1 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 1: You've got to have expectations for how they train, how 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,800 Speaker 1: they work, how they treat others, because if you don't 3 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:13,600 Speaker 1: build those then you're really negating their ability to do 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,800 Speaker 1: what I think is getting harder and harder all the time, 5 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:19,919 Speaker 1: which is to solve your own problems. Because the way 6 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 1: the world continues to evolve, it becomes so easy to 7 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 1: not have to be verbal. 8 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 2: This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring 9 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,879 Speaker 2: healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through 10 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 2: education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Bonacor from the 11 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:40,879 Speaker 2: Reform Sports Podcast. Today, I'm speaking with Tom Crane, college 12 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:44,480 Speaker 2: basketball analyst for ESPN and former Division I head coach. 13 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 2: Prior to rejoining ESPN in twenty twenty two, Tom served 14 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 2: as a head men's basketball coach at Georgia, Indiana and Marquette, 15 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 2: winning over four hundred games throughout his twenty plus coaching career. 16 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,320 Speaker 2: Coach Crean and I discuss what it means to be 17 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 2: a good teammate, teaching kids how to advocate for themselves, 18 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,720 Speaker 2: elves and make their own decisions, and why it's important 19 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 2: for kids to grow out of looking at their parents 20 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 2: for validation while playing coach Tom Creane, Man, I am 21 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 2: freaking fired up. I'm excited to have you coach. Thanks 22 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:11,759 Speaker 2: so much for joining. 23 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: Well, thanks for asking me that I appreciate it, and 24 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 1: then I'm looking forward to it. 25 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 2: Well, I appreciate you. I know that we're we're talking 26 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,560 Speaker 2: about something that you're not only experienced with, but it's 27 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 2: certainly passionate with. And where I want to start with you, coaches, 28 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 2: is I talked to several and had several guests on 29 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 2: you know, high level coaches like yourself, and you know, 30 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 2: especially in the college basketball arena. And you know, I'm 31 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,120 Speaker 2: turning forty four soon, and you know, I grew up 32 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 2: in a different era. I have six kids who are 33 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,920 Speaker 2: growing up in this time and playing sports, and man, 34 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 2: even as a parent, it's sometimes challenging. And I want 35 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 2: to ask you as far as the landscape of coaching 36 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 2: is concerned. You know, it seems like the word discipline 37 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 2: and accountability at times gets a bad rap. I feel 38 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 2: like people tied discipline with like extreme cases. And you know, 39 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 2: but then I look at some of the most successful coaches, 40 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 2: whether it be in college basketball or any sport for 41 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 2: that matter, and it seems like there's always accountability there's 42 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 2: always energy, there's always passion. How does discipline, accountability and 43 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 2: those things get misconstrued with kind of people talk about abuse. 44 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 2: I mean to me, it seems like it's pretty easy 45 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,640 Speaker 2: to separate, but at times there's a fine line. And 46 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,080 Speaker 2: can you kind of get into that a little bit 47 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,800 Speaker 2: where we went wrong and how that took place? 48 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, because I think discipline is like sacrifice. Those 49 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 1: words so many times are looked at as four letter words, 50 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,080 Speaker 1: you're not the good ones, and it's and they're so 51 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 1: far from that. I mean, there's no question that you 52 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 1: take those words and right away, and so many people 53 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 1: there's a negative connotation that just it almost puts a 54 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 1: period at the end of the sentence before you can 55 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: ever get anywhere else, or an exclamation point, And there's 56 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: so many different ways to get it across. And I 57 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 1: think it's like anything else in this world, You've got 58 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 1: to continue to find words that register. You got to 59 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 1: find phrases after you teach something. It's so much about reminders. 60 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 1: And I think when you look at discipline, when you 61 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,520 Speaker 1: look at sacrifice, when you look at accountability, I think 62 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: you got to look at standards. Hey, it's a really 63 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,399 Speaker 1: cool word right. Standards is a cool word, but it's 64 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: not something it just comes to mind that people just automatically. 