WEBVTT - The Struggles of Parenting 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:06.039 Welcome, Welcome, guys, welcome to your show, my show, Exactly Amada. 0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:08.440 This is your girl, amadat la Nega. I remember that 0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:10.800 this is a production of iHeart. Thank you so much 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:12.399 for tuning in, and don't forget to give us those 0:00:12.480 --> 0:00:13.160 five stars. 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:15.960 Subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast. 0:00:15.520 --> 0:00:18.560 Platform and head over to our YouTube channel, where you 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:22.000 can watch or listen to the podcast by searching for 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:25.759 micro through that podcast and clicking on Exactly Amada. 0:00:25.800 --> 0:00:28.520 Today, I'm super chill. I've been working so hard so much. 0:00:28.800 --> 0:00:32.080 I am exhausted, but I am never never never, never tired, 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:35.160 never exhausted to talk to y'all today. 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:36.839 I want to talk about something that's really important. 0:00:36.880 --> 0:00:40.800 It's about positive disciplining when it comes to parenting, you know, 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:43.680 without punishment and things like that. But today I want 0:00:43.720 --> 0:00:45.559 to bring in someone who also had become part of 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:49.159 my family, which is Alex, my producer, my friend. 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:50.840 Alex. Are you in here today? 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:52.800 I'm always in here with you. We're going to be 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:55.880 talking on parenting because now that we're parents, we got 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:58.280 to learn how to change the narrative. Right. 0:00:58.360 --> 0:01:00.400 That's why I love Mike will do that because kids, 0:01:00.440 --> 0:01:03.680 we get to talk about the Latino experience right way 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:07.640 that we were raised culturally. You know, every country is different, 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:09.800 even though we're all the same, one big family, but 0:01:10.880 --> 0:01:14.119 we all have different methods of discipline when it comes 0:01:14.160 --> 0:01:16.800 to parenting your children. I know that growing up, my 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:22.480 mom did it was the way of you know, I guess, discipline, 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:26.840 punishment control. It was just, you know, it was a 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:30.119 copy paste of what she had learned, right and patron 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:33.400 of like go to is a threat, and you know, 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:35.679 it's like a regular Latino. You don't even see now 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:37.440 that as an adult, it's like, oh yeah, that was 0:01:37.480 --> 0:01:39.680 regular in the moment, I used to hate it in 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:41.560 my mind. I would think of ways to, like run 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:44.000 away from the house, you know, as soon as she leaves, 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:46.880 I'm gonna do my love my book bag, and I'm 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:47.760 just gonna run away. 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:50.880 And I feel like that was everyone in the nineties, right, 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:54.160 everyone was everyone had to get away back. 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:56.880 Yes, like we all had ways of doing things. 0:01:56.920 --> 0:02:02.640 However, supposedly now this generation knows best, knows better right 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:05.680 from wrong, knows what we shouldn't do when it comes 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:06.920 to disciplining our kids. 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:09.080 Alex do have more experience than I do. 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:12.840 So how do you feel about the discipline and punishments 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:16.040 and and all the timeouts of you know, this generation 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:18.800 of twenty twenty three, do you like it better? 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:20.720 Do you miss the way things used to be? Do 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:22.160 you think it worked best? 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:25.040 Or do you think that now that we know better 0:02:25.080 --> 0:02:28.320 and how psychologically it can affect our children, how do 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:29.120 you feel about it? 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:32.960 Yeah? I think that's a that's a big thing, is 0:02:33.000 --> 0:02:36.360 the psychological thing of it, right, because I don't think 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:40.480 there was no consequences back then for getting your booty 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:44.480 beat by your parents, right. I guess that's because they 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:47.240 thought it was just the right way of disciplining, right, 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:50.519 and that was just something that they did, and that's 0:02:50.560 --> 0:02:54.480 something that was done to them. I do believe that 0:02:54.639 --> 0:03:00.320 even even timeouts have their place in time now A 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:07.040 man like if it wasn't leta or the belt, you know, 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:09.080 like when my grandfather used to take a little stick 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:12.440 off the freaking bean tree strip it and I would 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:16.160 just run, especially when I did bad things. I just 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:18.959 I know, And you know what's crazy is that people 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:22.840 still treat their kids that way till this day. Yeah, 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:26.560 you know, it's something that hasn't gone away culturally. That's 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:28.520 just what they think is right. And you can't tell 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:29.320 them right from wrong. 