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Speaker 1: Joshua, my guy.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for taking the time and being

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Speaker 2: on here. It's good to see you.

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Speaker 1: Good to see you.

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Speaker 2: Man.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that I'm not in Austin, but I'm

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Speaker 1: glad that we made that happen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. One of these days we'll make it. We'll get

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Speaker 2: together in the same city and sometimes we're both speaking

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Speaker 2: at a place and we're kind of in and out.

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Speaker 2: So that's these days, that's when I do see you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So we're at two events I think in March,

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Speaker 1: I think, or maybe June, because we're at an event

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Speaker 1: in Georgia together, and then we're at Ignite together.

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Speaker 2: So that's Roanoke, Virginia, Lynchburg, Lynchburg, Okay.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. So the event's at Liberty Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so you went to Liberty, right, yeah, Okay, So

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Speaker 2: three years ago I was thinking about this last night.

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Speaker 2: I was on a plane and I I was in

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Speaker 2: the habit about three years ago of downloading a bunch

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Speaker 2: of videos to watch while I'm traveling on tour, going somewhere,

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Speaker 2: and I see one it was like very very much

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Speaker 2: clickbait for me. But it was like porn Star to

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Speaker 2: Preacher or something like that, and it was Alan Parr.

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Speaker 2: It was Alan Parr's show, and I was like, ah,

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Speaker 2: that works for me. I'll take it. So I, you know,

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Speaker 2: downloaded on YouTube and listened to the it was like

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Speaker 2: a two hour interview. Listen to the whole thing and

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Speaker 2: on the plane and was blown away by this story

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Speaker 2: and just couldn't it was so much deeper than I

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Speaker 2: could possibly have imagined. Fast forward a couple of years

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Speaker 2: two or last year. I'm going to uh, Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

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Speaker 2: Get off of the plane and there's this guy. It's you, right,

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Speaker 2: and like hey, and I didn't put two and two together.

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Speaker 2: And you're like, hey, are you going to this summit?

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Speaker 2: You and I are both going to this Christian leadership

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Speaker 2: summit thing in Jacksonhall. And you're like, hey, you're you're

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Speaker 2: going to this thing. It's like yeah, I'm going. And

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Speaker 2: you're like, well, you know, what's your story? And I

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Speaker 2: was like I'm you know, I was in the country

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Speaker 2: music industry. They're like okay, cool, And I was like

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Speaker 2: how about you? And you said, well, how's actually in

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Speaker 2: the porn industry? And and I was like, wait a minute,

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Speaker 2: the guy, you're the guy. You're you're the guy, and uh,

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Speaker 2: and and and then I told you, you know about

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Speaker 2: the Alan Parr interviewed, and and and then we became friends.

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Speaker 2: And it's just been, uh, it's been fascinating to watch

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Speaker 2: your journey, to read your book and to see what

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Speaker 2: the Lord has done in your life. Yeah, it's it's

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Speaker 2: nothing short of a miracle. And anytime someone become even

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Speaker 2: comes to Christian, the Lord saves somebody, it's a miracle

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Speaker 2: akin to the to the creation of the earth. Anyway, Amen.

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Speaker 2: And then but to see something so dramatic, your story

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Speaker 2: is so dramatic as the Lord saved you. And brother,

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Speaker 2: I just I just love you, man, and I love

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Speaker 2: your story, and I love what the Lord has done

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Speaker 2: in your life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Same same here. A huge fan of seeing you

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Speaker 1: just surrender everything and just be incredibly humble. And I

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Speaker 1: just love watching you from Afar. Being a dad, you know,

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Speaker 1: I've got four young kids and you know, their maniacs

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Speaker 1: and they want to be outside that they want to

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Speaker 1: do all this stuff, you know, and just like it's

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Speaker 1: it's just amazing to see what God will do when

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Speaker 1: you surrender and submit your life and say, hey, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to lay down my plan, I'm going to lay

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Speaker 1: down my wounds, my winds, all of it, and say, Lord,

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Speaker 1: I want to I want to serve you in the

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Speaker 1: best way I know how. I want to steward my

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Speaker 1: story in a way that doesn't point people to myself,

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Speaker 1: that points people to you. And also the you know

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Speaker 1: that that the struggle of God wanting to use you individually.

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Speaker 1: You know, same with me. It's like God wanting to

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Speaker 1: use us individually to proclaim his glory to be you know,

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Speaker 1: a carry of his word of reconciliation, but do it

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Speaker 1: in a way where you're walking in humility, but you're

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Speaker 1: doing it in a way that that seems like like, Lord,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be seen, but I want you

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Speaker 1: to be seen, but I have to be seen for

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Speaker 1: you to be seen in this way, just like navigating

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Speaker 1: through that because you know, I'm sure we'll get into

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Speaker 1: my story to an extent, but for me, like I

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Speaker 1: go you get a theological education, and I wanted to

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Speaker 1: teach the Bible, but I wanted to teach the Bible

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Speaker 1: to like fifteen guys in the world. You know, I

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Speaker 1: didn't want any part of being on a stage or

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Speaker 1: having a platform. I you know, I deleted social media.

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Speaker 1: I wanted no part of it.

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Speaker 2: Social Media.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I deleted social media. I even had I

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Speaker 1: had like old tattoos I covered up. I had social

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Speaker 1: media that I deleted. I mean, I like I literally

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Speaker 1: tried to like disappear. Ironically, I had a Celtic cross

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Speaker 1: on my shoulder and then I had you know, not

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Speaker 1: not proud of it, but I'd gone out and you

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Speaker 1: know gotten, I had way too many drinks and I

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Speaker 1: got a random person's name tattooed to my wrist. So

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Speaker 1: I had those, but I had both those tattoos, and

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Speaker 1: so I got I got that covered up. And the

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Speaker 1: cross the reason I got covered up because for me,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't that I wanted to cover up the cross.

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Speaker 1: For me, like that was a it was almost like

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Speaker 1: a digital footprint of who I used to be. So

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Speaker 1: like I just wanted to, you know, have a timestamp

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Speaker 1: of like, hey, here is uh this on my arm,

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Speaker 1: this is gone, anything that I'm doing on this side

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Speaker 1: of time. You can't attach to what I used to do.

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Speaker 1: Like I think like that to an extent made sense

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Speaker 1: to me. But yeah, I got this likekoy fish like

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Speaker 1: jumping out of water and like rocks and stuff. But

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Speaker 1: I've covered up like a really small Celtic cross I

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Speaker 1: got when I was eighteen. I'm pretty sure the same

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Speaker 1: one justin timberally cares.

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Speaker 2: Because it represented your own life and the porn and

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Speaker 2: your old life and the porn industry. Is that the

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Speaker 2: thinking behind that? Yeah, same with the random name on

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Speaker 2: your wrist.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: And this was so you you come out We're way

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Speaker 2: out of order here, but you come out of the

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Speaker 2: porn industry twenty thirteen, is that right?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? January, Yeah, January twenty thirteen. Yeah. So so there

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Speaker 1: was like this there was this three month like this dark,

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Speaker 1: dark period of I mean, we can get into it

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Speaker 1: as much as you want, but like there's this three

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Speaker 1: month period of where like I was struggling with suicidal ideation,

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Speaker 1: like there were people in my life that was dying

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Speaker 1: left and right and through, just like death swirling around me.

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Speaker 1: And then I had this like crazy interaction at this

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Speaker 1: bank and called my mom and just like I telled it,

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Speaker 1: you know, out of la where it's like I don't

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Speaker 1: I don't want to have access to this place, you know,

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Speaker 1: anything that's in it, and I just you know, kind

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Speaker 1: of tuck my tail between my legs and ran, you know,

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Speaker 1: ran home to mama in North Carolina.

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Speaker 2: So let me see if I get this right. You're

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Speaker 2: in the porn industry for like eight or nine years,

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Speaker 2: like almost seven, oh okay, almost seven, so like six

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Speaker 2: two thousand and six to twenty thirteen. You got into

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Speaker 2: it because you were basically sweet talked as a young

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Speaker 2: aspiring actor moving to La broken childhood, a dad that

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Speaker 2: was non existed in your life, and that's all kind

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Speaker 2: of part of your story. You go to La aspiring actor,

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Speaker 2: which is it's to me. I think it's probably harder

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Speaker 2: than the country music industry, but in the same way

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Speaker 2: it offers the world kind of offers the same promises

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Speaker 2: of stardom and fame and money as in country music.

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Speaker 2: So I get it. You go, you got stars in

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Speaker 2: your eyes. It's exciting California. The weather is amazing, you know,

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Speaker 2: everyone's pretty and happy. It seems they have nice cars,

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Speaker 2: and it's like I can do this, you know, and

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Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, you get you get swept

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Speaker 2: off your feet by these people at a restaurant.

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Speaker 1: Right, yeah, I mean you painted the picture one hundred

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Speaker 1: percent correct. Where it's like I grew up, my mom

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Speaker 1: had me at well, she got pregnant at fifteen, had

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Speaker 1: me at sixteen. Super super small town. I think a

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Speaker 1: thing that kind of impacted me as a child is

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Speaker 1: that my dad was in physical proximity of me in

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Speaker 1: this small town, like you know, a town of like

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Speaker 1: two thousand people, woe't gas station, one grocery store. So

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Speaker 1: I would see the man that was my dad, but

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Speaker 1: he was never my father in my life. My mom

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Speaker 1: worked at a restaurant where across the street we could

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Speaker 1: see a gas station. That gas station was named Rogers,

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Speaker 1: and my dad that was his dad, Rogers, So he

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Speaker 1: was a junior, so he was you know, roger Dale Junior.

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Speaker 1: So I would see the gas station that my grandfather owned,

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Speaker 1: and I would see him often drive up in his

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Speaker 1: green Z seventy one, and I knew that was my dad,

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Speaker 1: but he was never my dad. So I just think,

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Speaker 1: you know, the the way that you know, like you know,

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Speaker 1: just attachment theory or just like emotions are developed where

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Speaker 1: like as you're growing up, you have you know, people

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Speaker 1: and experiences in your life and in your brain. You know,

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Speaker 1: you try to navigate through what is this emotion, like

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Speaker 1: what is this emotion attached to? And regarding you know,

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Speaker 1: this conflict that I didn't have, you know, a solution

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Speaker 1: for I believed, well, if I can't understand why he

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to be my dad, it must be my fault.

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Speaker 1: So if if that is the truth, then maybe I

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Speaker 1: am the solution. And as most men or most most

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Speaker 1: people are high achievers, I thought, well, you know, if

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Speaker 1: I can earn enough, if I can become enough, maybe

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Speaker 1: I will feel as if I am enough. And what

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to hear man was a son, I'm

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Speaker 1: proud of you. I wanted to hear that so bad,

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Speaker 1: and I thought, well, maybe the next thing is becoming

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Speaker 1: you know, great student, great athlete. You know, maybe there

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Speaker 1: was a conquest and achievement or an accolade or an

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Speaker 1: award or something that would mitigate that that feeling, that wound,

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Speaker 1: that deficit. And yeah, so I mean I lived my life,

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Speaker 1: you know, doing you know well, but doing well on

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Speaker 1: the in the hope of that accomplishment or affirmation would

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Speaker 1: mitigate the wound that I had. And that drove me,

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Speaker 1: you know, to do good things and to be successful

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Speaker 1: and to work well. But you know the thing that

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Speaker 1: was driving was unhealthy and you know, getting a place

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Speaker 1: where I started modeling enacting when I was around twelve

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Speaker 1: thirteen years old, predominantly modeling, studied theater in college, moved

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Speaker 1: to LA had had a great manager, had had great representation.

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Speaker 1: But again it was it was almost this like weird

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Speaker 1: thing where I wanted to succeed in acting and I

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Speaker 1: was doing relatively well in modeling, but that's not what

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Speaker 1: I wanted to do, which is kind of something that

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Speaker 1: you know was in the same ecosystem. So in the

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Speaker 1: middle of that, like you were saying, three headhunters came

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Speaker 1: up to me. They are like, hey, would you ever,

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Speaker 1: you know, be interested in doing a porn And you know,

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Speaker 1: I had seen pornography for the first time at thirteen,

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Speaker 1: and you know, not not growing up in a home

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Speaker 1: where you know, there was a mom and dad, my

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Speaker 1: grandmother and grandfather, even they slept in separate rooms. And

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Speaker 1: it's like I didn't have a visible representation of what

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Speaker 1: intimacy was or looked like. And you know, as Romans

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Speaker 1: twelve talks about either being conformed by the world or

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Speaker 1: transform other renewing your mind, and for me, the thought

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Speaker 1: of what intimacy was or looked like was shown to

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Speaker 1: me in the pages of a magazine when I was thirteen,

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Speaker 1: and that the feelings and the emotions that were tied

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Speaker 1: to that was like, man, in a way, if I

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Speaker 1: replicate what I see, maybe I'll feel what I don't

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Speaker 1: And that.

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Speaker 2: It took a long time to figure that out, Like

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Speaker 2: you didn't think that at the time. You No, No,

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Speaker 2: you're very wise now looking back that you're able to

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Speaker 2: identify this is why the building blocks happened in that.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean this is like you know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is a you know, eleven years removed from it,

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Speaker 1: you know, counseling, working working in the mental health space myself.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean there there's these these building blocks

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Speaker 1: for you know, how you see the world. And it's like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's essentially what my book is about. Like

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Speaker 1: if you believe a lie to be true, well you

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Speaker 1: will live as if that lie is truth, and you

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Speaker 1: will incorporate that lie into your worldview and that impacts

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Speaker 1: the way that you interact with people, the way that

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Speaker 1: you see yourself, the way that you see live, the

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Speaker 1: way you see God, the way you see everything.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, man, I was just I was this broken

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Speaker 1: kid that just wanted to be loved. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: be needed and known, and I it was just this

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Speaker 1: like this catastrophe of collateral damage and collateral like bad

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Speaker 1: decision after bad decision. Perfect and yeah, and I think

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Speaker 1: like that. The dangerous thing is that, you know, once

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Speaker 1: I did one film and I got, you know, my manager,

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Speaker 1: like two thousand and six, Different world. On two thousand

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Speaker 1: and six. My manager's like, you did you did a

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Speaker 1: porn Like we can't, we can't represent you. You know,

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Speaker 1: We're like, we can't. We don't want to be tied

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Speaker 1: to you. You know, your likeness, you know, we can't.

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Speaker 1: You know, I think a lot of you, but sorry.

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Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, you know, as then

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Speaker 1: a twenty two year old, I believed, well, you know,

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Speaker 1: the only thing that is logical. The only thing that

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Speaker 1: I can do is continue doing what I did that

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Speaker 1: got that got me into this mess, which is you know,

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Speaker 1: it's like the worst thinking ever. Continue doing the thing

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Speaker 1: that like created you know, this catastrophe be in your life.

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Speaker 2: But very logical outside of the Christian worldview, what you

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Speaker 2: did was very logical. And the headhunters you call them

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Speaker 2: as they came up to you know, to recruit you

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Speaker 2: in the restaurant. Yeah, it sounds very much like human trafficking.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I would say this. You know again, I use

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Speaker 1: this language like being very much entrenched in this work.

