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Speaker 1: This episode contains sensitive topics. Listening discretion is advice.

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Speaker 2: What's up, Professional Homegirls? It's your Professional Homegirl Ebena, and

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Speaker 2: we are back for season two premiere.

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Speaker 1: How are y'all doing? I hope all is cute. I

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Speaker 1: am so excited for season two if you couldn't tell,

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Speaker 1: and I have so many great conversations for you all

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Speaker 1: to hear. But before we start, let's do some housekeeping. Okay,

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Speaker 1: First and foremost, y'all, please make sure you subscribe to

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Speaker 1: the YouTube page at the Professional Homegirl. Full videos of

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Speaker 1: each episode are dropping every Friday, so please make sure

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Speaker 1: to support because production costs ain't cheap. Okay, Next up,

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Speaker 1: follow the instagram on page at the PG podcast. We

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Speaker 1: are halfway to ten k, even though.

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Speaker 2: I think we should have already been there, but that's

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Speaker 2: another story.

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Speaker 1: And the goal is to hit it within this quarter.

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Speaker 1: I might even do some giveaways, so if I do

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Speaker 1: hold me down, don't hold me up. Also, we are

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Speaker 1: adding a new segment to the show, Ask Ebanay. This

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Speaker 1: would be your chance to ask me for some advice

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Speaker 1: or if you want to send me some love or

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Speaker 1: just share your thoughts on a previous episode. You can

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Speaker 1: now email me at Hello at thephgpodcast dot com. And

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Speaker 1: I'm also thinking about doing a solo episode really really soon,

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Speaker 1: so please email me your questions now before we start

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Speaker 1: this week's episode, because I know y'all feed them.

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Speaker 2: I want to give y'all some behind the scenes.

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Speaker 1: This has been the hardest episode, y'all, I have ever

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Speaker 1: done in a very, very long time.

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Speaker 2: To the point where I didn't even want to put

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Speaker 2: this episode out.

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Speaker 1: Okay, throughout the entire episode, there were times where I

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Speaker 1: couldn't even find a word during the conversation because looking back,

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Speaker 1: I believe this episode triggered me. You know, I always

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Speaker 1: could ask how do I cover so many heavy topics

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Speaker 1: and to be honest, they don't really bother me unless

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Speaker 1: it pertains the childhood. And during the conversation with my guests,

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Speaker 1: the whole time, I was thinking like, why did this

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Speaker 1: happen to her?

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Speaker 3: God?

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Speaker 1: And I think what really triggered me was that I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you can hear it, but to me,

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Speaker 1: it sounded like throughout our conversation she reverted back to

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Speaker 1: the age she was during that time. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: maybe it's me, but let me know your thoughts by

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Speaker 1: emailing me at hello atpsgpodcast dot com, and also y'all

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Speaker 1: will be able to see my full expressions once the

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Speaker 1: video drops on Friday, So let me know your thoughts,

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Speaker 1: because I don't know. I think that was the most

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Speaker 1: difficult part was hearing how her language and her tone

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Speaker 1: changes throughout the conversation. And you know, the episode was

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Speaker 1: so triggering that I didn't even want to put it out,

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Speaker 1: like as, I spoke to my network about it during

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Speaker 1: one of our meetings, and I just wanted to get

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Speaker 1: some feedback from them, and you know, I damn their

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Speaker 1: cry during that conversation with them, because it was just

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Speaker 1: so hard for me to even explain what I was

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Speaker 1: experienced during a conversation with my guests. I spoke to

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Speaker 1: my producer Taylor about it, and he gave me his

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Speaker 1: opinion as well as some different ways we can tackle

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Speaker 1: it if I did decide to put it out, And honestly,

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Speaker 1: after praying and just sitting in my thoughts, you know,

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Speaker 1: the one thing that I kept hearing was this is

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Speaker 1: your why, this is the reason why you started the

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Speaker 1: Professional Homegirl, And like I always say, you will never

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Speaker 1: find another one better or better than a professional Homegirl.

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Speaker 1: So With that being said, Season two premiere, My Father's

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Speaker 1: Mistress kills my mother is starting now. So to my guests,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for being on the show. Oh

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Speaker 1: how are you doing? How are you feeling?

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Speaker 3: I'm okay? Today been break day?

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Speaker 2: Oh well great, it's good. What happened today? If you

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Speaker 2: don't mind sharing?

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Speaker 3: Oh? I got my money back?

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Speaker 2: Okay? What you got to taxes?

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Speaker 3: No, someone owe us some money and I had had

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Speaker 3: to run him down.

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Speaker 2: You beat your money in your pocket, You beat somebody up.

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Speaker 3: No, I'm all of that. I'd a two months. Oh

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Speaker 3: you see two old people on the ground and you

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Speaker 3: have to help us up.

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Speaker 2: You ain't even like you're about to be fifty.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'll be in two months anyways, Okay, okay.

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Speaker 2: If I don't speak to you, happy early birthday?

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Speaker 1: Thank you the fact that you're about to turn fifty, Like,

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Speaker 1: how does it feel sharing your story?

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Speaker 2: And what has been the most significant aspect of this

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Speaker 2: of your story?

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Speaker 3: What's how I changed? Uh, it's how I change in

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Speaker 3: my in my forties. Right. I used to I used

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Speaker 3: to be so ashamed because you know, you are talked

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Speaker 3: to keep things in the family. Don't talk to anybody about.

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Speaker 2: It, especially in the black black community.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but that is what contributes to the depression and

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Speaker 3: the anxiety because that we keep it bottled up and

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Speaker 3: make us feel as if that we had played a

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Speaker 3: part in the abuse, right, like that we like that

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Speaker 3: we did something on And my diad said something to close.

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Speaker 2: It, right, like you blame yourself for it?

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Speaker 3: Yes, when you have to keep quiet? And I realized

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Speaker 3: that no, keeping quiet, it's only helping the telephile. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and it causes and when you hold things like that in,

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Speaker 3: it can develop into mental illness.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a fact. That's a fact.

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Speaker 1: You know a lot of people who do who do

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Speaker 1: have mental illness. Some of that does them from trauma.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and keeping silent no, no, And plus that and

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Speaker 3: keeping silent allows the pedophile to go from home to

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Speaker 3: home or child to child a business, right, And I

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Speaker 3: want to know who's the pedophile among it? Don't protect them,

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Speaker 3: they don't need protection. The child needs protection, right. And

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Speaker 3: how long have you been sharing your story? Like have

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Speaker 3: you recently started sharing or just recently? Okay, what made

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Speaker 3: me want to share my story with just last year?

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Speaker 3: And then I say not just it's just popping my

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Speaker 3: head maybe I can do this. Maybe I can share

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Speaker 3: my story too, and and plus watching other people's stories

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Speaker 3: and make me feel like I'm not alone. And even

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Speaker 3: though I'm so I much older, but still the feeling

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Speaker 3: of shame and fear it still be with you, even

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Speaker 3: though you can live your life, but it's always there. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but sharing my story it helps. Yeah, it helps believe stress.

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Speaker 3: I didn't know that just talking about it can help

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Speaker 3: you mentally and emotionally.

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Speaker 2: So you just started sharing your story a year ago?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Wow, so forty well listening a year ago? Wow, so

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Speaker 1: you've been holding onto the story for forty nine years.

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Speaker 3: Yes. Matter of fact, I just told my brother well

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Speaker 3: about two months ago about our oldest brother raping me

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Speaker 3: and stuff. Not all my family know about the abuse, right,

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Speaker 3: but the but my family that I lived with you,

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Speaker 3: but not the ones on the outside.

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Speaker 1: And what does your brother say about that? Because I

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Speaker 1: was going to bring that up later, but since we

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Speaker 1: heard say.

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Speaker 3: The thing is he was shocked. He basically like for real,

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Speaker 3: you know, for real he did that to you. My

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Speaker 3: sister in law said that I wish I had known

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Speaker 3: Baptists earlier because said she used to beat him up

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Speaker 3: when they were young, and she said, I would have

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Speaker 3: just beat him up more for you.

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Speaker 2: Right. Wait, you say your sister in law, So she's

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Speaker 2: not married to the brother that was sexual abusing Okay.

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Speaker 3: No, no, this is another lady, the one who's sexual abuse. Man,

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Speaker 3: he never married.

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Speaker 1: Mmm.

