1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:02,719 Speaker 1: Welcome back to She Pivots. I'm Rochelle Steele. 2 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 2: Welcome to She Pivots, the podcast where we talk with 3 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 2: women who dared to pivot out of one career and 4 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 2: into something new and explore how their personal lives impacted 5 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 2: these decisions. I'm your host Emily Tish Sussman. Today I'm 6 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,599 Speaker 2: excited to have Rochelle Steele on the show to talk 7 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:39,960 Speaker 2: about her beautiful yet often heavy story. Now a renowned 8 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,720 Speaker 2: portrait photographer, Rochelle's venture into this art form was full 9 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,600 Speaker 2: of twists and turns. From the time she was a 10 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 2: young girl, Rochelle's life was filled with tumultuous experiences. She 11 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 2: grew up as a Jehovah's witness, what she describes as 12 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 2: a cult surrounded by abuse. It wasn't long before her 13 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,960 Speaker 2: father was murdered and she found herself a member of 14 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 2: a motorcycle gang. Just a young girl from northern California. 15 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 2: Rochelle looked around and took the advice of an older 16 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 2: woman in the gang to get out, and she did. 17 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 2: She joined the Navy and put her life on a 18 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 2: new trajectory. Rochelle's next pivot wouldn't come until several years later, 19 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,759 Speaker 2: when she was living in Mississippi with her two daughters, 20 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 2: Hurricane Katrina hit and she and her daughters barely survived. 21 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,760 Speaker 2: Still serving in the Navy, she picked up a camera 22 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,760 Speaker 2: and started documenting the devastation of the hurricane. Little did 23 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,640 Speaker 2: she know that this introduction to photography would result in 24 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 2: photographic PTSD that would prevent her from picking up a 25 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:43,119 Speaker 2: camera again for many years. Eventually, she went all in 26 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 2: more about this in the episode and got both her 27 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 2: bachelor's and her master's in photography, quickly making a name 28 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 2: for herself and winning the award International Portrait Photographer of 29 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 2: the Year several times over. Rochelle exudes a calm, beautiful 30 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 2: energy that was palpable even through a screen. I want 31 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 2: to thank her for opening up so much and allowing 32 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 2: us to share her incredible story. 33 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 3: Hope you enjoy. 34 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: My name is Rochelle Steele. I'm a master photographer and professor. 35 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,359 Speaker 3: Can you just set the scene for us a little bit. 36 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 3: Where did you grow up? What was your family like? 37 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: I grew up in northern California. I say Shasta County 38 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,239 Speaker 1: because we moved so much, but the city of the 39 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:35,800 Speaker 1: area is called Reading. Really really beautiful landscape, a little 40 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 1: bit of a harsher community, a lot of construction workers, 41 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 1: substance abuse smith. You know, once you kind of get 42 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,639 Speaker 1: the outlying areas in the mountains, you kind of run 43 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 1: into these things. I have a brother and sister, and 44 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:55,160 Speaker 1: my mother and father had substance abuse issues, which compounded 45 00:02:55,200 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 1: into domestic violence, a lot of abuse in the household. 46 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 1: I'm in place, beatings, hunger, you know, all this crazy stuff. 47 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 1: So aside from everything that we were dealing with, me 48 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:10,359 Speaker 1: and my siblings were dealing with, we were also kind 49 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:14,919 Speaker 1: of born into this religious cult. So no birthdays, no holidays, 50 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 1: no friends outside of a cult. It was very ostracizing. 51 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: Aside from everything else, you know, not only was I 52 00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 1: having to go to school in essentially Long John's and 53 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 1: no food. Ever, I also wasn't allowed to have friends 54 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:33,720 Speaker 1: outside of this religious cult, and in that religion particularly too. 55 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 1: Not only do they have they decided to withhold some 56 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:40,120 Speaker 1: of the main factors of what being a child is, 57 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:44,600 Speaker 1: they also encourage the beatings, They encourage child abuse, and 58 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,600 Speaker 1: then now it's coming to light a lot of pedophilia, 59 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 1: which of course we know about that growing up in it. 60 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 1: A lot of people don't but just this real nasty 61 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: place where nasty people get together and decide to live 62 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,880 Speaker 1: in a bizarre way, and it has lifetime effects on 63 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: the children, unfortunately, that are raised in that environment. 64 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 3: Rachelle found refuge in school, a safe place where she 65 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,200 Speaker 3: knew what to expect and what was expected of her. 66 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,960 Speaker 1: But that became my escape with school. I loved it 67 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: so much. I would literally cry when summer came because 68 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:22,560 Speaker 1: I was really, really, really drawn to my teachers. They 69 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 1: became my heroes, or I mean early on, even my 70 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: first my first teacher that I can remember, my kindergarten teacher. 71 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: She was my hero. And now in hindsight, looking back 72 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 1: as an adult, I know they knew. They had to 73 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 1: have known, because she made my world with her so 74 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,599 Speaker 1: beautiful and so special. And I was also a gifted 75 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 1: child intellectually. I mean I used to say, oh, I 76 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 1: got always got straight ease, but I always that was 77 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:52,599 Speaker 1: that was my thing. I had the quickest child to 78 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:56,039 Speaker 1: be finished one hundred percent. Always always asking to be 79 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:58,559 Speaker 1: My teachers, always asked me if I could be their helper, 80 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 1: you know, on filled when I wasn't allowed to go 81 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,359 Speaker 1: because of this bizarre religion. Always always kept behind. 