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Speaker 1: On the other side, but a lot of people ask

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Speaker 1: me regarding pornography like does force fraud or coercion, which

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Speaker 1: is how someone would define trafficking, does that exist within

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Speaker 1: the porn industry? I said, no, it doesn't exist. It's

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Speaker 1: completely dependent. Wow, so there are they are synonymous. And

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Speaker 1: then like, I've never met a person that was in

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Speaker 1: the industry that was not traffic There's not a person

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Speaker 1: that is that I knew that was you know, that

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Speaker 1: was a long tenured person that was in the industry

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Speaker 1: that wasn't doing you know, escorting, that wasn't doing all

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Speaker 1: this stuff. And yeah, I mean we can get into

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Speaker 1: the weeds of that to the two the extent that

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Speaker 1: you would want. But it's like, yeah, man, like those headhunters,

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Speaker 1: they were being compensated by an agent where they would

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Speaker 1: find someone. Even the conversation with the agent, so you know,

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Speaker 1: they they say, hey, do you want to meet with

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Speaker 1: our agent if you want to do a film? And

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Speaker 1: I meet with the agent. The first question he asked

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Speaker 1: me is how did I grow up a ka Do

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Speaker 1: I come from a broken home? Is there brokenness in

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Speaker 1: your life that I can use as ammunition to manipulate

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Speaker 1: you with my words so that you will do what

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Speaker 1: I want you to do? Like, are you a broken

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Speaker 1: vessel that I can extract value from so that I

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Speaker 1: can manipulate you? And you know, can I frame porn

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Speaker 1: in a way that that you know, Okay, you want

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Speaker 1: to be an actor, you want to be you know whatever. Well,

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Speaker 1: in pornography, they're they're moving towards like perioding movies, so

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Speaker 1: you can use those talents. You seem like you're a

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Speaker 1: great actor, You're a good looking kid. You want to

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Speaker 1: be famous, you want to make money. Well, this might

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Speaker 1: not be mainstream acting, but maybe you can be a

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Speaker 1: star in this world. You know, so like just taking

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Speaker 1: you know, innocent questions and manipulating a broken person to

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Speaker 1: get them to do what you want. You know, that's

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Speaker 1: in the you know is as broken as it is, man,

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Speaker 1: it's not far removed from the stuff you would see

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Speaker 1: in some of the darkest places in the world.

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Speaker 2: Man. And the fact that they that very first gig,

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Speaker 2: they picked you up in a town car to take

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Speaker 2: you to the shoot. That makes one one more level

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Speaker 2: of difficulty for you to back out. You don't even

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Speaker 2: have your own car there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's it's almost like, you know, I

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Speaker 1: get there, but I mean even like I would say,

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Speaker 1: like even like back up to that, it's like, Okay.

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Speaker 1: The first thing he needs you to do is you're

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Speaker 1: gonna get a full plan, full panel STD and the

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Speaker 1: age test. They're like, you're a good looking guy. You

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Speaker 1: like you You've probably like you know, you've probably hooked

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Speaker 1: up with a few girls, Like what would it hurt

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Speaker 1: you to like get get tested. And I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: you know I've been pretty promiscuous like in college. You know,

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Speaker 1: I probably not not a bad idea. So I get that.

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Speaker 1: And that's kind of like you know your work permit,

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Speaker 1: so you got it. You have to you have to

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Speaker 1: have a new test every depends on what company you're

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Speaker 1: working for. Some some companies require a fourteen day test

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Speaker 1: where it can't be older than fourteen days. The oldest

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Speaker 1: test you can have like twenty eight days. But you

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Speaker 1: have to go get a test and then like to

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Speaker 1: your point, they pick you up in a in this

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Speaker 1: town car. It's like, oh, we're going to take care

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Speaker 1: of you, like, don't worry about where the addresses. We'll

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Speaker 1: pick you up at this time and then we'll we'll,

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Speaker 1: you know, we'll we'll drop you off after you're done,

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Speaker 1: and then you get there and then you know, you

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Speaker 1: get there and it's like, well, this sign this, this

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Speaker 1: is how you get paid. Well, uh again in retrospect,

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Speaker 1: I did not read it. I just signed where. You know,

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Speaker 1: here's here's the highlighted portions. Don't worry about reading and

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Speaker 1: just sign here, and this is how you get paid.

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Speaker 1: But what was I signing? I was signing away. I

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Speaker 1: was saying, Hey, I'm going to be an independent contractor.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be compensated a one time fee. And

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Speaker 1: what they're gonna get is they're gonna get one hundred

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Speaker 1: percent rights to any audio, video, or sound that was

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Speaker 1: recorded that day, and they have the right to partition

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Speaker 1: it and sell it to as many third parties for

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Speaker 1: you know, for as long as they want, and there's

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Speaker 1: no limit on how many people own this. So what

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Speaker 1: happens is you do one scene then all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: you know, my likeness ends up on sex toys, on

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Speaker 1: dating websites, on billboards and all of a sudden, like

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Speaker 1: people are asking like, oh, are you getting royalties? Royalties

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Speaker 1: do not exist in the porn industry because you were

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Speaker 1: not a person, You're a product. So it's like you

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Speaker 1: you know, so it's like you get paid, you know,

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Speaker 1: five hundred dollars for that day, and they're gonna get

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Speaker 1: you know, they're gonna use all that stuff. So that's

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Speaker 1: how that that was day one.

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Speaker 2: Day one, and your story is gets so much worse

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Speaker 2: after day one. That's that's what's wild. So let me

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Speaker 2: ask you remove your twelve years removed of this, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: twelve years last month, do you still see what was

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Speaker 2: your name?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Rocker Read?

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Speaker 2: Do you still see Roco? I mean does that ever

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Speaker 2: come up?

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Speaker 1: Well, I would say there's not a day that goes

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Speaker 1: by that I don't get some kind of notification of

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Speaker 1: like someone trying to abuse my likeness.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: It's like I have a really great team that you know,

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Speaker 1: we had to work really hard to get my I

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Speaker 1: M b D like changed because it said it didn't

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Speaker 1: say like, you know Joshua Broom AKA like it was

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Speaker 1: like your name is Rocker Read also known as Joshua

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Speaker 1: Broom and you know they were it was just crazy.

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Speaker 1: But I think and I think there's just like really

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Speaker 1: beautiful parallel to to kind of wrap your head around where,

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Speaker 1: you know, think about a troll on social media, we'll

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Speaker 1: we'll do they ever have a profile picture? If they do,

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00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 1: it's something obscure, and their user name it's always something random.

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Speaker 1: Why if I can remove myself from like who I'm

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Speaker 1: identifying as I can, I can operate in a behavior

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Speaker 1: that's that's different or apart from who I actually am.

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Speaker 1: So in the porn industry, you that from the jump. Okay,

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Speaker 1: well you're not going to go by Joshua Broom. It's like, well,

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Speaker 1: all the all the people that say, but I love

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Speaker 1: my job, I love my job. Well, if you love

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Speaker 1: it so much, why do you want to be removed

389
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Speaker 1: from what you do? Why do you want to go

390
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,640
Speaker 1: by this you know, this, this pseudonym because you're more

391
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Speaker 1: willing to compromise because Joshua Broom wouldn't do these things,

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Speaker 1: but maybe this other person would.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that's such a fascinating part of your

394
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Speaker 2: story because when we think about the Bible, when we

395
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Speaker 2: think about God changing names Abram, Abraham, Jacob Israel, we

396
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Speaker 2: think about Saul de Paul Simon Peter that the name

397
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Speaker 2: going going backwards and taking your name away from you,

398
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Speaker 2: the opposite of what God has done is what the

399
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Speaker 2: enemy has done through that porn industry. We're gonna take

400
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Speaker 2: your name away from you so that you'll be more

401
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,880
Speaker 2: likely to go down the Senator road and then which

402
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 2: we can get to in a minute. Uh to the

403
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Speaker 2: bank teller, Yeah, it was that. The impactful moment was

404
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 2: when your name came back to you.

405
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Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, so it's like, you know, at that point,

406
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Speaker 1: you know, I had been in the industry, you know,

407
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Speaker 1: well over six years, and I thought, like, you know,

408
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Speaker 1: you know, growing up as a kid, like you know,

409
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Speaker 1: food stamps and you know, I got one like pair

410
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Speaker 1: of basketball shoes a year, and my Mom's amazing. But

411
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Speaker 1: it's like this was this was how I grew up

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Speaker 1: and I and I believed, well, man, if I had

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Speaker 1: a million dollars, yeah, and you know, every feeling of

414
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Speaker 1: insecurity or feeling of like worthlessness would just melt away

415
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Speaker 1: and I would just be healed miraculously because there was

416
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Speaker 1: an additional comma in my bank account. And then I

417
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 1: made that money and guess what, nothing changed. And then

418
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Speaker 1: I thought well, if I win Performer of the Year,

419
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Speaker 1: that means that the studios and the fans attached to

420
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Speaker 1: that industry had voted that I was the guy. Got

421
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Speaker 1: nominated four years in a row, and then in twenty twelve,

422
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Speaker 1: I won. I won Performer of the Year, and then

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Speaker 1: you know, as crazy as this is, like this, I

424
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Speaker 1: guess in retrospect, in the world that we live in today,

425
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: it's not that crazy. But the award show was aired

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Speaker 1: live on Showtime, and you think, you know, you go up,

427
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Speaker 1: you get this award, and it's like it's this huge deal,

428
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Speaker 1: and it's like you made it, You're the guy. And

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Speaker 1: I thought, man, if I won that award, like that

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Speaker 1: means outum somebody, yeah, you know, and look in a

431
00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,239
Speaker 1: weird way, yeah, in a weird way. It was like

432
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 1: I wanted so desperately to feel chosen because I felt

433
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: like my dad didn't choose me my whole life. And

434
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:13,399
Speaker 1: I won that award and that was the worst I

435
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 1: ever felt. Why because it didn't make me feel like

436
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:22,960
Speaker 1: I thought it would. It was like, I won, That's awesome,

437
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 1: but I still felt the same. And I was like

438
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:34,199
Speaker 1: I thought, like when I won that, that feeling like

439
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:38,479
Speaker 1: I was not worth anything would just go away. So

440
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:42,680
Speaker 1: when that didn't work, the anxiety that I had that

441
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 1: I was trying to suppress was amplified. The depression that

442
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 1: I already had that I tried to suppress with a

443
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,959
Speaker 1: million things, it was deepened. And then man, it's just

444
00:24:55,000 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 1: like from that moment, like you enter into like three

445
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 1: month period of my life where it couldn't have been darker,

446
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:09,119
Speaker 1: and I'm literally trying to sabotage my life and trying

447
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:14,680
Speaker 1: to do things. I was trying so hard to live

448
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:18,399
Speaker 1: my life in a way where it gave me the

449
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 1: courage to end my life.

450
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 2: How soon were you realizing I'm not getting the fulfillment

451
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 2: I thought I was gonna. I mean, are we talking

452
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 2: about that that night you go home with it?

453
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:32,160
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, I mean I I had like I had

454
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 1: one of Like I was in a suite at the Venetian,

455
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: so they always had you know, that was where the

456
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 1: war show got placed and took place, and like I

457
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 1: didn't go to the there was an after party at somewhere,

458
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:51,399
Speaker 1: didn't go I had. I was being paid to like

459
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 1: sit in the VIPA section. It's like you know, people

460
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,359
Speaker 1: would pay It's like you know if you if you

461
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 1: pay to be in the VI VIP section or buy

462
00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: a bottle, it's like you'll you'll have access to like

463
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 1: these people. I didn't go. I I just went up

464
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:09,639
Speaker 1: to my room and I just like looked myself in

465
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: the mirror and I thought, Man, it didn't work.

466
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 2: And I don't think that that was the cat that

467
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,159
Speaker 2: was like a catalyst for you. That's that was like

468
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 2: a game changer. Winning the performer of the Year in

469
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 2: the porn industry. Was that was a game changer?

470
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean it was that. That was that

471
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 1: was one of the lowest moments of my life because

472
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 1: you know, I mean it was almost like you know,

473
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 1: here's here's this thing. I mean, it's like it beautiful

474
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 1: in that again, this is having the wisdom to look back.

475
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: You know. Roman Romans two four talks about God's love

476
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 1: is kindness, his patience that leads us into repentance. And

477
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,119
Speaker 1: I think in a way God loved me enough to

478
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,399
Speaker 1: give me everything that I thought that I wanted so

479
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 1: that I would realize that it wouldn't fix me.

480
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

481
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 1: So it's you know, sitting there, you know, looking myself

482
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:12,679
Speaker 1: in the mirror and then you know, just grab the

483
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:18,360
Speaker 1: bottle and uh break it until I you know, had

484
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: enough to like pass out. And then that's that's how

485
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 1: you know, GAT was getting calls and stuff like that

486
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 1: and just wanted nothing to nothing, you know, didn't want

487
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 1: to be around anyone. And it's like, man, I I

488
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 1: love and respect you enough to you know, like share

489
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,239
Speaker 1: this part of my story because you know you keep it,

490
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 1: you know, ditch it up to you. But you know,

491
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:45,199
Speaker 1: things got super dark for me really quickly. There was

492
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 1: a because I would do like bartending, like shirtless bartending

493
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: for you know, like different like fashion designers and stuff

494
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:58,919
Speaker 1: like that, and they would pay me ridiculous amounts of

495
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 1: money to like come to to Paris or wherever they

496
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,439
Speaker 1: were into like the bartsend parties or just like to

497
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 1: hang out. And soon after that I did one of

498
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 1: those and I got I got drugged and sexually assaulted

499
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:19,119
Speaker 1: by you know, the the owners of a well known designer.

500
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:24,120
Speaker 1: And after that happened, it was almost like number one,

501
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: it's your of course this happened. You know, it's your

502
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 1: fault for being there. This is the way I was thinking.

503
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: And then I was like, you know, this is almost good,

504
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,679
Speaker 1: because like this is a legitimate reason for me to

505
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: end my life, and I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself

506
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:43,440
Speaker 1: to do it. There was, you know, there was a

507
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,320
Speaker 1: bottle pills that I had that I knew, you know,

508
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 1: I had looked up as like if I take X amount,

509
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: that's going to do the trick. And I would put

510
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 1: on the table, i'd line them up, i'd get the water,

511
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 1: i'd look at them, and I just couldn't do it.

512
00:28:55,880 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 1: And that happened probably fifteen times. And then I thought, okay,

513
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 1: well what what do I need to do to continue

514
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 1: to sabotage my life? And I thought, well, you know,

515
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 1: I this has already happened to me, and then doing

516
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 1: porn is the only thing I can do. So maybe,

517
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 1: you know, I keep getting because like in the time

518
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: that I was in the industry, you were getting offers

519
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 1: from like gay companies. It's like, well, if if you

520
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: assign a contract with us, you know, name your price,

521
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 1: we'll give you, you know, a million dollars a scene

522
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 1: like whatever, like you just tell us. And I thought like, well,

523
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 1: maybe if I do that, Maybe if I after I

524
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: do that, uh, maybe then I would have the confidence

525
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 1: to in my life and I would be essentially removed

526
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 1: from the industry in that because like in two thousand

527
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 1: and six, seven eight, like in this time period, like

528
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 1: girls would not work with guys who did gay porn.