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Speaker 2: Where is he at now?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Where he should be thead Wow? Mm hmmm. He

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Speaker 3: died but then g though he died a good death,

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Speaker 3: he died died from a heart attack.

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Speaker 2: Mmm.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 2: You know when I heard your story, I.

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Speaker 1: The moment I was able to catch my brother, you

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Speaker 1: exposed something else and I'm just like, this can't be real.

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like from the age of five to

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Speaker 1: maybe in your like your twenties, I feel like it

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Speaker 1: was just NonStop.

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Speaker 3: It was non stop. And then when I allowed myself

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Speaker 3: just to think about my life, I'm thinking, it's surprised.

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Speaker 3: I'm surprised that I have sanity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but

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Speaker 3: that doesn't mean that, you know, I didn't have trouble

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Speaker 3: being here because that five years old was when I

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Speaker 3: first was blested. Was also was the age that I

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Speaker 3: first attempted suicide.

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Speaker 2: Mm.

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Speaker 3: Five years old, and I don't know what I knew,

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Speaker 3: how I knew about death? And suicide such. But I

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Speaker 3: tried taking a lot of time and all, you know.

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Speaker 1: What's so crazy? Did you used to watch a lot cars?

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure you used to watch like cartoons, right,

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Speaker 1: it made it came from cartoons. I had a conversation

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Speaker 1: with this with one of my guests and she tried

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Speaker 1: to commit suicide when she was a kid, and she

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Speaker 1: took a lot of pills too, So I was like,

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Speaker 1: and she was like doing all these interviews and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: how did she know take these pills? So when I

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Speaker 1: asked her, she was like, nobody ever asked me that.

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Speaker 1: She said, I learned from watching the cartoons.

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Speaker 3: That power would I learned it from?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Or she was just like I knew that if

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Speaker 2: I was to stop, if I take one pill, it'll

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Speaker 2: stop the headache. So she was like, I knew if

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Speaker 2: I was taking more and maybe it'll stop me.

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Speaker 3: I just thought about dying. I ain't think might nonn

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Speaker 3: hit it?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I just wanted to pain to stop. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: let's start from the beginners. Tell us about your family

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Speaker 1: life before the tragic incident, because I feel like you

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Speaker 1: had a good family the way that you were describing.

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Speaker 3: It, it was before my mother died. She died also

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Speaker 3: when I was five. I lived with my mother and

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Speaker 3: my father and my grandpa. My mother worked, my dad work,

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Speaker 3: and my grandfather lived with us.

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Speaker 2: And was he sick or my grandfather yeah? Or was

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Speaker 2: he just older?

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Speaker 3: Just old?

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Speaker 2: Okay, he was just old.

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Speaker 3: No at that time. He did eventually develop diabetes, but

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Speaker 3: that was years later he did that, hm, But before then,

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Speaker 3: it was just normal. My mama, she she used to

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Speaker 3: treat me like a little doll. I was her only girl.

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Speaker 3: She had four kids and I was her only girl.

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Speaker 3: Reason why that I can reason why? I know she

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Speaker 3: did this because that's one of the things that my

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Speaker 3: aightie and my grandfather told me. Reason why they hated me.

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Speaker 3: It's because my mother treated me this way. Right, And

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Speaker 3: other people told me too about how that my mother

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Speaker 3: always had my hair dumb for.

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Speaker 2: You was her baby girl.

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Speaker 3: She just she was just proud of her only daughter.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. What was your parents' relationship like your mom and dad?

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Speaker 3: For from what I remember or felt during that time,

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Speaker 3: it was good until my daddy wanted to cheat, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: because it I remember all the reason why. I don't

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Speaker 3: remember the whole thing, but I here remember little clips

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Speaker 3: and then other people full in those clips. For me

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Speaker 3: is that when my daddy was screaming and then my

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Speaker 3: mother was running towards him with something her hand. So

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Speaker 3: later on with people talking about the then I remember, oh,

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Speaker 3: okay that what was going on? My my daddy wanted

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Speaker 3: my mama to stay home because that you know that

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Speaker 3: later find out for Costa that he was meeting up

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Speaker 3: with another woman at this place and my mother was

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Speaker 3: going and so he hit her, and so she got

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Speaker 3: an iron skillet and st hitting him with and she

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Speaker 3: hit him with her eyes get it. Then he took off,

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Speaker 3: rinninge because he thought that she was just gonna beat

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Speaker 3: him to dead, because they you know, hit my mama

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Speaker 3: and you're going to get dealt with. You know, she

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Speaker 3: was a small woman, but she you know, defended herself.

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Speaker 3: But uh, they said, that's the only time they would

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Speaker 3: have really have conflicts is when he wanted to go

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Speaker 3: see other women.

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Speaker 2: So was he always a cheater or like I mean,

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Speaker 2: I guess always a cheater right.

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Speaker 3: As far as I know, that was all the time

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Speaker 3: he cheated? Well, I said, for as, I'm pretty sure

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Speaker 3: he probably meet the women.

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Speaker 2: Probably And do you think your mom knew about his cheating.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that's the reason why she died.

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Speaker 2: Why before the interidem some before then did she yes?

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Speaker 3: Her and the lady they had got into a physical

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Speaker 3: fight before. You know, people people in the neighborhood, they

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Speaker 3: would come up and just start talking about my mother,

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Speaker 3: you know, telling me about it. Because no one said

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Speaker 3: anything bad about my mama self for my Amie, but

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Speaker 3: everyone else they knew her. They said they loved her

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Speaker 3: and how kind she was and quiet. Then they were

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Speaker 3: telling me about the lady who killed my mother. It's

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Speaker 3: because said she was messing around with my daddy and

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Speaker 3: when she sees my mother, she would start picking at

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Speaker 3: my mama, and my mama wouldn't say anything back to her.

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Speaker 3: My mama would try to ignore her, her head on

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Speaker 3: her business. But I guess she got too close to

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Speaker 3: my mama one time, then my mama jumped off. You know,

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Speaker 3: it's only so much picking you can you tolerate. You know,

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Speaker 3: they said that people always told their lady to just

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Speaker 3: leave my mama alone, you know, right.

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Speaker 2: So told us about the day of the when she

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Speaker 2: killed her.

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Speaker 3: Mom. I remember the night because said, I remember just

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Speaker 3: crying big and my mother and stay home I want them.

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Speaker 3: I was beg and I said, I want my mama,

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Speaker 3: I want you to stay home. I didn't remember the

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Speaker 3: color of the outfit, but I do remember seeing one

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Speaker 3: of her shoulders out and she having her done, and

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Speaker 3: you know, cause you remember fisting pieces, but you don't

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Speaker 3: remember everything, right, But I remember that part. And then

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Speaker 3: I was crying so much. I wanted her to stay.

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Speaker 3: And I remember somebody telling me to just shut up,

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Speaker 3: stop acting, you know, stop acting like a small child whatever.

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Speaker 3: And my mother left left out, and this the last

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Speaker 3: time I seen it. She went down what we called

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Speaker 3: the hole, and she went to a house party. And

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Speaker 3: at the house party, they were playing dominoes and my

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Speaker 3: mother was just standing around the table, just watching them

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Speaker 3: playing dominoes. That night, and then the lady that Nadine

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Speaker 3: uh Lucille and by would call me another one we

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Speaker 3: called men and Pearl. The three of them they walked

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Speaker 3: into until the house that were in and everybody said

283
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Speaker 3: they had forgot that my mama was eating there because

284
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Speaker 3: she was so quiet, she just sitting in there looking

285
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Speaker 3: and then they realized she was still up there when

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Speaker 3: they started picking on her. They got into it and

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Speaker 3: they said that they told my mama, don't fight over Junior.

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Speaker 3: That was my daddy, don't fight over him. But at

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Speaker 3: some point the three ladies left. And then when they

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Speaker 3: left and they said that more than person told me that.

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Speaker 3: They said that my mama said that they think she

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Speaker 3: can have to I'm going home, and I'm gonna go

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Speaker 3: home and take her and my babies. My mama did

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Speaker 3: have a knife on her and the knight she had

295
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Speaker 3: when she got ready to leave, she threw it in

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Speaker 3: the ground right it was still sticking up in the

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Speaker 3: ground because that she was disarming herself and she was

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Speaker 3: saying that I'm not gonna fight, I'm gonna I'm not

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Speaker 3: gonna argue these women. She was done. She threw with it.