65 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,680 Speaker 1: It just registers on what that means. So you have 66 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 1: to give people, give young people what those standards are. 67 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 1: And so much of it is the discipline that you 68 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 1: need to be successful. It is like you mentioned your energy, 69 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 1: it's your enthusiasm, it's your attention to the things that 70 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: the details in what you're doing. Okay, that inches matter, 71 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: you know, feet matter, whatever it is, you know, body angles, 72 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 1: all those different things matter, and those become part of 73 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 1: the standards. And then I think the other thing. It's 74 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,840 Speaker 1: so big. And this is one thing that's really hard 75 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: for coaches at times, it's hard for parents that it's 76 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 1: okay to have expectations. And it's not expectations of Okay, 77 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: you've got to score twenty, you've got to hit x 78 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 1: amount of home runs, you've got to be able to 79 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: pass for X amount of yards, you've got to get 80 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,880 Speaker 1: x amount of touches or targets or catches. No, no, 81 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 1: it's not that. It's the expectation for how you should 82 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:15,160 Speaker 1: handle things. And to me, the personal part of it 83 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: starts so much, okay, with how you are as a teammate, 84 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 1: and the expectation that you have or your child or 85 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: your player as a teammate, as somebody then that is coachable, 86 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: as somebody that has the right type of body language, 87 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,760 Speaker 1: the right type of eye contact, you know, all those things. 88 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,920 Speaker 1: Those become expectations that can then lead into Okay, here's 89 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 1: the amount of work that you have to put in. 90 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 1: Here's the amount of time you have to spend on this, 91 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:45,960 Speaker 1: here's the type of things you have to work on, 92 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 1: and the standards become. Okay, if you're going to get 93 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,280 Speaker 1: better and be a complete basketball player, you can't only 94 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,120 Speaker 1: work on what you're good at. You've got to do 95 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,719 Speaker 1: x amounts maybe with your left hand if you're a 96 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: right handed player, or you've got to do x amount 97 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,039 Speaker 1: shooting free throws, or you've got to do x amount 98 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,359 Speaker 1: when it comes to one on one defense, whatever it is, 99 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: whatever sport is. And you help chet those standards because 100 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 1: you have expectations of your child or your player to 101 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 1: do certain things well and right and consistently, and that 102 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,720 Speaker 1: in time turns into being where the production comes from. 103 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 1: And I think so many times people see expectations as 104 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,360 Speaker 1: X amount of wins, the X amount of results for 105 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: their individual sport, and that, to me is not what 106 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 1: it is. It's all the things that lead into that 107 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: that then give you a fighting chance or a better 108 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:43,159 Speaker 1: chance to achieve those results of those individual accolades that 109 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:45,599 Speaker 1: people like to see you get in your own life. 110 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 2: I love that word standards, and it's funny. I've never 111 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,240 Speaker 2: really dug into that word, but you know words are 112 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,799 Speaker 2: so powerful. And to take it a step further, sure, 113 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,239 Speaker 2: there's certain standards that you have when you get to college. 114 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 2: You know, when you're becoming a college athlete, then there's 115 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 2: certain stands a high school. Is there such thing as 116 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,359 Speaker 2: age appropriate? And I love you to get into that 117 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 2: because you know, my oldest is eighteen. He's getting ready 118 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,760 Speaker 2: to go wrestle in college. And I also have a 119 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 2: five year old almost five year old, and I got 120 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 2: four others in between. And I don't parent my eighteen 121 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,280 Speaker 2: year old the same as I do my five year old. 122 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 2: Right now, I have standards for all of them, but 123 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,600 Speaker 2: how much does age? Because I want you know, parents 124 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,640 Speaker 2: who may not have a college or or you know, 125 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:28,919 Speaker 2: high level playing sport experience themselves, are really walking around 126 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 2: this culture. Coach, like, what do I do you know what, 127 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,119 Speaker 2: I got this at this ex pro who's running this club, 128 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 2: who's telling me I got to specialize all year long 129 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,360 Speaker 2: at nine in order for my kid to have a shot. 130 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 2: And then I got this other guy telling me it's okay, 131 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 2: play everything. And you know, people are confused, their kids 132 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:44,600 Speaker 2: are gonna miss out, they're afraid. 