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:31.680 I know the fear it must have put into you, 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:35.680 but but you knew what to do. You know, you 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:38.920 knew to get it together right. And there's ways, like 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:41.640 for example, I now as a mother and working on 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:44.560 my parentsing skills, and I know it sounds crazy, but 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:47.560 I am, you know, in the process of training my 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:51.360 daughters at such an early age, and my training starts 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:55.160 off with and I hope it never passes beyond the 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:59.240 stair the laser. Oh yeah, guys, you know the laser 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:01.960 when your parents just gives you that mean mug, just 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:05.080 that deep, they open their eyes real big, give you 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:07.960 the laser, and you know that means get it together. 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:11.400 That's what I'm working on now. And to be honest, 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:14.600 even though they're super young, they're getting it. Mommy is 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:17.560 really fun and I'm very nurturing and I'm very loving. 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:20.680 But whenever they start to wilad and cry, and you know, 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:24.520 because they have that, you know, they have the mommy thing. 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.320 And right now they know that every go, I'm gonna 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:28.680 come and hold them. 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:31.720 But sometimes of the line, right, and you don't want 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:32.920 little Brad stamp fogo. 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:36.280 I mean, they're babies, but you want to raise them properly, 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:38.640 so I just do the laser eye and they know 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:43.640 to get it together. There's many methods. I do believe 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:48.200 and don't judge be for it, right, Oh god. 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:49.240 I believe that. 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:53.039 A little spanking, spanking is a is a more americanized 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:55.880 you know, terminology, a little spanking. 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:57.560 It's not a terrible thing. 0:04:58.720 --> 0:05:01.839 I do not go with child abuse, and that's another 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:05.840 topic of conversation. There's a very thin line between discipline 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:08.800 and abuse, and that's something that we have to learn 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:12.039 and figure out, because if you're making your kid bleed, 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:16.240 I think you've already passed that line of abuse, right, 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:19.360 And my mom did it to be a couple of times. 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:20.080 I'm not gonna lie. 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:22.800 I'm grown now, right, but my mom would pop me 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:26.320 in my mouth sometimes and that pop, that back, that 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:28.920 that back of the hand, that right in the mouth. 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:32.159 Sometimes she would bust my lip. She would act like 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:32.760 she didn't care. 0:05:32.839 --> 0:05:35.120 Later on as an adult she like miss Lisi and 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:39.120 like I would feel terrible, but all got you wouldn't 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:41.920 like I wouldn't know what else to do, Alice. As 0:05:41.920 --> 0:05:44.039 a parent, do you ever get desperate and just like, 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:48.000 don't know what to do and feel like, oh, like 0:05:48.040 --> 0:05:49.600 that anger part of you is about to come. 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:50.720 I'm like I'm about to huh. 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:53.240 Yeah. So that was one of the one of the 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:58.560 things that you know, growing up, if you got out 0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:01.599 of hand and you know what I'm saying right in 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:05.320 the mouth, and I think, here's here's the problem with it, right, 0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:09.680 I felt like what was going to keep me from 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:12.120 now doing that to someone else? Because it was being 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:15.320 done to me, right, Because as a kid, you don't 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:18.240 you don't know well, you know, you're just like, Okay, cool, 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:22.200 I just got spank for being bad, right, But you 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:24.680 don't know what being bad is because it wasn't there 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:30.159 wasn't any communication with you. You know. Yes, parents tend 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:33.000 to like tell you something, but I think back in 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:36.479 the day parents just kind of were like they went 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:40.359 to the tenth degree immediately. But today's age, parents give you. 