Speaker 1: Welcome, Welcome, guys, welcome to your show, my show, Exactly Amada.
Speaker 1: This is your girl, amadat la Nega. I remember that
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Speaker 2: Today, I'm super chill. I've been working so hard so much.
Speaker 1: I am exhausted, but I am never never never, never tired,
Speaker 1: never exhausted to talk to y'all today.
Speaker 2: I want to talk about something that's really important.
Speaker 1: It's about positive disciplining when it comes to parenting, you know,
Speaker 1: without punishment and things like that. But today I want
Speaker 1: to bring in someone who also had become part of
Speaker 1: my family, which is Alex, my producer, my friend.
Speaker 2: Alex. Are you in here today?
Speaker 3: I'm always in here with you. We're going to be
Speaker 3: talking on parenting because now that we're parents, we got
Speaker 3: to learn how to change the narrative. Right.
Speaker 1: That's why I love Mike will do that because kids,
Speaker 1: we get to talk about the Latino experience right way
Speaker 1: that we were raised culturally. You know, every country is different,
Speaker 1: even though we're all the same, one big family, but
Speaker 1: we all have different methods of discipline when it comes
Speaker 1: to parenting your children. I know that growing up, my
Speaker 1: mom did it was the way of you know, I guess, discipline,
Speaker 1: punishment control. It was just, you know, it was a
Speaker 1: copy paste of what she had learned, right and patron
Speaker 1: of like go to is a threat, and you know,
Speaker 1: it's like a regular Latino. You don't even see now
Speaker 1: that as an adult, it's like, oh yeah, that was
Speaker 1: regular in the moment, I used to hate it in
Speaker 1: my mind. I would think of ways to, like run
Speaker 1: away from the house, you know, as soon as she leaves,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do my love my book bag, and I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna run away.
Speaker 3: And I feel like that was everyone in the nineties, right,
Speaker 3: everyone was everyone had to get away back.
Speaker 2: Yes, like we all had ways of doing things.
Speaker 1: However, supposedly now this generation knows best, knows better right
Speaker 1: from wrong, knows what we shouldn't do when it comes
Speaker 1: to disciplining our kids.
Speaker 2: Alex do have more experience than I do.
Speaker 1: So how do you feel about the discipline and punishments
Speaker 1: and and all the timeouts of you know, this generation
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty three, do you like it better?
Speaker 2: Do you miss the way things used to be? Do
Speaker 2: you think it worked best?
Speaker 1: Or do you think that now that we know better
Speaker 1: and how psychologically it can affect our children, how do
Speaker 1: you feel about it?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I think that's a that's a big thing, is
Speaker 3: the psychological thing of it, right, because I don't think
Speaker 3: there was no consequences back then for getting your booty
Speaker 3: beat by your parents, right. I guess that's because they
Speaker 3: thought it was just the right way of disciplining, right,
Speaker 3: and that was just something that they did, and that's
Speaker 3: something that was done to them. I do believe that
Speaker 3: even even timeouts have their place in time now A
Speaker 3: man like if it wasn't leta or the belt, you know,
Speaker 3: like when my grandfather used to take a little stick
Speaker 3: off the freaking bean tree strip it and I would
Speaker 3: just run, especially when I did bad things. I just
Speaker 3: I know, And you know what's crazy is that people
Speaker 3: still treat their kids that way till this day. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know, it's something that hasn't gone away culturally. That's
Speaker 3: just what they think is right. And you can't tell
Speaker 3: them right from wrong.
Speaker 1: I know the fear it must have put into you,
Speaker 1: but but you knew what to do. You know, you
Speaker 1: knew to get it together right. And there's ways, like
Speaker 1: for example, I now as a mother and working on
Speaker 1: my parentsing skills, and I know it sounds crazy, but
Speaker 1: I am, you know, in the process of training my
Speaker 1: daughters at such an early age, and my training starts
Speaker 1: off with and I hope it never passes beyond the
Speaker 1: stair the laser. Oh yeah, guys, you know the laser
Speaker 1: when your parents just gives you that mean mug, just
Speaker 1: that deep, they open their eyes real big, give you
Speaker 1: the laser, and you know that means get it together.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm working on now. And to be honest,
Speaker 1: even though they're super young, they're getting it. Mommy is
Speaker 1: really fun and I'm very nurturing and I'm very loving.