529
00:29:56,120 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: Studios like straight studios would not hire guys that did

530
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 1: gay porn. There was this like feeling of you know,

531
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: in that industry. In both industries, really people were dying

532
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 1: of HIV. There was this you know, this this feeling

533
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 1: towards the gate side of the industry. So I accepted

534
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 1: a contract and I did a film, and then after

535
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 1: doing it, I thought, Okay, you know this. Uh, there's

536
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 1: this movie. Gosh, forget what it is. It's a it's

537
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 1: a Christian movie where this girl she's like working in

538
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 1: the brothel redeeming love. She's she's working in the brothel.

539
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 1: She meets a guy they had, they start this great

540
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 1: life together, and then she just gets this itch to

541
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 1: go back into chaos. She goes and works with the

542
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 1: brothel one more time and feels disgusting, and she's in

543
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,719
Speaker 1: this river and she's literally she has a rock and

544
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 1: she's just scrubbing her body with it to the point

545
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 1: where she's like about to bleed, and she's trying to

546
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 1: scrub off something that she feels, but that feeling's not

547
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: on her skin, and that's how I felt. And then

548
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, maybe this, this is this is going

549
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:08,560
Speaker 1: to be it. And I stayed in that industry for

550
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: a few weeks and I did a few films like that,

551
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 1: and then after I'd done like the last one, I'm like, okay,

552
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 1: like this this is this is it. But then I

553
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 1: just need one more, one more person to agree with me,

554
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 1: you know, because you know, uh, because I think it's

555
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 1: in sometimes when we superimpose our brokenness on to intimacy

556
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:42,239
Speaker 1: and love, what we can believe is like intimacy is

557
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 1: compliance not connection, and we can try to manipulate another

558
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: person to agree with us. And you know, with with

559
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 1: bad theology, we could say, well you should uh surrender

560
00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 1: or submit to me because I have authority in this

561
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: hierarchy of you biblically, but what But what's happening is

562
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not wanting you to submit to me as

563
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 1: a godly husband. I'm wanting to you. I'm wanting you

564
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 1: to comply with me. So I'm trying to use my

565
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 1: emotions to manipulate you to get you to do something.

566
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 1: So I feel some sort of way. And I say

567
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 1: all that to say that thinking drove me into that bank,

568
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 1: in that in that bank, in that in that bank,

569
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 1: I had a check. And on the memo of the

570
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: check it said, you know what what I was being

571
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 1: compensated for. It was clear a lot of times directors

572
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 1: would do that almost being antagonistic, you know, be very

573
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 1: grotesque in the memo of the check. So normally I

574
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 1: wouldn't take this and hand it to a teller. I

575
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: would just you know, drop box atm whatever.

576
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 2: Okay, let me let me podge, Joshua, because this is

577
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 2: this is such a crazy part of your story. Yeah,

578
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 2: and to give context, because I know I'm learning new

579
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 2: things today for sure, but I'm know a lot of

580
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 2: your story. I've heard you say it when we're when

581
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 2: we're you know, on the stage together, and I've heard

582
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 2: you say it on different podcasts. But part of this

583
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 2: manipulation that you're talking about, and you're in that the

584
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 2: gay industry for two weeks, you said, well, part of

585
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 2: that manipulation that you don't you didn't sign up when

586
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 2: the when the Headhunters came into the restaurant. It didn't

587
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 2: start that way, but it wasn't like, hey, hey buddy,

588
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 2: do you want to do gay porn? No, it's it's levels, right,

589
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 2: It's these levels they build you up at and you

590
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 2: you mentioned that they say things like what's the extent

591
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 2: of what you would be willing to do?

592
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, So it's like so when you give in

593
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 1: the industry, you you have a no list, right, so

594
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 1: these are these are things that I don't want to

595
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: do or people that I choose not to work with.

596
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 1: And you know, but with the way it works is uh,

597
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 1: this this is like four guys also, but predominantly for girls,

598
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 1: where it's like there's things that you're not willing to do,

599
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 1: and time pass and then you know, the girl will

600
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 1: begin to not be as popular as she once was.

601
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 1: And then the agent goes to the studio and auction

602
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,760
Speaker 1: off this thing where it's like, you know, she hasn't

603
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 1: done this, uh this sex act before, and how much

604
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: would you pay for her to do it? It's like okay,

605
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 1: top bitter, thirty thousand, okay, perfect, And then the agent

606
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 1: goes back to the girl and says, you'll never believe

607
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 1: it out of nowhere. This studio says they want to

608
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 1: give you thirty thousand dollars if you're willing to do

609
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 1: that thing that you've never done. And I know you

610
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 1: said that you didn't want to do that, but just

611
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 1: let me tell you this, you'll be relevant again. People

612
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: will start booking you again. You'll your name will will

613
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 1: will rise, and you'll be a star again. So if

614
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 1: you just do this thing, that's just one time, and

615
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 1: they're going to pay you your X amount of dollars.

616
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,879
Speaker 1: So in the in the porn industry, you know, your

617
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 1: no list is not really no because you don't really

618
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: have a note like you can. If you believe that

619
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: you're you're not someone who does porn, you are you

620
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:05,879
Speaker 1: are a porn porn star.

621
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 2: You know.

622
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:12,359
Speaker 1: It's like my only attachment to worth is that I

623
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 1: sell myself for sex. So if that's true, if that's

624
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 1: the only thing that I can say yes to, what

625
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 1: can I truly say no to? Nothing? So my my

626
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,440
Speaker 1: no loses this validity. So I would say, in the

627
00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:27,000
Speaker 1: porn industry, your no doesn't mean no, Your no means

628
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: how much wow.

629
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:36,360
Speaker 2: So then fast forward, you're suicidal. You've lined these pills up,

630
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 2: you know the exact amount of pills to take to

631
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 2: end your life. You've got even have the glass of

632
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 2: water to take the pills. And you said you did

633
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:48,799
Speaker 2: that like fifteen times. And this is the state you're in.

634
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 2: I mean, you spent two weeks in the in the

635
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 2: gay industry. You've done. You've passed all. You've surpassed all

636
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 2: the nose that you once said you wouldn't go this far.

637
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 2: You surpassed it all. You've one Performer of the Year.

638
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 2: Did you win that? How many times did you win that?

639
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 1: So? I got nominated for it four times, but one

640
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:06,919
Speaker 1: at once?

641
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 2: Okay, so you're suicidal. You've won the top award and

642
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:15,760
Speaker 2: this now we go. Now you're gonna cash a check. Yeah,

643
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,760
Speaker 2: Rocko's gonna cash a check. You haven't even heard. Joshua

644
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 2: was gone. Joshua was dead.

645
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and yeah, one hundred percent. And it's like I had,

646
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 1: you know, at LLC. You know, it was like I

647
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:29,280
Speaker 1: don't remember what it was, but yeah, so like Joshua

648
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 1: Broom had had no place at the table. Yeah, And

649
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 1: and I'd say, I mean, we can dig into this

650
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: and in a little bit if you want. But it's

651
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: like for me, like when when I got fired with

652
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 1: my manager. You know, it was one thing, but you know,

653
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 1: being being from a small town, it only takes one

654
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 1: person to know one thing about your life for everyone

655
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: to know everything about your life. Yeah, you know got

656
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 1: through the grapevine that you know I done that. My

657
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 1: my uncle heard at work, and then he went and

658
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:02,239
Speaker 1: told my mom, and then my mom calls me, and

659
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 1: you know, you know, being from the South, it's like

660
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:05,879
Speaker 1: how much of your name gets used is how much

661
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 1: trouble you're in. So I hear, you know, Joshua Luke Broom, like,

662
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 1: tell me the truth right now, like, did you do this?

663
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 1: And and I had to tell my mom I did.

664
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,120
Speaker 1: I did do one of those films. But for me,

665
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 1: I wasn't sure about much, like Grangeeryd. I wasn't sure

666
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,280
Speaker 1: about much as a kid. But something I was super

667
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 1: sure of was that I was my mother's son. If

668
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:30,439
Speaker 1: I needed something, she was there, no matter how hard

669
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 1: she had to work, if I wanted you know, uh, somehow,

670
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 1: some way, I don't know how she did it, but

671
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: I always I went to you know, basketball camp at

672
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 1: University of South Carolina every year I was in high school.

673
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,319
Speaker 1: I don't know how she made that stuff happen, because

674
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: like we were struggling, but she was always there for me,

675
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 1: always protected me. You know, anything I needed, she was there.

676
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 1: So I was. I was certain that I was my

677
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:55,600
Speaker 1: mother's son. If I didn't know anything else, I was that.

678
00:37:56,080 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 1: And then when my mom was hurt, you know, and

679
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 1: I told her like, yeah, I did that. And then

680
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:09,040
Speaker 1: that's when Satan amplified a lie that I believed about myself,

681
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,919
Speaker 1: because when I hurt her, when I hurt the only

682
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,359
Speaker 1: person that had never hurt me, there was a little

683
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 1: voice in my head that's like, see, you're exactly who

684
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 1: you thought you were, Like, that's why your dad didn't

685
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:26,279
Speaker 1: want you. You're no good. Of course of course you

686
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: did that. Of course you hurt her. Of course you

687
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 1: made that decision. This is not something you did. This

688
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 1: is who you are. You're exactly You're exactly who you

689
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 1: thought you were. And man, and that caused me to

690
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 1: believe another lie that I had disqualified myself from being

691
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 1: her son, Like what what good could I do in

692
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:54,280
Speaker 1: her life?

693
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 2: The only thing you knew for sure? Now you're disqualified

694
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:58,279
Speaker 2: from even that.

695
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, so she was. She was calling and texting me,

696
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,439
Speaker 1: but I didn't answer because what am I going to say?

697
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 1: So it's it's either you know, I I wallow in

698
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: my shame or I run from it, you know, or

699
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 1: you know, I certainly wasn't going to own up to

700
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: it at that time. So to your point, I'm in

701
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,319
Speaker 1: this bank, I'm walking in with this check, and what

702
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 1: I wanted was I wanted the bank teller to take

703
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 1: the check, to look at it, and to see the memo,

704
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:35,400
Speaker 1: and to tell me you are as disgusting as you

705
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:39,759
Speaker 1: think you are. You are. I mean, it was it

706
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 1: was like that a title of a movie. I mean,

707
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 1: it was clear that I was being compensated for sex.

708
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 1: You know, it was gotcha, you know, So it was

709
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 1: it was clear that I was in a porn movie

710
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: and I was being paid for my actions in it.

711
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:57,360
Speaker 1: But I just wanted, like I wanted her to agree

712
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 1: with me so that I could do what I wanted

713
00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 1: to do. And she was unshaken by it. Looked at it,

714
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 1: you know what, you know, what's your account number, swipe

715
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:12,359
Speaker 1: the cards, you know, uh, deposited the check. And then

716
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: I'm dumbfounded. You know, I'm already shaking, pale, like ready

717
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 1: to die, but terrified. And then she came around the

718
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 1: corner and said, Joshua, are you okay? Joshua, how can

719
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: I help you? Let me get you some help, because

720
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 1: it was obvious I was not okay. And that was

721
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 1: the first time I had heard Joshua come from someone's

722
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: lips talking to me and well over a year, and

723
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 1: it it was almost like it woke me up, you know,

724
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 1: it woke me up out of this this plausible reality

725
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,760
Speaker 1: that it created based on shame and hurt and pain,

726
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 1: and and I felt guilty. And I felt guilty because

727
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 1: I was withholding from my mom the thing that she

728
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 1: more than deserved. She just wanted to know that her

729
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 1: son was okay. Like in this industry, you know, to

730
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 1: this day, there's forty two people that I was friends

731
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,680
Speaker 1: with that have died of suicide or overdose. Forty two.

732
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 1: There's people last.

733
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 2: I've seen interviews with Allen it was like in the

734
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 2: thirties and so it's going out. It's going on now.

735
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:32,240
Speaker 1: That I continue.

736
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 2: That is unbelievable to me, that that's one of the

737
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,480
Speaker 2: craziest things. I will never I told you this in

738
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 2: Jackson Hole. I will never forget that you said that

739
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 2: over forty people you knew in that industry are now dead,

740
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 2: so much so that you said if you watch a

741
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:53,439
Speaker 2: porn today, there's a really good chance, especially the girl

742
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:54,920
Speaker 2: is dead from.

743
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 1: Subside and what's and what's so twisted about it is

744
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 1: like in the porn industry when someone dies that way,

745
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 1: they make a compilation of all their scenes and they

746
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 1: try to monetize the thing in which that caused their demise. Yeah, man,

747
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 1: so it's like that's that's the reality of the industry.

748
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 1: But yeah, so it's like when she came across, you know,

749
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 1: she came around the corner, and you know.

750
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 2: It's all like God spoke to you that day in

751
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 2: the bank. You know, that's what it feels like to

752
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 2: be God. Yeah, Okay, Joshua and.

753
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 1: What and what I love is like number one. You know,

754
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,439
Speaker 1: like our names have meaning. It's like Joshua literally means

755
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: yahweh salvation. You know, it's like what.

756
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 2: A name, but what it did people across the Jordan River.

757
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,719
Speaker 2: That's you man, That's that's your namesake.

758
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,440
Speaker 1: Yeah man, Yeah, like to to you know, to to

759
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 1: rock azah, you know, to be strong and courageous, you

760
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:55,319
Speaker 1: know too.

761
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 2: My brother's Tyler and Parker and I own this apparel

762
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 2: company called You. It's a lifestyle brand. We have ee

763
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 2: dot com. But you know, I'm not good at that

764
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 2: kind of technical stuff. I don't build websites, I don't

765
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:10,399
Speaker 2: take credit card information. That's where Shopify comes in. They

766
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 2: handle all of our customer checkout. They make it super easy,

767
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 2: and they do it for millions of companies. It's not

768
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 2: just us small ones, big ones, and all the ones

769
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 2: in between. So if you're thinking, like, hey, this is

770
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 2: the year, you know, I'm thinking twenty twenty five is

771
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,280
Speaker 2: the year I want to finally start that business, consider

772
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 2: Shopify for your checkout needs. So upgrade your business and

773
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 2: get the same checkout that we use Atyee. With Shopify,

774
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:34,439
Speaker 2: sign up for your one dollar per month trial period

775
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:37,520
Speaker 2: at shopify dot com slash granger all lowercase. Go to

776
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 2: shopify dot com slash granger to upgrade your selling today

777
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,760
Speaker 2: shopify dot com slash granger. If you like the content

778
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,360
Speaker 2: in this podcast, hey consider sharing it with a friend,

779
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 2: subscribing to this podcast, giving it a good review if

780
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,920
Speaker 2: you want, and commenting on the YouTube page. These are

781
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:57,440
Speaker 2: all things that help this podcast reach more people. If

782
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 2: you want to get a hold of me personally, you

783
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 2: go to Cameo dot com slash granger. Smith. I can

784
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 2: make you a video message for anything that you want.