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:44.400 You know, there's communication, there's active listening. There's a relationship 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:46.800 there where they're like, Okay, I know you're freaking out, 0:06:47.000 --> 0:06:50.279 you're crying. I don't understand it. Talk to me what's 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:55.120 going on, you know, and the frustration leads to you, 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:57.280 you know, what is it that our parents used to say, 0:06:57.320 --> 0:06:58.560 I'm going to give you someone to cry about it. 0:06:59.000 --> 0:07:01.760 Yeah, I do believe. I believe. 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:04.240 I don't know if in the belts. I don't see 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.479 myself doing the belts. I don't see myself doing the 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:10.200 hangars or the but la Chankleta at this point is 0:07:10.200 --> 0:07:10.720 a tradition. 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:13.080 It's like, listen, if we're. 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:16.120 Talking about Michael Tura, I must pass down my gultuda 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:19.880 from one generation to the other. And if I can't 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:22.240 give you anything else, let me at least give you 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:25.360 la chankleta, the flying chunklaatea from one room to the other. 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:30.080 It is classic. I do believe that. 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:33.000 Obviously, communication is key talking to your children, you know, 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:37.440 understanding why they're behaving a certain type of way. In 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:39.920 many occasions, we do have to be realistic and understand 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:41.560 that as much as we may think that children don't 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:45.000 have any pressure, don't have you know, any other things 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:48.800 that they're going through. We don't know how they're handling things. 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:50.760 You have to also understand that the way that we 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:53.200 were raised a few years ago or many years ago, 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:55.600 it's not the same generation. It's not the same lifestyle 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:58.280 that the kids are living today. Between social media, the 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:01.040 Internet and everything else. They are going through a lot 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:05.680 of social pressure, and let's even talk about bullying. You know, 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:08.400 you never know what your child is going through, right 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:10.960 when you're not around. That's causing them to behave a 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:13.560 certain type of way, that's causing them to be disrespectful, 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:16.080 that's causing them to be angry, that's causing them so 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:20.520 whatever the case, may be the friends that they socialize with, right, 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:22.240 because my mom would always be like, do you. 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:26.240 Know I didn't raise you to be this way? 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:29.240 You may not, but guess what, I spend more time 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:34.280 in school and aftercare and tutoring and other the things 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:38.080 because unfortunately, in my case, as a single mother, she 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:41.319 had to work super hard. She had to get several jobs, 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:43.520 which I understood, you know as an adult, and I 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:46.520 respect and understand, But that meant that I spend less 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:48.880 time with you, and I spend more time in school 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:49.840 with my friends. 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:52.960 So all those behaviors. 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:55.040 Don't necessarily mean that you're doing a bad job as 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:55.520 a parent. 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:56.079 Right. 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.280 You may be the best parent, had the best intentions. 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:02.000 Sometimes you go out of your way to give your 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:03.640 children all the things that you didn't have. 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:05.840 All those things. It may not just be you. 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:08.160 It's also the circumstances of the things that surrounded the 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:10.959 things that they watch, things that they hear, and so on. 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:15.280 But communication is key when it comes to parenting. I 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:26.680 will say that to it's important. So I also set 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:32.040 clear expectations, rules and boundaries when it comes to raising 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:34.680 your child. I know that in many occasions, like in 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:36.800 my case, I can only speak from experience, my own 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:39.520 personal experience. My mom has always been my best friend. 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:42.480 But as my best friend, she always made it very 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:46.680 clear that I am your mother. 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:47.520 You know what I mean. 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:51.760 I love you, But if I have to write you know, 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:54.040 but I do want you to feel comfortable enough to 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:56.320 trust me to talk to me. Tell me what's going on. 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:59.480 How do you feel good or bad? I still got 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:02.960 your back. Right expectations as a parent, I expect you 0:10:03.000 --> 0:10:05.960 to do good in school down, Both of your expectations 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:07.320 should be that your kids should. 