WEBVTT - Rachelle Steele: A Photographer’s Journey to Healing 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:02.719 Welcome back to She Pivots. I'm Rochelle Steele. 0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:16.680 Welcome to She Pivots, the podcast where we talk with 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:20.000 women who dared to pivot out of one career and 0:00:20.160 --> 0:00:24.400 into something new and explore how their personal lives impacted 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:32.760 these decisions. I'm your host Emily Tish Sussman. Today I'm 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:35.599 excited to have Rochelle Steele on the show to talk 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:39.960 about her beautiful yet often heavy story. Now a renowned 0:00:40.000 --> 0:00:43.720 portrait photographer, Rochelle's venture into this art form was full 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:46.600 of twists and turns. From the time she was a 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:50.760 young girl, Rochelle's life was filled with tumultuous experiences. She 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:53.960 grew up as a Jehovah's witness, what she describes as 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:58.160 a cult surrounded by abuse. It wasn't long before her 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:00.960 father was murdered and she found herself a member of 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:04.720 a motorcycle gang. Just a young girl from northern California. 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:07.640 Rochelle looked around and took the advice of an older 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:10.360 woman in the gang to get out, and she did. 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:13.200 She joined the Navy and put her life on a 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:17.920 new trajectory. Rochelle's next pivot wouldn't come until several years later, 0:01:18.200 --> 0:01:20.759 when she was living in Mississippi with her two daughters, 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:25.240 Hurricane Katrina hit and she and her daughters barely survived. 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:28.760 Still serving in the Navy, she picked up a camera 0:01:28.800 --> 0:01:32.760 and started documenting the devastation of the hurricane. Little did 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:35.640 she know that this introduction to photography would result in 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:39.240 photographic PTSD that would prevent her from picking up a 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:43.119 camera again for many years. Eventually, she went all in 0:01:43.800 --> 0:01:46.640 more about this in the episode and got both her 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:50.480 bachelor's and her master's in photography, quickly making a name 0:01:50.520 --> 0:01:54.760 for herself and winning the award International Portrait Photographer of 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:59.640 the Year several times over. Rochelle exudes a calm, beautiful 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:03.240 energy that was palpable even through a screen. I want 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:05.960 to thank her for opening up so much and allowing 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:07.920 us to share her incredible story. 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:14.320 Hope you enjoy. 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:18.760 My name is Rochelle Steele. I'm a master photographer and professor. 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:21.359 Can you just set the scene for us a little bit. 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:23.440 Where did you grow up? What was your family like? 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:28.440 I grew up in northern California. I say Shasta County 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:31.239 because we moved so much, but the city of the 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:35.800 area is called Reading. Really really beautiful landscape, a little 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:39.400 bit of a harsher community, a lot of construction workers, 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:42.720 substance abuse smith. You know, once you kind of get 0:02:42.800 --> 0:02:45.639 the outlying areas in the mountains, you kind of run 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:49.880 into these things. I have a brother and sister, and 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:55.160 my mother and father had substance abuse issues, which compounded 0:02:55.200 --> 0:03:00.000 into domestic violence, a lot of abuse in the household. 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:03.560 I'm in place, beatings, hunger, you know, all this crazy stuff. 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:06.880 So aside from everything that we were dealing with, me 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:10.359 and my siblings were dealing with, we were also kind 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:14.919 of born into this religious cult. So no birthdays, no holidays, 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:18.160 no friends outside of a cult. It was very ostracizing. 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:21.560 Aside from everything else, you know, not only was I 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:26.200 having to go to school in essentially Long John's and 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:29.360 no food. Ever, I also wasn't allowed to have friends 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:33.720 outside of this religious cult, and in that religion particularly too. 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:37.920 Not only do they have they decided to withhold some 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:40.120 of the main factors of what being a child is, 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:44.600 they also encourage the beatings, They encourage child abuse, and 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:46.600 then now it's coming to light a lot of pedophilia, 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:49.080 which of course we know about that growing up in it. 0:03:49.160 --> 0:03:52.240 A lot of people don't but just this real nasty 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:55.640 place where nasty people get together and decide to live 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:58.880 in a bizarre way, and it has lifetime effects on 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:01.400 the children, unfortunately, that are raised in that environment. 