300
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Speaker 3: She want my daddy, She's gonna have it, because she

301
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Speaker 3: was they on kicking my daddy out, just leaving the relationship.

302
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Speaker 3: But the way is the the hole that set up

303
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:09,600
Speaker 3: the lady. She lived down on the opposite end of

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Speaker 3: the road that leads out of the hole, but in

305
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,440
Speaker 3: front of her house, the train tracks were over there

306
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:20,200
Speaker 3: and she was able to cross the railroad tracks down

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Speaker 3: the path because that she she I guess that she

308
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Speaker 3: knew that my mama was leaving and this is the

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Speaker 3: only way my mama could get out is go down

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Speaker 3: this road. And they when she ran, those three ladies

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Speaker 3: ran home, got a gun down there in front of her.

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Speaker 3: How they crossed over to their path and they ran

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Speaker 3: down there and beat my mama down to the end

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Speaker 3: of the road. And as my mama was walking home,

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Speaker 3: they jumped out of the bushes. They jumped out of there.

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Speaker 3: The lady told my mama, don't you move, and my

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00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:58,680
Speaker 3: mama tried to walk around the three window mm hmm.

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Speaker 3: And then when she I heard my mom shot my

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Speaker 3: mom in the heart.

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Speaker 2: Wow that How do you know this? You're just getting

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00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:09,360
Speaker 2: bits and pieces from everybody.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, people who witnessed this because I asked, right, Bradley

323
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,199
Speaker 3: is a small area, and I knew I knew the

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Speaker 3: grown people. I asked later on when I was five, Right,

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00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,520
Speaker 3: right then, I asked the grown people down there because

326
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:30,080
Speaker 3: they were all living down there. And plus that my ainting.

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Speaker 3: She owned another ain'ting, not the one I did it,

328
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Speaker 3: but my ain'ting on my daddy side. She owned the

329
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,680
Speaker 3: club down that way.

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Speaker 2: You know this is given like a movie, right, I.

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Speaker 1: Don't know just the way you're describing it because I

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Speaker 1: can picture it in my head. And then the fact

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Speaker 1: that like if you was five, so this was what

334
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,239
Speaker 1: forty four years ago, like this in the South, I

335
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,919
Speaker 1: know exactly what you're talking about in the South. So

336
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,159
Speaker 1: I could just see like the imagery of it of

337
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,280
Speaker 1: a woman walking down the street and three women in

338
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,360
Speaker 1: the bushes hiding, yes, waiting for her.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, they ran down the path. That's how they Well,

340
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,560
Speaker 3: I'm describing it to you. It's the way we'll describe

341
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 3: to you.

342
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Speaker 2: So when you heard it, how did that make you feel?

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00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:24,760
Speaker 3: It? It made me feel hurt that you know, brought

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00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,000
Speaker 3: back the pain of losing my losing my mama again,

345
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,879
Speaker 3: and then it made me feel that my mama was

346
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:36,359
Speaker 3: trying to escape from she was she she said, she

347
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,639
Speaker 3: told the people that she was going to break it

348
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 3: off with my daddy and that the lady could have

349
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,159
Speaker 3: my daddy. That she didn't want my daddy anymore because

350
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,439
Speaker 3: my daddy messing out with a woman that's trying to

351
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:53,160
Speaker 3: harm her, and she has four kids that she needs

352
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 3: to take care of, and you know, and she was

353
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 3: going to just leave it, leave that alone, because it

354
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,359
Speaker 3: was in the first time, you know, I got to

355
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,280
Speaker 3: tell you before they weren't first. What's in the first

356
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,560
Speaker 3: time that my mama and these women got into you know,

357
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,440
Speaker 3: all got into it. They you know, they always try

358
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:13,639
Speaker 3: to gain my mom right after my mama beat the

359
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:18,200
Speaker 3: woman up. You know, from being on it's always being

360
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 3: a group to goot against her.

361
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Speaker 1: This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener, discretion is a vice.

362
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 2: But wasn't your father messing with the mistress the main

363
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 2: mistress messing with her homegirl thing is.

364
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 3: So other you're probably talking about that the fact that

365
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,399
Speaker 3: other three ladies, one of them, one of them is

366
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 3: the mother of my oldest brother on my daddy's side. See,

367
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:57,359
Speaker 3: they were all cousins. They were cousins, and your daddy

368
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 3: was different. How your daddy was different, Yeah, he you know,

369
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,640
Speaker 3: he wasn't kidding to him saying he didn't care right

370
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,879
Speaker 3: and everything. The women didn't.

371
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 2: Care right because they cousins.

372
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, their cousins. When I say cousin, I'm talking my

373
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,920
Speaker 3: first cousins towetor's children. Right.

374
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 2: So how many kids did your father have.

375
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 3: And all he had seven mm hm, so my mom

376
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,480
Speaker 3: and five on the out side. But but the best

377
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 3: of them, they were they are much older. I'm the

378
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 3: I'm next to the baby, and the next one is

379
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,879
Speaker 3: like seven years older than me. Mm hmmm, yeah, seven

380
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,280
Speaker 3: eight years older than I am.

381
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 2: So when you're when your mom got shot by her,

382
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 2: did anybody see us?

383
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,679
Speaker 3: Yes? See when they seen the women, then what they

384
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,919
Speaker 3: told when they seen when they seen the women, a

385
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,480
Speaker 3: group of them start running down the road. They would

386
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 3: running that road. They were screaming because they thought that

387
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 3: was she was trying. They were trying to gain No,

388
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,639
Speaker 3: gan't fight. My mama didn't know. They didn't know she

389
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,119
Speaker 3: had a gun until they got wiped that up up

390
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,879
Speaker 3: there on them. By the time they reached up that

391
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 3: that's when she shot my mother. My uncle from my

392
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,119
Speaker 3: from my dad's side, he was there and he and

393
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 3: a couple other men. They loaded my mama up in

394
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:24,879
Speaker 3: a car instead of calling the ambulance. The ambulance was

395
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 3: like fifteen minutes away the hospital. They was taking my

396
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 3: mother too. They took my mother to it's forty five minutes. Wait,

397
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,120
Speaker 3: why did they do that? They thought that they could

398
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,639
Speaker 3: make it to Hope quicker than the ambulance. Sayce they

399
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:45,240
Speaker 3: ambulance had to come. It was stupid because my Mama

400
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 3: didn't die until they got in Hope.

401
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,479
Speaker 2: So true was alive for forty five minutes.

402
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, by by forty five minutes, that means that she

403
00:22:55,440 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 3: led out the she didn't have to die. Emilast cul

404
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,159
Speaker 3: came in fifteen minutes and stopped the bleeding.

405
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 2: Do you think they did that with good intentions?

406
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 3: I think so, because I said one of was my

407
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 3: uncle and they were closed and I don't know because

408
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 3: I said, I'm thinking like they didn't know the basic

409
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,920
Speaker 3: concept was first aid. That night, paramedics could have went

410
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 3: her first aid to my mother and my mama was

411
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 3: still alive all of that time, right. She died in

412
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 3: my uncle's lap. And the last my uncle said that

413
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 3: the last thing she said was to tell Daddy to

414
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 3: take care of my babies. And she died.

415
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 2: Wow.

416
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 3: And then when they rise at the hospital, the doctor,

417
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 3: the doctor pronounced her dad while there in the car.

418
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 3: Excuse sitting in the car?

419
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 1: Wow.

420
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 2: So when did you find out that your mom passed away?

421
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 3: Like?

422
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,639
Speaker 1: Who told you at that at the age of five?

423
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 1: But did somebody come to the house or the sheriff.

424
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:08,880
Speaker 1: The sheriff came to the house, came to our house.

425
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 1: The next day and I wasn't standing. It was an

426
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 1: open we had an open four plan, and.

427
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 3: I was standing in the dining room park which which

428
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 3: is far away from the living room door.

429
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:21,639
Speaker 2: Right.

430
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 3: But my older brother, I have an older brother with

431
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,399
Speaker 3: my mom who is two years older than I am.

432
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 3: M he gets started crying and hollering, and my eighties

433
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 3: she came up in there. And that's when you know,

434
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 3: because my grandfather wanted to answer, and everybody gets start

435
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 3: hollering crying. I didn't understand what was going on.

436
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,479
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, you were five, so how could you.

437
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 3: And then I heard my eighties say that they killed her.

438
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:47,160
Speaker 3: They killed her?