785
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,799
Speaker 2: It could be happy birthday, happy anniversary, maybe just a

786
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:10,320
Speaker 2: word of encouragement. Got to Cameo dot com slash Granger Smith.

787
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 1: But you know, so like after that, so like, I

788
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 1: was like, man, I gotta call my mom. And I

789
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: call her, and man, she lit me up. You know,

790
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:21,759
Speaker 1: she she chewed me out because she was hurt, you know.

791
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,919
Speaker 1: But then after she after she was done, she said

792
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 1: to me everything that I didn't think she ever would.

793
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 1: She's like, You'll always be my son, I'll always love you.

794
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 1: And I please, and I beg you please leave this place.

795
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 1: You're so you're worth so much more. You're so much

796
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 1: more capable than what you what you're doing. You know,

797
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:46,360
Speaker 1: you're you're worth more than the way you're living. And

798
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 1: I listened to her and I left, and it's like

799
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,319
Speaker 1: most like so many like so many people get my

800
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:57,960
Speaker 1: story wrong and that they're like, oh, this guy, you know,

801
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 1: left porn to become a pre cture, And it's like, man,

802
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 1: when I left porn, I was still so far from God, right,

803
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 1: he was obviously, you know, interceding on my behalf and

804
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 1: beginning to work. But when I left the porn industry.

805
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 1: There was a two year period where you know, the

806
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 1: way that I described it, I tried to put enough

807
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 1: good dirt on my bad dirt so I didn't look dirty.

808
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 1: You know, I started working in the health and fitness space,

809
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:28,959
Speaker 1: and it's like, you know, essentially I did the same

810
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:30,440
Speaker 1: thing I was doing in the porn industry. You know,

811
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 1: I like, Okay, how can I become the most successful.

812
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,439
Speaker 1: It's like, Okay, find a great mentor get a bunch

813
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 1: of credentials, find the best gym to work at, and

814
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,840
Speaker 1: then you know, work really hard and become the best

815
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,319
Speaker 1: in my field and make a lot of money. And

816
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:47,640
Speaker 1: I did that is just a.

817
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 2: Season where you deleted social media and cover tattoos. Okay, yeah.

818
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 1: Yeah. So in the middle of this, it's like, you know,

819
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: I'm I'm because I was never like I didn't have

820
00:45:57,040 --> 00:46:00,120
Speaker 1: any value. But I thought maybe, you know that the

821
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 1: things in which my mom instilled in me was you know,

822
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:04,400
Speaker 1: to love people well and to work really hard. Like

823
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 1: my mom has an incredible work ethic. And it's like, man,

824
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 1: if like all I know, like whether I'm eating you know,

825
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 1: chicken wings or you know, playing pickleball er uh, you know,

826
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 1: whatever it is, it's like I want to win, and

827
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: I'm going to give it one hundred and ten percent.

828
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 1: So it's like, okay, well, if I'm going to be uh,

829
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: you know, in the health and fitness space, it's like

830
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 1: I want to you know, become an expert in you know, food.

831
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,840
Speaker 1: I want to like understand you know, movement patterns. I

832
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: want to understand exercise science. I want to understand programming.

833
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 1: And then I just like dove into that and had

834
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:39,880
Speaker 1: a really great mentor and you know, became really successful

835
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: in that. But like in the in the middle of that,

836
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:45,479
Speaker 1: I just replaced one thing with another, you know, because

837
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,120
Speaker 1: I was trying to earn my worth and I thought

838
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:50,800
Speaker 1: if I did enough and had enough, I would feel

839
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 1: as if I was enough, right, and it, you know,

840
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 1: it worked for a while because it, you know, the

841
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 1: the newness numb my pain until it didn't. And then

842
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 1: two years into that, this girl comes strolling into the

843
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:10,720
Speaker 1: gym and you know, decked out and Iowa hawk eye

844
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 1: cheerleading stuff, and but she she was the best athlete

845
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: in the gym. You know, obviously she had a background

846
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 1: in gymnastics, but she was the best athlete in the gym.

847
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:28,399
Speaker 1: But you know, wasn't boastful, wasn't flirtatious, didn't didn't hang

848
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:31,839
Speaker 1: around very introverted, just came in, worked really hard, kept

849
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:35,759
Speaker 1: her head down, and like left. I was just fascinated

850
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:38,840
Speaker 1: with her. And then I asked her on date probably

851
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 1: you know, ten times she said uh, she said no

852
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:46,800
Speaker 1: in the most polite way, and she she eventually said,

853
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:50,439
Speaker 1: well before church on Sunday, I go for a long

854
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:52,839
Speaker 1: run and if you want to meet me, you can

855
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:55,239
Speaker 1: meet me at this park. And I was like, I'll

856
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:58,799
Speaker 1: take whatever I can get, you know, And I meet

857
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,239
Speaker 1: her at this park and I was like, man, I

858
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 1: was so fascinated with her, But then reality creeped into

859
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,319
Speaker 1: my mind. I'm like, remember who you are?

860
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:12,439
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I was still talking to you. Yeah,

861
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 2: years removed from from the hell hole, but you the

862
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:20,400
Speaker 2: enemy was still speak You were still a sinner in

863
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:21,240
Speaker 2: need of a savior.

864
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. And it's like, so you know we we

865
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:30,520
Speaker 1: before our run even started, you know. I was like, Hey,

866
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: I just want to let you know this about me

867
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 1: before like this even has the potential to become anything.

868
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 1: I'm this kid that his daddy didn't want and I've

869
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 1: done a lot of stuff that I'm ashamed of I've

870
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:53,439
Speaker 1: done pornography and it's on the internet for anyone to see.

871
00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 1: You will probably always be there And just so you know,

872
00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:01,200
Speaker 1: I'm this really bad person. This is who I am.

873
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:05,680
Speaker 1: And you know, she's you know, hit with this jab

874
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:08,600
Speaker 1: to the nose of like something that she didn't expect

875
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: to hear, so she was pretty taken back by it.

876
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:14,239
Speaker 1: But then I just saw the wheels turning and we

877
00:49:14,239 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 1: were kind of walking in silence, like this very uncomfortable silence,

878
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 1: and then she stopped and like gave me, you know,

879
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 1: this this look. You know, she was an elementary school teacher,

880
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 1: you know, like she gave me like this look where

881
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:31,040
Speaker 1: like she was going to say something stern like can't

882
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 1: kind of planet her feet and said, hey, she said, hey,

883
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 1: I want you to to know I don't want to

884
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 1: minimize your pain or negate anything you said, but I

885
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 1: want you to know that you are not defined by

886
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:52,520
Speaker 1: the worst thing you've ever done, and you won't be

887
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:57,320
Speaker 1: defined by the greatest thing you'll ever do, because there's

888
00:49:57,360 --> 00:50:01,120
Speaker 1: an author of you, and it's not.

889
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 2: You incredible and incredible.

890
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:12,960
Speaker 1: And I mean it's like, I mean, so like like

891
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,880
Speaker 1: anyone listening to this, like if you're with us, like

892
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 1: in this story, it's like I believe the absolute opposite.

893
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:25,800
Speaker 1: It's like so like she was challenging, like not only

894
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 1: the way that I thought she was channeling, challenging everything

895
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: that I believe to be most true. Like I'm I

896
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 1: am defined by the worst thing I've done, and I'm

897
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:40,680
Speaker 1: I hope to be a fine defined by the greatest

898
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:43,880
Speaker 1: thing I'll ever do. I'm hoping to do something great

899
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:49,279
Speaker 1: enough to cover up or overshadow the reality of what

900
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 1: will never go away. And she, you know, and then

901
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:56,799
Speaker 1: she stopped. She's like, like, do you know who God is? Now?

902
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:57,799
Speaker 1: I was like, I went, you know, I went to

903
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 1: church a little bit as a kid, but you know,

904
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 1: maybe probably not. You know. She's like, well, I've been

905
00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:09,719
Speaker 1: following Jesus since I was in the seventh grade. I'm

906
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:13,840
Speaker 1: not perfect by any means, but my life is based

907
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:19,320
Speaker 1: on a foundation that's built through my relationship with him.

908
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 1: So what kind of food do you like? I was like,

909
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:25,839
Speaker 1: you are insane? Like I thought I was crazy, Like

910
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 1: you're crazy, but I mean it was I love like

911
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,960
Speaker 1: thinking about like Colossians four, like you know, Paul's you know,

912
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:38,560
Speaker 1: in prison for preaching the gospel, praying for opportunities to

913
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:42,360
Speaker 1: preach the gospel, praying to to walk with wisdom towards outsiders,

914
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,920
Speaker 1: you know, thinking, hey, let let our speech be gracious

915
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 1: and season assault, so we might know how we ought

916
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 1: to answer each person. You know, I love this book

917
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:57,759
Speaker 1: Master Planet of Evangelism Roberty Coleman. He says, Uh, most

918
00:51:57,760 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 1: people are not looking for an explanation and they're looking

919
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 1: for demonstration. So thinking about like the way in which

920
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 1: she responded to me, it stopped me in my tracks

921
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:14,239
Speaker 1: and he created this curiosity in me, and it's like,

922
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:17,759
Speaker 1: how in the heck can she respond to what I

923
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 1: said like that? And maybe, just maybe is what is

924
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:25,280
Speaker 1: what she's saying true?

925
00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 2: M hm.

926
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:32,440
Speaker 1: So we walked and talked and then she invited and

927
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:36,439
Speaker 1: she invited me to church. And then we went to church.

928
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm not sure about church, but

929
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 1: I'm sure about wherever she's going. You know, I'm following her.

930
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 1: And I walked into I walked into this church in Raleigh,

931
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:50,440
Speaker 1: North Carolina, you know, not expecting much, and you know,

932
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 1: I'll give you the abbreviated version. But I walked in

933
00:52:55,320 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 1: and you know, I was expecting a legalistic presentation of

934
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:03,440
Speaker 1: how how far I was from God and how I

935
00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:05,520
Speaker 1: would never get close to him because you know of

936
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 1: who I am and and and you know, that was

937
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:12,879
Speaker 1: what I believe to be true. And I heard this,

938
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:16,319
Speaker 1: you know, this man, this old man that reminded me

939
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 1: of my grandfather, with tattoos on his arms, and he

940
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 1: was wearing jeans, and uh he told this, uh, this

941
00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 1: story out of Second Sandwich, chapter nine, about my fellow

942
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 1: chef and how David had invited my fellow chef into

943
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 1: his kingdom. And my fellow chef, you know, being the

944
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 1: son of Jonathan. Uh, he was expecting death and that's

945
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 1: why he was in this place called Lo Debar, you

946
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 1: know this, this this place of no pasture, thinking that

947
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 1: you know, I need to hide because if I'm found

948
00:53:44,239 --> 00:53:49,680
Speaker 1: historically because uh, you know, my my my dad was Jonathan,

949
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 1: my father was Saul. And now David had been chosen

950
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 1: and anointed to be king. Uh that meant that, you know,

951
00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:58,600
Speaker 1: I'm I'm on the outside looking in. And anyone that

952
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 1: was attached to a family that was of a former

953
00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:04,800
Speaker 1: kingdom or a potential you know, challenger of the kingdom,

954
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 1: that person was hunted down and eradicated. They were killed,

955
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:09,440
Speaker 1: so he thought, like, my head is on the platter.

956
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:11,640
Speaker 1: And then David invites him to his kingdom after he's

957
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 1: been hiding. He thinks, okay, doomsday, you know, today's today,

958
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:18,919
Speaker 1: And David instead says, hey, I'm gonna invice you into

959
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:21,239
Speaker 1: my kingdom. You know, I want you to, I want you,

960
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:23,480
Speaker 1: I want you. I want to give back to you

961
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:26,960
Speaker 1: your grandfather's land, which isn't just any land, it was

962
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,160
Speaker 1: part of Canaan. So he's inviting him into the kingdom

963
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 1: of God, saying, we're gonna be part of my kingdom,

964
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:32,880
Speaker 1: and you're gonna have a seat at my table, not

965
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,759
Speaker 1: for a day, not before a week, but forever. And

966
00:54:36,719 --> 00:54:39,440
Speaker 1: you know, this is a beautiful picture of grace, you know,

967
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:42,439
Speaker 1: mercy being you know, withholding what we do deserve, grace

968
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:44,640
Speaker 1: being this unmarried to favor that we don't deserve. We

969
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:48,640
Speaker 1: see this, and in Second Sandwich, chapter nine, verse eight A,

970
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 1: Fellows Chiefs responds to this by saying, who am I

971
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 1: I'm I'm but a dead dog. I don't deserve this,

972
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:03,840
Speaker 1: essentially what I heard and and and you know the

973
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:07,960
Speaker 1: reason that that part of the Bible comes so alive

974
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 1: to me, because essentially he's saying, don't you know who

975
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:16,840
Speaker 1: I am? Yeah, don't you know who my father is?

976
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:19,319
Speaker 1: Don't you know the sin that I'm attached to?

977
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:20,720
Speaker 2: Yeah?

978
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:26,480
Speaker 1: And then he read Hebrews twelve two. He read that

979
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:29,240
Speaker 1: with joy set before him, that he endured the cross,

980
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 1: you know, scorting our shame. He's seated down on the

981
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:36,040
Speaker 1: right hand of God. But it's like something about joy.

982
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:40,000
Speaker 1: Just like explosion happened in my head. I was like, okay,

983
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:44,959
Speaker 1: So like I'm with you. You're saying that Jesus, born

984
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 1: of a virgin, fully god fully man, lived a perfect life,

985
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:54,920
Speaker 1: faced temptation, never sinned, goes to the cross, but he's God,

986
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 1: so of course he's obedient to the Father. But he's omniscient,

987
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:03,960
Speaker 1: So he's all, why would he have joy in his

988
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:08,200
Speaker 1: heart as he's going to the cross. Where does joy

989
00:56:08,239 --> 00:56:15,319
Speaker 1: come from? And then it hit me he loved me.

990
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:23,920
Speaker 1: He had joy in his heart because he loved me.

991
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:34,319
Speaker 1: And it was like and yes, I mean like when

992
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:38,839
Speaker 1: that hit me, I fell on my face and just

993
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 1: sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, And when I

994
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 1: stood up, I made a decision that you know, I

995
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:55,760
Speaker 1: didn't have my theology perfect, but I believed that Jesus

996
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:59,040
Speaker 1: was real and he really he was a real person.

997
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:02,440
Speaker 1: He really was the Earth, and he knows me, and

998
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:04,480
Speaker 1: he loved me enough to die for me, and he

999
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:06,319
Speaker 1: rose from the dead on the third Day. And if

1000
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:09,360
Speaker 1: I placed my faith in him, then then not only

1001
00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:13,600
Speaker 1: am I saved from hell, but I'm reunited to the

1002
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:19,600
Speaker 1: father that I've never had. Wow, And you know that

1003
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 1: was that was ten years ago. You know that was

1004
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:26,320
Speaker 1: that was ten easters ago. And you know in that

1005
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:29,160
Speaker 1: in that girl her name's Hope, which is pretty cool.