Speaker 1: But whenever they start to wilad and cry, and you know,
Speaker 1: because they have that, you know, they have the mommy thing.
Speaker 1: And right now they know that every go, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: come and hold them.
Speaker 2: But sometimes of the line, right, and you don't want
Speaker 2: little Brad stamp fogo.
Speaker 1: I mean, they're babies, but you want to raise them properly,
Speaker 1: so I just do the laser eye and they know
Speaker 1: to get it together. There's many methods. I do believe
Speaker 1: and don't judge be for it, right, Oh god.
Speaker 2: I believe that.
Speaker 1: A little spanking, spanking is a is a more americanized
Speaker 1: you know, terminology, a little spanking.
Speaker 2: It's not a terrible thing.
Speaker 1: I do not go with child abuse, and that's another
Speaker 1: topic of conversation. There's a very thin line between discipline
Speaker 1: and abuse, and that's something that we have to learn
Speaker 1: and figure out, because if you're making your kid bleed,
Speaker 1: I think you've already passed that line of abuse, right,
Speaker 1: And my mom did it to be a couple of times.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: I'm grown now, right, but my mom would pop me
Speaker 1: in my mouth sometimes and that pop, that back, that
Speaker 1: that back of the hand, that right in the mouth.
Speaker 2: Sometimes she would bust my lip. She would act like
Speaker 2: she didn't care.
Speaker 1: Later on as an adult she like miss Lisi and
Speaker 1: like I would feel terrible, but all got you wouldn't
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't know what else to do, Alice. As
Speaker 1: a parent, do you ever get desperate and just like,
Speaker 1: don't know what to do and feel like, oh, like
Speaker 1: that anger part of you is about to come.
Speaker 2: I'm like I'm about to huh.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So that was one of the one of the
Speaker 3: things that you know, growing up, if you got out
Speaker 3: of hand and you know what I'm saying right in
Speaker 3: the mouth, and I think, here's here's the problem with it, right,
Speaker 3: I felt like what was going to keep me from
Speaker 3: now doing that to someone else? Because it was being
Speaker 3: done to me, right, Because as a kid, you don't
Speaker 3: you don't know well, you know, you're just like, Okay, cool,
Speaker 3: I just got spank for being bad, right, But you
Speaker 3: don't know what being bad is because it wasn't there
Speaker 3: wasn't any communication with you. You know. Yes, parents tend
Speaker 3: to like tell you something, but I think back in
Speaker 3: the day parents just kind of were like they went
Speaker 3: to the tenth degree immediately. But today's age, parents give you.
Speaker 3: You know, there's communication, there's active listening. There's a relationship
Speaker 3: there where they're like, Okay, I know you're freaking out,
Speaker 3: you're crying. I don't understand it. Talk to me what's
Speaker 3: going on, you know, and the frustration leads to you,
Speaker 3: you know, what is it that our parents used to say,
Speaker 3: I'm going to give you someone to cry about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do believe. I believe.
Speaker 1: I don't know if in the belts. I don't see
Speaker 1: myself doing the belts. I don't see myself doing the
Speaker 1: hangars or the but la Chankleta at this point is
Speaker 1: a tradition.
Speaker 2: It's like, listen, if we're.
Speaker 1: Talking about Michael Tura, I must pass down my gultuda
Speaker 1: from one generation to the other. And if I can't
Speaker 1: give you anything else, let me at least give you
Speaker 1: la chankleta, the flying chunklaatea from one room to the other.
Speaker 2: It is classic. I do believe that.
Speaker 1: Obviously, communication is key talking to your children, you know,
Speaker 1: understanding why they're behaving a certain type of way. In
Speaker 1: many occasions, we do have to be realistic and understand
Speaker 1: that as much as we may think that children don't
Speaker 1: have any pressure, don't have you know, any other things
Speaker 1: that they're going through. We don't know how they're handling things.
Speaker 1: You have to also understand that the way that we
Speaker 1: were raised a few years ago or many years ago,
Speaker 1: it's not the same generation. It's not the same lifestyle
Speaker 1: that the kids are living today. Between social media, the
Speaker 1: Internet and everything else. They are going through a lot
Speaker 1: of social pressure, and let's even talk about bullying. You know,
Speaker 1: you never know what your child is going through, right
Speaker 1: when you're not around. That's causing them to behave a
Speaker 1: certain type of way, that's causing them to be disrespectful,
Speaker 1: that's causing them to be angry, that's causing them so
Speaker 1: whatever the case, may be the friends that they socialize with, right,
Speaker 1: because my mom would always be like, do you.