82 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 3: On top of it all, her dad had developed a 83 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:10,800 Speaker 3: serious drug addiction. 84 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: My dad's addiction eventually spiraled out of control. He became 85 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: a full blown junkie, which resulted in a lot of 86 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:22,080 Speaker 1: my early childhood being in what we would refer to 87 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 1: as a crackhead hotel. Just three little kids bouncing on 88 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 1: beds and he's totally passed out coming down. So honestly, 89 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,719 Speaker 1: those weren't the worst times for me. It was like, 90 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: woh cool, you know now we can bounce on beds. 91 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: Now we can be goofy kids and stuff. Eventually, his 92 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 1: lifestyle led to him being murdered, and that was also 93 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 1: a big shift for us because now my mom, who 94 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: I had seen, you know, get her butt kicked by him. 95 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: My whole life, we were in and out of women 96 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,599 Speaker 1: what we call women's Refuge, but it's basically shelters for 97 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,360 Speaker 1: battered women and children. Now all of a sudden, he's gone. 98 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:02,960 Speaker 1: Now we really lee have nothing, and we made our 99 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,160 Speaker 1: final move. She just moved incessantly, because when you're a 100 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 1: mom and you have nothing, you're kind of almost lease 101 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,479 Speaker 1: hopping or staying with people that will allow you, you know, 102 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 1: three kids and stuff. I never had my own room 103 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: or anything. So it was always us being crammed in 104 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,680 Speaker 1: these spaces that maybe weren't our space actually hardly. 105 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 3: Ever, hopping around just to find housing exposed Rochelle to 106 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:29,680 Speaker 3: people and situations that were dangerous. When she was ten, 107 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,839 Speaker 3: she found her way into her first motorcycle gang, what 108 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,839 Speaker 3: she called her bros or buddies. 109 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:40,240 Speaker 1: So we moved into another area and I found my 110 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 1: first group of buddies, my first bros. I guess you 111 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 1: could say we've been in this area. I met these buddies. 112 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:50,160 Speaker 1: One of their moms was a meth dealer for a 113 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 1: motorcycle gang up there, big prominent gang that's up there. 114 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 1: That was my first introduction. And for me, that wasn't weird. 115 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: That wasn't some big shocking environment where I was this 116 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,800 Speaker 1: scared little girl entering. I'd always been around meth. I'd 117 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: always been around violence and extreme things, so it wasn't 118 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: really extreme for me, But it was my transition myself 119 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 1: putting myself in that environment, and his mom would give 120 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 1: us meth to clean her house this and that. I 121 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 1: was eleven years old when that kind of started for me. 122 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:26,119 Speaker 1: By the time I was thirteen, I was pretty much 123 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 1: doing anything. I was such a little wild girl, but 124 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:33,320 Speaker 1: I was also so good. I've always hated the bad guy. 125 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: I guess you could say so here. I was just 126 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: this wild young lady, but still straight a's at school, 127 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: still trying to be this perfect, little studious girl. I 128 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 1: started kind of doing whatever I wanted. When I was thirteen. 129 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 1: There was really no parental I don't know what my 130 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 1: mom was doing. And another thing is it's hard when 131 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,679 Speaker 1: I think back, a lot of the memories aren't there, 132 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 1: which I've found recently that's really really common that children 133 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 1: that go through stuff like that, there's just kind of 134 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:03,760 Speaker 1: holes in the story for them. 135 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 3: Rochelle continued to find community in the only place she 136 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 3: knew best, with the bros from her motorcycle gang. 137 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: When I was fifteen is when I moved out of 138 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 1: my mom's house and I'd been kind of in this 139 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,000 Speaker 1: environment with these bikers and all this stuff. That's when 140 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 1: I quote unquote got an old man, which in that 141 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 1: kind of community, that's kind of like the big goal, 142 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: right is to get an old man. You see these 143 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: fellons walking around, all this lady's love, outlaws, all this stuff. 144 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,960 Speaker 1: You're kind of bred into this mentality Okay, I'm going 145 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 1: to be the perfect old lady and another escape. You know, 146 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:44,680 Speaker 1: I thought, okay, now I fit. 147 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:48,559 Speaker 3: At the time, Rochelle was just fifteen and he was 148 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,840 Speaker 3: in his twenties, shocking to hear from the outside looking in, 149 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,040 Speaker 3: But for Rochelle it was normal. 150 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 1: Age gaps can get even more extreme in those social situation. 