WEBVTT - Finding Strength in Grief and Loss 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:00.840 I'm Tamika D. 0:00:00.960 --> 0:00:03.159 Mallory and the ship Boy, my Son that general. 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:04.960 We are your host of t M. 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:08.920 I Tamika and my Son's Information, Truth, Motivation and. 0:00:09.000 --> 0:00:16.079 Inspiration name New Energy. What's up, my son, Lennon. 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:17.599 How you doing, Tamika D. Mallory? 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:20.000 What good today? Doing good today? Glad to be here. 0:00:20.160 --> 0:00:25.680 You can do anything like that, That's anything anything I 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:26.000 can do. 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:28.960 I could be a publicist. I could be an architect. 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:34.280 I could be a what is this here? Veterinarian, an activist, 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:38.680 a pilot, a clerky, member of the clergy. I could 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:41.720 be an astronaut. I could be a physician. I could 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:45.560 be an athlete. I mean you to be a hairstylists. 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:48.120 Yeah, it was a it was a crazy mean that 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:51.600 I think who was it was? It? It was Benjamin 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:55.400 Benjamin Crump posted and he was and it was I 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:57.600 forgot who he was. It's somebody that was in Congress, 0:00:57.640 --> 0:01:00.320 I believe. And the white man said, it's crazy. Isn't 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:04.280 it funny how a black women with twenty years experience 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:08.160 all kinds of degrees can't be a di higher for 0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:11.039 somebody who just worked on Fox News and ain't got 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:15.160 no degrees it's gonna be the Secretary of Defense all that. 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:16.679 Yeah, remember last week I was. 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:19.800 Talking about the Secretary of Defense. 0:01:20.240 --> 0:01:23.760 Lord have mercy. We in some strange time. 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:25.760 That we are that we are well. 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:27.920 We got a good show today, we got a good 0:01:28.200 --> 0:01:31.200 intim So sorry that our guest was unable to be 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:35.600 with us in person as some travel stuff. But she's 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:38.520 gonna be coming up a real powerful interview that I 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:40.560 hope that all of you will listen to. 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:41.920 Please listen to this. 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:45.280 But now I want to let you all hear my 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:48.160 thought of the day. I tape this thought of the 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:51.160 day at a moment when I just felt it, and 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:52.560 now I want you all to hear it. 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:53.800 Let's go. 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:58.680 I'm watching these people, these folks that are in many 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:05.120 ways opposition and in opposition to our success as black folks. 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:07.560 I watch how strategic they are. 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:11.080 I'm like, when we said black Lives matter, they said 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:15.160 that is violent towards white folks, and white people needed 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:18.000 to start White Lives Matter. We said, defund the police. 0:02:18.040 --> 0:02:20.480 They said, we don't want police at all, and we 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:24.440 want lawlessness, and that defund the police means we hate 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:28.079 the police. They have turned woke all around. DeSantis has 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:32.640 an anti woke movement going on. They have presented bills 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:34.639 to ban the wokeness. 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:36.960 How I don't even know what that means. 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:44.760 Every single word, terminology, whatever we use to describe suffering, 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:49.480 to describe what people are fighting for liberation, they have 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:52.919 found a way to turn it around and make even 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:54.919 our own people afraid. 0:02:54.520 --> 0:02:54.959 To use it. 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:59.240 You will never watch or see on mainstream media that 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:02.680 they are you itus in certain terms, or they're saying 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:05.760 like white lives matter or something like that, that it 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:08.839 is it is. It means violence towards black folk. 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:13.920 So today's guests is Miss Sonia Rogers. She is the 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:17.560 mother of five. She is the CEO and founder of 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:22.120 Through Our Voices and Girls Rock Too. She is a 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:26.440 community activist, she is a leader, she is a mother, 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:30.200 and we are happy to have Missonia. How you doing today, Missonia? 