Speaker 2: Know I didn't raise you to be this way?
Speaker 1: You may not, but guess what, I spend more time
Speaker 1: in school and aftercare and tutoring and other the things
Speaker 1: because unfortunately, in my case, as a single mother, she
Speaker 1: had to work super hard. She had to get several jobs,
Speaker 1: which I understood, you know as an adult, and I
Speaker 1: respect and understand, But that meant that I spend less
Speaker 1: time with you, and I spend more time in school
Speaker 1: with my friends.
Speaker 2: So all those behaviors.
Speaker 1: Don't necessarily mean that you're doing a bad job as
Speaker 1: a parent.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: You may be the best parent, had the best intentions.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you go out of your way to give your
Speaker 1: children all the things that you didn't have.
Speaker 2: All those things. It may not just be you.
Speaker 1: It's also the circumstances of the things that surrounded the
Speaker 1: things that they watch, things that they hear, and so on.
Speaker 1: But communication is key when it comes to parenting. I
Speaker 1: will say that to it's important. So I also set
Speaker 1: clear expectations, rules and boundaries when it comes to raising
Speaker 1: your child. I know that in many occasions, like in
Speaker 1: my case, I can only speak from experience, my own
Speaker 1: personal experience. My mom has always been my best friend.
Speaker 1: But as my best friend, she always made it very
Speaker 1: clear that I am your mother.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I love you, But if I have to write you know,
Speaker 1: but I do want you to feel comfortable enough to
Speaker 1: trust me to talk to me. Tell me what's going on.
Speaker 1: How do you feel good or bad? I still got
Speaker 1: your back. Right expectations as a parent, I expect you
Speaker 1: to do good in school down, Both of your expectations
Speaker 1: should be that your kids should.
Speaker 2: Be like all straight a student. That's a lot of pressure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, not everyone's is school smartest, right, you know, some
Speaker 3: people need a little bit more extra help exactly.
Speaker 1: So That's what I'm saying, Like, don't make ridiculous expectation
Speaker 1: that your kid is over here stressed out right trying
Speaker 1: to commit suicide because you're trying to be this this
Speaker 1: perfect child for their parent and they can't accomplish that mission. Beato,
Speaker 1: do set rules where your kid feels the need to
Speaker 1: put in that effort that work. Right, to go to school,
Speaker 1: get good grades, be athletic or you know, talented or.
Speaker 2: Whatever it is.
Speaker 1: Be the best that you can be at whatever it
Speaker 1: is that you're going to be. But it'll be the
Speaker 1: best at that right.
Speaker 3: And when you and when you help them along the way,
Speaker 3: it sets good good Like you just said, you said
Speaker 3: good rules, good expectations, that you're not pressuring them. I
Speaker 3: mean you hit it right on the dog. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And also rule rules and regulations. I mean, guys, you
Speaker 1: wake up early in the morning, you clean your room,
Speaker 1: you do your bed, and da da dah and boom.
Speaker 1: Then you know a whole schedule. There's a schedule for things. Right,
Speaker 1: if you do this A, Y and Z, you will
Speaker 1: get rewarded with Sunday we can go to the park,
Speaker 1: we can go here, we can go there, we can
Speaker 1: do whatever. Because also I think it's important that we
Speaker 1: do know that kids have responsibilities, but kids also want
Speaker 1: to be rewarded, right, I think It's also a balance.
Speaker 1: Never make it feel like, oh, you have to do that. Yes,
Speaker 1: you do have to do that, but you also want
Speaker 1: to reward them with things because at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, well you teach them at home, it's the
Speaker 1: same lesson that they're going to use in life. So
Speaker 1: if I do X, Y and Z and do it properly,
Speaker 1: I will get rewarded with something.
Speaker 2: In life, our reward is money.
Speaker 1: You work extra hours, you do what you have to do,
Speaker 1: you get rewarded with financial stability. Financial stability brings your
Speaker 1: nice cars, nice dinners, houses, all these x you know,
Speaker 1: all these other things.