1006
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,880
Speaker 1: And we've been married for nine years and we have

1007
00:57:33,120 --> 00:57:39,400
Speaker 1: four boys, and like God is taking me on this

1008
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:44,920
Speaker 1: journey that you know, like there's there's like my version

1009
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 1: of what you know, if Hesian three twenty could be.

1010
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 1: But like God, you know, he far exceeded anything I

1011
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 1: could hope, dream or imagine, because we're just being loved

1012
00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:04,120
Speaker 1: by him is more than enough. But the fact that

1013
00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:10,520
Speaker 1: he would allow me to be man, that he would

1014
00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:13,960
Speaker 1: allow me to be a husband to a person like her,

1015
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:20,200
Speaker 1: and to experience the love that we collectively have shared.

1016
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:27,720
Speaker 1: Seeing our four kids born and look at me and

1017
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:38,120
Speaker 1: call me dad, and me provide safety to them. And

1018
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 1: it's not like it's not better than anything I ever hoped,

1019
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:48,000
Speaker 1: Like I would have never had the guts to dream

1020
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: of the life that I have today and like all

1021
00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 1: the stuff that I get to do, like that's amazing,

1022
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:58,880
Speaker 1: but just that, you know, like do.

1023
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 2: You with your four boys, now, how often do you

1024
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,960
Speaker 2: kind of think about that? Think about a moment where

1025
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 2: you're talking to them and you just say, son, I'm

1026
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 2: so proud.

1027
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 1: Of you, Oh dude, I mean yes, yesterday, it's like

1028
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 1: we we were out, you know, just playing. You know,

1029
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:22,840
Speaker 1: we we bought like a T ball set and it's like,

1030
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,840
Speaker 1: you know, I bought them like legitimate, like aluminum bats,

1031
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:29,280
Speaker 1: you know, got some you know, nothing crazy, just like

1032
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 1: some Easton's you know. And uh so Cannon is six

1033
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:38,840
Speaker 1: and Lincoln he's about to be five, and so we

1034
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:42,160
Speaker 1: were out there hitting t ball. You know, he's like,

1035
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 1: you know, had his had his Like Cannon's a perfectionist.

1036
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 1: So it's like, you know, do I have my feet

1037
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 1: in the right place? Dad? Do I have my elbow up? Dad?

1038
00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 2: You know?

1039
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:55,040
Speaker 1: And then you know he's you know, smoking them and

1040
00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:58,560
Speaker 1: it just looks at me and like it just It's

1041
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:02,280
Speaker 1: just such a reminder to me. Were like, you know,

1042
01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:04,960
Speaker 1: I have a tendency to uh, you know, want to

1043
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:08,040
Speaker 1: give them the world, you know, to to buy them stuff,

1044
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:12,040
Speaker 1: to do stuff, you know, but the thing that they

1045
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:16,680
Speaker 1: want most is to be m And you know, like

1046
01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:20,240
Speaker 1: the look in his eyes where I'm like, buddy, you know,

1047
01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:22,720
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you. You did such a good

1048
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:26,120
Speaker 1: job and just and just to see his eyes just

1049
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:31,440
Speaker 1: melt because that's what his heart wants and just like

1050
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:33,960
Speaker 1: just you know, loves to draw and stuff like that.

1051
01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 1: It's like every you know, I travel, you know, sometimes

1052
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:41,200
Speaker 1: every week, and you know he always like will draw

1053
01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:44,160
Speaker 1: like a little you know, he'll draw something wild, but

1054
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:48,280
Speaker 1: then he'll put you know, two Dad, I love you

1055
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:54,520
Speaker 1: Cannon like that. I'll never get you know, tired of that.

1056
01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 1: It just I mean I remember like when he was born,

1057
01:00:57,960 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 1: like you know, never been around babies or had been

1058
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:04,920
Speaker 1: a long time, and he was born and you know

1059
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:08,040
Speaker 1: he's born he's all like slimy and cone headed, and

1060
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:11,440
Speaker 1: you know, and it's like and I'm freaking out because

1061
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:17,000
Speaker 1: like so Cannon was so Hope's water broke during a

1062
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:19,920
Speaker 1: CrossFit cap during a CrossFit class, like she's doing like

1063
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:23,000
Speaker 1: wall balls and dead lifts and her water breaks and

1064
01:01:23,080 --> 01:01:26,400
Speaker 1: I'm coaching the class, and I like, I freak out,

1065
01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm like, what do I you know,

1066
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:30,080
Speaker 1: what do I do? And she's like, we're gonna you know,

1067
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:32,640
Speaker 1: we just bought our first home, and like we you know,

1068
01:01:32,680 --> 01:01:35,360
Speaker 1: we went there and it's like stuff was barely unpacked,

1069
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:38,320
Speaker 1: and she she had sticky notes for me, here's a

1070
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:41,720
Speaker 1: bag that I packed three months ago. Your your toothbrushes here,

1071
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:44,400
Speaker 1: get this, get that. And then we go there and

1072
01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:47,400
Speaker 1: we go to the hospital and because her water broke

1073
01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:50,080
Speaker 1: and she was dilated enough, they kept her at the hospital.

1074
01:01:50,480 --> 01:01:53,360
Speaker 1: But it was twenty four hours later that he was born.

1075
01:01:54,160 --> 01:01:57,440
Speaker 1: So I'm on edge her twenty four hours. Yeah, so

1076
01:01:57,600 --> 01:02:00,520
Speaker 1: at at four twenty one, he was almost like a

1077
01:02:00,520 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 1: stoner baby. So it's four he was. He was born

1078
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:07,680
Speaker 1: on seven eleven for twenty almost for twenty one, you know,

1079
01:02:07,720 --> 01:02:10,360
Speaker 1: for twenty one. In the morning, he's born, and I'm

1080
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:12,800
Speaker 1: just like, I hadn't been asleep. I'm just like, you know,

1081
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:16,360
Speaker 1: out of my mind. And the nurse is holding him

1082
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:18,440
Speaker 1: and you know, she's wiping him off, lays him in

1083
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:21,120
Speaker 1: you know, the warmer, and she's like, you can touch him,

1084
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, we're gonna touch you more.

1085
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:37,080
Speaker 1: My hands clean, you know, and I ooh. When I

1086
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:43,000
Speaker 1: started to reach in his direction, he grabs my finger

1087
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:56,000
Speaker 1: just started to sob and in my spirit I heard

1088
01:02:56,080 --> 01:03:03,960
Speaker 1: God say I love you more than that, and yeah,

1089
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:06,640
Speaker 1: like part of that. So that's why we we named

1090
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:09,240
Speaker 1: him cannon. Like cannon and Hebrew means measuring stakes. So

1091
01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:12,160
Speaker 1: it's like for us, he's the measure of God's grace,

1092
01:03:12,640 --> 01:03:20,560
Speaker 1: you know. But I'll never I'll never forget that. Like

1093
01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:22,880
Speaker 1: when I when I recall it, I always get emotional

1094
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:26,600
Speaker 1: because it's like it I feel like, you know, I'm

1095
01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:32,480
Speaker 1: still you know, it's still there, you know, but just

1096
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:36,160
Speaker 1: the joy of being all of their dads. You know,

1097
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 1: A will just turn one a few weeks ago and

1098
01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:44,680
Speaker 1: it's just like, yeah, just started walking and it's just

1099
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:49,200
Speaker 1: like you know, it's it's just wild to see uh

1100
01:03:49,320 --> 01:03:52,720
Speaker 1: them them to get get older and you know, be

1101
01:03:52,760 --> 01:03:56,480
Speaker 1: able to walk and then you know, then say certain

1102
01:03:56,520 --> 01:03:59,200
Speaker 1: things and you know, tie their shoes.

1103
01:03:58,880 --> 01:04:03,000
Speaker 2: And you're able to see that you're able now because

1104
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:07,760
Speaker 2: you were loved, yeah, and you were loved by God

1105
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:10,000
Speaker 2: and this is your testimony, and it's actually mine too,

1106
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:14,680
Speaker 2: and it's so many people that you're because you're loved

1107
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:19,840
Speaker 2: regardless of what you've done. Yeah, and regardless of all

1108
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:22,200
Speaker 2: the bad things you've done. And hey, you don't have

1109
01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:24,640
Speaker 2: to be in the porn industry to be a sinner

1110
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:27,440
Speaker 2: in need of a savior. In fact that the Bible

1111
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:30,400
Speaker 2: says that all of us are sin and fall short

1112
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:33,840
Speaker 2: of the glory of God. So your your story is

1113
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:37,360
Speaker 2: is as dramatic as it is. It's not any worse

1114
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:40,640
Speaker 2: than the man down the street that's that's relying on

1115
01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:42,680
Speaker 2: his own righteousness and he's walking told ladies across the

1116
01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:43,800
Speaker 2: street all the time.

1117
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:48,440
Speaker 1: Yeah to God. Yeah, and I love that. It's like,

1118
01:04:48,520 --> 01:04:52,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I love you know, the understanding from like

1119
01:04:52,160 --> 01:04:54,320
Speaker 1: Roman's one where like God has made himself evident in

1120
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:56,640
Speaker 1: his creation, and then Romost three twenty three, it's like,

1121
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:58,920
Speaker 1: you know that we've all sinned, and then Romans six

1122
01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:01,680
Speaker 1: twenty three will of the wages that since death. But

1123
01:05:01,720 --> 01:05:04,280
Speaker 1: then like you go back like Romans five eight, it's like, man,

1124
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:10,640
Speaker 1: while knowing the worst thing you've ever done, Jesus willingly

1125
01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:13,560
Speaker 1: went the cross and died for you, not what not

1126
01:05:13,560 --> 01:05:16,520
Speaker 1: not in hopes of you would become perfect. Why, knowing

1127
01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:21,440
Speaker 1: the worst of you, Jesus shows you and it's like

1128
01:05:21,600 --> 01:05:24,240
Speaker 1: and I that's why I love Romans where it's like

1129
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:26,120
Speaker 1: when you get to like Romans twelve one, it's like

1130
01:05:26,160 --> 01:05:29,840
Speaker 1: the therefore you know, you know, it's like because of

1131
01:05:29,880 --> 01:05:34,440
Speaker 1: all this in view of God's mercy, Like you know,

1132
01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:37,360
Speaker 1: a reasonable response is for us to live as a

1133
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:39,720
Speaker 1: living sacrifice, you know, not to be informed by the world,

1134
01:05:39,760 --> 01:05:42,120
Speaker 1: but transformed by the renew of our mind. Why so

1135
01:05:42,120 --> 01:05:44,000
Speaker 1: that we can discern what is God's good, pleasing and

1136
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:46,160
Speaker 1: perfect Will you know? What? What have you? If I

1137
01:05:46,240 --> 01:05:50,840
Speaker 1: understand you know Romans eleven thirty nine, right, buy him

1138
01:05:50,880 --> 01:05:55,360
Speaker 1: for him, through him all things. So he is the creator,

1139
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:58,600
Speaker 1: the initiator, and the sustainer of all things, including me.

1140
01:05:59,560 --> 01:06:02,440
Speaker 1: But He's withheld his wrath from me, not because I

1141
01:06:02,520 --> 01:06:05,360
Speaker 1: deserve it, because he loves me that much, and because

1142
01:06:05,360 --> 01:06:10,320
Speaker 1: I've been saved from his wrath by his love, because

1143
01:06:10,360 --> 01:06:14,280
Speaker 1: of Jesus' blood. A reasonable response is for me to

1144
01:06:14,360 --> 01:06:17,520
Speaker 1: act like it, not to be not to be perfect,

1145
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:22,040
Speaker 1: but to be aware that there is a God that

1146
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:26,800
Speaker 1: loves me that much and chooses to express himself through me,

1147
01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:31,000
Speaker 1: through our stories, so that we can tell people of

1148
01:06:31,760 --> 01:06:34,960
Speaker 1: his majesty. You know, I love like, yeah, I had

1149
01:06:35,000 --> 01:06:38,040
Speaker 1: these like really ugly wounds, but I've got these really

1150
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:41,240
Speaker 1: cool scars that point to an amazing healer.

1151
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:45,720
Speaker 2: Yeah. Amen, Romans five nine. Since therefore we've been justified

1152
01:06:45,720 --> 01:06:48,680
Speaker 2: by his blood, how much more will we be saved

1153
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:49,560
Speaker 2: by him?

1154
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:50,440
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1155
01:06:50,560 --> 01:06:53,800
Speaker 2: From the wrath of God. From the wrath of God

1156
01:06:53,840 --> 01:06:58,880
Speaker 2: that's so often lost in American Christianity. We're saved from

1157
01:06:58,960 --> 01:07:02,640
Speaker 2: the wrath of God by the blood of Christ, once enemies,

1158
01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:07,760
Speaker 2: now adopted sons with an inheritance to the kingdom. When

1159
01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:11,520
Speaker 2: you know that, when when you've grafted that you're loved

1160
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:14,680
Speaker 2: therefore you do now you could love your boys, and

1161
01:07:14,720 --> 01:07:16,760
Speaker 2: you could you could also tell them was I will

1162
01:07:16,760 --> 01:07:20,800
Speaker 2: fail you. Yeah, I love you, but I will fail you,

1163
01:07:21,200 --> 01:07:22,120
Speaker 2: but God will not.

1164
01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:30,280
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I love that, you know, Yes, I mean

1165
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:33,560
Speaker 1: and just the you know, I love the fact that,

1166
01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:36,760
Speaker 1: you know, like my boys, like especially Cannon and sometimes

1167
01:07:36,760 --> 01:07:43,160
Speaker 1: Lincoln will travel with me and it's like it's just

1168
01:07:44,200 --> 01:07:48,520
Speaker 1: it's just I don't know, man, It's just like you know,

1169
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 1: when when they're at you know, on Sunday we're at

1170
01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:55,520
Speaker 1: church if someone's asking them like, well, you know, uh

1171
01:07:55,880 --> 01:07:58,200
Speaker 1: what what you know, what is your your mom and

1172
01:07:58,280 --> 01:08:00,920
Speaker 1: dad do? And he's like, my daddy eaches the Bible.

1173
01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:01,360
Speaker 2: You know.

1174
01:08:03,960 --> 01:08:07,480
Speaker 1: It's just yeah, man, it's just I just love my

1175
01:08:07,520 --> 01:08:11,400
Speaker 1: family so much. And it's just like and it's it's

1176
01:08:11,440 --> 01:08:14,479
Speaker 1: not about like, oh, like Dad's like, you know, did

1177
01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:17,800
Speaker 1: this or does that? Or he's on you know, but

1178
01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:19,640
Speaker 1: like my wife will like send me pictures of like

1179
01:08:20,760 --> 01:08:23,040
Speaker 1: I was doing something and it was on TV, and

1180
01:08:23,080 --> 01:08:25,200
Speaker 1: it's like a picture like our little boy like hugging

1181
01:08:25,240 --> 01:08:29,240
Speaker 1: the TV. You know. It's just like wow, It's just

1182
01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:32,080
Speaker 1: it's just so cool man. But the end of the day,

1183
01:08:32,080 --> 01:08:33,880
Speaker 1: it's like that's what I want for other people, you know.

