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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need

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Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please

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Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and

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Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter

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Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're gonna read this

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Speaker 1: right here, right now. That's just so you'll you'll know

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Speaker 1: it's a real letter. Okay, all right, buckle up and

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Speaker 1: hold on type. We got it for you here. It

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Speaker 1: is the popping Strawberry Letter that's for Jay. Thank you, nephew.

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Speaker 1: Subject I don't I don't like how he treats his

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Speaker 1: ex wife. Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm thirty six years old

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Speaker 1: and recently divorced. I met a guy eight months ago

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Speaker 1: and he just got divorced too. We bonded over our

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Speaker 1: divorce dilemmas, and he was open and honest about his breakup.

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Speaker 1: He told me that he was controlling and they had

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Speaker 1: a rough marriage because she liked to fight him and

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Speaker 1: throw stuff at him. He told me that he had

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Speaker 1: to restrain her a lot, but he never ad a

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Speaker 1: finger on her. He told me that he even took

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Speaker 1: a domestic violence class to try to fix his marriage.

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Speaker 1: This made me afraid to continue talking to him, but

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Speaker 1: I told myself that he was so sweet and forthcoming

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Speaker 1: with information that I shouldn't penalize him for his past.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to go into our relationship with an open mind.

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Speaker 1: He's been nothing but a gentleman to me. I get

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Speaker 1: regular foot rubs and massages, flowers for no reason, and

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Speaker 1: he even does things around my house to help me out.

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Speaker 1: He never raised his voice at me or seemed irritated

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Speaker 1: at me, but whenever his ex wife calls him about

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Speaker 1: any little thing to do with their daughter, he is

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Speaker 1: a totally different person. He talks to her like she's

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Speaker 1: a piece of trash, and he usually hangs up on her.

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Speaker 1: He has done it in my presence numerous times, and

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Speaker 1: I always give him time to cool down before talking

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Speaker 1: to him. He's told me a few times that what

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Speaker 1: he calls, He's told me a few times what the

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Speaker 1: calls were about, and it's never anything for him to

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Speaker 1: be so angry with her. The other day, I overheard

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Speaker 1: him on the phone with his friend and he talked

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Speaker 1: about his ex wife NonStop and said that his ex

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Speaker 1: wife is lucky she moved out of town. This made

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Speaker 1: the hair on the back of my next stand up.

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Speaker 1: Could he be a violent man that had to go

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Speaker 1: to domestic abuse counseling, that had to go to domestic

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Speaker 1: abuse counseling or does his ex wife bring out the

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Speaker 1: worst in him? I need to know before I go

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Speaker 1: any further with him. Okay, I think we have a

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Speaker 1: problem here. I do, and you certainly know way more

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Speaker 1: about this man than we do because you've been dating

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Speaker 1: him for eight months. But based upon what you said,

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Speaker 1: I think it's two things that are issues with him.

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Speaker 1: His ex wife most definitely brings out the worst in him,

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Speaker 1: and he does have violent tendencies. I also think he

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Speaker 1: still has feelings for her because he gets so upset

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Speaker 1: whenever he talks to her. And you know, he may

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Speaker 1: be sweet and giving you foot massages and flowers and

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Speaker 1: all of that to you, but this guy that talks

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Speaker 1: to his wife crazy and violently and all of that,

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Speaker 1: that's him too. Okay, So he's still that person, you know.

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Speaker 1: I think he does have feelings for her, like I said,

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Speaker 1: because he gets so upset when he talks to her,

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Speaker 1: even when he talks to others about her. I just

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Speaker 1: don't think you've brought out those violent tendencies in him.

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Speaker 1: Yet the red flags are everywhere, and that's why you're confused.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you wondered what would happen if you made

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Speaker 1: him mad. I'm sure that's run across your across your mind,

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Speaker 1: and it sounds like it wouldn't take much. I mean,

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Speaker 1: he's been good for these eight months, but who knows

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Speaker 1: how much longer that would last. I mean, people change,

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Speaker 1: but I don't think he hasn't because he's still doing

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Speaker 1: it with his ex wife. And why haven't you said

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Speaker 1: anything to him about his bad behavior towards his ex wife.

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Speaker 1: Why haven't you just, you know, sat him down and

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Speaker 1: ask what the problem is. Yeah, he told you he

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Speaker 1: was controlling, but there's a lot more to it than that.