133 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: How do they. 134 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,720 Speaker 2: Manage being pushed and pulled? And also I would love 135 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 2: for you to not only speak to the parents of 136 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,840 Speaker 2: how they navigate that, but also to the coaches what 137 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,359 Speaker 2: is age appropriate? Is there a difference how you should 138 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 2: coach your seventeen U Premier team versus your seven U 139 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,960 Speaker 2: Miss Machene pitch team. For lack of a better express. 140 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: Absolutely, absolutely there's a difference. And that's where standards are different. 141 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 1: Fundamental standards are different, All those things are different. Here's 142 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:15,880 Speaker 1: three things that I think are relevant to age, and 143 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: especially when when you just said between eighteen and five, 144 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,679 Speaker 1: and I think obviously it's different how you get them across. 145 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: But I think these three things are absolutely crucial no 146 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 1: matter what age. And first and foremost, okay, from the 147 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:34,280 Speaker 1: side of being on a team or learning skills, you've 148 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 1: got to be a teammate you've got to keep teaching 149 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 1: ways to be a better teammate, and so many times 150 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: being a better teammate, especially when they're younger, is how 151 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 1: you react. And that's where number two comes in, which 152 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: is incredibly important. What leads into the coachability part of it, 153 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: and that's your body language. There have got to be 154 00:07:55,000 --> 00:08:01,200 Speaker 1: standards and expectations for young people three team teen, high teen, 155 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,120 Speaker 1: college age, whatever it is, especially in pro level, but 156 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: there's got to be You've got to have expectations in demands. 157 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 1: You've got to be able to make those corrections, make 158 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: those renders, make those adjustments, show it. And so many 159 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 1: times there's parents they're filming every move their kids make, 160 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 1: which is not totally wrong. I'm not saying that's negative 161 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,680 Speaker 1: at all, But when's the last time somebody filmed them 162 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 1: having an interaction with a referee or a teammate or 163 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,079 Speaker 1: on the bench, or showing frustration at a call or 164 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: a non call or something with the homeplate, umpire or 165 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:40,120 Speaker 1: the referee. Showing those things, you know, the visual tool 166 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 1: and coaching, and I've coached in college for so long 167 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,760 Speaker 1: that the visual tool of showing somebody not only what 168 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,840 Speaker 1: they're doing well, not only what they're doing right when 169 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: it comes to the actual game, but showing them on 170 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 1: a bench, showing their reaction to a teammate, showing their 171 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: reaction to a referee, and at times it's private and 172 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:01,200 Speaker 1: at times it's in front of everybody else because you 173 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,199 Speaker 1: really have to and this is a strong word, but 174 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 1: it's a very important word. You have to be able 175 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 1: to pierce people and children and your players at times 176 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 1: with them really getting the message. And I don't mean 177 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: piercing in a negative, physical nasty at all, but you've 178 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 1: got to be able to get their attention. They got 179 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 1: to absorb it, right, because the only way they're going 180 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 1: to apply it is if they've absorbed it. And what 181 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: you and I absorb as adults, or what you and 182 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: I absorb as coaches, is a lot different than what 183 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 1: our players absorb. And that's where the age part gets 184 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:41,080 Speaker 1: so crazy, right, because eighteen to five is a huge difference, 185 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 1: which you still have to get their attention. So I 186 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 1: think when you look at being a teammate and all 187 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 1: the different ways you can build that, when you look 188 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 1: at your body language, which leads to your coachability, because 189 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 1: eye contact, how you listen, how you respond, how you talk. 190 00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 1: That's all part of the body language. And then third, 191 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: and this is where I think when it's parents, if 192 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: they're doing it themselves, but when they are studying people 193 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 1: that are going to be with their children, okay, are 194 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:14,000 Speaker 1: they helping build them athletically? And in so many cases 195 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:19,840 Speaker 1: the younger they are, it's flexibility, it's stuability, right, it's 196 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: making sure they're able to function in so many different 197 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: ways athletically. It could be sprints, it could be all 198 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: these different things that are so important to help your 199 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:36,199 