1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's The Velvet's 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,119 Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson. All Right, you guys are 3 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:12,120 Speaker 1: continuing along with the Month of Love on the v podcast. 4 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 1: And like we learned last week, our bodies really do 5 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,319 Speaker 1: a quate sex and love as the same thing, and 6 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,119 Speaker 1: so sex is obviously a really important part of love 7 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: that I wanted to bring in an expert who is 8 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 1: really embracing what that means for women. I feel like 9 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,920 Speaker 1: we have so many different stories and programming that we're 10 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: all trying to work through, and especially in this day 11 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 1: and age, it seems to be coming to the forefront. 12 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: So askeding. Marie is here and she is going to 13 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 1: be talking about sexual empowerment for women with us today. 14 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 1: HI asked, thank you for having me. I'm so excited. 15 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 1: We thank you for being here. You and I have 16 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 1: tried to connect for quite some time now, so I'm 17 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,480 Speaker 1: happy that we finally got it worked out. You're in Sydney, Australia, 18 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:55,720 Speaker 1: which there's quite a bit of a time difference. If 19 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 1: you guys don't know, she's a whole day ahead of us, 20 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 1: so she knows a lot. We finally made it though, 21 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:05,119 Speaker 1: that's all that matters were here. So you are a 22 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 1: sexual empowerment expert? How does one become a sexual empowerment expert? 23 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:14,120 Speaker 1: What does that entail? So, I mean there's like lots 24 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 1: of little pieces to my journey. I can speak on 25 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: the part that was my own, um sexual empowerment journey, 26 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 1: which for me, I guess really started when I started 27 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:27,120 Speaker 1: pole dancing. So for me, like pole dancing was my 28 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:31,319 Speaker 1: first taste of like really like embodying that sexual sensual 29 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 1: aspect of myself and allowing myself to like really explore 30 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:39,120 Speaker 1: that um, especially like being in a studio with other 31 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 1: women like supporting you, giving you permission. It was just 32 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: like a really safe support of space. And that quickly 33 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: led me into stripping, which was then like a nine 34 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 1: year journey. I did that for nine years, and stripping 35 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 1: gave me so much in terms of body confidence and 36 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:59,880 Speaker 1: owning my sexuality and like boundaries and knowing my needs 37 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: and fully just like releasing all of the shame that 38 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: I was carrying around my sexuality. And after a few 39 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 1: years dancing, I was like, I like, I've gained so 40 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,679 Speaker 1: much out of this is I want to be able 41 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,920 Speaker 1: to share everything that I've gained with other women, but 42 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,399 Speaker 1: in a more supportive container, because it's not always empowering 43 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:23,359 Speaker 1: for everyone that goes down the path um And then 44 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,520 Speaker 1: I decided to study, so I you know, when things 45 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:27,920 Speaker 1: just like show up, I was like, I know this 46 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,239 Speaker 1: is what I want to do. I want to take 47 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,799 Speaker 1: sexual I don't know how, but I'm going to stay open. 48 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 1: Next minute I see a course pop up. Actually, I 49 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: think in my emails sex Love and Relationship Coaching certification. 50 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 1: I did that for a year and a half, which 51 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 1: was really beautiful. It was a combination of psychology but 52 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 1: also like ancient um or like tan trick and mystical practices, 53 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: so it really wasn't like a nice balance of both. 54 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: And here I am business encouraging them all over the world, 55 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 1: and I want to talk more specifically about your business. 56 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,639 Speaker 1: But really what I heard in that statement was that stripping, 57 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,400 Speaker 1: which is so fascinating that this is what LEDs you 58 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 1: to release your shame around your body and your own sexuality. 59 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 1: But I loved reading your story on your website. It 60 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 1: talks a lot about you lost your virginity at a 61 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: super young age and then you've got in this relationship 62 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,760 Speaker 1: that was somewhat abusive. If I think I read that correctly, 63 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,960 Speaker 1: I'll have you tell the story, but that you really 64 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 1: lost yourself in that relationship. And I think so many 65 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 1: women truly identify with that thing. I know I have 66 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: been in that same dynamic where it's more about pleasing 67 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 1: your partner than any sort of pleasure for yourself, not 68 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 1: only in sex, but in every aspect of their relationship. So, 69 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: can you talk us through your beginning journey, even before 70 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 1: the stripping, and why you got to the place of 71 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: just feeling like you needed to release that shame. Yeah, 72 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 1: so my let's stop way back. So when I was 73 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 1: a little girl, before I even had sex, I felt 74 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: like I was just naturally really in touch with my sexuality. 75 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 1: None of us really are born with body shame, right, 76 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 1: So I would be running around naked, like being naked 77 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: with my friends and south lecturing from a really young 78 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 1: age as well, um in like a really like pure 79 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,919 Speaker 1: and innocent way. And I don't think for me, it 80 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: was until I lost my virginity that I started to 81 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:23,280 Speaker 1: hold shame around it. And that's when I became disconnected 82 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,719 Speaker 1: to it because I feel like it was no longer 83 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,720 Speaker 1: for me, It was no longer a gift for me, 84 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 1: but it was something that I used to earn the 85 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,599 Speaker 1: love and acceptance from my partners or to make me 86 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: feel worthy of their love. So, like you just said, 87 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 1: it was like everything was about pleasing them and keeping 88 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: them happy. And if I was doing that, then I 89 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, good, he's happy, Like that's what matters. 90 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: And years went by. My first relationship, two years I 91 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 1: didn't even have an orgasm, didn't bring it up, like, 92 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 1: I didn't even question it was just like, okay, this 93 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: is what this is um and yeah, like slowly just 94 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 1: began to lose myself over those years. My next relationship 95 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,480 Speaker 1: finally did have an orgasm, had a partner that was 96 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: a little bit more caring and a little more But 97 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:13,719 Speaker 1: what I noticed in this relationship was I did find 98 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,840 Speaker 1: it hard to orgasm and I found it hard to 99 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,719 Speaker 1: really tap into my pleasure because of the insecurities that 100 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 1: I had around my body. So I was always really 101 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 1: insecure about my breasts, and so instead of being in 102 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,760 Speaker 1: the moment like enjoying pleasure, connecting with my partner, I 103 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 1: would be out of my head like, oh my god, 104 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 1: is he judging me? Like did my births look funny? 105 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: Like you know, going through all those insecurities. And this 106 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: is where stripping really supported me, because I think for me, 107 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,719 Speaker 1: the issue was I grew up comparing myself to what 108 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 1: I saw on TV or what I saw in magazines, 109 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:54,919 Speaker 1: like that cookie cutter stereotype of beauty, and because I 110 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 1: felt like I didn't fit into that, I was like, 111 00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:00,200 Speaker 1: I'm there's something wrong with me. I'm broken. And then 112 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:04,599 Speaker 1: when I started stripping, it was like the shame melted 113 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:08,040 Speaker 1: away almost in an instant of like walking into the club, 114 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:14,360 Speaker 1: looking around, seeing all of these beautiful women, all different shapes, sizes, colors, 115 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 1: even our pussy, it's like so many different shapes, sizes, colors. 