Speaker 2: So I think that that's also.
Speaker 3: In Yeah, and you teach them like we have always said,
Speaker 3: you teach them. On top of doing that, you teach
Speaker 3: them financial responsibility. Like that's perfect parenting. You're not You're
Speaker 3: not being mean to them. You're setting good expectation, breaking
Speaker 3: breaking down good rules, and giving them a reward for,
Speaker 3: you know, for doing these things, setting a positive mindset
Speaker 3: for everything that they do.
Speaker 2: I agree on thousand percent.
Speaker 1: Do you have a scheduling system with your kids or rewards.
Speaker 3: Or yeah, we used to, you know, it was it
Speaker 3: was important to make sure, you know, you brush your teeth,
Speaker 3: you do your your hair. You know, you you make
Speaker 3: your bed, and you know, if it was a school
Speaker 3: a school day, you know got to be out by
Speaker 3: a certain time. You come back, do your homework if
Speaker 3: you have any you know, there's always outside time. I
Speaker 3: think that's important, you know, and you know there's there's
Speaker 3: certain things you gotta do on a school night to
Speaker 3: get you know, to bed early and blah blah blah,
Speaker 3: which is you know, but I never wanted to think
Speaker 3: like I gotta put my finger down, even though I
Speaker 3: wanted to. I want to be like, yo, you got
Speaker 3: to be met by seven. I know that that doesn't happen,
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. So, yeah, there was always
Speaker 3: there was always good consequences for everything that that you
Speaker 3: did positively. Obviously, if you do something bad, there's also
Speaker 3: those like okay, you're gonna go to time out whatever.
Speaker 3: But like you just mentioned, instead of of imposing punishments,
Speaker 3: you know, you allow natural consequences to occur when a
Speaker 3: child has good actions, you know, does the right thing.
Speaker 2: I also think it's important for us to learn from
Speaker 2: other parents.
Speaker 1: Right. Oh, I know that there's no guidebook on how
Speaker 1: to raise a child. I know that every every child
Speaker 1: comes with a different manual.
Speaker 2: A different experience.
Speaker 1: I get those things, but I think it's important to
Speaker 1: also ask amongst each other as friends, if you have
Speaker 1: really close friends, if you want to keep it in
Speaker 1: the family. Oh yeah, Meana, I'm going through this situation
Speaker 1: where my kid. You know, how did you deal with it?
Speaker 1: What should I do? What do it think works best?
Speaker 1: Because experience is key, you.
Speaker 2: Know right now?
Speaker 1: You know I'm a new mom, right, first time mom
Speaker 1: and a first and mom of two. I have a
Speaker 1: lot of pressure to complete different personalities all at the
Speaker 1: same time.
Speaker 2: Coming from also being a single child. I never knew
Speaker 2: what it was to have brothers and sisters. I don't
Speaker 2: know how to deal with eventually when they argue and
Speaker 2: fight and do all these things. Am I supposed to
Speaker 2: be like, Oh, they're just sisters, that's what they do.
Speaker 2: Or no, no, no, wait, this is a moment, a moment
Speaker 2: to teach a lesson. You're not supposed to do this.
Speaker 1: Yes, so ask questions, right, it's okay to add.
Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that you're a bad parent because you
Speaker 2: can't get it right.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that you're just ask It's okay to
Speaker 1: ask questions because sometimes that one that one conversation can
Speaker 1: change your perspective on how you should handle that situation, right, Alex.
Speaker 3: I agree one hundred percent plus you get you know,
Speaker 3: if you surround yourself with good you know, good parents
Speaker 3: that know you know how to work a good relationship
Speaker 3: balance with their kids. That helps you create your own
Speaker 3: methods and your own ways of being with your child.
Speaker 3: You learn positive reinforcements, You know how to encourage your
Speaker 3: children problem solving discussions, because that's huge, you know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying, Like, you want to be able to take
Speaker 3: everything that you're learning and adapted to your kids because
Speaker 3: guess what, at the end of the day, those kids
Speaker 3: are going to be great to you. Yeah, yeah, you know,
Speaker 3: and they're gonna they're going to treat you and others
Speaker 3: around them so well. Yes, right when you present your
Speaker 3: kids to a stranger or other family members, you want
Speaker 3: them to be kids but also have respect and you
Speaker 3: want other people to admire that.
