Speaker 1: Welcome back to the show. What we're gonna do here
Speaker 1: is answer some questions you email us podcast at grangersmith
Speaker 1: dot com. We answer them like we're riding in the
Speaker 1: truck together, like we're sitting around a campfire. You say, hey, man,
Speaker 1: I got this thing it's been going on. Can you
Speaker 1: help me with it? I got a man with me,
Speaker 1: producer of the show and one of my best friends.
Speaker 1: What's up an Good to see you man, You too,
Speaker 1: there we I don't know a lot about these questions
Speaker 1: that people have sent in for today's show, but I
Speaker 1: do know enough that there is there is a bit
Speaker 1: of a theme going on. There is, and so we'll
Speaker 1: see how that unravels.
Speaker 2: It's funny, it wasn't on purpose too. I read through
Speaker 2: these and put them in in what we call an ROS.
Speaker 2: That's a run a show for uh, for these for you,
Speaker 2: And I'm not thinking about answering them necessarily when I'm
Speaker 2: putting them together. I'm thinking about, this'd be a good
Speaker 2: one to hear from granger on and then I get
Speaker 2: to stay here and talk to you about them, so
Speaker 2: I can read them and rethink you know about them.
Speaker 1: So yep, So let's see if we can unravel this theme.
Speaker 1: The first questionnaire comes from Kyle. It says, Hey, Granger,
Speaker 1: I'll get right into it. My wife and I haven't
Speaker 1: been getting along lately. She says things like I hate
Speaker 1: you and go shoot yourself, and that she wants a divorce.
Speaker 1: Me personally, I don't believe in divorce. I love her
Speaker 1: with all of my being, but her being so mean
Speaker 1: takes a toll on me. Usually the day after she
Speaker 1: says how much she loves me and that she doesn't
Speaker 1: want to split up, but it always comes back. We
Speaker 1: did marriage counseling three sessions and she quit. I ended
Speaker 1: up going back by myself because I'm trying to better myself.
Speaker 1: My question is, do you believe it's okay to file
Speaker 1: for divorce because of the way I'm being treated. I
Speaker 1: just want what's best for my children. Thank you for
Speaker 1: your time. Sorry, this is really hard to talk about.
Speaker 1: Kyle from Ohio. All right, thanks for being vulnerable. Kyle,
Speaker 1: appreciate the email. And there's nothing in here that's that's
Speaker 1: asking if this is biblical or if he's a Christian. Right,
Speaker 1: So that's a little bit different perspective. Because we're gonna
Speaker 1: come to this podcast with a biblical worldview. And so Kyle,
Speaker 1: without you mentioning that some of the stuff I say
Speaker 1: may not make sense to you, but it's okay, that's okay,
Speaker 1: still applies, it still applies. But this is where it
Speaker 1: gets This is where it gets really wonky with you, Kyle,
Speaker 1: is I'm gonna I'm gonna look at from from the
Speaker 1: point of view of you being involved in a church,
Speaker 1: which really changes the dynamic of this because it's Christians.
Speaker 1: I can't say this enough on this podcast, and I'll
Speaker 1: probably say it more on this exact episode. Christians shouldn't
Speaker 1: go through divorce alone. It's not advised in any way
Speaker 1: that you should go through divorce alone. You should do
Speaker 1: it with your brothers and sisters around you, which is
Speaker 1: so encouraging. So with that in mind, let's dive into
Speaker 1: this question. First. First thing on that comes to my
Speaker 1: mind is you say, Kyle, I just want what's best
Speaker 1: for my children. But that kind of contradicts a little
Speaker 1: bit to what he says earlier when he says I
Speaker 1: don't believe in divorce. I love her with all with
Speaker 1: all of my being. Okay, So which one do we
Speaker 1: want here? Which one is it?
Speaker 2: Yeah? And he's working on himself.
Speaker 1: And he's working on himself, so that we have a
Speaker 1: little bit of a contradiction. Because if you only want
Speaker 1: want what's best for your children's that's one direction. If
Speaker 1: you only you love her with all of your being,
Speaker 1: that's another, And if you want to work on yourself,
Speaker 1: that's a third way. My suggestion is, and my encouragement
Speaker 1: is that if you want what's best for your children,
Speaker 1: that is reconciliation in the marriage agreed. Ok, Okay, So
Speaker 1: you reconciling with the biological mama is better for them
Speaker 1: then you divorcing and trying to figure out a way
Speaker 1: to do what's best for them. That's not always the case.
Speaker 1: That's not always the answer. That's not that's just not
Speaker 1: that's not a cookie cutter cutter answer because, first of all,
Speaker 1: most practically a lot of times reconciliation is not possible.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes it's not. When I read this email, I
Speaker 2: read it one way again, you know, for the podcast,
Speaker 2: but reading it as a response, the first thing I
Speaker 2: see is she's hurting somewhere and she's lashing out at you.
Speaker 2: And you know, we just went through we're going through
Speaker 2: proverbs at church, and one of the biggest things we
Speaker 2: talked about a couple of weeks ago, the life and
Speaker 2: death being in the power of your tongue. With the
Speaker 2: same tongue you give life and the same tongue you
Speaker 2: give death. You curse somebody and you give life to somebody.
Speaker 2: And when you're spewing out stuff that is hateful, like
Speaker 2: go shoot yourself and I hate you, that's coming from
Speaker 2: something in your heart that is disturbed. And so there's
Speaker 2: some hurt with her somewhere. And I don't know if
Speaker 2: it's in this marriage, if it's for the marriage, or
Speaker 2: what it is. You know, we assume a lot with
Speaker 2: these emails because there you know, what is this? You know,
Speaker 2: seven six lines long, you know, to diagnose an entire
Speaker 2: issue with the marriage. But there's something going here. It's
Speaker 2: not I mean, it is salvageable from what I read.
Speaker 2: I believe if if you both want it to be.
