1 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,520 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You 2 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcasts. My name is Kat. You are listening 3 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:19,560 Speaker 1: to Couch Talks, which is the special bonus episode of 4 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,760 Speaker 1: You Need Therapy where I answer questions that you guys, 5 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,960 Speaker 1: the listeners, send to me and you can send those 6 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 1: to Katherine at podcast dot com. Now, with that being said, 7 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,400 Speaker 1: always remember that this podcast doesn't serve as a replacement 8 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: or substitute for any actual mental health services. However, we 9 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: always hope that it can help you in some way 10 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 1: at some point wherever you are in your own life. 11 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:46,600 Speaker 1: So usually we do one question a week, and those 12 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,320 Speaker 1: questions are always anonymous. So I want you guys to 13 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: feel really safe knowing that if you send something in 14 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,160 Speaker 1: I'm not going to read your name where you're from, 15 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:58,520 Speaker 1: unless it's part of the information that is necessary, or 16 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 1: your email address anything like that. Ye. Now, today's not 17 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,040 Speaker 1: going to be a question to day, but it is 18 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 1: going to be a listener email. Sometimes you guys just 19 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: send me emails about content or something on in your 20 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: own life that doesn't always include a question. And I 21 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: got an email today that I really just think would 22 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: be helpful in thought provoking to read based on some 23 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: of the stuff we have been talking about on here recently, 24 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 1: and this emails pertaining to last week's episode, the one 25 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,520 Speaker 1: titled Old Maid Versus the Bachelor, and if you haven't 26 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: listened to that episode, I just talked about the differences 27 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: in one how we viewed single men and how we 28 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:44,479 Speaker 1: view single women, and also things that are a part 29 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 1: of a woman's plight of finding her husband or partner 30 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 1: by a certain age. I talked about marriage packs and 31 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 1: how interesting it is that we made those, and when 32 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 1: we made them, they were like so young, Like if 33 00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: I don't get married by twenty eight, I'm going to 34 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: married by a best friend because obviously time has run out. 35 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,280 Speaker 1: And you guys actually messaged me on the Unique Therapy 36 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,360 Speaker 1: podcast Instagram a lot of you guys also have had those, 37 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: which is fascinating. I never had one, but I also 38 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,639 Speaker 1: liken that to the fact that I didn't really have 39 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 1: a best friend that probably wanted to marry me. Would 40 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,640 Speaker 1: have definitely made one if that was an option, and 41 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 1: I don't know I might have gone through with it. 42 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:27,920 Speaker 1: We'll never know. But anyway, I had a listener send 43 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,800 Speaker 1: in some feedback and some thoughts based on that episode, 44 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,639 Speaker 1: and I just wanted to read it and just talk 45 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 1: about it. So I'm gonna read the email and then 46 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 1: we'll have a little chat. Hey, Kat, I listened to 47 00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:41,639 Speaker 1: your podcast on marriage packs and wanted to mention that 48 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 1: those who congratulated your friend when she got engaged or 49 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 1: when you said you got engaged, and also true for 50 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 1: me when I got engaged, were actually committing an etiquette 51 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 1: faux pa. Traditional etiquette says that one should say best 52 00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,640 Speaker 1: wishes on an engagement precisely because it's not a in 53 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:05,080 Speaker 1: quotes accomplishment, justin FYI, And that's at the end of 54 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:06,639 Speaker 1: the email that says me talking about the email, But 55 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,799 Speaker 1: I wanted to if anybody doesn't know what I'm talking about, 56 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 1: I told a story about how a friend of a 57 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,079 Speaker 1: friend of mine was really really caught off guard when 58 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,640 Speaker 1: she had more people congratulate her on the accomplishment of 59 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: getting engaged with than anything else, And so this was 60 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 1: just commenting on that, which that is fascinating and very interesting. 61 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 1: It's curious how we have transitioned to the congratulations that 62 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 1: seems like more of a common phrase when I hear 63 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: and see and even in my head when somebody gets 64 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 1: engaged and me gets married, it's congrats, not best wishes, 65 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,600 Speaker 1: So thank you for that. Now to continue on with 66 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: your email. Also for what it's worth, I find marriage 67 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: the hardest and most rewarding thing I have done in 68 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: my life, because it really demands everything of me, my 69 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 1: whole self, My job, my education, or other things I 70 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 1: have done pale in comparison to the work and the 71 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: self gift that goes into marriage challenged me more and 72 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 1: taught me to face and accept my limits, and then 73 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 1: to accept and love someone who has his own set 74 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 1: of limits, someone who is truly other than me, someone 75 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 1: I must love for his own sake and resist the 76 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 1: temptation to impose my own ideas of what he should 77 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: be upon him. I love my days as a single 78 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,839 Speaker 1: woman and have had my own share of accomplishments and 79 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 1: got married in my late thirties, but I wouldn't trade 80 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 1: anything for how deeply I've learned to love and be 81 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,120 Speaker 1: loved in my marriage. I think it's natural that women 82 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: especially want to have a family, not simply social conditioning, 83 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 1: because there's an innate sense in us that we are 84 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: made for a family, and that has incredible historical consequences 85 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:44,360 Speaker 1: that are often lost to our individualistic culture. Sadly, I 86 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 1: don't think there's ever been a time in American history 87 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 1: where the being nature of being a woman is honored. 