Speaker 1: Of course, your kids are a representation of your parenting,
Speaker 1: So the way that you are around them, the words
Speaker 1: that you use around them, the love and nurturing that
Speaker 1: you do once they stand beside you publicly. The way
Speaker 1: that they behave and act represents how you how good
Speaker 1: of a job you're doing.
Speaker 2: I'm not even gonna lie. The smallest thing as thank you,
Speaker 2: You're welcome.
Speaker 3: Please.
Speaker 1: Those are the smallest little thing that showcases your child
Speaker 1: is being taught properly at home.
Speaker 2: And I think all those things are important.
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about also, back in the days,
Speaker 1: I know, at least in the Dominican Republic, it was
Speaker 1: a community effort to raise a child.
Speaker 2: It didn't matter if it was Lacina.
Speaker 1: They would be like, oh, he Jose, I'm telling your
Speaker 1: mother you're out here acting crazy. And they would go
Speaker 1: and tell your mother mena food and it's out here
Speaker 1: playing outside with no shows and messing up his uniform whatever.
Speaker 1: But it was a community effort to raise the children properly.
Speaker 2: Now, if your neighbor were.
Speaker 1: To come to you and be like, oh, your kid's
Speaker 1: out here in this bike going crazy, be careful because
Speaker 1: they can crash.
Speaker 2: People now are super oversensitive to me.
Speaker 1: Correct to me, because if you're doing it in a
Speaker 1: positive way, I'm not saying it for anything. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to help you, right, I don't know, I kind of
Speaker 1: missed a community effort to raise the children, to the
Speaker 1: community effort to help the single mothers, or that all
Speaker 1: that part I kind of do miss it. Did you
Speaker 1: ever have any raise up in a neighborhood like that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's that's crazy. Because I grew up in
Speaker 3: Puerto Rico. I was you know, at the age of eight,
Speaker 3: was when I first came here to the United States.
Speaker 3: But everyone a little Bessino. Everything that you did was known.
Speaker 3: Everyone made sure you were okay. Everyone. When when even
Speaker 3: my parents were like if you misbehave and they you know,
Speaker 3: they tell you and scold you for doing something bad,
Speaker 3: you know, I'm not going to jump on them, but
Speaker 3: obviously if they're abusing that problem, but there was never
Speaker 3: anything bad. One thing that I have for you is,
Speaker 3: you know, as the kids are getting older, you know
Speaker 3: you find different ways of being being open to them
Speaker 3: and discipline and you know, if they get out of hand,
Speaker 3: there's a lot of redirection and distractions that we can
Speaker 3: do for them. Right you are you gonna be the
Speaker 3: type them that you go that way the traditional way,
Speaker 3: like here's some crayons, here's some plate, ohisthing, or would
Speaker 3: you go directly into the electronic use, because I feel
Speaker 3: like that's an abuse that parents are are are using.
Speaker 3: You know what, He's jumping and giving them an iPad.
Speaker 3: And I'll be honest. Yeah, my younger one, Oh tell
Speaker 3: me no, I said, no, how did you do it?
Speaker 3: Every time they want something or if they're freaking out
Speaker 3: or whatever, you then go leave or they've coloring books.
Speaker 1: Miah, let me tell you something. I am slightly going
Speaker 1: through it right now. And people keep telling me that
Speaker 1: it's normal not to panic, But I'm going through right
Speaker 1: now because my babies are so stoked with coconomelaan and
Speaker 1: and all these other things. When they can't watch TV,
Speaker 1: they will cry and scream for us as long as
Speaker 1: possible so they get that and oh no, because I'm
Speaker 1: busy working and this and that early in the morning,
Speaker 1: that TV is on late at night till one two
Speaker 1: o'clock in the morning, that TV is on. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out what else can I do.
Speaker 1: I have them a cripple the toys. Out of all
Speaker 1: the toys, they only care for the remote control, my
Speaker 1: cell phone, anything digital. There's a part of me that
Speaker 1: feels like they're pandemic babies. Right they were born in
Speaker 1: this era of technology, and their natural instinct is I
Speaker 1: want to press buttons, I want.
Speaker 2: To see a screen.