0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:32.760 Thank you so much, and I'm so blessed to be 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:35.240 here with all of y'all. I appreciate you, thank you, 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:38.560 I'm blessed. I'm just trying to stay pushing forward. That's 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:39.800 just about it. 0:03:39.960 --> 0:03:42.360 How mimsths Sonia, how you doing today? Beautiful? 0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:45.640 I love you and how are you? I'm blessing your soul. 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:46.280 Love you too. 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:48.920 We're happy to have you with us today. I know 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:51.760 it's every time you have to talk about what you've 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:54.680 been through and what your family has endured, it's hard, 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:59.320 and we want to acknowledge that. We know it's not 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:03.400 easy to process and to keep having to relive your 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:08.760 story for people to be inspired, inspired to do better, 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:13.800 inspired to help more young people, inspired to see black 0:04:13.920 --> 0:04:15.520 men as humans. 0:04:16.720 --> 0:04:17.279 It's a lot. 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:20.120 That's a lot of pressure for one person to carry, 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:22.760 and so I just want you to know that it's 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:27.480 not lost on us that today, while we are interviewing you, 0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:32.039 quote end quote, it's more than interviewing you know, we're 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:35.960 really here to just allow you to continue to use 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:38.640 your story for your healing and for hours. 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:41.400 And I appreciate that. And I'm gonna tell you something 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:44.960 honestly and truthfully, these tears are our tears are sadness, 0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:48.240 honestly and about the grace of God. These tears are 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:52.200 honestly tears of joy because I've sat in depression for 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:56.479 so long and finally I'm learning how to deal with it. 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:59.880 And I appreciate the talk and the things of that nature. 0:05:00.440 --> 0:05:03.000 You know, it helps me a lot. So these tears here. 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:04.760 Our tea is a joy. I just had to learn 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:07.839 to cometrol them and they just happen to come out. 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:09.719 It's all good. I cry all the time. 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:12.719 So miss Sonya, I mean, there's so many places we 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:15.560 could start, and I guess we will end at what 0:05:15.640 --> 0:05:19.160 you do. But it would be great to hear from 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:23.320 you that, you know, just the story of the tragic 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:27.880 loss that you have experienced in your family with your 0:05:27.880 --> 0:05:31.039 own children. Why don't you tell us about that? 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:37.600 Well, I lost three sons to gun violence in the 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:42.520 city of York. My sons were twenty one, twenty one, 0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:48.160 and twenty of age. It's hard, you know, I'm not 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:51.159 gonna say that because at the end of the day, 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:54.200 especially in a city where we come from called New 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:57.520 New Jersey, you can't be in deny you about your child. 0:05:57.720 --> 0:06:01.320 And I always try to be a peer rent. And 0:06:01.360 --> 0:06:06.159 you know, my oldest son not on the hands of himself. 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:09.800 I allowed him to start being around his father, and 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:13.599 you know, his father introduced him into a life of 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:18.840 you know, gang violence or whatever. But my oldest son, 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:21.760 all you know, he got killed. And when my oldest 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:28.520 son got killed, it was hard to justify because you know, 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:32.280 he wasn't an angel, but he was very respectful. And 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:35.440 I can't talk a bad about him because that's my son. 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:37.800 But at the end of the day, I couldn't be 0:06:37.839 --> 0:06:42.640 in deny you about who my son was in the streets. 0:06:43.360 --> 0:06:46.720 And that's hard, but it's just the reality of it, 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.760 because I can't say, oh, my son was an angel. 