439
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:48,360
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

440
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,880
Speaker 3: Really I did not understand what what was going on.

441
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 3: And when we went to my mama's funeral, I thought

442
00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 3: my mama was just laying up their sleep. I didn't

443
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 3: staying there was a coughing because that she was laying

444
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 3: there asleep, and the white stuff just looked so comfortable,

445
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,159
Speaker 3: and she looked like she was just asleep. See. I

446
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,360
Speaker 3: was used to seeing my mama asleep during the day

447
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 3: because she worked at night.

448
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 2: Right, So when did it finally hit you?

449
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 3: I kept asking my grandfather, where's my mama? After the funeral.

450
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 3: I actually thought that my mama would be hauled before

451
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 3: we before we got there, because that because that I

452
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 3: was there saying, why I'm every now here asleep with

453
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,679
Speaker 3: all these people walking around crying around her? And at

454
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,439
Speaker 3: the funeral, a woman walked up to me and she said,

455
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 3: it's okay to cry. I didn't understand why she thought

456
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,439
Speaker 3: I was gonna cry. I just wanted my mama to

457
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 3: get herself up and come on here. You know. Other

458
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 3: words denial, Yeah, yeah, denial, because I'm pretty sure I

459
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 3: probably knew what death was, but I was I didn't

460
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 3: want to accept it. This is what I was thinking.

461
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 2: Oh, maybe you didn't.

462
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 1: Maybe you really thought she would sleep, especially if that's

463
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 1: the first time somebody that was close to you passing away.

464
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:13,360
Speaker 3: Yes, And and then when I asked my grandfather about it,

465
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,639
Speaker 3: he would always say, well, she's taking Alan now right

466
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 3: on the trip, so they father confused me.

467
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, but but ever then I do what that was.

468
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: I've probably just never seen death were that close. Yeah,

469
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: that could be a till.

470
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,880
Speaker 3: After I was blessed it the way of my mother

471
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,679
Speaker 3: wasn't being there and my dad because that when my

472
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:41,360
Speaker 3: mama died, I watch my dad too because he abandoned us.

473
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 2: Well, wait, what happened to the mistress? Like, did she

474
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 2: ever get in she go to jail or I don't

475
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 2: know if she.

476
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,479
Speaker 3: Went to jail. I can't tell you definitely, but I

477
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 3: do know she got twenty years probation.

478
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:55,200
Speaker 2: Twenty years probation.

479
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 3: For that jail time. She didn't get jailed time, plead

480
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 3: it out, and the judge gave her probation. Wow vrobation

481
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 3: in two thousand oh.

482
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 2: So she still is? She still alive?

483
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 3: Yeah? The last place I know her the work was

484
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 3: in Children's hospital in Little Rock.

485
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 4: Wow.

486
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 3: Matter of fact. Matter of fact, I was at the

487
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 3: children hospital for some reason, and I went inside the cafeteria.

488
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:28,840
Speaker 2: And you saw her.

489
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, she wrung up my food.

490
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 2: Did she recognize you?

491
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,639
Speaker 3: I don't know, but I didn't recognize her, but my

492
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 3: brother did mm m. And I wanted to go in

493
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 3: there and just act the clown what I did. Again.

494
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 3: Then again, he didn't tell me that after we left anyway.

495
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 4: So because he knew he was gonna no be has

496
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 4: I don't know, I never know, yep, Yeah.

497
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 3: But I know I was hurt to know that this

498
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 3: lady feared bringing up my food that I brought in

499
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 3: the cafeteria, and of course she didn't say anything because

500
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 3: she didn't act like that she knew me.

501
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, how did she look? Did she look

502
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 1: the same to you or probably not because you didn't

503
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:20,760
Speaker 1: recognize her.

504
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 3: No, I didn't recognize her. And that was one of

505
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 3: the conditions of her probation. The judge told her that

506
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 3: she must leave brand and she can't live in Bradley.

507
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 3: That was a condition a whole qurobation too. Mm hmm.

508
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:37,159
Speaker 3: But my aintie and one of the ladies that was

509
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 3: with her when she killed my mama, they got into

510
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 3: a shooting match. Yeah, the lady was mm hmm. We

511
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 3: were living in a duplex. The two of the ladies

512
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 3: were over there in the middle park, right, They ain't

513
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 3: had a raffle and she had a pistol and you,

514
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 3: I mean, into that torelet down. You could see the

515
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 3: bullet holes. You know, they trying to killing each other

516
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 3: doing in Arkansas. She tried to kill the lady who

517
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 3: killed her sister.

518
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: And this was recent, No, at the time, oh, at

519
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 1: the time, at the time. So wait, how did your

520
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 1: dad handle everything? Because I know you said that he

521
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: abandoned y'all.

522
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know, but I know that

523
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 3: he married another lady that he has even met, just

524
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 3: a few months after after my mama was dead. He

525
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:32,239
Speaker 3: popps mary her within like a couple of months. So

526
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 3: he didn't agree.

527
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 2: Did y'all ever speak or like, what's your relationship like

528
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,479
Speaker 2: with him now? If he's still alive.

529
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 3: He died in two thousand and eight. I didn't have

530
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 3: a relationship really when I got When I turned about ten,

531
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 3: his wife forced him to come and pick me and

532
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 3: my brother up. See, he only had this two children

533
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 3: by my mother, and she made him come and pick

534
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 3: us too up for holiday. But before then, you know,

535
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 3: he didn't have anything to.

536
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 2: Do with ups. So he never spoke to you about anything.

537
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 3: No.

538
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 2: Wow.

539
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 3: One time, when I was like fourteen, I brought it up.

540
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 3: Then my stepmother she cut me off, let me know that,

541
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 3: you know, don't talk about that, and then she tried

542
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 3: to put my mama down a woman. She never met,

543
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 3: my woman that was dead when she started messing around

544
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 3: with my daddy and she talking about Junior. He don't

545
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 3: like dark skinned women anyways, he liked like skin. But

546
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 3: my daddy had baby, had two kids by two different

547
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 3: light skinned women, right, and he had a baby by

548
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 3: two dark skinned women. He didn't I guess he didn't

549
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 3: say anything. He just looked at her like, why are

550
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 3: you saying that kind of look?

551
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 2: Right?

552
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 3: And my daddy was a light skinned man. But so

553
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 3: what But but what I was thinking at the time

554
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 3: when she said that she was trying to she was

555
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 3: putting my mother down. I had develop a habit of

556
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 3: not saying anything. Mm hmm.

557
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 2: You just started to become silent.

558
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 3: I had went years when I talked.

559
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 2: How many years I.

560
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 3: Probably went by the good four or five years while

561
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 3: speaking at all. Yeah, unless somebody forced me to say something.

562
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 3: For example, people, I wouldn't even tell people my name.

563
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 3: I wouldn't tell people anything. And the teachers, they eventually

564
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,680
Speaker 3: stopped calling my name because they know that I weren't

565
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 3: going to speak.

566
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 2: When did you start doing this?

567
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 3: I started doing this problem when I was like in

568
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 3: the second grade. Wow, No, because said the abuse got

569
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 3: so bad for me, right that I sort of checked

570
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 3: out a reality. So at this point you're living with

571
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 3: y'all and your grandfather, you and your three siblings. Yes,

572
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 3: And was she only mean to you or what she

573
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 3: mean to everyone else?

574
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 2: As well.

575
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 3: She was mean to everyone, but I was the main one.

576
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 2: Right.

577
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 3: The boys had to truly do something wrong for her

578
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 3: to beat them because she didn't give us whoop, and

579
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 3: she give us she gave us a beat down mm hmm.

580
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 3: And and she would beat our grandfather. I watched her

581
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 3: beat my grandfather with a hammer.

582
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 2: Is that her dad?

583
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 3: Yeah? I can see it, running into the kitchen grabbing

584
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 3: the night my grandfather laying on the couch. I think

585
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 3: he was watching Gus smoke or something. I don't nowhere

586
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 3: she just went went went in the kitchen, grabbed a

587
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 3: knife and went over there to him and just grabbed

588
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 3: his arm and just start cutting in my grandfather's arm.

589
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 2: What do you think was going on with your aunt?

590
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 3: She was on crack. She was a crackhead and stuff

591
00:32:58,960 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 3: and the dark.

592
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 2: Well there you go, up. It was the drugs. Have

593
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 2: you ever remember her being not being on drugs and

594
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 2: doing and drinking.