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Speaker 1: I think you really need to have a serious conversation

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Speaker 1: with this man and find out what is going on.

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Speaker 1: Maybe he needs more than just a little bit of counseling. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't like the feel of this. I think he's

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Speaker 1: a red flag. Steve Well, it's real simple here. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna get to it in a second, but first I'm

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Speaker 1: just gonna call this letter red flag letter, and I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna point out the red flags to you. Thirty six old,

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Speaker 1: recently divorced, met a great guy eight months ago. He

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Speaker 1: was just divorced. Two we bonded over our divorce dilemmas.

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Speaker 1: Red flag, y'all bonded over divorced dilemmas. Get your flag

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Speaker 1: out your pocket. I'm not saying it's a red flag yet,

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Speaker 1: but get your flags out. He was open and honest

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Speaker 1: about his breakup. He told me that he was controlling

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Speaker 1: and they had a rough marriage. Because let's just stop

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Speaker 1: right there, get your red flag out. He told you

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Speaker 1: he was controlling and they had a rough marriage. The

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Speaker 1: reason they say they had a rough marriage was kids.

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Speaker 1: She liked to fight him and throw stuff at him.

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Speaker 1: Red flag. He got a lot going home to get

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Speaker 1: stuff throwed at you. Oh yeah, when they started throwing stuff,

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Speaker 1: that's cost. Words ain't enough. Get your flag out. He

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Speaker 1: told me that he had to restrain her a lot,

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Speaker 1: but he never laid a finger on her. Get your

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Speaker 1: flag out. How do you restrain a person without touching them? Me? Now,

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Speaker 1: let me throw this one. He told me that he

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Speaker 1: even took a domestic violence class to try to fix

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Speaker 1: his meriad. He didn't say they took. He said he

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Speaker 1: took a domestic violence class girl. Now he took a

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Speaker 1: domestic violen girl. Get your flag out a matter of fact,

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Speaker 1: get your flag out and tap it on your forehead

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Speaker 1: so when he talking, he know, you know, doctor, flags

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Speaker 1: is out. I'm just trying to help you. Now, when

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Speaker 1: I come back, I'll give you the rest of it

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Speaker 1: and what I think you should do. All right, Hang on, Steve,

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Speaker 1: we'll have part two of your response coming up at

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Speaker 1: twenty three minutes after the hour. I don't like how

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Speaker 1: he treats his ex wife is a subject. We'll get

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Speaker 1: back into it right after this. You're listening, all right,

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Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, Let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject

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Speaker 1: and I call this the red flag letter. Let's go

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Speaker 1: over the red flags meta gay. Months ago, he had

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Speaker 1: just got divorced. I'm divorced. We bonded over our divorce dilemmas.

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Speaker 1: Get your flag out, open and honest, about to break up.

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Speaker 1: He told me that he was controlling, Get your flag out,

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Speaker 1: and that they had a rough marriage because she liked

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Speaker 1: to fight and throw stuff at him. Get your flag out.

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Speaker 1: When women start throwing stuff, it's cause the words ain't

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Speaker 1: working no more. He told me that he had to

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Speaker 1: restrain her a lot, but he never laid a finger

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Speaker 1: on him. Excuse me, how do you restrain a person

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Speaker 1: without laying your hands on him? Tell me how you

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Speaker 1: do that? What you just got a pillar in front

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Speaker 1: of you blocking everything because she stayed throwing stuff. Get

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Speaker 1: your red flags out? He told me he even took

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Speaker 1: a domestic violet class to try to fix his marriage.

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Speaker 1: He took a domestic violets class. He didn't say she

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Speaker 1: had to go take a domestic violens class. He said

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Speaker 1: he took a domestic violens class to try to fix

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Speaker 1: his marriage. That's to fix the damage he hadnt done

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Speaker 1: in the marriage. This made me afraid to continue talking

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Speaker 1: to him. Where is your red flag at? When you

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Speaker 1: when your two intuition tells you that you are afraid

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Speaker 1: of a man? Get your flagout? System? But I told

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Speaker 1: myself he was so sweet and forthcoming with the information.