Speaker 1: kids build their athleticism. The strength is a different component, 200 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: and I think so many times people see strength and conditioning, 201 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 1: is it all encompassing things? No, it's really not training 202 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 1: ripe speed training, endurance training, flexibility, building your hands, building 203 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 1: your feet, ankle and foot stability all right, and being 204 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 1: able to make sure that as you go up the 205 00:10:56,320 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 1: ladder that your feet and your ankles are in the 206 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,960 Speaker 1: shape and that you're building those type of things. And 207 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: that's why for me, I've never been caught up with 208 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 1: our own children, especially my son who played more sports, 209 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,959 Speaker 1: or in recruiting, to have to find a specialist, to 210 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,280 Speaker 1: have to find somebody that will year round with a 211 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:18,839 Speaker 1: sport because I think that can create a lot if 212 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: you want to do it, it's great, but at some 213 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 1: point in time throughout that you've got to put the 214 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 1: fact are they truly having fun with this training? Are 215 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: they truly having fun with the games, or is it 216 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: becoming something that becomes so stressful because that's all they're 217 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: doing that they're not really challenging their mind. And a 218 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: good book to read on that is Ranged by David Epstein. 219 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,560 Speaker 1: It's really really good. It's out in paperback now. There's 220 00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:51,880 Speaker 1: so many books that hit that, but books for me 221 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: and I know you didn't ask this, but I think 222 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: this is really good for parents. Read a book called 223 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,200 Speaker 1: The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle that teaches you so 224 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 1: much about out people that are in all these different 225 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: places that they might have been specialists, they might not 226 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 1: have been, but they had the right training. There's a 227 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 1: book called The gold Mine by Rasmus Ankerson who's from 228 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 1: the Netherlands. I believe, or I believe it's another those 229 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: but it's a great book where these people they went 230 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:23,720 Speaker 1: and they dove into why people were successful from certain areas, 231 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 1: how they trained, and what you find out is it's 232 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 1: a lot about what we're talking about. It's okay to 233 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,960 Speaker 1: have expectations for your kids. It's okay to have standards 234 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,240 Speaker 1: for your kids. It's how you go about it that's 235 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:35,440 Speaker 1: the trick, and that's the key. 236 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,440 Speaker 2: David Epstein's fun I had him as a guest on 237 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 2: last year. Couldn't agree with you more with regard to range. 238 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,679 Speaker 2: He really breaks it down, gives so many examples. It's 239 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,079 Speaker 2: a great episode. I hope everyone, if they haven't listened yet, 240 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 2: check it out. But what did you first become a 241 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,160 Speaker 2: college head coach? 242 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 1: What year was it? It was nineteen ninety nine. I 243 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,840 Speaker 1: got my job at Marquette on my thirty third birthday. 244 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,439 Speaker 1: I was coaching at Michigan State. We're getting ready to 245 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: go to the Final four. I accept their job on 246 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:05,480 Speaker 1: a Wednesday night. We announced it the following Tuesday, and 247 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,560 Speaker 1: I got it on my thirty third birthday. My wife 248 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 1: and I were sitting there and it was incredible. Meeting 249 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,559 Speaker 1: Web of Bay Athletic director and flown up to East Lansing. 250 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 1: Bill Kurt's been from thirty three on. So nineteen ninety 251 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,800 Speaker 1: nine two thousand was my first year at Marquette. 252 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,839 Speaker 2: You also coached many above average players, but one in 253 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:26,040 Speaker 2: particular d Wade, Dwayne Wade. And also, did you coach 254 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:26,920 Speaker 2: Jimmy Butler too? 255 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: No, I left. Buzz Williams was my assistant, got the job, 256 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,439 Speaker 1: and he recruited and signed Jimmy Butler. I had left 257 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,079 Speaker 1: to go to Indiana. Oh, miss Jimmy by a year. 258 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,360 Speaker 2: Fair enough? Well, I guess Ryle I wanted to ask 259 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,800 Speaker 2: that question. My sophomore year at college playing baseball was 260 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 2: nineteen ninety nine. And you know, but since the late nineties, 261 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,400 Speaker 2: early two thousands till now, I believe that there's been 262 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 2: a dramatic shift. I mean, coach, we often hear and 263 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,240 Speaker 2: I'm sure you see it as well. People especially on 264 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 2: social media, will say kids