151 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,559 Speaker 1: I didn't see that there was a problem at all 152 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 1: with it whatsoever. That was a ridiculous relationship looking back 153 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,600 Speaker 1: at it now, what other people would gasp at, Oh 154 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: my gosh, the abuse is That's that was unflinching for me. 155 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: That didn't phase me at all whatsoever. I jokingly, very 156 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 1: glibly say, you know, I learned how to take a 157 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 1: hit when I was a little girl, so anything that 158 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:25,720 Speaker 1: I would go through was just no big whoop, just 159 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: to put it casually. Nothing that I observed and I 160 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 1: was oftentime in the presence of felonies being done or whatever, 161 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 1: just by being the old lady present, none of that 162 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,720 Speaker 1: even fased me at all whatsoever. And the big turning 163 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 1: point for me was I was at this club party, 164 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,800 Speaker 1: this biker gang, their club party, and one of the 165 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: club members had devised a situation where they were confronting 166 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 1: my boyfriend that he had knocked over a Harley, which 167 00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:03,319 Speaker 1: is like a huge, huge, huge issue, And what they 168 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: wanted was they wanted me for the payment to be 169 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 1: given to the club, which I would have then become 170 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 1: property of. And in that moment, my whole entire life 171 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: could have changed, like for the rest of my life. 172 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,679 Speaker 1: And thank goodness, in that moment he was kind of 173 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,240 Speaker 1: a strong enough dude to hold his own and it 174 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: kind of like squashed out very quickly. But that was 175 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 1: when my mind realized, no, no, no, no, no, no 176 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 1: no no. Keep in mind, is still a high school 177 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:36,440 Speaker 1: student at this time. I ended up graduating early because 178 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,319 Speaker 1: I was always straight, as I'd never gone anything less 179 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: than an A mostly A plus, top of my class 180 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 1: with everything, but still this partying, wild young lady. My 181 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 1: boyfriend would pick me up on his Harley, all this 182 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 1: stuff going on, and I was I graduated early, and 183 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 1: I was riding in the car with this what we 184 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,319 Speaker 1: would call a biker mama woman named Hershey, and it 185 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,480 Speaker 1: was one of the very few times wherever alone and 186 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:07,199 Speaker 1: she said, you're so amazing, Rachelle, like, don't do it, 187 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 1: don't do it, get out, do not go down the path. 188 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: I went down and it was like a light went 189 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: off in my head and I realized, I'm not going 190 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 1: to do it. 191 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 3: She made up her mind and started looking for opportunities 192 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 3: to get out. As bait would have it, she saw 193 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 3: a commercial for the Navy on TV and saw her opening. 194 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: And it was this quintessential warship crashing through the waves 195 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: of the ocean. I don't know what the slogan is now, 196 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,320 Speaker 1: but at that time it was let the journey begin. 197 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 1: They said, you want to leave this weekend? Yeah, and 198 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,320 Speaker 1: that was it. I went and had my braid cut off. 199 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 1: That was it. I was gone. It was amazing. I 200 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 1: had on a pair of sandal I had no clothes 201 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,880 Speaker 1: at that time. Of course, I had on a tightie 202 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,199 Speaker 1: dress with no bra and panties and a pair of sandals. 203 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 1: I had didn't even have suitcase to bring with me. Nothing. 204 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 1: And that was it. I changed my life. 205 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:10,280 Speaker 3: When we come back, Rochelle talks through what it was 206 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 3: like being one of the few women in the Navy, 207 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 3: and later how she not only swam through Hurricane Katrina 208 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 3: to save herself and her six month old and eighteen 209 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:29,439 Speaker 3: month old daughters, but how the storm then inspired a pivot. 210 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 1: I became an electronics technician in the Navy, and then 211 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 1: my first duty station was actually with Lachite Martin at 212 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 1: a top secret facility in New Jersey that they work 213 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,319 Speaker 1: with many different navies and it's kind of an American 214 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 1: Navy run top secret facility. And I got there and 215 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,280 Speaker 1: I thrived in that environment, and they were like, oh boy, 216 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: here comes this young girl. You know, they weren't too 217 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,640 Speaker 1: happy to see me. But I understood what I had 218 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:03,640 Speaker 1: to do. But I kind of already understood because of 219 00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:06,359 Speaker 1: the skill set I developed as a very little girl 220 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 1: on how to act, how they expected me to act, 221 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 1: how to please, how to please I've always understood because 222 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 1: when you're little in an abusive environment, you're always reading 223 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 1: the room and understanding how to be how to not 224 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,480 Speaker 1: make people mad, or understanding when they are mad and 225 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,200 Speaker 1: how to act then or whatever. It's this like crazy 226 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,320 Speaker 1: little intuitive skill set that you have that has served 227 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,319 Speaker 1: me time and time again, because you know, you talk 228 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:35,280 Speaker 1: about that gut feeling, well, you have a gut feeling, 229 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,040 Speaker 1: all right. It's no easy environment for a woman to 230 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: be in the military. It's really not. You have to 231 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 1: understand the environment. 232 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,440 Speaker 3: After a few years in New Jersey, a marriage, the 233 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,679 Speaker 3: birth of her two daughters, and a divorce, Rochelle had 234 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 3: a permanent change of station to Mississippi. Then Hurricane Katrina hit. 235 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: I was listening to Fleetwood Mac with my baby the 236 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 1: night before and my best friend house, thinking, haha, we 237 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,880 Speaker 1: don't have to go anywhere, okay, Like no one realized 238 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 1: it was going to be that bad. I was doing 239 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 1: my two year shore duty and I was stationed in 240 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:14,719 Speaker 1: pas Googula, Mississippi. I had a six month old and 241 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,560 Speaker 1: a year and six months old, and me and my 242 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 1: best friend, who were still best friends to this day. 243 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: There had been so many hurricanes up to that point. 