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:06.640 Rachelle found refuge in school, a safe place where she 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:09.200 knew what to expect and what was expected of her. 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:14.960 But that became my escape with school. I loved it 0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:18.400 so much. I would literally cry when summer came because 0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:22.560 I was really, really, really drawn to my teachers. They 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:25.560 became my heroes, or I mean early on, even my 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:28.800 first my first teacher that I can remember, my kindergarten teacher. 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:32.800 She was my hero. And now in hindsight, looking back 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:36.400 as an adult, I know they knew. They had to 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:39.400 have known, because she made my world with her so 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:42.599 beautiful and so special. And I was also a gifted 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:46.400 child intellectually. I mean I used to say, oh, I 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:49.640 got always got straight ease, but I always that was 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:52.599 that was my thing. I had the quickest child to 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:56.039 be finished one hundred percent. Always always asking to be 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:58.559 My teachers, always asked me if I could be their helper, 0:04:59.080 --> 0:05:01.960 you know, on filled when I wasn't allowed to go 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:05.359 because of this bizarre religion. Always always kept behind. 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:09.640 On top of it all, her dad had developed a 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:10.800 serious drug addiction. 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:15.760 My dad's addiction eventually spiraled out of control. He became 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:18.960 a full blown junkie, which resulted in a lot of 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:22.080 my early childhood being in what we would refer to 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:25.200 as a crackhead hotel. Just three little kids bouncing on 0:05:25.279 --> 0:05:29.160 beds and he's totally passed out coming down. So honestly, 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:31.719 those weren't the worst times for me. It was like, 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:34.760 woh cool, you know now we can bounce on beds. 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:38.560 Now we can be goofy kids and stuff. Eventually, his 0:05:38.640 --> 0:05:43.880 lifestyle led to him being murdered, and that was also 0:05:43.920 --> 0:05:47.000 a big shift for us because now my mom, who 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:50.200 I had seen, you know, get her butt kicked by him. 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:52.640 My whole life, we were in and out of women 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:55.599 what we call women's Refuge, but it's basically shelters for 0:05:55.680 --> 0:05:58.360 battered women and children. Now all of a sudden, he's gone. 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:02.960 Now we really lee have nothing, and we made our 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:06.160 final move. She just moved incessantly, because when you're a 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:09.320 mom and you have nothing, you're kind of almost lease 0:06:09.360 --> 0:06:12.479 hopping or staying with people that will allow you, you know, 0:06:12.560 --> 0:06:15.400 three kids and stuff. I never had my own room 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:17.400 or anything. So it was always us being crammed in 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:21.680 these spaces that maybe weren't our space actually hardly. 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:26.240 Ever, hopping around just to find housing exposed Rochelle to 0:06:26.279 --> 0:06:29.680 people and situations that were dangerous. When she was ten, 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:32.839 she found her way into her first motorcycle gang, what 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:34.839 she called her bros or buddies. 0:06:36.160 --> 0:06:40.240 So we moved into another area and I found my 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:43.240 first group of buddies, my first bros. I guess you 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:46.680 could say we've been in this area. I met these buddies. 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:50.160 One of their moms was a meth dealer for a 0:06:50.200 --> 0:06:53.560 motorcycle gang up there, big prominent gang that's up there. 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:57.120 That was my first introduction. And for me, that wasn't weird. 0:06:57.560 --> 0:06:59.960 That wasn't some big shocking environment where I was this 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:02.800 scared little girl entering. I'd always been around meth. I'd 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:05.760 always been around violence and extreme things, so it wasn't 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:10.200 really extreme for me, But it was my transition myself 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:16.240 putting myself in that environment, and his mom would give 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:19.360 us meth to clean her house this and that. I 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:22.320 was eleven years old when that kind of started for me. 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:26.119 By the time I was thirteen, I was pretty much 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:29.360 doing anything. I was such a little wild girl, but 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:33.320 I was also so good. I've always hated the bad guy. 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:36.320 I guess you could say so here. I was just 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:39.280 this wild young lady, but still straight a's at school, 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:43.280 still trying to be this perfect, little studious girl. I 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:46.200 started kind of doing whatever I wanted. When I was thirteen. 