1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:06,840 Speaker 1: Welcome to Unaddictioned the podcast. My name is doctor Zinga Harrison. 2 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:10,680 Speaker 1: I'm a Board certified psychiatrist with a specialty in addiction 3 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:15,520 Speaker 1: medicine and co founder and chief medical officer of Eleanor Health. 4 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: On this podcast, we explore the paths that can lead 5 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:23,880 Speaker 1: to addiction and the infinite paths that can lead to recovery. 6 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 1: Our guests are sharing their own experiences, the tools that 7 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: have helped them along the way, and the formulas that 8 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 1: allow them to thrive in recovery one day at a time. 9 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:42,200 Speaker 1: Demi Burnette is an American television personality turned social media 10 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:46,639 Speaker 1: influencer from The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise Shout Out 11 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 1: to Bachelor Nation. She's an advocate for body positivity, LGBTQ 12 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 1: plus rights, and mental health awareness. In twenty twenty two, 13 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: Demi was diagnosed with autism and hopes that in continuing 14 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: to share her experience, others can feel less alone. 15 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:07,200 Speaker 2: We had so much fun on this episode. 16 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,280 Speaker 1: There is so much more to Demi and her life 17 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:13,880 Speaker 1: that she shared with us, including her experience with alcohol 18 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 1: use disorder and how symptoms of autism were a major 19 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 1: factor in developing that addiction and how autism has become 20 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 1: her superpower as it relates to staying sober. All right, 21 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 1: thank you Demi for joining us on un Addiction. So 22 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 1: I am a psychiatrist and addiction medicine doctor, been serving 23 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 1: people with addiction for my whole career, and I just 24 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: recently wrote this book called Unaddictioned. Six mind changing Conversations 25 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 1: that Could Save a life. And the idea of the 26 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:51,160 Speaker 1: book is like, there are an infinite number of risk 27 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 1: factors that can bring us to addiction, but they kind 28 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: of fall into these six categories and teach how to 29 00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:00,640 Speaker 1: have those six conversations. And since there are number of 30 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: ways in, then there are totally an infinite number of 31 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 1: ways out because you can combine all of these and 32 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 1: everybody's personal journey is their own personal journey. And so 33 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 1: the word un addiction is like, what do we need 34 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,680 Speaker 1: to unlearn about addiction that we think we know that's 35 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: actually not helpful? 36 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,480 Speaker 2: And what. 37 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: Do we need to undo from like a stigma perspective, 38 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,240 Speaker 1: the stigmas we have that are like making it worse 39 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: for people? And then what are the conversations that we 40 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,360 Speaker 1: want to uncover? All with this idea that we could 41 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: have fewer people suffering from addiction and finding a path 42 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:39,519 Speaker 1: to recovery. 43 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,880 Speaker 2: So that's awesome. 44 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're awesome finding su Yeah. 45 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 1: So with that setup, we have the podcast and folks 46 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,799 Speaker 1: like you, thank you so much, coming on to have 47 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:58,679 Speaker 1: these conversations, right, like what was my path to recovery 48 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:03,000 Speaker 1: and this idea of your magic formula? Knowing that that 49 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:06,400 Speaker 1: will change over time, but like, what are the pieces 50 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: that keep you grounded in recovery? So maybe somebody listening 51 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: will be like, oh, that sounds similar to my path. 52 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:16,960 Speaker 1: Oh I can relate to that part of the journey. 53 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 1: Oh maybe I'll try that part of that formula and 54 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: maybe it's part of my magic. 55 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:22,200 Speaker 2: So that's the idea. 56 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay, I love it. I love it. This is 57 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 3: this is doing like really good helpful things, you know, 58 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 3: helpful stuff out there. That's uh. I love doing things 59 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 3: that it's not like, you know, just kind of I mean, 60 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 3: it's always fun to talk about pop culture and whatnot, 61 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:41,000 Speaker 3: but it's it's nice to like just it feels good 62 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 3: and rewarding, not rewarding, maybe fulfilling. That's the sort to 63 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 3: talk about stuff that can save lives. 64 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, so then let's jump in. 65 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: Do you mind sharing with us whatever and whatever detail 66 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,880 Speaker 1: however you want to share with us what your path 67 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 1: to recovery has been. 68 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 3: I think that that's the best, the best way to 69 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 3: you know, help any help people, to be super open 70 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 3: about it, because I know that it's very shameful, and 71 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 3: so I think too. I think the way my brain 72 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 3: works is that to fight the shame, I own it. 73 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,840 Speaker 3: I'm not I can't feel the shame if I buy 74 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:28,359 Speaker 3: own it. You know, that's like after recovery or you know, 75 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 3: during recovery. So I I fell in love with alcohol. 76 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:42,600 Speaker 3: I was like eighteen. I went to college and I 77 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 3: had like freedom for the first time. I had a 78 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,320 Speaker 3: strict upbringing, very strict, so I didn't like it's a 79 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,640 Speaker 3: party that much in high school. And when I did 80 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,920 Speaker 3: in high school, I mean I was like a senior 81 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 3: and I would just get blacked out. So then I 82 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,720 Speaker 3: went to college, and college was I mean, I was 83 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 3: black all the time, like I mean, every other day. 84 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 3: I just I everyone knew I was gonna be blagged 85 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,279 Speaker 3: out too, like I just I loved I loved it. 86 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:20,919 Speaker 3: I loved it because it it took away that anxiety initially, 87 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:25,560 Speaker 3: you know, of do I have the right to exist 88 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 3: the way I am in this space that I'm in. 89 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,919 Speaker 3: Does that make sense? Yeah? 90 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 2: But do you mind clicking into that a little bit? 91 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 1: Was like, was there something that was making you feel 92 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:40,880 Speaker 1: maybe you don't deserve to exist in this space the 93 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 1: way you are, or it was kind of just a 94 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: general feeling. 