Speaker 2: I mean, sometimes you do get to a place where
Speaker 2: one of you wants it with all your heart and
Speaker 2: the other one says, I just don't love you and
Speaker 2: I don't want to be part of this anymore. What
Speaker 2: do you do then? And maybe that's where we are
Speaker 2: with this one as well. I come from a divorced family,
Speaker 2: and I am divorce myself, a biblical divorce. But no
Speaker 2: matter what, it's hard. And ultimately, listen, if if it's
Speaker 2: gonna be hard no matter what, choose the hard one
Speaker 2: that keeps things together if you can, m because it's
Speaker 2: gonna be hard either way. You're you're doing one battle
Speaker 2: that's really hard without a helper anymore. And you might
Speaker 2: feel like you don't have a helper right now. But
Speaker 2: if you can salvage and get your helper back in
Speaker 2: that marriage, it is going to help make things better
Speaker 2: and it's worth.
Speaker 1: The fight for sure. That's a great way to look
Speaker 1: at it. So it's gonna be hard, Kyle, It's gonna
Speaker 1: be hard no matter which road you pick right now.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be hard in the road to restoration, and
Speaker 1: it's gonna be hard in the road and being a
Speaker 1: single dad and starting over. Sure, and man saying from experience,
Speaker 1: since they're both hard, choose the one that's on the
Speaker 1: road to reconciliation. Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, sure, if you can. And I say if
Speaker 2: you can, because some decisions just aren't up to you.
Speaker 2: Have you done everything that are you in a church?
Speaker 2: Do you have brothers? See part of mine involved things
Speaker 2: at a church, and so it makes it it made
Speaker 2: it hard for me to trust a church, not God,
Speaker 2: but a church for a long long time. And even
Speaker 2: so much as we are just now really getting settled
Speaker 2: in a church that I fully am ready to be
Speaker 2: plugged into a church. Healthy church, absolutely, and that's very important.
Speaker 2: So I mean my first advice is where is just
Speaker 2: the question of where are you going? Where are you
Speaker 2: going to church? If you're not well, that's you need
Speaker 2: to get plugged in somewhere that's a healthy place.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Side note another episode, possibly there is a big
Speaker 1: difference everyone between a healthy church and an unhealthy church.
Speaker 1: So if you have church hurt, if you look back
Speaker 1: and you go, I don't like the church because it
Speaker 1: did this and this, I would say there's a just
Speaker 1: as there's a difference between an unhealthy doctor or a
Speaker 1: bad practicing doctor and a good doctor, there is the
Speaker 1: same thing with a massive of chasm between an unhealthy
Speaker 1: church and a healthy church. Now we could do this
Speaker 1: on another episode and actually walk through what it looks
Speaker 1: like to be a healthy church, because you might think
Speaker 1: that you're in one and it actually might not be
Speaker 1: biblically healthy. We could do this in another episode, but
Speaker 1: that's a side note to what you're saying. So here's
Speaker 1: the major problem. Looks like there's a lot of problems,
Speaker 1: but one of them they did counseling three sessions and
Speaker 1: she quit. She left, so he goes back by himself. Now,
Speaker 1: what do you think, Amy, What do you say to
Speaker 1: a separation to begin this process?
Speaker 2: What do you mean to like start.
Speaker 1: To say before we file, we should live separately? What
Speaker 1: do you think about that?
Speaker 2: Man? It's hard to reconcile when you're not together. Okay,
Speaker 2: I believe, because yeah, I think you know, should you
Speaker 2: have some alone time? Absolutely? I think separating in one
Speaker 2: person living in one house and somebody listens living somewhere else.
Speaker 2: I believe it's like move you're moving towards staying separated
Speaker 2: versus moving towards staying together.
Speaker 1: Unless there's abuse, of course. Yeah, yeah, so that's the
Speaker 1: caveat Yeah.
Speaker 2: Of course. Yeah. If you're being abused, that's a that's
Speaker 2: a completely different conversation too.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: And this is some verbal abuse. I mean obviously here,
Speaker 2: nine times out of ten I would say that that
Speaker 2: separating some people wake up and go, oh, man, I
Speaker 2: can't do this by myself. And if if that, you know,
Speaker 2: that is good for to get that revelation.
Speaker 1: But so I think he's asking one specific question. My
Speaker 1: question is do you believe it's okay to file for
Speaker 1: divorce because of the way I'm being treated? I just
Speaker 1: want what's best for my children. That's the question. And
Speaker 1: I think because there's so many unknowns, we don't get
Speaker 1: to follow up question. We don't know the situation. We
Speaker 1: don't know anything, Kyle. I don't even know if this
Speaker 1: is your first wife or not. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's if these are your children and not hers. It
Speaker 1: may be some scenarios this is his children from a
Speaker 1: previous marriage that puts a new spend. So because I
Speaker 1: don't know anything about this, I really only have one
Speaker 1: piece of advice, and that is, don't make this decision
Speaker 1: outside of wise counsel.
Speaker 2: Agreed, agreed, and that would you know? I think that
Speaker 2: that is the answer to this email. It is like
Speaker 2: that this has to go much deeper. This conversation has
Speaker 2: to go much deeper with someone that you trust with
Speaker 2: And if you're going to a counselor what kind of
Speaker 2: counselor too, make sure they're Bible believing counseling.
Speaker 1: And I also and part of what I mean by that,
Speaker 1: I'm talking about a team, and so I'm not just
Speaker 1: talking about professional, paid counseling. I'm talking about wise counsel
Speaker 1: in the aspect of friends, trusted brothers around you. So
Speaker 1: my answer, Kyle, my direct answer to dude, your question
Speaker 1: is is it okay to file for divorce because of
Speaker 1: the way I'm being treated? No without wise counsel. Yes,
Speaker 1: with wise counsel. So it can go either way. But
Speaker 1: if you don't have wise counsel, throw this whole question out.
Speaker 1: If you do and they advise you need to walk away,
Speaker 1: then I would say you could trust them in this.