116 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,560 Speaker 1: I had no idea and it was like in that moment, 117 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:25,919 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I am normal, right. And I 118 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 1: also think that there's so much power in nudity and 119 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: being seeing naked, because for me, it felt like I 120 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,279 Speaker 1: was hiding almost like this dirty secret, or like hiding 121 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: all the shame, like didn't want anyone to see me. 122 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:44,560 Speaker 1: And as soon as you take off your clothes, it's 123 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:48,159 Speaker 1: almost like you just allow yourself to feel fully seen 124 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,560 Speaker 1: and in that moment you don't receive any judgment. And 125 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,440 Speaker 1: for me, it was like, oh, these men are still 126 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: like they still adore me, they still want to throw 127 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,280 Speaker 1: money at me, they still want to take you for shows. 128 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: Everyone's telling me how goodous I am, And so that 129 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 1: reflected back to me my own beauty, and I loved 130 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 1: me to accept myself like never before. But I feel like, 131 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 1: like taking off your clothes, it's like, yeah, you're taking 132 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 1: off these physical ways that you also take off, like 133 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,040 Speaker 1: the energetic ways of shame and conditioning, and there's just 134 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: so much freedom in that, yeah, which obviously everyone gets 135 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 1: to in a different way. Right. I'm sure if some 136 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 1: people are listening and they're like, Okay, is this a 137 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 1: lesson on stripping? Like what? This is so not the 138 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 1: new normal Velvet Edge podcast content. But I loved your 139 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: story because there was this just embracing of your own 140 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 1: self through that journey, and like everyone's on their own journey. 141 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 1: We all know, so whatever it takes to get us there, 142 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 1: I think is what what it takes. And what I 143 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 1: just heard you say was the part about um that 144 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: you comparing yourself to the other women, Like I feel 145 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 1: like as women we are in such a double bond 146 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 1: because it's like you carry all the shame around your 147 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: body and about being different like you felt. And then 148 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: all so we're so objectified for our bodies, and so 149 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 1: there's like this constant battle of I need to look 150 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: this certain way to feel beautiful. Yet when I do, 151 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,840 Speaker 1: you know, maybe fit into the picture perfect mold, I'm 152 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 1: looked at as an object and so you kind of 153 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 1: don't want either, right, Yeah, And when I go ahead, 154 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I mean by going back. First of all, 155 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:27,440 Speaker 1: I love what you said about everyone's journey being completely different, 156 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 1: and I think I really have to do speak on 157 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: that because for me it was really empowering, especially beginning. 158 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 1: I've got so much out of it. But I also 159 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:38,960 Speaker 1: want to say in the same breath that there's so 160 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,319 Speaker 1: many women who do go down the path is stripping 161 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,439 Speaker 1: and completely lose themselves to it. Or they might feel 162 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: more insecure, they're comparing themselves more and so they end 163 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:50,439 Speaker 1: up getting surgery that they might not have otherwise, or 164 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:55,679 Speaker 1: they end up regretting later on. Um. Yeah, so everyone's 165 00:08:55,760 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: journey is completely different, and you can't anyone else's path. Um. 166 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 1: But I think for me, the biggest thing was learning 167 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:10,480 Speaker 1: to love and accept myself. So it's the love and 168 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 1: acceptance that I that I gained from within for myself. 169 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,360 Speaker 1: That really changed things rather than like relying on the 170 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:21,280 Speaker 1: external validation from the other girls or the customers that 171 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,959 Speaker 1: might come in UM, because I feel like if it's 172 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,839 Speaker 1: coming from externally, you're always just trying to feel filled 173 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: this void and it never really feels completely fulfilling, and 174 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 1: it's the love is coming from within and even acceptance, 175 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 1: So that's something I do want to say. Also, it's like, 176 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 1: you don't have to love everything about yourself. You don't 177 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 1: have to love every single part of your body. So 178 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 1: it's the same thing as if you fall in love 179 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 1: with someone. There's always going to be little things that 180 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,680 Speaker 1: you don't like, a little things that annoy you, and 181 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 1: it's okay, you still love them. Right, So it's okay 182 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 1: if you don't like the way that your booths look 183 00:09:58,040 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 1: or you don't like the fact that you put on 184 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: a little bit of extra weight. But as a whole, 185 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 1: we can still say that you love yourself, and what's 186 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 1: really important is to focus on just accepting that part 187 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,719 Speaker 1: of yourself. So for me, it started off with just 188 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:14,560 Speaker 1: accepting the fact that I didn't like the way that 189 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,120 Speaker 1: my groups loved so it's like, I accept that I 190 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,400 Speaker 1: don't like that, but I love myself anyway. And so 191 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:24,080 Speaker 1: then what happens is somebody does say something nasty, like 192 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 1: not that this really happens that if there's like a comment, 193 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 1: you can be like, I don't care if you don't 194 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: like how I look, because I accept myself and I 195 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 1: love myself. So it's really important to make sure that 196 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: your cup is full coming from self love rather than 197 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:42,679 Speaker 1: relying on things or people outside of yourself, because as 198 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:45,240 Speaker 1: soon as somebody says one negative comments, like they can 199 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: take all of that love and acceptance away from you. 200 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 1: Whereas if your cup school and someone says something nasty 201 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,679 Speaker 1: or they don't like you or whatever comes up, you 202 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: can go I don't care like I love and accept myself, 203 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: so my cup sport. It doesn't matter what you have 204 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 1: to say about me. Yes, I totally agree. We're doing 205 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 1: a lot of focus this month and love. Obviously it's February, 206 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,560 Speaker 1: it's the month of love for everyone. But a lot 207 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,599 Speaker 1: of love conversations tend to go towards, you know, relationships 208 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,120 Speaker 1: with other people, and you always hear the quote that 209 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 1: people say you can't love someone else until you love yourself. Um, 210 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:21,120 Speaker 1: But I kind of translate that more into what I've 211 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 1: also heard in your work, which is knowing your worth. 