595
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 3: Mm hmm always when I was grown right, it was

596
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 3: after she had went to prison and stuff. When she

597
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 3: wasn't on drugs, EPA. She was a total different person, right, Oh,

598
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,920
Speaker 3: when she when my Auntie wasn't on drugs, she was

599
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 3: the kindest person. That you would want to meet. She

600
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 3: stayed off the drugs for a long time when I

601
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 3: was grown. I had I gave birth to my son

602
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 3: when I was eighteen, and she was the only one

603
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 3: there for me. Can you believe that?

604
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 2: You know what's so funny? I can don't be the

605
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 2: main ones.

606
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 3: Because she wasn't on drugs.

607
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 2: Yeah she was.

608
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 3: She was only one of the family who came to

609
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,200
Speaker 3: the hospital and visited me.

610
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:58,720
Speaker 2: She probably was trying to right her wrongs.

611
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, she she did apologize when she thought she was dying.

612
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 2: Mmm.

613
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 3: I didn't take the apology seriously because I said, you

614
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 3: apologize when you're not in.

615
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 2: The hospital, right, So where is she at now?

616
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 3: She died in nineteen She died from stroke twenty nineteen. Wow, yeah,

617
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 3: well just before the pandemic.

618
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, And did y'all ever have like a conversation or

619
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:27,399
Speaker 2: that was it?

620
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 3: That was it about the abused?

621
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 2: No?

622
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 3: She well, she apologized whom she did apologize again. She

623
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,399
Speaker 3: did apologize again. But then again, you know, I guess

624
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,800
Speaker 3: that I wasn't accepting apology because it was too much

625
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 3: with just too much. But she did make me feel

626
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 3: good when she started when during that time when she

627
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:53,439
Speaker 3: wasn't on drugs. That she treated me with mothery love.

628
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 3: She treated my child with deep wave.

629
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 2: So did you Is it safe to say you forgave her?

630
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 3: Yeah? I guess I probably. I don't know. I don't know.

631
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,479
Speaker 3: I guess I don't hate her, but I still hate

632
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 3: the what happened, right, she she gave my body to me.

633
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,280
Speaker 1: Well wait before we get there, because you was living

634
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 1: with your aunt at the age of five, and that's when.

635
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:23,439
Speaker 2: The abuse started. So I don't want to go through

636
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 2: every story because I feel like I don't want to

637
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 2: like when you tell your story, is it retriggering.

638
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 3: For you sometimes?

639
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 2: Yeah? So I want to be mindful of that. But

640
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 2: how many men would you say took advantage of you?

641
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:42,439
Speaker 3: Oh? I never counted. You're probably good close to ten

642
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 3: that I can remember.

643
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 1: Right, have you ever ran into any of these men

644
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 1: as a grown up? Because you still live in the

645
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 1: same place you grew up in, right.

646
00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 3: No, I'm living in Hope now. I confronted one of

647
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:03,319
Speaker 3: the men about what they did to me, what he

648
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 3: did to me, and I didn't when I confront of him,

649
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,440
Speaker 3: I wasn't expecting you know, like I'm sorry or probably

650
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 3: get nothing. I just told him, I remember what you

651
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 3: did to me when I was seven years old.

652
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:14,399
Speaker 2: And what did he say?

653
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 3: He said, I don't know what he's talking about. Then

654
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 3: I said that you but less he was blessed me.

655
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:24,719
Speaker 3: He didn't exactly rape me, but he well, sticking your

656
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 3: figure into a seven year old for john and there

657
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:33,880
Speaker 3: is rated right, and and he just he just looking

658
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,280
Speaker 3: at me, and he didn't He just sit there looking

659
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 3: just and stopped talking, you know. And then I just

660
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 3: left it at that because I just wanted him to

661
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:45,879
Speaker 3: note that I remember what you did.

662
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 2: Was this the man that when you was laying with

663
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 2: your brothers, he came on top of you and your

664
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 2: granddaddy was acting like he was sleeping.

665
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 3: No, that's my amy boyfriend.

666
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 2: I thought that was crazy because the fact that your

667
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 2: grandfather was acting like he was sleeping and you saw it,

668
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 2: I was like wow.

669
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:09,319
Speaker 3: But that wasn't only time the dude that I confronted.

670
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 3: I was by seven years old, and he would come

671
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 3: over to our house, right and he would come and

672
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 3: pick me up, and he would sit right there in

673
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 3: front of my grandfather and we was like less than

674
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 3: this table, or I say, by three or four feet

675
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 3: this table I'm sitting it by three or four feet.

676
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,359
Speaker 3: Why we were sitting there clothes and he would put

677
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,439
Speaker 3: a blanket on top of us, and he will people

678
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 3: less than me in front of my grandfather.

679
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,240
Speaker 2: But do you think your grandfather was scared?

680
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 3: He probably was scared. But what forfeiting him from calling

681
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:45,520
Speaker 3: the police after he left? Right? And plus that, why

682
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:50,439
Speaker 3: did my grandfather blame me for it? M My grandfather said,

683
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 3: that happened to me. That man did that to me

684
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,399
Speaker 3: because I was fast. This is a man who came

685
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 3: in my house, came picked me up because I was

686
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 3: a kid, and he picked me up off the floor.

687
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:06,160
Speaker 3: And you just say anything right now, it's not the

688
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 3: same man he came up to the house. I was

689
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:10,799
Speaker 3: in the kitchen and I just heard a knock on

690
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 3: the door, and I didn't hear him say this is

691
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 3: LB whatever. But my grandfather turned round into me, you

692
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 3: know exactly what he wants to do. Go out through

693
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 3: the back door, because the only time he did something.

694
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:27,399
Speaker 3: Try that protect me, Tell me that I know going

695
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 3: what he wanted to do, and to run.

696
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:41,839
Speaker 1: This episode contains sensitive topics. Listening discretion as a vice.

697
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 1: You know when you hear your story because I'm from

698
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 1: the South as well. So when you hear your story

699
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 1: and you when you share your story, how often do

700
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:56,399
Speaker 1: you hear similar stories that's that's similar to yours from

701
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 1: the that's from the South. Because I feel like this

702
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: goes on a lot within our community, but i feel

703
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 1: like it also goes on a lot in like these

704
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,319
Speaker 1: smaller towns in the South, and I'm pretty sure it's

705
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,919
Speaker 1: all over the world. But just being from the South,

706
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 1: especially being like your dark skinned woman being called fast

707
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:16,880
Speaker 1: and like, like, it's just it's insane.

708
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 3: As I've growing up, you know, I knew sever kids

709
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 3: that was raped by boyfriends or by uncles. I even

710
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:32,280
Speaker 3: knew boys that were raped. So even boys are not safe.

711
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 3: Yeah boys, my baby I'm gonna say this because he

712
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:42,360
Speaker 3: doesn't watch uff like this, but my baby brother was

713
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 3: raped by my oldest brother.

714
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,640
Speaker 2: And is this the same oldest brother that's sexually abusing

715
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 2: that's rape.

716
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 3: They raped me. He raped my baby brother and he

717
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 3: told and my amy forced him to say another boy

718
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 3: actually raped him. Wow, because said she forced my brother

719
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 3: to say that another child rapped him because she didn't

720
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 3: like that child's mother.

721
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 2: WHOA that is crazy, So.

722
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 3: That child got sent off, he got punished, legally punished,

723
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,800
Speaker 3: and I just found out in two thousand. My brother

724
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 3: just told me two thousand and nine that that wasn't true.

725
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 3: He said, we was over there to my trailer and

726
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 3: he said, do you remember that time when when I

727
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 3: said that Pig raped me and Pig got sent off.

728
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 3: Pig didn't rape me? Did pat just made me say

729
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 3: Hig raped me because she didn't like, Wow, Higgs, mom.

730
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:47,759
Speaker 2: That is wow. That is crazy.

731
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:52,759
Speaker 3: So you can't even you can't even be even though

732
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 3: the child was raped, could be raped or blested, you

733
00:40:56,239 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 3: still have to wonder whether or not somebody else's making

734
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 3: that child point at a different person. But I went

735
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 3: and told his mam what my brother told me, and

736
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,000
Speaker 3: I told her that you know that Pig didn't do that.

737
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 2: No, I made her say.

738
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:15,840
Speaker 3: She just cried. She just asked me questions and nothing.