Speaker 1: She's abandoned you. There's abuse, verbal abuse. If you're with
Speaker 1: wise counsel and they say no, don't file for divorce,
Speaker 1: I would trust them on that as well. There's room
Speaker 1: for reconciliation. But ant man and I don't know enough
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think the next question or the advice
Speaker 2: would be, is, like or I would ask you, is
Speaker 2: how does he find that? How does he find that
Speaker 2: wise counsel if he's not in a church if they
Speaker 2: didn't grow up in that, how does he go find
Speaker 2: wise counsel?
Speaker 1: Right now, this is something that we should be preparing
Speaker 1: before we end up in the situation, right This is
Speaker 1: this is when you know CPR before you have to
Speaker 1: use it. And so this is why this is reason
Speaker 1: number eight hundre seventy five whire being involved in a
Speaker 1: meaningful relationship with a good, solid, healthy Bible teaching church
Speaker 1: is so important. It is a among other things. It's
Speaker 1: a tribe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: It's being in a tribe, which humans for centuries and
Speaker 1: centuries millennia have been involved in a tribe, even when
Speaker 1: it's outside of the context of what a Christian church is.
Speaker 1: We're talking about Native American Indians. We're in tribes and
Speaker 1: that those tribes. Sorry I have an airplane voice here,
Speaker 1: I just got off the airplane. So these tribes operated
Speaker 1: multi generations. They weren't age segregated like we're so quick
Speaker 1: in society today to age segregate. Put the youth over here,
Speaker 1: Put the toddlers in this room, Put the babies here,
Speaker 1: put the put the nursing mothers here, Put the young
Speaker 1: adults in this room. Put these seniors over in this room,
Speaker 1: and we segregate everyone, so no one is learning from
Speaker 1: each other. And for millennia, humans have learned from each
Speaker 1: other without age segregating. So now here we are and
Speaker 1: we're stuck in these situations where someone goes, I'm going
Speaker 1: through this big problem, granger, I'm going through this divorce,
Speaker 1: and I have no one.
Speaker 2: To talk to.
Speaker 1: That's because our culture has age segregated. You have no
Speaker 1: wise counsel, you have no tribe. The best we do
Speaker 1: with tribes sometimes is the youth baseball team that your
Speaker 1: kid plays for. That's your tribe. Even worse, social media,
Speaker 1: even worse, your social media is your tribe. So a man,
Speaker 1: your question is what do you do if you're already
Speaker 1: in a situation where you don't have your tribe, you
Speaker 1: don't have your wise counsel, and you need to make
Speaker 1: a decision now. And to that, I say, this is
Speaker 1: doing CPR without ever taking a class. It's very hard.
Speaker 1: There's not a right or wrong answer to this, but
Speaker 1: it's very difficult. So if you're listening and you're not
Speaker 1: in the situation, find your tribe. And I would say,
Speaker 1: above all, a good Bible believing, healthy church is your tribe.
Speaker 1: That's that's what they're that's what that's how they function
Speaker 1: in the many ways that a church functions. It's this,
Speaker 1: it's your family.
Speaker 2: I think that's our responsibility is man too. That's part
Speaker 2: of leadership and leading your family is wondering what you're
Speaker 2: supposed to be doing. Well, you know, I don't have
Speaker 2: an issue right now that that I have to address.
Speaker 2: What should I be doing? Things like that? Yeah, looking
Speaker 2: for things where you find your weaknesses. Where are you
Speaker 2: weak right now? Fill those holes? Fill those gaps for
Speaker 2: you and your family.
Speaker 1: If you want to know who to pick for your
Speaker 1: wise counsel, you look at their fruits of their life. Yes,
Speaker 1: for sure, not just because they're easy to talk to.
Speaker 1: Are there good listeners? Are they're cool people? Or their
Speaker 1: proximity that their next door neighbors to you look at
Speaker 1: the fruits of their life and go, hey, brother, it
Speaker 1: looks like you have We all have mistakes and we
Speaker 1: all have a track record, but currently it looks like
Speaker 1: you have. You have your You're on a good solid tree.
Speaker 1: You have good fruits coming out from your life. Can
Speaker 1: you help me with this situation? What do I do
Speaker 1: and build a tribe in that way? Have you done time.
Speaker 1: We got it. We let's do another question. Kyle. I
Speaker 1: hope that's enough for you. Next question from David says,
Speaker 1: Hello David from Ohio. Me and my fiance are getting
Speaker 1: married in September. We're both born again Christians and wanted
Speaker 1: your thoughts on birth control. Should Christians use it? Is
Speaker 1: it a sin? If we Lord willing have children? I
Speaker 1: want to give each child enough attention. That's what I'm
Speaker 1: getting at, He says, thank you. Love to listen to
Speaker 1: the podcast when I'm on the road as a trucker.
Speaker 1: God bless all right, David, it's a good question. Then
Speaker 1: we should be thinking through these things. My first answer is,
Speaker 1: have your try, have your wise counsel around you. These
Speaker 1: are great questions.
Speaker 2: We changed the name of the podcast to wise Counsel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Granger Smith and the Wise Counsel. It's like the
Speaker 1: band name. And by the way, I'm not really considered
Speaker 1: wise counsel because I'm not with these people. I don't
Speaker 1: know you. So my encouragement is to direct you towards what.
Speaker 2: Really is why this shouldn't be the sole help.
Speaker 1: This is not the council. But David, I think it's
Speaker 1: a great question and we should be We should be
Speaker 1: thinking through all these things. You say you're a born
Speaker 1: again Christian, and that's great. This is a this is
Speaker 1: a form of your sanctification that's weighing on you on
Speaker 1: theological things, things that matter in life, Having children, planning
Speaker 1: for children matters, and so you should be questioning everything,
Speaker 1: not just because that's the way it's done on social media,
Speaker 1: not because that's the way mom and dad did it.
Speaker 1: But am I thinking through this from a biblical worldview?