212 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:26,199 Speaker 1: Like I know for me, I've gotten in relationships and 213 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:30,400 Speaker 1: the times where I have not felt very confident in 214 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,559 Speaker 1: myself or I don't know my worth, those relationships always 215 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:37,560 Speaker 1: end up going really south, really fast, because I'm not 216 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:42,440 Speaker 1: appreciating or respecting myself in a way that would invite 217 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 1: the kind of love that would serve me into my life. 218 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 1: And so I've heard in your journey and I think 219 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,320 Speaker 1: you mentioned this earlier about or we mentioned about the 220 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: abusive relationship that kind of took you on this journey 221 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,760 Speaker 1: of finding your own empowerment. But did you feel from 222 00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:00,120 Speaker 1: earlier on or before you got into that relationship, that 223 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 1: you just didn't have a relationship with yourself or a 224 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 1: relationship of love with yourself. Yeah, I think like for me, 225 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,920 Speaker 1: I picked up a lot of stories from my childhood, 226 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 1: like my underlying beliefs that were that I was unworthy 227 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 1: of love, I wasn't lovable. Um. I tend to have 228 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,720 Speaker 1: like a more anxious attachment style thing. I would definitely 229 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:27,200 Speaker 1: look outside of myself for validation. And so I mean 230 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,360 Speaker 1: what I was speaking about before. What would happen is I, 231 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 1: some of the times wouldn't even know what my needs 232 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 1: and my boundaries were, and if I did know, I 233 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 1: wouldn't speak on them because I was so afraid that 234 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 1: if I was like, hey, like I don't like it 235 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,720 Speaker 1: when you do this, so I would love it if 236 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:46,080 Speaker 1: you did this, that I would push them away. Right, 237 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,880 Speaker 1: That's what we get afraid of. It's like we don't 238 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 1: want to put ourselves first because we're afraid if we 239 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 1: say yes to ourselves and notice somebody else, they're going 240 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,360 Speaker 1: to take their love away from us. And when you're 241 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,720 Speaker 1: relying on someone else's love to fill your cup, it's 242 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:02,800 Speaker 1: really scary. Yeah, Like to what you said, like, it's 243 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:07,840 Speaker 1: about the relationship that you have with yourself. I recently, 244 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: uh like six months ago, maybe a little bit longer, 245 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: finished up an intentional celibacy journey. So they did an 246 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,800 Speaker 1: intentional celibacy for nine months where I didn't date anybody, 247 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:22,480 Speaker 1: didn't sleep with anybody. It was just like fully focusing 248 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: on me, loving myself, being my own best lover. And 249 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:30,440 Speaker 1: it was such an eye opening experience for me and 250 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 1: really allowed me to see the fact that the way 251 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 1: that you love yourself sets the bar for how others 252 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: treat you, not only like inside and outside the bedroom. 253 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 1: I've really noticed it's like you get to set this 254 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 1: new standard. I think what happens is if you carry 255 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,959 Speaker 1: these narratives and these beliefs that you're not worthy of love, 256 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,800 Speaker 1: but you always want to prove ourselves right. So if 257 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,439 Speaker 1: this underlying belief is like I'm not worthy of love, 258 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 1: someone might come along and shower you with f loove 259 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 1: or like if you compliments all these beautiful things, and 260 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 1: if you don't feel like you're worthy, you're going to 261 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,560 Speaker 1: shut down or you're going to push them away just 262 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 1: to prove yourself right and be like, yet, see I 263 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 1: told you not worthy? Right? This thing is humans. We 264 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 1: always want to prove ourselves right, even if proving ourselves 265 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 1: right doesn't necessarily serve us, so we feel more safe 266 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 1: and comfortable and what's familiar. So if what's familiar for 267 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:31,160 Speaker 1: us is feeling unloved, then that's just the situations that 268 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 1: we're going to create and the relationships that we're going 269 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 1: to create and the narratives that we're going to bring 270 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,760 Speaker 1: with us moving forward. So I think for me, what 271 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,680 Speaker 1: I realized is that just like cutting off, like having 272 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:45,480 Speaker 1: a break with dating and loving myself and getting to 273 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 1: this place where my cup was so full and I 274 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 1: felt so loved and I felt so worthy and so 275 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: desired and all these things that we tend to look 276 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:57,240 Speaker 1: outside of ourselves for that kind of set then you 277 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:01,160 Speaker 1: standard and I taught myself to feel saf and receiving that, 278 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 1: and because I felt like it was so easy receiving 279 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 1: that from myself, it just felt for natural, and to 280 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 1: receive it from somebody else so so amazing. That makes 281 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 1: so much sense to me. I'm kind of on a 282 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,360 Speaker 1: similar journey right now, and I'm such a big advocate, 283 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,680 Speaker 1: especially if you are getting out of a relationship to 284 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 1: actually spend time with yourself again. And I think it's 285 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 1: so uncomfortable, especially if you've been with someone a really 286 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: long time. It's a big adjustment, you know, because the 287 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 1: quiet and then you're just with yourself, and it's like 288 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: we almost forget how to have a relationship with ourselves, 289 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 1: or maybe some of us never have, and so it's 290 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,360 Speaker 1: learning how to do that. Do you have any tips 291 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: or anything specifically that you could tell the listeners that 292 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 1: you learned on this nine months celibacy journey. Yeah. I 293 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,080 Speaker 1: think the biggest thing was for me was recognizing that 294 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 1: everything that I desire from a patner or from the man, 295 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 1: I can actually access within myself. Like there was some 296 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 1: days where I was like like I was like go 297 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: going all out, so like I was thinking, like what 298 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: do I want my dream partner to do? I was 299 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 1: like myself flowers or take myself on little SEXI s 300 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 1: daccasons and up for dinner and all these things like 301 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: writing myself love notes. And there were days where I 302 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 1: was like, I feel so loved, Like I've never felt 303 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 1: this loved in my entire life. And that was such 304 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,240 Speaker 1: a big wake up, Like everything that I've been craving 305 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:26,239 Speaker 1: from a man probably my entire life, is actually available 306 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 1: from myself, like I can offer it to myself. The 307 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 1: thing I think if that's really important is if you 308 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:38,960 Speaker 1: are wanting to do an intentional celibacy journey. First of all, 309 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: the word intentional is very important. I speak to a 310 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: lot of women and they're like, oh, yeah, I've done 311 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: I've done celibacy for nine months. I just haven't been 312 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: out and meet somebody. I'm like, yeah, But if you're 313 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 1: on dating apps and you're going out drinking and like 314 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 1: looking around trying to meet somebody. It's actually not intentional. 315 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:01,320 Speaker 1: We call that an accidental celibacy, still leaking energy. You're 316 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 1: still looking for someone, right, Yeah, really celibate's like you're 317 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,800 Speaker 1: not even open to that possibility. So all of your 318 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,160 Speaker 1: energy is constantly just like going back and focusing on yourself. 319 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:18,159 Speaker 1: So that's really important. Also, I think having an intention 320 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,119 Speaker 1: as to what your wife is. So for me, I 321 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:25,920 Speaker 1: really wanted to coming out of my last relationship, I 322 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 1: knew that I wanted to raise the bar I'd always 323 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,720 Speaker 1: I had also found out that I had been portrayed 324 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: portrayed in that relationship. So for me, one of the 325 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,240 Speaker 1: intentions was I wanted to get to a place where 326 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:40,200 Speaker 1: I felt whole without having to rely on somebody else 327 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,080 Speaker 1: to like fix me. Like I didn't want to start 328 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,879 Speaker 1: bleeding on somebody that hadn't hurt me. I don't want 329 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,679 Speaker 1: to take all of the fear and the mistrust that 330 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 1: I had in men and projected onto my new partner 331 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 1: who probably hasn't done anything wrong. I'm a big part 332 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,119 Speaker 1: of my journey was wanting to, yeah, just get to 333 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:01,680 Speaker 1: this place where I felt like deeply in love with myself. 