95 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,880 Speaker 3: Well, it was just like a general feeling I had 96 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 3: all the time of like not knowing, like not feeling well. 97 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,080 Speaker 3: And that is also underlying neurodivergence, you know, that was 98 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 3: underlying autism that I didn't know I had. And I 99 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 3: had been like had this like secret but it was 100 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 3: like only with myself, and it was like all these 101 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,080 Speaker 3: things that I hid and I tried to cover up 102 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,040 Speaker 3: and make sure no one saw me doing and uh 103 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 3: so that was like my worst nightmare, was like anyone 104 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 3: knowing about any of that kind of stuff, but like 105 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 3: I didn't know it was autism. I didn't have a 106 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 3: name for it. So the alcohol, it kind of like 107 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 3: it took away this anxiety of that part of me 108 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 3: spilling out, you know, so I had more freedom to 109 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,840 Speaker 3: exist however I wanted to, because I wasn't scared. But 110 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 3: it also made it easier. So while it made it 111 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 3: easier for me to be myself. It also made it 112 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,840 Speaker 3: easier for me to slip into like masks of characters 113 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:47,159 Speaker 3: because I wasn't afraid of somebody calling my bluff is 114 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 3: that yeah, that makes sense, totally, totally. So alcohol was 115 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 3: like the best thing ever for me because it I 116 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,919 Speaker 3: finally felt like I could enjoy light because I wasn't 117 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 3: scared of And it's like I always want to find 118 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:09,640 Speaker 3: like an emotion or like a direct thing to pinpoint 119 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 3: what I'm afraid of, but I'm really just not not 120 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 3: even sure. I think it might at the end of 121 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 3: the day be a lack of control over how people 122 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,560 Speaker 3: could react, and like maybe people could react, and I'm 123 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 3: thinking of so many different ways more than just rejection. 124 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 3: I'm afraid of people like they could get violent. 125 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 1: Me. 126 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,200 Speaker 3: I don't know, like I could, I could go anywhere, 127 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,480 Speaker 3: like my brain could. I just I can panic from 128 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 3: people's reactions, and so I had the alcohol took away 129 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 3: a lot of that fear of like other people's reactions 130 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 3: to me. So that was like in college, I really 131 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,200 Speaker 3: started like drinking, but I wasn't drinking every single day. 132 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 3: I ended up moving back in with my parents, but 133 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 3: I hadn't really had a drinking problem yet, but I 134 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 3: would say that that's when I kind of started drinking 135 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 3: every day. But I did have a job, so I 136 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 3: on my lunch break, I would go have a drink 137 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 3: because I needed something to help me get through that 138 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 3: last half of the shift. And then I'd get home 139 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 3: and have drinks. But it wasn't to the point to 140 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 3: where I was waking up and not feeling good. This 141 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 3: is all in a span of you know, I'm twenty 142 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 3: eight now, I've been sover two years. So but from 143 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:25,679 Speaker 3: when I was eighteen to when I was yeah, twenty six, 144 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 3: whatever time. 145 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:28,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a long time. 146 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, so it started. I mean it's still a lot 147 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:35,040 Speaker 3: of alcohol being consumed and still like some blackouts here 148 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:39,560 Speaker 3: and there. But now let's say like a bachelor, I'm 149 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 3: twenty three, I'm I'm trying to get as much alcohol 150 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 3: as I can. I have the best time of my life, 151 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:52,839 Speaker 3: I get. I mean, I am petrified all the time 152 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 3: at all of these things I have to do after 153 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,679 Speaker 3: the show, so like you know, these big events and things. 154 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 3: I remember going to Ellen, and I'm just drinking my 155 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 3: way through all because I'm so nervous. So and I'm 156 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,400 Speaker 3: just so scared I'm gonna humiliate myself. So I know, 157 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,560 Speaker 3: if I get drunk, then I'm gonna just be lucy. 158 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 3: I'm gonna be loose and I'll be able to be 159 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 3: myself and it'll go great. So I was like, I 160 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 3: need to have that alcohol though, in order to be myself. 161 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,559 Speaker 3: Like that is what I truly I believed. 162 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 2: I was like to be afraid to be yourself. 163 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, exactly. And it was like a mental thing 164 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 3: in my I was like a mental thing that I 165 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 3: had though, like I'm not going to be safe until 166 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 3: I have the alcohol, like you know, like I need 167 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:41,080 Speaker 3: that first. So it's kind of like a the way 168 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 3: things went in my head. It was like a rule 169 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:44,439 Speaker 3: of how it goes in my head. And if I 170 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,720 Speaker 3: couldn't follow that rule that I had. Sorry, that's my 171 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 3: friend Sam. She actually was my friend from college, so 172 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 3: she's seen me through all of this. 173 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: Oh did she did she come in the camera? Because 174 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,240 Speaker 1: I didn't see her. She's been just right on the edge. 175 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 3: She's just she's just sucky real quick. She's throwing something away. 176 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 2: You don't have to duck, Hello, Sam, how are you? 177 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 3: She said, you don't have to duck. Hello, Sam, how 178 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:13,719 Speaker 3: are you? She's a best's a best? I love her. 179 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, so that was the rule in your head. Yep, 180 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,360 Speaker 1: you had to drink in order to be okay, to 181 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 1: be yourself. 182 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 3: So then you know, I just started smuggling alcohol everywhere 183 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:29,200 Speaker 3: because I need to know that I can't rely on 184 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 3: going somewhere and they're being alcohol I got to bring 185 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:36,439 Speaker 3: my own so around this time, just like post bachelor 186 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 3: days until then I go post like Bachelor in Paradise 187 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:47,680 Speaker 3: the first time, and then COVID. Then I started dating someone. 188 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,960 Speaker 3: And when I was dating this person, I wasn't drinking 189 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 3: as much because they didn't really like to drink, but 190 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 3: I still needed it because I couldn't even relax in 191 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 3: this relationship without it because I was so scared of 192 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,520 Speaker 3: them thinking that I was a weird freak, because I 193 00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:03,520 Speaker 3: was like they're going to see that weird side of 194 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:06,959 Speaker 3: me or like that, like I'm I'm a I need 195 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 3: to be able to like not care, like I need 196 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,120 Speaker 3: to be able to relax. I need to be able 197 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 3: to be who I am. But it's like I didn't understand, 198 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 3: you know, like you can't not be who you are, 199 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:23,559 Speaker 3: but you know that's besides the point there was at some. 200 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 1: Point you don't want to not be who you are, right, 201 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 1: Like that's that's what's so human about the story, is 202 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: like you were dying to just be able to be 203 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 1: who you are and have that be safe. 204 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:40,559 Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely, you get it. You get it. Yes, uh. 205 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,839 Speaker 3: And so in my relationship, I started this is when 206 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 3: I started like really sneaky drinking, like I would hide 207 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 3: alcohol in like the night stand I had, and I 208 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 3: would like drinking when they weren't around, and then like 209 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 3: brush my teeth. And he had said something a couple 210 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,840 Speaker 3: of times, but that's like whenever, like we were all drinking. 