Speaker 1: So the you know, the heart of man plans his way,
Speaker 1: but the Lord establishes his steps, the Bible says, So
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that we don't plan just because the
Speaker 1: Lord establishes steps. Or you could say another proverb, the
Speaker 1: horse is made ready for the day of battle, but
Speaker 1: the victory belongs to the Lord. That doesn't mean because
Speaker 1: the victory belongs to the Lord. And because he establishes
Speaker 1: our steps doesn't mean we don't plan our way, And
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean we don't prepare the horse for the
Speaker 1: day of battle. So if you're planning on having children, great,
Speaker 1: If you plan on separating it out due to finances
Speaker 1: or which I think is a great point, you make
Speaker 1: giving enough attention to each child. I don't think there's
Speaker 1: anything wrong with that, but you're also not The victory
Speaker 1: is not up to you, and the steps that you
Speaker 1: take is ultimately not up to you. If you're giving
Speaker 1: all that up to a sovereign God and going Lord.
Speaker 1: If it was up to me, I would have children
Speaker 1: staggered every two years. But Lord is not up to me.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna plan like it is up to me.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna all always know and acknowledge you are
Speaker 1: behind all of it, in your sovereignty, in your purpose.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And so
Speaker 1: when it comes to birth control, I don't think there's
Speaker 1: anything wrong. And there would be a gray line if
Speaker 1: I started to name different kinds of contraceptives, there would
Speaker 1: be a gray line on what is biblical or not.
Speaker 1: For instance, the Catholics have long practiced the I don't
Speaker 1: know the word. What's the feminine calendar? You know when
Speaker 1: girls have a cycle, sure, and they have a calendar.
Speaker 1: I don't know what the name is Catholics. Catholics know
Speaker 1: this that there's a calendar and the woman's cycle is
Speaker 1: on the calendar, and they could literally say we're safe
Speaker 1: to have intercourse during these days and these days. This
Speaker 1: is because Catholics essentially, hey forgive me, I don't know
Speaker 1: a lot about this, but they don't believe in contraceptive, right. So,
Speaker 1: but in following the calendar, that is a contra that is,
Speaker 1: it is a form of s. That's where I'm talking
Speaker 1: about the gray line is. So we're talking about condoms here,
Speaker 1: we're talking about following a calendar. I think there's a
Speaker 1: gray line. Now, you're a lot less likely with the condom,
Speaker 1: with that contraceptive than you are with an accident with
Speaker 1: the calendar. But but it's still a gray line here.
Speaker 1: Here's where I'm gonna draw This is where this is
Speaker 1: where I draw the line. The line is the what
Speaker 1: do you call it? A border fashions? What do you
Speaker 1: call that? What's that word that? The there's pills that
Speaker 1: are that are cell killing plan B a border of fashions?
Speaker 1: I think so something like that after you.
Speaker 2: After you would have sex, you would take a pill
Speaker 2: to basically kill whatever may have happened here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So that that's where there's a hard line there
Speaker 1: For me. I'm not gonna come down on you and say, hey,
Speaker 1: you and your wife in your in your practical planning,
Speaker 1: should never use this form of contraception unless it is
Speaker 1: a board of fashion. I think that's the word. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I don't know, but this is a cell killing poison.
Speaker 1: I say, do not do that. I am personally against
Speaker 1: tying tubes. I'm personally against what's the other sectory, the sectomy.
Speaker 1: I think I think someone could make a biblical argument
Speaker 1: against me, and I would be I could change my
Speaker 1: stance on that so that this is not like, this
Speaker 1: is not black and white. But but here's my point.
Speaker 1: Here's my point of everything I'm saying. I think it's
Speaker 1: very important as a family, as a as a you're
Speaker 1: you're not married yet, you're getting married in September. All
Speaker 1: these are great conversations to have before you're married and
Speaker 1: before she has her first baby. Great conversations. Uh, conversations
Speaker 1: about adoption are great conversations to have. And so as
Speaker 1: long as you're walking through it, you're praying through it. Lord.
Speaker 1: We we know that you say we plan our away,
Speaker 1: but you establish our steps. And so Lord, we're going
Speaker 1: to plan on staggering two years between babies. We're going
Speaker 1: to plan on using using a form of contraceptive. So
Speaker 1: that we could we could uh plan this out. But Lord,
Speaker 1: will you crush this idea? If this is wrong or
Speaker 1: if this is not within your will? Were you make
Speaker 1: sanctify us in a way that just makes us so
Speaker 1: uneasy and so uncomfortable with this. And you're in wise counsel,
Speaker 1: You're in your church. You're in your small groups, so
Speaker 1: your your your gatherings, you're with your pastor or your elders,
Speaker 1: however you call it in your church, and you're you're
Speaker 1: talking through this with them and saying where do we
Speaker 1: draw the line on birth control? And your church may
Speaker 1: have some kind of established idea of this. And if
Speaker 1: you love the church and they're a they're they're a
Speaker 1: healthy church and they have a certain encouragement and they
Speaker 1: probably do on birth control, go with that. Not what
Speaker 1: I say on this podcast. But the important thing and
Speaker 1: the point is you're thinking through this with the biblical worldview,
Speaker 1: and God will honor that as long as he gets
Speaker 1: he gets the glory at the end, and you recognize
Speaker 1: his sovereignty in it.
Speaker 2: I think the planning is wise. To not plan is reckless.
Speaker 1: Yeah you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, So that your point is,
Speaker 1: let's just not not the Lord brings babies, so let's
Speaker 1: just not worry about it at all. That's the opposite
Speaker 1: end of the spectrum. And I don't think that's wise either.
Speaker 2: Right, right, And then you know, we do see that
Speaker 2: where people just don't care. They're just out for themselves,
Speaker 2: and you know, and they end up with babies that
Speaker 2: were unplanned and they have to change change things in
Speaker 2: their life. Not always a bad thing, obviously, but to
Speaker 2: not if you're in a healthy relationship, you're getting married,
Speaker 2: you're talking about having this conversation, you're planning and thinking
Speaker 2: through stuff, just already on the right track.
Speaker 1: Yep. If you want to get a hold of me,
Speaker 1: go to cameo dot com slash granger Smith and I
Speaker 1: could send you a video message made right here on
Speaker 1: my phone whatever you want me to say, Happy birthday,
Speaker 1: happy anniversary. It's a great way for you and I
Speaker 1: to stay in contact and to get someone a gift
Speaker 1: that might seem to have everything. Hey, get him a
Speaker 1: gift at cameo dot com slash Grangersmith. Okay, let's get
Speaker 1: into this next question. If you have a question for me,
Speaker 1: by the way, email podcast at grangersmith dot com and
Speaker 1: the next question here, I just got off an airplane.