1184
01:08:33,920 --> 01:08:36,040
Speaker 1: That's why that's why I tell my story with so

1185
01:08:36,120 --> 01:08:40,240
Speaker 1: much vulnerability and openness. It's like, man, my hope is

1186
01:08:40,280 --> 01:08:45,559
Speaker 1: for you, not that you will live rightly, that my

1187
01:08:45,640 --> 01:08:49,639
Speaker 1: hope is that you experience the abundance that Jesus Christ

1188
01:08:49,920 --> 01:08:54,360
Speaker 1: died and offers to you, because so many like we

1189
01:08:54,439 --> 01:08:56,720
Speaker 1: just need to realize, you know, like John's intent. You know,

1190
01:08:56,760 --> 01:08:58,559
Speaker 1: it's like the enemy wants to still kill and destroyed,

1191
01:08:58,760 --> 01:09:01,800
Speaker 1: but Jesus he's wanting to offer you abundant life. And

1192
01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:03,880
Speaker 1: what that's going to look like, you know it. You know,

1193
01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:06,080
Speaker 1: number one, it's gonna start with understanding. You know, our

1194
01:09:06,080 --> 01:09:08,479
Speaker 1: biggest problem with sin and the only solution that add

1195
01:09:08,479 --> 01:09:11,839
Speaker 1: is Jesus Christ like and from that, it's like, man,

1196
01:09:12,520 --> 01:09:15,640
Speaker 1: there's things that John fifteen. There's gonna be things that

1197
01:09:15,720 --> 01:09:18,160
Speaker 1: need to be cut and prune from your life. And

1198
01:09:17,960 --> 01:09:20,400
Speaker 1: that might be seasonal, but it might be you know,

1199
01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:23,559
Speaker 1: it might be friends, it might be habits, whatever it is.

1200
01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:27,639
Speaker 1: But if I am committed to God's word and committed

1201
01:09:27,680 --> 01:09:29,680
Speaker 1: to doing what it says, what's going to happen is

1202
01:09:29,680 --> 01:09:32,280
Speaker 1: there's gonna be things in my life that press against me.

1203
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:36,160
Speaker 1: And I'm either going to allow those things to be

1204
01:09:36,320 --> 01:09:39,080
Speaker 1: shed and moved away from me because I'm going to

1205
01:09:39,160 --> 01:09:43,719
Speaker 1: believe that God knows better than I do, or I'm

1206
01:09:43,760 --> 01:09:48,040
Speaker 1: going to allow those things to conform me to something

1207
01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:51,080
Speaker 1: less than and I'm going to feel empty and broken

1208
01:09:51,160 --> 01:09:55,839
Speaker 1: and dissatisfied, disconnected and frustrated, and I'm going to experience

1209
01:09:55,880 --> 01:09:58,760
Speaker 1: anxiety and oppression. And you know, I'm gonna say, well, what,

1210
01:09:59,200 --> 01:10:01,080
Speaker 1: you know, what am my supposed to do with my life?

1211
01:10:01,160 --> 01:10:03,439
Speaker 1: You know, I feel so dissatisfied, you know, and I'm

1212
01:10:03,439 --> 01:10:06,960
Speaker 1: going to try to medicate. It's like God saying you're

1213
01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:11,439
Speaker 1: over complicating things. It's like love me and trust that

1214
01:10:11,560 --> 01:10:13,559
Speaker 1: my word is enough, and it's like, you know, I'm

1215
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,800
Speaker 1: when I'm looking at John fourteen fifteen. It's not say

1216
01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:18,839
Speaker 1: you know, if you if you love me, you'llbey make commendments.

1217
01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:20,960
Speaker 1: It's not saying, hey, if you don't do what I say,

1218
01:10:21,200 --> 01:10:23,559
Speaker 1: I'm going to withhold my love from you. Or it's

1219
01:10:23,600 --> 01:10:25,800
Speaker 1: not if you don't do what I'm saying, I'm gonna

1220
01:10:25,800 --> 01:10:28,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come down with this iron fist. It's like, man,

1221
01:10:28,360 --> 01:10:30,880
Speaker 1: if you understand that I'm a loving father and the

1222
01:10:31,320 --> 01:10:34,759
Speaker 1: most important thing about you is that you're my son,

1223
01:10:35,160 --> 01:10:37,320
Speaker 1: and if that is the posture in which you have

1224
01:10:37,439 --> 01:10:41,360
Speaker 1: in your life, what you're going to experience is life

1225
01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:43,800
Speaker 1: the way I intended it to be for you. And

1226
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:45,519
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean there's not going to be trials and

1227
01:10:45,560 --> 01:10:49,240
Speaker 1: tribulation and pain and hurt. Now. John sixteen thirty three

1228
01:10:49,320 --> 01:10:50,920
Speaker 1: is my favorite verse. You know, I've told you all

1229
01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:53,759
Speaker 1: these things so that in me you can have peace

1230
01:10:54,280 --> 01:10:56,439
Speaker 1: that in this world you will not maybe you will

1231
01:10:56,439 --> 01:10:59,160
Speaker 1: have tribulation, you have trials, you have trouble. People will hurt,

1232
01:10:59,240 --> 01:11:01,800
Speaker 1: you will fail. There's gonna be chaos that happens that

1233
01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:05,240
Speaker 1: you don't understand. It's gonna hurt like heck sometimes. But

1234
01:11:05,320 --> 01:11:07,559
Speaker 1: you can take heart. You can be of good courage.

1235
01:11:07,600 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 1: Why because He's overcome the world, not you. Courage is

1236
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:15,599
Speaker 1: not found in you. Peace is not found in you.

1237
01:11:16,160 --> 01:11:19,320
Speaker 1: It's found in him. If you keep going back to

1238
01:11:19,439 --> 01:11:25,040
Speaker 1: Him over and over and over and over again, you'll

1239
01:11:25,040 --> 01:11:27,280
Speaker 1: find what you're looking for. And that's what I want.

1240
01:11:27,600 --> 01:11:28,880
Speaker 1: You know. It's like I spend a lot of my

1241
01:11:28,920 --> 01:11:32,400
Speaker 1: time telling people, Hey, this is how you stop watching porn,

1242
01:11:32,479 --> 01:11:35,320
Speaker 1: or this is how you remove you know, behaviors from

1243
01:11:35,360 --> 01:11:37,559
Speaker 1: your life, or like when I'm working with you know,

1244
01:11:37,600 --> 01:11:41,120
Speaker 1: sports teams, you know, this is how you optimize your capacity.

1245
01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:44,879
Speaker 1: All of it is found in the same place. Understand,

1246
01:11:44,920 --> 01:11:47,760
Speaker 1: your life is not about you. You are created to

1247
01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:50,840
Speaker 1: be connected to a creator. And the only way that

1248
01:11:50,880 --> 01:11:53,040
Speaker 1: you can do that is to surrender and submit your

1249
01:11:53,040 --> 01:11:56,360
Speaker 1: life to Jesus. And then from the heck, you know,

1250
01:11:56,640 --> 01:12:00,719
Speaker 1: it gets slightly more complicated, but if you aren't there,

1251
01:12:01,479 --> 01:12:03,760
Speaker 1: you'll find everything you're looking for.

1252
01:12:04,280 --> 01:12:09,040
Speaker 2: Wow. So Joshua. I was speaking in at this men's

1253
01:12:09,479 --> 01:12:13,960
Speaker 2: conference thing in Alabama several months ago, and I opened

1254
01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:17,240
Speaker 2: it up to Q and A afterward, and then I said,

1255
01:12:17,360 --> 01:12:21,280
Speaker 2: I will stay here until the last person leaves if

1256
01:12:21,280 --> 01:12:23,800
Speaker 2: you have more questions, And so inevitably that when I

1257
01:12:23,840 --> 01:12:26,320
Speaker 2: do that, there are more people that have questions that

1258
01:12:26,360 --> 01:12:28,400
Speaker 2: are a little more private, that don't want to ask

1259
01:12:28,439 --> 01:12:31,600
Speaker 2: in front everyone. Sure, So I noticed that there, you know,

1260
01:12:31,640 --> 01:12:33,840
Speaker 2: there's line forms and people are like, you know, it's

1261
01:12:33,960 --> 01:12:38,000
Speaker 2: it's I lost I lost my aunt, she died of cancer.

1262
01:12:38,040 --> 01:12:40,360
Speaker 2: I'm struggling. And the next guy comes up and he says,

1263
01:12:40,400 --> 01:12:42,679
Speaker 2: you know, lost my job and I'm struggling. I noticed

1264
01:12:42,680 --> 01:12:45,960
Speaker 2: there was one guy, he was a freshman at Auburn,

1265
01:12:46,880 --> 01:12:49,360
Speaker 2: and he was like making sure everyone got in front

1266
01:12:49,360 --> 01:12:51,800
Speaker 2: of him so he could be the last one in line.

1267
01:12:51,880 --> 01:12:54,840
Speaker 2: And then it comes up at the very end there's

1268
01:12:54,880 --> 01:12:58,200
Speaker 2: three guys, all freshmen at Auburn, and two of them

1269
01:12:58,360 --> 01:13:01,800
Speaker 2: are asking me how that they could how they could

1270
01:13:01,840 --> 01:13:05,000
Speaker 2: better evangelize the college community. You know, he'd give some

1271
01:13:05,080 --> 01:13:08,800
Speaker 2: practical ideas, and then they start to walk away and

1272
01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:11,280
Speaker 2: one peels off and he says, can I can I

1273
01:13:11,280 --> 01:13:14,080
Speaker 2: tell you something yeah, yeah, yeah, the other two go away.

1274
01:13:15,120 --> 01:13:17,719
Speaker 2: He goes and he kind of looks around the room

1275
01:13:17,720 --> 01:13:20,280
Speaker 2: that's now is empty, everyone's gone, even a church that

1276
01:13:20,280 --> 01:13:23,799
Speaker 2: it's cleared out, and he said, I'm addicted to watching

1277
01:13:23,880 --> 01:13:27,200
Speaker 2: porn and I don't know what to do and I

1278
01:13:27,240 --> 01:13:31,280
Speaker 2: need help. I mean, he was desperate. Yeah, what do

1279
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:32,639
Speaker 2: you What do you say to that kid?

1280
01:13:33,400 --> 01:13:37,160
Speaker 1: Yeah? Man, I would, I would tell him that, man,

1281
01:13:37,320 --> 01:13:39,639
Speaker 1: you have a father in heaven that loves you so much,

1282
01:13:40,760 --> 01:13:45,519
Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry that that is what you're wrestling with.

1283
01:13:45,600 --> 01:13:47,559
Speaker 1: But number one, I'm so proud of you for saying

1284
01:13:47,560 --> 01:13:50,720
Speaker 1: it out loud, because what the enemy doesn't want you

1285
01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:54,800
Speaker 1: to do, the thing that feels unmentionable. He doesn't want

1286
01:13:54,800 --> 01:13:56,760
Speaker 1: you to say it because you know, the way that

1287
01:13:56,840 --> 01:13:59,160
Speaker 1: you own your past is to own it, like not

1288
01:13:59,280 --> 01:14:02,160
Speaker 1: to not the past to own you. You have to

1289
01:14:02,200 --> 01:14:03,680
Speaker 1: own it. And the way that you own it is

1290
01:14:03,720 --> 01:14:07,639
Speaker 1: confession James five sixteen. There's so many people that they

1291
01:14:07,640 --> 01:14:10,519
Speaker 1: have salvation, but they don't have freedom. You know, freedom

1292
01:14:10,600 --> 01:14:12,439
Speaker 1: is found James five sixteen. And you canfess on to

1293
01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:14,360
Speaker 1: one another. You know, there can be a righteous man

1294
01:14:14,360 --> 01:14:16,360
Speaker 1: to pray for you, so they can be healed. So

1295
01:14:16,400 --> 01:14:18,880
Speaker 1: there's people that have salvation, but they don't have healing.

1296
01:14:19,320 --> 01:14:23,280
Speaker 1: And it starts with saying, hey, man, number one, I'm

1297
01:14:23,280 --> 01:14:25,000
Speaker 1: so proud of you. And if you haven't done that,

1298
01:14:25,040 --> 01:14:27,120
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this and you're and you're wrestling

1299
01:14:27,160 --> 01:14:30,280
Speaker 1: with whether it be pornography or gambling or whatever, it is,

1300
01:14:30,280 --> 01:14:34,720
Speaker 1: that this this behavior that you have, become a slave too,

1301
01:14:34,800 --> 01:14:36,720
Speaker 1: and you feel like you can't get away from it.

1302
01:14:37,280 --> 01:14:38,800
Speaker 1: The first thing you need to do is to find

1303
01:14:38,840 --> 01:14:43,680
Speaker 1: someone that loves you, that loves Jesus and confess it all.

1304
01:14:43,760 --> 01:14:47,200
Speaker 1: But what I would say is it's so easy to

1305
01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:50,720
Speaker 1: be vague when we confess. And that's why, you know,

1306
01:14:51,040 --> 01:14:52,960
Speaker 1: if it's a man, you need to confess to a man,

1307
01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:55,719
Speaker 1: a woman to a woman. Find someone that you trust

1308
01:14:55,920 --> 01:14:58,360
Speaker 1: so that you can be honest, open and transparent. And

1309
01:14:58,680 --> 01:15:02,240
Speaker 1: what I mean by that is there the level of

1310
01:15:02,280 --> 01:15:04,920
Speaker 1: your confession is going to equate to the depth of

1311
01:15:04,960 --> 01:15:10,720
Speaker 1: your freedom. Well, because the depth of your confession is

1312
01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:14,919
Speaker 1: going to equate to the depth of your your freedom.

1313
01:15:15,040 --> 01:15:18,080
Speaker 1: You know that the the you know the and I

1314
01:15:18,120 --> 01:15:24,280
Speaker 1: would just say, because it's easy to say, you know,

1315
01:15:24,400 --> 01:15:27,559
Speaker 1: I'm I'm looking at that website, I shouldn't look at,

1316
01:15:27,720 --> 01:15:32,320
Speaker 1: and you know, end up doing something I shouldn't. It's

1317
01:15:32,360 --> 01:15:34,960
Speaker 1: different than saying, uh, this is the website that I

1318
01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:37,160
Speaker 1: go to, this is what I put in the search bar.

1319
01:15:37,560 --> 01:15:40,160
Speaker 1: I masturbate. I feel terrible about it, and sometimes I

1320
01:15:40,200 --> 01:15:42,040
Speaker 1: go back to it. I do it again the same night,

1321
01:15:42,320 --> 01:15:44,320
Speaker 1: and I end up crying out to God and saying

1322
01:15:44,320 --> 01:15:46,200
Speaker 1: I'll never do it again. But I find myself here

1323
01:15:46,280 --> 01:15:50,799
Speaker 1: over and over again. I'm tired. I just want to stop.