334 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,960 Speaker 1: So the wise really important because I noticed that where 335 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,040 Speaker 1: women's struggle is if they do meet a man, they 336 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 1: find it hard to say no because it's like, oh 337 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,359 Speaker 1: my god, what if he's the one he could be 338 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,919 Speaker 1: my future husband? Like oh what am I missing out on? Right? So, 339 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,920 Speaker 1: if you don't have a clear intention as to why 340 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,159 Speaker 1: you're doing it, every man that you turned down or 341 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,320 Speaker 1: say no to, it's going to feel like a loss. 342 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 1: Whereas where I was with my attention being so strong, 343 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 1: knowing what I was getting out of it, so strong, 344 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:37,200 Speaker 1: believing so deeply that in this journey of me sitting 345 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 1: any standard and raising the bat was eventually going to 346 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: lead me to like the most dreamy relationship. Any time 347 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,560 Speaker 1: I said no to a man or I mean, I 348 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,800 Speaker 1: never really felt like I was missing out on anything. 349 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: But any time I turned someone away and decided to 350 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,919 Speaker 1: say yes to me, it was like, I'm not missing 351 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,640 Speaker 1: out on anything. I've been missing out on so much 352 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,320 Speaker 1: if I said yes to him, because I'd be saying 353 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,080 Speaker 1: nor to myself. I'll be saying nor to the self 354 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,919 Speaker 1: love journey and everything that comes with that. So it 355 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,960 Speaker 1: never felt like I was losing anything. It always felt 356 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: like how it's gaining something. If that makes sense, it straw. Yeah, 357 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,679 Speaker 1: I actually that makes so much sense. I've been experiencing 358 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:27,159 Speaker 1: a very similar thing and it's really brought to the 359 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 1: forefront of my mind um boundaries, and that's something I've 360 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,360 Speaker 1: struggled with in the past and relationships. And then I realized, 361 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,040 Speaker 1: you know, how can I ask someone else to respect 362 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,320 Speaker 1: my boundaries when I'm not respecting my boundaries within myself. 363 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,960 Speaker 1: And so what that's begun to look like for me 364 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 1: is setting an intention of I haven't called it celibacy, 365 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:48,679 Speaker 1: but I'll call it that now. I mean it was 366 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,240 Speaker 1: like as an intention to be on my own for 367 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:56,000 Speaker 1: a certain amount of time, and within each time that 368 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 1: I've respected that boundary and not been scared to turn 369 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:03,199 Speaker 1: things the way or I've said yes to myself, it 370 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:07,119 Speaker 1: is so empowering, Like I'm finding so much power in 371 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 1: actually respecting what I want and need for myself and 372 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 1: not caring about, um, what I would be losing or 373 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,640 Speaker 1: anything like that, because I don't think that that's how 374 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,919 Speaker 1: the universe works, you know, Like I do think that 375 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 1: when it's the right time, the right thing comes. And 376 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:24,480 Speaker 1: so as long as I continue to say yes to myself. 377 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 1: I'm finding so much, um just power. It's crazy, it's 378 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 1: not and it's not like a power like a domination thing. 379 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:36,479 Speaker 1: It's just it's a comforting calm overall. Just Oh, this 380 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,400 Speaker 1: is what that feels like to say yes to myself 381 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,400 Speaker 1: and not be scared of what I might be losing 382 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: in the process. Yeah, because you're gaining something every time, 383 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,160 Speaker 1: and every time you say to yourself is like yeah, 384 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,440 Speaker 1: like you said that little up leveling, it's like, oh, 385 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: into a new level of self work. Yeah. Because I 386 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: think too, as women, we put such a pressure on 387 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,359 Speaker 1: our lives revolving around being in a relationship or not, 388 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,640 Speaker 1: and specifically around a certain age. You know, I'm gonna 389 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:09,280 Speaker 1: be forty this year, and I for sure have felt like, 390 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 1: oh god, I've got to get get this locked in 391 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,920 Speaker 1: or figured out. Um. I don't know where that came from, 392 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 1: just an old programming pressure. And the more I've released 393 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,639 Speaker 1: that and just said, yeah, but that's not where I 394 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,159 Speaker 1: am right now, and that isn't what I want to 395 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 1: invite into my life because I need to heal. I 396 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 1: want to develop a deeper relationship with myself, and just 397 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,840 Speaker 1: like you were saying, that's going to be what I 398 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 1: bring into my next relationship is actually just a much 399 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 1: more fulfilling way to live than living on some timeline exactly. 400 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 1: And when you think of it like that, it's like, well, 401 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 1: you could keep going on these little days, so women 402 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,439 Speaker 1: could be on like dating apps, going on tend to day. 403 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,520 Speaker 1: It's and just like repeating that saying so, but it's 404 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:53,840 Speaker 1: like you're not progressing at all. Oh you can be like, hey, 405 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 1: I'm gonna take like six months, nine months to myself 406 00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,119 Speaker 1: and then date, and your dating experiences from there going 407 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,919 Speaker 1: to be completely different, right, I wonder why why do 408 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: you think it is that we're so scared to be 409 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 1: on our own and spend that time with ourselves. I think, 410 00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:13,440 Speaker 1: like coming back to what I was saying before, we do, 411 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 1: especially as women, we tend to look outside of ourselves 412 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:21,880 Speaker 1: with validation. And I've been talking about this a lot recently. Actually, 413 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,960 Speaker 1: it's like we and so many women actually came to 414 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: and I was doing intentional celibacy and they were like, 415 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: oh my god, like I don't know how you're doing this, 416 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,280 Speaker 1: Like how do you feel satisfied? And I'd like easy 417 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:37,480 Speaker 1: like your self sex toys, like I like teach self pleasure, like, 418 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,359 Speaker 1: of course I know how to keep myself satisfied, and 419 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 1: they were like, no, but how do you feel like loved? 420 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 1: How do you feel desired? Like without a man in 421 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 1: your life? And that's when I realized, like, women are 422 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 1: only giving themselves permission to feel desirable if it's a 423 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,439 Speaker 1: man that's desiring them. Where's the truth there is? Like 424 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 1: who cares if there's a man out there that's desiring you? 425 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 1: You are desirable, bill, full stop? Right. We have to 426 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,400 Speaker 1: give ourselves permission to feel this way just because that's 427 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,359 Speaker 1: the way that we are, not because a man's told 428 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 1: us that we're desirable or lovable, et cetera, and go ahead. 429 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:20,919 Speaker 1: And it's so it's so powerful also because then what 430 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,480 Speaker 1: happens is after this, once you get into a relationship, 431 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 1: you're not going to settle so much. So there's so 432 00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:30,680 Speaker 1: many women who would rather just be in any old 433 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:34,160 Speaker 1: relationship then be with themselves, so they end up settling, 434 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,639 Speaker 1: and there's so much fair of being alone. So it's like, oh, 435 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,720 Speaker 1: I'll just be with this person. It feels safe for here. 436 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 1: But when you have got into this place where you 437 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,320 Speaker 1: feel so happy and comfortable and fulfilled being on your own. 438 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,560 Speaker 1: It's like, why am I going to settle for this? 439 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: Why am I going to rate like lower the bar, 440 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 1: lower the standard and just settled to be with any 441 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,320 Speaker 1: old guy when I know that being by myself is incredible. 