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:10.079 Be like all straight a student. That's a lot of pressure. 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:14.120 Yeah, not everyone's is school smartest, right, you know, some 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:17.000 people need a little bit more extra help exactly. 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:20.679 So That's what I'm saying, Like, don't make ridiculous expectation 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:24.040 that your kid is over here stressed out right trying 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:26.840 to commit suicide because you're trying to be this this 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:31.280 perfect child for their parent and they can't accomplish that mission. Beato, 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:35.080 do set rules where your kid feels the need to 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:38.440 put in that effort that work. Right, to go to school, 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:41.880 get good grades, be athletic or you know, talented or. 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:42.800 Whatever it is. 0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:45.040 Be the best that you can be at whatever it 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:46.440 is that you're going to be. But it'll be the 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:47.400 best at that right. 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:49.560 And when you and when you help them along the way, 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:53.480 it sets good good Like you just said, you said 0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:57.199 good rules, good expectations, that you're not pressuring them. I 0:10:57.280 --> 0:10:59.080 mean you hit it right on the dog. Yeah. 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:02.320 And also rule rules and regulations. I mean, guys, you 0:11:02.320 --> 0:11:04.440 wake up early in the morning, you clean your room, 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:06.200 you do your bed, and da da dah and boom. 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:10.800 Then you know a whole schedule. There's a schedule for things. Right, 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:13.560 if you do this A, Y and Z, you will 0:11:13.600 --> 0:11:16.800 get rewarded with Sunday we can go to the park, 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:18.080 we can go here, we can go there, we can 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:21.400 do whatever. Because also I think it's important that we 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:25.000 do know that kids have responsibilities, but kids also want 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:27.680 to be rewarded, right, I think It's also a balance. 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:30.880 Never make it feel like, oh, you have to do that. Yes, 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:33.000 you do have to do that, but you also want 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:34.839 to reward them with things because at the end of 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:37.400 the day, well you teach them at home, it's the 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:39.960 same lesson that they're going to use in life. So 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:43.199 if I do X, Y and Z and do it properly, 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:44.760 I will get rewarded with something. 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:48.360 In life, our reward is money. 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.000 You work extra hours, you do what you have to do, 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:54.960 you get rewarded with financial stability. Financial stability brings your 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.480 nice cars, nice dinners, houses, all these x you know, 0:11:57.520 --> 0:11:58.360 all these other things. 0:11:58.480 --> 0:11:59.920 So I think that that's also. 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:03.120 In Yeah, and you teach them like we have always said, 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:06.040 you teach them. On top of doing that, you teach 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:10.240 them financial responsibility. Like that's perfect parenting. You're not You're 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:13.440 not being mean to them. You're setting good expectation, breaking 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:16.960 breaking down good rules, and giving them a reward for, 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:20.720 you know, for doing these things, setting a positive mindset 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:21.640 for everything that they do. 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:22.959 I agree on thousand percent. 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:27.000 Do you have a scheduling system with your kids or rewards. 0:12:26.400 --> 0:12:28.600 Or yeah, we used to, you know, it was it 0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:31.720 was important to make sure, you know, you brush your teeth, 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:33.800 you do your your hair. You know, you you make 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:36.200 your bed, and you know, if it was a school 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:39.320 a school day, you know got to be out by 0:12:39.360 --> 0:12:41.920 a certain time. You come back, do your homework if 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:44.680 you have any you know, there's always outside time. I 0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:48.000 think that's important, you know, and you know there's there's 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.920 certain things you gotta do on a school night to 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:53.160 get you know, to bed early and blah blah blah, 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:55.800 which is you know, but I never wanted to think 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:58.680 like I gotta put my finger down, even though I 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:00.200 wanted to. I want to be like, yo, you got 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:02.280 to be met by seven. I know that that doesn't happen, 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:04.760 you know what I'm saying. So, yeah, there was always 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:09.079 there was always good consequences for everything that that you 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:11.720 did positively. Obviously, if you do something bad, there's also 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:13.480 those like okay, you're gonna go to time out whatever. 