244 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 1: We had decided, dude, we're not getting in this evacuation 245 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,760 Speaker 1: line again. Plus we had no gas and we had 246 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:34,119 Speaker 1: no money, and you need all of those things to evacuate. 247 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 1: So we had kind of secured our Everyone else had 248 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 1: left and we'd kind of secured our command, and I 249 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,720 Speaker 1: took the babies and I went to her house and 250 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 1: people are calling us, get out, get out, get out. 251 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 1: We're like, dude, we're not going anywhere. Bye, enjoy your 252 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,480 Speaker 1: evacuation line. Because we didn't know we're California girls, and 253 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 1: the hurricane came and we almost lost our lives in it. 254 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: We swim through it with our babies. 255 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:02,480 Speaker 4: It is just just mind boggling to watch it's happening. 256 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,520 Speaker 4: There are now helicopters going overhead. Clearly they're trying to 257 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 4: assess the situation, but darkness is approaching here. I don't 258 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 4: know how much they'll be able to do after darkness. 259 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: I need someone out here, ma'am. 260 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:14,800 Speaker 4: I'm gonna die. 261 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,120 Speaker 3: Instead, it was in the attic. 262 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 1: Ma'am, And I'm a draw in the attic, and he 263 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:24,200 Speaker 1: started coming to zone. 264 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 3: After surviving the hurricane and saving her daughters, Rachelle had 265 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,720 Speaker 3: to get back to work. 266 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:39,120 Speaker 1: A lot of people don't understand the military presence during 267 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: Hurricane Katrina, because there were some of us that were 268 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:45,120 Speaker 1: kind of already there and that was our job. The 269 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 1: mission shifted right then. I'm just had the epiphany, like, dude, 270 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 1: no one's photographing this. There was no photographer's mates there, 271 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 1: and I'd asked permission and was volunteld anyways, and I 272 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 1: went and I started documenting with my camera and another 273 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,680 Speaker 1: friend's camera, and off we went. But the thing is, 274 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,880 Speaker 1: I wasn't a train photographer and we were going into 275 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:12,120 Speaker 1: areas like an area called Waveland where they had been 276 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:15,520 Speaker 1: overtaken with a fifty foot storm search. And as we're 277 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,840 Speaker 1: working our way in, there's all these cars in the 278 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 1: road with bodies of people that were trying to get 279 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 1: out too late. Then whatever homes were there, they're having 280 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 1: to go find doing body recoveries. So that was kind 281 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,960 Speaker 1: of what started it me with the CBS doing that, 282 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 1: and I was photographing the body recoveries, and then the 283 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,520 Speaker 1: deep sea divers came and their job the ones I 284 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,480 Speaker 1: was with was And a lot of people don't realize this. 285 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 1: There's a lot of fishing families on the Mississippi Gulf coast. 286 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 1: When a hurricane comes, boats have to go out to 287 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,360 Speaker 1: see while a lot of these families unfortunately one of 288 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,960 Speaker 1: the inlets and of the waterways also, no one expected 289 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,280 Speaker 1: that a hurricane, but no one had dealt with anything 290 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,480 Speaker 1: like that. There's no one to blame. No one knew 291 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 1: what that, no one understood what was going on. So 292 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 1: the deep sea divers were making their way up clearing 293 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,159 Speaker 1: the waterways of trees, cars, whatever, but they were also 294 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 1: removing these families and the bodies had already been in 295 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,520 Speaker 1: the water at this point a week, two weeks. It 296 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:19,480 Speaker 1: was a process, and I was also with them documenting 297 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:23,679 Speaker 1: that too, So I did that for about I don't know, 298 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:28,159 Speaker 1: six weeks something like that, and then from there I 299 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:32,439 Speaker 1: never picked it up again until about twenty ten, and 300 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 1: that's when I decided to kind of shift. That was 301 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 1: my next huge pivot. How many years did you stay 302 00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 1: in the navy after? Like, what did you do in 303 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:44,680 Speaker 1: those years after the hurricane? I was in for let's see, 304 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:48,919 Speaker 1: two more years, and then I essentially just had to 305 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 1: get out. The plan was kind of disrupted. My girl's 306 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 1: biological father was had essentially disappeared for their life. He 307 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:01,119 Speaker 1: went disappeared when they were one and two. And I 308 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,199 Speaker 1: always say, you know, you can't have two lovers. You 309 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,000 Speaker 1: can't be a good mom and a good sailor at 310 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: the same time. I couldn't. And I have a lot 311 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,400 Speaker 1: of girlfriends that have done full careers and I do 312 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 1: not want to take that away from them, But a 313 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 1: sailor belongs at sea. You can't be at sea and 314 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,160 Speaker 1: be a good mom at the same time. You just can't. 315 00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 1: I mean, that's where you have those key other family 316 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: members at step in and they make it seameless for 317 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,200 Speaker 1: the babies and you can like maintain your bond and stuff. 