1324
01:15:53,560 --> 01:15:58,920
Speaker 1: Because when you say that, sometimes externally processing something out loud,

1325
01:15:58,920 --> 01:16:02,200
Speaker 1: you'll say, well, you know, the shame that would cause

1326
01:16:02,240 --> 01:16:04,519
Speaker 1: you not to say what you know you were putting

1327
01:16:04,520 --> 01:16:07,040
Speaker 1: in the search bar is actually evidence of the brokenness

1328
01:16:07,120 --> 01:16:10,960
Speaker 1: that you have in your life. And it's like, man,

1329
01:16:11,000 --> 01:16:14,360
Speaker 1: when you when once you say that, it's like and

1330
01:16:14,640 --> 01:16:16,880
Speaker 1: if you have someone that you trust, it's like, man,

1331
01:16:16,920 --> 01:16:20,439
Speaker 1: you can start to kind of wrap your head around man,

1332
01:16:20,479 --> 01:16:25,360
Speaker 1: there's something that is broken in my heart or my mind,

1333
01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:29,479
Speaker 1: and porn is just the symptom of a deeper problem,

1334
01:16:30,080 --> 01:16:33,040
Speaker 1: like there's there's something that yeah, there's you know, for

1335
01:16:33,160 --> 01:16:35,720
Speaker 1: me to get the fruit of freedom, I need to

1336
01:16:35,720 --> 01:16:38,400
Speaker 1: get to the root of the problem, and the root

1337
01:16:38,400 --> 01:16:40,519
Speaker 1: of the problem is not porn, like porn is the

1338
01:16:40,560 --> 01:16:44,040
Speaker 1: byproduct of some other brokenness in my life. Maybe someone

1339
01:16:44,120 --> 01:16:46,640
Speaker 1: hurt you, maybe you you know, you saw something that

1340
01:16:46,680 --> 01:16:48,519
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have solved at an early age and you

1341
01:16:48,680 --> 01:16:51,599
Speaker 1: developed wrong thinking. Maybe you know, either something was done

1342
01:16:51,600 --> 01:16:53,519
Speaker 1: to you or you did something, or you know, maybe

1343
01:16:53,520 --> 01:16:56,080
Speaker 1: someone wasn't there for you, and you're trying to use

1344
01:16:56,120 --> 01:16:57,920
Speaker 1: porn as a band aid to cover up the thing

1345
01:16:58,040 --> 01:17:02,760
Speaker 1: that really hurts. So it's like, man, that's why there's

1346
01:17:02,800 --> 01:17:06,519
Speaker 1: there's you know, the reason that people struggle with porn

1347
01:17:06,600 --> 01:17:10,920
Speaker 1: is is an individualistic problem because you've believed a lie

1348
01:17:11,120 --> 01:17:15,320
Speaker 1: about something. And yeah, so I would say, like to

1349
01:17:15,400 --> 01:17:18,000
Speaker 1: that person, man number one, I'm so proud of you

1350
01:17:18,080 --> 01:17:20,840
Speaker 1: for having the guts to do the thing that many

1351
01:17:20,920 --> 01:17:25,240
Speaker 1: don't say. Hey, I'm I'm wrestling with this, but now

1352
01:17:25,320 --> 01:17:30,360
Speaker 1: let's be let's be honest, because are you struggling or

1353
01:17:30,360 --> 01:17:34,640
Speaker 1: are you willingly participating in this sin? And that you

1354
01:17:34,680 --> 01:17:37,240
Speaker 1: know the Bible tells us, you know, God will not

1355
01:17:37,479 --> 01:17:40,360
Speaker 1: you know, give us anything beyond what we can bear.

1356
01:17:40,880 --> 01:17:43,360
Speaker 1: You know where it's like without giving us a way out.

1357
01:17:43,600 --> 01:17:46,840
Speaker 1: You know the fact that you know we need to

1358
01:17:46,880 --> 01:17:49,240
Speaker 1: take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.

1359
01:17:49,520 --> 01:17:52,920
Speaker 1: Where it's like I need to develop better emotional intelligence

1360
01:17:53,600 --> 01:17:56,720
Speaker 1: and that when I feel something, I don't have to

1361
01:17:56,800 --> 01:18:01,040
Speaker 1: be a slave to that feeling or emotion. And at

1362
01:18:01,040 --> 01:18:03,439
Speaker 1: the same time, I need trusted people in my life.

1363
01:18:03,439 --> 01:18:07,280
Speaker 1: You know, Proverbs twenty seven six talks about how you

1364
01:18:07,320 --> 01:18:10,519
Speaker 1: know the wounds of a friend. Right. I need people

1365
01:18:10,520 --> 01:18:12,000
Speaker 1: in my life that will not only pat me on

1366
01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:14,000
Speaker 1: the back. Sometimes I need to kick in the butt,

1367
01:18:14,160 --> 01:18:17,280
Speaker 1: you know. Sometimes sometimes I need to be called out

1368
01:18:17,320 --> 01:18:21,760
Speaker 1: on wrong thinking or wrong behavior. So I would say

1369
01:18:21,800 --> 01:18:24,400
Speaker 1: to that person, man number one, proud of you number two.

1370
01:18:25,680 --> 01:18:30,439
Speaker 1: What are you willing to do to get this out

1371
01:18:30,439 --> 01:18:31,000
Speaker 1: of your life?

1372
01:18:31,080 --> 01:18:33,799
Speaker 2: You know anything?

1373
01:18:33,880 --> 01:18:36,519
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah? Or it's like okay, like are you are

1374
01:18:36,600 --> 01:18:38,080
Speaker 1: you willing to get rid of your iPhone and get

1375
01:18:38,080 --> 01:18:38,639
Speaker 1: a flip phone?

1376
01:18:38,920 --> 01:18:39,960
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's good.

1377
01:18:40,360 --> 01:18:43,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, because because what we want to do is the

1378
01:18:43,320 --> 01:18:46,599
Speaker 1: bare minimum, you know right right that I mean, that's

1379
01:18:46,680 --> 01:18:49,599
Speaker 1: that's Western that's that's Western thinking. You know. I don't

1380
01:18:49,720 --> 01:18:55,040
Speaker 1: I don't want to develop discipline obedience. I want an app,

1381
01:18:55,080 --> 01:18:59,719
Speaker 1: a pill, or a program. Yeah, but everything is everything

1382
01:18:59,760 --> 01:19:02,160
Speaker 1: that's worth anything is on the other side of obedience

1383
01:19:02,160 --> 01:19:07,880
Speaker 1: and discipline, inconsistency. So I would say, you know what

1384
01:19:08,200 --> 01:19:10,120
Speaker 1: am I? You know what? What do I need to

1385
01:19:10,160 --> 01:19:13,920
Speaker 1: remove from my life? I need to set I need

1386
01:19:13,960 --> 01:19:19,200
Speaker 1: to you know, I need consistent confession in my life.

1387
01:19:19,640 --> 01:19:22,720
Speaker 1: I need to create boundaries in my life. I need

1388
01:19:22,720 --> 01:19:24,680
Speaker 1: to make it harder to get to the thing that

1389
01:19:24,840 --> 01:19:28,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to do. Then also I need to

1390
01:19:28,040 --> 01:19:31,600
Speaker 1: identify triggers where it's like, you know, I ended up

1391
01:19:31,640 --> 01:19:34,400
Speaker 1: on the porn site, but it started at Instagram. Maybe

1392
01:19:34,439 --> 01:19:37,160
Speaker 1: Instagram needs to go. Or maybe I need to take

1393
01:19:37,240 --> 01:19:41,400
Speaker 1: inventory of the people that I follow on Instagram and say, hey,

1394
01:19:42,080 --> 01:19:45,200
Speaker 1: if there's something that someone is posting that that is

1395
01:19:45,320 --> 01:19:48,439
Speaker 1: catalytic and a behavior that leads me in a direction

1396
01:19:48,560 --> 01:19:51,360
Speaker 1: that my life doesn't want to go, well, I need

1397
01:19:51,400 --> 01:19:54,200
Speaker 1: to remove that thing. If I if I don't want

1398
01:19:54,280 --> 01:19:56,080
Speaker 1: any cookie, if I don't want if I want to

1399
01:19:56,120 --> 01:19:58,280
Speaker 1: lose weight, I don't need to have cookies in my house,

1400
01:19:58,439 --> 01:20:02,600
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, And so I need to take inventory

1401
01:20:02,680 --> 01:20:08,000
Speaker 1: what what things are catalytic and wrong behaviors? And how

1402
01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:10,880
Speaker 1: can I get as far away from those things? Because

1403
01:20:11,160 --> 01:20:13,200
Speaker 1: you know that that thinking of well, how you know,

1404
01:20:13,240 --> 01:20:15,439
Speaker 1: how close to the line can I get without going

1405
01:20:15,439 --> 01:20:18,400
Speaker 1: over it. That's that's ignorant, Like why would you do that?

1406
01:20:19,760 --> 01:20:24,160
Speaker 1: So it's like how far? How far can I stay

1407
01:20:24,160 --> 01:20:27,040
Speaker 1: away from something that's going to be catalytic in me

1408
01:20:27,120 --> 01:20:30,760
Speaker 1: doing something I ought not to like? And even when

1409
01:20:30,840 --> 01:20:34,599
Speaker 1: I'm a fool, I need to I need to admit

1410
01:20:34,800 --> 01:20:37,240
Speaker 1: and learn from what I did. Like if I continue

1411
01:20:37,240 --> 01:20:39,040
Speaker 1: to trip over the same thing over and over again

1412
01:20:39,080 --> 01:20:41,760
Speaker 1: and I don't look down and don't realize, hey, there

1413
01:20:41,800 --> 01:20:44,040
Speaker 1: is this thing that I keep tripping over, it needs

1414
01:20:44,080 --> 01:20:46,519
Speaker 1: to be removed or I need another direction, right, I

1415
01:20:46,520 --> 01:20:50,120
Speaker 1: don't need to move this way, then I'm being you know,

1416
01:20:50,240 --> 01:20:53,360
Speaker 1: foolish on myself. So I need boundaries. I need to

1417
01:20:53,400 --> 01:20:57,719
Speaker 1: identify triggers, and I need to commit to being honest

1418
01:20:57,760 --> 01:21:00,519
Speaker 1: with someone. And I would say, what's even most important?

1419
01:21:01,000 --> 01:21:05,720
Speaker 1: And in the same way that God used Moses to

1420
01:21:05,960 --> 01:21:09,640
Speaker 1: lead his people out of Egypt out of you know,

1421
01:21:09,960 --> 01:21:13,240
Speaker 1: lead the Israelites out of Egypt, God used the law

1422
01:21:13,840 --> 01:21:18,479
Speaker 1: to get Egypt out of them. The Bible. You know,

1423
01:21:18,560 --> 01:21:22,439
Speaker 1: if you are committed to prayer and reading God's word,

1424
01:21:22,800 --> 01:21:25,320
Speaker 1: what happens is, you know, the word of God is

1425
01:21:25,360 --> 01:21:28,840
Speaker 1: a you know, two edged sword divides bone and marrow

1426
01:21:29,000 --> 01:21:30,880
Speaker 1: and what's going to happen is you're going to read

1427
01:21:31,400 --> 01:21:35,360
Speaker 1: God's word and it's going to conflict with how you're living.

1428
01:21:35,439 --> 01:21:38,479
Speaker 1: It's going to feel abrasive, and that's a good thing.

1429
01:21:38,880 --> 01:21:41,479
Speaker 1: But what I need to do is not shun away

1430
01:21:41,560 --> 01:21:45,599
Speaker 1: when I'm challenging to step into what God is calling

1431
01:21:45,640 --> 01:21:47,600
Speaker 1: me too and what that's what he's calling you to

1432
01:21:47,800 --> 01:21:51,040
Speaker 1: is And I'm going to be responsible for my actions

1433
01:21:51,080 --> 01:21:53,680
Speaker 1: and I'm going to execute. You know the thing that

1434
01:21:53,800 --> 01:21:55,559
Speaker 1: the last thing in the fruit of the spirit, because

1435
01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:57,360
Speaker 1: of the because I have the spirit of God living

1436
01:21:57,400 --> 01:21:59,559
Speaker 1: in me. Guess what I have. I have the spirit

1437
01:21:59,760 --> 01:22:03,599
Speaker 1: of self control. I don't have to be a slave

1438
01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:06,439
Speaker 1: to sin anymore. I can choose to say, even if

1439
01:22:06,479 --> 01:22:09,200
Speaker 1: I want to do it, I'm not. That's what Christian

1440
01:22:09,240 --> 01:22:13,760
Speaker 1: liberty is. It's not what can I what can I

1441
01:22:13,840 --> 01:22:16,839
Speaker 1: have access to doing no? And I have the power

1442
01:22:16,960 --> 01:22:20,400
Speaker 1: to say no to the things I even want to do.

1443
01:22:21,720 --> 01:22:23,439
Speaker 1: So like that that's how you get there. So number like,

1444
01:22:23,439 --> 01:22:24,800
Speaker 1: that's what I would say to the kid laughing, and

1445
01:22:24,840 --> 01:22:28,320
Speaker 1: I'm so proud, so proud of you, But man, you

1446
01:22:28,360 --> 01:22:32,160
Speaker 1: can't like you can't stop doing something you've been doing

1447
01:22:32,200 --> 01:22:36,320
Speaker 1: for ten years in thirty minutes or thirty days. You

1448
01:22:36,360 --> 01:22:39,519
Speaker 1: need to make a plan, a battle plan of how

1449
01:22:39,560 --> 01:22:41,160
Speaker 1: do I want to you know, how can I become

1450
01:22:41,160 --> 01:22:44,800
Speaker 1: the person that I want to be? Well? I need

1451
01:22:44,840 --> 01:22:47,679
Speaker 1: to take inventory, I need to set boundaries. I need

1452
01:22:47,720 --> 01:22:51,040
Speaker 1: to create some core values that I'm committed to because

1453
01:22:51,040 --> 01:22:53,000
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do what I want. I'm going

1454
01:22:53,040 --> 01:22:54,840
Speaker 1: to do what I'm committed to do. You know, I'm

1455
01:22:54,880 --> 01:22:56,720
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna be the man that I'm committed to being.

1456
01:22:57,080 --> 01:22:59,400
Speaker 1: So part of that is there's a list of things

1457
01:22:59,439 --> 01:23:02,320
Speaker 1: where these priorities in my life and they're not because

1458
01:23:02,320 --> 01:23:04,640
Speaker 1: of me, They're because of God and God's word. So

1459
01:23:04,680 --> 01:23:07,679
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use those things as a tool to compear

1460
01:23:07,720 --> 01:23:10,879
Speaker 1: in contrast again, Romos twelve two, I'm gonna compear in contrast.

1461
01:23:11,479 --> 01:23:15,040
Speaker 1: Is this beneficial? Is this gonna be edifying for me?

1462
01:23:15,680 --> 01:23:17,599
Speaker 1: Or is it gonna lead me in the wrong direction?

1463
01:23:17,840 --> 01:23:20,080
Speaker 1: Is this gonna cause me to take ten steps back?

1464
01:23:20,200 --> 01:23:25,800
Speaker 2: You know, brilliant dude, you, hey, Joshua, you were a

1465
01:23:25,840 --> 01:23:30,640
Speaker 2: man of integrity? How crazy is it to hear that

1466
01:23:30,640 --> 01:23:31,520
Speaker 2: that title.