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:16.160 But like you just mentioned, instead of of imposing punishments, 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:20.000 you know, you allow natural consequences to occur when a 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:23.920 child has good actions, you know, does the right thing. 0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:26.319 I also think it's important for us to learn from 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:27.000 other parents. 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:29.720 Right. Oh, I know that there's no guidebook on how 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:32.400 to raise a child. I know that every every child 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:34.679 comes with a different manual. 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:35.479 A different experience. 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:38.160 I get those things, but I think it's important to 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:41.079 also ask amongst each other as friends, if you have 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:44.320 really close friends, if you want to keep it in 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:46.679 the family. Oh yeah, Meana, I'm going through this situation 0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:49.280 where my kid. You know, how did you deal with it? 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:51.560 What should I do? What do it think works best? 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:53.760 Because experience is key, you. 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:55.439 Know right now? 0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:58.160 You know I'm a new mom, right, first time mom 0:13:58.520 --> 0:14:00.560 and a first and mom of two. I have a 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:03.160 lot of pressure to complete different personalities all at the 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:03.800 same time. 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:07.160 Coming from also being a single child. I never knew 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:09.480 what it was to have brothers and sisters. I don't 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:12.840 know how to deal with eventually when they argue and 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:15.319 fight and do all these things. Am I supposed to 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:16.960 be like, Oh, they're just sisters, that's what they do. 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:19.920 Or no, no, no, wait, this is a moment, a moment 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:22.160 to teach a lesson. You're not supposed to do this. 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:27.000 Yes, so ask questions, right, it's okay to add. 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:28.880 It doesn't mean that you're a bad parent because you 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:29.720 can't get it right. 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.840 It doesn't mean that you're just ask It's okay to 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:36.400 ask questions because sometimes that one that one conversation can 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:39.720 change your perspective on how you should handle that situation, right, Alex. 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:42.000 I agree one hundred percent plus you get you know, 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:45.360 if you surround yourself with good you know, good parents 0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:49.320 that know you know how to work a good relationship 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:52.440 balance with their kids. That helps you create your own 0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:55.480 methods and your own ways of being with your child. 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:59.640 You learn positive reinforcements, You know how to encourage your 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.920 children problem solving discussions, because that's huge, you know what 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:04.840 I'm saying, Like, you want to be able to take 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:07.600 everything that you're learning and adapted to your kids because 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:10.600 guess what, at the end of the day, those kids 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:12.840 are going to be great to you. Yeah, yeah, you know, 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:16.480 and they're gonna they're going to treat you and others 0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:19.880 around them so well. Yes, right when you present your 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:24.840 kids to a stranger or other family members, you want 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:28.840 them to be kids but also have respect and you 0:15:28.920 --> 0:15:30.280 want other people to admire that. 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:35.440 Of course, your kids are a representation of your parenting, 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:39.200 So the way that you are around them, the words 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:42.000 that you use around them, the love and nurturing that 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:45.680 you do once they stand beside you publicly. The way 0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:49.560 that they behave and act represents how you how good 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:50.240 of a job you're doing. 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:54.280 I'm not even gonna lie. The smallest thing as thank you, 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:54.920 You're welcome. 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:56.080 Please. 0:15:56.480 --> 0:16:00.560 Those are the smallest little thing that showcases your child 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:02.600 is being taught properly at home. 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:06.120 And I think all those things are important. 