Speaker 1: Before it wasn't that, it was I want to Barbie,
Speaker 1: I want a doll, I want to baby, I want
Speaker 1: They are technology babies.
Speaker 3: I think you can. You know, there's so many different
Speaker 3: things out there that they can use, so many different
Speaker 3: toys that have noises, bangs, whatever, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: And I feel like that's hard because we use TV
Speaker 3: as for me as a oh you did something good.
Speaker 3: You you know, you you did everything you had to do.
Speaker 3: Here's this reward, you know, you get thirty minutes of
Speaker 3: your favorite show.
Speaker 2: Right right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, My kids are going through right now, and it
Speaker 1: makes me wonder by being a bad parent, by not,
Speaker 1: you know, by giving them what they want, knowing deep
Speaker 1: down inside that that's probably not going to be good
Speaker 1: for them. Because I've seen kids we saw recently on
Speaker 1: social media where this mother was on a flight and
Speaker 1: her daughter started spazzing out and going crazy and started
Speaker 1: hitting everybody on the plane because her mother took away
Speaker 1: the phone since there it had to be on airplane mode.
Speaker 1: We've seen kids that will go crazy, sat in the
Speaker 1: middle at the supermarket anywhere because they can't have their iPad.
Speaker 1: I do not want to be that parent, and I
Speaker 1: will get that tankleta and just throw it from one
Speaker 1: room to the other and snap you right out of it.
Speaker 1: But you know, it's such a terrible thing. Something else
Speaker 1: that I want to talk about is you mentioned it before,
Speaker 1: problems solving.
Speaker 2: I think that there's a lot of kids these days that.
Speaker 1: Don't know how to, you know, solve their own problems
Speaker 1: because they have become so codependent of the parents, of
Speaker 1: the Internet, of this, of that, of that instant gratification.
Speaker 1: I think it's important to give your child or give
Speaker 1: your children instruments like you said to you know, just
Speaker 1: rearrange the energy. Right, If you're upset, how about we
Speaker 1: go ahead and do sports. How about we go ahead
Speaker 1: and play the violin the piano. We do something else
Speaker 1: instead of just being stuck, especially for the boys too,
Speaker 1: stuck in the room playing Nintendo PlayStation.
Speaker 2: I don't know, okay, and okay, wait on, yeah, these
Speaker 2: days exactly whatever it is.
Speaker 1: Y'all is doing in these rooms, y'all need to figure
Speaker 1: out other ways. We're even looking at young teenage kids
Speaker 1: dying in a playroom, just stuck in that stuff, like
Speaker 1: they've become zombies as parents. Like we said before, communication
Speaker 1: is key, but we need to figure out other ways
Speaker 1: that we can encourage and help our kids.
Speaker 2: We become so stuck ourselves between work a lot of time.
Speaker 1: You even see the parents stuck on Instagram doing TikTok
Speaker 1: while you are completely ignoring your kid. What has happened
Speaker 1: to our society? What is happening to us as parents?
Speaker 3: I saw a parent who was at an event taking
Speaker 3: video of you know, like they were doing some type
Speaker 3: of thing here, and she's just like taking video that
Speaker 3: she has like a maybe three or four year old,
Speaker 3: and she just keeps on yelling at her like hey
Speaker 3: be quiet, or hey be quiet, like you know, she's
Speaker 3: four years old, she's bored. Yeah, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 3: Like she's just you have her attached to this, like
Speaker 3: you know, a little monkey thing, yeah, attached to the
Speaker 3: wrist or whatever.
Speaker 2: O my god.
Speaker 3: And at one point, at one point she's like I
Speaker 3: need to go poopy. Uh huh, And she's like, not
Speaker 3: right now, go sit down. And I'm standing right next
Speaker 3: to this kid, and you know, my fatherly and stick
Speaker 3: kicked and I'm like, I'm going to say something. I
Speaker 3: have to say something. Finally, the little girl turns around
Speaker 3: and she's like, can you take me poopy? I want?
Speaker 3: Where's the do you know where the bathroom is? I
Speaker 3: was a second away from snapping at this, I hear you.
Speaker 3: And finally she looked at me and she saw my
Speaker 3: face and she was like, Okay, come on, let's go.