Speaker 1: That's why I have an airplane voice. Is that a thing?
Speaker 1: Have you heard people say that airplane voice?
Speaker 2: But it's also I mean, you're now in the business
Speaker 2: of speaking for a living. This is what it's either
Speaker 2: in front of a front of a crowd, you know, congregation,
Speaker 2: what have you. It's here on the podcast, or it's
Speaker 2: on after midnight mornings with Granger, all of it. That's
Speaker 2: what you do now, So this is to be expected.
Speaker 1: All I do is talk, and that just leaves it
Speaker 1: all in the hands of the Lord, because if the
Speaker 1: Lord wants to shut me up, if he wants to
Speaker 1: shut down everything I do, he just stops my voice
Speaker 1: and voice and I am done seeing music.
Speaker 2: You still play guitar?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I am done if the Lord decides to
Speaker 1: ship my voice off.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: The next question comes from Brendan. It says, Grandeur, I'm
Speaker 1: a longtime fan of country music, even some of your stuff.
Speaker 1: Oh thanks. I'm not the poster child for Christianity, but
Speaker 1: one thing that I've tried to do is watch my language,
Speaker 1: especially when in a crowd of people who don't. I
Speaker 1: figure it's an easy thing to do, and sometimes in
Speaker 1: the room might notice my conviction, and someone in the
Speaker 1: room might notice my conviction and find a similar one
Speaker 1: within themselves, or at least see that the profanity is
Speaker 1: not adding anything to the conversation. Where I've been finding
Speaker 1: an issue is when I'm working on the farm, often alone,
Speaker 1: and I, for example, drop something on my foot. The
Speaker 1: profanity slips out before I can even think to myself,
Speaker 1: don't say that those words in the moment bother me.
Speaker 1: So do you have any advice for a person who
Speaker 1: can control cussing in a crowd but the words are
Speaker 1: enough on the tip of the tongue that they come
Speaker 1: out later, or a mindset you took when you began
Speaker 1: seeing the issue with profanity that helped you. And does
Speaker 1: this mean I can't listen to City Boy Stuck? That's
Speaker 1: part of joke. I listened to a lot of podcasts
Speaker 1: when driving. When I climb into the tractor, yours is
Speaker 1: the first one I always choose. It takes the relaxation
Speaker 1: of the tractor work and combines it with great reflection.
Speaker 1: Keep it coming, Brendan See from Kansas, Hey, Brendan, Thanks buddy.
Speaker 1: I appreciate the encouragement to me, and I appreciate the question.
Speaker 1: I think it's a good question. And I also you
Speaker 1: know what I like to say, I like to see
Speaker 1: is when you say I'm not the poster child for Christianity. Same, yeah, same,
Speaker 1: And I think that should always be our heart position,
Speaker 1: the greed. It's like, Lord, I know what you ask
Speaker 1: from me, and I see it in your word, and
Speaker 1: yet again I have not lived up to your commands,
Speaker 1: to the obedience that you have asked from me as
Speaker 1: a result of the grace that you've given me through
Speaker 1: your son. So amen, I'm not either the poster child
Speaker 1: for Christianity. And I think that's a good heart position
Speaker 1: for the rest of our lives. Brother, And it's also
Speaker 1: a great question. Your question is basically, look, I'm I'm.
Speaker 1: I can pretty much control myself around Mama and Grandma
Speaker 1: when i'm talking, But when I'm out by myself and
Speaker 1: I drop a hair on my foot, out comes the
Speaker 1: F bomb. How do I fix this? And I think
Speaker 1: it's a good question because Jesus was always after the heart.
Speaker 1: He wasn't after the facade, he wasn't after what you
Speaker 1: do in public. He was after all of you, which
Speaker 1: includes what you do in private. In fact, when it
Speaker 1: comes to sin. He was just as interested, if not more,
Speaker 1: interested in what you do in private, because that truly
Speaker 1: reveals who you are. And so I think it's a
Speaker 1: great question to be thinking through. How do I control
Speaker 1: myself in private, not just in public. And it's so
Speaker 1: interesting when people say this is not you, Brendan, but
Speaker 1: when people say things like, man, I just I can't
Speaker 1: control what I say. I am what I am, and
Speaker 1: I always think I have no filter. Yeah, I have
Speaker 1: no filter. And I always think everyone has a filter.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't go to the the superintendent of your school
Speaker 1: district and draw F bombs. You probably wouldn't say it
Speaker 1: around your grandma, depending on your grandma. If you went
Speaker 1: to a cocktail dinner with the governor of your state
Speaker 1: and you got five minutes with him, you probably wouldn't
Speaker 1: drop the F bomb. So everyone has a somewhere. Some
Speaker 1: are smaller than others, but everyone has one. So everyone
Speaker 1: has the same filter in private. Here's here's where I
Speaker 1: want to go, Brendan. Most likely, and I love that
Speaker 1: you're thinking through it. That's great. Most likely in this scenario,
Speaker 1: we need to look at what we're consuming in our lives,
Speaker 1: because if we're consuming rated our movies all the time.
Speaker 1: If we're listening to other podcasts with cussing all the time,
Speaker 1: if we're listening to music with cussing all the time,
Speaker 1: then it is second nature for us and it becomes
Speaker 1: the default. So when we have a facade of filter
Speaker 1: around Grandma and in public, but we what happens in
Speaker 1: private reveals what's really in there. That's also a pretty good,
Speaker 1: pretty good indication of what we're consuming. So I would
Speaker 1: say begin Brendan to eradicate and pay close attention to
Speaker 1: what you're paying attention to, whatever it is in your
Speaker 1: life that you are focused on. Pay attention to what
Speaker 1: that is that you're focused on. What do I mean
Speaker 1: by that? I mean, I mean start taking accountability throughout
Speaker 1: the day. If you're if your way of relaxing is
Speaker 1: watching a movie that's that's got murder and shoot them
Speaker 1: up and sex and adultery and cussing all in the movie,
Speaker 1: and you say that's just the way I relax That
Speaker 1: is penetrating your soul. These are things that are that
Speaker 1: are slowly bleeding into your life, and so eradicate that,
Speaker 1: start to pull out instead of saying, how do I
Speaker 1: control myself in private? Grade er. I say, start to
Speaker 1: control what you're consuming, and I think that that will
Speaker 1: take care of itself. What do you have on this end?