318 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,440 Speaker 1: But that wasn't what my situation was. And so yeah, 319 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 1: I got out and my nine year mark. And what 320 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 1: started happening, though, was my hands started really hurting. They 321 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 1: actually were starting to hurt pretty bad in the Navy, 322 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: because I mean, it's arduous work being the military. That's no, 323 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,239 Speaker 1: you're no pencil pusher. So my hands kind of had 324 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,520 Speaker 1: been aching for some years. But when I got out 325 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 1: and I started working this we'll call it a civilian job. 326 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,159 Speaker 1: I was climbing towers all the time, I was pulling cable. 327 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 1: I was just even more the manual. It just got 328 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,720 Speaker 1: ramped up a lot, and I was like, wow, dude, 329 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,440 Speaker 1: my hands are hurting a lot. Now this is getting 330 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 1: to be a thing. My hands started deteriorating quickly. I 331 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 1: found out I had this rare disease in both hands, 332 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 1: and I actually had to step away from my job. 333 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,520 Speaker 1: I had two big surgeries. I was almost for almost 334 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,520 Speaker 1: about a year and a half in a full arm cast, 335 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:27,440 Speaker 1: and I was devastated. I had a stunning career in electronics, obviously, 336 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 1: always at the top of the game, and that's where 337 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:35,360 Speaker 1: my pivot happened. Actually, because again I'm facing a thing, 338 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 1: no so forth, no way to provide for my family. 339 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:44,639 Speaker 1: I'd always put my value as this hardcore worker that 340 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,560 Speaker 1: could just hold her own, could take anything, and I thought, 341 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 1: my body is not the only thing that I have 342 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:52,119 Speaker 1: to offer. 343 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,600 Speaker 3: Finally, after several years and a harrowing experience losing the 344 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 3: use of her arms and hands, decided to pick up 345 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,119 Speaker 3: the camera again. But picking up the camera and looking 346 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,040 Speaker 3: through the lens, all she could see were the horrific 347 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 3: scenes that had captured her from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. 348 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,040 Speaker 1: I understood that I had PTSD at that time, but 349 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:17,960 Speaker 1: I did not understand that a lot of it was photographic. 350 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: And when I started really shooting, something was happening, happening physiologically, 351 00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 1: the anxiety, the full blown sweats, it was excruciating. I 352 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:35,359 Speaker 1: hated it. I hated it so much. And then after 353 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 1: I did the shoe where it was like almost like 354 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 1: canceling shots, like I wouldn't let anyone hire me all 355 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,120 Speaker 1: this stuff. I still have a hard time letting people 356 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:47,479 Speaker 1: hire me. But I realized I was completely dysregulated. It 357 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:51,159 Speaker 1: was an excruciating process eventually made friends in the our community. 358 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: Let us show you how to show. Please start showing 359 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 1: you work, and they kind of took me under the 360 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,960 Speaker 1: wings and friends, bang, please end you This contest, this 361 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,879 Speaker 1: international contest is like country contest, right. I took like 362 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: second place. My PTSD was so bad I could not 363 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:10,239 Speaker 1: attend my own opening the galleries, calling your begging, come 364 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,199 Speaker 1: on please, I said, I can't do it, and I 365 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:18,960 Speaker 1: realized one I'm Barry kicked this career on because I 366 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,919 Speaker 1: kind of knew this is what I was supposed to do. 367 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,200 Speaker 1: It was bomb, but I also knew I wouldn't be 368 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 1: able to do it if I did not completely confront 369 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,920 Speaker 1: and overcome my photographic PTSD. There was no way I 370 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 1: would be frozen. There's no way that I could step 371 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:37,879 Speaker 1: into that arena because the photographic field, the people in 372 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 1: that arena, this isn't like kindergarten land. This is like 373 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 1: these are tough cookies. And I'm trying to step in 374 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:50,200 Speaker 1: as an outsider, as a military woman, and ate up 375 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:55,919 Speaker 1: with PTSD. I literally googled hardiest photography program in the world, 376 00:21:56,520 --> 00:22:00,800 Speaker 1: and Academy of Art University came up in San Francisco. 377 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,880 Speaker 1: I thought well, here we go. I want to go 378 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 1: be put through the meat grinder. I want to know 379 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,239 Speaker 1: for a fact how to be the best version of this, 380 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:11,920 Speaker 1: like I need to get over it. And I did. 381 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,119 Speaker 1: That's what happened. That's how I got That's when it 382 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:15,720 Speaker 1: really began. 383 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,919 Speaker 3: Okay, so you moved first of all, how did you 384 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,560 Speaker 3: apply to school? Did you move for kids with you? 385 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 3: And how did you finance it? 386 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 1: At this point, Well, it happened rather quickly because I 387 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:38,159 Speaker 1: was actually in my second marriage, which was an abusive marriage, 388 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:43,280 Speaker 1: and I realized you can't climb Mount Everest with a 389 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 1: camel on your back, and I'd been with him for 390 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:50,800 Speaker 1: many years and realized, well, nothing's going to happen as 391 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 1: long as the son of a bitch has my life 392 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,879 Speaker 1: in a stranglehold. So basically, within one month, we got 393 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 1: rid of him, got enrolled at school, moved down to Sacramento, 394 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 1: next door neighbors with my big brother, and started at 395 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 1: the university. Like, very very quickly. It all happened. Once 396 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,480 Speaker 1: I made that decision, it was on and it was 397 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,199 Speaker 1: full full, full speed. And the cool thing about being 398 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 1: a veteran and not a lot of people take advantage 399 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 1: of all the benefits is you do have your schooling 400 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 1: paid for afterwards, to what extent depends on details about 401 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:30,480 Speaker 1: your service and your physical disabilities afterwards. But yeah, the 402 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:34,880 Speaker 1: Navy paid for my bachelor's and then I went on 403 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:38,000 Speaker 1: to get my masters. It's tricky, but if you can 404 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:41,360 Speaker 1: get in those things, it's covered. Plus you get your 405 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 1: as you know, you get your housing paid for and 406 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,639 Speaker 1: all that good stuff. And I was this was in 407 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:49,160 Speaker 1: San Francisco. Has that the highest housing in the country. 