Speaker 3: Let's go to the bathroom. But like super annoyed at
Speaker 3: the fact that your baby's asking you to go, Like, dude,
Speaker 3: come on, man, they're four years old. I felt so bad. Man,
Speaker 3: I was ready to just jump on them and all
Speaker 3: because they were either too busy watching a video, you know,
Speaker 3: in front of them, trying to take a video of something,
Speaker 3: or on their own phone. You know.
Speaker 2: Well, that's the era that we live in. Where are
Speaker 2: you know?
Speaker 1: And to all the feminists out there, please do not
Speaker 1: keep me for what I'm about to say. Okay, everybody
Speaker 1: has the rights to their own opinion, their lifestyle and
Speaker 1: aimen to that personally. The older I get, the more mature,
Speaker 1: the more I realize the world that we live in
Speaker 1: and the lifestyle that I've had. Right at a very
Speaker 1: early age, I started doing taxes at four. I started
Speaker 1: working at a very early age my mom, because a
Speaker 1: lot of times when I talk about it, people like,
Speaker 1: what you're saying doesn't match My mom and I did
Speaker 1: struggle a lot in this country, but I was American
Speaker 1: because I was born here. So my mom would have
Speaker 1: her friends take me to auditions, take me to castings
Speaker 1: while she was cooking right, working very hard. She was
Speaker 1: the one who didn't have any documents. I did right.
Speaker 2: So my mom would.
Speaker 1: Always make sure that I was in dance classes or
Speaker 1: whatever she could afford her, anything that was free or
Speaker 1: anything like that, right.
Speaker 2: My mom puts so much.
Speaker 1: Work into me being so great, and I worked at
Speaker 1: such an early young age that I had at a
Speaker 1: very early age, the hustle was in me. I knew
Speaker 1: to work. I knew that I need to somewhat not
Speaker 1: provide because I didn't understand what it meant to provide.
Speaker 1: But the work ethic. You can teach your children how
Speaker 1: to have good work ethic. You could teach them what
Speaker 1: financial responsibility is. You can teach them independency. Right if
Speaker 1: mommy is not there, if daddy's not there, I want
Speaker 1: to know that I raised you right enough. Then you're
Speaker 1: going to know what's right from wrong, that you're going
Speaker 1: to know how to handle certain things or to say no,
Speaker 1: I don't want to go there.
Speaker 2: No, I can't do this. My mother and my father
Speaker 2: would not approve of this. Just over all, times.
Speaker 1: Have changed so much that I feel like if you
Speaker 1: you're being a bad parent, you're now affecting with their
Speaker 1: emotional state.
Speaker 2: You can't do this.
Speaker 1: No, well no, no, Alga, you can't spank them because now
Speaker 1: it's abuse.
Speaker 2: You can't do this. It's like, if this.
Speaker 1: Is us now, fifteen years from now, I don't know
Speaker 1: what type of world we're.
Speaker 2: Gonna live in.
Speaker 1: Like I don't know anymore what it is to be
Speaker 1: a good parent. There are so many rules and regulations
Speaker 1: these days on how to raise your children. I feel
Speaker 1: it also makes it a little bit more difficult on
Speaker 1: the parent. And parents also feel just you know, they
Speaker 1: feel unencouraged, they feel like they're being bad parents, and
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just I just want to not
Speaker 1: lose my Latino traditions. I still want to go old
Speaker 1: school with many things. You know, I believe in the
Speaker 1: stand in the corner, I believe in the spanking. I
Speaker 1: believe in the taking away things. I believe in many things.
Speaker 1: I believe in. Guando is not a terrible thing. I
Speaker 1: believe in all those things. I don't want to lose
Speaker 1: because whatever my mom did for me, it worked for me.
Speaker 1: I think that these days, we have technology, we have
Speaker 1: social media, we have access to a lot of other things, psychologists,
Speaker 1: many other methods that we can use to raise our kids.
Speaker 2: In a better way. Have you ever seen have you
Speaker 2: ever spent your kid.
Speaker 3: Alex No, no, never. It's better to find, like I
Speaker 3: said before, that different way of how do I diffuse
Speaker 3: this situation, especially if they're like being really mean, Because
Speaker 3: if they're being bad and mean, that means there's something
Speaker 3: going on and find out what it is. And even
Speaker 3: though the easy way out is to be like no,
Speaker 3: I got hear, so the little work that I'll put
Speaker 3: in to realize, Okay, this is what's going on and
Speaker 3: it finally got to it, you know, and let them
Speaker 3: calm their way down, you know, would go a long
Speaker 3: way for them and for me, because then I'll feel bad.