211 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 3: He was like one time, I remember I threw something 212 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,840 Speaker 3: like no one was in the room but me, and 213 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,199 Speaker 3: I was just mad and I threw I remember it 214 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 3: was a bag of sugar Bear hair gummy vitamins and 215 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,199 Speaker 3: I was like throwing all this stuff at the chair 216 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,080 Speaker 3: and I remember I hit the edge of the TV 217 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 3: and I broke the TV, and I like forgot that 218 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 3: I did it. And then the next morning we like 219 00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:22,560 Speaker 3: turned on the TV and I was like, oh no, 220 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:27,320 Speaker 3: I was like I have to tell you something, and 221 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 3: he was like, you did what. I was like, I know, 222 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 3: I know. I was like, oh my god, this is 223 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 3: so embarrassing. So of course I just made me want 224 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:37,440 Speaker 3: to drink more. 225 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 2: Yep. 226 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:43,040 Speaker 3: And then after a while we broke up. I was 227 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 3: just devastated because this was like I was with them 228 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 3: every day during COVID, and so I just started drinking 229 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 3: and even more even more. Then I got to the 230 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 3: point where I'm drinking every day, and I am I 231 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,720 Speaker 3: have to, like I don't want to anymore, I have to, 232 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:04,840 Speaker 3: Like I'm getting violently ill, I'm waking up with the 233 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 3: I'm waking up with the shakes, and I'm like, I 234 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,680 Speaker 3: can't do anything. Because I had moved on from a 235 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 3: bottle of wine a day too, I needed something. I 236 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 3: couldn't drink the wine in the morning because maybe two 237 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 3: bottles of wine a day, because I couldn't drink wine 238 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 3: in the morning because it would make me sick. So 239 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 3: I was like, I need to get I need to 240 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,040 Speaker 3: get this done faster. So then I went to a 241 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 3: liquor and I went vodka, and I mean I chased 242 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 3: vodka with anything and it was easy. And so then 243 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,720 Speaker 3: I was drinking almost a whole bottle of Cheeto's a day, 244 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:41,320 Speaker 3: and like I mean, I I was, oh my gosh, 245 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 3: like I still have this journal that I have from 246 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 3: when I was drinking this much because I felt so sick, 247 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 3: like and I knew, I knew things were not going 248 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 3: good for me. And I I could like feel like 249 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 3: my body shutting down, like I was like I'm gonna die, 250 00:13:54,480 --> 00:14:01,640 Speaker 3: Like I know I'm gonna die. And my friend actually 251 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:10,319 Speaker 3: recently passed away from like this same kind of thing, man. Yeah, 252 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,920 Speaker 3: And my friend that here here her dad actually passed 253 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 3: away from it too, So it's like a very like 254 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 3: close subject. And so like you know, I've seen it 255 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 3: happen to two other people and like it happened to me. 256 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 3: So like I don't have a partner. I don't have 257 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,200 Speaker 3: someone who's going to be at my house with me 258 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 3: all day long, every day. A lot of the time, 259 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:31,040 Speaker 3: it's just. 260 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 2: Going to be me. 261 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, So I I can't stop drinking by myself really, 262 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 3: like I'm like. 263 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,720 Speaker 1: Dangerous because you would be so sick and nobody could 264 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:42,960 Speaker 1: potentially be there. 265 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I didn't really know that. I was like 266 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 3: waiting for this opportune opportunity, this moment to have someone 267 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 3: with me because like I didn't know that, but it 268 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,440 Speaker 3: was like all subconscious because uh, it's like, looking back 269 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 3: on it, I can see why I did it. But 270 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 3: my friend Natasha stayed the night with me. This is 271 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 3: like post Bachelor. The second time I went into Paradise, 272 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,280 Speaker 3: same time I went to Paradise, I was so drunk 273 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 3: during that. I first of all, when I went in there, 274 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 3: I went in with contact bottle solutions or contact bottle 275 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 3: contact solution bottles. 276 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,240 Speaker 2: Oh, full of liquor m hm. 277 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 3: Drank them all before I even got to the beach, 278 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 3: like in the hotel before I got Yeah. So then 279 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,600 Speaker 3: I was waking up getting withdraws and I was like desperate. 280 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 3: They don't start serving drinks till till noon, so I 281 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 3: was so desperate. I was drinking the mouthwash. Yeah, drinking 282 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,640 Speaker 3: the mouthwash. 283 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,240 Speaker 1: I've been taking care of people with alcoholism for a 284 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 1: long time and this is actually very common. 285 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 3: And I remember that I had heard someone say that 286 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,560 Speaker 3: they knew someone that was an alcoholic because they were 287 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 3: always drinking mouthwash and they're like locker. And I was like, well, 288 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 3: maybe that'll get me through and it did. 289 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, And it. 290 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 3: Did because I would have had withdraws there in Mexico Lea. 291 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 3: What would I've done. I mean, that would have been 292 00:15:56,040 --> 00:16:03,120 Speaker 3: a whole thing. Well, they're building. I do not want 293 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,240 Speaker 3: my intervention while we're filming, I. 294 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,120 Speaker 2: Know, because you know they would have aired it too. 295 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 3: Oh my god, it would have been so exploited. 296 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:13,480 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it would have been so exploitive. I just 297 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 1: read this article. Sorry, I mean to break into your story, 298 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,040 Speaker 1: but I just read this article. I forget what it 299 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 1: was in, but about the Housewives franchise and how it's specifically. 300 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:30,000 Speaker 2: Around alcohol and alcoholism and addiction. How exploitable. 