Speaker 2: Pretty elementary and but it goes along with that. And
Speaker 2: I want to have a nice yard. I don't know
Speaker 2: anything about having a nice yard, like I don't know
Speaker 2: all the mechanics of it. And keep it mowed, try
Speaker 2: to keep it green. And then I found out that
Speaker 2: you know, there are weeds in certain parts, but when
Speaker 2: I'm mow, evidently I end up spreading the seed into
Speaker 2: other parts of the yard that didn't have weeds in
Speaker 2: it before. And then I'm trying to battle both of them, right,
Speaker 2: And that's kind of how I see and how it's
Speaker 2: I feel it's been in my life with cursing. Just
Speaker 2: like you said, if you don't eradicate it in one
Speaker 2: area what you listen to and what you consume, it's
Speaker 2: going to spread to other parts of your life. And
Speaker 2: if it becomes I mean, he's concerned with it when
Speaker 2: he's when he drops a hammer. That's really cool that
Speaker 2: you're like that, because if you weren't concerned with it,
Speaker 2: then you'll just eventually not be concerned with it when
Speaker 2: you're with friends and then it becomes normal there and
Speaker 2: then you won't really be concerned with it when you're
Speaker 2: with your parents or in a place where you don't
Speaker 2: And then you say it and you realize you shouldn't
Speaker 2: have said something in that instance or in that in
Speaker 2: that uh, in that atmosphere, and you're like, where how
Speaker 2: did this come about? Well, go back to how you
Speaker 2: were feeling no longer feeling convicted when you said it alone,
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, And it just continues to spread throughout
Speaker 2: your life if you let it and you don't. It's
Speaker 2: a weed, you know, yeah, And you don't take care
Speaker 2: of it when it's small, it starts taking root in
Speaker 2: other parts of your life.
Speaker 1: And Brennan, I've been there. I know exactly. That's that was.
Speaker 1: That was a level of sanctification with me where I
Speaker 1: was frustrated with things that came out of my mouth
Speaker 1: when I it was a reflex, so a knee jerk.
Speaker 2: That's a conversation, you know. I said, I didn't want
Speaker 2: to listen. I like these podcasts, but I wanted to
Speaker 2: start weeding these out because the language and them were
Speaker 2: just awful. It was guy a podcast, so guys just
Speaker 2: cuss around each other. Well, guys don't have to cuss
Speaker 2: around each other like that's it doesn't have to be
Speaker 2: part of your life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And and to the end to the question,
Speaker 1: does this mean I can't listen to City Boy Stuck?
Speaker 1: That's part of what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: The most important question right there's yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean literally, that's what I'm saying. You're gonna hear,
Speaker 1: you know, eventually I put that I will put out
Speaker 1: a live record for the just the last concert that
Speaker 1: I did, and you'll hear if there ever was a
Speaker 1: cuss word, a D word, or an H word, all
Speaker 1: of those were turned into heck heck no on is that?
Speaker 1: Yeah that city boy stuck? Yeah, city boy stuck is
Speaker 1: heck no on the live record, And even that that
Speaker 1: was a form of sanctification for me to get there.
Speaker 1: And then even beyond that, it's like I shouldn't even
Speaker 1: say that, and so so yeah, it depends on what
Speaker 1: you're consuming, what you're surrounding yourself with. And I'm sorry
Speaker 1: I was that influence. I was a bad influence on
Speaker 1: people as Earl Devils Junior and with the music, So
Speaker 1: forgive me of that. I'm I'm trying to eradicate that
Speaker 1: out of my life as well.
Speaker 2: They're close to the end of your year tour. When
Speaker 2: I would go out with you, I would like what
Speaker 2: you have on right now in ears. I would have
Speaker 2: those in while I was shooting photos whatever I was doing,
Speaker 2: and I would because when you have them thata close
Speaker 2: to your ear drum, you hear the full word, not
Speaker 2: what you are used to singing in the song. And
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, he's changing the words the songs. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: there's a change. And he was a started notice on that.
Speaker 1: Then yeah. Next question comes from Travis says, Hey, hope
Speaker 1: you're having I hope it's going I hope your day
Speaker 1: is going well. Sorry. I found your podcast a few
Speaker 1: months ago during some long hours at work, and it
Speaker 1: made me think about God, and that makes me think
Speaker 1: about my old roommate. I'm glad, first of all. On
Speaker 1: the side note, I'm glad that I'll make you think
Speaker 1: of God. Sorry airplane voice. Have I said that yet?
Speaker 1: I found his listing on Facebook, but of looking for
Speaker 1: a renter in a room I had to move for
Speaker 1: school and couldn't find anything I could afford. I moved
Speaker 1: in with him and had a great time with him
Speaker 1: and his fiance. I proposed to my now wife in
Speaker 1: that house and then moved out a few months later.
Speaker 1: We would hang out from time to time. Then one
Speaker 1: Thursday in December, we were supposed to hang out. I
Speaker 1: had a garage with a dartboard. We started a game,
Speaker 1: a game we never got to finish. I texted him
Speaker 1: a few times that day to make sure he was
Speaker 1: still up to hang out. No response. A few hours later,
Speaker 1: he texted or so I thought it was his wife.