739
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 3: She was just cried, just.

740
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 2: Cry And where's her son at now?

741
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 3: Oh? Oh, oh, Pig. I don't know what Pig gets.

742
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 3: He didn't even jail or anything. He was some woman

743
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:31,240
Speaker 3: knowing him. He's a womanizer. Now he's not a rapist,

744
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 3: but he's a womanizer.

745
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 2: Do you think your brother sexually abused any more other kids.

746
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 3: Yes, I know, cause they say so. Mmmm, of cours,

747
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 3: I know I'm the only girl. On the rest of

748
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,880
Speaker 3: the kids he raped were boys.

749
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 1: Wow.

750
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 3: And and then I found out when I was like

751
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 3: eighteen looking before. See, I didn't find out that he

752
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 3: raped my He was the one who waked my brother

753
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:01,359
Speaker 3: at that time. But I found out years before then

754
00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 3: that he rapped other little balls. Cous the grown up

755
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:06,880
Speaker 3: knew about it.

756
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,399
Speaker 2: Mmm. Do you think something happened to your older brother.

757
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 3: No, he died from a heart tag walking to Walmart.

758
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 2: You know what I'm trying. I just like you think

759
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 2: somebody sexually abused him.

760
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 3: I don't know. I didn't talk to that boy. You know,

761
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 3: you know he did that to me. And I can

762
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 3: remember say, we originally from Knacadobia and wait, where are

763
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 3: you'all from Knockadolchia's Texas? Oh okay, well, originally from there.

764
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 3: So that's why I didn't know about the older siblings.

765
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 3: So they were all from the Bradley Grey off from Bradley,

766
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:47,400
Speaker 3: and I had been blessed many times before that. Then

767
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:49,279
Speaker 3: I thought that when I found out I had an

768
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 3: older big brother, I thought that he was gonna eat

769
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 3: my protector. That reason why I put myself in his presence, right,

770
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 3: I guess that they shattered my world knowing that he

771
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 3: didn't only tell me, he actually took my opportunity ro Yeah,

772
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 3: the rest of the men, they would finger me to

773
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,760
Speaker 3: this point. They will finger me because he started raping

774
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 3: me when I was seven, and and then there's probably

775
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 3: reason why that my aiding star allowed men to rape me.

776
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:22,839
Speaker 1: How are you how are you feeling with all this?

777
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 1: Like do you like do you go to therapy? Like,

778
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 1: how do you like go to therapy? Okay, cause this

779
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:30,919
Speaker 1: this is a lot to unpack, Like do you ever

780
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 1: just sit down and just be like, like especially what

781
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 1: you're about to hit a milestone and you turn it

782
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: fifty like like you got to be proud of yourself

783
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,879
Speaker 1: for just like being sound mind.

784
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:45,360
Speaker 2: And just surviving. No, seriously, because this would have people

785
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:46,400
Speaker 2: like going crazy.

786
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 3: I don't know why going to therapy and stuff. You know,

787
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 3: I learned terms so for my behavior. This is assist associates,

788
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:59,840
Speaker 3: m But it's really not happening to me, right, that

789
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,640
Speaker 3: happened and I'm in the stage word that I'm trying to.

790
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 2: Comfort heal your inner child, Yes.

791
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 3: Because it it feels like that. Sometimes I be like

792
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 3: up in the high coner looking, you know, like an

793
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 3: herd coner, looking that somebody is hurting and I can't

794
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 3: do anything.

795
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:22,360
Speaker 2: I can't say it, But does it hurt you that

796
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:23,320
Speaker 2: you can't do anything?

797
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,480
Speaker 3: The hurt that I feel is the hurt that I carried.

798
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 3: Since then, it seemed like that that pain, that hurt,

799
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 3: it hasn't went away. It's just something that you learn

800
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 3: to cope.

801
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:36,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a fact.

802
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 3: And you developed I'm not talking about mutip personality, but

803
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 3: you just learn how to deal with it. Yeah, because

804
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 3: you have to separate that person from the rest of

805
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 3: your things, right, you know, even though that that person

806
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:56,359
Speaker 3: is always there, that person always pulling, that child is

807
00:44:56,400 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 3: always crying, that child always wants safety and it and

808
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:06,239
Speaker 3: it causes you to behave in ways that you didn't

809
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 3: understand why you behave in a certain place.

810
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,719
Speaker 1: You gotta get to the root of it, yeah, because

811
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 1: sometimes your brain would also protect you from certain things

812
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 1: so you won't get triggered and you won't act a

813
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:23,359
Speaker 1: certain way. And that's that's how I deal with it.

814
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 1: Put it inside the spot.

815
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 2: And partmentalize it.

816
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:30,400
Speaker 3: When I get triggered. I don't have to talk about

817
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:34,919
Speaker 3: it too, but that that panic to come in. Then

818
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:38,720
Speaker 3: I'm thinking, like, gosh, Lee, it's just so much trauma.

819
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 3: Feels up on trauma. It was no relief for it,

820
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:48,720
Speaker 3: you know, because it Then when I got older, by ten,

821
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,879
Speaker 3: a man whych in front of my grandfather, in front

822
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 3: of my anie. He just leaned over with then my faith,

823
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:58,439
Speaker 3: I'm not going to mess with you because you talked

824
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 3: too much. Oh I got a beating for that.

825
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 2: So when did you realize that your aunt was selling

826
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 2: you to all of these men.

827
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:11,240
Speaker 3: In my bedroom? When I got awake in my bedroom,

828
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:14,719
Speaker 3: in my little mind, I thought it was musters right.

829
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 3: I didn't realize that it was actually actual men. That's

830
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 3: where my mind connected with actual people. When that when

831
00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 3: my Ami had a baby and she forced me to

832
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:29,840
Speaker 3: take her of that baby, and I was getting up

833
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:33,399
Speaker 3: at night fixing the baby bottle and I walked into

834
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,319
Speaker 3: the kitchen. My Auntie was standing there with a man.

835
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:39,440
Speaker 3: I knew that there was her boyfriend at the time,

836
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:43,360
Speaker 3: and and she said, there should go. You canna have it,

837
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 3: you can get it. And he looked at Pat and

838
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:49,640
Speaker 3: he said, Pat, I don't mess around with you. I

839
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:51,399
Speaker 3: was trying to get her boyfriend to go in there

840
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,360
Speaker 3: and have sex. Witheop I in my mind, I'm still

841
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:58,719
Speaker 3: saying monsters. But one of the men actually came into

842
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 3: my room because that's when I saw sleeping on the

843
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:04,719
Speaker 3: floor because I had I started putting the baby in

844
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,759
Speaker 3: the bed with my grandfather, and I would sleep on

845
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 3: the floor under my bed to hide. And a man

846
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:14,239
Speaker 3: came in and I don't work it didn't recognize the forest.

847
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 3: He said, pat, she's not here, because that you know,

848
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 3: he's coming into my room. And I would just see

849
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:25,880
Speaker 3: the feet, and you know, I didn't say anything, and

850
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 3: and my at had just started, you know, beating me

851
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 3: and talking like that. I talked too much and I

852
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 3: act like I'm too good for people. But stuff she

853
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:37,880
Speaker 3: was talking about, I was talking about that why nobody

854
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:41,560
Speaker 3: want you? No man? Won't you imagine telling a ninety

855
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 3: ten year old that because you talk too much and

856
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:49,359
Speaker 3: because you act like you look good, that grown men

857
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 3: don't walk the halfs No? Imagine how confused I was

858
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 3: that why would I want a gown? I didn't understand

859
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 3: even though you know what, just because child is bolested

860
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 3: or great doesn't mean the child understand what's sexy.

861
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:05,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

862
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of people don't even have the language

863
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 1: when they're going through something that's so traumatizing.

864
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:15,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. So uh, if I was able to put two together,

865
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,320
Speaker 3: I was able to put two two together much.

866
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 1: Later, especially during that time, like the language that we

867
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: have now was definitely not available forty years.

868
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:26,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

869
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:30,759
Speaker 1: How has this experienced like shape your understanding of relationships

870
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:33,279
Speaker 1: and family dynamics? Like, because I know you have your

871
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 1: own kids, but like, I'm pretty sure it gotta be

872
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:37,839
Speaker 1: hard for you to not only not just trust men,

873
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 1: but to trust people in general.

874
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 3: Right, you know what? Right? Right?

875
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 2: Especially I've been.