301 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I believe it, just like thinking about 302 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 3: what I've seen of the Housewives. Yeah, it's yeah, a 303 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 3: lot of reality TV, does it. It pumps pumps out 304 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 3: the alcohol. 305 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 2: Yeah. So your friend Natasha is spending the night. 306 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,880 Speaker 3: Yes, so post the second time I go on betro 307 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 3: in Paradise, she was on there with me. She's saying 308 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 3: at my house. She lives in New York and she's 309 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 3: staying at my house in LA And we wake up 310 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,880 Speaker 3: the next day and I'm like, I have to tell 311 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 3: you something, and she's like what, And I'm like, I 312 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,200 Speaker 3: kind of have a super bad drinking problem and I 313 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 3: really want to stop. So I'm not going to drink 314 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,240 Speaker 3: anymore after today, but can you please make sure that 315 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:07,439 Speaker 3: I don't die? I was like, because I don't know 316 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:08,120 Speaker 3: what's gonna happen. 317 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, So what was it about Natasha that made her 318 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: safe enough for you to be able to take this 319 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:15,920 Speaker 1: plunge with her? 320 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 3: You know, I don't. I don't know. 321 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 1: She's just. 322 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:25,680 Speaker 3: I guess she's just who she is. Like we had, 323 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,879 Speaker 3: we had gone through a lot of you know, stuff together, 324 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 3: like being on reality TV together. She she's she's like 325 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,440 Speaker 3: a nurturing kind of person too, Like she's just here's 326 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,719 Speaker 3: the thing. I think that it's because I know, I 327 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:44,240 Speaker 3: knew that she is the kind of person that wouldn't 328 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 3: like left me hanging, Like I knew that she was 329 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 3: the kind of person who would, like subconsciously I knew 330 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,760 Speaker 3: this because I I wouldn't just like assume you know, 331 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 3: I want to assume this, so I uh set her up. 332 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:01,160 Speaker 3: But it's like she's the kind of person who would 333 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,600 Speaker 3: help someone and truly help them, not just like half help, 334 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:10,360 Speaker 3: like like actually be in the moment and care about them, 335 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,520 Speaker 3: like you know, I just seen probably because i'd seen her, 336 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,639 Speaker 3: I've seen her talk about her friends and the people 337 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 3: she cares about, and how she knows so much about 338 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,320 Speaker 3: so many of her friends and stuff like that. Just 339 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 3: I guess I had made a bunch of subconscious observations 340 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:32,879 Speaker 3: about her character, and I knew, like, she's she's gonna 341 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:33,919 Speaker 3: she'll take care of me. 342 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, and so you told her, and then. 343 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,920 Speaker 3: She was like, of course. And then I immediately just 344 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:43,040 Speaker 3: started yaking NonStop, and she goes, Okay, well, you're going 345 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,399 Speaker 3: to the hospital or you're going to rehab. And I said, 346 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:48,359 Speaker 3: I'm not going to rehab. I have all these animals 347 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 3: at my house. I can't go there. I don't know 348 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 3: what to do. I was like, I'll go to the hospital. 349 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,399 Speaker 3: That's fine. So we call the ambulance and I'm like 350 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,800 Speaker 3: vigorously shaking, like my whole body is like, I. 351 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:03,120 Speaker 1: Mean, yeah, this is alcohol. With alcohol drawn, it can 352 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,280 Speaker 1: be deadly. For Okay, sorry, let me break in as 353 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,639 Speaker 1: a doctor and drop a statistic here. You're starting to 354 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: describe the development of the DT learance, and one out 355 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:16,159 Speaker 1: of five people with the delirium tremens the DTS that 356 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,120 Speaker 1: does not get detox to will die. So, like, if 357 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 1: you're listening, Demy was not being dramatic when she told 358 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,520 Speaker 1: her friend, I'm gonna stop drinking and will you make 359 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 1: sure I not die because it can be deadly. 360 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:32,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, so God bless Natasha. All right, going to the 361 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:33,640 Speaker 2: hospitals the best. 362 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 3: Well, well here's where we get. It gets interesting before 363 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 3: we get to the hospital because because like how you 364 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 3: just said, I wasn't being dramatic. So the ambulance gets here, 365 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:47,360 Speaker 3: I'm sitting on my couch shaking like crazy, and they 366 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 3: take my vitals and it's two men, two white men, 367 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,520 Speaker 3: and they they they treated me as if I was 368 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,199 Speaker 3: being dramatic. They said, oh, you'll be fine. You'll be 369 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 3: fine after a few days. It's gonna be rough for 370 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,639 Speaker 3: a couple of days. And then they start giving me 371 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,159 Speaker 3: just a pep talk about, you know, not drinking, and 372 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 3: I'm like, listen, why are. 373 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,199 Speaker 2: You trying to make me cuss on this podcast. 374 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:16,040 Speaker 3: It was so frustrating because I felt so terrible and 375 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 3: I was just like, everything in my body is telling 376 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,119 Speaker 3: me I'm on my way to death, everything in me. 377 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:20,919 Speaker 2: Yeah. 378 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 3: But so Natasha stays with me because they gave me 379 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,880 Speaker 3: some sofriends, so I stopped puking. We get an IVY 380 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,600 Speaker 3: lady to come and the iv lady is like, Hey, 381 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 3: why are you shaking? And at this point we had 382 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,840 Speaker 3: called this guy over and I didn't want the guy 383 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 3: to know that I was having alcohol withdraws, but Natasha 384 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,439 Speaker 3: and Natasha I was like, what do we do? And 385 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,560 Speaker 3: she came up. She's like, we'll tell me of food poisoning. 386 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,359 Speaker 3: I was like, okay, great, I've never had food poisoning before, 387 00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:47,639 Speaker 3: so I was like, sure, I don't know what it's like. 388 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,920 Speaker 3: And so that's what we told this lady and she's 389 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,720 Speaker 3: like kind of looking at me funny. And then we 390 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,480 Speaker 3: get done with the IV and she's like, I'm really 391 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:58,119 Speaker 3: concerned about the shaking. And I was like eh, and 392 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,240 Speaker 3: she was like okay, And so then she leaves, and 393 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:05,160 Speaker 3: then Natasha is leaving. She backs of all her stuff. 394 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,720 Speaker 3: She's leaving me with this man, and because this man's 395 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 3: going to watch over me, and she's in the parking 396 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:14,639 Speaker 3: garage and then I'm up here by myself and she's 397 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,840 Speaker 3: with him. He's helping her load up the car. She's like, 398 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,640 Speaker 3: let me go, say by didn't me one last time? 399 00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:22,880 Speaker 3: She walks in. Within one minute, I start having a seizure. 