442 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,159 Speaker 1: But it also gives you the power to walk away 443 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,680 Speaker 1: from a relationship that you're not happy in, because it's 444 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:08,399 Speaker 1: not like you're walking away from feeling loved and feeling 445 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,359 Speaker 1: desired into nothing. It's like you showed up into that 446 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,680 Speaker 1: relationship already feeling loud, feeling desired, cupful, and you leave 447 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,480 Speaker 1: that way. You leave a relationship knowing that you love, 448 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,360 Speaker 1: knowing that you're desirable, and you're cut still ful right 449 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,879 Speaker 1: Like they can't take any of that away from you. 450 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,119 Speaker 1: That's your power. That's okay. I love that that they 451 00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 1: can't take anything away from you. I do think that 452 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 1: we offer ourselves up for the sake of being in 453 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 1: a relationship so often, and I know for me, I've 454 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,840 Speaker 1: lost myself a couple of times because of that. What 455 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,520 Speaker 1: do you think as far as your work comes, Because 456 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,880 Speaker 1: what you were just saying I find so empowering, and 457 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 1: to me, that is what the truth feminine essences is. 458 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,119 Speaker 1: Being okay, standing on your own knowing your worth and 459 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,919 Speaker 1: loving yourself enough to know that you don't have to 460 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:57,919 Speaker 1: settle um. But but in our society, I think a 461 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,360 Speaker 1: lot of times I get can fused with what's being 462 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:06,080 Speaker 1: put out there as empowerment, like feminine empowerment or feminine power, 463 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 1: because in some ways there's parts of it that feel 464 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,600 Speaker 1: like we're just playing into what a man thinks a 465 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:15,239 Speaker 1: woman should be. So how do you decipher between the 466 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:19,040 Speaker 1: two in the work that you do with women? This 467 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:23,480 Speaker 1: is actually a really interesting conversation, and it's something I've 468 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,320 Speaker 1: been thinking about a lot recently, but I haven't really 469 00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 1: known how to speak on it. And one other thing 470 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 1: that the first thing that comes up for me when 471 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 1: you talk about this is I don't know that you 472 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,080 Speaker 1: see women doing like central eating and like all the 473 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:42,280 Speaker 1: embodiment work where they're like, I mean, it's hot and 474 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,440 Speaker 1: it's fun and it's empowering, but they're like in lingerie 475 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 1: and like doing like really erotic like all my strip 476 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:51,280 Speaker 1: tease dances on Instagram, And like a part of me 477 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:55,640 Speaker 1: is like, is this embodiment for their own pleasure? Which 478 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,800 Speaker 1: is what we now speak on when we talk about 479 00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:04,000 Speaker 1: female empowerment, or is it it uh, performative they're trying 480 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,360 Speaker 1: to get the attention of men. Well, I don't even 481 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:09,760 Speaker 1: know if it's necessarily for the attention of men, but 482 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,720 Speaker 1: as long as there's a camera in front of you, 483 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 1: there's always an aspect of it being performative. Right, Yeah, 484 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:22,080 Speaker 1: are you doing the same work off Instagram? Do it for? 485 00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:26,040 Speaker 1: You only do when there's a camera in front of you. 486 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,160 Speaker 1: Like obviously, coming from a stripping background, I know how 487 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,520 Speaker 1: empowering it feels to be watched and didn't like and 488 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,560 Speaker 1: to perform. So it's not necessarily a bad thing, but 489 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 1: it is something that I do think about a little bit. 490 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,439 Speaker 1: And also the work around sexuality. When you do the 491 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:47,320 Speaker 1: work and you're really embodied in it, you begin to 492 00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 1: notice that you will tend to lead less with your sexuality. 493 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:57,400 Speaker 1: So it's like the wounded or the unhealed feminine will 494 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,800 Speaker 1: lead with her sexuality because she focuses so much of 495 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,760 Speaker 1: a value on that, so she'll lead with it, and 496 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,600 Speaker 1: it's maybe like a little bit more, it's like a 497 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:13,000 Speaker 1: little bit manipulative sometimes. Um So then I look at 498 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,639 Speaker 1: some sexuality coaches who do lead with their sexuality, I'm like, 499 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:21,119 Speaker 1: is that is that fully embodied? Do you know what 500 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,919 Speaker 1: I'm saying? Yeah, totally. These are the debates I have 501 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,639 Speaker 1: to I mean, I posted this on my Instagram. I 502 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,200 Speaker 1: don't know, this was maybe six months ago. But I've 503 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 1: battled within myself even when it comes down to like 504 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,720 Speaker 1: bathing suit pictures, because and and for me, with the 505 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,600 Speaker 1: determination that I got to was what is my motivation? Like? 506 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,239 Speaker 1: Am I doing this because I feel fully embodied and 507 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,719 Speaker 1: I feel good in my own skin and it's an expression, 508 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:48,320 Speaker 1: it's like a self expression or am I doing it 509 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,879 Speaker 1: for external validation? And that's where I kind of decipher 510 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 1: between the two for myself. But it's confusing and I think, 511 00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: you know, a lot of it can get traced back 512 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:02,280 Speaker 1: to just old programming, like we've talked about. But um, 513 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 1: and we're trying to, I think, break those boundaries right now. 514 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 1: But it's just navigating that is seemingly a little bit 515 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,000 Speaker 1: confusing for all of us. And so, yeah, I was 516 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,360 Speaker 1: just curious what your thoughts were on actually embracing your 517 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:21,679 Speaker 1: sexuality and your feminine essence versus leaning more into what 518 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,879 Speaker 1: we've already done for so many years. I love that 519 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,560 Speaker 1: you're talking about this. Yeah, And I don't really have 520 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,760 Speaker 1: the answer, you know, like, I think it's just like 521 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: we're all navigating it right now. I also feel like 522 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:38,240 Speaker 1: if you are truly like embodied in and you've done 523 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 1: the work to reclaim your sexuality, you don't need to 524 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,560 Speaker 1: prove it. It just is what it is. You don't 525 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,360 Speaker 1: need to like fully lead with your sexuality, like like 526 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,720 Speaker 1: I've done the work. I'm comforting my sexuality. But then 527 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,320 Speaker 1: coming back to we said at the beginning of this 528 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:59,280 Speaker 1: podcast is everyone's journey looks different, and there'll be different 529 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,840 Speaker 1: stages within your journey where like nudity or feel more empowering, 530 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,160 Speaker 1: and then the won't feels so empowering. And that was 531 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,480 Speaker 1: my journey, right It was like, yeah, thing felt so 532 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:11,640 Speaker 1: empowering doing nude photo shoots. I was like, yeah, like 533 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,600 Speaker 1: this is um maybe like a little bit more taboo, 534 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 1: like this is norting. I shouldn't be doing this. I 535 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,080 Speaker 1: felt really empowering to like go down that path. And 536 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:21,760 Speaker 1: now I've gone the other way and I'm like, I 537 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:26,480 Speaker 1: don't really post that many Like I would never post 538 00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 1: any nude photos um or lingerie or anything like that. 539 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,680 Speaker 1: And I think it's just like coming back to where 540 00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 1: I am in my journey but I think everyone's journey 541 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 1: is different. Yeah, I think if you as someone like 542 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:45,120 Speaker 1: myself how I was, who has like