0:06:49.800 --> 0:06:53.520 And I don't think he ever hurt anybody. I don't 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:57.800 think that, you know, it deserved to happen to him 0:06:57.839 --> 0:07:01.120 the way that it did. But if it was going 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:03.400 to happen to him, and it's just just coming from 0:07:03.400 --> 0:07:06.120 a mother that I think it would have happened to 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:10.440 him through a whole city, you know, not just where 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:14.680 he lived and things of that nature. But overall, that 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:18.840 young man graduated out of high school. You know, he 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:22.520 was respectful. He just had a street life. And when 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:27.000 I talk about my oldest son, I never try to downplay, 0:07:27.400 --> 0:07:30.760 you know, because I don't want to be ridiculed. I 0:07:30.840 --> 0:07:35.840 was ridiculed so much by some, you know, people in 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:38.760 the new police department. But I really tried to be 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:43.800 the best mother that I could and not to jump 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:46.560 off of subject because it's three of them that I 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:50.720 have to discuss. It's a many of us that lives 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:54.120 in this city, and I'm not the only person that 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:56.880 ever lost a child. And I try not to put 0:07:56.920 --> 0:07:59.840 all the I call it shine and stigma on my 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:03.320 self because I'm not the only young woman that's hurting 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:07.280 in my city. But we really tried for our children here. 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:10.320 Some of us work, some of us stay at home. 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:14.680 You know. It's just the reality that our children are 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:19.680 being killed, you know, and in other places children are 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:21.880 being killed by the hands of someone else, but our 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:24.160 kids are being killed by our own. 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:27.160 And that's I think that's what really touched me when 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:29.000 I when I first met you and I heard your 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:32.760 story and you was and you know, you cried and 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:36.360 you told the story, and I felt really impacted because 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:38.760 I couldn't. I have three sons, right, That's all I 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:42.079 have is three sons, and I couldn't imagine losing all 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:45.640 three of money. And they all were in close proximity age, Like, 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:50.360 how many years apart did this happen? Like like one 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:52.679 was lost one year, like because you said they were 0:08:52.679 --> 0:08:55.760 twenty twenty one and twenty one, so how many years 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:56.760 apart did it happen? 0:08:58.840 --> 0:09:04.720 Anthony and his street name was ransom. Anthony was shot 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:09.720 made the thirty first. He had just turned twenty one 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:15.560 that October before. He stayed on a respirator until June 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:21.400 and twenty first and me, with the help of the 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:28.319 now mayor Baraka elected governor, you know, helped me make 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:31.240 a decision as well as my family and friends that 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:34.439 he had no more brain activities. So on June to 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:42.800 twenty first, I took him off the respirator. Six months later, 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:48.880 February the twenty fourth of that next year, my second 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:58.440 son passed away twenty fifteen, two days after three days 0:09:58.480 --> 0:10:01.960 after Christmas. December to twent eight, that's when my baby 0:10:02.000 --> 0:10:04.480 passed away. And I say my baby because he was 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:11.079 literally the baby, the last of the bunch. So and 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:15.280 you know, last year December was the first year that 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:20.000 I ever sat back, and I literally dealt with that 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:26.440 since twenty fifteen because I kept moving and so much 0:10:26.559 --> 0:10:29.960 was happening in twenty twenty four and I said, Sonya, 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:33.600 you have to deal with this. You can't let this 0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:36.080 new year come in and this Christmas come in and 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:41.360 act like nothing happened. So I sat by myself and 0:10:41.440 --> 0:10:45.000 I endured it about what happened to me on that year, 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:48.160 on that day, and you know, it wasn't as bad 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.440 as I really thought it was gonna be. But you know, 0:10:51.480 --> 0:10:52.480 I got it together. 0:10:52.760 --> 0:11:01.520 I did so three sons all in Newark, right, All 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:05.199 three of them were killed in Newark. Yes, And has 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:09.439 there been any prosecution of those who are responsible for 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:11.359 their deaths? 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:19.320 All three of my son's cases are cool. Yeah, it's 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:23.679 like I had no fight. I'm not going to say 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:27.240 I didn't have any help, but I really didn't know 0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:31.120 what to do. And it was like a wolf cry, 0:11:32.480 --> 0:11:35.920 like you crying out for help, but nobody not listening. 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:39.720 And the only person I had to cry out to 0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:43.840 already had the city on his already had the city 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:46.280 he had to run, so you can give it all 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:50.760 to him. So I tried. I really did try. I 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:53.280 was fifteen years old when I had those kids. 