88 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 1: We are still reduced and measured by our doing, and 89 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,479 Speaker 1: being a wife and a mother is not reducible to 90 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 1: a doing. It's something more proper to be. But I'll 91 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: tell you what. When I ask my high school students 92 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,480 Speaker 1: so has the greatest impact on their life, ninety nine 93 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 1: percent of the time, it's their parents, And the softest 94 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,279 Speaker 1: part of their hearts belongs to their mothers. All this 95 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 1: to say, marriage is really beautiful and transformative, which is 96 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: why others enthusiastically, myself included, wish you the best on 97 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,280 Speaker 1: your upcoming wedding and marriage. It's the greatest adventure you 98 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 1: will ever take. Peace to you and all the best 99 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 1: for the heck of it. Here's a quote that I 100 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 1: reflected on a lot when getting married. Cheers. Here's the 101 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 1: quote by R. M. Real. I think it's rilk ri 102 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:37,599 Speaker 1: l k E. This is the paradox of love between 103 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 1: man and woman. Two infinites meet two limitations. Two infinite 104 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 1: needs to be loved meet two fragile and limited capacities 105 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 1: to love. Only on the horizon of a greater love. 106 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:52,280 Speaker 1: Do they not consume themselves in pretensions and do not 107 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: resign themselves, but walk together toward a fullness of which 108 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:01,839 Speaker 1: the other is a sign. Now, I share this email 109 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:07,359 Speaker 1: because I love the complexities and the discourse around And 110 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: if you've been listening to this podcast recently, you probably 111 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,120 Speaker 1: know this. But I love the discourse in the complexities 112 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 1: around marriage, womanhood, singleness, and independence as it specifically pertains 113 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 1: to our own selves and our culture. And I find 114 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: it pretty accurate that multiple truths can exist in this space, 115 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,240 Speaker 1: in that space that I just mentioned, and I'm very 116 00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:34,440 Speaker 1: slow to draw any finite conclusions about each of our 117 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 1: own unique existence in that space. And this email was 118 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 1: kind of or her commentary was kind of I think, 119 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,239 Speaker 1: flowing off of some of the commentary I was offering 120 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 1: to y'all, in the same way that the commentary that 121 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 1: I offered in that episode I want you guys to 122 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,440 Speaker 1: know is more of a think piece than me telling 123 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,800 Speaker 1: you any factual information about how you should be or 124 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: what is right and wrong. And I believe the information 125 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 1: and the thoughts in this email to be right for 126 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 1: this person and can be right for so many people, 127 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,800 Speaker 1: while also leaving space for it not to fit with 128 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:12,000 Speaker 1: other people. And I think that's really important because it 129 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 1: doesn't take away from anybody's experience, and it doesn't confirm 130 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:22,200 Speaker 1: anybody's experience. They all are allowed to be And I 131 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 1: think a lot and often about this podcast and how 132 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: much I really want to share about my own life 133 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,640 Speaker 1: and the thoughts I have in my own opinions, because 134 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,280 Speaker 1: part of being a therapist is to be in this 135 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 1: very neutral space and allow others to come to their 136 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 1: own decisions, inclusions, conclusions, and believes not because I think 137 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 1: they're right, but because they think they're right. And when 138 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 1: you know something about the person that's helping you, there's 139 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,920 Speaker 1: always going to be some leaning towards one side or 140 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:53,240 Speaker 1: the other. And there are some spaces where I've decided, oh, 141 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: it's okay for people to know this, and if they 142 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 1: need something that is not what I'm offering them, no 143 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: knowing this about me takes away from their experience. It's 144 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: okay for them to need a different therapist. There's nothing 145 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: wrong with that. And in that I also have shared 146 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 1: things about my life in a very I guess, simplistic way. 147 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,800 Speaker 1: I talk about things and about ideas without mentioning a 148 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 1: lot of my own unique experiences within them. And if 149 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,080 Speaker 1: I wasn't a therapist, I don't know if that would change, 150 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 1: because I also find it very unappealing for myself to 151 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:32,360 Speaker 1: put so much of my personal life in and expose 152 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 1: it to an audience that we are not used to 153 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,560 