400 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:28,120 Speaker 1: Oh, alcohol withdrawal seizure, which by the way was one 401 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,800 Speaker 1: predictable by the level of alcohol withdrawal symptoms that you 402 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:35,040 Speaker 1: were having when the two white men paramedics treated you 403 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:36,479 Speaker 1: like a hysterical. 404 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,880 Speaker 3: Yep, So they had to come pick me up again. 405 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 3: The same men came and got me. I'm just like, what, what, 406 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,560 Speaker 3: what did? What did they? Like? I want to see 407 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,439 Speaker 3: the report that they got for that day, Like, I 408 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,399 Speaker 3: want to see where it says that they came undermined my, 409 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 3: undermine me and what I was saying, and then had 410 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,160 Speaker 3: to come back because I was on the brink of debt. 411 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,480 Speaker 1: And you know what I imagine, and obviously I can't know. 412 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: I imagine they didn't have ill intent, and they didn't say 413 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,760 Speaker 1: to themselves, one out of five people dying, we're just 414 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: gonna take the chance that she's one of them. I'm 415 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,920 Speaker 1: guessing that's not it. I'm guessing they looked at you 416 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:17,160 Speaker 1: and they didn't see a person who fit their mind's 417 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:22,000 Speaker 1: eye for what a quote unquote severe alcoholic looks like. 418 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,119 Speaker 3: And they saw a girl. They saw a girl in 419 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 3: a room full of squash mollows, shaken on her couch, 420 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,240 Speaker 3: and they said she's fine, like they I mean, I'm 421 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,200 Speaker 3: that's used to it. It's up in my whole life. 422 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,160 Speaker 3: Nobody's ever like taken me seriously and when it comes 423 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,720 Speaker 3: to that kind of stuff because I'm so dramatic. 424 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 1: Ugh, so you have an alcohol withdrawal seizure. They take 425 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: you in the ambulance to the hospital. 426 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 3: I have to stay there for three days. They're pumping 427 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:51,600 Speaker 3: me full of autavan. Loved that. Yeah, I asked the 428 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 3: I asked the guy on the way out. I was like, hey, 429 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,720 Speaker 3: can I have some of the adam van He said, 430 00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:01,240 Speaker 3: you don't need it? And my parents, my dad and 431 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:05,679 Speaker 3: my stepmom flew in, so they stayed with me for 432 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:10,159 Speaker 3: like a couple of weeks because like after like I 433 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,959 Speaker 3: was so sick, like my legs were like alcoholic affects 434 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,320 Speaker 3: your nerves, and like that's whenever I knew my my 435 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 3: alcohol problem was getting really bad because I think my 436 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 3: legs are feeling weird and it's kind of hard to 437 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:25,639 Speaker 3: explain Slash remember now, but I just couldn't walk, Like 438 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,679 Speaker 3: I was having a really hard time walking around, Like 439 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,800 Speaker 3: my legs felt so weird. After I got out of 440 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 3: the hospital, Yeah, do you know what that's about? 441 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'll severe chronic alcohol use. 442 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 1: Actually depletes your B vitamins, both your folate and your 443 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,879 Speaker 1: B twelve, and B twelve has everything to do with 444 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,199 Speaker 1: how your nerves can conduct their impulses, and so you 445 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:56,440 Speaker 1: actually get fiery sensations what we call neuropathic pain, which 446 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,280 Speaker 1: is like burning. You can get numbness, you can like 447 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 1: not feel where your feet are on the floor, and 448 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:04,680 Speaker 1: you start losing your balance. 449 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, that's like what it was. It was like 450 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,080 Speaker 3: it was like numbness. 451 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:13,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds like BE twelve deficiency cost alcohol. 452 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 3: Wow, yes, all I remember too, like all of my 453 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,520 Speaker 3: levels were messed up whenever I got there to get 454 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 3: a cat scan too, but everything was fine and yeah, 455 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,320 Speaker 3: then I got my parents kind of took care of 456 00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 3: me and just for like a week or two, and 457 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:37,240 Speaker 3: then they left. I had a meeting with a doctor, 458 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:41,159 Speaker 3: my primary care doctor to get me on I had 459 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 3: to get on like anti seizure medication you have, I don't. 460 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,000 Speaker 3: I guess that's like you have to do that for 461 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,160 Speaker 3: a while if you have a seizure us. But it 462 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 3: was like Natasha, I mean, we already know she's the hero, 463 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,439 Speaker 3: but like even more so, like when I got to 464 00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 3: the hospital, she called everyone, she told like contacted the 465 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,959 Speaker 3: people on my phone, let everyone know what was going on, 466 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:06,280 Speaker 3: and like had people get there, like before she left. 467 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,560 Speaker 3: I mean, she took care of me so much, and 468 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 3: oh my gosh, I just what an angel? What an angel? 469 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:18,600 Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, So the after I stopped drinking, I 470 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,439 Speaker 3: mean I did it like a month, two months, and 471 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,840 Speaker 3: then I was like why is this so easy? Like 472 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 3: why am I not? Like no one could make me 473 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,720 Speaker 3: drink right now, Like there's no way I But it 474 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 3: comes back to a rule. This is a new rule. 475 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,920 Speaker 3: The rule is we don't drink. That's just the rule. 476 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 3: So like my brain doesn't even consider it and that so. 477 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:43,160 Speaker 1: Your autism is serving you whereas your autism right, yeah, 478 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,679 Speaker 1: your autism is serving you now with this. 479 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 2: Rule and how rule bound? Yes, your brain is. I 480 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 2: love that, Demi. 481 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,639 Speaker 3: And that's how I discovered my autism because I like 482 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 3: or like rediscovered it because like in college, I had 483 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:00,720 Speaker 3: this epiphany where I was like, I did I'm autistic, 484 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,320 Speaker 3: But it was like a very short lived thing because 485 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,800 Speaker 3: everyone was like, no, you're not, and it was not 486 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,280 Speaker 3: as talked about then and that was like ten years ago, 487 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 3: and I drink that away. But I had come to 488 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,919 Speaker 3: realize it again because I was like, how am I 489 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,959 Speaker 3: able to follow this rule I made up? Like I 490 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 3: just made this up, but like I cannot break it. 491 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,679 Speaker 3: There's no like, no one could pay me to do it, 492 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,679 Speaker 3: you know. And so yeah, and that's how I figured 493 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,520 Speaker 3: out that I was autistic. And like, cause that's I 494 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,800 Speaker 3: didn't know what rule bound meant, Like I didn't really 495 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,880 Speaker 3: understand it. So if anyone had ever asked me if 496 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:33,440 Speaker 3: I was rule bound, I would be like no. But 497 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,840 Speaker 3: it's like, oh, the my rules, like the rules that 498 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,399 Speaker 3: I I think like are valid applied, Like you know 499 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 3: those rules. Yes, yes, we don't. I don't break I don't. 500 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 3: Like I don't do drugs. That's a rule. I don't drink, 501 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:48,320 Speaker 3: that's a rule. 502 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,919 Speaker 1: I think that's so cool, tod me. So, my oldest 503 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,920 Speaker 1: son is eighteen. He's a freshman in high school. He 504 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:57,000 Speaker 1: was diagnosed with ADHD when he was six years old, 505 00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,880 Speaker 1: and so we worked really hard for him to know 506 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,879 Speaker 1: that like this is who you are, it's this is 507 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,639 Speaker 1: a condition you have. This is amazing, you know, like 508 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 1: here's how you use it to your benefit, et cetera. 