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:48.600 There was really no parental I don't know what my 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.120 mom was doing. And another thing is it's hard when 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:53.679 I think back, a lot of the memories aren't there, 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:58.960 which I've found recently that's really really common that children 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:02.040 that go through stuff like that, there's just kind of 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:03.760 holes in the story for them. 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:08.320 Rochelle continued to find community in the only place she 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:11.280 knew best, with the bros from her motorcycle gang. 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:15.480 When I was fifteen is when I moved out of 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:18.280 my mom's house and I'd been kind of in this 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.000 environment with these bikers and all this stuff. That's when 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:25.120 I quote unquote got an old man, which in that 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:27.280 kind of community, that's kind of like the big goal, 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:30.360 right is to get an old man. You see these 0:08:31.240 --> 0:08:35.280 fellons walking around, all this lady's love, outlaws, all this stuff. 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:38.960 You're kind of bred into this mentality Okay, I'm going 0:08:39.040 --> 0:08:43.480 to be the perfect old lady and another escape. You know, 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:44.680 I thought, okay, now I fit. 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:48.559 At the time, Rochelle was just fifteen and he was 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:51.840 in his twenties, shocking to hear from the outside looking in, 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.040 But for Rochelle it was normal. 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:59.720 Age gaps can get even more extreme in those social situation. 0:08:59.880 --> 0:09:01.559 I didn't see that there was a problem at all 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:05.600 with it whatsoever. That was a ridiculous relationship looking back 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:08.600 at it now, what other people would gasp at, Oh 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:12.200 my gosh, the abuse is That's that was unflinching for me. 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:16.240 That didn't phase me at all whatsoever. I jokingly, very 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:18.240 glibly say, you know, I learned how to take a 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:21.600 hit when I was a little girl, so anything that 0:09:21.679 --> 0:09:25.720 I would go through was just no big whoop, just 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:28.720 to put it casually. Nothing that I observed and I 0:09:28.760 --> 0:09:33.400 was oftentime in the presence of felonies being done or whatever, 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.960 just by being the old lady present, none of that 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:39.720 even fased me at all whatsoever. And the big turning 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:45.040 point for me was I was at this club party, 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:48.800 this biker gang, their club party, and one of the 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:52.640 club members had devised a situation where they were confronting 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:56.800 my boyfriend that he had knocked over a Harley, which 0:09:56.880 --> 0:10:03.319 is like a huge, huge, huge issue, And what they 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:06.360 wanted was they wanted me for the payment to be 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:08.600 given to the club, which I would have then become 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:13.280 property of. And in that moment, my whole entire life 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:16.240 could have changed, like for the rest of my life. 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:18.679 And thank goodness, in that moment he was kind of 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:21.240 a strong enough dude to hold his own and it 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:24.400 kind of like squashed out very quickly. But that was 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:29.920 when my mind realized, no, no, no, no, no, no 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:31.920 no no. Keep in mind, is still a high school 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:36.440 student at this time. I ended up graduating early because 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:39.319 I was always straight, as I'd never gone anything less 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:43.160 than an A mostly A plus, top of my class 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:47.080 with everything, but still this partying, wild young lady. My 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:49.920 boyfriend would pick me up on his Harley, all this 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:54.360 stuff going on, and I was I graduated early, and 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:58.080 I was riding in the car with this what we 0:10:58.120 --> 0:11:01.319 would call a biker mama woman named Hershey, and it 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:03.480 was one of the very few times wherever alone and 0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:07.199 she said, you're so amazing, Rachelle, like, don't do it, 0:11:08.040 --> 0:11:10.960 don't do it, get out, do not go down the path. 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:15.120 I went down and it was like a light went 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.040 off in my head and I realized, I'm not going 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:17.520 to do it. 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:22.360 She made up her mind and started looking for opportunities 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:24.800 to get out. As bait would have it, she saw 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:28.160 a commercial for the Navy on TV and saw her opening. 0:11:28.920 --> 0:11:34.520 And it was this quintessential warship crashing through the waves 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:37.240 of the ocean. I don't know what the slogan is now, 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:40.320 but at that time it was let the journey begin. 