Speaker 1: He had taken his life that day. Around one year,
Speaker 1: around the one year mark, I sent a Facebook message
Speaker 1: to his widow, but it never went through. My wife
Speaker 1: was able to message her just fine. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: if this is a message from God or not. He
Speaker 1: was a very religious person. Christmas was his favorite time
Speaker 1: of year. Now for my question, should I keep trying
Speaker 1: to reach out to the widow of my friend or
Speaker 1: leave it? Since since the first time the message didn't
Speaker 1: go through, I've driven by the house a few times
Speaker 1: and it doesn't look to be kept up. I think
Speaker 1: she moved back to her parents' house. They are all
Speaker 1: of us are in our early twenties. Thanks in advanced
Speaker 1: Travis okay, tough situation, Travis, let me kind of dive in.
Speaker 1: There's this is multi layered, so let me dive in
Speaker 1: as if we're sitting in the caboat truck. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: start with you found my podcast a few months ago
Speaker 1: and it made you think about God. That's interesting to me.
Speaker 1: Let's come back to it. Secondly, you got a buddy
Speaker 1: from Facebook because of the room for rent. It wasn't
Speaker 1: a great buddy, it was just a good acquaintance. Right.
Speaker 2: Sounds like they did a lot of life together.
Speaker 1: They did some life together. Yeah. The message to the
Speaker 1: widow that didn't go through, is this a message from
Speaker 1: God or No? God's not going to communicate through a
Speaker 1: failed Facebook message. God is sovereign over everything, including Facebook messages.
Speaker 1: So if God didn't want the message to go through,
Speaker 1: he will do it or not. That's not a question.
Speaker 1: The question is was God trying to send you a
Speaker 1: cryptic message through the mess through the Facebook message not
Speaker 1: going through that? No, the Bible doesn't speak in terms
Speaker 1: of God knowing us in that way or speaking to
Speaker 1: us that way. He speaks to us in one way,
Speaker 1: and that is through the Son, the Word of God,
Speaker 1: the Son made flesh, Jesus through the Bible. We have
Speaker 1: sixty six books God Inspired, written by over forty different
Speaker 1: authors over the course of fifteen hundred years, revealing the
Speaker 1: truth of who God is and how He has revealed
Speaker 1: himself to us to reconcile us to himself, to bring
Speaker 1: us to himself through his on Jesus. That's the way
Speaker 1: he communicates to you, not through a failed Facebook message.
Speaker 1: That's a cryptic. Should I know if this is God
Speaker 1: trying to say something like we're in the movie American Treasure.
Speaker 1: What's that movie treasure? The National Treasure? It's not National Treasure.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I wasn't help there.
Speaker 1: Okay, So we've established that, and then let's look into
Speaker 1: he was a very religious person. Christmas was his famous
Speaker 1: favorite time of year. That's not really part of this topic.
Speaker 1: I'll lay off that. Should you keep reaching out to
Speaker 1: the widow or be very careful because she's a widow,
Speaker 1: she's single, and you're married, so you have to be
Speaker 1: careful with that dynamic. I love that she is reaching
Speaker 1: your wife is reaching out. It's a great thing, but
Speaker 1: you don't want to send them a signal that you
Speaker 1: are reaching out privately to a widow. That is vulnerable
Speaker 1: to a very nice man that just wants to help.
Speaker 1: That's a bad situation. Let's stay clear of that. You've
Speaker 1: been up by the house, it looks like it needs
Speaker 1: to be kept up. Work through your wife in that.
Speaker 2: It's great.
Speaker 1: It's a biblical command, of course to take care of
Speaker 1: widows and orphans. But make sure you're doing this in
Speaker 1: a responsible way. I e. Through your wife and have
Speaker 1: her reach out and say, hey, I saw that the
Speaker 1: house has some weeds. Do you mind if I send
Speaker 1: my husband over there. He's got a weed eater and
Speaker 1: he'd be happy to take care of it. And that way,
Speaker 1: you're protecting your own marriage through a potential temptation as
Speaker 1: simple as that. You don't have to go any further
Speaker 1: than that. And she's in her early twenties, most likely
Speaker 1: she will be remarried. I don't say that with trying
Speaker 1: to be without sensitivity to the situation, but this typically
Speaker 1: typically what's going to happen is she'll re marry. As
Speaker 1: difficult as this situation is, and she's going to be okay,
Speaker 1: very very I mean unbelievably difficult situations. So I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to be insensitive, but this is different. If she's
Speaker 1: she's seventy years old and she's a widow and she
Speaker 1: doesn't have a family, and she doesn't have That's when
Speaker 1: you go over and you go, ma'am, I'd like to
Speaker 1: like to start doing your grass, to take care of
Speaker 1: your grass, if that's okay, And maybe I can come
Speaker 1: and clean some of this stuff off your front porch.
Speaker 1: That's a different situation then she's early twenties, yes, and
Speaker 1: you're going, is there anything I can help you with? Right? Okay? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agreed. I think the most important part of this
Speaker 1: entire email is the first sentence. I found her podcast
Speaker 1: a few months ago, and it made me think about God.
Speaker 1: I think, if anything, Travis, I want to use this
Speaker 1: as an opportunity, not for the grieving widow, not for
Speaker 1: the guilt that you may have. There's always a weird
Speaker 1: guilt around suicide. In fact, yesterday I was speaking at
Speaker 1: a church and a man came up to me afterward
Speaker 1: and he said that his dad just committed suicide two
Speaker 1: months ago. And he said, I'm having trouble grieving and
Speaker 1: I don't know why, and I'm no grief book seems
Speaker 1: to matter to me, No advice anyone gives me seems
Speaker 1: to matter to me, And I said, I said, that's
Speaker 1: because suicide it carries a different weight to it, because
Speaker 1: it carries a sinister guilt into all the people that
Speaker 1: knew that person, thinking could I have done more? It's
Speaker 1: not like a cancer, it's not like a heart attack,
Speaker 1: it's not like a car accident. This is something that
Speaker 1: everyone around the suicide starts questioning themselves. Oh, you think
Speaker 1: about the last conversation you had, You think about the
Speaker 1: last time you're with him? Should think about it? Should
Speaker 1: I see have seen it? Should I have reported it?