509 00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 1: And so we were on vacation in Mexico, this is 510 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,600 Speaker 1: such a You're like, where does this story coming from? 511 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:15,920 Speaker 1: I promise you it is related. 512 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,200 Speaker 3: Now I'm not I'm into it. I'm into it. 513 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: So we're in vacation, and on vacation in Mexico. He's 514 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,439 Speaker 1: sixteen years old and they're like trying to sell us 515 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:29,000 Speaker 1: a timeshare. And I'm a psychiatrist and so people love 516 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,040 Speaker 1: talking to me about all the things, and so the 517 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,399 Speaker 1: salesman is like telling us about his childhood. I know 518 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 1: that sounds so crazy, but he's like trying to sell me. Yeah, 519 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,040 Speaker 1: he's like telling me about his childhood. 520 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,600 Speaker 3: No, I believe it. It's like when when someone's like 521 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 3: it's someone's like, I'm a nurse and they're like, I 522 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:45,200 Speaker 3: got this thing over here. 523 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:48,000 Speaker 2: Exactly. 524 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:49,879 Speaker 1: So he's like telling us about his childhood, had a 525 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,879 Speaker 1: lot of trauma, had. 526 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 2: A lot of trauma. How he's like trying to do it. 527 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,520 Speaker 1: We're like over breakfast, he's trying to sell us a 528 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,800 Speaker 1: timeshare and my sixteen year old son says, you know, 529 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 1: it's like my ADHD. He said, you can consider it 530 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,240 Speaker 1: like an ace and a deck of cards. It can 531 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 1: be the low card, or it can be the high card. 532 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: Isn't this I know, okay, So the listeners you can't 533 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:18,760 Speaker 1: see Demmy's face, but she's feeling it. Yes, But like 534 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:23,359 Speaker 1: right now, you're autism is like your freaking ace of 535 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,880 Speaker 1: spades right now against alcohol and this disorder. 536 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,000 Speaker 2: How cool is that is? 537 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:33,399 Speaker 3: It's so cool too because like, well, I don't drink, 538 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:37,800 Speaker 3: for one, but also I'm not tempted to if I 539 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,720 Speaker 3: go places, so like if I go out, like I hate, 540 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,120 Speaker 3: I don't like to go out, but say I want 541 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:46,400 Speaker 3: to see some friends or something, everyone's drinking and I'm like, 542 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 3: oh sorry, and I'm like, I truly cannot express to 543 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:53,640 Speaker 3: you how much I am am okay with you drinking, 544 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:58,000 Speaker 3: and more so get drunker because you're drunken spirits make 545 00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 3: me have a good time too. It brings you, guys 546 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,840 Speaker 3: up to level of silly. Now everyone's ready to get 547 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,240 Speaker 3: extra silly, okay. And then at the end of the night, 548 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 3: do you know how wonderful it feels watching everyone else 549 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,680 Speaker 3: be drunk and you are not, And you're like, look 550 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,040 Speaker 3: at all of those mistakes I didn't make. Not that 551 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,520 Speaker 3: you know, no disrespect to anyone who's getting drunk and sloppy. 552 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 3: I've been there, done that, but it just feels good 553 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,640 Speaker 3: to know that, like, Hey, I've kind of got it 554 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,440 Speaker 3: more together now and I'm not going to feel like 555 00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:28,960 Speaker 3: crap tomorrow and this is awesome and you remember everything. 556 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,720 Speaker 3: I got to go to a wedding in Paris. Imagine 557 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:32,600 Speaker 3: if I was drunk. 558 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, it reinforces the value of the rule. 559 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:42,440 Speaker 1: Yes, So this is like the second question, which this 560 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,080 Speaker 1: rule seems like it is at the center of your 561 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:53,400 Speaker 1: magic formula. Are there other things or beliefs or behaviors 562 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:57,480 Speaker 1: or people, like anything at all that is also part 563 00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:00,640 Speaker 1: of your recovery formula that like keeps you tethered and 564 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:02,480 Speaker 1: not drinking, not doing drugs. 565 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:09,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I'm an a burb. Sorry, please keep 566 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:13,560 Speaker 3: that in. I knew it was gonna come out, and 567 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 3: I was like, I'm gonna come out when I'm talking, 568 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:16,160 Speaker 3: like I need. 569 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 2: To let it will not be edited out. 570 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 1: I don't care. 571 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,000 Speaker 3: I don't care at all. That was honestly one of 572 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:29,360 Speaker 3: the cutest verbs I've probably had. It was like, hold on, 573 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 3: excuse me, So anyway, oh, the magic formula, anything else 574 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 3: it goes definitely like the under okay, so like the 575 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,560 Speaker 3: understanding of why the drinking was happening too, So like 576 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 3: not not only am I drinking for the autism thing, 577 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,480 Speaker 3: but like a lot I didn't know I was drinking 578 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:58,840 Speaker 3: because I was afraid of people accepting me, not accepting me, 579 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,000 Speaker 3: or like if I was doing it right, isn't socializing right? 580 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,200 Speaker 3: You know, I didn't know at the time that's what 581 00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:07,280 Speaker 3: I'm doing. I'm just doing because it makes me for 582 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 3: not have to think about it. But now sober, there's 583 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,920 Speaker 3: so much more clarity and like so much more like 584 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:17,920 Speaker 3: analytical thinking and yeah, so now I'm like figuring out 585 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:21,960 Speaker 3: the reasons behind these behaviors and then experiencing them sober 586 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,120 Speaker 3: and being like, what am I gonna do? How do 587 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,640 Speaker 3: I have because I feel scared. I'm like, oh, this 588 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,920 Speaker 3: is probably this is a time when I would have drank. 