200
Speaker 2: It certainly seemed like it was a learned behavior, best

1209
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:54,920
Speaker 2: wishes on navigating this issue with your family, and we

1210
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:55,880
Speaker 2: do have an update.

1211
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 1: Well, that's actually a really good way to put it.

1212
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:02,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, fake screaming babies turn into fake screaming adults.

1213
00:58:02,440 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1214
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:05,120
Speaker 1: And just the fact that, like you're they're not gonna

1215
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:07,040
Speaker 1: be able to actually get the help that they need

1216
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 1: when they need it, because I mean, what, it's gonna

1217
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:12,240
Speaker 1: be a whole boys cride wolf thing. And then what

1218
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:14,920
Speaker 1: that commenter said, that's a very good, good point.

1219
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we do have an update. Clarifications One, this

1220
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:22,880
Speaker 2: is not Munchausen's by proxy. My wife does not hurt them.

1221
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 2: She is not poisoning them or looking for to feed

1222
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:28,240
Speaker 2: them or posting all over social media about how great

1223
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 2: she is and how lucky the girls are. We're trying

1224
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 2: to scam people out of money. So if he is

1225
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:35,040
Speaker 2: not worrying for the attention of it, she's trying to

1226
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:37,640
Speaker 2: ensure that they don't feel ignored and neglected to the

1227
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:40,720
Speaker 2: point that she takes everything they say seriously. But she's

1228
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 2: gone too far and now it's backfiring. The few people

1229
00:58:44,000 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 2: who pointed out that the younger's behavior of faking injuries

1230
00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 2: or actually giving herself a bruise could develop into something

1231
00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:52,600
Speaker 2: more serious. Are correct, however, which is a concern that

1232
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:56,840
Speaker 2: I also have two attention. The girls get attention. They

1233
00:58:56,880 --> 00:58:59,800
Speaker 2: get plenty of attention from both of us. They are

1234
00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:01,960
Speaker 2: not being neglected to the point that they need to

1235
00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 2: injure themselves as a cry for help. For one thing,

1236
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:07,600
Speaker 2: my older daughter doesn't do that. She is just genuinely

1237
00:59:07,600 --> 00:59:10,760
Speaker 2: convinced that bruises could be internal bleeding and any bump

1238
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 2: on the head could be a concussion, which means that

1239
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 2: I'm going to have to give her the period talk

1240
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:17,360
Speaker 2: pretty soon, or she's going to think she's passing away

1241
00:59:17,520 --> 00:59:18,800
Speaker 2: if hers starts early.

1242
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 1: Dude, can you imagine, Oh my gosh, she's going to

1243
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:24,920
Speaker 1: like pass out in fear.

1244
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:27,960
Speaker 2: Oh man, Oh yeah, that'd be That would be pretty rough.

1245
00:59:28,120 --> 00:59:28,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1246
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:31,320
Speaker 2: For another thing, the younger one tends to only do

1247
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 2: it when she thinks her sister is getting something she

1248
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:37,360
Speaker 2: wants or we said no earlier in the day. They

1249
00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:40,680
Speaker 2: get attention, but they get special attention when they're sick

1250
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 2: or hurt. Someone in the comments last time suggested flipping

1251
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:47,440
Speaker 2: it to discourage the younger girl's behavior by essentially taking

1252
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:50,240
Speaker 2: away fun things and forcing them to rest when they're

1253
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:51,280
Speaker 2: sick or hurt.

1254
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:52,320
Speaker 1: That's a good idea.

1255
00:59:52,360 --> 00:59:55,280
Speaker 2: A few other people suggest pain charts of some variety

1256
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:58,400
Speaker 2: or first aid classes. Those might help with the older

1257
00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 2: one and Sophia herself. That was probably the most viable

1258
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:04,960
Speaker 2: advice I got, and three therapy right now is not

1259
01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:07,520
Speaker 2: an option. We had a very bad experience with a

1260
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 2: highly regarded adoption specialist therapist a few years ago that

1261
01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:14,440
Speaker 2: resulted in our older daughter having more issues with her

1262
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:17,560
Speaker 2: adoption than she did when we started. Issues that we've

1263
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 2: had to figure out how to manage on our own

1264
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 2: because the two therapists we tried after that only compounded

1265
01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:27,440
Speaker 2: and exacerbated these new issues. My daughter would have been

1266
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:29,560
Speaker 2: better off if she'd never been to therapy in the

1267
01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:32,480
Speaker 2: first place. As a result, my wife has lost almost

1268
01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:35,560
Speaker 2: all of her faith in mental health professionals. Quite frankly,

1269
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:37,919
Speaker 2: I lost the majority of mine as well, and while

1270
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:40,440
Speaker 2: I've made mention of it to Sophia, my bigger focus

1271
01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 2: is on getting her to just change this one behavior.