insecurities around your 543 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,040 Speaker 1: body or what you look like, maybe hitting that in 544 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,600 Speaker 1: that direction and taking more raunchy photos or allowing yourself 545 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:55,520 Speaker 1: to be fully seen can be empowering. And then in 546 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 1: the same breath, well, I noticed that myself is because 547 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 1: from a young age, I was always told that I 548 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,560 Speaker 1: was beautiful, and I like did have quite an open, 549 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:10,680 Speaker 1: flirty energy. So I naturally begun to base a lot 550 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 1: of my work just on my looks, for my sexuality 551 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,960 Speaker 1: and my ability to please. As we spoke on so 552 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,960 Speaker 1: I would lead with my sexuality or lead with my 553 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,520 Speaker 1: looks and want to take more of those photos because like, 554 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:24,959 Speaker 1: I know that people like how I look, so I'm 555 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 1: going to lead with that because I feel like I'm 556 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 1: going to be accepted. And now I feel like because 557 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:36,320 Speaker 1: I've worked on like feeling comfortable in the way that 558 00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:40,560 Speaker 1: I look and with my body, but also basing my 559 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,120 Speaker 1: work on other things like my work and my gifts 560 00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 1: and what I offered to the world and the coaching 561 00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:49,040 Speaker 1: and everything else, I don't so much have to lead 562 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 1: with that aspect of myself, it's maybe a little bit 563 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 1: more balanced. Yeah, it's it's interesting to think about. I 564 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 1: always say there's no right or wrong, so there's no 565 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 1: shame of this, but it is just yeah, it's confusing. 566 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,880 Speaker 1: It is confusing, and I think this is just what 567 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:05,800 Speaker 1: we have to keep doing as women, is having these 568 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:10,680 Speaker 1: conversations and kind of navigating it together and um yeah, 569 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,200 Speaker 1: staying curious, you know, like because like I said, I 570 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:15,560 Speaker 1: don't really know the answer. And for me, a lot 571 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 1: of it has gone into really getting honest with myself 572 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,760 Speaker 1: about motivations or any sort of validation I might be seeking. 573 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 1: And I want to be able to do that for myself. 574 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,440 Speaker 1: I want to talk a little bit. And we talked 575 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,880 Speaker 1: a lot about knowing your words and finding your empowerment 576 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:41,800 Speaker 1: in your sexuality. And I feel like a lot of 577 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: women have a lot of shame around sex, like just 578 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 1: from an early age. That's something we're kind of taught 579 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,920 Speaker 1: and it's not really embraced the same way that it 580 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:54,120 Speaker 1: is for boys for us. Um So with that, you know, 581 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,560 Speaker 1: I think sex in a relationship is one thing, and 582 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 1: then also the self pleasure journey and so I know 583 00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:01,080 Speaker 1: a lot of your work has revolved around that, and 584 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:05,320 Speaker 1: can you kind of talk through your experiences with that, 585 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,280 Speaker 1: what you teach the women that you work with about 586 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:11,560 Speaker 1: self pleasure? And um, then I want to talk about 587 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,400 Speaker 1: sex magic because I heard you want a podcast talking 588 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 1: about this and I find it so fascinating. Okay, so yeah, 589 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:23,400 Speaker 1: I teach a lot of work around sexuality, but with 590 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 1: everything that I do, it really just always comes back 591 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:29,240 Speaker 1: to a self practice and the relationship that you with yourself. 592 00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,840 Speaker 1: So earlier, you said like, how can I expect someone 593 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:37,080 Speaker 1: to reselect my boundaries if I don't reselect right? And 594 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,200 Speaker 1: it's the same thing when it comes to sex. It's 595 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,600 Speaker 1: like so many women complain to me like oh my god, 596 00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,960 Speaker 1: Like he's always in such a rush, like we never 597 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:49,320 Speaker 1: like have four play, there's no time to warm up. 598 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 1: He always just rushes straight to penetration. And I'm always like, okay, 599 00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:56,840 Speaker 1: how do you make love to yourself? And then draws 600 00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,080 Speaker 1: drop and they're like, oh, that's the way that I'm 601 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,120 Speaker 1: making love to myself. It's like, how can you expect 602 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:06,800 Speaker 1: your partner too really take its time and to allow 603 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,880 Speaker 1: you all the time and space to get turned on 604 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,720 Speaker 1: and to open up if you're not doing that for yourself. 605 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,200 Speaker 1: So the way that you love yourself in general sets 606 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,280 Speaker 1: the bar, but the way that you make love to 607 00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:20,720 Speaker 1: yourself and self pleasure will also set the standard as 608 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:24,160 Speaker 1: to what you accept from other people. So self is 609 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 1: a really beautiful opportunity for you to understand, like what 610 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 1: it is that you need, what it is that you 611 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 1: need to experience orgasm, how you like to be touched. Like, 612 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,920 Speaker 1: we can't just expect that our partners know this because 613 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:42,000 Speaker 1: especially as women were all so different, and you need 614 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,560 Speaker 1: to understand like how your body works and what turns 615 00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:51,000 Speaker 1: you on so that you can communicate that to a partner. Um. Yeah, 616 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,920 Speaker 1: it's so empowering to get to know your own body 617 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,840 Speaker 1: and also playing around with boundaries you can do work. 618 00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,440 Speaker 1: And what I teach my clients is when yourself measuring, 619 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,800 Speaker 1: know that it doesn't always have to be about penetration. 620 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:06,720 Speaker 1: I think that's another thing that's like wide into us 621 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:10,160 Speaker 1: in condition is that sex is always penetration. A lot 622 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,160 Speaker 1: of the time, women don't want to be penetrated, and 623 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:16,160 Speaker 1: our bodies will be telling us no, and we'll go 624 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,439 Speaker 1: ahead and do it anyway. And what happens with this 625 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:23,400 Speaker 1: is that after a certain amount of time, of doing this, 626 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,680 Speaker 1: your body no longer trusts you and no longer trust 627 00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:29,680 Speaker 1: you to say no when you're not comfortable or when 628 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,239 Speaker 1: it's going down a path where you like you're not 629 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:35,400 Speaker 1: enjoying it. And so when your body doesn't trust you 630 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:39,040 Speaker 1: and no longer feels safe, and when you don't feel safe, 631 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:42,400 Speaker 1: you can't fully open, you can't surrender, and then you 632 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,560 Speaker 1: fully block yourself off from pleasure and orgasm. Right, you 633 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,600 Speaker 1: need to feel safe in your body to be able 634 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,440 Speaker 1: to orgasm, like the parts of our brain that look 635 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:54,200 Speaker 1: out for danger and all that go offline. So you 636 00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,680 Speaker 1: need to feel safe in your body, in your surroundings 637 00:34:56,680 --> 00:35:00,919 Speaker 1: and with your partner to fully drop in. Uh So, 638 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,480 Speaker 1: the more that you self pleasure in a way where 639 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:08,359 Speaker 1: you're really checking in with yourself, taking your time and 640 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:12,200 Speaker 1: even before penetrating yourself, like asking is this actually what 641 00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:14,719 Speaker 1: I want? Like am I? Am I ready? And it 642 00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,440 Speaker 1: might be like no, not at all, So no penetration today, 643 00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,600 Speaker 1: or might be I need a little bit more time 644 00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,719 Speaker 1: to get turned on. You can take more time before 645 00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:25,600 Speaker 1: trying again, but then your body will begin to trust 646 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,719 Speaker 1: you again and begin to feel more safe. And then 647 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,200 Speaker 1: doing this on your own, it will become easier with 648 00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:34,719 