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:45.000 They said, you want to leave this weekend? Yeah, and 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:47.320 that was it. I went and had my braid cut off. 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:51.040 That was it. I was gone. It was amazing. I 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:53.360 had on a pair of sandal I had no clothes 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:55.880 at that time. Of course, I had on a tightie 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:59.199 dress with no bra and panties and a pair of sandals. 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:01.880 I had didn't even have suitcase to bring with me. Nothing. 0:12:02.679 --> 0:12:07.000 And that was it. I changed my life. 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:10.280 When we come back, Rochelle talks through what it was 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:12.360 like being one of the few women in the Navy, 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:16.640 and later how she not only swam through Hurricane Katrina 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:19.240 to save herself and her six month old and eighteen 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:29.439 month old daughters, but how the storm then inspired a pivot. 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:37.120 I became an electronics technician in the Navy, and then 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:41.720 my first duty station was actually with Lachite Martin at 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:45.960 a top secret facility in New Jersey that they work 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.319 with many different navies and it's kind of an American 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:52.520 Navy run top secret facility. And I got there and 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:55.280 I thrived in that environment, and they were like, oh boy, 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:57.280 here comes this young girl. You know, they weren't too 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.640 happy to see me. But I understood what I had 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:03.640 to do. But I kind of already understood because of 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:06.359 the skill set I developed as a very little girl 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:09.160 on how to act, how they expected me to act, 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:13.960 how to please, how to please I've always understood because 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:18.520 when you're little in an abusive environment, you're always reading 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:21.400 the room and understanding how to be how to not 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:24.480 make people mad, or understanding when they are mad and 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:27.200 how to act then or whatever. It's this like crazy 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:30.320 little intuitive skill set that you have that has served 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:32.319 me time and time again, because you know, you talk 0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:35.280 about that gut feeling, well, you have a gut feeling, 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:38.040 all right. It's no easy environment for a woman to 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.440 be in the military. It's really not. You have to 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:43.120 understand the environment. 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:47.440 After a few years in New Jersey, a marriage, the 0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:50.679 birth of her two daughters, and a divorce, Rochelle had 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:55.280 a permanent change of station to Mississippi. Then Hurricane Katrina hit. 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:58.280 I was listening to Fleetwood Mac with my baby the 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:01.240 night before and my best friend house, thinking, haha, we 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:03.880 don't have to go anywhere, okay, Like no one realized 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:06.720 it was going to be that bad. I was doing 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:10.520 my two year shore duty and I was stationed in 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:14.719 pas Googula, Mississippi. I had a six month old and 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:18.560 a year and six months old, and me and my 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:20.840 best friend, who were still best friends to this day. 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:23.320 There had been so many hurricanes up to that point. 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:26.840 We had decided, dude, we're not getting in this evacuation 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:29.760 line again. Plus we had no gas and we had 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:34.119 no money, and you need all of those things to evacuate. 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:37.320 So we had kind of secured our Everyone else had 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:39.760 left and we'd kind of secured our command, and I 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:41.720 took the babies and I went to her house and 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:44.280 people are calling us, get out, get out, get out. 0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:47.000 We're like, dude, we're not going anywhere. Bye, enjoy your 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:50.480 evacuation line. Because we didn't know we're California girls, and 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:54.040 the hurricane came and we almost lost our lives in it. 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:56.920 We swim through it with our babies. 0:14:57.320 --> 0:15:02.480 It is just just mind boggling to watch it's happening. 0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:06.520 There are now helicopters going overhead. Clearly they're trying to 0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:10.280 assess the situation, but darkness is approaching here. I don't 0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:12.440 know how much they'll be able to do after darkness. 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:14.000 I need someone out here, ma'am. 