408 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: So I was like cool, Yeah, so is that mostly 409 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 1: what you lived off of, like the housing supplement? Like 410 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,800 Speaker 1: were you working at the same time? I mean, how 411 00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:01,680 Speaker 1: old were your girls? Oh jeez when I started maybe 412 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:06,040 Speaker 1: they were early early teens maybe at that point or 413 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:10,639 Speaker 1: just coming into that tween period. And yeah, that's what 414 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 1: we lived off of. And I commuted back and forth 415 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:16,159 Speaker 1: from San Francisco to Sacramento. I would hop on the 416 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,320 Speaker 1: four am bus. I would return home at the nine 417 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:23,199 Speaker 1: pm bus, getting home ten to eleven pm. Sometimes do 418 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:26,320 Speaker 1: it all again the next day, every day, shooting, traveling, 419 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:30,439 Speaker 1: shooting so early on. My daughters and I had to 420 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:36,359 Speaker 1: form this relationship where I had to kind of sacrifice 421 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,520 Speaker 1: being there. I had to go do the schooling. I 422 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,760 Speaker 1: had to, first of all, in order to raise them, 423 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 1: because that's what I used to raise them. But also 424 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,159 Speaker 1: I couldn't improve our station at all whatsoever if I 425 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:51,199 Speaker 1: didn't do that. There was literally no one. So my 426 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 1: house is a little different now. I mean they're nineteen 427 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,840 Speaker 1: and twenty, but even then, they've always been so responsible. 428 00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,560 Speaker 1: They'll clean the house on their own, they'll cook food 429 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:03,000 Speaker 1: on their own. Like it's their level of responsibility and 430 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,520 Speaker 1: understanding of things. It's so much more advanced and so 431 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,719 Speaker 1: much more mature, just because you know, at the ages 432 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,920 Speaker 1: of four and five they were having two stand on 433 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,760 Speaker 1: chairs and washed dishes and carry the laundry basket together 434 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,920 Speaker 1: because my arm wasn't a full arm cast for almost 435 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 1: two years. So they've had a little bit of a 436 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:25,520 Speaker 1: different life that I have always always, always been racked 437 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,600 Speaker 1: with guilt over, to be quite honest, But I'm also 438 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 1: so grateful because they understand things so beautifully. They're so responsible, 439 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:38,639 Speaker 1: so they've had such a different insight. But that was 440 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:42,639 Speaker 1: our journey. This is honestly, with single moms and stuff. 441 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 1: This is not uncommon. It's unfortunate, but you know, hey, 442 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 1: we made it through it. The girls are rad, beautiful, responsible, hardworking. 443 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:56,520 Speaker 3: Did you start photographing and selling while you were in school? 444 00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:00,840 Speaker 3: You had this one very successful contest before you even started. 445 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, it was another thing where I felt like I 446 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,240 Speaker 1: was cheating the system because then I didn't have to 447 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:10,119 Speaker 1: kind of come up with concepts. Every homework assignment I 448 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,560 Speaker 1: treated as if I was shooting it for a curator. 449 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,679 Speaker 1: So right away, through and through the whole time I 450 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 1: was selling, I was selling my work. I was essentially 451 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:22,000 Speaker 1: selling my homework to people, and I was essentially exhibiting 452 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:26,399 Speaker 1: my homework like internationally and stuff. It was like I 453 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 1: felt like I was getting one over on everybody because 454 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 1: they were kind of telling me, prompting me with ideas 455 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,560 Speaker 1: and stuff. And it was really really really stimulating as 456 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: far as like your visual visualization. And it was while 457 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,960 Speaker 1: I was a student that I was already getting published 458 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:43,960 Speaker 1: with Bogue. 459 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:47,800 Speaker 3: Wow and your master's work. I imagine you did come up 460 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:51,879 Speaker 3: with this concept that you focused on your father's sharkskin boots. 461 00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:54,680 Speaker 3: Why did you decide to make that the focal point 462 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 3: of your studies. 463 00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:03,359 Speaker 1: Something happened when I before I started the master's program. Unfortunately, 464 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:07,800 Speaker 1: about a month prior I had to have a surgery, 465 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,200 Speaker 1: and I thought, oh, man, it's so close to school, 466 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,159 Speaker 1: Like I knew what was ry to start. Once the 467 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:17,679 Speaker 1: school started, the surgery was unsuccessful. One week before the 468 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:22,400 Speaker 1: Master's program started, I had to have an identical surgery again. Man, 469 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:27,399 Speaker 1: it was hard physically, but emotionally, dude, I broke down. 470 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,720 Speaker 1: I broke down, and I was actually in a relationship 471 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,959 Speaker 1: that I really really really really really wanted at that time, 472 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,640 Speaker 1: and I lost that relationship. That person just walked right 473 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:43,000 Speaker 1: away from me because I had no emotional coping skills 474 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,240 Speaker 1: at all whatsoever. And I showed a sight of myself 475 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:49,520 Speaker 1: that was like what you just cringe at? I think back, 476 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:54,119 Speaker 1: and I just cringe at myself. And I realized, and 477 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,520 Speaker 1: he said something like, hey, we all have our demons, 478 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,760 Speaker 1: and I was like, whoa, Yeah, I do have demons. 