are soft these days. You know, 265 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,040 Speaker 2: kids are kids, aren't coacha. But whatever the case is, Well, 266 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,560 Speaker 2: I stand back, I'm a parent, and I'm like, you know, 267 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 2: kids only know what they're taught, you know. To me, 268 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 2: it's sure if some people may think they're soft, well, 269 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 2: a lot of times they're cuddled. You know, they're not 270 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,600 Speaker 2: allowed to fail, they're not allowed to struggle, they're not 271 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 2: put in positions where they have to overcome adversity. How 272 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 2: much have you seen from your experience of your first 273 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 2: year of being a college head coach in ninety nine 274 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,040 Speaker 2: at thirty three, you know, till the last time you 275 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 2: coached in college, and even now where you've seen the 276 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 2: landscape shift maybe with the kids that you're bringing in, 277 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 2: and has there been an issue with resiliency as a 278 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 2: direct result of maybe them being coddled too much versus 279 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 2: the kids you got early on. 280 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: I think there's some of that, absolutely. I definitely think 281 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 1: there's some of that. I don't think there's as much 282 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: sometimes as people think. I mean, there is issues, but 283 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: the reasons so many times, and I go back to this, 284 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:51,240 Speaker 1: the word expectations. I think too many times parents coaches 285 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: when they're younger, they don't have enough expectations for those 286 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: things we're talking about. The expectations become results. The expectations 287 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 1: become points, they become home runs, they become hits, they 288 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: become goals, they become all wins, right, and you want 289 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: to teach them to win. I'm not saying that at all, 290 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 1: But I'm also saying that you've got to have expectations 291 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 1: for how they train, how they work, how they treat others, 292 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: because if you don't build those then you're really really 293 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:24,920 Speaker 1: negating their ability to do what I think is getting 294 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 1: harder and harder all the time, which is to solve 295 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,680 Speaker 1: your own problems. Because the way the world continues to evolve, 296 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,080 Speaker 1: and it becomes so easy, okay, to not have to 297 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 1: be verbal in this world, it becomes so easy to 298 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 1: not have to talk. It becomes so easy to become 299 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:44,240 Speaker 1: isolated that you've got to teach them to be able 300 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: to make decisions, to have a feel for what makes 301 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,720 Speaker 1: a decision. I see this in recruiting. I think this 302 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 1: is definitely happening more and more. That's why there's so 303 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:56,200 Speaker 1: many different voices in kids' lives. And now with the name, 304 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 1: image and likeness situation where you can have agents. I 305 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,880 Speaker 1: know of story where a coach may call a young 306 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 1: person a player that's transferring, and they don't even want 307 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 1: to discuss it. Call my agent, Call my agent, call 308 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: my parents, and down the road. Then you've got kids 309 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 1: that aren't truly having to make decisions for what they want. 310 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 1: And I think that starts at a young age. And 311 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:23,760 Speaker 1: I think there's way too much acceptance of it's not 312 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,240 Speaker 1: going well for me, Okay, So I'm going to find 313 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,480 Speaker 1: a way to blame. I'm going to find a way 314 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: to be critical. I'm gonna find a way to be negative. 315 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,520 Speaker 1: I'm going to find a way to take that from me. 316 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 1: And I think when parents allow that to happen, and 317 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 1: it's always somebody else's fault, it's somebody else's on the team, 318 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: it's the coach isn't doing them right or playing them right. 319 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,359 Speaker 1: When you allow that to happen, it just keeps manifesting 320 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 1: itself down the road. There are two places, all right, 321 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: where a kid is going to look when he's playing 322 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 1: on a field, when he's playing on a floor, okay, 323 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: when he's playing in a stadium, when he's playing on 324 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: a court, he's going to be looking at his coach 325 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 1: or coach is for how they're reacting, and they're going 326 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 1: to be looking at their parents. And the more that 327 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 1: they can find a place, okay, where they can feel 328 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,679 Speaker 1: like a victim in the situation, where they can feel like, 329 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 1: oh man, I'm being wronged and my parents agree with me. 330 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 1: Or it's not going right for me and my parents 331 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,960 