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:54.520 Let's talk about it. 0:11:55.080 --> 0:11:57.920 I was fifteen years old, you know, And at the 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.080 end of the day, I'm not embarrassed about it. 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:01.800 You know, I. 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:06.160 Talked to Ad a lot, you guys know him New Direction. 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:09.240 I give a big shout out to them and pushing 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:15.600 all the other organizations out here. I was fifteen years 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:19.280 old when I had those kids. It wasn't easy. I struggled, 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:23.120 I strived, but I stayed. And you know, to be 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:26.719 young and to lose children, that's the most hurt in 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:30.080 this detrimental feeling in the world, regardless of how you 0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:35.600 lose your child, and to lose three of them, it 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:40.840 hurt pretty bad. But I learned, believe it or not, 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:47.080 I learned that God got me. God got me. It's 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:50.600 no to meka my sign. I'm gonna tell you something. 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:52.839 It's no other way that I can make it through, 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:59.079 no other way. And like I say, I don't only 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:01.680 speak on my health, and that's why I try to 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:03.600 do certain things. 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:04.120 You know. 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:09.080 I'm so blessed for Jamilla, doctor, Jamilla Davis. I'm so 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:12.079 blessed for Tybor. I'm so blessed for my son. I'm 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:15.560 so blessed for all these organizations out here because I 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:18.200 know these people, and you know, I could turn to 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:20.360 them and try to talk because that's what helps me 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:24.280 believe it or not talking, I got to talk about it. 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:27.640 What I wonder is so you still have two. 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:33.160 Yes, I have two beautiful daughters. One of my daughters 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:37.360 she's here. My other daughter lives down south in North Carolina. 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:42.720 She works she's supervisor at Navy Federal. You know, I 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:47.240 was kind of sad when my oldest daughter left or whatever, 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:52.200 but I don't blame her. That's a lot of hurt 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:55.800 and pain for a person to try to endure when 0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:57.880 all you did was try to come up here to 0:13:58.040 --> 0:14:02.960 save your little brother and pick him up, HM to 0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:06.240 take him back, and to have to get a phone 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:09.079 call like that when you on a highway to come 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:12.280 pick your little brother up, it's that your mental And 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:15.960 my other daughter suffers from depression. But you know, it's 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:19.160 a lot of things that we hide some people. Some 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:22.720 people might know. If you're close to us, you know 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:25.480 you may know. But it's a lot of hurt and 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:29.320 pain in this. And this is why not saying that 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:33.200 I'm the perfect person, not saying that I'm the perfect candidate, 0:14:33.720 --> 0:14:37.680 but and not saying if I can do it, but 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:45.720 if I could try to help somebody that's best for me. 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:49.480 Do you have do you have a therapist? Do you 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:50.440 speak to somebody? 0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:54.960 I do have a therapist, and I'm gonna tell you again, 0:14:55.880 --> 0:15:00.280 Jamilla got hooked me up with the young lady check 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:01.160 going hard. 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:05.520 To the therapist. 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:14.680 The therapists need therapists everybody needs somebody, everybody. 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:19.400 I'm just hoping, you know, when I hear Unfortunately, like 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:22.040 you said, yours is not the only story like this. 0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:25.360 This is probably like the fourth or fifth time that 0:15:25.440 --> 0:15:29.880 I've had a mother say that they've lost multiple, multiple children. 