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:14.800 I'm gonna die. 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:18.120 Instead, it was in the attic. 0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:22.800 Ma'am, And I'm a draw in the attic, and he 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:24.200 started coming to zone. 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:30.680 After surviving the hurricane and saving her daughters, Rachelle had 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:31.720 to get back to work. 0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:39.120 A lot of people don't understand the military presence during 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:41.640 Hurricane Katrina, because there were some of us that were 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:45.120 kind of already there and that was our job. The 0:15:45.160 --> 0:15:49.880 mission shifted right then. I'm just had the epiphany, like, dude, 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:52.840 no one's photographing this. There was no photographer's mates there, 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:58.440 and I'd asked permission and was volunteld anyways, and I 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:01.920 went and I started documenting with my camera and another 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:04.680 friend's camera, and off we went. But the thing is, 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:07.880 I wasn't a train photographer and we were going into 0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:12.120 areas like an area called Waveland where they had been 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:15.520 overtaken with a fifty foot storm search. And as we're 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:18.840 working our way in, there's all these cars in the 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.720 road with bodies of people that were trying to get 0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:25.840 out too late. Then whatever homes were there, they're having 0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:29.960 to go find doing body recoveries. So that was kind 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:32.960 of what started it me with the CBS doing that, 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:36.080 and I was photographing the body recoveries, and then the 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:39.520 deep sea divers came and their job the ones I 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:42.480 was with was And a lot of people don't realize this. 0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:46.840 There's a lot of fishing families on the Mississippi Gulf coast. 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:49.200 When a hurricane comes, boats have to go out to 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:52.360 see while a lot of these families unfortunately one of 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:54.960 the inlets and of the waterways also, no one expected 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:57.280 that a hurricane, but no one had dealt with anything 0:16:57.360 --> 0:16:59.480 like that. There's no one to blame. No one knew 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:01.840 what that, no one understood what was going on. So 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:05.040 the deep sea divers were making their way up clearing 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:08.159 the waterways of trees, cars, whatever, but they were also 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:12.520 removing these families and the bodies had already been in 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:15.520 the water at this point a week, two weeks. It 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:19.480 was a process, and I was also with them documenting 0:17:19.480 --> 0:17:23.679 that too, So I did that for about I don't know, 0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:28.159 six weeks something like that, and then from there I 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:32.439 never picked it up again until about twenty ten, and 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:34.560 that's when I decided to kind of shift. That was 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:38.080 my next huge pivot. How many years did you stay 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:39.639 in the navy after? Like, what did you do in 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:44.680 those years after the hurricane? I was in for let's see, 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:48.919 two more years, and then I essentially just had to 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:52.320 get out. The plan was kind of disrupted. My girl's 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:56.520 biological father was had essentially disappeared for their life. He 0:17:56.560 --> 0:18:01.119 went disappeared when they were one and two. And I 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:04.199 always say, you know, you can't have two lovers. You 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:07.000 can't be a good mom and a good sailor at 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:10.000 the same time. I couldn't. And I have a lot 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:12.400 of girlfriends that have done full careers and I do 0:18:12.440 --> 0:18:14.840 not want to take that away from them, But a 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:18.840 sailor belongs at sea. You can't be at sea and 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:22.160 be a good mom at the same time. You just can't. 0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:24.840 I mean, that's where you have those key other family 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:27.320 members at step in and they make it seameless for 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:30.200 the babies and you can like maintain your bond and stuff. 0:18:30.240 --> 0:18:33.440 But that wasn't what my situation was. And so yeah, 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:36.520 I got out and my nine year mark. And what 0:18:36.720 --> 0:18:41.879 started happening, though, was my hands started really hurting. They 0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:44.520 actually were starting to hurt pretty bad in the Navy, 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:47.320 because I mean, it's arduous work being the military. That's no, 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:50.239 you're no pencil pusher. So my hands kind of had 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:52.520 been aching for some years. But when I got out 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:55.560 and I started working this we'll call it a civilian job. 0:18:55.920 --> 0:18:59.159 I was climbing towers all the time, I was pulling cable. 