Speaker 1: agree with me. Or I'm not getting the ball enough 332 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,680 Speaker 1: and I can tell my parents agree with me. Those 333 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 1: are bad things. Those are hard to grow out. If 334 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 1: I was coaching at Indiana, we had a player that 335 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,240 Speaker 1: had an issue because because you've got to be able 336 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,199 Speaker 1: to grow out of looking at your family, looking at 337 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,359 Speaker 1: your mom and dad as you go down the line 338 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,200 Speaker 1: in sports, you've got to be able to grow out 339 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 1: of that. But if you become somebody, okay, that goes 340 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,280 Speaker 1: through a period of time where you feel better because 341 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,680 Speaker 1: you look over because they're commiserating with you, all right, 342 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 1: or they're helping validate you know. It's one thing to clap, 343 00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,360 Speaker 1: it's one thing to give at the boys and keep 344 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,400 Speaker 1: going and all those kinds of things. Those things are good, 345 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 1: but when they look over and see that negative body language, 346 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:07,640 Speaker 1: it might feel them in a negative way, but it's 347 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,080 Speaker 1: certainly going to bring stress to them. And I had 348 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 1: an NBA team in to tell and we're talking about 349 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,639 Speaker 1: a player, and he said, tell so and so to 350 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 1: quit looking at his dad every time he makes a 351 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,040 Speaker 1: play in a game or every time somebody goes wrong, 352 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 1: because his dad won't be sitting anywhere near the court 353 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,960 Speaker 1: of the NBA. And it was like it was a 354 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,200 Speaker 1: really good point because as you go up the ladder, 355 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,760 Speaker 1: they notice those things. The college coaches that the professional scouts, 356 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 1: they notice those type of things. So if you allow 357 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: that to manifest itself and they see you in the 358 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: stands complaining and ripping somebody and ripping the refs constantly 359 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,719 Speaker 1: and yelling at the coach, it just brings stress and 360 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: it becomes something that they don't have the tools so 361 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 1: many times when they're younger to be able to get 362 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: out of because as you and I both know, then 363 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: a lot of times that carries into the car ride, 364 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:02,960 Speaker 1: and then that becomes even worse because now you're trapped. 365 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,840 Speaker 1: Now the kid is trapped, there's nowhere to go, and 366 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,640 Speaker 1: that's where it becomes so hard and his parents we've 367 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:13,679 Speaker 1: got to guard against that constantly. Constantly, we have to 368 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 1: guard against that and help them grow because they are 369 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 1: going to get wrong, they are going to go through 370 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: hard times, they are going to have bad games, they 371 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,359 Speaker 1: are going to play with selfish teammates, they are going 372 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 1: to get messed around by a coach here and again. 373 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: But they've got to be able to deal with it 374 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,359 Speaker 1: to have any success moving forward. 375 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:33,080 Speaker 2: When we come back, Coach Creede and I discuss why 376 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 2: he believes most parents are only as happy as their 377 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 2: unhappiest child as we go into break, I wanted to 378 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,520 Speaker 2: share another update with you from our friends at Team Snap. 379 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,359 Speaker 2: As most people involved in youth sports know, running a 380 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 2: tournament can be often a stressful and chaotic time, and 381 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,920 Speaker 2: industry leading amateur sports team and club management platform, Team 382 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,439 Speaker 2: Snap is here to help. Team Snap is hosting a 383 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 2: live webinar on September twenty seventh, one pm eastern eleven 384 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 2: am Mountain Time to show you how to run a 385 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 2: tournament and diversi your revenue streams with Team Snap for Business. 386 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,159 Speaker 2: During this free webinar, you will learn how to control 387 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,800 Speaker 2: the chaos of tournament day and easily registered teams, schedule 388 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 2: games and send real time updates efficiently and effectively with 389 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 2: Team Snap Tournaments on the Team Snap for Business platform. 