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:33.360 And I just I'm hoping that somebody is listening. I'm 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:36.160 hoping that somebody who's in these gangs and in these 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:39.800 streets and that's, you know, thinking about taking somebody's life, 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:45.760 just hears this. You know, like to me, the pain 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:48.840 that you're expressing, and just you know, not only the pain, 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:51.080 but just the fact that you want to utilize your 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:53.680 story to try to help somebody else, you know, and 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:57.240 you've created this organization that you have to try to 0:15:57.240 --> 0:16:01.080 stop gun violence. You know. I know that it motivates 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:03.720 me to do the work that I do. I know 0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:06.120 it motivates me to go out there and say, I 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:08.160 don't want to hear another mother cry. I don't want 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:11.440 to see another mother lose their child. You know, mothers 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:13.960 are not supposed to bury their children. You know, the 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:16.240 children are supposed to bury their mother, you know. So 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:19.280 I know it motivates me. So I'm just I just 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:22.440 want you to know that your bravery and your strength 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:27.520 even in your tears a lot, you know, and they're 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:30.120 gonna touch somebody, you know, I know this. It's gonna 0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:32.880 be somebody that hears your story. You know. There's gonna 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:36.520 be a mother that hears your story and pushes and 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:38.760 grabs her son, you know, because he might be in 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:41.200 the street. Like you say, you knew your oldest son 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:43.840 was outside and you aren't blind to it, and she 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:46.920 might do something, to do anything extra to try to 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:48.760 save them because she don't want to see that fate. 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:51.680 A lot of a lot of mothers. And I noticed, 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:54.640 because I speak to a lot of women who have children, 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:58.160 A lot of women fear for their kids, especially their sons. 0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:00.360 They really fear for their sons, but they don't know 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:04.840 what to do, you know, and hearing your story is 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:08.200 gonna make them embrace them a little further, a little 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:10.480 more and say, look, I don't know what I'm gonna do, 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:12.440 but I don't want to lose my son like this. 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:16.840 But I'm gonna tell you one thing. As a single parent, 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:20.280 because it's a lot of us here. You can't give up, 0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:24.520 you know, you cannot give up. And it's hard, aw man, 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:29.320 it's so hard, but you can't give up because these 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:32.359 black young men have to know that somebody loves them. 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:38.680 These kids are feeling the pain of losing people too, 0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:41.600 and they may not want to talk about it, but 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:47.040 it's here, these kids, these adults and everybody. It's not 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:50.840 only people out here losing their children. Because I'm gonna 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:55.359 take a step back. I lost my mother. I lost 0:17:55.400 --> 0:17:58.520 my mother. It's like I'm walking around here no empathy, 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:01.000 no sympathy, but it's like I'm walking around here with 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:03.640 already made up family that I set up Ever since 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:07.800 I grew up. I could tell you about every single 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:12.200 aspect of life, even down to losing a significant other, 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:13.440 which was a brief. 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:17.240 Friend and was your family always from Newark? 0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:22.600 Yes, yes, So how does it feel to see Newark 0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:27.879 now making a real hard turn. It's not yet perfect, 0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:33.560 long way to go, people still dying, but there is 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:36.720 a significant change, and that is because of the work 0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:40.639 that you and so many others have put in, and 0:18:40.720 --> 0:18:43.960 of course having a leader like Mayor Baraka who is 0:18:44.200 --> 0:18:48.440 very much so invested in helping young black men and 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:53.960 girls and helping any disadvantage under resourced young person. How 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:58.040 do you feel now knowing that Unfortunately your three sons 0:18:58.080 --> 0:19:02.640 didn't make it, but somebody son will make it because 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:05.520 the city is really investing in young people. 