Speaker 1: and created to really have in that space. The idea 154 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:41,360 Speaker 1: of being on a reality show, I mean, there's nothing 155 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: I would want to do less than that I would 156 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 1: like to be on a reality show and then nobody 157 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: watch it. I think that could be fun the process 158 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 1: of filming it. But I like to be in charge 159 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,719 Speaker 1: of the things I invite people into, and I like 160 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: to be in charge of who I share what with 161 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,600 Speaker 1: and at what time and all of that. To say, 162 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,040 Speaker 1: I'm kind of getting off topic, But I say that 163 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:04,640 Speaker 1: because as I've talked about these topics, there's no way 164 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: for me to remain fully fully neutral. It's going to 165 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 1: spill out in the things that I'm interested in it. 166 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 1: And at the same time, I want everybody listening to 167 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 1: know that part of why I do that is not 168 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: to express my beliefs or my way of life or 169 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: my experiences as the right way they are just a way, 170 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 1: and I hope that through myself sharing, I create more 171 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:29,439 Speaker 1: of a space for conversation than a space to confirm 172 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 1: something is right about you or confirm that you're wrong 173 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: about something, because I don't know that I can do 174 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 1: that for anybody except myself. And really going off, I 175 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,960 Speaker 1: feel like I just tangentious sized. I want to create 176 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,240 Speaker 1: that as a word. It's not a word, but I 177 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:48,680 Speaker 1: just created a tangent off of something I think was important. 178 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:52,080 Speaker 1: But part of what I really brought that up is 179 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,600 Speaker 1: because I really love that this listener and that you 180 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 1: guys can have these differing experiences, they can all come toget. 181 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:03,360 Speaker 1: They're in this space that we've created, and while being 182 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:07,760 Speaker 1: married and having a partner in that way, for this 183 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 1: listener that wrote in has become one of the most 184 00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:14,560 Speaker 1: difficult and at the same time rewarding experiences in your life. 185 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,960 Speaker 1: I also believe that there are many of you listening 186 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,439 Speaker 1: that that might not be true for and that doesn't 187 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 1: mean you're doing it wrong or doesn't mean you're wrong, 188 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,840 Speaker 1: and also doesn't mean that this listener is wrong. It 189 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:27,199 Speaker 1: just means that we experience different things and we have 190 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 1: to allow that to be a reality, or a lot 191 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,720 Speaker 1: of us are going to miss out on what life 192 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 1: really has in store for us and what would be 193 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,680 Speaker 1: a fulfilling life for each of us. And I think 194 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: that really is my hope in all these conversations, that 195 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 1: we can come to realize our own truth while also 196 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 1: allowing someone else's to exist at the same time, not 197 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 1: because of ours, but because of theirs, and my experience 198 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 1: does not take away from your experience vice versa. I 199 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: want us to live in a space where and welcome 200 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: a space where maybe I don't need you to agree 201 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 1: that your life didn't become more fulfilling when you got 202 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 1: married to believe that my life can be full as 203 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:09,559 Speaker 1: a single person vice versa. I don't need you maybe 204 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 1: to rag on having a family and how horrible it 205 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 1: is for there to be merit in maybe my decision 206 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 1: not to have kids. And I'm not speaking about my 207 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:23,440 Speaker 1: decision because I haven't made that decision, but throughout our lives, 208 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 1: I think one thing we do over and over again 209 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 1: is we look at others as our marker of success 210 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 1: and happiness, it being relative to what those around me 211 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,920 Speaker 1: are existing. And I'm not sure it really really works 212 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,319 Speaker 1: that way because my happiness doesn't diminish because someone else 213 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 1: is happy in a different way, nor does it actually 214 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,640 Speaker 1: get bigger. But that's what we do. And I would 215 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,440 Speaker 1: be lying if I said that I have not had 216 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: an experience where I've used somebody else or somebody else's 217 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:55,400 Speaker 1: experiences leverage for feeling better about my own insecurity. And 218 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 1: I hear this a lot in my office. It's again, 219 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 1: I want you guys to hear this such human experience. 