Speaker 1: a partner. So the thing here is like, if you 649 00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:38,800 Speaker 1: don't have no, you don't have a strong yes either, 650 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,719 Speaker 1: because if you don't trust yourself to say no, there's 651 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,279 Speaker 1: no way that you can feel fully safe. Even if 652 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,799 Speaker 1: in that moment everything is perfect, you're really turned on, 653 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:50,839 Speaker 1: you're in the moment it's all amazing, there's still going 654 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,799 Speaker 1: to be this part of you that's like, but if 655 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,000 Speaker 1: it goes down a path I don't like, I'm not 656 00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,080 Speaker 1: going to be able to say no. So that's always 657 00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,200 Speaker 1: in the back of your mind. Okay for now out, 658 00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:03,799 Speaker 1: but I I can't like if if I'm not enjoying it, 659 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,160 Speaker 1: I can't say no. It's always like on your back, 660 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:10,040 Speaker 1: back of your mind. So strong no because a strong yes. Okay, 661 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,560 Speaker 1: what about the woman who you know? I think any 662 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 1: the younger generations are we're more used to talking about 663 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,120 Speaker 1: this kind of stuff. But I don't know that that's 664 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,400 Speaker 1: always been so accepted, and I think self pleasure was 665 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,640 Speaker 1: looked at its very shameful. And then also like I've 666 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,600 Speaker 1: had multiple friends say, oh, I just don't like that, 667 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,799 Speaker 1: and so I just don't do that. So what what 668 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:33,239 Speaker 1: about that? Like, what is I think there there is. 669 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,200 Speaker 1: Maybe it's the shame piece. Um so how do you 670 00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:39,719 Speaker 1: help women overcome that part of it? And then if 671 00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,400 Speaker 1: someone is saying I just don't like that, what would 672 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:46,799 Speaker 1: your response to that be? Sorry, it's hard. This comes 673 00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:48,719 Speaker 1: back to like, you can't help someone that doesn't want 674 00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,680 Speaker 1: to help themselves, right, Okay, the woman who don't want 675 00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:53,480 Speaker 1: to self pleasure aren't going to come to me and 676 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:57,920 Speaker 1: be like, you're gonna avoid it all together. So I 677 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,680 Speaker 1: think there's a whole group of woman who I just like, 678 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,080 Speaker 1: that's not for me, Like I don't like that. To 679 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 1: be honest, I probably wouldn't even follow my Instagram would 680 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,480 Speaker 1: be that triggering. I don't work with any woman that 681 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:13,520 Speaker 1: at that point. Um. I do, however, work with women 682 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:17,120 Speaker 1: who do feel a lot of shame and feel really 683 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:21,160 Speaker 1: uncomfortable with self pleasure, but they do recognize that it 684 00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,080 Speaker 1: is something that they're missing out on and they do 685 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,880 Speaker 1: want to work through. And I mean you can start 686 00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:29,279 Speaker 1: really slowly, so at first it might just be like 687 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:34,399 Speaker 1: cutting your your volver over your pants right or over 688 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:37,279 Speaker 1: your underpants and just like keeping your hand there and 689 00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:42,280 Speaker 1: breathing right and breathing into love, reminding yourself that you're safe. 690 00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:46,520 Speaker 1: You don't have to go all the way straightaway, or 691 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,760 Speaker 1: it might even be like an oil massage, like rubbing 692 00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:53,359 Speaker 1: your breaths with oil. And in this what I think 693 00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,359 Speaker 1: is the most important is while you're doing that, just 694 00:37:56,440 --> 00:38:02,520 Speaker 1: reminding yourself that you're safe. Because throughout our lives, our childhoods, 695 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,279 Speaker 1: even like through like generational trauma, we've been taught that 696 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:09,880 Speaker 1: our sexuality is not safe, that it's dangerous, that it's shameful. 697 00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:13,400 Speaker 1: So the more that you can connect to your body 698 00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:17,040 Speaker 1: and your sexuality and your sensuality in a way where 699 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:22,200 Speaker 1: you're just like reminding yourself that it's safe, sooner or later, 700 00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,879 Speaker 1: that's just gonna feel more natural right and your sexuality 701 00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:29,040 Speaker 1: will become a safe place to explore. But as I said, 702 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:32,719 Speaker 1: you can start super slow, like touching yourself over clothes, 703 00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:36,759 Speaker 1: um even just like helping your volve and breathing into that, 704 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,640 Speaker 1: breathing love and not like pushing yourself, like just being 705 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:44,960 Speaker 1: really being really um, taking your time, being really patient 706 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:48,240 Speaker 1: with it. I hear a lot about learning to trust yourself, 707 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,840 Speaker 1: and what you just said too, because that's it's a 708 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:54,719 Speaker 1: very it sounds like a very good practice of developing 709 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,759 Speaker 1: that same conversation you were describing with yourself and is 710 00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:59,479 Speaker 1: this what I want? Is this's not what I want? 711 00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:01,560 Speaker 1: Is this how far it wants to go, you know? 712 00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:03,560 Speaker 1: Or is that too far? And so I think it's 713 00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:07,120 Speaker 1: a very important piece to us learning about ourselves but 714 00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:11,120 Speaker 1: also trusting ourselves, which is huge. And then this comes 715 00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,359 Speaker 1: back to what we were talking about, like self love 716 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,759 Speaker 1: and self worth. Because you love yourself, there's no way 717 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,600 Speaker 1: you're going to be like, oh, I'm not ready for penetration, right, 718 00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,799 Speaker 1: and you're gonna be like, oh no, then he's not 719 00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,200 Speaker 1: gonna love me. He's going to think that I'm not 720 00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:28,120 Speaker 1: sexual enough or that I'm too much. And so you 721 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:30,759 Speaker 1: can't have any of these sexual boundaries until you first 722 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:35,279 Speaker 1: know your worth and yourself deeply. Yeah, I agree with 723 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:45,360 Speaker 1: all of that. Okay, tell the listeners about sex magic. 724 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,120 Speaker 1: I heard I heard you talking about this on a podcast, 725 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,919 Speaker 1: and we've all heard about manifestation through meditation. I think 726 00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:53,920 Speaker 1: at this point it seems like a very common thing. 727 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,640 Speaker 1: But this blew my mind, like I have never heard 728 00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:00,120 Speaker 1: about this. So talk us through what sex magic is. So, 729 00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:03,600 Speaker 1: sex magic is the practice of using your sexual energy 730 00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:07,399 Speaker 1: to aid in the manifestation process. So first of all, 731 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,120 Speaker 1: what I'll touch on is that sexual energy is our 732 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:14,960 Speaker 1: creative energy, it's our life force energy. So yes, we 733 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:19,440 Speaker 1: do use it to create birth babies, but if you're 734 00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:21,239 Speaker 1: not doing that, you can use it to create and 735 00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:26,120 Speaker 1: birth any of your desires or dreams or manifestations. And 736 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:28,480 Speaker 1: the way that I like to explain it, like what 737 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:32,280 Speaker 1: you said was perfect. Like we already know about using 738 00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:37,040 Speaker 1: meditations to manifest, and then those meditations usually before you 739 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:40,720 Speaker 1: focus on the manifestation, you get yourself to this point 740 00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:46,279 Speaker 1: where you are really like tapped into your body. You're 741 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:50,640 Speaker 1: really present, You're disconnected from the outside world, disconnected from ego, 742 00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:54,360 Speaker 1: even because it's your ego that where like the limited 743 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,160 Speaker 1: beliefs and the self doubts come up, because if you're 744 00:40:57,160 --> 00:41:01,160 Speaker 1: disconnected from that and completely in pleasure, it feels so 745 00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:04,239 Speaker 1: much more possible. So it's the same thing as like 746 00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:08,239 Speaker 1: focusing on your breath or saying a mantra and a 747 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:11,399 Speaker 1: meditation to drop in. It's the same thing, except you're 748 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,879 Speaker 1: just using your pleasure to tap into your body. And 749 00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:19,319 Speaker 1: the reason why we