1272
01:00:43,960 --> 01:00:47,760
Speaker 2: For no, my wife does not have postpartum anything. And

1273
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:50,960
Speaker 2: onto the actual update. After a couple of other comments

1274
01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:53,440
Speaker 2: brought up how my girls behave away from us, I

1275
01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:56,400
Speaker 2: decided to ask. My wife works in normal nine to

1276
01:00:56,440 --> 01:01:00,280
Speaker 2: five while I work three twelves from six pm to

1277
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:03,720
Speaker 2: am on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. During the winter, they

1278
01:01:03,760 --> 01:01:06,800
Speaker 2: have school in daycare respectively. This winter, the younger one

1279
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:08,920
Speaker 2: will be in kindergarten, though, and during the summer. They

1280
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:11,520
Speaker 2: both go to daycare from about eight am to four

1281
01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 2: pm on my work days and just in the mornings

1282
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:17,360
Speaker 2: on the other days as needed, I do drop offs

1283
01:01:17,360 --> 01:01:19,720
Speaker 2: and pickups. When I picked them up on Monday, I

1284
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,080
Speaker 2: decided to ask one of the caretakers how the girls

1285
01:01:22,120 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 2: had been behaving. She told me they were fine. They

1286
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 2: bickered sometimes, but there was nothing unusual going on. I

1287
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:30,720
Speaker 2: asked what happens when they get hurt or feel sick

1288
01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:33,360
Speaker 2: during the day, how they handle it, etc. I didn't

1289
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:35,320
Speaker 2: tell them about my wife. I didn't want to be

1290
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:39,080
Speaker 2: telling tales out of or at school. I think she

1291
01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:41,480
Speaker 2: might have thought I was looking for help, which technically

1292
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:43,680
Speaker 2: I was, because she told me that as soon as

1293
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:45,400
Speaker 2: the kid falls down or takes a ball to the

1294
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 2: face or anything else, they start the whole interaction by

1295
01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:52,320
Speaker 2: telling them you're okay and assessing the damage calmly as

1296
01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:55,960
Speaker 2: they approach even if the kid is bleeding, they don't react.

1297
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:58,680
Speaker 2: They say something like, wow, that looked kind of scary.

1298
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:00,760
Speaker 2: I bet it surprised you, So let's see your arm

1299
01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:03,320
Speaker 2: or leg or whatever. She basically wrote me a script.

1300
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:05,560
Speaker 2: I asked her how my girls reacted to it, and

1301
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 2: she told me that the older one was a little

1302
01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:10,600
Speaker 2: more sensitive than her peers. She cried easily and they

1303
01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:13,240
Speaker 2: had to be extra firm with the Euroks with her.

1304
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,560
Speaker 2: The younger one she saw a little less. She's in

1305
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:17,920
Speaker 2: a different age bracket. She had only just turned five,

1306
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:20,760
Speaker 2: but she's still technically in the pre K group, but

1307
01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:24,040
Speaker 2: she'd never heard anything about her. I asked what exactly

1308
01:02:24,040 --> 01:02:26,680
Speaker 2: they do if a kid is bleeding or bruise. For bruises,

1309
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:28,720
Speaker 2: they can sit with a little ice pack for fifteen

1310
01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:30,840
Speaker 2: minutes before they need to come back to the ground

1311
01:02:31,760 --> 01:02:34,160
Speaker 2: unless it's actually serious. And for cuts they get a

1312
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,960
Speaker 2: wash and a band aid. So nothing exciting as far

1313
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:40,440
Speaker 2: as I could tell, we have any closing closing thoughts.

1314
01:02:40,640 --> 01:02:45,400
Speaker 1: I really hope that this like script helps because I think, yeah,

1315
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:50,640
Speaker 1: I mean, if we look at it from an empathetic perspective, yeah,

1316
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:53,600
Speaker 1: I mean, the mom probably just doesn't know how to

1317
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:58,160
Speaker 1: react to her own feelings. Yeah, maybe she remembers her

1318
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:00,720
Speaker 1: parents reacting like she is, and that's why it's just

1319
01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 1: kind of easy to fall into that, but she doesn't

1320
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:07,800
Speaker 1: realize how it's affected her. Yeah, but it we something.

1321
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:10,080
Speaker 1: We got to fix it. I really hope that it fixes.

1322
01:03:10,280 --> 01:03:10,480
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1323
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:14,840
Speaker 2: It's unsustainable right now. We're not setting them up for success.

1324
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:16,600
Speaker 1: Right and they're young enough to be able to change this.

1325
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:20,000
Speaker 1: If they were that twenty three year old, you're lost,

1326
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:24,080
Speaker 1: you're done, you're done. You're too late, as they say, exactly.

1327
01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:27,360
Speaker 2: Let's finish this. The fact that we haven't been called

1328
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:30,000
Speaker 2: into the school to pick up our totally terribly injured

1329
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:32,680
Speaker 2: five year old before tells me that she knows she

1330
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:36,800
Speaker 2: won't get mother's special treatment at the school, and since

1331
01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:39,080
Speaker 2: I will be the one picking her up if they

1332
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:41,440
Speaker 2: think she's too sick or something, there's really no point

1333
01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:44,120
Speaker 2: in up too much of a fuss unless she just

1334
01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:47,280
Speaker 2: wants to hold something cold for a few minutes. Neither

1335
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:49,160
Speaker 2: of the girls have been hurt or sick this week.

1336
01:03:49,520 --> 01:03:52,320
Speaker 2: We stopped arguing because I frankly do not have the

1337
01:03:52,440 --> 01:03:55,400
Speaker 2: energy to do so constantly. I'll look into the pain

1338
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:58,720
Speaker 2: chart and first aid classes and bring up boring damage

1339
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:02,280
Speaker 2: mitigation soon once we've both had time to calm down,

1340
01:04:02,800 --> 01:04:04,720
Speaker 2: and that is the end of that story. And it

1341
01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:07,880
Speaker 2: sounds like you're on a path forward towards getting out

1342
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:08,520
Speaker 2: of the weeds.

1343
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:12,360
Speaker 1: That's great, you know, that's wonderful, and that's the end

1344
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:13,000
Speaker 1: of this story.