589 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:30,720 Speaker 3: What am I going to do? And a lot of 590 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 3: the time it is I need a safe person with me, 591 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,520 Speaker 3: so like I need like someone who I can look 592 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,120 Speaker 3: to and I can just be like or something and 593 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 3: they there's nothing I could do to where they wouldn't 594 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 3: be safe. Still, yeah, because that people need people, and 595 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:53,080 Speaker 3: like I'm not asking a lot of somebody, you know, 596 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 3: like just to hey, if I look like a deer 597 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,920 Speaker 3: in the headlights. That's because I'm feeling more socially awkward 598 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,760 Speaker 3: than you could ever imagine, and I'm screaming for help. 599 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,280 Speaker 3: So whenever I come up to you, just love me, okay, 600 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:06,800 Speaker 3: just love me back, whatever it is, just let me 601 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:11,560 Speaker 3: do it, because that's me like a like grounding myself back. 602 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:14,880 Speaker 3: That's me like getting that feeling out, you know, like 603 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,640 Speaker 3: I don't know, like or sometimes I'll be like, oh 604 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 3: my gosh, I just like, but if I need to 605 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,200 Speaker 3: tell you, I just had this mozog over a bit. 606 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,240 Speaker 3: I just wanted this, but I don't actually like we 607 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:24,880 Speaker 3: don't need to talk about it. I just needed to 608 00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,480 Speaker 3: get it out, maybe even literally. Sometimes it will be 609 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,080 Speaker 3: I need you to hug me, please squeeze. I'll ask 610 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:33,040 Speaker 3: my friends like please just hold me, hold me, hold 611 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 3: me because I just need that pressure real quick. And 612 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,400 Speaker 3: I'll be like thank you. It's like you're squeezing it 613 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,440 Speaker 3: out of me. That like fear. So m hmm. 614 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:41,000 Speaker 2: Yeah. 615 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:44,520 Speaker 3: There's other like tips and tricks, uh, I find like 616 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,920 Speaker 3: what I'm interested in. So a lot of the drinking 617 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:53,320 Speaker 3: was about social and living my life so much for 618 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:56,600 Speaker 3: the social aspect and the social value and like social 619 00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:00,680 Speaker 3: like do it am I doing the social right, you 620 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,240 Speaker 3: know what I mean? And like focusing on that where 621 00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,480 Speaker 3: of course you don't know who like you are and 622 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 3: you are your loss, Like you haven't been focusing on 623 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 3: any of the things you actually like because you're so 624 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,479 Speaker 3: busy scared. You're too busy worrying about if people are 625 00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 3: gonna think that it's weird that you like them, so 626 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,640 Speaker 3: taking away like a lot of the shame. But doing that, 627 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,760 Speaker 3: it can be very lonely and isolating because you kind 628 00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,000 Speaker 3: of realize, I don't like a lot of the people 629 00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,400 Speaker 3: I've known and I've been around me and like you know, 630 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:36,480 Speaker 3: they they don't uh, they don't like not benefit me, 631 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:43,600 Speaker 3: but it's not yeah, yes, exactly exactly, and they don't 632 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,000 Speaker 3: make me feel good. And once you start feeling good 633 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,680 Speaker 3: emotions and you start like learning about yourself and feeling 634 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,160 Speaker 3: good about that and you want to share that, you know, 635 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 3: and then someone's making you not feel good about that 636 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 3: that is awful, like that sucks, and and that makes 637 00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 3: you feel a negative energy and times you have to 638 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 3: protect yourself from that energy, and it's like you don't 639 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,280 Speaker 3: want to lose the person, but you also know that 640 00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,040 Speaker 3: you're not going to keep growing in this way that 641 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,440 Speaker 3: makes you feel good if you have someone kind of 642 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:12,000 Speaker 3: judging you. 643 00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:13,600 Speaker 2: Yeah. 644 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,799 Speaker 1: I mean that was such a like masterclass Rundown on 645 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,280 Speaker 1: how to put together a formula. You were like, first 646 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:23,919 Speaker 1: I like understood the root cause, which was like social right, 647 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:27,359 Speaker 1: and then you were like I was able to know 648 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,400 Speaker 1: what the trigger is, which is like when I'm feeling 649 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,560 Speaker 1: so awkward and I either have to get it out 650 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,480 Speaker 1: or somebody to squeeze it out. And I know what 651 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,600 Speaker 1: the fix is, and I have the support system in 652 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,680 Speaker 1: place that I already told them in advance. If this 653 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,560 Speaker 1: is how I look, this is what it means, and 654 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,360 Speaker 1: this is what I need, and then I have to 655 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,080 Speaker 1: set healthy boundaries. I'm like translating everything you said into 656 00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:50,839 Speaker 1: like psychiatrists speak right, Like it is literally how you 657 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:55,040 Speaker 1: put together a magic formula. And I love that you 658 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:59,439 Speaker 1: were like so open through this journey to I think 659 00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:01,520 Speaker 1: it really s it exactly like you said when we 660 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:06,480 Speaker 1: first got on the moment a person can be safe 661 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:07,600 Speaker 1: being themselves. 662 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,320 Speaker 2: The rest of these pieces. 663 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:12,279 Speaker 1: Of the magic formula can open up because you can 664 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,440 Speaker 1: actually just ask for what you need and you can 665 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,480 Speaker 1: actually just say no, that's not what I need, and 666 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,520 Speaker 1: so I'm not here for that, but it does start 667 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:22,640 Speaker 1: with feeling safe. 668 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:27,600 Speaker 3: The exactly the biggest thing about this all though, is 669 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:35,400 Speaker 3: that I am so privileged enough from white privilege, pretty privilege, 670 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:41,080 Speaker 3: reality TV privilege, et cetera, to have I mean, I 671 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,719 Speaker 3: knew I wanted to go on reality TV because I 672 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:45,920 Speaker 3: wanted to get on TV somehow, because I wanted to 673 00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,640 Speaker 3: get out of the town I was in, because I 674 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:53,360 Speaker 3: needed my freedom. So I'm privileged enough to have this 675 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:57,040 Speaker 3: freedom now to where I don't rely on anyone else. 676 00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,000 Speaker 3: So that's the thing is, there's probably so many people 677 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,240 Speaker 3: feel like me, but they have to. They're so relying 678 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:05,359 Speaker 3: on people who they can't just not talk to, who 679 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,640 Speaker 3: they can't get away from. And that is what is 680 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:13,000 Speaker 3: the biggest problem with all of it, is not everyone 681 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,520 Speaker 3: can go be a reality TV star like I feel like, 682 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,080 Speaker 3: since I got put, since I'm in this position, I 683 00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 3: need to talk about it, you know, and I want 684 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:26,759 Speaker 3: to do what I can because I don't know if 685 