876
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 3: I've been celibate for twenty years now. I refuse to

877
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 3: let a man touch me, even though I've been married twice.

878
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 3: I even told my what I said my first husband,

879
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 3: you know, I'm gonna stop having sex with you, but

880
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:03,600
Speaker 3: the one to have sex with you and I would

881
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:04,839
Speaker 3: pay a postitute to have text.

882
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:07,720
Speaker 2: So you didn't have sex with your first husband.

883
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:13,360
Speaker 3: I did for a little while. You know, when I

884
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 3: said little way, I mean little while. I'm talking about

885
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:18,239
Speaker 3: like a month, a month or two. I'm not talking

886
00:49:18,239 --> 00:49:21,680
Speaker 3: about you because I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand it.

887
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 3: This seemed like that is with balance to me.

888
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:30,320
Speaker 2: You know, it wasn't enjoy Yeah.

889
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:33,360
Speaker 3: It was violence. And I only had sex with my

890
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 3: second husband once. I can't uh so I just ended.

891
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,839
Speaker 3: And if I can't stand for a man to touch me,

892
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 3: why I stay? Mm hmm.

893
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 2: You know, are you gonna work through that in therapy

894
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 2: or do you want to work through that in therapy?

895
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 3: You know what? They hard to find a good therapist.

896
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 3: You know the reason. That's the reason why I'm able

897
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:02,440
Speaker 3: to speak about it, because that it's mostly just talk therapy,

898
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 3: it's not solution based. What helped me to be able

899
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,839
Speaker 3: to share my story with other people, it's because I'm

900
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 3: watching therapetic theraperiod videos right therapist online. They helped me

901
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 3: more than the ones I see in person, because just

902
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 3: talking about it without reframing it, that's no that I

903
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 3: learned those turns from whist.

904
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 1: If you want one my therapist, I've been going to

905
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 1: her for a long long time and I get I share,

906
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:38,480
Speaker 1: I get like when people need therapists. I always recommend

907
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: her because she's a black woman. She can speak the

908
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:42,919
Speaker 1: way that we speak. She understand where we come from,

909
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:45,920
Speaker 1: and she has definitely helped me a lot. So if

910
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 1: you're interested, I can definitely introduce you to her.

911
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, you know if I can, you know,

912
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 3: because I was just thinking in the last month or so,

913
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:59,800
Speaker 3: I need to find someone who because one of my therapists,

914
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 3: I had to try to convince my therapist that and

915
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:05,360
Speaker 3: now you old nine years old child does not want

916
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:09,279
Speaker 3: a grown man. There's a male therapist. He said it.

917
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 3: He just made the remark that a child like they

918
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 3: could have a crush on a grown man. I said, no,

919
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 3: child don't even know about that. You might have a

920
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 3: crush on a celebrity, someone far away from you. It's

921
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 3: not gonna have a question on a man that they

922
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:30,640
Speaker 3: can see and touch. Yeah, it's some type of like

923
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 3: Michael Jackson or somebody like even a child does have

924
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,400
Speaker 3: a crush on a grown person.

925
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:38,360
Speaker 2: That child doesn't. It's not sexual.

926
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 3: There you go, it's not sexual. I had to explain

927
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 3: to the therapist that you're a grown person is deflecting

928
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,240
Speaker 3: what they feel up on their child.

929
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 2: You know, was it hard for you to have a baby?

930
00:51:58,360 --> 00:51:59,800
Speaker 3: About heart getting pregnant?

931
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 1: Just the thought of like you just having a baby,

932
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:04,000
Speaker 1: because I know you don't really enjoy having sex. But

933
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 1: like so just a thought of like everything that you

934
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 1: went through, was you afraid to have a child and

935
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:13,799
Speaker 1: a fear of something similar, or like just them not

936
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:15,400
Speaker 1: you not wanting them to go through some of the

937
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:17,320
Speaker 1: things that you went through, or just anything in life.

938
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, that when I stopped at one mm hmm, and

939
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,359
Speaker 3: I would have gotten pregnant by that or with that one.

940
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:30,719
Speaker 3: It wasn't for the fact that my baby daddy, you know,

941
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:34,560
Speaker 3: he flushed my pills down the court when I went

942
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:37,000
Speaker 3: to the clinic to get some more pills. That made

943
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:39,440
Speaker 3: me wait like a week or so, and I was

944
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 3: pregnant by them.

945
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:40,759
Speaker 2: Were you mad?

946
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 3: I was hurt or hurt? I couldn't get anger. I

947
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:49,000
Speaker 3: still have a problem with anger. I have to delayed emotions.

948
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 3: Like they say someone does something to me or say

949
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:56,640
Speaker 3: something out of the way. It probably take me days, weeks,

950
00:52:56,719 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 3: or even years to even get mad about whatever they say.

951
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:02,000
Speaker 2: Do you think that's them from your childhood?

952
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 3: Mh I would? I would. I've learned that that's a

953
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:09,520
Speaker 3: trauma response with not feeling emotion.

954
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:11,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, just going dumb.

955
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I called those years I was to walk

956
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 3: in bed. I refuse to have another child.

957
00:53:20,440 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 2: Are you close with your child now?

958
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah? Even though I didn't have feelings and have feelings,

959
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,479
Speaker 3: I couldn't love, I couldn't do, but I still had

960
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 3: instincts right by reading magazines and books. I knew what

961
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 3: to sale what to do with my kids right right.

962
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:43,520
Speaker 3: But it was like reading a high tooth book and

963
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:46,799
Speaker 3: just performing but not feeling right because I.

964
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:50,680
Speaker 2: Was unable to right now. When you was living with

965
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 2: your aunt and them as you got older, was there

966
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:56,359
Speaker 2: ever a time where you just wanted to like like harm.

967
00:53:56,120 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 3: Them the not before I left? Yeah, I had got

968
00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 3: a knife, and I had because she would make me,

969
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 3: make me sometimes sleep in the living room with her,

970
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 3: and she had two kids at this time, and I

971
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 3: had cleaned on when she went to sleep, I was

972
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:21,920
Speaker 3: gonna kill her, her two children and my grandfather m

973
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:25,239
Speaker 3: and that's all whatever baby want to kill her? Uh

974
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 3: decided to kill it is because that night she's gonna

975
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:30,960
Speaker 3: look in my face and say, I bet you can

976
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 3: eat some pus his wife.

977
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:35,799
Speaker 2: You know, she was gonna make you eat her out.

978
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,640
Speaker 3: I don't know what that was she told me, but

979
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:42,720
Speaker 3: I knew going well that I would die before that happened.

980
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:43,839
Speaker 2: Wow.

981
00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:48,080
Speaker 3: The reason why that I had said to myself that

982
00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:52,319
Speaker 3: I had to kill this. I'm gonna kill her, but

983
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 3: I'm not a natural killer. So something in me told

984
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 3: me to go and and lay down, go to sleep. See.

985
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:04,560
Speaker 3: Usually she would help me up two or three o'clock

986
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 3: in the morning, even though I had to go to

987
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:08,640
Speaker 3: school the next day. She would have me up waiting

988
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:13,480
Speaker 3: on her or just listening to her, or just staying

989
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:18,560
Speaker 3: up at night with her. Wow. But this particular night

990
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 3: she said that to me, But she didn't bother me

991
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:25,839
Speaker 3: the whole night, even the kids didn't bother me. I

992
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:28,120
Speaker 3: slept all of that night, and that probably was the

993
00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 3: first time I went to sleep through the nights for

994
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 3: at least six or seven years.

995
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:32,680
Speaker 2: Wow.

996
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:36,880
Speaker 3: You know. The next morning, that's when I saw the

997
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 3: feeling did joint does a bit? I knew that there

998
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:43,880
Speaker 3: was the last night I was going to spend in

999
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:48,080
Speaker 3: that house. I was sixteen, and I didn't care if

1000
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,760
Speaker 3: I had to sleep in the road in the ditch.

1001
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 3: But after school that day, my school counselor called DH

1002
00:55:57,800 --> 00:55:59,799
Speaker 3: just if two years just were trying to make me

1003
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:02,960
Speaker 3: go back home, and he said no. Then you know,

1004
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:06,319
Speaker 3: then find out that the whole school knew about They

1005
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 3: knew about the beach. My abuse wasn't a secret.

1006
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 2: But why do you think nobody did nothing? And all

1007
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:15,520
Speaker 2: this time from five to sixteen.