Speaker 1: Should I have done more? Everyone thinks that that's different
Speaker 1: than cancer. So, Travis, this is a little bit of
Speaker 1: what's going on with you. You're thinking, Man, that dart game
Speaker 1: I texted him no response? Should I have texted him
Speaker 1: an hour earlier? Should I have scheduled that dark game
Speaker 1: the day before? If I had, would this have been different?
Speaker 1: So recognize that this is part of your struggle and
Speaker 1: go ahead, Well.
Speaker 2: No, you've already touched on it. But man, that you
Speaker 2: saying that's part of your struggle to then latch onto
Speaker 2: someone of the opposite sex, to go, oh, we're struggling
Speaker 2: with the same thing. Is very, very, very dangerous. So
Speaker 2: if you think that there was a man, and I
Speaker 2: know there's not, but if you think there was a
Speaker 2: message from God and not getting that that message through
Speaker 2: to her on Facebook, I would just consider it protection
Speaker 2: and move on.
Speaker 1: That's great.
Speaker 2: Just you were protected. You made a rash decision and
Speaker 2: shot her a private message that was protection that it
Speaker 2: didn't go through.
Speaker 1: I think that's great. I think it's great. It's not
Speaker 1: there's a difference between God protecting you and God sending
Speaker 1: you a crypt a cryptic message through the message not
Speaker 1: going through like a man saying let it go. And
Speaker 1: then let's start thinking about why my podcast makes you
Speaker 1: think about God. And I'm very grateful that the Lord
Speaker 1: could possibly use this podcast for someone to so that
Speaker 1: he might draw someone to himself. If I'm that if
Speaker 1: this podcast the Lord uses this podcast as a conduit
Speaker 1: for that man, that's amazing and so encouraging. But I
Speaker 1: want to follow up on that and say, Travis, I
Speaker 1: would I would think about how God does reveal himself
Speaker 1: because if you're if you're open to the consideration that
Speaker 1: God might message you, send a cryptic message through Facebook
Speaker 1: to you, I would consider what Christians know to be
Speaker 1: true in the way that God has revealed himself, and
Speaker 1: that is through the Bible. And we spoke a little
Speaker 1: bit about that. But then I would I would consider
Speaker 1: why God has revealed himself in the Bible, and what
Speaker 1: the message of that Bible is. And truly the message
Speaker 1: of that Bible is that you cannot be good enough
Speaker 1: for Him. That you could, you could not make up
Speaker 1: for the sin that has separated you from God, which
Speaker 1: is a rebellion of God, who created the world and
Speaker 1: it was good, and he created man in his own
Speaker 1: image and it was good. And then man rebelled against
Speaker 1: him in the garden, instantly wanting to be God himself
Speaker 1: in a way, and through that we have inherited that sin,
Speaker 1: and all of us have followed suit with our original
Speaker 1: father Adam. And you could testify this to yourself. I can't.
Speaker 1: You can't at and Travis, you can to. Thinking back
Speaker 1: to have you rebelled against Gott? Have you used yourself
Speaker 1: in a self centered, controlling way where you become your
Speaker 1: own God, in charge of your own salvation, in charge
Speaker 1: of your own destiny. The answer is always to that, yes,
Speaker 1: we all have. And so you think, well, what do
Speaker 1: I do to make up for this? How do I
Speaker 1: fix this problem? And the truth is that that would
Speaker 1: be like a murderer sitting in the courtroom saying, Judge,
Speaker 1: I'm really sorry I murdered. I committed a huge crime,
Speaker 1: and I want to tell you I've learned my lesson
Speaker 1: and I want to do better. How could I do it?
Speaker 1: And the judge says, I don't really care what you
Speaker 1: say about who you are now and that you've changed.
Speaker 1: In order for me to be just, in order for
Speaker 1: me to be a good judge, I have to carry
Speaker 1: out my punishment. And so that's a major problem with humans,
Speaker 1: and that steff to God. But God knowing this, knowing
Speaker 1: that we couldn't make our way to him. The story
Speaker 1: of the Bible literally is that God came to us.
Speaker 1: He condescended himself, the creator of the universe, to become man,
Speaker 1: to come into his own universe that he created, to
Speaker 1: live the perfect life, to be the example of what
Speaker 1: atom should have been, the original atom that failed. God
Speaker 1: comes in the form of man as Jesus to be
Speaker 1: the second atom, to be the perfect one, who then
Speaker 1: went to the cross and died as a sacrifice, the
Speaker 1: ultimate sacrifice of all that punishment I said that the
Speaker 1: judge gives to the murder. Jesus takes that punishment on himself.
Speaker 1: He takes the sin of the world, all of it,
Speaker 1: onto himself from the wrath of God, the punishment that
Speaker 1: the just judge has to still punish. So now back
Speaker 1: to the scenario of the murder, he goes, Judge, what
Speaker 1: can I do? Judge gets a notice and he goes, Actually,
Speaker 1: a man has stepped in your place and taking your
Speaker 1: punishment on himself. So now I'm just to set you free.
Speaker 1: And now that you're free, you live a life of
Speaker 1: gratitude in obedience to the one that sets you free.
Speaker 1: That's what the Bible says Jesus did for us. And
Speaker 1: so I want you to explore this idea that the
Speaker 1: Bible says. And if God communicates with us in this way,
Speaker 1: and there is only one way that he made for
Speaker 1: us to be able to know him and to know
Speaker 1: what he wants, to know what he loves, to know
Speaker 1: what he hates. If there is only one way the Bible,
Speaker 1: then then then there must be a need for you
Speaker 1: to read it like an instruction manual for your own life.
Speaker 1: And then there must be a community called the church
Speaker 1: that could surround you and help carry you through situations
Speaker 1: like this, this Facebook thing, Travis. That's my encouragement to you.
Speaker 1: You have anything to add to that encouragement before. I
Speaker 1: appreciate you guys, all of y'all for emailing and if
Speaker 1: you want to yeah, if you want to keep it coming,
Speaker 1: shoot a message to podcast at grangersmith dot com and
Speaker 1: like always, we'll see you next Monday. Thanks for joining
Speaker 1: me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
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Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. Yigi