479 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 1: I have so many demons that I've concealed. Not that 480 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,440 Speaker 1: I go around lying about who I am at I've 481 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,679 Speaker 1: had friends for ten years that had no idea about 482 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:12,000 Speaker 1: anything about my childhood, my father. I never bring it up. 483 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:16,399 Speaker 1: So I realized that while I was operating with this 484 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:20,160 Speaker 1: cloak of shame over me, that I was always trying 485 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,560 Speaker 1: to be so perfect so no one could see it, 486 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:28,199 Speaker 1: people can sense it. And then I realized I have 487 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,080 Speaker 1: nothing to be ashamed of. And I decided to tell 488 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 1: my dad's story because not as a boohoo, but as 489 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 1: a declaration of what a beautiful life I've chosen to 490 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:43,680 Speaker 1: lead because of that, and how absolutely passionate I am 491 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,800 Speaker 1: and what I hate saying, Oh, what a blessing was 492 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 1: in my life, but how because of what I experienced 493 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,720 Speaker 1: and learned, the gifts that I have because of that, 494 00:28:55,280 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 1: the intuition, the empathy, the sensitivity. I'm so sensitive other's feelings. 495 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,640 Speaker 1: I can't even tell you my biggest fear in life 496 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 1: is that I would be in the room with someone 497 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,800 Speaker 1: and there's someone sitting over there, uncomfortable, trapped in their 498 00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:11,000 Speaker 1: own thoughts. I can't bear the thought. I'm so sensitive 499 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:14,280 Speaker 1: to people I want. That's why I love photography. I 500 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 1: love for people to see how a thing beautiful they are, 501 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: that I can see it. They think no one else 502 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,480 Speaker 1: can see it, I can and I can show it. 503 00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: So when I decided to do shark skin boots, I 504 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:33,320 Speaker 1: was shedding my shame because I realized I have nothing 505 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:37,040 Speaker 1: to be ashamed of. That's why I did it. 506 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,200 Speaker 3: Rachelle's work has since won awards and been featured in 507 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 3: Vogue and Times Square. Her specialty in portraiture and the 508 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,600 Speaker 3: way she has processed her life is reflected in her work. 509 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:49,160 Speaker 1: I like to put as much passion as I can 510 00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 1: into my work, and I also consider everything I do 511 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 1: as a self portrait, no matter what the subject matter is, 512 00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,240 Speaker 1: because this is my soul. And I'm saying, hey, do 513 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,480 Speaker 1: you want to see what my soul looks like? Do 514 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,320 Speaker 1: you want to see what every experience I've had in 515 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 1: my whole life culminates in the way that. 516 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:07,959 Speaker 3: I view you? You know? 517 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 1: And I realize I just had to let the fear go. 518 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,880 Speaker 1: The person that was judging me was me. There's nothing 519 00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,360 Speaker 1: to judge it, and there's literally nothing to be ashamed 520 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 1: of at all whatsoever. And I can stride with my 521 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 1: full confidence and not think I do not care what 522 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,120 Speaker 1: anyone thinks of that. Actually, I always, oh, what are 523 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,440 Speaker 1: they going to think? I don't care anymore. I don't 524 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:30,240 Speaker 1: have it. I don't have to prove it to myself 525 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:31,480 Speaker 1: anymore whatsoever. 526 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 3: And you mentioned you've had to make sacrifices in order 527 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:39,320 Speaker 3: to pursue this career. As an artist, especially the early days. 528 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:43,720 Speaker 3: What were some of those sacrifices, man, I mean, I. 529 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:47,920 Speaker 1: Guess financially, there's always a huge financial sacrifice because you 530 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:53,000 Speaker 1: have to pay to play in photography. First off. The 531 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,600 Speaker 1: other sacrifice, and this is something I can never get back. 532 00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,400 Speaker 1: It's the time with my girls. I can never get 533 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:02,680 Speaker 1: that back. Unfortunately. It takes a big energy, it takes 534 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,080 Speaker 1: a big emotional like if you're doing it the way 535 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 1: I'm doing it, I'm not doing family portraits in the park, 536 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,600 Speaker 1: even though I do do that for free once a 537 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,280 Speaker 1: year for families that can't afford it. I think it's important. 538 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,160 Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean I try to sacrifice as much 539 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:19,920 Speaker 1: as I can for it because this is my absolute passion. 540 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,920 Speaker 1: I literally feel like this is where I'm supposed to 541 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,880 Speaker 1: be finally, And I mean I sacrifice a lot, even 542 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 1: just recently on my recent expeditions. I always sacrifice comfort. 543 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,680 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's food you're sacrificing, like I don't know, you know, 544 00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:39,719 Speaker 1: sometimes it's sacrificing your own cultural standards. You know, do I, 545 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,960 Speaker 1: as a female veteran, do I want to go somewhere 546 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 1: where I need to cover my hair and all this 547 00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:49,080 Speaker 1: and that? No, I'll sacrifice it all day long. Now, 548 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:53,440 Speaker 1: that's fine. For someone else's comfort, all day long. I 549 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:58,320 Speaker 1: will always sacrifice for someone else's comfort. It's my honor, 550 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,360 Speaker 1: it's my duty to do that as a photographer. 