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Speaker 1: Why do y'all do that? Ladies? Why do y'all think

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Speaker 1: because if a dude is honest about something that makes

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Speaker 1: him a better person. Hell, he just told it to

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Speaker 1: you to see what you're willing to accept. Yeah, yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: So here we go. And so then I shouldn't penalize

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Speaker 1: him for his pass I wanted to go into our

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Speaker 1: relationship with an open mind. He's been nothing but a

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Speaker 1: gentleman to me. I get regular foot rubs and masses

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Speaker 1: flowers for no reason, and he even does things around

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Speaker 1: my house to keep me out, to excuse me, to

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Speaker 1: help me out. He's never raised his voice at me

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Speaker 1: or seemed irritated at me. Red flag. Now, he had

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Speaker 1: a rough marriage. All of his stuff was because of

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Speaker 1: rough times, fighting, hidden restraining. And now you think this

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Speaker 1: man is all that? Can I tell you why you

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Speaker 1: think he's all that? Because y'all ain't hit a rough

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Speaker 1: spot yet. As soon as you hit a rough spot,

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Speaker 1: you may get some of the same stuff. And let

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Speaker 1: me tell you what you're gonna get. You say, he's

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Speaker 1: never raised his voice to me or seemed irritated. But

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Speaker 1: when his ex wife called him about any little thing

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Speaker 1: to do with their daughter, totally different person. Red flag.

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Speaker 1: He talks to her like she's a piece of trash.

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Speaker 1: Red flag. He usually hangs up on her. The red flag.

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Speaker 1: He's done it in your presence numerous times, and I

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Speaker 1: always give him time to cool down before talking to him.

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Speaker 1: Red flag, Red flag, red flag. He's told me time.

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Speaker 1: He's told me a few times that he called what

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Speaker 1: the cause were about, and there's never anything for him

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Speaker 1: to be so angry with her about red flag. The

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Speaker 1: other day I over heard him talking on the phone

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Speaker 1: with his friend and he talked about his ex wife.

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Speaker 1: Non stopped and said, his ex wife is lucky she

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Speaker 1: moved out of town. Mary. Really this made the hair

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Speaker 1: on the back of my neck stand up. Red flag,

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Speaker 1: purple flag, black flag, all the dog shades are flags. Okay,

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Speaker 1: here we go. Could he be a violent man that

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Speaker 1: had to go to domestic abuse counseling? He told you

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Speaker 1: he did? What? What? What is you guessing for? He

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Speaker 1: told you he went to domestic violence training to try

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Speaker 1: to fix his match. Or does his ex wife bring

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Speaker 1: out the worst ten of him? Well, it seemed to

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Speaker 1: me like if you argue with him, this is what

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Speaker 1: you're gonna get. And like I told you earlier, y'all

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Speaker 1: just ain't hit a rough spot yet, I need to

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Speaker 1: know before I go any further with him further further

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Speaker 1: y'all ought to be done lady immediately. Yes, there's too

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Speaker 1: many red flags in this for you to keep walking

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Speaker 1: down the street. With this dude. Good And what you

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Speaker 1: don't want to do is discover what you already know. Right,

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Speaker 1: what why are you going through this? Don't send yourself

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Speaker 1: through that. You're not that lonely. And he's the same person,

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Speaker 1: her nice sweet guy is the same violent person. And

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Speaker 1: when he talks to his ex wife, he's the same.

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Speaker 1: He didn't gonna wear and get saved. He went to

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Speaker 1: domestic abuse counseling. He didn't gonnaway get saved. He didn't.

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Speaker 1: He didn't gonna wear and convert. She has a problem

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Speaker 1: on her hands if she continues. Man, let's just do

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Speaker 1: go save yourself right run. There's too many flags on

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Speaker 1: this dude. She's scared to even talk to him. I'm

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Speaker 1: afraid to print it. Yeah, all right, yeah, come on right,

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Speaker 1: all right, Yeah, it's not good. Is it a good

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Speaker 1: time for you to talk about? Can you? Hey? You

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Speaker 1: want to go to get some call? You don't want

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Speaker 1: to personality? All right? Thank you? Steve. Post your comments

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Speaker 1: on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM on Instagram

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Speaker 1: and Facebook, and please check out the Strawberry Letter podcast

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Speaker 1: on demand now coming up at forty six minutes after

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Speaker 1: the hour. Well, he's here, so we may as well

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Speaker 1: use him up. We'll look into the mine yet again

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Speaker 1: of Jay Anthony Brown. Right after this, you're listening to

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Speaker 1: The Dave Harvey Morning Show