390 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,440 Speaker 2: To see how Team Snap Tournaments takes care of all 391 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,719 Speaker 2: the details for your tournaments so you can keep your 392 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,960 Speaker 2: eye on the ball and grow your programs. Head to 393 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 2: teamsnap dot com today and register for the webinar how 394 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,520 Speaker 2: to Run a tournament and Diversify your revenue streams on 395 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,000 Speaker 2: September twenty seventh, one pm eastern eleven am Mountain Time. 396 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 2: Where we left off, Tom and I were about to 397 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 2: talk about the importance of being able to read your 398 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,160 Speaker 2: kid in order to find the right time to bring 399 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,800 Speaker 2: up difficult conversation. I love how you brought up the 400 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 2: car ride and you just because that is like such 401 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,040 Speaker 2: a I mean, think about there's no one there, right, 402 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,440 Speaker 2: there's no one, you know, it's your your one on one. 403 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,639 Speaker 2: Everyone's in the moment. You got emotions, you know. I 404 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 2: remember as a young player. You know, you're sitting there 405 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 2: and maybe you didn't have a great game, and you 406 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,879 Speaker 2: could just I love my God rest his soul, my father. 407 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,720 Speaker 2: But it was like you wouldn't get mad, but I 408 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:07,720 Speaker 2: could just tell God what happened, you know, And I 409 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,520 Speaker 2: don't want to explain to shut up dad. You know 410 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,240 Speaker 2: in my head I didn't have it bad. But any 411 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 2: type of negativity, you just don't want to hear it 412 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,239 Speaker 2: from your parents. At least I didn't. I was lucky though, 413 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,880 Speaker 2: I had a great you know, great parents who didn't 414 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,280 Speaker 2: really give it to me. But my dad was a 415 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,560 Speaker 2: competitor and a coach in his own right. But how 416 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 2: do you harness that energy, coach, because I mean, listen, 417 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 2: you're a parent, you're also a coach. You know, you're 418 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,719 Speaker 2: coach for a living I heard a great example. I 419 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 2: forget which guest said it to me, but talked about 420 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 2: literally had a visualization of he coaches his kids, you know, 421 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:40,919 Speaker 2: in the youth game or whatever. And then it's almost 422 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,399 Speaker 2: like he gave an analogy. When I have my hat on, 423 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,320 Speaker 2: I'm coach, but when I get in the car, I 424 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 2: take my hat off, I'm dad. And I thought that 425 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 2: was a great, a great way for a young kid 426 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,440 Speaker 2: to be able to understand, right and to set that boundary. 427 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,359 Speaker 2: How do you navigate that? Because parents, you know, we 428 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,680 Speaker 2: get excited, right, we're passionate. 429 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 1: How do you navigate that energy? That's hard because I've 430 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 1: made many mistakes and I'm going to tell you this 431 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,240 Speaker 1: is not about do it just as I've done it 432 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,320 Speaker 1: type of thing. I've made those mistakes, and I think 433 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:10,399 Speaker 1: because we're invested, you have passion. There's an old saying 434 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,680 Speaker 1: that Doc Rivers said to me one time. I don't 435 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 1: know if he coined it, but he's the one I 436 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,840 Speaker 1: heard it from that a parent is only as happy 437 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:20,280 Speaker 1: as their unhappy as child. And that is a very 438 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,920 Speaker 1: true statement. I mean, it's any parent understands that completely. 439 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:28,760 Speaker 1: And it's hard. It's very hard. You're invested, you're passionate. 440 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,159 Speaker 1: You want to see them do well. You want to 441 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,640 Speaker 1: share in their joy, you want to take their pain away, 442 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,280 Speaker 1: all those different things. And I think the things that 443 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,399 Speaker 1: I have learned over a period of time that are 444 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,639 Speaker 1: so important is you have to be able to read 445 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 1: your kid. You have to be able to read when 446 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,160 Speaker 1: is that time to bring it up? Because anybody says, well, 447 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,440 Speaker 1: don't bring it up. No, I don't agree with that whatsoever. 448 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,160 Speaker 1: I mean, that's part of You've got to have conversations 449 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: if you feel that they're warranted. That's part of parenting, 450 00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,520 Speaker 1: that's part of helping them learn. So it's not about that. 451 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:04,280 Speaker 1: It's really about processing your thoughts okay, and not letting 452 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 1: emotion and being emotional right take over from the beginning 453 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,880 Speaker 1: it's almost okay, fine. It's like you try to get 454 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,840 Speaker 1: your players to know there are three things. You go 455 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,520 Speaker 1: into a press conference, you meet with a reporter, you know, 456 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,400 Speaker 1: you've got to have a couple of things you can 457 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,320 Speaker 1: go back to, right, And it might be two for some, 458 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,639 Speaker 1: it might be three for another. You know, we always 459 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 1: try to say, okay, let's make sure when you get stuck, okay, 460 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,760 Speaker 1: when you get into a situation, have a couple of 461 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,920 