551 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,719 Speaker 3: Do you consider yourself successful now? Uh? 552 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:10,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, in my spirit. You know, like money and career, 553 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:14,120 Speaker 1: as far as success goes, maybe sometimes those things don't 554 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,600 Speaker 1: go hand in hand as an artist. But the sheer 555 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,960 Speaker 1: fact that I know that there's people all over this 556 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,400 Speaker 1: world they get to glimpse my soul and the soul 557 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:26,520 Speaker 1: of someone else. It's an honor. I'll tell you what. 558 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 1: I'll share a really quick story in the Paul. Recently, 559 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,520 Speaker 1: I had the honor of photographing these children. And I've 560 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:35,920 Speaker 1: seen them a couple of times that I've been into Paul, 561 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,400 Speaker 1: and I was always too scared to photograph them because 562 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: it was too emotional for me. These hungry children living 563 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 1: in a trash pile basically, and I got dang a fever. 564 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,560 Speaker 1: I end up going on a trek to break the fever, 565 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,680 Speaker 1: and on my track, I had the big epiphany. I'm like, 566 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:55,080 Speaker 1: I'm helpless. I can't do anything for them. I can't 567 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:58,280 Speaker 1: do a thing for them. The helplessness is what really 568 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 1: like gets you. And I thought, oh yeah, I can. 569 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,360 Speaker 1: I can give them the only thing I can give, 570 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,000 Speaker 1: which is my photography. So I circled back and went 571 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:07,920 Speaker 1: there with my friend. I got permission from like the 572 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,720 Speaker 1: Head due to the trash pile, and I took the 573 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,800 Speaker 1: most breathtaking, lease stunning. They welcomed to me, and these 574 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,800 Speaker 1: young girls were deeper, deeper, deeper by their tent right, 575 00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:22,280 Speaker 1: these muses, these muses, this is a life changing experience 576 00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 1: gifted me with these portraits and the fact that I 577 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:31,240 Speaker 1: know for a damn fact, I will exhibit these portraits internationally, 578 00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:35,920 Speaker 1: people from around the world. It's emotional. Sorry, people from 579 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:38,040 Speaker 1: around the world are going to gaze and see the 580 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,800 Speaker 1: beauty of these children. There's nothing I can do, but 581 00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:43,520 Speaker 1: I can do that, and I can give them the 582 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:47,560 Speaker 1: most dignified moment to be seen and witnessed about how 583 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,640 Speaker 1: damn beautiful they are to me. I don't know if 584 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:52,400 Speaker 1: I can get a higher level of success in that. 585 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 3: What is one thing or maybe a couple of things 586 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,640 Speaker 3: that at the time you saw as really being a negative, 587 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 3: something that you weren't sure you were going to get 588 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 3: out of, and now in hindsight, you see it as 589 00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:07,040 Speaker 3: really having launched you to the success you are now. 590 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:13,759 Speaker 1: Oh man, absolutely losing the health of my arm and 591 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:17,760 Speaker 1: losing the mobility of my right hand because it destroyed 592 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:21,279 Speaker 1: my career and my self confidence. But I understand now 593 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,440 Speaker 1: that if that wouldn't have happened, I would have had nothing, 594 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,640 Speaker 1: and I would have been trapped in that abuse of marriage, 595 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,800 Speaker 1: and I would have been trapped working for the government, 596 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:33,279 Speaker 1: my whole life in a man's uniform. And what plummeted 597 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,640 Speaker 1: me and what I thought took everything that I'd work 598 00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:40,120 Speaker 1: so hard for me actually is what propelled me. And 599 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:45,719 Speaker 1: also my dad's death, because I can live so passionately now, 600 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 1: I live so hard and so passionately. It's because of 601 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,560 Speaker 1: his murder. The shitty stuff is always actually not shitty 602 00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:52,879 Speaker 1: at all. 603 00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,600 Speaker 3: That's such a beautiful answer. Thank you so much, Michelle, 604 00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:57,600 Speaker 3: Thank you for joining us. 605 00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,920 Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. Was an honor. 606 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:06,080 Speaker 3: Rachelle still lives in California, not far from her two daughters, 607 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,879 Speaker 3: who are now fully grown. When I spoke with her, 608 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,600 Speaker 3: she had just gotten back from a photography trip Abron 609 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:13,839 Speaker 3: to take a look at all of her beautiful work. 610 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,640 Speaker 3: Visit her website at steelcapture dot com. You can also 611 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:21,000 Speaker 3: follow her on Instagram at steal Capture. Trust me, she 612 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,399 Speaker 3: is worth a follow to see all of her spectacular photographs. 613 00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:29,960 Speaker 3: Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to this episode of 614 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,880 Speaker 3: she Pivots. If you made it this far, you're a 615 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,680 Speaker 3: true pivoter, So thanks for being part of this community. 616 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 3: I hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you did 617 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 3: leave us a rating, please be nice and tell your 618 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,240 Speaker 3: friends about us. To learn more about our guests, follow 619 00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:47,560 Speaker 3: us on Instagram at she Pivots the Podcast, or sign 620 00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,000 Speaker 3: up for our newsletter where you can get exclusive behind 621 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,640 Speaker 3: the scenes content, or on our website she Pivots the 622 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:58,920 Speaker 3: Podcast talk to You Next Week special thanks to the 623 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:03,880 Speaker 3: she Pivots team, Executive producer Emily eda Velosik, Associate producer 624 00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:08,520 Speaker 3: and social media connoisseur Hannah Cousins, Research director Christine Dickinson, 625 00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:12,920 Speaker 3: Events and Logistics coordinator Madeleine Sonoviak, and audio editor and 626 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:17,360 Speaker 3: mixer Nina pollock I endorse che Pisoits