Speaker 1: Now here's something that I at this moment in my
Speaker 1: life I won't get to experience, but I want to
Speaker 1: know as a as a married man or as a
Speaker 1: person who's in a relationship or has a child, and
Speaker 1: you guys live all in the same household.
Speaker 2: As a father, how do you handle that when mommy.
Speaker 1: Gives a certain she has a certain type of way
Speaker 1: of disciplining, and then the father has another one. Or
Speaker 1: if mommy says no, but then you know she'll go
Speaker 1: to daddy any means then you know, how.
Speaker 2: Do you how do you work that out?
Speaker 3: Yo? That's that's difficult because if they're playing their card
Speaker 3: like we all did when we were younger, you fall,
Speaker 3: you fall into it. You're just like cool. But if
Speaker 3: you hear the other parent, you know, whether it was
Speaker 3: my ex wife or whatever, say something like, hey, she
Speaker 3: would call me and she'd let me know they misbehaved,
Speaker 3: they did this, you know the bad things obviously, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: And I would have to I would have to abide
Speaker 3: by that, you know, Like they would come over and
Speaker 3: I'd be like, listen, mommy told me x Y and Z.
Speaker 3: But your kids they can try to take advantage of it.
Speaker 3: They they'll think that that's an okay thing to do,
Speaker 3: and as they grow older, they'll use that to their
Speaker 3: advantage with their partners or their friends or people of
Speaker 3: authority around them.
Speaker 1: And you know what, you just hit such an amazing
Speaker 1: point because my mom was really big into that. Making
Speaker 1: sure that's part of good parenting, making sure even after
Speaker 1: before you punish your kids, explaining the reasons why you're
Speaker 1: punishing them so they understand, and making sure that they
Speaker 1: themselves understand Mommy or Daddy is punishing because they told
Speaker 1: me don't do x y's, but I still did it.
Speaker 1: So now I know that if mommy or daddy tells
Speaker 1: me not to doing and I do it, here comes
Speaker 1: a punishment. So that is very important. A lot of
Speaker 1: parents just go you know, giving timeouts and taking away
Speaker 1: things because I said so, I understand that I said so.
Speaker 1: But also making sure that your child understands why they're
Speaker 1: being punished.
Speaker 2: It's also extremely important, you know what.
Speaker 1: I can talk about this for hours and hours because
Speaker 1: there's so many levels and layers to what it is
Speaker 1: to good parenting, how to become a better parent, rather
Speaker 1: better because it doesn't mean that you're doing a bad job,
Speaker 1: but there's always ways of you improving your parenting skills.
Speaker 1: And you know what, if you guys can take anything
Speaker 1: away today from this episode, I would say, look positive
Speaker 1: disciplining techniques promote a nurturing and supportive environment, fostering healthy
Speaker 1: child development and building strong parent child relationships. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: so important. And by focusing on effective communication, respect and
Speaker 1: teaching problem solving skills.
Speaker 2: There's ways of being a good parent. Don't feel that
Speaker 2: you're doing a bad job. You're not. There's things that
Speaker 2: you can do to become a better parent.
Speaker 1: Communication is key, just being supportive, understanding them, get to
Speaker 1: their level, understanding their children. I know that you're stressed
Speaker 1: out with the responsibilities and bills of life and everything else,
Speaker 1: but remember that they're kids, and they're also living in
Speaker 1: a new generation in a different world, and things are
Speaker 1: also hard for them. I thank you so much for
Speaker 1: joining me today that Kido de Alto. This was such
Speaker 1: a great conversation. I really loved being able to talk about.
Speaker 2: This since you have more experience than I do. Thank you,
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being part of Exactly Amada. Make sure
Speaker 1: to find me on YouTube. Catch my show by searching
Speaker 1: for micro through that podcast on YouTube and clicking on
Speaker 1: exactly a Mata. Don't forget to follow me on Instagram
Speaker 1: at Amala Lagra a L and Amada, ra A L
Speaker 1: and I Remember Guys. This is a production of Iheart's
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Speaker 1: favorite shows. This is exactly Amada