220 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,960 Speaker 1: I hear this a lot in my office, specifically within 221 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,559 Speaker 1: like body image struggles, when people allow themselves to be 222 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,679 Speaker 1: vulnerable enough in that space. A lot of times I'll 223 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 1: hear things like I felt better about myself in the 224 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: room because I wasn't the biggest person there, or it 225 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 1: could be I felt worse about myself because I was 226 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: the biggest person there, And in somebody else's experience of 227 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: something that I'm insecure about is used as that like leverage, 228 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,320 Speaker 1: But that doesn't change what is true. And what is 229 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,240 Speaker 1: true is that our culture has put a lot of 230 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,560 Speaker 1: value and worth in the size of our bodies that 231 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 1: doesn't actually translate to the amount of value and worth 232 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 1: we have as human beings. And me comparing myself to 233 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,680 Speaker 1: the other people around me. Doesn't change how I feel 234 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 1: about that whole idea. It just gives me this temporary 235 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 1: sense of relief, I guess, maybe a sense of I'm 236 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,320 Speaker 1: not in last place in the moment. But what it 237 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,319 Speaker 1: doesn't do is change the fact that you still feel 238 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,400 Speaker 1: shame around the size of your body, and you've still 239 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 1: kind of unconsciously taken in some of those beliefs about 240 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 1: our size that work against you and that you don't 241 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,520 Speaker 1: even know if you actually believe. And that's kind of 242 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 1: a big point here that I want to drive home 243 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,720 Speaker 1: as someone having less doesn't give you what you want. 244 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,439 Speaker 1: A quote that I really really liked from I think 245 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:23,720 Speaker 1: it was Jennifer Lawrence. I remember reading is calling somebody 246 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 1: else fat doesn't make you skinny, And I think sometimes 247 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 1: we think that it does, and then we think that 248 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 1: if we are skinny, then we are better. And it 249 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 1: doesn't actually do that. It actually puts you and creates 250 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 1: a bigger hold the diet culture world create it has 251 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 1: a bigger hold on you when we do things like that, 252 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 1: when we buy into those ideas, and maybe what it 253 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:48,680 Speaker 1: does is it balances the extreme lack you feel about 254 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: your own plate in that moment, but it doesn't actually 255 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 1: put more on your plate if that's what you're wanting, 256 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 1: or maybe you can switch that vice versus well, all 257 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 1: of these things I feel can be front back. And 258 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,560 Speaker 1: I'm not sure if anybody at this point is still 259 00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: following what I'm saying. If I'm still following what I'm 260 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:09,800 Speaker 1: saying at this point, maybe it's because I made this 261 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:11,679 Speaker 1: point five minutes ago and you're like, Okay, I got it. 262 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 1: But I really want you, guys to notice what feels 263 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 1: true to you versus what looks true on others. And 264 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,600 Speaker 1: I don't think we will ever fully escape the conditioning 265 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: that comes with being a part of a culture, a group, 266 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: what have you. And I don't think that has to 267 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 1: be a bad thing. I really appreciate some of the 268 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:37,520 Speaker 1: things that I have leaned into because of the norms 269 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:41,440 Speaker 1: of where I have come from, not all of them, 270 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,200 Speaker 1: and I think that's important to note. It's not all 271 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 1: good and it's all bad, and the conditioning things the 272 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 1: norms can really be more of a springboard. Some are 273 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 1: to start and some are to gain ideas, and those 274 00:14:55,800 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 1: ideas can fit so wonderfully within who we are, guys. 275 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 1: There is space for those ideas to merely be somewhat 276 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 1: of brainswarming sessions that lead us to our own reality 277 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 1: that we have allowed ourselves to develop and that can 278 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: coexist alongside multiple other realities. Tough concept, but I really 279 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,120 Speaker 1: do think that is true, and I really do value 280 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: this listener writing in this email and offering her two 281 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,800 Speaker 1: cents on it, and even in her email if you 282 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 1: go back and listen to it, she has multiple things 283 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 1: happening at once, like there's goodness of this single space 284 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,120 Speaker 1: in her life, and she wouldn't have changed the way 285 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 1: things developed. And also she's found so much fruitfulness in 286 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,080 Speaker 1: being married and what that has brought to her as well. 287 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 1: It's not this is better than the other. It's all 288 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 1: of these things might exist in different ways for different people, 289 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: and that's okay. It's time we start inviting that into 290 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,280 Speaker 1: our way of viewing the world. So thank you for 291 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,120 Speaker 1: this email. I really enjoyed reading it and getting it, 292 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 1: and you guys have been sending me some really fun 293 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: emails lately for me to get and read, so I 294 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: really appreciate that. And I want to encourage anybody who 295 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: wants to share anything, add anything to any of the 296 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: conversations we have on here. Sometimes I'm not coming to 297 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 1: you as an expert. Sometimes I'm coming to you as 298 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 1: a person moving through life with you. So I really 299 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: appreciate that part of getting your feedback in your own 300 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 1: insights on some of these topics. If you would like 301 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 1: to share Katherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. 302 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,600 Speaker 1: If you would like to follow me on Instagram, you 303 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 1: can follow more of my life at Kat dot defada 304 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,840 Speaker 1: and more of the podcast at You Need Therapy Podcast. 305 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,320 Speaker 1: And I hope you guys are having the day you 306 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 1: need to have. I will be back with you on Monday.