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:10.160 You hit the nail on the head. Let me tell 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:16.080 you something I wish. I wish my boys could have 0:19:16.240 --> 0:19:22.600 been here to experience all of this. OVPT, the Brick 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:29.200 City Peace Collective, oh Man New Direction, push you my sogn, 0:19:29.400 --> 0:19:36.160 Doctor Jamila Davis. It's a one hood. So many organizations 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:38.800 out here that you even have. It's all about the 0:19:38.840 --> 0:19:41.479 seniors and children that's trying to teach people how to 0:19:41.520 --> 0:19:44.760 cut here. You have so many organizations out here. I 0:19:44.960 --> 0:19:49.119 wish I wish. You don't even know how many times 0:19:49.160 --> 0:19:52.000 I said, I wish my son would have got locked 0:19:52.080 --> 0:19:54.040 up in federal prison for the rest of his life. 0:19:56.200 --> 0:20:01.000 I wish, I wish that these organizations were here, But 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:04.520 they were planning on the footwork. They were planning on 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:07.560 the footwork. I remember when Keisha Eurver used to just 0:20:07.640 --> 0:20:12.560 beat the street for nothing, my sign. I remember when 0:20:12.560 --> 0:20:17.640 you beat the street for nothing tut his home, Shadi. 0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:20.840 I'm so proud of him to me give you a blessing. 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:24.439 It's just so many people that I wish could have 0:20:24.600 --> 0:20:27.720 just touched my children. I could just see my son now, 0:20:29.280 --> 0:20:32.560 you know. And like I said, I can't help but 0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:35.680 two cries sometimes, but these are honestly tells the joy, 0:20:36.040 --> 0:20:39.400 you know, to talk about three children. Sometimes I get emotional. 0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:43.760 Sometimes I don't, but I really want to help impack somebody. 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:46.600 I get stagnated a little bit, I really do. I 0:20:46.600 --> 0:20:52.000 get stagnated because I get scared because I know that 0:20:52.480 --> 0:20:56.719 I'm not a wonder woman, and I know that I 0:20:56.800 --> 0:21:00.600 have my breakdowns in my falls too. But I have 0:21:00.880 --> 0:21:05.159 to learn. I have to learn that it's okay not 0:21:05.280 --> 0:21:11.160 to be okay. It's okay not to be okay, especially 0:21:11.200 --> 0:21:14.439 with and I can only speak for myself what a 0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:18.000 person endures. It's okay not to be okay. And in 0:21:18.040 --> 0:21:21.840 my case, I think I could get that a little bit. 0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:23.679 It's okay not to be okay. 0:21:24.280 --> 0:21:27.000 Tell us about your organizations that you run. 0:21:28.200 --> 0:21:32.440 So through our voices again I made through our voices, 0:21:32.880 --> 0:21:36.360 believe it or not. Through our voices came up one 0:21:36.400 --> 0:21:39.920 of my girlfriends her son passed away, but he didn't 0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:43.240 pass away from gun violence. And so you know, it 0:21:43.280 --> 0:21:45.320 would be a lot of things that came up in 0:21:45.359 --> 0:21:49.160 the city, and it would somewhat be surrounded around gun violence, 0:21:49.520 --> 0:21:52.040 and she would always say to me, I'm not going. 0:21:52.359 --> 0:21:55.159 I don't think that's for me. And I'm like, you 0:21:55.240 --> 0:21:58.520 got a voice regardless of how your child passed away. 0:21:59.480 --> 0:22:02.919 That's your kid. You a good mother, I know you 0:22:03.040 --> 0:22:05.080 loved him. No, you got a voice too. 0:22:05.119 --> 0:22:05.199 It. 0:22:05.280 --> 0:22:08.400 Then I just thought about it. I'm like, through our voices, 0:22:08.640 --> 0:22:12.560 everybody has a voice, because yes, I bury my children, 0:22:12.880 --> 0:22:18.040 but I have friends that lost their parents and they 0:22:18.080 --> 0:22:24.160 suffer from depression. I have friends that lost their significant other, 0:22:24.520 --> 0:22:27.520 they suffer from depression. I have friends that just have 0:22:27.640 --> 0:22:31.560 lost siblings. They suffer through depression. I have friends that 0:22:32.520 --> 0:22:37.640 endure what we all endure, and they suffering from depression. 0:22:38.000 --> 0:22:42.760 You get it. So it's fear to think about everybody. 0:22:42.960 --> 0:22:45.679 It's not always fear. It's not always good to be 0:22:45.760 --> 0:22:48.800 selfish or just oh, this is only about gun violence. 0:22:48.840 --> 0:22:53.879 It's no. It's about sexual abuse, it's about domestic violence. 0:22:54.560 --> 0:22:58.080 It's about the trauma and depression of all this stuff. 0:23:00.200 --> 0:23:04.920 You know, my therapist that I talked to, that doctor 0:23:05.040 --> 0:23:08.720 Davis introduced me to, not one time has she said 0:23:08.720 --> 0:23:12.280 to me, you know sonya or ms Rogers, I think 0:23:12.400 --> 0:23:14.959 we need to talk you know, maybe you need to 0:23:15.000 --> 0:23:17.720 come in and get on a prescription or something like that. 0:23:18.480 --> 0:23:22.160 Not one time. And I'm here to tell anybody, God 0:23:22.240 --> 0:23:26.359 is the drug, Oh my god, it's not. It's not 0:23:26.600 --> 0:23:31.440 a prescription out here that can help men anybody's broken heart. 0:23:33.920 --> 0:23:37.439 Well, I will say, because I am an advocate for 0:23:37.560 --> 0:23:42.400 people getting what they need. So if for some reason 0:23:43.440 --> 0:23:46.159 you have been and I don't think people should just 0:23:46.200 --> 0:23:49.720 take medicine, because you know, I don't believe it's very 0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:52.719 difficult to get me to agree to take even a 0:23:52.800 --> 0:23:55.680 cold medicine or you know, fluid colds and whatever. I'm 0:23:55.680 --> 0:23:58.600 not into that. My parents were never people who kept 0:23:58.600 --> 0:24:01.560 medicine in the house. They didn't take medicine. But through 0:24:01.640 --> 0:24:04.679 my own anxiety, my son's father was killed when my 0:24:04.800 --> 0:24:08.720 son was two years old. I was eighteen nineteen years 0:24:08.760 --> 0:24:12.760 old when he died, you know, and he died because 0:24:12.800 --> 0:24:16.440 of gun violence. And I have also gone through a 0:24:16.560 --> 0:24:19.439 number of traumas in life. In fact, a book that 0:24:19.640 --> 0:24:21.959 I have coming out in just a couple of weeks 0:24:22.560 --> 0:24:26.600 really goes into everything that has happened, all that I 0:24:26.760 --> 0:24:30.120 endured that led me to a place where I learned. 0:24:30.560 --> 0:24:34.479 My problem, of course, was stressed, but it was also 0:24:34.680 --> 0:24:41.359 learning how to deal with anxiety and I needed medication. 0:24:41.880 --> 0:24:46.440 In fact, it helps me tremendously that I have something 0:24:46.480 --> 0:24:49.840