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:08.240 I'm going to talk about also, back in the days, 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:12.400 I know, at least in the Dominican Republic, it was 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:14.600 a community effort to raise a child. 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:16.560 It didn't matter if it was Lacina. 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:19.880 They would be like, oh, he Jose, I'm telling your 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.480 mother you're out here acting crazy. And they would go 0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:24.960 and tell your mother mena food and it's out here 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:27.840 playing outside with no shows and messing up his uniform whatever. 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:32.840 But it was a community effort to raise the children properly. 0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:35.920 Now, if your neighbor were. 0:16:35.800 --> 0:16:38.160 To come to you and be like, oh, your kid's 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:40.520 out here in this bike going crazy, be careful because 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:41.840 they can crash. 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:44.240 People now are super oversensitive to me. 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:47.080 Correct to me, because if you're doing it in a 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:49.680 positive way, I'm not saying it for anything. I'm trying 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:52.560 to help you, right, I don't know, I kind of 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:56.280 missed a community effort to raise the children, to the 0:16:56.320 --> 0:17:00.720 community effort to help the single mothers, or that all 0:17:00.800 --> 0:17:03.440 that part I kind of do miss it. Did you 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:06.600 ever have any raise up in a neighborhood like that? 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:09.359 Yeah, yeah, that's that's crazy. Because I grew up in 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:12.920 Puerto Rico. I was you know, at the age of eight, 0:17:13.080 --> 0:17:14.840 was when I first came here to the United States. 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:19.480 But everyone a little Bessino. Everything that you did was known. 0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:24.200 Everyone made sure you were okay. Everyone. When when even 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:27.960 my parents were like if you misbehave and they you know, 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:31.359 they tell you and scold you for doing something bad, 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:34.040 you know, I'm not going to jump on them, but 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:37.840 obviously if they're abusing that problem, but there was never 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:41.040 anything bad. One thing that I have for you is, 0:17:41.080 --> 0:17:43.919 you know, as the kids are getting older, you know 0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:47.960 you find different ways of being being open to them 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:52.119 and discipline and you know, if they get out of hand, 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:55.200 there's a lot of redirection and distractions that we can 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:59.800 do for them. Right you are you gonna be the 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:02.200 type them that you go that way the traditional way, 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.960 like here's some crayons, here's some plate, ohisthing, or would 0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:07.480 you go directly into the electronic use, because I feel 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:12.359 like that's an abuse that parents are are are using. 0:18:12.520 --> 0:18:15.320 You know what, He's jumping and giving them an iPad. 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:18.840 And I'll be honest. Yeah, my younger one, Oh tell 0:18:18.880 --> 0:18:22.479 me no, I said, no, how did you do it? 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:25.560 Every time they want something or if they're freaking out 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:29.920 or whatever, you then go leave or they've coloring books. 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:32.960 Miah, let me tell you something. I am slightly going 0:18:33.000 --> 0:18:34.960 through it right now. And people keep telling me that 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:37.840 it's normal not to panic, But I'm going through right 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:42.080 now because my babies are so stoked with coconomelaan and 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:44.840 and all these other things. When they can't watch TV, 0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:48.960 they will cry and scream for us as long as 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:52.840 possible so they get that and oh no, because I'm 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:54.920 busy working and this and that early in the morning, 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:57.320 that TV is on late at night till one two 0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:00.520 o'clock in the morning, that TV is on. And yeah, 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:02.719 I'm trying to figure out what else can I do. 0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:05.840 I have them a cripple the toys. Out of all 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:08.240 the toys, they only care for the remote control, my 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:11.240 cell phone, anything digital. There's a part of me that 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:14.840 feels like they're pandemic babies. Right they were born in 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:20.399 this era of technology, and their natural instinct is I 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.400 want to press buttons, I want. 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:23.360 To see a screen. 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:26.640 Before it wasn't that, it was I want to Barbie, 0:19:26.760 --> 0:19:29.360 I want a doll, I want to baby, I want 0:19:29.720 --> 0:19:31.280 They are technology babies. 0:19:39.160 --> 0:19:41.880 I think you can. You know, there's so many different 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:43.920 things out there that they can use, so many different 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:47.320