1467
01:23:33,400 --> 01:23:38,840
Speaker 1: That? I don't know, Man, it's just like like being

1468
01:23:38,920 --> 01:23:46,559
Speaker 1: the man that I am now like it's it's you know,

1469
01:23:46,600 --> 01:23:51,080
Speaker 1: it's it's a miracle. Uh, you know, to to ours

1470
01:23:51,640 --> 01:23:56,240
Speaker 1: any cessationist friend I have out there, I'm like, if

1471
01:23:56,840 --> 01:24:01,680
Speaker 1: miracles and miracles are done, I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm

1472
01:24:02,040 --> 01:24:06,400
Speaker 1: I'm certainly not consistently teaching, you know, I'm I'm speaking

1473
01:24:06,439 --> 01:24:09,519
Speaker 1: at two marriage conferences this month.

1474
01:24:09,560 --> 01:24:14,080
Speaker 3: It's like like and it's like, like, how well, It's

1475
01:24:14,120 --> 01:24:17,840
Speaker 3: like I committed to following Jesus with all of my life,

1476
01:24:18,200 --> 01:24:21,599
Speaker 3: and then also I committed to loving my wife with

1477
01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:23,720
Speaker 3: all of my wife, but in like all of my

1478
01:24:23,800 --> 01:24:27,719
Speaker 3: life in the way that scripture calls me to, and

1479
01:24:28,000 --> 01:24:31,360
Speaker 3: you know, in the byproduct that is like I learned

1480
01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:33,200
Speaker 3: a lot of like things of not to do.

1481
01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:34,960
Speaker 1: Where it's like that's where I'm going to start. I'm

1482
01:24:35,000 --> 01:24:38,760
Speaker 1: like this is wrong thinking. But again it's like, you know,

1483
01:24:38,880 --> 01:24:40,800
Speaker 1: I share this in the beginning. It's like, man, uh,

1484
01:24:41,000 --> 01:24:46,679
Speaker 1: love has nothing to do and intimacy certainly has nothing

1485
01:24:46,720 --> 01:24:52,720
Speaker 1: to do with compliance. It's like, man, because there's there's

1486
01:24:52,760 --> 01:24:56,000
Speaker 1: there's so many things that we learn wrongly because of

1487
01:24:56,240 --> 01:25:00,360
Speaker 1: because of sin, specifically because of pornography. It's like, man,

1488
01:25:00,640 --> 01:25:04,160
Speaker 1: if I'm trying to superimpose onto the person that I

1489
01:25:04,200 --> 01:25:08,120
Speaker 1: say that I'm dedicated to loving most. If I'm superimposing

1490
01:25:08,200 --> 01:25:12,120
Speaker 1: desires that I developed from a screen with my hand

1491
01:25:12,720 --> 01:25:15,759
Speaker 1: when I was a teenager, If I'm superimposing those things

1492
01:25:15,760 --> 01:25:19,519
Speaker 1: on my wife, is that love? Certainly not. So it's like,

1493
01:25:19,960 --> 01:25:23,120
Speaker 1: and then I can get upset with my spouse because

1494
01:25:23,160 --> 01:25:26,160
Speaker 1: she's not meeting my needs. Is she not meeting your needs?

1495
01:25:26,360 --> 01:25:30,080
Speaker 1: Or are you trapped in perversion? Because what actually needs

1496
01:25:30,120 --> 01:25:32,280
Speaker 1: to happen is your mind needs to be eradicated to

1497
01:25:32,320 --> 01:25:35,280
Speaker 1: the perversion so that you can understand what love is,

1498
01:25:35,479 --> 01:25:37,800
Speaker 1: so that you can experience it and then you can

1499
01:25:37,840 --> 01:25:40,040
Speaker 1: reciprocate it well.

1500
01:25:40,080 --> 01:25:42,640
Speaker 2: And what's amazing is now the Lord is using you

1501
01:25:43,520 --> 01:25:45,519
Speaker 2: to speak into the lives of so many other people

1502
01:25:45,600 --> 01:25:50,599
Speaker 2: with a perspective that it's very very rare. Last thing

1503
01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:53,000
Speaker 2: I'll say, do you keep in touch with anybody from

1504
01:25:53,040 --> 01:25:56,240
Speaker 2: the industry. Has anyone come out of the industry and said, Hey,

1505
01:25:56,439 --> 01:25:59,919
Speaker 2: I need to talk Josh, I need to talk hundreds? Wow?

1506
01:26:01,080 --> 01:26:05,800
Speaker 1: And then I mean, unfortunately, a lot of those a

1507
01:26:05,840 --> 01:26:09,439
Speaker 1: lot of those situations like didn't end up like I hoped.

1508
01:26:09,720 --> 01:26:12,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course that's because it's a miracle.

1509
01:26:12,840 --> 01:26:17,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I mean, I I know, uh, two girls

1510
01:26:18,240 --> 01:26:21,680
Speaker 1: that have a life where they're healthy and whole, and

1511
01:26:21,720 --> 01:26:25,120
Speaker 1: it's because they're in they're deeply rooted in a relationship

1512
01:26:25,120 --> 01:26:27,920
Speaker 1: with Jesus Christ. But man, I don't I don't know

1513
01:26:28,439 --> 01:26:31,120
Speaker 1: one man, not one man that was in the industry

1514
01:26:31,120 --> 01:26:34,000
Speaker 1: as long as I was that came out that's it's

1515
01:26:34,080 --> 01:26:36,360
Speaker 1: healthy and whole. But there's there's tons of guys that

1516
01:26:36,400 --> 01:26:38,880
Speaker 1: are still in the industry that you know at one time,

1517
01:26:38,920 --> 01:26:41,040
Speaker 1: you know, they they looked up to me to say, hey,

1518
01:26:41,320 --> 01:26:43,920
Speaker 1: how can I become like him? But what I love

1519
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:47,000
Speaker 1: is there's there's a lot of people that are you

1520
01:26:47,040 --> 01:26:50,640
Speaker 1: know that that either text me or message me and

1521
01:26:50,640 --> 01:26:54,000
Speaker 1: they're like, man, how did you get to where you are?

1522
01:26:54,479 --> 01:26:58,479
Speaker 1: And what they mean is that how do you get

1523
01:26:58,479 --> 01:27:03,200
Speaker 1: to a place where at night you lay your head

1524
01:27:03,240 --> 01:27:07,960
Speaker 1: down on the pillow and you close your eyes and

1525
01:27:08,000 --> 01:27:12,680
Speaker 1: you're proud of the man that you are? Because it like,

1526
01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:17,360
Speaker 1: I mean, you know this, it doesn't matter what you have.

1527
01:27:18,160 --> 01:27:20,120
Speaker 1: If you don't have the thing that you need most,

1528
01:27:20,160 --> 01:27:22,960
Speaker 1: which is a relationship with Jesus, there is going to

1529
01:27:23,040 --> 01:27:27,479
Speaker 1: be chaos in your soul and there's gonna be nothing

1530
01:27:27,520 --> 01:27:30,200
Speaker 1: that can feel that void. So for me, it's like, man,

1531
01:27:31,560 --> 01:27:33,439
Speaker 1: there was a there was a lot of things that

1532
01:27:33,439 --> 01:27:36,400
Speaker 1: have happened, you know, over this last decade of me

1533
01:27:36,479 --> 01:27:44,360
Speaker 1: following Jesus. But like the most true and most simple

1534
01:27:44,479 --> 01:27:49,680
Speaker 1: solution to the thing that whatever someone is struggling with

1535
01:27:49,760 --> 01:27:55,599
Speaker 1: his man, fully surrender your life to Jesus. Like lay

1536
01:27:55,640 --> 01:27:59,040
Speaker 1: it all down, like all of the all the hurt,

1537
01:27:59,680 --> 01:28:03,840
Speaker 1: all of the pride, like all of it. And what's

1538
01:28:03,880 --> 01:28:07,200
Speaker 1: beautiful is Romans eight twenty eight, like all means all,

1539
01:28:07,400 --> 01:28:10,920
Speaker 1: Like he will use like the you know, the worst

1540
01:28:10,960 --> 01:28:12,439
Speaker 1: of the worst and the best of the best, and

1541
01:28:12,479 --> 01:28:14,080
Speaker 1: he's gonna take it all, and he's gonna put it

1542
01:28:14,160 --> 01:28:16,920
Speaker 1: in this this pot and what's gonna come out of

1543
01:28:16,960 --> 01:28:20,000
Speaker 1: it is gonna blow your mind. But it's all gonna

1544
01:28:20,000 --> 01:28:23,519
Speaker 1: be for his glory. He's gonna use it all. And

1545
01:28:23,560 --> 01:28:25,840
Speaker 1: that's what I love. Like there's nothing that you know,

1546
01:28:26,000 --> 01:28:29,959
Speaker 1: there's no training or experiences or places that I've traveled.

1547
01:28:31,120 --> 01:28:34,040
Speaker 1: There's there's tons of things that like, man, obviously I

1548
01:28:34,080 --> 01:28:36,880
Speaker 1: shouldn't have done so many of things that I've did,

1549
01:28:37,760 --> 01:28:42,439
Speaker 1: But in spite of me, God uses all of it,

1550
01:28:42,560 --> 01:28:46,280
Speaker 1: and nothing is wasted in his economy, you know, when

1551
01:28:46,360 --> 01:28:48,240
Speaker 1: we surrender and some in our lives to the person

1552
01:28:48,280 --> 01:28:50,960
Speaker 1: of Jesus, like Romans eight twenty eight. Is it man,

1553
01:28:51,320 --> 01:28:53,160
Speaker 1: that He's going to use all things for his glory

1554
01:28:53,200 --> 01:28:54,040
Speaker 1: for those who love him.

1555
01:28:54,479 --> 01:28:57,479
Speaker 2: Man, I don't think there's a better way to end

1556
01:28:57,479 --> 01:29:02,960
Speaker 2: the conversation. Points are to preacher. Uh, explained best by

1557
01:29:03,000 --> 01:29:07,320
Speaker 2: Paul's letter to the Romans. That's the conversations be bro.

1558
01:29:07,439 --> 01:29:10,040
Speaker 2: I love you so much, man, and I love this conversation.

1559
01:29:11,880 --> 01:29:15,080
Speaker 2: I love you as a brother in Christ. And maybe

1560
01:29:15,080 --> 01:29:16,880
Speaker 2: we could have another one. I feel like we could

1561
01:29:16,880 --> 01:29:21,519
Speaker 2: have an entirely new conversation about different things.

1562
01:29:21,960 --> 01:29:26,719
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we didn't even get to you. Also. Also,

1563
01:29:26,960 --> 01:29:29,679
Speaker 1: I know this is like far out, but Zach wanted

1564
01:29:29,720 --> 01:29:32,120
Speaker 1: me to ask you if you were good when you

1565
01:29:32,120 --> 01:29:34,880
Speaker 1: were in Lynchburg. If me, you and him can sit

1566
01:29:34,920 --> 01:29:35,880
Speaker 1: down and do a podcast.

1567
01:29:36,680 --> 01:29:44,240
Speaker 2: Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, man. We we also didn't get into

1568
01:29:44,240 --> 01:29:49,120
Speaker 2: your book, which is incredible and so helpful. We share

1569
01:29:49,200 --> 01:29:52,680
Speaker 2: we share publisher on that as well. Yeah, what are

1570
01:29:52,680 --> 01:29:54,120
Speaker 2: the seven lines off the top of your head?

1571
01:29:54,960 --> 01:29:57,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, uh, the one the two that I

1572
01:29:57,840 --> 01:29:59,920
Speaker 1: talked to most that talk about the most are per

1573
01:30:00,000 --> 01:30:03,640
Speaker 1: purpose and intimacy. But I would say like that, Like

1574
01:30:03,680 --> 01:30:05,840
Speaker 1: the intimacy one is like the most important one. I

1575
01:30:05,840 --> 01:30:08,240
Speaker 1: would say, like the count like this counterfeit intimacy, this

1576
01:30:08,320 --> 01:30:12,400
Speaker 1: imitation intimacy Like that That's what I'm preaching on this

1577
01:30:12,439 --> 01:30:16,360
Speaker 1: whole year because the thing in which like if you

1578
01:30:16,439 --> 01:30:19,280
Speaker 1: if you find the thing that your heart is just

1579
01:30:19,439 --> 01:30:24,240
Speaker 1: yearning for, which is connection with God the Father through

1580
01:30:24,280 --> 01:30:27,799
Speaker 1: the person of Jesus Christ, and like fully step into

1581
01:30:28,520 --> 01:30:31,680
Speaker 1: being sensitive to the spirit of God Man the the

1582
01:30:32,280 --> 01:30:36,080
Speaker 1: that's where like if you understand like in the fullness

1583
01:30:36,120 --> 01:30:39,559
Speaker 1: of the Trinity, like how much God just absolutely adores

1584
01:30:39,600 --> 01:30:42,680
Speaker 1: you and wants to equip you, uh, to walk in

1585
01:30:42,760 --> 01:30:45,200
Speaker 1: abundance in this world. Like that's where it's at, and

1586
01:30:45,280 --> 01:30:49,240
Speaker 1: we just we settle for so many imitations, but real intimacy,

1587
01:30:50,040 --> 01:30:53,599
Speaker 1: true intimacy, is found in proximity to God. And that's

1588
01:30:53,840 --> 01:30:55,759
Speaker 1: you know, that's that's what I want people to understand.

1589
01:30:55,760 --> 01:30:58,160
Speaker 1: It's like the last the last chapter. If I even

1590
01:30:58,200 --> 01:30:59,920
Speaker 1: talk about it, that would be a whole other tangent.

1591
01:31:00,040 --> 01:31:00,920
Speaker 1: But it's like it's.

1592
01:31:00,880 --> 01:31:03,599
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I think you know, seven lives that will

1593
01:31:03,680 --> 01:31:06,000
Speaker 2: ruin your life. We could go on, we could use

1594
01:31:06,040 --> 01:31:08,920
Speaker 2: it each lie and make a different podcast. Yeah, and

1595
01:31:09,000 --> 01:31:11,840
Speaker 2: have a whole new discussion. But I think that that

1596
01:31:11,840 --> 01:31:13,040
Speaker 2: that'll be for another time.

1597
01:31:13,640 --> 01:31:13,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1598
01:31:13,960 --> 01:31:15,639
Speaker 2: I love you, Bro. I'll see you in a few

1599
01:31:15,640 --> 01:31:16,120
Speaker 2: months too.

1600
01:31:16,720 --> 01:31:18,439
Speaker 1: Yeah man, love you bro. So good to see you

1601
01:31:18,439 --> 01:31:18,760
Speaker 1: you too.

1602
01:31:18,840 --> 01:31:21,800
Speaker 2: Thank you thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast.

1603
01:31:21,840 --> 01:31:24,320
Speaker 2: I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me

1604
01:31:24,360 --> 01:31:27,879
Speaker 2: out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,

1605
01:31:28,200 --> 01:31:31,400
Speaker 2: subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and

1606
01:31:31,560 --> 01:31:35,280
Speaker 2: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload

1607
01:31:35,560 --> 01:31:36,160
Speaker 2: a video.

1608
01:31:36,640 --> 01:31:37,040
Speaker 1: Yigi