1008
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:17,360
Speaker 3: They just wouldn't do anything.

1009
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 4: Mmmm.

1010
00:56:18,719 --> 00:56:20,759
Speaker 3: They just did come and talk with us when it

1011
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 3: was like when I was like in the fifth grade

1012
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 3: and the jed just told me I was fast too,

1013
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:29,280
Speaker 3: She told me I was fast.

1014
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 1: Imagine how many girls were told they were fast when

1015
00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:33,360
Speaker 1: they didn't do anything wrong.

1016
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I wasn't an only girl. Don't think that

1017
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:40,759
Speaker 3: my beach was something unique in that tank.

1018
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:43,400
Speaker 2: Yeh, No, That's what I'm saying, especially in a small town,

1019
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:45,000
Speaker 2: like especially if.

1020
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:49,960
Speaker 3: Getting pregnant, just get that, dad, Yeah, having babies about

1021
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:50,520
Speaker 3: their uncles.

1022
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:54,160
Speaker 2: Do you feel like your spirituality or your faith played

1023
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:57,000
Speaker 2: the role in all of this, especially when it comes

1024
00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:58,040
Speaker 2: to your healing process?

1025
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:03,840
Speaker 3: Yes, my faith taught me that this is not all

1026
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:07,440
Speaker 3: it's going to be, that that God is going to

1027
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:12,080
Speaker 3: get with the wicked, and that uh just helped me

1028
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 3: to work towards peace in my heart. But I ling

1029
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:20,120
Speaker 3: on him to try to keep me propped up, you know, right,

1030
00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 3: to keep me from going insane. Because said having faith

1031
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:28,080
Speaker 3: in God gives you hope, but it doesn't take away

1032
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:32,080
Speaker 3: the pain. Yeah, it helps you to deal with the pain,

1033
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 3: it doesn't take it away.

1034
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:35,840
Speaker 2: Do you ever question God?

1035
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:38,360
Speaker 3: No? Why his existence? No?

1036
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:40,360
Speaker 2: Just by like why all this happened to me? Like

1037
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 2: or were you ever angry with God? That? You know what?

1038
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:49,280
Speaker 3: It's funny that's the message that people would that the

1039
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 3: church has taught me that this is God's pan, right you,

1040
00:57:57,760 --> 00:58:02,000
Speaker 3: I never believed that. I never believe that a loving

1041
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 3: God would do this to you, right, I never believed that.

1042
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 3: I never believed that that this is some type of

1043
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 3: plan because that look at all the people in the world,

1044
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:20,840
Speaker 3: and everyone go through something. God I love, and God

1045
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:23,640
Speaker 3: does not think of ways to make your life harder.

1046
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:25,080
Speaker 2: So what do you think it was?

1047
00:58:25,560 --> 00:58:28,200
Speaker 3: See when I was still that had happened while I was,

1048
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:32,440
Speaker 3: y'all a lady in the neighborhood. She did make me

1049
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 3: read that Bible, and from my understanding from the Bible

1050
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:43,680
Speaker 3: and speaking with her that like in Psalm thirty seven

1051
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:49,200
Speaker 3: is you know ninety ten, I remember those strifts because

1052
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:52,600
Speaker 3: that you know, she made me read it that God

1053
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:55,280
Speaker 3: gonna get rid of the wicked, that the right is

1054
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:58,200
Speaker 3: going to possess the earth, so and just telling us

1055
00:58:58,200 --> 00:59:02,360
Speaker 3: to wait a little while longer gonna see earth. So

1056
00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 3: I believe that, and I believe that when Jesus said

1057
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 3: that those are the memorial to are gonna hear his force.

1058
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:13,880
Speaker 3: So I knew that things were happening because that God's

1059
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:16,880
Speaker 3: time to make it out. End has a call.

1060
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

1061
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 3: You know, it's just like that this way that I

1062
00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 3: guess it. They explained to me whatever that to make

1063
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 3: my little young mind like they Yeah, for parents leaves

1064
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:34,920
Speaker 3: and go away, and they where they give their children instructions,

1065
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 3: waised up to the kids to obey the parent. What

1066
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:39,919
Speaker 3: the parent is gone, but when the parent comes back,

1067
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,840
Speaker 3: the parent is gonna set things straight. Well, I'm waiting

1068
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 3: for Jesus to come back to set things straight. And

1069
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 3: plus he has the parable like that too, you know

1070
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 3: by the rich man leaving and stuff. So that was

1071
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:59,560
Speaker 3: so I just know that it's happening and that God

1072
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 3: is a call. But I know something is tallsing.

1073
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:02,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1074
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:09,120
Speaker 3: People people are just you know wicked, Yeah, which is wicked?

1075
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:09,400
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1076
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:13,360
Speaker 3: Doing bad to children? Yeah, No, God is going to

1077
01:00:13,440 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 3: say that I'm laying to say, happen to you for.

1078
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:19,760
Speaker 2: A reason, right, Yeah, that's true.

1079
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:23,320
Speaker 3: I'm thankful that she and sister Jones, they used to

1080
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:26,960
Speaker 3: when they see me walking on the road or whatnot,

1081
01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 3: they always share the scripture. And because said my auntie

1082
01:00:31,120 --> 01:00:35,480
Speaker 3: us the cursed about it, and my grandfather he told

1083
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:38,360
Speaker 3: us when he was younger age and that he used

1084
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 3: to be a member of a traveling gospel group singing

1085
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:43,160
Speaker 3: gospel fool. Right.

1086
01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:46,800
Speaker 2: And last but not least, how do you honor the

1087
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:48,200
Speaker 2: memory of your mother.

1088
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:54,880
Speaker 3: From what people told me about her, It's just taking

1089
01:00:54,880 --> 01:01:00,080
Speaker 3: care of your kids, working for what you have, and

1090
01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:04,880
Speaker 3: don't fight over on me. Yeah, if a woman come

1091
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:08,640
Speaker 3: up and talking about she want my man, she can

1092
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:12,160
Speaker 3: have him, and and I say that I'm not fighting,

1093
01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:16,400
Speaker 3: I'm not arguing. I'm gonna throw and let her know

1094
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:18,640
Speaker 3: what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get his clothes. I'm

1095
01:01:18,640 --> 01:01:19,520
Speaker 3: gonna throw it out.

1096
01:01:19,680 --> 01:01:19,960
Speaker 2: Right.

1097
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:26,880
Speaker 3: When a man cheats, I never confronted. I didn't. I

1098
01:01:26,920 --> 01:01:31,640
Speaker 3: don't confront me in about the cheating waves, right, just go,

1099
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:35,680
Speaker 3: just go, Yeah, because I'm not emotionally attached in the

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01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 3: waves right.

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01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:38,280
Speaker 2: Right.

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01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:43,040
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I'm pretty sure that a lot of

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01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 1: people are gonna be touched by your story and just

1104
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:48,200
Speaker 1: to see that you're still hearing you about to turn fifty,

1105
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:49,120
Speaker 1: you looking good.

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01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:52,640
Speaker 2: You know, you're staying true to yourself. Yeah.

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01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:54,600
Speaker 1: Like, I'm really proud of you and I'm happy that

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01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:57,560
Speaker 1: we connected so we can get your story out because

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01:01:57,600 --> 01:02:00,280
Speaker 1: I do believe that it's important for us to share

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01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:03,040
Speaker 1: our storylines because you just never know how they can

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01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:04,600
Speaker 1: be someone else's lifeline.

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01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:06,280
Speaker 2: So I really do appreciate you.

1113
01:02:07,720 --> 01:02:11,520
Speaker 3: I realized that, Yeah, this is the other people's stories

1114
01:02:11,560 --> 01:02:11,920
Speaker 3: help me.

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01:02:12,200 --> 01:02:14,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, And to the listeners, if you have any questions,

1116
01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:17,040
Speaker 1: comments and concerns, please make sure to reach out to

1117
01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:21,720
Speaker 1: me at hello at thepsgpodcast dot com and until next time,

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01:02:21,800 --> 01:02:33,920
Speaker 1: everyone later. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of

1119
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 1: the Black Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

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01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:41,040
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, app a podcasts, or wherever you

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01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:43,880
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and

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01:02:44,080 --> 01:02:46,440
Speaker 1: rate the show, and you can connect with me on

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01:02:46,480 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 1: social media at the pg podcast