want to manifest anything, it's not 750 00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:22,400 Speaker 1: because of having the physical thing itself. It's because of 751 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:26,319 Speaker 1: the emotional fulfillment we believe having that thing will bring. Us. So, 752 00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,840 Speaker 1: whether it's like to fall in love and get married, 753 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,360 Speaker 1: or manifest money or drink how or holiday, there's some 754 00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:35,000 Speaker 1: sort of emotional fulfillment that it's going to bring us, 755 00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:38,440 Speaker 1: which is usually based on pleasure. We only really manifest 756 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:40,480 Speaker 1: things that are going to make us feel good. I 757 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:43,399 Speaker 1: thought about that, yeah, And so what they speak about 758 00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:47,360 Speaker 1: a manifestation is like skip the what and tap into 759 00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,720 Speaker 1: the feeling of like how it's going to make you feel, 760 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,680 Speaker 1: because that brings you into an energetic alignment and match 761 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,759 Speaker 1: for it. So self pleasure is like the highest peak 762 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,239 Speaker 1: of feeling good that you can tap into. So if 763 00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:03,040 Speaker 1: your self pleasuring and in this place where you're like 764 00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:06,719 Speaker 1: feeling orgasmic, there's no self doubt. You're not questioning your word, 765 00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:10,120 Speaker 1: Like no one's like swimmering in this orgasmic energy and 766 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,000 Speaker 1: doubting themselves. Right, it's like the purest stay of you 767 00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,640 Speaker 1: just being you. And and complete pleasure means that you're 768 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:21,320 Speaker 1: like complete alignment with everything that serves you and everything 769 00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:23,640 Speaker 1: that you're trying to cool in. So there are different 770 00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:26,560 Speaker 1: ways that you can do it. A really simple way 771 00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:28,800 Speaker 1: of doing it is just before sex or self pleasure, 772 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,680 Speaker 1: just like setting the intention that I am going to 773 00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:36,080 Speaker 1: dedicate all this energy to X y Z. Otherwise, you 774 00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:37,680 Speaker 1: can do it in a way where you are self 775 00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:41,120 Speaker 1: pleasuring and while you're in like peak of pleasure, visualizing 776 00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,319 Speaker 1: what it is that you want to call in. I 777 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:46,400 Speaker 1: do teach this in some of my programs, but I 778 00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:49,160 Speaker 1: think it's funny. One of the women who signed up 779 00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:53,520 Speaker 1: to my last group coaching program, I think she just 780 00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:56,520 Speaker 1: heard me talk about it on a podcast, and so 781 00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:59,120 Speaker 1: she used the little information that I shared on the 782 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,560 Speaker 1: podcast to actually manifest the money to sign up to 783 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:07,239 Speaker 1: my couse. It actually like how before she even got 784 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,799 Speaker 1: in and she was like, she's perfect about money, think 785 00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,880 Speaker 1: about being in the cause. And then when day she 786 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:13,239 Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I've got this money in 787 00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:15,080 Speaker 1: my bank account and she's like, oh my god, yes, 788 00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:17,719 Speaker 1: it's to sign up to ask these cause. I thought 789 00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:22,120 Speaker 1: that was really fun. It's amazing. Well, speaking of your courses, UM, 790 00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:23,959 Speaker 1: I know some of this stuff can feel a little 791 00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:26,120 Speaker 1: overwhelming if this is the first time you're hearing about this, 792 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,160 Speaker 1: but I know that asked You is really good about 793 00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:30,520 Speaker 1: walking you through the steps and like you said, meeting 794 00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:32,920 Speaker 1: people where they need to be met to talk. Talk 795 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,120 Speaker 1: of a little bit about the course offerings that you 796 00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:37,920 Speaker 1: have and the different options. If people are interested in 797 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:40,960 Speaker 1: doing this work, maybe feeling a little overwhelmed or intimidated 798 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:44,680 Speaker 1: or not knowing exactly what they need, but wanting to 799 00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:47,439 Speaker 1: talk to you about taking this a little bit further. Yeah, 800 00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:50,880 Speaker 1: So if they do want to Rachel, you can message 801 00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:54,880 Speaker 1: me on Instagram or email me hello st Murray dot com. Um, 802 00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:57,120 Speaker 1: but there are a few options. So on my website, 803 00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:01,000 Speaker 1: I do have master classes on all as M and 804 00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:04,319 Speaker 1: orgasmic living. So living from this place where you're like 805 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,800 Speaker 1: tapped into feeling good in all areas of your life 806 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:12,440 Speaker 1: at the moment. I am launching a group program which 807 00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:15,120 Speaker 1: is not so much on sexuality that we're a little 808 00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:18,920 Speaker 1: bit in there, but it's more so on dating and relationships. 809 00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,399 Speaker 1: So it's ten days to heal your relationship with men, 810 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:26,000 Speaker 1: whether you're in a relationship or your single. And this 811 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,440 Speaker 1: is the second time I've run this. It's really beautiful, 812 00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:31,120 Speaker 1: it's so much fun. One of the calls, I actually 813 00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:35,200 Speaker 1: have a mail coach come on and answer everyone's questions. 814 00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:37,760 Speaker 1: And this is mind blowing because I can talk about 815 00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,880 Speaker 1: like the male perspective until the cows come home, but 816 00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:43,680 Speaker 1: when you hear it from a man's right, I was 817 00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:46,440 Speaker 1: there like writing notes down myself. So that's what I'm 818 00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:48,640 Speaker 1: launching right now. Otherwise, I do have one on one 819 00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:51,759 Speaker 1: spots available too, And this is all on your website, 820 00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:55,360 Speaker 1: asked Marie dot com. Okay, so I'll link that in 821 00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,680 Speaker 1: the bio of this podcast or the description of this 822 00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:00,400 Speaker 1: podcast for you guys. But it's a S T I 823 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,880 Speaker 1: M A R E E that I get there, okay, 824 00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:08,040 Speaker 1: And where else can people find you? So Instagram is asked, 825 00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:13,919 Speaker 1: You don't, Marie, Uh, that's it Instagram website. And you're 826 00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,640 Speaker 1: such a fun Instagram follow because you know, obviously we've 827 00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,160 Speaker 1: talked a lot about the sexual empowerment, peace and and 828 00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:22,000 Speaker 1: maybe the relationship with yourself. But it's super motivating. There 829 00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,680 Speaker 1: will be multiple days where you talk are multiple posts 830 00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:28,200 Speaker 1: that I've seen where you're talking about relationships or finding 831 00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:31,279 Speaker 1: your worth, and for me, that's always just a good 832 00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,160 Speaker 1: pop up. Like on a Monday, I'm like, yeah, I 833 00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,480 Speaker 1: needed that one today. So it's a really good follow. 834 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:41,040 Speaker 1: It's at asdy dot Marie. I believe on Instagram. Um, 835 00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:42,640 Speaker 1: and I'll put all of this stuff in the description 836 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,520 Speaker 1: for you guys. Thank you so much for being here. 837 00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:46,160 Speaker 1: I know it's morning for you, so you're just getting 838 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:50,040 Speaker 1: your day started. Yeah, thanks for having me so much fun. 839 00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:52,560 Speaker 1: Thank you guys for listening. And if you have any questions, 840 00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,200 Speaker 1: don't hesitate to reach out to me or asked. And 841 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,719 Speaker 1: I do encourage women don't be scared of this work. 842 00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:01,399 Speaker 1: The more I've dove into dove is that the right? 843 00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:07,239 Speaker 1: Did I say that correctly? Sove into exploring this relationship 844 00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:10,560 Speaker 1: with myself. It is just so empowering and it's calming. 845 00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:14,239 Speaker 1: It's it's overwhelming at first, but it actually finding your 846 00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:15,920 Speaker 1: own power in your own voice, and this stuff is 847 00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:19,160 Speaker 1: really a calming experience. And I hope that you all 848 00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:22,160 Speaker 1: get to experience that one day. Again. Thank you so much. 849 00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:23,960 Speaker 1: Ask you for being here. Thank you