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:30,080 Speaker 3: I I don't know how I would be if I 686 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:33,000 Speaker 3: wouldn't have gotten into this place of where I can 687 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 3: take the time to dissect myself, dissect my behavior every 688 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:43,600 Speaker 3: day to every level to the point where I have 689 00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:47,680 Speaker 3: compassion for everything I've done for myself so much so 690 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:51,479 Speaker 3: that I can't I'm giving making excuses for everybody because 691 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:53,000 Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I understand why they did that, because 692 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,920 Speaker 3: I could totally see blah blah blah blah, and like 693 00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:57,240 Speaker 3: this has nothing to do with me, like them yelling 694 00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:00,440 Speaker 3: at me whatever, you know. But it's also like that 695 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,600 Speaker 3: there's a there's a line. There's a line where it's 696 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:06,000 Speaker 3: like I can am I going to be feeling bad though, 697 00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,360 Speaker 3: Like if I start feeling bad, then I can't be 698 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:13,200 Speaker 3: around it. If it's you know, I don't know, abusive, 699 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,239 Speaker 3: it's such a such a big word, but. 700 00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, abusive is a big word. Painful is on the 701 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:20,680 Speaker 2: same spectrum. 702 00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,560 Speaker 1: And I think we're kind of conditioned to be like 703 00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,239 Speaker 1: it wasn't that big a deal. No, it's not that important. No, 704 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,760 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter that much. But those things are additive. 705 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:36,439 Speaker 3: I know, we're so conditioned to weep under the ruger, 706 00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:41,360 Speaker 3: you know, especially there. I don't know, it's especially interesting 707 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:45,040 Speaker 3: with family dynamics and how like the families everyone sweeping 708 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,880 Speaker 3: everything under the rug, not talking about anything and just 709 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:52,120 Speaker 3: okay with it with the unhealthy dynamic even if you know, 710 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,319 Speaker 3: bring light to it, and I'm like, yang, it's still like, 711 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:57,359 Speaker 3: well that works for. 712 00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:02,719 Speaker 1: Them, except it doesn't because then your drinking mouthwash, you 713 00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:03,319 Speaker 1: know what I mean? 714 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:07,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, listen, this was amazing, So time. 715 00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:09,440 Speaker 3: Flies, yes, and. 716 00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,360 Speaker 2: So much, so much conversation. 717 00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,920 Speaker 1: No, I loved it. I loved every minute. So I 718 00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:19,760 Speaker 1: want to ask you the last question that I always 719 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,719 Speaker 1: ask everybody. I started out at the beginning and I 720 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,080 Speaker 1: was like, unaddiction, what do we need to unlearn that 721 00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,160 Speaker 1: we think we know? What do we need to undo? 722 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:30,800 Speaker 1: From a stigma perspective? What conversation do we need to uncover? 723 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:35,440 Speaker 1: If you wanted to leave our listeners with one piece 724 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:41,319 Speaker 1: of unaddictioned wisdom based on where you've been, where you are, 725 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,719 Speaker 1: where you're going, what would it be? 726 00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:47,600 Speaker 3: M Oh my gosh, Like I mean, there's just so 727 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,840 Speaker 3: much like it depends on where they're at in their journey. 728 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,080 Speaker 3: So like, who am I speaking to people who are 729 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,359 Speaker 3: trying to get unaddicted? 730 00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:56,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, speak to them. 731 00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:02,160 Speaker 3: I would say that even though you are ashamed right now, 732 00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:07,960 Speaker 3: like about the drinking, don't let that shame stop you 733 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,960 Speaker 3: from like asking someone for help because you're gonna be 734 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,479 Speaker 3: way more ashamed when you have a seizure in front 735 00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:16,319 Speaker 3: of your friends unexpectedly. You know, like the shame is 736 00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:19,440 Speaker 3: gonna come no matter what. It's not that bad it 737 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:25,640 Speaker 3: because from there you only go up and and you 738 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:29,200 Speaker 3: can once you once you get through this, Like I mean, 739 00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:35,120 Speaker 3: I never could have imagined that I couldn't drink, like 740 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,920 Speaker 3: I was, like, I guess maybe by thirty hopefully I'll stop, 741 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:39,560 Speaker 3: Like I don't know, I don't know how I'll ever stop. 742 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,200 Speaker 3: And now, like I can't imagine something what it would 743 00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,600 Speaker 3: take to get me to drink. Like it's you can 744 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,799 Speaker 3: get there, is what I'm saying. And I mean I 745 00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,880 Speaker 3: was drinking mouthwash, Like take the time to to like 746 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:56,200 Speaker 3: get to the root why you're drinking, because that's like 747 00:39:56,239 --> 00:40:00,480 Speaker 3: the most important part of how I I mean, the rule, yes, 748 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:06,360 Speaker 3: but the rule it couldn't just stay there without me 749 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,160 Speaker 3: knowing why it was there. You know, It's like, how 750 00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:11,120 Speaker 3: is this rule working? You know? 751 00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:11,560 Speaker 2: Right? 752 00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,279 Speaker 3: Who knows that? I mean, I don't know if it 753 00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:15,279 Speaker 3: would have stayed or not. Who could tell? Because I 754 00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:18,359 Speaker 3: had to investigate immediately and was freaking me out. I 755 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,520 Speaker 3: was like, shouldn't shouldn't be it shouldn't be this, but 756 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,640 Speaker 3: more than just that, figure out what you need the 757 00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:28,279 Speaker 3: alcohol for, what you need, whatever it is for, and 758 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:35,640 Speaker 3: just don't stop drinking cold turkey alone. Make sure you, 759 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:37,880 Speaker 3: like I said, get the help, don't I mean, I 760 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,080 Speaker 3: know you'll be ashamed of sign state. Don't be ashamed. 761 00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:42,520 Speaker 3: I know you'll be ashamed. The shame ain't that bad. 762 00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:44,880 Speaker 3: You'll be okay mm hmm. 763 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,440 Speaker 2: I love it. I love it. Thank you so much, Dimmy. 764 00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:51,680 Speaker 2: This was so awesome to talk to you. 765 00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,399 Speaker 3: Thank you, it felt so great to talk about this. 766 00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:57,120 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for tuning in. 767 00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:01,759 Speaker 1: My book An Addiction Six line Changing Conversations that Could 768 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:04,960 Speaker 1: Save a Life is now available for pre order at 769 00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:10,080 Speaker 1: bookshop dot org, Union Square and Company, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, 770 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,799 Speaker 1: and wherever books are sold. If you like to this episode, 771 00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:16,680 Speaker 1: please share it with someone you think may need to 772 00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:20,759 Speaker 1: hear it. Also, please subscribe to this podcast and leave 773 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,600 Speaker 1: a five star review that helps us reach any and 774 00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,359 Speaker 1: everyone who may be looking for support in the face 775 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:26,880 Speaker 1: of addiction.