0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:02.440 I was just even more the manual. It just got 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:04.720 ramped up a lot, and I was like, wow, dude, 0:19:04.720 --> 0:19:07.440 my hands are hurting a lot. Now this is getting 0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:11.480 to be a thing. My hands started deteriorating quickly. I 0:19:11.520 --> 0:19:13.840 found out I had this rare disease in both hands, 0:19:14.040 --> 0:19:16.800 and I actually had to step away from my job. 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.520 I had two big surgeries. I was almost for almost 0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:21.520 about a year and a half in a full arm cast, 0:19:22.440 --> 0:19:27.440 and I was devastated. I had a stunning career in electronics, obviously, 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:31.080 always at the top of the game, and that's where 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:35.360 my pivot happened. Actually, because again I'm facing a thing, 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:38.080 no so forth, no way to provide for my family. 0:19:38.520 --> 0:19:44.639 I'd always put my value as this hardcore worker that 0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:48.560 could just hold her own, could take anything, and I thought, 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:51.560 my body is not the only thing that I have 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:52.119 to offer. 0:19:54.040 --> 0:19:57.600 Finally, after several years and a harrowing experience losing the 0:19:57.720 --> 0:20:00.840 use of her arms and hands, decided to pick up 0:20:00.880 --> 0:20:04.119 the camera again. But picking up the camera and looking 0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:07.040 through the lens, all she could see were the horrific 0:20:07.080 --> 0:20:10.280 scenes that had captured her from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. 0:20:11.359 --> 0:20:14.040 I understood that I had PTSD at that time, but 0:20:14.119 --> 0:20:17.960 I did not understand that a lot of it was photographic. 0:20:18.840 --> 0:20:25.560 And when I started really shooting, something was happening, happening physiologically, 0:20:26.119 --> 0:20:31.320 the anxiety, the full blown sweats, it was excruciating. I 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:35.359 hated it. I hated it so much. And then after 0:20:35.400 --> 0:20:37.520 I did the shoe where it was like almost like 0:20:37.640 --> 0:20:41.240 canceling shots, like I wouldn't let anyone hire me all 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:43.120 this stuff. I still have a hard time letting people 0:20:43.200 --> 0:20:47.479 hire me. But I realized I was completely dysregulated. It 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:51.159 was an excruciating process eventually made friends in the our community. 0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:53.840 Let us show you how to show. Please start showing 0:20:53.880 --> 0:20:55.280 you work, and they kind of took me under the 0:20:55.320 --> 0:20:57.960 wings and friends, bang, please end you This contest, this 0:20:58.040 --> 0:21:01.879 international contest is like country contest, right. I took like 0:21:02.000 --> 0:21:06.280 second place. My PTSD was so bad I could not 0:21:06.480 --> 0:21:10.239 attend my own opening the galleries, calling your begging, come 0:21:10.280 --> 0:21:13.199 on please, I said, I can't do it, and I 0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:18.960 realized one I'm Barry kicked this career on because I 0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:21.919 kind of knew this is what I was supposed to do. 0:21:22.000 --> 0:21:24.200 It was bomb, but I also knew I wouldn't be 0:21:24.240 --> 0:21:26.800 able to do it if I did not completely confront 0:21:27.240 --> 0:21:29.920 and overcome my photographic PTSD. There was no way I 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:32.760 would be frozen. There's no way that I could step 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:37.879 into that arena because the photographic field, the people in 0:21:37.920 --> 0:21:41.520 that arena, this isn't like kindergarten land. This is like 0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:45.600 these are tough cookies. And I'm trying to step in 0:21:45.880 --> 0:21:50.200 as an outsider, as a military woman, and ate up 0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:55.919 with PTSD. I literally googled hardiest photography program in the world, 0:21:56.520 --> 0:22:00.800 and Academy of Art University came up in San Francisco. 0:22:01.400 --> 0:22:03.880 I thought well, here we go. I want to go 0:22:04.560 --> 0:22:06.600 be put through the meat grinder. I want to know 0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:10.239 for a fact how to be the best version of this, 0:22:10.400 --> 0:22:11.920 like I need to get over it. And I did. 0:22:12.560 --> 0:22:15.119 That's what happened. That's how I got That's when it 0:22:15.160 --> 0:22:15.720 really began. 0:22:20.840 --> 0:22:23.919 Okay, so you moved first of all, how did you 0:22:24.280 --> 0:22:26.560 apply to school? Did you move for kids with you? 0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:28.600 And how did you finance it? 0:22:28.640 --> 0:22:33.240 At this point, Well, it happened rather quickly because I 0:22:33.359 --> 0:22:38.159 was actually in my second marriage, which was an abusive marriage, 0:22:38.320 --> 0:22:43.280 and I realized you can't climb Mount Everest with a 0:22:43.280 --> 0:22:45.840 camel on your back, and I'd been with him for 0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:50.800 many years and realized, well, nothing's going to happen as 0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:53.000 long as the son of a bitch has my life 0:22:53.680 --> 0:22:57.879 in a stranglehold. So basically, within one month, we got 0:22:58.000 --> 0:23:01.480 rid of him, got enrolled at school, moved down to Sacramento, 0:23:01.640 --> 0:23:05.520 next door neighbors with my big brother, and started at 0:23:05.560 --> 0:23:08.960 the university. Like, very very quickly. It all happened. Once 0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:12.480 I made that decision, it was on and it was 0:23:12.560 --> 0:23:15.199 full full, full speed. And the cool thing about being 0:23:15.400 --> 0:23:18.000 a veteran and not a lot of people take advantage 0:23:18.000 --> 0:23:21.080 of all the benefits is you do have your schooling 0:23:21.119 --> 0:23:26.320 paid for afterwards, to what extent depends on details about 0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:30.480