Speaker 1: things that you can go back to that make sure 462 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,439 Speaker 1: you never leave talking to the press, talking to somebody 463 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:40,160 Speaker 1: without praising at least two teammates and a coach, right 464 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 1: and so like, I would always try to get players 465 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,679 Speaker 1: to focus on that rather than the emotional response they 466 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 1: might give, so that they don't get stuck. And it 467 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,359 Speaker 1: doesn't always work, but you try to give them that 468 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,240 Speaker 1: platform and that organization in their mind. Not the same 469 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 1: for us as parents. You get a couple of thoughts, 470 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 1: you're going to wait for the right time, and then 471 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:01,520 Speaker 1: you do the hardest thing, which is you just breathe. 472 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,919 Speaker 1: You take deep breaths, You get your you help your 473 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 1: child settle in. Maybe you talk about something else, but 474 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 1: you breathe, you process, and you just wait for the 475 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:16,600 Speaker 1: right time, and you do everything you can do. Okay, 476 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,200 Speaker 1: because I know some of my worst moments as a coach, 477 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,080 Speaker 1: and when I went right into the locker room after 478 00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:25,639 Speaker 1: a tough game and start going right. You got to 479 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,159 Speaker 1: be able to process it. There's a reason that a 480 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,320 Speaker 1: lot of great coaches say the best three words you 481 00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:34,400 Speaker 1: can use after a game when you're not feeling right 482 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:38,000 Speaker 1: is bring it in right, bring it in, and then 483 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:39,879 Speaker 1: deal with it tomorrow. Well, a lot of times in 484 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,760 Speaker 1: that car ride you're going to deal with it, but 485 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 1: you can't deal with it immediately. Wait for the timing, 486 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:50,399 Speaker 1: have your thoughts in process, and then let them talk. 487 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 1: The best thing to try to do is a parent 488 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:56,520 Speaker 1: to get that level of engagement going with your kid 489 00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,080 Speaker 1: is once it's settled in. Now again, they can't the 490 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,240 Speaker 1: kid is not doesn't get to sit there and fight 491 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,480 Speaker 1: it off and not talk at all. Right that You've 492 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: got to teach them to process their feelings. But you 493 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 1: can't just give them questions that can be answered with 494 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 1: a yes or no. You can't give them questions that 495 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,399 Speaker 1: are just one two three word answers. You want to 496 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,080 Speaker 1: try to formulate questions in your head or things that 497 00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 1: you want to ask or things that you want to 498 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,080 Speaker 1: cover that will register with them. And go back to 499 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:29,400 Speaker 1: that word absorb. You want them to absorb what they're 500 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,439 Speaker 1: hearing so that they can apply it and then you 501 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 1: kind of take it from there. And I think those 502 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,639 Speaker 1: are some of the most They're hard to do, but 503 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,480 Speaker 1: I think those are some of the best ways to 504 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 1: do it. 505 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:41,520 Speaker 2: Coach Crean, this is freaking awesome. I can't think, you know, 506 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,639 Speaker 2: where can people get up with you? Follow because you 507 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 2: put out some amazing content. 508 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,919 Speaker 1: Man, I think my Twitter is at Tom Crean. So 509 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,960 Speaker 1: I didn't do I didn't pay for the blue check, 510 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,040 Speaker 1: but I still let me see what I have here. Yeah, 511 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 1: at Tom Crean. And and I'm on Instagram. I don't 512 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,280 Speaker 1: do a lot with Insta, but that's where it's at 513 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,440 Speaker 1: for the most part. ESPN. This year again for the 514 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:10,160 Speaker 1: college basketball season, I'll be doing that. But I try 515 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 1: to think of things that I would want to hear, 516 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,159 Speaker 1: that I would want to know, and I try to 517 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,359 Speaker 1: put those out there. And so I really appreciate it. 518 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:18,800 Speaker 1: Nick having a chance to be on with you. 519 00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:23,680 Speaker 2: I appreciate you, coach. That's Tom Cream, ESPN College Basketball Analyst. 520 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to the Reform Sports Podcast. If you've 521 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,240 Speaker 2: enjoyed this episode, we would appreciate it if you took 522 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,439 Speaker 2: a moment to rate and review our podcast. As we 523 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,560 Speaker 2: work to grow our community of supporters and advocates for 524 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,800 Speaker 2: more reform sports content, please subscribe to our newsletter and 525 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 2: blog at Reformsports Project dot com. You can also follow 526 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,880 Speaker 2: us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn.